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Well, they may be destroying the country, but the Trump administration is definitely making the media great again. IT IS ALWAYS SCOOP O’CLOCK! Also, Good Morning, Mike Pence!

Just yesterday, we told you about Poppy Trump huddling up in New Jersey with Javanka and that rancid little weenus Stephen Miller to plot James Comey’s ouster. They used their all the best words.

“UR MEAN!” They said. “Y U wont go on TV & say IM innocent? U suck!”

But when they got back to the White House on and showed everyone their bitchin’ memo, White House Counsel Don “Buzzkill” McGahn totally spazzed out. Per NYTimes,

Mr. Trump was back in Washington on Monday, May 8, when copies of the letter were handed out in the Oval Office to senior officials, including Mr. McGahn and Vice President Mike Pence. Mr. Trump announced that he had decided to fire Mr. Comey, and read aloud from Mr. Miller’s memo.

Some present at the meeting, including Mr. McGahn, were alarmed that the president had decided to fire the F.B.I. director after consulting only Ms. Trump, Mr. Kushner and Mr. Miller. Mr. McGahn began an effort to stop the letter or at least pare it back.

So after McGahn said, OMG!WTF! you can’t send this thing!, they turned to Jeff Sessions and Rod Rosenstein and asked them to write a memo with some not-illegal reasons to fire James Comey. Because both those guys were right there in the room for the whole discussion!

via GIPHY

Let’s just take a second here to process this.

  1. Jeff Sessions, who was supposedly recused from the Russia investigation, was in the room when Trump said he was firing Comey because he wouldn’t exonerate him in the Russia investigation.
  2. Rod Rosenstein knew exactly why Trump was firing Comey, and still wrote the memo saying the guy had to go because he was mean to Hillz.
  3. Robert Mueller is now looking at the original Poppy/Weenus/Javanka memo.
  4. And Mike Pence knew damn well why Trump fired Comey before he went on television and told all those lies about Comey being “unprofessional.”

Gee, Mike Pence! It’s almost like you’re up to your eyeballs in this Trump-Russia shit like everyone else!

Per TPM,

The New York Times and Washington Post have now reported, however, that Pence was present in Oval Office meetings on May 8 regarding Trump’s original letter calling for Comey’s firing and was handed a copy of that letter.

Constitutional law professor Laurence Tribe said Saturday that the reports suggest the Vice President committed a felony. “Pence hid what he knew about a serious federal crime,” he tweeted. “That looks like active concealment.”

Sometimes Professor Tribe gets ahead of himself. But hey, Mike Pence, remember that time when you spent weeks swearing that you never knew that Michael Flynn was a literal foreign agent?

Which was the God’s honest truth except for that letter Congressman Elijah Cummings sent you six months prior where he told you all about it. Remember that?

WE DO.

So you can color us SHOCKED that “Mr. Clean” is making lies again with his purty lil’ mouth. Nice try, Silver Daddy! You can clear all the brush you want, but you are still going down with this ship! Don’t worry, Mikey. Mother Pence will wait for you while you’re upstate. Well, probably.

[NYTimes / WaPo / TPM]

Please help pay our salaries so that we can keep covering THESE PEOPLE! Because OMG this shit is neverending!

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  • It’s a good thing there’s nothing against bearing false witness in Mike’s deeply held religious beliefs.

  • Joe Beese

    Misprision of felony, eh?

    That could be bad.

    • BloviateMe

      I absolutely knew what that word meant when I read it. I definitely, in no way, had to google it. Nosirreebob.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        I too am glad that I’m not currently looking up the legal definition of it.

  • Michael R
  • Joe Beese

    Give that shit-weasel Bannon credit for this much: He knew firing Comey would blow up in Trump’s face.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      My cat knew firing Comey would blow up in Trump’s face.

  • BloviateMe

    So, turns out the High Sparrow’s full of shit. I’m stunned.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Needs moar wildfire…

      • DainBramage

        Should’ve listened to Queen Margaery.

        • Eileen Besse

          Wouldn’t have helped, alas….

      • Eileen Besse

        Ghat, ALSO!!!

    • Eileen Besse

      That’s one of the BEST comparisons EVAH!!!!!!!!

  • Wolf Tracker

    If there was any doubt of collusion to obstruct justice there isn’t now.

    ‘Misprision of felony’ … The federal definition of misprision requires that, “(1) the principal committed and completed the felony alleged; (2) the defendant had knowledge of the fact; (3) the defendant failed to notify the authorities; and (4) the defendant took affirmative steps to conceal the crime of the principal.”

    • David Hollenshead

      Yup, if you fail to report a felony, and you sit on your hands…..

    • PubOption

      But will he miss prison when sentenced?

  • Rick Hill

    How about we just keep it brief and make a list of the good things the people associated with and are trump, have done.

    • willi0000000

      here’s your list
      1. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
      2. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
      3. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
      4. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
      5. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    wasn’t the right crowing over Comey’s draft of a memo just this week?

    It would be BEAUTIFUL if Trump & Co. are brought down by emails and drafts of memos.

    • David Hollenshead

      They will certainly be brought down by the money laundering & tax evasion charges…

      • Notreelyhelping

        In addition to AG Schneiderman, Mueller is also working with the IRS. Oops.

    • Given that 45 has tried to run the Presidency via Twitter, getting taken down by emails is very appropriate.

      • PubOption

        He should have used a private server.

      • willi0000000

        if he goes down because e-mails will Hillary be able to stop laughing?

  • Joe Beese

    When special counsel Robert Mueller began his work [in May], he may have been surprised to learn the Ninth Circuit had added a new element to one of the potential crimes within his jurisdiction just two days before his appointment. In United States v. Olson, the court held that misprision of a felony requires a defendant to know the crime he or she is concealing is a felony.

    https://www.law360.com/articles/937336/9th-circ-raises-the-bar-on-misprision-of-a-felony

    Given that Pence barely knows how to tie his shoelaces, good luck proving that.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      well, 9th Circuit is in the west – if SCOTUS hasn’t taken it up, I don’t think it would apply in the D.C./New York jurisdictions.

      • Joe Beese

        Interesting. But surely Pence’s defense counsel would use the ruling to appeal a conviction.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          well, it *could* be persuasive, but it’s not controlling.

          (I’m looking at the subsequent history right now).

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Lexis-Nexis (student edition) says SCOTUS hasn’t taken it up.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Good luck arguing that lifetime politician/sitting VP Mike Pence wouldn’t know that Donnie cannot fire Comey to derail and obstruct an ongoing investigation. If he’s that dumb, he needs to be impeached for being too stupid to be trusted in office

    • Rick Hill

      As bad as these guys are at being evil, expect a memo signed by Pence acknowledging he’s knowingly concealing this felony.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Deleted, cause nevermind.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Per veteran D.C. reporters: aka Congressmen Dense.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Kane ~thinking~: “I bet he does. Probably keeps everyone in the Indiana state house’s bathrooms very happy.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b844eb787aed00884e8a108b32ddc4b411dd850dfc9c87cc66905b14b25f421e.jpg

    • Msgr_MΩment

      What would have happened if Senator Tim had erupted into uncontrollable laughter at those words?
      Would have been epic, methinks.

      • willi0000000

        he should have matched Hillary’s belly laugh during her last major grilling . . . epic? . . . verily!

  • marxalot

    These people aren’t just bad, they’re bad at it. The Clowstick admin gives solid, competent conniving felons a bad name.

    • David Hollenshead

      Granted, as Putin made it look like it was easy to be a Machiavellian Monster…

      • marxalot

        Putin is a poor student of a bad master. Krushchev was better at autocracy than fucking La Putin, and he was a bloated manipulator with self-indulgent weaknesses.

        • David Hollenshead

          Khrushchev was smarter than Putin.
          Have you even seen the Prague Subway, Khrushchev was the manager for that project ???

          • Eileen Besse

            Khruschev was able to scare the SHIT out of half the world. No small feat.

          • David Hollenshead

            Yes, and he was able to “negotiate” with the US over our ICBMs in Turkey, no small feat….

          • marxalot

            He was an actual worker and labor organizer in Ukraine before he ended up on the CC CPSU. I have a lot of respect for Krushchev as an administrator, and he was very clever at staying ahead of his comrades in the Party. Definitely smarter than Putin, if not great at swift, decisive, and calm (pick two!) when faced with uncertainty. Everyone knows that the the way you know someone’s good at something is they make it look easy: Krushchev managed to keep the velvet glove on, but la Putin thinks that the iron fist is more impressive. Toddler.

          • David Hollenshead

            Exactly !!!

        • Amy!

          Après lui le déluge.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • SayItWithWookies

      Trump-Pence Ten-to-Twenty

      • David Hollenshead

        Nah, our Führer Trump has committed a Capital Crime, along with his son jr. and Jared Kusher….

      • marxalot

        Trump! 20-to-life!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Tribe isn’t the only one saying that… Fordham University Law professor Jed Shugerman said the same thing. Depending upon what exactly is in that letter, these people could be in a shitload of trouble. Which people?

    ALL OF THEM, KATIE

  • Bill D. Burger

    Mother is not going to be happy about his participation in obstruction of justice and conspiracy.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DIr2tgqUMAA_2ox.jpg

    • Ricky Gay

      Yep. No more spankings for him!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • SayItWithWookies

    Shit, Pence was head of the transition team — he knew Trump’s entourage was full of incompetent, delusional idiots, corrupt foreign agents, liars, grifters, Nazis and cowards, and happily approved every single one. Any pretense of him being an oblivious n00b should be long-dispelled.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He’s so dirty he needs a Hazmat team and a firehose

      • marxalot

        He’s so dirty the EPA can’t be bothered to send a crew.
        Heyooooo!

    • he knew Trump’s entourage was full of … (brilliant description)

      Absolutely. Anything that takes down That Orange Bastard takes down this scumbag, too.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Wait! I just did my job as a toadie suck up. Isn’t that what a VP is supposed to do? ”

    Uh oh!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DIsDqgFXgAIqSIc.jpg

    • marxalot

      Whoopsie!

      • David Hollenshead

        But very helpful, as Ryan would make a better POTUS….

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Uh …

          Well, bar is very low so you are technically correct – the best kind of correct – but do not want.

    • Notreelyhelping

      And all I got was this stupid orange jumpsuit.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Wolf Tracker

    Was there by chance a Russian in the room?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      On speaker phone.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      A whole room full of them, apparently…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It was, after all, the Russian Pee Room.

  • DainBramage

    Nonsense. Even if Pence “was handed a copy of that letter,” Mother doesn’t allow him read anything other than the bible.

    • Daniel

      It falls open at Ezekiel 23, for some reason.

      • DainBramage

        And oddly, the commandment, Thou Shalt Not Lie, has been redacted.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • marxalot

    So anyway how long until the Wig “you’re fired!”s Pence and claims it was all him writing those memos and colluding with those obstructors and anyway hes never even met the guy?’

    • Beautiful Soup

      He joined the campaign very late, as you know.

    • Mildred Broxon

      He can’t really fire the Vice President, you know.

      • marxalot

        Does he know that?

  • Count Awesome

    Pence needs to hire Elmer Woodward to as his legal counsel right now!

    • DainBramage

      “Woodard”, please. Woodward is a family name.

  • lucidamente

    Question for Wonkette Legal Eagles: if Rosenstein is fired / has to recuse himself, will that leave a Trump flunky as Mueller’s boss? Because that would suck.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Thou shalt not bear false witness, exceptith to cover thine own keister.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      In the original Hebrew it was tuchas ….

    • altleftjohn

      🎶 Someone’s singing Lord, CYA 🎶

      • Msgr_MΩment

        …Oh, Lo-ord, CYA!

  • “Mother Pence will wait for you while you’re upstate. Well, probably.”

    I’m betting “Mother” gets her party on, while “Daddy” is in the slam.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/141a603f257b8e0d93004d92b0ea61e960fe7fecbc3a3a2b1f1f7af0c3ce49a9.gif
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/634162d71421c9b35ae45597741e1f5e8f3f02df801d3a50ea1044e4c4e15eae.gif

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      You know how to whistle Steve, you just put your lips together and blow…..

    • marxalot

      Featuring a young Andy Williams as the singing voice of Lauren Bacall… (take that one with a grain of salt)

      • A grain of salt and a giggle. Love that story.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Somebunny feed that gal a sammich, stat!

    • TundraGrifter

      Must be jelly, cause jam don’t shake like that!

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    This is like waiting for Christmas when you’re a kid.

    Mr. Mueller, take your time. I can wait. However, nail these motherfuckers to the wall when you’re ready, please.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      We were taught in film school – you can have only two of “good, cheap and fast.”

      If you want it to be good and cheap, it won’t be fast.
      If you want it to be good and fast, it won’t be cheap.

      Etc.

      (it’s a great rule and I live by it.)

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        that applies to lots of industries- pick two, because you can’t have all three

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i agree – i never said what it applied to, only where I learned it!

          ; p

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Same applies to software engineering. Most things, I expect.

        Slow, expensive and good I can live with, Mr Mueller.

        • David Hollenshead

          Which is what you need to get a conviction…

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Supermax.

            Donald in Supermax.

            Isn’t that a nice thought?

          • David Hollenshead

            Except that Führer Trump, Führer Trump Jr, and Jared Kushner have committed a Capital Crime……

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            I was kinda going that way, but don’t really agree with the death penalty. Tough though, because the shitgibbon …

            Well, I still don’t agree with the death penalty.

          • David Hollenshead

            It is not about what you or I agree with,
            it about the Rule of Law…

          • HooverVilles

            I think the rest of his life being a LOSER behind bars would be worse than the death penalty in his mind. It seems that he would consider being a loser would be worse than hell for him.

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            I believe you’re not allowed to wear a hairpiece in prison.

          • Daniel

            Supermax isn’t that massive cinema projection, right?

          • HooverVilles

            Yes. Yes it is.

        • HooverVilles

          Second! Very good airtight legal case please.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I’m just fast and cheap.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          nah, I bet your good too!

          (couldn’t help myself)
          ; p

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          MOM?!

      • foiled again

        It’s also a cardinal rule of auto mechanics.

      • HooverVilles

        I was taught same on the engineering job. The wording for us was, high performance, on schedule, low cost; you can at best pick only two of this list.

      • HooverVilles

        I remember a meeting were a manager from the prime contractor stood up and declared the 5 most important things on this project are,

        1) cost,
        2) cost,
        3) cost,
        4) schedule,
        5) performance.

        This was a NTM program and he said that with a sincere straight face.

        SIGH!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      When he’s done with them I want nothing to be left of them but a little grease spot on the carpet in the Oval Office.,

      • Eileen Besse

        I will take my Dawn Liquid there and be done with it.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I’ll let incoming House Speaker Pelosi order the carpet be replaced when she gets sworn in as POTUS

          • David Hollenshead

            If the DP retakes the House….

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            I believe there’s a good chance of that, with the anti-gerrymandering legislation coming through. And also the shitgibbon being himself.

          • altleftjohn

            You’re giving me an erection.

        • David Hollenshead

          You really don’t want to, you never know where Führer Trump’s hands have been…….

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Gonna need to fumigate again!

    • HooverVilles

      Agree, the waiting is hard. But I really want it done with no wiggle room for them. None, none at all!

  • Count Awesome

    Trump’s administration is so incompetent that they can’t even stand in the dark around shaking their dicks right.

  • TundraGrifter

    “Misprison?” I loved that movie!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Wasn’t that one of Joe Bob Briggs’ Saturday night movies on TNT?

      • Serai 1

        I really miss Joe Bob. I dip into his book Iron Joe Bob now and then for a laugh.

      • TundraGrifter

        I was a big Joe Bob fan! Still am, even if he isn’t around much anymore.

    • Daniel

      Dial M for Misprision was the mooted sequel to the more famous film.

    • Msgr_MΩment
  • Vincent Ricola

    Mike Pence’s forgettable face and totally bland personality may make some people overlook his obvious shady behavior and connections some of the time, but not all of the time.

    • Count Awesome

      He’s more plain than unflavored yogurt.

    • altleftjohn

      “Surely you don’t think I’m smart enough to do this kind of shit on purpose?”

  • ManchuCandidate

    https://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/sterling-hjs.gif
    Mike Roger Sterling Race Bannon Pence’s reaction.

    This is getting good.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    They impeach Pence. They block Trumpozoids nominee for VP. They then impeach Trumpface. Poof, Ryan is Preznit……………..OMG…..is Canada still taking people?

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      the U.S. allows dual citizenship…just sayin’

      • Jeffocaster in the West

        Oh, well, then I will be Mexican and Canadian. Two passports please.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          lol, you can actually do that too. triple citizenship.

          (i learned it today).

          • Jeffocaster in the West

            I am already a citizen of two states. Confusion and depression.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol…add in alcoholism and I’m a citizen of three.

            (and of course NOTHING i say should be considered legal advice or analysis, cause….yeah that’s bad).

          • Notreelyhelping

            I’m sticking with Dazed and Confused until this is over.

      • As a dual Canuck-Yankee: What passport I use depends of the host nation’s attitude towards the US

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        No, not really. Only in cases where one can’t rescind one’s original citizenship. The UK for example.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          well, that’s more a function of the UK, not the U.S.

          The U.S. will let you be a U.S., Mexican, and Canadian citizen.

          I’m guessing the U.K. is one of the countries that requires you to hold forfeit yours there if you become a citizen anywhere else, China for example.

          • Daniel

            I think we can have dual citizenship, but then technically I think we’re also not citizens but subjects.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            well, it’s not UK Immigration Law, I’m taking.

            ; )

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Yeah, that’s the thing – we’re subjects. So even when I go through naturalization and become a citizen here, I’ll still be a subject, so I’ll have dual.

            I seem to remember reading up on this and seeing that the US requiring rescinding Not America citizenship if possible.

            However, Ted Cruz, so now I has a confused.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Ted Cruz’s case is weird – we learned today it’s still technically an open question if he would have been able to become president had he won the election.

          • Daniel

            I always assumed had he won he would have become President by simply occupying the body of the previous incumbent.

            I say “simply” but you know the rituals involved are tricky, what with the conjunctions and the Great Summoning from the cold depths of dreamspace but you know what I mean.

          • HooverVilles

            I was wondering about him.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            apparently a few people were when he was running.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            “U.S. law does not mention dual nationality or require a person to choose one nationality or another. Also, a person who is automatically granted another nationality does not risk losing U.S. nationality.”

            (again, I’m NOT a lawyer, this is NOT legal advice):
            https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/legal-considerations/us-citizenship-laws-policies/citizenship-and-dual-nationality/dual-nationality.html

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Heh, Tacos, you don’t really need to do that disclaimer here.

            I wonder where I got this idea. Might have been the immigration lawyer in the UK giving me dumbshit advice. Wouldn’t be the first time that some random cock who passed the bar was just plain wrong.

            No danger of me passing a bar.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            thanks FSYO – I feel like I do (somebody actually nudged me the other day on it and better safe than sorry). Although, i guess it is obivious, I’m not a lawyer. ; )

            As for your other point, who knows, people get all kinds of crazy ideas about stuff. I have the same teacher for contracts and immigration, he told us today about students who argue you with him (!), convinced they’re right about some point of law. (It happens to him in re: contracts as well).

            And he’s like, experienced and fucking wicked smart.

            That’s why I say, the more you learn about law, the more I realize how little I know (and how little the “average” person knows).

          • PubOption

            As I recall, you are required to ‘abjure all allegiance and fidelity’ to other countries when taking the oath of US citizenship. Net result is that other countries may recognize dual citizenship, but the USA won’t (or so I am led to believe).

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            You’re absolutely right, I was just coming back to post – it does say abjure all allegiance and fidelity (scroll up), but I would argue that does mean rejecting your citizenship.

            I can only say what the prof told us today.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            So, Rogers v. Bellei (SCOTUS, 1971) referring to earlier decisions – dual nationality is undesirable but not necessarily illegal:

            “The Congress has an appropriate concern with problems attendant on dual nationality”

            “These problems are particularly acute when it is the father who is the child’s alien parent and the father chooses to have his family reside in the country of his own nationality. The child is reared, at best, in an atmosphere of divided loyalty. We cannot say that a concern that the child’s own primary allegiance is to the country of his birth and of his father’s allegiance is either misplaced or arbitrary.”

            In a famous case MR. JUSTICE DOUGLAS wrote of the problem of dual citizenship. Kawakita v. United States, 343 U.S. 717, 723-736 (1952). He noted that “one who has a dual nationality will be subject to claims from both nations, claims which at times may be competing or conflicting,” id., at 733; that one with dual nationality cannot turn that status “into a fair-weather citizenship,” id., at 736; and that “circumstances may compel one who has a dual nationality to do acts which otherwise would not be compatible with the obligations of American [**1070] citizenship,


            In Mandoli v. Acheson, 344 U.S. 133, 138 [***511] (1952), the Court took pains to observe that there was no statute in existence imposing an election upon that dual nationality litigant.

          • HooverVilles

            I recently attended the swearing in of new citizens and they were required to disavow citizenship of their former country.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            in the oath?

            We were taught today the oath requires you to take up arms in defense of the U.S., but nothing about disavowal per se.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Oh, this is good. An argument on the internet! WHO WILL BE WRONG!?

          • HooverVilles

            I don’t remember exactly when in the process but they were, at some point, asked to raise their hands and do so.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            that’s the oath I imagine, we talked about it today. Technically that’s the moment a person becomes a true naturalized citizen (which might be redundant).

            Prof was saying if you get approved and pass all the tests, but fuck up and commit a crime before the swearing in, boom – you gotta go through the whole thing again (and would likely be denied)

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            It’s not a crime unless you get caught.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            As PubOption notes below, you have to reject allegiance and fidelity – but not necessarily citizenship, I guess.

            “”I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty, of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God.””

          • HooverVilles

            Thanks, I think that is what was said. That clears it up some.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            a bit – i’m looking for supreme court interpretation – if you’re not THAT interested in it, I’ll just post it for PubOption below.

          • HooverVilles

            Just checked in with Mrs. Hoovervilles and she remembered words like – reject allegiance to former country and commit to allegiance only to the US. Something like that.
            So…….?

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            yeah, scroll down a tick.

          • HooverVilles

            Just after typing I saw your comment. Thanks again!

        • Granny Sprinkles

          US law takes no position on the matter, neither recognizing nor prohibiting duality. So, since it’s not not allowed, it’s allowed.

          • Daniel

            “US law takes no position on the matter, neither recognizing nor prohibiting duality”

            I think that sound you can hear is Descartes grinding his teeth in fury. Therefore it is.

        • jesterpunk

          You cant have a title from a foreign government and be a US politician without congressional approval.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Title_of_Nobility_Clause

    • Notreelyhelping

      He’s up to his fucking eyeballs in this too. You mean President Hatch.

      • Serai 1

        The gods know he’s almost as bad. Nope, I’m afraid it’s turtles all the way down. That’s what we get for getting distracted.

    • jesterpunk

      2018, Dems retake the house and possibly the senate. Impeach Trump and Pence, President Pelosi and Faux Noise and right wing heads asplode.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Mike Pence: The man who thinks toothpaste is too spicy

    OT: A good 3:17 minutes of life:
    https://youtu.be/STxnzd3Rp-A

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      “I am Cornholio! I need some TP for my bunghole!”

      Ivanka: “Dad! Eric’s acting weird again!”

  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    OT: My random, brief exposure to Fox News “logic” today was that, because some businesses and corporations like Walmart etc are giving or matching donations to the Harvey relief effort, that is PROOF that businesses are inherently good and those RADICAL LEFTIES (specifically Bernie, because I think he’s the only far lefty they can remember at will) who try to VILLAINIZE them are hypocrites or have unwarranted vendettas against successful people.

    It’s really no wonder at all that millions of Americans are as stupid as they are.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      assumes it’s TOTALLY not a PR move that they can later use to make a commercial out of.

      (I seem to recall Tide Detergent doing this with their Katrina response).

      • Amelia Resists and Persists

        Oh no, the guy who was talking was saying that he HOPED they were doing it with the help of excellent PR because stuff like that is “gold.”

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          ugh.

        • Paul Dietzel

          ya mean “gold” like Ovaltine – the jar’s round, the cup’s round. They should call it “Roundtine”, that’s gold, Jerry, GOLD!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        not to mention all their help with Manafort doing all that money laundering…

      • jesterpunk

        They wont use the tax write-offs for these donations. Aw fuck who am I kidding they will even try and claim their employees donations on their taxes.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        I read about an oil company (Exxon?) that spent about $1M on an environmental cleanup an $4M on ads about it. (I’m not sure, but I think the cleanup might’ve been court-mandated to begin with.)

    • TJ Barke

      How do these people tie their shoes?

      • marxalot

        Velcro. Like that lawyer guy.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Jinx!

      • Jonny On Maui

        Velcro

      • Amelia Resists and Persists

        I imagine they all just wear loafers (or stilettos) 24/7 to be as pretentious as possible and identify with the super rich they idolize.

        • Notreelyhelping

          With the little faux buckles.

      • Daniel

        With the help of immigrants they want to deport.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        …and not drown during a light sprinkle?

    • jesterpunk

      Walmart also has christmas collections for employees to donate so other employees can have christmas dinner.

      • HooverVilles

        In the words of someone,

        SAD!

    • Chyron HR

      Funnily enough, the standard defense of corporate malfeasance is that they’re OBLIGATED to do whatever maximizes shareholder wealth. If corporatists are willing to grant that it’s possible for companies to engage in charity and other (allegedly) benevolent acts, then what’s their excuse for abusing their customers, abusing their employees, abusing the environment…

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        PR is costly and this is free AND comes with a tax write off?

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    What Christie is thinking…..(“At least I dodged this one…”)

    • Count Awesome

      “… and I could really go for some doughnuts.”

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        now I want apple cruellers…

        you bastards.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Usually, it’s… “some moar donuts…

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    It’s almost like Pence’s Christian faith isn’t sincere at all, but a tool he uses to gain power and wealth…

    • Count Awesome

      Osteen is jealous.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        At least Osteen doesn’t look like a Q-Tip.

        • marxalot

          He looks like a rubber Hallowe’en mask of himself.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui
          • Count Awesome

            I swear some dentist somewhere gave him a tooth transplant using horse teeth.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Same dentist Tony Robbins uses

          • H0mer0

            he gets his teeth honestly through acromegaly.

          • Daniel

            He’s like someone described Richard Gere to a shape shifting infomercial presenter.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Hahahaaa!!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            He should be doing “Good Morning Des Moines” on the local cable access channel…

          • Daniel

            Those ball bearing eyes though- he says “Good Morning Des Moines” but what Des Moines hears is “Good night, and I’ll haunt your dreams forever”.

          • suziq

            I am always trying to figure out which Martin Short character that is.

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            Franck Eggelhoffer from Father of the Bride

          • foiled again

            Hey Joel, Gary Busey wants his incisors back.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            Gah please stop posting pictures of this guy.

          • folderol

            I’m surprised he doesn’t have dollar signs enameled on his teeth.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I somehow doubt it. Joel seems pretty well settled into his millions…

        • Beanz&Berryz

          And not facing prison, either, yet…

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Sincere Christian faith is a goddamn rare thing, I’ve found.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      That’s crazy talk!

    • HooverVilles

      ….almost…?

    • foiled again

      Nawwww-w-w-w-w-okay.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      *Cough* koch-plant *cough*.

    • folderol

      Now, if you go on saying such things, people will think that you are contemptuous of your Christian betters. You will really regret that when the next hurricane comes and you need their prayers.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Are you casting asparagus upon Joel Osteen?

  • La forza del resistino

    At minimum, Mrs. Pence should yell at Mikey for hanging out with bad characters after school. Mikey: ‘but, mom, no girls were present’.

  • altleftjohn
    • Count Awesome

      And I’m not wearing pants.

      • Jonny On Maui

        That’s ok. Jesus didn’t wear pants either…

        • george lastrapes

          But if he’d been married, he would’ve worn the pants in the family.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i’m curious do sweat pants qualify as pants?

          • Jonny On Maui

            The ‘pants’ part kinda gives it away…

    • H0mer0

      “what kind of idiot names their parrot ‘Clarence’!”
      “the same idiot that names their Rottweiler ‘Jesus’!”

      • altleftjohn

        And then the parrot says, “Awk! It’s the plumber.!”

  • george lastrapes

    President Hatch, you say? Think I druther see a troika, say, of non-political ex-military types head a centrist government, safeguarding the Constitution, the rights of citizens, and the integrity of the electoral process, for the next two years and five months or so.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I like the Kenyan approach. No not the one where we get that Kenyan President. The one where the Supreme Court nullifies the election and makes them do it over in just 60 days.

      • george lastrapes

        But I’m nostalgic for the Kenyan president we did have. Now we have the American Mugabe.

  • Notreelyhelping

    The fun’s just beginning. Wait for the CYA leaks. They’ll be epic.

  • The Librarian

    I would imagine Mother will be sitting primly and waiting, knowing her beloved won’t be meeting any women in prison. I’m sure the VP will be sooooo relieved as well.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I suspect “Mother” is already cavorting with the gardener. And who could blame her?

      • The Librarian

        Oh, no, not Mother……that would be divine retribution, wouldn’t it?

      • jesterpunk

        Isn’t Melon having coitus with the gardener too?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Doesn’t it require bees to fertilize Melon?

          • Daniel

            The gardner has a very large microwave.

          • H0mer0

            you mean the gardner(‘s) snake?

          • george lastrapes

            The Trump administration is that proverbial ‘raft of fire ants’.

  • Count Awesome

    So the oval office is now a mafia den led by the “Don-Father”.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      The Dumb-Father

      • george lastrapes

        A brothel run by the Strumpet. A pissoir attended by the PeeResident. A once-proud democracy dictated by Pussolini. All this, and so much more.

    • Daniel

      The GOPfather.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    What the Darn-Diddly-Doodily? Did Mike Pence Make Another Fib?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/971412f4034deb92337c8c8ed37b1f2cbeed0e8c5f49b32354892ed873ed8303.png “In the future, everyone will be US President for 15 minutes” — A. Warhol, paraphrased.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Word:

    “We keep on being told that religion, whatever its imperfections, at least instills morality. On every side, there is conclusive evidence that the contrary is the case and that faith causes people to be more mean, more selfish, and perhaps above all, more stupid.”
    ― Christopher Hitchens

    • Serai 1

      What a fucking insult to the billions of decent religious people in the world.

    • Ill-Advised

      Faith doesn’t instill morality. It provides an ordering impulse to the morality that’s already present among the people of the Presence.

      Unfortunately, it also reinforces tribalism when a denomination decides it, and it alone, is the One True Faith. From that point, that denomination is capable of horrors, not just to the unbelievers outside, but to its own reformers inside.

      Below: “Uncle Skulky is confounded by the results of his speaking in tongues”. Work by Frank Boyden.

      https://lakeimagesweb.artic.edu/iiif/43066a66-590e-ac2e-d1fc-6453434e777e/full/!256,256/0/default.jpg

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Your honor, I am Mike Pence’s attorney, and I OBJECT to the filthy language in this headline! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/aacd3915ca4a0130a14e596ddbcb0d1f628e37a1d05117b4d2c47baefbeb52c1.jpg

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Not buying it. Your eye is lovely.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I hid my eye behind my Yankee Doodle Dumbass costume.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          I thought you hid it behind an eyepatch?

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Don’t tell me my business!!

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            The thought would never cross my mind…

          • Jonny On Maui

            Whew!

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            She might see that Jonny. Just sayin’

    • Maybe you and the VPOTUS should avoid the rest of the site…and probably the interwebs in general then…

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        He saw a picture of ladyparts that weren’t Mother’s on somebody’s computer once, and it had him in a terrible state for WEEKS. He almost asked if he could look at hers – you know, for comparative purposes.

    • Count Awesome
      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        I suspect Benny Hill would have been a better lawyer. I also suspect he would have told Cantwell to fuck off.

    • SayItWithWookies

      “Also, would you like to buy some oats?”

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Old-fashioned oats or GTFO!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      How odd that this guy and Sarah Huckabee-Sanders get their wardrobe from the same clothier’s shoppe.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    this coulda been some video of people helping each other, but nope, just trump getting off the plane.

    https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/904025340049285121
    (in his defense, the CNN video I saw makes him look really good (to idiots). He has gotten a little bump out of this. He was SO FUCKING LUCKY this came after charlottesville, cause he dipped there).

    • jesterpunk

      Another rally?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        well, B-roll for re-election ads and approval numbers bumps, yeah.

        • jesterpunk

          Will he send 1 million thoughts and prayers this time? Then Fuckabee can claim she meant that instead of 1 million Ameros.

    • Red Bird

      I thought he went to a shelter. I don’t care about the politics of this. Too many people have been affected by it to matter right now.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        he did.

        I’m just saying, it doesn’t offend you that the message of support is all about him?

        • Red Bird

          Not really. I know that the people who liked him even after the Charlottesville incident would still like him if he stayed away from Texas. So this is too little too late for those who were on the fence. And the people who matter are also being recognized for their effort on a local level by the rest of us….at least from where I see it. The racial divisions that may have been given a boost by Trump have been shoved back into whatever corner they were in, before the hurricane. I’ve only seen people going out of there way to help each other regardless of race, occupation, or wealth. I would like to see it stay that way, even if it means we have to pretend that Donnie is doing a good job.

    • ziggywiggy

      Wonder what will happen if Hurricane Irma crashes into the Eastern seaboard.

    • SeeTrain65

      TRUMP SMASH!

  • theCryptofishist

    Less of a VPOTUS, and more of a slow loris.

    • Parakeetist

      Whee!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    These guys could have stood to have watched the West Wing series a couple times before they jumped into this shithole they made… This is all covered, especially when Toby goes all Deep Throat… but they clearly didn’t watch and learn how to do Presidenting, and they’ll go to jail for it, if there is a God…

    • jesterpunk

      Who knew Predisenting was so complicated?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Rather than rely on a suspect deity can we just get a successful prosecutor? This case should be easy.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        They seem really good at leaving big fat trails of paper, emails, texts, public statements… They don’t even know they should be trying to hide this shits… Poar dumb stupid fucks…

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Which means that in the private sector, just imagine the shit that is going down, that these guys just do in their sleep, because they know there is absolutely no negative consequences.

      • Paul Dietzel

        Mattie Ross: Do you need a good lawyer?
        Ned Pepper: I need a good judge!

  • OneYieldRegular

    It’s not that Pence won’t be alone with a woman who isn’t his wife; it’s that no woman who isn’t his wife would ever even think of being alone in a room with him.

    • Parakeetist

      Dingding

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      So misguided. It’s the boys you don’t want to leave these guys alone with.

  • foiled again

    ‘Misprision’- Ah larned a noo wurd tuh-day.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Me also too, but it took your comment for me to realize it was a real word I didn’t know rather than a joke word I didn’t get…

      • foiled again

        Me too- I hadda look it up. The more you know- fwooomp!
        Now it appears a word that may be learned by many in the months to come.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Since we’re learning today:

          The Federal misprision of felony statute is usually only used in prosecutions against defendants who have a special duty to report a crime, such as a government official.

          “Misprision of felony” is an offense under United States federal law 18 U.S.C. § 4:

          Whoever, having knowledge of the actual commission of a felony cognizable by a court of the United States, conceals and does not as soon as possible make known the same to some judge or other person in civil or military authority under the United States, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than three years, or both.

          This offense, however, requires active concealment of a known felony rather than merely failing to report it.

          • foiled again

            Thank you!

          • Shanzgood

            Doesn’t active concealment also involve lying?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Not necessarily, although one could argue “lie by omission”

          • Shanzgood

            But he didn’t just not say anything, he said a totally different thing than what he knew to be true.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            That is definitely lying.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            You would think it would… Even “I know nuthiiing” seems like it could apply, if you actually do know something, by sitting in on the meeting and getting a copy of the memo etc., etc.

  • I have decided to watch Game of Thrones from Ep 1 again. Dear FSM there were some annoying characters in Season 1

    • janecita

      Same with TWD, I watched some of the old episodes last week, and I said to myself, “Thank God for the zombies!”

      • So far mine has been “melted gold can’t come soon enough” and “i’m glad all that terrible shit happened to Sansa, it made her much less annoying” and “Tryion slapped Joffrey way more times than i remembered! Good!”

  • IdiotsforPalin
  • Lyly Sirivong

    So, how long until Paul Ryan becomes president ? Gah !

    • I am more in favour of President Orrin Hatch then i ever thought i would be

      • Shanzgood

        Which is really weird for me since he’s so old and been in politics for so long that I was pretty much born hating him.

        • Skadi

          I hear if you set your petitions to music he’s more approachable.

  • Wolf Tracker

    “Have a good time, everybody!” -Trump at a shelter full of flood survivors in Houston

    Trump Cites ‘Happiness’ At Texas Shelter As Harvey Death Toll Climbs

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      If it were any other President, I’d chuckle at “The Onion” headline.

      However, with this fuckvole, I’m just going to believe he said that.

      • foiled again

        Into the thesaurus goes ‘fuckvole’.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Trump: “I was touched by the jocularity at the shelter…”

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        “What a crowd! Huge! The media won’t report on this turnout!”

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i’m hoping this dude posts a “fuck this guy” thing on facebook (in the cnn video, his buddy takes a photo of him leaning farther across the table next to trump):
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/38639d4e560d806cc9147e991448dfa932f7db7b3aa5710817df0212aee7efde.png

        • jesterpunk

          Melan has a new hat? How long until that is for sale?

        • How much time did Noma spend getting her collar to stand up correctly? Does she not realize that the better she looks the easier it is to laugh at her knowing she landed an orange grouper in her arms?

  • jesterpunk

    Trump still wants war with North Korea and is also planning on pulling out of the South Korea trade deal. Lets alienate all of our allies in Asia before going to war with North Korea because that makes sense.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2017/09/02/trump-plans-withdrawal-from-south-korea-trade-deal/

    President Trump has instructed advisers to prepare a withdrawal from the United States’ free-trade agreement with South Korea, several people close to the process said, a move that would stoke economic tensions with the U.S. ally at a time both countries confront a crisis over North Korea’s nuclear weapons program.

    While it is still possible Trump could decide to stay in the agreement in order to renegotiate its terms, the internal preparations for terminating the deal are far along and the formal withdrawal process could begin as soon as this coming week, said the people, who spoke on condition of anonymity.

    A number of senior White House officials are trying to prevent Trump from withdrawing from the agreement, including national security adviser H.R. McMaster, Defense Secretary Jim Mattis, and National Economic Council Director Gary Cohn, these people said.

    A White House spokeswoman said “discussions are ongoing, but we have no announcements at this time.”

    One reason top White House advisers are trying to stop Trump from withdrawing from the South Korea free trade agreement is because they do not want to isolate the government in Seoul at a time when North Korea has become increasingly adversarial with its missile program, testing nuclear weapons and firing missiles over Japan in a way that has alarmed the international community.

    If Trump withdraws from the agreement, he could try to force South Korea to import more U.S. products with little to no import restrictions, something he believes will help U.S. companies and workers. South Korea could also decide to refuse any discussions with Trump, kicking off a trade war between the countries.

    The trade agreement was signed in 2007 and went into effect in 2012.

    Withdrawing from the deal could lead to a large increase on tariffs levied against products the United States imports from South Korea, such as electronics, cellphones and automobiles. South Korea would probably move quickly to raise its own tariffs against U.S. products, and it could also decide to raise tariffs on its imports of U.S. agriculture products.

    In July, U.S. Trade Representative Robert E. Lighthizer revealed some of Trump’s complaints with the South Korea deal during a “special session” that was called in an attempt to begin renegotiations.

    Lighthizer said at the time that since 2012, the U.S. “trade deficit in goods with Korea has doubled from $13.2 billion to $27.6 billion, while U.S. goods exports have actually gone down. This is quite different from what the previous Administration sold to the American people when it urged approval of this Agreement. We can and must do better.”

    Trump has expressed widespread frustration that he has not been able to follow through on campaign promises to rip up trade deals that he argues have disadvantaged U.S. workers. He came close several months ago to starting a withdrawal from the North American Free Trade Agreement, but he stopped short after intense lobbying by advisers and the business community.

    But in recent days he has said he might still withdraw from NAFTA, accusing Mexico in particular of refraining to offer concessions during negotiations.

    President Trump said June 30 that he is renegotiating a trade deal with South Korean President Moon Jae-in that will be fair to both parties. (The Washington Post)

    South Korea is the sixth-largest goods trading partner with the United States, accounting for $112.2 billion in two-way trade last year, according to the U.S. trade representative. U.S. companies exported $42.3 billion in goods to South Korea and imported $69.9 billion in goods last year, leaving a trade deficit of $27.7 billion.

    Trump has said many countries that export more goods to the United States than they import are fleecing U.S. workers and consumers.

    The U.S.-South Korea free-trade agreement, known as KORUS, allows the United States to terminate it after six months if it wishes to. So if Trump signed a letter to withdraw from the agreement, the deal would effectively be terminated in March 2018. KORUS was approved by Congress, but Trump could to pull out of the agreement on his own.

    • jesterpunk

      Its even better, he wants to sell them a billion dollars worth of weapons first then drop them. Because what could possibly go wrong there?

      http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/america-agrees-sale-arms-military-billions-dollars-south-korea-seoul-donald-trump-president-moon-jae-a7925591.html

    • Jonny On Maui

      I’m not surprised at the trade deficit. When all you have to sell is very expensive arms…

      • jesterpunk

        He also doesnt understand the size of the country and the number of people in that country contribute to the trade deficit.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And the President’s name…

    • OrG

      If they say he’s doing the wrong thing I’ll believe it. No matter how outrageous.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Well, you know, after we nuke Pyongyang and North Korean big guns level Seoul, the South Koreans will need to buy lots of stuff to rebuild. Profit!

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Is there a trade agreement he ISN’T going to terminate?

      • jesterpunk

        Do we have a trade agreement with Russia?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          I don’t believe that RAUPHA (the Russian-American Underage Pee-Hooker Accord) is in jeopardy.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Have we siezed the means of Open Thread production?

    • Jonny On Maui

      All power to the non-commentors?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Well, we are an anarcho-syndicatist collective.

        • When is the next bi-weekly rules ratification meeting?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Are you talking about internal or external matters?

          • Both! Need to make sure to attend if i want be voted as leader!

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Well, you can act as the executive leader, but you’ll need votes nonetheless. Friendly, cheerful, loving votes.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          You’re fooling yourself! We’re living in a dictatorship!

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Help, Help! I’m being repressed!

    • jesterpunk

      Every thread is an open thread if you want it bad enough.

      • Ill-Advised

        ¡Ay, Caramba! I’m sure I read a sternly worded regulation regarding Open Threaded interpretation, but it only applied to comments, which we don’t have.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      For the masses…

    • jesterpunk

      Robyn just put up a new thread that is the official open thread.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Drats! Foiled again!

    • Cat Cafe of the Subpoenas

      Wonkers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your chairs!

    • President in Exile Firefly

      All Power To the Commenters Soviets!

  • Count Awesome

    Pence’s idea of honoring George Washington is to chop down a cherry tree and lie about it.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Think Paulie is measuring for curtains yet?

    • OrG

      For his cell?

  • jdubhub68

    What would mother think about all this?

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Welcome preznit Ryan” is our most likely outcome. Who’s #4 in case I’m wrong, preznit Hatch?

    • jesterpunk

      Preznit Pelosi in 2018 if Democrats can retake the house?

  • BigCSouthside

    Win back the house. Throw these two fucks out. President Pelosi

    • mancityRed6

      that does solve the Ryan problem.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Works for me! Oh, wouldn’t it frost the RePubes asses?

  • mancityRed6

    oh, Mike. your god can’t help you now.

  • jaspersdad
    • mancityRed6

      so, basically, a skinny Christie?

    • Not repressed enough.

  • Ryan Denniston

    This season of Celebrity Apprentice sucks.

  • Bitter Scribe

    God but that guy is a useless piece of shit. When I remember how pompously he denounced Obama, a man whose shoes he isn’t fit to shine, and then turns around and licks the ass of a reality-show insult comic…

    • This right here. And why they are doubling down. 8 years of calling a good man a bad one and the best they could do was the orange shitgibbon.

  • This fucking guy.

  • ziggywiggy

    So wouldn’t it be perfect if Pence was impeached before trump? Trump would be so pissed that Pence was first.

    • Shanzgood

      Plus, all the attention. Whooee!

    • Randy Riddle

      Ahem … remember Spiro T. Agnew?

      • ziggywiggy

        I meant first as in before trump not THE first.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Yes, and it was God’s gift to the Republic that the most useless piece of shit to serve as VP until Pence came along did not have the chance to be president.

        • Cincinnatus

          Dan Quayle libel!

          • Bitter Scribe

            OK, you got me there. But Quayle at least provided a lot of comic relief.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Trump is a man who seems determined to replicate Nixon, except with derpier effect. You’re probably correct in your prediction.

      • mrpuma2u

        NIXON LIBELZ!

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          I’m not sure, under the laws of physics, that that is possible.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Nah, Pence won’t get to impeachment. He’ll end up resigning, I think. So the question is which general who does Drumpf replace him with?

      • susan_g

        Jared, natch.

        • mardam422

          Just don’t put Dick Cheney in charge of the search committee.

          • Not Flat – ROUND!

            Maybe Cheney and Pence should go on a hunting trip together.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Pence’s resigning won’t help him without somebody left in the Oval to pardon his lying ass.

    • HooverVilles

      Oh yeah. Even in being impeached two scoops would be a LOSER.
      That would be perfect.

  • Mavenmaven

    hopefully Pence and Trump will share a cell, where Pence can tongue lick Trump even more than in that infamous cabinet session.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I’m still holding out for solitary in Supermax.

      Can you imagine what that’d do to two-scoops’ mind?

      edit: what passes for his “mind”

      • HooverVilles

        His prison clothes should have the label LOSER on them. So should his mug shot. That would be his personal hell.

    • laineypc

      Truly that would be fine. I would also settle for him simply being stripped of all his assets and being forbidden of receiving anything of value. He can have a poverty level income and a modest trailer home somewhere in Tornado Alley. His small TV (no cell, no Twitter) will only play the many movies of his disastrous “presidency” that are inevitably to follow.

  • Randy Riddle

    Worst season of “Man in the High Castle”. Ever.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I saw him visiting Houston holding pinkies with his wife and I knew things were off.

  • Just another day in the life of a persecuted Christian, right Mikey?

    • therblig

      will there be lions?

  • Bitter Scribe

    It would seem that anyone who holds a responsible post for any length of time under an autocrat…surrenders his own personalty. There is no way for him to express his personal feelings; in his official conduct he is reduced to the level of a flunky.

    –Rolf Hochhuth, The Deputy

  • Khavrinen

    “We are FOR SHOCKED.”

    It’s been nine months now. Can “our” government quit doing shit we have to pretend to be shocked about sometime soon, please?

    Yeah, I know, given who we’ve got to work with, that outcome would be shocking.

    • laineypc

      I predict that we’re going to have a huge ongoing problem with “leaks” long after Trump is gone. Like people with less than honorable intentions will try to walk the trails being blazed by people honestly trying to Resist. We need them now, but this is just one of the unfortunate consequences.

      • Zombishroom

        Is it too late to elect Jimmy Carter again?

      • bbayliss

        least of our worries.
        My fear is after the trump model the presidency will be a ceremonial office, front man for the winning team, fund raiser, back slapper.

        • svejk

          that’s the reagan model

          • george lastrapes

            Thanks for the upvote, Good Soldier Svejk.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        But the subject matter of the leaks will change from crimey stuff to just boring stuff. One hopes.

  • ken_kukec

    So the Donald asked Sessions and Rosenstein to do the same kind of water-into-wine number on the Comey firing that he entreated Giuliani to do on the Muslim ban, that about right?

    • Bitter Scribe

      Notice how Giuliani is keeping his distance from Trump nowadays. Say what you like about the man, but he’s a shrewd one.

      • george lastrapes

        Giuliani? He’s a shrew. Done.

        • VirginiaWackelpudding

          Shrew libelz!!

          • george lastrapes

            Actually Giuliani is a hyaena. He’s waiting for a ripe carcass to munch, anus first, as his species is wont to do.

      • Brian Fowler

        Giuliani’s still alive? This year just keeps getting worse and worse…

  • ken_kukec

    Sorry, Mike, but as some point even the piano player in the parlor knows what’s going on in the whorehouse upstairs.

    • therblig

      Please don’t tell my mother i work for the trump administration. She thinks i play piano in a whorehouse.

    • little miss high and mighty

      accordion playing upstairs?

      • george lastrapes

        A flourish of strumpets.

  • John McLaughlin

    Pence is dreamy.

    • Zombishroom

      I would like to sully him with my man junk. I have to admit.

      • Lambsendbeds

        Gross ! Your man junk libelz!

  • mardam422

    Holy crap!! President Ryan???!!!

    • Zombishroom

      President P90X, if you don’t mind.

  • mardam422

    So we were sitting in my suite at Bedminster…I call it the Eastern White House…and I was very angry at Comey, very angry. So I sat down with my son-in-law Jared…nice boy…did you know he was Jewish? So I sat down with Jared and we came up with this letter. He told me I should fire Comey…bad man, Comey. So I asked my daughter Ivanka, who was there. Beautiful girl, that Ivanka. Nice tits. And she agreed I should fire Comey, bad man that Comey. So we wrote this memo, or letter, or whatever. Everyone gets a copy. Also a copy of a map showing which counties I won in the election. Great map.

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      Somewhere, TheBidenator is nodding approval.

  • Marc Berrenson

    We’re fucked!
    I said it before… Cheeto is going to have to be dragged out of the White House. He’s probably already figured out which desk to chain himself to. Pence would be perfect for leading bible studies in the joint. He’s got experience doing exactly that in the White House. I guess he’s playing the long game… plans to use it toward community service hours after he’s sentenced.

    FBI BOB needs to put the Cheeto in custody and take away his cell phone. Maybe they’ll swear in Reverend Pence before the Cheeto has time to pardon everyone. (Unless he’s already done it?)

    • laineypc

      Truly, it’s not so far fetched that fuckbonkers Twits to announce that he will pardon anyone who gets charged (himself included, nach) in anything to do with Russia. And he’s signing an EO tomorrow to say his pardon powers extend to state charges.

      • Zombishroom

        He’s funny, that crooked scum bucket. Dumbass going to prison with all his dumbass friends.

      • VirginiaWackelpudding

        Seriously? It’s fukin nutz so of course it’s real. But climate change isn’t. Not enough Scotch in China, etc.

    • Zombishroom

      We are fucked, it’s true, but we are on the right side of history and we’ve weathered these storms before, not quite this bad but drink up, chin up, and as Casey Kasem said, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

    • Incoming Ham

      Cheeto has formed his own little Confederacy with the wingnuts, true believers and white supremists.

      This will be a big problem.

  • Marc Berrenson

    I loved Casey Kasem.

  • bookish

    Anytime I hear Mike Pence earnestly stalling for time by saying “let me be clear”, I just assume a lie is going to follow.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Same with Trump and “believe me.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      If he wants to be clear, shouldn’t he just join the Elrons?

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    Why is any of this still a thing. It should all be over. Why is 45 still happening??

    • Wookie Monster

      Because we have entered the last days of empire.

    • Jesse

      Wait for the midterms to happen so we can make trump supporters say ‘president Pelosi.’

  • “Mother will not be pleased!”

  • Incoming Ham

    What a naughty boy! Mother needs to give him a spanking.

  • Jay Silversmith

    Jeebus taught pence the dense to lie on camera and little beauregard to lie to congress.

    • Sashineb

      Yeah and Jeebus will send him to hell for lying … Revelation 21:8 ” … all liars … have their place in the lake of fire.”

      • Jay Silversmith

        wow…now i’m really worried for them . lol

      • therblig

        well, he was just in houston – doesn’t Arkema count as the “lake of fire”?

      • kareemachan

        “Down, down, down in a burning ring of fire…”

      • bbayliss

        Fence posts burn like crazy.

  • MAZS

    What is Mike supposed to do with God whispering in his ear that it is okay (this time) to lie.

  • BMW

    What has two thumbs and needs to go to jail just like the rest of these asshats?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c1d27876fee29f35d1125a1e2ba349937bc9060996e3926cc248c0435f8fdf0e.jpg
    THIS GUY!

    • SDGeoff3

      I do not like that man.

    • Wookie Monster

      On the bright side, he won’t have to worry about having to eat in the presence of people with lady parts for a while.

      • Jesse

        Soft hands, smooth skin… Mike Pence is the ‘ladyparts’ where he’s going.

    • kareemachan

      Ye gawds, what a douche.

    • Ross Garner

      The inbreeding just shows in his face.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    Mueller at Pence’s trial:

    https://youtu.be/D0Qcv3YV4aA

  • Bebecca

    In Pence’s defense (So you know this is going to be snark) Congressman Cummings is a black man and we all know those people can’t be trusted.

    • Knowing that it came from a black man probably meant that he didn’t read it at all. You know those folks are illiterate.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Mother won’t allow him to read letters from duskies.

  • kareemachan

    I’m not a lawyer, so I don’t know what a “misprision” is.

    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      “the deliberate concealment of one’s knowledge of a treasonable act or a felony”

      • BillEGoatSmirk

        For some time now, I have been advocating “misprision of treason’ charges for all of Donnie’s associates.

        https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/2382

        However, I did not know that there was the availability of ‘misprision of felony’ in general. Thanks Larry Tribe!

  • Nephilim
    • svejk

      at non-twin-of-his end of the horse

    • phoenix00

      Horse libelz!!

    • Phried Ω

      The one with the silver mane?

    • Ross Garner

      You sure.

  • BMW

    I can’t wait until we find out there’s a secret email server so this shit can come full circle and the irony kills us all.

  • Mother will wait for him, of course, unless she has dinner with a man in close proximity, and, then, well, all bets are off because, heck, you can’t be held responsible for what happens at dinner.

  • Portia McGonagal

    Smarmy faced motherfucker.

    • Maybe

      Well, supposedly Pence does call his wife “Mother.”

  • Mehmeisterjr

    But Mike Pence has an American flag pin! Mother says that settles it.

    • Jamoche

      Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    I’m old enough to remember when Pence was governor and in no danger of being re-elected because he seemed to be an incompetent screw-up.

    Funny what standing next to Trump does for some folks, huh?

    • Maybe

      Next to Trump anyone looks more competent. It’s a low bar.

      • HooverVilles

        …very, very low bar.

        • Maybe

          I think it’s a ditch.

          That keeps getting dug deeper and deeper and deeper…

    • mailman27

      Didn’t Indianans call him Governor Dense? And wasn’t he polling in the cellar?

  • Maybe

    In the Trump White House every day is Opposite Day.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Are you telling me that it’s illegal to help cover up a crime, that directly benefits you or those close to you by committing a crime yourself, even here in America? But…but…what if you or your friend is rich? That’s got to be OK, right?

    • Phried Ω

      allegedly rich
      FIFY

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Mother can surely find another bottom to keep her company while Mikey’s upstate.

    • Pilotshark

      what happens if there is a female guard running the cell block?

      • BillEGoatSmirk

        Reverend Pence will have to ‘become’ ghey, so as not to be tempted to cheat on Mother.

        • Phried Ω

          Ben Carson endorses this because that’s prison life for ya.

  • WIDTAP

    Pence lied to the public, yes.

    Did he repeat the same lie to investigators? That’s when it becomes a crime.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Mother’s Complete List of Rules (subject to expansion)

      1. No consorting with persons of the female persuasion unless I am present with a locked-and-loaded spear gun.

      2. No Misprision of Justice that is subject to proof in open court.

      3. That nice, beefy baggage handler with the Russian name (Yuri? Volodya?) is OK, as he is not of the female persuasion.

      4. I am Mother. Thou shalt have no other goddesses before me.

      5. The USA Flag pin looks good. Go with that.

      6. The Putin pin, not so good. Keep that in the drawer.

      7. Don’t get caught.

      8. No, seriously, don’t get caught.

      9. Repeat this over and over again: “Narrow stance, narrow stance, narrow stance, narrow stance….”

      • Bad Tom

        I TOLD YOU NOT TO GET CAUGHT!!!
        Where is the ball gag and cattle prod?

        • Ross Garner

          You forgot the butt plug.

          • Bad Tom

            Don’t want any output from either end.

  • mailman27

    What a c-word. Oh, fuck it. What a cunt!!!

  • irishdave3

    Mother Pence will wait for Mikey, unless she gets a better off, like from that nice young Bates boy at the motel!

    • irishdave3

      You know the young Master Bates….

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      PS. He didn’t clear this with Ben Carson or any Jewish members of his team who observe the Sabbath on Saturday.

      • little miss high and mighty

        Republican Sabbath is Monday Morning 7:55 til 7:59 O’clock
        Tuesday is Poker night Sabbath and Wed is Bowling Sabbath, Thursday T.V. wasteland Day.
        We be Schabos goys the whole week for someboday or other.
        xcept Fridays at 4:20 pm: toker Shabbos. We roll on Schabbos (and toke). Sunday is NFL Sabbath untill Ferbruary.

    • Professor Fate

      Here’s my prayer: Make him go away. Amen.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Actually, I’m really surprised trump hasn’t had military parades marching down Pennsylvania Avenue yet: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IbF6WFpsXOU

  • unionthuggery

    He’s been too naughty, mother might have to make him wear the ball-gag again.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Then, Mother will break out the cattle prod…

  • Chuck

    If both Drumpf and Pence have to sit in the corner for being bad or preferably jail, then that prick Lying Ryan would be President . YUCK and I was from Wisconsin , so I know yuck.

  • Hither and Yawn

    Lucky for Mother the only federal prison in Indiana is in Terre Haute, but the Cincinnati location might be a smidge closer to home.

  • Viktor

    Mike Pence has often said, “I’m a Christian, a conservative and a Republican … in that order.” Now add big fat liar to that list.

    • Alan

      Actually, that’s usually implied.

    • HooverVilles

      Add the adjective lying to all three of those nouns.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      Topping the list.

  • ralphteb

    The man looks like the demon spawn of a weasel and the albino monk from the da Vinci code , every time he does that squint shake of the head I want to purity-slap him upside the head ,( would bitch slap him but mother pence wouldn’t allow a female that close to him( plus is bitch slap offensive now ? ))

    • willi0000000

      somebody will be offended . . . either one of ours or one of theirs . . . maybe both, i don’t know . . . best use “dope-slap”

  • willi0000000

    these guys are real competent . . . i’m surprised they didn’t invite Comey and Mueller to the meeting.

    • Stulexington

      They probably did and the two of them declined because some people understand what ethical behaviour is.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Comey hid in the drapes and mumbled something about Hillary. They thought it was their own idea.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • James

    Even FOX News reported that Pence allegedly used a private E-mail server that was hacked, back in March. (As I recall from reporting at the time, he was using AOL, and was using his wife’s AOL account to avoid sunshine laws in Indiana.)
    http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2017/03/02/pence-reportedly-used-private-email-account-to-discuss-state-business.amp.html
    Would like to see if that is either part of a state investigation (a state investigation got Spiro Agnew) or Robert Mueller’s investigation.

    But, but HIS emails!https://t.co/FX4vLNfRWk— Tea Pain (@TeaPainUSA) 3 September 2017

  • Guest Liberal

    VP Sharia Pants committed a felony??? Book ’em, Mueller!

  • Shalimar

    One of the few surprises of this administration: I knew Trump would be narcissistic, sociopathic, chaotic, destructive and possibly in the early stages of Alzheimers, but I really didn’t think it was possible for an adult to be dumber than Mike Pence. So congrats to him on that.

  • Bill Patterson

    “Mother Pence”
    Never gets old.

  • JDM

    These guys ain’t so smart.

  • My favorite Pence lie is Of course not!:

    After Donald Trump Jr.’s admission Sunday that he met with a Kremlin-linked lawyer after being promised damaging information about Hillary Clinton in June 2016, attention turned to the Trump administration’s denials that any such meetings took place.

    “Did any adviser or anybody in the Trump campaign have any contact with the Russians who were trying to meddle in the election?” CBS’s John Dickerson asked then Vice President-elect Mike Pence on Jan. 15.

    “Of course not,” Pence replied. “And I think to suggest that is to give credence to some of these bizarre rumors that have swirled around the candidacy and — the fact that a few news organizations, not this one, actually trafficked in a memo that was produced as opposition research and associated that with intelligence efforts I think could only be attributed to media bias. And I said this week at the press conference, the American people are tired of it.”

    He’s almost as big a fucking liar as Trump himself. He needs to go down just as hard!

  • Dough

    People also might bring up the etched in stone Christian commandment not allowing “false witness” (aka lying/misleading) when discussing Mike Pence and these situations;
    — But we need to remember Mike Pence is a Real-Christian™ so the 10 Commandments don’t apply to him.

    • tinker12

      The two biggest Buybull humpers in my family are also the two biggest liars. They lie about everyfkingthing and then lie about lying. For Jebus.

      • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

        Dang. That sucks.

  • ryp

    Don’t expect Lyin’ Mike to go down with the Trumptanic. After the Dems take the House in 2018 and impeach Trump, the price the Republicans will extract for enough Senators to agree to remove him, is that Pence will be left alone to complete the term.

  • Ergoetal

    See, Trump is doing a great service to the one percent richest assholes!

    Who even thinks about them taking all our monies anymore, what with this gate and that gate and Russia and Nazis and Boy Scouts and, well, who even thinks about the one percent billionaire assholes these days? Oh, and Korea.

  • Jany

    Mike Pence has the look of a televangelist trying to get you to part with your last dollar.

  • doggiedaddy
  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    I mean…damn. You just want to punch it…

  • handyhippie65

    and he is a good christian politician. i guess he didn’t read the part about bearing false witness against a neighbor. and here in indiana, he was really stepping up the use of guilt by association. he is as evil a member of dumpy’s crew as any of them. we need a double impeachment.

  • Ross Garner

    Pence the epitome of smarmy.

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