Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the more important things we may be talking about today that have nothing to do with what Melon Trump was/wasn’t wearing.
People are not happy about Trump’s LOW-ENERGY photo-ops in Texas yesterday that seemed to be more about himself than actually helping draw attention to the people most ravaged by Hurricane Harvey and the rising flood waters. Even though Trump spent more time in the air than showboating in front of cameras, Fox News talking heads are still filling MAGA-branded buckets full of jizz.
In an attempt to appear more empathetic than Donald Trump, Chris Christie doesn’t think politicos should be holding federal aid for hurricane victims hostage. They probably shouldn’t use public office to exact revenge on innocent civilians either, but hindsight’s 20/20.
Thousands of federal workers are descending upon Houston to help coordinate rescue and relief efforts, and that’s on top of the 60,000 workers who already there.
Little Donnie will sit down with the Senate judiciary committee and try to dodge questions about Trump-Russia.
Trump will begin pushing tax reform during a speech in Missouri, but don’t expect him to offer any specifics beyond a couple of overcompensating adjectives.
A federal judge has dismissed Sarah Palin’s lawsuit against the New York Times on the grounds that its stupid and that she’s A Idiot, concluding that political journalism on political figures sometimes hurts feefees.
Putin’s personal congressional puppet, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, says he’s trying to finagle a meeting between Trump and Julian Assange to share super secret info about the 2016 DNC hack, and swap deep state fake news stories about ladies of the night.
Don’t believe the hype: this Trumped-up trickle-down Reaganomics crap about “repatriating” corporate cash stashed in Not America is simply more super-rich brain fuckery.
Defense Secretary Jim Mattis has stopped Trump’s military trans-ban until a Pentagon study about trans soldiers is released. So…take your time, no rush.
The Department of Education has picked up an old DeVry University exec, Julian Schmoke, to run its fraud unit. Fox, meet hen house. [h/t PoliticoPro]
Wilbur Ross can’t wait to get his hands on Afghanistan’s buried treasure as this will somehow turn Afghans into independent, freedom loving, ‘burger-chugging Americans. Or at least make Americans rich. Has anyone told the administration what century it is?
DC’s K Street shuffle has brought jobbers and heels to the front of public policy lobbying, and they’re even more greedy and soulless than the jerks they pushed out. [LONGFORM!]
Congressional Trumpkin hopefuls are making life hell in Washington, and most of them haven’t even started running for office.
Trump’s West Wing is getting smaller with many positions remaining purposefully unfilled after staffers and advisers quit/get fired.
A bunch of religious wackos wrote a mean thing about LGBQT people called the “Nashville Statement,” and Nashville’s mayor is not happy they they’ve taken that fine city’s name in vain.
After three years of being called a super rich racist who has ruined and pillaged the city of Chicago and the state, Illinois Gov. Bruce Rauner signed a bill making the lives of trans folks a lot easier. *Golf Clap*
The Illinois State legislature also (FINALLY) passed a budget for Chicago Public Schools pushed by Gov. Rauner that will thoroughly screw over public schools, teachers, and the poor by by further expanding vouchers. Some bargain. Thanks, assholes.
Virginia gubernatorial candidate Ed Gillespie has picked up a pro-Confederate Trumpkin who used to work for his blatantly racist rival.
EU Commissioner Jean-Claude Juncker won’t sign the UK’s Brexit divorce papers, saying that the current plan isn’t “satisfactory,” and that the UK needs to actually address how it intends to handle trade rather than just saying Ireland is totally cool.
North Korea says it’s aiming for Guam with its next missile tests in response to continued military drills by the US and South Korea; US leadership has responded by silently staring into the abyss, like Trump during an eclipse.
A spambot leaked out 700 million email addresses after spammers forgot to lock down their computers, allowing other hoody-clad fraudsters to just walk right in. Yes, spammers need better security.
Trump’s sketchy friend Felix Sater bought up websites like “IamAFaggot.com” and “Vaginaboy.com” to attack Trump’s haters, but Trump SWEARS on a stack of Russian hotel Bibles covered in hooker pee that he doesn’t know the guy.
Spicey finally got to meet the Pope! There’s nothing mean here; Trump ditched him the last time around, so Spicwer tagged along with a bunch of other religious politicians to visit and chat about egg-laying bunnies, or Jeebus, or whatever those guys talk about.
The unfinished works of Terry Pratchett have been run over with a steamroller, per his wishes, effectively erasing them from history (at least until somebody makes a Terry Pratchett hologram to make that Discworld/Game of Thrones crossover nobody wants). Somewhere, an orangutan weeps in a library.
And here’s your morning Nice Time! EDDIE THE OTTER! He plays sportsball!
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