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Alex Jones and comic foil Larry “Bud” Melman

The Las Vegas massacre certainly made for a busy day for free-form bullshit artist and internet beacon of freedom Alex Jones. First he explained that the shootings were part of some kind of ISIS/antifa/communist insurrection. Then he came back a little later in the day in a video to sell some Trucker Speed, explain how Saturday Night Live is a “psy-op,” and talk with Genuine Former CIA Operative Kevin Shipp, whom the CIA once tried to kill for knowing too much, but that’s not really the point here. Jones talks with Shipp about his career in black ops, then says there’s just so much about the shooter and the shooting that just doesn’t add up:

At about the nine-minute mark, Jones notes that O.J. Simpson was released from prison in Nevada just 20 hours before the shooting, so all the media would be in Nevada, and rants about “this whole climate where the Democrats are saying ‘We’re gonna have a revolution, we’re gonna kill Trump supporters, we’re gonna kill Trump.'”

Honestly, we really should read those emails from Chuck Schumer before we delete them, because we completely missed our marching orders.

So Jones wants to know what Expert CIA Expert Kevin Shipp thinks of all this, in his professional opinion. We should note that a bit of Googling reveals Shipp’s professional opinion seems to have rather a lot to do with chemtrails, satanic pedophile rings, and the Deep State — typical CIA stuff. Shipp proclaims, “This attack is very, very strange.” And then, naturally enough, he talks about David Letterman:

We looked at David Letterman’s website this morning, and he blamed it on, essentially said, “We’ve got to stop White Privilege.” This is falling right into the divisive narrative to split the United States in two, and I think probably foment a civil war, to destroy the U.S.’s unity. So this whole thing, Alex, is so strange.

Jones agreed, and chimed in that over the weekend, after a Somalian immigrant ran over and stabbed a Canadian police officer, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau also said, “White privilege — end white supremacy,” which isn’t at all what Trudeau said, but InfoWars said so in the headline. (Trudeau did share a post by MP Maryam Monsef, which included a photo of a sign that said that, so he was obviously endorsing white genocide.)

Then Jones was off on a tear about all the anti-white propaganda from all the powerful folks in Hollywood

letting us know that when whites get killed, it’s our fault. I guess it’s kind of a Battle cry, saying whites are getting killed and you deserve it, end white privilege, we’re gonna kill your ass.

Jones admitted he couldn’t figure out why all these powerful people are doing psy-ops, maybe to turn white people racist, and showed the offending Tweet from “David Letterman’s website”:

Oh, but there’s an itty-bitty problem, which is that the Twitter account is not actually David Letterman’s twitter (there’s a defunct official @Letterman Twitter account that was last active in April, but Dave Himself’s last tweet was in July 2015). Also, we’re pretty sure the real David Letterman wouldn’t spell his name “@DavidLetternan.”

Since the Jones story, the person behind the account — which says “Parody account” right on the main page, although it’s not funny and doesn’t sound even slightly like Letterman — has swapped the display name. For a while Monday, it was “David Letteman not,” which definitely made Jones look silly:

Then later Monday night, it was “David Letterman fan”:

So stupidity was had, Alex Jones was trolled, and now that the fake news juggernaut that is Alex Jones has ranted against a very fake “David Letterman,” we can only assume the Fake News Singularity can’t be far away. Alex Jones and his densest Twitter followers will collapse in on themselves and form a massive black hole from which light itself cannot escape.

Unfortunately, the new astronomical phenomenon will still have a YouTube account.

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[@DavidLetternan on Twitter / InfoWars on YouTube]

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  • So is Alex auditioning for ‘Stupid Human Tricks’?

    • peteywheats

      Stupid Putin Pet Tricks

    • BosGrl

      The bat shit crazy guy under the stairs.

    • Bad Tom

      Could we get Alex to escalate to auditioning for a Darwin Award?

  • TundraGrifter

    “…talk with Genuine Former CIA Operative Kevin Shipp, whom the CIA once tried to kill for knowing too much…”

    I’m going out on a limb here and guessing the CIA didn’t kill Mr. Shipp. So the organization he claims to have once worked for isn’t very good at what it tries to do. So why should we care what he has to say?

    Not exactly Shipp shape. Or, “No Shipp.”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Also, “knowing too much” is utterly laughable. “Believing anything, no matter how stupid” is more like it, and while it merits dismissal for incompetence, it hardly earns an assasination.

      • TundraGrifter

        Having seen the CIA operate over the past number of years – just start with the collapse of the Soviet Union – of its many, many problems “knowing too much” certainly hasn’t been one of them. You betcha!

    • grindstone

      I prefer operatives that the CIA actually kills. Low energy. Sad.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I care deeply about everything Mr. Shipp has to say. Wait, no I don’t.

      • TundraGrifter

        “Shipp Out.”

  • peteywheats

    Alex is the one calling for civil war and race war. He’s the one aligning himself with neo-nazis and the AltReich.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      It’s weird to think of Alex Jones as “aligning’ himself with anything. It’s like trying to ‘align’ a bowl of Jello with a clothesline.

      • peteywheats

        Turds of a feather mouth-holster Putin together.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      He’s so close, though. There’s now evidence that Russian bots in social media are pushing separatist movements across the globe, including the former Texas and California secession.

      Oh wait. It’s Alex Jones. He’s always wrong, even when he’s close to being right.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Has anyone else noticed that David Letterman today looks like David the Gnome? But that show was on tv like 20 years ago. How is that possible? Wake up sheeple. Letterman is a time-traveling giant gnome. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7128b9e2fe1b40dc33aa48a8ac4d38fb3de1a17be63b07ec3c92ae519d3e7dc4.jpg

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
  • bubbuhh

    No news from Planet Niribu? Alex Jones is fallen down on the job and can;”t get up.

  • Randy Riddle

    I get David Letterman and David Letternan mixed up all the time. Silly me.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Okay, one is a comedian who had a talk show and the other one is a Russian.

  • Holly

    I’m exhausted and I just can’t.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Fuck these low lives. Don’t even give them the attention.

  • Michael Smith

    The Deep State retroactively changed Letterman’s account name to discredit Jones.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Dude, that’s waaaay deep.

  • Candy Matson Y-28209

    Well, one of the performers at the music fest has had a change of heart on gun control. (No snark here, I think it’s a good start)
    http://mashable.com/2017/10/03/guitarist-gun-control-las-vegas-shooting-country-music.amp

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Sure. Now if all the millions of people who believe that owning an M-249 is an absolute Constitutional right can be at the scene of a mass shooting, we’ll really be making some progress.

      • marxalot

        Hey, odds are getting better all the time. So there’s that.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Hey, if Americans get to own guns, then it should be single shot rifles and shotguns for hunting and revolvers for defense. You don’t need anything else.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Time to pull out an old Letterman chestnut:

    “Someday they’re going to close down that little parlor game and put that man in jail.”

  • “Unfortunately, the new astronomical phenomenon will still have a YouTube account.”
    Light cannot escape, but shite sure can.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Every libtard I know, including me, visits David Letterman’s website every day for our Soros Orders.

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      Shhhhh!

    • ManchuCandidate

      They alway have a top 10 list of liberal talking points.

    • beingreleased

      Letterman joke from 1989: “Top ten things overheard at the Berlin Wall, #1: We came for political freedom, we’re staying for McRibs.”

      It’s just as true now as it was then.

  • ManchuCandidate

    In most nations Alex Jones would be locked up in a mental institution or ignored.

    US Amercian exceptionalism I guess.

    • marxalot

      Blame Reagan.

      • Oblios_Cap

        For just about everything wrong these days.

  • dshwa

    They seem nice.

  • jesuswasablack

    I see an interesting narrative developing. If you turn on the cables, listen to the politicians, they are all pushing the same story, our glorious first responders, this is a story about how good Americans really are, yada yada yada? To be sure many people did heroic things that saved peoples lives but the police response cannot be called completely heroic. From what has been reported it took the cops well over an hour to pinpoint the shooter, a security guard was shot by the shooter but no timeline has been released, I did hear a report that someone 4 doors down from the shooter called the front desk immediately and was told to shelter in place. Also reported the cops were pinned down a floor below waiting on the SWAT team how long is unknown? Basically the real story about police response seems to be that they were outgunned. Gee I wonder why republican politicians who put these guns in this guys hands don’t want the story to be about how the police were outgunned? Trump said the police response was a “miracle”

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      So: the more Americans die from preventable violence, the better we become. Turn that frown upside down!

      *Screaming*

      • jesuswasablack

        Exactly, see the worse we are the better we become, it’s simple! Don’t bother thinking about the couple hundred or so guys out there just like Stephen Paddock, just waiting to break that record, it’s gonna happen again and then we will be even more better!

        • Shanzgood

          And they will be white because they’re always “mentally ill” or “lone wolf” so nothing happens. The things BLM has been protesting are way more likely to cause someone to go on a shooting rampage but non-whites already know doing something like that would bring the National Guard down on entire communities.

        • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

          When everyone is dead, we’ll be perfect!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Exactly. Let god sort us all out. Like in the bibble what it said.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Even had they not been outgunned, the situation for them was a nightmare: they’re in a hotel, which is almost always crowded with people, and the shooter was in a corner room. So that means he was probably at the end of a hallway, making an approach a veritable shooting gallery. Given the amount of planning that the shooter put into the rest of his setup, they probably expected that he’d either booby-trapped the entrance or was waiting for them with additional guns and ammo. Also, remember they hadn’t established how many shooters there were until they found the body. I can completely understand a non gun-ho response, the shooter was extremely dangerous.

      • jesuswasablack

        The point is they were outgunned? The cops always seem pretty fucking gung-ho when facing an unarmed black kid?

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          C’mon, let’s not drag the cops when they do what they actually should be doing.

          • jesuswasablack

            Your right they did an awesome job just like Trump said, 72 minutes isn’t that long, 59 dead isn’t that bad, your right!

          • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

            I’ll say this much: advancing into what will likely be a wall of automatic fire has made hardened soldiers break and run, much less beat cops who spend most of their time talking down drunken tourists. I do not blame them for trying to make sure they didn’t add more bodies, hotel guests and themselves included, to the count.

            This was actually useful police work, free of bias and entirely based on saving lives. This is an emphatically not-useful thing to drag them about.

          • jesuswasablack

            You are a useful idiot!

          • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

            Dude, the hell. That’s not nice.

          • Shanzgood

            Well, that escalated quickly. And in a completely unnecessary way.

          • Courser_Resistance

            Thank you.

            Are there bad cops? Yes, without a doubt. However MOST cops aren’t racist, bigoted people. Cops are a huge range of different types of people. I have a good friend who just went through extensive training to become a volunteer sworn officer. He’s definitely not the swaggering, gun-toting type. He’s a former EMT and a member of my SAR team. Two daughters, one in high school, one in college. Really nice guy who just wants to help people and keep them safe.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’m sorry to disagree. I’m a complete libtard and I work with sheriffs and local police all the time at public events like fairs, parades, etc. as well as helping staff multi-agency Active Shooter drills/exercises in the Denver area. They/we train on this stuff all the fucking time. I’ve been stripped and ‘decontaminated’ more times than I can count. LAPD did an excellent job. Not perfect – nothing is, but I was personally very impressed with the overall response, particularly in getting victims to care quickly. No amount of training can prepare you for a mass casualty incident this large.

      There will be a lot of Monday morning quarterbacking on the response. But rest assured, everything will be examined to the nth degree by agencies all over the country on how to do things better, quicker, safer.

      • jesuswasablack

        Again you’ve missed the point because you reflexively feel a need to defend the cops. My point is that they were outgunned, and by not discussing that fact you can’t talk about why this fuckstick was able to possess all these weapons legally!

        • A couple of points.

          1. There are some, not I, who will use that very point as a launch pad for claims that cops need more military equipment.

          2. Is that what you’re suggesting – hand grenades, bazookas, APCs, that sort of thing? I suggest not firepower but high tech gear and training (at least in cities with reasonable budgets, like Las Vegas. How about multiple drones with coordinated computer programs to detect the source of gunfire? Drones or other remote avatars to send smoke grenades into the source of gunfire? drones with tasers, that sort of thing.

          Scan motel and traveler luggage for weapons only, possibly even using facial recognition-type software. No records or photos kept unless the software sounds a “possible weapons found alert”.

          But there’s no way any of this could have been deployed before thousands of rounds were fired.

          Some of these events are preventable. IIUIC, Australia has had measurable success with their gun laws.

  • bubbuhh

    OT Puerto RIco’s Status – Fresh From CNN
    (click to enlarge)
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9b90df153357eaedac2d73b77a2ecc476039d59c33b8e3dc95fe845b0edf1f2c.png

    In addition, Florida is expecting more than 100,000 Puerto Ricans to arrive for at least temporary food and shelter in the next couple of weeks.

    • beingreleased

      From now on, anyone who says the recovery is going well (or great, or stupendously, or fantastic) has to go without clean water for a week to demonstrate how good people in Puerto Rico have it.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Even after Hermine when we went without power for a week (!), we had water. It made all of the difference.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Why can’t they just stay in their own foreign country and drive trucks? I like trucks. Driving trucks. Vroom, vroom.

      They’ve already got a golf trophy and they want more? Ungrateful. And nasty, nasty women. Bigly nasty. Sad.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And the Trump administration is making them reimburse the government for their evacuation costs and holding their passports as collateral.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Alex Jones is what you get when you stop teaching critical thinking skills in schools. And then drop kids on their heads about eleventy-six times.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “Worked for intel agency” ≠ “knows anything about anything”

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      He was probably a copy boy or one of the guys assigned to some distant station like Montevideo.

      • marxalot

        This is kind of like me saying I worked for State that semester that I helped my advisor with some Initiative for Russian Culture things and hung out in State Dept bars.

        • cmd resistor

          Would these bars be where the Benghazi plot was hatched?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        He procured the Secret Service with their Bogota hookers. Allegedly.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Worked in the CIA cafeteria, mayhaps?

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Also =Could Be batshit crazy. Ex Intel people aren’t always known for mental stability.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        “That’s what the DEEP STATE wants you to believe MAN!!111!1!”

      • Bad Tom

        There’s a reason they don’t work there anymore.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Heh, even Jones admits he’s “entertainment.” That anyone takes him seriously at all is pathetic.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He tailors his message to his audience. He’s only entertainment for child custody purposes. When it comes to triggering right wing lunatics until they start shooting, he’s 100% legit.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Give a man a mask, then he’ll show you his face.

    • jesterpunk

      He also said he was 100% real and was pretending to be fake for court.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    A quick search of the Internet reveals this to be 100% true. No need for further investigation, experts say.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/13a654e175fd6714ecfcec2c1af8f66d874771aa83b8536f13f8e3359f2f4bab.png

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      When The Hill reported on the press release from the physicians, Loesch
      retweeted the story and again claimed, “If it’s a “health issue,” cars,
      then hand, feet, and fists will be banned first (also pools).”

      I wonder if I can kick her several hundred times per minute…

      • marxalot

        It’s never to early to start practicing. Rapid rear-hock strikes sounds like a Crossfit thing.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        I was formulating a response along the lines of “I didn’t know that my fists could strike targets at a thousand paces and blow holes in them” or something, but she’s not actually debating. She’s saying provocative words so we pay attention to her and not to what’s important.

      • mailman27

        Cars (and pools for that matter) are strictly regulated, but whatever. It’s all nonsense anyway.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          I think regulating guns like we do cars is a good step.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      20 dollar whores use their tongues much prettierly.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        And more honestly.

    • jesterpunk

      Damn she managed to make a whole army of straw men there.

      http://www.stockbridgepipeband.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/249-Thurs-straw-men.jpg

  • marxalot

    Can we set these guys up with, like, a dummy internet so that they can only talk to each other and their garbage never spills out to the rest of the world? I know that echo chambers radicalize, but I’m hoping it would form a singularity and that, well past the event horizon of their toxic safe space, these cringelords would never re-emerge to trouble the real world again. Possibly due to muscle atrophy from sitting in the chair gazing into their Void all day.

  • Panika MCD

    dear Dumbass Brigade,

    none of us want a civil war. we do think we can achieve understanding and equality through non-violent means. I agree that “revolution” is not the best choice when it comes to words and explaining this and still have no earthly idea what “political revolution” is supposed to mean as all revolutions are political and only one that we know of was so velvety that you could sleep on it. HOWEVER, you are the ones who whenever challenged on whether your hatred is really necessary are all, “you can have my bigotry when you take it from my COLD. DEAD. HANDS!” I even heard this on the famed bathroom bill and I seriously don’t think we need to fight a war for trans people’s right to not get UTIs for lack of a place to pee–we just need to collectively understand that it’s not a nice thing to do to people and let them pee in peace as they would let you pee in peace.

    sincerely,
    FUCK WHITE SUPREMACY

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      These guys are so eager to start a fight they’ll look for any excuse to start swinging, even if they have to provoke someone else into throwing the first punch.
      It can’t be good for one’s health to live like that.

      • MynameisBlarney

        There were a couple of guys in Charlotte years ago, when Fat City was still around, they would pick fights with random people and use their recently acquired MMA skills to choke people out.

        That all worked great for them until one night they got into a scuffle with the wrong guy.
        They had him and his buddy on the ground about to choke out and the girlfriend of one the victims wasn’t havin their shit anymore and stomped on one of the MMA assholes leg.
        Broke both bones in his lower leg.

        That ended their bullshit.

  • Notreelyhelping

    “Surprise” will not be the emotion that washes over me on the day that they actually commit Jones as danger to himself and others. That would be “relief”; and surely someone out in Listenerland will be quoted as saying, “Oh, that poor man. Who knew he was suffering from a mental disorder?”

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Well at least they couldn’t say he was a quiet one.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Speaking of – he’s still blaming the horrible response on the Puerto Ricans, saying the “roads are cleared” (they aren’t) so the truck drivers need to get back to work (most of the truck drivers are in areas with no telecommunications, no power, and no ability to get to wherever the trucks are).

      • Shanzgood

        But the RWNJ explanation for the truckers not getting to work is that they’re all unuion and want to get paid their $50/hr in advance before coming to work.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Which speaks more to what they would do in a situation like this. “Oh, it’s a natural disaster? Fuck you, pay me!”

          • Courser_Resistance

            Projection, yadda.

        • cmd resistor

          Yeah, I’ve seen that one. Like there are unionized truck drivers in Puerto Rico.

          • Shanzgood

            And as if, especially in the first few days, there was any point in having any money. Because there was nothing to BUY with it.

            Idiots.

          • notanncoulter

            opportunity.
            we are offering them opportunity.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          With Dolt’s history of non-payment, I wouldn’t blame them even if it were true.

      • marxalot

        And not enough gas for the trucks even if they could get to them.

        • cmd resistor

          Details, details.

        • Ill-Advised

          Wait, NPR claimed a couple of days ago that the problem wasn’t lack of gas, but lack of ability to get gas to whatever’s left of the filling stations–ie, roads not cleared, as Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef said.

      • cmd resistor

        So we put Trump in the Big Truck where he had his photo op and let him try to drive it. He wouldn’t get out of a cleared parking lot, much less across roads strewn with trees.

        • notanncoulter

          just drive him off a fucking cliff.
          a very high fucking cliff.
          like on the teevee.

          i’d pay to see that.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Because they’re lazy takers? Why are all the dogs looking at me when I say that?

      • cmd resistor

        What an asshole. CNN:
        “In Texas and Florida, we get an A+. And I’ll tell you what — I think we have done just as good in Puerto, and it’s actually a much tougher situation,” he said.
        The President said the roads in Puerto Rico have been cleared and communication is returning to the island. (Just 40% of Puerto Rico’s telecommunications have been restored.)
        But the President added that truck drivers in Puerto Rico need to help.
        “We need their truck drivers. Their drivers have to start driving trucks. We have to do that, so on a local level they have to give us more help.”
        Maybe they can arrange a photo op with some ungrateful truck drivers.

        • Swampay

          Weird how he seems to spend more time fussing about what people say about him than he does actually trying to get things done.

      • Bright Bart

        “Where we’re going, (AlexJones house to get more trucker speed) we won’t need roads!

    • jesterpunk

      Well he was right about one thing, the Nazis no longer have to hide since he became president.

    • Run2Live

      “I alone can fix it.”

  • Scooby

    You mean it’s not like a double negative?

  • DesertedPictures

    The ones that hope for a civil race war are the alt right watchers of Jones. I read the Turner chronicles: they hope to provoke one!

    • doktorzoom

      We really should do a “Turner Diaries” reading group. Pirated copies only, of course. It truly is a masterpiece of batshit insanity.

      • DesertedPictures

        That could be fun! But some parts are not just crazy insane: his chapters on hanging people that they consider too liberal are truly deranged.

      • proudgrampa

        Turner LIBELZ!!11!!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Sorry, but I only take marching orders from Barbra Streisand.

    • SDGeoff3

      She truly does give some of the Best Orders too.

    • tomamitai

      I only take marching orders from Doug Kenney. https://youtu.be/Q1v0jB3OswM

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “this whole climate where the Democrats are saying ‘We’re gonna have a revolution, we’re gonna kill Trump supporters, we’re gonna kill Trump.’”

    Goddamnit. First I have to stick a postit on my camera, and now I have to disable the microphone, too?!!

  • Poly_Ester

    The only loose end in Alex’s conspiracy theories is Alex, himself.

    • jesterpunk

      What if Alex Jones is a false flag who keeps pushing that everything is a false flag?

      • Parakeetist

        Deep

        • Bad Tom

          Derp

      • Daniel

        Somewhere Keanu Reeves has just woahken up.

  • Daniel

    “Parody account”? Only some weak, unmanly liberal would take that claim seriously, because they want you to back down and apologize well guess what? I’M NOT GONNA APOLOGIZE! So it might not have been actual David Letterman who said this, do you really think, do you really BELIEVE that there aren’t agents of David Letterman ALL OVER THE GOD DAMN COUNTRY pretending to be him to try, and god this just makes my blood boil, folks, to make to try to make people like me look foolish? Because that’s what they’re doing here, folks, trust me on that, I see things, I’ve seen things. Read things. It just- IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY! They see that I’m that I’ve caught on to them, that I know what’s going on and it drives them CRAZY. They hate it! They hate that I know their plan- “oh, make Alex Jones look stupid” “oh let’s you know let’s pretend that this is a parody so when he sees what’s really happening when he shares that when he tells his listeners, those great those good people, they hear what he knows we can say he’s just a big dummy!”
    Well I’m not laughing.
    No one should be laughing.
    This is freaking serious.
    This is what they do. It’s what they do.
    They, their you know they can’t they can’t say that they’re wrong, they can’t admit that they were SO WRONG that they’re out there trying to crush the white man, they can’t say it. They can’t. Because they know they’d have a revolution on their hands, man, a revolution I’m telling you, if they even tried. So they use these codes, because they’re too embarrassed to admit they’re wrong, that’s why you know, the custody thing. They’re wrong, it’s not a joke, I get jokes and I didn’t get this- QED. QED. It’s just another such dirty sick trick, folks, it’s filth. Filth. They are too, so arrogant they can’t just say “look, I was wrong and I misunderstood” because, they know. They know how weak that would make them look.
    [heavy breathing]
    I’m freakin’ angry folks. I’m gonna eat some meat.

    • doktorzoom

      Pretty good, but for a really strong finish, you should have asked why nobody’s talking about what the queers are doing to the soil.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        …And “Buy more Brain Force Plus!”

      • Jack Wants Gun Control

        You’re not like all the other people, here, in the trailer park.

      • Parakeetist
      • WotsAllThisThen

        Every time I think about what those gay frogs are doing in our soil it fills me with rage and some other emotions I find confusing.

        • Suttree

          I don’t think a boner counts as an emotion.

        • Naytch

          I think about all the lesbian farmers toiling in the fields all day and then skinny dipping… uhm, I’ll be in my bunk.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        But Bill Jr., he was a DAREDEVIL, just like his old man. He was leaning out saying “Hey everybody, look at me! Look at me!” POW! He was decapitated! They found his head over by the sno-cone concession!

      • Bright Bart

        Or to the burrow owls.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Needs moar “[roaring]”.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Needs more caps lock

        • Erala Contratista

          Needs cpr.

          Stat!

    • DesertedPictures

      I don’t think he should have had to apologise, even if he did say this.

    • As AODLs (Agents of David Letterman) do we get to ‘Guess the Pie’?

      I’m thinking those pies were coded messages from Letterman’s controller (his late great mom AKA MRS. ISELIN) as to what Great American Institute to subterfuge next.

      • Dg Hacket

        It could be Larry “Bud” Melman

        • Welcome to the Trump administration. Here’s a hot towel.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Beware of the parody Larry “”Buud” Meelmman account.

    • Bad Tom

      I think it’s time for DanielCam, while he eats meat.

    • mailman27

      Oh, that’s good. A little too good.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      That was… damn, that was spooky. Hang on, you’re not ACTUALLY Alex, are you?

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      See an exorcist immediately, I think you are channeling too well. ; 0

  • The Flaming Carrot

    My email administrator is blocking all emails from the Clinton Death Squad. Sorry.

  • Jack Wants Gun Control

    I’m a line cook at one of Obama’s FEMA Camps and I moonlight as a disposal expert for the Obamacare Death Panels. I have yet to receive my official marching orders for the New Revolution, guess I’ll pick up my guitar and play, just like yesterday, and I’ll get on my knees and pray. . .

    • Daniel

      I tip my hat to the news revolution,
      Talking proud ’bout the true constitution,
      Lying screeds, BS is all around
      Pick on Infowars to say-
      just like yesterday-
      They’re turning the freakin’ frogs gay
      We won’t get fooled again!

      • doktorzoom

        Bravo. Would upvote, but my upvoter took an arrow to the knee.

        • Daniel

          Danke.

      • Jack Wants Gun Control

        Head of the class on that one! Well played!

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • redblack

      see, now that’s the way to reduce waste and inefficiency. death panel euthanasia by night means free meat for the FEMA camps by day. thanks, obama!

  • Mavenmaven

    When things don’t follow their narrative, the Right has gotten good at obfuscating everything with “conspiracy theories”. If the gunman had an Arabic name, we wouldn’t be hearing all these wacko theories.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Wait, who did these dipshits say is trying to foment civil war now? Christ on a bike.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Everyone but them, the ones who are constantly talking about civil war.

      OH WAIT.

      • redblack

        the same people who amass guns for some fantasy candy-ass insurrection against the gubmint revenooers.

        i.e. stupid hicks.

  • (((Aron)))

    ‘I’m gonna kill your ass! You will have one dead ass!

    The rest of you will be fine, and you’ll still alive (mostly), but your ass will be dead!!!’

    • Bad Tom

      Sorta like the Old Woman with only one buttock from Candide, except with both buttock’s gone.

      • (((Aron)))

        The best of all possible KILL YOUR ASS

    • Meccalopolis

      Dead ass

      • WotsAllThisThen

        You gotta upgrade to economy plus on international flights

      • Trip Space-Parasite

        Say that ten times to the Pink Panther theme

      • (((Aron)))

        KILL YOUR ASS!

  • Ωbjectifier

    But will it float?

  • C4TWOMAN


    with Genuine Former CIA Operative Kevin Shipp, whom the CIA once tried to kill for knowing too much

    And what? They just gave up?

    • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

      Budget issues. Busy with psy-ops, y’know.

    • doktorzoom

      Dedication to craft is so rare these days…

  • Iron Monkey

    Why does my Wonket run stories about Alex Jones? I usually skip them and should have this time. Too much space for such an odious hyena who is the fringe of the fringe.

    • doktorzoom

      Because the pathology of the Jonessphere is fascinating. Like a train wreck of thinking. The twisted wreckage of logic has a weird, perverse beauty. See also JG Ballard’s “Crash”…

      • Iron Monkey

        I don’t get the beauty part, just the perversity. There is plenty of that without posts highlighting Jones and his insanity. No big deal, I usually just skip them.

        • Marla

          Exactly. Jone$ is a carnival barker looking for his next scam I find no “perverse beauty” in it. Rather, I see a fat, disgruntled man with no social skills, no self-esteem looking to rob his fellow man of their dignity and self-respect. Jone$ is all about bringing society down to new degrees of stupidity and when this site post his filth, they are helping him to do just that.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I love the dollar sign in his name it should be thus forevermore. A reminder that he is a con and a huckster.

          • Marla

            Of course he is. “Hey people died in Vegas, that’s to bad isn’t it? Oh well, probably the work of some false flag or something. Meanwhile, buy my hats.”

  • DerrickWildcat

    Sheeple, that’s what David Letterman wants you to think.

  • Marla

    Yeah, I’ll admit I watched part of Jone$ video. I can only surmise that when this “civil war” comes, Jone$ will be doing his best to profit from it with his shitty hats.

  • osceola

    Listened to 10 mins of Jones’ show driving to work (about an hour ago). The new story is that the shooter was bankrolled by ISIS, laundering money through casinos, and that the FBI lied to the media about him not having terrorist connections. It’s also all about a civil war coming within the month with the object of killing white people. No George Soros. Yet, anyway. That’ll come later, because Jones’ “interpretation and analysis” changes every day. Gotta move the branded product line to the rubes!

  • Bitter Scribe

    This guy was a “CIA operative”? Meaning what…he ran the paper shredder in the basement or something?

    • Yellerduck

      Covert Intercourser of Ants.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Janitor in the lobby.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Culinary Institute of America. (worked there as a dishwasher.)

  • Swampay

    The Las Vegas massacre certainly made for a busy day for free-form bullshit artist and internet beacon of freedom Alex Jones

    When I first glanced at this I thought you called him a bacon of freedom and I had very mixed feelings about that. He is kind of a fatty pork belly in a gross way, but ummmmm bacon.

  • Yellerduck

    Alex Jones reads your article, mutters “You’re not even trying.” and clears his throat: “The False Flag article I quoted yesterday was from a fake account that they put up to cover up the fact that I was right! The fake story is the real story, but now everyone but you smaaaart people believe it’s fake just because the guy who wrote it said it was fake! These libtards are brilliant!”

    • SDGeoff3

      And we have so much time on our hands when we’re not sipping latte.

  • whitroth

    Damn, I didn’t read that email from Chuck, either. But Jones is completely wrong, anyway. I don’t want to kill Trump.

    I want him locked in a room with padded walls, an Elegant white jacket with extra long sleeves, and anti-psychotic meds pumped into him, for the rest of his life.

  • SeeTrain65

    It only figures. Alex Jones is a parody of a human being.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    What did Mark Ttwain have to say?

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Alex Jones couldn’t tell that’s a parody account? The pic on the account is clearly Walt Whitman.

  • MisterShoebox

    I’m going to drop some Bad Words here.

    To quote Yahtzee Croshaw, Alex jones…you are a “****, what are you? A ****, yes you are. You live in a **** cottage and you drive a **** car.”

  • Delu

    These guys are off their rockers and completely out of touch with reality.

    But they preach hate and encourage violence towards the left to an audience that is all too willing to absorb and possibly act upon their screed.

    Something to take note of.

  • HazooToo

    Fake or not, David Letternan had a fucking point. And it was NOT “Hey let’s kill white people”, ffs!

  • Zyxomma

    Unfortunately.

  • Manhattan123

    How do these fuckers even remember to breathe they are so stupid? Sadly, they somehow do remember.

  • Gregory771

    Infowars and their listeners are all too stupid for words.

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