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And Putin did help!

We alluded to this story in our post this morning about “HERE IS A BUNCH OF TRUMP-RUSSIA SHIT,” but the plot, as they say, has thickened. During the presidential campaign, while Donald Trump was telling everybody “No Russia, no Russia, YOU ARE THE RUSSIA,” the Trump organization was trying (and failing) to get a deal for a yoooge glamorous tacky-ass Trump Tower in Moscow. The two men pushing that deal were Felix Sater, a mobbed up Russian-American criminal who worked in Trump Tower and with the Trump Organization from time to time (by which we mean “for many years”), and Trump’s longtime lawyer Michael Cohen, who seems to be covered in Russian dressing in his own right.

Here is a long backgrounder on Trump’s Russian business dealings with Felix Sater. Here’s another one, which includes the fun detail that Cohen and Sater have been buddies since they were kids. Basically, as The New Yorker explains, Sater was Big Donald’s original lifeline to Russia. (Trump’s official line is that he’s not sure he would even recognize Sater if Sater was pissing on him while he was on fire.)

In reporting this weekend, the Washington Post alluded to emails between Cohen and Sater in November 2015, where Sater was bragging about how he could leverage a possible Trump Tower Moscow deal into getting Vladimir Putin to throw his weight (and his electoral votes, we guess) behind Trump:

Sater wrote to Trump Organization Executive Vice President Michael Cohen “something to the effect of, ‘Can you believe two guys from Brooklyn are going to elect a president?’ ” said one person briefed on the email exchange.

Now the New York Times has published some of those emails! Indeed, the NYT is being a real snotty potty about how the Washington Post talked about the emails, whereas the NYT has them, like neener neener.

“Our boy can become president of the USA and we can engineer it,” Mr. Sater wrote in an email. “I will get all of Putins team to buy in on this, I will manage this process.” […]

In another email, Mr. Sater envisioned a ribbon-cutting in Moscow. “I will get Putin on this program and we will get Donald elected,” Mr. Sater wrote. […]

Mr. Sater presented himself as so influential in Russia that he helped arrange a 2006 trip that Mr. Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, took to Moscow. “I arranged for Ivanka to sit in Putins private chair at his desk and office in the Kremlin,” he said.

Now, to be completely fair, we should point out that the Trump Organization has responded “Nuh uh,” and Ivanka says, “I didn’t sit there,” and Michael Cohen is like “Oh there goes Silly Felix again, being such a Silly Felix!” (Those may not be exact quotes.)

The NYT even included a couple of screenshots. This one, which includes the Ivanka quote, is fun:

“Buddy our boy can become President of the USA and we can engineer it. I will get all of Putin’s team to buy in on this …” Because … that’s how getting American presidents elected works. Let’s call Russia and see if they can tinker around and get “our boy” in the Oval, where he belongs!

Now, Michael Cohen has been strongly wording his denials about all this, but as we were finishing this post, the Washington Post was like, “Oh yeah, New York Times, you big lazy dork fucks? Well now WE have another scoop!” WaPo reports that in January 2016, two months after all these emails with Felix Sater, and as the deal for Trump Tower Moscow was Trumping itself into a piss-puddle of abject failure, Michael Cohen got on his Obamaphone and jammed out a quick email to Dmitry Peskov, one of Putin’s top boys. It said, “HALP!” Cohen says in a statement that he sent the email because Silly Felix told him to, but Peskov didn’t respond, and anyway, the Art Of The Deal fell apart two weeks later, therefore SAYS WHO?

At the rate Trump-Russia collusion/conspiracy news is coming out today, we should have a full confession and resignation from Donald Trump by 5:30 PM, hahahaha just kidding, this is just the hell we live in now.

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[New York Times / Washington Post]

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  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher
    • Wild Cat

      Brooks? He didn’t pick Krugman as The Soros?

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        I was wondering that too.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Brooks wrote a mildly critical “column” about Trump recently.

        • Wild Cat

          I figured the dear cartoonist put all Jews—Left, Right, Center—in the same Elders of Zion camp.

          • laughingnome

            Worst camp evah! None of the girls from the Christian camp across the lake put out.

    • MynameisBlarney

      God, that is just incredibly lame.

    • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

      Jesus Christ, all those things (minus the Russian Stooge) are why his supporters love him. Ben Garrison, you’re a moron.

    • Anna Rompage

      All of the above, Kato….

    • memzilla Ω

      Easiest AOTK in Wonkette history.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      needz moar muscular Donald Trump

    • Oblios_Cap

      Almost as unfunny as a Lisa Benson cartoon; just drawn better.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Needz moar bleeding from a facelift.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      David Brooks? The guy who makes unflavored rice cakes look exciting? That David Brooks?

      • writersbloc

        Don’t forget George Bush apologist.

      • Rags

        A supercilious ahole.

    • spangled

      no soros spinning the wheel? weak.

    • jodyleek

      Oh, I get it! Garrison is the John McNaughton of political cartoons.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Needs moar poorly-rendered Trump abdominal muscles.

    • MrTusks

      Congratulations, Ben! I actually understand this one!

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Well done, Mr Garrison, you finally made a cartoon that contains the truth.

  • dslindc

    But HER emails!

  • Anna Rompage

    Kelly! KELLY! WHERE THE FUCK IS KELLY?

    KELLY, GET YOUR FUCKING ASS IN HERE NOW!

    I thought you said firing Bannon but standing up with the nazis, pardoning Joe Arpaio, firing Gorka, and using HARP to create a weather system that would destroy the Texas Gulf Coast would be enough to make this Russia thing totally go away?

    • writersbloc

      haha, HARP

    • Permit-holder Ron

      ‘Yes, Mr President, you think that, but it’s NOT WHAT I SAID.
      Fuck this, I’m outta here.’
      – Kelly

  • kareemachan

    “This is the hell we live in now.”

    Damn you, Evan, for nailing it on the head.

    • Three Finger Salute

      This is the hell we live in
      And these are the Trumps we’re given
      Impeach them and let’s start trying
      To make this a place worth dying for

      With apologies to Phil Collins… don’t you see this is the land of 21st amendment solutions?

      • 25th. But yes.

        • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

          21st A works until 25th A is invoked.

          • Weed is more to my liking, but the important point is that this administration is not conducive to sobriety. It’s the wrong year to quit smoking/drinking/amphetamines/sniffing glue.

  • Daredevil
  • schmannity

    Collusion is so last week. This week’s word: conspire.

  • Oblios_Cap

    That Felix! He’s some kinda cat.

    • ManchuCandidate

      Polonium cat based on how Putin deals with idiots and loudmouth.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      How the hell does a cat have an Eskimo cousin? What the fuck is up with that weird shit, huh?

  • stankbait

    A house full of useful idiots.

    • OrG

      Useful?

      • Permit-holder Ron

        They used to be useful. Now they’re just in the way.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    MAKE IT STOP!!!!1!!

  • ManchuCandidate

    From Russia With Collusion

    • Daniel

      From Russia With Lulz.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I hear this goes all the way to the top!

    • Toledo Window Box

      It’s pretty hilarious that Trump expects people to believe that his idiot son, his campaign manager, and even Jared, attended a meeting with a bunch of Russians who had stolen oppo on Hillary – right there in Trump Tower – right below Trump’s office – and Trump knew nothing about it.

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        Well, he does expect people to believe he is competent.

  • bluicebank

    We’re going to have to have a clearance sale on smoking guns. Everything must go.

    We got yer double secret probation smoking guns. We got yer Saturday Night Special smoking guns. We got smoking guns with fingerprints on ’em. Subpoenaed smoking guns. Name a smoking gun and we got it.

    — Crazy Eddie. His prices are INSANE!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Donald, in the penthouse, with a pee hooker.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Fun fact: Momma Blobfish served on the jury that sent “Crazy” Eddie Antar.

      • bluicebank

        He was so crazy his commercials even showed up on the West Coast.

    • exinkwretch

      So much smoke. The Air Quality Index in D.C. must really be in the shitter today.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    You remember when Donald claimed he had no business deals with Russia?

    Good times!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Fake news

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Can we haz impeech now, anyway?….

    • Toledo Window Box

      Mueller needs to methodically build the case.

      Impeachment is difficult, but it’s nothing compared to the political difficulty of getting 2/3 of the Senate to convict and remove.

  • jesterpunk
    • Crystalclear12

      I’m troubled.

  • Toledo Window Box

    What Trump did to steal the election is so far out of bounds for what we consider acceptable behavior that many people just don’t want to believe it, but it’s true.

    And soon, even the Republicans will have to admit it.

    • bbayliss

      THEY WILL NEVER ADMIT IT .EVER

      • YoBunnyBunny

        FAKE NEWS!!1!!11!!!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      You can’t make them!

    • Permit-holder Ron

      Fighting the admission every step of the way.

  • Crystalclear12

    This is like the show Lost. Fine, we have climatic build up, time to bring it home!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Yes, but then we find out that we were all dead all along, so I’m not sure I like this analogy.

      • Shanzgood

        Aww, spoilers!

      • Crystalclear12

        Being in hell would explain so much .
        *wanders off to check obits*

  • exinkwretch

    “Fake news! I’ve never done business with Russia, I don’t know any Russians. What’s Russia?”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • P’jama Pahnts

      Didn’t we have a post recently about debtor’s prisons?

  • DainBramage

    And here I thought Cersei Lannister as a corrupt, deceitful politician.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Felix Sater, a mobbed up Russian-American criminal

    For a mobbed up guy, he sure doesn’t seem to know what happens when you run your mouth about the business where people can hear.

  • jesterpunk

    Felix flipped.

    https://thinkprogress.org/https-thinkprogress-org-felix-sater-news-bad-for-trump-99e4ebe9a1ad/

    The Financial Times reported Thursday morning that Felix Sater, former business partner of President Donald Trump with deep ties to the Mafia and Russian government, is cooperating in an international investigation into an alleged money-laundering network. Sater has a history of channeling money from prominent families in the Eastern bloc into Trump properties. This could pose problems for Trump, given Sater’s history of outing former close associates in exchange for immunity.

    According to recent reports from The New York Times and Bloomberg, these financial connections are also being investigated by special counsel Robert Mueller as part of the investigation into the Trump campaign’s possible collusion with Russia.

    • Wild Cat

      Tired of the two-year-long foreplay . . . would like an actual money shot . . .

      • jesterpunk

        Yeah really, get this over with and take them all down soon. Enough teasing.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher
    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      …about those “liberal tears,” righties…

    • Permit-holder Ron

      No wonder Donnie’s in hiding at Camp David.
      Err, does he know that the SS isn’t tasked with protecting him from FBI agents coming to arrest his skeevy ass?

      • jesterpunk

        The secret service he threw under the bus last week and who isnt getting paid right now?

  • ariel_gee_398

    Honestly, I expect the next step will be a primetime special. Trump will tease admitting collusion over the course of an hour. Then, with 30 seconds to go, he’ll execute Cohen and Sater live on air, assure us the perpetrators have been punished, order Rosenstein to fire Mueller, and tell America it’s time to move on.

    • Toledo Window Box

      He flatly admitted, during a televised interview with Lester Holt, that he fired Comey because of the Russia investigation. Obstruction of Justice. Not “this might be”, or “we need more facts” – this is plainly and obviously obstruction.

      • bbayliss

        Part of the problem, this investigation began at what would have been the conclusion for anyone else.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Cut to a small town cafe in Trumplandia, where a bunch of aging white guys who used to work in the auto industry sit around nodding in approval about how their guy likes to shake things up and tell it like it is.

      • Toledo Window Box

        And all they’re gonna get from him is a lump of coal in their stocking.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          Will it be “clean” coal?

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Cleaner than the inside of their pockets…

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Nope – he’ll tease out his self-pardon, and then dump it on Friday night, along with pardons for all the rest of his administration, so we won’t notice it in among the large number of pardons…

    • Rags

      I’m guessing the generals will doll themselve up in dress uniforms and 4-5 will hold a press conference wearing a 6-star general’s uniform and declare martial law and a selective press blackout of the ‘enemies of the people’, and Federalize all law enforcement to ‘secure our borders and rid ourselves of domestic terrorists’ (ie Dems).

    • CeeQ

      All we need to do is imply constantly that Trump had nothing to do with any of the decisions made in his campaign.

      Thin skinned asshole won’t be able to take it and we’ll have a prime time interview with Lester Holt where he brags that he already made up his mind to collude, that he makes all the decisions ok? No one makes as many amazing and beautiful decisions as he does. And you know what? Many people have said that this collusion is the largest and most amazing yuuugest collusion ever done by any president EVER.

      The end.

  • WiscoJoe

    Whoa if true… Whoa even if it’s just like 5% true. Just whoa in general. Whoa is me.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    for having no russian connections, Trump & Co. sure seem to have a lot of russian connections.

    • Rick Hill

      Makes you wonder if they have any other connections

    • Cliff Hendroval

      I’m wondering if he has any more business ties that aren’t with sons of Greater Russia.

    • CeeQ

      It’s almost as if….they’re lying?? Unpossible.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    This cannot be. Sarah Huckabee Sanders said this was a hoax. Are you saying she *gasp* LIED?11!11!11!!!eleventy-one!1111!!!

    Seriously. Anyone still call this whole thing a “nothing burger” is simply deluding themselves.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      My best friend’s kid always has a specal request at McDonalds. The happy meal with cheeseburger without the actual burger. Now that is a nothing burger.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Your best friend’s kid is Jack Nicholson?

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wtfNE4z6a8

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          If he grows up to be that bas ass I will applaud it. Fuck people who think the system is something to hide behind.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          When we first learned who Jack Nicholson was…

      • MasRioBravoHombre

        They should pay us to eat that shit. “Supersized” was the end point for me.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          Really? I thought it was bullshit. So you feel like shit after eating a supersized Big Mac meal for a month. Really? You needed a documentary to proof this to you? Me and every normal thinking person knew that after the first Big Mac meal.

          McDonalds is far from cuisine but I love to go there with my son and friends like once a month.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            When I’m on Europe I go there for the free wi-fi, Mr Hedo has a sundae, so we don’t feel bad taking up a table. It is the only time we go in one. I call it pseudo-food.

    • MasRioBravoHombre

      I’m stoned…I want my nothing burger with jalapeños, guacamole, cheddar cheese, purple onions and no tomatoes. I’m sooooo hungry.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        One nothing burger coming right up…..

        • MasRioBravoHombre

          It can be a little bloody, i know that’s wrong, but I’m good with it.

      • MizzMazz

        I’m not stoned and I would eat that.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        sounds good to me.

      • Rags

        And a bun and a meat patty.

  • Crystalclear12

    I’ve had it!!
    Don’t make pull this country over!

  • BigCSouthside

    These long time trump loyalists didn’t get SHIT in the White House.

    Why

    TRUMP KNOWS THEY ARE MOBBED THE FUCK UP.

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    The Constitution says treason is a BIG no-no; so big that the Constitution thinks the government should snuff out your life, even if you really, really object.

    • Rick Hill

      “Fake execution!”

    • jesterpunk

      “The constitution says anyone owing allegiance to the US, its clear Mr Trump only cares about Mr Trump so he cant be guilty”

      —Michael Cohen most likely

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Sez who!!!!????

      • That’s an impressive argument, actually.

        • jesterpunk

          I am kind of joking and cant wait for either his lawyer or Fox to make that argument.

          • It’s not a SERIOUS argument, but it is audacious. Jaws will drop. When they do make it, it’s all over.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    And still you guys can’t admit that Hillary lost because of her own inability to collude with a hostile foreign power and subvert American democracy with a 21st century version of the Watergate break-in. If you want to win, you have to talk to middle America AND the elite GRU hacker unit.

    • CeeQ

      Truth! Hillary NEVER campaigned in Moscow! That’s the heartland!

  • La forza del resistino

    Predicting a Trump resignation on a Monday is really premature. These things only happen after 6pm on Fridays.

    • Crystalclear12

      After wonkette has done their open thread.

      • La forza del resistino

        bingo. Disqus will need to apply for disaster recovery funds.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Little Babby Donnie better hope Predisent Pence is in a pardoning mood.

  • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: Who’s surprised?

    He claimed he was stabbed for looking like a “neo-Nazi.” Now police say he bought the knife himself.

    Sheridan police arrested a man after he admitted cutting himself and making up a story about being stabbed by someone who asked if he was a “neo-Nazi.”

    Joshua Witt, 26, told police on Aug. 16 that he was stabbed in the hand by a man who approached him outside the Steak ‘n Shake restaurant at 3502 River Point Parkway.

    Witt told police the man asked if he was a neo-Nazi and then tried to stab him. Witt claimed his hand was injured as he tried to protect himself. Witt, a U.S. Navy boatswain’s mate who lives in San Diego, posted photos of his injured hand on his Facebook page and shared the fake story about being stabbed.

    • jesterpunk

      So he is going to get in trouble with local police and the Navy? They don’t take kindly to people causing problems in the local area around the base.

      • MasRioBravoHombre

        I kinda feel sorry for him. I mean, he was attacked by a NAZI!

        • Permit-holder Ron

          We should be praising him for bravely withstanding an attack by himself!

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And damaging government property

        • jesterpunk

          Forgot about that charge.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        already charged with filing a false report by the city police – no idea what the Navy would do.

        • jesterpunk

          I was in the Air Force when I was younger for a year, we had a 2 star general speeding outside of the base and he tried to pull rank on the local police. When they got done with him he was a Lieutenant Colonel and out of the military for embarrassing himself and the Air Force.

        • MasRioBravoHombre

          I predict the Navy will be unhappy, and he will, too.

        • Pilotshark

          in the Army we had a saying AR-15 covers all.

          knew a buddy who got a tattoo and it got infected, well he got a AR-15 lost haft his pay for 2 months, spend sometime doing extra duty as well.

    • bbayliss

      This story fell apart quickly.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        I dunno, 12 days is awhile. Did the backwards B cheek girl’s story fall apart in like 36 hours?

        • bbayliss

          His stab wound wasn’t a mirror image.

    • Wild Cat

      So more of my tax $$$ is going to train and pay neo-nazis in the military?

    • CeeQ

      Somewhere Backwards B Gal (whatever her name was) sheds a tear for missed opportunities.

    • mailman27

      A bo’suns mate, FFS. Keelhaul the feckin’ cunt.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    “I did not have real estate relations with that country. Also, it depends on what your definition of ‘piss’ is.”

    • bbayliss

      Nice!

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Or hooker…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The emails show that, from the earliest months of Mr. Trump’s campaign, some of his associates viewed close ties with Moscow as a political advantage.

    Close ties, indeed…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b6fffbf1cb2c8a990e1a87b7d63ee4237e4c23e44883a59e5b3efc681efb5d9f.jpg

  • bbayliss

    I wrote this this morning, (July 20th) had to add #17 tonight

    a short history of ONE small aspect of this mess, the June 9th meeting :
    1. It did NOT happen
    2. OK it happened but we talked about adoption
    3. OK it was about Clinton, as the email said, but there was NO collusion
    4. Ok there may have been collusion, but it’s NOT a crime
    5. I knew NOTHING about it until I read it in the papers
    6. Ok maybe someone mentioned it in passing a while back
    7. There were 4 people at the meeting (that we said didn’t happen)
    8. Ok there were 5 people at the meeting that we said didn’t happen
    9. Ok there were 8 people at the meeting that didn’t happen, but they were all private citizens.
    10.Ok one of the people at the meeting had been in contact with the Russian state prosecutor, by her own admission. all the rest, private citizens.
    11. Private citizens who had NOTHING to do with Hacking.
    12. OK The alleged former Soviet intelligence officer who attended the meeting with top campaign officials last June was previously accused in federal and state courts of orchestrating an international hacking conspiracy. Akhmetshin told the Associated Press on Friday he accompanied Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya to the June 9, 2016, meeting with Donald Trump Jr., Jared Kushner, and Paul Manafort.
    13. So what? “coulda been China” doing the hacking. It’s not like I had ANY connection to anyone at the meeting.
    14.Ok the eighth person at the meeting was Ike Kaveladze, is an executive at a Moscow-based property firm owned by Aras Agalarov, a business associate of mine accused of 1.4 billion in money laundering
    15. OK My business partner sent a representative from Russia, but it was just “politics as usual” except with a foreign government which ISN’T illegal.
    16..OK it’s illegal, but WHAT ABOUT HILLARY?
    17. How do pardons work?

    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      I would suggest adding somewhere:

      Donald didn’t know about.
      Actually, Donald helped write Eric/Donald Jr.’s statement – but what dad wouldn’t help a son?

      • bbayliss

        #5

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          ah, i thought I say the donald didn’t know but couldn’t find it again.

          Okay, just the second part then.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Elizabeth Kubler Ross approves.

    • MasRioBravoHombre

      Yeah, but…they weren’t traitorous assplugs for a BAD reason! They just want to fuck the country so they can get RICH…is that really treason? C’mon!

      • bbayliss

        Capitalism, anyone would have done it.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      It’s like a fucking computer algorithm!

      Al Gore libelz!

      In between every one of those is an optional step:

      “Look over there! Hillary’s emailz!!”

    • CeeQ

      Omg it’s a 17 step program on how to shit talk his way to prison.

    • Johnnymoreno

      Do we have an extradition treaty with Russia?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “To be clear, the Trump Organization has never had any real estate holdings or interests in Russia,” the Trump Organization said Monday in a statement.

    That’s not for lack of trying, is it?

    And by the fucking way:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5f51b70e2adaa77b46fb67b824b6c855e8400580ef929f5beafe96b8727bfd1e.jpg

    EDIT: Dammit, I should have figured that you’d already have the link!

  • Timothy Watson

    “Now, to be completely fair, we should point out that the Trump Organization has responded “Nuh uh,” and Ivanka says, “I didn’t sit there,””

    Yeah, that would be totally out of character for her:

    https://twitter.com/IvankaTrump/status/831270847671316483

    • BigCSouthside

      lol they’re going to prison and JT gets to continue being pretty fucking cool and run Canada

    • WotsAllThisThen

      That’s right, men. Before every important meeting let a pretty lady sit in the big chair for a few minutes. It’s called equal rights. #mansplainingfeminism

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      She sure had the hots for our neighbor to the north…

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Well, to be fair, except for the straight guys, who doesn’t?

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          I almost wish that I wasn’t a straight. I feel left out, sometimes.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            But you seem cool anyway. BTW Great name. I’m a Hamilton too. My dad used to tell people his name was on the 10 dollar bill.

        • “except for”

          …nah, I don’t think even straight guys (or lesbians) are immune.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I was trying to think of possible exceptions : )

    • cmd resistor

      She didn’t…..
      To be fair, I used to like to go to my dad’s office at the insurance company when I was a kid and play with stuff like the huge adding machine. So I guess I got to sit in the chair. I may have been about 8?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      The Trump Trash can kiss my butt.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      So it is her kink then?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Ms. Trump said she had no involvement in the discussions about the Moscow deal. In a statement, she said that during the 2006 trip, she took “a brief tour of Red Square and the Kremlin” as a tourist. She said it is possible she sat in Mr. Putin’s chair during that tour but she did not recall it. “I have never met President Vladimir Putin,” she said.

    “I don’t even know him, I just sat in his chair!”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2e4d5dc3776ec93adcd54d0808c4b729059d8068c7d1e0e6f18f28a2633a10f7.gif

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      She sat on his lap, and said that if Vlad were nice to her daddy, she would be *tongue moistening slightly parted lips* “nice to him.”

    • IdiotsforPalin

      Putin was the guy who was trying to put his hand up your skirt while you were sitting there…..now do you remember?

      • Skeptical_thinker

        She would have thought that was her dad’s hand.

    • cmd resistor

      I often sit in world leader chairs and forget about it later, while just touristing. Perhaps it was a Goldilocks thing.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      She vacationed in Croatia with his girlfriend Wendy Deng Ruprick Murdock’s ex.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Dammit. I sat there staring at that individual getting goosed over and over again for five whole minutes!

    • georgiaburning

      That was some tour, the closest we got was the guide pointing to the building with all the security guys, and saying “Mr Putin’s office is in there.” Like, yeah, go figure.

    • mailman27

      I sat in Sally Starr’s chair while tripped out on mescaline. It’s a Philly thing.

    • She said it is possible she sat in Mr. Putin’s chair during that tour but she did not recall it.

      Normal people who aren’t pathological liars don’t say stuff like this!!!!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    we should have a full confession and resignation from Donald Trump by 5:30 PM, hahahaha just kidding, this is just the hell we live in now

    How many fucking days am I going to end up saying “I’d start drinking again if I thought it would help?”

    I know, I know, all of them, Katie…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f0682a3e615bab011690b6e31478bf3aa73da67cebbee1d85fc52ab238e44df8.jpg

    • My liver is shot. Glad I got some of that Obummercare so I can go get me a free replacementz.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Better get on that waiting list, STAT!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      It can fix a lot of things – or at last temporarily ease the pain.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      But it can try.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Looks like somebody’s been priming the pump – have you heard that phrase?…

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I just invented it! Right now, as you said it.

      • bbayliss

        did not. It was in a song when I was a kid, I asked my dad about it, got a long explanation about the mechanics of pumps.
        It was a shitty song.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Kingston Trio libel…

          • bbayliss

            Considering the great folk music scare of the 60’s libel is not possible.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Yeah, even as I said it, I thought: can you really libel the Kingston Trio?…Oh, Tom Dooleys!…

    • Anna Rompage

      That’s when someone eats one of those little blue pills, and waits 15 minutes before starting their general douchefuckery?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Pissing into the sump pump so that it will begin pumping shit again?

    • mailman27

      More and more people are saying that these days.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    This all happened because McCain chose Palin as his running mate. The rubes decided that you really don’t need competence in the highest reaches of government. Fuck that guy.

    • Three Finger Salute

      They decided that in 1980 when they threw out an actual Christian in favor of a B-movie cowboy who had a monkey for a sidekick.

      • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

        Don’t forget the Blow Job Queen!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Who went on and had a monkey’s papa for a VP.

    • bbayliss

      This all happened because millions of Americans are fucking morons, and Reagan convinced them that government wasn’t “the People” but “the Problem”.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Charlie nails it today.

        This is a result of neglect, not on the part of this administration, for which neglect is a business plan, but on the part of all of us. We allowed citizenship to decay to the point that we now do not recognize the most fundamental truth of the American experiment: that The Government is Us. It is not Them. The creation of a political commonwealth is ongoing and it starts anew, over and over again, whether we participate in it or not, because somebody always will. Pericles warned us eons ago, when he warned citizens that we may have no interest in politics, but that politics always will have an interest in us. Our ignorance of this fundamental fact is the reason we now find ourselves in a situation in which a political calamity has to address a meteorological catastrophe. Harvey’s giving the Houston the high water, but we’ve all in our own way given it the hell.

        • cheetojeebus

          this^^^^^^^^^^^^

    • La forza del resistino

      Donald’s commitment to governing in 2016 was winning a few primaries to get bona fides to be a regular on the Sunday shows like a Palin or Huckabee. A gig as a Viagra spox ala Bob Dole would have been gravy. And now he and everyone is is surprised.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Donnie being a Viagra spox made my brain reboot. Damn you.

    • cheetojeebus

      I blame the chucklehead asswipe who came up with reality game shows and the normalization of cheating and back stabbing as sport. Fuck that duplicity loving grundle leach.

  • OrG

    A loooooooooong string of coincidences.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Sweeeeeet…..

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      …and then it hit me.

  • The Librarian

    Felix the Sat(er), did a reach around into his bag of tricks and pulled out an election fraud. Silly Felix, tricks like this are a no-no. Dunce cap and a prison cell for you!

  • BigCSouthside

    I realized today I have become numb to this. This should be OMFG HOLY FUCKING SHIT news, but I was like, “meh. Another russian. Let me know when they jail him”

    I’d read about Felix months ago, I was most shocked that what I read wasn’t some silly bullshit. Like it’s all real.

  • Catstro

    Anyone ‘member that mystery server in Trump Tower that was hooked to (I think) Alfa Bank? That we heard about for a hot second before the story disappeared in a fog of “it’s probably nothings”. I ‘member.

    • Three Finger Salute
    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      There are people who remember. Very important people, one may be quite certain.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      All will be revealed.

    • To be fair, we have no confirmation that it was an Email server, the most evil of all servers…

    • cmd resistor

      I remember reading that story on my Obamaphone while sitting in my driveway handing out trick or treat candy.

      • Catstro

        I remember reading it while stress eating trick-or-treat candy

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I remember and wonder WTF about that server and why there’s bupkis in the news about it.

      Every fucking day!

    • bbayliss

      There’s a DeVos connection as well

    • jesterpunk
      • mailman27

        You said “titz.” Heh-heh

    • cheetojeebus

      The theory goes; Hacked voter data to trump server to DeVos data analyzation to bot/nucklehead troll army and dare I say targeted count manipulation though hacking. [doffs tinfoil chapeau.]

  • CindyinEncinitas

    Before I form an opinion, I want to know what Hannity thinks.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Hannity thinks that donald is hot…

    • exinkwretch

      Trump’s bunghole tastes like molasses candy!

      • suziq

        Looks like cheeto dust to me…

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        TMI, IDWK!

      • Jesse

        There’s plenty of mole asses in this administration

    • leemoder

      Nobody’s told him what to think yet.

    • jesterpunk
    • Three Finger Salute

      Hannity thinks?

    • Daniel

      Really, it’s a disgrace that no one’s talking about Clinton personally killing Seth Rich with her bullet eyes- you won’t hear about this in the mainstream media, or about mechaobama poised to attack President Trump with mustard jet guns and there’s so much linking this with Pizzagate, you won’t hear about this anywhere but here, and it’s a disgrace. They say Trump Russia, but importantly Clinton Spectre. More after this break.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        And nobody ever circles back to IS HILLARY’S RISOTTO ANY GOOD OR NOT?

  • TJ Barke

    Felix supposedly told his family that he and Trump will be going to jail. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/52a4db219f9847f0d24f1ebcc73249fd4506eabd2d460dd98de9e67e1bc32b90.jpg

  • MynameisBlarney
  • “Our boy can become president of the USA and we can engineer it,”

    We need to take Putin’s Clown Downtown.
    https://memecrunch.com/meme/BIHTX/trump-clown-face/image.jpg?w=400&c=1

    Dirty Money needs The Hose

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    The scariest thing about this is knowing his hard core supporters won’t let this go down without a fight.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Why do you think all the wink and nod to Sheriff Joe and the fascists? He wants them to rise up should “they” try to stop him.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Them fat asses show up really big in a 12x telescope. {{{redacted}}}

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        It is going to take this nation a long, long time to heal from this. I feel sorry for the young people who are just getting started in this world.

        • OutOfOrbit

          “–heal from this.”? I hope this wound does not prove mortal.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            There is that.

          • Permit-holder Ron

            That’s what scares me. In terms of crippling the US, the Russians have succeeded beyond their wildest dreams.

        • Three Finger Salute

          The young people? The young people are the Reddit Nazis who were sharing “Rope and Change” memes all over 4chan and spreading that stupid conspiracy theory about Hillary being a satanic witch who eats fetal tissue on her pizza and washes it down with menstrual blood. The young people follow Milo, Tomi Lahren and those wannabe porn stars from Rebel Media on YouTube. The kids aren’t all right. Not all of them, anyway.

          • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i dunno – looked tons of youngs to me were out in Cville counterprotesting – also in boston.

            Not to mention their turn out at the Women’s Day Marches.

          • Persistent Demme

            Some of the youngs (white and entitled) people around here, (SF) natter on about how THEY are the real progressives.
            They dream of showing us mids and olds how it’s REALLY done.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Bless their hearts.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Sheriff Joe and the Fascists.

        Worst skinhead punk band ever.

        • Permit-holder Ron

          You could at least dance to ‘Anarchy in the AZ.’

    • bbayliss

      The GOP will fight it. If a penny of Russian money went into their coffers they are finished.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Hence the cries of Fake News.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Effective gaslighting. Great.

      • Catstro

        They seem to have passed up Fake News and gone straight to “well the deal didn’t happen and the hotel wasn’t built so nobody did anything wrong”

  • Paperless Tiger

    Needs moar ‘Brooklyn social club’.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    I woke up and checked Wonkette for anything new. Guess what?

    Another mehburger.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Another methburger.

      IFYPFY!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Pardon me, would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?

        • Daniel

          Now there was a scandal!

  • JoeChristmas

    Pardon me, what did he just say?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Is it too early for a BUT HIS EMAILS joke yet?

    • Crystalclear12

      Flynn could be brought done by Hillary’s emails.
      Funniest joke ever!

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        How fucked up does someone have to be to lead a chant of “lock her up” knowing full well that you’re the one who should be locked up? That’s hubris times eleventy million.

        • Crystalclear12

          And you know how the gods feel about hubris.

          • Daniel

            Nowhere near as good as I do about hubris.

    • bbayliss

      nope

    • Raan

      Never.

  • OutOfOrbit

    mebbee Mueller should also too investigate those in the electoral college & see who among them have taken ruskie monies

    • Persistent Demme

      I’ll bet he is.

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    We may want to tweek our election process so this kind of shit never ever happens again. In the meantime, who’s got the hemlock Slurpees?

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Getting a building erected in Moscow as a help to a political campaign? That’s just dumb. Trump has plenty of other buildings. I think Sater was mostly in this particular deal for himself.

    Getting erected with Russian pee hookers, that’s another matter.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Pee-pot Dome*

      *credit to LGM commentor

  • Jonny On Maui

    OT: I wish I could have passed this up, but I just couldn’t…

    http://www.intouchweekly.com/posts/duggar-family-disowned-daughter-139426

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Why? Why must I now remember all those fucked up people whose names all begin with “J”?

      • Permit-holder Ron

        Because why should Texans be the only ones suffering today?

    • OutOfOrbit

      i thinked “conspiracy theories” were supposed to be somewhat … theoretical, and not blatantly odvious.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Time for a pep rally to distract the base!

    • georgiaburning

      Get ready, West Virginia

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Missouri – a state he won by a lot.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Think he’ll make an obligatory racist Ferguson reference? Oh what am I saying? Of COURSE he’ll make an obligatory racist Ferguson reference.

    • jesterpunk
  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      That’s just wrong.

      • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

        But funny.

  • Joe Beese
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Looks like chili fixins.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Oh no no. *points* Those are Camellia Red Beans, the best EVER. That’s a few dozen pots of Red Beans and Rice right there.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Ah, okay then :)

        • CindyinEncinitas

          All they need is a hamhock to cook in it and some hot links and corn bread to serve with it.

  • dslindc
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Credibility
    That is what Donald Trump lacks
    That, and common sense

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      And human decency. And any fashion sense. But besides that…

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        “All I need is this lamp… And I don’t need anything else….”

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        …and class. Can’t forget that Trump has none, whatsoever.

        Pure crass, though.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          And the ability to keep his own tiny paws off of his own daughter…

    • ariel_gee_398

      And the ability to see his feet. And the courage to walk down a flight of stairs.

    • Major_Major_Major

      and a moral compass
      and empathy
      and an aversion to social norms like not incesting

      • And non sentient hair

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Donnie’s “hair” is probably the most sentient part of him.

    • subatomic

      And any small sliver of intellectual capacity.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • laughingnome

      So he WAS lying all along. Shocking.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      as I recall from what little big $$ real estate I’ve done – that’s not exactly done lightly. IIRC, those are usually accompanied by proof of funds, i.e. we’re ready to talk deal.

    • CeeQ

      I think cuz he never thought he’d win and the whole thing was one big con to fleece the rubes and showboat to Moscow about how influential he is now. Also: Trump TV.

      But then. He won. And here we are, 8 months in and it’s the most miserable marriage for all parties. He just wanted to be on TV!!!

    • mailman27

      Sez who?

  • Persistent Demme

    Why the olde timey, kinda Engish-y, “HALP!”?

    • Three Finger Salute

      The Beatles copyrighted “Help”?

    • Jamoche

      I always figured that’s supposed to sound like a dog yelping. Adds an extra level of desperation.

  • shivaskeeper

    What gets me mist of all in this whole Two Scoops/Russia bullshit is not the criminality of it. It’s really not.

    Of course Russia fucked with our election. That would be a given. Of course idiots on the right and the left fell for deliberate PSYOPs and information warfare campaign. That is also a given. Of course the Dems fell to infighting. Managing Dems is lone herding cats. And on and on and on.

    None of that is really new. The scale of outside interference is new, but the interference itself isn’t.

    What really gets me isn’t even the blatant disregard for the law a d the rules.

    It’s the idea that they wouldn’t get caught. I mean who the fuck sets up meetings with known Russian agents or mobsters from a personal or business email account and archives it? How little do you care about repercussions to do it that way? All whole bitching about someone else’s email and lack of discipline using said email. That’s what gets me most of all in this whole shit show.

    Edit. Sentence structure.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      That’s just how you do business in real estate, maybe?

    • bbayliss

      They’ve gotten away with everything all their lives…why worry now?

      • shivaskeeper

        That’s it. Right there.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I worry that they will get away with this too.

        • bbayliss

          nope. They’re covered with the kind of shit even shit maggots avoid.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      It’s like, they didn’t even care enough to be smooth criminals.

      https://youtu.be/h_D3VFfhvs4

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      What gets me is that Fox News and all the idiots who voted for Trump, because Hillary had AN EMAIL SERVER IN HER BASEMENT, OMG!!!!!, don’t really give two shits that Trump colluded with Russia to win the election, or that Michael Flynn was an actual foreign agent, or that everyone Trump has ever met seems to have ties to Russia.

      • shivaskeeper

        As well. I already knew that 30% of the base wouldn’t care. That’s the 30% that won’t change regardless of any evidence. That is also not surprising.

        For me it really is just the arrogance of the whole set up.

    • calliecallie

      It’s always projection with them. Always.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I would feel much better about this country getting fucked over, if the perps who were fucking us over were at least a little bit diligent in covering their own asses.

      If there was a scandal about Hillary’s emails, AT LEAST SHE PUT THEM ON SEPARATE SERVER AND DELETED THEM!

      But this shit here… This is like middle school-caliber grift.

      • shivaskeeper

        Arrogant entitlement. Pure and simple.

      • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

        could you imagine if hillary’s sever had pinged russia, even once?

        • shivaskeeper

          It still wouldn’t eclipse this arrogance.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      It’s the brazenness that makes it work with the mob, apparently.

      “There’s a line in the sand, right, and you can’t even see the line in the sand. You’re actually out of sand into, like, tropical tundra regions.”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Changeling

    What? I’m listening to Turnip answer questions and then I suddenly see my president sitting by him. I guess I should follow local news more, I had no idea he was there. I’m really waiting for what they’ll say afterwards. What any president of Finland will discuss with a president of the US is Russia. (So I’m pretending this is on topic.) And Sauli Niinistö is a pretty deliberate, blunt guy.

    • eyelashviper

      Hey, my paternal grandparents came from Aland, the island part of Finland, to escape the clutches of the czar’s hench men…
      I could really like Finland, cept for the cold and dark seasons…

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        So, you don’t like Finland?….

        • eyelashviper

          Never been there, but would love it, I just cannot tolerate the cold and darkness makes me sad.

      • Changeling

        Yeah, the pleasant season is ending here. I try to escape in the winter.
        Your grandparents probably would have escaped the czar soon anyway, since it’s a 100 years since we gained independence. They were probably Swedish speakers, pretty much everybody from Åland is?

    • Changeling

      I’m liking the press availability so far. Proud of my president for talking about Russia and climate change. He’s usually not my guy, he was from the right (the president resigns from his/her party once elected, but of course the views stay).

  • Sakonyachen

    “Trump’s longtime lawyer Michael Cohen, who seems to be covered in Russian dressing in his own right”

    What’s wrong with a little salad based role playing?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Just toss your moral inhibitions to the wind!

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Dont condiment him with out some proof!…

        • CindyinEncinitas

          I can Cesar where this is going…

          • Charles Insandiego

            Definitely a wedge issue.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Hey, do you wanna do a drinky thingie? I’m trying to figure out a place…

        • mailman27

          Lettuce cease and eradishate this line of punnery.

  • 🐶 BRAINTHRUST 5000 🐶

    Is this the open thread? Because holy fucking shit:

    https://twitter.com/DineshDSouza/status/902237558431559680

    • cmd resistor

      Whoa, there’s something I will refuse to read. Maybe the Wonkette summary.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I got yer summary right here…

        A bunch of made up bullshit from a convicted felon and adulterer trying to stay solvent so he doesn’t have to find a real job.

        • Good summary. You should write his book reviews

          • cmd resistor

            I would be happy to contribute one of those one-line reviews on the back of the book jacket. Something like, Dinesh Sucks and so does this book.

          • MynameisBlarney

            “Unsuitable for use as bird-cage liner, suggest kindling, or breaking down pages back to raw pulp to make new paper.

        • miss_grundy

          He’s a Rethuglian. They only make money by grifting.

    • MynameisBlarney
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I can’t tell what’s real anymore.

    • CountryClubJihadi

      Nothing like a meth boner.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      What in the wide world of sports is that manic, deluded, kinky little twerp on about now??!?

      • cmd resistor

        He’s just got the big head because Trump re-tweeted some of his drivel this morning.

    • marxalot

      I know a lot about the sex-happy Nazis, but I’m not going near that with two ten foot condoms and a bottle of mindbleach.

      • MynameisBlarney

        What about with THREE 10′ condoms?

        • marxalot

          I’m also allergic to latex.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Lambskins?

    • Erm who ever said nazis were puritans? They just dont like anything but pv white sex is all

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Can’t the man have ONE straw man to knock down without you libtards getting all up in his grill???? sheesh!!!!

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          no

    • BigCSouthside

      lol can’t vote felon.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Yup, that’s why they closed down all the German hotspots and jailed (disappeared) all the homosexuals and ‘sexual deviants’…

    • Chyron HR

      No, but I was told that they were fixated on the Jews, or as Team Trump calls them, (((Jews))) with extra parentheses for emphasis.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

      has he never seen photos of the thousands of people with pink triangles on their concentration camp uniforms?

      (That dumb fucker is dumb about history. I left a comment once when he tried to claim all science came from european-white people).

      • cmd resistor

        I used to leave comments on his FB page until I got banned. They weren’t even very offensive.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Except for all our numbers and Al-gebra,

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          along with, IIRC, some geometry and other basic math (and engineering too, right?)

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Do you know who else were bohemian sexual revolutionaries?

      • Three Finger Salute

        Freddy Mercury and friends?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Includes much cock-goebbling.

    • bbayliss

      Nope, my dirty drunken uncle had those magazines with lurid covers featuring busty torn bodices and Nazis with whips.
      I figured they were the bad guys. I was 8.

    • Fuck I wish he would just leave well enough alone.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Hey, I remember reading something somewhere back in the day that Hitler liked Eva to pee on him.
      maybe that’s where Donnie 2-scoops got the idea!

  • CeeQ

    “……no one else knows how to pull this off without stupidity or greed getting in the way…..”

    Irony is dead.

  • BigCSouthside

    Tens of thousands of known Hillz emails. Some recipes, a weird spirit cooking thing, a bunch of printout requests.

    Like…10 trump org emails: a meeting with actual Russian spies trumps family and the head of his campaign, and a Russian mobster and shady lawyer basically super villain monologuing their nefarious plan to take over the US

    But her emails?

  • I like the complicitness of princess vankvank.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I vanka be a loan…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Nice touch. Glad you didn’t garbo the translation.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • miss_grundy

      I just love how he shows everyone how guilty he is.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        If only it made a difference.

  • weejee

    Stater, Cohen, Kushner.. what is with all these Kosher Kremlin Konnections? I has a confused, and obviously was not pogromed correctly.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      The Kosher Kremlin Konnection KKK

      • weejee

        You’re welcome.

  • Michael R
    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      I am two degrees of separation from Mao Zedong, and possibly also Lee Harvey Oswald.

      • yyyaz

        So was LBJ.

        • marxalot

          I’m one degree away from LBJ

          • Three Finger Salute

            There’s an old joke about Canada being enormous yet everyone knowing each other in one way or another. Matthew Perry went to school with Justin Trudeau (where he beat him up… OMG, Chandler…) because his mom Suzanne was Pierre’s press secretary. Justin himself beat out his own sorta stepmom for the Liberal Party leadership contest in 2013. Pierre, after the divorce from Margaret, dated a lawyer named Deborah Coyne, with whom he had a daughter named Sarah (thus, Justin’s half-sister). I don’t believe they’re close anymore though. Then, there’s Sophie, who grew up in the same Montreal neighborhood that Pierre and the boys moved to after he retired in ’84, and went to primary school with Michel.

            He met Gerry Butts in college, where he joined the debate club at McGill after the buddies traveled up to Alberta one night to root for the home team that was going up against the team from U of Calgary. Among the team members were Calgary’s now mayor, Naheed Nenshi; a hotheaded pre-law candidate named Ezra Levant; and an obsessive fanatic for American-style “constitutional originalism” named… Rafael “Ted” Cruz.

            Whoever did Kevin Bacon’s website should do one for Canada. Which apparently is just “six degrees of Justin Trudeau.”

    • So do I.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      But is that one degree of separation or two? I has confus.

    • Three Finger Salute
  • Bill D. Burger
    • jesterpunk

      He is spilling everything he knows to Mueller right now.

    • Man, could I go for some cheese and crackers right now…

      • miss_grundy

        Now you are making me hungry and dinner won’t be ready for another hour.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Jeff Mc Donald

    So…this thing might just have started off as an attempt to get more money out of being elected to public office? I can’t believe a conspiracy theory like that! When has anything like that ever happened before? I mean, that’s not even illegal is it? In America?

    • miss_grundy

      Politicians at Tammany Hall made their living that way.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Looks like Amazon may have a bit of a PR problem, too:
    “Today’s the dawn of the new regime at Whole Foods — a 365 Everyday Value page on Amazon.com, and cheaper avocados plus “Farm Fresh” Amazon Echos at kiosks inside stores. But Amazon’s successful buyout does come with one downside, and that’s the baggage of Jeff Bezos’s refusal to yank any of his company’s advertising from Breitbart News, which ex–Trump chief strategist Steve Bannon rejoined as executive chairman practically on his way out of the White House door. The push to drop Breitbart, stronghold for lots of racist alt-righters, picked up in earnest after the election: Kellogg’s and several big corporations announced they were pulling all of their ads from the site, and the number of companies that followed suit has grown to more than 2,600.

    Amazon is not one of those, however, and angry groups like Grab Your Wallet are calling on people to punish the tech giant’s newest acquisition as extra leverage.”

    I’m surprised Bezos would be so stupid, since he generally seems very savvy.

    http://www.grubstreet.com/2017/08/whole-foods-faces-boycott-for-amazons-breitbart-ads.html

  • Bill D. Burger

    “No connections to Russia. No connections to Russia. YOU have connections to Russia.”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DIVmud1XkAAfU5O.jpg

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      This is from today?

    • mailman27

      In Russia, we have connections to you… wait, that’s not quite…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        In Russia, karma fucks YOU up the…. well, actually that’s true everywhere.

    • Moebym of the Returners

      “No nothing” means there’s something.

    • miss_grundy

      Would someone please pull out all of those emails in his campaign, please?

  • Vincent Ricola

    Tots normal.

    Just kidding, this is what modern-age treason looks like and I hope those two guys from Brooklyn go to jail for life.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      In the old days, we would have taken traitors like Michael Flynn out after his trial and hanged him, and not with votes. Isn’t Trump always talking about going back to the good old days?

      • miss_grundy

        Not if it would apply to him. And there have been government leaders who were taken care of back in the day the way I would like to see this guy taken care of, without the benefit of votes. At least if he went to prison for the rest of his life and had everything taken from him and his criminal family, I could live with that punishment. I hope that in the future he is merely a footnote of the time when America went crazy because of all the old people who voted one last time.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          But they were economically anxious!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    You guys can insult our president if you like, but I’m watching him read (haltingly and obviously) from a piece of paper on the podium that someone else wrote for him, and he seems super presidential. I hope the rest of you are ashamed of yourselves!

    Remember when that dope Obama had to read (eloquently) from a teleprompter? What a phony!

    • spangled

      the moment that he read one whole sentence without fucking up is when he truly became presidential

      • jesterpunk

        He didnt shit his pants and fling the shit at reporters yet, so presidential.

        • spangled

          the bar has been lowered all the way into the earth’s magma core

          • jesterpunk

            But once a Democrat is president they will be back to criticizing everything and raise the bar up so high no one can get over it.

          • shivaskeeper

            Pedantic. The core is molten nickle and iron. Not magma. That is all. :)

          • spangled

            well how could there be a “core” to the earth anyway? facebook told me it was flat. checkmate!

          • shivaskeeper

            You got me. I though I would blind you with science, but you got me. Well played.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Sad.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        When Trump pronounced the name of a Finnish city, maybe even correctly, that’s when I knew he was my president, and I was no longer going to be a violent leftist libtard, because Trump was truly uniting us.

        • Three Finger Salute
        • Changeling

          It wasn’t correct, but it was his pronunciation of the president’s name that made me guffaw.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          He’s the greatest orator of our time. Maybe ever.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            He’s JFK and Obama combined, times ten.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Yeah, that’s the pivot. Oh, wait.

    • eyelashviper

      fantastic job, believe me, terrierism, freedumbs, believe me, also too.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        He only repeated himself once. It was entertaining to watch him, because he rarely looked up from his script. It was obvious he hadn’t written the speech, nor had he bothered to try to memorize it. He didn’t mention his yooge electoral victory, or that the media is made up of people who hate America, so you know he didn’t write it. He was bigly presidential.

        • TEX Dept. of Space Tacos

          he actually does that fairly frequently – except at his rallies.

    • Three Finger Salute

      LOL. I memba when Obama fucking SANG.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8Qu8nThJ5w

      You know, I totally would buy an album of his. No, not an audiobook. An ALBUM.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        He was America’s coolest president.

    • marxalot

      How long until he just starts taping notecards to his tie?

      • eyelashviper

        Or sends Ivanka to sub for him.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      The animatronics at Disneyland do a better job in seeming real.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Speaking of which, Disney is getting a lot of grief over the animatronic 45. It is not even certain they will let him/it speak.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Given that he can’t follow a script to save his life, having the thing stay silent would be the safest choice.

          • miss_grundy

            Given that the sound of his voice drives New Yorkers and anybody else with a mind crazy, it is better to give the speaking part to another animatronic president.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      And yet he hasn’t written on his hand, like Palin. Perhaps because he can’t actually write or read?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Eggsacktly. No point.

    • Jimh

      Remember that when he repeats the last few words in a sentence in a kind of hissy voice right into the microphone is when he MAKING A POINT. REALLY MAKING A POINT.

      • miss_grundy

        And he is making those gestures….

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • bbayliss

    Trump reads words, “god, wisdom, strength” does not drool, does not wet himself…becomes presidential once again.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I laughed when he asked for god’s wisdom. LOL, yeah, he’s really led a Christian life, and I’m sure he seeks the lord’s advice on the regular.

      • bbayliss

        “dear god, please give me more pussy and money, thanks, Don.”

        • miss_grundy

          That’s about it.

    • cmd resistor

      So those were words with the FInnish president?

  • Jennifer R

    People make me weary.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Should have been shitcanned after the first prototypes.

      • Permit-holder Ron

        ‘Those big brains and those hands? Gonna be a ton of problems down the road. Just wait, you’ll see I’m right.’

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      The stupid people doubly so.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Otis Redding prescribes A Little Tenderness for this condition.

      https://youtu.be/UnPMoAb4y8U

  • Msgr_MΩment

    He seems nice.
    AOT,K.

  • CO
    • spangled

      FAKE, podesta’s risotto recipe didn’t even include wine – which is an absolute affront to jesus christ, the creator of wine

      • cmd resistor

        Wait till the taco bowl recipe email comes out.

    • bbayliss

      How about that?

    • Jimh
      • miss_grundy

        I wonder if the conservatives in Houston are thinking about her emails now.

        • Christopher Story

          No, just praying to Lord Trump that he will rescue them in their time of need.

          • amrak63

            Never mind feet of clay, their idol Covfefe has a BRAIN of clay.

            Alas, Putin does not, which is how Clay Brain got “elected”.

        • Jimh

          Or Trump’s heartfelt tweets: “WOW! biggest storm in 500 years!”

      • Christopher Story

        Exactly the right time.

    • miss_grundy

      The Clinton/Podesta emails were incriminating because they had recipes for risotto.

      • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

        SO elitist!

  • Permit-holder Ron

    OT:
    The President of Finland (an ACTUAL president) is giving a speech. Two Scoops is standing near him at another podium, giving a live demonstration of what ‘MEGO’ means.
    Gods, I hope Twitler doesn’t say something unforgiveable and starts a war with Finland. Those guys are tough. They beat RUSSIA. They shot down Russian fighters with BREWSTER BUFFALOS.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Germany circa WWII: “If there were 50 million Finns we would share the world together with you.”
      Finland: “If there were 50 million Finns… what makes you think we would share anything with you?”

    • eyelashviper

      Never mess with the Finns, they speak softly and carry cannons, and never give up.

      • OrG

        And play death metal.

      • Changeling

        Actually, we don’t really speak.

        • eyelashviper

          LOL, you just described some of my my kinfolk.

      • cmd resistor

        At first I read that as they carry crayons.

        • eyelashviper

          Those too, along with Nokia phones in Marimekko print designs.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Trump “Texas is so brilliant for being able to handle flooding, not like weak, lame, New Jersey which cried like a little bitch.”

    Trump manages to jab at Congress – “they’ll be bipartisan for a change in helping Texas.” Ha ha, I wouldn’t count on New Jersey’s help, unless of course they want to show they’re not petty little shitheads like Cornyn, Cruz, and Gohmert.

    • jesterpunk

      Pretty sure NJ is going to help because they are not assholes but before the vote they are reminding Cruz how he is an asshole.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’m hoping every Democrat takes the opportunity to remind everyone what an asshole Cruz was.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Maybe they could vote yes only if he votes no…

        • jesterpunk

          Pin the tail on the Ted before the vote.

    • exinkwretch

      No so fast, folks: “Throw me a life jacket! I’m drowning!”
      “Let’s see your citizenship papers first!”

    • mardam422

      Wonder how many Republicans will vote against. There are still plenty of assholes there.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        You have a gift for understatement.

  • eyelashviper

    I hope one of those reporters asks the Finnish President about their gol darn soshulism guvmint….
    Best public education system in the world.
    Health care for everyone
    Housing for everyone
    Modern efficient public transportation
    Moving toward basic salary for every citizen..
    and more of that scary commie stuff.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      They must be so poor…

      • eyelashviper

        It’s just tragic, they all must be so depressed:

        https://finland.fi/life-society/the-humble-number-one-finland/

        • TJ Barke

          Too bad there’s no way any other country could, say, implement similar policies and practices to achieve similar results…

          • eyelashviper

            Yeah, one of the tragedies of mankind….
            All cause Jebus sez otherwise, and wants gunz and stuff for every rugged Murikin individual…

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Why would you want to give good moneyz to the government when you have to spend other good money for gunz to shoot the government bureaucratic lotters?

          • Changeling

            Actually we have a lot of gunz in Finland, although I never see them. Hunting, probably? Gunz and soshulism!

          • eyelashviper

            You must not have nuff Jebus, or snuff, or somethin’.

          • Changeling

            You must not have nuff Jebus, or snuff, or somethin’.

            Bingo! We have very little Jebus and have to bring our snuff from Sweden.

          • TJ Barke

            Sounds pretty good to me.

      • Changeling

        I am, but it’s cool because soshulism.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      EVERY babby that is born in Finland is sent home with a babby box (big enough to use for a crib for awhile) filled with clothes, sheets, toys, a mattress, and blankets.
      For 75 years they’ve been doing this!
      also, too, I think Finns were instrumental in starting unions in the mines in Minnesota’s Iron Range.

      • eyelashviper

        So much of their national policies just make good sense…crazy stuff!
        They improved their educational system by looking at some basic facts…kids like to learn, being overwhelmed with homework is bad, so no homework, and other such complicated ideas..

        • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

          True story: Minnesota used to have a fabulous K-12 school system, based on real research. Finland took the “Minnesota model” and ran with it.
          Now, @ 20 years later, after “No Child Left Behind” BS dismantled that model, the Minnesota school system is a sad, sad thing– and Finnish schools make us yearn for the model that we used to have (and the Finns had the good sense to keep).
          Some Finns who toured our public schools told us about that, and they were SHOCKED at what had become of us.

      • Changeling

        Yeah, because we didn’t send our best. We sent socialists, trade unionists, heathens. (Like my great-granddad and great-uncle, who were all of the above.) And some, I guess, were good people.

  • Christopher Story

    Since we’re talking about Russian monies influencing American politics…

    “GOP campaigns took $7.35 million from oligarch linked to Russia”

    https://www.dallasnews.com/opinion/commentary/2017/08/03/tangled-web-connects-russian-oligarch-money-gop-campaigns

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • weejee

      Send in the clowns?

    • TJ Barke

      Is that the original dialogue?

      • Christopher Story

        I believe so. I was a rabid Calvin and Hobbes fan as a child.

        • TJ Barke

          I have 4 or 5 collections and I don’t remember this one…

          • Christopher Story

            I’m so jealous!!!

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Yeah, I think so.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    President of Finland is SCHOOLING Trump’s ass on climate change, as are all the reporters from Finland. Trump’s response “we want clean water and the cleanest air ever.” Damn, he is dumb.

    • TJ Barke

      Clearly, he doesn’t want either of those things, given what he’s done to the EPA.

    • Changeling

      Yeah, I’m proud of our guy and press.

    • Christopher Story

      I want a pony and world peace. Since we’re apparently making a wishlist now.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Hell I’ve given up on World Peace so I’ll just take the pony and some of those cakes we like. Please

    • Three Finger Salute

      Trump, you’re Finnished.

      Better start Russian out the door.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Do not Putin yer two cents!…

      • President in Exile Firefly

        I just Lapp up these puns.

    • yyyaz

      “Clean” Coal for “Clean” Air! See, it’s easy-peasy.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        With Donnie’s (alleged, ha!) money laundering experience, he should be able to effectively launder coal, right?

      • Weird Fishes

        They’re cleaning it as we speak! So much coal cleaning!

        …did I you hear about my overwhelming electoral victory? I’m still talking about it!

    • miss_grundy

      Well, you sure as heck are not going to have clean air or water if you get rid of the EPA regulations, which check companies from polluting. But logic is hard.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Trump’s “logic” trumps logic.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      If there isn’t an award to be given to Donnie for sheer egregious vapidity, there really should be one.

  • eyelashviper

    Here he goes, rant over Arapaio….he’s unleashed, and Kelly nowhere to be seen, the shock collar is not working, gasp…

    • bbayliss

      Will not watch.

      • Weird Fishes

        Will, however, enjoy vicariously.

        • bbayliss

          You spelled execrate wrong.

          • Weird Fishes

            Darned spellcheck. It always wants to default to the Obama setting.

  • BadKitty904
  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Trump acting super presidential, by talking about how huge his crowd in Arizona was, and how everyone went crazy when he mentioned pardoning Arpaio. That seems like a great way to determine public policy.

    • cmd resistor

      Ok so now I can’t even tell if this is real. Sadly, it probably is.

  • Johnnymoreno

    So, so many dots to connect, it’s turning into a pointillist painting — Treason On The Grande Jatte.

    • Three Finger Salute

      The bigliest amount of pixels ever. Believe me.

  • eyelashviper

    Finns to Trump: “We kicked the Russians arses 100 years ago, and you give your country to them, explain please…”

    • Changeling

      Actually our departure from Russia was peaceful 100 years ago – Lenin & guys gave us independence after the revolution, I guess they had enough on their hands. Fighting Russians was during the 40s.

      • eyelashviper

        Oooopsss, I thought Sibeliius did it, all that patriotic music.
        Family mythology sometimes gets carried away…

      • Persistent Demme

        Mr. Demme played oboe in a flashmob performance of “Finlandia” yesterday. (Palo Alto, CA)
        (Just thought you should know that you’re represented here.)

        • Changeling

          <a href="Torilla tavataan!

        • Saxo the Grammarian

          I like Sibelius. His best music makes me want to be a better person.

  • miss_grundy

    I’m waiting for Tangerini to deny that he has ever met Putin prior to the G20 meeting this year so someone can pull up the photographic evidence.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Would it matter?

  • eyelashviper

    THE WALL, THE WALL, DA DRUGS, DA DRUGS, DA CRIMES, the Wall fixes da drugs, and we can see thru it, so won’t get hit on head by drugs, argle bargble, wall, wall, drugs, blech.

  • eyelashviper

    I think I might have to find the website of the Finnish Embassy and send an apology, on the part of a regular person here, for the ASSHAT who just made a complete ass of himself again.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      I caught maybe 10 seconds of it when I turned on the TV. The shitgibbon is so fucking embarrassing.

  • mardam422

    Evan is Senior Editor at Wonkette. That’s Spanish for Mr. Editor.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Arroz con pollo is Spanish for “a rose with polio,” right?

      • ken_kukec

        Arroz by another name tastes as good.

      • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

        Piso mojado oh never mind.

      • mardam422

        Arroz amarillo con pollo is a rose in texas with polio.

      • SeeTrain65

        “Arroz by any other name would stiill be rice.”

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Los Alamos is Spanish for more than one Alamo.

  • Changeling

    I’m sorry but as a Finn I have to do this.

    Suomi mainittu. Torilla tavataan!

    (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=torilla%20tavataan)

    • eyelashviper

      You gotz tortillas, also too?

      • Canned Covfefe

        Taco trucks on every corner?

        • eyelashviper

          If only….we were promised if Hillary had won.

          • Canned Covfefe

            *sigh*

        • Changeling

          We don’t have messicans, we have to do with kebab.

          • Canned Covfefe

            To be honest, I’m not that choosy and I love kebabs so I’d take one of those on every corner. Or they could alternate corners.

          • Changeling

            And we have never even heard of canned clams! (Or confefe.)

    • BJW

      As the wife of a man whose Finnish grandfather emigrated to the US over 100 years ago, I must say, Finns have SISU.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Smacks otsa.

    • unclejeems

      Reminds me of my second favorite Python song:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rwc3VGvlRY

  • Paperless Tiger

    When she sat in Putin’s chair, was he, like, in it at the time?

  • NotDarkYet

    I am a glutton for punishment: I wanna see Trump, shirtless, atop a horse. Galloping across the prairie … hm?

    I’ll finish this fantasy once my stomach stops heaving…

  • arundel

    “I arranged for Ivanka to sit in Putins private chair at his desk and office in the Kremlin,” he said.

    This is my favorite part of this. You know Ivanka gets a power-trip from such things. Sitting at Putin’s desk is sordid. Sitting her ass down next to Angela Merkel at the G20 where a US president should be. You know she’s sat at the Resolute desk in the Oval Office, for kicks.

    She loves these power trips, and being Grand Duchess Ivanka, despite the fact she is ABSOLUTELY USELESS and NO ONE elected her to anything.

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