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We are appalled too, Katy.

Uh oh, excerpts from amazing MSNBC person Katy Tur’s new book (buy it here! We did!) keep coming out, and OH THEY ARE SALACIOUS. She is really telling some stories about the Trump campaign here! On Tuesday, we were shocked and appalled and furious to learn that Donald Trump, who verbally abused Tur on a regular basis at his campaign rallies, also tried to grope her face with his mouth one day on the “Morning Joe” set, because he pops in a Tic-Tac, he just can’t help it.

Check out this gross story about UNNAMED MARRIED MAN TRUMP CAMPAIGN GUY, who was gross toward Tur in an indirect way, but was mostly just a gross pig man who sought her advice on where to get some adulterous lady strange at a campaign stop. After you read it, we will get out our Glenn Beck white board and connect the dots and figure out who it was!

Uhhhhhh … sorry Katy Tur doesn’t have the inside scoop on where to find some pussy since your wife and kids aren’t around but anyway, bye!

And the leery, gross remarks about how she gets sweaty sometimes and the other inappropriate text messages? Gotta be this guy, right?

Is that it? Did Corey Lewandowski say he knows how sweaty Katy Tur probably gets, and thus needs some towels to dab herself? He fits the profile. Married with four children, generally a gross human being who obviously thinks he is hot shit. Alison Hardy, did your husband do the nasty things in Katy Tur’s book? Does that sound just like him?

UNLESS! Unless it was this guy:

NOOOOOOOOOO. That is too gross. It cannot be Jason Miller, unless he was doing that thing where, because he was an unfuckable dork in high school, now he was acting out like some BMOC because he was MISTER TRUMP CAMPAIGN GUY, not realizing he was still just some unfuckable troll thing.

But wait! It would have had to have been early in the campaign, because by fall, Miller was busy doing trustfalls and bangin’ stankies and makin’ love babies with A.J. Delgado. Jason Miller wouldn’t betray the trust of his wife and his campaign mistress that way, probably.

We can eliminate Mike Pence, who calls his wife “Mother” and is not allowed to cavort with opposite gender humans all by himself. He wouldn’t have said he was going to be “chief of staff” anyway.

The actual chief of staff ended up being Reince Priebus, but we are just not buying that it was he for some reason.

It could have been Michael Flynn, married to Lori and father to #Pizzagate Junior!

His tongue is hanging outta his mouth and everything! But nah, his kids are grown and he was too busy being a literal actual foreign agent to grab them by the pussy probably. Same reasoning goes for why it probably wasn’t Paul Manafort — except for how The National Enquirer, America’s most greatest journalism periodical, claims he is a GROSS SEX PREVERT WITH MISTRESS LADY, so that reasoning doesn’t actually work at all, now that an editor is looking at this post. (We are just pointing this out for accuracy.)

LET’S THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX, because there’s this one Trump campaign person who reproduces like a rabbit and is definitely stupid and gross, and his name is StinkyJizz McFaceBad Junior:

Junior, did you constantly text Katy Tur and ask her to lead you to sexxxy extramarital naughty-naughty? Are you dumb enough that you thought your dad might make you his chief of staff? Hahahahahaha, of course you are, but “Corey Lewandowski” is still totally the answer we are probably looking for.

It wasn’t Eric Trump, because he had not yet spawned during the campaign. His first baby was just borned! Congratulations, Eric and Lara! Hope it got Lara’s face!

We can see this guy gin-grunting at Katy Tur and thinking he might end up chief of staff, but his recent marital history doesn’t line up with “happy wife at home”:

Nah.

WAIT A SECOND. Is it possible that the dude’s exact quotes were more along the lines of, “Would you like a nice cool towel to wipe off your lady unmentionables? Where can I meet a looker like you to take back to my cabin for some squirrel-grillin’ and romance-creatin’?” Does his sex face look like this, maybe?

JEFFERSON BUTTERSCOTCH WILLY-WHACKER SESSIONS THE THIRD, you old rascal!

OK look, Donald Trump surrounds himself with the literal worst human beings in all of America, so the answer to which Trump campaign person tried to slime all over Katy Tur and the innocent female residents of whatever city Trump happened to be in that day could easily be ALL OF THEM KATY.

But we still gotta go with Corey Lewadowski, because fuck that guy. Feel free to recommend good divorce lawyers for his nice wife in the comments, which are not allowed.

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  • Msgr_MΩment

    I’ll be in my…um…. silkwood shower.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I can’t get quite that fancy, but I do have lye soap and a wire brush.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Katy should have need who ever it was in the nuts and got it all on tape.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I vote for Lewandowski also too.

  • ariel_gee_398

    The Rubio thing happened in October and Lewandowski was long gone by then. What about Scavino?

    • Finnibar87

      Lewandowski was never really ‘gone’, though.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        IKR? The Trump campaign was like the Hotel California.

    • jesterpunk

      Corey was working for CNN while being paid by the Trump campaign and he had a Non disparagement contract where he couldn’t say anything bad about Trump. Because that is totally normal for a network to hire and pay someone working for a candidate.

    • Oliver Due

      Lewandowski was not long gone in October 2015 and sending towels to Rubio in Oct 2016 makes no sense. More importantly it’s well documented that when trump summoned Lewandowski to his office prior to announcing, he asked him what he thought his chances of getting the nomination were. Lewandowski replied “one in ten.” (Or ten percent, look it up). It’s totally Lewandowski, guessing game over.

  • Finnibar87

    Boys will be boys, America. Especially the white ones.

    Wasn’t that the idiot Trump’s campaign message?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    This is a stoopid question, but Steve Miller isn’t married, is he?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      No. To the best of everyone’s knowledge, he is a virgin.

      • jodyleek

        I get the feeling his particular kink involves Nazi cosplay, ball gags and gimp suits.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          I was going to submit several other suggestions, but now I am feeling a tad queasy.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            I actually did, and I threw up in my mouth. Not a little either.

    • Ill-Advised

      “Keep on rockin’ me baby” Steve’s married, I think.

      Stephen Miller the Forehead may be a possibility. Although I’m being on Lewandowski, because I know my limits.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I can’t imagine any woman taking one look at his naked body and semi-hard penis and laying back naked and spread-eagled and screaming, “Take me now, you luscious fuck-monkey!”

  • wide_stance_hubby

    In the list of all the things we might enjoy about Dolt’s campaign staff, sex scandals are not to be found.

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

    • bbayliss

      Yet.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I never heard the water and towels thing. That’s classy as all fuck.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I would hope that the Rubio campaign sent back several hundred pairs of teeny, tiny gloves.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        X-small condoms.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          I was thinking of that. I think they are marketed as “extra snug fit.”

  • ltmcdies

    In 40 years of American politics watching I never seen such a collection of unpleasant miserable humans plodding around the WH

    Including miserable excuse for a press secretary. Sarah Hucksterbee

  • canes_pugnaces

    Ew. That’s all. Just ew.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Were there any nice people in the Trump campaign?

    Ah, but I amuse myself sometimes.

    • Nockular cavity

      Why would they be there?

    • FlownΩver

      Venn diagram of nice people and people in the Trump campaign:

      ⃝ ⃝

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Anybody who has worked for Trump will be fucked soon.

  • SpideySenser

    Why on Earth do these creeps think they are babe magnets? Dear FSM what a bunch of losers.

    • Zonath

      What was that Henry Kissinger quote? Something like, “The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.”

      • Ill-Advised

        Didn’t he also say, “Power is an aphrodisiac?”

        • Querolous

          Herbert Hoover? Hubert Humphrey?

        • FlownΩver

          “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,” IIRC.

    • NastyBossetti

      If a dude tried to talk to me in a bar and told me he was working on Trump’s campaign, I would immediately turn my back on him and pretend he wasn’t there without another word.

      • SpideySenser

        You might have to make other seating arrangements. I have the feeling ignoring them is simply a challenge to ramp up the sleaze. Sorry to say turning your back probably invites persistence on their part.

        • NastyBossetti

          You know, I was going to add a caveat: as long as I had someone else with me to watch over my shoulder and make sure he didn’t try to make me listen to him by violent force.

      • Paul Dietzel

        Or, before turning you back you could do like the 12-year old and say “You’re a fucking idiot.”

  • laughingnome

    It’s simple. No one will fuck them so they decide to fuck everyone.

  • BadKitty904
  • Zonath

    Trump seems to attract a certain class of people in the same way a pile of shit attracts flies. I think the main difference is that the pile of shit smells nicer and doesn’t constantly try to ruin the entire fucking country.

    • LucindathePook

      Also, shit is ultimately very useful for fertilizer, and there is no use whatsoever for these people. Except maybe Soylent Green, but I am sticking to reality here.

      • redblack

        soylent green? i would rather starve than eat that tainted meat.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Sometimes in the middle of the night, in a desperate attempt to actually go to sleep, I tell myself Trump people can’t really ALL be this nasty, venal, and sub-human. Then I get up in the morning and read Wonkette…

    • bbayliss

      Last night I dreamed there were mice everywhere, and we were happy because we finally had something to eat.

  • Cock Blockula

    Skeevy skeevers gonna skeev.

  • arglebargle

    When you let the wimmens into the locker rooms, they gonna hear locker room talk.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i know it
      but she was never in no genuine showers & urinals locker room that i heard of, so i rate that below the normal behavior of (normal) men (who donut say that stuff right into a lady’s face)

    • Shanzgood

      These are the type of men who treat the whole world like it’s their own personal locker room. And toilet.

      • arglebargle

        Prezactly. And make those of us who have a bit of respect for women and mother earth embarrassed to be a man way to often.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Except men don’t talk about sex in the locker room. When you’re standing around naked with a roomful of other naked men, you talk about sports, your job, your family, your hobbies, current events. You sure as hell don’t talk about sex, because some or all of those other naked men might think you’re a fag.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    I’m gonna go with “not Corey Lewandowski” for one reason only: the person requested a single “thirty-something” woman. Lewandowski is definitely into “finally legal porn” and would ask for someone who was 19 at the oldest. That’s my theory. YMMV

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Talking to a reporter, though – so probably trying to keep it skanky but legal.

  • Beowoof14

    Poor Katy, someone at NBC must have really been pissed at her to send her out on the Trump campaign. And then she has to play nice to get any information from that ick fest group of deplorables. .

    • Thiazin Red

      I wonder if she takes about how the assignments are given when the campaigns start. Do the higher ranked people get sent to the more likely ones?

  • Proud Liberal

    When did these people crawl out from under their rocks? I had never heard of any of them except Sessions prior to the 2016 election.

  • jesterpunk

    So the Trump administration did have a plan to reach out to women. Who knew they where that competent?

    • Ill-Advised

      Wonder if they asked for Mitt Romney’s binders.

  • Katy Tur has every right to renounce her citizenship after what she had to put up with.

    Trump and his henchmen can fuck right the fuck off.

    • CripesAmighty

      Along with a few million of us who’d be gone in a New York minute but poorz.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    The location of the top secret 30-something single women hideout is not known, but it’s probably far away from all of these guys.

    • puredog

      IKR? If they’re “hiding out,” from whom would it be if not them?

    • Nockular cavity

      She should have given him directions to Castle Anthrax, that place is full of ’em.

      • Bob

        “We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between
        sixteen and nineteen and a half..”
        Maybe the castle next door?

  • jesuswasablack

    Where’s DOC?, Where’s DOC?, Where’s DOC?, Where’s DOC?, Where’s DOC?, Where’s DOC?, Where’s DOC?, Where’s DOC?, Where’s DOC?, Where’s DOC?, Where’s DOC?

    • WIDTAP

      …and where is Dok?

      • Canned Covfefe

        BTW, where is Doc?
        Who banhammers when he’s gone?

    • chicken thief

      Doc’s not home, mang….

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        I’m sorry, the “mang” implies a stereotype Mexican accent, but it was Tommy Chong saying “Dave’s not here.”

  • BigCSouthside

    Which one allegedly sex banged hope hicks, cuz I bet it was that one.

    • TundraGrifter

      Corey Lewandowski. People saw a verbal confrontation between him and Ms. Hicks and it sure sounded like a breakup. It was reported, as I recall, in Politico.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Getting all of the slime trails out of the White House is going to take months.

  • NastyBossetti

    I have to say I’m surprised this person was looking for 30-something women because there is a chance that would be age appropriate.

    • chicken thief

      He prolly only included the “30something” in hopes that Katy would say “THAT’S ME YER LOOKIN FOR!!1!!!!” and throw her legs open.

      • NastyBossetti

        This makes sense, actually. Gross.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Maybe “30-something” was a headcount, not an age.

  • fawkedifiknow

    You want gross-out? Here is some: Chris Christie.

    Now, don’t you all be throwing up in your mouth, ya hear?

    • LeftyProud

      Ugh, THANKS for that, you bastard.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      I actually thought of him (hurl). But his peen has been buried under an avalanche of stomach that I am pretty sure it will take a rescue crew to uncover it.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Besides, he was sure he was going to be VP.

        It schadens my freude that he wakes up every morning, looks in the mirror, and remembers that he got nothing, absolutely nothing, for his months-long public abasement to the orange wonder.

        • puredog

          I assume that’s a funhouse mirror of some sort.

  • Thiazin Red

    Jared?

    • BigCSouthside

      Aaaa I’m thinking he has slightly different tastes

  • OutOfOrbit

    she should keep her phone on Record whenever she’s around a tRumpster fire and boy oh boy would she get some menz into deep deep do-do

  • President in Exile Firefly

    But he just wanted to drain her swamp!

    • BearGHAZI

      EEEEEEW x1000

  • Carpe Vagenda

    But wait! It would have had to have been early in the campaign, because by fall, Miller was busy doing trustfalls and bangin’ stankies and makin’ love babies with A.J. Delgado. Jason Miller wouldn’t betray the trust of his wife and his campaign mistress that way, probably.

    I do not for a moment believe that this would stop Jason Miller, but at the time when this conversation took place he only had one kid.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh snap. The cool horseshoes are going to be so pissed that Huckabee got his old man cooties all over their corncobs.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      They hate it when you hold ’em down by the ears.

    • puredog

      That website is actually called “CornHole.”

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    If ever there were a time when “All of them, Katy” can be liberally applied, this is that time. I’m positing that every damn member of that basket of deplorables could have been the one who said all the gross things, and also that Katy Tur deserved hazard pay and coupons for several spa weekends while she recovered.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Not to diminish her book but her writing is a little laborious. That excerpt reads more like a long runoff sentence (or a very long email) than a book, in my opinion. I don’t think I would have the endurance to read the whole thing.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I wonder if it isn’t hard to pivot when you talk in soundbites for a living.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I wouldn’t think anyone would have to look outside the campaign for some ‘strange’.

  • natoslug

    Katy needs to get her hearing checked. Pretty sure unnamed dude was looking for thirteen, not thirty.

  • chicken thief

    I think it very sexist of the Wonkette to not include Ivanka on the list.

  • Joe Beese
    • SeeTrain65

      “I’ll have a White Russian,” Spicer said.

      “You got it. Whadda ya want to drink?,” the bartender replied.

    • MamaBrown

      I swear by all that’s holy I thought this was a joke. So I went to the IOP page to verify. And what to my wondering eyes does appear–not only verification, but the additional bludgeon to the face that Jason Fucking Chaffetz and Corey Lewandowski will also be fellows. My god. I know they like to have a mix of liberals and conservatives but this? Jesus, is Bannon or Alex Jones next?

      • puredog

        Yeah, but it’ll be a threesome with Milo.

        • MamaBrown

          hahaha and ew. pass the brain bleach.

  • Bright Bart

    oopsie doopsie, now i am all sweaty reading all these newses
    What about Seb Gorka?

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Corey, obvs.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      That’s where my money is.

  • chicken thief

    Since Katy is being coy couldn’t we just ask Anthony and end the speculation?

  • beingreleased

    What is her rationale for not naming names? Why do horrible people deserve protection?

    • laughingnome

      Could be a source for future stories. Distasteful as it is to continue to be in contact with this person.

    • Shanzgood

      Maybe it’s herself she’s protecting.

    • chicken thief

      Future employment? If she named names maybe future sources wouldn’t be so open?

    • TundraGrifter

      Because that’s not the point. She (and her publisher) didn’t want to get caught up in a one-on-one argument about it. Her book is about the big picture. To name names would narrow it down and let the other jerks off.

      Besides, it’s so much better now because there are at least a dozen or so wives who’ll read this and be waiting to discuss it with a frying pan in their hands when their husbands come home.

      • Covfefe

        Does it have to be a cast iron frying pan? Asking for a friend.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          According to excellent authority (Bringing Up Father) a rolling pin is also acceptable.

        • TundraGrifter

          When I was in high school I helped a friend take his father to the ER after his mother had hit him on the head with a cast iron frying pan. He was drunk as a department store Santa and his scalp bled like crazy.

          We held him down on the table by his arms while they stitched up his scalp. He was so strong he just lifted us both up from the floor.

          Quite a night…

        • puredog

          Le Creuset for this crowd.

    • Relativicus

      My guess is because she has no hard evidence to support the story. Sure she could drop the guy’s name, and muck everything up for him, but without videotape or even a recording, would she want to deal with the inevitable and fierce blowback?

  • chicken thief

    I’m thinking it wasn’t that Elmer Fudd looking motherfucker, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the Turd. He would have requested “drug free white 30something”.

    • laughingnome

      I suspect he’s more interested in youngish boys.

      • Bangkok Taxi

        Yeah, they don’t make him nervous like Kamela did.

  • rumsey

    Any of these skeevs could pretend he was going to be chief of staff.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Miller was clearly looking for some extracurricular fun, as we know he eventually found it, so my money’s on him. Also too, I have the perfect gif for him and it would be a shonda, as Peggy Noonan says, to waste it.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/faa48167a9bf1603988bfd94ca51a4df7b26df3b8b8deb6b4cfce8d94f2db8ee.gif

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Well even chinless guys have got to fuck I suppose.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        You know, if people stopped fucking the chinless, we would eventually eliminate the chinless from our genome.

  • laughingnome

    What about Scaramucci?

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    Had to re-read that just to make sure it couldn’t be Mike Huckabee. Too far out there and he wasn’t a staffer and just gross yuck ewww.

    • Yellerduck

      And it didn’t involve farm animals.

  • TundraGrifter

    Then the future “chief of staff” got stiffed. Too bad his “I’m kind of a big deal” routine didn’t play with a professional journalist.

  • susan_g

    Rule out Corey because Tur’s lady sense would have prevented her from having a drink with a crazy eyed shitheel.

    • RMKH

      Except she was on a story and the pursuit of journalism frequently involves contact with crazy eyes shitheels. Since there are almost 63 million of them that figured out how to vote.

      • juno

        Completely true. Though I have to say there were few downright asswipes in the Obama admin. Geithner definitely looked at my legs every time I wore a skirt or dress …but he wasn’t creepy…just a dude. And he smiled when I caught him ..which was kind of cute, not creepy.

  • Opalescent Riddles

    It’s Schrodinger’s Perv. They are all simultaneously the one who perved and one of the ones who didn’t perv, this time.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I’m sure it’s been said below, but definitely all of them, Katy.

  • Lurkylu

    how many Silkwood decontam showers did she take on Nov 10? lots?

  • Lurkylu
  • Relativicus

    Sessions has been around long enough to find his own strange. Or at least know who to ask.

    • juno

      Sessions hits my gaydar about 3 inches from a bull’s eye. No way it was him.

  • OneWhiteWhisker

    “Congratulations, Eric and Lara! Hope it got Lara’s face!”

    Her original face, or the revised version?

    • Buzz1313

      #shade!

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Men can be such scumbags. When I was 22 and fresh out of college I got my first real job at a County office that I shall not identify. Boss was 40, married to the Prosecuting Attorney, they had 3 kids, his wife frequently visited the office and they seemed happy. So one day over lunch break when I was alone in the office he comes up behind me as I sat at my typewriter (yes, it was long ago), puts his hands on my shoulders, bends over and kisses my neck, and asks me out to dinner. I froze…then I calmly said “No thanks” and went on typing. He never did it again, but I found a better job pronto. This man went on to become that district’s State Senator.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      when I was 19 I worked in a restaurant for a guy with a wife and kids. One night while closing, he called me to the back of the kitchen and then tried to drag me into the basement. It’s universal, this shit.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Too true. What always astonishes me is the fact that they somehow think we will go along with it. That Boss of mine was physically VERY unattractive – we called him Chicken Man behind his back. How on earth did he get the idea that an attractive 22-yr-old would want to sleep with him? I had MUCH better offers from single men my own age. I had a similar problem when I was 19 with a hotel owner in Sevilla, Spain, who was short, fat, bald, ugly, married with 5 kids.

        • OneWhiteWhisker

          Yeah, I don’t know why either. I’d never given one iota of any kind of interest in the guy, unless you count having to interact in a professional manner. I guess they just figure “meh, why not?”

          • Bitter Scribe

            Well, you weren’t virtuous enough. Phyllis Schafly said that “virtuous women” don’t have to worry about sexual harassment.

            (No shit. She really, actually said that. Why is she not dead yet?)

          • OneWhiteWhisker

            It’s your happy day, she died last year in September.

          • Bitter Scribe

            Ah. Thanks. I’m sure she’s cheering up the spirits of all the other women in hell.

          • Tiffany de Houston

            Phyllis Schafly left this world on my birthday. One of the best birthdays that I ever had.

          • sumodo

            I was hit on, stalked, pressured, coerced, good-buddied, wined and dined, grabbed, shamed, cornered–you name it–as a woman reporter. Give them an inch and they’ll take whatever they can get. Your personal life can be as chaste as a nun’s but if you’re a woman and a reporter, they think you must be flawed and game.

          • Bitter Scribe

            Yes. I’ve witnessed this with female colleagues during my career. The worst part is that, unlike with a jerk who works at the same company, when a source does it, you can’t complain to HR. The most you can do is not associate with that person, and hope your editor doesn’t break your chops over losing access to information. (I’ve heard of female salespersons having similar problems with clients.)

          • Les Appentis De la résistance

            It always works in the movies.

          • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

            I chalk it up to testosterone poisoning. You respond to them in ANY WAY WHATSOEVER, and the little head starts shouting in their ears (not that it reaches but bear with me): “Dude! Dude she is *so totally* into you!! See how she smiled thinly and glanced away? That is 111% chick-code for Bone Me Now!!”

            It absolutely never once dawns on them that the woman (or too often, girl) might have an opinion in the matter; little say that the opinion might be 486,937 kinds of Nope. Their precious widdle boner says Yes and that’s the end of it.

        • puredog

          “Ya don’t ask, ya don’t get.”
          Men learn that they should act confidently. Then they do so. It matters not that they are also acting delusionally.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I don’t mind them asking. But walking up behind me while I’m seated at a desk, and leaning over me and putting his hands on my shoulders, that is physical intimidation. I was trapped. They do that on purpose, and it’s unacceptable. The hotel owner tried to hold my passport hostage in return for sex. I told him to go to hell, that I had a photocopy and would high-tail it for the Embassy in Madrid and report him to the Guardia Civil and Interpol. He turned white and handed the passport over, because nobody wants to get in trouble with the Spanish Guardia Civil.

      • sumodo

        I am so sorry

        • OneWhiteWhisker

          Thank you, it was a long time ago and I am ok :)

    • chicken thief

      Sad but true. I can’t speak for everyone but in my professional experience the ladies have always been models of professionalism.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        It’s interesting you should say that. TWICE in my professional life I was hired immediately after another woman was fired because she was dressing and behaving inappropriately at work, i.e. wearing tight tops without a bra, coming on to clients, etc. I was asked a lot of questions about this kind of behavior in my job interview for both jobs, as if they thought the odds were they’d get two trashy employees in a row. Then I had a temp job at a major airline that I will not name, and they hired as my permanent replacement a 22-yr-old woman who had very limited skills, but she was drop dead gorgeous. She was very sweet, but not too bright, and she could have been a very successful model if she’d had a bit more brains. The VP’s eyes bugged out when he saw her. I always wondered what happened to her after I left that job…

        • Bitter Scribe

          Probably married the VP.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            He was Catholic, married, with 4 children. But you’re probably right.

          • OneWhiteWhisker

            Fixed it for you:

            Probably married became a sidepiece for the VP.

        • chicken thief

          The first couple remind me of an attractive lady that I had to tell to wear less low cut tops. Which was a shame because she really did have nice breasts… but I digress. I told her that if the (tit) tat was visible, then the top was too low.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I often watch TV shows set in a professional office, and the actresses almost always wear blouses that are highly inappropriate for office wear, revealing a great deal of cleavage. I have never worked with real women in the real world who do that.

          • sumodo

            But look out for the ones with overly high necklines and Peter Pan collars. Whips, chains and Great Danes

        • puredog

          They hired as your permanent replacement a woman who lacked the brains to be a model? That’s gotta leave a mark. . . .

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Not at all. It was a temp job…I could tell by the third day that if they offered me a permanent job, I wouldn’t want to work there. In fact, they did offer it to me, twice, and I declined.

      • sumodo

        Except for one that I knew. Janet Peckinpaugh

  • DerrickWildcat

    Both sides do it!

    • JesusWasAHippie

      Many sides, many sides.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    I think it was Jared, of Javanka fame, that was the gross perver.

  • James Baskin

    There’s only one reason you would ask a woman where to pick up women. You’re telling her you are looking to hook up and hoping she takes you up on it.

    • Mike Steele

      Lady MS: BINGO…please hold your cards…

    • puredog

      Well, not the ONLY reason, but certainly one of the “reasons” slithering around in and under and through such a question.

  • I sure hope she started carrying a stun gun.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Power may not be an aphrodisiac for these guys, but it sure as hell is a recipe for self-delusion.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Oh gawd. What an awful way to start my day. Morning coffee came back up a little bit in my mouth.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/l0HlR3kHtkgFbYfgQ/giphy.gif

  • Wookie Monster

    I’m going with Mike Pence, because it’s always the super-religious moralists who turn out to be the real pervs.

    Always.

    • juno

      Believe Mike ‘i call my wife mother’ Pence swings the other way..and guess what? We don’t want this self-hating asshole either…not for our sidekicks and not for any of our gay male friends.
      love,
      lesbians

  • johnnieutah

    Wasn’t Lewandowski boning Hope Hicks on the campaign trail? Not that it would disqualify him IF TRUE.

    • george lastrapes

      Isn’t her name sposedta be spelled ‘Ho Pix’?

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Mike Hunt agrees with this message!

        • george lastrapes

          Also Ben Dover, and my fact checker Mendel Lee Hill.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            My secret contact Heywood Jablomi is more skeptical

          • BillEGoatSmirk

            So is Dick Hurtz from Holden.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            You mean Richard? Richard Hurtz?

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    I think Katy doth protest too much. Without Trump saying mean things about her at his rallies, I never would have heard of her. Now she’s famous with her own show.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I think Katy earned every bit of that fame. She not only put up with the worst of the worst as far as awful human beings, she proved herself a tough, competent journalist who isn’t afraid to ask the hard questions and then keep asking until she either got an answer or embarrassed the other party for their obvious ducking of that question.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Also, she was probably only pushed onto covering that campaign because no one took it seriously, yet she ran with it and came away with some terrific stories, despite being viciously attacked in ways that would have made a less tough journalist crumble

    • juno

      Clearly you are not a journalist. Guess what? They don’t get to pick where they go. Sure, everyone wants to cover a campaign once but seasoned journalists are all “been there, done that horrible job”. Younger journalists want these assignments and bear up reasonably well though my thought is Katy is more mature and a hell of a lot tougher than newbies I’ve dealt with.

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    8-5 it was Jared.

  • Bigby

    JFC, first Tangerini Mussolini ruins Tic Tacs™ forever (good thing I’m an Altoids™ man), then Cruz ruins pr0n, and now this? (shudder)

    It ain’t fair, I tells ya. Ever since I hit puberty just in time to have Wonder Woman, Wilma Deering, and the Solid Gold Dancers on my teevee 24/7, I got to hit my sexual prime…just in time for Reagan and a new disease that could KILL YOU if you had sex EVEN ONCE.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      I have fond memories of Wilma. One of the two sexiest Wilmas on TV.

  • Kooolest G

    I don’t know who this mystery guy is, none of us know who he is. you know who just figured out who the guy is? the guy’s wife. right now she’s looking through his phone for a text message from katie confirming the towel story.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    If Katy had not said it was a man, I would have my money on Ivanka. Because Ivanka kind of…

    I’ll be in my bunk.

    • juno

      Oh no….we don’t want her! No way. No matter what she’s willing to give up ….we are not taking her!.
      love,
      lesbians

      • H0mer0

        really?

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    I’m going to guess it was Donald himself, talking in third person, and totally not understanding what a Predisent actually is supposed to do, and of course, thinking that “Chief Of Staff” was a title, like “Lord of The Bigliest Penises.”

    • Mike Steele

      Donald doesn’t drink, we is why we all have to pick up the slack.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Well, he does take all those special “prescriptions” which are NOT drugs from Dr. Feelgood

        • Mike Steele

          Alex Jones would have you believe folks are sneaking them in on him, when the fact of the matter is, he’s likely been lit up on something since his clubbin’ days back in the 70-80s.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            100%, also too I keep hearing about his addiction to fen-phen, the diet drugs that were banned, that are basically meth, or something to do with adderal, as well as some kind of med for baldness that also has nasty side effects. I mean it’s so obvious–he’s either hopped up on something, or he’s batshit crazy and demented. When this is all over, his apologists will have nothing but shame to look forward to.

          • sumodo

            Ritalin

  • juno

    Thinking Lewdipshitsky too but isn’t he having an affair with Hope (i can do better some day) Hicks. Well shoot, that wouldn’t matter at all. Yup, it’s Lewdipshitsky.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    So Lewandowki had a wife AND a campaign mistress (Hope?) and STILL NEEDED SOME ADDITIONAL STRANGE.

    Just fuck these guys, and not the fun way.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Because it’s not about “strange,” it’s about “dominance” and “trying to fill an abyssal insecurity”

      • HooverVilles

        EGGGGGG-SACTLY!!!!
        They are not the dominionist patriarch party for no reason.

  • Manhattan123

    Family values party, yo.

    • BMW

      Family values and tax cuts. Mostly tax cuts.

      Ok, just tax cuts.

  • Mike Steele

    Hey, wait a minute…ooh!ooh! Call on me! I’ve got it!
    Reply to Katy pointing out he was married: “So what?” ERGO, Mickey Cohen.
    (Only scrolled down so far; this one may be taken.)

    • puredog

      Mickey’s catchphrase is “Sez who?” not “so what?” Still, not an implausible choice.

      • Mike Steele

        I sit corrected:) Also, too, kept hearing ‘oh, yeah?’ in my head.

  • Brent

    This article was pure Evan Hurst gold!! Thank you for making us laugh so hard, Evan!

  • H0mer0

    I’m going to guess Miller because he looks like the kind of guy.

  • xzargo

    The potential suitors include both a truly disgusting neckbeard and one of the worst goatees in the history of mankind.

    • Jen

      i read that as “turdkind”.

  • HooverVilles

    Q: Who are the repulsive people in Trump’s administration?
    A: AOT, K
    Well that was obvious.
    Sigh!

  • HooverVilles

    One of the reasons for IOKiffYAR;

    These patriarch dominionists have a get out of hell free belief in jeebus card.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/55b51aa341d65bd6555e899ace8b9634f8358b849d11676384e6dab89720a1cc.jpg

  • Alternative Dog

    That excerpt adds more evidence to a theory I’ve held for years: every asshole in a position of privilege — no matter what their age — behaves exactly like every asshole I knew in high school. Trump is the canonical example.

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    The ending of Twin Peaks…Return is open-ended because this is all part of the same evil, came through the portal ripped open by the first A-bomb.

  • Drunken Interlocutor

    You guys really, really, REALLY make me laugh. Like out loud and stuff. When no one else is around. Which makes the dog uncomfortable.
    So, thanks for making me laugh.
    And thanks for making the dog look askance at me while I laugh uncontrollably at the those fuckwits who run Los Estados Chingados.
    Please, show them the door as soon as possible, but keep up the good work–no doubt American politics will forever provide endless fodder for amusement and derision.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Chuckie interviewing Katy Tur and her time with the Trump campaign and it’s awesome: (sorry if this was already posted)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2SB1gPp5wA

  • davej1s

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/631b192db0923746facafd2631192a9f9b392858b9295389826912c8d921730f.png
    A more disarming picture of Jefferson Beauregard Session, III…who couldn’t resist THAT face?

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    What the hell is it with the “family values Party”? How come all the really serious pervs are conservatives? Oh, sure, not all of the gropers are Teapublicans, but they are certainly trying to corner the market! So my question is, are they sharing perv secrets over there, taking the same “vitamins”, sipping the same “energy drink”? I mean, seriously, WTF?

  • H0mer0

    I know I’ve put too much thought into it but I still think it’s Miller because he looks like the kind of guy who needs the help and would ask for it. Corey doesn’t need any help picking up women with his tallness and muscular physique and doesn’t look like he would ask any woman for help.

  • Sarah E. Grove

    I think it’s probably that Miller asshole. The guy ACTUALLY looks in the mirror (or all the mirrors, glass door & windows, etc.) every day, thinking that he is really the hottest stud around. His personality matches his looks, and they’re both beyond disgusting.

  • phoenix00

    They’re all slimy lecherous creeps. Good thing Katy got herself outta there fast.

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