SHARE
Bwana he no smart.

Following his breakout success playing Gen. Buck Turgidson in a dinner theater production of “UN General Assembly” Tuesday, Donald Trump followed up yesterday with a smash performance as “Generic Clueless Colonialist” during a meeting with African leaders. He did at least manage to stick to his prepared text long enough to say

In this room I see partners for promoting prosperity and peace on a range of economic, humanitarian, and security issues. We hope to extend our economic partnerships with countries who are committed to self-reliance and to fostering opportunities for job creation in both Africa and the United States.

Then it was time for one of those famous Trump ad-libs!

Africa has tremendous business potential. I have so many friends going to your countries trying to get rich. I congratulate you. They’re spending a lot of money.

Donald knows how to connect with people. All he has to do is toss in a personal perspective like that, or maybe threaten to rain down nuclear destruction. Strangely, the African leaders didn’t seem to find it all that funny, almost as if that hasn’t worked out terribly well for them in the past. Not getting the applause he thought he deserved, he returned to the text and repeated the “business potential” line and noted that “six of the world’s 10 fastest growing economies are in Africa.” To everyone’s relief, Trump didn’t add that he hoped to someday travel up Africa’s beautiful Congo river and meet that great entrepreneur Mr. Kurtz. But he might want to bless the rains while he’s there.

Trump later recited a list of achievements by various African nations which he had clearly never heard of before reading from his text, and invented a new nation, “Nambia,” whose health system “is increasingly self-sufficient”:

CNBC helpfully confirmed that “A White House transcript confirmed that Trump meant to say Namibia.” Nonetheless, Yr Wonkette has learned that protests were lodged with the State Department by representatives from Namibia, Zambia, Narnia, and Freedonia. Also, Twitter was quick to grind the most obvious joke into the mineral-rich ground:

Today at the United Nations, Mr. Trump is expected to meet representatives from Germany and from the Czech and Slovak Republics, and to announce he supports the annexation of the Sudetenland.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Click here to help us with our continuing mission to photoshop funny hats on Donald Trump.

[RawStory / CNBC]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • doktorzoom

    The whorer…the whorer!

  • FlemmishSpy

    “I made a great deal with the prince of Nambia to get his fortune back.”

  • armed_bears
    • armed_bears

      Literary aside: A really good book with some real heroes based on more or less real life … but I mean it in the m,ore common pejorative sense.

      • Ellie

        It is a good book, and the American in it has an ugly face, but was a good man. Our American President has an ugly soul, and if there is anything good about him, I haven’t seen it in the 37 years I have been aware of his existence. He is truly an ugly American.

        • armed_bears

          Yeah… when I first read it as a kid, living overseas, I thought it was a hero story… Took a while to get the truer meaning, but a great read.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    You should hear how he pronounced “Niger”

    Not my joke, but hey…

  • Arse Grammatica

    Nambia looks like NAMBLA.

    • Bill D. Burger

      ….and that makes a LOT of Republican and Con officials’ legs tingle.

      BTW: The Republicans running the country IS akin to NAMBLA running a daycare.

    • Geesquared

      …allies of NAMGLA, an organization Trump supports.

      • PubOption

        NAMDLA (daughter).

        • Geesquared

          He wanted to screw a 12 y.o. Paris Hilton too. Wouldn’t it be interesting if the Russian sex tapes were released but illegal to watch because they are child pornography?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Little Babby Donnie got his geography degree from Sarah Palin University.

    • thewalkindude

      Well, Nambia IS in the country of Africa…

  • memzilla Ω
  • Indiepalin

    He meant to say Gamibia.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      No, it was Narnia.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      “I did not mispronounce name of Nambiblia at U.N. I know more about Africa than any predisent in history. FAKE NEWS! #DeletedTrumpTweets

    • Had he said Chad, the whole MRA movement would have clogged up the Dear Shit Fer Brains of the interwebs for weeks.

      Our dear Robyn is understandably relieved.

  • Joe Beese

    A few select people know exactly where Nambia is.

  • William
  • Relativicus
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Thanks for watching this week’s episode of That’s Our Donnie

    • Gayer Than Thou

      The episodes are way too long. And there are too many of them.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Trump, speech, African leaders. Who knew it could go wrong ?

  • coozledad

    Don’s buddies are probably looking to grab the bushmeat concession in West Central Africa. If you’re a celebrity, they’ll let you do it.

    • therblig

      “trump tower has the best bushmeat bowls. i love the blacks – the real ones, not the american ones.” – DJT

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    “Now if you all would just get over that tradition of wearing bones through your noses and cooking and eating white people…”

    • coozledad

      “I look forward to meeting The Phantom.”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “King Leopold, ladies and gentleman. Great African leader. He cut off many, many hands. He’s finally starting to get some recognition.”

  • Bill D. Burger
    • coozledad

      Alackoflips.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • PubOption

      The sunrise behind his head makes him look like Boris Johnson.

  • Scooby

    I’m just glad he didn’t try to pronounce Niger.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    “Mistah Trump…he dead.”

    • Marion in Savannah

      Oh, if only…

    • Ghenghis McCann

      …from the neck up.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Tomorrow he meets with India’s Prime Minister Gunga Din.

    • Bobathonic

      Mr Din is being recognized more and more.

    • William

      THat’s where he kept all those Carrier jobs from leaving right?

    • PubOption

      Who is trying to curry favor with whom?

      • FlemmishSpy

        Naan gonna go there.

        • Joe Beese

          (tries to think of “vindaloo” pun. fails)

    • Opalescent Riddles

      “Gunga Din, who, many people are saying, I am a better man than. I don’t know, I don’t know, but people are saying, you tell me.”

  • William
    • therblig

      silly palin, everybody knows africa has a king

      • Longstreet63

        No, a chief, silly.

        • therblig

          duh, what was i thinking.

    • PubOption

      “I need to know which doctors are in network with my insurance.”

  • Dutchman

    Nicely done Dok, especially for the Mr. Kurtz and Sudetenland references.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3e520c94eff6dfa03268ffa95b32c44749bbe61902d54325b997563df8978ff0.jpg

    • Joe Beese

      I always love a Sudetenland joke.

  • The Wanderer

    Maybe he could be encouraged to build a bridge between both peaks of Mount Kilimanjaro.

    • Oblios_Cap

      There are only two?

  • Law Man
  • Major_Major_Major

    He didn’t fuck up pronouncing Nigeria, so there’s that I guess.

  • Randy Riddle

    Sigh. When will Peter Graves and the Mission: Impossible team step end and end this madness?

  • William

    No president sounded dumber than George W. Bush.

    Trump: Hold my Nambia!

  • Skaarphy

    “Covfefe Nambia” is an anagram for “Face Fib Venom”, also “Caveman Fib Foe”, and “Coma Fan Be Five”.
    Things are slowly starting to make sense now. Not sure about the last one though. Five what? More years? Ugh.

  • ManchuCandidate

    The Heart of Derpness

    • Oblios_Cap

      The Hairror! The Hairror!

  • Ghenghis McCann

    Did he point at someone and say ‘There’s my African-African’?

  • Longstreet63

    No doubt he will call the country with Prague in it “Czechoslovakia And also the one with Bratislava. And probably anything east of Vienna is Russia.

    • Major_Major_Major

      I think that was kinda Putin’s plan.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Sad. Loser. Joe Stalin wanted everything east of the English Channel.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Don’t forget Becky-becky-stan-stan!

    • therblig

      “Melania’s getting a little long in the tooth. Can you guys hook me up with a new Czech mate?” – DJT

    • MamaBrown

      Wife number 1 is Czech. Maybe he’ll make some charming small talk about how much money she winkled out of him in the divorce settlement. You know “you Czechoslovakian people are great at making money! My ex wife cleaned up in the divorce! No, she’s very smart. Very smart, believe me. I know you Czechian people are great at making money. I congratulate you. Bigly.”

  • canes_pugnaces

    The reason this is all OK is the same reason that people claimed they’d like to have beer with W: because Americans like dumb white guys who make them seem smart. Personally, I’m going on safari in Nambia because the dark people there are very friendly.

  • Proud Liberal
    • TJ Barke

      Pathetic.

      • Proud Liberal

        This has made me so sad. We are moving backwards at break neck speed.

    • Law Man

      Pulling out of a completely voluntary agreement with our allies was his biggest bonehead move.

      • William

        Yeah but it bought back all those coal jobs right?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Withdrawing from the Iran treaty because they are acting against the spirit of it but are still technically in compliance sounds like the way Trump honors his contracts.

  • William
    • beatbort

      Trump: “Are these countries these same colors from the air?”

    • Querolous

      That’s Benin.I think the next one is Jerrys.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Can we look forward to a new Trump Golf Resort and Casino on Robben Island? “What says ‘luxury’ more than 18 holes and a relaxing massage in the place where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for 27 years!”.

  • writersbloc

    Oh man, too bad he didn’t have to say “Niger”.

  • Susan Stange

    Glad he didn’t even try to pronounce Niger.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Nambia is right next door to Pambia. Not many people know that.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Sambo is just south of it, too.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Why would anybody want to do business with a country who had a madman for a leader and was threatening nuclear destruction on another place?

    I was amazed by the total lack of self-awareness Trump showed when he said that yesterday.

  • proudgrampa

    “Not many people know this, but Grand Fenwick attacked the United States once…”

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I have dual citizenship in Grand Fenwick, but my “residence” there is a birdhouse that I lease to a family of swallows.

  • NerdWithNoName

    Nambia shares a border with Pambia.
    on edit: Damn it. Beaten to the punch by seconds

    • FlemmishSpy

      Most pathetic armies ever.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Did he manage to get in some praise for Idi Amin and Mobutu?

    • altleftjohn

      They’re being recognized more and more.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    “But his soul was mad. Being alone in the wilderness, it had looked within itself and, by heavens I tell you, it had gone mad.”

    ― Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

  • Bobathonic

    Nobody knew international relations were complicated.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Somebody not “knowing things were complicated” does seem to be a recurring theme.

  • La forza del resistino

    The feather merchant opportunities in Nigeriamania are looking up

  • Blackest Noobs

    shut it all down, toss gasoline on it, and LITE IT UP.

  • YayConspiracy

    I had a bone spur so I didn’t have to fight the gooks in Nambia. Oh… Is it impolite to call them gooks?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      red and yellow is the preferred term…

  • Michael R
  • therblig

    “I look forward to enjoying all the things that Chlamydia has to offer” – DJT

    • Joe Beese

      “I’ve enjoyed many delicious meals at Sierra Leone’s.”

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Canned chlamydias.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        YOU MON- actually, that’s just weird. Never mind.

      • cheetojeebus

        you brilliant MONSTER!!11

      • Ricky Gay

        Infectious Monster!!!

    • Yellerduck

      “…as soon as she arrives. I just ordered her from Slovenia. Melania will be fine with, trust me.”

  • Joe Beese
  • Iron Monkey

    Trump speaking to African leaders could not, under any circumstances, have been less than an embarrassment. Who could have thought it was a good idea?

    • TJ Barke

      The nazis, probably.

  • Nockular cavity

    The whorer. The whorer.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Not catching an STI at the UN was Trump’s personal Viet Nambia.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Trump thinks “Nambia” is the anatomically correct name for a woman’s nether regions, and that’s what he was thinking about when he saw “Namibia” in the teleprompter speech (which he was reading for the first time).

  • Daniel

    Who knew disentangling white supremacy and centuries of violently exploitative colonialism from modern political relations between a dominant and openly white supremacist administration and those African nations so violently exploited could be so difficult?

  • WomanInThePersistence

    I am astonished to find out how much I loathe this orange, festering pustule. He brings shame on the human species.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Really. I can’t believe I’m in the same phylum as that guy.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        It’s astonishing, really. And what phylum are blobfish in?

        • Mr. Blobfish

          Chordata, of course.

          • Meccalopolis

            Oh pssh I knew that

          • Mr. Blobfish

            But did you know the is a phylum Priapulida, which consists of the penis worms?

          • Meccalopolis

            Yay! Penis worms. Wait

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      The shame is so vast, it slops over onto several adjoining species. Even mollusks are embarrassed.

  • Juan de Fuca

    “This is the reason why I affirm that Trump was a remarkable man. He had something to say. He said it. ‘Covefe!’ He was a remarkable man.” – Michael Cohen (allegedly)

  • lowenufc

    If only he had praised Wakanda and Zamunda, then everything would’ve been fine.

  • Me not sure

    “I can’t help it I have lessdicksia.”
    DJT

  • jesterpunk
    • Villago Delenda Est

      “I don’t see how this is a party…”

  • Before the week is over, he’ll be praising his wonderful allies from Kekistan.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Bwana Trump didn’t call them “kaffirs” did he?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      That would require language skils.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      So that’s what covfefe meant.

  • MrTusks

    “I have friends getting rich in your countries, exploiting your resources and your citizens, all while none of your governments see a dime!”

    • Proud Liberal

      No truer words than this.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Oh I’m sure their ‘governments’ are busy filling their off shore bank accounts. Its the people that live there that aren’t seeing a dime.

  • Joe Beese

    FFS

    Sean Spicer, on a press tour now that he’s left the Trump administration, told ABC’s “Good Morning America” on Thursday that he never “knowingly” lied as White House press secretary.

    “I don’t think so,” Spicer told ABC News when asked if he lied during his White House tenure.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/spicer-says-he-never-knowingly-lied

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    The (we wish he would be) quiet American

    • Proud Liberal

      He is the epitome of “The Ugly American”.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Fun fact: The ugly American in that book is actually the good guy.

        • Proud Liberal

          Shoot. That blows my theory. Trump definitely isn’t the good guy.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Donald is ugly AND is not the good guy.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          He’s physically ugly, but he is really the good guy.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            No. No he is not.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Not Donald…the original “Ugly American”.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I’m a bit distressed that Donald didn’t mention Wakanda, because King T’Challa would take care of his oversized ass.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I’m gonna give him a pass on this one. We all trip over our tongues sometimes. Sure, it’s funny, but on the list of Trump horrors, this is pretty low. At least he hasn’t tweeted that he meant to say it.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Yet.

    • He repeated Nambia at least 3 times

    • cheetojeebus

      I think it distracts from the larger narrative he’s telling ie plundering Africa.

    • TJ Barke

      What it shows is that he’s too fucking dumb to read the word Namibia properly.

      • NastyBossetti

        Also that he has no idea what the countries in Africa even are. I’m not great at geography, but even I knew right away that should have been Namibia, and I’m not a goddamn world leader.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        At his age, of course, he needs goddamn reading glasses but is too vain to wear them. Also, probably, dyslexia. Also, moran.

    • Daniel

      Yeah, the important bit is being occluded by the slip of his sandworm tongue: he sees Africa as a resource to loot.

    • thewalkindude

      You’re a better man (fish) than I am…if you’re a decent guy or gal (or fish), you get a pass, but for as often as this mendacious lackwit has mocked and belittled people, he gets no slack from me

  • Nockular cavity

    Nambia whambia thank you ma’ambia

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Suffragette City!

      • coozledad

        The return of the fat white puke.

        • therblig

          A Fat Insane

          • Villago Delenda Est

            This is a Serious Moonlight of a thread.

        • Meccalopolis

          Width of an asshole

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Thiazin Red

      Now I can remember how people treated that like a real things and get angry again. But sure, there was no sexism.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    …Today at the United Nations, Mr. Trump is expected to meet
    representatives from Germany and from the Czech and Slovak Republics,
    and to announce he supports the annexation of the Sudetenland.

    You laugh …

    • WomanInThePersistence

      ….only bitterly.

  • memzilla Ω
    • The Wanderer

      You mean Hobo Fight Club isn’t monetized?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Uday and Qusay are on it!

      • lucidamente
        • Carpe Vagenda

          Yeah, I was gonna say, while I’m tickled pink that he’s inside the tent pissing out, this is the guy who made the ad questioning Max Cleland’s patriotism.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Something he’s no doubt proud of. Because it worked. That’s what most of these disgruntled Republicans hate about Trump…not that he’s amoral, just incompetent.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Nah, he said he wasn’t questioning his patriotism, just pointing out that the triple-amputee veteran was soggy on defense, unlike his chicken hawk employer.

      • Joe Beese

        Fuck, I want the cost of my ticket refunded.

    • cheetojeebus

      To be fair, you haven’t lived till you’ve had kitten gyro with a chipotle tzatziki sauce.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        .. and afterwards, you just want to die.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        I still prefer Gyro Gearloose.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      What a guy! Even his own daughters hate him.

      • Arolpin

        They know him so well. I had barely heard of the guy 18 months ago and I hate him almost as much as Lord Dampnuts (who I have hates since the ’80s).

    • Daniel

      In fairness, it’s been decades since hobo fights were untainted by corporate sponsorship. Those days are never coming back.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It’s when they started sporting “Trump” logos on their torn t-shirts that the sport lost it’s appeal for me.

        I am similarly disillusioned with the Huckbee Dogfight Circuit.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Hey, thanks for sharing your mucho knowlegeness at least a year after it might have been useful, champ.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      This guy. Sure, he’s the jolly anti-Trump troll king now. But he helped create this fucking Frankenstein monster, and I ain’t forgetting it.

  • lucidamente

    From today’s speech:

    “We have always been at war with Eastasia. Not many people know that.”

    • Proud Liberal

      Oh. My. God……

    • Juan de Fuca

      “We stand with all of the Micro-Polynesians and the Australasian’s of Oleander.”

      • eggs ackly-wright

        It’s right there next to the Duchy of Grand Fenwick.

    • MamaBrown

      They’re being recognized more and more, I notice!

    • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

      So we can assume the negotiations with Emmanuel Goldstein have reached an impasse as well?

      • Daniel

        Could you imagine Trump playing chess? He wouldn’t let the black pieces on the board.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          And he refuses to have any of his white pieces be placed on dark squares, also too.

  • Major_Major_Major

    Nambia was the from the book The Lying, The Dick, and the Garderobe IIRC

  • “I hear that King Simba has been successful in making big league money in multiple media markets.”

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I can’t wait until his state visit to Asia, when he starts complaining about the “yellow devils”.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “I’ve read about that Mandarin guy…”

      • Nockular cavity

        “Ming the Merciless is somebody who’s done an amazing job, I’ve noticed.”

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        That Mandarin guy is also orange.

  • Proud Liberal
    • Carpe Vagenda

      How dreadfully awkward for Glenn Greenwald.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He lives in Brazil. What the fuck does he care?

        • coozledad

          I wonder where his Russian safehouse is.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          And WTF do we care about Glenn Greenwald.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I smell Pence’s rancid fingers all over this. And Mother, I guess.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Vetting judges is boring work. Donnie doesn’t do boring. Better to outsource it to the cranks and the loons, so he can get his 18 holes in.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        I expect “Mother” hasn’t had her fingers on it in quite some time.

      • BadKitty904

        SOP for closeted, self-loathing gays…

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Ding.
          Ding.
          Ding.

      • HellhathnofuryDemme

        Yeah, I don’t think Trump really gives a shit.

    • BadKitty904

      Marriage is a legal contract, not a religious ceremony. If they try this, the lawsuits will last for decades to come…

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Oh Fuck No! I did not wait this long and watch all my friends die so that asshole(s) can try and takes away the rights we have and keep us from getting the rest of the ones we deserve as citizens of this country.

      And by the way, I know how to make and use a real torch when the time comes.

    • Parakeetist

      No. Just no. Fuck no.

      NO!

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      Help! Help!
      I can’t wake up from this fucking nightmare!

      But her emails!
      And her fuckin’ speeches, you fuckers!

  • Christopher Story
    • Ghenghis McCann

      Who knew facts could be so hard?

    • TJ Barke

      The fact that an ignorant, mendacious scum sucker like Cassidy could ever get elected is a testament to the effectiveness of the right wing noise masheen.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Hell, he can’t even find a barbershop.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Cassidy is a dipshit.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • BadKitty904

      Putin has made VERY sure that the U.S. no longer has any international friends.

      • MynameisBlarney

        No friends while his puppet is in office anyway.

        • BadKitty904

          Fingers crossed we may salvage some yet…

          • MynameisBlarney

            I’m pretty sure that unless that fuckin’ moran really does start WWIII, all our friends and allies know that he’ll gone in 4 years at most.

      • james crubb

        Australia is still a card carrying US arse limpet, pretty much the last cracker one anyway.

  • The Librarian

    I tried to find Nambia on a map. Maybe the country was downgraded, like Pluto?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Yeah, you need a bigger map.

  • pgjack

    I suppose it’s the President’s job to open his mouth and let rivers of bullshit flow out but the ‘Deal-maker-in-chief’ has really raised the bar on stupid bullshit.

  • NastyBossetti

    To be fair, he initially thought it said NAMBLA, so that last minute correction to Nambia was an improvement.

  • Blender_415

    Isn’t “Nambia” some Pixar kid flick?

    • Swampgas_Man

      I’ve been expecting NAMBLA jokes all day.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I delivered! Last thread.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I wonder if I’d look good in a pith helmet?

    • Reddishrabbit

      Can’t be worst than his “hair”

    • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

      That’s what Trump was wearing in the hotel room in Russia, that one time.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        ISWYDT

        • PubOption

          I thee what you did there?

          • Jeffery Campbell

            You can hear my lisp all the way over there?!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I thought that he wore a Piss Helmet, then.

        Well, they do look similar.

        • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

          It’s better to be pithed off than pithed on.

          • Maggielle

            Frogs hate pithing in general.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Thanks for the pithy reply!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      To be fair, Blobfishes really look great in all manner of hats.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        It’s true. I see a real head for hats right there.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      I see you as more of a Panama kind of guy.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Might pith people off.

    • Me not sure

      I’ll take a path on that.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Meanwhile, sure it’ll be months before the power’s restored and maybe half the island will be still underwater. But, dammit, he has product to move!

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/910875895602200576

    • Mr. Blobfish

      He’ll be scouting for some cheap, recently cleared oceanfront property.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Trump Tower San Juan, coming right up!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He’ll be bringing several planeloads of MAGA hats.

      • Mary Theresa

        Electoral maps, also, too.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          He did hear that their whole electoral system is down.

    • BadKitty904

      He loves visiting foreign countries!

    • Maggielle

      I haven’t been keeping up with everything as well as I should, so sorry if this has been asked and answered, etc., but has Agent Orange himself said anything about Mexico? Like maybe how all that beautiful rubble can be repurposed for the Wall?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Apparently he did call the Mexican President, and SAR teams were sent down to assist. So he did the bare minimum.

  • KKSD
    • Daniel

      BoJo is actually pissed off people call him the Poundland Trump.

    • BadKitty904

      Putin owes us…

      • Paperless Tiger

        You misspelled ‘owns’.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Heartwarming to know that the Koch bros are very concerned about health care for Americans:
    Koch network ‘piggy banks’ closed until Republicans pass health and tax reform

    In case anybody was wondering why the GOPtards are pushing ACA repeal even though 85% of the public opposes it: it’s because 95% of the money favors it.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      So, they’re closed until … uh …

    • BadKitty904

      As always, Republicans will do what their owners tell them to do.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      They know all they have to do is say “Well, we *had* to push this awful bill through because the Democrats wouldn’t work with us,” and 35% of the crowd will eat it up as the gospel truth.

    • “Time is running out to push their agenda”
      Because Mueller is going in for the kill shot and after that the (R) party will be permanently associated with (R)ussia.

      • Longstreet63

        By 2020, that will be a selling point for Republican voters.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Gasp — America’s Republican congresspeople are going to have to live on their salaries?! They’re just gonna have to buckle down like regular folks and maybe rent out their summer cottages for half the season.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Guillotines. Lots and lots of guillotines.

    • Yup I’ve been linking to this one for the past 2 days. This needs to be covered everywhere. I know it’s not the thing that will make a difference but it needs to be widely disseminated and known.

      https://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2017-06-26/koch-urgency-conservative-network-fears-closing-window

      • Iron Monkey

        Thanks for that–I just tweeted it.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        It’s the Trumpanzee base that needs to learn this truth about the fuckwads they’re voting for. You won’t see not-so-Breitbart writing about it, or anybody at Fucks Gnus reporting on it either.

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      Sorry to be OT, but this reminds me.
      Why is David Koch sponsoring the Vietnam doc on PBS?

  • Joe Beese

    The Bad News: By 2100, we will have added enough to the marine carbon cycle to trigger the extinction of 3/4 of all marine species.

    The Good News: You’ll be dead and not have to worry about it.

    http://advances.sciencemag.org/content/3/9/e1700906.full

    • Covfefe

      Really good news: our grandchildren won’t be burdened with the National Debt, if Republicans have their way.

      • BadKitty904

        Or with food.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Really, it’s win win.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I fear they won’t be burdened by existing…

      • georgiaburning

        They’ll be stuck with it, the national debt is only bad when Democrats are in power. But the good news is that at $1600 to one euro, it won’t be as bad as it looks now.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Soylent Green is looking tastier every day.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        “Soylent Green is made out of brown people!”

    • I’m not planning on being dead by then. I’m eating as many foods with preservatives as I can so I can be preserved in perpetuity!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Don’t forget Electrolytes!!

        • OutOfOrbit

          a salt and battery acid

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            I always enjoy my battery acid with a touch of salt.

            Yummy!

          • therealpuredog

            Chasing a shot of tequila, mmmm.

      • Maggielle

        Don’t forget: Rhoda moved to Minneapolis, where it’s colder and she’d be preserved better. But you may want to move further north as the subtropics approach Minnesota.

    • Proud Liberal

      Thanks for the good news Joe……

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      More Bad News: The Republican’ts will either be dead or raptured; therefore they don’t give a shit.

    • Ghoti

      Is that 2100 military time?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        UTC
        yes
        We should quickly get our affairs in order.

    • Longstreet63

      But her emails!

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    Oh hell, he’s at the UN multiple days? Wasn’t the one speech enough?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      yes
      yes

  • Jeffery Campbell

    I think he means Trump Tower Narnia…

    • eggs ackly-wright

      The capitol city of Zamboni awaits…

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I hear the casino in Zamibia is going to become a huge profit center for Trump, Inc. Russia!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Meh. It will bankrupt. I’m sure of it.

      • Longstreet63

        Those things are not mutually exclusive.

  • Cock Blockula

    I think it’s more “Heart of Derpness” than anything else.

    • Daniel

      Shart of Derpness.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        “If you can keep your head when all about you are
        losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men
        doubt you”… I mean I’m… no, I can’t… I’m a little man, I’m a little
        man, he’s… he’s a great man! I should have been a pair of ragged claws
        scuttling across floors of silent seas…”

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    I just booked tickets to fly to Nambia’s capitol, Bowling Green. From there I will travel by singing gondola to Nambia’s major port city, Covfefe. I’m not going to hotel at the Trump Tower there, though. Too expensive.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      And besides, who travels all the way to Africa just to eat a taco bowl and chocolate cake?

  • WeaselPoo

    I went to Nambia and all I got was this lousy MAGA cap.

  • SayItWithWookies

    “Nambia — is that one of the black countries or one of the white countries?”

    • Covfefe

      Orange. It’s an orange country, the secret of its success.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    I prefer Zimbabiwa myself as it does not fluoridate the water therefore preserving the POE (Purity of Essence) so necessary in this pluralistic society………..

    • Maggielle

      I’ve always like Malimalawi for its diverse topography and because it feels to good in my mouth to say its name.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Joel explains about The White Man’s Burden:

    https://youtu.be/tKArYUxPrBU?t=2673

    (It’s cued up, just hit ‘play’)

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Now I want a nice hamburger sandwich

      • Arolpin

        We’re all out. Would a hot-dog sandwich suffice?

      • The Wanderer

        And some French-fried potatoes?

    • The Wanderer

      Rock climbing, guys.

    • mailman27

      Cannot handle the annotations. In a lot of the episodes now it’s the only option.

  • Bemused Australian

    He’s going to tear up the Iran deal. I was really really hoping he’d forget about that. The Obama admin’s greatest foreign policy achievement, and a really fucking good deal, and he’ll ditch it for no other reason than his bloated ego. It’s stupid, and dangerous. If he’s still in office in a year, he’ll be bombing Tehran. Just awful.

    • That pretty much says it all.

    • Longstreet63

      It can’t be good because the Black Guy did it!

      • Bemused Australian

        If Obama hadn’t roasted Donald at the White House Correspondents dinner, this might not all be happening. Thanks Obama!

    • mailman27

      Didn’t all of our most trusted allies sign off on that too? Enough already.

      • Clark_Nova

        We no longer have allies.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    That’s nice. Patriotic American Ann Coulter sez we need death squads to get rid of the brown people who have ruined White America for her.

    • Bemused Australian

      At least she’s consistent? Perhaps not a virtue given her views.

      • Joe Beese

        The music critic Robert Christgau once said a particular band was good at what it did, but what it did was so bad that that only made it worse.

        • Bemused Australian

          A wise man. The word ‘band’ could be replaced with the name of the vast majority of politicians and the statement would be just as true.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        She is utterly inconsistent. She loves Trump, she hates Trump, she hates Trump, she loves Trump, impeach him…. She is just getting started.

    • BadKitty904

      Who?

    • Joe Beese

      The right-wing provocateur appeared last week on the Fox Radio program

      “The right-wing provocateuse“.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Surely, the correct word here is emmerdeuse,

      • therealpuredog

        The French don’t have a word for provocateur. Not many people know that.

    • Daniel

      Anne Coulter tl;dr:

      Look at meeeeeeee!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      What a truly disgusting person she is.

      • Maggielle

        She’s just going to get meaner as she gets older (yes, meaner is a thing that is possible) because she has invested so much of her identity in being one of the pretty girls. Sad!

        • Mehmeisterjr

          She is Zombie Phyllis Schlafly.

    • Wild Cat

      When does free speech become criminal speech?

      There.

      • doktorzoom

        In a strictly legal sense, nope. Courts have long held that incitement to violence is only possible when there’s a direct, immediate threat and a call for “imminent lawless action” (in person) against a specific person or group. So you can write (not here, because rules) “we need death squads” in the abstract, but out on the street, you can be arrested for incitement if you yell “Kill the ____s” when there’s a mob.

        On the other hand, just because despicable speech may be legal, it doesn’t make it not despicable. Coulter is scum.

        • Alan

          They have but I sometimes think courts don’t quite think things through. I would argue that going on national TV and whistling “death squads” to a bunch of gun toting, knuckle dragging morons is encouraging the direct threat that already exists. Saying it to a class of 5 years olds? Not so much. But meh, that’s me.

    • Arolpin

      Well, you know what they say: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone. In her case, we have some never-before seen concentrated ugliness. It’s like a black-hole of black-hearted stupidity.

    • TJ Barke

      She’s advocating for ethnic fucking cleansing. Can we please suspend The Rules for her now?

      • Parakeetist

        Oh God, for a rain to wash all the Ann Coulter off the streets.

      • doktorzoom

        Nope. It’s quite enough to quote her directly and say she’s a monster, with as much florid invective as you can manage.

        Seriously: how would calling for someone to be murdered possibly make things better, apart from massaging some people’s limbic systems?

        • TJ Barke

          Murderous white supremacy should go unchallenged, got it.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Uh, no really, no. We can challenge it all we want. Just not on the Ann Coulter level, which is really what she wants.

          • doktorzoom

            Not at all. Where did I say that? It absolutely must be challenged. If you want to challenge it with a call for liberals to become vigilante murderers, you are even free to do so somewhere other than this blog.

            Again, please explain to me what would be gained by Wonkette encouraging its readers to say “Somebody should shoot Anne Coulter”? I really want to know why that’s qualitatively better than saying “Anne Coulter is a despicable person who should be shunned by civilized people”? EDIT: Or for that matter, “Anne Coulter is a racist piece of shit who shoudl shut the fuck up”?

            Perhaps we should also open the doors to people saying “Somebody should violently rape Anne Coulter, but only after dismembering her, then rape her while she bleeds out, then stuff her remains into the body cavities of anyone who’s bought her books.” I’ve deleted similar comments, but perhaps someone would like to make a case for why they would advance the cause of progressivism, since by prohibiting such expressions of violence, Wonkette is apparently unwilling to stand up to violent fascism.

            (Yeah, that’s a straw man. But as I say, I have removed comments with almost exactly that wording)

            So in all sincerity: Why is meeting calls for violence with calls for similar violence something this blog should allow or encourage?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Well, yeah, like you say and anyhow, this blog gets to set its own rules. I don’t see any reason to suspend them just because a has-been nobody got her little moment of shock by endorsing a Pol Pot solution.

            BTW, after her last declaration of unconditional love for Donald Trump a mere days ago, has just endorsed his impeachment.

            She has the attention-span of a fruit fly and hopes to encourage that lack of focus among others.

          • doktorzoom

            Second, shorter reply: Honestly, TJ, I like you, but I am mystified that you think that unless one calls for an equal measure of violence, one is not “really” opposing murderous white supremacy.

            The KKK was made into a functional nonentity through prosecutions, the social unacceptability of open white supremacy, and some whopping lawsuits by the SPLC, not by kidnapping KKK leaders and murdering them. Do violent racists still exist? Absolutely. What would happen if people started killing them? They’d become “martyrs” to the cause

        • Mehmeisterjr

          One of the tricky things about, say, Ann Coulter, calling for death squads is that she can not know how, uh, is “discriminating” the best word? those death squads will be when it comes to targeting Ann the Formerly-Fair herself.

          She might think about that for a second and wonder whether the risk to her own hide is worth the little blip of attention that she got.

          Naah, she’s a narcissist. She can’t think that far ahead.

          • CripesAmighty

            Not even that. Bookings are prolly slow and the Bentley payment’s due. Just rattling the cup.

    • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Me not sure

      Is there such a thing as a “brain death squad”, because if there is they’ve claimed their first victim.

    • Finnibar87

      As a 12th gen American, I believe I have the right to deport fourth gen Americans named Ann Coulter.

    • WeaselPoo

      Christ, she’s like the GOP “Repeal and Replace” effort…..every iteration is terrible, cruel and patently unwanted and yet it just won’t FOAD!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Ah, death squads. Can’t beat the classics. Oh, Ann, you little minx, you.

    • PubOption

      “They’ve all come to ruin America”

    • CripesAmighty

      Meh. She’s just hopping about with her hair on fire cuz a bunch o people cribbed her shtick and are making bank (one president; Breitfart, Alex Jernz ), while she’s flogging dog-eared paperback polemics at the Bumblefuck Barnes and Noble.

    • mailman27

      Pay attention to meeeeeeee!!!! Come on, guyeeees!!!!

  • BadKitty904
  • Jenny

    Pfft! Like, how was he to know that these people would have a clue about their continent?

    • WeaselPoo

      To be fair it’s the dark continent, hard to see what’s going on (snark)

  • Johnatx

    Fuck. That’s all I got.

    • Parakeetist

      Good enough.

  • Rags

    I just got back from seaching the database of all United Nations General Assembly speeches from 2001 on. I looked for the phrase “utterly destroy” used by 4-5 in his threat to NK. The phrase appears two other times. A warning than an action might utterly destroy freedoms and a remark that the Holacaust was an attempt to utterly destroy a people.

    Just another example of how 4-5 is an utterly unhinged, utterly undisciplined menace to each and every one of us around the world.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Donald Trump is an utterly horrifying asshole.

      • Bemused Australian

        Sadly he might consider that a compliment.

      • Parakeetist

        Preach!

    • Bobathonic

      Cow teat libelz!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      But I’m sure we all remember the many times that the phrase “grab her by the pussy” was used.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Hillary’s book is doing pretty well. If she wins a Pulitzer prize, will they give it to Trump?

    • laughingnome

      Only the Electoral College edition goes to Trump

      • Proud Liberal

        The Electoral College had one job. They failed miserably. Needs to be repealed and popular vote prevail.

        • Finnibar87

          Demographic trends show EC will only get more lopsided, for that matter.

          The tyranny of the rural minority is having its moment, but there could well be many more in our future as long as the antiquated EC is in place.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          NPVIC, baby!

    • Daniel

      Hillary’s book is selling so well because no one wants to hear from her any more! How does she not get this?!

      • stumpknocker

        thats not true the majority of americans voted for her, i don’t need a crystal ball to know that you were one of the protest voters that ushered trump into office.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Uh, I think you missed the snark in that message.

          • stumpknocker

            my bad, its just that i see so many progressives that will not vote for anyone less than Obama and he was a once in a lifetime candidate, i see those same progressives standing on the sidelines again in 2020 giving trump a second term, with social media the way it is, the russians and republicans can taint any democrat candidate to the point of them sitting it out again.

          • Finnibar87

            Progressives want purity in all their candidates.

            ‘Tis a silly place these days.

          • stumpknocker

            purity or trump, they took trump, i just lost my sense of humor after that.

          • Finnibar87

            Me, I lost my tolerance of Bernie Sanders and his bros.

            Bernie fucked up AGAIN BTW with the timing of his ‘Medicare for all’ move.

            (Which I support, yes. But timing matters in when it comes to introducing legislation. Sanders made it way easier for the worst fucking healthcare bill to be passed; it’s why Miss Lindsay is freaking out over socialism as his excuse to push the patesr POS repeal bill)

            It’s like the guy is unfamiliar with the Congressional calendar, or something.

        • Daniel

          It might help if you had one, though. I can’t vote in US elections not being from there, and the first part of the first sentence of my comment was contradicted by the second- it was a joke.

          • WeaselPoo

            A good joke too

        • WeaselPoo

          It’s a joke

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Hillary’s book is selling so well because Trump’s supporters are buying it in order to burn it.

        /s

  • Longstreet63

    So, he’s going to visit Puerto Rico. I can’t wait to find out if he knows it’s part of the USA.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      ‘I’ve been hearing a lot about Portugal…’

    • Finnibar87

      Did you know? Most people don’t know it, but Puerto Rico is part of America?

  • Anna Rompage

    If Germany sends a rep from their AfD party, I’m sure they would get along smashingly well the bumblegropingfuhrer

    • georgiaburning

      Just back from there. They will get a lot of votes from the anti- immigrant rhetoric they lifted from Trump. Merkel supposedly has a big lead but when did we hear that kind of stuff before?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I have so many friends going to your countries trying to get rich.

    “For example, you know Leopold II? Big developer. Huge!”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a68c92ec1e48ad62cd65e052714ad4c66c64ad0e217a7e26bc88a9028ab0b0a2.jpg

    • Proud Liberal

      When he said “I have so many friends…” I’m sure everybody said, “Wait, you have friends?” He doesn’t.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        In Donnie world friends == business people he’s fucked over and taken money from.

        • Proud Liberal

          True that!

    • TJ Barke

      “It’s fantastic that we interfere with your sovereignty and self determination so we can ruthlessly exploit your countries!”

    • Bemused Australian

      I hear Shell has been doing great things in Nigeria. It’s starting to get a lot of recognition.

      • Oblios_Cap

        DeBeers has really helped South Africa, too. Lots of people are talking about it.

        • Alan

          Not many people know that.

    • Daniel

      Anyone heard of Rhodes Scholars? Not many people have. They’re from you know I love Rhodes. Had his own country, not many people know. Political correctness ruined, just ruined it, believe me.

      • PubOption

        “Right after it got independence, Caanan Banana was the President, he was deposed, but it’s still a Banana Republic.”

    • Finnibar87

      Rapacious fuckers are friends of donnie the Dope.

  • WeaselPoo

    Nambia, Nambia!
    Trump just invented thee
    Classy as fuck but lots of luck
    With its geographyyyyyyy!

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    new nation, “Nambia”

    Wasn’t that in a Kurt Vonnegut novel?

  • Anna Rompage

    Looks like Florida is keeping it classy…

    “Florida ‘Teacher of the Year’ candidate allowed boy to lick girl’s breast during class”

    Oh Floridah, bless your little misguided hearts…

    • laughingnome

      A bit of an improvement. Last year’s winner did the licking himself.

      • Proud Liberal

        LMAO!

      • The Wanderer

        (giggles inappropriately)

        • Law Man

          The Wanderer Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef • 11 minutes ago
          Agreed. He makes people who get double-fisted to the bicep say, “Whoa, dude.”

    • VirginiaMorningBlend

      Damn, I read that as kick. I am not less upset for some reason with lick.

    • The Wanderer

      (blinks)
      (reads it again)
      (slashes own wrists)

    • Joe Beese

      I’m having trouble picturing how that played out.

      (boy raises hand)
      “Yes, Jimmy?”
      “Mr. Thompson, can I lick Danielle’s breast?”
      ” ‘Can I’? Or ‘May I’? “

      • WeaselPoo

        Its always that little shit Jimmy!

        • Darlene Underdahl

          Red hair I’ll bet.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      What?!?

      • Anna Rompage

        Yep, it appears the kids were playing play truth or dare in a middle school class, and you know how horny those adolescent boys, and grown up male teachers can be…

        • Bobathonic

          Girls get horny too.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Yes. And your point is?…..

          • Bobathonic

            Equality in context.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Thank God!

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Dear heavens. If it weren’t for the awesome Floridians who post here, I would seriously be good with Florida succeeding.

          • Rags

            seceding?

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            Bloody auto-correct :-)

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Auto correct is not my friend.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie
          • Alan

            Image saved.

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            I know the guy who invented Clippy. He digs these.

          • Catstro

            What the duck do you mean?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Now you’re just fathering your nest.

          • Finnibar87

            For me, it’s a frenemy.

            It helps quite a bit, then when I least expect it? Auto correct fucks with my mind.

          • Maggielle

            Succeeding would be a wonderful beautiful miracle, even if it was originally a typo.

          • Alan

            There are good people everywhere. Sadly, some places don’t have enough.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Thank you for that and it does make one have more sympathy for the blue Texans.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          But “Teacher of the Year”?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        It is very, very, microscopically small comfort that it was another student and not the teacher. But I’m talking measuring that comfort in nanograms here.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Yee. Just can’t see how that would contribute to an orderly, respectful classroom environment.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Is it me, or are more and more teachers being arrested for sexual assault, and not just guys.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        They’re doing an amazing amount, and it’s being recognized more and more!

    • Alan

      Ummm….

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Krakatoa, East of Nambia

    • Finnibar87

      Krakatoa recovery is underway.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I would be okay with Trump vacationing at Krakatoa.

      • Maggielle

        I was going to suggest that he build a beautiful tower at the Yellowstone caldera, but then I scared myself so bad that I’m going to go sit in the corner for a while.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I hear Mt Erebus is lovely this time of year.

      • epazote

        I’m okay with giving drumpf Bikini Atoll where he can build a luxury resort and exclusive members only gold course

    • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

      “We are standing by, ready to help the Krakatoans and are also sending our thoughts and prayers.”

      • Finnibar87

        We are all Krakatoans now.

  • Rohirim36

    Hey, things are looking up. At least he didn’t say Wakanda or Zamunda.

    Baby steps for his baby hands.

  • Baconzbrokenz

    “I have so many friends going to your countries trying to get rich….Ivory dealers, Internet shisters, poachers, diamond mine owners and war lords”

    • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

      “Many of my associates do business with your Nigerian Prince.”

    • Oblios_Cap

      You forgot mercenaries.

      • Baconzbrokenz

        Trump wouldn’t know any mercs.

        • The Wanderer

          Erik Prince.

        • Oblios_Cap

          His Education Secretary does …

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Let it be proclaimed across the land: our President is a dunce!

    • TJ Barke

      Dunce libel?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Dunce implies some intelligence. Trump is our Village Idiot.

        • The Wanderer

          “Under the spreading chestnut tree
          The village idiot sat;
          He rolled his eyes
          He flapped his lips
          And jerked off in his hat.”

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Hair Ferret™: “I’m outta here!”

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Village Idiot libelz.

      • Alan

        Yeah, we’re really scraping the bottom.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I prefer “fucking idiot”.

      • Finnibar87

        I rotate mine:

        Trump the idiot.

        The idiot Trump.

        Trump is a fucking idiot.

        Blithering idiot Trump.

        That Donnie Johnnie, such a fucking idiot.

        Everyone is doing it!

      • epazote

        Malevolent fucking simpleton

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      Malignant narcissist!

  • Me not sure

    When asked for a comment, the Prince of Nambia said ” Fuck that guy”. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e803d6daa8c0ed3f04a3991b13aeb729ea89fbac50fdc894d2ccf4155de7134a.jpg

    • bubbuhh

      Always good to remember the Prince in hiz prime… back when he wuz funny.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    OT, but Jimmy Kimmel is becoming one of my heroes:

    https://twitter.com/EricBoehlert/status/910841946549125121

  • bookish

    Has Chuck been huffing the ethanol again?

    Morning Brief. The Center on National Security at Fordham Law.

    Senate preparing subpoenas for two FBI officials: Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley said Wednesday he is preparing subpoenas for two FBI officials about the firing of FBI Director James Comey. CNN reported last week that the Justice Department was preventing the individuals from appearing before the Judiciary Committee, saying such an appearance would be unwise without approval from special counsel Robert Mueller.

    Grassley said a final decision on summoning
    FBI National Security Division head Carl Ghattas and Comey’s former Chief of Staff James Rybicki would have to await a consultation with the panel’s ranking member, Dianne Feinstein (D-CA). CNN, Politico

  • weejee
  • bubbuhh

    OT, or mebbe not, Ex-Sheriff Clarke proves he be right there wif Trump and hiz Cabinet of merry Trumpanzees, Bet Clarke awarded hisself another medal to pin on that silly uniform I’m sure he still wears. This one for handling teh Press n their investigatin.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ba0cf522e21b4166b91277a60ab7ee4c136419c9dc71a457f7d06aedb1f9b9ba.png

    • Alan

      Wow.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I have to admit that this is the kind of frank exchange in modern politics that we all need more of.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    “All that great ivory. I have lots of ivory, it’s beautiful. My sons love going to Africa and killing your animals. Tremendous. Don’t get me started on the diamond mines.” -Donald J. Trump

    • Maggielle

      Oh yeah. I temporarily spaced on those pix of his sons enjoying Africa so very much. Those fucking monsters.

  • Oceania has always been at war with Nambia.

    (disqus still being a bit of a nuisance?)

    • bubbuhh

      I thought Nambia wuz warrin wif Pambia. Their border very cross, Need a wall, mebbe. Or, mebbe, a Tower.

      • Finnibar87

        There is an ambia with your name on it.

        • bubbuhh

          I met an Ambi-Ann in CPR class.

          • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

            I need an Ambien after this thread.

        • PubOption

          Ready to cause dysentery?

      • Me not sure

        If they unified they could be Namby-Pamby.

  • Longstreet63

    To be fair, confusing Namibia as Nambia is an easy mistake to make. Assuming you can barely read and have no knowledge of or interest in political geography.

    • Finnibar87

      It is admittedly tricky to pronounce upon first seeing the word, sure.

      The idiot Trump could have read the script beforehand, but he’s too ADD to bother.

      • Longstreet63

        That kind of ad libbing is not unusual among the functionally illiterate. Reading based on word recognition, guessing a word by its shape instead of its letters, was a thing in education in the early 80s. I hope that’s changed.

        • John_St_John

          “I hope that’s changed.”

          It has gotten worse with the Core Curricula. Now guesstimates are considered valid answers in math, spelling and science.

          • Longstreet63

            Where’s my vodka…
            I guess I need to invest in Brawndo.

          • james crubb

            Brawndo does have what plants need.

        • Finnibar87

          Trump is pretty much functionally illiterate.

          Put it this way: Trump doesn’t have a favorite book except his own, all ghost written.

          Trump watches TV. He can’t read.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            I dispute the “functionally” part.

          • Dg Hacket

            He loves that bible book thingie, especially the chapter about two Corinthians!

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            “All Quiet on the Western Front” has also been listed as one of his “faves”.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Actually that kind of ad libing is used among the literal in certain situations: text is blurry, too far away, missing glasses or you’re really rushed and have to skim/ glance. It’s just “low readers” use these techniques exclusively.

      • Maggielle

        Yeah, and he could listen when his people brief him, and there are such things as cheat sheets saying “nah-MIB-eeya”, but he doesn’t listen and he doesn’t read.

        • Finnibar87

          There are all kinds of mnemonics for names; journalists use em all the time.

          It’s how Ahmadinejad became ‘I’m a dinner jacket’, say.

          • Maggielle

            Heh. I used “Ach! My dinner’s charred.”

          • therealpuredog

            Stolen.

    • Rags

      He can barely walk, stand or climb stairs, he can’t express a coherent thought, he cant stop his rages, he can’t sleep and he can’t self-censor his impulses. The fact that he can’t read a word that is unfamiliar to him is just another of the sequalae of the neurological and psychological deficits that make him unfit for office

      • therealpuredog

        It tends to throw me into a valley of disrepair.

  • Marla

    He really is a sick, highly disturbed man.

    • Alan

      That rather sums it up.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Finnibar87

      Sing it out, Hellboy!

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      Ron Perlman is the best.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I trust this was before the reign of Tricky Dick…or LBJ…

  • WIDTAP

    Hey! Give the man a break. Haven’t y’all heard of Namibia Pamdias? Their endangered.

  • Iron Monkey

    He would be an embarrassment if he weren’t so dangerous.

    • Alan

      Why not both?

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Yeah, gotta hand it to Donnie – he’s pulling off the double here.

        • OrG

          WINNING!

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            Wouldn’t go quite THAT far…

        • Alan

          I don’t want to see the trifecta.

  • Alan

    Telling former colonial subjects that you’re coming there to get rich is not a good idea. Did someone tell him to say that? Did he think that was a good idea? Does he think? Apparently the learning curve is a horizontal line for this idiot.

    • bubbuhh

      This iz teh guy who made sure his UN audience remembers that he’s the guy who insisted on buildin a tower which blocks the UN.

      • Alan

        I can’t keep up.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I imagine General Kelly probably ripped his own forehead off upon hearing that line.

      • Alan

        I think he’s gonna have a stroke. Or an opioid addiction.

  • OrG

    He’s new at this.

  • bookish

    Humanity Road Hurricane Maria situation report (#1) September 20, 2017.

    https://www.humanityroad.org/situation-reports/caribbean/hurricane-maria

  • Paperless Tiger

    Somebody forgot to brief the President on everything.

    • OrG

      Hard to show him a picture of Namibia.

    • weejee
      • clubseal

        Super disgusting, but does anyone else see above the stain what looks like the face of a lion wearing glasses?

        • C4TWOMAN

          Cat, but yeah. Photoshop artifact?

          • clubseal

            Maybe. I thought perhaps I had a superpower. An admittedly useless one, but “Sees-Cat/Lion-Face-Man” could make for an interesting superhero costume.

          • C4TWOMAN

            I have a form of synesthesia which amounts to basically that: I see/hear spirally patterns in sunlight, the stronger if I stare at a hot spot, like pavement. Is it a super power? How can I use this to Fight Crime?
            Nope, just turns out my brain processes input differently.
            Damn.

          • Maggielle

            Well I’m impressed.

          • C4TWOMAN

            But how do I use it to Fight Crime?

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          Probably just the photochopper leaving their sign, perhaps an ungrabbable pussy?

          Or maybe it’s sort of like the Shroud of Turin, but it’s the shadowy impression left by Trump’s tiny genitals?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Oh they remembered – they just recognized it was an exercise in futility early on.

  • Trump needs to find a place on his team for Becky Stan. She was great for keeping Herman Cain up to speed on geo-politics.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    What’s all this about Trump Tower NAMBLA?

    (I’m 560 comments late. I’m sure this joke has been made many times already. Be kind.)

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      ^^^Upvote per General Principles.

    • Juan de Fuca

      To borrow a slightly old Wonkette comment of the day joke –

      “Those guys are so far in the closet, they’re sucking dick in Nambia.”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Finnibar87

      I love it when my cats sit around looking like duck decoys.

  • bubbuhh
  • Juan de Fuca
  • Yeah… Western corporations coming in and exploiting the wealth of Africa has worked out really well for the African nations in the past, I imagine they’re all ready to make Africa great again by shipping all of their oil and mineral wealth off to the first world in exchange for enriching the corrupt dictators and presidents running their nations.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    Gen. Buck Turgidson may be my favorite movie character of all time!

    https://youtu.be/UxLe8MWdWe0

    • Mehmeisterjr

      We haven’t heard from Turgidson Love Muscle in awhile. Did he finally land that Land Rover and retire?

      • therealpuredog

        Although I can’t be certain about this, I believe he may have simply taken different forms. It’s hard to tell, though; trolls gonna troll. If I am right, though, he seems profess having found a sort of religion about explicit sexual posts that is rather at odds with his earlier flights of lyricism.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Brrrrr. That guy with some sort of religion.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      “I’m not sayin’ we wouldn’t get our hair mussed a bit…”

    • Bitter Scribe

      I wonder how much of this performance Scott drew on when he went to do Patton?

  • C4TWOMAN

    The Association of Smugglers, Blood Diamond Miners and Human Traffickers welcome Trump to Africa with open arms.
    What could go wrong?

  • Nephilim

    There is no secret why Trump met with African nations. China. For many years now China has made significant inroads into African economy. African nations have welcomed their aid and expertise while the United States has ignored all things African.

    • C4TWOMAN

      In the hierarchy of WASP based racism, Asians are ever so slightly more human than Africans .

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        The European colonialist powers set a pretty fucking low bar.

      • Clark_Nova

        I find them considerably more human than WASPs.

    • Rags

      Aid and expertise because of availability of super cheap labor now that wages are rising slightly in China and India.

      • Nephilim

        Exactly. Trump would love to exploit. But he doesn’t have the best interest of African people on his mind.

        • Raan

          I’m pretty sure Trump doesn’t have the best interests of anyone without the surname Trump on his mind.

          Hell, the only reason he cares about Kushner is Ivanka.

          • Rags

            I have a feeling that doing anything to fuck over Obama’s legacy may actually take precedence over even his own monumental self interest.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            It’s really simple–it’s all about his fee-fees. A BLACK man was President and MADE FUN OF HIM! He will get BACK at him, fuck him! He is all spite and impulse, motivated entirely by malign narcissism.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Yup. And it suits the Chinese perfectly because they don’t have to worry about investing in countries that are in the middle of civil war, or worry about pesky “civil rights.”

      • Nephilim

        Another reason Trump would like to get into Africa. But has nothing to do with the welfare of African people.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          Trump: African “people”?

    • HellhathnofuryDemme

      And his meeting smoothed over that road,
      *eyeroll*

    • btwbfdimho

      Indeedy, part of China’s One Belt One Road initiative (OBOR), including highways , power plants, railroads.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ec1075bb36575e8c3efb861f79d6426e29113206c326f1d3764957b8b98fec12.png

      • Clark_Nova

        Read up on China’s rape of Laos. Especially what’s happening to the people in the Nam Ou river region who are being routed out of their homes by armed Chinese corporados who are building dams on the most unspoiled river in Asia. These dams destroy every method of making a living in that area and destroy an irreplaceable wilderness. The Laos’ own government has betrayed them on this by accepting billions in under-the-table Yuan.

    • Kooolest G

      my niece spent 2 years in uganda in the peace corps. she said that african governments love the chinese because they look the other way at human rights abuses and let the dictators take all the money. the normal people in most african countries hate the chinese because when they come to rape the countries of all their natural resources, they bring their own all chinese work force to do it (no shortage of labor in china) instead of hiring africans to do the work while all the money ends up in the dictator’s pockets or buying guns for the military to keep the people under control. oh and also anyone of asian descent (even asian americans) are referred to as “jackie chan”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • mailman27

    “I have so many friends…” Sure you do, pal.

    • Raan

      And much like Barbie’s friends, he had to pay for all of them.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Klaus Barbie?

        • Raan

          He’s who she hooked up with when White Supremacist Ken got bodied by a protester and arrested for conspiracy to commit assault.

  • quantum mechanic

    I surprised he didn’t single out Boko Harum for praise for their tireless efforts to reeducate Chibok school girls. And all done without big government interference or regulations.

  • New and Improved Say Wha

    But I got an email from a Nambian Prince for a great deal in Nambian Petroleum.
    Dear Excellency Donald Trump:

    I have been requested by the Nambian National Petroleum Company to contact you for assistance in resolving a matter. The Nambian National Petroleum Company has recently concluded a large number of contracts for oil exploration in the sub-Sahara region. The contracts have immediately produced moneys equaling US$40,000,000. The Nambian National Petroleum Company is desirous of oil exploration in other parts of the world, however, because of certain regulations of the Nambian Government, it is unable to move these funds to another region.

    You assistance is requested as a non-Nambian citizen to assist the Nambian National Petroleum Company, and also the Central Bank of Nambia, in moving these funds out of Nambia. If the funds can be transferred to your name, in your United States account, then you can forward the funds as directed by the Nambian National Petroleum Company. In exchange for your accommodating services, the Nambian National Petroleum Company would agree to allow you to retain 10%, or US$4 million of this amount.

    However, to be a legitimate transferee of these moneys according to Nambian law, you must presently be a depositor of at least US$100,000 in a Nambian bank which is regulated by the Central Bank of Nambia.

    If it will be possible for you to assist us, we would be most grateful. We suggest that you meet with us in person in Lago a Mar, and that during your visit I introduce you to the representatives of the Nambian National Petroleum Company, as well as with certain officials of the Central Bank of Nambia.

    Please call me at your earliest convenience at 18-467-4975. Time is of the essence in this matter; very quickly the Nambian Government will realize that the Central Bank is maintaining this amount on deposit, and attempt to levy certain depository taxes on it.

    Yours truly,

    Prince Alyusi Islassis

    • Raan

      Too much correct grammar.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Slightly adjusted, this is exactly the Trump campaign’s letter to the rubes. He also promised that they were smart and beautiful and that muu-muu was so flattering, Shirley, and he loved them and would take them away and they would live in his palace. That’s why it’s so hard for them to let go. He said he LOVED them. They were BETTER than everyone else.

      • SisterArtemis

        Well, to be fair, Shirley was wearing a very nice muu-muu…

  • StarBangledSpammer

    Trumps are charitable – Nambians get his $50k and the elephant meat.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/888603f66f61799c31b18fbae61a6e2bff77f781dc146383d099c9eb4caa33da.jpg

    • therealpuredog

      It is worth noting that the blade of the knife with which DJTJ allegedly just cut off that bloody tail appears to be pristine, serrations and all. Makes you wonder, is all I’m sayin’.

    • Bitter Scribe

      This isn’t real, is it? AFAIK, there isn’t a country in Africa where it’s legal to hunt elephants. That’s why the people who do are called “poachers.”

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Pfft, everyone knows that! That’s why he hunted it at the Brooklyn Zoo.

      • Catstro

        But the villagers were *so grateful* to
        get the meat because they don’t get to eat it very often (not the exact wording of his actual tweet, but close)

      • Rags

        It’s real enough. Some parks will designate rogue or other undesirable elephants for culling and then charge beaucoup bucks to idiots like him to ‘hunt’ them; raises some good revenue for conservation and makes me sick that there are that kind of fuck in the world.

        • Bitter Scribe

          Christ. I didn’t think there could anything more depraved than those “pheasant hunts” where the pheasants are kept in cages and thrown into the air like living skeet pigeons for rich shitballs to shoot at. (IIRC, it was at one of those things where Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face.) Guess I was wrong.

          • Regret

            Don’t start googling this shit, I want you to remain this innocent.

  • (((😸)))

    “I have nothing but love and admiration for the young people of NAMBLA.”
    -President Dum-Dum

  • NotReallyHere

    I’m slightly impressed Trump didn’t refer to Africa as a country. I was wondering if I needed to raise my Trump bar up a notch, but that feeling was quickly destroyed by Nambia.

  • YouInDangerGirl!

    Real talk: I always thought it was “Nambia,” too. But I’m a spottily-informed white trash Yankee, not the fucking President.

    • whitroth

      Hey, I thought you had to be a Sudden Person to be white trash….

  • CripesAmighty

    “There are these United Fruit guys. Everybody’s talking about them, I will tell you. “

    • Vacuous Virgina

      United Fruit guys … isn’t that the group promoting the Gay Agenda™?

  • What do Mueller’s drums say, Daktari?
    http://45rpmvinyl.com/pic/daktarirlp.jpg

    Too wild man too wild

  • BoatOfVelociraptors
    • yyyaz

      I might still have that issue in a box above my garage.

    • Rags

      They must have stolen it from here – 59 years ago….conman scares town into building wall; his name is Trump

      https://youtu.be/Gs6UcgiDwg0

    • JustDon’tSayPeter

      I’m sorry, but what comic?

  • Andy_Kreiss

    I have so many friends going to your countries trying to get rich. I congratulate you. They’re spending a lot of money.

    ** Ixnay on the ending-spay, Donny! Your base doesn’t understand investment! Africa needs to give your “friends” tax breaks!**

  • Bitter Scribe

    Notice how, when he’s reading from a text, he grips it with both hands, like he’s afraid it’s going to fly away? When he starts ad-libbing, his hands fly upward and he makes that OK gesture with his thumb and forefinger. When you see his hands go up, yours should too–to cover your ears.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      He always speaks, sounds, and looks like a 3rd-grader reading his first big-boy book report. (A report that he stole from the smart girl who actually did her homework; he’s never read the book.)

      • Rocky E

        The report that begins, “My book is about…”
        Shudder.

  • Jay Hansen

    It’s not too late to vet tRump……and I hope the vet neuters him.

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    Dok. This is one of your most impressively brilliant columns EVER. From “heart of dickness” to the scathing Sudetenland joke. Savage and beautiful.

    • JustDon’tSayPeter

      I gave 4 out of 5 stars. Woulda been 5, but now I have a goddam Toto earworm playing in a fkn loop.

  • SeeTrain65

    CNBC helpfully confirmed that “A White House transcript confirmed that Trump meant to say Namibia.”

    I honestly thought he meant to say “Narnia.”

    • george lastrapes

      Narnia had a lion in it, didn’t it? Understandable mistake.

      • SeeTrain65

        In the Trump admin, everyone’s ‘a lion’ now.

  • george lastrapes

    Love the picture.
    Pith helmet or piss helmet?
    Asshattery or ass hatari?

    • Jay Hansen

      It does invite a punoply of replies.

  • Jay Hansen

    Wearing a pith helmet? I’d be willing to pith on him.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    “Labia, Nambia, Malania. All the same to me.”

  • Panika MCD

    I think he meant NAMBLA because those dicks have been trying to found their own country for years. now they’re recruiting the MGTOW and incels.

  • whitroth

    Oh, if only the President of Freedonia were there to take on Mr. Trump….

    “Hail, Freedonia, Freedonia rules the waves….”

    • Jay Hansen

      The last guy nearly ruined the place
      He didn’t know what to do with it
      If you think that things are bad off now
      Just wait ’til I get through with it
      -Rufus T. Firefly

    • laineypc

      How about Hedonia? We could all come together to support Hedonia!

    • Ms.Moon

      I am in firm support of Robonia they have at least one champion female robot bending Olympic Champion (I think Trump will love to build a tower there as well).

    • Vacuous Virgina

      I might be moving to Annexia soon

      Gonna’ be a Mental Floss cartoon … oops, tycoon 😂

  • major_asshole

    What a nambia pambia asshole…

  • Vel Venturi

    But does Nambia need our fondue sets?

  • Canis Greyhame

    The day before he demonstrated he doesn’t need to go off-script to stink up the room:

    “The problem in Venezuela is not that socialism has been poorly implemented, but that socialism has been faithfully implemented” ( … awkward silence … )

    I mean, he read that off the teleprompter using his standard, fourth-grade-dullard cadence. And man oh man, it doesn’t help that Steve Miller is just shit at writing jokes!

    • Pisto75666

      They told him it was Steve ALLEN writing his jokes. Not like he’d know the difference anyway.

    • anomie

      That was supposed to be a joke? Geez.

    • dshwa

      Must have been many Europeans exchanging bewildered glances at that line.

    • Regret

      How I read that at first:
      “The problem in Venezuela is not that socialism has been poorly implemented, but that socialism has been implemented in a religious way.”

  • Mavenmaven

    Lighten up, why should Trump care what happens in Uzbekibekistansstan?

  • Pisto75666

    “A White House transcript confirmed that Trump meant to say Namibia.” Nonetheless, Yr Wonkette has learned that protests were lodged with the State Department by representatives from Namibia, Zambia, Narnia, and Freedonia.”

    Pottsylvania too, also!

  • chimpevil

    I’ll bet the leaders of Pogo, Semolina and Bongo were not amused.

  • Gee all my friends are going to your countries and exploiting them for personal gain!
    What…no applause?

  • And the capitol city of Nambia is Nambla?

  • Arguman

    “King Leopold is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice.”

    • Keith Taylor

      Not to mention modern multinationals. They have been working hard to keep the civil war raging in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (formerly Zaire) so that the various sides will supply them with coltran (a mineral used to manufacture cell phones) nice and cheaply. Never mind the incessant rapes, massacres and torture that result. It’s just business, nothing personal.
      King Leopold, you may be burning in hell for your hand-maimed host, as Vachel Lindsay wrote, but you were just a piker.

  • Delu

    What about NAMBLA.

    Did they lodge a complaint as well?

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      What do a bunch of Marlon Brando Look Alikes have to complain about?

Previous articleMueller To Trump: Papers Please. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Sept. 21, 2017
Next articleWhich GOP Dick Will Lie To Defend Tax $$$ For Private Jets? Erick Erickson, Step Right Up!