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Hey there, Wonketariat! We’ve got a long day ahead of us, but here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

ILLEGAL price gouging during Hurricane Harvey in Houston has seen prices for water, fuel and hotels skyrocket, including $99 cases of water, and $4 to $10 for a gallon of gas. You/friends/family can report price gouging to the Texas A.G. here.

Republicans really don’t want to talk about aid for the victims of Harvey, it’s just not a good time right now what with all the super rich tax cuts they’re trying to ram through.

Republicans (!) in New York and New Jersey are accusing Texas politicians and Ted Cruz of hypocrisy for asking for federal aid after they bitched and moaned when Hurricane Sandy went shithouse all over the Big Apple.

Members of the Cajun Navy have reported being shot at by desperate Texans who they’re simply unable to help. Y’all, come on!

Days before Harvey hit Houston, big money real estate people successfully lobbied Trump and Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao to kill Obama-era infrastructure regulations that would make roads and bridges capable of holding up to the fallout from climate change, like rising sea levels. [Archive]

It’s mean to point fingers at Congressional Republicans for flooding in Houston, but when you look back at 20 years of cuts to the National Flood Insurance Program and the encouragement to develop homes in flood prone areas, it becomes pretty hard not to.

Trump is attempting to attach himself to Harvey using his “best words” to describe the “epic” flooding that is the “biggest ever.”

Florida Rep. Rob DeSantis wants a new amendment to a huge government spending bill that would kill Robert Mueller’s Trump-Russia investigation after six months as it “didn’t identify a crime to be investigated.” Water sports are not a crime!

REXXON wants the US to have a “toe-print, not a footprint” at the UN General Assembly next month, dramatically reducing the number of personnel in attendance to about 300 from 1,000. We certainly wouldn’t want the globalists at the UNITED NATIONS to upstage Trump, would we?

Talks of a “Rexit” are growing on Capitol Hill, but many see it as unlikely, no matter how much Tillerson criticizes Trump. And vice versa!

Trump was full of sadz that news crews showed just how empty his Phoenix rally was, and he “You’re Fired” his longtime aide, George Gigicos. Aww, poor snowflake must’ve melted in the desert sun.

Trump admitted to pardoning Joe Arpaio because he felt it was “the right thing to do,” but he’s sad because he “assumed the ratings would be far higher than they were normally.” Stupid hurricane, stealing all his thunder!

Joe Arpaio says he “didn’t do anything wrong” (except for all that racial discrimination), and his lawyers want to overturn his conviction. Arpaio blames a “biased” judge for hating his star-spangled ass.

Secret President Bannon is bending over to help Roy Moore in the Alabama special election so can really stick it to Mitch McConnell (not Donald Trump) who prefers Luther Strange.

2020 Democratic presidential hopefuls are already in New Hampshire slapping stickers on cars and kissing babies in an attempt to get ahead of the pack.  Sigh.

In the wake of multiple disasters, the Navy is taking a long hard look at itself, with one retired Navy Captain stating,“We do not put a premium on being good mariners, we put a premium on being good inspection takers and admin weenies.

The business community is sitting on pins and needles as tax reform appears to have stalled before it’s even started, despite being pushed by the very bankers who’ve lobbied for lowering their own tax rates.

Rather than helping struggling homeowners, a federal audit has found a North Carolina housing agency blew federal aid on BBQ’s and gym memberships, which sounds awesome!

This South Carolina county needs surplus heavy weapons and artillery, like tanks, night vision goggles, and military aircraft, to give kids and adults something to dick around with during fairs.

A new law in Indiana allows secret purges of voter rolls; you can thank Mike Pence for getting the ball rolling on that one.

The Baltimore Klansman who was caught on camera firing a gun at Charlottesville protesters has a long rap sheet that includes multiple assaults and rape charges. How charming!

Let’s all point and laugh at this dingus who accidentally stabbed himself then lied to police about being attacked by neo-Nazis antifa. Ha, idiot! Ha!

NAFTA has made Mexico more like middle ‘Murica as products become adopted by regular blue-collar Josés.

North Korea launched a missile OVER Japan; now Japan is livid, South Korea is freaking out, and stocks have tanked overnight. Don’t worry though, Trump thinks Kim Jung Un is a “smart cookie.”

The nerd who made Minecraft has been dumping tons of Ameros into Pizzagate bullshit, and he’s full of butthurt because “People focus on actually proven conspiracy theories like the russia [sic] nonsense.”

Bomb shelters are all the rage now that Trump has triggered North Korea into shooting off more loads than a horny teenager on prom night.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Pygmy marmosets!

Wonkette is supported by about 3000 readers a month. Will you make it 3001?

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • La forza del resistino

    Donald invites Sheriff Joe to join him in TX today to help with removal of any flood victim with a wet back from receiving any disaster relief center benefits. (no Donald, the term wetback has different connotations to Joe).

  • Nounverb911
  • beingreleased

    I was on vacation last week and didn’t get to tell y’all my Jerry Lewis story. In 1993 or 94, my family went on a Caribbean cruise. Jerry Lewis was the “entertainment” one night. It was so unbelievably bad, outdated, and unfunny we actually felt sorry for him. I remember he told Polish jokes and made one joke where the punchline was basically that Sammy Davis, Jr., is black. Unfortunately, whenever I think of Jerry Lewis, that’s what I think of.

    • How many Polacks does it take to get Jerry Lewis to stop telling jokes?

      Just one. His name Alexsy Przybylski, Attorney At Law.

      • Oblios_Cap

        But he made the greatest movie of all time – “The Day the Clown Cried.”

    • La forza del resistino

      The French loved him. Then again, they love to eat snails sauteed in butter.

      • beingreleased

        I’ve got nothing against eating snails, but they do use a lot of butter.

      • Serai 1

        The French produced Le Petomaine. The French are morons.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        GARLIC butter, s’il vous plaît.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Apparently, Dean Martin hated working with him…

  • Bureaucrap

    “But there’s no basement in Comet Pizza!”
    “Then BUILD a basement, put some hungry looking kids in it, and call the cops! Is that so hard?”

  • Nounverb911
    • bbayliss

      The future?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        There seems to be a trend, here….

    • FauxAntocles

      78%?!? Are those people all brain-dead?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Re-publican (Publicans who are now zombies)…

        • Permit-holder Ron

          ‘Ho, landlord! I say, this ale is smashing! What do you put in it?’
          ‘BRAAAINS…’

      • bupkus231

        I was gonna say the 20% represents braindead youngz….

      • Serai 1

        They don’t care. So long as they get what THEY want, the world can burn.

  • Nounverb911

    Donnie in his official nazi uniform of Khakis and a white polo, Mel in 5 inch heels to wade through the floods…
    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/902518386206404612

    • P’jama Pahnts

      I want to run for office just so I can never ever do that stupid thumbs-up thing.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I’m hoping the TV interviews him, and someone passes by, giving him the Dick Cheney verbal salute (yes, I never grew up)….

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I always laugh at girls who think it is a good idea to wear stiletto heels when going to a festival or rave. When I see Melon wearing stiletto heels going to a flooded disaster area I honestly doubt there is a single functioning braincell between those ears.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Or she doesn’t plan to leave the plane.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          In such circumstances I would be ready at all times to do some running, crawling, climbing and lifting.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Well, you’ve got good sense.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            That’s because you’re a good person. Melanoma isn’t even a good simulacrum of a person.

        • Serai 1

          THIS

        • Pilotshark

          so maybe he pulls a bush and have AF1 do a low level fly by, while they dump play-doh down on them.
          that or Melana is working the trump mechanize table at the airport cafe.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        She’ll be on the tarmac or in air-conditioned hotel suites – what’s the problem?…

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          I would not assume that if I went to an area which is in a state of chaos.

          • From Russia With A Permit

            I would assume that if I flew in on AF1, and brought a shitload of body guards and armored cars on another plane.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Good point but you and I would have had the empathy to just wear jeans and sneakers to show some empathy to the people that have most likely lost everytime except the clothes on their backs.

          • OutOfOrbit

            “–show some empathy…”? now that’s a good one

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Yeah I realized while pushing the post button.

      • bupkus231

        I wonder if she can no longer stand flat-footed – one would think that a lifetime of wearing stilettos that tall would so shorten her Achilles tendons that she would be permanently on tiptoe….

        Obvs, I’m not an orthopedist or whatever…

        • MrTusks

          That is a thing, but then wear a high-heeled boot with a solid tread? I think “clueless privilege” is a good enough explanation here.

          • Maggielle

            Maybe she’s packed a pair of them sort of boots. I like the sunglasses on the rainy street look.

            Also, I’m struggling with breaking the thumbs-up habit. I don’t do it a lot, but I’ve done it for years. And who wants to do the “okay” sign any more. I’m going to have to put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it hard every time I feel the impulse.

      • Serai 1

        After all those years in torture porn shoes, she likely can’t walk in flats or sneakers anymore.

    • From Russia With A Permit

      He’s dressed for work, like a guy who has never done a day’s work in his life would dress for work.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Well, then shouldn’t he be wearing a white seersucker?

        • bupkus231

          “My wife told me to go to Cox’s and get a seersucker suit… I went to Sears…”

        • From Russia With A Permit

          He thought he’d go as Builder Bob.

    • Rick Hill

      So…fck me pumps because she’s a comfort woman? That’s how she’ll help out?

    • Maybe she had her feets surgically altered so she can only wear high heels, like old Barbies dolls.

    • MrTusks

      “Don’t worry, we’re going to tear down all these houses, put some some really spectacular condominiums. I’ll get the land real cheap too. Real classy, you’re gonna love it.”

    • NotDarkYet

      He will use his tiny thumbs to plug the holes in the dikes?

      What’s the point of this pointless –yet expensive– exercise?

      • Maggielle

        Seriously. You don’t go there, even if everybody around you is clamoring that it’s optically vital. He doesn’t have the discipline to do a short video speaking directly to the affected people, though. And it would never occur to him to do a DC visit to a Red Cross office or some FEMA staging area and thank the workers as they set off.

        • NotDarkYet

          He can’t even fake compassion or some semblance of empathy. He’ll read off the teleprompter like an automaton, or he’ll go off/rogue, and then you can bet on it being a fucking shit show …

    • Bozilingus

      They will probably loot a Gucci’s in Houston for some boots.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Try as she might, she just can’t walk in flats.

  • Has Arpaio’s lawyer pointed out that by accepting the pardon he admitted guilt? I hope not…

    • Nounverb911

      And therefore open to lawsuits too, also. BONUS!

    • DrBigHead

      He is pushing hard now to have all charges dropped.

      • Yeah. That’ll work

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I don’t even understand this, since I thought the point of a pardon was that you could just walk away. But if he wants to spend a fortune on attorneys fees, let him.

        • Doesn’t Maricopa county have a rather large backlog of not immigration cases to wade through?

          • DrBigHead

            Yep. A metric shit ton of domestic and child abuse cases, for example.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Maricopa county has a huge backlog of civil suits piled up against Arpaio. One of the reasons he wasn’t reelected is because he’d already cost the county many millions of dollars in wrongful death and other civil rights lawsuits. Typical fucking Republicans…it’s OK to be a racist concentration camp commandant….as long as you don’t affect our bottom line.

        • DrBigHead

          He does NOT want to carry around the guilty verdict. He and his supporters will pay what it takes.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            Then he shouldn’t have accepted the pardon and thus admitted his guilt. Pretty damned sure pardons aren’t designed to allow you a do-over.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Good Morning Wonkettonip! (Ukrainians have a shorter, pithier version): They’re pouring the footings, which makes Mrs. Toomush clap her hands for joy. And Rachel seems happy, too, envisioning those 10 hours of testimony hopefully available to her soon!…

  • WeaselPoo

    Correction…the guy who lied about being attacked blamed lefties/antifa…NOT “Neo Nazis”.

  • grindstone

    I love the cajun navy, maybe because we used to have a jon boat. I hope their gear stays in good shape and they don’t damage too many props!

      • grindstone

        When you have only a hammer, all problems look like nails. So when you own a gun, well……just gotta use it to make a point, doncha know?

        (Who was the queen of disco? How was her name in the phone book? Now draw it out……..Summah DON na!)

    • Permit-holder Ron

      I noticed that in a lot of cases the boats were being towed by people on foot, with the motors up. The housemate pointed out that you wouldn’t want to run your motor at all because of debris and because those big outboards don’t like to run slow.
      But I also saw film of someone launching an airboat. That’s good thinking.

  • Nounverb911
    • Mildred Broxon

      Butt too small.

    • ViveLaResistance!

      Hands too big.

  • La forza del resistino

    the last time we gave South Carolina heavy weapons, it didn’t end well for Fort Sumter.

    • Oblios_Cap

      We didn’t give them the weapons; they stole them from us.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    In normal times, presidential campaigns starting so soon would make my eyes roll back into my head. Now, it almost makes me happy.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Yeah, the whole parliamentary thing when they take a no-confidence vote and call for new elections looks awfully seductive right about now.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Every single day, I wake up shouting “Work faster, Mueller!”

    • stumpknocker

      give mueller a break trump keeps piling on more work for him

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        ^^^^^THIS^^^^^

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Just when Mueller gets to the bottom of that last box of evidence… a whole truckload of new evidence pulls in to the docking bay.

        • Marykcortez

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!!!
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          >>>http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash440TopProductions/GetPay$97/Hour.

      • bupkus231

        He can’t even imitate a bobblehead doll competently….

      • From Russia With A Permit

        Fuckhead says what?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “Mueller? Mueller??”

    • No. We want him to get everyone. President Orrin Hatch can’t do much damage if the party’s been gutted

      • From Russia With A Permit

        Current presidential line of succession. We’re fucked.

        1 Vice President Mike Pence (R)
        2 Speaker of the House of Representatives Paul Ryan (R)
        3 President pro tempore of the Senate Orrin Hatch (R)
        4 Secretary of State Rex Tillerson (R)
        5 Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin (R)

        6 Secretary of Defense James Mattis (I)

        7 Attorney General Jeff Sessions (R)
        8 Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke (R)
        9 Secretary of Agriculture Sonny Perdue (R)
        10 Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross (R)
        11 Secretary of Labor Alex Acosta (R)
        12 Secretary of Health and Human Services Tom Price (R)
        13 Secretary of Housing and Urban Dev Ben Carson (R)
        14 Secretary of Energy Rick Perry (R)
        15 Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos (R)

        16 Secretary of Veterans Affairs David Shulkin (I)
        17 Secretary of Homeland Security Elaine Duke (I)

        • Moar Wordz

          Hillary- sob – Hillary !

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Elephants Turkeys all they way down.

    • NotDarkYet

      I’m at a point where I actually think we might be putting too much of our hope in what the Mueller investigation might yield. We better be ready to do way more heavy lifting than that. i.e. starting a massive get out the vote campaign to overcome gerrymandering etc. I simply have the nagging suspicion that Trump will find a way to extricate himself from any Mueller fallout, up to and including stopping the whole investigation.

      • bupkus231

        U posted much the same this morning in last night’s open thread. Don’t forget the role Congressional GOP will play in extricating Rump from everything…..

        • From Russia With A Permit

          Not if it looks like Trump will cause them to lose big next year and in 2020.

          • bupkus231

            That’s just it – despite the bleating, these guys don’t really fear losing – just “It ain’t gonna happen” ( through gerrymandering, voter suppression, ratfucking, or just old-fashioned “ballot-box stuffing” ). They’ve got all the tools out there already – and if Rump makes it necessary, they’ll deploy them all at once to protect their precious “privilege”….

            There might be some “sacrificial lambs” out there – but they’ll be rewarded with lobbyist salaries or spots on the rightwing gravy train…

          • From Russia With A Permit

            We’ll see. We’re only six months into the debacle…

        • NotDarkYet

          Right. That is my fear too. It’s simply not costly enough yet for them to do anything other than let that train wreck go on. And, of course, occasionally, bleat about being “concerned” when the fucking outrage is simply too great …

      • Gayer Than Thou

        You are 100% right. Also too, I can totally imagine that Manafort and Flynn end up being the fall guys – maybe that damages Trump enough to force his resignation or hurt him in 2020, but meanwhile, the GOP continues wreaking havoc and largely goes unpunished.

        • NotDarkYet

          YES! Some poor slob will take the fall, get pardoned, and the poor slob will continue living a better life than most of us can imagine. Meanwhile, the GOP is concerned but un-involved because … hey, why not? It’s working for them!! (not for us, of course, but since when would they work for us/U.S.?)

    • Maggielle

      I wake up thinking OMG I hope his security squad has had their coffee and has checked the car for bombs and that the car is fully loaded with bullet and bomb proof shit and that he always brings his very own tea that he made, in a thermos.

    • SadDemInTex

      Heard that Rethugs have put an add-on to the budget thingy that will defund Mueller in 18 months.

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    How to solve your parking problems….
    https://twitter.com/maya47000/status/902112903482023938

    • That’ll fuck up your…everything.

      • Serai 1

        Coming back to find his car towed will certainly fuck up his day.

    • From Russia With A Permit

      That guy is fully prepared to drive in Paris. That thing on the roof isn’t a sunroof, it’s the only way in and out of the car after you park in a European garage.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Full marks for creativity!

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Wait, wait, wait, there’s something that hadn’t occured to me before : how can you be pardoned if you’ve not been sentenced yet ?Unless I’m misunderstanding what a pardon is ?

    • I’ll alert the media!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      You don’t even have to be tried. But pardons prior to trial or sentencing are extremely rare (as in, you’d have better odds of being struck by lightning on a clear day while holding the winning PowerBall ticket rare).

    • Permit-holder Ron

      As I understand it, a pardon can be granted at any time, sort of like an indulgence. What Ar-piehole doesn’t grok, though, is that the conviction can’t be overturned because the pardon explicitly implies an admission of guilt.

      • Lyly Sirivong

        That means it will remain in his criminal record, right ? The point of the pardon was just to keep him out of jail, wasn’t it ?

        • Permit-holder Ron

          That seems to be it. Ar-piehole would not… thrive, in jail.

  • Oblios_Cap

    ILLEGAL price gouging during Hurricane Harvey in Houston has seen prices for water, fuel and hotels skyrocket, including $99 cases of water, and $4 to $10 for a gallon of gas.

    Well, there are a lot of Republicans in that area.

    • It’s not price gouging, it’s capitalism the AnneRyandian version.

    • Nounverb911

      Joel Osteen will bless the water for twice that price.

      • kareemachan

        And Peter Popoff for three times as much.

      • I want one of those prayer cloths… water? meh.

      • I skipped the Osteen stories because they were too unconfirmed at press time, but Snopes has since done a fair round up.

        http://www.snopes.com/is-osteens-megachurch-affected/

        • Jeffery Campbell

          I really don’t need any stories to confirm what I already know about Joel Osteen. He is a grifter of the first magnitude and I pray there is a hell so that this mother fucker can go to it for all eternity.

    • guppy06

      Actually, I’m surprised price gouging is a crime in rugged individualist Texas.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Nazi who fired gun at counter protester in Charlottesville was also-you guessed it-big on the monster truck rally circuit. It’s uncanny how often stereotypes of inbred, dumbfuck, racist hillbilly peckerwoods turn out to be spot on.

    • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

      He will have a sad when he learns there’s no “rolling coal” in prison-although I presume he is innocent for the time being. Photographic evidence can be a bitch, tho.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      He’s going to be one of those who carry guns openly after a conviction, too, you just watch. Eventually he’ll commit suicide by cop. Disgusting but I’ve got ten bucks on it. Sigh.

    • aureolaborealis

      There’s an amazing argument coming from the apologists/bots on Reddit, and is presumably widespread by now in the wingnut community, that leftists, by the simple act of holding weapons like baseball bats (and spraypaint cans) were committing some kind of assault/implied threat that required pro-active self defense. By the people who were holding guns. Yes, you read that right. Holding guns is not an implied threat. Holding baseball bats is an implied threat. Therefore it’s OK for the people with guns to pro-actively shoot the people with bats, even in the absence of any actual attack.

  • NotDarkYet

    So, what’s the over/under of Trump saying/doing some incredibly stupid stuff while in TX?

    • Guaranteed

    • schmannity

      That’s known as a sure bet.

    • The Wanderer

      Majik 8-Ball sez, “All signs point to yes!”

    • I’ve got money on him not showing up.. and I have some on him getting lost.

      • The Wanderer

        He won’t get lost. He’s not Jill Stein.

        • It could happen.

          He might insist on driving.

      • Longstreet63

        I figure he talks about what a great city New Orleans is when he’s in Houston, or confuses Dallas and Houston.

    • guppy06

      It’s Texas. They’ll love him anyway.

      • NotDarkYet

        Not all of TX. And certainly not in large areas of Austin, San An, Houston, Dallas — lots of D mayors.

  • schmannity

    The flooding from the Hurricane Harvey is massive, historic, and unprecedented, just like my inauguration crowds.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      When I was in Houston, there were huge crowds! Huge!

  • stumpknocker

    trump has never done anything in his life but help trump, texas is truely screwed.

    • dude?

      • stumpknocker

        yo!

        • A little far from home, aren’t we?

          • stumpknocker

            stumpknocker is kinda like Kung Foo, he wanders the world seeking water.

          • gonna catch a cat, burn a frog,
            mix em together in a hollow log
            and add a special mineral to cross?

          • stumpknocker

            well that is one way to kiss the sky

  • Permit-holder Ron

    ‘Harvey Steals Trump’s Thunder’? ISWYDT, Dominic!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      While black, no less!

    • Khavrinen

      It’s amazing that America survived that horror long enough for Trump to come along and make it great again.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Permit-holder Ron

      Maybe it’ll blow the storm back into the Gulf?

  • Michael Smith

    Man, if we were like the conservatives we would be on TV saying that Liberal Jesus is punishing Texas for its sins.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Let’s all point and laugh at this dingus who accidentally stabbed himself then lied to police about being attacked by neo-Nazis antifa.

    Did he carve a backwards “T” on his cheek, too?

    • Moar Wordz

      Pretty Difficult to live down. He’ll forever be known by it.
      ” And then you posted a lie on social media while simultaneously lying to the cops who interviewed the suspect fitting the description who stated :
      ” Nah. Guy’s a fucking liar, I mean, look at him. I was sitting against the wall drinking my night train, minding my own business the whole time. Why is being homeless a fucking crime ?! “

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Manmade disaster upstaged by natural disaster.

  • Canned Covfefe

    Dominic, when I end up with a zoo’s worth of cute animals I am going to call it Your (Morning) Nice Time or Dominic’s Nice Times.

  • JMP

    It’s also mean to point fingers at Republicans for continually refusing to do anything to prevent or mitigate climate change, but that doesn’t change the fact that this hurricane would not have happened this severely were it not for climate change so this is completely their fault.

  • Rick Hill

    So, is it possible to put a “trump tax” on media outlets? For all the condemning of him, they are making bank on his being preznit

  • Nounverb911
    • Phoenixdoglover

      Laughing and crying.

    • bupkus231
      • Moar Wordz

        I will personally poleaxe the first person who says blonds all look alike !!

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          All blon….

          Never mind!

        • guppy06

          All Scandinavians look alike.

          • Moar Wordz

            Agh !!!!

        • Jamoche

          Fox News blondes do, but there’s a reason for that.

    • Longstreet63

      Look, it’s not like he looks at their faces, after all…

    • NastyBossetti

      They’re both women, aren’t they? Then they are exactly the same, and it is beneath him to try to tell the difference.

  • Bill D. Burger

    A big ol’ pudgy thumbette’ up!

    Melania: “Vil’ the sun be shining there? I have my new Porche shades. They’re fab.”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DIZgR5AVAAE5_cI.jpg

    • Oblios_Cap

      I see he took his hat, but did he think to take a towel?

      No Ford Prefect, that one.

    • I have nothing to say that won’t get me in a lot of trouble about this picture…

    • NastyBossetti

      I know this doesn’t matter in the big picture, but… those are the shoes she’s wearing to visit a disaster area?

      • OutOfOrbit

        the jacket: it says “ready to rough-it”

        • Tiffany de Houston

          Doesn’t it though?! Sheesh!

        • hey you! wiz ze jakit.. come here… take it off…

      • Bill D. Burger

        Maybe they’re from Ivanka’s new line of “luxe” pumps she introduced on Saturday during the disaster in Houston.
        True story! A grifter gonna grift.

        • PubOption

          Has she sent any of her pumps to New Orleans? I understand that they will need all that they can get.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        She wants to keep her ankles out of that nasty floodwater. Brown people have likely peed in it.

        • PubOption

          And she’s wearing the too-short pants so that they won’t get wet.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            “Paterno pants”

          • guppy06

            Where all is forgiven if you can pull in the ratings?

          • epazote

            high water wader trousers

        • NastyBossetti

          I just… I don’t know. Clothes are a way to communicate, and I think they should be trying to signal a readiness to do something, anything, to help. This just says, “I’m here to observe your pain.”

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            More like “I’m here to enjoy your pain. And shop.”

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          Pretty sure they’ve peed in her food since the election.

      • Catstro

        This is how a (literal) queen does it. During a 500 yr flood, Queen Juliana of the Netherlands put on her boots and assisted with the rescue efforts. And by assisted, I mean that she did a lot more than hand out Play-Doh. Ugh Disqus screwed up my image and I can’t edit
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1d36fb001a57f21e1c2edbd307c
        d3204d88395d2be6d1b4f1c302260ab57a599.jpg

    • shit! I forgot my dick pump!

      • Bill D. Burger

        You’ve solved it! That’s what he’s signaling to some aide to go get.

    • Longstreet63

      She wears the shades to hide her eye-rolling as he “explains” what a flood is.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Get that woman some shitstompers, stat!

    • epazote

      Stilettos ?
      (catch me fuck me footwear)

    • Does the White House not have bread bags?

  • Phoenixdoglover

    Why do I feel that Drumpf will come away from his trip to Texas with a strong grasp of the painfully obvious?

    Who ever knew rain could cause so much damage?

    • Canned Covfefe

      It won’t be painful for him.

    • it’s all so… .complicated.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Has rain ever touched him?

      • Thurman Munster IV

        Oh, he’s touched alright

      • guppy06

        Someone left his cake out in it once.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          Oh no!

  • Oblios_Cap

    A new law in Indiana allows secret purges of voter rolls; you can thank Mike Pence for getting the ball rolling on that one.

    Let’s hope the courts knock that law down.

    • OutOfOrbit

      wot is a “secret” purge?

      • Longstreet63

        One where you don’t have to be told you were kicked off the voter rolls until you show up to vote.

        • bupkus231

          … and there’s no “same-day voting” provision. You’re SOL

      • guppy06

        Can’t tell you.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Even on Monday, he was unapologetic about timing the controversial announcement of his pardon of former Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio to the storm’s arrival on Friday night.

    “Actually, in the middle of a hurricane, even though it was a Friday evening, I assumed the ratings would be far higher than they were normally,” Trump said during the news conference.

    I’m still trying to figure out what he meant by that. Was he really trying to compete with a hurricane for media attention?

    • he slipped into tv mode… he doesn’t think, it’s just a bunch of gears in there, grinding out monosyllables in syncopation.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Gears that are missing teeth, not very well oiled and constantly slipping.

        • a five-speed with 2 working gears.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            One of which is reverse.

    • NastyBossetti

      I think he’s trying to claim that he was NOT trying to use the hurricane as cover for his stupid pardon?

    • Permit-holder Ron

      And LOSING?

      • guppy06

        Hush, you. He has a magic button that will get him far more ratings than any hurricane, up until the EMPs make television impossible.

    • Dg Hacket

      Yes, he was

    • Serai 1

      Of course he was. Haven’t you figured him out yet?

  • Bill D. Burger

    [Florida Rep. Rob DeSantis wants a new amendment to a huge government spending bill that would kill Robert Mueller’s Trump-Russia investigation after six months as it “didn’t identify a crime to be investigated.” Water sports are not a crime!]

    I’m thinking that if that happened, continuing the Mueller investigation’s funding could become, easily, the most successful GoFundMe effort in history.

    • bupkus231

      Rob DeSantorum needs to go fuck himself….

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Couldn’t that be considered obstruction of justice?

  • Nounverb911

    How will trump pay for Harvey’s damage?
    https://twitter.com/Rschooley/status/902356906064441345

    • Serai 1

      But we can’t tax the fucking rich even a penny more. Where’s my fucking guillotine?

      • Tumbrels first! Protocol is important.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I just read (made up) that Joel Osteen has instituted a cover charge to get in the door of his “church” now that he has been shamed into being charitable.

    • Pilotshark

      he has to do something, now that he got out classed by a mattress salesmen.

  • onedollarjuana

    Of course, when the world’s smallest monkey gives birth to twins, there are now two even smaller monkeys.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Unless the monkey has a tardisvagina(TM).

    • there’s something vain in bragging that you’re the largest of the smallest monkeys.

  • Crystalclear12

    Republicans accusing Republicans of hypocrisy is like that endless mirror effect, isn’t it?

    • they love shit like that – makes them feel smart.

  • La forza del resistino
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Fuck the Mnooch.

      • La forza del resistino

        Mrs Mnooch (Lady Louise Linton) says sadly, I had no choice.

      • bupkus231

        Stealing that nick…

      • From Russia With A Permit

        And his wife’s sacrifices.

    • BosGrl

      John Oliver is going to be at Foxwoods after Christmas. Daughter and I are hoping I’m working soon because we really, really want to go.

  • Old town Urbandale

    Wonder if the Texas AG will handle price gouging like the Oklahoma AG did after 9/11. I was in Durant, OK for an uncle’s funeral on 9/11. Several stations were out of gas on 9/10, which we were told was a common occurrence, but that they’d be refueled in a day or two. After the planes hit, the stations with gas jacked up the price to $5 a gallon, and we needed a fill-up before heading back towards Iowa. Later the OK AG announced that people who had been gouged could send copies of their receipts to their office and that they would collect refunds and prosecute the gougers. I sent my receipt, and a week or two later got a letter saying they “couldn’t locate the merchant.” The name, address, and phone of the store was on the receipt, and when I called the number, they answered. So translated, the AG office response was, “Fuck you, Yankee.”

    • Panika MCD

      I suspect it will be the OAG staff who are mostly Dems (because: Austin). Paxton is handling less than his predecessors due to his own legal woes. problem is: the OAG is under a hiring freeze.

    • Maggielle

      I remember there was an athletic shoe store in NYC that simply gave away shoes so that people (mostly women-type people wearing standard office lady-shoes) could make the long walk home without destroying their feet. I’ll bet a lot of those people came back to the store in subsequent weeks to repay him or just to shop. Sometimes people do the right thing. If there is a site compiling lists of people doing the right thing in Texas (and there are plenty of those people), I’d love to see it.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump pardoned Arpaio during the hurricane coverage for ratings.

    Well…..I can’t wait to find out we’re invading North Korea during sweeps.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Waiting for the Yellowstone Caldera to blow first.

      • the part under the crater moved.

  • Bill D. Burger

    In light of the fact we now know Cohen was in contact with the fucking Russians.
    Gawwwd’!

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/902264888394993665

    https://twitter.com/MichaelCohen212/status/793451941670035456

    • La forza del resistino

      Then he burnt his Rosetta Stone ‘Russian for Dummies’ books.

    • Nockular cavity

      “SEZ WHO? Oh, me. But still!”

  • Texas has a fancy new law all ready to go in effect that will limit homeowner’s ability to challenge their insurance company’s decisions on how much they’ll pay you for your yeech-filled flood house. Oh and you better file your claim by Friday or YOU GET NOTHING.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3f249bc3ffb300a924dd55bdaa57cb3597242a507e99e25977066b9ebfc33af0.gif

    Insurance companies respond with so why on earth did you buy a house full of yeechy flood water and catfish and mold STOOPID?

    CLICK ME
    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/08/28/harvey-insurance-claims/

    • Panika MCD

      there have been many told to wait 2 weeks to file…and then there are the insurance scams. there’s a fake 1-800 number going around saying that it’s who to call for rescue and it’s an insurance scam. none of the emergency numbers are 1-800 numbers.

      fuck HB1774 and fuck the insurance scammers.

    • NotDarkYet

      I can’t keep up with the outrage. Can we have a moratorium on shit like this?

      Gawd…how many ways do we find to fuck each other over?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Every one of these coastal cities is in danger of exactly this kind of thing – if you don’t have flood insurance, you can’t rely on the federal government (us) to bail you out. There isn’t enough money in the entire US Treasury, if you used all the Defense and Medicare and Social Security and every other dollar….oops, I guess I didn’t read hard enough – your point was that insurance companies get to decide how much to pay. Well, there’s that….never mind (mumbles off)…

      • Serai 1

        Sure, what with a huge portion of the money being siphoned out of the country by fucking billionaires who get to waltz away with whatever they want.

        I wonder if a series of escalating catastrophes like this will finally convince people THE RICH MUST PAY THEIR SHARE. And enough with the pissy little 30% tax rates.

  • the flood is gonna be one of those bp kinda deals.

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Never gonna get Mother Nature to pay up.

      • there’ll be a few asbestos trailers and some garbage trucks, and then the lawyers with burdens of proof.

    • Panika MCD

      except more expensive.

    • guppy06

      Trump just wants his life back!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • he gets double for the ones he’s worn – but he lies about that… he’s keeping those as an investment.

      they’ve done dna tests to prove it.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Grifter that he is, hasn’t he worn all the ones he sells?

      • Rick Hill

        I guess that fail sweat adds value.

    • Serai 1

      He’s such a disgusting money-grubber. So slimy. He makes my brain crave a Silkwood shower.

  • TundraGrifter

    Houston is famous for being America’s largest city with no zoning – and not much in the way of building regulation. Turns out the Invisible Hand is all wet.

    • Panika MCD

      they have plenty of building regulations, but they are not zoned and many old buildings are grandfathered in.

      • TundraGrifter

        I will defer to an expert on the topic. I will contend, however, the results speak for themselves. I’ve seen other cities do far more to limit such horrendous damage.

        • Panika MCD

          you also have to remember that a lot of this stuff was in unincorporated areas of Harris Co. not so long ago. the county balance leaves a lot to be desired, but we’re working on it.

    • Panika MCD

      everyone has to use the International Building Code (with or without their own addendums) by state law.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Yeah, I read an article about the no-zoning, pour all the impermeable concrete you want. It did not help my sympathy meter which is already running low where TX is concerned. Sorry, Space Tacos, I did read your excellent defense of Tx and I won’t forget it, and I do get it.

      However, Tx did foist Ted Fucking Cruz on us, and they have elected a seriously fucked up State Lege that has been torturing poor wimmenz, especially poor wimmenz of color by forcing the closure of abortion services for many years now.

      I said to the huz yesterday, will I give money to help Tx? In general, fuck no. If there is somebody specifically helping Latinos or other non-white peoples, yes, to them I will give money. Otherwise, I will leave Tx to its own sodden bootstraps.

      Except, oh right, my federal tax dollars will be helping to bail out (literally) these fuckers who had a hand in their own debacle by the aforementioned lack of zoning regs.

      If we stopped all these goddamned wars and funded serious fucking infrastructure … deep breath, honey, you’re yelling at the choir .. ok, bye, now.

      • From Russia With A Permit

        No, you are right. Exactly so.

    • Serai 1

      If Twitler had his way, the whole country would find out what that’s like.

  • Panika MCD

    oh, FFS. Austin is beautiful, clear and sunny this morning, but now we are RUNNING OUT OF GAS.

    but Chief Acevedo reports HPD alone has rescued 3400 people so far.

  • Permit-holder Ron

    Members of the Cajun Navy have reported being shot at by desperate Texans who they’re simply unable to help.

    ‘RESCUE US OR WE’LL KILL YOU!’

    • Panika MCD

      I still have no information supporting this. looking more and more like a Cajun Navy guy wanted to get on TV.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Which is a good thing, more or less, but it does make a good story. Which I guess is why it happened.

        • Panika MCD

          it makes a good story, but it paints TX in a bad light which we absolutely don’t need right now…I suppose that’s why they’re hiding Dan Patrick.

        • Panika MCD

          Melania changed her shoes.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Rick Hill

      Jeebz. trump’s real time damage control. Yesterday it was mentioned that many positions were still vacant. He’s defending it, saying it’s unnecessary. Right as it’s obvious that there needs to be someone on the job.

  • Serai 1

    So have any of you sworn off Whole Foods?

    At Amazon’s Whole Foods, lower prices and a tower of discounted Amazon Echoes

    I know I’m never steeping foot in that place again.

    • Panika MCD

      I swore it off in the early 2000s when they tried to put a Borders Books in their monstrosity of an HQ–right across from Book People and Waterloo Records.

    • La forza del resistino

      that’s the whole point. Amazon will eliminate the fuss and muss and just airdrop your order on your front lawn.

      • Serai 1

        No, I mean they’re never getting another penny of my money. I don’t hold with all this fucking monopoly garbage.

    • Wild Cat

      I haven’t gone there since their previous owner said he was a libertarian asshole and didn’t believe in national health care. Fuck them.

    • natoslug

      I drove past a Whole Foods once. The only way I could swear them off further is if I avoided streets where they were located. Maybe it’s my lack of asparagus water cravings, but I haven’t felt the WF draw yet.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      I go there rather infrequently. Last time was $60 for coffee and soap. There’s a 365 sort of near my house, I’ve been there a couple times. Good coffee selection and I think the soap might be cheaper.

      • Serai 1

        In the last few years I’ve only gone there to get the occasional pint of Tofutti, myself. (That shit’s hard to find.) Other than that, it’s a ridiculous place.

    • BeachBum

      I’ve never understood the concept. The stores that I know of are in areas that have farmers markets in and around. Wholesale grocers will make you a good deal if you need a lot. Maybe its for status, like a “cliental to die for.” I guess I’m too poor to shop there to find out.

    • no. i get lunch there like 4 days a week. on my obamacare salary. which is usually due to nothing more than poor planning.

    • Jamoche

      It was the only grocery store where the employees could answer questions about the products. I doubt paying for experts fits Amazon’s model.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • TundraGrifter

    “Trump was full of sadz that news crews showed just how empty his Phoenix rally was, and he “You’re Fired” his longtime aide, George Gigicos. Aww, poor snowflake must’ve melted in the desert sun.”

    Technically, the report states Mr. Trump didn’t have the guts to personally fire a guy who’d worked for him for years. The self-described so loyal it’s a problem jerk had his muscle tell the dude to hit the bricks.

    Who would have thought such a windbag could be so gutless?

    • OutOfOrbit

      and without pay i bet’cha

      • TundraGrifter

        Dude probably had to walk home Phoenix.

    • La forza del resistino

      Donald’s idea of a severance package is that he agrees to not sue you.

      • From Russia With A Permit

        He severs your package.

      • TundraGrifter

        And because the ex-employee had to sign a detailed NDA, he (or she) can’t get out the other side of the story.

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          Ignore it. What can Trump do? Sue?

        • Maggielle

          I’d take my time, write my story down, talk to other NDA people (while protecting their identities, unless they’re willing to stand up), put whatever property or assets I have into trusts or whatever places you use to protect your money (I don’t have experience with that), and then team up with Tony Schwartz and write the best fucking book ever, and just go for it.

    • stumpknocker

      me

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      He’s famous for not having the balls to actually fire people. What is said is that he would freeze people out to the point that they would quit. Gutless wimp.

      • he did that because it’s more humiliating, and makes him drunk on their dependence and desperation.

    • me

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Oooh ooh, me!! Me!!

    • Zyxomma

      I aye aye.

    • BeachBum

      Typical narcissist, bully, racist, cowardly yellow bellied sapsucker.

    • Serai 1

      I look forward to the string of rally-runners he’s going to fire in an escalating stew of rage. Doesn’t matter who you hire, dipshit – NOBODY WANTS TO COME HEAR YOUR LOGORRHEA.

  • Panika MCD

    Dickinson ISD is collecting donations to distribute directly to families of affected students.

  • stumpknocker

    on the bright side, when they run out of toilet paper, they can finally put those red hats to good use.

  • foiled again

    I read that as “Democrats slapping stickers on babies and kissing cars”. I need a vacation.

  • Panika MCD

    am I the only one who finds it strange that Gov. Wheels toured Corpus Christi, Rockport and Port Aransas yesterday and is supposed to be accompanying POTUS down to those locations today? you think he’s going to try to talk POTUS out of diverting resources?

    • Red Bird

      Why would he do that?

      • Panika MCD

        probably going to convince POTUS to survey damaged areas in Onion Creek and get his ass out of here? maybe?

      • Panika MCD

        I’ll let you know if Salazar posts anything about him being enroute to your area.

        • Red Bird

          Don’t bother. I’m stuck in a high area surrounded by flooding. I have enough to worry about.

  • Panika MCD

    a levee in Brazoria Co. (just south of Houston) was breached about an hour ago.

  • writersbloc

    Come on, we all know Harvey is O’bummer’s fault.

  • No offense but sometimes white people be crazy, y’all!

    mobile.twitter.com/lexi4prez/status/902291224798928897

  • City of H8

    Oh, so N.C. wasted about $100 grand in mis-spent housing money? That’s nothing…the City of Dallas (Texas) spent $30 Million in HUD money and somehow doesn’t have any records – NONE – of where it went or how it was spent.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Years ago, after a hurricane devastated Florida, the resident smug libertarian (redundancy!) at the Chicago Tribune wrote about how it was GOOD that store owners were charging $20 for a bottle of water, because that would motivate “the free market” to rush more bottled water down there.

    Pretty sure he’s the same git who pushed the Trib into that idiotic endorsement of Gary Johnson for president. Christ, was there ever a libertarian who wasn’t a useless, glib, smug weenie?

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Wasn’t that Stossell? What an asshat. Actually, that’s unkind to asses.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Pretty sure the endorsement was David Axelrod. He has kind of a Captain Ahab thing with Hillary.

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      that same argument was just published in forbes this week.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Marmoset there’d be days like this.

    I’ll show myself out.

  • Zyxomma

    Marmosets always remind me of Herod’s affectionate nickname for Claudius. Thanks.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    Navy . . . long hard . . . what?

  • chascates

    A friend in Portland, Oregon texted me that gas prices there are higher there because of the hurricane “shutting down refineries”.

    • Mystery_Poster

      Same in Georgia.

      • The thing you have to keep in mind is that your local gas station is NOT owned by the company whose gas it sells. They’re a franchise, like McDonalds. They contract with the fuel company to advertise and sell their stuff. Also, the price for gas that they show is NOT what the gas in their tanks cost; it’s what they expect it to cost to refill their tanks. So when something shuts down the refineries or slows the delivery of their next scheduled refill, they don’t have much of a choice BUT to raise their prices. Don’t blame your local service station or the big oil companies (well, you can blame the latter a bit), blame the economics of the situation.

  • Chris Hall

    But wait, how is price gouging even wrong? It’s Ann Randian free market supply and demand economics.

    • BeachBum

      GOP Econ 101.
      Rule #! : Always be the Gouger. Never the Gougee.

    • Mystery_Poster

      Ha, my thoughts exactly. Isn’t that the free market that the Rs are always saying will save us all?

  • Nephilim

    Long before N. Korea missile launch, for 10 straight weeks a total of $30 billion has left U.S. stocks, marking the longest streak of outflows since 2004, Bank of America Merrill Lynch said in a report last week, citing EPFR data. Trump economics. /s

    • BeachBum

      IDK maybe that helps explain why interest rates are not only not going up with inflation, but actually gone down. But no ones asks me to talk shit on MSNBC either.

    • Serai 1

      He’s bankrupting the country the same way he’s bankrupted everything he got his hands on – through mismanagement and sheer malice. Traitor.

  • BeachBum

    So I heard that Gov Abbot was “impressed” with all the public (govt) services response to Harvey. I guess he did not know that govt people do a good job because it is THEIR JOB with no Free Market and no bigly profit return on investment. Inconceivable. Whooduhthunkit.

    • Serai 1

      Shows you his attitude towards work, doesn’t it?

    • sarafina

      Abbot is an idiot.

      • george lastrapes

        Since the shift to Repugniconism, ‘idiot’ has been the #1 job qual for Texas governor.#2 is ‘good head of hair’. How I miss Ann Richards! Sharp tongue, sharp mind and weaponized hair.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
  • Looks like Turnump is gonna bury the lede.. He’s cornered like a shit-house rat – his bluff didn’t work. His nature leaves him no way but to bite his way out. Only one way out – that I can tell you. which has ever been seen before… war is more complicated than anyone could have imagined.

    Scorpion, frog – drowned.

    The dead won’t care how it happened, but there are 150 million people who will.

    It won’t be journalists shoving a mike in someone’s sobbing face asking them to help the viewership “know what it’s like.”

    “how do you feel?”
    “what are you going to do now?”
    “are you scared?”
    “and now a word from NORAD”
    “change your clothes and shower if you go outside”
    “only eat food from cans”

    and the inevitable suggestion and run on the ubiquitous plastic tarp and duck tape.

    • BeachBum

      I buy the camo tarp and black tape. More manly and virile. I think.

      • I want to drive right into a camo hummer, and claim I couldn’t see him.

  • SadDemInTex
    • sarafina

      Wow.

  • The Librarian

    That idiot that lied about cutting his hand does look like a Nazi scumbag and apparently is about as intelligent. He should have left that fake story to rot in the garbage heap of his own mind.

  • BMW

    “People focus on actually proven conspiracy theories like the russia [sic] nonsense.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ea301e2c6a691dd58a22934a14d783b9e836ef4642cc60e68b2f6f8a23b8798a.gif

  • Marykcortez

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family!!!
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    >>>http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash440TopProductions/GetPay$97/Hour..

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