Oh, COME ON! Now they’re just trolling us! Yesterday Politico revealed Betsy DeVos’s choice to head the Student Aid Enforcement Unit. On the plus side, she picked a guy who knows a thing or two about fraud and abuse in student aid. On the minus side, he learned it working at DeVry University, the for-profit school that just paid out $100 million in fines for telling potential students all the lies to entice them to enroll.

If you like Betsy DeVos, you’re going to love Julian Schmoke!

Julian Schmoke

Dr. Schmoke was a dean at DeVry between 2009 and 2012. During that time, the Federal Trade Commission sued the school for claiming that 90% of its graduates were employed in their field within six months of graduation. In fact, the real number dipped as low as 52%. Per WaPo,

According to the FTC lawsuit, DeVry counted graduates as working in their field when they were not, in order to boost its employment outcomes. A 2012 graduate who majored in business administration was working as a server at a restaurant, while another with a degree in technical management was working as a rural mail carrier.

Schmoke’s Twitter biography lists him as having “expertise in Student Retention.” DeVry’s retention model was to convince students to take on tens of thousands of dollars in federally subsidized loans. The coursework provided dim prospects of ever earning it back, but alumni were cordially invited to eat it take their concerns up with the lender.

Unfortunately, a bunch of Big Gubmint Libruls passed a law in 1992 saying that Uncle Sam can’t be paying all the tuition. For-profit schools had to find at least some students who were willing to pay upfront, or it would have to loan them the money themselves. And knowing that those expensive courses weren’t going to translate into jobs, DeVry and the other scam schools weren’t about to put their own capital at risk.

But when God closes a door, she opens a window. If the barkers could draw in more veterans, they could make bank! Per Business Insider,

But there was a loophole: veterans. The language of the act says that no more than 85 percent should come from Title IV federal funds, which doesn’t include G.I. Bill money. So for instance, DeVry University says it receives 80 percent of its funding from the federal government in the form of federal student aid, but that number doesn’t include veterans, whom it actively recruits. (DeVry spends more of that money on marketing than on student instruction, by the way.)


And it’s not just DeVry. In his new position, Schmoke will have responsibility for policing the whole sector.

In 2009, for instance, Kaplan University invested $29 million in the recruitment of veterans, including hiring 45 staffers whose main job it was to woo vets, often by visiting Wounded Warrior centers and veterans’ hospitals.

In the six months after Trump’s election, DeVry’s stock went up 55%. And with one of their own guarding the henhouse, the sky’s the limit! Betsy DeVos already put the kibosh on Obama-era regs that allowed students to use fraud by the school as a defense to loan repayment. But the 1,875 pending claims against DeVry are in good hands with Schmoke!

Well played, Trumpland!

And since you guys are thinking outside of the box, Wonkette has a few non-traditional hires your HR team might want to consider.

  • Mike Milken, Securities and Exchange Commission
  • Randy “Duke” Cunningham, Office of Government Ethics
  • Bill Frist, Center for Medicare and Medicaid
  • Wesley Snipes, IRS
  • Ann Coulter, Ambassador to Saudi Arabia
  • Jimmy John Liautaud, National Labor Relations Board
  • Mary Kay LeTourneau, Undersecretary of Abstinence Only Education
  • Erik Prince, Viceroy of Afghanistan
  • Montgomery Burns, Nuclear Regulatory Commission
  • Elmer Fudd, Bureau of Wildlife

Oh, but we are to kid! (Seriously, Erik, don’t use Wonkette as a reference. We are not down with your batshit crazy plan for Afghanistan.)

Look, conservatives, we know that you measure success in #LiberalTears. If we’re outraged, then it must be good. But do you have to screw veterans and poor people, too? It just seems like overkill, you know?

[Politico / WaPo / Business Insider / Inside Higher Ed / Buzzfeed]

Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you! Do we spam you with pop ups for scam schools? WE DO NOT! Please show us some love!

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  • calliecallie

    Where there’s Schmoke, there’s “you’re fired.”

  • Iron Monkey

    Groucho Marx for Ambassador to Fredonia, Karl Marx for Secretary of the Treasury, Richard Marx for Minister of Culture.

  • TJ Barke

    The scammification of all american institutions under Trump is so fucking appalling…

    • OutOfOrbit

      and yet no one who can stop him has stepped up to the plate

      • Fun with Cthulhu

        Honest question. Who could stop the Drumpf? Which individual would that be?

        • OutOfOrbit

          Kelly, the rest of the cabinet would follow him (25th)

  • OutOfOrbit

    Wha hoppen? did we brake the discus?

    • armed_bears


    • Msgr_MΩment

      Just a slipped disqus.

      • OutOfOrbit

        that is a pain

      • gedjcj

        I really didn’t think you’d stoop to that level.

  • Trump. Making America great again by turning us into a open kleptocracy modeled after Mother Russia.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Students will be strongly urged to take orders for Amway products and can earn valuable points* against their student loan balance.

    • jesterpunk

      You joke but Sallie Mae does something like that already.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Betsy DeVos Couldn’t Hire Trump University Fraud Chief, Went With Next Best Thing

    TBF, that dude concocted a shit-ton of fraud, so s/he’s a real hard worker.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s hard out there for a President of a phony vocational training institution.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Look, conservatives, we know that you measure success in #LiberalTears. If we’re outraged, then it must be good. But do you have to screw veterans and poor people, too?

    “Um, it’s not much fun if we don’t do that.” – Conservatives

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Seriously, part of their motivation is to inflict pain, on both liberals and their victims. Sadism is part of their makeup. They can’t enjoy their grand meals unless they know that people somewhere are starving.

  • Joe Beese

    OK, I retract my earlier defense of Arkema.

    … the company was unprepared for a completely predictable meteorological catastrophe, I’d say. Of course, over the past two days, the Arkema people have given us a master class in Not Giving A Damn. … [Matt Dempsey of the Houston Chronicle and Rachel Maddow] played a tape of a conference call on which Dempsey pressed the CEO of Arkema, Rich Rowe, about what substances were in the company’s plant that would be released if the plant blew, as it apparently did Thursday morning. Rowe refused to answer, which was his perfect right within Texas’ business-friendly environment. They could be hoarding nerve gas in that place, and be perfectly within the law not to tell anybody about it.

    In fact, and this is the delectable part of the entire farce, there apparently is a law in Texas that specifically forbids many cities and towns from designing their own fire codes. Hell, the state even passed a law forbidding cities and towns from requiring fire sprinklers in new construction. Freedom!

    Two years ago, Dempsey and his team put together a staggering eight-part series about the lack of rudimentary safety precautions that exists in what has become the petrochemical capital of the country. The series took a chunk out of both the recklessness of the Texas state government and out of the spavined state of the EPA and OSHA even under President Obama, the latter problems having gotten worse under the current administration. You should read the whole thing, but Part Six of the series is particularly relevant. It describes how the city government of Houston, and its responsible officials, are flying completely blind as to what is being manufactured and stored in the hundreds of plants in and around the city.

    • Stulexington

      So when does this shit become criminal level reckless endangerment?

      • TJ Barke

        It already is, in civilized places.

        • 🐶 BRAINTHRUST 5000 🐶

          What about Texas though?

          • TJ Barke

            Didn’t you just answer your own question?

      • Any place but Texas.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Kid Rock National Endowment For the Arts.
    Ted Nugent Congressional Medal of Honor winner

  • Creepoman

    “DeVos DeVry DeFUQ???”

    How do I get in on the action?
    – convicted felon and wanna-be scam artist Dinesh D’Souza

    • ManchuCandidate

      He’s not a wanna-be. He is…. The King’s College of NYC

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        But imagine a world where he could call himself a “professor” and obligate his students into buying his sad “libs are Nazis” book. Finally, he’d sell a few!

        • jesterpunk

          Why are you giving him ideas?

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            Hmm, good point. It’s likely a safe bet that he’d never show his clown face here at Wonkette, though.

            But if he does, I demand a cut of the royalties.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He was “in on it” in the sense of being President of “The King’s College” (a Christian liberal arts college from 2010 to 2012.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    So, the Ministry of Integrity is exactly like the Ministry of Truth, the Ministry of Peace, and the Ministry of Love?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      In the sense that the Ministry of Truth says they are all doing a great job, yes.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    What’s the point of selling educational-flavored snake oil if the government won’t let you make insane profits on it?

    Time for a repost of this: I Teach At A For-Profit College: 5 Ridiculous Realities. Much still holds true, but in our current climate, the last section will make you sad.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Donaldland, open kleptocracy in the the vein of Suharto’s Indonesia, Mugabe’s Zaire, and Ceausescu’s Romania.

    • TJ Barke

      Or Putin’s Russia…

    • gedjcj

      I think you meant Mobutu.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        You’re right. Mugabe’s Zimbabwe. Those Z countries are easy to confuse.

        Don’t be a smartass and ask how I confused two countries with totally different names!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I will just take this student aid money in small unmarked bills home with me, to inspect it for corruption! I work at home…that’s how dedicated I am. If necessary, I will give it a good laundering too!”
    — Not the good Dr. J

  • MynameisBlarney
    • OutOfOrbit

      another way to write off a vacation as a business expense

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Drain trap libelz!

      Also, the worst public restroom odors are from people who aim for the toilet/urinal but manage to miss somehow.

    • Belasaurius

      oh god, the kitchen sink smells too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Coffee Spewed on the Keyboard Award

    • Vincent Ricola

      I have too many jokes and am indecisive so nevermind.

  • ariel_gee_398

    “Oh, so Trump hires a black man and the liberals are complaining about it? Who’s racist now?” – a Breitbart commenter, probably

  • Covfefe

    52% of DeCry graduates are hired within the field in six months. Grand. What percentage of law school graduates are hired in their field in six months?

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Depends on who their daddy is.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Depends very much on the school. There are loads of scammy low-end law schools that will take anyone, and get them $200k into debt using the promise of a big-law job that they have no reasonable prospect of actually landing.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        A lot of Drublic Jr.’s professors suggested law school, because he’s bright and quick at verbal comprehension. He’s also not terribly aggressive and would naturally lean toward some form of do-gooder legal work. We talked about it a lot, and the answer always came back hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt that he would never be able to pay back.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Yeah. “House payment without the house” is how I describe my education debt.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Well, if you truly want to be a lawyer and do good work, there are ways of avoiding crippling debt. (Though one of them, Public Service Loan Forgiveness, is on the chopping block in this brave new world.) But my advice is always don’t go to law school as a stepping stone to another career, only go to law school if you actually want to be a lawyer. Just not worth it otherwise. For a lot of careers, a masters in public policy or something similar will serve you just as well or better than a law degree.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I think my immigration attorney friend did that, working for the Florence Immigration Project at the ICE detention center north of here. Ultimately, aside from being burned out with school, I (and he) don’t think he’s the personality type to be very happy as a lawyer…not that I know what that type is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not him.

    • eastcoastlib

      Please don’t attempt to defend these so called schools. They turn out worthless pieces of paper costing students ten’s of thousands of dollars in government guaranteed debt. It’s a shitty little scam aimed at the poor and enabled by friendly government policies

      • Covfefe

        I’m not trying to defend those so-called law schools. You wouldn’t believe the amount of debt today’s law school graduates carry. Half of them are never going to be able to repay it in today’s job market for lawyers.

        • eastcoastlib

          A law degree is hardly synonymous with a degree from a non accredited for profit college.

          • Rags

            Unless it’s Cooley…..

  • La forza del resistino

    Why not just appoint Fagin as chair of advanced pick pocket studies upon Dicken’s recommendation.

  • Belasaurius

    Darth Vader day care, what’s the worst that could happen?

  • Joe Beese

    Josh Marshall:

    … the Kushner family owes hundreds of millions of dollars on [666 5th Avenue] that it really cannot hope to recoup by any business means. As this new article in Bloomberg explains, the plan – if you can call it that – seems to be to go even further into debt by demolishing the building, building a newer and better one and recouping the losses over the very long-term. As the Bloomberg piece understatedly and elegantly puts it, that means the money has to come from someone who isn’t interested in making a profit or maybe even holding on to their investment.

    Short of outright corruption that might mean foreign money looking for a showpiece property in New York City or foreign money looking to get out of its unstable country of origin. Before the Trump campaign, Kushner was having a very hard time finding anyone who was interested – not surprisingly! That changed dramatically when he became top deputy to the President of the United States. Then everyone wanted to talk – including the head of the Russian state bank which makes ‘strategic’ investments for Vladimir Putin.

    I had had a hard time figuring out why this hadn’t already been settled. For any number of foreign billionaires – or the states they work in concert with – taking a loss of a few hundred million dollars would be a great deal to be in that tight with the President’s family. The irony was that with Kushner’s new and totally unrivaled power came new and totally unrivaled scrutiny. Dirty or no-profit-seeking money doesn’t like scrutiny. One Chinese and another Gulf state concern were going to end Kushner’s troubles earlier in the year. But they got spooked when reporters started asking questions. It was almost unquestionably this money hunt that led Kushner to meet with that chief of a Russian owned state bank during the transition – a source of many of his current troubles.

    What all of this amounts to is that while Kushner has been given oversight of numerous key foreign policy issues and problems his ‘family’ is simultaneously in a desperate hunt for money which basically has to come from abroad – from a lot of the people he meets with in his White House job. It’s like having a Secretary of State desperate for help getting money from every foreign potentate he meets with. In fact, it’s not ‘like’ that. It sort of is that.

    • jesterpunk

      They are advertising connections to Jared and Trump to try and get foreign investors.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Gee, it’s too bad none of this is illegal, or even frowned upon, anymore. I sure would like to see delicate-flower Javanka in prison stripes.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Sen. Duckworth going for the jugular.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      ooo, I would looooove to see Carl Icahn finally get what’s coming to him.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Great article about him in the current New Yorker.

        • puredog

          Last week’s New Yorker, but, yes, that was fascinating. Typical classic NYer article; I didn’t think I cared about Icahn but started reading and found it mesmerizing. I especially liked the way it contrasted Trump and Icahn, the latter being the real deal that Trump only pretends to be: excellent dealmaker, truly mega-rich, and a genuinely self-made man. Consummate asshole to be sure, but all those things as well.

  • OT: “Toxicity is a relative thing…” Rich Rennard, Akema

    We now have our Everyman Hero of Hurricane Harvey. Poor, pretty-in-the-face Akema exec, who’s company is about to mega-fart burning chemicals all over Texas. He just did a presser on CNN where FAKE NEWS TROLLS haughtily demanded answers to GOTCHA questions like “what level of toxicity can we expect when your plant goes boom?” and ” At what temperature does your burning plant go boom?”.

    Rennard Address the People of Texas:

    I like the way de described burning poison-spewing lakes of fire as ‘Product Degradement’.

    This post brought to you by the fine folks at

    • ariel_gee_398

      That’s not toxicity – it’s freedom from burdensome government regulation.

  • Me not sure

    New motto for the DOE: “Narrowing the scope and shallowing the depth of American education since 2017”

  • Bill D. Burger

    American DeVos education! ____ DeVos + Devry = Devalued

    Motto: We Love the Poorly Educated

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      When my son got into Oberlin Conservatory (humblebrag), I made him a t-shirt that said “DeVry University School of Music” (complete with logo) on the front and “I got my degree in just 2 years!” on the back.

  • canes_pugnaces

    That flushing sound: why that’s Trump’s America.

  • Viktor

    I used to live by a Devry school. The fancy people in my neighborhood would call it “Devree”, to class it up a little.

  • Joe Beese

    A Missouri legislator on Wednesday called for a vandal who defaced a Confederate statue to be lynched.

    State Rep. Warren Love (R) was responding on Facebook to a story about an unidentified vandal who threw paint on a Confederate memorial in Springfield National Cemetery, the Riverfront Times reported. …

    Love later told the paper he didn’t mean for the post to be taken literally. The threat recalled killings that the Ku Klux Klan and other white supremacy groups used to enforce strict racial hierarchies.

    “That was an exaggerated statement that, you know, a lot of times is used in the Western world when somebody does a crime or commits theft,” he said. “That’s just a Western term and I’m very much a Western man. You know, I wear a coat. You know, I dress Western. And, you know, I’m the cowboy of the Capitol.”

    • TJ Barke
    • ariel_gee_398

      A term used in the western world to specifically refer to the extralegal killing of black men for the crime of rising above their station in life or just existing in a white man’s world, if anyone is interested in accuracy.

      • Augustus

        there were actually quite a few people lynched throughout the country that weren’t black, mainly non-Anglo immigrants like Irish and Italians

        your point is not diminished, though, and surely this guy can go fuck himself, Western style

        • Arolpin

          I assume by ‘Western Style’ you mean with a metal fence post wrapped in barbed wire, on a bed of cactus, correct?

          • Augustus

            that’s the only way they know how

        • Querolous

          The largest lynching was sanctioned by Lincoln.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Is that not incitement?

      • Augustus



    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      You’re a no-good, bushwackin’, sidewindin’ tenderfoot sodbuster. That’s what you are, sir.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      You know, Rep. Love, you are a fucking mouth breathing, horseshit eating moron.

    • Stulexington

      Yup, still only have my disgust and contempt, to attain the dizzying heights of my hatred they’d have to show actual conviction instead of slinking behind weaselly lies.

    • Rags

      “I was just joking.” Number elebenty leben

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Seems to me that that’s kind of, I dunno, illegal behaviour?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Chicago’s got an actual charter high school run by DeVry, and paid for with local and state taxes. Yup.

    • TJ Barke

      It’s a scam. It’s all just a scam to siphon public money into private coffers.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “You’re welcome, Chicago!”
      — Rahm Emanuel

      • OutOfOrbit

        thanks, Obama

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    The whole for-profit school model is just a basic money grab for the wealthy.

    1) Rich people promise poor people social mobility and independence.
    2) Poor people take out the maximum amount of loans based upon advice from salescritters recruiters who earn commission on the amount of loans taken out.
    3) Over a hundred thousand dollars in loans per student are given to the rich
    4) The poor get worthless degrees that do not aid in social mobility
    5) The loans taken out by the poor cannot be discharged and the individuals fall further behind as more rich people prey upon them through service and collection fees.

    6) Fuck the rich and all the people who let this happen.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Veterans are a favorite target. You know, because Trump and his henchmen have so much respect for those who served.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Well, and as this post noted, Congress wrote the laws to make them especially valuable targets.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “Wait….we can get them to put their lives on the line AND saddle them with crippling debt for life later? Win/win!!”

  • mardam422

    Fox…meet henhouse.
    They have to be out of henhouses soon, right? RIGHT???

  • Baconzgood

    I hate basketball so I’m sticking by then phone so I can be the commissioner of the NBA.

    • laughingnome

      James Taylor is a major talent. Michael Bolton not so much.

      • Shanzgood

        Don’t try to talk to him about James Taylor or Sicilians. Trust me on this, it won’t go well.

      • Baconzgood

        “James Taylor is a major talent”

        Well, those are words I never expected to see in a sentence.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      You could probably get a General Manager job with about half the teams in the league. By the way the sign and trade players, I figure they must hate basketball too.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • JMP

    Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too?

  • Joe Beese

    Yeah, that’s not good.

    Venezuela’s embattled government lurched closer toward dictatorship Tuesday as the country’s new national assembly voted to hold trials of opposition leaders for treason.

    Hours after the vote, the United Nations issued a report condemning President Nicolas Maduro’s use of violence and torture against his opponents.

    Venezuela’s national assembly, stacked with allies of President Nicolas Maduro, unanimously approved a decree instructing the country’s chief prosecutor’s office to immediately begin investigating “traitors” from the opposition accused of supporting U.S. sanctions against Venezuela.

    I found no trace of this story anywhere on – though the BBC has it.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      And somewhere in the WH, somebody’s taking notes.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Nice Time…
    Virginia county cancels Civil War encampment weekend.

    Also, too.
    Hollywood, Fl to remove street names named after confederate generals.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I have mixed feelings on the first story. It’s probably the right call, but if anyone can rebute fake historical bullshit, it’s people involved in reenacting. Be nice to hear what some reenactors have to say.

      Thank God my historical interest is ancient times, middle ages and The Napoleonic wars. No current event is going to stop an SCA “war”.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Where “all sides” are involved…

    • MynameisBlarney

      Why don’t those morans just go fucking camping?
      Why do they gotta pretend they’re traitors to the United States fighting for the right to own people?

      • C4TWOMAN

        Remember only half of them are pretending to be traitors. The other half are Union.
        I wonder if some people switch places some years?

        • NastyBossetti

          Based on reenactors I have known, no. You spend a good deal of time and money on your persona, and I think those costs would be prohibitive for many people to have more than one kit. Plus, in a lot of cases, people are reenacting something from their own family’s history, so it’s not the kind of thing you switch sides on.

          • C4TWOMAN

            K, makes sense. I was an early barbarian for years in the SCA–very unlikely I’d switch to middle period over night.

            I do understand people’s discomfort, but they should remember, at the end of every reenactment, the South loses.

        • MynameisBlarney

          I know, but STILL.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Just remember, at the end, the South always loses.
            Though I’m sure there are people involved who feel misguided resentfulness, the fact the South does in fact lose, means they’re connected to reality.

            I’d me much more concerned about a historical group who decided to take the SCA’s approach to the Antebellum South, where ANYONE could win or lose because “both sides”.
            In the SCA’s case, we’re clear it’s an “idealized” Middle Ages that never existed and all the war crimes that would make some bits problematic happened centuries ago and don’t affect the modern world.

            We’re still living with the effects of slavery so care does need to be taken.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Dudleydidwrong

      Even with that dual exhaust muffler he couldn’t get away from the Yugo that clobbered his ass.

  • Scooby

    If it wasn’t for fake schools we would have no education at all.

  • jesterpunk

    South Hampton Institute of Technology is a better school then some of these for profit schools and that isnt even a real school.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The people there really know their shit, however.

  • Anna Rompage

    The Trump admin can’t get any worse than it already is…

    (Trump Admin) Here, hold my beer…..

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      There are always new nadirs…

      • Beanz&Berryz

        An integral part of flushing the whole thing down the toilet… down, down, down… ’til the sadly comforting splash into the sewer

        • puredog

          It’s all just preliminary squirmishing before a nuclear exchange with the Norks. There’s your nadir.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Ralph Nadirs?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • unionthuggery

    Unqualified department head hires unqualified assistant.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Hilarity ensues.

      • pstokk

        3. Profit

  • cats530

    “Look, conservatives, we know that you measure success in #LiberalTears.
    If we’re outraged, then it must be good. But do you have to screw
    veterans and poor people, too? It just seems like overkill, you know?”

    Yes they do have to screw veterans and they ESPECIALLY love screwing the poor. The best thing EVER!

    • Stulexington

      The poor don’t fight back, it’s like win win for the shitweasels.

      • Sometimes they do. But they usually miss the target. Rather than, say, the legislator who passed some dickish law, they shoot the receptionist at the front desk their local bank branch. Then the other poor, the police, show up and shoot him or take him away to help fill the new private prison.

        So the poor have not fought back effectively.
        So the poor have not fought back with sufficient votes.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nockular cavity

    Did Dr. Schmoke offer a schmoke and a pancake?

  • SayItWithWookies

    I sorta figured that school vouchers plus for-profit universities amounted to a Schmoke-and-mirrors education, but I never guessed it would be so literal.

  • kareemachan

    I just found out that 38% of our school district’s (small but in a tourist destination spot) students live in poverty. And repugs want to make that worse with various cuts and putting this bitch in charge of education. Sigh.

  • There are now so many foxes in the henhouse that it is a foxhouse.

  • goonemeritus

    Time to open Wonkette “U”, a diverse collection of majors could be offered. Culinary Arts (that cake we like), Pre-Law (suing the stupid man on the internet) and of course journalism.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Journanimalism sometimes, I think.

      • P’jama Pahnts

        How to Journalise whilst hung over

    • MynameisBlarney

      And Snark Etiquette.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Got’cher etiquette right here! *grabs crotch derisively*

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Got to have a major in Buttsechs Education.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Goin’ for a double with Surprise Buttsechs Education.

      • TundraGrifter

        Taught by the professor in the (well) Endowed Jessica Cutler Chair. And couch. And floor…

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Marine Biology, too, with our extensive expertise on the migratory patterns of CANNED CLAMS!

      • phoenix00

        Teaching more MONSTERS? Sign me up!

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Also too, the Lori Chair in Applied Automobile Financing.

  • writersbloc

    I responded to a teaching job post for the Art Institute here in town during height of recession (shit for-profit art school). The guy offered me the job after a 5-minute overview where he asked me zero questions about myself or my qualifications- and told me nothing about what he needed me to teach.

    When I asked what the curriculum was he just said “You follow the text book.” This was for teaching a graphic design class. I didn’t tell him I’d think about it, rejected it on the spot. Wasn’t interested in helping them steal money from “students”. These schools are trash.

    • puredog

      Would it have been possible to take the job, take their money, and then actually TEACH the students (“textbook” be damned)? Or would that have been a firing offense?

      • Rags

        Students would complain when their instructor didn’t use the tests they already have from their friendly local test bank.

  • MynameisBlarney

    “Turmp ‘Seized with fear’ over Mueller investigations”

    • HorseChestnut

      Yay, nice time!

    • Zippy49

      He’ll just pardon everyone…twice. The second time, after they’ve been convicted.

    • Edith Prickly

      I hope all the KFC he eats is giving him wicked heartburn.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    This may be a tad TL:DR but I’m sharing anyway:
    My first teaching job – which I held during what they now call my “gap year” and was, in fact, during the year after my sophomore year of college when I dropped out a week before finals and flunked all my classes – was at a for-profit “business” college.
    I was an English major who had never taken a business course in my life, hadn’t taken a typing class since junior high, had never taught or done much public speaking, and admitted all of that upfront in the interview.
    I was hired to teach two typing classes, Business Management, and Public Speaking.
    I did my best for my students, though I can’t say that my “best” was of much use to them considering that I taught the business class by reading the chapters ahead of teaching them, with no real-world experience to back up my lessons, and that the first class I taught I was shaking so hard from nerves I overheard one student say to the other “This must be what too much caffeine looks like.”
    TL:DR version: Fuck these people for their callous indifference to working people’s desire to better themselves.

  • Mavenmaven

    Essentially, let’s just take all the convicted white collar criminals and give them government positions.

    • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

      White collars matter also, too!

    • toughsister

      The Orange-Utan and his cronies have done that already.

    • TundraGrifter

      Keep your friends close…but don’t let your wife find out!

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    This nothing to do with education. It has everything to do with the GOP’s desire to keep the electorate stupid. The dumber the better. The dumber the more likely they vote red. They love the undereducated, They’ve are on the record on this point.

    • Edith Prickly

      And to line their own pockets at the same time. Everything is a long con with these people.

    • Keith Taylor

      Not that they had to go on the record with it. The GOP wants an uneducated, uninformed electorate. Voters who unanimously believe the Earth is flat and the end times are upon us, so it doesn’t matter about climate change or who’s President, because the Moon will turn to blood and the stars fall next Tuesday, or the Tuesday after at the latest, are the voters they want. It’s been obvious for a while. The GOP needs, really needs, many more people uninformed enough to believe that Donald Trump is a competent businessman and Barack Obama was born in Kenya.

  • toughsister

    You mean she didn’t pick someone more honest, like a street pickpocket?

  • HorseChestnut

    Borg Queen to head NASA, Sweeney Todd for USDA chief…

  • Randy Riddle

    Has he hired Ralph Reed to head the Office of Gay Outreach yet? Or will Pence be getting a Duggar and a Catholic priest to personally handle that?

  • toughsister

    Sometime ago, I went on a Wikipedia binge to find out how countries other than the USA regulated their universities. From Canada to Kazakhstan, in order to be allowed to put “university” in its name, an institution has to be accredited, has to have an actual campus, and above all, has to have financial transparency and demonstrate responsible management of programs and students. In many countries, no for-profit (or for that matter religiously-affiliated) institutions can call themselves a “university”, and even then they are closely watched for honesty in dealing with its students and actually produce tangible outcomes.

    • Zippy49

      Damn, I always thought that to be called a University you had to have a research department that publishes facts.

      I live near a couple of exceptions… a Baptist “U” and an Adventist “U.” They get tax breaks from our city, too.

      • toughsister

        How much refereed research do “universities” like Bob Jones University and Liberty University publish?

    • The Flaming Carrot

      Ain’t unregulated capitalism grand?

    • Grokenstein

      “AMURIKAH IZ NUBBER WUN!!” — DeVry top-honors grad

  • WeaselPoo

    At the for profit school i taught at the teaching staff were all subject matter qualified with experience and were conscientious instructors. Placement was 64% in 2012 improved to low 80s during my time because economy improved. But the bosses pushed for loan-backed courses at the expense of goverment assistance/unemployment programs. Recruting/admissions had a high turnover because admission director would lie to meet his numbers and honest staff would be berated for their lower but honest numbers.
    Its actually a tough business and that is the problem—like healthcare, educatipn should not be a business in the classic sense.

    • I totally agree.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Maybe (for profits) – don’t do it?…

  • Ricky Gay
  • Okay, I know I’m gonna take some flak for what I’m about to say but please hear me out. I worked at a DeVry Campus for a number of years as a computer programmer instructor and then as a Dean. The Academic Dept at my campus cared deeply about our students and were committed to educating our students to be successful in the workforce and being Accredited meant a lot to us and it was a lot of work to maintain that accreditation. We also knew that our Marketing department were a bunch of greedy assholes who would bring in students who were in no way ready for college and we knew would not be successful without a significant amount of help. So we set up programs and tutoring to help people who weren’t ready for college by teaching remedial math, English, etc, whatever they needed to get up to speed (often at no extra cost to the student). I would give them credit for courses taken at community college but not everything rolled over and if they couldn’t pass some basic entrance exams on basic math, English, etc I would make them take the remedial course. The students disliked me for it but I would be damned if I would doom them to failure in the later courses. But the truth was we were given an impossible task.

    To make matters worse the students often pushed back against the Academic Dept because they often felt we expected too much of them. I don’t know how many times I was given a bad student evaluation because I made them write papers that were grammatically correct and coherent (heaven forfend). If had a dime for every time a student who wrote complete gibberish and then said upon receiving their grade, “This is a programming course, not an English Composition course!!!” I would be filthy rich. And on more than one occasion I was told by students (and their parents of the younger students), ‘we’ve paid all this money, now give me my diploma’ in spite of the fact the student did little or even cheated. They wanted to pay, do nothing and get a diploma and I flatly refused (as did their professors and other Deans).

    Today I have many former students who are IT pros and making a good living. There are many others who never should have been in the program and are working in other fields and/or are underemployed. It was wrong of DeVry to market that they had 90% placement and they do overcharge for their courses. But at the same time, don’t necessarily pooh-pooh the professors and Deans who worked there. Most of them truly cared and worked very hard to educate the students properly no matter what the unrealistic demands of corporation or students were.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Look, I’m sure you cared as much as you say you do, but when you say you “were given an impossible task,” the people who gave you that task got paychecks from the same source you did. It wasn’t just marketing that were “greedy assholes,” it was the school administration.

      I’m sorry, but I resent paying taxes for federally guaranteed loans to people who had no business accepting them and who were enticed to do so by greedy assholes. I already pay taxes to support my city’s perfectly good community college, which is where the students of “for-profit colleges” belong in the first place.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Also (sorry IrishGrrl), I’m having a little trouble with “it was the students’ fault because dumb” line of defense…

      • The Flaming Carrot

        See also the 100 or so third-tier toilet law schools that charge $60,000 a year and have flooded the legal market with thousands of lawyers that couldn’t get jobs.

      • Only thing I would disagree with is your statement that the students of for-profit schools belonged in community colleges. That was not the case for many of my own students. I would estimate that at least 1/3 of the students had no business being in four year program. I would also add that if someone came to me to asking about whether they should attend DeVry I ALWAYS told them to go to Community College first and get all their gen eds out of the way as the much cheaper rate. And I gave as much credit as I could so that they had fewer courses to take to graduate from DeVry. And finally, as an educator and administrator I earned every penny of my paycheck. I worked my ass off.

    • PincheMacha

      Irish – I’m a community college prof. And I hear you. Real educators, we try, we ALWAYS TRY. Nobody becomes a teacher for the glamour, fortune, entourage and piles of cocaine. The critique is against the entire scammy structure – the, as you say, “Marketing Department.” I know firsthand how hellish Adjunct Life is, and I’d never slam you for taking a DeVry job, but you know as well as any that for-profit “college” – like for-profit “healthcare” – is a FUNDAMENTALLY FUCKED PROPOSITION.

    • Kooolest G

      ok I know I’m really gonna take some flak for what I’m about to say….. let’s just say “a friend” of mine did the music for that devry commercial up there. (that friend has to sign non disclosure agreements for the company that friend works for) this friend had to take a song that was already recorded by a guy named Julian and rerecord all the music (I think because some record label owned the original master recording and devry didn’t want to pay them to license it.) then this guy Julian had to record his vocals in the UK so that the agency and devry could avoid having to pay union scale and residuals for the vocals. this friend of mine feels shitty when he has to do stuff like this, but he also has to feed his family.

      here’s the original song

      • Like I said the corporation was a bunch of greedy bastards. I even created a whole new specialized degree for them for Computer Forensics and created some of the courses online for it from scratch and some other Dean , who moved up very quickly because he was ruthless, totally took credit for it.

    • Juan de Fuca

      I apologize for the late up vote and comment but I’m a graduate of DeVry and I’ve benefitted greatly from the school. I offered a defense of DeVry on a recent post about the university here and only got slammed by a couple of people for it. I chalked that up to people too eager to engage in group think and a lack of nuance about the difference between “school gets fined for exaggerating claims of success” and “the school actually has provided a lot of opportunity to lower and middle class income people.”

      People like me. But I’m one of those military/GI Bill recipients who wanted to actually learn everything I could about the Network Communications Management field and applied myself to learning from the many great professors that I had. One of my upper level NETW classes was taught by a guy who ran IT for Columbia, South Carolina (IIRC) and another guy who ran IT projects for Google and was on a leave of absence from Google to complete his PhD and was earning residual income as an instructor at our campus in San Diego. There were many others just like them – many highly qualified professors. I’ve also attended and earned “traditional” college credits at Hawaii Pacific University (around 40 credits in computer science) and Campbell University in North Carolina (20 or credits in general studies).

      DeVry is a very good school. They should’ve been more accurate in advertising their success rate but it doesn’t take away from the fact it’s a very good technical school and an alternative for those who are never going attend MIT.

      • Thanks for backing me up. I had lots of Vet students using the GI Bill and they were some of my best students. A real pleasure to teach. I’m very glad that your degree and experience have been a positive one.

  • guppy06

    Ann Coulter, Ambassador to Saudi Arabia


    Pretty please?

    Heck, both sides would be happy to be able to hold the other up as examples of everything that’s wrong with their enemy.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      She won’t wear an abaya and she will try to drive. It would be fun to watch.

      • RobGinChicago

        Or she can claim that she’s not really a woman.

  • The Librarian

    Well, I feel the “good” Doctor will find plenty of ways to screw the students, whose dreams will go up in Schmoke.

    *i can’t be the first who said this.

    • hendenburg2

      Funny. I was going to call him a Schmuke

      • The Librarian

        That works, also too.

  • Whitney Alex Barkley

    Business Insider is usually a good pub, but they actually have the ratio of Title IV: Non Title IV dollars wrong – we now allow 90% of FP revenues to come from Pell Grants, Federal Loans, and things like Work Study.

    And hey, you can pull the data to see who is milking the government but for good here:

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