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All that snu-snu really will kill men, marriage, and love itself, turns out.

Oh, look, it is yet another book here to explain that people, particularly women, who like sex a lot but do not tether their sexuality within a religiously-approved marriage, are really shallow and unable to experience any real joy in life outside their own selfish orgasms. This time, though, it’s not merely a moral scold telling us that: It’s a sociologist, Mark Regnerus of the University of Texas, who brings some data to his moral scolding in the boffo new anti-boffing Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy. It made a heck of an impression on confirmed Junior Anti-Sex League member Rod Dreher, whose fan letter at The American Conservative is titled “Liberal Women Are Lustier.”

Regnerus did an interview in the National Catholic Register in which he lays out his thesis: Easily available sex, especially high-quality online pornography, has made men unwilling to do the hard work of being responsible breadwinners and faithful husbands that was once needed to be in a relationship and obtain the sex (and love! especially love!) of a good woman. Women’s increasing willingness to “have sex like men,” without emotional attachment, had also cheapened sex and made everyone miserable. We’re oversimplifying, but only a tad. Here’s Regnerus:

In brief, pornography is cheap sex — the cheapest, really. It undermines women’s ability to “charge more,” that is, to expect better treatment, more wooing and greater relational investment from men.

Also, online dating has made relationships cheap and disposable, like the kleenex men blow their loads in rather than finding a nice gal at the church social:

The way it’s organized and distributed functions to treat human beings as rankable commodities and to speed up our ability to circulate through them. This is how online dating works. It can be navigated for good, but it really can’t be reformed in its baseline principles. It cannot reclaim the mating market that contraception has confounded and cheapened.

All fine and well, and every bit as true as any other moralizing generalization about Other People Fucking. There’s more, but that may wait for another day, like Never. We’re more interested in Rod Dreher’s turgid partisan reaction. He thinks this is some incredibly hot stuff, because Regnerus explains that for liberals, politics and sexxytimes have become inextricably intertwined:

With regard to sex and sexuality in America, being politically liberal tends to mean valuing sexual expression as a good-in-itself, not only as a means to an end or contingent on the context (such as being in a relationship or being married). Talk of “sexual health” is also more common among them and typically takes acts of sexual expression for granted. In this perspective, it is a moral good to express one’s sexuality in actions of one’s own free choosing. Pleasure is reached for and should be. In keeping with this, liberal women are more than twice as likely as conservative women to report past-week and past-day masturbation.

Hand check! We bet a lot of you filthy degenerates were playing “polish the pearl” right now, weren’t you??? Even worse, liberal women have given up on God, and in fact are unable to even find any meaning in their children, because all they ever think about is sex, and maybe old Sparks songs. Dreher apparently was worried about too much blockquoting in a single brief article (honestly, the thing is virtually all text from Regnerus, plus Dreher exclaiming “I NORITE?”) so this time he photographed the passage he liked:

If you don’t have God in your life, then of course the only substitute is orgasms, and that’s all you find meaning in, you empty, empty husks of people. Oh, sure, you may pretend you love your kids and careers and little kittens and find them fulfilling, but really, you’re just an orgasm addict.

Ultimately, the real reason young women are fucking so much more and enjoying it less is only partially that they’ve been seduced by the wiles of liberalism, but that they’ve lost God, their way, their virginity, and their own sense of special-ness. Really! The numbers can’t possibly lie:

[Regnerus] crunched the numbers to account for religious service attendance, importance of religion, “and a unique measure of having become less religious in the past decade” to see if the hypothesis could be grounded in data. What he found was that among young adult women, it’s not really political liberalism that correlates with wanting more sex (no matter how much one is having), but rather one’s loss of religious belief.

So why don’t all you hoors get straight with God and stop it with your pagan worship of your own hoo-has, and maybe you’ll be able to hook a good man and have a reliable provider, OK? There’s no way the boys will want you if you’re easy. Maybe, if you just look to Heaven, you’ll finally stop being miserable.

And stop giggling. It’s not funny, and you really are miserable. Stop fooling yourself. Also, this is your OPEN THREAD!

UPDATE: Oh, lordy, we need to remember to do a brief Wonkarchive Search on any wingnut we mention, ever. We had no idea that Mark Regnerus was also the cuntbubble who published some utterly specious research claiming that gay parents do parenting bad, and which was used in Michigan court cases involving the state’s bans on gay marriage and adoption. So, yeah, here he is making more ill-supported bullshit claims, IMAGINE THAT. Thanks to the multiple Alert Wonkette Operatives who called attention to that in the comments, which we don’t allow.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader contributions. Please click here and send us some money. Mama needs a new shawl.

[National Catholic Register / The American Conservative]

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  • Rebel Scum with permit

    The moral scolds of the right never stop looking at sex between men and women as a transaction. The big problem, from their perspective, is that we’re “undercharging “

    • Pepper Jack

      Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

      • SeeTrain65

        And now, a NewsRadio quote:

        Dave [to Jimmy]: Normally at a time like this I’d ask you for advice, and you’d say something that would make no sense at all, but somehow it would all fit together. Like, I would tell you, “Sir, I have a problem,” and you’d say, “Well, what is it?” and I’d say, “Well, sir, Lisa wants to have a baby but she doesn’t want to get married,” and you’d say “Dave, why milk the cow when you have a fridge full of steaks?” And I’d say, “Sir, that makes no sense,” and you’d say, “Well, it sure made sense when that guy Chuck Connors said it in that movie Chinatown,” and I’d say, “Sir, Chuck Connors wasn’t in Chinatown,” and you’d say, “Dave, if I wanted to have this conversation I’d have hired that guy Siskel Ebert to do your job,” and I’d say, “Sir, Siskel and Ebert are two people,” and you’d say, “Dave, just because the man is fat is no reason to make fun of him.”

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Such an underrated show.

          • Lizzietish81

            And died when Phil Hartman was killed.

      • therblig

        when ms. blig and i first started living (in sin) together, her mother and step-father sat us down for a serious talk about marriage. her step-father with a straight face told her, “they won’t buy the cow if they can get the milk for free”.

        then, ms. blig’s aunt, who happened to be visiting that day, turned to him and said, “I don’t know, you bought the cow”. She was a pistol.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    It’s a sociologist, Mark Regnerus of the University of Texas, who brings some data to his moral scolding in the boffo new anti-boffing Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy. It made a heck of an impression on confirmed Junior Anti-Sex League member Rod Dreher, whose fan letter at The American Conservative is titled “Liberal Women Are Lustier.”

    Just what I am in the mood for–two men policing my sex life!

    /FFS

  • Ωbjectifier

    “Liberal Women Are Lustier.”

    Not seeing the down side.

    • arglebargle

      It’s a feature, not a bug. Fortunately.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I’m squinting real hard!

      Nope, me either.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I’ll need to do more research, see if I can replicate the study’s results.

    • proudgrampa

      Really. Can we get a study funded?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Hmm. Maybe my wife is more conservative than I thought : /

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • BadKitty904

      Oh, dear.

    • Ωbjectifier

      It’s neckbeards all the way down,

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        He has chin muff.

        • SeeTrain65

          Face merkin.

      • shastakoala

        He’s just pissed off he can’t grow a full beard.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Less of a beard and more of a tuft.

    • SeeTrain65

      “The douchebro is strong in this one.”

    • Edith Prickly
    • WotsAllThisThen

      And he says liberal women are lustier? HOW WOULD HE KNOW??

      • BearGHAZI

        Methinks he did plenty of research on ‘high-quality online pornography” as well

    • Covfefe

      Try to restrain yourselves, boys.

      FIFY.

      • Zombishroom

        Nope. We ain’t taking him.

    • Rasilom

      Try not to projectile vomit boys and girls.

      • SeeTrain65

        Too la ….

    • C4TWOMAN

      I’m a rather vanilla, but he’s the sort that inspires the idea of “rough” play–say slapping him around…and not with votes….

    • therblig

      and god-fucking-dammit, just like with douchebro shkreli, i have those same glasses.

    • Lizzietish81

      He looks like one quick photoshop away from Goat Satan

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Or the Amish guy who can’t get a wife because he refuses to provide a gas generator powered washing machine and dryer out in the barn.

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
        • SeeTrain65

          “With The Rain in Spain’s Therapist, you get service.”

        • Nockular cavity

          I was gonna say, with a name like Regnerus you’d expect him to look like a member of GWAR. This is much better.

        • therealpuredog

          Hmmm (furiously pounds buttons on calculator), four minutes, Rain. Better pick up your game.

          • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

            Ha! My mouse was giving me issues!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      He looks like a skinnier, wimpier Jason David Frank.

    • Neck beard and a soul patch???

    • Kakariki

      Ut oze, the buttsechs:

      During a speech at Franciscan University of Steubenville in 2014 entitled “What Sexual Behavior Patterns Reveal about the Mating Market and Catholic Thought,” Regnerus’ views on same-sex relationships continued to spread controversy when he claimed that “normalization of gay men’s sexual behavior” in society will contribute to a surge in the “practice of heterosexual anal sex.”

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Regnerus

      • HarryButtle

        First, they came for the buttsexers…

      • Erm… was I supposed to wait?

    • Canis Greyhame

      chin bush

      • therealpuredog

        I was going to say “throat merkin,” but potayto-potahto. It does give a whole new meaning to the phrase “merkin values,” though.

    • Jamoche

      Sociologist, study thyself – there’s got to be some good thesis materiel in studying how there’s such a massive disconnect between what douchebros think attracts the ladies and what the ladies find attractive.

    • SeeTrain65

      “The nicest haircut a Flowbee ever created.”

      • willi0000000

        that’s harsh . . . true, but harsh.

    • Arolpin

      Is there a small furry animal attempting to throttle him, or is that on purpose? Neckbeards, in and of themselves are Nature’s way of saying, “Do NOT mate with this!” but this is the worst neckbeard I’ve ever seen.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I recognize this Regnerus guy. He was the one who tried to pass off methodologically disastrous research as evidence that gays were bad parents. Completely transparent horseshit. I imagine this is too – or in fact, it’s not even ‘research’, just personal moralizing.

    • Gwennie_G

      I KNEW that name was familiar!

    • doktorzoom

      Oh, no shit? I may have to do a follow-up. Or not, because I have other things that give my life meaning.

      • Edith Prickly

        Wonkette comes first!

      • Ponies being only many of them

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        UT must be ready to can his ass by now. Even they have standards. I wonder how he clings to their short hairs.

      • therealpuredog

        Too many orgazmzes?

    • doktorzoom

      Updated the story after someone upthread also mentioned him. Turns out we wrote about him in 2013! Thanks for the tip!

      • Historicat

        2013 – it was so long ago. I remember it well – what a different time.

        • FlownΩver

          It was the best of times; it was the worst… no, this Trumpapalooza would be the worst of times.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    So, when does the book come out that points out the alt-right are really just sexually frustrated losers?

    • SeeTrain65

      Penthouse Forum has been proving that for years.

      … So I hear.

      • therblig

        i never thought I’D be writing them…

      • Zombishroom

        I never thought I’d be writing this…

    • Infrequentcontributor

      Since they freely admit they are Incel Normans, I’m not sure there’s anything to admit…except maybe that they have a lot in common with the people that want women in burqas…

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      I use to think the Brierbart comment section was the absoute dregs of the internet. Then i discovered the Incel reddit thanks to We Hunted the Mammoth and holy shit that place is a cesspool of hate and filth.

      • BearGHAZI

        Dude I spent a couple of hours on the Incel Reddit after I heard about it. Mind = Blown. My favorite learned acronym: KHHV. Kissless, Hugless, Handholdless Virgin. SAD.

        • Alexander Stallwitz

          You are made of stronger stuff than me, i am a wussy easily triggered libtard so it made me feel unclean

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Just FYI ladies, I can be used for snu-snu.

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ofFKJZ2UIVE/hqdefault.jpg

    • altleftjohn

      Death, where is thy sting?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

        • Arolpin

          Certainly one of the best Futurama episodes, but they’re all pretty good. (I think that Futurama is peak Matt Groenig, Life in Hell was brilliant but uneven; the Simpsons has been truly transcendent, but with elventy-hundred and fourseventeen episodes, there are some dogs there; Futurama was where he really soared.)

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Why are they wearing Magic Mormon Undies?

      • PubOption

        They’re watching Little Green Moroni show the woman his golden plates.

        • Arolpin

          Those are Temple Chaps, those are pelvic casts, due to too much snu-snu.

  • Jado

    If I am not miserable, does this mean I DO have God in mu y life and don’t even know it? If the one precludes the other, does that mean there MUST be the other present? Cause I don’t see HIM anywhere, but I am pretty darn happy with my wife and kids.

    Or is this only for the wimmens? I always forget that there is different logic for wimmens…

  • OrG

    Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be reading this book.

    • SeeTrain65

      I don’t think I’ll be touching this book. Not even with latex gloves.

    • FlownΩver

      I feel more stupid just from hearing about it.

  • BadKitty904

    Thanks, Dok, but “…a sociologist, Mark Regnerus of the University of Texas…” told me everything I need to know about this transparent, Reich-wing bullshittery.

  • Scooby

    Sex, drugs, rock & roll. I say let’s go back to our old fashioned values. Wine,women and song.

  • memzilla Ω

    …Rod Dreher, whose fan letter at The American Conservative is titled “Liberal Women Are Lustier Never Gonna Date Me.”

    FTFY, Rod.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    pornography is cheap sex — the cheapest, really. It undermines women’s ability to “charge more”

    So they just want us ladies to make bank when we get busy. Good for them!

    /FFS

  • BadKitty904

    Ya know, there are times when I’m so glad I’m gay…

  • WIDTAP

    Basically what this all boils down to is that when it comes to pleasing women, conservative men just are not doing it right.

    • wait! what?

      Ugh, men and their boils…

    • Jamoche

      Nobody told them there’d be a test!

  • C4TWOMAN


    Ultimately, the real reason young women
    are fucking so much more and enjoying it less is only partially that
    they’ve been seduced by the wiles of liberalism, but that they’ve lost
    God, their way, their virginity, and their own sense of special-ness.

    So I assume these people approve of masturbation? Otherwise that doesn’t add up….

    • Lizzietish81

      Not for nothing, but Virginity used to be more valuable. But then demons dropped that requirement for sacrifice and its been downhill since then…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Supply and demand. That’s just how things work.

        • Historicat

          Quality control just wasn’t worth the effort?

    • Jamoche

      It’s hard to enjoy sex before you lose your virginity. And my special-ness is just fine – it just doesn’t depend on male validation.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I guess it’s how one defines sex. These people assume it’s WITH someone else, but your point is taken.

        • FlownΩver

          Something something “what the definition of is is.”

    • Ill-Advised

      Or conservative men aren’t trying hard enough! Lacking skillz…so there’s incentive to move on. Quickly.

  • Shut Up, Leonard

    This book says way more about the author than it does about us hoors.

    • BadKitty904

      Way.

      • wait! what?

        Curds, even…

        • BadKitty904

          Or Kurds!

          • wait! what?

            ‘So many’ of Donald’s friends are going to Kurdistan ‘to get rich’!

          • BadKitty904

            They should try Kafiristan. They could become kings!

          • FlownΩver

            A Man, a fort, a payoff, oya patro fanama!

            [I know, I know… needs work]

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Easily available sex, especially high-quality online pornography, has made men unwilling to do the hard work of being responsible breadwinners and faithful husbands that was once needed to be in a relationship and obtain the sex (and love! especially love!) of a good woman.

    Funny how the statistical analysis and data shows infidelity and adultery were about as common in the 1950s (the time this paragraph yearns to return to) as it is now. Maybe even more so, since even in the 1950s divorce was still very much taboo in significant portions of the country.

    • Thiazin Red

      And the stereotype of the medicated housewife doesn’t really support their ideas about women before finding their daily lives and child rearing transcendent.

    • It’s funny them baby boomers. Fucking like monkeys and somehow they don’t want their children/grandchildren/great-grandchildren to do the same. Yes the 60’s had woodstock, but the late 40’s early 50’s had a bunch of hornballs back from the wars.

    • Panika MCD

      you’re going to bring facts into this now? Alex Jones and Mike Cernovich are watching. they will catch you at your dirty game.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Funny how Utah, land of responsible breadwinners and faithful husbands, consumes more porn per capita than any other state.

    • Historicat

      And if you go back to the 20s, they had necking and petting and those new-fangled automobiles.

      It’s almost like none of this is actually new.

  • shastakoala

    Since when has it been a crime to be a shallow hoor in this family.

    • doktorzoom

      I thought it was a job requirement (checks contract). Yep, right there on the first page.

      • shastakoala

        Make your mark here. :)

  • Thiazin Red

    Okay I call bullshit that anyone find daily tasks transcendent.

    As for contraception, I would love for someone to interview these men and ask them how many children they want. Are they themselves willing to have only the exact amount of sex required to create that many children, and then never have sex again? Also no sex before then, no sex during pregnancy or at any time when the woman wouldn’t be fertile, and no non-vag sex ever.

  • Ωbjectifier

    What he found was that among young adult women, it’s not really political liberalism that correlates with wanting more sex (no matter how much one is having), but rather one’s loss of religious belief.

    What if all these fantasies
    Come flailing around
    Now I’ve said too much

    • Zombishroom

      That’s me in the corner. Don’t ask what I’m doing.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    It cannot reclaim the mating market that contraception has confounded and cheapened.

    Still babbling about birth control, are they? I guess the classics never go out of style…

    /FFS

    • Panika MCD

      why can’t you accept them into the center of your world, Callyson?

    • Thiazin Red

      If Roe was overturned they would absolutely go after Griswold next.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      It’s a good reminder that the real goal is the re-subjugation of women. Once they get abortion taken care of, they’re coming after your condoms next.

      • rosenbomb

        they’re already coming after contraception, regardless of abortion. see: any ACA “replacement”

  • BadKitty904

    I was confused, for a moment, there – “shallow hoors” usually refers to Republican politicians.

    • Panika MCD

      they’re just trying to win something. can’t we all just sit back and let them win for once? (oh, and when you sit back and let them win by taking your healthcare away, you’d best not be masturbating!)

  • Lizzietish81
    • No, those were only spiritual “experiences”.

  • Edith Prickly

    Hmmm, another reich-winger who is obsessed with sexxxy liberal ladies. Is there perhaps an under-supply of pure Christian conservative women waiting patiently for him to sweep them off their feet into a life of sexual frustration and emotional manipulation?

    • Covfefe

      Are closet livers particularly prone to hating on women?

    • All the Christian conservative womenz make him wait till they get married just for the sexors.

  • wait! what?

    ergo:
    Any conservative woman who transcends the sexual expertise of her conservative husband and has an orgasm, is liberal, because nothing is more mundane than unsatisfactory conservative sex.

  • Panika MCD

    1. it appears that Marky Barks spends a lot of time thinking about sex. https://liberalarts.utexas.edu/sociology/faculty/mdr93 and he even teaches in the LIBERAL arts college at UT! he needs to get right with his god and quit obsessing about my masturbation habits so much.

    b) yes, whack-offs. I’m sure it would be a much more moral thing for you to choose for me. that’s going to happen for someone who can’t find the clitoris. let’s see: rub one out or put my hand to a hot stove to suppress my urges. WHICH IS THE GREATER GOOD, ROD?! I CAN’T TELL!

    iii] with all of his world travel, Mark should know that this is not the first time that people have valued sex as a transcendent experience. I wonder how the human race survived after all those Roman Bacchanalias! the world may never know.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Don’t you know you’re supposed to suppress all of that until you become a bitter, closed-off, emotionally abusive shell who constantly belittles other women because they have what you can’t?

      • Panika MCD

        what about the children?

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Simple – coddle your sons to the point where they are completely helpless without you, even as adults. Any daughters will be treated as if they were the spawn of Satan himself until they suffer either psychological damage or an eating disorder (preferably both).

          • Panika MCD

            ummm…but then how will they ever get married?

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Find another mother who has done this to their daughters, and hook them up. She’ll not oppose you as the supreme authority in the family, and he won’t stand up for her when you harangue her for every perceived flaw.

          • Panika MCD

            but who will arrange these marriages? clearly the mother cannot be trusted.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Ah, but money, land and power can grease the skids there.

          • Historicat

            That’s what the men-folk are for, to do all that difficult thinking.

  • Lizzietish81
    • wait! what?

      I adore her. Did her throat hemorrhage-thingy clear up?

  • Greg Comlish

    Somehow we started out with the premise that “Guys Watch Porn and Jerk Off Too Much” which is at least half-true and ended up at the premise that liberal women are ruining society because they masturbate more than conservative women. Somehow it always ends up as the fault of women; even the intrinsic faults of men are the fault of women.

    • wait! what?

      Murdering Masturbation

      Bill’O’s new book.

      • Lambsendbeds

        If Bill-O looks in the mirror he will ruin masturbation for himself FOREVAH!

    • doktorzoom

      Not that masturbation is an “intrinsic fault” to begin with…

    • It’s funny, no where in the biblez does it say spanking the wheezle is illegal or anything. The closest they come is mr. Onan who refused to impregnate his widowed sister in law and instead practiced the pull out method of contraception. Which is totally hillarious as the churches like to preach the “rythm” method as an alternative contraception.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Same, there’s a legitimate point to be made that maybe easily-available pornography has altered Western men (who are overwhelmingly the larger audience in porn versus women) sexually or mentally. I’d be fascinated to read a study on just that.

      But then that somehow pivots to “because women are fucking too much”, because it can’t ever be men’s fault (if it’s even fault-able) that we’re delaying marriage and having lower birth rates and getting less religious.

  • Thiazin Red

    But I thought liberal women were all ugly hairy fat lesbians?

    • BadKitty904

      And/or witches.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      You say that like it’s a bad thing.

  • Edith Prickly

    Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where is the god of tits and wine?

    The Gospel of Tyrion Lannister

  • ManchuCandidate

    The new scarlet letters:
    S is for slut
    P is for porn
    O is for online dating
    C is for cherry picking stats and ignoring stuff like the fact strong religious areas have higher instances of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

    • Chyron HR

      K is for kallisti, because women are the fairer sex.

      Put that together and it spells SPOCK! And who doesn’t love an episode of classic Trek? (Not “Spock’s Brain”, though.)

      • Jamoche

        If Spock’s Brain didn’t exist, we’d be missing some very useful memes.

      • DrBigHead

        Especially the evil anti-matter Spock

      • georgiaburning

        Spock meets Catwoman Lee Meriwether

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    And next thing you know, they’re crowing #ImWithHer and voting with the damn things.

  • BadKitty904
  • Jamoche

    “It undermines women’s ability to “charge more,” that is, to expect better treatment, more wooing and greater relational investment from men.”

    And by “relational investment” they mean “financial support”. Which is a roundabout way of saying they really hate it when we have our own jobs and don’t need them.

    • Thiazin Red

      But if women can be financially independent they might expect us to contribute something to the relationship! Unfair!

    • Swampgas_Man

      But then we can give Mike Cernovich alimony!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Bottom line: Being sexually liberated correlates with being less religious. OMG!!! WHO’D HAVE THOUGHT IT????

    Gawd, what a brainless moran. Teaches at U. Texas, too.

    • Zombishroom

      I did it the other way around. Lost religion, gained (gay) sexual liberation. Yeehaw!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        You’re supposed to be miserable now – didn’t you read the article?

    • Jamoche

      I wonder if they include being the kind of religious that thinks shitting on the poor is bad, or do they limit it to the “must obey authority figures” types?

    • Panika MCD

      he also too teaches at the LIBERAL ARTS college. I think they must have hired him to get around a “you’re discriminating against my conservatism!!!” lawsuit.

      • DrBigHead

        The token conservative?

        • Panika MCD

          probably.

        • Panika MCD

          you have to have token conservatives to maintain state funding these days.

      • Jim QuinnX

        The notion that colleges are bastions of Marxist librulz is one held only by people who’ve never been on a campus. The large state college where I work is crawling with creepy conservatives.

        • Panika MCD

          UT – Austin just took down all its confederate memorials and they also too let the students hold a dildo protest last year. they need a token.

    • Panika MCD

      and I still honor Dionysus, Pan and Bacchus.

      • SeeTrain65

        “Bacchus was so good in Gilligan’s Island.”

      • therealpuredog

        Polytheoamorism!

        • Panika MCD

          polyamortheism.

    • ImGoingBacon

      That last part explains everything.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Okay, so is there going to be any fact checking, or will Graham and Cassidy just filibuster the whole time rather than answer questions.

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/910968943183122432

    • Thiazin Red

      This sounds less than productive.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I thought the debate was limited to 90 seconds.
      This is a chance for Bernie to do something useful. I hope he takes it. I wish it were Sanders and Warren though.

      • Thiazin Red

        I’m afraid that instead of defending the ACA, he’ll attack it too and start harping on about his vanity bill.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        I wish it were Warren and Franken.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Klobuchar is pretty awesome!…

          • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

            She’s great, but Franken is a helluva debater.

    • DrBigHead

      I would rather see both of the Minnesota Senators on that panel.

    • SeeTrain65

      Is Bernie bringing his own grandstand?

  • jesterpunk

    Wait I though conservatives complained they couldn’t get laid because liberal women are evil and wont have sex with them? Now they are complaining liberal women have too much sex and thats the problem?

    • Panika MCD

      liberal women are having too much sex with liberal men, liberal women and their hands! (also, being liberal women who don’t make documentaries about pedophilia, they are obviously pro-pedophiles.) why can’t they have sex just once without consent?

  • TJ Barke

    Or you know, people don’t want to be controlled by fake gods.

  • Panika MCD

    I need a “Liberals Fuck Better” hat now.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Or bumper sticker…

      • Panika MCD

        my car will have none of your SATAN WORDS!

        • Jonny On Maui

          Darwinfish?

          • Panika MCD

            why do you hate Jeff Mateer?

          • Jonny On Maui

            Cuz it’s easy…

          • Panika MCD

            well, if masturbation was easy, everyone would be doing it. now wouldn’t they?!

      • therealpuredog

        “LEFTISTS DO IT RIGHT”

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Wow, this Regnerus person doesn’t think too highly of men either.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I used to be an orgasm addict, but I got help and now it’s more like a crack habit.

  • TimResistit

    Stop always thinking about other people’s ding dings, unless you want to bodie-o-dough with them, then think about it but don’t be a gross sewer rat about it. It’s pretty easy once you try but you have to try.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Nothing undermines my ability to expect better treatment. I don’t just expect it, I demand it. Treat me with respect whether we are fucking, or not, or get the fucking fuck out of my face. The end.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      *stands. applauds*

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        You. are. the. perfect. woman (pretty sure Mrs. Toomush agrees)…

        • WomanInThePersistence

          That’s very kind. And Ms. MLG made the bestest non-comment.

    • shivaskeeper

      That is so crazy it just might work.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    More sex, less settling for some mediocre lay because of religious guilt? Seems like a win-win to me.

    • Thiazin Red

      And less marrying at 18 because you’re desperate to bang.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Then there is Kim Davis, who believes it is OK to play with lots of wang dang doodle (too much Koko Taylor….) in and out of three marriages and lots of redneck lovin’ but them homos…..well……better not, Jesus ‘ll get cha!

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    Even worse, liberal women have given up on God, and in fact are unable to even find any meaning in their children, because all they ever think about is sex, and maybe old Sparks songs.

    Whereas us guys only think about old Vapors songs, and turning Japanese.

    http://youtu.be/LR4XNqrqxrU

  • Juan de Fuca

    I have this pet theory that half of our population over-complicates the fuck out of every simple thing in life. Mark Regnerus is yet another example of that.

    • therealpuredog

      It’s actually more like 49.378% but yeah, I see your point.

  • SisterArtemis

    In the Small Victories in Life Department, I was having trouble with my mouse – would scroll up fine; scrolling down, it would freeze up after about a paragraph’s worth of stuff, sometimes less. Checked to see it if was just Disqus, just Chrome, or everywhere. It was everywhere. Made sure the driver was up to date. Reinserted the mouse receiver. Checked the battery. Did a couple of other things people suggested online.

    Then someone talked about taking their mouse totally apart and cleaning around the scroll wheel. I didn’t do that, I just blew hard into the cracks around the thing, and VOILA! it works. Who’da thought that in this day and age of techie problems, it would be mechanical. And dust related.

    Well, like I said, small victories, but it might come in handy for another mouse user. To tell the truth, what I really want is one of these:
    http://www.mega.pk/items_images/247138.jpg

    • C4TWOMAN

      Last time I cleaned my scroll wheel, before my optical mouse, oh lordy did I have a nest of dust mice!

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Toomush, too, is mouse-dependent. Greasy screens are greasy…

      • SisterArtemis

        yes, I like a good mouse. Nostalgically, I still have my very first Microsoft mouse, 1984ish era, roller ball on the bottom… we cut the cord off and let my grandkid play with it.

    • chortlingdingo

      I’m a HUGE fan of the arc mouse. I like to curl my fingers around the underside of the arc. I highly recommend it.

      • SisterArtemis

        I borrowed one from my brother years ago, and loved it, and cringed at the price. Now they are $40 on BestBuy, Amazon, etc. and hmmmm…. maybe….

    • Crystalclear12

      Ohhh, shiny.

    • Ranch Dressing: Universal Lubricant

      • SisterArtemis

        yeah, but when the little parsley flakes get lodged in the corners….

    • Jennifer R

      I find that cleaning the eye with alcohol and a cotton swap works for a lot of issues too.

  • JMP

    “What he found was that among young adult women, it’s not really political liberalism that correlates with wanting more sex (no matter how much one is having), but rather one’s loss of religious belief. ”

    So yet another great reason to get rid of the anti-human harmful drain on society that is religion!

  • Jonny On Maui

    Stop giggling, right…

  • Bitter Scribe

    Dreher: If you stop being religious, you’ll have sex more often!

    Everyone else: But there must be a downside, right?

    • Panika MCD

      you also have more time for masturbation?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        You’d think they’d be okay with it, since there is a lot of God-invoking in the process.

        • Panika MCD

          VANITY!

  • Nockular cavity

    I find this difficult to masturbate to.

  • Panika MCD

    why hasn’t Mark written a book about pedophilia being bad?

    why hasn’t Rod condemned pedophilia in any of his articles?

  • Jonny On Maui

    “Liberal Women Are Lustier.”

    Liberal Women Are Healthier!”

    FIFY

  • chascates

    So how does this explain the Catholic church’s pedophile problem?
    And once women figure out this ‘sacredness’ is all made-up bullshit they might not listen to men any more, which might be the beginning of a new age for all of us.

    • Bitter Scribe

      I’m willing to bet that Dreher characterizes the church’s pedophile problem as a gay problem. That’s the go-to conflation for these assholes.

      • RMKH

        Plus the RWNJs don’t consider the Catholics to be proper Christians. They’re Papists being led astray by false Catholic dogma.

        • Bitter Scribe

          Except Dreher IIRC was born/raised Catholic and converted to Orthodox Christianity. OC is basically Catholicism with lots of incense and without the Pope.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      “listen to men”……………………………..right………

    • jesterpunk

      Its Obama’s fault somehow.

  • Shibusa

    So conservative women find such mundane activities as picking up dog shit in the back yard and scrubbing toilet bowls to be reflective of the sacred?

  • therealpuredog

    Mebbe this is a generalization, but I think any guy named “Rod” is going to be a little wacky on the topic of sex.
    (Apologies to any Rods around here who disprove my grossly overbroad characterization of their ilk.)

    • whitroth

      How can he be a Real Rod without a pipe? Y’know, so he looks like Bob?

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Ooh, you sexy Wonketeers! In other news, psychology turns out to be, well, sadly, pseudoscience…

    • Panika MCD

      it’s an art!

    • whitroth

      Real psychology (not psychotherapy) can produce results. This is sociology, and, rather, it’s pseudo-sociology.

      Or maybe it’s psuedo-sociology, and I want to stomp all over his blue psuedo shoes…..

    • Thiazin Red

      At least she made an informed choice, whether someone thinks it was the right one. Its not quite as bad as the cases where the woman is brain dead and people won’t let the family shut off life support because of a fetus.

      • Its not quite as bad as the cases where the woman is brain dead and people won’t let the family shut off life support because of a fetus.

        Actually it’s worse because the baby can be saved that way.

        • Thiazin Red

          Woman’s wishes >>>>>>>> fetus. Ignoring a woman’s wishes is always worse.

          • Juan de Fuca

            If I was a woman, that’s pretty much how I’d see it.

          • Ignoring a woman’s wishes is always worse.

            Ignoring the “wants” of a woman and forcing her to abort and receive chemo, thus saving her life, which gives her the opportunity to make another baby is worse?

            In what universe????

          • Thiazin Red

            One where we value bodily integrity, and don’t force adults who have been informed of the risks into unwanted treatments.

      • Bitter Scribe

        It’s hard to say how it could be considered the “right” one, unless you think it was God’s Will™ that they both die. But you’re right about an informed choice.

        • Thiazin Red

          I think it was a stupid fucking choice, and selfish beyond belief. But we let adults choose to forgo medical care if they want to.

    • Panika MCD

      as long as it was her choice and it was informed.

      • So, 2 dead people is better than one aborted fetus+chemo+new baby, i.e. one live mother and one live baby?

        Hmmm…

        That’s an odd value system.

        • Panika MCD

          it’s not my value system. it’s hers.

          • So society must let people make bad choices?

          • Panika MCD

            it’s not your body and we’ve been allowing 7th Day Adventists to do it for decades.

        • Juan de Fuca

          I think it’s the “choice” thing that matters most in “Pro-Choice”? She thought her baby would live. It didn’t but it was still her choice.

          • Look at it this way…

            On NPR yesterday they interviewed a woman in Houston who’s house has flooded three times. She paid $83K for the house in the 80’s.

            The first flood claim: $200K.

            The second flood claim: $200K.

            Now, Hurricane Harvey is the third claim $300K.

            Why are Taxpayers letting these homeowners CHOOSE to live in a flood plain?

            We shouldn’t fetishcize bad choices as “freedom”.

            Bad choices are not “free” from consequences.

        • Lambsendbeds

          I wouldn’t have made her decision, but chemo can often make a woman sterile. I hope she made her decision without some God botherer telling her it was her Christian duty.

          • OK, but there would have been one more person alive after Chemo than now. Tragic.

      • Shanzgood

        Exactly. It was her decision. Not necessarily one I would have made but nobody can or should do it for someone else.

        • Panika MCD

          it is what being pro-choice is all about.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I just read that the poor young lady had brain cancer which she assumed she was going die from. That’s just a sad story and it was her choice indeed.

            RIP, Carrie DeKlyen.

  • jesterpunk
  • Crystalclear12

    I am sorry, my stupid quota has been reached and I have no more room for your stupid.
    Please don’t come back.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Dear Rod Dreher: Please take the Benedict Option you threaten so often. Preferably in a place with no internet access. Thank you.

    Sincerely,
    The rest of the world

    • Edith Prickly

      Is the Benedict Option like Going Galt, except for tedious Christianists?

      • Bitter Scribe

        Something like that. I never got it straight.

        The New Yorker did a profile of him where he visited some Christianist community in upstate NY and yearned to join, only it would distract him from his sacred vocation of posting on the internet about how oppressed he is by gay marriage. I was reading and thinking, Don’t let that stop you, asshole.

        Side note: WTF is it with the NYer profiling right-wing assholes? They’ve also recently done Tucker Carlson and Mike Cernovich. Who’s next, Richard Spencer?

  • shivaskeeper

    This is the same Mark Regnerus who published the bullshit study that said children of same sex parents were essentially doomed to miserable lives isn’t it? His last major study on human sexuality and social dynamics was so flawed that when it was used as evidence in a court case the Federal Judge said it was not worth serious consideration. Only groups like Focus on the Family take him or his work seriously.

    Unless he has cleaned up his act I see no reason to think this study is any different than the last one. Nothing more than cherry picked data from a small pool and bad methodology used to support a predetermined conclusion.

    TL,DR, fuck this fake ass “sociologist” and how the fuck does he still have a job with a major university?

    • Jamoche

      IK,R? UT’s no Liberty U, they’ve got to know what he’s doing to their reputation.

      • Panika MCD

        their sociology department is not one of the ones they highlight.

      • RMKH

        Tenure “trumps” all.

    • Panika MCD

      UT needs to maintain its state funding? Paxton needs someone for his bullshit lawsuits who has letters after his name? marriage made in hell.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      My guess would be because the state government threatened to cut UTex’s funding if they let him go. They need studies like his to maintain the veneer of intellectualism that conservatives like to pretend they have.

      • RMKH

        Like that highly intellectual creation museum. Ride that T rex!

      • DrBigHead

        UT Austin has an endowment in excess of 3.5 Billion dollars. Can the state take that away?

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Probably not, but no university likes less money.

        • Panika MCD

          no–the endowments are private. but they can transfer the PUF to A&M’s control or just deny them funding for exceptional items.

          • Jenny

            Eh UT fought super hard to get control of the PUF for many many decades. Plus there’s this weird little blurb in the constitution about A & M just being the offshoot branch of UT.

          • DrBigHead

            Interesting (damn Aggies….)

          • Panika MCD

            A&M houses a bunch of state agencies–they’re more than happy to let UT control the PUF as long as they get 40% of whatever is put into the AUF during the biennium.

      • mailman27

        As they embrace anti-intellectualism. Hahd yer glassez!

    • Thiazin Red

      Was that the one that compared kids from stable marriages to kids whose parents got divorced over same sex affairs?

      • shivaskeeper

        Yes. Among other methodology fails was comparing stable hetero families with divorced same sex families.

    • Crystalclear12

      Texas.

      • shivaskeeper

        There’s more too it than that.

        • Panika MCD

          thank you.

      • Panika MCD

        he got his Ph.D. from NCU and is originally from Michigan. you can’t pin this one on TX in general.

        • Crystalclear12

          Sorry.
          But Texas does have bad habit of collecting and harboring stupid.
          Have you considered using a sonic repellant?

          • Panika MCD

            people have a tendency to say stupid things like “because TX” when the state has about 30 million people living in it. have you considered not being that kind of asshole?

          • SeeTrain65

            I was about to say something akin to “Do not make the same mistake I made because Panika will justifiably ream you a new one.”

            Still stings, BTW, as it should. ; )

          • Panika MCD

            especially on a Dok thread given his love for Molly…

          • Panika MCD
          • SeeTrain65

            I talk shit about Ohio all the time, but even I can recognize my state isn’t 100 percent, wall-to-wall awful people. Even in the 51 percent that went for Trump in my state.

            “When I assume, I make an ass out of me.” Guilty as charged.

          • Panika MCD

            I would think that Harvey response would have done a lot to turn people around, but some are really more dedicated to their stereotypes than I thought.

            I suspect you know all the good Ohio jokes.

          • Crystalclear12

            True.
            Very true.
            I hate it when people do it about Missouri so I shouldn’t do it others.

          • Shanzgood

            Same re “because KS” here.

          • Panika MCD

            exactly.

          • Crystalclear12

            By the way don’t like being called an asshole over a joke.

          • Panika MCD

            I don’t like my whole state being referred to as “a joke”. BIG SURPRISE!

          • Crystalclear12

            Respond with personal attack over the abstract?
            I apologized. No response.
            Even removed the offending comment. Nothing.
            I say I was hurt. Another attack.

          • Panika MCD

            you’ve got a nice victim complex going on over there, don’t you?

          • Crystalclear12

            Bye

          • Crystalclear12

            Sorry, bad day. Over reacted.
            Took some time away for perspective.
            By the way, I do now Texas is full of good people it’s just sometimes my snark lands badly.

          • Panika MCD

            thanks. hope you’re having a better day.

          • Crystalclear12

            Much better, thanks.

    • Panika MCD

      better question for you: why does Oxford University Press keep publishing his books?

      • shivaskeeper

        He’s hot a built in fan base with the anti gay groups. Like was mentioned below, he gives them a veneer of intellectualism. They can point to this and essentially say, “see libtard, a scientist agrees with me, and you have to agree with a scientist since you are a libtatd”.

        • Panika MCD

          that doesn’t explain why Oxford is publishing him. they’re a pretty difficult press to get.

          • shivaskeeper

            That’s my only guess.

    • doktorzoom

      Thanks for the note. And to think we wrote about him in 2013! Story updated.

      • shivaskeeper

        I wasn’t trying to add to your work Dok.

        • doktorzoom

          No, but it was interesting enough that it was worth adding.

          Completeness is one of those things that gives my life meaning.

          That, and mocking doofuses like Regnerus.

          • shivaskeeper

            Awesome.

  • Fartknocker

    The preface states he loves his Mom, his wife is the best, and all other girls are icky.

  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

    Note to Mark Regnerus: if you think watching porn is the same as having sex, UR DOING It WRONg.

    • Panika MCD

      I’m fine with him continuing to think he can marry his porn collection.

    • Jenny

      So I bet I could find this dude on a dating site.

      • Historicat

        Do you spend a lot time on Grindr?

  • Michael R

    No Christian has ever committed a crime !

    • Lamb Urgini

      .. you mean like butt crimes ?

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    So, his thesis and research methodology rests upon the assumption “transcendent value” has any meaning whatsoever. I find that difficult to fap to. Doesn’t get my rocks off. Not turning me on. It hacks my buzz. What a killjoy.

    • whitroth

      Oh, yes, the Transcendent value inherent in washing the dishes….

  • Crystalclear12

    So he thinks we should go back to the women “trapping” men in marriage by getting knocked up?

    I don’t think men would be too happy with that.

    • Shanzgood

      Right? The only trapping they want done is the kind THEY engage in.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Women withholding sex having sex =bad

      • Panika MCD

        can’t believe no one is making documentaries about that…

  • Shanzgood

    Ugh. So much MRA-fodder, especially the contraception bashing. Because men should still just be able to stick their dick in the woman of their choice as a way to permanently claim her for themselves by “spoiling” her somehow, either by “ruining her reputation” or getting her pregnant. It also fits in with the pouty incels who say women get wrecked by Chad Thundercocks and then have to settle down with a beta after they “hit the wall” at the age of 30.

    Wait, we also made them vote for Trump.

    • Panika MCD

      if you love it, put a cockring on it?

    • C4TWOMAN

      I can’t read anything about Chad Thundercocks without snickering.

      I’m not sure that’s the response they wanted…

    • rosenbomb

      There are so many items on our Lady Agenda! Can’t believe all we’ve gotten done in the past year. Made these guys vote for Trump, made Men Go Their Own Way…I’m pretty sure we have destroyed marriage and families as well. I’m wiped out from all of our accomplishments!

      • Shanzgood

        Way too tired for sex now.

    • shivaskeeper

      Is it MRA, or Catholic Church? On occasion it’s hard to tell their ideas apart sometimes.

      • Shanzgood

        Well, baconz is Catholic and doesn’t subscribe to any of this nonsense.

        • shivaskeeper

          The Catholics have plenty of hard right assholes. The more Cardio than the Pope crew. The US Conference of Bishops cones to mind. They are so far removed from the laity it’s almost amusing.

  • bbayliss

    WOW. Ya gotta have magic or you’ll be “disenchanted”.
    I believe the reformation proved this and it was welcomed as a benefit to all mankind.

  • BadKitty904

    C’mon, Shanz, you take trumpet and I’ll take trombone…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi7n4yMa1uc

    • Shanzgood

      Who’s dancing?

      • BadKitty904

        Everybody else.

    • Slamtundra

      You guys just need to play the sad trombone sound for these fools.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Oh, dear. That’s just depressing.

      Like one person said, “You can’t accidentally do this this many times”.

    • JMP

      Being victimized by horrible people doesn’t necessarily mean someone is one of the good guys.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      I kinda began to doubt the sanctitude of Ms. Plame when that guy who spread the “Whitey Tape” canard was all about how he was best buds with her.

  • Jim QuinnX

    I’m suffering cognitive dissonance. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that divorce, out-of-wedlock births and porn use are all worse in the most religiously conservative parts of America. It’s so bad I can’t think of anything funny to observe about an article that should be pretty easy to lampoon.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Are you suggesting that righteous condemnation doesn’t actually solve problems?

  • JohnBull

    If conservatives loved their kids, why do they choose tax cuts over school spending? That extra $150 a year will be blown at three nights at the Olive Garden while your school cuts music. Nobody who loves kids calls that a fair trade.

    • whitroth

      Well, they *obviously* don’t care about anyone else’s kids, given that they keep cutting or trying to cut support for poor single mothers.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Because government is bad. They make damn sure of it.

    • JMP

      Because we’re upper middle class or rich and can afford private school, so screw the kids from families with less money!

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Oh pleeeeze….they don’t want their money spent at the schools on giving out condoms. And teaching heresy. And bashing slavery. (We actually got accused of this (the condoms) when I was on the school board. I made the superintendent deny it in a public meeting. Boy, was he embarrassed.)

    • jesterpunk

      “Government doesnt work, elect us and we will prove it by breaking government.”

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Sergeant Howie: What religion can they possibly be learning jumping over bonfires?

    Lord Summerisle: Parthenogenesis.

    Sergeant Howie: What?

    Lord Summerisle: Literally, as Miss Rose would doubtless say in her assiduous way, reproduction without sexual union.

    Sergeant Howie: Oh, what is all this? I mean, you’ve got fake biology, fake religion… Sir, have these children never heard of Jesus?

    Lord Summerisle: Himself the son of a virgin, impregnated, I believe, by a ghost…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f3f164c630a785b002a84817a720147fe81d744b41a898af8667108c2dcf03f3.gif

    Now that’s transcendent.

    • JohnBull

      Corn rigs and barley, man!

    • Lizzietish81

      You left out my favorite part:

      Sergeant Howie: [outraged] But they are… are *naked*!

      Lord Summerisle: Naturally! It’s much too dangerous to jump through the fire with your clothes on!

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        A sensible policy for a better America.

  • whitroth

    Well, you need to meet people online if you don’t have a church social to meet them at. And a large enough church, with enough churn to meet new people at.

    Oh, and you’d have to put up with them being True Believers.

    On the other hand, he’s also saying Any Goddess or God Other Than Mine is not a Real God ™, and so having sex and thinking of, say, the Goddess, is just Not Right. Besides, maybe he’s not getting laid enough.

    And isn’t it funny, that funnymentalists always refer to other people getting it on as “cheap”? As Paul Krassner put it, “why, do you think it should cost?”

    On a related note, back in the early nineties, there was a report that the average (American) guy, when he came, it only averaged for about 3 sec. Which isn’t even enough time to take a leak…. My late wife and I figured that explained why they were sooo horny all the time.

    Wonder if this guy is Uprightstanding With His God and Wife…..

    ObSnark: we Pagans like to say that they’ve been waiting for their God to come a second time for about 2,000 years; our Goddess has come twice tonight, already…..

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    The working title of this book was-

    Liberal Women Are Super Slutty, But Still Won’t Fuck Me. That Makes My Weenie Super Sad.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Nah. His imaginary friend, chunky Reese Witherspoon, totally wanted to bone him.

      • JMP

        And based on his repulsion at the idea of sex with “chunky Reese Witherspoon”, I think what actually makes him sad is that his religion tells him he’ll go to hell if he fucks the hot studs he really wants to.

        • Christian Fundamentalists Guilt is a powerful weapon normal women use to avoid have to bone these freaks.

          They use it on themselves most of the time anyway, so normal liberal women don’t need to do anything but avoid talking to them.

          Most of the time they can’t talk about anything but themselves, so they are easy to spot.

          I don’t mind them having all this guilt, it leaves me free to talk to more interesting liberal women.

        • Bobathonic

          Chunky Reese Witherspoon sounds like an ice cream flavor.

      • TheGrandWazoo2

        Chunky Reese Witherspoon is my favorite soup.

    • wait! what?
    • SeeTrain65

      A little too on the nose for the publishers.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Are we still doing phrasing?…

  • Joe Beese

    In case you joined us late, Valerie Plame did this today:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0df6cee640ea6f4569bed3e141c72b9d1af64c600e50edc9fc0f182ee1efa2e9.png

    Uh… maybe it wasn’t what it sounded like?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ba8fc03c2f104853e123ac390b284a12816d105b3cc4a34677e59aa4a0064e4d.png

    OK, so it’s what it sounded like.

    Plame addressed the controversy.

    1) First of all, calm down. Re-tweets don’t imply endorsement. Yes, very provocative, but thoughtful. Many neocon hawks ARE Jewish. 2) Just FYI, I am of Jewish decent [sic]. I am not in favor of war with Iran, or getting out of the Iran nuclear treaty. There are simply 3) too many who are so ready to go to war. Haven’t we had enough for awhile? 4) Read the entire article and try, just for a moment, to put aside your biases and think clearly.

    That didn’t go so hot.

    So Plame addressed the controversy some more!

    I missed gross undercurrents to this article & didn’t do my homework on the platform this piece came from. Now that I see it, it’s obvious. … OK folks, look, I messed up. I skimmed this piece, zeroed in on the neocon criticism, and shared it without seeing and considering the rest.

    The right-wing Ace of Spades blog – which naturally hates her like we would hate, say, Oliver North – makes quite a feast of this.

    … after having called the article “thoughtful” and imploring people to just read it and think about it “clearly” — about the ideas that Jews Control the Media and Government and Start All Wars– she does an about face and claims she didn’t even really read it and so she didn’t realize the article had “undercurrents” of antisemtism:”

    … several problems with this “I just skimmed it and didn’t pick up on the carefully-hidden cryptonazi messaging” claim.

    First of all, she already told people to just read it carefully and think clearly about it, implying she already has given it such a read herself.

    Second of all, the massage here isn’t very well hidden. “I just skimmed it” is no defense when the “undercurrents” are right there in the HEADLINE:

    American Jews are Driving America’s Wars

    Oh, and if she missed that “undercurrent,” here is the sub-hed:

    Shouldn’t Jews recuse themselves when dealing with the Middle East?

    Subtle, I know. But if you read between the lines a bit, you might be able to detect the faintest ripples of an “undercurrent.”

    So she’s claiming “I didn’t read the headline. Jeeze, no one reads the headlines! This is the internet, after all.”

    Further, the whole article is about this. Which parts of the article did she skim which do not make the claim announced in the headline? It’s all about this. There is no part of the article you can read where you don’t see the plaintext message that Jews drive America’s wars.

    Even further, she immediately doubled down and insisted that yes, “Most Neocon hawks ARE Jewish.”

    She knew exactly what the article was claiming. She emphatically agreed with it.

    Then he administers the coup de grace.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1bca4d7acbe608769572a397258cd2776c639e25fa5730b9bb15a32253c5dc0c.png

    • bbayliss

      Oh come on, you mean to tell me you’ve never repeated anti-semitic propaganda?
      Never mind.

      • Joe Beese

        I haven’t. But I intend to start saying “Merci jew coup” whenever the opportunity arises.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      As a Swede who’s a little peeved Sweden isn’t in the news as much as Israel, I’m often jealous and sometimes wish, geez, I wish Bebe would just shut up and why can’t they just get along with their own neighbors, but, yeah…………no.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Good News Mormons!!!!!! BYU sez you can drink caffeine drinks now!!!!!!! All that partying tonight for New Year’s……oh wait…..

    • janecita

      Only sodas, tea and coffee are still a no no:-(

      • SomeBigRedDog

        Warm drinks are the gateway to hell.

        • shastakoala

          Satan’s broth.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Screw that. Coffee, cats, and Wonkette are deal breakers for me.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      What caffeinated drink company did the Mormon Church buy up now?…

    • P’jama Pahnts

      My mother is sooo Mormon and has been her whole life, yet drank RC Cola almost every day.

  • Jenny

    Oh god! Oh god! Oh god!! Don’t stop!

    See I haven’t forgotten to pray while masturbating.

    • mardam422

      So that’s what I’m doing wrong!!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Oh, suck my insouciance, Dreher, you six-figure four hour a week waste of oxygen. My liberal female ass has been married for 23 years and I missed most of it at work so my kid could live indoors and wrest a decent education out of the public school system and graduate college. And when I do have time to talk, it’s almost never about other people fucking.

    WEIRD.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I’d like to study why women are having more sex but most of them won’t let me.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Well, the conservative ones are too busy experiencing spiritual awakenings whilst cleaning transcendental turds out of the cat litter box, and we liberal ones are busy scissoring while burning America, and all other things good and holy, to the ground. We just don’t have the time for sexing you.

      • Jenny

        Also too making pretty looking faker than shit blogs for pinterest.

      • Lambsendbeds

        Hey! Some of us liberals have to clean those transcendental turds out of the litter box too! I wouldn’t call the experience a spiritual awakening, though. More like it’s morning, and I’m awakening.

        • Shanzgood

          I decided I needed more time for sex things so I trained my cat to poop outside.

  • JMP

    It’s being reported that the one little girl supposed to have survived to school collapse in Mexico City doesn’t actually exist.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbhiLbT_yGo

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Yep – they’ve reported all school children are recovered from that school – Mexican Rumor Control!…

    • Joe Beese

      “We have to pay for distribution, shipping… And those limousines out back. They’re not free.”

  • Greg Comlish

    Honest to fucking God, we really do have a cultural problem where too many men, especially white men, refuse to accept responsibility for their lives. If you want to get laid, stop being a loser and stop being an asshole. Get your life in order. Stop playing computer games. Go to the fucking gym. Eat a vegetable. Learn to talk to other people. Demonstrate some semblance of social utility. Nobody wants to date a sexless agoraphobic gaming addict.

    Supermodels are not going to knock on some loser’s door and suck his dick while he stews in anger on 4chan, jerking off to shemales, and blaming liberated womankind for all the problems he have created for himself. The reason women decided to be liberated in the first place was because shitty entitled men offered them so fucking little in the first place. Women decided that they would prefer a life of nomadic sex and masturbation rather than date a vicious, insecure, little shit who can’t even take basic responsibility for his actions.

    Women have a right to get as much out of their lives as they can. They are not bound to adhere to the fantasies of reddit trolls. No will they. WOMEN WILL NEVER AS A CLASS DECIDE VOLUNTARILY TO FUCK AWFUL MEN NOR WILL SOCIETY EVER MAKE THEM. Water is not going to flow uphill. We believe in equal rights, but men do not have an equal right to sex and pussy. If men want pussy then they need act like men and earn it. Make it a priority. Be a MAN and do things like WORK and exercise DISCIPLINE and PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. You know, those things you keep demanding out of everybody else in a grotesque charade of psychological projection? Do those.

    For fucks sake.

    • JohnBull

      Eat a vegetable?? Go back to France, hippie!

    • Bitter Scribe

      I can picture this rant being read out as “America the Beautiful” plays in the background. It brings a tear to my eye.

      • therealpuredog

        Yeah, where was this guy when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, huh?

    • Jenny

      My ex husband is a chad thundercock who spends too much time on computer games and pron, only eats shit fastfood, has never stepped into a museum or read a book, and still manages to get all the ladies. He’s an incels worst nightmare!

      • Greg Comlish

        You know, there’s always going to be a market for guys with big dicks and great abs.

        • Shanzgood

          Grindr

    • Jim QuinnX

      Moving out of Mom’s basement is also a good idea.

    • Shanzgood

      Well said.

      Except the “shemales” reference. I don’t know how you meant it because I don’t know you, but it’s a pretty offensive term in the trans community, someb of whom are regulars here and don’t need to be subjected to that.

      • Greg Comlish

        You’re right. I honestly mean no offense to the transgender community. I was referring to the subgenre of hardcore pornography which does use the term shemale. I was not referring to the transgender community and I would not use the term for a transgender person. My apologies.

        • Shanzgood

          Thanks for that. I was hoping you meant *the kind of people who search porn sites for that* instead. We get normally well-meaning people who joke about Coulter being a “tranny” and it’s a thing Admin has mentioned many times is just NOT funny.

          I have friends here and IRL who are so exhausted from encountering trans-phobic stuff every day they just let it go. That’s why I try to speak up, so they don’t have to.

    • Joe Beese

      WOMEN WILL NEVER AS A CLASS DECIDE VOLUNTARILY TO FUCK AWFUL MEN

      This is discouraging.

    • Panika MCD

      that’s why step 14 of their plan is to bring back arranged marriages.

  • TJ Barke

    Dude, women don’t want to fuck you cuz you’re weird looking, and a creep. If the only reason you can think of that women should fuck you is because they should be doing their duty for God, you really need to reexamine your life.

    • mardam422

      Dude, women don’t want to fuck you cuz you’re weird looking, and a creep.
      That’s what they keep telling me, too.

      • Shanzgood

        I don’t have an anti-weird-looking-dude bias. I’m just anti-creep.

  • Poly_Ester

    Why is everything about projection for these conservative “thought leaders?”

    • jesterpunk

      Satan words?

  • Joe Beese

    Probably just a coincidence.

    An inscrutably written provision in the Republican health care bill would steer extra federal cash to Wisconsin, home state of one of the measure’s co-sponsors, according to health care analysts who’ve examined the legislation.

    The language could mean “potentially hundreds of millions” of extra dollars for Wisconsin, said April Grady, a health care consultant. She and other analysts said they were not aware of other states that would benefit from the provision.

    Sen. Ron Johnson, R-Wis., is one of the co-sponsors of the health care overhaul that Republican leaders hope to push through the Senate next week.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/graham-cassidy-co-sponsor-state-special-medicaid-carve-out

    • jesterpunk

      IIRC the bill gives red states that refused to expand medicare and medicaid more money and takes it from blue states that did expand it.

      • therealpuredog

        That’s my understanding. Kinda breathtakingly evil.

        • jesterpunk

          They are even going to give Alaska more money to get their senators to vote for the bill.

        • Joe Beese

          That’s not the important thing. The important thing is: Was it regular order?

  • icekat

    So, several of my conservative Facebook friends have taken to posting photos of cotton fields. It is, apparently, supposed to “trigger” liberals. Is this a thing? Is cotton supposed to make me upset? Because, honestly, my initial reaction to lots of fluffy white cotton bolls is “ooh, pretty!”

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Really? That seems particularly stupid, even for conservatrons.

      • bbayliss

        Cotton, the textile trade, the REAL slavery.

    • Daniel Hooper

      I’m guessing cotton fields=slavery=liberal trigger? My best guess, at least.

      • icekat

        That was my guess, too. I just thought maybe there was something more to it, because it’s kind of a stretch.

        • Daniel Hooper

          I think you just summarized the conservative movement as a whole with that statement.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Remember that sign about how everyone is welcome that trigger Megan Fox(no, not that one) into reading all sorts of baloney into it? They assume we do this too.

    • janecita

      Why do you have conservative friends? Ewwww!

      • icekat

        I play a lot of Facebook games, and I’m a whore for free energy. :)

    • TJ Barke

      What a bunch of stupid children. The posters, that is.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I think of high thread count sheets.

    • shastakoala

      It’s the fabric of their lives.

    • rosenbomb

      Seeing cotton growing was my favorite thing about living in Arkansas. It’s so pretty!

    • Ωbjectifier

      If you have to explain it, it ain’t workin’.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I suspect (could be wrong) it’s about a college president in Tennessee who had a dinner with african-american students and served fried chicken and watermelon with cotton stalk centerpieces on the table.

      It was thought by some to be in poor taste. I’m amazed Jon Chait and Kurt Eichenwald aren’t fundraising for him.

      eta: here you go.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Oh I’m sure it’s some sorta racist troll. And the best way to deal with it is to play dumb with snark.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Why the slam on Jon Chait? His stuff in New York is pretty good IIRC.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Not really. He has a long history of promoting right-wing nonsense from the ‘left’, which he absolutely lived up to between 2015 and the election.

    • doktorzoom
    • The Wanderer

      I will see a field of cotton and wonder “If those cotton bolls get rotten, can we still pick very much cotton?”

      • Lambsendbeds

        Was it down in Louisiana, just about a mile from Texarkana?

    • Robert James Nugent

      There was a Facebook post circulating yesterday that the cotton stalk decor from Hobby Lobby was triggering some poor Library snow flake. I threw the bullshit flag because I know that no self-respecting liberal, would willing shop Hobby Lobby.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Or Michael’s. AC Moore all the way, baby.

        • Free range craft supplies! Cruelty free!

          • Carpe Vagenda

            My personal (huge) stash of yarn is in a small army of Skubbs from Ikea.

    • Abby Normal

      There was a fake news story going around that liberals are boycotting Hobby Lobby for selling dried cotton plants for home decorations.

    • Fartknocker

      Cotton is used to make muslim bed sheets so therefore cotton is ISIS, to wit, cotton is bad.

      A person in South Austin wearing a MAGA hat.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Cotton is an exploitative crop that makes high demands of the environment and exhausts the soil. Clearly you’re supposed to be outraged and contact your local Earth First! office.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      conservative Facebook friends

      I think I see the problem

  • Daniel Hooper

    He should’ve just chosen the shorter and more accurate title, “Why I Can’t Get Laid.”

    • SeeTrain65

      Shorter title: “My Face.”

      • TJ Barke

        And if they can get past that it’s “My opinions”

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        HA!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Another conservative pundit tackling today’s most pressing issues:
    https://twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/910938734715183104

    • Panika MCD

      that is not a question that should have to be asked.

      • SeeTrain65

        Piers asks the questions no one wants answers to.

        • Panika MCD

          maybe he could spend some time answering AJ & MC on why we don’t make documentaries about pedophiles.

    • Swampgas_Man
    • rosenbomb

      I love RnB, but I skip saying that word when singing along. It’s not meant for me.

      It’s really not that hard.

    • Piers “Brillo Pad” Moron strikes again

    • The Wanderer

      Time to have him try to horn in on a conversation, only to have the two conversants switch to a non-English language to piss him off.

    • janecita

      Take it away Jim Jefferies!

      https://youtu.be/txS5_LrYMzY

      • altleftjohn

        I’m going to start calling people who piss me off “mate.”

        • C4TWOMAN

          You wot?

      • SeeTrain65

        Who has a show that was picked up for a second season on Comedy Central and who was relegated back to the UK after fucking up so badly on CNN?

    • Joe Beese

      Punditing ain’t easy, but it’s necessary.

    • OneYieldRegular

      With Tiny Hands Trump & Lil’ Kim threatening nuclear annihilation, 400,000 refugees in dire conditions on the Bangladesh/Burma border, millions of people in the Caribbean and Mexico traumatized and suffering from natural disasters, and opportunistic Republicans willing to sacrifice the well-being and lives of millions of American to their callow desire for one-upmanship, it’s great to know that Piers Morgan is keeping his eye on the important things.

  • P’jama Pahnts
  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I think they are mistaking the chicken for the egg. Sex has never been, nor will it ever be, just about having babies. The xtians either can’t or won’t separate the two. Most of the time people just want to get laid, even xtians. It’s only sometimes that people also want to make a baby.

    • C4TWOMAN

      This is what drives me spare about narration on nature docos where some eejit is going on about how the “doe” or whatever is doing xyz to maximize her chances for the best mate for her offspring.

      Dude, she got an itch to scratch and buck “Fulsome Antlers” has (to her) the best smelling musk. She’s not thinking about evolution. Christ on a bicycle….

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    One of the most transcendent experiences I have ever had happened with good ‘ol Ludwig Van. I was in the KU Symphony, viola, and we got all the choirs together with the symphony and we performed the 9th Symphony.

    I still get goosebumps and teary eyed as I remember with crystal clarity the transcendence of playing along with 80 other musicians and a couple of hundred singers all swept up in the euphoria. And for me, no god involved, in fact, it was the sheer humanism of the work that may have tipped me over into bliss.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8710471dbad716057b30e844c1e1af03650ee24d0fed95eb849c565f9680320b.gif

    • bbayliss

      Funny how that works.

      • P’jama Pahnts

        I got into it with a guy once who was convinced that christians can enjoy beautiful music more than any atheist because Jesus. And atheist.

        • Saxo the Grammarian

          Yeah, but what about sex?

    • TJ Barke
      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Damn you TJ. You just had to release the onion ninjas.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      There is nothing like playing a great musical piece in the middle of a band or orchestra. It beats any other listening experience, and yes it is transcendent in that the group is creating something greater than all of the individuals.

    • Baconzgood

      This ain’t Sergei Sergeyevich Prokofiv!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3erWgeYu2Q8

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        OK, you got me hooked. Never heard this before. I’m such a slut for strings.

        • Baconzgood

          Glenn Gould and Bach go to gether like PBJ and Jelly.

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            And that was my first intro to Gould thanks to a BF pianist.

          • Baconzgood

            You heard him before. Remember that relaxing music when Hannibal Lecter killed the cops with a black jack?….it was disturbing that Glenn Gould was playing Bach’s quietly in the back round.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZCSOdi19jQ

            he seems posessed on the piano….he never used a bench. just that chair he took every where he went so he “could strike the keys when they needed passion”

            He died at 42 or 43.

            Carl Segan said during the Voyger missisons ” if we send up Glen Gould playing Bach….well, that’s just bragging”

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            Never have seen that movie. I know it’s supposed to be whatever but I just can’t stomach such things. Just the Bach, please.

          • Baconzgood

            so you like music. well I don’t need to go further. I like you…I”ll kill you last.

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            I’m going to explain a zin-covered keyboard, how?

          • Saxo the Grammarian

            In the final scene of Conspiracy, the HBO movie about the Wannsee Conference, someone plays a recording of Schubert’s Quintet for Strings. Bastards!

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      I can relate. I sang in the tenor section in a performance of Beethoven’s Ninth. Beethoven must have really, really hated tenors. All those high “A”s. And I got hopelessly lost during the double fugue. But I digress. I was damp around the eyeballs for almost the entire performance. I was positioned about 5 feet from the tympani, and the long drum roll that drives the recapitulation turned the waterworks on full force. Whoever thought that a drum roll could bring on the tears?
      Also too, I sang in Janacek’s (another guy who hates tenors) Glagolitic Mass. Even though the work is based on the standard Mass liturgy (translated into Old Slavonic), and I am agnostic, that music transported me. My feet didn’t touch the ground for weeks after that performance. I should post a video excerpt. You would not believe how good it is.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        “You would not believe how good it is.”

        I’m going to find out.

    • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

      “In brief, a recording of Beethoven’s Ninth is a cheap transcendent experience— the cheapest, really. It undermines a composer’s ability to “charge more,” that is, to expect better treatment, more wooing and greater relational investment from listeners.”
      -Mark Regnerus

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Bravo!

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        And don’t get me started on public domain!

  • Have these people of limited cognisance actually tried to define what they mean by “transcendent”?

    • gingerwentworth1

      You’ve hit the nail. If he was required to define any of the words he used, liberal, transcendence, happiness. He could not, outside of his own hostile meaning. And picture those ‘conservative women’ sitting in a row failing to raise their hands when asked about their ‘masturbation in recent days.’ It’s awful anyway. Leave women alone, what’s your name.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        You can get away with that in certain academic traditions, particularly in the social sciences. I’ve read and studied Weber and Giddens, et al., for my dissertation defense. Those are early academics in the field. And then, the metas showed up in the 70s and 80s and it all kind of went downhill from there save for a group more aligned with anthropology than social theory. My major professor (U of Chicago trained) would never, ever have allowed my to be taken seriously with assumptions not already based in empirical evidence.

        Well, anyway, that’s my take.

  • Robyn Ryan

    Ah, the white man butt hurt.
    Christianity is founded on worship of a white man.
    When women are no longer focused on worshiping white men, there is butthurt.
    How can women not worship them?
    A religion that relegates them to the status of subservient demons, full of evil and treachery?
    What’s not to like?
    Blacks were happier as slaves, amirite?
    Why shouldn’t women be, too?

  • mailman27

    So there’s no transcendence w/out Jaysus? Fuck you and the donkey you rode in on.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Obviously this person has never been to a Rainbow Family gathering.

      • mailman27

        Or read Nabokov, or listened to Mozart, or Lowell George for that matter.

  • jesterpunk

    I bet Trump will just thank Putin again for cutting payroll.

    http://www.newsweek.com/russia-threatens-us-special-forces-syria-and-will-fire-them-if-provoked-668855

    Russia has warned the United States that its military will target areas where U.S. Special Forces are operating in Syria if it feels American-backed forces provoke it.

    Moscow issued the warning Thursday after saying its own forces had come under fire twice from the U.S.-backed Syrian Democratic Forces (SDF). The majority Kurdish force has been fighting alongside U.S. Special Forces to retake Raqqa, the Islamic State militant group’s (ISIS) de facto capital.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I think I saw this movie. It was called “Looking for Mr. FUBAR.”

  • WomanInThePersistence

    “Cuntbubble”? I think “cockbubble” would be more accurate.

    • Panika MCD

      cockwobble.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Ftw!

    • The Wanderer

      Scumbubble?

  • Joe Beese

    Eh, he got lucky once. We’ll never hear about him again.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DKQxpZFXUAU7OHj.jpg

    • Marion in Savannah

      Ooookayyy… Now I know why he writes the books that he does.

    • wait! what?

      I was jaded for a while but then I read his short story “The Gingerbread Girl” and became re-addicted to his writing.

      • Thiazin Red

        11/23/63 was really good too.

    • janecita

      Stephen King looks like a highly disturbed, very drunk, extremely dirty hobo on that picture.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        I kind of love it, though

        • janecita

          It makes me like him even more.

          • Joe Beese

            Ooga booga!

      • Thiazin Red

        Based on his well known issues, that probably wasn’t too far off.

      • mailman27

        ‘Sup, brow?

    • doktorzoom

      Darn dirty hippie multi-millionaire, liberal, and humanitarian.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Cavalier and Adam magazines? For real? Those were shitty knockoffs of Playboy.

      • Joe Beese

        That was the tail end of the period of “men’s magazines” as a lucrative market for short stories.

    • mailman27

      “Plus royalties.” Boy howdy!

  • Aileen

    So, as a liberal woman, I’m not supposed to find higher meaning in the material and the mundane? But if I were religious, I’d see the never-ending piles of laundry I do as my higher calling and be happier for it? Yeah, no thanks. I’d probably also be happier if I got a lobotomy or spent all my days high, neither of which I’m going to opt into. I’d rather experience the highs and lows of life with eyes wide open instead of being swaddled in a cosy blanket of religion that tricks me into finding joy in dishwashing.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      You reminded me of all the uppers and downers that MD’s used to hand out to women in the 50’s and 60’s for anxiety and depression. A lot of them didn’t find that life so transcendent or fulfilling.

      • Aileen

        “Mommy’s little helpers”

      • Marion in Savannah

        Oh, that was one of my MAJOR bugbears when I started working in the med biz decades ago. I vividly remember the full-page ads in the JAMA and other journals extolling (I think) Traxene. They showed a picture of a middle aged woman, and the screamer headline read “For your difficult female patient.” Lord God above, that shit used to enrage me. And still does.

    • Marion in Savannah

      “religion that tricks me into finding joy in dishwashing”

      The flaw here is lack of the knowledge that it was Jesus who gave us dishwashers. (No, not the kids, the electric kind.)

  • Marion in Savannah

    tl,dr… So lemme guess — this is another book by some whiny conservaturd snowflake who can’t get laid?

    • Marion in Savannah

      (Just kidding about the tl,dr!)

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Rod Dreher: yet another argument for legalized retroactive abortions.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    I’ve thought on Abrahamic religions’ mania about abstinence, monogamy (at least for women), and sex only for procreation a lot. My best guess is that, relative to other religions, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam are profoundly dour, joyless religions whose emphasis is the next world, not this one. Sex is probably the deepest physical joy one can experience in the physical world (Reeses peanut butter cups being a close second) and so is the most direct threat to these religions: in a perpetual state of orgasm, what need is there of heaven and God?

    Women get it especially hard (snort) in this, not only because of bronze-age morality, but, I suspect, because of an inherent male envy born of the fact that women enjoy sex more than men can, and via simple biology can have more of it (refractory periods are a b). Punishing women for sex is way more satisfying for men to do than punishing each other, because it brings them back to men’s level of never feeling really satisfied.

    It’s a pity he was Austrian, because Sigmund Freud would have found American sexual mores fascinating. In a horrified, how-the-fuck-do-we-fix-this way.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Former Born Again Christian here, and I gotta agree with this.
      One of the many reasons I “fell away”: I found sex to be one of the most transcendent gifts from God*–
      the Abrahamic religions have twisted that gift all out of recognition, IMHO, and made it full of cruelty, rules that make no sense, and control.

      *I don’t believe God is a person anymore; not sure what I think, but am also comfortable with that now. Didn’t used to be so comfy with the gray areas when I was in my youth…

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I am profoundly grateful that I was raised mostly hippie Presbyterian/UCC. Though I am no longer a believer, I have no anger towards Christianity. Or Jesus.

    • Zombishroom

      I’ve thought for a long time that it was all about controlling the masses. Control their genitals and you control their minds.

  • Arcnor
    • Marion in Savannah

      He does make me giggle! Our priest wears frisky socks too — on high holy days he breaks out the Tasmanian Devil.

    • Panika MCD

      he was in NYC.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Remember how derisive Republicans were about that special accommodation that was going to be made for a midwestern state when the ACA was adopted? They are shameless hypocrites.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        No, they are venal, corrupt, liars.

    • OneYieldRegular

      “Well, Jim, it’s not really even America, if you think about it. It’s separated from us by Canada, and even Sarah Palin said she could see Russia from her house from there. so I think it’s wrong to call this a bribe. I mean, we really need to make accommodations for people whose health problems involve things that most Americans will never experience, such as grizzly bear attacks, frostbite, seaplane crashes, midnight sunburn…the list goes on.”

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Grizzly bear attacks? You mean like IN OUR SCHOOLS???

  • PixieThis

    My pagan spells are working!

  • Anna Rompage

    Why are these uptight conservatives so focused on what other people do with their genitalia?

    Jesus fucking Christ bottoming for the Buddha, these folks need to lighten the fuck up and get laid…

    I mean seriously, who in their right mind wants to be anything like these jackasses, and why would anyone follow their “advice”?

    • jesterpunk

      They want everyone to be as miserable as they are.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        They viciously hate themselves for their impulses towards fun sex, or gay sex, or enjoyable sex of any kind. They still do it, usually with rent boys or prostitutes, because no one else will fuck them, because once they’ve fucked a normal person, then castigated them, no normal person will come near them. But they feel bad inside. So they ATTACK, especially those Other people who are simply enjoying their lives. NO FAIR! Also, it is a strange Christianist kind of atoning: they sin, then make someone ELSE atone.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Just think of the problems they could solve if they could think about something other than other people’s junk.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    So we could use some transcendence. And it’s been a while since I’ve seen this.

    https://youtu.be/GBaHPND2QJg

    • bbayliss

      This is so great! never tire of it.

    • TJ Barke

      I posted it in response to Cousin Itt below.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I missed that. Obviously we are both needing beauty today.

        • TJ Barke

          The little children marveling at it is so beautiful.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            It really is. And I love the older lady who looks ready to cry. This video is just wonderful.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            I was impressed by how many of the bystanders knew the lyrics and were singing along. Native German speakers, the big cheaters.

  • Jamoche

    National Enquirer has to apologize to Judge Judy. Because pissing off a retired NYC judge with serious cash is such a brilliant move.
    https://jezebel.com/national-enquirer-apologizes-for-printing-that-judge-ju-1818596259

    • Thiazin Red

      Eh, should Jezebel really be publishing that while still keeping up the libelous rumors about Louis CK?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      OK, no. Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson (who, don’t get me wrong, I love, because it’s the law) do not ever get to divorce, because they’ve spent way too much time talking about tantric sex and if I have to suffer so do they. Likewise Sting and Mrs Sting and those two from LA Law.

      • Thiazin Red

        The only celebrity couple where I would be in real life sad if they broke up is Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally. If that happened I would have to accept that all love is a lie.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I’m really fond of Sam Elliott/Katherine Ross, Michael McKean/Annette O’Toole, Christopher Guest/Jamie Lee Curtis and Mark Harmon/Pam Dawber, because longtime age-appropriate spouses ftw.

      • Joe Beese

        As possibly the only person who liked Volunteers (the movie where they met) enough to see in theaters twice, I have to hope they go the distance.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        It’s Sting and Mrs. Sting who do the tantric sex. Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson do the Mr. and Mrs. Wholesome Loving Couple.

        • Carpe Vagenda
          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            You’re right, how could I possibly have even implied that!!

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I understand, though. I really don’t want to think about Ozzie and Harriet taking part in orgasm denial.

  • Anna Rompage

    And then there’s these guys….

    This video is for anthropological study only, do not try this at home (NSFW)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhQCijcKzmU

    • altleftjohn

      Oh no you don’t.

    • stumpknocker

      i think i love sex as much as the next guy but NO HELL NO, i’ll live with what i have.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Umm… I don’t have one, so I think I’ll not watch if it’s all the same to you.

    • Joe Beese

      I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’m not going to click on that.

      • janecita

        I’m not a dude, and my imaginary penis is in pain!

    • janecita

      18 kilos!!!

  • Moebym of the Returners
  • TheGrandWazoo2
  • Saxo the Grammarian

    This whole “lusty liberal wenches” thing is popping up in numerous places. So is it that RWNJs fancy liberal women, or that they just aren’t getting any at all?

    • Marion in Savannah

      That would be the latter.

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        Having thought about it, I think the correct answer is “Yes”.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      They either try to fuck frigid Christian women who treat their vag like the Gates to Heaven or are rejected by liberal women for being goofy and full of shit, at which point they deem them sluts.

  • Sean Jungian

    Another day, another man explaining to us how sex is purely transactional.

    Women! Don’t go thinkin’ you’re worth anything more than your “sexual marketplace value”!

  • Mavenmaven

    I bet searching Regnerus’ porn stash and internet searches would be eye-opening.

  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    Just when I start to forget that some of my relatives are truly, truly stupid, I have to overhear my uncle use the phrase “rocket man.”

    Christ.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Oh jeez, are you hanging out with family? The not-good ones? I’m sorry.

      • Amelia Resists and Persists

        He lives next door so he’s hard to avoid.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Well, I sincerely hope that you find some good things with him. Of course, I know nothing about your relationship with him, but perhaps there is some love?

    • SeeTrain65

      You know the conservatives are desperate and insane when they’re stealing their talking points from Bernie Taupin.

  • stumpknocker

    an old red neck told me when i was a kid, if God had made poon any better he would have kept it for himself.

    • unclejeems

      Old red neck was a wise man.

  • jesterpunk
    • Unless of course there is a hurricane. Then there is no room at the inn/chapel/bball arena.

      • jesterpunk

        But the bible says Jesus waited for the town to ask him to help people first.

        • Damn, I missed that parable.

          • jesterpunk

            Its in 2 Corinthians in the Gospel of Supply Side Jesus.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Oh dear.

    • janecita

      Basically, Satan is a more considerate lover, he always lets you come first.

    • cheetojeebus
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Jesus? No.

      Mammon? In Joel’s case, YES!

    • Bill D. Burger
    • unclejeems

      Saaaaa-y, I wonder if old “hurricane, what hurricane? Cain’t let them dirty people in MY church” Joel is actually a gay man? And, in the news, looks like his wife is leaving her “duties” at his church, to push her line of skin-care products. So, not much difference between selling Jesus and selling hand-cream, eh?

    • therealpuredog

      Is that real? Along with the “rub it out” broadside? This guy really needs to get a proofreader.

      • jesterpunk

        It is a real quote.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    “It [porn] undermines women’s ability to “charge more,” that is, to expect better treatment, more wooing and greater relational investment from men.”

    “With regard to sex and sexuality in America, being politically liberal tends to mean valuing sexual expression as a good-in-itself, not only as a means to an end or contingent on the context (such as being in a relationship or being married).”

    So… let me get this clear… us libruls are teh bad wimmenz because we DON’T charge for sex?

    Huh?

    • msanthropesmr

      Hey milk cow something something degrading analogy.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Charge more, prostitutes, whores etc etc.

    • efoveks

      I always thought it was my Christian duty to get top dollar for my efforts, women making less than men and all. Where did I go wrong???

  • Joe Beese

    Olds Power! Metallica delivering a blistering performance of what is, to my mind, their best song.

    (I now believe that Robert Trujillo could kill a man solely with his index finger.)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJqHjDsfKP0

  • janecita

    I’m a happily married (17 years) atheist, liberal woman. I love my children, and my husband. One of the reasons why I married my husband was because he was great in the sack. Orgasm are awesome, masturbation is healthy, and porn is just fantasies. As long as you do it safely, and it’s consensual, fuck away my liberal friends!

    • msanthropesmr

      GOd is worried that someone, somewhere, is having a good time. Stop that.

      • TJ Barke

        YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SUFFER!

        • msanthropesmr

          God is watching us.

          • Zombishroom

            Are you calling God a cuck?

          • efoveks

            Definitely a perv…

        • Joe Beese

          Back in my Mickey D days, one of my co-workers tried teaching me death metal growling. (He was a big Cannibal Corpse fan.) Our practice lyric was “SUFFER! EYUHHHH!”

          He kept trying to get me to project from the diaphragm, but I couldn’t manage it.

        • efoveks

          God’s greatest revenge on mankind was making sex so fun & enjoyable, and then telling mankind they could only use it for work (to make babies) & to enjoy it was a sin (and they would burn in hell for it).

          What an asshole, if true.

          • TJ Barke

            For sure. Talk about being set up for failure.

      • Bobathonic
        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          Haha! Who did this?

          • Racheal Garlin

            Oglaf web comic, NSFW!

          • Bobathonic

            Oglaf.com, it’s brillliant. And often dirty.

      • efoveks

        If I close my eyes, does it still count? Asking for a friend of course.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Godless heathen.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      I think it’s hilarious conservatives are complaining liberals get so much ass.

      Bun’cha fuckin’ prudes.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Jealous prudes.

    • Old town Urbandale

      Hmm, got a sister? Asking for a friend…

      • SeeTrain65

        Thanks, friend.

      • janecita

        She is married:-(

      • SeeTrain65

        I said to her “Could you bring a sister for me?”, and she did: Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow night. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was extremely well adjusted for an only child. – Woody Allen

    • stumpknocker

      just a question, do atheist ever throw out an “oh Jesus or an oh God” when they are really getting it on?

      • janecita

        Hell yeah! We are very religious during sex.

        • stumpknocker

          so the best way to convert people is to frig their brains out and leave the bible out of it?

          • janecita

            At the very least, it would be way more enjoyable.

          • stumpknocker

            i am a christian but i don’t believe being an atheist is a ticket to hell, God is God, he or she does’nt sweat the small stuff.

          • janecita

            Pope Francis agrees with you:-)

          • stumpknocker

            neo conservatives offend me on a religious basis, atheist don’t, being honest about your faith or lack of it is not a sin in my book.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            That’s because you are a decent person.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        There are no atheists in foxholes.

        • therblig

          it depends on the fox

        • Shanzgood
        • SeeTrain65

          “I’ve heard that.” – Father Mulcahy (William Christopher)

          (Including last night on Ken Burns’ The Vietnam War.)

        • Zombishroom

          Eesh. You fuck one fox and suddenly branded a fox fucker.

        • foiled again

          I just checked myself and the opposite is true.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            There are no foxes in atheistholes?

        • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

          Um, both of my grandfathers came out of WW1 as atheists. So there were definitely atheists in trenches.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Oh, were we talking about actual military things here?

    • Joe Beese

      If I had a kid, my “talk” would be very short.

      There are only two rules. 1) Play safe. 2) Play fair.

      Now go have as much fun as you can.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Something that I’ve mentioned on occasion to Miss de Fuca – “You’re going to make mistakes and that’s cool, it’s a part of life, just try not to make mistakes that follow you for the rest of your life.”

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      It reminds me of a line from “Guys and Dolls” of all things. “Coffee is so good, I don’t understand why it isn’t a sin.”

    • OutOfOrbit

      you mastrbate too?

      • janecita

        I’m a health educator. What do you think?

        • OutOfOrbit

          What do [I] think?
          i think it is good to speak openly about masterbation w/o any b/s about it being perverted or a weirdo thing to do. but even in this place, some people … yuh know? that is what i think

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        In a hotel lobby with a magazine.

        • OutOfOrbit

          donut you ever get paper cuts “down there”?
          is the loby realy busy or really empty?

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          love Darlin’ Nikki.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist
      • C4TWOMAN

        It’s not like hubby is chained to the house at her beck and call….

      • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

        “If I can’t masturbate, it’s not my revolution.”

    • shivaskeeper

      You are obviously doing it all wrong then. I can point you towards a study by a known cuntbubble that proves it. s/

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Well, being great in the sack generally involves giving a shit what your partner wants and providing it, yes?

      • Juan de Fuca

        I’m a guy who’s been married to an atheist, liberal gal for 20 years and I’ll never forget the first thing she said to me after the first time we had sex –

        “Well, I’m not done yet.”

        The first girl to ever just come right out and put me on blast. But she was also the first person willing to teach this (then) young guy and we’ve been happy ever since.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          You both deserve happiness. I’m glad you both found it.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I should add to any younger women out there – you really do have to teach guys, if they’re worth it.

            Because it’s a completely different thing going on from what we’re used to. That’s all I’m saying. Teach the good ones and they will obey.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I like our think that there are a couple of wives of old boyfriends I had who owe me big time. And the thing is, your wife felt safe and loved enough to speak up. And you listened. That really is beautiful.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            My late wife had two children with her ex. She had her first orgasm with me. It didn’t take long to learn that she was multi- orgasmic. Sometimes men can teach, too.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I’m on the faithy fringe of agnostic, but my kink is that if you subscribe to an honest belief system and you take responsibility for your actions it doesn’t really matter.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I couldn’t agree more with that. I’m pretty much agnostic myself or maybe someone who sides with Pascal when it comes to God.

            Mostly I just want to treat people right and go to the beach every chance that I get. Live, laugh, love, surf.

  • msanthropesmr

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bif2q_Zo3-4

    It’s a Buzzcocks kinda day.

    • foiled again

      If the day ends in Y it’s a Buzzcocks kind of day.

  • Ezio
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Also, never mind that we don’t know the costs or the impact. Those are just “pesky details”.

  • TL; DR, conservatives are angry that liberals fuck more/better.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Conservatives are worried they’ll lose the kids once they find out….

    • CripesAmighty

      Conservatives are angry that anybody fucks because their attempts are met with “Ew, perv!”

  • msanthropesmr
    • msanthropesmr

      Sooo much crank.

  • Nothing makes me feel more sacred, more connected to god, than when I am cleaning the floor around the toilet because my freaking husband refuses to sit down to urinate. Said no one, ever, in any context.

    • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

      Maybe Moral Orel’s mom.

      • Raan

        God, I wouldn’t live in Moralton for a million dollars.

        Even despite the cool lady sex shop owner.

    • foiled again

      Not to disagree, but isn’t that a plot point in Love In The Time Of Cholera?

    • SeeTrain65

      Frequent bouts of diarrhea have taught me never to assume when it comes to bathroom trips.

  • DesertedPictures

    Thd big problem I always see in this line of thinking, is the idea that sex and intimicy is inherenly transactional: men want something, women can provide. (They either ‘give’ money or mariage) The idea that women and men can both chose to do something for mutual satisfaction, is just alien to them.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Good call. That really is a sad, awful way to think of other people.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Yes, exactly. His phraseology about women “charging” more reduces all women to prostitutes. What a nasty, nasty shitheel he is. And you know he has a bad, bad prostitute habit. He’s trying to expiate himself. His “religion” is “I sin, but I blame other people, it’s THEIR fault, so I’m redeemed and can sin again as much as I like.”

      • kareemachan

        “Jeebus has forgiven me!”

      • Raan

        So, typical right wing Christianity then?

    • Bobathonic

      Only men are allowed to be horny, women are there to slake that thirst. What a wretch Regnerus is.

  • Ezio

    Interesting how he seems to believe that liberal women are somehow less likely to care for their kids than conservative women. Because in my experience, conservative or right wing women are the ones who are wealthy enough to just get a nanny and barely pay attention to their kids while the leftists are the ones who work 2 jobs just to support theirs.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      There was an article in the Washington Post about the speech Justice Roberts gave at his son’s graduation where he brought tears to the eyes of the audience by talking about how sad it was to be an empty nester and not hear the joyful laughter of his children to fill the empty days.

      His son was graduating from eighth grade at a boarding school 500 miles from DC.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      That’s not how bonding and empathy work.

      Want to bet he voted for Trump who had zero to do with raising his kids?

      • kareemachan

        I’m betting the drumpster cannot even name all his grandkids.

        • Raan

          I have doubts that he​remembers his own kid’s names.

          • CafeenMan

            He calls his wife, “Ivanka” when enough time has passed that she knows she has to let him fuck her.

    • C4TWOMAN

      There are plenty of conservative working class moms. But their lives are somewhat less than glamorous. And I suspect the domestic work is less shared. Which all adds up to a less than photogenic situation that can’t be used for propaganda.

      • Ezio

        I know there are working class right wingers, but seeing as how I live on Long Island, most of the conservatives around here are comfortably well-to-do.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Ah. I see.

      • Jenny

        Pfft. That’s why you make arts and crafts for church or pta. Then you have all the instagram propaganda you need to say see world, I am a great mom!!!

        • C4TWOMAN

          You’d think that, but, except for rally pics, they don’t like to focus on working class conservative mums who are, shall we say, a little less active than ideal and it shows. As if they know that lifestyle doesn’t look appealing. Not to say all liberals are skinny chicks, but it does seem to be easier to find ordinary everyday HEALTHY looking liberal folks. (That could simply be the urban/rural divide–harder to hunt peeps down in the sticks)

          So what do they have access to? Urban conservatives who barely resemble Joe and Jane Hayseed’s lifestyle. But they’re photogenic!

    • Your comment makes me think of a book I read a few years ago. I think it was called the Rhine Maiden (please don’t buy it, I don’t want this hypocrite to get any more money). It was supposed to be about a women who was descended from sirens and could make people do stuff with her voice. The early part of the book had passages about her feeling guilty for not treating her children better (but making no effort to change), judging her sister for sleeping around and sort of all around being a bit of a shitty person – but in a lighthearted, funny, chic-lit way. Then out of nowhere comes this 50 page polemic about abortion, including having an abortion clinic that is actually a witches coven stealing fetuses for human sacrifices. It was one of the least self aware pieces of crap I have ever read. Seriously, how could you joke about hitting your children for being children, then attack women who chose to have an abortion as evil in the same book. Such complete white privilege and hypocrisy all bound up in nasty, conservative sneak attack.
      So yes, I completely agree with you. Being conservative and “religious” has very little to do with being a good parent.

  • amrak63

    We’re more interested in Rod Dreher’s turgid partisan reaction.

    Speak for yourself, Dok. Even if I were a lusty liberal slut of the female persuasion, I doubt I would be interested in Rod Dreher’s turgid anything.

    • Raan

      Rod Dreher is TLM confirmed.

  • WomanInThePersistence
    • SnarkON

      Damn, that’s a good song. I forgot.

      • CafeenMan

        My favorite by the Doobs is Listen to the Music. It’s on my favorites of all time play list.

    • Joe Beese
      • WomanInThePersistence

        So that’s hilarious. And I really didn’t need that earworm.

        Completely O/T, how’s your mom doing?

        • Joe Beese

          She’s good, thanks.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Glad to hear it.

  • SnarkON

    Huh. So I’m a liberal woman with a liberal husband who literally just sent our only child, who is liberal and gay and a popular, straight-A student, to a big liberal university to get a physics degree. In order to fund this venture we are selling our liberal home on the liberal East Coast and moving to a smaller place. FUCK YOU, CONSERVATIVES. Because if birthing and raising a human being into a smart, kind, hardworking human and then selling your fucking house to pay for his education isn’t love, then I guess I don’t know what love is.

    • Marsupial99

      You don’t! Why do you hate your son so?!? Forcing him to be edjamacated?!/1

      • CafeenMan

        That’s the only part they’re getting somewhat right. Of course he’s getting educated. He’s a liberal and hates America.

      • gingerwentworth1

        Rick Santorum despises you so much. Elitists! Barack Obama bribed you with those phones into thinking your son had to go to college to succeed, (as if he cared about anybody.)

    • CafeenMan

      You’re a horrible liberal and a monster apparently. So is your husband.

      You both need to go to liberal camp and be re-engineered.

      Why isn’t your son majoring in art??? Take him with you.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      You and your husband are good people. Every child deserves such loving parents.

    • Bitter Scribe

      I’m just sorry you had to do that. In civilized countries, straight-A students get to go to college without their parents having to sell their houses.

      • proudgrampa

        We gave all 3 of our kids a free ride for college. I don’t regret a penny, but our retirement isn’t what it could have been…

        • Bitter Scribe

          My parents gave my sister and me free college too. Of course, they worked back in the medieval days when a company’s employees were seen as team members, not expenses to be kept down by any means necessary.

        • SnarkON

          I never understood what a tremendous gift that is until now. On behalf of your kids, much love.

          • proudgrampa

            You are sweet!

    • Covfefe

      I bet your son believes in the myth of global warming, doesn’t he!

      • proudgrampa

        Science. Gaah!

    • Congratulations!

      Your son is helping you to understand the difference between “wants” and “needs”.

      You don’t “need” that “Big Center hall Colonial” because their ain’t that many jobs near your big old house for a super smart Physicist, so there’s a 99.9% probability he will have to move away.

      You may “want” that extra bedroom, but you don’t “need” it.

      Good news: Unless you live in NYC or Boston, old rich people are dying or leaving for Fluriduh. If you’re lucky you can buy one of those historic “cottages” i’ve seen. Probably former slave quarters. 😀

      • proudgrampa

        And in a few years, Orlando will be beachfront property!

        • I smell a Michael Moore movie about offering Florida Republicans swimming lessons

          • therealpuredog

            I’d happily “teach” them how to “swim.” With votes.

      • SnarkON

        God, sadly, I live in a very expensive shithole in NYC. Or, “lived.” UGH.

        • My landlord told me that as a child he lived with his mother and two siblings in their kitchen because his Dad died at age 5 and his mother had to rent out the bedrooms to truckers.

          Now that’s “living”.

          • SnarkON

            OK he wins the pity medal.

    • JohnBull

      Physics is a mental disease, like liberalism. Wake up sheeple!!

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Oh, look, it is yet another book here to explain that people, particularly women, who like sex a lot but do not tether their sexuality within a religiously-approved marriage, are really shallow and unable to experience any real joy in life outside their own selfish orgasms.”

    I have really good orgasms, though. I’m just saying. Oh, and I enjoy flying kites a lot, too.

    • Shanzgood

      I bet they are SATAN KITES!!!1!

    • SnarkON

      Do you think you have better orgasms because you’re a unicorn? Asking for a friend.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I dunno. Does “messier” equal “better”?

        • SnarkON

          Yes.

  • Marsupial99

    +1000 for referencing Sparks!!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Just got home from shopping and running errands, and I figure the sun must be over the yardarm somewhere in the world. Besides, after reading that fucking shitstain Cernovich’s tweets I need a drink. Skål Wonkers!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Cheers!

  • Sociologists are fucking hacks.
    Also…so less people are going to church, but more people are open about sex, so therefore the sluts are miserable?

    THAT IS NOT SCIENCE YOU FUCKING HACK

    • TJ Barke

      #notallsociologists

      • Fair.
        It is true that I have never met a sociologist who was not a total number tainting hack, but there may be one out there. Maybe.

        • jesterpunk

          Are they hanging out with fiscal conservatives?

  • Marsupial99

    In brief, pornography is cheap sex — the cheapest, really.

    Ummmm….Mark? I think you’re doing it wrong.

    • pornography is cheap sex — the cheapest, really

      Fucking A. But Celibacy is probably cheaper.

      Jerkins lotion and Kleenex is Expensive!!!1!1

  • CafeenMan

    Short version: Women are still responsible for mens’ behavior.

    Not enough words to make money by filling pages of a book though.

    • jesterpunk

      So they take personal responsibility and blame women?

      • CafeenMan

        Not if they’re good liberals. They’re responsible but don’t take responsibility. It’s science dammit.

      • I think the take away from this is that women who like sex should have it with each other, and cut men out of it entirely.

        • CafeenMan

          Wait a minute….

          • CafeenMan

            Actually, now that I think about it, it turns out that women have standards and don’t have sex with me anyway. So may as well implement that plan. Won’t change my life in any practical way… :(

          • Well, you guys should start being more stand up husband material.
            For Science.

          • CafeenMan

            I’ve never been unfaithful to anyone I was with.

          • (I know, he’s full of shit. His science is bad and he should feel bad, after being revoked of his degree for how bad it is)

        • C4TWOMAN

          That’s not gonna work for us straight, straight gals.

          I’ve often suspected that these people have trouble believing in the heterosexual female drive. Like, no way real women want sex like men do. Only Lesbian women really enjoy sex.

          It would be twisted, but it would explain some things. Like the idea it’s natural a woman just defers to his needs and he has no obligation to reciprocate. Because the only reason she’s there is she wants a “protector and provider”.

          Just thinking out loud.

          • I was just going to the logical conclusion of the guy’s “science”
            I too am of the straight stripe, but I am told that if imma want sex, and since men won’t be good husbands if they get sex, my choice is to go with women

          • Second reply: Course I am almost an old and that was binary of me.
            I guess we could select also from the other genders out there :D
            Point is, guy up there is saying no nookie with men.

          • CafeenMan

            What’s wrong with a Roomba like God intended?

          • C4TWOMAN

            Yeh, they’re definitely confused. How hard is it to think in “Golden Rule” terms? Treat her the way I want to be treated? If she’s a bitch, just dump her? Not, write arcane bullshit ridden screeds ? Like dude, you are not the first person in creation to be rejected/frustrated…

          • weighmaster

            I’m fairly well convinced that good sex is a very important ingredient of a good marriage, but I have only personal experience to go by.

          • Shanzgood

            That’s one of the reasons my 15yr marriage to an adamantly heterosexual (becaise he was some type of closeted) male failed: I wanted more sex than he did so I felt like a freak and he wasn’t really disinclined to help me get over that because he was busy getting his own freak on in other ways.

          • C4TWOMAN

            I hope he didn’t try to shame you for your drive. I had one try to do that…oh boy, the fall out was not pretty.

        • amrak63
        • WomanInThePersistence

          It’s a pity I’m so damn straight.

    • Opiwan

      My wife taught me several ways to not be A Idiot, so does that count as “being responsible for my behavior”?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    If you don’t have God in your life, then of course the only substitute is orgasms

    I am very godless.

    • amrak63

      The same people who believe God disapproves, at least out of context, of orgasms also tend to believe God literally manufactured the first two humans, much like a carpenter would design and build a table.

      If that is true, why did God create orgasms?

      Come to think of it, the same question could be asked about pigs.

      • CafeenMan

        God did a lot of stuff just to fuck with people by testing them. Sure women can have orgasms but if they do then they’re bad.

        • amrak63

          That makes God sound awfully shallow. Also, since God knows everything, including the contents of our minds, God would have no need to test us.

          The fundamentalist belief that S/He does conduct such silly, insecurity-revealing tests is one of the many reasons I am not a fundamentalist.

          • CafeenMan

            According to the Bible God IS shallow. He’s a vain, shallow, frail-ego, vindictive entity who’s sounds afraid someone is going to come along and steal his women and sheep.

            The religious call me “agnostic” because I call myself an atheist who doesn’t wholly discount there may be a higher power. But I’m 99.99% positive that if there is one that every religion is 100% wrong about what it is.

            They try to describe it in human terms when there is no possible way to do that.

            Anything that could create all of everything we know isn’t thinking in terms of humans.

            And for all we know there is a hierarchy. Our “god” is low on the totem pole with several orders of gods above ours. Our god may have parties all through god college and our universe may be a very poor example of what a universe can be.

            Nobody knows. And anyone who thinks they do is an imbecile or a liar.

          • amrak63

            Alas, we are primates, so we can scarcely help but think of God as the ultimate Alpha Male Primate–domineering and insecure.

            Plus, God chose to leave the natural universe autonomous, so when Mommie Dearest Nature does us dirt, we tend to think God must be mad at us, and so we dream up the silliest reasons why God might be mad at us.

          • CafeenMan

            The universe is autonomous BUT it has laws and it will do precisely what it will do.

            Any universe started in the exact same way with the exact same laws would do the exact same things and be in the exact same state after the exact same time.

          • amrak63

            That sounds a little too deterministic for my taste.

          • CafeenMan

            OK

          • Trip Space-Parasite

            Azathoth is just as likely as Yahweh, in other words.

          • CafeenMan

            I wrote up several things about God a few years ago. One of them had to do with god knowing everything.

            If he knows everything then he also knows what I need in order to believe in him and thus he knows he’s set me up for failure because he refuses to provide it.

            Another question I have.

            If God can do anything – he is “all powerful” then could he create another god more powerful than himself?

            If God is “perfect” then why did he create anything? A “perfect” being doesn’t have needs. Needs are imperfections.

            If god is perfect then how did he create humans that were so flawed he had to destroy them? If I had a factory that created so many defective units I had to destroy all but a handful of them I would never work in that industry ever again and nobody would refer to me as “perfect”. And they certainly wouldn’t blame the product for its own defects rather than the creator.

        • CripesAmighty

          It’s a set up. god is a skeevy vice cop from Jersey.

          • CafeenMan

            Bastard.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Did Adam and Eve have navels?

        • OutOfOrbit

          no but they had a hell if a army

        • shastakoala

          No, apples.

      • h4rr4r

        God made pigs for bacon. Duh.

        • amrak63

          I was referring to the horror of pigs in the other two major Abrahamic faiths.

          • h4rr4r

            Their loss.

    • kareemachan

      Sometimes I think my vibrator is my gawd.

      Commented for a friend….

  • amrak63

    *sigh* I remember that tour where Pearl Polisher and the Selfish Orgasms opened for the Bangles. Alas, Pearl was electrocuted in a bizarre vibrator accident (ironically, “Bizarre Vibrator Accident” was the B-side of their lone hit single, “Falwell Kiss My Snatch”) and her grieving bandmates called it quits.

    • kareemachan

      That… is the saddest thing I’ve heard all day.

      [sniff]

  • Anna Rompage

    I know every time I come close to orgasm, I start hollering out the lords name, and I’m an atheist even…

    Maybe the path to gawd is through sex after all…

    • There are three types of orgasms.
      The Religious “OH GOD!!!:
      The Secular “OH YES!!!!”
      And the fake “OH DONALD!!!!”

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      How may one subscribe to your newsletter?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Little Boy: “Daddy. Mom almost went to heaven today.”

      Dad: “What do you mean?”

      Little Boy: “I came in from school early and heard her up upstairs yelling, ‘Oh God. Oh God….I’m coming!’ ___ And she would have gone if our neighbor, Mr. Jones, hadn’t been up there to hold her down.”

  • Moebym of the Returners

    Being able to walk outside without getting baked alive is nice, and the vitamin D sure does wonders for my mood. (That and not reading the news for about two hours.)

  • Bitter Scribe

    If you don’t have God in your life, then of course the only substitute is orgasms

    Does it count if you shout “Oh God oh God!” while you’re having them?

  • Opiwan

    Wingnut syllogism:
    A yields B
    B yields C
    A
    Therefore, go to HELL WHERE THERE’S SATAN AND FIRE

  • Nounverb911

    With all this back and forth talk maybe trump and Un should just get a room.
    https://twitter.com/APDiploWriter/status/910987909418946561

    • Joe Beese

      He doesn’t even pay for his son’s Boy Scout fees!

      • Raan

        Or his contractors or small businesses or court settlements or charities or anyone really.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Wonder if Kim will take a check written on the Trump Foundation account?

    • harryr

      seems fair

    • Catstro

      Stopped clocks and all that

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Impotent threats by international shouting magnate Donald Trump are dismissed, as the twitchings of a Dog licking its flea-riddled scrotum. pic.twitter.com/XaOWulh3Yo— DPRK News Service (@DPRK_News) September 19, 2017

      • And they even included a picture of a flea riddled scrotum. Color me impressed.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Pondering your snark, I did not get it at first so I took a puff on my cigar. Then I got it. Inhaled the whole puff.

          And then the laugh-coughing began.

    • georgiaburning

      Madison Square Garden. Cage match. It will be a sell-out.

    • The problem is that neither Kim Jong Un or Trump will have to pay for this shit show. However, the people of their countries, especially the poorer people will be the main people hurt if either one of them follows through with their macho posturing.

    • Panika MCD

      with or without pee hookers and gas lines?

  • Joe Beese

    Bernie sat down to talk with The Intercept, so your heads can all go asplode now.

    https://theintercept.com/2017/09/21/bernie-sanders-interview-saudi-arabia-iran-trump/

    • Panika MCD

      I thought we had to grow new ones from all the sploding last night…?

  • harryr

    Sparks, The Buzzcocks and The Feelgoods. So much great music. Thank you.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yp2DvPKh118. Best song in the world -“I saw you out the other night
    I saw somebody hold you tight
    Roxette, I wonder who it could be
    It was so dark I couldn’t see
    But I know it wasn’t me”

    • Joe Beese

      I was hoping that was Roxette covering Motley Crue’s “Dr. Feelgood”.

      You can imagine my disappointment.

  • Ezio

    Well, all my reading assignments for the week are complete, I’ve typed up all my short response essays and now I have a three-day weekend from school which means I can be back here more often again.

    Feels good.

  • CripesAmighty

    Wow. So, mundane, material life is s’posed to be imbued with, and reflect the sacred? Huh. Guess I’ll explore the transcendent nature of the greasy dust blobs under the couch.

    • Panika MCD

      if dust bunnies can be transcendental, do you marry them, pray to them or feed them to your children to show your children that you love them?

  • New Jokes Seth Can’t Tell:

    https://youtu.be/8gH4JIRmoTA

  • h4rr4r

    What is with these folks and a constant need to turn everything into economics?

    I am as nerdy as nerds get. I own an ultrasparc, pizzabox, I make pros and cons lists to make decisions, as I type this a robotic vacuum is cleaning my home, etc. TLDR, very nerdy. Yet I have never thought of my wife or our relationship in this way.

    Also too porn is not sex, if a person confuses these two things they need a doctor.

    • Panika MCD

      since you are having sex, you have little time to contemplate why these sad dicks aren’t.

      • h4rr4r

        I told you already, you keep out of our bushes or I will call the cops.

        • Panika MCD

          Callie and Jazzy just wanted to make sure no one was fuckin’ in your bushes!

  • Joe Beese

    If you’re going to create so shameless an attack on sick people, and if you are going to do it so shamelessly that you’re reversing not only things you said before, but also, as is the case with Murkowski, reversing yourself on the entire raison d’etre of your bill, you need someone with extensive experience at being shameless in public to show you the way.

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a12447567/santorum-healthcare-graham/

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8fe872a6546fee6b70db9a4b09f819251fcb5678abc4a4691a844bf1c0e3cc91.png

    • ariel_gee_398

      Good lord. He’s turned into the poor man’s John Boehner.

    • Opiwan

      I don’t even need a well-calibrated and powerful Moran Radar anymore, all I need is an electro-optical system that is tuned to detect weirdly-shaded pink/coral ties…

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Puddle of malodourous brown foam sez what?

  • BadKitty904

    So, if I understand this guy correctly, what’s he’s saying is…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ljm9CDRAhMQ&t=37s

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Damnit, this thread makes me realize I need to get laid soon. :-P

    • stumpknocker

      i’m a fireman 6 foot 4 with blue eyes, six pack belly, well hung and a bisexual, pm me.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Uuuuuuuuhhhhhh. Haha.

      • Shanzgood

        How close do you live to Pittsburgh?

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          :-P

          • Shanzgood

            (I don’t live in Pittsburgh)

    • Jennifer R

      As a professional transbian I would offer my services.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        You live in Cali. :-(

        • Jennifer R

          Yeah, the size of the planet is a major sticking point isn’t it.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Yeah. Haha. Maybe during the summer, but it;’s fucking September.

          • Shanzgood

            Fucking September? And I haven’t ALL MONTH!?

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            The way this thread is we need a wonkette orgy pile. Ha.

          • Shanzgood

            No, I’m shy.

            Or bring tequila.

          • Jennifer R

            Hahah yeah me and tequila have some stories too.

          • Shanzgood

            You know what Editrix says about tequila?

            “It always makes my pussy sore the next day.”

          • stumpknocker

            maybe she should buy a smaller bottle.

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah, or at least I will embarass myself hard trying.

          • stumpknocker
          • I think this is why were planning an invasion of Jonny’s place and all of us camp on the Lanai

          • Jennifer R

            I really should meet more wonkette posters.

          • Jennifer R

            The thirst is strong with you ;)

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Haha, I have my things.

          • Jennifer R

            All month? I think it’s been since I was with a friend’s wife back in July?

        • h4rr4r

          So what you are saying is “ROAD TRIP!”

          • Jennifer R

            I like how you think.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            I has a jerb, and being a teacher I am both poor and can’t take off easily. :-D

          • h4rr4r

            Thanksgiving break will be here soon enough.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Will trade aluminum magnet for sex. Brand new, in box.

      • Shanzgood

        I just bought one a couple of months ago.

        Wait, did you mean magnets?

        Never mind.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        You mean an ALNICO magnet? Aluminum Nickel Cobalt. They used that to make cow magnets. This was before the new rare-earth neodymium magnets came out. Much stronger. If cow magnets where made from that, I would suspect all the cows would be perpetually pointing north or something.

        Ah, what were we talking about?

        • Hemp Dogbane

          We were talking about trading for sex, but now I’m even more excited. About the cows. I think I’ve lost a few to hardware disease, maybe should put magnets in all of them routinely.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            A magnet is cheaper than a dead cow.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      “I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay.”

      For me, it has been so long that I forgot how.

    • Every thread reminds me of that.

    • Joe Beese

      Billionaires don’t go to prison for selling advertisements.

      Even if selling the ads was illegal – which seems far from clear to me – the company will pay a fine with no admission of wrongdoing and that will be that.

      • efoveks

        We must rid our nation of these barriers to business, duh.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Billionaires don’t go to prison.

        • Raan

          Except in Monopoly.

          • amrak63

            And then they only need $50 to get out again (or roll doubles).

        • In his statement today I noticed some blinking and a full throat gulp. But overall, he’s a convincing liar.

    • Raan

      I’m going to do the worst thing you can do to a free service that relies on advertisers: continue to use that service while ignoring all of the advertisers.

      YOU HEAR THAT FUCKERBERG

      I WILL USE YOUR BANDWIDTH AND YOUR ADVERTISERS DON’T SEE A CENT FROM ME

      I AM THE STORM OF RETRIBUTION

      • TJ Barke

        Adblock is the means of revolution!

      • CafeenMan

        If you don’t respect the service then just don’t use it. If you respect the service but don’t like ads then directly contribute to the service and block the ads.

      • I suspect you’re right. Even if you delete your account and never log on again, you’ll forever be counted as a user, because more ad revenue

  • Ezio

    What does it say when you have to constantly ascribe morality to your political party and yet your party is filled with people covering up pedophilic Priests and think black people not wanting to be profiled by the police is the same thing as ISIS?

    • h4rr4r

      Forget priests, the Hastert rule is named for a pedophile.

      • Ezio

        And let’s not forget Puritan Roger Ailes.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          William Bennett: Puritan with a gambling problem.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      It says you they are amoral, racist scumbags. But both sides do it, right MSM? Anyway, her emails!

      Thanks Obama!

    • Opiwan

      It says you are A Moran, A Idiot, or A Both

    • proudgrampa

      It says that you have serious reality issues.

      It says your moral compass is out of whack.

      It says you are using your butt for your brain…

      • Raan

        It says that cognitive dissonance is entirely too common.

        • proudgrampa

          Scary thought ‘n’t it?

  • Jennifer R
    • Shanzgood

      I’m worried about who’s going to provide that security.

      • Donnie Jr’s secret service detail?

        • Shanzgood

          See? Or the local “Whose streets? OUR streets!” cops.

          • You ain’t just whistling dixie on that one. Hearing about those cops just about made me physically ill.

  • proudgrampa

    I hope I don’t offend any of my Wonkette Sociologist colleagues, but I have always felt that Sociology is one of the most worthless fields of study.

    Exhibit A: This Idiot.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Too much time spent pondering navels and too little spent on empirical evidence that can be reliably reproduced.

      • proudgrampa

        Thank you. Even Economics, the Dismal Science, has some meaningful data that can be tested.

        • TJ Barke

          Most of the time it’s pseudo science used to justify crap.

          • Raan

            Or the data is flat out ignored because something something something trickle down something something something invisible hand.

    • bluicebank

      Still second to political science in worthlessness, though.

      • proudgrampa

        Never saw no military science… Never saw no military solution…

    • A cult based around the intellectual pseudoscience of studying society.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Rod Dreher suggests free market failure. Film at 11.

  • Picabo

    “The ‘Trump slump’ continues: 700,000 fewer foreign tourists, billions in lost revenue”
    “Overall, 697,791 fewer foreigners visited the United States in the first three months of the year, down 4.2 percent to 15.8 million. According to Tourism Economics, a branch of Oxford Economics based in Wayne, Pa., that analyzes travel data, the drop represents a loss of nearly $2.7 billion in spending.”
    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/9/21/1700334/-The-Trump-slump-continues-700-000-fewer-foreign-tourists-billions-in-lost-revenue

    • proudgrampa

      And they ain’t coming back…

      • Carpe Vagenda

        They came back after Reagan.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Why would anyone spend a thousand bucks on a plane ticket just to be told they can’t come in the country?

    • jesterpunk

      That isnt a bug its a feature for his base.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Those evil furriners can take their money somewhere else!

    • Lyly Sirivong

      It was personal circumstances that made me and my family cancel a trip to the US. But really, since Trump was elected, we haven’t felt very enthusiastic about it. And then, they had this awful idea of requesting passwords to all social network accounts and it completely put us off.

      • foiled again

        Marvel and thrill at the ugly Americans!

  • Panika MCD

    the devil is beating his wife!

    • He must be doing it carefully. I haven’t seen any bruises on Melania at all.

      • h4rr4r

        Maybe he uses a bag of oranges.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          I thought he was a bag of oranges?

          • Raan

            No, he’s a bag of rotten pig fat.

        • foiled again

          https://youtu.be/P-E0TMK55mQ

          I believe that has the opposite effect.

        • Didn’t Irma pretty wipe out the orange crop for this year?

          • h4rr4r

            Only Florida, California and Texas oranges will be fine.

    • jesterpunk

      Is it consensual or not?

      • Panika MCD

        how have the 5 of you not looked up that phrase? it’s a good one.

        • jesterpunk

          Ok that is a weird phrase but it figures it would come from Mormons.

          • Panika MCD

            it is a well known fact (in MO, I guess) that the devil refer to his penis as “wifey”.

  • Mormos

    Ah Sociology, the Donald Trump of science.

    • Regret

      Hey now! Sociology would have potential if it would start experimenting and get some actual data!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • SisterArtemis

      Perhaps a subtle ploy to get the rabid base to kill each other off, thus leaving the power in the hands of the relatively moderate wing of the party. It could work…

    • jesterpunk

      That is part of their new health care bill, if your not rich just kill yourself quietly if you get sick.

    • bluicebank

      Such a stupid notion. Almost all guns fire rounds exiting faster than sound travels. A “silencer” doesn’t do Jack about that sonic boom.

      If you want quiet, get a crossbow. Or a blow dart. In fact, I want legislation to make all Americans to turn in their guns for blow darts (curare not included).

  • Jenny

    Great news everybody! I think I found my trigger for my IBS. It’s called children!

    • h4rr4r

      So stop eating kids!

      • Jenny

        But I built this big candy house!!!

        • Regret

          That is one rainy night away from a disaster, I hope you waterproofed the roof at least!

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I’ve just seen the Addams Family on stage. It was fun, although it was difficult to forget about Raul Julia and Angelica’s Huston’s portrayal in the movie. And since it was an adaptation in french of the Broadway musical, you could really tell the moments the translators struggled or even completely gave up and left the lines in english.

  • Ezio

    OT: Why do people hate rats? I met someone this week with pet rats and they are adorable.

    • Opiwan

      Vermin spread disease and ruin your stuff.

      • TJ Barke

        Yup.

    • shivaskeeper

      Pet rats are OK. Wild ones, not so much. They are extremely destructive and vectors for a myriad of diseases. Not to mention they are permanently incontinent so everywhere they go they are literally pissing and shitting on everything they come into contact with which is also a vector for more disease.

      • You are right, but doesn’t the same thing apply to most wild animals.

        • shivaskeeper

          Not really.

          • I guess you’ve never been in a building taken over by raccoons, squirrels, various other rodents. Or had bats, pigeons and other birds get into your attic . How about having bears or other scavengers raid your trash cans. Or various species eat your the veggies out of your garden just as they are getting ripe. Wild animals don’t respect our boundaries anymore than we respect theirs.

          • Panika MCD

            but most of those aren’t disease vectors.

          • They can be. Usually it is population density, rather than species that make animals act as disease vectors.

          • Panika MCD

            bats and raccoons, but definitely not the bears.

          • Try googling “do bears carry diseases.” They carry parasites that can spread to humans or other animals. Also look at the original comment. It wasn’t just about being a disease vector, it was also about being destructive and leaving excrement in places we don’t want it.
            I actually love animals, and think we disrespect their boundaries just as much if not more than they disrespect ours. But. Every animal, including humans carry diseases and parasites. It is just a part of nature. If the population density is too high, it is really obvious and potentially dangerous. If the population density is not too high, we don’t notice it so much.

          • shivaskeeper

            Respecting boundaries is not the same as being one of the major disease vectors in the world.

            There are ways to keep almost everything else you named out of your space, or garden, or trash. Not so much with rats.

          • And you know what is another major disease vector – human beings.

          • shivaskeeper

            Also true. I can keep the other human beings out of my space as well. Is there something I’m missing about here about rats?

          • You seem to think that rats are some kind of special demon animal out to destroy humanity. I have been trying to point out that every horrible trait you ascribe to rats can be found in other animals as well. So that “not really” answer is not true. And by the way rats are not permanently incontinent, they use urine to scent mark territories and food trails, just like dogs or ants. Rats just happen to be good at living on our refuse and breeding which makes them a problem if we are not real clean.

          • shivaskeeper

            The question was why do people not like rats. I thought it was a fair answer. There was no need to address any other kind of critter since it was about rats specifically.

            It had nothing to do with other critters. That is why I am confused about where deer eating almost ripe veggies and all the other examples come into it.

          • I am really struggling not to get angry here. It seems you like be are being deliberately obtuse. You pointed out that rats are extremely destructive. I pointed out that many other critters are also destructive, but we don’t hate them. You pointed that rats are incontinent – which is false. They are scent marking. Again like many other critters that we don’t hate. You pointed out that they are disease vectors. I pointed out that many other critters are disease vectors and in fact humans are the most destructive disease vectors in the animal world. You don’t hate them.
            As any biologist will tell, it is about population density. Every species of animal plays an important role in its ecosystem until it population gets too high/dense and then it becomes destructive. If you want to hate rats because they give you the creeps, or because they are really well adapted to live on our leavings fine. But if you only hate them for the stated reasons, then there are a lot of other critters you should hate as well, including humans as we do everything you have ascribed to rats.

          • shivaskeeper

            I am seriously not being obtuse. A poster asked a question about why people don’t like rats. I answered that post. It was not unsolicited. I never said I hated them, of anything else for that matter.

            If they had asked why people hate (other hated critter like snakes or spiders for example) I would have had a different answer.

          • One other thing I want you to consider by way of analogy. In middle school a guy told me he hated red headed freaks like me. So I asked if he hated Gary too. Gary also had red hair, nearly the same color as mine, even longer. But of course he didn’t hate Gary, no one hated Gary. So he had to either back down or come up with another reason for hating me. This is the point I was trying to make. Your points are equally valid for other animals, so you either need to hate them as well, or accept that your hate of rats is irrational or based on something else you aren’t really saying.

          • shivaskeeper

            I don’t hate rats. I really don’t. I was answering a general question with general statements.

        • According to Vegans, animal poop is murder.

      • Ezio

        I’m a NYer so I know there’s problems with rats, I don’t have an issue with domestic ones.

      • Regret

        I thought rats were very clean and never shit where they eat?
        Mice OTOH are nasty.

        • shivaskeeper

          They have no sphincter control. Physically they will keep themselves cleaner than mice, but if you look with a black light where they have infested you can see the urine trails they leave.

    • I had to care for several colonies in my research days. Many mice and rats can be quite nice and fun once they get over the fear of some huge smelly creature picking them up. Although, I saw one guy that thought the best way to pick up a rat was to use really large forceps and grab them by the tail. He never seemed to understand why they tried to eat his hands off, yet little ole me never got bit.

      • Ezio

        I notice there’s a trope in old movies of women screaming and jumping onto the chair when they see a mouse. Mice seem like there’s even less to be afraid of there….

    • jowgajen

      I hope this analogy helps: I have a fireplace at home that I enjoy, but last year when we had a small fire in the back alley I turned heel and ran when I saw the flames.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Cisleeza is such a nut-licker (that was gonna be butt-licker, but I liked the typo)
    https://twitter.com/KevinMKruse/status/910983474462576645

    • Ezio

      Michelle Obama teaching children to eat healthy is bad and fascism, but Melania Trump living in a golden tower at taxpayer expense doing nothing all day is totally fine!

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Sometimes she makes insincere noises about stopping online bullying, so there’s that…

        • Ezio

          She’s got a massive blind spot for online bullies then, huh?

    • On the up side Kevin Kruse is a very good writer. I’ve read a couple of his books and they are really well researched.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      And Laura Bush actually did kill someone.
      http://www.snopes.com/politics/bush/laura.asp

      • janecita

        That’s why her approval rates were so high.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Who cares what the approval rating of a Slovenian whore is, anyway?

      • jowgajen

        I’d chide you for being misogynist, but truth is an absolute defense against libel.

      • Regret

        Her children, maybe?
        I think at least one of them is very young.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, it’s not her fault that she married the short-fingered vulgarian.

      Oh, wait…

  • memzilla Ω
    • Joe Beese

      Pan Am… future victim of the Blade Runner Product Placement Curse.

      http://www.brandchannel.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/blade-runner-pan-am.jpg

      • Joe Beese

        In case you ever wondered how they did the giant video screen effect: It was basically taking the bottom of egg cartons, painting the cavities black and the protuberances reflective white, and then projecting a film onto it.

        • CafeenMan

          I just watched that movie again last month. I’ve probably watched it 100 times. Rutger Hauer has got to be one of the worst actors of all times and one of the most arrogant (along with Van Damme) but he actually was good in Blade Runner despite how much he sucks.

          Thanks for that trivia. Stuff like that is always interesting to know. The FX in the movie have held up really well when other movies of that era haven’t so much with a few exceptions.

          • Joe Beese

            When Rutger Hauer showed up to meet [Ridley] Scott, the Dutch actor wore “pink silk pants and a Kenzo sweater with a fox fur draped over his shoulder. He had bleached his hair and was wearing Elton John-style glasses. Ridley was seriously upset, convinced that we had foisted on him a gay activist to play the most aggressively masculine part in the picture.

            https://www.villagevoice.com/2009/07/28/blade-runner-dish-from-way-back/

          • C4TWOMAN

            Some of the FX in Terminator are garbage band analog …and you would never know.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie
      • Joe Beese

        Also a case where an actress was lucky to fail on television so she was free to succeed in movies.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8ba02832630a9a9443a8983a639090dc0cd46e235c2bd1b91a3c2bd6c735fb8f.png

        • Joe Beese

          (Gosh, she’s purty.)

          • janecita

            Christina Ricci is prettier, and a better actress.

      • memzilla Ω
    • h4rr4r

      She was born at an airport? I bet that messed up her mother’s travel plans.

    • janecita

      Beautiful then, beautiful now.

  • amrak63

    Since the subject of snu-snu came up in the main post:

    https://i.imgur.com/jvrnatE.jpg

    • amrak63

      I wonder who explained it to Diana.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Green Lantern probably. Hal thinks he’s more charming than he really is.

        • amrak63

          Good thing you said “Hal”, or I would have needed to ask, “Which Green Lantern”?

          • Antonin Dvorak

            Also, John Stewart would be hitting on Hawkgirl, and I don’t know enough about Kyle whatisname to use him in a joke.

          • amrak63

            You’re speaking of the animated versions, I assume. I expect Katar would have something to say about John pursuing Shayera.

    • Joe Beese
      • C4TWOMAN

        OMG you reminded me of the New 52 *gag*
        At least they didn’t completely fuck up Diana’s look…

        • Joe Beese

          DC Universes are like the weather. If you don’t like it now, just wait a little while.

          • amrak63

            I finally gave up superhero comics in 2007 because, first and foremost, they cost too damn much, but I also got weary of constant revisions.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Well put.
            Alas, the same is yet to be true for Marvel, at least Spiderman….until they take back “Once More Day” imma not reading anything new.

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider-Man:_One_More_Day

            Worst. Marketing Stunt. Ever.

  • 3FingerPete

    Liberal Women Are Lustier.*

    *Offer valid for chads and normies only. Incels, MRAs and MGTOW excluded.

    • TJ Barke

      What about anti social weirdos?

      • 3FingerPete

        Did they vote for Bernie or Jill?

      • Panika MCD

        you have to come meet us for drinks. we can schedule around your responsibilities.

        • TJ Barke

          My responsibilities are mostly just a convenient excuse.

          • Panika MCD

            no one should need an excuse to not have sex, but I’m glad you don’t put as much thought as Rod and Mark did into it.

          • TJ Barke

            I have exactly one person to blame for my lack of sex, and that’s me.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Assumes facts not in evidence.

        • TJ Barke

          About what?

          • CindyinEncinitas

            That you’re a weirdo. You’re perfectly normal to me.

  • bluicebank

    My timing is horrible lately. All this bad news, hurricanes, earthquakes, Trump … and me and gal pal decide this is a good time to watch Ken Burns Vietnam AND his series on the Dust Bowl.

    Fortunately, she’s a liberal woman. So I didn’t have the heart to tell her that too many conservative men think her kind are mean for not having sex with knuckle draggers.

    Oh look, Arlo Guthrie’s “Alice’s Restaurant” just came up on my playlist. Finally something uplifting. ;-)

    Peace out ya’ll, in three part harmony.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      You can get anything you want…..

      • OrG

        Excepting Alice.

    • Panika MCD

      “Front Porch Song” by Robert Earl Keen, Jr. (also too Lyle Lovett) is superior!

      • DrBigHead

        I just took delivery of Raising Sand on 180 gram vinyl. Hoping that Robert Plant and Alison Krauss can get me out of my funk. Them and a stiff Manhattan.

        • Panika MCD

          make it a double!

    • 3FingerPete

      Good song. Awful movie.

  • SisterArtemis

    FYI, for those of you interested in the Ken Burns Viet Nam series, Terry Gross is interviewing Burns and Lynn Novack today. I haven’t seen the series yet, but the interview is quite good even without knowing the footage.
    Fresh Air 9/21/17: In ‘Vietnam War,’ Ken Burns Wrestles With The Conflict’s Contradictions

    • Joe Beese

      When Father Beese expressed disbelief at the 18 hour length of Burns’s baseball series, I said, “He begins with the discovery of the stick.”

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Which came first, the stick or the balls?

        • jowgajen

          Without the balls, there’s no use for the stick.

          • Regret

            Spoken like a man without a stick!

        • Covfefe

          According to Dick Biondi, when the lovebirds went to the ball game, he kissed her on the strikes, and she kissed him on. . . .

        • An Outhouse for the résistance

          I was told there woul be no philosophy.

    • stumpknocker

      our history of Vietnam is like watching a custer movie, Burns said he held off this documentary for over ten years because we could not handle the truth.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    As a geographer, I go both ways. Social and physical science. Increasingly, we are seeing economists barging into the space sociologists, anthropologists and education researchers have occupied. My reading of my readings is that the economists are just as prone to construct research assumptions based on their assess as anyone else. Thing is, economists may have more influence over policy because they are the ultimate transactionalists.

    Wherefore art thou, humanist social scientist?

    In my area of the world, this guy,
    http://ls.wisc.edu/news/belonging-to-this-place-a-conversation-with-yi-fu-tuan/

    • bbayliss

      “People think that geography is about capitals, land forms, and so on. But it is also about place — its emotional tone, social meaning, and generative potential.”
      — Yi-Fu Tuan, Professor Emeritus of Geography
      What a guy!

    • OneYieldRegular

      My theory is that economists have more influence over policy because they get paid more.

    • You might enjoy “Survival Through Design” by Richard Neutra (maybe not by Neutra, I can’t remember, im on the porch, its nearing sunset, and its cocktail hour). Thanks for the linky btw.

    • Regret

      Ever since WW2 any sociologist that wishes to apply their knowledge to making the world a better place has been accused of social engineering. Fear of this accusation has severely hampered meaningful research into shaping societies. It is a terrible thing that people could not accept engineering a better society in the same way they accept wearing underwear under your pants instead of on your head. (My point, in case I was not clear, is that the Nazis did both.)

      (Sidenote: Sociology used to be called Human Ecology, that was a much better name for an applied science.)

  • Moebym of the Returners

    The entire fucking world is holding its breath while two tantruming toddlers on opposite sides of the planet threaten to nuke each other’s countries to oblivion.

    https://twitter.com/AP/status/910997175630516224

    • h4rr4r

      These idiots better give me some early notice, there are illegal and immoral things I have not done yet.

    • OrG

      Smoke ’em if you got ’em.

    • bbayliss

      trump is making this so easy for him.

    • TJ Barke

      If only it was just Donnie that would pay dearly…

      • BadKitty904

        It would certainly be the first time he’s paid for anything in years…

    • ariel_gee_398

      Kim sounds a hell of a lot more rational than Donnie, which is just fucking terrifying.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Can’t these two just get a f*cking room?

    • Regret

      I’m not holding my breath.
      Let the bombs rain, this world is a shithole anyway.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    One of my two favourite Futurama lines: “Ladies please! The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised!”

  • One thing is abundantly clear, the future of civilization depends upon alert Wonkette operatives around the globe.

    • SisterArtemis
    • Juan de Fuca

      I can smell rain in the air in Temecula, CA. It hasn’t exactly rained yet (because it’s SoCal), but it’s near.

      • Jenny

        It just rained on me in Austin. So you know…any moment now it will hit So Cal.

        • Juan de Fuca

          I often miss the rain and storms in Texas. At least the ones we would get in San Antonio and the Austin area. People here in SoCal have told me in the past “Well, you haven’t been through a real Southern California storm yet.”

          I’m like, dude…

          • therealpuredog

            When we lived in Austin, my partner and I used to use the phrase “SHEETS of rain! SHEETS of rain!”

          • Panika MCD

            it was one o’ them damn sun showers.

        • Panika MCD

          HEY! next Friday a bunch of us wanks are going to the TribTalk with John Sharp. you should come!

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Well, my knee hurts but I see blue sky in the North, so IDK.

      • Panika MCD

        the devil will be with you shortly.

        • Juan de Fuca

          I pray!

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        We had rain, then hail, then some more rain. It’s maybe 50 degrees out.

        • Juan de Fuca

          It’s been cold here all day and all the windows are open. Loving it. Would appreciate some rain but otherwise enjoying this weather.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Hey Juan! This morning on my commute, at about the fairgrounds, a sprinkle-burst happened and I shit you not, everyone stopped. On the 5 southbound. I thought it was an accident. It was water from the sky confounding and terrorizing decent San Diegans. The nerve.

  • janecita

    Judi Dench has to be the coolest woman alive. I love that woman!

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/21/style/dame-judi-dench.html

    • C4TWOMAN

      Surely you meant DAME Judi Dench.
      *wags finger*

      • BadKitty904

        There’s Nothin’ Like a Dame – see below.

    • stumpknocker

      oh, so you are a lesbian atheist.

      • janecita

        No I’m straight, I just have excellent taste.

        • stumpknocker

          i am super frustrated and am getting hammered on vodka, if my humor goes off color, my bad, it is all i can do not to pick up the phone.

          • stumpknocker

            and it is business not a relationship

          • janecita

            It’s alright, I’m not offended. Don’t pick up the phone!!!!

          • Regret

            tape the phone upside down to the bottle.
            That way any attempt to call will be interrupted by a wet and cold waste of alcohol spilling down your shirt!

          • therealpuredog

            I come to Wonkettistan for such pro tips.

      • Roadstergal

        I’m a bisexual atheist, and I would totally go for Dame Judi.

    • Roadstergal

      Oh god, I love that woman to death. Thank you for the link!

      • janecita

        Sure:-)

    • WomanInThePersistence
      • janecita

        Helen Mirren oozes sex appeal. I wanna be like her when I grow up.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          “Age of Consent”

          The producers felt the need to state her membership in the Royal Shakespeare company in the credits.

          Turns out that she can swim.

      • C4TWOMAN

        She’ll always be DCI Tennison to me.

        Try to hunt down her work when she was younger. She was a courtesan is Caligula:
        http://people.com/celebrity/helen-mirren-talks-nude-scenes/

        Somewhere she called it a million+ porno. Used the money to buy herself some land lol.

    • Doug Langley

      Years ago I watched “As Time Goes By”, tv series that seemed to go on forever.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I didn’t think I could love any old British lady as much as Maggie Smith. But here I am.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Me and Jonny started Downton Abbey, and we are HOOKED. Maggie Smith is delightful. The catty comments. The side-eye. The giggle when she’s scandalized. Love her.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          That show is really good. Also, some of the blogs snarking on it.

  • capnkrunch

    RE: transcendent experiences

    Earlier this year I was in Israel visiting my sister. We did most of the important religious spots: the wailing wall, King David’s tomb, the stations of the cross, etc. There was some great art and interesting history involved but I had no religious awakening or anything like that.

    The one place that was closest to that kind of experience for me was Yad Vashem. It was powerfully moving. I consider myself a very secular and rational person but it’s hard to stand in the Hall of Names and not feel something much greater than yourself; the spirits of all those murdered in the Holocaust if you will.

    There is plenty transcendental about the human experience without having to believe in imaginary sky wizards: good, evil, hope, despair, love, hate, and all the messy inbetweens. These things might be most apparent in the extremes of the human condition but they are always there.

    Fuck anyone who would says that you need religion to find meaning or that you need God to tell you how to be moral.

    • Panika MCD

      happy new year

      • capnkrunch

        Thanks :)

    • amrak63

      True.

      But it isn’t really about morality, or anything so airy-fairy as “meaning”.

      What a human needs one or more gods for is to preserve one’s individual personality beyond the undeniable death of the body, including the brain which held or generated that personality.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Yes, but a personality ensconced within and validated by a social group(s) including religious associations, political parties, popular music affinity groups, etc.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Something that’s missed: spirituality doesn’t require theism. It’s just theists talk about it more.

    • “A belief in the supernatural is not a prerequisite to living an honest, kind, loving, and just life.”

    • CindyinEncinitas

      It’s a racket. The oldest one going. I know god better than you do and if you give me something I will put in a good word for you, unworthy slob.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    On line porn is not high quality. A friend told me.

    • Joe Beese

      Today’s college freshpeople have never known a world in which there wasn’t limitless access to pornography of every imaginable kind.

      I always figured that this would have to result in a marked and perhaps sinister change of some kind in their relationships with each other. But it down’t look like it happened.

  • Picabo
  • This seems relevant
    https://youtu.be/Ccs2rt0oSzQ

  • altleftjohn

    Good news for all of you liberal sluts. I’m available!

    .

    .

    .

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=K8E_zMLCRNg

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      *polishes hooves, brushes mane, checks teeth for stray bits of grass*

    • Roadstergal

      I am reporting past-day masturbation, and will be able to do so tomorrow as well.

  • jesterpunk

    KG and JB know about the Devil.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lK4cX5xGiQ

  • Doug Langley

    Work: Spent most of the day working on the files in the hallway. (They’re everywhere.) This is next to the other people. Calm, intelligent, polite, professional. An incredible change of environment.

    Recruiter: she wants even MORE crap on my resume. How did you use (this buzzword) at which project in this job? Give examples. Explain this gap between jobs. GAKKKKK! I already redid my resume 3 times, what the fuk do they want????? I’m so tired of people who don’t have a clue how to hire anyone!!!!

    • janecita
      • Doug Langley

        Won’t work. I’ve gone through dozens of “how to write a resume” guides and what they never tell you is that no two people EVER like the same resume.

    • Blackest Noobs

      dude…that’s like EVERY human resources department in the goddamn universe.
      like they are all fucking inept fucks.

      you know how they blind copy their rejection emails….i’ve had two different HR dept fuck that up..i.e. they didn’t blind copy that shit and i saw everyone who didn’t get the fucking job.

      that’s just HR 101..basic shit… and if they fuck that shit up….they probably fuck lots more…and more important.

      side-note: if the world is definitely ending….HR people are on my hit list too.

      • Doug Langley

        They next time you deal with a screw up in your life, some crappy product that won’t work, some cock-up in your billing, remember – HR decided that THAT person was worth hiring.

        • Blackest Noobs

          bwhahahahahahahahahahaha

      • Rags

        I got invited for a significant job final interview and HR cc:ed the other finalists giving me the ability to prep with that valuable intelligence….

      • Doug Langley

        Ever think about who hires the HR people? Uh huh . . .

    • From what I have heard the most important thing you can put on a resume is a name that sounds white and male.

      • Doug Langley

        Sigh. My real name IS male and white sounding.

    • PixieThis

      I have some small gaps on my timeline. If you have experience, recruiters shouldn’t care that much. If it’s gaps of years, just have a good story. I think, my resume at least, my IT experience was so incredible, who cared if I was off for 7 months between jobs? It sucks if you’re getting pressured. I would reorganize my resume to highlight experience and then do a summary of places worked at the end. Get ’em with the amazing brain power and let them gloss over the bottom of the page ;)

      • Doug Langley

        Let’s see. I’ve chatted with the recruiter and she likes me. I did the phone interview with the tech guy and passed. I sent them links to web sites I’ve done. I gave them 4 references of people who swear I walk on water. So OF COURSE they can’t possibly figure out if I’m worth hiring.

        • PixieThis

          Yeah, that’s the problem with the people making the hiring decisions! They always think “what if someone better comes along” Guess what? The someone better is probably a tool (just sayin’) who’ll quit if they get a “better” offer. Right now, I’m just so thrilled to have landed at my latest job. I love it here, but I HATED the drama of interviewing.

  • catnmus

    Dude – I expect men to treat me nicely because I’m a doddam human being. Men don’t treat other men nicely on the “off-chance” that guy might NOT let him f**k him, so why are women expected to use sex as currency?

    • BadKitty904

      OK, so I’m not the only one who thinks that way. I treat women nicely, not because I want to have sex with them (I’m gay), but because it would be unkind not to do so.

      • Panika MCD

        damn libruls.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Can I still treat people nicely even if I want to have sex with them?

        • Panika MCD

          “how will they know you want to have sex with them, then? is your name CHAD or NORM?!” –every incel

        • janecita

          Especially if you want to have sex with them!

          • BadKitty904

            Clever woman!

      • I treat people nicely because I want to be friends. If it happened to turn into some more, well that’s fun too.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        You treat women nicely because you understand that women are people. And because you are a decent human being.

    • Jamoche

      ” And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.”

      “It’s a lot more complicated than that–”

      “No. It ain’t. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth. People as things, that’s where it starts.”

      “Oh, I’m sure there are worse crimes–”

      “But they starts with thinking about people as things…”

      • Canned Covfefe

        What’s this from?

        • Jamoche

          Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Yep.

    • georgiaburning

      Half of my ancestors are female. No mystery to me why females should be treated nicely ( though I do get into petty sibling arguments with my sisters)

    • Raan

      I don’t want to explore how many answers pricks have for that question.

  • Raan

    From Bacter’s Bureau 13 LP

    https://lparchive.org/Bureau-13/Update%2011/63-54.png

    https://lparchive.org/Bureau-13/Update%2011/64-55.png

    were demons around here I’d get rid of them with the rite of banishment. I have a tome here around the church but it isn’t necessary since the church is on hallowed ground and evil cannot enter it.

    Wow. that’s just an expository mess, isn’t it! Alright let’s parse the problems a bit.

    a) “Yes” is sort of a weird response to “we need to talk about this”. The priest doesn’t know! That’s explained because everybody else says some variation on “MAY I talk to you about demonology”, and the father’s only got one response.

    b) So that’s pretty, uh, specific! I’m glad they have a rite for that, even though it’s never necessary but they’re still prepared!

    c) Let’s just… let’s look outside. One more time.

    https://lparchive.org/Bureau-13/Update%2011/58-49b.png

    Hm.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Carpe Vagenda

      I want that young woman to rule the world, because it’s fucked up what she’s been faced with.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Ann Druyan, Carl Sagan’s widow:

    “Whether he knew it or not — and I think he did … he was talking about science as a kind of informed worship,” Druyan said. “Scientists have been very squeamish about this, about really going into it in any depth, until recently. Scientists have been loath to really talk about the oneness and that soaring feeling that science can give us. It’s been part of their truce with religion. You know, ‘You don’t burn us at the stake anymore, and we won’t try to attract your clients away from the way that you look at creation.’ There have been some really great scientists and writers who hit these notes in one way or another, but I think this is a tremendously fulsome, beautiful expression of that impulse.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5e9aa4cade22ae0119f702d564e5a1b18f83979293ae3cf127bc835816c1d914.jpg

    See also, Jimmy Carter.

    http://www.nbcnews.com/id/12615326/ns/technology_and_science-science/t/retracing-carl-sagans-spiritual-quest/#.WcRDyEyZPMU

    • h4rr4r

      I think he made that very clear when he said we were made of the stuff of stars.

    • Panika MCD

      I am a client of the science shop so I will boycott the religion shop?

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Not sure I understand. Your parents are/were geologists, no?

        • Panika MCD

          I’m just trying to work with the metaphor of people with beliefs being clients of one, but not the other.

        • Panika MCD

          also too:
          dad was a historical geologist.
          Prima Momma was a micro-bio-geologist.

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            Stromatolites, by any chance?

          • Panika MCD

            not sure what she did after confirming there was no life on the moon.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I’m glad one of his wives has her head on straight. Poor Lynn Margulis got conned by conspiracy creepoids:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lynn_Margulis#Controversies

      who then tried to recruit their son after her death:
      http://www.rawstory.com/2015/03/son-of-carl-sagan-is-a-911-truther-its-a-cover-up-basically/

      This is truly some evil shit. I know in Lynn’s case she was charmed by a dick called Kevin Barrett who would turn out to be a Holocaust denier:

      http://911blogger.com/node/14453
      (warning: lots of tinfoil)

      The sad fact is being smart in one field doesn’t preclude political naivete. I’d like to think if Carl Had still been around, she wouldn’t have gotten bamboozled….

  • Blackest Noobs

    O/T: making SQL quizzes

    ha! i’m a genius. people like me…yadda yadda yadda….just patting myself on the back for creating simple but difficult SQL questions for next semester SQL course ( me not teaching just assisting)…i even worked in a couple JOIN statement that included subqueries…and one question that needs to you the student to get your answer from 3 separate tables!

    and it all works!!!!

    and all from a guy who’s previous coding experience was some VERY lite HTML and BASIC. ha ha!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      *smiles. nods.*

    • msanthropesmr

      What does SELECT * FROM *
      do?

      • h4rr4r

        Make me smack a developer upside the head.

      • Blackest Noobs

        ha ha…a little more difficult than that…but yeah.

        my questions start off easy, you know, to lull the students into a false sense of security, and then get progressively more difficult.

        if i was like, shit this is difficult, then i knew i did my job right.

        • Toledo Window Box

          Kudos.

      • Toledo Window Box

        It erases world history. NEVER execute that command.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Knock, Knock

      – “Who’s there?”

      “Microsoft SQL Server.”

      – “Microsoft SQL Server who?”

      Knock, Knock

      – “Who’s there?”

      “Microsoft SQL Server.”

      – “Microsoft SQL Server who?”

      Knock, Knock…

    • Toledo Window Box

      Just remember to tell them that SQL isn’t the next version of what came before, as in sequel, which I’ve found a lot of people somehow believe.

      • Blackest Noobs

        HA HA HA

  • catnmus

    Open thread? is this also the place where we can discuss how pro-life (not) it is to pull the life support for a woman with terminal brain cancer who was apparently only being kept alive as an incubator? Now the baby (born at under 25 weeks) is dead, and I find out that early stories glossed over the fact that she had had a massive stroke in July and suffered brain damage. She was on life support and “was dying” when they delivered the baby (which they already knew was having growth issues and wasn’t moving much). So then after they deliver the baby, NOW they can take her off life support?? How “pro-life” is that? If she was dying anyway, and she was on it before that, then why not leave her on it for another day, two, three? By which I mean, this fully and completely illustrates how “pro-life” means “only for a fetus inside a womb”. They obviously weren’t very pro HER life.

    • h4rr4r

      I suspect once again we will see you can’t incubate a fetus in a corpse.

      • Red Bird

        So how did Melon Trump have Barronius?

      • C4TWOMAN

        It is understandable why they tried, but there are probably metabolic processes the brain needs to do for heath they were not happening.

    • jowgajen

      It’s my understanding that she chose that option months before. I think the family had no good options and made the best decisions they could within their values.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        God, I can’t imagine the agony of having to make decisions like that. My heart goes out to them.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Honestly, that’s just such an awful circumstance, that I don’t feel like judging.

      • catnmus

        I’m not judging them specifically. Just the whole entire concept of calling this “pro-life”.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          With all due respect, you are judging them. From what I’ve picked up, this was a decision that she made before she was put on life support. And would you have her family keep her on life support forever? This is just tragic, and the family is doing the best that they can in a horrible situation.

          • catnmus

            I just think that if they were “pro-life” like they say they are, they would’ve left her on a couple more days till she finished dying. That’s what they want US all to do. And by “us” I mean pro-lifers.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I am pro-life, in that I want people to live. But she was dying, and frankly I’m not a person in her family. Taking a loved person off life-support is not done lightly.

          • catnmus

            I mean, by “they” I mean “pro-lifers”.

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • Moebym of the Returners

      That she got even one is frightening, let alone 10.6 million.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    “Sorry, Billy. We know you need chemo. But Secretary Price just can’t take the chance someone might accost him in the airport.”

    https://twitter.com/ddiamond/status/910987809791643648

    • Roadstergal

      It’s like they _want_ us to build guillotines.

      • bluicebank

        lol

        Yeah, weird. Fortunately, you could probably Google “how to build a guillotine” and go to the hardware store. Probably have to order the blade online, tho.

        • h4rr4r

          That’s the best part of a guillotine, the blade is so heavy and falls so far it does not need to be very sharp. Just get some thick steel plate and a good metal file. Homedespot has both.

          • bluicebank

            A metal file? Sheesh, I’m using a grinding wheel.

          • h4rr4r

            Ok Daddy Warbucks, maybe don’t brag about that when folks are looking for victims.

          • bluicebank

            My neighbor’s grinding wheel. If no neighbor with a grinding wheel, then a few carbon cutoff wheels will have to do.

          • mancityRed6

            so maybe it’s a dig your own grave kind of thing. give ’em a bastard file and make their own?

          • bluicebank

            OK, that’s just downright cruel. But I like your thinking.

          • mancityRed6

            so 16 gauge sheet metal with about 20 pounds of steel bolted to one end?

          • h4rr4r

            Sounds reasonable. I like the idea to use a fairly thin part, then you can skip any sharpening at all.

      • altleftjohn

        I’m learning to knit.

      • Toledo Window Box

        Oh, I am SO up for that.

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        🎶And it’s up against the wall you bourgeois fuckers🎶
        Fuckers who have served yourselves so well🎶

        🎶’Cause we’re kicking capitalist ass and raising hell! 🎶

      • mancityRed6

        too expensive and too fast.

        • Canned Covfefe

          Too efficient

    • Blackest Noobs

      god! what an asshole.

    • miss_grundy

      This scumbag actually spent $25 K on a flight from D.C. to Philly. Do you know how many ways there are to get from D.C. to Philly that would have been cheaper, but comemierda didn’t want to pick up cooties.

      • jesterpunk

        He could have hired someone to carry him to the limo and carry him out of the limo for less then that.

        • mancityRed6

          he could have hired someone to give him a piggy back ride there and back for that.

    • BadKitty904

      What a dick.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Hey, you can’t drain the swamp from the ground, silly! You have to be at 30 thousand feet!

      Or dollars. Maybe it’s 30 thousand dollars.

  • Paperless Tiger

    So how come it’s the conservatives who keep trying to fuck everybody?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Conservatives usually aren’t getting any, so…

    • Toledo Window Box

      It’s their version of sex.

    • Panika MCD

      to lay their eggs in out ear canals?

  • Me not sure

    Would it be wrong of me to admit to getting a tad horny looking at a “Simpsons” screen shot?

    • msanthropesmr

      ITS STAR TREK YOU GOON!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Ummmm….yes. Yes it would. Not that it’s any of my business.

      • Me not sure

        I think it’s the trademark pronounced overbite.

    • h4rr4r

      It’s a fucking tragedy that you think it’s from the Simpsons.

      • Me not sure

        Futurama?

    • Panika MCD

      you prefer people who are yellow and only have 4 fingers?

    • Toledo Window Box

      It would be wrong of you to NOT admit it.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Those thighs and asses are straight outta R. Crumb.

      • Me not sure

        You can’t beat the classics.

        • Panika MCD

          but you can beat off to them?

          • Me not sure

            Moby Dick.

    • That Homer is a real hottie! ;-)

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Jamoche

      Cue Merriam-Webster tweet in 3…2…1…

      • bbayliss

        do·tard
        ˈdōdərd/Submit
        noun
        an old person, especially one who has become weak or senile.

        • epazote

          A person who’s in their dottage
          doddering…same thing

        • Jamoche

          But they’ll also bring the snark :)

    • bluicebank

      Dear Kim Jong-un:

      The medical establishment universally agrees that crazy people can’t cure crazy people. Also, “fire” is not a treatment. Just show him your dick. Oh wait, that’s not a cure, either.

    • Pronounced doh-derd, oddly enough

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Scariest “You’re a poopy-head”, “No YOU’RE the poopy-head” spat ever.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I’m sure lil’ Kim finds it hilarious to to have forced Il Douche to look it up, or ask somebody what it means.
      For once, I’m in agreement with the guy.

  • Christopher Story

    My girl and I are proof that this rhetoric is entirely bullshit. Like for example, my girl and I are able to enjoy our liberal sex lives to the extent that we do for the fact that we escaped our religion and all the toxic guilt and shame that went with it. Also, she makes more money than me. But that’s never diminished my value to her.

    To make a long point short: Stop trying to tell us who to fuck, when, how, and why.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I like how the conservatives try to connect less religion with happier sex as though that is somehow news to any of us who escaped Catholicism.

    • C4TWOMAN

      But it’s their job as self appointed guardians of virtue and stuff!

      • Panika MCD

        “who said we needed guardians?!” ~ Virtue & Stuff

    • TootsStansbury

      But that’s the point, they certainly can’t figure out the link between sex and pleasure, they do it rong. It’s why they need so much porn.

      • Christopher Story

        Amen. Even though I maintain a porn habit, it’s never cheapened our sexlife, and surely hasn’t ever been an equal substitute for it, BEECAUSE of the emotional intimacy we both enjoy with each other.

    • Panika MCD

      I think their problem is that she is fucking you and working when she should be fucking them and praying…?

  • chascates

    Chemicals In The Water Are Turning Frogs Gay, Poisoning Americans

    https://youtu.be/UMYG_S6TYCE?t=154

    • TJ Barke

      Only AJ can take a real problem, hormonal waste pollution, and turn it into a conspiracy to turn frogs gay.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Pepe triggers my gaydar, which is unusual for a frog.

  • Jamoche

    WTF, Dear Abby? And actually on-topic:
    http://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/article/Dear-Abby-Co-workers-cold-blooded-about-medical-12207629.php

    “Fiancee” is a word of French origin that is defined as “a woman engaged to be married.” When couples cohabitate with no plan to marry, the term they often use when referring to their significant other is “partner.” Of course, our culture is more liberal than some others that label those who choose to live this way as “fornicators.”

    Somehow I get the feeling it’s not the other cultures that’s she’s disparaging here…

    • Elendira

      Christ, why doesn’t she just say “whores,” you know she dying to say that

      • C4TWOMAN

        Funny, you never got the impression her aunts were that judgy. They might disagree, sure, but the managed to do so with grace and broadmindedness.

      • Jamoche

        I’m convinced the current Dear Abby is really a committee, because the tone of the answers is all over the map.

      • As the word is French the Bushs suggested the term “Freedom Floozie”

    • C4TWOMAN

      Oh now, she’s just trying to reach out to the medieval customer base….

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Just trying to get Pakistan’s attention.

    • Panika MCD

      I would think that living together and fornicating would be more efficient whether married or not. do married people no longer fornicate?

    • Juan de Fuca

      I read the conversation and don’t get any of this. For example, the original question:

      DEAR ABBY: I am wondering about the use of the term “fiancee.” Urban Dictionary says it is now considered a “White Trash culture” term for a long-term girlfriend,

      WTF was this question even about?

      • Panika MCD

        SATAN WORDS!

      • Jamoche

        “Can I slut-shame people for living together without getting married?”
        “Yes.”

    • The Flaming Carrot

      I dug up an old obituary condolence in which my asshole right-wing stepfather-in-law referred to my mother-in-law as his “finance.” He’s functionally illiterate, but in this case I’m pretty sure it was a Freudian slip, because when she met him he literally had no pot to piss in.

    • KnaveOfSwords

      Our preferred term is co-sinner.

    • therblig

      when ms. blig and i first moved in together, the us census had just coined the term POSSLQ – Persons of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters. for years, that’s how we referred to each other. naturally, we loved Charles Osgood’s poem:

      My POSSLQ

      Come live with me and be my love,
      And we will some new pleasures prove
      Of golden sands and crystal brooks
      With silken lines, and silver hooks.
      There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
      If you would be my POSSLQ.

      You live with me, and I with you,
      And you will be my POSSLQ.
      I’ll be your friend and so much more;
      That’s what a POSSLQ is for.

      And everything we will confess;
      Yes, even to the IRS.
      Some day on what we both may earn,
      Perhaps we’ll file a joint return.
      You’ll share my pad, my taxes, joint;
      You’ll share my life – up to a point!
      And that you’ll be so glad to do,
      Because you’ll be my POSSLQ.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Wow, I didn’t realize that people never jacked off before internet porn. Life must have been so much more frustrating then!

    • altleftjohn

      In the old days we had to walk seven miles in the snow to buy a copy Penthouse.

      • Or wait for the National Geographic to arrive in the mail.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        PENTHOUSE? I jacked off to dog eared copies of “Cavalier” and “Argosy,” and was damn happy to get ’em!

        • DrBigHead

          What about the Sears Roebuck catalog. Now, that was racy!

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Horse & Rider.

        • Toledo Window Box

          “Glamour???”

          – Jerry, to George

      • Panika MCD

        you say that like you never jacked off to a cave painting.

    • Juan de Fuca

      It ruined Sears and JC Penney’s catalog sales.

      • tehbaddr

        Sales? They used to mail that to every house! I remember drooling over the new toys available, and the mysterious support garments.

    • Panika MCD

      porn is a pretty old art form.

    • Alternative Dog

      What do you think those early cave paintings were for…

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_erotic_depictions#Palaeolithic_and_mesolithic

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Ricky Gay

    I am assuming the ladies need to get right with the Christian god, amirite? I mean, Hindus and the Kama Sutra, etc, are a no-go?

  • jesterpunk
    • BadKitty904

      Aww!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I’m back from running errands and phone-banking to save Obamacare at the Planned Parenthood offices here. Got a PP water bottle and T-shirt for my efforts, which should ruin my chances with not at all batshit crazy wingnut men look good with white jeans and silver sandals.

    On that note:

    https://twitter.com/RBReich/status/910950198649556992

    • Panika MCD

      does it really take so much effort to ruin one’s chances with wingnuts?

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        No, but sometimes I like to go the extra mile when it comes to alienating RWNJs ;-)

    • Me not sure

      You had me at white jeans.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Once again, the Repukes are calling this the “last, best chance” to kill something we all want and need.

  • Red Bird

    Boy am I surprised the Catholic Church supports this guy’s writing. /s

  • jesterpunk

    If anyone uses ccleaner you should reformat your hard drive and reinstall the OS.

    https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2017/09/ccleaner-malware-outbreak-is-much-worse-than-it-first-appeared/

    • wait! what?

      The 32-bit version; chances are this was geared toward specifically exploiting XP machines. There’s no mention if it affects Android devices, or was targeted to do so.

      • jesterpunk

        The 32 bit version that they know about, they didnt find this for a while and when they found it originally they didnt realize it was that bad for a few days after that.

  • BadKitty904
  • Mary Theresa

    A man that knows the minds of women? Is he psychic? His crystal ball needs recalibration.

    • The Wanderer

      Didn’t Mel Gibson already do that schtick?

      • Keith Taylor

        I don’t know. But I do know Mel made a movie in which he played a bloke who lost his religious faith after his wife died, and then got it back, sort of, after crop circles appeared in his cornfield and hideous aliens attacked his house. He declared with complete seriousness, “The nerds were right!”
        And the aliens were so stupid they walked around naked in the earthly environment, even though water kills them, just as it does the Wicked Witch of the West.
        Who was another liberal woman. I saw WICKED.

  • “Shallow hoors”? Do tell. No-one has any contact info do they?

    Asking for a friend.

    • tehbaddr

      763-5109

    • JustDon’tSayPeter

      867-5309

      • tehbaddr

        Oh my failing memory, you got it right! The shame, I am not the most geekly !

        • JustDon’tSayPeter

          Actually knew how to play it once upon a time.

      • Jenny

        Oh gotdammit!

        • JustDon’tSayPeter

          ROTFLMAO! I’m sure you hated that song lots.

      • Ah. Jenny Jenny.

        • JustDon’tSayPeter

          Who can I turn to?

  • Th’ottest curry in th’ouse
  • Bill D. Burger

    Kim responds to Trump: ‘I will surely and definitely tame the mentally deranged U.S. dotard with fire.’

    1hr ago.
    Washington Post 9/21/2017

    Kim said that Trump is “unfit to hold the prerogative of supreme command of a country.” He also described the president as “a rogue and a gangster fond of playing with fire.”
    He said Trump’s remarks “have convinced me, rather than frightening or stopping me, that the path I chose is correct and that it is the one I have to follow to the last.”
    Kim said he is “thinking hard” about his response and that Trump “will face results beyond his expectation.”

    (Hard to argue with his assessment of Orange Foolius.)

    • Jamoche

      OK, but could he please leave the rest of us out of it?

    • “Dotard” – old and losing ones mind.

      Can’t argue with that.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Very unusual for Kim to respond personally. And obviously he has a much better command of English words than does “I have words. I have the best words” Trump.

        • therealpuredog

          I suspect he has people to do that, and those people may well have been educated in England, so, “dotard” would be a readily accessible piece of Inglese for them.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Gandalf in LOTR- the books, not the movies, used that word. That’s the last time I think I’ve heard it. Impressive.

      • CripesAmighty

        “Deranged”? Yup.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      These two asshats are ramping it up. This is no joke.

  • Blackest Noobs

    O/T: my other off the topic II convo

    goddamn did i ever get the right bike ( it’s a mountain bike, full suspension, with crazy awesome components, like one hub alone is worth about 200-500 bucks, and i got the bike for a steal) when i took it in to get serviced…well…too lazy to do my own brake job, which is even really funny cuz i’ve done my car’s brakes but yeah, let me take my precious bike to the bike mechanic….ooooh im a fucking hoot…anyway as i was getting my bike literally every bike dude in the shop was ogling my bike….saying things like DAMN, SON, that’s a really nice bike.

    so yeah….i think i know how to pick ’em.

    • You cry once for quality.

      • Blackest Noobs

        ha! but i am a cheap bastard….like when i was “negotiating” with the OG owner, i said,listen, i’ll be upfront…i know these components alone are worth more than you’re asking for, and im still gonna low-ball you…that’s right gonna bust your balls….and yet he was like….ok…deal.

        • Such is my life as a furniture maker.

          • Blackest Noobs

            sorry….that’s way more quality work than my bike.

          • Ride on!

    • tehbaddr

      I think they might have been taking the piss?

      • Blackest Noobs

        oh i’ve seen that for sure…..but this is a kick ass fucking bike…like before bringing my baby in for service, i took it for a ride….my other bikes were nice but nothing like this….like it weighs less than both my other two bikes together and it’s full suspension.

        i think i died and went to mountain biking heaven on this ride.

        • tehbaddr

          So, you want to send the bike to me, just to check it out and make sure it’s all that. You really want to do this, trust me.

          • Blackest Noobs

            ha ha

        • therealpuredog

          “. . .it weighs less than both my other two bikes together. . .”
          I know what you’re getting at, and am sure it’s an awesome ride, but this made me laugh.

  • tehbaddr

    Well, I don’t know about Libtards Womens not loving their Babbies, but I am all down with death by snu-snu!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I’m not up to it any more myself, if you know what I mean…

      • tehbaddr

        They have pills for that! I’m Bob Dole, and I “support” this message!

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          They only work for those who have a functional circulatory system…:-(

          • tehbaddr

            I see your problem Bub. Hey here have a Walkman, it plays music!

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            Thanks man!

      • Lord Jim

        Are their no implants for this purpose?

        • tehbaddr

          Sure there are! Get thebaddr’s rocket stiff urethral rod! Turn that softy into a rigid re member able experience! “Urethral rod sold separately”.

  • Christopher Story

    That bit about using sexuality as currency… Isn’t that what whores do? Did this guy just suggest that all women are naturally whores and need to be trained by religion how to not be cheap whores just giving it away?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      In fairness, call girls are probably the women with whom he’s in closest contact, if you know what I mean, and I think you do…

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        They… carpool?

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Given his conservative religious leanings, I’d say rent boys, but just to carry his luggage.

      • JustDon’tSayPeter

        At UT Austin, I assume. Back when there were yellow pages, Austin’s yellow pages had something like 6 pages of “escort service” providers.

        Um – or so a friend told me…

    • altleftjohn

      For these people, women have nothing to offer but sex.

      • TootsStansbury

        And sammiches

        • Christopher Story

          Please, stuffed chicken pom or GTFO.

        • Hey wait a minute, I made sammiches for Ms. Dreaming last night.

          • TootsStansbury

            Mr. S. is the regular sandwiches preparer, I do the picnic or travel sammies. We both agree that the sandwich tastes better when prepared by someone else.

        • altleftjohn

          Tasty, delicious sammiches. Mmmmmmm.

          https://media1.giphy.com/media/uIWdGg5uT7BrG/200_s.gif

      • Christopher Story

        In my household, I do the cooking. Beautiful has come a long way from her days of tv dinners, but I’m still the boss of my kitchen. I make my Beautiful delicious dinners, because Iove her and I love impressing her with how awesome I am. I figure that’s the best way to keep her from looking for someone else who is awesome. And I bet all that blows their damned mind.

    • And wouldn’t that imply that all men are just johns who have to pay for sex? I certainly don’t want to believe that either implication is true.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Yes. And don’t forget, ladies, your value goes up dramatically if some responsible male in your family can certify that you have the original factory seal.

        • I guess politics and sex are the only two professions where lack of experience are supposed to make you more valuable? smh

    • Panika MCD

      that is what he suggested.

    • TootsStansbury

      What a horrible way to go through life. These eejits are missing so much.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    In case any of you Wonkers have people in Peurto Rico:

    https://twitter.com/Freeyourmindkid/status/910626844285833216

    • TootsStansbury

      Jesus fucking Christ. Sorry, but pissed.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Yikes.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Damn. Those poor people.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    How fucking long before Donnie puts a great big “4 Sale, Cheep!” sign on the White House lawn? And how many of his supporters will fall all over themselves lauding his “business genius” when he does?

    https://twitter.com/davidfrum/status/910954036773507073

    • Lord Jim

      It’s funny how the sort of behaviour for which the Trumpanzees laud their Fuhrer is the same sort of behaviour that would rouse them to scream for Clinton’s head had she been President. It’s like they’re hypocrites or something…

      • ManchuCandidate

        Also just plain fucking stupid.

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        It’s almost as if they’re constantly full of shit!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • m3bosha

    Um…. I thought the MRA white christian crybabies wanted chicks to want moar banginzy times with them. It’s almost like these guys really prefer the liberal hoorez and are sad they are stuck with the sex is for procreation only churchy chicks. Hmm.

  • Christopher Story
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      In her fundament….

  • shart of turin

    The solution seems pretty simple. Just tell men to quit:
    – watching internet porn
    – having sex with women who want to have sex with them
    – living with women as an alternative to jumping into marriage

    Easy peasy! Why make the ladies take all the heat?

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Because everything is women’s fault.

      Like boys failing to get into and do well in college. Girls’ fault!

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Us girls are nefarious. We can’t help it, it’s just our nature.

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          It’s in our nature to bewitch and bedevil

          • mancityRed6

            I read it on the internet, it must be true

          • WomanInThePersistence

            As you know, we can’t help it.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          That tears it. I’m not gonna have sex with you now.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Dammit. You’ve seen through my evil plans.

  • CO
    • OrG

      Do they make them that small?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        No, but that’s not a problem. For Trump, they work as hand cuffs.

    • Panika MCD

      maybe we could get Coca Cola to say they will no longer be making Diet Coke in the US?

    • Canned Covfefe

      LOL

  • Juan de Fuca

    For Panika MCD. ;-)

    And the rest of you heathens, also too!

    https://youtu.be/ZRXGsPBUV5g

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Aaaahhhhh……..

  • Jamoche