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This picture is mean, we’re sorry, no we’re not.

Hahahahaha, oh boy howdy, it’s funny when Trump has to turn documents over to Congress and to special counsel Robert Mueller.

Back when Donald Trump, who is the president, fired FBI Director James Comey, he lied and said he did it because of a bullshit letter written by Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, which said Comey deserved to be terminated because he had treated Hillary Clinton SO UNFAIRLY in the emails investigation. Very soon after, we learned Trump had decided to fire Comey the weekend before Rosenstein wrote his crap letter. Soon after that, Trump said out loud to NBC’s Lester Holt that he fired Comey because of the Russia investigation. He pronounced it “Rusher,” though, because Trump speaks very broken English.

Now, special counsel Robert Mueller is taking a gander at a much earlier draft of Trump’s “Fuck Comey” letter, which he reportedly dictated to beady-eyed titty baby white supremacist unfuckable troll virgin Stephen Miller over a weekend in May at Trump’s Bedminster trailer park thingie. According to the Washington Post, it is MANY PAGES LONG! And it definitely mentions the Russia investigation, specifically the part about how Comey REFUSED to tell America Trump isn’t under investigation. Why did Comey insist on hurting Trump’s feelings so much, by refusing to publicly comment on an ongoing FBI investigation, like a common FBI director?

As the WaPo reminds us, the reason Comey did not want to tell the public Trump wasn’t under investigation is because he would then have had to update the public if Trump ended up being a target, you know, like he clearly is now.

The New York Times reports that this early draft didn’t go out because White House counsel Don McGahn was like “JESUS FUCK MAN, YOU CANNOT SHOW THIS TO ANYONE. DID YOU LITERALLY DRAW A PICTURE OF YOURSELF CRUSHING COMEY’S HEAD WITH YOUR TINY HANDS? DID YOU REALLY SAY YOU HOPE HE GETS HERPES?” We don’t know if those were McGahn’s exact words.

Neither the NYT nor WaPo actually has a copy of the letter, but Wonkette does (allegedly!) and besides bitching about Russia, it also too says the following things:

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme

I hate the way you’re always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry

I hate the way you’re not around
And the fact that you didn’t call
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

What a loser.

Here’s your open thread and stuff. Have a good holiday weekend!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries are fully paid by loving souls like you! If you love us, click below to pay us!

[Washington Post / New York Times]

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  • whitroth

    I would have thought, “You know this song is about you”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “I’ll bet you think this song is about you, don’t you, don’t you?”

  • armed_bears

    This is Friday and has a very Explosive News Orgasm vibe…. So see you all at 6 pm or so.

    • EvanHurst

      NO.

      • Eileen Besse

        Hahahahahahah!!!!!

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
      • armed_bears
      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Heh:

        A trip by Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin and his wife, Louise Linton, to Kentucky last month is under review by the Treasury Department’s Inspector General, a government official told CNN on Friday.

        Jaws dropped in August when Linton posted a picture of herself on Instagram stepping out of a U.S. government plane. She had tagged a series of luxury designers such as Hermes, Tom Ford and Valentino to describe her expensive clothing. Social media pounced on the post and called it ostentatious.

        “In response to several inquiries received from members of the public, we are reviewing the circumstances of the Secretary’s August 21 flight to Louisville and Ft. Knox, to determine whether all applicable travel, ethics, and appropriation laws and policies were observed,” Counsel to the Inspector General, Rich Delmar said to CNN in a statement. The IG’s review was first reported by The Washington Post.

        Powered by SmartAsset.com

        SMARTASSET.COM

        Related: Louise Linton’s famous post and Instagram’s celebrity problem

        “When our review is complete, we will advise the appropriate officials, in accordance with the Inspector General Act and established procedures,” said Delmar.

        The Treasury Department has previously defended Mnuchin’s trip as “official government travel.”

        “The Secretary of the Treasury at times needs to use a government aircraft to facilitate his travel schedule and to ensure uninterrupted access to secure communications,” a Treasury spokesperson told CNN.

        “The Department of the Treasury sought and received the appropriate approval from the White House. Secretary Mnuchin has reimbursed the government for the cost of Ms. Linton’s travel in accordance with the longstanding policy regarding private citizens on military aircraft.”

        Mnuchin’s trip to Kentucky included a stop at a chamber luncheon in Louisville and Fort Knox, where he, and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and others watched the Aug. 21 eclipse.

        http://money.cnn.com/2017/09/01/news/economy/treasury-ig-mnuchin-investigation/index.html

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Watcha wanna bet the Mnooches had a little alone-time sexxytimes secluded in among the gold ingots?

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I sincerely hope they nail his ass, and hers. The staggering insensitivity of coming to KY where huge numbers of people live below the poverty line and bragging about your expensive clothes – and then slamming the people who called you out on it – boggles the imagination. She needs to do some time in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter for a quick lesson in how much of a shit anybody gives about who made your fucking scarf.

          • willi0000000

            “She needs to do some time in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter” . . . and not on the serving side of the counter!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      I prefer the other kind of orgasm.

    • whitroth

      Geez, yesterday was the Explosive News Orgasm…hell, I didn’t see that the IRS CI was now working with Mueller until I was about to go to bed.

    • dslindc
    • Can they wait until the Cubs finish beating the Braves before they break the big story. It’s a really good game.

      • armed_bears

        end of the 7th inning now… seems like it might make it.

      • cmd resistor

        I have friends who are there.

      • Paul

        Go Cubs!

        I’m a Red Sox fan and it seems as if Theo brought half the team with him when he left so it’s easy to root for them. He and Lester got dissed major league by the owners so I’m thrilled for their, and your, success.

        It’s good to finally win the WS ain’t it? I’d been suffering from the Sox either totally sucking or snatching defeat from the jaws of victory since the 50’s so this recent run of good luck is nice. Congrats to Chicago too.

    • cmd resistor

      Well, it won’t be the DACA announcement, which, as Sarah said EIGHTEEN TIMES !!!11!! won’t be decided and announced until TUESDAY.

    • SweetDeeKat

      I gotta believe the draft Comey letter was dumped on the news specifically to ignite Pussgrab’s weekend tweet storm. Never let him rest, people.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’m going with Projectile News Diarrhea, but maybe that’s just me.

  • SterWonk

    Heath Ledger LIBEL!!!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
    • Villago Delenda Est

      You have a new follower!

  • DainBramage

    So, is “beady-eyed titty baby white supremacist unfuckable troll virgin” Stephen Miller’s name in Entish?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Fox News Albania reports, you go Schwing! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-LBFgtnZ_rA

    • therblig

      makes me want to keep abreast of the news.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Awww … the video is blocked. This is why I’m uninformed about current events.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Ah, nuts.

        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          WAIT! You can watch in YouTube directly. Copy/paste the URL. There’s even a Greatest Tits clip reel: https://youtu.be/NBGFk3Hk07I

          • therblig

            i wonder if there’s a correlation between the importance of the story and the, uh, experience of the correspondent.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            I like the nod to the local costumes.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Them ain’t nuts.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Does she have a newsletter, cause I need to subscribe?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I never knew that Albania had such large tracts of land.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The Comey Sutra – Trump has twisted himself into so many different positions he’s ended up fucking himself.

  • Jonny On Maui

    I’m extremely glad our Wonkette heros and heroines are getting off early today and taking a long weekend. If anyone deserves it, it’s these fine folk.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Comey did not want to tell the public Trump wasn’t under investigation is because he would then have had to update the public if Trump ended up being a target, you know, like he clearly is now

    Except, like, Trump was under investigation for Treason’ing with Russia at the time Comey felt compelled to tell everyone about Clinton emails on Weiner’s computer. Which, no big, gave the election to Little Babby Donnie.

    • DainBramage

      I’m not giving Comey any kind of pass on that, but I really think that he didn’t imagine that America was collectively stupid enough to elect Trump.

  • mancityRed6

    the ex once got a mix cd from a customer thanking her for helping with his speakers. it was an ode to Heath Ledger.
    most of the songs were good, but it took a minute to realize the common thread for them all was that they were live versions.

  • MynameisBlarney

    OT; but…
    This is a level of dumb I haven’t seen since…
    Well, since the last time infowars was in the news.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/09/read-a-fcking-book-historian-humiliates-infowars-editor-who-claimed-george-orwell-would-have-hated-antifa/?comments=disqus

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      The folks over there didn’t take it very kindly when I referred to him as Paul Joseph Goebbels Watson the one and only time I posted on infowars..

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    When I was young, a state legislator told me: “There are two kinds of people in politics . . . those who never write anything down and those who end up testifying in front of grand juries.”

  • whitroth

    Lovely. From the failing NYT:
    Excerpt:
    The calls started flooding in from hundreds of irate North Carolina voters just after 7 a.m. on Election Day last November.

    Dozens were told they were ineligible to vote and were turned away at the polls, even when they displayed current registration cards. Others were sent from one polling place to another, only to be rejected. Scores of voters were incorrectly told they had cast ballots days earlier. In one precinct, voting halted for two hours.

    Susan Greenhalgh, a troubleshooter at a nonpartisan election monitoring group, was alarmed. Most of the complaints came from Durham, a blue-leaning county in a swing state. The problems involved electronic poll books tablets and laptops, loaded with check-in software, that have increasingly replaced the thick binders of paper used to verify voters’ identities and registration status. She knew that the company that provided Durham’s software, VR Systems, had been penetrated by Russian hackers months before.

    “It felt like tampering, or some kind of cyberattack,” Ms. Greenhalgh said about the voting troubles in Durham.

    There are plenty of other reasons for such breakdowns — local officials blamed human error and software malfunctions — and no clear-cut evidence of digital sabotage has emerged, much less a Russian role in it. Despite the disruptions, a record number of votes were cast in Durham, following a pattern there of overwhelming support for Democratic presidential candidates, this time Hillary Clinton.

    But months later, for Ms. Greenhalgh, other election security experts and some state officials, questions still linger about what happened that day in Durham as well as other counties in North Carolina, Virginia, Georgia and Arizona.
    — end excerpt —

    You get 10 free stories, then paywall.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/01/us/politics/russia-election-hacking.html

    • jesterpunk

      I wonder how many of those voters that where turned away where Democrats?

      It also happened in Wisconsin and isnt a bug its a feature in red states.

      https://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/329195/study-voter-id-laws-suppressed-wisconsin-trump-won/

      • Catstro

        That calls Durham blue-leaning but that’s not true. We’re solid blue. Even with the more conservative county votes, we still vote about 75% Dem in presidential elections. Without looking at the precincts affected, I can’t tell you how much ratfuckery appears to be involved.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And Art Pope and his GOP minions laughed the laugh of Joseph Stalin as Stalin enslaved Eastern Europe.

    • eyelashviper

      you can avoid the NYT and Wapo pay walls by right clicking on the link, then opening in private tab…it works!

      • Marion in Savannah

        Works for The Guardian too if you annoy them like me by having an ad blocker.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I’ll bet if you right click and use “open in a private window” you can get anything. I know it works for me at the WaPo. (I subscribe to the NYT — it’s my old home town paper.)

  • therblig

    rwnj co-worker posted a whitehouse dotgov petition: “FBI says there is not enough public interest to move forward with Hillary Clinton’s Email Case, We the people are here to show the FBI that there is enough public interest by signing this petition.”

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Investigation by popularity poll is certainly a novel approach to criminal justice.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        When Little Babby Donnie’s polls get low enough, he’ll just order DOJ to arrest her.

    • bupkus231

      These guys just don’t get that the legal definition of “public interest” is not the same thing as wanting to see MaryAnne’s underpants…

      • therblig

        well, he’s an idiot, so…

        • Villago Delenda Est

          As indicated by his rwnj status.

      • Marion in Savannah

        There they go again, misspelling “pubic.”

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Did they do that on the company’s internal email? Have you contacted their boss?

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Donald really wishes he could ride a Big Wheel.

  • Baconzgood

    I wonder what they Trump Dump will be today?

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Corn.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Clarke to DHS Director

  • Major_Major_Major

    Dropping the Open Thread BEFORE five on a Friday of a holiday weekend? One of you poor bastards a-gonna be drunk typing about Fuck L’Orange this evening.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yes, it’s perilous, but hey, YOLO.

    • And many of us will be drunk reading. Not the best coping strategy but damn close to the best.

      • Major_Major_Major

        I’m planning on making September a booze free month. It’s gonna be “interesting”, Dickbag McChucklehead has so far managed to invalidate my previous attempt this year.

        • Well you might make it until Tuesday when he repeals DACA then I’d say pour one out for me too.

          • Major_Major_Major

            I normally do February (28 days, of course). Like that was happening this year. I made it to 1730 on the 1st.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            This year, that’s very impressive.

          • That is something to be very proud of!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Yep. Lordy, what are we in for tonight?

      • Major_Major_Major

        Rexit, and maybe declaring Monday a national day to honor the brave heroes of the CSA?

    • Grumpy Twat

      It’s 9.25pm in England. I’m already drunk typing.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Atta girl! And/or boy!

        • OutOfOrbit

          i think Twat is a girl’s thing (?)

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I have one, so yes. But I try not to assume based solely on Disqus names. :)

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Disqus names can be about thingz onez likes, or has, or wants, or even just thinks about sometimez…

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Exactly.

          • OutOfOrbit

            yeah, me too but, a term of that nature is not one i would expect a trans peep to snag

        • Grumpy Twat

          59 year-old boy, as it happens. But Mrs Grumpy Twat is half-pissed, too.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Nice to meet you! And cheers to the both of you.

          • Grumpy Twat

            Nice to meet you, too!
            Now all of you have some catching up to do. It’s five o’clock somewhere!

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Always!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The letter….could now become key evidence for Mueller as he examines whether the Comey firing was part of an effort to obstruct the Russia investigation.

    My birthday is in two weeks and this would make a fantastic gift. I’d say you shouldn’t have, but…

    • jesterpunk

      Mine is near the end of the month, can we do it somewhere around the 15th so it is close to everyones birthday in September?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      We know this is what Pence wants for … um … his birthday! Yeah, that’s the ticket.

      • Yellerduck

        A latex gimp suit and a dildo? Two dildos and a goat? I’m never good at shopping for others.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Gallup Daily Tracking has Trump approve/disapprove: 34/61; -27% net negative. His lowest, though he’s hit it twice before. He’s been around net -25% since Charlottesville. My theory is people who wavered back-and-forth have made up their mind and moved to Disapprove.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I fucking hope so. What would be nice, though, would be if the GOP dickheads moved to “disapprove” and impeach his hoary orange ass.

    • That leaves all the people at the bottom end of the intelligence bell curve standing by their man.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I don’t know Donald Trump. He was a very minor figure in my campaign, believe me. I have never done any deals with Donald Trump . . . I might have met him once on the golf course.

    • Ezio

      He kept complaining about his khakis chafing.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    How many fucks do I give about Donald Trump’s welfare and reputation?

    All the fucks in the world minus all the fucks in the solar system, that’s how many.

    • jesterpunk

      So absolute zero?

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I thought Fucks in the World minus Fucks in the Solar System would lead to a negative number. If so, I suggest taking the square root of that number so that All the Fucks About Donny Two Scoops become officially imaginary.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          It’s time for OCD corner!

          There are no fucks in the solar system to our current knowledge, outside of on earth.

          Thus the result is zero.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            What about other theoretical dimension fucks?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Currently unprovable fucks? Sounds like that could be fun.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            We could bend them to our will. Keep them under the bed for when we’re bored.

          • Yellerduck

            So, if you take the ratio of FOE/ISF where FOE=Fucks on Earth and ISF= Interstellar Fucks, the result is undefined, indicating a discontinuity. Discontinuous fucks are the worst.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Uranus has no fucks to give?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Once you reach interstellar space, fucks are so few and far between that the Voyager spacecraft will likely undergo proton decay before encountering one.

        • jesterpunk

          “It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is gives a fuck. Therefore, there must be a finite number of fucks. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average number of fucks of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the number of fucks of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any fucks you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.”

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I want to be on a world with some fucks. Not a lot of fucks, mind you. Maybe just enough fucks for me and a few friends.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I was told there would be no math.

      • OutOfOrbit

        donut bogey that bottle, pass it on

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Here you go! It’s a nice Syrah.

          • OutOfOrbit

            BACK AT’CHA!

    • Marion in Savannah

      Is that equal to my negative infinity of fucks? (I’m not good at The Math.)

      • cheetojeebus

        They’re finalizing the tests at CERN on this actually. That’s that fucking huge fucking collider thing in fucking Switzerland.

        • bobbert

          The Large Hardon Collider.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      If I give negative fucks, does that mean somebody has to give me fucks? Is that a good thing?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Jury is still out on that, but they’ve asked the judge for some clarification.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          She said the good Captain needs to get laid.

    • whitroth

      I want them as tall and firm as a roach after a close encounter with a steamroller.

      Along with his money….and his henchemen, and his minions.

      I dunno – should we, the public, spend the money to spray paint the bars on his cell gold?

    • Edith Prickly
      • Marion in Savannah

        You have made me larf! I loved me some Nancy Drew when I was a kid.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        Kudos to whoever did that cover for getting the font to match exactly.

  • Jennifer R

    3rd Charlottesville marcher IDed as notorious asshole Furry.
    http://dogpatch.press/2017/09/01/charlottesville-andrew-dodson/

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      How do you go from a furry to a Nazi? I wonder what the Venn diagram on that one looks like? Are furry Nazis a thing?

      • Yellerduck
      • Jennifer R

        The article actually talks about that.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          It didn’t explain it to me.

          • Jennifer R

            A combination of hate (of various sorts) festering for a long time. Not everyone who feels alone and misunderstood has gotten there by just being different. Mixed with the idea that tolerance has no limit. Doesn’t help that Something Awful spent most of a decade targeting furs and driving them to the same shitholes that they drove pedophiles and nazis either. And some of it is the nazi community going around looking for groups of angry white men and slowfeeding them a drip of gradually more radical hate. You find the same sort of thing happening at light speed in the PUA community. THAT place focused misogyny like a laser and produced a new generation of nazi and nazi adjacent in about four years.
            So they put the same forces at work in some of the fur places. Point out how badly everyone else treated you, say that they are the only ones who love you, and that if the commies and feminists went away you could have your utopia where everyone gives you your due. They can even whitewash (hah) it right now because everyone wears masks and suits and the nazi handlers don’t even know who is white, which is how you get folks like Foxler (who is a gay thai man that puts his penis in actual dogs) being the temporary face of nazi furdom. (he is rapidly being replaced by the 66 year old drunk driver who tries to sneak in to cons and the creepy garfield knock off who got his dick clawed up by a house cat)
            Plus some of the loudest furs for a while were shitty meme lords who are old enough to know better (looking at you Mr 40 year old stand up comedian who sold nazi adjacent material at a fur convention in Germany and got banned from the country.)

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Thats a much better explanation. Thank you.

          • Jennifer R

            I think I kinda rambled too. The way I sit the text box is really far plus I had been drinking so glad it was still coherent!

      • Jennifer R

        But yeah the nazi furs have been a small but vocal group being rude fucks. There was a wonkette article some months back about a furcon the nazis shut down.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      That’s just odd. Not being a furry, But a Nazi furry?

      • Jennifer R

        Yeah we are driving them out as fast as we can.
        Dogpatch has been doing good work.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • therblig

      shouldn’t we have prayed for harvey to not hit texas? our bad.

    • jesterpunk

      Your going to make me post this again arn’t you?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9SKkd79AjQ

    • OK, I’ll give it a try….. (scrunches up my forehead and wrinkles my nose)…..

      I PRAY THAT TRUMP AND HIS HENCHMEN END UP IN PRISON AND BANKRUPT.

      Damn, I don’t think it works if you pray in all caps.

      • yyyaz

        Pascal would wager it makes no difference.

      • Marion in Savannah

        That just means that you’re praying very, very, very hard for something you really, truly want.

    • cmd resistor

      Somehow I managed to come across a clip of his “remarks” as he signed this thing. He kept talking about the “faith based” people standing around. It was pretty awful.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        actually, the first 30 secs of that video are the text the last half is him making some remarks, signing it, and then the prayer.

        Ugh.

        • cmd resistor

          Oh, yeah, you’re right. I stopped as it was scrolling down the text, assuming that was it. I didn’t want to see his psychotic signature after watching him actually write it. So damn, I had managed to miss the actual prayer and now you made me see it.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i did too – but then I’ve got lots of time on my hands.

      • bupkus231

        Were they his Evangelical Council ( you know, the guys with fewer “Christian convictions” than his corporate councils )? They could have laid hands on him again….

        • Marion in Savannah

          The main problem is that they didn’t “lay hands on him” the way a law enforcement agency would. Let us pray…

        • cmd resistor

          There were some disaster people like Salvation Army and Red Cross; Southern Baptist relief type person; that Jefferies (sp?) guy — he did the prayer. Trump mentioned there were both “Evangelicals” and “Christians” there.

    • ManchuCandidate

      http://media.riffsy.com/images/ce9877e71282f1acbe45ca2f6593f6c9/tenor.gif
      The spiritual equivalent of this… especially from a guy who worships himself more than anything.

      • weighmaster

        Thank you, shake weight.

    • therblig

      what’s with the red dress bobblehead?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’ll be praying, alright, but mostly just for Donald Trump’s anus to explode, like a common, deregulated, soggy, TX. Chemical plant.

      • therblig

        melania prayers for that not to happen every taco bowl night. she’s probably about to give up on prayer.

        • WIDTAP

          Mel, helpful hint: separate bedrooms.

          • Marion in Savannah

            With a lock, and a chair under the doorknob.

    • Ezio

      Ezio finds it strange Donald Trump referred to himself in the third person.

      • Yellerduck

        We too.

    • WIDTAP

      Wait a second. Weren’t Texans praying for rain not that long ago?

    • Daniel

      3rd September already is a thing, but his base won’t like it if we remind them that’s the day the Nazis officially became the enemy.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Pray your ass doesn’t get hauled off to prison before January 1, 2018, motherfucker.

      Pray REAL hard.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      It might be nice to offer the prayer after the disaster is over…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      There should be a day of thoughts, too, right?

  • Sounds like Trump is already going back on his promise to donate “his own personal money” to the relief efforts in Houston. (Remember, Trump doesn’t donate anything to his “charitable” foundation.) https://thinkprogress.org/white-house-walks-back-trumps-promise-to-give-1-million-of-his-personal-money-to-harvey-victims-4691cf5e6dd6/

    • therblig

      somebody probably reminded him that hurricane season isn’t over yet.

      • bupkus231

        Yeah – if he donates for Harbey, he’ll have to donate for Irma, Jose ( that’d be interestig ), Katia ( pee hookers! ), Lee ( fine person ), Maria…..

    • cmd resistor

      I am so totally shocked.

  • OrG

    Should I go see Decapitated tonight or Reagan Youth tomorrow?

  • BadKitty904
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      One of these individuals is a crying brat who needs a nap. The other is a baby.

      • hendenburg2

        still doesn’t narrow down who is who

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I can’t say it any better than one of the NYT commenters:

    Think I’ll head over to YouTube and watch some compilations of Aircraft crashes, train wrecks and dumpster fires. You know… getting ready…

    Hee hee hee…

    • Marion in Savannah

      Some of the NYT commenters are spectacular. I’m a particular fan of “gemli” in Boston and “Socrates” from Verona NJ. Both of them regularly give Bobo large doses of plain, unvarnished hell.

  • Daniel

    The detail in this story that I like is that Miller helped him write that draft. Bitter, vindictive, petty, whiny, “the president authority wiil not be questioned”, ” it’s a travel ban” author Steven Miller. Of course he helped him write it, and of course it was a roll of wallpaper covered in sick entirely unfit to actually be sent. Because Miller’s a dick.

  • Ezio
  • whitroth

    Just saw a great line in the Rochedale Herald: “News media is so fake”, says permatanned, toupee-wearing septuagenarian.

  • BigCSouthside

    Miller+trump=Joffrey Baratheon

    • Marion in Savannah

      With a side order of Baron Harkonnen.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    whoops, I posted this in the wrong thread:

    i haven’t read this, but it’s an story about who Heather Heyer was
    https://www.thecut.com/2017/08/what-heather-heyer-knew.html

    I did like this bit quoted over at digbsy’s place:

    In 2012, not long after meeting Lindsey, Heather was suggested by a friend for a paralegal job at the Miller Law Group. The local firm is dedicated to helping struggling people fight foreclosure on their homes, deal with indebtedness after catastrophic illness, and utilize bankruptcy law to put their lives back together. Heather, convinced she wasn’t qualified, only went reluctantly to the interview with Alfred Wilson, manager of Miller’s bankruptcy division.

    “I only have a high-school degree, and I’ve never worked in a law office,” Heather protested straightaway.

    “Why is that important to you? It’s not important to me,” Wilson replied. He was more interested in an employee’s way with people than their credentials. A black man married to a Palestinian woman, he told me he looks for workers who know how to communicate with, and appreciate, all different kinds of people.

    “I know you work as a bartender — how much do you make in tips?” he asked.

    “Oh, I can make about $200 a night.”

    Wilson suspected this bartender was exceptionally good with people.

    Heather downplayed her strength: “I talk to a lot of drunk people.”

    “My thinking was she could be compassionate with our clients and understand life itself,” Wilson said. He also knew she was juggling two jobs, evidence of a good work ethic. She had her own place and was taking care of herself. She possessed a good vocabulary and was on top of social and political issues. “I believed I could mold her into a good paralegal,” Wilson said. And he did so.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      I think this just makes me more furious that she was slaughtered the way she was.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      He made a good choice. And he sounds like an amazing boss.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        if you read the rest of the article – I guess he’s a black guy. Her boyfriend didn’t like she was going to work for a black guy, so she dumped him.

  • Jennifer R

    News Dump donnie’s mob funded muscle quits:
    https://twitter.com/jimsciutto/status/903713625965289472

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Will he escape prison?

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        There is no escape from Trump Island.

    • Major_Major_Major

      When the long suffering rats are jumping ship, the Trumptanic must be stern down/bow up and descending fast AF.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      On a scale of 1 to Leavenworth, how important is this?

      • Jennifer R

        Caroline O says this is the person that you had to go through if you wanted unoffical contact with donnie. So like I said, When your RUSSIAN MOB FUNDED MUSCLE QUITS shit is bad.

    • BadKitty904
      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        C’mon Badkitty! Catch some rats!

        • BadKitty904

          If I were in DC…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Even they have had enough of the ratfucking.

      • Rat libelz! They don’t deserve to be compared to Republicans.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Isn’t he the guy who had to fire the longtime rally event planner a couple days ago?

      • cmd resistor

        Different guy. He’s worked for Trump since 1999. Was once head of security. Says “financial reasons.”
        ETA. Oops, I mis-read that. I thought you said was he the rally guy, not that he fired the rally guy.

        • oops. my bad if true (see below)

        • The Librarian

          Let me guess?

        • BeachBum

          He found out Rubles are not worth what Trump said they were.

        • Hemp Dogbane

          Lol. It’s like being a child of Watergate: “No, that was Donald Segretti.”

      • Yep. He’s also the goon who smacked at least one trump protester during his candidacy.

        He could use a good talking to by Mr. Mueller’s team.

    • bupkus231

      Wasn’t this guy Rump’s “bodyguard”?

      • Daniel

        Yes. But I think now- he’s saving himself.

        [Sunglasses]

    • TJ Barke
    • Whassamatter? Why u not like caviar, vodka and piss hooker

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      By Donnie’s tremendous, bigly, beautiful watch, it’s always stupid o’clock.

    • Arolpin

      I think that’s a cheap Chinese knock-off. The hands are entirely too big. (On sale in the Trump Tower gift shop for only $999, $1,999 with a box personally stamped with Donald’s signature by an employee using a stamp exactly like the one Donald uses!)

  • Edith Prickly
  • Ezio
    • armed_bears

      Hoofmangling banglemuggles… Or, something like that. I still am not fluent in Wonkese.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Woofhanking Binglederries.

        • AJ Milne

          I feel it should be _all_ of those now.

        • armed_bears

          Roofdangling bagleclans?

          • Paul

            That’s it. You got it! See, you’re fluent.

        • Daniel

          Played Sherlock Holmes.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            And Kahn, and Dr. Strange!

    • BadKitty904

      Has anyone seen the check yet?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Let’s look on the bright side people – with Trump and his people running the country, America’s strategic derp reserves have never been higher.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Qusay is not the sharpest spoon in the drawer, you know.

      • David Hollenshead

        None of the Trumps are…..

      • Rasilom

        A slotted spoon at that.

      • Paul

        As the great Ann Richards, PBUH, once said of her fellow “Texan” George H.W. Bush, “He can’t help it, he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.”

    • Marion in Savannah

      So CNN has Obama’s time machine?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      If you have to brag about it, it’s not charity, it’s influence.

      • Daniel

        If you brag about intending to do it though…

        • Villago Delenda Est

          It’s negative influence. But Donald hasn’t figured that out yet.

    • Daniel

      Fake news!

      Also Princes William and Harry, who don’t even go there, donated $100 000 000. Trump, in contrast, still hasn’t given the money he promised for Super storm Sandy.

    • TJ Barke

      It fucking won’t matter if they report it, this is theater for Trumptards. They won’t bother to check, they’ll just take it at face value.

      • David Hollenshead

        And get angry, while they clean their guns and kkk robes ……..

        • Three Finger Salute

          “Polish their rifles” you mean.

    • shastakoala

      Trump pledges Mexico will fork over the million.

    • Holly

      Um – Isn’t the Orange Cheeto the one who kept screeching he was worth BILLIONS and BILLIONS and had the most hugest wads of cash ever on this planet? So, thanks? What a guy what a generous fucking guy.

      Edit: eat shit you filthy fucking orange turd.

      • Paul

        Now now Honey. Please remember that you are Navy (Ret.) and he IS your Commander in Chief. Proper deference n’at.

        Also too if I never post again, someone please come check the back yard for fresh digging. I think Holly was getting pointers on all that from some woman on Maui. I’m not namin’ any names though. They BOTH scare me.

        • Holly

          He is NOT my CIC. You know when I’ll show this NOT MY PRESIDENT false fucktard deference – at his impeachment hearings.

          Darling, where did you hide the shovels?

          • Paul

            Mailed ’em to Maui. How dumb do I look?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Mr. Trump told aides at the time he was angry that Mr. Comey refused to publicly say that Mr. Trump himself was not under investigation, something Mr. Comey had told the president privately.

    Mr. Comey later confirmed in testimony to Congress in June that he had told the president that he was not under investigation, but said he didn’t make that public because the status could change in the future.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eb993b75cca6f59fe45aeb33f63ccb6f276587c5e790733b6a271bba1afae977.jpg

  • Paperless Tiger

    What level of obstruction of justice are we at now?

    • BadKitty904

      Orange.

      • OutOfOrbit

        nailed it

      • Lord Jim

        ^Winner. ^

      • glasspusher

        I want to have your comment’s babies.

        • BadKitty904

          LOL You freek! How you been, stranger! Happy Labor Day weekend!!!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Somewhere between an Ollie Plus and a Nixon Minus.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The Russian judges are giving it an 11.

    • Gangrene.

  • Poly_Ester

    Trump’s best defense is now inattentive stupidity.

    • BadKitty904

      Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away.

    • Ignorance is 9/10’s of the law they say.

    • Blanche Beecham

      Defense? I thought it was a core competency, being that he’s so good at it.

    • shastakoala

      Is that plausible?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Back when Donald Trump, who is the president…

    The shit you say!

    • whitroth

      I say “nominally the President”, because since he has no idea what the Oath of Office means, that’s worse than crossing your fingers while taking it…..

  • Ezio
  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    10 til 5 in the eastern US. Any sign of our news dump?

  • BadKitty904

    Hahahahaha, oh boy howdy, it’s funny when Trump has to turn documents over to Congress…

    The same Republican Congress that actively colluded in Trump’s treason and is currently making every effort to shield him from justice? That Congress???

    • David Hollenshead

      The Republicans in Congress are attempting to find a way to remove Führer Trump from Office without hurting their own careers. At this point only a few of them can, i.e. the ones who already opposed him…….

      • BadKitty904

        The Republican Congress could remove Trump from office in 24-48 hours, if they genuinely had the best interests of the country at heart.

        • David Hollenshead

          Yes, but they too are afraid of Führer Trump’s Brownshirts….

          • BadKitty904

            Traitors AND cowards, then…

      • Lord Jim

        They’re protecting Mueller so he can “force their hand”.

  • Moebym of the Returners

    Related:

    NYT: 3 Providers of Critical Election Services were Hacked by Russians Before 2016 Vote

    Not that we don’t already know this, but we were pretty much robbed.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I hate it when people say that something didn’t happen because they don’t want to imagine it having happened. Tools.

    • BadKitty904

      And has ANY effort been made to correct this, to protect future elections, e.g., 2020?

      • Moebym of the Returners

        …no.

      • OutOfOrbit

        of course not

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Donald’s own cybersecurity experts quit because Donald obviously doesn’t give a fuck about this.

      • Daniel

        Yes. They’re being taken to a vault in Utah and stored until the country is ready for them, some time in the next few decades or so. Everything is under control.

      • jesterpunk

        They will add more voter id laws, that will solve the problems right?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      This thing in particular:

      http://i.imgur.com/vdLE8dJ.gif

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    10 100 1000 10000 100000 Things I Hate About Donald Trump.

    Shit, I can’t even get the title right to get started.

    • whitroth

      If we were short one specific septuagenarian, that would massively lower the scumbaggery level of the world….

      • BeachBum

        Hey ….oh..ok….nevermind. :)

    • Marion in Savannah

      AOTT would be quicker to type than an ever-increasing number, but how on earth could you compile a list? Wouldn’t it go on forever?

    • BeachBum

      Gazillion.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Just write this: “∞ Things I hate about Donald Trump.”

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Things I Don’t Hate About Donald Trump

      /world’s shortest book ever
      /FFS

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    CNN has a series of powerful (and hi-res) photos from Harvey, I wanted to point out two of them to y’all, but they’re really sad, so i ended with a nice time one (read the caption, it makes it more nicetime):

    ETA: Click to embiggenate

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2abad9d48c6d53cf3deae98c497daa8cbeea9169fd4cdbaf03071a46f5a27020.jpg
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c1992ea3c6958720a1dfdbe7c12599544b5654686250ec3a1d2cb38a31acbd61.jpg
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/59bf7abf2ce61acaedbb52441a6550f666efa459897d27770d84dc69c1b6e42c.png

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Top photo. The Halloween decorations kinda give me the creeps.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      How many tickets do you win for sleeping on the skee-ball table?

      • jesterpunk

        All of them.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Depends which hole you manage to get your balls into.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          OKAY, YOU WIN.

    • BeachBum

      Good pics ! Thanks !

    • jesterpunk

      I hope they got the top person out and moved them to someplace safe and dry.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Bet that little girl in the last photo has the cutest Texas accent y’all.

      • janecita

        She is rocking some awesome socks.

    • Panika MCD

      a friend of mine has been doing a “Hello to Harvey” series while staying at the GRB. https://www.instagram.com/sayhellotoharvey/

      this is my favorite:
      https://www.instagram.com/p/BYbDhegjhEI/?taken-by=sayhellotoharvey

    • cmd resistor

      So I had to go look at all the CNN ones. Pretty amazing pics.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    BULLETIN
    Hurricane Irma Advisory Number 10
    NWS National Hurricane Center Miami FL AL112017
    500 PM AST Fri Sep 01 2017

    …IRMA TURNS WESTWARD WITH 120-MPH WINDS…

    http://hurricane.terrapin.com/ATL-11A/ctrack.html

    • elviouslyqueer

      Keep tracking northward, Irma. We are not in the mood for your shit.

      — The Gulf Coast

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Dear Irma:

        Turn out into the Atlantic! We just finished fixing the South Ferry subway station after Sandy!

        — New York

  • jesterpunk

    I am shocked that a judge would toss serious charges for Penn State football players. But those poor sports ballers cant play in this weekends game, how sad.

    http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/ct-penn-state-frat-death-20170901-story.html

    judge threw out involuntary manslaughter and aggravated assault charges Friday against members of a Penn State fraternity in the alcohol-related hazing death of a pledge, ordering 12 of the young men to stand trial on less serious counts.

    The ruling, issued without explanation by District Justice Allen Sinclair, was a stinging defeat for prosecutors in one of the biggest and most harrowing hazing cases ever brought in the U.S., built on hours of security camera footage and numerous text messages exchanged among fraternity brothers.

    “Obviously now the teeth have really been taken out of the commonwealth’s case,” said Michael Engle, defense attorney for Gary DiBileo, 21.

    Tim Piazza, 19, of Lebanon, New Jersey, died in February after guzzling vodka and beer at a series of drinking stations at the now-closed Beta Theta Pi house and then falling head-first down the basement stairs.

    His frat brothers did not call an ambulance until the next morning. Piazza died a day later of injuries that included a fractured skull and damaged spleen.

    The judge’s decision followed a hard-fought, unusually long seven-day preliminary hearing involving a platoon of defense attorneys who said Piazza’s death was a tragic accident.

    In his ruling, the judge threw out all charges against four defendants. As a result, 14 frat brothers in all will stand trial. Two of them previously agreed to waive their right to a preliminary hearing. No trial date was set.

    Eight of those frat brothers could have been sent away to prison for several years if convicted of the felony charge of aggravated assault. Now the most serious charge any of them face, in addition to unlawful hazing and violating liquor laws, is reckless endangerment, a misdemeanor that could bring them little or no jail time.

    Security video shows Penn State pledge in agony after fall at frat house

    District Attorney Stacy Parks Miller said she plans to seek a judge’s permission to refile involuntary manslaughter charges and might also try to reinstate aggravated assault charges.

    She said the judge apparently based his ruling on an assessment of the defendants’ individual roles, which she called “a huge legal error” in a case she pursued based on a theory of accomplice liability.

    “Sometimes judges get it wrong — that’s why we have an appeal,” she said.

    An FBI attempt underway to recover suspected deleted footage from the fraternity house’s security system could produce new evidence and may warrant additional charges, the prosecutor said.

    Piazza’s parents watched the hearing from the gallery’s front row and left the courthouse without commenting. Their lawyer, Tom Kline, said they planned to return home and consider that their son won’t be at Penn State’s home football opener on Saturday.

    “This is no day for celebration for anyone,” Kline said.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Lemme guess, all the frat bros are white?

      • jesterpunk

        How did you guess?

        • alpacapunchbowl

          A liberal’s intuition?

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Gee, it’s super hard to understand why so many affluent white boys go through life thinking they can do anything they please to other human beings, and get away with it.

      • jesterpunk

        They just have high levels of economic anxiety and its just boys being boys or something.

  • Joe Beese
    • BadKitty904

      Thanks, GOP!

  • bookish

    Harvey. Humanity Road situation report (#4), 9/1/17.

    https://www.humanityroad.org/situation-reports/usa/hurricane-harvey

    • The Librarian

      Thank you, though reading this is scarier than the sound bites.

  • “Can’t wait till I’m through with you
    Can’t see it happening soon”
    https://themeatpurveyors.bandcamp.com/track/burr-under-my-saddle

  • Jennifer R
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Might have to sell off some assets to raise that much cash.

      How much does a Melania go for on the open market?

      • elviouslyqueer

        $10, but no anal.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          I always thought she didn’t have it in her.

        • HogeyeGrex

          “Same as downtown…”

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        A stiletto too far. I get the willies joking about selling people, especially wimmenz, but you can say any other nasty thing about you that you want.

        Though I’m down with joking about her selling her own damn self, which assumes fact in evidence.

        • BeachBum

          Yeah that’s why I didn’t not comment also. Totally agree.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          I guess a poor allusion to the whole confederate fiasco.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            I loves ya Cuz.

    • TJ Barke

      He never will, he put it out there that he would, so his goons will just assume he did at some point.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I wonder if Joel Osteen has talked to Trump about some provision in the Harvey disaster relief funding where he can charge FEMA for taking in some flood victims.

    • The Librarian

      Oh, burn!
      Probably.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Trump Hotel has taken in families for $5,000 per person per night.

  • Ezio

    Q: What is George W. Bush’s favorite genre of music?

    A: Dubyastep.

  • cheetojeebus
    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      The best croissants here are made in Vietnamese bakeries. They guy don’t know what he is missing.

      • BeachBum

        Tres bon !

  • Jennifer R
  • BadKitty904
    • SqueakyRat

      Some day you “America is not X” people are going to have to start facing the facts on the ground.

      • BadKitty904

        I returned home from spending a week in Houston just over 2 hours ago. I’ve seen the facts on the ground.

  • Raan

    Ooh, early open thread. I can’t wait to see what news is going to break that drags Dok back in to talk about it!

  • Panika MCD
    • You might be a redneck if . . .

      • Panika MCD

        you don’t have to be a redneck. this is genius!

        • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

          For certain values of “genius”.

          • Panika MCD

            for those who value BBQ and beer which describes most of the non-commenters.

    • yyyaz

      It’s a whole party in a can!

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i know fire purifies and all – but still not enough for me.

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2017/08/31/club-jager-staff-quits/

    Donate to David Duke and lose your entire staff:

    De Roma told WCCO his donation was “basically free speech.” He also called the controversy blown up beyond what it should be.

    It was free speech, but actions do have consequences.

    • BadKitty904

      I.e., “…blown up beyond what he wants it to be.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Free speech can have consequences. Especially when it’s racist, hateful speech.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      OOPS, my bad. Yesterday’s news. Today’s is: he is closing for good.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Good. And good for his former employees.

  • natoslug

    My weekend will be good as long as the air is breathable in Ashland, and the roads between Crescent City and Ashland don’t end up closed due to fires.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Good wishes there… but it looks like offshore winds might be pushing Chetco Bar your direction… (I’ve had an eye on that one, with a sister living a bit NE of Brookings…)

      • TJ Barke

        I live in Gold Beach, and the smoke is fucking miserable today.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Ohh.. I had offshore backwards… it’s blowing toward offshore… so I heard that referred to as Chetco effect or Chetco winds.. blowing warm dry air out from Medford…

      • natoslug

        Well crap.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Santiam Pass can’t be crossed without a pilot car today, the smoke is so bad there.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Ugh…. Forty-four percent of acres burning nationally are in Oregon… all over the place… Be safe out there…

        • jesterpunk

          Notice how President Pussy grab hasn’t mentioned anything about that? He only cares about the states he won that he can have rallies in.

    • weighmaster

      It cleared up quite a bit here today, but some of the truckers are saying they saw a big plume around Crater Lake.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Evan. EVAN!

    Maybe this will be it:

    White House’s disaster funding request could come later today

    From CNN’s Kevin Liptak:

    President Trump is “finalizing” a supplemental request for emergency funding, the White House says.

    Press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said the request would be made public “most likely by the end of today.” She didn’t have final details or numbers on the request.”

    • Panika MCD

      aren’t you supposed to be celebrating Paul Moreno’s life right now?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        eh? I’m not clued in, you know that.
        (goes to check the local rag).
        ah.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      They’re probably having a hard time figuring out the legalese for “Where’s my cut?”.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • BadKitty904

      You forgot the quotes around “PLEDGE”…

      • Major_Major_Major

        Au contraire. He fully plans to pledge it. Actually donating it, now there’s a horse of a different color.

  • alpacapunchbowl
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And it probably won’t surprise you to learn that Kenya does a better job of handing election irregularities than we do. Fuck.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Wow. We can still catch up on the violence, though.

    • The Librarian

      First time this has happened since forever.

    • jesterpunk

      Thanks Obama.

  • beingreleased

    I don’t think I mentioned it, but the brisket I’ve had on the smoker since 5:24 this morning will be ready soon.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      We’ll all be right over!

      • beingreleased

        I’m in Maryland. Is that convenient?

    • BadKitty904

      What would you like us to bring? Dessert?

      • beingreleased

        Is gin a dessert?

        • BadKitty904

          It can be, yes.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Did you make the slaw yet?

      • beingreleased

        I didn’t make slaw. I like my slaw, but we never finish it.

    • DrBigHead

      I have plans for a very large pork shoulder this weekend. I would have said pork butt, but I know you people.

    • BJW

      Sounds tasty, maybe worth journeying a ways!

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    When I’m not in the mood to be enraged I just don’t know what to do with myself.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      IKR? Days when I’m not pissed off about something have been so scarce lately I’m usually more than 3/4 of the way through them before I go, “Hey! Wait! Life seems . . . pretty okay today.”

  • weejee
  • JoeChristmas

    I hate you more than I love myself.

  • BadKitty904
  • Panika MCD

    great oped in the Statesman this morning about TX grit from a non-Texan who married into the state.

    http://www.mystatesman.com/news/opinion/commentary-new-the-state-but-can-vouch-for-texas-grit/kVNqV4F86uKXFpa4aBlObJ/

    the state fish, for the record, is the Guadalupe bass.

    • whitroth

      When my late wife and I lived in Austin, I referred to it as the Real-Estatesman

  • mrFawkes

    I would publicly like to thank my mother on this day–the day of my birth. She did all the heavy lifting, I just cried and shat myself. Thanks again mom.

    • BadKitty904

      We knew she had it in ‘er!

      • mrFawkes

        Only took 28 hours. I was a stubborn womb critter.

        • BadKitty904

          Chanting “Hell No I Won’t Go!” all the while, no doubt…

          • mrFawkes

            Could explain why I prefer innies to outies.

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          9 months to get out of the womb, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in!

          • mrFawkes

            Some of worst decisions and finest decisions have been made on that premise.

          • arglebargle

            Out of woman comes a man,
            spends the rest of his life getting back when he can.

            Peter Gabriel

    • janecita

      Happy Birthday!

    • jesterpunk

      Happy birthday. Did anyone get you those cakes we like?

      • mrFawkes

        Nope, just a 20 lb cedar cheese roll. Had to carve it with a chainsaw.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Happy birthday!

    • TundraGrifter

      Well – Two scoops for you!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Don’t sell yourself short. YOU SHOWED THE HELL UP!

      • BeachBum

        You waited 9 months for the Birth Canal Ride. And then had to wait 16 years for a beer !

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Happy birthday! And yay for your mom!

      • mrFawkes

        She’s an amazing woman. She’ll live to 100 easy.

  • Pat_Pending

    I hate how Heath Ledger is dead and I don’t know what happened to Julia Stiles’ career.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      I worked on Save the Last Dance for a few nights – she passed me once on my way back from craft services.

      I had no idea who she was or that she was the star.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I’m still not entirely sure how she became a start. She has some of the worst delivery since Andi McDowell.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          10 things i hate about you – the movie, apparently.

    • jesterpunk

      She was in the last Bourne movie for a few minutes.

      • therblig

        actually, she was in all of them with matt damon. not in the one with jeremy renner (legacy)

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          she’s not in teh first one.

        • jesterpunk

          Yeah true, I was just talking about one of her latest roles. Not sure if she has been in anything since that though.

    • beingreleased

      Am I the only one that thought Heath Ledger as the Joker sounded like Al Franken?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        I’m going to get fucking slammed for this, but I thought he was just borrowing Jack Nicholson’s interpretation of the joker in the first Batman film, the breathing, the delivery, everything but the clothes and scars.

        I will NEVER understand why people think he’s so fabulous in that film.

        • therblig

          nicholson? his joker was the worst. i couldn’t take him seriously as a villain in that movie.

          some think that tom waits inspired ledger.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OG2nEPYXL7c

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i didn’t say it was particularly good (well, it was in the 90’s, I suspect it hasn’t aged well).

            But I’m specifically thinking of the scene of Ledge sitting in the jail cell, he’s giving some kind of monlogue.

            Watch any monologue from the original and compare. I’m telling you, they’re VERY similar.

        • BeachBum

          Maybe they didn’t know the Joker’s character very well. He was good, but I wasn’t surprised.

        • Persistent Demme

          I think his take was unexpected.
          It was a very different interpretation.

          Btw: I will NEVER understand why people liked “The English Patient.” (I STILL can’t stand Ralph Fiennes.)

    • janecita
    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      You are literally using a computer right now! Google her!

      • Pat_Pending

        Oh, leave me alone. It’s so fucking hot in California right now it’s a wonder I have the energy to reply to you.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heading out the door for now on this note:

    https://twitter.com/kurteichenwald/status/903648424964259842

    • BadKitty904

      The GOP (Not) at Work.

    • TJ Barke

      What. The. Fuck?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      There’s an old joke about that… the guy gets to heaven after waving off a couple rescue attempts and then dying… asks God WTF, God says, I sent two sets of rescuers, WTF else do I need to do, Dumbass?

      Or something like that…

    • Panika MCD

      we’ve started running out of places to put the donations, so we need the physical stuff to stop–especially the shit out of people’s garages and attics. $$$ donations help the most now. and the offer of assisting by sending personnel: we have 24 thousand National Guard and law enforcement from all over Texas. they’re turning away Houstonians from volunteer gigs right now. let them organize and let the waters recede. they’ll be more than happy to accept physical donations then.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • CeeQ

      You have got to be kidding me. This makes me so fucking mad. What the actual fuck.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    106 degrees at 2 pm.

    • Jennifer R

      Yeah we got 103 in the swamp. supposed to hit 109 before it cools today.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      in fucking september – even we’re not that hot here in the desert.

      • Bobathonic

        Did you see this?

        http://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-41021774

        PS anyone know what the what with google slapping their dick prints on links allatime? e.g the link from the search had google in the front of the url, I had to go to bbc.com and search for the headline to get a direct bbc url.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i’ve noticed something like that recently.

    • thewalkindude

      We’re supposed to get down to 38 F tonight…

    • Suse

      108 here. Will be 113 tomorrow.

    • Suttree

      High of 70 in Jersey today. I wore jeans. I need to stop eating ice cream and those caeks we like. Those jeans were tight!

    • BJW

      65 degrees NW Ohio. But that’s unseasonably cool.

    • Edith Prickly

      Yikes! 16C here (about 60F). We appear to be going straight to October, which suits me fine. I don’t like the heat.

  • Wolf Tracker

    McCain knocks Trump for being ‘often poorly informed’ and ‘impulsive’

    Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., took a sharp dig at President Trump in an op-ed published Thursday night urging Congress to take respectful action when lawmakers reconvene from recess next week.

    “Congress must govern with a president who has no experience of public office, is often poorly informed and can be impulsive in his speech and conduct,” the 2008 Republican presidential nominee wrote in the Washington Post.

    “We must respect his authority and constitutional responsibilities. We must, where we can, cooperate with him,” McCain cautioned. “But we are not his subordinates. We don’t answer to him. We answer to the American people. We must be diligent in discharging our responsibility to serve as a check on his power. And we should value our identity as members of Congress more than our partisan affiliation.”

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/mccain-knocks-trump-often-poorly-informed-impulsive-112509137.html

    Go get him Maverick!

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    14 days! (13 if there’s a midnight show. There’s gotta be midnight show, right?)
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dd9c47ba8ab4aaa18cea7d1f594e6ddce455b089ca5067e6b5732bcf7cfec240.jpg

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    this morning y’all were asking how fox would handle the Utah nurse getting arrested thing…he were we go:

    Utah nurse screams ‘help me’ as she’s cuffed by cop for refusing to draw blood on unconscious patient, video shows

    A Utah nurse screamed “help me” after a cop handcuffed her for refusing to draw blood on an unconscious patient July 26, police body camera footage showed.

    The video showed University of Utah Hospital nurse Alex Wubbels, an Alpine skier who participated in the 1998 and 2002 Winter Olympic games, calmly explaining to Salt Lake Detective Jeff Payne that she could not draw blood from a patient who had been injured in a car accident, according to The Salt Lake Tribune.

    UTAH WOMAN GETS PRISON FOR STARVING SON, LOCKING HIM IN FECES-COVERED ‘TORTURE CHAMBER’

    Wubbels told Payne the patient was required to give consent for a blood sample or be under arrest. Otherwise, she said police needed a warrant. Payne threatened to imprison Wubbels if he was not given the blood sample, according to the video.

    “I either go away with blood in vials or body in tow,” Payne is shown saying.

    Wubbels, who was on the phone with her supervisor, explained the situation to the supervisor, who agreed with the nurse and reportedly told the cop, “sir, you’re making a huge mistake because you’re threatening a nurse.”

    Upon hearing that, Payne announced Wubbels was under arrest and physically moved her outside the hospital while she screamed.

    Wubbels yelled, “Help! Stop! I did nothing wrong!” while being handcuffed.

    Payne was attempting to get a blood sample from a patient who was burned after being involved in a head-on crash with a pick-up truck driver that was fleeing police, the Washington Post reported. The driver died in the incident.

    Wubbels was not charged and police have started an internal investigation. Payne remained on duty although he was suspended from blood-draw duties.

    Christina Judd, a spokesperson for the Salt Lake City Police, has apologized to the hospital and said the department was alarmed by what they witnessed in the video.

    Judd said the department was working to investigate what went wrong and is seeking to repair the “unfortunate rift” it has caused.

    Wubbels said she had been told of other hospital employees being harassed by officers and this footage proved their claim. She has not pressed charges yet but would consider it if police did not change their ways.

    “I can’t sit on this video and not attempt to speak out both to re-educate and inform,” Wubbels told The Salt Lake Tribune. Police departments “need to be having conversations about what is appropriate intervention.”

    The hospital supported Wubbels actions and said it would consider pressing charges.

    “University of Utah Health supports Nurse Wubbles and her decision to focus first and foremost on the care and well-being of her patient,” said Suzanne Winchester, the hospital’s media relations manager. “She followed procedures and protocols in this matter and was acting in her patient’s best interest. We have worked with our law enforcement partners on this issue to ensure an appropriate process for moving forward.”

    • jesterpunk

      Wait so they didnt criticize her or claim she hates the police?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        there’s a note about the bottom saying the AP contributed to their report.

        Meaning the Ap wrote it, the pulled it off the wires and MAYBE changed some of it.

        Look for their opinion to change.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Well. Hmmm….

          By the way, your post has this – UTAH WOMAN GETS PRISON FOR STARVING SON, LOCKING HIM IN FECES-COVERED ‘TORTURE CHAMBER’
          in the middle. You might want to edit. :)

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah, thanks.

        • Bobathonic

          If Faux wrote it, there would have been a “(D)” after her name.

    • Suttree

      What Fox writes on their website is usually a bit tamer than the on air “talent”. i’m waiting to see how the cable channel plays it, because I assume it’s going to be stupid.

      • Holly

        And you would be 100% right in that assumption.

  • stumpknocker

    i really don’t think trump has a clue as to the shit storm coming his way and i don’t think we can conceive the magnitude of the whining cheeto head is capable of, never the less, i’m looking forward to the show, it will be yuge, he will be the biggest whiner in history.

    • Bobathonic

      His lawyers sure seem waaaaaaay out of their depth. It’s like they all have the same deficiency.

      • therblig

        Vitamin DJur ?

      • OutOfOrbit

        no lawyer worth his/er salt will go near that seething, corrupt colossus of rotting cheatowhale

      • jesterpunk

        He has a long history of not paying lawyers, I am sure all the good lawyers where busy washing their hair so he would up with the ones too dumb to find an excuse.

    • AJ Milne

      Whining Is Coming.

      • Lambsendbeds

        What do you mean – whining is all he ever does! Whining is here !

        • AJ Milne

          Come to think of it, this may explain something. Mebbe just a typo in the teleprompter…

          …cos I sure am Tired Of The Whining.

  • thewalkindude

    OK,Canada, this is kinda creepy-

    Canadians have begun finding strange, jelly-like blob creatures in a Vancouver park, and nobody is quite sure why.

    The brain-shaped beings are called Bryozoans, and they’re actually made up of hundreds of tiny separate creatures clustered together. Zooids, tiny hermaphroditic organisms less than a millimeter in size, clump up in bundles to form the alarming larger blobs.

    Recently, they’ve been spotted for the first recorded time in Stanley Park in Vancouver, according to National Geographic, where a lake called “the Lost Lagoon” has experienced falling water levels.

    • Bobathonic
      • thewalkindude
        • CafeenMan

          yum! Dinner!!

        • Cock Blockula

          Not as sexy looking as a geoduck.

          • suziq
          • suziq

            That is my husband’s foot between them nice clams.

          • Persistent Demme

            Long ago, I took lawyer-daughter to Evergreen “Home of the Geoducks” College.

            (Btw: they look like something that should be canned!)

          • suziq

            I tried to get one of my kids to go to The Evergreen State College (they get mad if you don’t put THE in there, for some reason) but neither did.
            Just canning one of those clams would make it Costco sized. I think biggest one we got was about 6 pounds, but that includes the shell and extra gunk you would not can. Plus, also too, we would be monsters if we canned them.

          • Persistent Demme

            Yeah, Evergreen was a little too crunchy even for my libtard daughter.
            She ended up at Linfield College in OR, and loved it!
            (Didn’t hurt that my daughter is a die-hard Yankee fan, and that Scott Brosius was the baseball coach there, either!)

      • Raan

        Oh hey, it’s Brain Guy.

    • Lambsendbeds

      It’s the Trump effect. Anything he touches turns to tiny hermaphroditic organisms.

      • therblig

        because anyone associated with trump gets accustomed to hearing “go fuck yourself”?

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Probably better than the dismembered feet they’ve been finding for the last ten years.

    • Holly

      EWWW??? WTF???

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I just looked them up. I would definitely not touch that.

      • thewalkindude

        AND they’re showing up in a place called “The Lost Lagoon”???

    • Raan

      They have no mouth, and they must scream.

  • Suse

    Hubby just took our remaining kitty to be euthanized. I haz a sad…

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      aw…that’s awful.

      Internet hugs.

      • Suse

        Thanks.

    • Suttree

      I’m so sorry Suse! i know y’all wouldn’t do it unless it had to be done. :(

    • jesterpunk

      Sorry Suse.

      • Suse

        Thank you.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Oh no, I’m so very sorry. It’s so hard to say goodbye to our precious pets. I’m sure you gave kitty a very happy life.

      • Suse

        Thanks for your kind words.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’m so sorry to hear that.

      • Suse

        Thanks. He was my sweetie.

    • CafeenMan

      I feel for you. I had a cat with feline leukemia. Stayed home with him one Christmas instead of going to Indiana with the rest of the family. It went into remission.

      A few years later it came back strong and nothing could be done. I was crying so much I couldn’t even sign the papers. I sat in the car and made my girlfriend do it.

      Losing pets sucks. Always say you won’t do it again and then a stupid cute and sad looking kitten shows up on your doorstep…

      • Suse

        Awww. Sorry about your boy. I had to force mine into his carrier and felt so guilty. We haven’t been without cats for 40 years. I don’t know if I can go through it again.

        • h4rr4r

          I am so glad for having a vet willing to come to the house.

        • CafeenMan

          You can. It always just takes time. I’m sure your kitty had a good life though. And so will your next one.

        • redarmyzombie

          I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I had to do a similar thing, when my little Miss was having a heart attack and was rushing to take her to the vet. Unfortunately, she didn’t make it.

          • Suse

            Oh, that’s awful. I’m sorry.

    • OutOfOrbit

      the one really bad thing about pets is they always die

      • h4rr4r

        Humans also too

    • Holly

      I am truly sorry Suse. I wish you and your Hubby nothing but joy in your memories of Rocky. Light and love to you.

    • Sophia

      Aw Suse, I’m so sorry. It’s hard to family member. Hugs

      • Suse

        Thank you

    • I’ve very sorry for your loss, Suse.

      • Suse

        Thank you.

    • h4rr4r

      I am so sorry for your loss.

      • Suse

        Thanks.

    • redarmyzombie

      I’m sorry Suse. =( Do you know what you want to do next? It’s always hard for me to figure out, but it always ends up with another little hobo walking through my doorstep.

      • Suse

        Thanks. I need a kitty break, I think. We lost Rocky’s brother a few months ago, so it was a double whammy.

        • redarmyzombie

          I’ve been there, hun. Hugs from here in Cali.

    • Ricky Gay

      Sad for you. Kitties are adorable fluffy balls of inevitable heartache. But always worth it! Hugs from me and Roxy 🐈

      • Suse

        Thank you.

    • Teecha

      I’m so sorry to hear it. Big love to you.

      • Suse

        Thanks.

    • BJW

      So sorry to hear this. I’ve had precious kitties go that way. :'(

    • Lord Jim

      Very sorry for your loss.

    • RMKH

      You have to get a kitten tonight. There’s no other cure. Tomorrow at the latest. My condolences.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Aww. So sorry. We get so attached to those little critters.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’m so sorry. It hurts so bad to lose them. Be kind to yourself.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • marxalot

    I want to crawl into a box and be dead until this headache goes away and the world stops finding new ways to upset me.
    Like, come on world, stick to just a familiar half-dozen, huh? Be a mensch.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I stumbled across this a few days ago. And have found it helpful.

      https://youtu.be/XfcC6FYyL4U

      • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

        that gave me goosebumps, no lie! and seeing the elderly “Monty Python-ers” looking so happy made me verklempt and happy, also too.

  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/09/they-had-a-fire-going-in-their-fireplace-russian-consulate-caught-burning-unidentified-items-before-being-kicked-out/

    Russian consulate in San Fran burning stuff in preparation for having to vacate? That’s not sketchy at all.

    • jesterpunk

      What you have never seen an election for the new Pope before?

      • BeachBum

        San Francisco has a new Pope ! Gotta plan for the Niners to win I hope?
        I mean besides prayer and all.

    • Bill D. Burger
      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        just to make it easy – it’s this one (?)

        https://twitter.com/NBCNightlyNews/status/903711500996681734

        • RMKH

          Did the Russians elect a new Pope?

          • Courser_Resistance

            Oh snap! I should have opened your comment first.

          • RMKH

            Jester below beat us both to the punch

        • Courser_Resistance

          They elected a new pope?

      • Raan

        In other news, the Eastern Orthodox Church has yet to select a new pope.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I’m pretty sure it’s not legal to burn trash in SF…

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Shredding isn’t sufficiently secure for this kind of stuff.

    • cmd resistor

      I swear the first time I read about this in a non-comment I thought it was a joke of some sort.

    • Suttree

      And that isn’t just paper burning. They must be throwing computers in there.

    • BeachBum

      It may be drip, drip, drip, but hell, man, its dripping everywhere we look!

    • icekat

      Either that, or the Russians have elected a new Pope.

      • BeachBum

        Brahahaha ! You win ! Yes I am still sober !

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      NOC operatives don’t have diplomatic pouches.

  • janecita

    England’s new show “Grandparents Gone Wild.”
    ‘Out of control’ pensioners fined for hotel rampage
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-tayside-central-41122909

  • Teecha

    Very off topic. Very very.

    My staple gun broke. The spring bounced out. I cannot for the life of me work out how to put the little fucker back together. I have scoured the internet for a video, diagram, something- no fucking luck. I have shit needs stapling to my classroom walls ffs! I even emailed the manufacturer and have had no reply- even taking into account the time difference.

    Here is a picture. If anyone can help- bearing in mind that I have limited spatial ability and need it explaining like I’m a idiot, I will make you a cake next time you’re in qatar. Or donate dollars in your name to a charity of your choice. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8dfee3588d00f23f6c86e5ae5bd6b6690c46b5b8708d969d9265cf8c7677f50e.jpg

    • Wolf Tracker

      Slide the long carrier piece into the front of the handle so the holes line up and insert the pin. Should be a spring that attaches to that sliver clip and that pushes the staples along the slide.

      Put the clip and the spring back into the slide and it should snap back together.

      • Teecha

        I… can’t make that work in my head… I’m sorry, I’m so useless.

        I can’t see how the spring attaches to the metal bit

        • Wolf Tracker

          The clip has a raised little piece in the middle that the spring attaches to like a loop. If the spring end is broken or stretched you may have to reshape it with some pliers.

          Oh and next time get a Bostitch stapler not an all plastic piece of crap because they always break after a few uses.

          Good luck!

          • Teecha

            I can’t use the bostitch ones, or the black and decker, coz they’re too tough to squeeze the handle! Especially when I’m standing on a chair, balanced on a table, reaching above my head to get the backing paper to the top of the buggering board.

          • Wolf Tracker

            Oh come on now- you bought that one because it is purple didn’t you?

            Just kidding. The Bostitch are hard to pull but they last a lifetime.

          • Teecha

            I will admit that purple was the main factor.

            That and it’s a brand that I know I can squeeze!

    • jesterpunk

      The spring holds the metal thing in place when the staples are in the bottom piece. There should be a hole on one side to put the pin into and the loop side goes onto the metal thing.

      • Teecha

        I can’t work out where the metal thing goes. Honestly, I’m a complete muppet when it comes to stuff like this. I’ve tried hooking the spring into the hole in the plastic bit, and the metal bit, but I can’t then work out how they fit together.

        I need to see a working one i think. And even then I’d struggle.

        • jesterpunk

          The metal thing goes into the purple thing on the bottom with the open side facing down so it slides along there.

          • Teecha

            I tried that. But when I get the spring in, it doesn’t move to push the staples in place
            *weeps

          • jesterpunk

            Oh sorry looking at pictures I was wrong, it looks like the spring and metal piece go into the bottom of it then the purple thing slides over that. So the purple thing pushes the metal piece along and provides tension to keep the staples in place.

            http://rapesco.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/6/2015/05/0957_c.jpg

          • Teecha

            Their website is really good at showing how to put the staples in.

            But fucking awful at showing how it all fits together!

          • jesterpunk

            From the pictures the spring clip should clip on the back of it (where the ring hand is) then the metal thing faces to the opening then you slide the purple thing in to move the metal thing along to where you have the staples.

          • Teecha

            I wish I could just pass it to you over the internet and then you could do it.

            I once replaced the lock on my washing machine door. The only way to tell if it was on right was to put it all together and try to close the door. It took me the best part of 3 hours and I did it *the same wrong way* at least 10 times before I got it right by accident. This is the level of incompetence you are dealing with here.

          • jesterpunk

            Ehh I wouldn’t call it incompetence not everyone is good at everything and the companies website is next to useless. If you tried to tell me how to fix something on a car I would be next to useless but other things I can do with no problem. I would guess you have things your really good at too.

          • Teecha

            I’m fucking boss at teaching kids history. And up there with the best at teaching drama. And my cake making skills are brill.

            I try not to get down at this sort of shit, but it’s so frustrating to see that it must be straightforward but I just can’t wrap my brain around it.

          • jesterpunk

            We are all really guessing here too, from the companies website they don’t seem to design these things to be fixed and just expect you to buy a new one if they break. That really isnt helpful when something goes wrong, also they are marketed and sold to teachers not the general public which makes it harder to find repair instructions for them.

          • Teecha

            We are off work for a week* now, but I might get lucky and find a DT teacher in his workshop over the hols.

            *why yes, I did start back at work on Tuesday this week, and yes, a public holiday for Eid was declared on Thursday, so yes, I did get an extra day off. But I went into work to do my displays, and this thing happened. So every silver lining and all that.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      RAPESCO seems like a very poor product name choice.

      • Jennifer R

        This is what caught my attention.

      • Teecha

        I never read it like that! Always as in rapid…

    • bbayliss

      That little silver thing? It pushes the row of staples toward the end where they come out, the spring provides the energy required to push them along.
      One loop of the spring goes around the tab that extends from the center of silver thing, the other end is anchored somewhere? can’t tell from the photo but it must be on or near the end of the purple (PURPLE!)
      thing that holds the staples. the silver thing should slide and the spring should retract to the end so you can drop in a sleeve of staples.

      • Teecha

        I sort of see that. But I can’t manage to put it together so that the bastard thing works. And that spring bounced round my classroom for about 7 years yesterday when I was trying to fix it.

        • bbayliss

          On closer examination this is a type of stapler with which I am unfamiliar.
          You may want a “swingline” if they’re available. They’re metal and reliable.

          • Teecha

            But do they staple shit to walls? I’ve only ever seen desk versions by them, and those are crap for what I’m trying to do.

          • bbayliss

            They make the ones I stretch canvas with, it’s called a staple gun, rather than a desk stapler. Looks like your broken one but not purple (PURPLE!)

          • Teecha

            The purple is why I wanna fix it!

          • OutOfOrbit

            hey i’m down with purple too

    • Teecha

      There’s a hole for the spring in the metal bit, and also in the end of the plastic feed bit- right at the end which is where the staples come out. I can’t match this up to make the fucker work.

      I might need to buy a new one.

    • Bobathonic

      It probably has the functions of this one, with slightly different parts. This at least shows the relationship among them.

      hold on, staple GUN.

      • Teecha

        Thank you, but that’s not close enough for my differently able brain to translate. I appreciate you looking tho!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Grab hammer. Smash stapler. Buy new stapler.

      • Teecha

        Tempted by move 3.

        • Tis what I recommend as well.
          BUT since you got nothin to lose, could keep trying to rubiks cube it for the lolz. Should be a hole for the spring in the back of the tray-hole (in the body of the thing) and then you stick that lil plate jobber on the other end of spring and then load the tray into it, pushing it backward to wind said spring.

          • Teecha

            Oh- I’ve only been trying to attach the metal bit to the feed thing rather than in the actual stapler body. I’ll have a look when I go into work tomorrow.

    • OutOfOrbit

      the down-thread is brought to you by Wonkismania

      • Teecha

        It was the top of the thread for a good 30seconds. 😜

    • PURPLE!

  • Canadian_Bacon

    Just found the perfect way to remedy the blues I get when thinking about the state of the world around us.

    Watch “Blazing Saddles” and have a drink every time they do or say something that they couldn’t get away with in a movie or on TV today.

    I only made it about 2/3 of the way through.

    P.S. That includes EVERY use of a certain pejorative used against (and by) members of what Trump would call “urban”. You must empty your glass if the whole town says it. Sips when all they get out is “ni”.

    P.P.S. Who can list the most ways LePetomane and/or LaMarr resemble DJT?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Only got 2/3 way through cuz the bottle ran empty? Re-do!

    • BeachBum

      You might watch Walk of Fame. It’s a dumb ass movie but has funny scenes, some of a black guy and a white waitress.

    • Holly

      Cleavon Little and the NOBODY MOVE! Cracks me up every time. Can I drink?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I still have yet to see that movie.

      • Teecha

        Me too. I have a copy on a hard drive, but I’ve never got round to it.

      • OutOfOrbit

        i found it to be a good farce … nothing more nor less

      • RMKH

        Do it. “Where the white women at?”

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      So you’re drunk after the opening scene?

      https://youtu.be/SRcUapZm4K4

  • Bill D. Burger

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/902881712010653697

    First hand????

    bwwwahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Fucking liar.

    Surra’ Huckleberry: “Fer’ the one millionth time, he is not a larr’!”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1c507747e7e28dadd5badc2538ad445e3718c34fd935d1b88ecc5a03b9fab2b2.jpg

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Anyone shocked that Donnie Two Scoops “personal pledge” is already being walked back?

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/903704506977935360

    • DainBramage

      He still has that grifty foundation? If so, it (not he) will donate money to hire Trump services of some sort or other.

    • Lord Jim

      I said it yesterday: 1 mil of other peoples’ money.

    • I am shocked. So shocked I’m going to drink the first 3 bottles of whine I grab from the cellar.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      He really thought nobody would ask, eh?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Although, Sarah is looking much more polished these days.

    • miss_grundy

      His SOP is to use other people’s money that they have contributed to his foundation. You don’t expect him to actually be charitable, do you????

  • jesterpunk
  • Picabo

    Today in history, 1939. Germans invade Poland.
    “At 4:45 a.m., some 1.5 million German troops invade Poland all along its 1,750-mile border with German-controlled territory. Simultaneously, the German Luftwaffe bombed Polish airfields, and German warships and U-boats attacked Polish naval forces in the Baltic Sea. Nazi leader Adolf Hitler claimed the massive invasion was a defensive action, but Britain and France were not convinced. On September 3, they declared war on Germany, initiating World War II.”
    http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/germans-invade-poland

    • jesterpunk

      “Most people don’t know German had permits and there where bad people on both sides.”

      Donald Trump.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        “Anyway, the Poles attacked a German radio station at Gleiwitz. They provoked the invasion!”

        • RMKH

          Poles that somehow spoke perfect German.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            The dead “Poles” left behind were concentration camp inmates dressed in Polish uniforms. The SS referred to them as “canned goods.”

          • Bobathonic

            Those MONSTERS!

          • RMKH

            Such a lovely bunch. I’m almost done rereading Shirer’s epic “The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich” ( first time since the 70s, it seemed topical). The idea that anyone could express admiration for these sadistic criminals sends me to apoplexy.

    • OutOfOrbit

      it took’em long enough & USA WAY too long

      edit: i mean the last part of course

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Fake news. No really.

    • Tried to find a vid of it but ah well….
      ~blues beat~ Gonna invade Poland
      Then I’m gonna take over France
      (scat man)
      I say I’m gonna invade Poland, and then I’m gonna take over France
      (much more scatman)
      And then I’m gonna cross that English channel and kick those cats in the ass

  • Panika MCD

    things I learned sorting the donations at APA! yesterday:

    wash the beds, towels and blankets you donate and TELL THEM you have. this saves everyone some time. if they don’t know whether or not they’ve been washed, they’ll get washed again.

    don’t donate already opened food. this should be a given since you can’t drop off a half eaten box of Cheerios to the food bank, but apparently it’s not as clear to people donating pet food. they have to toss out anything that’s already open. and, FFS, don’t single package treats in ziplock bags, you monsters!

    try to donate boxes of canned food rather than individual cans. I spent a shit ton of time organizing loose cans. and don’t donate beets and lentils to the animal shelter. neither dogs nor cats are vegans–though they’ll totally show you their buttholes.

    this is not an excuse to get rid of the toys your dog already ripped apart. it’s one thing to donate a stuffed animal that lost its squeak. it’s another thing to donate the husk of a stuffed animal. wash these donations also too.

    used leather collars are gross and sticky.

    NOW: we are overwhelmed with donations of the physical sort. there’s literally no where to put them at the moment. if you’re planning on donating to a pet organization for Harvey relief efforts, please donate $$$ for the medical care they need.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Good for you, Panika.

    • jesterpunk

      Do you have a link to the shelter to donate? I can donate a little money for stuff.

      • Panika MCD
        • jesterpunk

          Done, thank you. I could only do $25 right now but hope it helps a little.

          • Panika MCD

            it will. they’ve taken in over 1000 evacuated animals and have 500 in foster…including Jazzy!

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Thanks. Done. And you are a truly good person.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      I’ve read this before – sending in old clothes and stuff can be hassle, there’s not a lot of room, they have to separated and categorized, and they may not need it (meaning it just gets thrown away). It really is just better just to send $$$

      • who the fuck donates “old” junk that is ripped, gross, and whatever?
        I mean yeah ok, blankets and jackets to homeless shelters that are worn, fine, but ripped? Really? Who does that?

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          people.

          ; D

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Some people think charity begins in their dumpsters …

        • Catstro

          So damn many people. The worst I saw was taking toy donations for the Methodist church’s charity toy shop (where community members in need can “shop” for Christmas toys for free). Most people just give new toys, but the people who sent in used stuff sent things that were just nasty, like 20 year old stuffed animals. I have a severe dust mite allergy and I literally couldn’t handle them.

    • RMKH

      When we have food drives at work, sometimes people clean out their pantries and donate food that’s past its pull date. Charming.

    • Holly

      You are a fabulous person and I’d hug you and not in a creepy weird way. A genuine hug from me to you (((;-))) Wish I could do more. $$ sent

    • Love you, Panika :snuggle:

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Send new underwear and socks in the unopened packages, and diapers. These are things that no one ever donates (these are good things to donate to homeless shelters and food bank-type places as well).

      • And lady type products of a nature if you can wing it.

      • Panika MCD

        we really are running out of places to store things. send $$$ to the Feeding Texas and the Texas Diaper Bank.

        https://www.feedingtexas.org/
        http://www.texasdiaperbank.org/

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Good point. Money is always the best thing to send, especially to local charities so you know it’s going where you want it to go. (No disrespect to the Red Cross, which will prioritize, but if you specifically want to help Harvey victims, best bet is a charity there, on the ground. Or in the water, so to speak.)

          • Panika MCD

            I have a list of long term recovery orgs that are local I’ll repost later, but Feeding Texas (a network of all our food banks) and the Texas Diaper Bank are two major ones helping out.

  • Just Noh

    what’s up with evan and his twitter?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      My guess is that he would like people to follow him on it. Just spitballing.

      • I would if I twittered. I do not twitter however.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I also do not twitter.

          • Last night at Karate, this lil 9 yr old was asking if we saw his you tube channel as of yet. He explained he has his mom’s old phone and the quality is not that good but the sound is ok.
            I explained to him I do not twit nor facebook nor you tube. And his eyes got so big and he asked “do you instagram?”
            So, being the kinda person I am, I asked him “Is that like a candy gram?”
            He could not figure that one out, so instead switched about how he plans to be a youtube star and in 5 years “demand” (his word) that his parents get him a credit card so he can be a bigger you tube star.
            To wit I informed him that it was generally better to have a job and then get a credit card.
            I was in full dream smash last night it would seem.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I dunno, I feel like dropping some reality on a kid who’s gunning to be a “youtube star” would be considered doing the kid a favor, even if he is 9.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            My. Goodness. Not having met this child, I have no idea if he was being goofilly optimistic (at that age I was going to be a member of SCOTUS) or just a self-important little twit. I’m certainly hoping for the former. Because, child.

    • Granny Sprinkles

      Follow him and I reckon you’ll find out.

      • Just Noh

        i reckon i already do

        • Granny Sprinkles

          Well there you go then.

    • Bobathonic
    • jesterpunk

      You don’t want to see Evan fight with Glenn Thrush?

      https://twitter.com/EvanHurst/status/902631903827779584

  • Good_Gawd_Yall
  • Panika MCD

    from the people who reported from a flooded studio or from their homes:

    https://www.facebook.com/KHOU11/videos/10156774114599062/

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      People can be awesome

  • Rick Hill
  • Raan
    • yyyaz

      It wants its faucet polished.

  • Whatever happened to Julia Stiles?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      As far as I can tell from IMDB, she has worked nonstop since 1993.

      • Good! I love her but I don’t have a teevee and I never see her in the movies I watch.

        • Sakonyachen

          She doesn’t do A list stuff but there’s usually been decent artistic merit in the things I’ve seen. Not award winning but at least adventurous.

  • Ezio

    I spent most of the day at my campus scheduling a couple extra classes and I checked up on Rate My Professors to see my professors for the upcoming fall semester and was pleasantly surprised to see that the lowest rating for any of them was “Average”. Overall it looked very positive. I’m looking forward to school starting again.

    • Personally, my favorite profs were always the ones everyone else told me were assholes and terrible and no good lousy terrible assholes. I’d ask around upper classmen, find out who the most hated was, and purposefully take that course.
      For the lolz mostly. But also for the simple idea that if a buncha whiny white brats hate a thing, I will probably like it.

      • Ezio

        I don’t mind professors that are harsh graders, so long as they are willing to work with you on improving. That was the common description for all these Professors, btw.

        • That is very promising.
          I am not much a fan of rate a professor. There are always the lazy gits who dock them for being harsh and “mean” aka, they don’t want to work.

      • Ezio

        One of my Professors apparently gives you weeks in advance to do an essay so she can correct it. So even if she does trade harshly she gives you an opportunity to come up with something good.

      • Persistent Demme

        I had a lot of interesting and eccentric professors that were totally misunderstood by many of the “is-this-gonna-be-the-test?” idiots I went to school with.
        So glad we didn’t have a rating system then.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I always told my students during the first week of class that if they didn’t like me, they should drop my class. There was no point in both of us being miserable all semester/quarter. And there were always plenty of other sections of my classes available for those few who took me up on it. (I taught Freshman English mainly.)

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    wait, whut?

    Trump Gets Terrible News As He Could Be Dealing With Charges In 39 States Over Russia Scandal

    “While appearing on MSNBC on Thursday, Ari Melber said, “It puts a brick wall up against the idea that he might be able to circumvent the entire investigation. As you mentioned, we reported first on The Beat on Tuesday night that a state attorney general was already looking at Russia jurisdiction, and second, there are a host of places, at least up to thirty-nine states that would at least have an argument for jurisdiction because of election related hacking.””

    http://www.politicususa.com/2017/08/31/trump-terrible-news-dealing-criminal-charges-39-states-russia-scandal.html?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=im

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    more reasons pissing off the world was a bad idea:

    Another offer of help came from Venezuela, a country in severe political and economic crisis that has been repeatedly sanctioned by the Trump administration. It said it could give $5 million in aid.

    The European Union has proudly noted that it is sharing its satellite mapping with U.S. emergency responders dealing the Harvey’s devastation. This despite Trump’s chastisement of European countries he views as overly dependent on the U.S. military.

    Then there’s tiny Taiwan, which has reportedly offered $800,000 in aid — a number likely calculated to annoy China as much as to curry favor with Trump.

    But compared with past crises, the list of foreign governments lining up to help the United States this time is relatively short for now. And the few countries that have raised their hand may get more out of it — politically, at least — than the U.S.

    The relative dearth of global goodwill, some analysts say, may stem from anger at Trump over his “America First” approach to the world, which has irked even staunch U.S. allies.

    “Foreign governments are holding back, and that hasn’t been the case historically,” said Markos Kounalakis, a visiting fellow at the Hoover Institution. “They appear to be much more cautious, whether it’s for domestic political reasons or displeasure with President Trump. Do they want to be seen as helping Trump?”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      well, nobody could have predicted that acting like the Ugly American would backfire.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        ayup – just wait till he needs a “coalition of the willing” for our next splodey adventure.

        • Sally

          You think he cares? And if Tillerson bails because he can’t get those Russian sanctions lifted, they will tap Ms. Complicit Haley as Sec. of State.

    • miss_grundy

      Somebody needs to take some courses at the local Carnegie Institute.

    • jesterpunk

      Who knew international diplomacy was so complicated?

    • jesterpunk

      Interesting article and this might be one reason Trump doesnt want aid from Venezuela

      https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2017/08/30/venezuela-enemy-of-the-u-s-offered-5-million-in-aid-to-harvey-victims/?utm_term=.a592a03c3804

      There were other efforts, too. Chávez was particularly partial to the South Bronx, where he donated millions of dollars over the years. That money funded after-school classes, literacy programs, food cooperatives and the restoration of the Bronx River. One woman, Lucia Solano, remembers “stalking” Chávez when he came to visit the New York borough in 2005. Her nonprofit group was $18,000 behind on rent, and Solano believed Chavez might help. She finally wrangled her way to the leader and made her case. He soon sent her a check to cover the rent.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        well, they’re also a socialist hellhole, according to Fox news a few months back.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      One of my wingnut “friends” posted an article about how Europe didn’t help during Sandy. “See? It isn’t Donnie that’s the problem!”

    • It is not seen helping him. It is that he literally threatened them with forcing protection money.
      So they are saving their pennies in case that happens.

    • Serai 1

      may stem from anger at Trump over his “America First” approach to the world, which has irked even staunch U.S. allies.

      Gee, YA THINK??

    • Three Finger Salute

      Didn’t we tell the Canadians to fuddle-duddle last night too? Sacre bleu…

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        yup – and send prayers instead.

        (fucking moron).

  • La forza del resistino

    with Donald hovering in the mid 30’s approval ratings, I may run for a
    House seat (yah, you Mike Coffman) on a purely impeachment platform (o.k., there will be old-timey Wobblie ideals too)

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Bellissimo!

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      I will donate.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      “I am the Force of the Resistance! IMPEACH Donnie!”

      Will that fit on a bumper sticker?

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’m pretty sure I’m not in Coffman’s district, but I’d vote for you!

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    https://angrywhitemen.org/2017/09/01/erik-prince-discusses-goal-of-privatizing-afghan-war-with-racist-radio-host-stefan-molyneux/#more-39282 since the New York Times in its inifnite wisdom let Erik Prince pitch on its editoral letting the US let him turn Afghanistan into a colony under his control. (Because theres no way that could go horribly wrong…) We clearly need to discuss why Blakcwater or whatever the fuck it is called now are the last people we need to let control Afghanistan.

    Theres also a grear book worth reading https://www.amazon.com/Blackwater-Rise-Worlds-Powerful-Mercenary-ebook/dp/B0097CYTYA

    P.s something to think about. When the US Government was talking about building a Border Fence. Blackwater pitched its services to patrol the fence with the Border Patrol. Now that Trump wants to build his damnable Wall, who will man it and guard it 24/7? Dont forgot Prince’s sister is Betsy DeVos. Think about it, wont you?

    • Privatized military is the logical end run for the military industry.
      They have milked every other penny out of the cow, time to go after the cannon fodder positions as well.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “Nobody ever listens to me. Guess I’ll go play some golf.”
        -Dwight Eisenhower

        “Nobody ever listens to me! SAD! Guess I’ll go play some golf!”
        -Donald Trump

        (Ike punches Trump, who lands in a sand trap)

        #AssholeInOne

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Pretty much, whats scary is unlike the regular miltary who have rules and laws they are suppose to follow. The private military are exempted or at least in a grey area. So they have free rein to do what they want. A common complaint in Iraq was that PMCs would shoot at anything that moved . The Iraqis despised them and still do. Its partially why Fallujah happened.

    • Sally

      They have ruined MI, with Snyder’s full support.

  • Wolf Tracker

    Trump’s long time body guard and personal friend quitting.

    Longtime Trump aide Keith Schiller tells people he intends to leave White House

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/01/politics/keith-schiller-donald-trump/index.html

    He says it is because of money but I think it is because he is going to be called to testify by Mueller.

    • bbayliss

      HAHA. He was in Comey’s office when Comey was in
      California.
      I wonder, if a trap had been set would he walk into it?

      • Wolf Tracker

        He knows where all the bodies are hidden because he buried them.

        • weejee

          Jimmy Hoffa?

          • Wolf Tracker

            Probably. Have you seen the dude in the pic above?

          • Three Finger Salute

            I dunno, ask Geraldo.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      That won’t save him unless he flees to a country without an extradition treaty, right?

      • Wolf Tracker

        Unless he flips and helps Mueller.

      • La forza del resistino

        Donald can pardon him but if the shit went down in NY state, Eric Schneiderman is asking ‘what’s for lunch’?

      • Serai 1

        I was just gonna say…

    • La forza del resistino

      If Hollywood is holding a casting call for the role of a ghoul, Schillers your man.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/efd1ae442f9942674a0ef0278e1201bf7072e91c204cf74ab73aab0438fb471e.jpg

      • Wolf Tracker

        He is a scary dude and he knows where all the bodies are buried.

        I bet Mueller has subpoenaed him.

        • La forza del resistino

          ‘I can assure you that all those bodies were long dead due to circumstances I was not aware of before I buried them’

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Giving Governor Batboy of Floriduh a run for his money!

        https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/73/Bat_Boy.PNG

      • Sally

        Why does everyone in his WH look like they walked out of “Schindler’s List?” In Nazi uniforms. Including Jared.

        • Three Finger Salute

          “Kapo #1………. Jared Kushner”

          “Kapo #2………. Stephen Miller”

          “Generally in Charge of a Lot of Things……. Steve Bannon”

          “Best Boy……… Barack Obama”

          “Worst Boy……. Donald Trump”

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    if you’ve ever read books about the cold war spy era, this is old school how Russia works. But still kinda funny:

    Firefighters who arrived at the scene were turned away by consulate officials who came from inside the building.

    An Associated Press reporter heard people who came from inside the building tell firefighters that there was no problem and that consulate staff were burning unidentified items in a fireplace.

    Mindy Talamadge, a spokeswoman from the San Francisco Fire Department, said the department received a call about the smoke and sent a crew to investigate but determined the smoke was coming from the chimney.

    “They had a fire going in their fireplace,” she said.

    Talmadge said she did not know what they were burning on a day when normally cool San Francisco temperatures had already climbed to 95 degrees by noon.

    “It was not unintentional. They were burning something in their fireplace,” she said.

    • Bobathonic

      pee hooker tapes.

      • OutOfOrbit

        one doz not destroy leverage intentionally

        • Bobathonic

          Well, it would only be the local copy.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        as noted, one only destroys evidence detrimental to yourself.

        • Bobathonic

          Blackmail materials lose their value upon exposure. There’s no leverage if it’s common knowledge.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Somebody should whisper in Trump’s ear that the CIA can capture that smoke and reconstruct the original documents just to see how he will react.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          #TrumpPranks

      • Serai 1

        No, but it may portend the return of Emperor Norton.

    • Better question….why does Russia have an embassy in …San Fransisco? I mean, not a whole lot of “President and Congress types who generally handle diplomatic type visits” going on in San Fran, is there?

      • h4rr4r

        Espionage.

        However consulates are found throughout the USA as are US consular found throughout many other nations. Citizens need the services these offices provide.

  • natoslug

    Don’t forget your sunscreen.

    https://youtu.be/sTJ7AzBIJoI

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    somebody linked to the most recent Margaret and Helen, but since we’re all lazy assholes, I’m quoting it for you:

    From Helen:

    “Margaret, that man is so stupid if he threw himself on the ground he would miss. And in that ridiculous hat he looks like something the dog is hiding under the porch. Honestly honey, I just don’t like him. He makes my ass itch every time he opens his mouth. ”


    “Look, I don’t care what shoes Melania was wearing and I don’t care that Trump didn’t do any photo shots with victims. I don’t even care that he’s selling that USA hat he was wearing for $40 dollars on his own website. Ok. Maybe I care a little bit about that. I mean how shameful is this man? I’ll give $45 to shove it up his ass. But I digress…. What I do care about is our president has the vocabulary of a third grader and the empathy of a tree stump.”

    From Margaret:

    The only thing presidential about that visit was the plane.

    https://margaretandhelen.com

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Lazy asshole weirdos, puhleese!

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        dammit, now you made me realize I forgot perverts.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Tree stump libelz, dammit!

    • weighmaster

      Thank you for introducing me to Helen and Margaret.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        omg! They’re the best – read the thanksgiving posts, they’re hilarious.

        • weighmaster

          I know how I’m spending my evening alone.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            it’ll be time well spent, and in case you’re curious, yes, they’re real.

            i thought it was a brilliant satire site for the longest time (or wasn’t sure) – but apaprently a nephew (a gay nephew!) set it up for them to talk from Texas (margaret) to Helen (maine?)

        • Helen, dear. I know I’ve lived too long that when given the choice between dinner with the President of the United States and dinner with Sarah Palin, I would gladly ask Sarah to pass the peas. And I don’t even like peas.

          BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • TootsStansbury

      Thanks for this. Bookmarked.

  • msanthropesmr
    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I have NEVER successful made a tortilla from scratch. My hat is off to you. (I rock at pita and nan, but then these are the breads of my people.)

      • Persistent Demme

        Have you tried these?
        They are so good, I have had to stop buying them!
        http://www.tortillaland.com/

      • Serai 1

        I remember when I was a kid going with my family to eat at La Luz del Dia on Olvera Street. The tortilla ladies would always be in the kitchen (which was a big open area behind the cash register, so you could watch the food being made), standing at the table in front of the oven, slapping away at the tortillas. It was fascinating to watch, a kind of magic for me since my mom never made anything like bread or tortillas or cakes. They would stand there stoically, their arms the only moving parts of them, slapping away until they reached the optimum moment, and then toss the tortilla onto a pile and start over. They came out perfectly round every time. I’ve never tried to make one, but I’d like to give it a go one of these days. (Unfortunately the restaurant got a tortilla press years ago, so instead of a trio of ladies slapping, now there’s only one manning the press. Not the same, for sure.)

    • La forza del resistino

      Looks tasty. I’m guessing you have your citizenship papers in order.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Better take a blood sample. Just to be sure,

  • weejee
    • Three Finger Salute

      What do you think of Flushing New York?

      Well, we can start with this one guy from Queens…

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    alright pedants –

    Mom is reading a book and say the word infeasible is in it – she thinks should be unfeasible. She found her version “unfeasible” in the dictionary, but not the “infeasible”.

    Sooo, what do y’all think? Mom right? Book right?
    GO:

    • jowgajen

      Is not feasible.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Unfeasible is correct.

      • tomamitai

        Also a great song by Tom Jones.

    • Jennifer R
      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        nicely done – 2 minutes and we had a good answer.

        • Jennifer R

          If this was an employable skill my quality of life would be greatly increased.

    • Wolf Tracker

      Unfeasible is traditional use but has same meaning as infeasible which is more common use today.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I have never once heard infeasible.

        • Wolf Tracker

          See Jennifer R link below. She beat me to it.

    • Teecha

      The word infeasible is unfeasible.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      That’s unpossible!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Inbelievable!

    • therblig

      the phrase i’ve heard when we send corrupt bureaucrats up the river is “mis, mal, and nonfeasance.” i don’t see why “un” and “in” wouldn’t be appropriate.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Honestly, I’m just kind of stirring the pot, cause I KNOW this stuff gets y’all fired up.

      Evidence: the 8 people who replied in the last 6 minutes and the person typing now.

      ; D

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
      • Msgr_MΩment

        Wow. The encyclopedia just got zyxt.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Ah, the abridged version.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Is the book flammable or inflammable?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Why not both?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Noninflammable?

      • tomamitai

        Ask that guy from WaPo, what’s his name, David Fahrenheit? I think his extension number is 451.

      • Teecha

        Yes.

    • Serai 1

      I’ve never seen “infeasible” before. Sounds like the author’s neologism.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        she hadn’t either – and that was teh running theory in the TX household before I asked you all.

    • Wolf Tracker
    • TundraGrifter

      “Unfeasible” means it can’t be done. “Infesible” means it won’t work.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        see, this was the track i was on – but not as well said.

        • TundraGrifter

          You are too kind.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      They’re both perfectly cromulent words.

    • altleftjohn

      I think I’ve heard infeasible more. A quick look around the Internet suggests that they are pretty much the same. See, e.g., https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/infeasible and https://www.economist.com/blogs/johnson/2012/07/variation

    • tomamitai
    • Suttree
    • King Beauregard

      It’s “invisible”.

  • Picabo
    • This is why it is worthwhile to keep fighting the good fight. There are good people. There are lots of good people.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Unless I remember this wrong, anything the Russians want to take out of the embassy and back to Moscow goes as a “diplomatic pouch”, and is not subject to search. The pouch is no longer just a leather pouch, and can be very large, so what did they need to burn? And don’t embassies have hi-temp furnaces for this sort of thing should it become necessary? Seems to me they just wanted us to see the smoke…

    • OutOfOrbit

      mebbee it was stuff they donut want mamma to see

      • georgiaburning

        Gay porn?

        • Three Finger Salute

          No that’s what they don’t want Vlad to see.

          Even though he’s probably the one whose computer they copied it from.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Their weed and cocaine stash?

      • h4rr4r

        No, that is what diplomatic pouches are for. As this is a joke and totally fiction I will not discuss why I might think that.

    • TundraGrifter

      Porn. They are burning their porn.

    • jowgajen

      It’s likely hard drives, thumb drives, etc. that they don’t want to keep and can’t shred. Or their shredder just can’t handle what they need to shred.

      • Good guess. Smoke is black also, so possibly plastic is involved.

    • Teecha

      I used to pack the diplomatic bags for the various British embassies and consulates around the world.
      I can’t tell you what we sent, coz I signed the official secrets act, but I can tell you we had a roll of bubble wrap that was 2metres wide and on a dispenser like a loo roll and when we had finished work, we did unroll a bit and jump on it. Good times!

      • See, this is why I never had that job.
        For I would pop it before I wrapped anything, for the fun of it.

        • Teecha

          It was really good fun. We were not supposed to do it, but life is too short not to pop the poppy paper.

      • tomamitai

        Small world, a relative of mine used to X-ray diplomatic bags as part of his job for a government agency he never named to see what was in them without breaking the seals.

        • Teecha

          There were rumours about consular buildings being bugged by allies to the extent that all labour and building materials had to be sent to the locations.
          Rumours. I don’t know if they were true. I love a good rumour.

      • TootsStansbury

        My old boss went to flop his butt on a stack of bubble wrap and slid off and put his butt right through the wall! Maybe it’s a you had to be there but it was funny.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        I had a job in a US Steel warehouse back in the ’70s. When BW first showed up, we had a blast. Bunch supposed adults in hard hard and steeltoes, tromping around like gradeschoolers…

  • Serai 1

    So now Paul Ryan is blaming Obama for Twitler ending DACA.

    Fucking slimy shiteater.

    ETA: House Republicans are cooking up a plan that would humiliate The Annoying Orange if he tries it.

    • jesterpunk
    • See, it is Obama’s fault for not ending it himself! How DARE he not destroy his own programs anyway huh?????

    • jesterpunk

      Would the second one work? Republicans go by the Hastert rule which says for something to even get a vote the majority of Republicans have to support it first and it looks like he has a lot of Democrats supporting his bill.

    • TootsStansbury

      The entire GOP are slimy shiteaters. If justice is ever done I’d like to see the shit wiped off this shiteater’s chinny chin chin. May he have to wash actual dirty dishes. In the prison kitchen. Until he’s too old to wash any more.

      I like “shiteater” can you tell?

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      I love it – Ryan says, “you can’t write law out of thing air” – yet Drumpf banned muslims in an EO…out of thin air.

      the hypocrisy man.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      So all these EOs that Donnie’s been signing don’t count neither, right?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Sharing my candid thoughts about Paul Ryan would (rightly) get me banhammered. I shall simply say that I hope terrible things of a non-lethal nature happen to him. With votes.

    • Lord Jim

      Doesn’t Paul Ryan have a budget to draft?

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Why bother? Two Scoops will just contradict it anyway.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      To be fair, it IS Obama’s fault, for existing.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        I thought it was because Michelle Obama is a man.

        I’m getting too olde to keep up with this bullshit. It’s never ending …

      • Three Finger Salute

        EFWB

        Existing Free While Black

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Under Trump, the presidency has been referred to as sinking, but if Republicans and Democrats win this fight on DACA, Trump will find himself humilated again, and the presidency diminished to a historic low in the modern era of American politics.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c164cb5b8d8d2e7f4e231cb0799ac1dea83d2910838253f6da4ed105f09bee2c.jpg

      • Permit-holder Ron

        He’s already a historic low. Hell, he’s been a negative number since day 1.

  • La forza del resistino

    Stephen Miller says I’m not the youngest to achieve America’s Most Evil award and points to Martin Shkreli.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    In honor of the furniture store guy.

    https://youtu.be/GJtq6OmD-_Y

  • sosuume
  • DrBigHead

    This may be a stupid question, and if I missed something in the post I apologize, but who is the person on the left? Looks very much like a colleague when we were both considerably younger.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Heath Ledger.
      He died after the filming of the second Batman movie.

      • DrBigHead

        My god, I am an old….

        • He was an excellent actor. Quality filmography for a long weekend

        • Marion in Savannah

          That’s okay — I had no idea who it was either.

          • OutOfOrbit

            i still don’t actually know who he was

          • Three Finger Salute

            Me either, and I’m not even that old.

          • MynameisBlarney

            He was in Brokeback Mountain, A Knight’s Tale and some others I can’t remember at the moment.

          • Suttree

            The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Wasn’t he in The Brothers Grimm too?

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            yes.

          • Suttree

            Yup. With Lena Headey.

          • Serai 1

            Really? I recognized him instantly, and I am an oldz!

            *sigh* He was such a honey in that movie.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I haven’t seen all that many movies probably since I was a kid. Anyone not active ca. 1992 I’m probably going to have a “huh” reaction to. I would have guessed River Phoenix.

        • MynameisBlarney

          He was arguably the best Joker ever.
          I think so.

          • DrBigHead

            I agree. Didn’t recognize the picture, though.

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            “He was arguably the best Joker ever.”

            FIFY

          • Mormos

            Mark Hamill ftw

          • MynameisBlarney

            He was definitely the best Joker for the animated movies.

          • I think I am the only person alive who thought he was not very good at all :/ But then, I did not care for Nicholson’s Joker neither.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i wasn’t impressed with Ledger either. And I thought I was the only one.

          • :clings: HOLD ME TX.
            For we may be about to be can clammed

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol. nah, i already spilled my feelings on this below but was only *gently* rebuffed.

          • MynameisBlarney

            BLASPHEMER!!!

          • MynameisBlarney
          • Permit-holder Ron

            My favourite Joker is still Mark Hamill, but I agree, Heath Ledger was scary-good. Emphasis on the ‘scary.’

        • MynameisBlarney
  • CountryClubJihadi

    Anyone know if the SF Russian Consulate is owned by Russia and if it will go up for sale? It could fetch around $30 million and I have a potential buyer. They have had it since 1972 and I am curious if they have spent much in upgrades. I enjoyed watching the smoke and drama today as I work close by, but I want to get inside.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      will you share your commission/finder’s fee.

      ; )

      • CountryClubJihadi

        Unfortunately, I just work for very, very rich people and have to do all the work but never seem to get commissions. But if I did, I would happily share with you.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          lol, been there.

          • CountryClubJihadi

            At least we know the fireplace works. :)

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            it’s adds class and value to any home.
            ; )

    • Suse

      I was inside around 1976 on a tour through the California Historical Society. I don’t remember a lot about it.

    • jowgajen

      I’m sure the closure is temporary? It’s just silly to close a consulate, it only harms businesses, travelers, Russian emigres, etc.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I’m not sure this is the consulate they’re closing but some other Russian government thing? It seems the entire purpose of this facility is espionage on Silicon Valley.

    • Suttree

      Beware of “accidental” gas explosions in the coming week. Like Tuesday or so.

  • Ezio
  • Home for the weekend and am off til Monday. Decided to say “fuck it” on cooking tonight and was pleasantly surprised to find my fave Thai place delivers again! Yummy Thai dinner for me!

    • OutOfOrbit

      i have “Blade Runner” on TeVo, mebbee tonight

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “I have seen things on TiVo you people wouldn’t believe…”

        • OutOfOrbit

          ah ha ha i just now got it 44 min. later

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i have class at 8 in the damn morning. I am going mimis soon.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Thai food is good for the beak.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      I am in the middle of nowhere. Which is good. No delivery. No restaurants within 18 miles. I have Jeff’s chili which is not chili but it is Jeff’s. Ground beef, ground italian sausage, olives, beans, chilEs (from Hatch), Frank’s (I love that s***), corn (yes corn) and my tomato sauce left over from my pizza….(crushed tomatoes, lots o’ garlic, oregano, basil….) and cooked for hours……….I AM GETTING HUNGRY!!!

    • We’re getting the remnants of the storm now and all weekend and I was all…fuck cooking, time to order out.
      Nummy cheese steak Stromboli later…..

  • ANNG14
  • weejee

    And while your are driving to tRump Trailer Park in Mar-a-logo, you might notice this if you’re halfway sober.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d4e9c51f826de5ca838eb168f36f843786c3e7edaf49465c4f2525193e5344fa.jpg

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • Suttree

      Slight warmth with some gaseous escape from the container.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        apparently teh flames may have been bigger previously, they look kinda puny now.

        • jowgajen

          It’s just a big truck’s worth of stuff to burn. Despite all of our armchair quarterbacking, the folks at the plant seem to have dispersed the materials and separated them in such a way as to minimize the risk of the whole plant going up like West, TX did.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i was wondering why it was all out in open area, like a country pit fire…so that makes sense.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos
          • h4rr4r

            From what I have seen, they did an ok job. They had generators, refer trucks as a backup to generators. There is really only so much anyone can do.

          • They could store their equipment in not flood prone areas with generators out of the danger zone and self regulate since, well, they don’t have any government to do so any longer?

          • jowgajen

            This is like a 1000 year flood, though. I dunno that anyone would have called the area “flood prone” before. (No, seriously, I dunno, it could be on a 3 year plain or something.)

          • They called Katrina a 1000 year flood.
            I did not realize that much time had passed…..

          • h4rr4r

            That is not what 1000 year flood means.

            It means that one location sees this level of flooding once per 1000 years, not the whole earth!

          • Whole earth/same regional gulf area that keeps seeing increasingly dangerous storms/tomayto/tomayto

          • h4rr4r

            It means that one spot.

            Houstan is 300 miles from New Orleans as the crow flies.

            We are not going to end all habitation of the gulf of Mexico.

          • Nature on the other hand sure seems to have some ideas about that….
            I guess, one could argue, seeing as we (humans) are directly responsible for the climate change causing these increasingly dangerous storms, we really are, in effect, trying to end all habitation of the gulf.

          • h4rr4r

            It’s not going to happen in the next couple hundred years. The gulf will get bigger as the sea level rises.

          • Jennifer R

            Let’s see what Irma does in the next couple days.

          • h4rr4r

            Let’s all hope it goes up the east coast. I hate to see anyone suffer, but spreading the pain out sounds less cruel.

          • Panika MCD

            yes, hold off on freaking out about it. remember how everyone freaked out about Rita after Katrina? the evacuation of Houston resulted in more deaths than the storm itself caused…like 100X more deaths.

          • Jennifer R

            Also don’t forget that thousands of people have died in those floods over the week that hit non white people. Shit sure liked to get bad all at once.

          • Panika MCD

            we only have 31 confirmed deaths so far. it will rise, but 113 people died during Rita, 107 of those were from evacuations–mostly heat distress from sitting in the cars.

          • And the land will increasingly disappear. Which will, in turn, end habitation in what is now the gulf.

          • h4rr4r

            Not in the next 200 years.

          • Panika MCD

            even for just hurricane season. it would be insane.

          • Rags

            yeah – that happened only once; a 4344 year flood,,,,

          • Panika MCD

            I have been trying to ‘splain this to people all week. they keep posting memes with separate locations and acting like it’s weird. there have been several 500 year floods in the Houston area in the past 5 years that they could have put on their memes instead. (though, to be fair, several of them were from the river authorities punting their authority to local levels so the dams were not coordinated when they were releasing during the past 2…it’s been fixed.)

          • jowgajen

            It’s an average, for that spot. This is a different spot. It could also happen twice or three times in the 1000 years and still be on average once every 1000 years.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            No wonder it feels so long since November.

          • h4rr4r

            Then they would be in an area with tornadoes, or earth quakes or mud slides. Pick your place and pick your natural disasters.

          • New idea: No chemical plants in areas prone to floods, tornadoes and ….earthquakes? Lots of those in Texas?

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            floods and tornadoes, kinda.

            Earthquakes – well, up near Oklahoma where the fracking is going on, I think maybe.

          • Oh well. So…back to the “we should not be fucking doing this in the first place” we are.

          • h4rr4r

            This was not an area prone to flooding.

            Also if you put the chemical plant to far from where that chemical is used you ensure transportation accidents.

          • Ah. So best to just not use the things to begin with. Agreed.

          • h4rr4r

            Cool, so no more plastics, computers or modern cars. Sounds great!

          • Cause…there is no other way for those things to happen except with toxic chemicals stored in increasingly unregulated unsafe environs.

          • h4rr4r

            Organic peroxides are not particularly toxic, just reactive.

            Regulations have largely become more stringent and events like this more rare. Just because one administration is seeking to reduce these regulations does not change the trend of the last 100 years.

          • Well, except in Texas, where they keep lowering regulations and things keep blowing up. No one can explain how that happens, probably just coincidence.
            For what it is worth, Houston IS prone to flooding also.

            http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-41107049

            Sooooo….I guess I will stick to my “let us not build chemical plants in areas prone to flooding” after all.

          • h4rr4r

            The plant is in Crosby. They were prepared for lessor floods. How far from a 100 year flood should these plants be, before you answer go look at a flood map, and remember they have to be somewhere.

            Even in Texas regulations have largely gotten stricter over the last 100 years.

          • jowgajen
          • And some folk have the common sense that building chemical plants in flood zones is a stupid idea.
            Also dumb, building nuclear plants in flood zones.
            Things that go bang and rely on energy to not go bang should, in general, not be built in flood zones. Which Houston, btw, is.

          • h4rr4r

            You would think the peroxides being organic would have made that crowd happy.

          • jowgajen

            For the organic peroxides, yeah. But the 1.5mile evac radius is about ammonia. They must have a fuck ton of ammonia. But maybe it’s just a worst case scenario that the fire spreads enough to release it?

          • h4rr4r

            I don’t think that means they have that much. 1.5 miles is a worst case based on it being pushed along by the wind.

      • Three Finger Salute

        You just described Trump. Except for the “slight warmth” part.

    • They’re NOT explosions, explosions have fire!!!
      Erm. There is fire now.
      …….it doubles as a Russian Embassy!

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      It’s a free weenie roast, folks!

      • I love the smell of burning toxic chemicals in the….*thud*

    • Wolf Tracker

      They knew that was going to happen so why didn’t they have fire retardant foam sprayed on those trailers?

      Stupid fucking company!

      • OrG

        What? Job-killing regulations?

      • h4rr4r

        Peroxides don’t care about foam.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        They actually have issued a statement saying that it’s too hazardous to go in with mitigation efforts, including fire suppression, and the safest thing is to let them explode decompress whateverthehellthey’recallingit and burn themselves out. #truestory

        • h4rr4r

          Because it is.

          Peroxides don’t give a shit about some fire retardant foam. Hell they might even burn it as fuel. This is like trying to put out a magnesium fire.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Letting them Benghazi until they have Hillaryed out? OBAMA!!1!1!1!1

        • Wolf Tracker

          I am not buying that and I think they want what ever chemicals there to burn up to hide the evidence.

          • Rags

            I’m a chemist and I’m buying it. Peroxides in particular can very easily become extremely shock-sensitive with improper storage/handling. In layperson’s terms – ‘touch them and boom boom boom.’

          • h4rr4r

            Every time I go to the pool store I am just amazed at what I can buy without a background check. I always want to ask the clerk “Where do you keep the cannon fuse, infidel”?

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            Possibly, but my scientist housemate actually says that with organic peroxides, this is pretty much the only way to deal with them. However, we only have Arkema’s word that organic peroxides are all that is there, since they won’t release their inventory.

      • georgiaburning

        One can hope the invisible hand of the market raises their insurance rates by 10x

      • Panika MCD

        because they fucking had to evacuate their employees.

    • Serai 1

      OMG IS THAT JESUS RISING FROM THE FLAMES???

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Jesus coulda been teh coolest super hero ever, if the wingnuts didn’t *own* him.

        • Serai 1

          Miracle Man? Resurrection Man?

          • God boy!

          • Serai 1

            Godbody!

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            just think, every time somebody curses about locking their keys in their cars. “Oh Jesus Christ.”

            Then the theme music kicks in and we see Jesus fly down.

          • His motto word thingy can be “Amen!”
            Like he punches out a fucker and shouts it, just like that. Then he can be all “My father forgives you, but I don’t”

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’m telling you – just an endless supply of one liners and fun stories.

            The christian wingnuts coulda had a winner on their hands, if any of them had a damn sense of humor and a little creativity.

          • We could do this. I can draw, after a fashion. You can supply the one liners and suchwhats

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh, early on in my wonkette time I was gonna partner up with a commenter to write a book called, “Steve: God’s Intern.”

            She’s disappeared – wonder whatever happened to her.

          • :( Darn. I wanna read that.
            If you ever do it, will steve have track lighting?

          • Serai 1

            The Muslims have a whole crowd of them.

            http://comicsalliance.com/files/2014/07/comic99.jpg

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Sadly, they are always 0 for 2.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      {{{Tilts my head sideways.}}}

      Looks like burning Jesus has got a raging boner.

  • Serai 1

    OMG YOU GUYS MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE GODDAMN

    https://twitter.com/paul_haine/status/863415877831729152

    • Courser_Resistance

      I love this vid!

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Just horsing around, eh?

      • Serai 1

        He’s having fun, that’s the mane thing!

        • If he’s having so much fun, why the long face?

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            Who wants to stirrup trouble?

          • Serai 1

            Maybe just a bit.

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          Such unbridled glee is infectious.

          • seems utterly unsaddled with worry or concern.

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            I certainly don’t want to rein on the parade.

        • amrak63

          I’m trying to come up with a horse pun, but my failure nags at me.

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            You shouldn’t let that failure saddle your ability to enjoy the clip, though.

          • Serai 1

            I’m sure your brain will pony one up soon.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      The Trump administration summed up so far in 56 seconds.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I can’t see the link :(

      • Serai 1

        It’s a tweet.

        https://twitter.com/ paul_haine/status/ 863415877831729152

        Put that up in the URL box and remove the spaces. :)

        • MynameisBlarney

          HA!
          Thanks!

          • Serai 1

            Have fun!

    • gallbladder

      I wonder what Mr. Ed would say…

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Wilbur?

    • Serai 1

      I now feel an intense need for a squeaking, chicken-shaped dildo.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    I seem to be needing something uplifting. This works.

    https://youtu.be/8Lu41LulQos

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Washington (CNN)The Department of Justice will retry a woman whom prosecutors say disrupted Jeff Sessions’ confirmation hearing for attorney general by laughing.

    After rejecting a plea deal, Desiree Fairooz will again face charges of unlawful conduct for disrupting Sessions’ hearing in January.

    According to court records, Fairooz rejected a deal offered by prosecutors that would have required her to plead guilty in exchange for a recommended sentence of time served.

    Fairooz was previously convicted of a misdemeanor connected to disrupting the hearing, but a judge threw out the guilty verdict in July and ordered a new trial.

    The new trial is scheduled to begin on November 13.

    • jesterpunk

      Wasn’t she released already?

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        new trial – verdict overturned. It’s the tail end of the story.

        • jesterpunk

          Who knew hurting a republicans feelings was a crime?

          • amrak63

            GOP = WATB.

          • jesterpunk

            WATB?

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Whiny-Ass Titty Baby

    • Your taxpayer dollars at work, ladies and germs!
      Trying a woman TWICE for laughing!

    • Panika MCD

      while she certainly doesn’t deserve prosecution…Y’ALL! don’t disrupt legislative hearings. it’s annoying to those of us who work them.

  • amrak63

    Oh shit! She knows!

    https://i.imgur.com/0OoTjMY.gif

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      So that’s what I felt on my nose just now.

    • gallbladder

      (puts lube away)

    • Moebym of the Returners

      Poor, poor, Sayaka.

      Those who’ve watched PMMM will know what I mean.

  • Picabo

    “From atop his Dumpster fire, raging Trump ‘turning on people that are very close to him'”

    “He’s having a very hard time,” one friend who spoke with Trump this week said of the president. “He doesn’t like the way the media’s handling him. He doesn’t like how Kelly’s handling him. He’s turning on people that are very close to him.”
    “He fumes that he does not get the credit he thinks he deserves from the media or the allegiance from fellow Republican leaders he says he is owed. He boasts about his presidency in superlatives, but confidants privately fret about his suddenly dark moods.”

    “Trump chafes at some of the retired Marine Corps general’s moves to restrict access to him since he took the job almost a month ago, said several people close to the president. They run counter to Trump’s love of spontaneity and brashness, prompting some Trump loyalists to derisively dub Kelly “the church lady” because they consider him strict and morally superior.”

    ““He’s having a very hard time,” one friend who spoke with Trump this week said of the president. “He doesn’t like the way the media’s handling him. He doesn’t like how Kelly’s handling him. He’s turning on people that are very close to him.”

    “[P]eople close to the president said he is simmering with displeasure over what he considers personal disloyalty from National Economic Council Director Gary Cohn, who criticized Trump’s responses to a deadly white supremacist rally in Charlottesville on Aug. 12.”

    “The president continues to call business friends and outside advisers, including former chief strategist Stephen K. Bannon, from his personal phone when Kelly is not around, said people with knowledge of the calls.”
    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/9/1/1695298/-From-atop-his-dumpster-fire-raging-Trump-turning-on-people-that-are-very-close-to-him

    • Awww my heart bleeds for the fucker.
      Love this bit:
      He fumes that he does not get the credit he thinks he deserves from the media or the allegiance from fellow Republican leaders he says he is owed.
      Bold mine.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        It’s not easy being 14.

        • amrak63

          “It’s not easy bein’ green orange…”

        • miss_grundy

          It’s not easy being 2.

      • TootsStansbury

        Unfortunately for the entire human race, he thinks this. He really does.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      it’s a bastard being a regular ole joe (of the United states), doesn’t it donnie?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Trump has a friend???

      • MynameisBlarney

        As long as the checks clear, sure.

        • OrG

          Haha! As if.

        • amrak63

          That’s also how long he has a wife.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Yeah, “John Barron”.

    • OrG

      Change his diaper, give him a bottle and put him to bed.

    • amrak63

      Hey Donald Schmuck!

      https://i.imgur.com/KXtDphL.jpg

    • Teecha

      Good.

    • jesterpunk
    • gallbladder

      “I’m the boss of the most powerful nation on Earth, but still, nobody likes me!”

      • Rags
      • jowgajen

        We don’t like them when they are *likeable*, anyone with an ounce of intelligence would know that Presidenting is hard, unpopular work.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          Which is why he doesn’t.

        • Ms.Moon

          The guy that had the job before him was hugely popular internationally as well as domestically. Trump has not been invited to anything by “popular ” people he could not get a cover band to play the inauguration he is being laughed at an his last rally was sparsely populated and people left early. He is much misliked and I know it chafes him but good that Obama is still hugely admired and Obama gets invited places by the fancy and he is not.

      • TootsStansbury

        This is it. This is it right here.

    • BadKitty904

      Good.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
      • Suttree

        Needs more ball-gag.

    • SayItWithWookies

      The failing, lying, fake-news media doesn’t give our beloved thin-skinned fascist megalomaniac the credit he deserves? Poor helpless motherfucker.

    • La forza del resistino

      too bad James Coburn isn’t around to reprise his ‘President’s Analyst’ role. (an above average must see movie btw)

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        *Movie Man Voice*
        This summer, if you see one sebaceous infection, make sure it is Stephen K. Bannon as The President’s Analcyst

        • Permit-holder Ron

          Ew. Bravo, but ew.

      • therblig

        Never trust the phone company.

        • amrak63

          “Mr. Tweedle, we really don’t give a fig whether or not you trust us.”

    • Serai 1
    • Rags

      I fear a stroke is on the horizon for this old guy.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        It’s spelled “h o p e.”

    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      He could just resign.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent
      • amrak63

        Is that David Alan Grier?

    • Zombishroom

      Maybe he should pretend to do something nice.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Oh, come on, now you’re asking for a miracle.

        • Zombishroom

          He’s not good at pretending to be nice. You’re right.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Have we even seen him try?

    • MynameisBlarney
      • amrak63

        With all due respect to both of the humans, the cat steals the show.

      • more cat wiggle please…i’ll be in my basket

    • Suttree

      I can’t wait until he fires Kelly, and his simmering turns into a volcano of derp.

    • miss_grundy

      Ahhh, the toddler is having a tantrum. Well if he hates the job so much, he should resign and go home.

  • La forza del resistino

    Hey MSNBC. What’s with Kornacki in for Tweety all week. Is Tweety out recovering from his transfusion with 21st century blood?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      It’s a much better show without blowhard Tweety’s rambling questions and incessant interruptions. #STFUTweety

      • La forza del resistino

        Joy Ann Reid solution is in order.

    • MynameisBlarney

      He had to get his spit glands flushed out.

  • Red Bird

    Holiday weekend. Hope everyone including my fellow Wonketters in Texas who were affected by the hurricane get to relax a little bit and enjoy a break from the disaster recovery.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Anyone have a sense about the new Star Trek Discovery series? I see that Roddenberry’s son is on the production team. I like they’re going with another classic ship name and one of the space shuttles.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cea51e7753846cff1eb4b3b83c67fee6cf11b03eeac4b8e756a26763ff87e179.jpg

    • It’s gonna be on a channel I do not get :/

      • msanthropesmr

        Shit – that doesn’t stop anybody else from having
        opinions.

        • altleftjohn

          I’ve never seen an episode of Star Trek of any kind, but I’m absolutely convinced that this new one is going to suck.

          • msanthropesmr

            THATS THE SPIRIT!

          • Serai 1

            Then I would recommend the movie Galaxy Quest. Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman, Sam Rockwell, Tony Shalhoub, in a hysterically funny love letter to all things geeky and scifi.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I don’t have teevee anymore.
        So, I’ll have to wait 50-11 years for it to get onto Netflix.

      • Serai 1

        Yeah, there’s that too. Now Star Trek is hidden behind a paywall. CBS is counting on fans being willing to sign up for their streaming service just to watch ONE SHOW.

        • So many will be. And they know it.

          • Serai 1

            Maybe. I’m not getting the sense that there’s a lot of love for this from the fans.

        • tomamitai

          I liked the first season of The Good Fight, and look forward to seeing more.

      • On the INTERNET!

    • Doug Langley

      Yes. The effects have the animation done in Maya and the rendering in LightWave. That’s the CGI, don’t know about the compositing. Either Nuke or After Effects, they’re the staples.

      Okay, so I’m a graphics nerd. Sue me.

      • Doug Langley

        Also: back in the 70’s they were playing around with ideas for a new Trek series or maybe even feature film. They hired some concept art to try out some ideas. The Discovery design and its home in an asteroid? EXACTLY copied from those early designs!!

        • Three Finger Salute

          (cough) Axanar (cough)

          They shouldn’t have fucking SUED THE FANS out of pure jealousy that they made a better movie than fucking Paramount did.

      • tomamitai

        Who’s responsible for all the lens-flares in the reboot movies?

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          fucking J.J. Abrams.

        • Doug Langley

          Don’t know anyone wants to take responsibility for that, but ILM did the bulk of the work. The new series is being done by others, including a slew of free-lancers. I know, I applied. (And every other graphics guy in the hemisphere)

      • Doug Langley

        BTW: they here hiring character animators experienced in Maya. You know what that means? CG creatures!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Nah, I wouldn’t. I love that behind-the-scenes technical stuff too. Found out recently that Nine Inch Nails’ debut album was mixed on a Macintosh Plus. Also that Lightwave for the Amiga (blast from the past) was used render the SFX for the first season of Babylon 5.

        • tomamitai

          I tried my damnedest, but I couldn’t get into Babylon 5.

        • Doug Langley

          True. Lightwave is strange cuz it came from a low cost background. Maya and Softimage were big bucks packages. Lightwave artists are generalists who work on fast paced productions. Nickelodeon uses it for their animation.

          Lightwave has been used on Star Trek Voyager, Titanic (rendering scenes from Maya), pre-vis on Avatar, CSI, Lost. Lots of TV productions. I myself was a pro Lightwave artist for many years.

          Check this out:

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRIL3PwCGk0

    • tomamitai

      What has Roddenberry’s son ever done that I might have seen or read? I’ve seen plenty of evidence that talent and creativity isn’t always inherited. Plus his dad almost ruined Next Generation.

      • Serai 1

        Excuse me, it was RODDENBERRY’S SHOW. He could do whatever he wanted with it.

        • Doug Langley

          Not entirely true. The studio has held all rights to it. By the time of the movies, they had pretty much pushed Roddenberry out the airlock.

          • Cat Cafe of the Subpoenas

            Yes, totally different people were running TNG, certainly by the 3rd season.

        • tomamitai

          Too bad he didn’t want to do anything good with it, and kept trying to sneak all kinds of juvenile prurience and sexism in, like Troi’s outfit in season one or giving the Ferengi huge genitals instead of earlobes.

          • Serai 1

            Really? That’s what you took away from the show? Not the messages of tolerance and fair dealing? The stories about the wrongness of violence and war? The ones about the dangers of addiction, corruption, racism? Just the fact that Troi wore a stupid suit and the Ferengi had big dicks? Okay.

          • I honestly thought Troi’s jump suit was wai less sexist than the thigh high boots and minis of TOS…but….I am weird like that XD

          • amrak63

            Yeah, I liked the TOS uniforms as much as the next cis-het dude, but objectively, yes, they were ridiculous. In 20-20 hindsight, they should have stuck with the pants-for-both-(main)-genders approach of the two pilot episodes.

            Of course, in the first season of TNG, they put some of the background guys in skirt-type uniforms, too–equalizing in the other direction–but that was quickly (and mercifully) forgotten by the second season.

          • The network didn’t like it, I heard tell. Gene’s idea was for a strong female lead (network said she was too cold- imagine that? A woman in power too cold? HUH) also.
            He was not precisely all that very sexist.

          • tomamitai

            I’m just talking about season one, it got good after that, which was around when Roddenberry left. Hell, even the mood music on season one sucked.

    • Serai 1

      Um, it’s iffy. I know a lot of people were upset when they pushed the series back, and there was a whole bochinche when advance photos were released and pretty much everyone hated the design of the new ship. I’ll have to see it before I judge. But given how many reboot series have crashed and burned recently, I’m not holding my breath for this one.

    • BadKitty904

      Ya know, for a “final frontier,” this thing sure gets re-upped a lot.

    • Serai 1

      The series I’m looking forward to is Seth McFarlane’s Star Trek homage, The Orville. He finally got his dream and joined the crew!

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Have not even heard of it. I hang my nerd head in shame. Have to check it out. A space comedy could be a really good idea.

        • Serai 1

          I only know about it because I saw an advance poster at a bus shelter today. It’s premiering on the 10th.

          And yay for space comedy! Galaxy Quest is in my Top Five, and is invariably the movie I put on when I need to cheer up, or when I’m working in the kitchen and need something great that I don’t have to actually look at. (Seen it so many times now, you know.)

    • amrak63

      I can find nice things to say about TNG and the later series, but my favorite will always be the original recipe–and the 1973-74 animated series, warts and all, which was my introduction to Trek. Both shows had obvious flaws, but they were both better than they had any right to be.

  • Moebym of the Returners

    Today sucked. I want my money back.

    And even worse, I’ll probably have to deal with people like this in the future in this job.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    you guys, when does Helix get good – cause I’m on episode 3 and bored.

  • Raan

    https://youtu.be/IkOK8tdEsFY

    I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    Pope Saw Female, Jewish Psychoanalyst Weekly At 42 To ‘Clarify Some Things’

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/world-news/pope-francis-psychoanalyst-weekly-sessions

    • jowgajen

      Seems to have helped, he’s quite successful now.

      • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

        You don’t say.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Though I hear she’s disappointed that he didn’t become a rabbi after all.

  • Suse

    Weird news. The vet refused to euthanize my kitty! She said he needs thyroid meds and made hubby bring him home. She said if we don’t do what she says, she will take him to a place where he’ll be adopted!

    • jowgajen

      My kitty lived several good years on thyroid meds. He didn’t care for the pills *at all* and I did have to spring for a transdermal cream to put in his ear.

      • Suse

        The cream worked as well as pills? He doesn’t do pills, either.

        • jowgajen

          It doesn’t work as well, I am told. We had to dial in the dosage a bit. And you have to switch ears. But, I didn’t see how his quality of life was improved by having a hateful experience with me every fucking day of his life.

          You can try the liquid first. Or smuggling it into a pill pocket. Or getting it mixed into a chew treat. All of those work great. Just my kitty wasn’t stupid enough to go for them.

          • Suse

            Mine has never liked “treats” of any kind. And I agree about the quality of life being ruined by the hateful experience of trying to get meds into him. We’ve never been able to get a full dose of any med into him.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            How old is kitty?

          • Suse

            17

        • h4rr4r

          You can get a cat to take pills. I have done it with my old boy.

      • TootsStansbury

        I had to give my kitty Prozac due to a Very Traumatic Tail Incident. I used pill pockets. After much loving and positive reinforcement he’s off the meds but he has to have his pill pocket every morning. I figure it’ll make it easier to pill him in the future.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      good(?)

      • Suse

        I don’t know. I’m very upset. He’s a sick boy and he’s 17. Adopting him out was not an option for me. He would be totally freaked out.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          that’s why I was hesitant.

          Hopefully you’ll see him bounce back wiht the meds (as much as a 17 year old kitty can).

          • Suse

            We did the $205 blood test and won’t get the results until Tues or Wed. I was ready to send him to a happy afterlife.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            that’s tough friend.

        • jowgajen

          If it’s just thyroid the meds will have him right as rain quite soon. It’s dramatic.

          • h4rr4r

            This!

            I take them, it is fucking huge!

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          OMG, he’s 17!!!! That’s past the life expectancy for a cat. I’d check out a new vet if I were you.

          • h4rr4r

            No it is not!
            If your cats don’t make it that long start taking care of them.

        • TootsStansbury

          Please get a second opinion. It’s awful for us but they don’t understand the suffering. They don’t get that whole what a strong fighter he is B.S., they just suffer.

          • They sometimes turn on those trying to help them because all they understand is “I can no longer trust this person who is now suddenly tormenting me” :/

          • Permit-holder Ron

            I’ve seen that happen with some of my own companions over the years. It hurts twice, if you know what I mean.

          • h4rr4r

            You want to condemn a friend to death instead of treatment? WTF!

          • Generally I am cool with just disagreeing with you here and there, and agreeing with you here and there, but in this special case, that was incredibly rude of you.

            How about this: Why would you willingly torture your friend in their last days instead of granting them a painless end? WTF!

          • h4rr4r

            Skin cream is torture? Really?

          • Depends on the cat. In this case, the vet specified /pills/ to a cat that has a history of not being able to handle medication. A fellow wonker suggested there may be a cream instead that may or may not even work considering how the vet in question specified pills or they take their cat away.
            So yes. Torture. In this case, of both cat AND Suse.

          • h4rr4r

            They were already giving the cat away, just to the abyss rather than someone who might attempt treatment.

            Pills are not torture.

            You can also get it in liquid form.

    • jesterpunk

      Is that good or bad? If your cat was bad enough to need that wouldn’t it just be cruel for them to keep him alive longer? My last cat the vet gave us 2 options, either put her on a ventilator for years or put her to sleep and it seemed really cruel to do that to her.

      • Suse

        That’s what I’m thinking. I don’t want to torture him by struggling with him every day.

        • jesterpunk

          I know this might sound bad but I would say you need a new vet especially if your cat is suffering now. Its not an easy thing to do but your pet shouldn’t suffer because of your current vets feelings.

        • h4rr4r

          They make it liquid and cream.

    • Panika MCD
      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Telegraph Key Kittah!

    • :hugs: I am sorry, Suse. I respect your vet for wanting to go no kill, but…..
      that is a bit extreme to force anyone into either this way or I take away your pet and give it to someone else. Euthanasia for pets or humans in pain and torment is ok; it is when they Euthanize only because “no one wants them” or “preggo” or “no longer want” that the vet should step in, imo :/

      • Three Finger Salute

        What if the humans are in pain and intractable torment because no one wants them?

        Example: the permanently unemployed who’ll never have a job, and will live for the rest of their lives with the indignity of poverty. I think everyone should have the option. (I’d go full Soylent if I had the chance.) Quality of life is the issue. But most countries — even the ones who allow it — only limit it to those who are already knock-knock-knocking on death’s door.

        Which leaves people either suffering in despair and shame or scrambling to find desperate solutions like fentanyl and bleach. Not a good way to go by any stretch of the imagination.

        • If you are healthy and able to try and change your situation, no matter how hard, there is hope. I knew a few Serbian refugees in Richmond, mangled themselves, children dead, horrid things happened to them, they still clung to hope. I dunno if I could have done the same in their stead, probably not.

          BUT, I reach you, and for humans, they should have the right what to do with their own bodies, always. I just would try to talk em out of it.

      • Suse

        He’s sick, miserable, and old. He no longer grooms himself. He pees and poops everywhere. He wanders around the house yowling like a banshee. :-(

        • I think you need to find a new vet, honestly. That was…just uncalled for to threaten you like that.

        • jowgajen

          That doesn’t really sound like thyroid. My kitty lost a lot of weight, was grumpy, and ran very hot. He would look for cool places to rest. If he felt crappy enough I could see him not grooming or using the litter box accurately.

          Is the yowling at night? My other kitty (my avatar) went senile in his old age and would wander the house yowling because he was confused. He also didn’t groom so well, mostly because his hips hurt from arthritis.

          • Suse

            Yowling is mostly at night, but during daylight, too.

          • jowgajen

            Personally I think if it *is* thyroid that it’s reasonably treatable, but the $200 tests are like twice a year and the medicine is cheap-ish but still a financial burden. My thyroid kitty did have several years of good life before the disease finally got him.

            If your vet isn’t on the same page with you about what is reasonable expense and reasonable quality of life for your kitty, then you do need a new vet. Some vets have different ethical lines, and I respect that, but I also get to choose one that has a line that aligns with mine. But you did send your hubby, so you don’t know for sure how it went down.

            Did they give you anything to keep kitty comfy while you wait for the test result? Are they running a kidney panel too? The disease attacks the organs and they will eventually die from heart or kidney disease if it’s untreated.

          • h4rr4r

            If $400 a year is too much and I understand it can be, maybe you are not in a financial place to have pets.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Time to find another vet Suse.

    • DrBigHead

      This will probably piss off more than a few people on this site, but that is NOT the vet’s decision to make. You have lived with the cat. You know her. The vet cannot assess the quality of life that she has. Only you can do that.

      A couple of years ago I had to ask the vet to euthanize my cat. He was with us for over 21 years. My children did not know life without him in the house.For several of those years we had to give him subcutaneous fluids because of renal failure. Was it an easy decision? Hell no, but it became clear that I was doing it because of me and my needs, not his. Fortunately, we have a vet that understands how traumatic this is and was nothing if not supportive.

      You need to do what you believe is right.

      • Suse

        I agree 100%. I was astonished when husband called me. I think we should take him to someone else if there is not significant improvement with thyroid meds. I hate to torture him with the daily fight to get the meds into him.

        • DrBigHead

          Good luck, and whatever decision you make, there should be no guilt. Easy to say, I know.

      • jesterpunk

        I agree 100% with you and I have had cats and/or dogs my whole life. Its not an easy thing to do but when your pet is suffering its better and less painful for them.

    • DainBramage

      I hope your kitty does well on the meds.
      My little black kitty got hyperthyroid a couple of years ago and she reacted badly to the medication. The vet couldn’t explain it. We tried a liquid (not pills) and then the cream rubbed in her ear. She started building up fluid in her chest cavity that had to be drained periodically, making it hard to breathe, and she just spiraled down from there. Poor thing. I had to have her euthanized, of course.

    • h4rr4r

      He can live a good life that way.
      I know, I am on thyroid pills too!

  • DainBramage

    Anyone else watch Norsemen on Netflix? Just 6, 1/2 hour episodes and it’s pretty amusing.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i watched it twice – i could have done without the rape jokes, but otherwise, yeah, funny.

  • Cat Cafe of the Subpoenas

    Editrix posted this story on the tweetybox, about our vacation last week, I SUPPOSE you think I owe everyone an apology. http://metro.co.uk/2017/09/01/naked-elderly-couple-fined-for-going-on-drunken-hotel-rampage-6896944/#ixzz4rSssUr6B

    • Beanz&Berryz

      It’s OK. You kept the Wonkette out of it…

    • jesterpunk

      You know what, with as old as that couple is they should get some leeway for their behavior.

      • Cat Cafe of the Subpoenas

        Also, please, they’re SCOTTISH. Why the hell not.

    • Nothing quite as dangerous as pensioners on dope.

      Monty Python has substantial footage of such shenanigans.

  • Jennifer R
    • lol. They planned for it, but just could not help themselves eh?

    • Just read it. Good read and nothing that surprises me really. Everyone who goes to counter protest needs to read-and re-read- the bits about how they goad you into “throwing the first punch”

      • Jennifer R

        You know where I found that link at?
        The leftistfurs room I chat in, dogpatchpress was drawing a direct link between the techniques they were discussing in that article and what the leaked altfur chat logs have had in them.

        • It is pretty much the same as it ever was, for the left. The very second someone yells back or throws a punch or shoves or anything it is allllll about how violent the left is.
          Same as it ever was.
          Someone round here has a comic that describes it well. I’d google it, but somehow I think I will get pissed off if I google “Comic about the left being violent” XD

        • Permit-holder Ron

          Leftistfurs? Interesting, since alt.lifestyle.furry was started by a couple of social democrats from opposite ends of the Earth.

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah Buncha different kinds DSA, ML, Ancoms, tankies.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Ack, jargon! Explanations for one of the original greymuzzles, SVP?

          • Jennifer R

            democratic socialists of america (a specific party that has been growing in membership the last year or two), marxist-leninists, anarco-comunista, and tankies.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Okay, then, WTF are tankies? I can think of dozens of possibilities but I’m entirely sure I am wrong.

          • Jennifer R

            People who think the answer to everything is more T 34s.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            It isn’t?

  • SCK

    in the time of chimpanzees i was a monkey

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
  • La forza del resistino

    Confederate statue from Beaumont TX, rides off to the Union lines seeking a higher ground.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Funneh aminal gifsplosion.

    http://imgur.com/gallery/kudFd

  • Christ, did this Comey thing really start less than four months ago?

    • Raan

      I know. It feels like a fucking eon.

  • Ezio

    When you have the same last name as a stupid person and pretend to be related to them. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/26521e8a2d2f62037dbe178be61a17b29c9198fcc0efbddee917ac7ab4061b58.jpg

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      no, tell me Dinesh D’Souza isn’t actually funny.

      • that is not funny. That is punching down. Cause see, street people.

        • H0mer0

          they don’t do comedy well. Case in point, Laura Ingraham on the Colbert Report laughing at her own bad writing.

    • Raan

      Hey, that’s how Tom Hagen became consigliere.

      • RMKH

        Yeah, but he got fired when the boss changed.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Miller will hold up well under cross-examination (I’m betting against.)

    • msanthropesmr

      please don’t hurt me, I’ve got so much to give.

  • Doug Langley

    Adventures at work, episode 95430: Friday afternoons I use the spare laptop in the other room to complete my hours online and submit. Boss told me that her boss (manager who hired me) said I shouldn’t submit an hour or two before quitting, I should submit just before. I said okay. Today I complete a pack of filing at 20 till and tell boss I’m submitting hours. “But manager doesn’t want you doing that until 10 minutes till. You can still do more filing.” I point out it’ll take a few minutes to get the machine up and logged in (it’s slow). She says “Not that long” I get on machine and she says “You could be filing while it’s coming up” Then she goes upstairs and talks to manager. She comes down “You could be working while that’s coming up.” “But it’s up now, I was about to go into time sheets” “But you can’t do that for another five minutes. You can be doing filing in the meantime.” Eventually it got done and no more argument.

    Jeez, how low I’ve sunk. I’ve been forced to a job where it doesn’t matter how much I toil all through the day on tedious, back-breaking shit, try and relax for 5 minutes and boss is chewing me out.

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Bootstrapping will continue until morale improves”

      -Unofficial motto of the United States

      • Doug Langley

        I cannot BELIEVE I’m been doing this only 4 weeks now. It feels like 4 years. Tedious, monotonous work, file after file after file, physical pain (back pain when I stand or squat too long, and I get NO chair in the entire day).

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Gah! Minute counters! Time card watchers! I’ve had them, I tolerated them until I could get out. And now I can’t do that to any person I work with.

      Enjoy the holiday weekend, please! It’s on me!

      • Doug Langley

        It’s fantastic. Everyone in the place is so nice, so pleasant, so chilled out – except her. She gets twitchy (There’s too much to do!! THERE’S TOO MUCH TO DO!!!), bosses people around, you get the idea. Not just me. New temp came in this week. I come back from lunch. He’s working in the same area I was. I tell boss “He says he’ll be another 5 minutes, should I find something else to do?” She goes “NO. I told him to give that to you when you came back.” So she marches over to him and chews him out. Nobody can ever please her.

    • BadKitty904

      You’re still looking for a better position, yes?

      • Doug Langley

        YES.

        • BadKitty904

          That’s the ticket.

    • h4rr4r

      You sure she was not just trying to get you more time on the clock?

      • Doug Langley

        She was trying to keep me working every minute and doesn’t like me taking time off on the computer. Even though she had ordered me “Check company email every day” Then suddenly “Don’t check email ever day. You need to get back to work”. Whatever.

        • H0mer0

          she gets paid to micromanage, eh?

          • She seems to think “temp” means “slave” at any rate.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Never met a manager who didn’t.

          • Doug Langley

            Apparently. She’s actually chewed me out for not squatting down to the bottom shelf in the most efficient way.

          • H0mer0

            how come only Hansel and Gretel could get away with suggesting the witch show them how it was done? There are those of us who washed glassware and filed despite a college or advanced degree and reflected upon how demeaning it is and tried to make it less spirit-sucking when we got beyond that and there are those like Alex in “A Clockwork Orange” who saw Christ on the Via Dolorosa and fantasized instead how he could get into being one of the guards flailing at him. Alas.

    • Sheepshagger

      The Unrecorded life is not worth billing.

      Motto of Plato, Leibnitz & Kant, A philosophical law firm.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      You want to talk about working for a huge asshole, try being self-employed.

      • Doug Langley

        I’ve done that. Man, there was just no reasoning with the guy.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Right? What a dick!

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          when I was self-employed, my boss was a LAZY mutherfucker.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I am self-employed and my boss is the biggest asshole I know.

        I still won’t go back to being a salaried drone in a fucking aerospace company, though. Never, never, never.

        Never!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          There are times-like when the mortgage is due-that “salaried drone” sounds like something I’d trade my mother for.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Yeah. Those are the sorts of times when my boss is the biggest asshole. I only have two years left on my mortgage thank doG.

          • Doug Langley

            That’s the ONLY reason I’m suffering through this thing. As of two days ago, my bank account just got enough to pay rent. With enough left over for food and, well, food.

    • Is this the crazy bitch?

      • Doug Langley

        Yeah. Weird how everyone else at the place is so mellow and she’s the only one who’s stressed out.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Wtf is this? What is wrong with these people?..

    https://youtu.be/6hEiMG9cOzA

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I’ve come to the conclusion that Trump IS the Antichrist. How else could you explain business, political and religious leaders sucking up to someone who is obviously an ignorant buffoon both physically and mentally?

      • The cynical part of me thinks these “faith” leaders have some idea of how racist, misogynist their followers really are and realize that if they don’t support Orange Judas they may loose their flock. So they praise Trump to keep their flock from dumping them and stopping the gravy train.

        • lose their diminishing flocks.
          Remember: Churches of all stripes are seeing ever dwindling attendance. Yes, even the megas.

          • amrak63

            I doubt the major religions will ever die out altogether as long as human beings exist, but the “Christian” Right did damage USAmerican Christianity severely, by hijacking the word “Christian” for their mean-spirited neo-Pharisaic worldview.

          • They just can’t figure why people are leaving them. They must not be conservative ENOUGH.
            Sure. That is the ticket.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I came to that conclusion at least a year ago.

      • Serai 1

        Yep, I think he is, too. If we’re lucky, we can mitigate the damage before he ends up destroying the world.

      • amrak63

        Nah, Covfefe isn’t smart enough.

        I might entertain the idea seriously for his master Putin, however.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Phucking Pharisees

    • OrG

      FUCK these people. Every Fucking one of them.

    • BadKitty904

      You’re doing a heck of a job, there, fuckwit…

      ~ Texas and the rest of reality-based America

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
      • amrak63

        This Python scene makes sense to me.

        Pride is the deadliest of the Seven Deadly Sins.

        God has no sin.

        Therefore, it follows that God has no pride.

        Therefore, one would not expect that grovelling would please God.

  • Jennifer R
    • jowgajen

      There are 200 tweets in that thread. I’m not sure Twitter is the medium for that story haha.

      • Jennifer R

        This is a feeling I agree with, however it’s super detailed and one cannot fault him for leaving out the info.

    • Amelia Resists and Persists

      Holy shit, what a read that was.

    • drip drip drip

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    ooooh – original Jaws is now on netflix!

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      It comes and goes. Leave it on, Netflix, and quit playing with my emotions!

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        but it really is on!

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          Yes. It comes and goes. Sometimes it is available on streaming, other times, it is not. I went to watch it on July 4th, and it had disappeared. Now it’s back.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      as I remember that kitteh has some kind of condition that makes him do that.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Aw man…
        I thought it was just a kitteh mocking the dog.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          sorry, didn’t mean to ruin it.

          Those two ARE buddies, but, yeah, he’s a “special” kitteh.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Cute kitteh … looks like she/he is in a good home.

      • jesterpunk

        Something wrong with his ear?

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i really don’t remember, the fact that I made the connection at all confirms I can only remember the absolute most useless shit.

      • Moebym of the Returners

        cerebellar dysplasia?

      • data_ninja

        Purrkinsons?

        I’ll show myself out on that one.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      My inner ear heard “Nope, nope, nope, nope!”

  • Picabo
    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Irma is on the east coast track … charge your batteries now!

      • h4rr4r

        This is when I smile smugly for banning disposable batteries from my home. Eneloops for the win!

    • Serai 1

      GO HOME IRMA YOU’RE DRUNK

    • Panika MCD

      pretty sure that’s not how hurricane season works.

      • Our turn now, Panika! Though right where I am, we are lucky. Generally smacks a bit further south and sort of skips around us and the great big bay protecting our dumb asses.
        Only when it goes up the bay we get serious problems right here.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Marriage makes people weird. I worked from home today, and spent the last couple hours alternately smoking a duck, bs-ing with my neighbor, and doing paperwork. So, I check on my duck, and my neighbor is standing there. He tells me the duck looks good.
    “Yeah, that’ll show her.”
    “Show who?”
    “My wife.”
    “Did she say you wouldn’t be able to do it?”
    “No.”
    “. . . or you couldn’t do it?”
    “No. She doesn’t know anything about it.”
    “Okay, then.”

    • Jennifer R

      I too both love to smoke duck and hate apple’s auto spell check.

      • Teecha

        For ducks sake, apple.

    • Sheepshagger

      Waking up in a permanent Rodney Dangerfield bit is hard at first.

    • natoslug

      So you’re saying your duck is cooked?

      • natoslug

        Dammit, it’s the goose that is cooked. Not sure what the duck is supposed to be, other than what to do when the shooting starts.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      I can see how it’d take a couple of hours to smoke a duck. Must be a hassle keeping it lit.

  • Nasty Woman Persisted
    • jesterpunk

      Irma is projected to go up the east coast and possibly up to Canada.

    • MynameisBlarney

      “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.”

      ~The Florida Keys

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        “I’m just working on me right now.” – NOLA

      • jesterpunk

        Mar-A-Lago is though, if it could just hit there I wouldn’t complain.

        • OrG

          Yeah, except tRump-a-gogo isn’t the only thing there.

          • jesterpunk

            Alex Jones said we can control the weather, why cant we make it just hit there then dissipate?

        • Jeffocaster in the West

          He would get gobs of insurance and FEMA money. Probably make it cash positive.

          • jesterpunk

            Dammit, forgot he would scam money from the government even if he doesnt suffer much damage.

          • yeah but….it would sure be fun to watch the religious types spin it as all the fault of the gays

          • Permit-holder Ron

            ‘It tore up three trees. Whattaya think, 2.7 million apiece?’

          • Jeffocaster in the West

            Those were great trees, gotta say. The best.

    • Michael R
    • MynameisBlarney
    • Irma, Matthew was here last year. He moved on, so should you…

  • Panika MCD

    ever wonder why Texans are so gaga about bats? they eat mosquitoes. that’s why we’re saving them right now.

    https://www.treehugger.com/animals/why-theyre-saving-bats-houston.html

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • MynameisBlarney
    • Sheepshagger

      “Nixons letters to his mother: volume one”.

      • Rags

        Jack Benny to Milton Berle:”Ignore this telegram.”
        Berle to Benny:”What telegram?”

    • Serai 1

      I miss telegrams. Not that I ever got one, but there’s a lot to be said for sending one like this. I mean, take a look at that. That? is not possible today. There’s no way, with our instant technology, to have this impact – a missive so spare because each word cost money, and then a long wait to find out just what the hell it’s supposed to mean, with no way to find out. The recipient just had to stew until the letter came.

  • Serai 1
    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      that kitty is entranced!

    • Moebym of the Returners

      Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      just played this for mom…as she was walking away I said, you should see the horse with the squeaky chicken.

      She spun around on her heels to came back to see THAT SHIT.

    • Lord Jim

      “This hand. It is not petting me. See the problem?”

  • BREAKING NEWS IS HARD TO DO: Trump’s longtime aid a possible BFF quits.

    NEW IMPROVED CNN LINK!

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/01/politics/keith-schiller-donald-trump/index.html

  • Suse

    I’ve been on a strict medical weight loss program since June 22. It’s 960 calories/day and no alcohol. I’ve lost 15 lbs and 5 inches off my waist. I’m so upset today I’m drinking gin and eating peanuts. Help me!

    • h4rr4r

      Well you can have 9 shots and a fistful of peanuts and not break the calorie limit.

      I have a 14+ year old cat, when he goes me and Jim Beam or Evan Williams will likely spend some quality time together.

    • MynameisBlarney
    • Jonny On Maui

      You deserve a break. Give yourself one…

      • Suse

        I feel like a failure.

        • Doug Langley

          Bodybuilders call them “cheat meals”. When dieting is so overwhelming, just have one meal of ANYTHING you want. Doesn’t hurt the diet and perks you right up.

          • Suse

            It’s not allowed at all on this plan, so I won’t tell anyone except you guys. You’re all so non-judgmental and supportive.