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Twin Pizzagate idiots Mike Cernovich and Alex Jones have some harsh words for you, the Deep State, and Hollywood’s Morgan Freeman. They know full well that the only reason people hate them, Hollywood hates them, and the Deep State is “going after them” is not because they are wacky, hateful, bigoted conspiracy theorists, no not at all. Rather, it is because they hate pedophilia so much and are the only ones on the planet who are not into that. Also this is why you don’t like Putin. Because he doesn’t like pedophilia either.

And here you were thinking you hated them all for totally different reasons than that! No, it is because you LOVE pedophilia and they hate it.

On an episode of Infowars, Jones and Cernovich took some time to expound on this theory.

The video opens with Cernovich whining that Morgan Freeman is not making any documentaries about how pedophiles are bad — referring to a video, produced by Rob Reiner’s Committee To Investigate Russia, in which Morgan Freeman calls for further investigation into whether or not Russia interfered in our elections.

And why isn’t Morgan Freeman making documentaries about how pedophiles are bad? Well, obviously it is because he, along with everyone else in Hollywood, loves pedophiles. Indeed, the whole reason anyone is even talking about Russia having interfered in our election is because Putin hates pedophiles.

Via RightWingWatch:

Cernovich speculated, “What I think is actually going on here is Putin is actually very anti-pedophile and has done a lot of things to fight the –“

Jones interrupted, “Oh no, that’s what it is. There’s a global anti-pedophile network. Now if you’re not for the pedophiles, you’re against them and that’s what it is. And anybody for the deep state is now a pedophile.”

“Deep state is definitely part of the pedophile networks and they are pro-pedophile. There’s no question about it,” Cernovich said.

These Deep State investigations are almost definitely why Alex Jones went to great lengths to insist that he did not promote the Pizzagate conspiracy theory, even though he definitely did.

The dynamic duo then explain that Facebook and Google have “literally hired lobbyists” to allow them to run advertisements for “enslaved and kidnapped women on the web.”

CERNOVICH: So if you want to kidnap a child, chain her to a radiator in the house, beat her up with a whip…
JONES: And let ten guys rape her a day and give her AIDS and then shoot her in back of the head and throw her in a lake, it’s totally liberal.[…] As long as you’re liberal it’s loving!

I am just going to leave this here.

The lobbying they are referring to is not to allow them to run advertisements for “child molestation,” but rather the fact that the language in a bill meant to curtail online advertising of prostitution by allowing lawsuits against sites where someone might post such an advertisement is too broad. Which, frankly, it is. There is also an argument to be made that banning sex workers from advertising online actually makes things more dangerous for them. In fact, some sex workers are mad at (liberal!) Kamala Harris for doing that very thing!

Cernovich, for his part, is very disappointed that all these people are allowed to advertise their child molestation and torture on Google and Facebook, but no one will let him or Jones or Jack Posobiec or Gab’s Andrew Torba have any free speech at all. Unfair!

They both agreed that no one would have a problem with them or Putin if they were not talking about pedophiles and pedophile rings, and that they are essentially telling them “Just leave the pedophiles alone, everything will be all right.” Yes, that is definitely what we are all saying and thinking about Alex Jones, Mike Cernovich and Vladmir Putin all of the time.

I don’t know if it is just that, though. People probably also hate them because they are so very good looking and have the best taste in fashion.

[RightWingWatch]

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  • Michael R

    How do they defend Koch brothers and Mercers who
    are doing exactly what they accuse the ” deep state ” of doing ?

    • Raan

      I don’t know, some bullshit probably.

  • Roadstergal

    Ah, yes. Famed anti-Trump anti-Russian liberal activist Milo Y.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    I could have lived the rest of my life without reading those tweets, especially since any reasonable response would be against the rules of commenting.

    • tomamitai

      And the laws of man and God also, too.

  • SweetDeeKat

    Cernovich has never heard of roofies. Or how brain damage can cause delusional and paranoid thinking.

    • Arolpin

      Yeah, I really believe that Mike “Roofie-Rapist” Cernovich has never heard of roofies.

    • Parakeetist

      So can being A Idiot.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Geeze Jones and Not America Last Name Guy have a pizza slice and relax.

    They really spend a lot of time talking about pedos. Not saying just saying.

  • Major_Major_Major

    How the fuck do they actually come up with this shit? It’s like a bad sitcom where a pair of Archie Bunker’s just keep spitballing weird and racist shit at each other and building of the others crazy.

    • DrBigHead

      libruls are capable of damn near anything….

      • Finnibar87

        We have many, many superpowers.

    • tomamitai

      Bad BBQ and trucker speed?

    • Raan

      A lifetime of inferiority and repressed homosexuality.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Dumpster-diving behind the John Birch meeting hall?

  • JMP

    Last week, one of the trolls over on that endlessly trolled thread on Hillary Clinton’s book – one of the right-wing trolls, not one of the fauxgressive purity trolls – out of nowhere called me a member of NAMBLA, in a way that made no sense at all; I figured that must be some new utterly nonsensical wingnut meme, and yep, here it is.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      It is, I see it a lot of places online where conservatives, especially the gang in the white house are being mocked. In fact, there is at least one reference to it in every Colbert monologue comment section on YouTube.

      • tomamitai

        Is it the new “cuck”?

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Kind of, but it is usually aimed at the supposed liberal as opposed to fellow conservatives.

          • JMP

            “Cuck” is generally an insult they use for liberals, though, specifically for non-racist white people; they also sometimes use it for conservatives they consider insufficiently white supremacist, but that’s not the normal target.

    • Bitter Scribe

      This Cernovich guy is notorious for calling everyone who gets into a dispute with him a pedophile. One of these days he’s going to do that to the wrong person, and then he’ll have to do the Alex Jones Choibani choke.

      • Raan

        Now I’m imagining Undertaker holding Cernovich by the neck with one hand.

        “Dead Man” gimmick Undertaker though, not that crappy biker gimmick.

      • JMP

        If he’s that obsessed with calling others pedophiles, I hope the police are keeping a close look at his interactions with minors.

        • Raan

          I am breathlessly awaiting news of the no-knock search warrant.

      • Arolpin

        Or he’ll get hit over the head with a ton of votes. Heavy, hard, non-paper votes.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          Or have a cheese pizza thrown at him.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Yeah. NAMBLA has made it to their narrative for some reason. My guess is just another case of projection. I think they’re worried one of their big wigs will soon be exposed for being a member or something and they want to make the whole issue less shocking by planting it on people’s heads.

      • richardgrabman

        A friend of mine was approached by people representing NAMBLA years ago, who carelessly left their credit card flimsy (like I said, a long time ago) where he could retrieve it and trace it back to the NYC Police Dept. The only written evidence I have ever seen of NAMBLA’s actual existence is a few sad souls claim to have membership cards from a post office box in Boston, but no one has ever claimed to be an officer or representative of the organization, the closest being some guy in Boston who “volunteered” to answer mail from the group. The other supposed “front men” — like the late Alan Ginsburg — were defending “free speech” (or at least the far fringes thereof) but never actually claimed to be any affliliation). Strange.

        Which left me wondering why a supposedly US organization had “North American” in their name, when at the time, it was only Canadian organizations that regularly did that. My guess, and that of the one person í know of who bothered to try confirming NAMBLA’s actual existence, is that it was originally a Montreal Police sting operation that took on a shadowy life of its own. And whoever was issuing membership cards was either a police organization or just some lone weirdo.

        • Walter Wellstone

          That’s interesting. I knew there was some Canadian connection (hence the North America in their name.) I hadn’t heard it was a sting operation but I wouldn’t be surprised.

    • tomamitai

      I think the Russians may have a hand in it, or at least set them an example. They used the excuse of “protecting the children” to ban public “propagandizing” that promotes “non-traditional sexual relationships”, i.e. advocating for gay rights. A lot of LGBTQ bloggers dumped Livejournal after it was purchased by Russians and came under Russian legal jurisdiction.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    Look, I know this isn’t how probable cause works, but maybe some law enforcement agency ought to check these guy’s basements.

    • Parakeetist

      Yep.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    I’m not sure these two fully understand what rape is. I’m not saying they need to learn first-hand, I’m just saying the word, ‘votes.’

  • JMP

    No pedo, no pedo! You’re – you’re the pedo!

  • Lulu’s Mom

    Could this by why Shitler called an African nation #Nambia? Sounds like NAMBLA?

  • Finnibar87

    Men obsessed with pedophilia all too often end up exposed as pedophiles.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I’ve been trying to imagine what kind of text Cernovich sends to a “girl” after “abusing” her, but some things are too depraved even for me.

    • Parakeetist

      Hluuuuuurl

    • Uncle Mark

      Real heterosexual men don’t have to brag about abusing women. I can only guess that his misogyny and his boasting about being with women stands in sharp contrast with reality that women don’t want to go out with him…or that he’s overcompensating for his latent homosexuality.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Or for the fact that he lives off alimony from his ex-wife.

    • He’d pretend to respect and like her, fishing for a positive response, to keep as “evidence” it wasn’t rape.

  • JMP

    But defending a man who used to abuse his position running pageants to go into backstage rooms and stare at underage girls changing is perfectly OK.

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      It only counts as pedophilia if it’s a gay dude. Or something.

      • tomamitai

        Or a Muslim, of course.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Don’t forget the child rape.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    I note that Cernovich and Jones make these claims from the comfort of their studio. Because I have a feeling if they did so anywhere else there would be a serious breach of the public peace.

    • Raan

      Without votes.

  • Raan

    It took all of my self-control for this phone not to be embedded in the drywall.

  • Panika MCD

    maybe we don’t make documentaries to drive home the point “pedophilia = bad” because most people don’t need to be convinced. children can’t consent. there’s a reason for that and why we liberals like CONSENT so much! also too: a big reason we don’t pal around with people like Ted Nugent and Dennis Hastert.

    and am I the only one disturbed by the level of detail they go into about child sex slaves? it’s like they’re overcompensating for something. anyone checked Cernovich’s basement lately?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Who knew that unless we constantly yell “I AM NOT A SEXUAL PREDATOR” we’re confessing to being sexual predators?

      • Panika MCD

        it really is astounding logic. that’s why I always wear my “Balls are GROSS! Spay/Neuter” shirt.

      • Covfefe

        OK Spots, people want to know when you’ve stopped preditting kids?

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          After I stopped killing homeless people to harvest their organs for the black market, I think.

          • Raan

            That’s what I want. I want to get to a place where politicians can be sarcastic when they’re asked bullshit questions.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      And the fact is, most people don’t even need a rationale like the fact that children can’t consent. The very idea, to all but that lonely, accursed class, is ludicrous. Like someone suggesting you might be attracted to a rock or a goldfish.

      • Panika MCD

        Jeff Mateer is worried about you marrying a rock or a goldfish and then forcing him to learn the SATAN WORD for your accursed union.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Well, it is just a matter of time.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Hey, Goldy’s kinda hot!

    • Relativicus

      Yes, and though there were a shit-ton of empty pizza boxes down there, we found no evidence of him running a sex dungeon in the basement. Almost the exact opposite, actually. Seems as if there’s been no sex anywhere in his house for quite some time. Previous owner, probably.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Proving again, you can’t fix stupid.

    • Covfefe

      What is difference between Russian Facebook ads and Alex Jones show?

  • Covfefe

    I feel that all this money spent on the Russian investigations is wasted. Who believes Donald needs these tiresome investigations to know everything there is to know about Russian interference in the 2016 election?

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Are these two even married? And if so, does anyone know the names of the goats involved?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I believe their names are ‘Right Hand’ and ‘Left Hand.’

      • Raan

        No, Palmela and Prof. Hans Jerkov.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Remember Jones just went through very public divorce proceedings. As for the other guy, I sure hope not.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Their taste isn’t even that good. They’re sheep-shaggers.

      • anon_the_great

        Hey. Everyone knows sheep taste better than goats

        • Lance Thrustwell

          And afford a better grip too, I suppose. But look – a man’s got to have some standards!

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            And yet I keep throwing myself at you, fool that I am…

          • Covfefe

            The trouble with dating young girls is that you end up being the adult, which defeats the whole point of being a man.

    • NastyBossetti

      Cernovich has been married twice.

  • Lance Thrustwell
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Now if you’re not for the pedophiles, you’re against them

    Say, you know who else liked to pose binary false choices?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Sith Lords?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Jesus or Hitler?

    • OutOfOrbit

      i thinx they protest too loudly

      • wide_stance_hubby

        See also, ‘Catholic Church.’

    • wide_stance_hubby

      So, you’re saying they were literally against pedophiles before they were fore them?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Only one of two guys. Ever.

    • anon_the_great

      God?

    • Raan

      All Republican politicians and most of their voters?

      • arglebargle

        Hell, they have mononary false choices.

    • Panika MCD

      Dick and Jane?

    • JMP

      10001000011111100111001101111111001011?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I know that guy!

      • C4TWOMAN

        01100110011000010110101101100101001000000110001101101111011001000110010100100001

      • … to quote from the prophet Jerematic.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      The person who decided that bathrooms should always and only come in pairs?

    • SeeTrain65

      “10110, Sir!”

      “Don’t tell me to fuck off, Hennemore!”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mo_tpE6mybo

    • Relativicus

      Evil R2-D2?

  • biologydave
    • wait! what?

      I’m rock hard.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I’ll wait for Jerry Sandusky to weigh in…

  • Covfefe

    They forgot about that flaming liberal Rush Limbaugh, a Hollywood personality if there ever was one. Almost make you wonder whether Rush is on the Russian payroll too.

  • HellhathnofuryDemme
    • Eileen Besse

      THANK YOU!!!!!

      • HellhathnofuryDemme

        So welcome!

  • wait! what?

    I think all of this unresolved pent up anger comes from Alex having the middle name Emerick.

    I think fate just handed him auntie Em as a nickname…

    • PubOption

      If his parents liked Pressburger’s films, THEY can’t have been all bad.

  • thewalkindude
  • whitroth

    Just two comments: first… the HUUUGGEEE interest in the Horrors of Paedophilia… is fairly new. And I’m still trying to figure out just where the market is? The only paedophile that I can think of, off the bat, is Trump…. Oh, and are we talking 6 yr olds, or 17.5 yr olds?

    And second, y’know, these guys protesteth too much.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      You know, I’ve always wondered; who’s the bigger pervert, the guy who fucks a 12 year old girl because she looks 18,or the guy who does an 18 year old cause she looks 12?

      • ryp

        Whichever one thinks the girl is 12.

      • whitroth

        I dunno. My take on that, along with why shaving pubic hair came in, is that it makes them look “virginal”… and so unlikely to have AIDS.

        And, of course, they’re not assertive, and, clutch your pearls here, you don’t want to have sex with an Assertive, Bossy Woman, why, they might be (horrors!) FEMINAZIS!!!

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          Da, DUM, DUM!

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I got sucked into reading some online flame war between crazy cat lady animal rescuers. There are great animal rescues out there, but there are also grifters, as well as people who are vicious bat shit crazy. After screeching the accusation of “animal hoarder” the next most popular accusation was “pedophile”. Its the worst thing you can be in our society, so crazy or evil people figure they can intimidate you.

  • TJ Barke

    I hate Cernovich and Jones because they’re hacks and charlatans, leading sheep that think they aren’t sheep, and I hate Putin because he’s a vicious thug with connections and power to do what he wants, including violating the sovereignty of our nation and the integrity of our democracy. The end.

    • SisterArtemis

      I like your line of thought and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      So what you’re saying is your reasons for hating Pooty and His Junk Lifters have everything to do with reasonable expectations for human decency andnothing to do with outlandish, slightly delusional conspiracy theories about secret pedophile rings???

      Well, you’re going to have to do more to convince me of that, buddy!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “Death Wish” Coffee Being Recalled – Due to Risk of Death

    https://www.fda.gov/Safety/Recalls/ucm576809.htm?source=govdelivery

  • SayItWithWookies

    Putin’s against pedophilia? That’s brand new news, since I’ve never heard that about him in the decades he’s been in power. But it makes sense — only someone who was against pedophilia would spend the entire last presidential campaign trying to get US laws changed so he could sell — I mean send — orphans to America again.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      He’s not against pedophilia. He’s homophobic, and in the minds of these 2 dickbrains it’s the same thing.

      • richardgrabman

        Exactly! Look at anti-gay propaganda… it’s gotten a bit more sophisticated in the last 10-15 years, but it’s still making the assumption that men having sex with boys (even when the “boy” is technically a legal adult) is somehow different than sex with underage girls. Maybe it is, but pedophiles are overwhelmingly “straight” men.

  • The Wanderer

    “If an interesting man is looking for good conversation, he’d rather talk to a man.”

    So Cernovich believes in the Platonic ideal that relationships between men are fuller, deeper, and more in sympathy with each other than relationships with women. Good to know.

    • Panika MCD

      wonder how old the boys he talks to on these “talky dates” are.

    • Thiazin Red

      If he did like Plato, the whole anti-pedo thing would be pretty ironic.

      • Panika MCD

        see…Plato lets people like Cernovich into the Republic, but not poets?

        • The Flaming Carrot

          Yeah. Because it was a Republic, not a democracy.

          • Panika MCD

            also too: because Plato couldn’t hack competition.

          • wait! what?

            For the fucking win.

      • The Wanderer

        You done caught me. Eeyup, I was implying that Cernovich “putts from the rough.”

      • Carole

        Here you go. . . straight from the ass’s mouth, about 2/3 of the way down. It’s better if you imagine his lispy tenor voice in your mind’s ear while you’re reading. http://www2.dangerandplay.com/2014/06/13/book-recommendations/

    • anon_the_great

      Cernovich believes in nothing. He is too stupid to do otherwise

    • wait! what?

      I believe he prefers the term “man-sharing” over relationship.

    • Raan

      He just wants to talk about how he grabs ’em by the pussy without a woman getting all uppity.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i know lots of wimmenz who i like, no men that i can think of

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That’s him – the Classical Ideal.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      He and BBQJones definitely belong to the Sacred Band of Feebs.

  • JMP

    Was it liberals who made a child molester Speaker of the House from 1998 until 2007?

    • The Wanderer

      The liberals used their awesome Jedi mind control powers to make the GOP choose Hastert.

      • SayItWithWookies

        They did it just to make Republicans look bad. And to discredit the Hastert Rule forever.

    • Covfefe

      The liberals indirectly made Hastert speaker of the house because they attacked .Gingrich and then Livingston for having affairs with women. The GOP then needed someone like Hastert who could not be accused of having an affair with women. GOP just didn’t think it through.

  • bubbuhh

    You know who are the worst countries in the world for sex trafficking n pedophilia? Russia n the Ukraine. Wanna bet on whether or not Alex Jones n hiz buddies do sex wif minors? I’ll give odds.

  • Law Man

    On an appearance on The Howard Stern Show in 2005, published on Sunday by CNN, Trump described going backstage at the beauty pageants while the contestants were undressed. “Before a show, I’ll go backstage and everyone’s getting dressed, and everything else, and you know, no men are anywhere, and I’m allowed to go in because I’m the owner of the pageant and therefore I’m inspecting it,” he said. “You know, I’m inspecting because I want to make sure that everything is good.”

    “You know, they’re standing there with no clothes. ‘Is everybody okay?’” he continued. “And you see these incredible looking women, and so, I sort of get away with things like that.”

    According to interviews BuzzFeed News conducted with former Miss Teen USA contestants, Trump did just that in 1997. Four women who were competing in the pageant that year — including one who was 15 at the time — recalled that Trump walked into the dressing area while they were changing.

    https://thinkprogress.org/trump-beauty-pageants-naked-2dc4b6c6d507/

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    You know, nobody obsesses more over date rape and pedophelia than date rapist and pedophiles. Or those that are seriously considering getting into that sort of thing.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      You know who doesn’t believe date rape exists? People who engage in date rape.

      • JMP

        “How dare that crazy bitch accuse me of rape! All I did was force her to have sex with me after she said ‘no’!”

        And the sad part is there are a shitload of people who think that somehow is not rape.

      • Thiazin Red

        See the disturbing number of comments on any article about rape from people who don’t think assaulting a passed out/sleeping woman is rape.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          That’s quite alright.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Anyone else terrified because it’s almost always projection with these guys?

    • wait! what?

      All of us, Katie.

      All of us…

    • Thiazin Red

      The description of what happens to the girl had a creepy level of detail.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Right?

  • therblig

    do they really believe this shit or is it just part of the grift?

  • Arolpin

    I’m not sure if ‘Projection” or ‘When you point the finger, 4 are pointed back at you’ is the appropriate response to these fucking infected pustules.

  • Banning the advertisements for adult services won’t work at a federal or international level, because we have places in the US like the bunny ranch, where it is 100% legal for these services to occur. Any advertising bans would have to be at the local and state level rather than a blanket ban across the services, and nothing would prevent these cross-state lines ads from being viewed.

    Let’s say I was living in FL (where adult services are illegal, but shooting adult films are not), and I saw an advertisement for some services in Amsterdam (where it is legal), would that be illegal under this new ban? Does the US then get to say to Amsterdam that advertisement of adult services is now illegal? What about even within the US in places where it is legalized, since the federal government has no law against prostitution, there is no federal precedence over state and local laws so…

    • bubbuhh

      The places which provide child sex services or captive adult services don’t advertise in any way that can be controlled by regulation. It’s mostly word of mouth or standing on the street corner stuff.

  • OK, I’m convinced!

    Trump supporters love NAMBLA!!!1!1!
    https://i.makeagif.com/media/10-11-2015/larm1A.gif

    Thanks Mike Cernovich and Alex Jones

    • You know what the new NAMBLA pseudonym is out there – “Nambia” – the L and I are so close to each other on the keyboard what when fat fingered turnips try and type it into a search engine they end up searching for Nambia instead. Hence the typographical mistake in trumps luncheon rant yesderrday.

    • Thiazin Red

      I still want the spin off with her, Jodie and Alex.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I was in a brief email exchange once with an admitted pedophile. Not one who’d ever actually harmed children – rather, a guy who recognized that he could never, ever act on his impulses, and had committed himself to a lifetime of celibacy. I felt sorry for him, and I encouraged him to keep telling people, and to stay strong.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I literally cannot think of a worse life to be condemned to, though I’m glad that guy seems to have it under control.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        It really seems like a no-joke, old-school, curse. Can’t think of a more appropriate word.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Curse really is the word, since they didn’t choose their sexuality and probably desperately hope they could. It’s like being a werewolf, you’re terrified of and disgusted with what you are and can become. It’s got to be awful, and that guy has my deepest respect.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      The Woodsman was a very good film on this subject. Sad and depressing, but good.

  • Panika MCD

    can you imagine what their conversation before they turned the cameras on was like?

    AJ: so we have to call them something to justify why people don’t like us. hit back at them, MAN!

    MC: anti-rape zealots!

    AJ: you’re not supposed to like rape. there are documentaries.

    MC: there aren’t documentaries about carrots! they must either love or hate carrots. I hate carrots, but I love the color of our empOrEr.

    AJ: is there BBQ sauce? maybe they hate BBQ sauce?

    MC: nah. my spies have found they like BBQ.

    AJ: ….

    MC: and chili.

    AJ: ….

    MC: how about they love carrots?

    AJ: little kids eat carrots…must be why there are no documentaries about carrots or pedophilia!

    MC: JACKPOTS!

    • clairence

      it looked like Jones kept reading from his notes.
      and what was with the constant interrupting? No wonder his wife left him.

  • TheStrayGoose

    I love Wonkette! Oh shit, wait…Wonkette is only thirteen…Godammit.

    • That’s at least 30 in snark years.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Yep… that clam’s gotta stay canned for a while…

  • Scooby

    His examples seemed waaay to overly specific.

  • C4TWOMAN

    O/T
    In other Russia Propaganda Whorebot news, Abby Martin(former darling of Russia Today) is trying to rehabilitate herself as a “real” journalist.

    Before–dismissing Russia Hack and Fake news reports:
    https://wearechange.org/abby-martin-exposes-fake-news-about-russia/

    More recently: “deeply” concerned about racism..
    http://mediaroots.org/from-1776-to-trump-white-mobs-racist-heroes-hidden-history/

    I really despise this woman. She was heavily involved in the 9/11 conspiracy truther “movement”, which had heavy involvement of the Tea Party cum Trumpets.
    None of this overlap of racists/Tea Partiers/neo-Nazis is news to her.

    At least she’s quiet–er these days….

    https://thedailybanter.com/2014/03/well-this-sucks-abby-martin-is-a-911-truther

    Note following video was made sometime after her brother(Robbie Martin)–who lived in Russia for years–got her involved in conspiracy propaganda. I think he also introduced to to Alex Jones. It’s hard not to think they’re Russian assets…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvoWfhoF0Xs

    • TJ Barke

      You get involved in Russia, they’ll own you.

      • wait! what?

        And then the murders begin.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Word.

        Due to my ill spent time in past “gray net” activities, I have a pretty good idea how people can get recruited/trapped into scams and cults. The easily corrupted get tripped up by their arrogance and are pressured/blackmailed into whatever. Innocents are kept in a Truman Show web of lies that depressingly few manage to escape–the ones that do are labeled as mentally ill to discredit their evidence. Even fewer managed to get the goods to scare the shit out of the fuckers for eternity.

        Of course it all depends what the stakes are…but considering the effort, money has to be a big part of it. If you piss these people off, you really want to be in a non-mafia run Western Country. As horrible as the Gamergate style cyber harassment is, it’s a sign we’re not a complete shit hole. In Albania, Russia or wherever, you just disappear. Here they’re reduced to vomiting nastiness on the Interwebs and hoping it’ll scare you off.

    • clairence

      hahaha! Where did these huge buildings go? It was magic! And in broad daylight too!

  • Oblios_Cap

    CERNOVICH: So if you want to kidnap a child, chain her to a radiator in the house, beat her up with a whip…
    JONES: And let ten guys rape her a day and give her AIDS and then shoot her in back of the head and throw her in a lake, it’s totally liberal.[…] As long as you’re liberal it’s loving!

    And they call us sick.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      They’re projecting.

    • weighmaster

      It does seem a little…projectiony

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Someone should investigate their basements.

  • clairence

    I thought NAMBLA was O’Reilly’s thing.
    Well, not thing thing, but wasn’t that his talking point for years?
    These guys need a three-way.
    *conversation! I meant conversation!
    Geez.

  • Panika MCD

    these guys do have a point: we have to keep making documentaries to remind them “slavery = bad”. but I’m not sure more documentaries are the answer.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      What’s next? A documentary reminding us the Vietnam War was bad? I thought Sylvester Stallone settled that question in the 1985 summer blockbuster season.

      • Panika MCD

        we also have to make documentaries to remind them “rape = bad”…

        maybe one where we remind them “cancer = bad”?

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Too cerebral. You’ll have to dumb it down to the point of “bad = bad”

          • Panika MCD

            that’s where we have gone wrong. we need a documentary for “words have meanings”.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          “Not if a lib’rul gets it!!1!”

    • jesterpunk

      Dont forget statues, you need statues to remember history.

  • george lastrapes

    On the plus side, it just maybe seems like these two nutsacks have joined hands and JUMPED THE SHARK.
    Alt-fact-wise-ly speaking………………………………………………………………………..AND
    I know a stone-cold racist or two who LOVE Morgan Freeman.
    And I apologize for being so gobsmacked that I resort to ALL CAPS.

  • Marla

    Really? This is the best Jone$ can come up with to keep his bank account flowing? It’s like he doesn’t even try anymore. I got beyond bored 30 seconds into the vid. What a letdown.

    • george lastrapes

      If the history of western art, music, etc. is any guide, the baroque becomes the rococco, which becomes mannerism, which nobody can stand- clearing the stage for a rebirth of classicism.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Tune into my Ye Olde Liberale Radio station we will be starting anon:
        KDOMINI

      • george lastrapes

        Hey, it happened in rock music.

  • spangled

    all liberals are pedophiles and all conservatives are saints DUH

    dennis hastert? SECRET DEMOCRAT

    • mardam422

      As heads is tails, just call me Lucifer

      • Eileen Besse

        UPFISTED!

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        “cause I’m in need of some restraint.”

  • Joe Beese
    • Joe Beese

      (O/T: You know, that look has aged a lot better than most stuff from 1987.)

    • DrBigHead

      This is so astonishlingly delusiuonal., I am absolutely convinced that his own governor (who is my governor as well) would end the requirements in a heartbeat.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      You know what works better than hoping governors will do something? Requiring them by law to do it. Not giving them the oportunity is an even better way.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Just like they completely took on the burden of taking care of the mentally ill.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      And we had absolute faith that they wouldn’t dick around with Medicaid expansion. How’d that end up again?

  • godofchunder

    Did any of you guys see where either of them denounced duck-fucking in this video??? Nope, neither did I.

    Why did they spend their time making THIS video when they could’ve been making an anti-duck-fucking video?

    • AJ Milne

      Clearly closet duck fuckers.

      (Now say that five times fast.)

      • Parakeetist

        Thbblblllth

      • The Wanderer

        (Now say that five times fast.)

        Sure!

        Thatthatthatthatthat.

        • AJ Milne

          Mooooom! Wanderer’s doing it agaaaain!!!

          • therealpuredog

            Haven’t you heard? This is just one of my, er, I mean his, rolling accounts. Be grateful you were spared his usual obscene filth!

    • JMP

      Because sex with ducks and gay marriage are one and the same…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXPcBI4CJc8

      • Parakeetist

        Yay!

      • clairence

        Clearly people with too much time on their hands. but I’m glad. That was entertaining.

        • therblig

          G&O rock!

        • bbayliss
        • JMP

          I wouldn’t say a musical group composed of two professional comedians for whom making a video like this is part of their job have too much time on their hands.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I’ll just say that those two, ah, tickle my fancy.

    • Panika MCD
      • The Wanderer

        Duck pedophilia.

        • Panika MCD

          ducklingphilia, please!

      • Joe Beese

        The duck seems very happy.

        • therblig

          he’s big on the web

      • eastcoastlib

        He looks delicious

        • Panika MCD

          you need to talk to your pastor about your urges.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            For instructions or…

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Ducks are good. Now geese? Them’s just plain mean.

    • therblig

      duck fucking? that old canard?

      • Arolpin

        How do you fuck something that smells like that, they’re mallardodorous.

        • therblig

          it depends on how much you want to get down

        • I dunno; I might take a shot at it.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Isn’t a ‘canard’ a kind of duck?

  • So, if there’s a problem with one of Alex Jones’ advertisers, he’d be OK with getting sued and criminally charged?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Quit dodging the issue. Did they find radiators in the pizza shop basement or not?

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Is that what they use to control the weather?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        It’s where they keep the fluoride that they use to make the chemtrails.

    • therealpuredog

      Too soon to say. They’re still looking for the basement.

  • Joe Beese
    • Joe Beese
    • Panika MCD

      aren’t all states supposed to be treated the same?

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Yes they are, in fact it’s constitutionally required.

        • Panika MCD

          has someone reminded them that AK is not a territory?

      • Covfefe

        Interesting question. States historically have not suffered enough discrimination to amount to a “Suspect class,” so there’s no “heightened review.” But in City of Cleburne v Cleburne Living Center, — remember that case — the Supreme Court held there had to be a “rational basis” for the discrimination.

    • therealpuredog

      Well, they’ve got the Mitch/Garland thing setting the standard, so they have to be creative.

  • AJ Milne

    It’s the standard fascist playbook: heap upon your enemies any slander, any libel, any horror, any charge, the more lurid the better.

    Nasty pieces of work, these.

  • Umm no, Putin is not “anti-pedophile”. He is anti-LGBTQ, and a basic SOP of being a fartsniffing hateful bigot about people whose sexual preferences and/or sexuality differ from yours is comparing them all to kiddy-diddlers.

    I hate to get all “he who smelt it dealt it” here, but damn, lately the fringe right wackos are OBSESSED with pedophilia. Pizzagate, sex slaves on Mars, the Deep State is all Satan-worshiping baby-rapers… really makes you wonder what they’re projecting.

    • DrBigHead

      In the minds of many of these assholes, “gay” and “pedophile” are the same thing.

      • Yes, that is the point I was making about Putin.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/news-and-views/rush-limbaugh-thinks-the-left-are-obsessed-with-consent-is-correct-20161014-gs2fo4.html

        As Rush so inadvertently pointed out, conservatives really don’t understand the concept that lack of adult consent is the only valid moral barrier to sexual activity.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Welp, they have trouble accepting women as adults, so it’s be be expected they’re confuzzled on the rest of what it means to be an adult….

      • They have the Authoritarian mindset, whether they are religious or not. For authoritarians, “morality”, or acceptable behavior, is all about obedience to the king authorities. Consent has nothing to do with it for these people, it’s all about doing what they’re told.

        This is why they can equate gay sex and child molesting in their minds:
        1. It’s about sex, which drives them crazy and makes them stupid, and
        2. It shows disobedience on the part of the actor (the adult male).

        Edit to add: They are genuinely baffled why we keep bringing up consent. What does that have to do with morality? Authoritarians consider the Golden Rule to be confusing and hard to pin down.

    • nosuchuser

      I’m afraid that we’re going to find out one day; it’ll probably boil down to them looking at the Catholic Church’s problem and saying ‘hold my beer.’

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I would be 100% not surprised if — allegedly! — Putin liked them young, even way too young. Allegedly! Please don’t send me any polonium tea!

  • Crystalclear12

    Remember when we could just get these people committed?
    Thanks Reagan.

    • Parakeetist

      Go, Baker Act!

  • James Baskin

    Did the Onion put this out? Seriously.

    I am glad to find out that ‘girls’ don’t get ‘it’. I have a feeling that Mr. Cernovich rarely gets ‘it’ either since he is always busy talking to interesting men like hairy chested he-wolf Alex Jones. And what interesting conversations they have. All about Putin and pedophiles and pizza and dumb ole girls who just don’t get ‘it.’

    • eastcoastlib

      Are you kidding? Comrade Cernovich is up to ears in Russian pee hookers

    • C4TWOMAN

      Upvoted for “he-wolf”.

      • James Baskin

        ;-)

    • CindyinEncinitas

      It has been my experience that the more warped a man’s talk about sex is, the less he’s getting.

  • Panika MCD

    “jockpats! emporer will be very happy with us. he will give us a jat plene!” ~M. Cernovich

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Ironic news break: Man trying to steal ancient fossilized footprints accidentally left his own at crime scene.

    https://www.livescience.com/60480-fossil-footprints-thief-caught.html?utm_source=notification

    • Joe Beese

      There’s a “don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time” joke in there somewhere.

      • Nockular cavity

        Don’t do the geologic crime if you can’t do the geologic time.

        You’re welcome.

  • eastcoastlib

    You know who else hasn’t made a documentary about pedophilia?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Serge Gainsbourg?

      • Joe Beese

        Jerry Lee Lewis?

    • jesterpunk

      Alex Jones?

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Hitler?

    • Ωbjectifier

      Roman Polanski?

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Jared Fogle?

    • Bobathonic

      Ken Burns?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      J.D. Salinger, beloved author of “For Esmé—with Love and Squalor”

      • TJ Barke

        And Executive Producer on Celebrities: What do they know? Do they know things? Let’s Find Out.

    • A Walker

      Kate Bush
      The Wood Johnson Foundation
      Sean Connery

    • Jon Sussex

      Facts because they’re too busy getting Irish people to taste test bourbon and other delicious beverages.

  • Jgb979

    Think how terrifying it must be to be Alex Jones.

    65 million people voted for Clinton and 100% of them are pedophiles. I might be bloated and crazy too if I thought one in 5 wanted to rape my child at comet pizza

    • Joe Beese

      Scamming thousands of delusional, hate-filled people isn’t for everyone.

    • Marla

      All you need is a home with a radiator.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Those North American Marlon Brando Look Alikes can never seem to catch a break. Odd, considering Jones is not very far off from being one of them.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Man, I miss the OLD tinfoil hats that only warned you about Freemasons and Jooz…

    • Marla

      Yeah, never thought the day would come when I would miss the lizard people living rent free underground at the Denver Airport.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        “Tell me more…” — L. Craig

      • WotsAllThisThen

        So that’s what happened to my luggage!

      • I thought that was David Icky?

  • Joe Beese

    “Alaska is so unique,” Graham said. “It’s like 750,000 people and a third of the size of the United States. So when they say they’re different, they really are.”

    Graham said Alaska will fare well under the bill and has made that pitch to the state’s senators. But independent analysis shows the state, over time, would see less funding than it gets today.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/09/21/alaska-medicaid-cuts-senate-obamacare-repeal-242978

    • Panika MCD

      so he doesn’t think that Alaska is part of the United States…seems legit.

    • DrBigHead

      So in his mind, because they are “different” is reason enough not to fuck them over like the rest of us?

      • Panika MCD

        we’re all unique in God’s eyes so they should treat us all special by not passing this bill?

    • NastyBossetti

      PA has both Philadelphia and Pittsburgh. How many states can say that? We are just different. We really are. We can haz healthcare now?

      • Only if you double-dog swear you’ll vote GOP, else they’ll hose you even more.

    • There’s nothing unique about Alaskans. They’re not different, they’re just okies who moved north to escape jail time and diversity.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • jesterpunk

      Trump listens to Alex Jones and takes advice from him so I guess Mike figured that is his best bet to get near Trump.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Proving that you can take the right-wing loon out of the pedophilia, but you can’t take the pedophilia out of the right-wing loon.

  • jodyleek

    These douchbags couldn’t care less who does or doesn’t make a pedophile documentary. They do know that the brain dead dipshits who listen to them will only hear the words “pedophiles…liberals…pedophiles…liberals” in proximity to one another and that’s about it. So, to their very SMRT watchers, all liberals are pedophiles. I wish it wasn’t that stupid and that easy, but it is.

  • Ωbjectifier

    What’s wrong with pedophiles? I love bicycles.
    Wait, what?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6e471c9c4d5f1d692211a052f21f423dc0d84841bb0cce5f59e53f6bd3c1480f.jpg
    Never mind.

    • Parakeetist

      Haaaaa

  • CindyinEncinitas

    So if he doesn’t get the girls he “abuses” from the Internets, where does he get them? All those girls. From a pimp? His basement sex dungeon? The local high school?

  • rosenbomb

    Trying to make sense of these asshats is a fool’s errand.

    Had a fascinating conversation the other day about support groups for people with sexual attraction to children who don’t act on their urges. Of course, it’s liberals who want to fund mental health programs that help in these situations, but WE are the pedophiles…

    • Swampgas_Man

      We are the pedos because we want them treated instead of shot and buried in unhallowed ground.

  • Joe Beese

    O/T: Valerie Plame re-tweeted some “Jews are responsible for our wars” piece from a frothing anti-Semite. At first she was like, “Read without prejudice!”. Now she’s like, “Oops. My bad.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a436e3784ab92ea68371535eae7e7653bc4f0e9e40615bdd241647b17e9104b4.png

    • TJ Barke
      • Joe Beese

        No, it’s not like that! As she points out, “I am of Jewish decent [sic].”

        • Ωbjectifier

          “Some of my best friends are Hebrews.”

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      We’ve all linked something we later regretted, but damn, Plame. Have fun getting that thrown in your face by conservatives until the end of recorded time.

      • Joe Beese

        RedState is on the case!

        Scratch a leftist and you inevitably find a raving, frothing anti-Semite just waiting to get out. Anti-Semitism is at the heart of the whole Bondage, Domination, Sadism, sorry, I mean the Boycott, Divestment, Sanctions movement. But it is rare indeed when one of them waves as points to themselves and declares their Jew-hatred.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          That would seem to explain why most Jewish people over the centuries have been left-wing, wait no it doesn’t what the fuck

          Also, I don’t know what this Bondage, Domination, Sadism movement is, but I’d like to get on board.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      And that was the last time anyone brought up Bush’s yellowcake uranium claim or Cheney’s outing of a CIA agent.

    • AJ Milne

      ‘Undercurrents’?

      … also, that Niagara Falls, it’s bit of a ride.

    • Joe Beese

      And in case you’re wondering if the author was a super crafty dickens about hiding his agenda, there’s this colorful excerpt:

      For those American Jews who lack any shred of integrity, the media should be required to label them at the bottom of the television screen whenever they pop up, e.g. Bill Kristol is “Jewish and an outspoken supporter of the state of Israel.” That would be kind-of-like a warning label on a bottle of rat poison – translating roughly as “ingest even the tiniest little dosage of the nonsense spewed by Bill Kristol at your own peril.”

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Jeez, you’d thing the purple horns would be enough to identify them on TV.

        Edit– some of my best friends have purple horns!

        • Joe Beese

          What we need is for them be forced to wear some kind of identifying mark on their clothing so anyone can spot them.

  • These assholes are insufferable.

    • Parakeetist

      Amen

  • TimResistit

    Ok, I am confefe. Am I NAMBLA or am I in Nambia?

    • Those I and L keys are just too close for fat fingers mcgee over here to know the difference.

      • TimResistit

        That’s weird. My old wonkette handle used to be “nopantsmcgee”. You just made my swim suit area tingle.

      • Also difficult for old eyes to see the difference when reading the monitor.

        Maybe I should just print the web pages out like on of my old bosses used to do. Oh, Lordy, was that just 20 years ago? That was a different world then.

    • TJ Barke

      Yes.

    • jesterpunk

      Trump did say more and more people are recognizing them for their fantastic health care and how many rich people he knows that want to go there.

  • therealpuredog

    These boys, these boys, I dunno [squint, a little side-eye] — they just ain’t right.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    I wonder when is TLM going to weigh in. I’m sure he has some deep thoughts he’d like to ram down our throats.

  • capnkrunch

    CERNOVICH: So if you want to kidnap a child, chain her to a radiator in the house, beat her up with a whip…
    JONES: And let ten guys rape her a day and give her AIDS and then shoot her in back of the head and throw her in a lake, it’s totally liberal.[…] As long as you’re liberal it’s loving!

    This is definitely a normal conversation that normal people would have. No reason at all to think that these guys shouldn’t be allowed within 100 yards of children.

    • AJ Milne

      Thinkin’ that custody hearing wound up in a good call, yeah.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Personally, I don’t want them within 100 yards of any carbon-based lifeform.

      • wait! what?

        …or radiators.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Well, yeah. Think of the chafing.

          • wait! what?

            All the nudity and greasy foods now make perfect sense.

            #infowaronchafing

      • CafeenMan

        Or air… That would solve a lot of problems.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      We must be missing the larger context. If you let him finish I’m sure he’d add, “It’s okay if you’re a liberal, but when I do it, suddenly I’m some kind of monster!”

    • jesterpunk

      When is he writing a book about how he would have done it if he did it?

  • Bill D. Burger

    From SimpleGuySkills blog:

    [Mike Cernovich and his wife went to the same law school, where she succeeded and he was a low-ranked loser. She went out into the world and became a power player in IP law and Cernovich was basically her house husband. He lived off her money before the divorce, and he’s been living off that spousal support payout ever since. Funniest part is his recent worldwide trip began right when his ex got remarried to an objectively better man–by all appearances, Cernovich has basically short-circuited over the whole thing and is now live-tweeting his resulting midlife crisis. Sorry, Cernovich, but lifting weights and calling people cuck will never be able to repair your shattered masculinity.

    There are many more funny details and this is all verifiable online, but I don’t want post the ex’s info. She has been trying to get the Cernovich stink off her for years. You’re definitely right, though: Mike Cernovich is a fraud, Mike Cernovich is a loser who would be penniless without his wife, and Mike Cernovich is a professional failure who wouldn’t know how to beat a parking ticket.]

    http://simpleguyskills.com/bro-known-mike-cernovich/

    • wait! what?

      Well, unless it was chained to a radiator.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Wow. Somehow he’s now even more pathetic in my eyes. I didn’t even know that was possible.

    • C4TWOMAN

      What’s sad is literally nothing is stopping him from making something of himself.

      What’s strange–to me–is how he can lift and be so undriven in every other area of his life. I lift (dealifted 275# last friday–woot!) and most of the people I know at the gym have focus–lifting is an expression of that focus. But in Mikeys case? I dunno. Cuz he sure chose an ego sink that requires A LOT of work. As in, most people drop out before they get gains(mostly due to bad training/ nutritional support)

      Adrenaline addiction? It’s a mystery to me.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        You probably lift because you enjoy doing it and so it doesn’t seem like a chore to you. He probably lifts because living off of his ex-wife makes him feel like a failure of a man (he is, but not for that reason) so he lifts because it’s a stereotypically masculine thing to do.

        Also, congrats! 270 is pretty damn impressive, I’m a 6-foot 180 pound dude and I could barely lift my own weight even when I worked out regularly.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Thanks! It was a single rep max for the day–I’m technically at 250 for 5-8 reps–but I was pretty stoked. I tried the same lift the week before and failed(in a good way). And yeah, if feels good and helps me not fall into a pit of despair these days…

          If you take it up again, try not to neglect nutrition–you do need more protein and calories if you want to gain. I’m average size(5’6″) and about 180# right now, but about 5 pounds is unnecessary fat I really would like to get rid of.(this is my pullups speaking).

          If these dark days are getting you down, seriously, consider taking it up again just to feel good.

      • therealpuredog

        “What’s sad is literally nothing is stopping him from making something of himself.”
        Well, sure, if you overlook his lack of talent or smarts and his overall repulsiveness, yeah.

      • OppressedMass

        You deadlifted 275lbs? Jesus, you must be massive. That is all.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Well just once. For my size I’m heavy–180# at 5’6″. But really, you wouldn’t notice it too much on the street–well from the back you might assume I’m male because of my shoulders. That happens a lot, lol.

          There s guy who has beautiful squat form, I’m quite envious. He deadlifts more than me right now (305?), but he’s narrower. If fact I might be stronger in the upper body, which is unusual for male /female lifters of the same size(most guys really work their chest). Years ago I did a 300# single–that’s what I’m trying to get back to–and I couldn’t have been more than 175#. So we lifters can be really compact.

          • OppressedMass

            And I thought myself a heroine the other day because I deadlifted 40lbs!
            Ha!

          • C4TWOMAN

            We all have to start somewhere and the whole point of strength training is to get stronger. I’m suspecting you can do more and are on a conditioning/core program. Which is just fine. If you’re interested in powerlifting style strength training here’s a good start:

            https://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/ramsey21.htm

            (note: this is a bodybuilding website, but they’ve been around forever and there lost of cross posting between lifters/bodybuilders/olympic lifting)

            http://muscleoldschool.com/powerlifting-for-beginners-getting-started/

            (similar: written for bodybuilders, but lots of good info and acknowledges powerlifting if the fastest path to building muscle. The biggest difference between lifters and builders, while we both have muscle, builders aren’t as strong for their size. Lifters are more compact)

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            I consider doing a push up to be a deadlift.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Pushups are a good exercise….but not the same lol.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            I know, I know. I was just trying to make the point that I am SO HEAVY, you see, that a push up is HARDER for me, and count for MORE, also I am deadweight, but it didn’t come out very well.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Oh. Ha ha ha.. You’re so witty!

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Fat people are always so jolly.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Ouch….

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        There’s a certain percentage of bullies and assholes at every gym. They do it to brag and swagger and bully people. They also do NOT deadlift anything close to 275# but GRUNT and GROAN over their 100#. The trainers at the gym actually laugh at them behind their backs. Source: my own trainer.

    • Nockular cavity

      Ah hahahahaha!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Didn’t wife number two dump him too?

  • CafeenMan

    People who are universally hated by decent people never gain any personal insight into what they’re doing wrong or what’s wrong with that.

    Instead some fucked up evolutionary self-defense mechanism always kicks in and they wear that hatred as a badge-of-honor. It PROVES they’re right and all the decent people are really horrible people who are also wrong (which is the main part of their horribleness or something…)

    I’m sure everyone here knows that people of that sort are lost causes. Any attempt to educate or fix them is wasted time and effort.

    Mocking them is a great use of time though assuming they couldn’t be doing something even more important.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    I see that Lady Liberty is barfing in that second shot after being in such close proximity to Cernovich. I don’t blamer her.

  • For Cernovich (and so many others), sex = abuse, but it’s not rape, if it can’t be proved “beyond reasonable doubt,” so delegitimizing evidence is a “good” thing — evidence of anti-rape “game”.

    I guess that’s what the “interesting men” (like Cernovich, Jones and rooshv, of all people) talk about.

  • Relativicus

    CERNOVICH: So if you want to kidnap a child, chain her to a radiator in the house, beat her up with a whip…
    JONES: And let ten guys rape her a day and give her AIDS and then shoot her in back of the head and throw her in a lake, it’s totally liberal.[…] As long as you’re liberal it’s loving!
    CERNOVICH: That’s why I like you, Alex, because you finish my…
    JONES: Sandwiches!!!!
    CERNOVICH: Heh, no I was…
    JONES: Gonna say you hate pedophiles?!!?
    CERNOVICH: Well, yeah, but…
    JONES: Brothers!!!!
    CERNOVICH: I- no, I… what?
    JONES: [takes off shirt] RRRRRAAAAAWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR!!!!
    CERNOVICH: Maybe I should…
    JONES: SENTENCES!!!!

  • BadKitty904
    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Love me some Patsy Cline!

      • BadKitty904

        She’s wonderful!

  • CATMAN

    It is obvious that these clowns have run through several thousand baseless accusations of malfeasance by liberals and are scraping the bottom of the barrel to come up with this crock of shit

  • Nockular cavity

    What the fuck would date-rape apologist Mike Cernovich know about being an interesting man? “Loon” =! “interesting.”

    • george lastrapes

      Appointments with therapist = meet-and-greets?
      Therapist finds the rapist fascinating.
      The rapist knows therapist is just begging for it.

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    Cons love to compare things libs do to the Holocaust, slavery and pedophilia. That’s because these 3 things have been honed to perfection by cons; they know what they speak of.

  • Flashman

    We can remove doubt about one thing:
    Cernovich’s house does not have forced air.

  • hoover2001

    Just more projection.

  • Jonny On Maui

    So… Pedophile still equals homosexual in these folks’ fevered mind, right?

  • NotALiar

    All Cernovich talks about is pedo stuff. All. The. Time. He’s fucking obsessed with it. Weird.

    • andyshelt

      It’s called projection.

    • george lastrapes

      He’s got pedophilophilia?

      • JustDon’tSayPeter

        The new album from what’s left of The Who.

        • george lastrapes

          I said, ‘Whatever’-
          Or whatever people said
          Before they said ‘whatever’.
          I’m sure there’s some who knew
          What’s left of the Who,
          But as for me it’s safe to say
          That I might never.

          Harmless attack of nostalgia, which ain’t what it useta be. It’ll pass.

  • Me not sure

    I stand in awe of the fact that any adult human being could have a brain that works as poorly as these guy’s.

    • BJW

      Brain? Works?

  • chascates

    They’ve mistaken the Catholic church for the ‘deep state’. And probably mistaken their own asses for a hole in the ground.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      The Catholic Church has the (nazi) guy who protected those guys in a room staring at his fancy shoes while his successor builds free laundramats for homeless people. And their buddy Bannon desperately wants him back.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I’m sorry, who exactly was it who was hired to speak for the White House and immediately stanned Joe Paterno? Rhymes with mort my moo mas mucking Mimberly Muilfoyle?

  • Daniel Hooper

    Does anybody else get a, “me thinks he doth protest too much” feeling from Alex Jones and Mike Cernovich? Especially now, but also in general?

    • george lastrapes

      Alex has two loves in his life. Getting naked, and his kids.
      Don’t think for a second that he lacks the judgement to keep the two separate.

  • SKruetheratbassedarDs

    Deep State? DEEP State? Deep State of Paranoia, maybe . . .

    • Anna Rompage

      Derp State…

    • george lastrapes

      Deep State: greatly feared by Deep Lorables

  • Mavenmaven

    What does Milo have to say about this? Interested minds want to know!

    • Raan

      I have never wanted to know Milo’s opinion on anything.

      • Mavenmaven

        Seriously, it is a stain on our society that we have to pay attention to anything these lunatics say.

  • Hey guys, don’t you remember that your candidate for president was charged with molesting a 13 year old girl? Or that your favorite singer liked young groupies? You might want to look in the mirror before you decide to make pedophiles the hill you want to die on.

  • m3bosha

    So. Many. Words. None of which make sense. Is it happy hour yet?

    • Canned Covfefe

      This is why one should sometimes wai until later in the day to come to Wonkville. One may arrive with. Drink already in hand.
      Some days you get here early and you have to wonder, why the fuck wait for that drink.

      • Odd Jørgensen

        daydrinking!

  • andyshelt

    Step 1) Read Cernovich’s tweets and thinks of a suitable response.

    Step 2) Read Wonkette’s commenting rules on wishing bad things on people

    Step 3) Fuck it, I’ve got nothing

    • Raan

      I was about to suggest something, but I don’t know where the rules stand on a statement’s absurdity.

    • george lastrapes

      You brought a smile, albeit a rueful one, to many faces. Thanks.

  • Since it is all projection with these assholes….
    Someone needs to investigate confirmed bachelor Cernobitch and recently divorced Alex. Like now.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    THESE are Donald Trump’s most hard core supporters! THESE are the people many of the Trumpkins look to for news! THESE are disgusting, inhuman, deplorable MONSTERS! BUT HER FUCKING EMAILS!!!

    Every MSM asshole who helped this come to pass should be smeared with honey and staked down naked next to a fire ant hill. Especially Chris Cillizza. Fucking CUNT!

    • Not to mention since fucking when is Putin anti Pedo? Russia is well known to be a hot bed for minor trafficking. And their government ignores it because, surprise, it is the wealthy doing it the most.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        I am totally convinced that among the other crimes the Orange Hatefulness is trying to conceal-besides money laundering for criminals and the Russian mob and probably being an accessory to murder–is child sex trafficking. This almost points to that. These guys are too bereft of humanity to invent anything; their kind must actually do, or think of doing, just this kind of thing.

        • amrak63

          500 quatloos says that the “pee tape” actually is a recording of Cheeto Pecker raping an underage Ivanka look-alike.

          https://i.imgur.com/l5iojHi.jpg

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Or being, er, visited by a large Russian mafia dude, and, er, enjoying it.

      • JustDon’tSayPeter

        as long as it’s man on girl molestation, though. None of that gay stuff.

  • Lance Carbuncle

    You commenters make me laugh. When are you going to figure out these guys are ACTING? It’s all pretend, just like WWF. And you comment like you believe that they are serious. Laughable.

    • Paperless Tiger

      WWF libelz!!! And I ain’t kiddin.

    • OrG

      I don’t know if they’re serious or not.
      Their dumbass audience thinks they are.

    • Jon Sussex

      Tell it to Edgar Welch.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      That makes it better…how? Oh, right, it makes it even worse given the real world consequences.

    • JustDon’tSayPeter

      Uh huh, sure. Explain that to Comet Ping Pong. That dude got his ffkn NEWS from Alex Jones.
      Let that sink in.

    • Hello, Wolf Tracker.

    • Arguman

      Jones may be putting on a show, with his voice and gesticulating act, but he believes most of what he’s saying and Cernovich isn’t smart enough to pretend to be an idiot.

      • george lastrapes

        Remember: after Jones’ child-custody lawyer told the judge that Jones’ frothing at the mouth was performance art, Jones could not control himself in court, became- overwrought- and snuffed any chance he might’ve had of getting custody.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Check out Lance’s comment history of one comment. Troll.

    • HazooToo

      In what world is what they’re saying “entertainment”? That’s the business actors are in. Entertainment. Who is entertained by Cernovich talking about how stupid women are, and his bullshit about rape? Maybe that would be people who hate women and want to rape them. How about Jones and his insistence that liberals are all pedophiles? Who is he entertaining? People who want to believe that we are perverted monsters. Is it really pretending when you say shit like that? Is it really acting when you display NO other persona to the world whatsoever? When the only thing you say in public is “I am a raging asshole”? Furthermore, when so much of their audience believes they are serious, who’s to say they’re not? You? Sure. When they release something that says “I’m done acting, I totally was just pretending to hate liberals, gays, women, transgender people and POC this entire time, and also sorry about inciting years of hatred and violence against you, that was all my bad acting”, then maybe I’ll take YOU seriously. Laughable.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Boy these two are pretty smart, the way they totally masterfully directed everyone’s attention away from Russia and Putin with such clever sleight-of-hand, and in the coupe de grease, “if anyone even thinks of investigating it, well, obviously, THEY DO KID SEX!!!1”

    That kind of thing surely doesn’t look at all like the dumbest kind of plan a dipshit would come up with in order to cover up the guilt of, say, a guilty person that any investigation would surely reveal as being guilty.

    That should get Robert Mueller off Trump’s back, surely! Not that Trump is guilty of anything, you know. OF course you know that. You’re not a pedophile!

    OR ARE YOU??

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Super-extra upcaret for “coupe de grease.”

      • LesBontemps

        My first car was a coupe de grease.

        • amrak63

          As I was motivatin’ over the seas
          I saw Maybelline in a coupe de grease

          Apologies to Mr. Berry, and RIP.

  • OrG

    Anyone ever heard either one of these creeps DENY that they are pedophiles?

    Me either.

    • They are so hung up on pedophilia, it seems like they are trying to deflect scrutiny onto others.

      • JustDon’tSayPeter

        Well, it always is about projection with these assholes.

      • Ricky Gay

        Er, yes. They seem to have given this A LOT of thought! :-[

      • george lastrapes

        Pedophilophilia.

        • 451 Byrnes

          Subway! Eat fresh!

  • mancityRed6

    dear lord, if you see fit, you know exactly what to do.

  • I have never, ever seen an uglier case of projection than these guys.

  • andyshelt

    “After abusing a girl, I always immediately send a text and save her reply”

    To which any woman receiving this text should immediately reply.

    “I don’t believe you’ve got the nerve to text me after what you did to me, you evil bastard. I will be forwarding your text and my response to my lawyer to use as evidence in your upcoming trial.”

    • TundraGrifter

      Such a text would appear to be evidence of committing the crime.

      • Moar Wordz

        If he’s ever interviewed by Law Enforcement

    • Alan

      I think women like “abuse” in his world.

      • Moar Wordz

        According to him, abuse IS sex

        • Alan

          And, according to any woman who has experienced it, sex with him is abuse.

          • Moar Wordz

            He sounds like a sociopath

  • kaydenpat

    The only politician in Congress who turned out to be a pedo was a Republican, to the best of my recollection. Do Jones and Cernovich not remember Hastert?

    • Longstreet63

      Revised history surely has him as a Democrat.

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

    Nambla is the capital of Nambia, right?

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      My favorite grunge band is Pearl Jambia.

      • Invisible Bunyip

        I like Prawn Jambalaya myself.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        And their tribute band, Toe Jamblers!

    • irishdave3

      Right!…and vice versa too. also….

    • Vacuous Virgina

      Right next door to Annexia!!!

  • bluicebank

    A hundred bucks says this is projection, and Cernovich and Jones one day are arrested for being pedos.

    Make it 200 clams.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Kiddie porn on their ‘puters?

      Nah!

      • Odd Jørgensen

        I was doing research, honest!

      • Vacuous Virgina

        Hackers!!

    • TundraGrifter

      Canned or fresh?

      • 451 Byrnes

        I’ll bring the red sauce!

    • george lastrapes

      They’ll blame Obama.

    • Vacuous Virgina

      Raised 2000 Quatloos!

  • Weird Fishes

    This is me, dramatically clutching my pearls.

    Did you see?

    Okay, no? How about this? Collapsing on my fainting couch?

    Pedophiles, the lot of you 😄

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The people who yell the loudest about sexual stuff have more kinks than a Dollar Store garden hose.

    What kind of bounty should I pay for Mike Cernovich’s browser history?

    • Alan

      Don’t wanna know. Creepy stuff.

  • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

    Morgan Freeman is full of shit, the United States has never been any kind of “shining beacon of Democracy,” it has always been a right wing Christofascist Oligarchy, a quasi-Theocracy./

  • Longstreet63

    Well, it’s not like they can still call Liberals Nazis. Nazis are their base these days. Taunt addiction builds up a tolerance very quickly.

  • TundraGrifter

    Robyn: May I suggest – as a friend – you just move on from this dismal swamp? Over time it can’t be good for you. You’ve done your best to bring these horrors to light. Move on before it scars you forever. I know you’re strong – I’m just not sure anybody is that strong. They aren’t going to change. We know that. Look out for yourself before the exposure to such toxic materials changes you. Remember what happened to Iris Chang. The game simply isn’t worth such a brilliant candle. We need you now – more than ever.

  • bettycat

    Crap, they’re onto us!

  • Augustus

    “kidnap a kid, chain her to a radiator in the house, whip her…and let ten guys rape her a day, and give her AIDS”

    dude, are you fucking serious?

    these guys are fucking deranged, it’s really bad

    • Th’ottest curry in th’ouse

      A disturbingly detailed and seemingly thought-through fantasy.

      • Meccalopolis

        If it’s a fantasy

  • Have you guys ever tried “raping” a girl without using force? It’s basically impossible.
    — Mike Cernovich

    Point one: No, Mike, I never have.
    Point two: Must be like how you can’t rob somebody without using force. No man has ever called up the police and claimed that, out of fear, he handed over his wallet to the big, scary dude. Everybody knows the so-called “victim” only has to hold an aspirin in his fist and the mugger can’t make him hand over his wallet.

    [redacted multiple indirect references to civics lessons and recommended voting procedures]

  • FlownΩver

    Remind me – how much does Graham-Cassidy cut funding for mental health?

  • Moar Wordz

    ” After abusing a girl, I almost always send her a text & save her reply. ” Is this guy for real ?
    Liberals love Pedophilia and are part of the Deep State Pedophilia conspiracy according to Jones & what’shisface.
    Codswallop.
    People actually watch this crap?
    Their I.Q’s must be dangerously low.

  • Bright Bart

    I’m just waiting for these two to remake Fargo.
    “Ja ja, I was havin’ sex with the no neck feller”

  • Stulexington

    Everything is projection with these assholes so …

  • Camacho/Trump 2016!!
  • JackLinks

    Most Jones trolls are gay, overweight and have to walk around caring their guns cause they’re afraid of bogeymen around every corner attacking them! One more thing that stands out about them is they loved being lied to by Jones!
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/25/opinion/wrestling-explains-alex-jones-and-donald-trump.html?mcubz=1

    Donald Trump, Alex Jones and the illusion of knowledge
    https://wonkette.com/623230/mike-cernovich-alex-jones-know-why-you-hate-them-and-putin-it-is-because-you-are-nambla

  • Empress of the Iguana People

    My small son’s Rainbow Dash parade yesterday made more sense. (By the way, did you know Rainbow Dash and James and Cranky the Crane are friends?)

    • 451 Byrnes

      Rainbow Dash has all the best friends.

  • 451 Byrnes

    The Alex Jones show. Brought to you by Subway! Eat fresh!

    • Moar Wordz

      I always knew Jared of Subway Ads was creepy. Something in his expression. Wasn’t surprised when he was caught w/ Child porn on his computer.

  • TakingAmes

    Um. What?

  • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

    Umhmmm… an interesting theory about Putin, when you contrast such commentary with the FACT that Putin for many years owned a controlling interest in a nightclub super close to FSB headquarters where very young women were known to go in the front door and never emerge again(at least not while standing and breathing).

  • J.Bo

    I should remember this article every time I ask myself or anybody else “what the hell are Drumpf supporters thinking!?!” Now I know. {{{shudder}}}

  • SDGeoff3

    They obsess over the oddest of the odd, and not one of their cultists bats an eye. Amazing.

  • SDGeoff3

    So he has no testicles and he wears children’s shorts, er…ah, shirts…WTF?

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