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WRECKAGE.

Hurricane Irma is heading directly toward South Florida, despite how Rush Limbaugh is pretty sure it’s a #hoax designed by the Illuminati to line the thick pockets of Evian and Energizer. This means Donald Trump’s tacky-ass southern outpost, Mar-A-Lago, is threatened. So we figured now would be a good time to revisit a story the AP broke last year, about how one time Trump took $17 million insurance ameros for Mar-A-Lago hurricane damage that may not have happened, at least not $17 million worth that anyone recalls.

The AP reported that, as of 2016, Forbes estimated Mar-A-Lago was worth about $150 million, and quoted Tim Frank, who was Palm Beach’s planning administrator when the 2004-2005 hurricanes happened, who said damage to the tune of $17 million would have been YOOGE, and something they certainly would have known about. Yet they didn’t.

Nobody else did either. Not even Trump people:

In an interview about the estate’s history, Trump’s longtime former butler, Anthony Senecal, recalled no catastrophic damage. He said Hurricane Wilma, the last of a string of storms that barreled through in 2004 and 2005, flattened trees behind Mar-a-Lago, but the house itself only lost some roof tiles.

“That house has never been seriously damaged,” said Senecal, discussing Mar-a-Lago’s luck with hurricanes. “I was there for all of them.”

The AP noted that just two weeks after Hurricane Wilma, Mar-A-Lago played host to the wedding of Trump’s first son, GrundleSmack McLoserShits Junior, so we guess the club was at least in so-so shape. Or maybe it was COVERED IN RUBBLE and Junior tripped and fell on it and that’s why his face looks like that. (Actually, the AP says Getty pictures from the wedding exist, and the house looks FINE.)

A couple years later, Trump was asked about the payout in a deposition, and said oh yeah, shit was rough, because, you know, the damages, oh the damages, they were tremendous:

“Landscaping, roofing, walls, painting, leaks, artwork in the — you know, the great tapestries, tiles, Spanish tiles, the beach, the erosion,” he said of the storm damage. “It’s still not what it was.” […]

“We continue to spend the money because we continue to suffer the ravages of that hurricane,” Trump said. “We’re continuously spending money. It really beat up Mar-a-Lago very badly.”

Hurricane Wilma fucked that monkey grass right the fuck up. And the tapestries. At least three Spanish tiles flying in all directions. Beach went away entirely, because Hurricane Wilma was like “so many beaches, I’m gonna get sick of beaches.” This shit happened, y’all.

Trump kept some of the money, though. Which is FINE. When you get an insurance payout, you do the fuck you want with the money.

But how did he get that much? Maybe he just was the best insurance customer ever and paid for a really badass policy that automatically pays out $17 million, even if the house barely breaks a nail during a hurricane. AP spoke to the guy who did the claim assessment, and my goodness, it seems he just can’t recall:

The insurance adjustor who assessed the insurance claim, Hank Stein of VeriClaim Inc., said there had been damage to Trump’s golf course in West Palm Beach and damage to Mar-a-Lago’s roof and landscaping, but he could not remember details. […]

Stein, who has since left VeriClaim for another firm, said he remembered water damage from rain after windows to an observation deck atop the mansion blew open. “I wish I could give you some more information on the breakdown,” he said.

$17 million and he remembers nothing about it, aside from maybe some water damage and a couple palm trees ended up looking more bent and misshapen than Donald Trump Jr.’s face after a Nerf football accident, and also before a Nerf football accident? Hmmm.

It was probably the luxurious tapestries. Because if it was anything involving actual construction …

“If there were $17 million dollars of damage, we sure as hell would have known about that,” said Frank. “I would have known if there was anything in the magnitude of $100,000.”

The Republican mayor of Palm Beach at the time — and Mar-a-Lago member — Jack McDonald, agreed: “I am unable to comprehend $17 million in reimbursable damage.”

Jane Day, the city’s former historical preservation consultant, who helped oversee Mar-a-Lago’s conversion to a private club and who has visited in the years since as a guest, also was mystified. “This is the first I’m hearing of it.”

Well.

We offer all our thoughts and prayers for Mar-A-Lago during the coming storm, that it may make it through without any $50 million doorknobs coming loose or, God forbid, the gutters getting some sticks in them or something. That would be TOO ‘SPENSIVE.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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  • george gonzalez

    Note to The Donald: Do not do like my wife’s granduncle and Mr Issa did and put the sewing machine out on the lawn and put the blueprints in a fireproof safe before torching the place. Insurance investigators go “Hmmmm….” when they find expensive and irreplaceable things that survive. So you’ll have to leave Melon inside.

    • Bananas Foster

      Melon may be expensive, but she’s definitely replaceable.

      • therblig

        she may even be fully depreciated by now.

        • Ricky Gay

          They just plagarize parts from other models to keep her going.

          • MrTusks

            He definitely voided the warranty, too.

        • Notreelyhelping

          Wear and tear?

    • Major_Major_Major

      He was gonna need to trade her in for a new model sooner or later, anyway.

    • Nockular cavity

      Hey, silicon is forever.

  • Lizzietish81

    One day I am going to wake up, and Hillary will be president, Donald will be in jail and Jill Stein will be in Russia rooming with Edward Snowden and Julien Assange.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Barrier islands are not meant for habitation. The sea will reclaim at it’s leisure.

    • jesterpunk

      Is that why they are called Barrier Islands? You would think a guy who loves Yuge barriers and bigly walls would know that.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        In a battle between man and the sea, always go long on the sea.

    • TundraGrifter

      After Galveston was wiped out in the early 1900’s, the US Army Corps of Engineers just raised the entire island about ten feet and then surrounded it with a seawall.

      Nothing to it!

      • GoutMachine

        Socialism!

  • TundraGrifter

    “…the beach, the erosion…”

    Land isn’t covered by property insurance. Building improvements are. What a maroon!

  • GoutMachine

    Only $17 million? I would have thought they’d take out a policy for 210% of the value of the place.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Dowecheatemandhowe insurance

    • Swampgas_Man

      With their lawyers, Shyster & Flywheel.

    • deadjello

      Three Stooges Libelz!!! If I remember the episode correctly it was Dewey, Cheatam, and Howe!!! OK, I’ll have to disable my obnoxious pedant button now.

  • SadDemInTex

    Grifters gonna grift

    • TundraGrifter

      You rang?

  • Bright Bart

    perhaps he can use the insurance money to pay for his dipshit wall and uh, plus the secret service so leftist rebels don’t bust a cap right in his ass

    • Bright Bart

      and rubber sheets

  • Timothy Watson
  • jesterpunk

    OT but Betsy Devos released a new dear colleagues letter today about sexual assault on campus. She says they received hundreds of cases reporting sexual assault and dozens of lawsuits from students punished so its the same thing right?

    http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/349647-devos-to-change-obama-era-campus-sexual-assault-policy

    DeVos claimed the current system has led to hundreds of cases in the department’s Office of Civil Rights mostly filed by students who reported sexual misconduct and believed their schools let them down. But she said the system has also generated dozens of lawsuits by students punished for sexual misconduct, who also believe their schools let them down.

    DeVos said any school that fails to take a report of sexual assault seriously commits discrimination but added that a school that uses a biased system toward finding someone guilty of sexual assault also commits discrimination.

    “The rights of one person can never be paramount to the rights of another,” she said.

    Wont someone please think of those poor rapists?

    • ariel_gee_398

      She’s like the fucking walking embodiment of that fucking “math is hard” Barbie.

      • jesterpunk

        She seems to be fitting right in with the both sides bullshit.

  • rocktonsam

    Seems like every time someone that knows trump says something something is always hard to comprehend.

    • TundraGrifter

      Don’t be a victim of Western linear thought and logic.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    I have Trump scandal fatigue. When is he gonna get it?

    • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

      I’ve heard they are readying his cell!! I just read it somewhere, let’s see, yes—here it is, a tweet by, uh . . . Louise Mensch . . .
      Sorry, nvrmnd

    • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

      Fuck, right? When it happens to me, I think about him dying in jail. Alone. Oh so alone.

  • The more rich white folks get away with, well, everything, the more I want to invest in guillotine futures.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    All his tacky shit is probably insured by Lloyd’s or Chubb. Chubb’s headquarters is near to his tacky Bedminster club, so all their officers are probably members. They pay him off then pass along the loss to reinsurance.

    • Arolpin

      Drumpf would never use Chubb, they actually calculate value to replace and they are entirely too expensive for him. (They also pay out claims fairly and promptly, and allow you to have the non-covered work count towards the deductible, even for houses in historic districts that require extensive and expensive remediation after storms. And accept 15-year old photos as proof of jewelry that was stolen in a burglary.)

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Well, if not them, then Lloyd’s of London, or possibly Fredrick’s of Hollywood.

        • Arolpin

          Lloyd’s possibly, because it’s actually more of a brokerage for private insurers, and they will insure anything for the right price. (My grandfather had the 4 remaining fingers on his right hand insured with Lloyd’s because he was a surgeon and they were his livelihood.) And Fredrick’s of Hollywood probably thinks that Drumpf is too low-class and sleazy to associate with. Even tramps have standards.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    “Landscaping, roofing, walls, painting, leaks, artwork in the — you know, the great tapestries,”
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8caee553c83cac9c0afce1ab3d08aa183b742a7b7d7f7bd392a1493720bf41b8.jpg

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Won’t someone think of the tapestries?!?

      • Notreelyhelping

        Does Carole King know Trump’s such a fan? How could you live that down?

  • Crystalclear12

    Yeah, that sounds about right.

  • Michael Smith

    So is this how rich people make money? They cheat and scam and lie?

    • marxalot

      And then they stay rich by never spending any of it. Rich people don’t pay their bills.

      • Courser_Resistance

        And they fuck over their employees every chance they get. No, not their relatives, just ANYONE not Family. They’ll cut you just to see you bleed.

        No, I’m not at ALL bitter over my work for family-held companies. Jerb ‘creators’ my ass. EXPLOITERS and cheats is more like it.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Pretty much. It’s disgusting but everyone feels entitled to rip off their insurance company. Gotta get back every dime of those premiums, you know?

    • TundraGrifter

      “Behind every great fortune is a crime.”

      ~ Balzac

    • therblig

      and inherit

  • mary5920

    Day at the races there’s a hurricane blowin’ out hea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icq2KvONMPA

  • mrFawkes

    For someone who was barely injured, this Mary Lago has great health insurance.

    • Rick Hill

      Damn Obamacare!

  • Rick Hill

    I wish I could give you some more information on the breakdown,” he said.

    He continued “But that would mean disclosing the payoff I got from trump for approving his exaggerated claim.”

    • Shanzgood

      That’s where my brain went.

  • Moebym of the Returners

    OT: Nydia speaks for me.

  • DainBramage

    When I think of someone described as “Trump’s longtime former butler,” I can’t imagine how much shit that guy had to deal with.
    https://images.genius.com/2e17391a56a8c0441686b577da3678c9.500x376x35.gif

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Don’t feel so sorry for him. His Facebook account revealed him to be just as big a bigot as his boss.

      • DainBramage

        OK then. What other type would survive long in Trump’s orbit?

        • marxalot

          A really hardcore humiliation fetishist?

          • redarmyzombie

            Everyone has limits…

  • “GrundleSmack McLoserShits Jr.” Congratulations, Evan, you have once again won the internet.

  • mardam422

    The tiles!! Oh the Spanish tiles!!! We had to deport all of them and replace them with American tiles. Very expensive. I can tell you that, very expensive.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Go Fucky Ourself?

      (I keed, I keed)

    • Vincent Ricola

      Never OT.

  • jesterpunk
    • whitroth

      That’s COMPLETELY WONDERFUL!

    • C4TWOMAN

      Marry Poppins Libelz!

  • Ron Spangler

    Are you suggesting that the Trump family was … gasp … DISHONEST!? To the fainting couch!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I hope Melon has her “Florida” Disaster Cap ready to go. And one for Georgia. And one for South Carolina. North Carolina. Virginia. Heck, just get a cap that sez East Coast. Should cover it.

    • marxalot

      Switch to team Hurricane. That’s clearly the winning side here.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I think it has the specific state on it in case Trump forgets where he is. Of course, that’s assuming he can read.

    • therblig

      trumpy must be shitting bricks about all the charity checks he’s going to have to write.

      well, pledge.

    • theblackdog

      I’m sure the extra high heels are ready to go.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Irma’s supposed to be a Cat 1 hurricane when it makes it to Ohio. You Floridians may sneer at getting concerned about a Cat 1, but we can do blizzards without so much as blinking.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Somehow, Wilma replaced our premium materials and fixtures with shoddy, slapdash junk that didn’t meet code. Storms can do that.”
    — Donald Trump

    • therblig

      not many people know that.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I have been hearing about it more and more though…

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Most people’s home owner’s insurers are like ‘Fuck you! Its not covered’. I guess it helps to grease some palms with large ameros.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “If you don’t accept my friend’s claim, I would suggest bringing a Geiger Counter to every meal, da?”

  • weejee

    And Diapers Donnie’s house on St. Martin got blown into next week. He’ll prolly have better luck trying to sell it, since it was a tRumptipical garish tear-down anyway.

    • jesterpunk

      Good thing US taxpayers wont have to pay to fix that.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        He’s got two European governments to try to scam, I guess.

      • JohnC44

        Yeah I’ll believe that when I see it. Id bet the asshole already has the 1 billion check from the US Treasury for the it’s next new embassy compound on St Martin signed by Stevie “Money Man” Mnuchin.

        • jesterpunk

          St Marin isnt a US territory.

          • JohnC44

            Correct….hence the embassy.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’m sure some nice Russian man will pay quadruple the asking price to take it off his hands.

  • whitroth

    My “thoughts and prayers” for Mar-a-lago, which appears to be 20 or 30 mi from most likely landfall for Irma’s eye is “flat, nothing left but sand”.

    Oh, and hey, after that former claim? What are the odds that Trump’s underinsured?

  • MrTusks

    I can’t blame that adjuster for not remembering. The kickback was so good, he could afford to leave that job and he hasn’t had access to the file in years.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    How many natural disasters will it take to force Trump to spend a weekend in the White House?

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    I wonder how much of a kickback Hank Stein (if that’s his real name) received.

    • Major_Major_Major

      I hope his middle name is Ned or such.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      It’s payoffs all down the line to lard up a claim like that and get it.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    We’re continuously spending money

    I’m sure

  • TundraGrifter

    “When you get an insurance payout, you do the fuck you want with the money.”

    Generally, no.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Stein, who has since left VeriClaim for
    another firm, said he remembered water damage from rain after windows to
    an observation deck atop the mansion blew open. “I wish I could give
    you some more information on the breakdown,” he said.”

    Forget The Cyber, The Nuclear. It’s The Water you have to really worry about.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      ‘Member when God promised Noah he wouldn’t use water again?

      Good times.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m sure it’s been said multiple times already in a much more hilariouser way, but I’d like to add my hope that Irma only makes one stop in Florida and that one stop is to blow Treason-a-lago off the face of the planet forever.

    • marxalot

      Just a sideswipe before spinning back out to the Atlantic. Wouldn’t that be nice?

      • Creepoman

        And then putting it in reverse for another pass at the trash-palace to make sure the job is done.

        • jesterpunk

          Can it also hit his other golf courses up the east coast.

        • JohnC44

          Now THAT would be impressive.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Yeah, for that kind of precision, I think you’re really gonna want to go with our meteor strike option.”
      — Natural Disaster Dispatch, Karma Division

  • laughingnome

    It was a helluva blow job and I didn’t even get a yellow chaser.

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • marxalot

      Sorry, Donnie. You break it, you bought it.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Helps when you equip the crayon instead of eat it, moran.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Why does he always look like he is in mid shart?

      • Bobathonic

        Because he is?

    • Nockular cavity

      Almost lifelike.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Somebody here remarked that his facial expression looked like he was filling his pants with a serious load, and damned if that isn’t all I can see when I see this pic.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Hmmm, the hurricane hit his Caribbean property too. Does FSM have it out for Trump? Is Al Gore waging a secret war against our current government?

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2017/09/06/hurricane-irma-just-slammed-into-trumps-caribbean-estate-and-is-headed-toward-his-florida-properties/?utm_term=.3f749f93fbb5

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s almost as if Global Warming Denialists do not approach beachfront property investments with the appropriate level of skepticism.

  • Covfefe

    If I had been a party to an insurance fraud, I wouldn’t be able to remember anything either.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And I’d change my phone number…

  • Edith Prickly

    I was sitting next to Mr Prickly when I read “Grundlesmack McLosershits Junior” and finally had to hand him my phone because I was laughing too hard to read it out loud.

  • Crank Tango
    • Wild Cat

      His favorite tape is “Double Penetration Indemnity”

  • arglebargle
  • C4TWOMAN

    Are we taking bets yet on Marg-a-lago’s survival/demise? I say 50/50 Irma flatten’s it.
    (with everyone evacuated of course)

  • Blackest Noobs

    whatever the fuck i would like Trump’s insurance agent’s number. Sounds like my kind of insurance….you get paid even when you get no damage.

    Isabel totally destroyed my humble home, i will take $100,000 please.

    guys, guys ! GUYS stop resisting…it’s time to get PAID!!!!

    everyone loves money…let’s get ours before the nation wises up and elects a guy who doesn’t cheat the system!!!!

    • OutOfOrbit

      me very purdy sure, that agent retired a rich fucker a few days after his company paid out to tRumpscam LLC

      • Blackest Noobs

        if he’s white and male, he’s still an agent…white people can never ever seem to leave money.

        like look at Trump…he needs none of this…NONE OF IT. but yet he craves for it more and more.

        • OutOfOrbit

          you got me there

  • mancityRed6

    it probably ruined a roomful of those paintings of himself that he, er, his charity buys at auctions.
    and his autographed copy the bible
    and his elephant man skeleton.
    that’s the ticket

  • BadKitty904

    This lil’ tidbit should go over BIG next week, as Americans try to rebuild their lives.

    Spread it around, people…

    • OutOfOrbit

      i would be so in jail if i tried that

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      The more stories of TX/FL victims getting hosed by their flood insurance we read, the more this should get #ed.

      • BadKitty904

        EXACTLY.

    • Fartknocker

      How’s the preparations going you gorgeous, purring furball of snark wiith sharp claws and attitude?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Trump is the catastrophic damage.

  • Treehopper1104

    If there was $17 million worth of damage to the tapestries, then I am Mickey Mouse.

  • Raan

    Hey, speaking of Florida and hurricanes, guess who has two thumbs and is spending the weekend in Pasco (and possibly longer than that in Missouri if need be)?

    https://twitter.com/PinellasEM/status/905856079128666113

  • elviouslyqueer

    Yo, Barbie Dream House Insurance Fraud Ken:

    You want $17 million dollars worth of damage, motherfucker? Honey, hold my damn beer, and batten down that emaciated ferret you’ve got attached to your skull.

    See you Saturday, asshole.

    Irma

    • OutOfOrbit

      really, where was the insurance adjuster for that $!7M payout? bet that fucker bought a nice house right after that little deal went over

      • Raan

        Nah, his cut went right to a nice, quiet Swiss bank.

    • marxalot

      “Jose, baby, run get Momma’s ass-whoopin’ shawl. We’re going visiting.”

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Jose is a DREAMer. Jose is not happy right now.

  • Donkey Option

    Okay, I’m going to take a moment to vent about a Facebook and real world friend of mine. She’s nice. But she can be a bit… obtuse. Apparently she has friends in Puerto Rico who had nothing happen to them during the course of Irma. Good, right? But her post reads “So glad to hear that Puerto Rico barely got touched. The power or prayer works!” And then posts a stupid “Pray for Florida” thing. And I’m thinking – what about the 5 people in Puerto Rico who died? What about the over 35 who died in Houston? What about the entire island of fucking Barbuda (that I had never heard of until now?) that was completely destroyed by Irma? Did those people just not pray enough? Does God hate them? The fuck is wrong with you?!?!??!? And I know she’s not posting this stuff in any malice. I’m sure it never crossed her mind what the implications of her friends barely being touched being due to divine intervention and the power of prayer, but holy fuck does it get me livid. And this is one of the many reasons I’m an atheist. If God existed, and it was due to His will that my friend’s friends were spared but not the entirely island of Barbuda, what the fuck kind of God would that be?

    Sorry, guys. I know, not the open thread, but I really needed to vent to someone about this. I posted a passive-aggressive thing about not forgetting people in less famous places, but this just gets to me since it happens with every bad event.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Clearly her God hasn’t opened a can of whoop-ass on her. Yet.

      • Donkey Option

        It’s not just her. It’s all these people who are like “my child survived this deadly disease due to the power of prayer!” And the kids who died deserved to because they didn’t pray hard enough? Or are these people really so blind to the implications?

        • elviouslyqueer

          Nah. I think it’s more “I’m literally powerless to do anything else, but sitting in front of my computer and writing out an anodyne message makes ME feel good.”

        • I wonder if it’s some psychological deflection born of survivor’s guilt?
          It’s that or they’re just clueless idiots.

        • They don’t read the Book of Job, one of the oldest and most TRUE books of the Bible, all about how God totally FUCKS UP the people who pray the hardest, sometimes. To test them, or because of a drunken bar bet with Satan.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          It’s magical thinking. There’s a version of it going on with the people who get vicious and shitty about attachment parenting or breastfeeding or circumcision.

          The idea is that if doing exactly what you’re doing is the magic bullet, then anyone who says it’s OK not to do exactly what you’re doing is suggesting that your way isn’t magic, and the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all which means that you’re threatening their kid.

          Also people are really stupid.

    • laughingnome

      Apparently they sent prayers but forgot the thoughts. Rookie mistake.

    • Shanzgood

      I remember thinking like that as a kid when I heard someone say that their prayer for no rain for some event was answered. Being from Kansas, I wondered “What about the farmers who NEEDED that rain? Are they just fucked?” Yes, I had a potty mouth even when I was little.

      • Covfefe

        When I was a child in Catholic school, we had a priest come in one day for religion class. The First words out of mouth were “Who prayed for snow?”

    • Vincent Ricola

      My husband works with a bunch of these types. Very nice people who pride themselves on being very tone deaf and myopic when it comes to the power of their prayers. Just know that, in my experience, if you are livid and passive-aggressive that means you are a very good person who is handling the situation in the correct fashion.

      • Oneofthebobs

        I can’t speak for all of the Bobs, but Oneofthebobs thinks that’s more praying than is necessary.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Anybody who thinks prayer works probably doesn’t have a good grasp on the concept of sample size.

    • Sophia

      They pray specifically for that thing so the power of prayer worked. She was praying for her friends and they are safe. It’s a case of tunnel vision but because she was worried for her friends that’s all she is seeing right now. It doesn’t really mean that the others don’t matter. They are just not foremost in her mind right now.

    • teele

      Why is it that when bad stuff happens to them or a loved one, it’s never their supreme being’s fault? Or their fault, for that matter — you don’t see them confessing that they are sinful bastards who deserved the (insert bad thing here). You don’t hear them bemoaning the fact that their prayers were insufficient, or that the big boy in the sky let them down.
      I had a boss once who, on my first day on the job, told me that if things went well, he would get the credit, and if they went badly, I would take the blame. I laughed at the time, but it turned out he was serious (unfortunately for him, our superiors weren’t as stupid as he thought they were). This seems to be the relationship most religious people have with their god. He gets the credit for good results, and the devil or some other human gets the blame for the bad stuff. Kind of like a certain POTUS who shall not be named.

    • SweetDeeKat
      • Relativicus

        Sheesh, some god.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i have a friend who said this when her teenage son had some weird medical emergency that damn near killed him. He was in the ICU for like 2 weeks, she was posting pictures of him and stuff in his hospital bed with tubes and wires and machines. We he woke up, she said, “the power of prayer!” I wanted to, but didn’t, say, “or maybe all those doctors and all that technology?”

      Ugh.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I have a relative who does this. She thinks God grants her parking spaces at the mall. She does that thing where she holds her right hand way high up in the air and prayers for Gods protection every time she leaves the house. But, she has a mental disability and I’m not sure if the religious extremism is part of it or not, so I grit my teeth.
      Since my religious beliefs are kind of a jumbled inconsistent mess, I don’t want to mock anyone else’s, and I’m not sure it helps. I don’t think sincere prayer is worthless, but I’m not sure that an entity that created 200 billion galaxies (and that number keeps growing) is going to respond directly to a personal prayer.
      The religious fundamentalists who have the magical prayer belief system have a really narrow view of the world.

    • Fun with Cthulhu
      • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

        yikes

    • Celtic_Gnome

      The next time your friend does that, shoot this their way.

      https://warprayer.org/

    • God didn’t have much to do during the 4.5 billion years when there were no humans.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    So this seems to be a thing now…
    (from TPM) This late Times report confirms that even Trump’s Treasury Secretary, the husband of actress Louise Linton, was caught off guard
    Good.

  • SayItWithWookies

    You know those ads that come on at about three in the morning about insurance fraud with black-and-white vignettes of someone staging a car accident? The insurance companies have a consortium that puts them together and they pay about fifty bucks for thirty seconds of ad space in the wee hours because the issue is sooooo important to them, on account of someone reporting whiplash when really they’re fine, and that $600 settlement is a felony? Well — this isn’t that.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    This is very topical for me since I’m studying for my Insurance Nerd license. It’s possible that FL has very lax insurance regulations, which wouldn’t be a surprise. But if you’re claiming $17M in loses, red flags will be flapping in hurricane-force winds. Palms will need to be greased all up and down the line to get that through.

    • Crank Tango

      Greasing palms sounds like a good way to keep them from blowing over in a hurricane too. Beware falling coconuts, however.

    • Ωbjectifier

      I just finished up a $200K claim at work and those insurance guys were up my ass the whole time.

    • TundraGrifter

      I don’t think “insurance regulations,” lax or otherwise, are going to cover paying claims for damage that didn’t happen. Here’s the thing about state insurance regulation and regulators. Their primary job is to see that the companies remain solvent by making money. They approve, for example, life insurance policies that aren’t going to blow up the companies that well them.

      Because if an insurance company goes BK, the state fund has to reimburse the policyholders. Some states collect money each year and bank it; others can simply assess insurance companies doing business in that state to cover losses.

      State insurance regulators don’t want to see a company go out of business and leave the mess in their laps.

  • JoeChristmas

    Fraud? I know fraud. Why just last year I paid $25 million for a fraudulent university scam. Nobody swindles like the Donald.

  • mailman27

    I am so. fucking. surprised.

  • Blackest Noobs

    though side note, it’s probably a sure thing God® hates the fuck outha Trump if God® destroys his resorts.

    Trump will make bank on the insurance but still….God® doesn’t do money, God® does destruction of the mother nature kind.

    • Raan

      You can’t pay off God, despite what Rome says.

      • Blackest Noobs

        and listen fellas, they have tried, and failed.
        like wealthy Romans burning in the eternal fires of hell…with whines but but i gave the Pope so many Aureuses coins…so so many….

    • Persistent Demme

      Yeah, and he’ll be a Grifty MacGrifferson no matter what.

  • Bobathonic

    So, state insurance fraud charges? IhopeIhopeIhopebutknowbetter.

  • A Groucho Marxist

    “Claim denial is for the little people.” – Leona Helmsley, probably.

  • JayGoldenBeach

    Some locals call it: Mar-a-Loco.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Most call it “tacky as fuck”.

    • Persistent Demme

      I like that!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    And that’s why all insurance companies everywhere are losing money and going out of business–they are just way too generous with paying off claims, even when there’s no proof of damage.

    But seriously, you’ve gotta wonder what the bribe was for the adjustment inspector Mr. Stein.

    • Red Bird

      Probably a cut of the $15 million.

    • Jon Sussex

      Pee hookers.

  • calliecallie

    I have been hoping Mar-a-Lego would get flattened by this hurricane, but now maybe I’m not so sure. I don’t want Trump to profit from it.

    • Blackest Noobs

      i want Trump in it while it’s flatten.

      and yeah yeah I know people saying but oh shit you got robot Pence as President…but given the fact pretty much every Republicans is their own worse enemy, i wouldn’t worry….that much.

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      Trump will profit either way. That’s his game.

  • “I wish I could give you some more information on the breakdown,” he said.

    But the giant bag of cash and the NDA I was handed prevent it. Shit… I said that part out loud, didn’t I?

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    OT — but advice needed. I was just chastized by a gentleman for describing how I can become prone to pneumonia (my ENT is just a mess) by saying I have to be careful when I get sinus infections because it moves to my lungs like a Cat 5 and I get pneumonia. So, I am an insensitive clod because I used this as an analogy for how fast a sinus infection becomes pretty damned serious with me.

    • SisterArtemis

      Advice from this corner is let it pass – no further response necessary. You made the analogy that felt right to you, the gentleman got his chance to air his grievance, ’nuff said. It will only devolve into a petty debate, doing no one, including yourself, any good.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        And that is exactly how it played out oh wise one. We are now talking about Halloween costumes.

        • Jon Sussex

          If you go as a horse, he can be the rear.

          • IdRatherBeDancing

            haha — yes — I did recommend that, since this seemed a problem, he should also petition for the renaming of the Miami Hurricanes. That did not go over well At. ALL.

    • Persistent Demme

      You were not insensitive, you just used an easily understood and currently news dominating analogy.
      (And Mr. Demme has the same problem. I know how fast and powerful it can be.)

  • HogeyeGrex

    Waitwaitwaitwaitwait.

    Donald Trump? Defrauding an insurance company? Inconceivable!

  • goonemeritus

    I once had the body shop fix an unrelated scratch on my Le Car while they were doing an insurance repair so both sides do it.

    • Arolpin

      That was nice of them. Probably doubled the value of the Le Car. Then you filled it with gas and doubled the value again. (The Renault 5 probably wasn’t nearly as bad as we think it is, but since we only got the Le Car and never the Renault 5 Turbo, Americans just think of it as a gutless, rusty, roller skate.)

      • goonemeritus

        A gutless, rusty, roller skate with a really good sun roof.

        • Arolpin

          French cars do have strong sunroof game. (See: Citroen 2CV)

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Car & Driver said it was the perfect car for Manhattan. The very French long-travel suspension meant that you could just drive OVER the potholes instead of having to detour around them.

    • I once got a Le Car as a loaner from a dealership and it started overheating. I was so annoyed I drove it all the way home overheating like mad. Not a problem for the Le Car. Put some water in the radiator and it was fine.

  • Anna Rompage

    So not only is our precedent likely guilty of obstruction of justice, illegally laundering money for sanctioned Russian mob & political figures, sexual assault, among a whole slew of other things, but he committed insurance fraud as well…

    It’s no wonder why so many republican & conservative love this guy, he’s like the sleaziest televangelist EVER…

    • jesterpunk

      But Obama wore a tan suit that one time, so both sides are exactly the same.

      • elviouslyqueer

        #ButHisTanSuit

      • laughingnome

        And, you know, the black.

        • jesterpunk

          Well yeah, Obama was Predisenting while a Black Democrat. Only republicans are allowed to govern from what Yertle says.

      • TundraGrifter

        And there were all those times early in the campaign when he didn’t wear an American flag lapel pin! They say it was a capital offense.

        • Anna Rompage

          I heard he even went commando once or twice while on vacation…

          • Tiny kaiju

            I think I’m supposed to say pictures or GTFO, but that seems very disrespectful of an actual POTUS.

    • Smibo

      RepCons see the insurance fraud, and think “Whoa! That is one savvy businessman!

    • Hell, 17 million is just pocket change to your average Republican. It’s just a misdemeanor.

  • cats530

    All that gold leaf that got washed away! Oh, the agony!

  • Big Puppy Resists

    Mr. Puppy and I are rooting for Mar-a-Lago to be wiped off the face of Florida, while Irma spares the rest of Florida. Is it possible to total property and send it to the junkyard?

    • Permit-holder Ron

      As a matter of fact, yes. It’s amazing how much of a building you can recycle.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    If Trump got investigated for insurance fraud and came up red-handed… Hey, it ain’t treason, but I’d take it, if that’s the best we could get him on.

    • Professor Fate

      hey they got Capone on tax evasion. Whatever works.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Don’t worry, there is sooo much more!

  • I hope nobody is hurt when Trumps property is damaged severely in a way that results in him not being able to collect insurance.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      ‘Sorry, act of God?’
      ‘Who says?’
      [from above] ‘ME, ASSHOLE.’

  • A close friend back in the 90s was Trump’s PA and she told me of the time Mickey Rooney came in to Trump’s office to beg the Don for money. She wasn’t sure if Mickey was suffering from dementia at the time, but she said it was awful witnessing the groveling of a once great American icon.
    Imagine the impact such incidents would have on a narcissistic personality. Imagine that personality being the CCO of the United States.
    How the fuck did we get here?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Mickey Rooney asked me for five bucks once. I said, “dance for it, monkey!”

    • TundraGrifter

      Mickey Rooney got really mad at a guy once. Punched him right in the ankle.

      ~ h/t Henny Youngman

      • Admittedly, I kinda cringed watching him in “Night at the Museum.”

        I’d offer myself up as crowbait before I’d ask Trump for anything (other than his resignation).

        • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

          i kinda cringed watching every movie mickey rooney was ever in….world-class scenery-eater….for the absolute worst, see “Tiffany, breakfast at”

    • BrianW

      What is a CCO? Only thing I can come up with is Chief Covfefe Officer.

  • TundraGrifter

    Perhaps when ” Hank Stein of VeriClaim Inc.,” spoke with the gentleman from AP he didn’t realize the reporter understood English.

  • Maclare 🍩☕

    So, probable massive damage to Mar-a-Loser, plus added scrutiny for future claims = sad Donnie. I’ll take it.

    Added bonus… one less place for his poor Service detail to haul ass to.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Perhaps the insurer should be investigated for possible ties to the Russians. That $17M might have been a money laundering transfer of funds.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Maybe Donald is CAUSING the hurricanes, the way an arsonist sets fire to his business for the insurance money

  • Permit-holder Ron

    How about this solution?
    ‘All right, Mr President* (insurance adjusters can pronounce punctuation) we’ve tabulated the damage. Here’s the estimate. Take it out of the money we already gave you in 2005.’

  • dslindc

    Well if insurance companies are being that lenient, I tipped over a glass the other day in my kitchen. I estimate the damage at $4.5 million.

    • What about the damage to the table?

      • dslindc

        That’s included. I’m not a fraudster like a common Donald Trump.

      • Arolpin

        Pain and suffering? Emotional damages? Loss of conjugal abilities? I think you are looking at at least $17million.

        • Rags

          Will nobody remember the cocktail umbrellas??? Oh, the humanity!

    • Rick Hill

      Really. I’d have thought that for that amount they would have had two or three independent sources to confirm it. Unless it was a conduit for even more Russian money laundering.

  • susan_g

    It sounds very strange that an insurance company would just roll over like that until you know that the insurer was Mutual of Moscow.

    • lucidamente

      In Russian, you underwrite insurance.

  • The Librarian

    I bet Trump owed that money to someone, but who?

    • Ellie

      I was unaware that he has ever been in the habit of paying his debts – unless he owed something to a person who hires leg breakers.

      • The Librarian

        Yep, that’s the kind of answer I was looking for, lol.

  • moeman

    Does tRump even actually legitimately own the joint?

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    OT: NYT, Ryan, speaking of Trump, “On tax reform, he’s very very engaged, he is very committed to selling tax reform.”

    Ol’ Ryan accidentally told the truth there, “selling” tax reform. Grrr.

    • Rags

      I don’t buy it. 4-5’s primary motivation is to be the UnBama; anything Barak did has to be dismantled. He didn’t do much if anything on taxes, given Congress, so I don’t think 4-5 has skin in the tax reform game.

    • whitroth

      You want tax reform? I’ve got your tax reform right here! Eliminate Schedule B, Schedule D, and 8949. Roll ALL interest, dividends, and capital gains into 1040 gross income.

      Then Romney, for example, would be paying at 38%, instead of 14%. And Trunpo?

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      This was HILARIOUS

    • Lurking Splendorist

      I want the 65 million is more than 63 million hat!

    • jaspersdad

      Thanks for the 5 1/2 minute grin.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    insurance fraud!
    Add it to the list mueller!

  • Mildred Broxon

    Better luck this time, Irma!

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    Mueller?…..Mueller? Is there a statute of limitation on insurance fraud?

  • Internet Hitler

    I’m sure he has receipts from all the contractors who fixed the damage because he always payyyyysohnevermind

  • laineypc

    Is it against commenting rules to wish that Irma selectively flattens an evacuated Mar a Lago leaving the rest of the state unscathed?

    • Chuck

      There are no rules as commenting is not allowed. You can be banhammered though.

    • Yeah, tis. We wish harm on nobody.

      Can call then funny names and use votes to make them cry delicious Republican snowflake tears. ❄️

      I use them to water the tomatoes. 🍅

  • I think that was about the time he decided just dipping into the national piggy bank was not good enough

  • Suse

    Sorry Branson lost his place on St. Martin. Drumpf’s dump – not so much.

    President Trump’s and Richard Branson’s Caribbean homes destroyed by Hurricane Irma http://www.marketwatch.com/story/richard-bransons-virgin-islands-home-destroyed-by-hurricane-irma-2017-09-07

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    It was costly replacing all the water damaged bedding and mattresses. Storm damage. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

    • Mark Breitinger

      Ummm, that yellow liquid staining the bedding isn’t water…

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    You already know that this is gonna grift into a FEMA payout, too.

    • onedollarjuana

      Since he’s made this deal with “Chuck” and “Nancy”, I’m not so sure the right-wing side of the aisle is going to be quick to add a rider to any aid packages that help Der Trumpenfuhrer.

      I’m also revising my contention that he won’t be impeached, since he has dealt with the Devil and Devilette.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Where’s Johnny Dollar? He’d figure this one out.

  • Relativicus
  • Viktor

    Looks like Donald hired the same architect who designed Saddam’s palace.

  • Weird Fishes

    Frankly, I hope Mar-a-Largo is erased from the face of the earth.

  • m3bosha

    If Mar-a-whatever and Rushboland gets a thick coat of water and sand (with votes) I only offer giggles. The liberal agenda of bigger and bigger hurricanes is magic.

  • Ilgattomorte

    You guys simply don’t understand. Mar-A-Lago is a very exclusive estate. Any damage at all can be very expensive.

    The floor tiles are hand made by Spanish children, from the testicles of African elephants and clay from the lost city of Pompeii. A Spanish child dies with the production of every half dozen tiles. The toilets are made from the vaginas of Rhesus Monkeys, hand stitched and dipped in 24 carat gold, by Mongolian dwarfs and the plumbing uses only spring water from from a natural hot spring located in the Andes mountains. The tapestries are woven from the hair of East Asian virgins and hand painted by blind West African Christian monks, who painstakingly work 24 hours a day, with little food, until they die.

    Any damage at all could result in millions of dollars in restitution.

    Donald Trump does this, no insists on this, because he is a man of the people. As a man of the people, he also insists that when this shit gets damaged, some people have got to pony up.

  • Rickyphoo

    Wait! You mean tRump maybe committed insurance fraud? Who would have guessed?

  • Wee Mousie
    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      If my dog was a dumb as my president, I would not have been able to teach him how shake like a normal being and he would do some kind of jerking motion with his paw.
      https://youtu.be/V-fnKKQDGFQ?t=16

    • SeeTrain65

      Your dog’s reputation is also unimpeachable. Unlike …

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Insurance fraud? I’m shocked.

  • Rok E Raccoon

    It might be interesting to know Mar a Lardo’s occupancy/vacancy numbers following the hurricane. Place must have been empty for several months if it sustained that much damage. But what do I know, I ain’t no billionaire.

    • Ducksworthy

      He’s readying the insurance claims as we speak.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I find this story disturbing. It presents an individual who doesn’t appear to be qualified to hold high office in the United States of America. Oh, if only we had learned of this story before the 2016 general election.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I’d be interested in comparing Hank’s bank balance before and after he inspected cuarenta y cinco’s “property”.

  • I think I could build myself a pretty swanky beachfront mansion for 17 mil.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Sheesh. What kind of a policy did he have – quintuplequadralinealcagefrageslitic indemnity?

  • Incoming Ham

    The question is: how can he get maximum grift out of the next hurricanes. Bonus points for having the government pay for it AND getting insurance money as well.

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      you can be sure that FL will get all the FEMA moneys, early and often

  • Karen Marie

    Have I mentioned today how much I FUCKING HATE DONALD TRUMP?

    I especially hate that he’s all anyone talks about anymore. There is not one single speck of anyone’s life that that shitweasel hasn’t negatively affected.

    Gah.

    • Regret

      Very well, different subject:
      Hurricane Irma did a number on certain southern parts of the Netherlands and France.
      Jose will probably pass them by.

  • Everyone gets fuckin billed!!

    Especially the insurance company.

    I think I’m beginning to understand this umm mode of financial fuckery.

    I don’t understand how any insurance company would pay out on an obvious fraudulent claim, unless the assessor was getting a very nice kickback.

    Makes sense he no longer works for that company.

    Bet he’s another Russian republican.

    • Jim QuinnX

      Methinks he doth assess too much.

  • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

    here’s the mar-a-gulago thoughts-prayers shipment….there might be a lost vote or two thrown in somewhere…. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d57e682f6e7d6fedc6c74c05dbc6abe16b19f0b108a22d50b8ad308d3ece5fbf.jpg

  • Mike Steele

    May the ghost of Marjorie Post keep him up nights…wait, what? He’s tweeting again? She had the wisdom to build that place (1927) steel/concrete reinforced into underlying coral.
    The only Wilma damage/repairs noted in local permits were $3000 to exterior lighting and whatever it cost to siphon sand out of pool. Hardly $17M. Maybe Mueller should be looking into collusion between Trump and homeowner’s insurance firm…?

  • Jim QuinnX

    What’s the problem? If Trump hadn’t gotten all that money, it probably would have been wasted helping families whose homes were destroyed.

    Picky, picky, picky.

    • numberwang

      really good grasp of economics you have here, nice

  • TundraGrifter

    “This small amount of money” – enough to take, but not enough to give back.

    Congressman Criticizes Trump For Accepting Federal Aid After 9/11

    Michal Addady
    May 29, 2016

    Congressman Jerold Nadler wrote an open letter to Donald Trump demanding that he return a federal grant he accepted following the 9/11 attacks.

    Nadler is referring to recent reports that have resurfaced a 2006 Daily News exposé. It found that large corporations had taken advantage of a program intended to help small business owners in lower Manhattan recover from the 2001 events. The presidential candidate reportedly received a $150,000 grant for his property, 40 Wall Street LLC, through the World Trade Center Business Recovery Grant program.

    According to federal criteria, which defines a small business as one with less than $6 million in annual revenue, 40 Wall Street would not be considered a small business. However, the Empire State Development Corp., the state agency that distributed the money, eschewed those federal standards.

    It instead defined a small business as one with less than 500 employees, not taking into account affiliates or subsidiaries—a move that needs approval from the Small Business Administration, which the ESDC failed to get. Though 40 Wall Street’s annual revenue of $26.8 million was way over the federal cap, it only had 28 employees at the time, making it eligible for the grant money by ESDC standards.

    ” The company received this small amount of money after qualifying, given the limited number of employees working at the property,” Trump told Fortune in an emailed statement. The candidate didn’t technically do anything wrong, but Nadler’s letter is more focused on the moral implications.

    Nadler is a representative for New York’s 10th district, which included both the Twin Towers and Trump’s property at 40 Wall Street. As he notes in his letter, Trump stated shortly after the attack that his property hadn’t been damaged. He writes, “In grabbing that money with both fists, you took it out of the pockets of small business owners in New York who were truly hurting, and prevented them from taking full advantage of the relief so generously offered by their fellow citizens.”

    Nadler demands that Trump either return the funds or donate them to a charity dedicated to supporting true victims of 9/11.

    http://fortune.com/2016/05/29/trump-911-grant/

    There’s another problem with this grant. Mr. Trump publically stated his businesses weren’t negatively impacted by the 9/11 attacks.

  • numberwang

    this article makes me wonder what it’s like to be emotionally stunted at 14 for your entire life and live off of solely soy shakes

  • GavinVolaire

    This is the first time I’ve read something at Wonkette — I’ve always had the vague impression that they were credible — boy was I wrong.

    This “senior editor” is totally unhinged and deranged. It’s as if he thinks his never ending assault on Donald Trump Jr’s looks reflect on Jr and not on the author himself. Clueless.

    But the key phrase in this “article” is “damage to the golf course.”

    • Mark Breitinger

      And the key word in your post is “clueless.”

    • Jay Silversmith

      Say, how does hair furor’s dik taste this morning? And I mean that in the nicest sort of way.

  • Mark Breitinger

    Hey, gold-leafing the entire Russian Hooker suite wasn’t cheap, and the girls wouldn’t take no for an answer. If you’re scared of Hurricane Wilma, you should try getting in the way of Hurricane Olga!!!

  • Jay Silversmith

    That $17 million was THE biggest, MOST expensive claim, and yet no one remembers anything about it? Just wait till they get the bill for damage from Irma. It will pay off all don the cons’ loans to vladamir.

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