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Alex Jones in his invisible tin foil hat
Bringer of secrets

WELL, WELL, WELL. Alex Jones, investigator and figure-outer of all the secret truths that exist, has done it again. He has “spoken” to his “sources” and they have told him that every single night, the Deep State sneaks into the Oval Office (yes, the entire Deep State, single file) and puts a roofie in Donald Trump’s Diet Coke and one in his iced tea and one in his burnt steak and one in each scoop of his ice cream. Hell, General John Kelly probably hollers, “Who’s a good boy! Who’s a good boy!” from his office, which makes Trump gallop on all fours toward the voice of the nice chief of staff who says he’s a good boy, at which point he sits and shakes and rolls over and plays dead, earning his reward of as many spoonfuls of peanut butter as he wants, all of which are FULL OF DRUGS.

This is a thing that happens. ALEX JONES KNOWS.

ALEX JONES (HOST): Ladies and gentlemen, I was told this by high level sources …

THE HIGHEST.

… and it was evident and especially after [Ronald] Reagan was shot in his first year in office when he was acting like Trump, and doing the right things, that he never really recovered. They gave him cold blood, and his transfusion that causes brain damage. They slowly gave him small amounts of sedatives.

THEY DID IT.

Who is “they”? THE FUCKING DEEP STATE, DO YOU NOT SEE THEM HIDING BEHIND THE CURTAINS? They are very sneaky.

It’s known that most presidents end up getting drugged.

Oh it’s not just “most of them,” it’s ALL OF THEM KATIE. George W. Bush choking on that pretzel? BECAUSE IT WAS LACED WITH THE KIND OF DRUGS YOU’RE ‘POSED TO SAY NO TO. Obama being all crazy boners for broccoli and arugula? HE WASN’T PANDERING TO MICHELLE’S LADY GARDEN, IT WAS BECAUSE THEY WERE COVERED IN VERY ADDICTIVE DRUGS THAT ARE NOTHING LIKE ALEX JONES TRUCKER SPEED.

Small dosages of sedatives till they build it up, Trump’s such a bull he hasn’t fully understood it yet.

BUT ONCE HE FIGURES IT OUT, OH BOY.

But I’ve talked to people, multiple ones, and they believe that they are putting a slow sedative that they’re building up that’s also addictive in his Diet Cokes and in his iced tea and that the president by 6 or 7 at night is basically slurring his words and is drugged.

We do remember that time Trump took phone shits all over the Australian prime minister because it was 5:00 PM ZZZZZZZZ PRESIDENTING MAKES HIM VERY SLEEPY. But maybe it was the drugs!

Now first they had to isolate him to do that. But yes, ladies and gentleman, I’ve talked to people that talk to the president now at 9 at night, he is slurring his words. And I’m going to leave it at that.

Maybe he’s just senile. Or maybe that’s what THEY want us to think:

So notice, “Oh, he’s mentally ill. Oh, he’s got Alzheimer’s.” They isolate him then you start slowly building up the dose, but instead of titrating it like poison, like venom of a cobra, or a rattlesnake, or a water moccasin where you build it up slowly so that you get a immunity to it, you’re building it slowly so the person doesn’t notice it. First it’s almost zero, just a tiny bit and then a little more and then your brain subconsciously becomes addicted to it and wants it and so as the dose gets bigger and bigger you get more comfortable in it. The president’s about two months into being covertly drugged.

WHOA. THE FUCK. IF TRUE.

And now the dose is in everything Trump touches or tastes. It’s upon Steve Bannon’s bosoms (allegedly!), it’s on the tip of the Russian ambassador’s dick (allegedly!). There is literally no place the Deep State won’t hide Trump’s mind-control drugs. (NOT ALLEGEDLY.)

Alex Jones knows sharing this information is dangerous:

Now I’m risking my life, by the way, tell you all this.

He better don his invisibility robe and wizard hat, then! Otherwise the Deep State will probably assassinate Jones a bunch of times, just like they’ve done to Roger Stone. And you might think, well, how can the Deep State drug Trump and murder Roger Stone and Alex Jones all at the same time? The answer is shapeshifting, and also something about gay frogs. OPEN YOUR EYES, YOU IDIOTS.

I was physically sick before I went on air.

Awwwww, that sucks. Doktor Zoom is sick today too. HOPE HE’S NOT GETTING DEEP STATED.

Because I’m smart. And I don’t mean that in a braggadocious way. I mean I’m not dumb.

Well …

In fact, I’m tempted just to let it out now so they don’t cut the show off or something before this goes out.

Let it go! Let it go! Iiiiiiiii don’t care what they’re going to say, let the storm rage onnnnnnnnnnnn!

I mean this is the kind of thing that gets you killed.

The cold never bothered Alex Jones anyway.

They drug presidents because the power structure wants a puppet. The president needs his blood tested by an outside physician he trusts.

Well there’s always this guy:

The plan is this guy. He'll be everyone's doctor.

That’s the ticket.

But wait, what if Dr. Weirdass up there runs the tests and just finds usual stuff like Adderall, Imodium AD, Heartgard and whatever they use to treat syphilis acquired in the late 1970s?

THEN THAT MEANS THE DEEP STATE IS MAKING ITS DRUGS UNTRACEABLE, OBVIOUSLY, YOU SHEEPLE.

Oh well. Even if they ferret out whatever Trump is almost certainly being drugged with, the Deep State always has Plan B, i.e. that one weird chemtrail that comes out of Air Force One’s fanny and goes directly up the president’s nose.

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  • ManchuCandidate

    The Truth is out there. 22iejdhdhhdooo Majik Kilo Ultra Alex Jones what is the frequency Alex?

  • Michael R
  • Msgr_MΩment

    ALEX JONES (HOST): Ladies and gentlemen, I was told this by high level sources …

    Jefferson Beauregard Stonewall Sessions would like a word with you….

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Amazing how all these things Alex Jones has told us that “could get him killed”. And yet he’s still here.
    Guess they don’t hire competent contract killers for wetwork anymore down at Langley.

    • DerrickWildcat
      • Msgr_MΩment

        Seems legit.

      • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

        I loved the host and guest being all British! The hosts sign off was brilliant!

        • deadjello

          I loved the gesture of having a string going in one ear and out the other. That’s a new one for me. Definitely going to steal.

  • Doktor Zoom is sick today too. HOPE HE’S NOT GETTING DEEP STATED.

    Unless he’s into that sort of thing. We don’t judge here.

    • 1complexmolecule

      deeply sated?

  • Fun with Cthulhu

    At what point is this level of delusion actionable? Does he have no one who cares enough to get him the help he needs, in an institution with nice soft walls and large doses of Thorazine?

    • Randy Riddle

      This was actionable many years ago, really.

    • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

      He does not meet the criteria for a 5150 hold and there is no legal way to order people into treatment. I grapple with this every other Sunday in the ER, and it sucks. The fact that the wait for a psychiatric bed often means a patient will be the ER for days with no treatment. The bar for release from a psychiatric hospital is low; can they obtain basic food and shelter; do they agree to not hurt themselves or others.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Well, JoJo over here better mail him some magic chickendust or else he’s a traitor.

  • Timothy Watson

    Who is “they”? THE FUCKING DEEP STATE, DO YOU NOT SEE THEM HIDING BEHIND THE CURTAINS? They are very sneaky.

    I just thought it was Comey!

  • Boscoe

    So I’m noticing that Alex’s face appears to be kinda… chapped? I wonder what caused that? PLEASE EVERYONE SPECULATE BELOW.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Sticking his head up his own ass for prolonged periods of time?

    • IdiotsforPalin

      Not wiping properly……

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Staring into the heart of a bubbling meth pot?

      • Mormos

        the visions from his staring is how he gets all his information. everyone knows you cant trust the FAKE NEWS.

    • Rosiepalmacia.

    • Randy Riddle

      The lizard skin is starting to shed.

    • BearGHAZI

      Beef sweats and trucker speed

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Idiots. Don’t they realize aliens contacted from the uni-sex bathroom in a pizza parlor basement in San Francisco all paid for by George Soros switched out the real 45 with a cyborg copy?

    • whitroth

      But which aliens, the green ones, or the grays?

      • OrdinaryJoe

        AOTK

      • Steve Cole

        Look at the neck on Ivanka. Obviously the grays.

        • whitroth

          But I thought Thor was a Gray, not a Green, and he’s on *our* side….

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Heaven knows what dangerous drug interactions await anyone mixing mild sedatives and stupid asshole pills.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Gee, I almost wish it were true so someone would now have to silence Alex. With votes, of course.

  • Anna Rompage

    The only folks who talk about the “deep state” are those who create or perpetrate information from the trucker speed fueled derp state…

    • Bright Bart

      obviously. because the first rule of deep state is dont talk about deep state

  • Wolf Tracker

    I know Alex Jones pumped himself up with steroids because he has serious insecurity issues and now he has roid rages which cost him his marriage and permanent damage to his brain and balls.

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/d6Qy8FcJHIk/maxresdefault.jpg

    • Grumpy Twat

      I fly into a colossal rage whenever I see “aggressiveness” misspelled.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    HE WASN’T PANDERING TO MICHELLE’S LADY GARDEN,

    That does it! Who’s been lacing my coffee with cialis?!!

  • arglebargle

    How is this man gainfully employed? He should be living under a bridge somewhere.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      It’s called Capitalism – as in Advertising Dollars.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Christ Almighty. What a fucking drama queen

    • Randy Riddle

      I’ve seen productions of “Boys in the Band” with less self-loathing, paranoia, and back-stabbing than Alex Jones’s show.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Christ libel!
      Drama libel!
      Queen libel!
      Fucking libel!

  • whitroth

    Y’know, since the Deep State is, like, everywhere (why did it not make Hillary win?), that must mean that I’m part of it. So, speaking for the Derp State… in the pic at the top, is it just a transcription error, or is Alex’s face flushed? Why is it flushed? Does he have a fever? Or, maybe, is he on durgs to keep going like this?

    Can we please flush him?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • memzilla Ω

    I happen to have the results of Dolt 45’s blood test RIGHT HERE, they’ve been safely kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnalls’ front porch since noon yesterday, and the test shows abnormally high levels of Griftitol, Stupidrin, and Racistophan.

  • NotALiar

    So weird that all of his “sources” say “prison planet” or “info wars” on them. Must be the code names of super secret Deep State organizations.

  • Mormos

    and folks it isnt just the president, they have been steadily adding these drugs to our water supply to pacify and stupify all of us!

    the ONLY way to detox your system are with THESE supplements we sell right here on the show. so dont be a brainwashed cuck, call and order now! operators are standing by.

  • Boscoe

    Haha so now Jones is gaslighting Trump… How long before paranoid Trump hires a food taster? -Or only drinks his diet coke straight from the keg?

  • hudson

    hey! he’s like only 71 years old. it’s not like he knows what’s he doing.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Trump drinks diet coke because he has serious insecurity about his weight and used to beat up on the women in his beauty contests because of their weight.

    He was a prescript amphetamine abuser for years and probably did permanent brain damage as a result.

    http://thepoliticus.com/content/1992-article-reveals-trump-probably-addicted-amphetamines

  • Daniel

    PEOPLE. WE’RE LIVING IN A PHILIP K DICK TALE TOLD BY AN IDIOT.

    I am risking my life telling you this, but think about it. What else makes sense?

    • Boscoe

      Nothing. Nothing makes sense, so clearly only the craziest ideas are true!!!1!11!1

    • OneYieldRegular

      Do dittoheads dream of electric derp?

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Get well, Dok!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Seconded! I miss that butter-headed rhetoric guy!

      • Carrie Wiss

        Hope he hasn’t been breathing the air in Boise!

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    OH HE’S MENTALLY ILL? REALLY? ARE PEOPLE SAYING THAT?

    • Bright Bart

      only the bestest people

  • Bright Bart

    oh lordy, the deep state has the best drugs. Also Diet Coke is pretty fucking lethal in and of itself (over time). Not a joke.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Works great to remove rusted bolts.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      That phenylalanine will deplete your phosphorus. Eat bananas.

      • Rags

        Bananas are (actually not) considered a good source of potassium, not phosphorous. Here endeth the chemistry lecture according to prophecy.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Unlike Diet Pepsi, which I have been drinking daily for 40 years and it hasn’t killed me yet, although I do have trouble walking. Could the two things be related, maybe?

      • Bright Bart

        hahaha yeah diet pepsi is soooooo much better

  • Zonath

    They’re also polluting Americans’ precious bodily fluids, but the lamestream media won’t tell you about that.

    • Steve Cole

      Don’t even get me started on what the queers are doing to the soil.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        The loamstream media won’t tell us that.

  • Daniel

    Can “I’ve talked to people, multiple ones” be one of those phrases that gets incorporated into the Wonkette lexicon please?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I was told this by high level sources

    Maybe this guy had a point after all:

    http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/785/858/d9e.png

  • puredog

    Have I mentioned that my next book is called “The Covfefe Explanation”?

    • BearGHAZI

      Dude, don’t risk YOUR LIFE

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    So literal lizard-people have the power to manipulate heads of state, the weather, tectonic plates, and the politics of the entire planet, but I guess assassinating a portly middle-aged man who has his own licensed radio show and just happens to know everything they’re up to is just a bridge too far for them. Makes sense.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Well, they did manufacture a hurricane and aim it at him using the Illuminati’s global weather machine, but he was too smart for them and evacuated, even though he had previously said the storm was fake news.

      • Steve Cole

        Wrong radio clown. That was Rush, this is Alex Jones. Easy mistake.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Aren’t they the same person? They are all virtual clones of each other.

          • Steve Cole

            I don’t feel qualified to answer, but I’ve never seen them together.

          • GoutMachine

            THEY want you to think they’re two separate people.

    • SayItWithWookies

      The Lizard People would blow their cover if they assassinated Jones and thus validated all his conspiracy theories. And Jones said they would kill just so they would have to avoid that. And even though he knows it makes him look crazy because everyone’s all “there are no lizard people, and even if there were, they’re not out to get you,” he knows it’s the only way to stay safe. Of course I’m putting my life at risk by even saying all this, but there ya go.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    “I was physically sick before I went on air.’

    Oh Alex. The fact that your diet consists almost exclusively of chili and BBQ, laced with massive quantities of decidedly questionable “supplements” probably explains that.

    • Randy Riddle

      I was physically sick after listening.

    • Wild Cat

      I thought he ate pizza topped with garlic and anuses?

  • Randy Riddle

    Bannon was slurring by 6 or 7 at night, but no one thought much about it since he was slurring most of the other times of day, too.

    • Daniel

      Someone clearly laced his gin drip with DRUGS.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Cold . . . blood?

    • Daniel

      [Sigh] Lizard people. Wake the goddam helling god damn up.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        Fuck! I forgot about the reptilians. Obvs I’m being drugged.

  • BearGHAZI

    What you got, Rush Limbaugh? ‘Leftist climate hoax?’ ‘Lesbian Farmers?’ RUSH LIMBAUGH YOU GOT NUTHIN

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    I’m sure this won’t fuel Trump’s persecution complex.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Jones has been a CIA plant for years and years. His job is to draw dangerous people to his live streams and web sites where the NSA monitors and records all traffic.

    • Steve Cole

      False Flag!

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Sexually ambiguous amphibians!

    • SomeBigRedDog

      I figured they wanted all the wingnuts to pay attention to his bullshit so nobody would be paying attention to the actual conspiracies.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “…the power structure wants a puppet.”

    And they got one. This time it’s Putin’s Puppet™.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Something … something … precious bodily fluids.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    president by 6 or 7 at night is basically slurring his words

    So, not so different than he is during the day. Good to know!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Now that you mention it, he does slur his tweets.

  • SayItWithWookies

    How can a motherfucker like Alex Jones, who always sounds like he’s at the peak of a four-day meth binge, know so goddamn little about drugs? Sedatives don’t build up in your system, you idiot. Okay, so Jones knows nothing about sedatives — that sorta makes sense.

    Also, there’s absolutely no evidence that the stupidest motherfucking president in the history of this nation is getting dumber or more incoherent. But cut a deal with the Democrats and the wingnuts are like a pigeon race during a magnetic field fluctuation.

    • Wolf Tracker

      He pumped himself up with steroids because of insecurity and now has gynecomastia and roid rage.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Maybe he comes by it honestly. If I had moobs that were smarter than I was, I’d be mad all the time too.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Sedatives don’t build up in your system. But steak and potatoes do.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      By ramping the dose up from a low one, a tolerance and/or physical dependence is achieved. It’s not the drugs building up per se, it’s the body’s response that “builds up”, as in, builds up a way to cope with it, so the effects would actually be LESS this way. Jones is A Idiot.

  • Daniel

    I get the feeling Alex Jones can’t give someone directions without adding “Now I’m risking my life, by the way, tell you all this.”

    • GoutMachine

      Remember those “funny things to do at the office” emails that went around about 15 years ago? One of them was “End each sentence with ‘…in accordance with the prophecy.'”

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        It’s more fun to add “in bed” to fortune cookies. Especially with someone you like-like.

        • GoutMachine

          Or after the titles of hymns. My favorite was “There will be showers of blessing [in bed]”

    • OneYieldRegular

      He’s going to drop dead from a coronary one day, and some idiot like Steve Bannon will name a media company after him.

  • GoutMachine

    Hangonaminnit: If this is true (BWA HA HA), then is he saying that it explains Trump’s behavior? Because if so, that implies that he thinks Trump’s behavior is abnormal and/or wrong. Or is he saying that it’s why he’s failing at everything, in which case he’s admitting that he’s failing at everything?

    • He’s such a [sack of] bull!

    • Wolf Tracker

      Can’t wait to see how Trump responds to this since he hangs on Jones words.

      • Too bad its fake noose.

      • BearGHAZI

        Can’t wait to see how Trump responds to this when he appears on Jones’ Radio Show for Idiots (guessing it won’t be brought up, somehow)

      • OneYieldRegular

        He’ll switch to Pepsi Free?

  • george lastrapes

    If we would recognize Alex as the premier performance artist of his era, perhaps he could abandon his pretense of punditry. Once Gore Vidal (sorely missed) lauded Truman Capote (RIP, for God’s sake) for inventing a new literary form- no, not the non-fiction novel, but the semi-documentary non-tantrum.
    What hath Alex wrought? the meltdown melodrama? The psychotic break-dance? The free-verse freakout?………………………………………Bogglesome. Just……….bogglesome.

  • laughingnome

    My sources say they’re giving Trump Funky Cold Medina

    • MOG253

      Lime in his coconut?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Beware the Cantharides of March?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I mean I’m not dumb.

    “What? Figuring out how to make money by being even more of a lunatic than your listeners counts as being smart!”

    – Alex Jones

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    Derp state baby deep state!

    • george lastrapes

      Deep state vs. deep lorables.

  • William
    • Crystalclear12

      Do not take my name in vain!!

  • Juan de Fuca

    They isolate him then you start slowly building up the dose, but instead of titrating it like poison, like venom of a cobra, or a rattlesnake, or a water moccasin where you build it up slowly so that you get a immunity to it, you’re building it slowly so the person doesn’t notice it.

    Bullshit. I tried building an immunity to the venom of a water moccasin once and the only thing I ended up with is a strange impulse to shout at strangers about how 9/11 was an inside job.

    • GoutMachine

      So, iocane powder is made of cobra venom? Good to know.

  • Crystalclear12

    Well, if it works. . .

  • MOG253

    And yet, THEY haven’t poloniumed Alex. Come on already.

    • mackafritz

      Unless he is one of THEM. And is just putting on an act to confuse the rubes.

    • marxalot

      Seriously. They’ve killed Roger Stone, like, five times already.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Drugs, sure , that explains everything. Ok, which one of you tricksters is slipping the acid into Jones’s morning java?

    • Juan de Fuca

      I still can’t believe this dude is only 43 years old. There should be a ‘”Bat shit crazy young man yells at clouds” meme just for him.

    • Crystalclear12

      I don’t know. I take care of the evening snack.

      • Courser_Resistance

        So BBQ then…

        • Crystalclear12

          I put in the sausages.
          He swallows them whole.

    • AJ Milne

      Meh, he should thank me. Prolly safer than the Jones Brand™ coffee whitener ‘n Hyper Male Colloidal Silver he normally spoons in there.

    • marxalot

      Ain’t me. I wouldn’t waste acid on that yahoo, if I could get my hands on some.

  • CO

    Another conspiracy theorist.
    https://i.redd.it/b08u3iaijalz.jpg

  • schmannity

    Yet, our heroic President labors on, cleverly counteracting the deep state sedatives with multiple bumps of coke, or as he likes to call it, Trump Talc.

  • Indiepalin

    I’m slurring my own words by 6 or 7 a.m. these days and it has nothing to do with Diet Coke.

  • Mpeg

    Either Alex Jones never was given “Time Out” as a youngster, ever, or else was left in Time Out too long. I can’t decide which one.

    • Daniel

      Why not both?

      If you say “because time” I’m going to say you’re too stupid to understand real true four corner time reality that you are EDUCATED STUPID and have NO BUSINESS teaching anyone who cannot comprehend four corner time truth and the 24 hour lie time

      • Steve Cole

        Ohhh… that is the GOOD STUFF! Keep it coming!

      • Courser_Resistance

        Er, my watch is set to 24 hour lie time. Will I be late to work?

        • Daniel

          Yes.

  • DerrickWildcat

    They need to get him out of the White house now!

  • P’jama Pahnts

    What a coinkidink! I get physically ill when I know Alex is going to be on air too!

  • harryeagar

    I won’t worry till he starts hiding the keys to the ‘football.’

  • clubseal

    Weird how whatever nutso drugs he’s taking can’t “get him killed.”

  • SomeBigRedDog

    The thought of Alex Jones makes me physically ill. Obviously someone must be drugging my milk bones.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Tainted peanut butter on milk bones? My dogs used to go apeshit for peanut butter dog biscuits.

      • Eileen Besse

        Those are what we stock here….

  • BearGHAZI

    Today, we are all being secretly drugged by our enemies who are also our coworkers

    • laughingnome

      It’s that guy in accounting. It’s always that guy in accounting.

      • weighmaster

        It’s gotta be the guy cuz Janice don’t give a f**k.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Wait. What? No, it’s NOT me. I’m not even there… wherever there is.

      • Grumpy Twat

        Hang on, I thought it was always the janitor.

    • marxalot

      Running Dad always said that if someone was gonna take out his office, they’d put down poisoned cookies in the break room.

    • Could they please up the dose for me?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Ivanka used Elsa as her plastic surgery model. That is all.

  • DrBigHead

    This scares the hell out of me, because there is a significant number of people who believe this. If it is spoken, it is true.

    • Daniel

      He has his own radio show, after all.

      • Rags

        And it’s on the internet also, too so it must be true. I keep hearing about it.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Anyone who is slurring their words by 9 pm should not be president, no matter what the cause. Thanks for proving my point Alex Jones.

  • GoutMachine
  • marxalot

    This seems like a well-considered conclusion from a totally stable and balanced individual with neither ulterior motive, vicious agenda, nor delirium of any kind involved in its formation.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    9/11 WAS AND INSIDE JOB!!!1!!!!11!!111! ARGRLEBAAAARGLEGAAAARGLE!!!111!!11111

    • Blackest Noobs

      wait? it wasn’t?

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        WASTOOWASTOOWASTOOWASTOOWASTOO

  • Blackest Noobs

    i am more of the opinion that Trump roofies his own diet cokes himself, and then lies to Alex how the ‘deep state’ is doing it.

    this is the most plausible answer.

  • Portia McGonagal

    Damn. I can’t even get 3 people to agree to a meeting time.

  • Wild Cat
    • proudgrampa

      Ah, the kids these days…

      • Wild Cat

        ‘Tis truly the salad days for some very strange Jews if they can break bread with nazis, eh?

  • Wolf Tracker

    Fucking Russians stole Mt. Everest!

    http://s.newsweek.com/sites/www.newsweek.com/files/styles/full/public/2017/09/11/mount-everest-russia.jpg

    Probably some deal they made with Trump.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Alex Jones is always good for a heaping dose of crazy.

  • Poly_Ester

    If Alex had only been able to tie this in with donnie’s fear of stairs and ramps, would have had a much stronger argument.

    • GoutMachine

      Maybe he could borrow Glen Beck’s chalkboard.

  • proudgrampa

    “ALL OF THEM” were drugged!

    It is a historical fact that Washington and Jefferson were zombied-out during their administrations.

    Just ask any presidential historian!

    • WIDTAP

      That’s what happens when you grow hemp.

      • GoutMachine

        Kyle: George toked weed, man?
        Slater: Absolutely George toked weed, are you kiddin’ me, man? He grew fields of that stuff, man, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. Fields.
        Kyle: He grew that shit up Mount Vernon, man.
        Slater: Mount Vernon, man? He grew it all over the country, man. He had people growin’ it all over the country, you know. The whole country back then was gettin’ high. Lemme tell you, man, ’cause he knew he was onto somethin’, man. He knew that it would be a good cash crop for the southern states, man, so he grew fields of it, man. But you know what? Behind every good man there’s a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington, man, and every day, George would come home, she’d have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he’d come in the door. She was a hip, a hip, hip lady, man.

    • It’s the subject of BillO’s new book “Drugging Lincoln”

    • harryr

      Well, he’s right when it comes to William Henry Harrison. The rest, not so sure.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Silly wabbit. Bill didn’t inhale.

  • WIDTAP

    “‘I was physically sick before I went on air.’
    Awwwww, that sucks. Doktor Zoom is sick today too.”

    Wait a second! Have we ever seen Doktor Zoom and Alex Jones in the same room?!?

    • proudgrampa

      I think you’re on to something…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I think you’re on something…

        FIFY

        • proudgrampa

          Well, duh!

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      I have. It was quite the party. I don’t think either one was actually in the room, but I did see them both there.

      • proudgrampa

        “I’ll have what Skwerl’s having.”

    • hudson

      If you zoom in enough you will see all ex jones in doc’s eyes. the doc is fractal like that. plus when he sneezes there are hurricanes.

    • 3FingerPete

      If you pronounce “Doktor Zoom” backwards it comes out as “I buried Ron Paul.”

      • hudson

        dok is brahman. he is everything and everything is him. ultimate in non-duality. rest is all an illusion.**

        ** too many meds myself.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    I have a picture of Alex Jones in my bathroom with a note that states “This man is only two years older than me”

    It does wonders for the confidence when I haven’t gotten enough sleep the night before.

    • proudgrampa

      Wow. You would REALLY feel good if you kept a pic of Bannon there…

      • SomeBigRedDog

        I don’t want to get a big head or anything.

      • MrTusks

        Fun fact: Bannon is 26.

  • Scooby

    I just assumed everybody slurred their words around 6 or 7pm. I know I do.

    • proudgrampa

      Really. What’s the big deal?

    • clairence

      seems a little early but I can catch up pretty quickly

  • Blackest Noobs

    cocaine? it’s cocaine? right? gotta be cocaine.

    • Bobathonic

      It IS a hell of a drug.

      • Blackest Noobs

        i hear people keep saying but THE one interaction with it, i tasted it before attempting to snort and like awwwwww FUCK NO….fuck no…i am not gonna have that taste in the back of my throat….fuuuuuuuccccckkk NOOOOO!!!

        • Bobathonic

          Smart move.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Oh, if only it were fentanyl. Cut, of course, with powdered votes, to whatever the mods specify as the permissible concentration.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Carfentanyl with votes

        • Invisible Bunyip

          Covfefetanyl.

  • geoffalnutt

    Hell. I get murderized and assassinationed eleventy-seven times just waiting for my toaster-cake to brown…and Alex thinks HE has it rough!

  • Hemp Dogbane

    What scares me is not that Jones says shit like this, not that it’s on a radio show, not that a sizeable number of people believe him, but that I know a couple of people who believe him and are otherwise smart, successful, respected citizens.

    • Proud Liberal

      There are thousands that believe his lies. He is a dangerous mother fucker.

      • aureolaborealis

        *millions

    • OrG

      Successful and respected maybe.

      • Hemp Dogbane

        As soon as I read your reply my mind pictured Dustin Hoffman saying “Wapner.”

  • WIDTAP

    Sedatives. That’s it. Slow acting sedatives. Either that or diabetic hyperglycemic hyperosmolar syndrome. Whichever one you get from being morbidly obese.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • clairence

    So Alex Jones has just confirmed to the world that Trump has Alzheimers like Reagan. Or, did Trump get a cold transfusion? Or maybe the destructive compounds Alex is referring to have always been part of Trump’s junk diet.

  • OrG

    TL/DR: Alex Jones is crazy.
    Also too boring.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Crazy like a coke addled fox!

  • Treg Brown
    • Canned Covfefe

      We should be so lucky?
      Wait, does that warrant a banhamer? I was just asking a question?

  • Painter of Goats

    I have 2 words for the Deep Staters who are drugging Donald Trump.

    Harder and faster.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So when Alex Jones and Bannon finally shuttle off this mortal coil, after one line of coke, and one g&t too many, will their idiot followers think they’ve been murdered?

    • clairence

      by the clintons, obviously.

      • Edith Prickly

        #trollghazi

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Of course, I should have seen that coming.

        • amrak63

          Of course, it will really have been Colonel Mustard with the Double Seekrit CIA Poison in the Oval Office.

  • Edith Prickly

    Oh poor stupid Alex Jones, it’s really the addictive chemicals in all the KFC Trump eats, SMARRRRT-AAASSS!

    https://youtu.be/TPMS6tGOACo

    • GoutMachine

      Such a great and underrated movie.

      • Edith Prickly

        The best thing about that scene is Anthony LaPaglia trying not to laugh during the Colonel Sanders rant and failing miserably.

  • Bananas Foster

    “The president’s about two months into being covertly drugged.”

    Yeah, that doesn’t explain the 3959437 months of crazy before that.

    • javadavis

      Let’s see, that makes, by my calculation, about 387 (and a quarter) months of crazy packed into each month. By golly, Trump really is an overachiever!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    “The problem arises when a society respects its scholars lesser and lesser and replaces intellectualism with anti-intellectualism. Such society forces the most intellectual members of its, toward alienation and instead develops populism and irrationalism and then calls it anti-elitism. On the other hand, scholars, due to being undermined by the society, find any effort hopeless and isolate themselves into their work. For a scholar, personally, nothing changes because the scholar always is a scholar no matter having someone to share the knowledge with or not, but the true problem forms in the most ordinary sections of the society, which eventually creates an opportunity for propaganda, conspiracy theories, rhetoric, and bogus.”

    ― Kambiz Shabankare

    • amrak63

      “Madoka damn it, I thought we had a few centuries before Idiocracy became true!”

      –Mike Judge (OK, not really, but he could have said it)

  • Aileen

    I realize the big takeaway here is that Alex Jones is nuts and no one should listen to him, but isn’t a smaller point that Jones is admitting Trump acts like someone who is drugged with sedatives every day?

    • Daniel

      Yes. Even Alex Jones thinks Trump needs to have excuses made for how completely nonsensical most of what he says is.

  • Jgb979

    So uhhhhhh .

    If the deep state was a thing, and it was trying to secretly poison a 74 year old man to make him sound like a senile lunatic, and it was doing so through roofies and not a terrible diet, rage, and no exercise…..

    Wouldn’t there be more efficient ways to get rid of a president JFK conspiracy theorists ask?

    • bubbuhh

      magic bullets are much harder 2 come by these dayz. So, are poisin tipped umbrellas. That Putin….

      • WotsAllThisThen

        And why isn’t half the White House staff to staring vacantly into space saying, “Miles to go before I sleep.”

        • Invisible Bunyip

          Who says they’re not?

  • bubbuhh

    couldn’t Deep State rufie up infowerez and, mebbe, Breitbarf? Izzat 2 much 2 ask?

  • jesterpunk

    This is someone the President listens to and thinks he is a great journalist. Let that sink in for a moment.

  • 3FingerPete

    It can’t be easy drugging Trump, he being such a bull of a man. Here’s a dramatic reenactment.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UtoYsQJdeM

    • Thurman Munster IV

      This is after the monster got Abby Normal’s brain

  • janecita

    Wake up Sheeple!!! Alex Jones doesn’t know this, but my source inside the White House is better than his. The Deep State, is not only drugging Trump at dinner time, but also in the morning, and at lunch time. That’s why he sounds like a babbling idiot all the time!

    • I thought it was the Establishment Republicans who were doing it. Or maybe they’re working in concert with the Deep State, to insure that there was no break in the dosing schedule!

  • Edith Prickly

    The Secret Service is going to be thrilled when mouth-breathing Jones disciples start showing up at the White House to “investigate” this not-at-all insane theory.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Why didn’t he tell one of his contacts that talks to Trump all the time to tell Trump? Then they could test the Diet Coke and Tea for drugs and know who is doing it. Now everybody knows and the guy won’t get caught. Thanks a lot Alex Jones…big mouth!

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m risking my life telling you this, because they don’t want you to know. It’s this Deep Brain that’s in my head, and it’s playing my brain like a puppet on strings, folks. But I have sources, multiple dozens of patriotic sources that work within this Deep Brain and tell me this stuff because they can’t stand to see Alex Jones being torn apart by these Globalists, these Globalists blood cells that interfere with my DNA to make it FEEL like amphibian genes. And it’s like these liberals, they’re all about FEELINGS and what they feel they’re like, but if I’m not a frog or any kind of, of, of SEA LIZARD, and if I act like one I WILL DROWN, folks, and this is coming, I shouldn’t tell you this, but it’s coming, I should stop, it’s coming on the 2-THEY’RE TRYING TO STOP ME RIGHT NOW -THE 2ND-OOOOOH FOLKS, THEY’RE NO JOKE, LEMME TELL YOU-THE 2ND OF OCTOBER-phew-we will all FEEL like frogs and drown, it’s this deep brain in all your heads doing this for these monsters, these traitorous-“

    • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

      I had to stop there because I couldnt see the end.

      • Edith Prickly

        There is no end, it’s crazy all the way down.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Holy Shitbuckets that is scary accurate!

    • Rags

      Chill, Pepe.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      *presents you with this year’s Francis E. Dec Award and applauds politely*

  • whitroth

    Y’know, I just had a thought: I’ll bet Jones is well-funded. Because the “Deep State” is a *great* meme.

    For the oligarchs who are buying our democracy, yes, worry about Big Brother… don’t worry about Big Corporate Brother who’s buying it all from you.

    • javadavis

      And the French are weak, cowards! Never forget that!

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Remember what the Dormouse said
      Feed your head!

  • DerrickWildcat

    LOL, hasn’t anyone told that dumb ass Jones that President Trump has 14 food tasters and 26 different Trump doubles that rotate through the White house? It’s impossible to poison Trump.

  • exinkwretch

    Remember a couple of weeks back when that dude in Seattle threw coffee on AJ. They’re must have been a shitload of LSD in that coffee.

  • Iron Monkey

    Apparently deep state to the right wing is anyone in an organized institution (press, left/liberal organizations etc) who disagrees with them as opposed to what I thought it was a more formal definition–a shadow operation that controlled or strongly influenced what was perceived to be the actual government. In Central America, for example, up to the 1970s (possible beyond) it was the United Fruit Company and the CIA. Now it is the death squads and armed militias of the bourgeoisie. In Turkey it was the military–they saw themselves as the true heirs of Ataturk and changed civilian governments pretty regularly. In Pakistan is still is Inter-Services Intelligence.

    The point is that all of these operations have a life independent from the government and act completely on their own and solely in their own interests. None of them are funded by George Soros.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Man, Jones needs to slack off on all those “nutritional supplements” he’s been taking.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Why was Alex Jones sick before he went on the air?

    Ooo! I know! I know! It’s because Walter White put ricin in his Stevia!

  • bluicebank

    Prediction (based in historical trends in Right-wing crazy):

    Someone’s going to notice that Alex Jones is sucking all the oxygen out of the room, much like Michelle Bachmann grew envious that Katherine Harris stole crazy thunder from Ann Coulter, and acted. Ann, of course, has been desperately trying to reclaim her glory days.

    No, it won’t be Glenn Beck who usurps Jones. Glenn had his day. No, Sean Hannity can’t do it, though he’d like to, because lacks the extra chromosome. Who? Nobody knows. Could be some dude from the Never-Getting-Laid Man Whiners. But it’ll be some malcontent, hating on Alex Jones for having all the attention.

    • Daniel

      Mike Cernovich?

  • Scooby

    Now I want to be president so I can get free drugs!

  • george gonzalez

    So they’re building it up slowly, so he doesn’t notice, but he also ends up slurring his words, and it doesn’t affect him, but it does. Logic, how does that work?

  • javadavis

    “Trump’s such a bull …” says Alex. So close – “Trump’s such a bull-shitter …” There. Fixed.

    • SavageElbow

      It’s such a telling comment, isn’t it? Same as the white nationalist constant obsession with breeding and fertility and potency. So much overcompensation.

      • javadavis

        Yeah. I’d love to say something snaky, but the whole thing is just beyond sad.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    BREAKING: I’ve just received confirmation:

    Roger Stone Fears General Kelly Is Drugging Trump

    Alex Jones and Roger Stone can’t BOTH be wrong.

    • Rags

      I’ve read it twice on the intertubez! It must be troooo!

  • Mary Theresa

    I didn’t think it was the DEEP STATE, I just thought the shock collar Kelly put on Trump was getting some results.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I always thought Nancy Reagan was the cold-blooded one.

  • The only explanation for the obese, lazy, 71-year-old dumb sack of shit crapping out after 3 or 4 hours of half-assed presidenting is that he’s being drugged, WAKE UP SHEEPLE.

  • Bigby

    Last I heard back in Feb Trump was still calling Alex Jones on a regular basis, and as recently as June InfoWars had PRESS CREDENTIALS AT THE FUCKING WHITE HOUSE, yet none of these slobs can get on the horn to their hero and warn him of this danger (they’ve spread all over the intertubes, unscathed)? NONE? And NONE have disappeared? Why, it defies logic, it do diddly does!

  • Bitter Scribe

    To me this sounds like an elaborate tantrum because now John Kelly won’t let just anyone waltz into the Oval Office and leave transcripts from InfoWars on Trump’s desk.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Panika MCD

    a) how does Jones explain Tsarina Von Clownstick slurring his words before he was preznit? I mean, all of us, Katie, really did think he was saying “bigly” rather than “big league”…not that the latter makes any more sense in context.

    b) I would like Jones to come out of his hidey-hole over in Westlake Hills so that we can tell him to go fuck himself to his face rather than telling his dumb reporters that.

    • subatomic

      Oh, I know the answer to a). Is it Obama’s time machine?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    What is Ivanka’s tit rating?

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    Jones claims to have survived 35 CIA assassination attempts.
    Jones is a drug addicted, mentally ill child rapist.

    • SDGeoff3

      He doesn’t show a lot of faith in the CIA.

    • mailman27

      Nah, he’s just a reeeeeaallly important guy. (O/T Nice Paul!)

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I never read the Alex Jones posts. Should I read the Alex Jones posts?

    • MasRioBravoHombre

      Just be careful…don’t let the stupid rub up against you, or it’s hard to wash off.

    • SDGeoff3

      No. But drink first.

    • chascates

      I’m always happy to post screen grabs of their comments!

  • SavageElbow

    I remember when I used to listen to Art Bell and the late night kooks on the conspiracy theory radio shows and stuff. And it was light and fun because nobody takes these poor people seriously and they’re all deluded and OH GOD THEY RUN THE COUNTRY NOW WE’RE SO GODDAMN FUCKED.

    • Elizabeth Black

      Same here! At least those kooks were usually interesting or funny with their stories of little green men, ghosts, crop circles, etc. These folks aren’t even entertaining.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        You’re right- they’re not even that good. I listened to Art Bell on a late night long distance drive- the show was about people who took tape recorders to cemeteries and supposedly recorded the dead speaking from the grave. They weren’t at peace, let’s just say that. They made it sound really creepy. Bat shit crazy but at least interesting. No idea what happens to creamated people whose ashes are scattered.

    • Zyxomma

      I used to run into Art Bell at New Life Expos. I believe he sold pyramids. They looked really cool.

      • mailman27

        Interesting at a granular level.

    • george lastrapes

      There are people out there who think ‘Star Wars’ is a documentary.

  • mailman27

    “I’ve talked to people, multiple ones…” Not to split hairs, but I can see Trump’s idiocy glimmering behind this speechifying.

    • SavageElbow

      “People tell me, Alex, that I’m being drugged. The best drugs, mind you, I only get the best drugs. They tried regular drugs for me, but I’M TOO MUCH OF A BULL. Now they slip me only high-grade, imported sterling silver horse tranquilizers, the kind they use on Kentucky Derby horses. And, I gotta tell ya, I puke up rainbows every morning, but I sleep fantastic and dream of Ivanka every night. Only the best for me.”

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Wait. People have put out contracts on Alex Jones and he’s still alive? Those people must have contacted with a Trump company.

    • TundraGrifter

      Those “private investigators” are still over in Hawaii looking for Mr. Obama’s birth certificate. But maybe this is what private goon Keith Schiller is working on next…with votes, of course.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    That boy ain’t right in the head…

  • anon_the_great

    Jones gets weirder and weirder and weirder

    • kaydenpat

      Quite a feat.

  • chascates

    When you say ‘cold blood’ do you mean actually below, like, 50 degrees? What about the desirable trait of being ‘cold blooded’? And wouldn’t the cold blood warm up once it hit the 98.7 degree human body? Especially considering how small a bag of blood could be compared with the existing blood inside already?
    Hmmmm?

  • TundraGrifter

    Give President Trump whatever you want to drink. Just don’t show him the Queen of Diamonds. Other than the First Lady, of course. She’s OK.

  • Marla

    I have long given up on this asshole As first he was entertaining, then a train wreck now he’s just a sad and pitiful man.

    • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

      Agreed. But he played such a role in this whole debacle. It just…smh.

    • kaydenpat

      How long ago was Alex Jones entertaining? I recall him being a 9/11 truther running his mouth on C-PAC. That’s the closest to any kind of coherence that I’ve ever seen him.

      • Zyxomma

        Ugh. The Bat Signal, better known as the Towers of Light, is visible from my WC window right now. I have several friends whose birthday is today, and I really feel bad for them. I go on news blackout every year on this date. I have better things to do, like visiting Wonkette.

      • Marla

        I always found his bullshit to be entertaining.

  • Kooolest G

    “by 6 or 7 at night is basically slurring his words and is drugged”
    Oh My God you guys!!!!!!! they got to me too. I think the deep state sneaks into my house every night and puts MARIJUANA in my bong!!!!!!!!!!!11!!1!!1!!!!

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Why can’t they visit my house and gift me some mj?

      • SDGeoff3

        Try to make like you’re really sleeping.

      • Ωbjectifier

        IK,R? I have to wear glaucoma contacts to get a card!

    • SDGeoff3

      See. There really is something to be said for the Deep State.

    • The Librarian

      How do I get some of that action? My vial is empty, sadly.

      • SisterArtemis

        We need to develop some kind of Wonkette-drone delivery system, because I’m loaded with the stuff right now, and would gladly share.

        • The Librarian

          You’re so sweet. I’ll hit up a couple of connects this evening. :D

    • How’s he explain the presidential nappy time at 6 every PM?

  • Mavenmaven

    This means that even Alex Jones thinks that something is wrong with Trump.

    • kaydenpat

      Exactly. He’s admitting that Trump slurs his words and isn’t too sharp. At least he’s honest about something. LOL.

  • incandenza

    Wouldnt this piss trump off? (fingers crossed)

    • incandenza

      blovatedbowl!

  • Ωbjectifier

    Heartgard? So that’s why he keeps dragging his ass across the carpet.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    There’s a way to test Alex’s theory.

    Just limit The President Donald to one scoop per day.

    If he slurs his words by one scoop less, it means that THEY are right!

    I am putting my life in danger by telling you this.

  • The Librarian

    Ahem, if the DEEP STATE was truly drugging Trump, wouldn’t they be giving him smart brain drugs, or human kindness drugs or let’s not fuck the planet over drugs? AOT, K? Since none of this is happening, I’m going with another conspiracy theory shot to hell.

  • BosGrl

    Oh dear God, now the King is going to want tasters… except he is a germophobe… so how is he going to eat after someone else touched his food? If Alex Jones wasn’t so batshit bonkers, I would think he really is a liberal operative.

  • TootsStansbury

    Yes, Alex, Tramp is being drugged. That’s it, he’s drugged by um, something. Come here you greasy, below par apeman; let me administer your shot. You belong in a nice, safe place.

  • kaydenpat

    Are people getting paid to listen to Alex Jones? I can’t figure out what anyone would get out of listening to this fantastical gibberish. It’s not even movie-quality entertaining.

  • SisterArtemis

    I couldn’t make up more bizarre conspiracy theories if I tried. Well, I probably could, but they’d have talking animals and friendly space aliens in them, so slightly more bizarre, but much less “believable,” and I’m using that term very very loosely.

    Also too, 8000 upfists for the Let It Go vid – I’m telling you, fellow Wonketeers, there’s more to those lyrics than some silly blonde making pretty ice sculptures.

    • Zyxomma

      I’ve never seen that video before. There are zero young children in my life, and the closest I’ve seen is friends’ FB videos of their kids. Based on your recommendation, I’ve now actually seen and heard it. Now I know what all the fuss is about.

      • SisterArtemis

        I think of it as a female empowerment anthem. Might have something to do with my granddaughter dramatically acting it out when she was about 5 years old.

        • Erala Contratista

          Scene like it in “Brave”.
          Worth repeating, esp. to the young ‘uns.

          • SisterArtemis

            Loved Brave as well.

  • Someone check Alex’s reading list/Neflix queue (he probably doesn’t read much). I think maybe he read/watched this recently:

    https://www.amazon.com/Malice-Aforethought-Francis-Iles/dp/0752864785

    (Don’t worry – I have spoiled naught. There’s a plot twist you’ll never see coming.)

  • themidniteskulker

    This IS a reality show, just like they’ve been saying. Roger Stone is saying this same idiotic stuff.

  • Viktor

    His “sources”. You only have one butthole Alex. It’s not a plural.

  • Jonny On Maui

    I mean this is the kind of thing that gets you killed.

    No Alex, beliefs such as you spout used to get you locked up, not a pulpit. You can thank druggie Reagan.

  • rocktonsam

    Somebody: Mr. Bannon , Alex Jones on line 2.
    Mr. Bannon: hahahhahaha, who ? Bourbon says what?

  • Boko999

    That’s one awesome looking doctor.
    Lemme get my list.

  • Oh yes, Alex. America DEMANDS a blood test right now!
    I can actually get on board with this one

  • Pat_Pending

    Um. When did life become the Weekly World News?

  • DainBramage

    The sad part is that there are people who will actually believe this nonsense. On the plus side, one of them will be Trump and maybe that’ll make him want to resign.

  • Blender_415

    If I was president, the DS wouldn’t even have to be covert about it drugging me; they would have figured it out after I tore through every medicine cabinet in the WH my first day.

  • Delu

    Wasn’t it Roger Stone(r) who said that trump was being drugged? (and that Kelly was the one doing the drugging?)

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/09/roger-stone-fears-general-kelly-drugging

    I’m guessing that HE’S Alex Jones’s “high level source” and Alex Jones is Stone(r)’s “source” as well.

    It all makes sense now.

    • george lastrapes

      Sounds like a mutual transfusion of rabies-tainted bodily fluids. Ew. Gotta go shower.

    • Begin Anew Day

      Circular Circulation of Conspiracy Cycles Calibrated by Cretins.

  • goonemeritus

    If one believes in Occam’s Razor one would assume Trump is just stupid.

    • george lastrapes

      Stupid enough to shave his newtsack with Occam’s razor.

  • matthewthawkins

    https://www.globalhealingcenter.com/?a_aid=565f5508691e9

    It is very sad when not even Dr. Group can heal you.

    • 🐶 BRAINTHRUST 5000 🐶

      Nice alphabet soup after his name; none of them are real medical qualifications (although for at least one I believe you have to be an MD or DO, neither of which Group is).

  • Every time that photo appears I think “Whoa, Kevin Spacey has a peanut allergy?”

  • ryp

    Alex Jones is paid by George Soros to make Trump supporters look insane.

    • Delu

      He might just sell that one day.

      • Begin Anew Day

        He’ll play that card after his next wife divorces him.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    Alex Jones’ “highly placed sources” communicate with him through the fillings in his teeth which he then hears as voices in his head.

  • Upright Ape

    I totally believe Alex on this one…..the fuckin’ idiot gotta be doped up…….or else it’s the obvious Alzheimer’s clogging up Trump’s brain.
    Then again, he was plenty stupid to begin with, like the time he pissed away $900,000,000 on “Trump Airlines”. It’s all a rich tapestry of derp.

  • Molon Labe

    “THEN THAT MEANS THE DEEP STATE IS MAKING ITS DRUGS UNTRACEABLE, OBVIOUSLY, YOU SHEEPLE.”

    FYI, thats what the CIA was doing 40 years ago. Not only that, they had an electronic handgun that could shoot frozen darts of the toxin into people without them even knowing. Science fiction? Nope, technology from a time when we talked to each other via phones tethered to walls.

    • I gots one word for ya: Occam’s Razor

      • Molon Labe

        And?

        • That’s how you knows they is making they drugs untraceable because Alex Jones shaves his whole body with Occam’s Razor.

          • Molon Labe

            Its not my contention they are drugging Trump or that Jones is correct. You can read my comment and I stand by it.

          • I ain’t arguing with your statement, I’m riffing off of it to ridicule Alex Jones. Shaving his whole body with Occam’s Razor, that shit’s funny. Did I mention that my superpower is being easily amused?

          • Molon Labe

            It isn’t funny. That image should carry a viewer discretion warning….
            ISIS gonna grab the mental image of Jones shaving his “whole body” pound western civilization with it.

          • Like I said, man, I’m easily amused.

          • And, I’m sorry I pissed on your thread. If I were you, I’da been hoping for better comments than mine. I’m sorry. I probably have destroyed any hope of a real discussion. I shouldn’t’ve. That Occam’s Razor comment coulda been used anywhere.

          • Molon Labe

            like on Jone’s nut sac?

          • Molon Labe

            Ok, i crossed the line…..

    • That frozen dart thing was cribbed from a “Get Smart” episode.

      You’re not the other people in the trailer park.

      • Molon Labe

        I don’t think so. But, if you have something to share other than a music video please do.

      • Rickyphoo

        Does that car have a penis?

    • Moar Wordz

      Where did you learn that ?

  • If they are giving him a sedative at night, someone must be pumping him full of Alex Jones brand trucker speed at 4AM in order to jumpstart those tweet storms.

  • I wonder if these hucksters and charlatans induce a mild trance in the people that engage with them. Once you get someone agreeing with you, they are more likely to accept other things you say uncritically. But, boy, this one is a beaut, ain’t it?

  • CATMAN

    The mind of Alex Jones–where the derp state dreams of the deep state

  • Anita Ledford

    You know that drumpf and alex probably talk a lot. I wonder what drugs Drumpf is on.

  • Mecha343

    By they does he mean his master the Illuminati, lizard people or crab people?

    • Rickyphoo

      AOT,K

  • Villago Delenda Est

    It really is a shame that the “Deep State” doesn’t exist the way Alex thinks it does, because then they’d “take care of him” in the Darth Sidious deals with the Trade Federation sense.

  • Moar Wordz

    KNEW there was narcotic responsible for covfefe.
    Well, this is an easy fix. Hire a poison taster.
    Just like the Kings of old !
    I wonder who Jones’ ” sources ” were ?
    Deepthroat? Or a junior intern having a merry old time yanking Alex’s chain ?
    Watching Alex melt down over Hillary Clinton and threatening ” her ” ( I doubt it was really her ) over the phone was one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen.

  • Jo Mathie

    “Now I’m risking my life, by the way, tell you all this.” First Bannon describing himself as a “street fighter” now this. You are not at all heroic and manly you two blubbery blowhards sheltering under a tinfoil umbrella of paranoia upon which facts conveniently bounce off.

    • Stulexington

      Ha! he’s only risking his life. I on the other hand and risking an almost certain academy award nomination for best supporting actor.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        “Now, Alex, go do that hoo-doo that you do SO WELLLLLLLLLL!”

  • Not to be a braggadocious ferreter-outer or anything, but here’s a picture of the deep state…
    https://d1466nnw0ex81e.cloudfront.net/n_iv/600/1123223.jpg

  • Makes sense to me.

    Back in the day when granny started telling outrageous lies, coloring her hair and face, and grabbing ladies by their hoo-has it was a sure sign she’d been stung by a Water Moccasin. And it was time to wall her up in the root cellar.

  • canes_pugnaces

    I am researching when, exactly, we passed into the alternate dimension where Trump is president and anyone, including the esteemed Wonkette, reports on Alex Jones’ pre-simian drivel. So far, all I’ve come up with is the first Roswell sighting.

    • unionthuggery

      Worst Twilight Zone episode every!

  • phoenix00

    Dr. Alex Bornstein also “treats” Alex Jones? Only possible rational explanation?

  • phoenix00

    Doesn’t Jones have alimony to pay and/or a hurricane to flee?

  • Tommy__T
  • Daniel Hooper

    “I know what you’re doing!”

    “Excuse me?” AJ’s assistant looked confused when he saw the smug smirk on his boss’ face. “What do you mean, sir?”

    “I’ve seen what you’ve been doing. Slipping pills into my coffee, my water, my bird bones and chocolate milk shakes. You’re trying to control me, just like the President!” AJ smirked as he saw the look of horror slowly forming on his assistant’s face. “Well, it won’t work. I haven’t been taking those mind control pills for weeks now!”

    “WHAT?! You idiot!” AJ was slightly taken aback by his assistant’s sharp tone. “Those weren’t mind control drugs! Those were anti-mutagens! They’re supposed to keep you human, or at least as close to it as we can get!”

    As if on cue, AJ’s stomach began to rumble strangely as his assistant fled, warning everyone to get out before AJ infected them all…

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I can only hope that Trump hears this and believes it.

  • Manhattan123

    This dumb shit always looks like a pudgy Frank Underwood.

    • chicken thief

      Without a Clair for motivation.

  • 1complexmolecule

    Paranoia, paranoia…
    Oh, AJ, if only Deep State/The Illuminati/Ringling Bros. could make you disappear.

  • chicken thief

    “They drug presidents because the power structure wants a puppet.”

    Really, Alex? The Kochs could bribe Orange POTUS with a nice chocolate cake, maybe they’d have to add two scoops of ice cream. Why would they go through all of that rigamaroll?

  • Damian Hart
    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      Well. That was lovely. At least Ted Cruz didn’t let it fall on his suit jacket.
      (gag)

  • Shaydee

    Could it possibly be Dump is being given medication to calm him because he’s out of mental control? Maybe, just maybe, he’s given something to keep him more coherent than he normally is. Awake too?

  • Maybe

    Alex Jones is a waste of skin (and rather a lot of it!), but no one is going to bother to murder him.

  • Sharla Fouquet

    Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!

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