Consider this our concession to Talk Like A Pirate Day

So by now, you’ve prolly heard that Equifax wasn’t just hacked the one time in July, which we finally learned about in early September. Nope, turns out there was an earlier data breach this year, too, as a very corporate spokesperson very corporately told CNBC:

“Earlier this year, during the 2016 tax season, Equifax experienced a security incident involving a payroll-related service,” an Equifax spokeswoman told CNBC in an email. “The incident was reported to customers, affected individuals and regulators. This incident was also covered in the media. The March event reported by Bloomberg is not related to the criminal hacking that was discovered on July 29.”

And the data that was hacked in July, exposing huge amounts of customers’ personal information, had no effect on other customer data from that March hack, so doesn’t everyone feel a lot safer?

So in the context of two major data breaches in a matter of months at one of the three big credit rating agencies, we should all feel super confident about this story by financial columnist David Lazarus in the Los Angeles Times: Even with all the indications that your private information isn’t especially safe, Republicans in Congress are racing to make credit agencies less accountable for their screwups (or intentional wrongdoing) by further deregulating them. Hooray! It will create jobs, maybe! Or at least (more) obscene profits.

Bills are pending in Congress to limit class-action damages for violations of the Fair Credit Reporting Act and to give credit agencies more latitude in profiting from identity theft protection products.

The legislation is part of sweeping efforts by Republican lawmakers to reduce oversight of banks and other financial-services firms, and to cripple or eliminate the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, which has notched a successful track record of holding industry players accountable for unfair and illegal practices.

On the other hand, Democrats introduced a bill last Friday called the “Freedom from Equifax Exploitation Act,” which would allow the CFPB to further regulate credit agencies and would allow consumers to freeze or unfreeze their credit files with no fee. This is because Democrats and Republicans are exactly the same.

Chi Chi Wu, an attorney with the National Consumer Law Center, hopes that if nothing else, the EquiHacks will open consumers’ eyes to the real nature of the priorities of the three big national credit agencies, Equifax, Experian and TransUnion:

Consumers are not customers of these companies — they’re commodities […] We have no say over what they do with our data.

As luck would have it, the House Financial Services Committee held hearings on the bills to loosen credit agency regulations on the very day that the news broke about the July break-ins at Equifax. There may not be a God, but Yr Wonkette believes fully in trickster spirits who pull crap like that.

In other news Monday, Lazarus notes, the federal government is looking into whether some really well-timed sales of Equifax stock by Equifax execs — just before the news of the data breach broke — might have violated insider trading laws. COULD BE!

And what would these lovely bills to ease the regulatory burden on credit agencies actually do? All sorts of things to make sure big companies don’t suffer too much if you get ripped off, because Prosperity:

The FCRA Liability Harmonization Act is particularly noxious. Authored by Rep. Barry Loudermilk (R-Ga.), the bill would cap actual and statutory damages for class actions involving credit agencies at $500,000, and completely eliminate punitive damages.

Loudermilk said Friday that his bill “is aimed at curbing frivolous class action lawsuits against businesses under the Fair Credit Reporting Act,” which contains many of the rules for credit agencies.

When he introduced the legislation in May, he said that “a small technical error, turned into a lawsuit, can affect everyone in a business, including employees, customers and vendors.”

What Loudermilk ignores, however, is that a “small technical error” by a credit agency can have disastrous consequences for consumers — particularly if the agency, as is so often the case, shows little interest in fixing things.

For example, there’s the incompetent handling of the credit record of an Oregon woman, Julie Miller, whose information Equifax somehow merged with the file of a completely different person with the same name, but a different Social Security number that shared some digits. Miller tried from 2009 to 2011 to get Equifax to fix the errors, was unable to get anywhere, and eventually sued the company:

In 2013, a jury awarded Miller $180,000 in compensatory damages and a whopping $18.4 million in punitive damages, reflecting a sense among outraged jurors that Equifax just couldn’t be bothered to help a distressed consumer.

Well that’s not fair at all, since jurors always feel sorry for someone screwed over by a big unresponsive corporation. The punitive damages were reduced by the judge to $1.62 million, which was more in line with similar cases, but the judge definitely agreed that Equifax “engaged in reprehensible conduct.”

Loudermilk’s bill will make such fuckups far more profitable for companies like Equifax: The most Miller would have gotten had it been in effect was the $180,000 compensation, and no punitive damages because why are we trying to punish companies for honestly refusing to fix their own mistakes?

The other GOP bill making its way through the House would weaken the existing Credit Repair Organizations Act, which prevents “credit repair” outfits from making exaggerated claims of how they can improve consumers’ credit scores. A measure sponsored by California Rep. Ed Royce would exempt credit agencies from the act and allow them to charge customers up front to maybe fix their credit. It would also let them

keep “reasonable value for services” even if the consumer cancels within three days.

In other words, a credit agency could still pocket a consumer’s cash just for having opened a file in that person’s name.

The goal here, says the National Consumer Law Center’s Wu, is to let credit agencies keep making money off consumers regardless of whether they actually help them. Heck, isn’t making money what America’s all about? If we require credit agencies to actually deal responsibly with our data, maybe they’d just all shut down and then nobody’d have a credit rating and the economy would crash. We should probably give them whatever they want, just so they won’t hurt us. More.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Click here! Your financial information is safe with us, because if you can’t trust a guy in a baked potato with a giant pat of butter on his head, who can you trust?


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  • Crystalclear12

    Now I need a shower.

  • OddMan
  • whitroth

    Let me point out that, in spite of the credit agencies verbiage, WE DO NOT OPEN AN ACCOUNT WITH THEM, so we are NOT “customers” or “clients”.

    Interesting thought: what right do they have to obtain our private financial records? Anyone ever signed the equivalent of a HIPAA form, to all the bank or whoever to report such information to the credit agencies?

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      Sadly, it’s in the fine print of nearly every application/acceptance of credit, from mortgages to credit cards there is a line that essentially says the borrower acknowledges that his/her information will be shared with the evil 3. Not something you can easily opt out of, either.

      • FlownΩver

        Maybe, but I don’t remember authorizing them to be negligent with my info and cause me financial harm.

        If Equif*x became a defendant in enough individual suits they might think the idea of a class action wasn’t all that bad.

  • kindness

    Republicans…..why do they have to be frat boys? All they seem to do is fuck those that are too drunk, poor or uneducated in the ways of frat boys.

    • Crystalclear12

      That lure their victims in by saying:
      Sure, you’re one of us.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Consider this our concession to Talk Like A Pirate Day

    I have a different one that talks like a Pirate…one that won’t alienate those who aren’t fans of my hometown team give up on sex forever:

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    So a lifetime of ruined credit, inability to procure employment, housing, transportation, or education, and spending untold amounts of money to repair the damage is worth about a half a million smackers?
    These people are sociopaths.

    • jesterpunk

      Dont give them ideas they will lower it even more. When they get done it wont even cover lawyer fees to try and sue them.

      • Three Finger Salute

        And then jail time for not paying your debts.

        “Are there no workhouses?” -GOP

  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    The party of personal responsibility strikes again, making sure the “people” who matter most have no responsibility at all.

    At this point you don’t need a bleeding heart to be a liberal, just a little bit of common fucking decency.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Fucking vultures — I actually have crummy credit because I avoided using credit because too many credit card companies love to scam their customers with all manner of extra fees. Screw these motherfuckers.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    On the other hand, Democrats introduced a bill last Friday called the “Freedom from Equifax Exploitation Act,”

    I’m rather more in favor of the “Freedom from Stupid Names for Acts of Congress Act”.

    • ariel_gee_398

      What about the Fair and Uniform Credit Knowledge and Expedited Responsive Services Act.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Now, that is straight up understandable.

    • Three Finger Salute

      On the other hand, I eagerly await the




      The stupid initialism to end all stupid initialisms.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    TL;DR. Republicans stink.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Republicans: “We’re not hateful! Look, we passed a bill to protect Trans Unions!”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Equifax’s three execs who cashed in on inside info need to be made to walk the plank.

    It’s what the scurvy dogs deserve. ARRRRGH!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Freedom from Equifax Exploitation Act

    I’m holding out for the Freedom from Undue Credit Knavishness Undermining Protection of Security.

  • TJ Barke

    Fuck republicans. Amoral savages.

    • Ricky Gay

      No see, we won’t fuck them. That’s the problem. Or so I’ve been told…

  • capnkrunch

    Don’t bother with the year of free monitoring they are offering. Two reasons:
    1. It’s ineffective.
    2. You (literally every adult in the US) need to worry about this breach for the rest of your life. Not just one year.

    Here’s some actually useful steps to take:
    1. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT! EVERYONE NEEDS TO DO THIS. Request a security freeze (AKA credit freeze) on all three credit score providers. Leave this in place in perpetuity. It will make open credit cards, getting loans, etc. much more of a pain because you need to manually lift the freeze and then manually put it back afterwards. However, this is far and away the best protection you can have. Seriously, do it now.
    2. Regularly check your credit scores. You can get a free report from the big 3 once a year and pulling it doesn’t hurt your score. Don’t bother with CreditKarma or other services like that.
    3. File your taxes ASAP. Unfortunately, Equifax really, really fucked everyone. It’s hard to overstate just how bad this is. Literally every year, from now till forever, you need to race the criminals to file your taxes before they do.

    Equifax fucked up real bad. Indescribably bad. Basically every adult in the US’s lives are going to be worse forever because of this. And you get a year of free credit monitoring for your troubles…

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      There is fee for credit freeze. Equifax is allegedly not charging for now, but the other two agencies still do (probably). There are reasons you may want the freeze anyway, but under the current circumstances Equifax should be paying across the board. Or until your DOB and SSN change.

      • capnkrunch

        Agreed. Luckily the fee is not large, but to freeze at all 4 (I forgot about Innovis) it can add. Especially when you consider that you need to do it again every time you need credit. Really, this is the kind of security that we should just have for free by default…

    • weejee

      And vote.

      / seems Mueller will relieve the need for Molotov cocktails and guillotines.

  • Beowoof14

    So many who vote these republican scumbags will never feel any urge to vote against them till they get personally screwed. Problem is the screwing over usually only happens to those too poor to fight back.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    All the fucking regulations were strangling growth. Thanks, GOP!! Plus consumer spending’s about to go through the roof due to credit card fraud.

  • Chi Chi Wu we’re counting on you.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      And one of the great golfers of all time.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    This! ENOUGH! my grandmother had to ride her bike disquising her papers to be resisistance papers and my other grandmother had to think every day how to feed jews that were not on the ration. In the meantime my canadian uncles risked their lives to liberate us. And then there is this ASSHOLE:

    PS: this is a videogame!

    • Nockular cavity

      I’m pretty sure “imagining the dangers of using violence on political enemies” Is exactly why people punch Nazis.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Take them out and not just with votes.

      • weejee

        Well the Nazi punchee called the puncher an ape and threw a banana at him.

        • Parakeetist

          Them’s fighting words.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      He seems to be making the Trump salute.

  • Moebym of the Returners

    So I recall from the days of having TV that NBC Nightly News had a regular segment called “Fleecing of America”. Are they still doing that? If so, this needs to be their next topic.

    • Three Finger Salute

      That’s so Brokaw. Needs moar Andy Lack.

    • SeeTrain65

      Lisa Myers used to do those stories a lot, and never was a Republican harmed because she never seemed to go after them.

      God Damn, I hated her. I’m actually surprised Trump didn’t ask for her number.

  • Michael R
  • Mavenmaven

    GOP: Punished for “reprehensible conduct”? But that’s our default mode of operation!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Say, you know who else committed a small technical error?

    • Three Finger Salute


    • TundraGrifter

      The US of A when Muffie Merkin was our President?

    • Catstro

      Chris Webber?

    • Vincent Ricola

      My idiot coworker and I had to spend all last weekend fixing it. BOO!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      The pilots of the “Gimli Glider”?

    • wait! what?

      All of Stanislav Yevgrafovich Petrov’s work mates?

    • SayItWithWookies


    • Nockular cavity

      So wait, the brain was not from someone named “Abby Normal?”

    • Iron Monkey

      Constantine the Great?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Me. When I wrote …
      delete from CustomerMaster
      where deleteFlag = ‘Y’
      … but only selected the first line for execution.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Price-Waterhouse at the Oscars?

    • SeeTrain65

      Rasheed Wallace?

    • Doug Langley

      That little computer in “Fail Safe”?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I enjoy saying Chi Chi Woo.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The second bill under consideration by the House is the Credit Services Protection Act, introduced by California’s Ed Royce (R-Fullerton). This one isn’t as shameless as Loudermilk’s legislation but nevertheless contains pitfalls for consumers.

    The bill would undercut an existing law known as the Credit Repair Organizations Act, intended to prevent so-called credit repair firms from fleecing consumers with exaggerated promises of being able to boost a sagging credit score.

    Among other things, the Credit Repair Organizations Act prevents such firms from demanding advance payments before rendering a service.

    Royce’s legislation would exempt credit agencies from the act and allow them to demand payment upfront. They’d also be able to keep “reasonable value for services” even if the consumer cancels within three days.

    In other words, a credit agency could still pocket a consumer’s cash just for having opened a file in that person’s name.

    Yeah, that seems fair.

    • bubbuhh

      How dare government con peeps try to restrict teh kind uv lies business conz can tell consumerz. Sad!

  • bubbuhh

    Soundz wuz jes askin for it. Equifax must be like to be covered in hacker spewm while it wavez itz corporate legz up in teh air. Seemz like corporate hacking iz a good way to set up sell high buy back low stock dealz ef you in teh know.

  • DrBigHead

    This is exactly why I will never be a rich man. I am not clever (evil) enough to figure out how to monetize my fuck-ups. If I could, I would be driving a new Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio today.

    • OutOfOrbit

      just stop being so damb librul and you’ll be on your way Avarice

    • Three Finger Salute

      And this is why we’ll never get anywhere on fixing society. You either look out for #1 or you end up being #2. Either the doormat or the boot. Defective by design.

  • armed_bears

    a giant pat of butter on his head,

    I had, until this instant, assumed “cheese wedge”, so I have obviously been dairy-confused.

    • weejee

      Idaho – potatoes.

      • armed_bears


      • Arolpin

        I’m from Idaho and I couldn’t decide between cheesehead, Yellow Toad (Mario Bros), or chromatically inaccurate ren-faire garb. I never would have guessed potato.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Got a “damn right” close for us, David Lazarus?

    As a dog owner, I know that you encourage good behavior with treats.

    Nobody should get a Milk Bone for peeing on the floor.

    • Covfefe

      You think that’s what those Russian hookers got for peeing on the bed that Obama slept in? Milk bone?

      Or was it Donnie’s dinkie dong and they just couldn’t tell the difference?

  • OddMan

    If you want to check to see if Equifax lost your data here is a link. Use at your own risk.

    I just checked mine and it said.

    • armed_bears

      Oooh !1!! Here’s what the other Magic 8 Ball screen looks like! Mine = yes. Mrs. Armed_Bears = no. And thanks for the linky.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Me and da missus got that message, too.

      • Everyone gets that message.
        Plausible deniability

        • BradtheBot

          Nope, 2 out of 4 adults in our family got the note they may be impacted, and the other two look good (presuming they really do know who was affected).

    • Three Finger Salute

      Hopefully you don’t believe them. Literally everyone should be following @c4pnkrunch:disqus advice right now

      Security freeze article

      Credit report article

      Also if you take the “monitoring” offer, they’re trying to make it out that it means a waiver for ever getting to sue them. Article here

      • OddMan

        Hmm. It seems that lots of folks get that message of no worries. I think you are right I think we are going to freeze our credit. Checking with our money guy first.
        Yeah we have a money guy.

      • everstar

        I was sort of charmed by the idea that I would want a year of free credit monitoring from the same airheads who got hacked in the first place. “Yes, we know we didn’t keep your data safe to begin with, so have a year of our insecure systems on us.”

      • Treehopper1104

        Wouldn’t this also mean that I get to pay them $10 every 90 days, in perpetuity, to have my report frozen? plus another $10 every time I want to have it unfrozen. Seems like a pretty good deal for Equifax, but not so much for me.

        • capnkrunch

          The freeze stays in place until you unfreeze it. So you do need to pay them to freeze it again after every time you unfreeze it but there is no continuing fee.

          Like I said downthread, this is really not something we should have to pay for. It should be the default mode and free. Actually, the default mode for everyone should be a fraud alert which is infinitely more user friendly than a freeze but you need to actually be the victim of fraud to get one.

          Unfortunately, Republicans are writing the rules and they are writing them to fuck consumers as hard as possible. Same as it ever was.

        • Rags


      • capnkrunch

        Agreed. Everything I’ve heard from the security experts suggests that they lost all the data. And if you ever opened a credit card or took out a loan that probably means your data. I wouldn’t trust what their site says far as I could throw it (which is zero because it is not a physical object).

    • Sunhead

      FYI – that site gives different answers depending on what browser you are using.
      Safer to assume you have been exposed than to trust them to know.

      • OddMan

        Thanks Sunhead.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    It’s always been said that it’s the lawyers who are the bloodsuckers… I think that title properly belongs to the financial services industry… At least you have to have a working relationship with lawyers before they suck you dry.

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      yeah, everybody hates lawyers….til they need one—and all lawsuits are frivolous…until……

  • Anna Rompage

    Let me get this straight… I’m accidentally late on one car because my lenders web site was down for three days and my credit score get dinged, effecting my ability to borrow, my credit card rates, not to mention my insurance rates & potential future employment.

    That group negligently secures all of my person credit info, including my ss number, address & b-day, then gets hacked, which opens me up to having my ID stolen, possible bankruptcy, and the fucking GOP congress moves to protect them from all the bad shit that is likely to happen to 10s of millions of Americans?

    Um, is it bad to wish that a comet falls from the heavens and takes these mother fuckers out?

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s



    Credit rating bureaus have been ratfucking consumers for years–their customers are NOT consumers but banks , credit card companies and other financial companies, so, they don’t give a shit about borrowers. Kevin Drum over at Mother Jones rips them a new asshole

  • Three Finger Salute

    Wanna know why corporations run this country?

    Read about this guy

    and then read his infamous “memo”

    Jane Mayer’s Democracy in Chains goes into detail about it.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Love Jane Mayer, Dark Money is a must read.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Before the Great Depression, there were depressions and recessions (called “panics” back then) fairly often. After the Great Depression and all the oppressive regulations, recessions were less frequent and less severe. And yet the US economy grew to astonishing levels. It’s still growing.

    But the people who lived through the Depression are dying, erasing the living memory of that trauma. So people look around and say “everything’s been going swimmingly, so let’s get rid of these stupid regulations.”

    Side note: Before the GD, retirement was fully privatized as savings, home ownership and company pensions. Then the banks failed, homes became worthless and companies went bankrupt. Retirees had to go back to work; near retirees had to keep working (if they had a job), which aggravated unemployment. Social Security is contra-cyclical in that it draws people out of the workforce, especially when unemployment rises. It’s been very successful. Republicans HATE it.

    • CATMAN

      The financial industry can’t wait to privatize Social Security so they can get their hands on all that money so they can nick off their 2% for “management fees” so more wealth gets transferred upward

      • Axomamma

        2%? That’s why you’re poor. They’ll take a lot more than 2%.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I, for one, do not welcome our new credit agency overlords.

  • TundraGrifter

    Dude has one of those senior citizen grabbers hanging on the wall so he never has to get up to reach anything.

  • Gemz

    Since I destroyed my credit rating in college I do hope someone steals my credit history and makes it better.

    • mancityRed6

      I gotta say, from personal experience, it doesn’t work like that.
      more like, “oh hell no, not that one. lookit those numbers!”

    • YoBunnyBunny

      If it weren’t for the fact that some bad things finally just fell off my credit report like 3 months ago, I would totally be like “Good luck opening a line of credit in my name, Asshats!!!”

      Well, that good rating was nice for the little time I had (not that I did anything with it). I have survived shitty credit, and I guess I can survive shitty credit again.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Second that. My credit is so shitty that if someone stole my identity they’d give it right back. Since I’m a Poor, draining my bank account would net them about $1.37.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      That’s always my response to credit cards offers”Nobody in their right mind would lend me money”. That shuts them right up.

  • TundraGrifter

    Here’s an idea. Before you sell my personal information you get my permission. Instead of me having to freeze it (and pay a fee for the privilege) you have to keep it confidential until I grant you permission.

    As a matter of law, I fully understand I gave various financial institutions permission to release personal information to the credit reporting agencies. I don’t recall, however, giving those agencies permission to release it.

    • gingerwentworth1

      And if somehow what you gave them becomes public, they have to pay you!
      And make up a new password and put that new password in all the places you had it. That’s just how it should be. It’s not the consumer’s problem how the release happened.

  • Well, I started off my adult life as a libertarian living in market fairy tale land until 2007 happened… at the rate things are going, I should be putting on a Che T-shirt and leading a glorious communist revolution sometime in the next four years.

    • mancityRed6

      just let me know where and when.

  • YoBunnyBunny


    So while we hanging out listening to the wingnuts of the M.O.A.R (snicker) in D.C. this weekend, one of the speakers was banging on somesuch about how east coast libtards were using regulations to hurt the little guy AND they keep protecting CORRUPT CORPORATIONS AND they know Donald Trump–who REAL AMERICANS voted for–is gonna DRAIN the swamp…

    Yes, I hurted my brain trying to recall this…

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      And I hurt MINE reading it.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Hearing derp live and in person, outside the reddit troll comment board, is always an experience to behold.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Also too, he threw in a reference to Martin Luther King Jr, and no, I didn’t follow that line of argument either.

        • cmd resistor

          Probably because MLK was a republican. Or, so say many wingnuts.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          I still don’t get how people like that aren’t immediately struck by lightning.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I hope Elizabeth Warren is knocking back some whiskeys and getting ready to cut a bitch.

    • Parakeetist

      Can I get a witness

      • Eileen Besse


        • MarciaCAdkisson

          Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleHomeCashJobsFreshOpportunity/earn/hourly ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!sf414l..,…


    Business controls – how do they work?

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    But the hand of the free market will fix all of this! WHO IS JOHN GALT?>

    • mardam422

      It would probably work if that hand weren’t always stuffed in consumers pockets.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • cmd resistor


    • SnowBomber

      Oh no. :( Terrifying.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    In Louisiana, all high school seniors take a test, and their personal data is stored in a state database. So one guy at the State Dept. of Education downloaded ALL the data for that year onto a laptop and took it to a conference in New York, where he rented a car and then left the laptop in plain view on the back seat when he parked somewhere. Needless to say, laptop was stolen and the data hacked. My coworker’s 17-yr-old daughter’s identity was promptly stolen. That was 10 years ago, and she is still fighting to get it straightened out. Also needless to say, the guy wasn’t fired and the state of Louisiana offered zero assistance.

  • anon_the_great

    Equifax board members should be fired, fined, impoverished and imprisoned and their children’s children sterilized.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Can I watch?

    • Rags

      Kinda blows up the commenting ruulz? Leave kids alone.

      • JustDon’tSayPeter

        It’s OK, because comments aren’t allowed.

      • ahughes798

        Anon the Great didn’t really wish harm to anyone. Not everyone worships at the alter of the childruuuuuuuuuuun.

  • data_ninja

    As luck would have it, the House Financial Services Committee held hearings on the bills to loosen credit agency regulations on the very day that the news broke about the July break-ins at Equifax. There may not be a God, but Yr Wonkette believes fully in trickster spirits who pull crap like that.

    In other news Monday, Lazarus notes, the federal government is looking into whether some really well-timed sales of Equifax stock by Equifax execs — just before the news of the data breach broke — might have violated insider trading laws. COULD BE!

    I ASSURE you that these two paragraphs are absolutely related to each other. There is no coincidence of them introducing legislature the day of the news, they got the same ‘hot tip’ from the people that sold their shares. “Please cover our asses and we’ll give you some money for doing so during your next campaign”.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    The whole credit reporting business is bullshit. I had a very high score back on August 28, 2005, the day before Hurricane Katrina, and 4 days later all three of the agencies automatically dropped the scores of everyone who lived in the flood zone by 40 points. Why? Because they could, I guess. I hate those people.

  • Covfefe

    If churches can make money off consumers without actually helping them, why can’t credit agencies make a bit of money the same way? Ever think of that?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Maybe the credit agencies could become ordained, then they wouldn’t have to pay taxes either

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        Or have zero accuracy or credibility.

    • mardam422

      It’s in the Bible.

    • Tiny kaiju

      They could at least come around waving incense and performing Gregorian chants.

  • jesuswasablack


    You are by far my favorite journo here on ol’wonkette so I can’t describe how disappointed I am to see you using lazy shiftless millennial jargon “prolly” really, is it too fucking hard to spell probably? Prolly, really, really, Please Doc, please! Ok let me read the rest of the article now?

    • HazooToo

      Mebbe “prolly” is just another thing people say, like shoulda and sghetti and Wirshtersherr, though, which is fine.

    • Zombishroom

      Probably is spelled out in the last sentence. I didn’t notice prolly anywhere. Maybe edited?

      • SnowBomber

        The very first sentence has prolly in it.

        • Zombishroom

          Hmmm. Like bookends. Dok is up to something.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Dude. Dok has a fucking PH.D. in rhetoric (English speech). HE IS BEING THE SARCASTIC. You may have noticed the brilliant use of the English, including the humorousness of dipping into slang as an observational witticism, in his other posts.

      • goingohm

        Also, too, Dok has artistic license–which, I understand, is prolly hard to come by in Idaho.

    • SeeTrain65

      O ………………………………………………………………………………….. K.

    • bbayliss

      I am a vociferous defender of our bastard tongue.
      In this case I understand the allure of “prolly”.
      When it appeared in my daughter’s middle school lexicon I was suitably offended. I now find myself using it frequently.
      “Probably” is a pebble in the shoe of speech. A clunker, an unwieldy, disagreeable, self consciously difficult word to pronounce in order to express the simple, casual, probability of plausibility.
      “Probably” is self-important, “like as not” too colloquial, prolly seems about right.

      so sue me.

    • ahughes798

      We used that term pre-internet.

    • chimpevil

      Yo Momma prolly dropped you on your head when you was little yo. Sheesh motherfucker.

  • pgjack

    Credit agencies don’t give a hit about their ‘customers’ and Republicans don’t give a shit about Americans.

  • mardam422

    How is Equifax supposed to create jobs if they spend all their time fighting lawsuits? HENNGGGHHHH????

    • Zombishroom

      creating jobs for lawyers?

  • TootsStansbury

    I wish we could launch a class action suit against the GOP for crimes against humanity.

    • Eileen Besse


    • hudson


    • chimpevil

      Yeah we could vote these fuckers out of office if the Dems would stop this internecine bullshit and unite around a common enemy.

  • SeeTrain65

    Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Click here! Your financial information is safe with us, because if you can’t trust a guy in a baked potato with a giant pat of butter on his head, who can you trust?

    Oh, THAT’S what that is. NOW it makes sense.

  • hudson

    equifax. more like belittle little guy than little guy.

  • natoslug

    LIES! LIES FROM THE PITS OF HELL! That’s a thick slice of mild cheddah cheese on yer noggin, not butter.

  • chimpevil

    If you question these leeches’ methods, they will cry proprietary, then when they make the inevitable mistake on a report it will take you months or years if ever to get it fixed. And now they want immunity for their fuck ups. It makes you want to move to country that is fairer to its people, like Somalia or Burma.

  • hapax

    “The other GOP bill making its way through the House would weaken the existing Credit Repair Organizations Act”
    Let’s call it, I dunno, Credit Repair Oversight Weakening Act. Then, when a bunch of whiny consumers want to complain about being ripped off, we can say, “Let them eat CROW!”

  • Johnny Appleseed

    Fn Republican trash.

    • Parakeetist

      Hear, hear

  • Ergoetal

    That guy in the pitture. I seen him at a Trump rally. But he had a hat on.

  • Oboko & Rocket Man

    That guy in pic dated Obama.

  • Sunhead

    Equifax have let go their CIO and CSO.
    The CSO Susan Mauldin, was a Music Major with no qualification in Technology.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I have no qualification in technology and built a HIPAA certified system. Don’t be so quick to judge.

      • Sunhead

        I work in security and what I have seen about the state of Equifax tells me that I am not wrong. Either she had no understanding of Security or had zero leadership and communication skills. Both would disqualify her from the CSO position.
        The ensuing coverup of her qualifications is just an indication that they know they screwed it up.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Of course. A music major. I’ll bet she hummed well while she was “auditioning” for her position.

      And fuck Equifax with large, sharp, rust-encrusted objects.

      • nikoli


  • OrdinaryJoe


  • alpacapunchbowl

    Upside to my shitty credit- no one has any incentive to steal my identity. I hope?

  • covfefesumgame0005

    AFAIK I have never used their “services” but went to the site anyway, they have a section to see if you might be effected and then redirects you to another page and asks for exactly the data that was hacked. I closed it and have not been back. seems a little strange that such an insecure “service” wants to re-collect the data that was stolen….to me anyway

    • chortlingdingo

      On top of that, if you sign up for Equifax’s little credit monitoring service, the fine print in the terms of service bars you from participating in any class action lawsuits resulting from the data breach.

      • resisting and persisting

        They have since caved to pressure and changed that.

        • chortlingdingo

          Oh that’s good, at least.

    • Sunhead

      You are not Equifax’s client, you are their commodity and your credit score is their product. In all likelihood they have your data because you have a credit card or bank account or loan or mortgage.

      • covfefesumgame0005


  • Vacuous Virgina

    There may not be a God, but Yr Wonkette believes fully in trickster spirits who pull crap like that.

    Ramen 😉😉😈

  • notanncoulter

    just… fuck.

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    “Even with all the indications that your private information isn’t
    especially safe, Republicans in Congress are racing to make credit
    agencies less accountable for their screwups (or intentional wrongdoing) by further deregulating them.”

    Gosh. Who would of guessed?

  • Moar Wordz

    And that’s the Repubs folks, fucking you one Amero at a time

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