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When God closes a door, he opens a window. California Congressman Duncan Hunter knows this, because he is a Christian who loves Trump and hates gaybortions. For instance, Hunter tried to close the door on a Congressional investigation into his campaign finances by voting to gut the Office of Congressional Ethics in January. But then the FBI the Lord opened a window and raided Hunter’s campaign office in Virginia this March. And Jesus kicked out a few more panes of glass when a federal court employee inadvertently posted the FBI warrant online, and the LA Times published the screenshots yesterday. The Lord does work in mysterious ways!

Hunter first found himself in the FEC’s crosshairs in early 2016, when his campaign account disclosed $1,200 of spending on the Steam gaming platform. As Roll Call reports,

Hunter’s office explained the charges this way:

On Oct. 13, Hunter’s then-12 year old son, Duncan III, used his father’s campaign credit card to make $19.83, $5 and $24.90 charges to Steam then about 15 more days later.

After Rep. Hunter saw the charges to Steam later that month, he realized his son was using a campaign card to pay for the gaming service. He contacted the company to cancel the account, but about 50 charges were put on the card between the time the account was closed and Dec. 16.

The campaign then contacted the Federal Elections Commission and the bank, and a fraud alert was put on the card.

UH HUH. So, either Hunter’s account was hacked, OR his family was so used to helping themselves to his campaign funds that they racked up $1,200 on video games and tried to hide it by reporting the charges as fraudulent. And we have no way of knowing which one of these it was, but we note that in February of 2017, the FBI was looking for evidence of:

…[A] scheme to defraud First National Bank by making false statements related to video game charges which resulted in the refunding or crediting of charges not properly due from April 4, 2016 to the present in violation of Title 18, United States Code, Section 1334 (bank fraud).

From FBI warrant published in The LA Times
We are also wondering how Hunter’s 12-year-old son got the campaign credit card to use for the $49.28 of “real” Steam purchases. Hunter really ought to have a word with his campaign manager Margaret Hunter about that! Maybe tonight he should roll over and say, “Honey, perhaps if we only used the card for legitimate campaign expenses, our three children wouldn’t be facing the possibility of BOTH their parents being indicted for bank fraud and violating campaign finance laws.”

From FBI warrant published in The LA Times

But we are a not a marriage counselor, so don’t go by us.

When the FEC started looking into the Hunter campaign, they found that someone had been using Hunter’s campaign credit card A LOT. But as the San Diego Union Tribune reported, it was probably just an honest mistake to charge:

  • $1,650 for private school tuition
  • $1,400 for school lunches
  • $961 at Sea World
  • $1,400 for dental work
  • $229 at Disneyland
  • $6,142 at Costco
  • Another $48,000 for, you know, stuff

Hunter took out a home equity loan to pay back the $60,000 he accidentally stoled from his campaign. But by then, the FBI was already all over him. They executed the warrant on his campaign office on February 27, 2017, and Hunter debuted his “mileage reimbursement” defense to his constituents two weeks later. The Escondido Grapevine describes “Duncan Duane Hunter’s Town Hall from Hell”:

“Here’s what happened,” Hunter said. “Last year I found out that there were mistaken charges on my campaign and I found out in the report that we come out with every year. As soon as I saw those, I paid back immediately $12,000, then did an internal audit on my campaign finances — an internal audit.

“We then payed back another $50,000,” Hunter continued. “That includes everything. We paid back about 130 percent of what my own internal audit came out with. I announced it prior to the election. We’ve been transparent about the whole thing. These were mistakes that were made by my campaign that I paid back immediately.

Hunter added: “Let me put it this way. I am going to be the only congressman in the last two years who hasn’t taken any mileage reimbursement. (Crowd buzzes.) No, literally, the only congressman in Congress with no mileage reimbursement.

“I would charge my mileage on my card. Instead of charging on my personal credit card, I would charge it on my campaign card when going to campaign events. The campaign finance stuff, I was not watching close enough. I have fixed it now. It’s all straightened out. I’ve taken responsibility for it. I’ve fixed it. End of story.”

See, he really is doing the government a favor by not getting his mileage reimbursed! Which the FBI probably figured out when they seized all this stuff in February.

Gee, maybe Duncan Hunter is in a wee spot of trouble. If and when Congressman Douchebro goes to jail, we’ll all have a chuckle. Because that sumbitch deserves it for sure. But in all seriousness, WHO THE HELL INVOLVES THEIR MIDDLE SCHOOLER IN A FEDERAL CRIME? We are just a heathen Jew, but we are pretty sure having your 12-year-old abet you in a felony is Not What Jesus Would Do!

You are bad, Duncan Hunter. And you should feel BAD.

[Roll Call / FBI Warrant via LA Times / San Diego Union Tribune / Escondido Grapevine / Politico / LA Times]

You are good, Wonkers! And you should feel GOOD! And you should click here to fund us, too!

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  • OutOfOrbit

    $1,400 for school lunches?!
    LOCK HIM UP! LOCK THEN ALLLL UP!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    The old report the credit card charges as fraudulent seemed like such a clever way to get around the illegal charges made to the card by the family, except that it was fraudulent to fraudulently claim the charges were fraudulent. Drats! Foiled again!

    AS for the kid snagging any old credit card laying around the house,or the hotel room… That’s some parenting that there is… So either the kid’s a thief, with nary a lick of parental guidance, over and over again, or they throw their very own kid under the bus to save their asses, fraudulently, and not very well…

    They seem like nice people. Good Christian people.

    • OutOfOrbit

      it’s the Christian Family Way Gawd Damnit

    • SweetDeeKat

      I am not a Very Important Person, but I take a look at statements now and then. That’s a shitload of Steam purchases. Is he playing 18 hours a day?

      • ryp

        Always check your CC statements. If you don’t, you are undoubtably paying $9.99 or more a month for some web service you never use, but signed up for a free trial period and forgot to cancel.

  • WiscoJoe
  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    I’d be pretty irate about this situation if we weren’t all going to be dead tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i been irated since Reagan but here we are

    • BJW

      Hey! I don’t live close enough to a major city to die in a nuclear attack. Which means fighting for survival. Ugh.

      • I hope you’ve been studying up on your post-apocalyptic teen-romance novels to help prepare you for all the sexyness that’s about to go down!

        • BJW

          Thanks for the laugh! Except it triggered a coughing spell but hey, that’s not your fault! ;)

      • Eo Raptor

        Umm… Unfortunately, our ICBM silos aren’t in major cities. They’re out in the countryside where they can be hidden.

        • BJW

          Yeah. We aren’t near any nuclear silos. It’s a rural area due to lower population density, but it isn’t the cornfields of Kansas or wherever the ICBM silos are. We actually have wifi in fast food places and restaurants and fancy coffee.

          We are about 80 miles away from a nuclear power plant, though. We live halfway between Fort Wayne, Indiana, and Toledo, Ohio. Ft Wayne is 50 miles and Toledo is 60. My little town has a pop of 8000 and it is the largest town and the county seat. There’s a town of 20,000 about 20 miles away. We’re almost in Indiana AND Michigan.

          • H0mer0

            that’s almost on my way to Ft Wayne to see my progenitori. Shall I stop by?
            (just kidding)

          • BJW

            Sure…hubby won’t get the shotgun out. Kidding too! Williams county Ohio ring a bell? ;)

          • H0mer0

            I asked for directions to the gas station in Bellefonte once. I just looked it up and it appears to be north of our usual route on 27/33 trajectory

          • BJW

            Yes, it’s quite a bit farther north.

    • CindyinEncinitas
  • Indiepalin

    $961 for a ticket to Sea World to watch them mistreat the whales?

    • msanthropesmr

      For that money you get to mistreat them personally.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Double it and you can get a video of yourself getting peed on by one.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Do you have a link? Asking for a friend in high office who needs discretion in these kinds of things.

    • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

      In fairness, the total does include lunch.

    • OutOfOrbit

      that prob includes and young hooker for the lad

  • bbayliss

    “Mistakes were made”

    • SeeTrain65

      “Now, now … don’t insult the boy like that.”

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    $1,200 on Steam?!? Holy balls, even a new AAA game is $60.

    Kid, when you steal cookies from the cookie jar, you take one at a time. Taking the whole damn jar tips off the authorities.

    • Glistening Fishlifters

      I bet he’s got a pretty sweet Hearthstone deck now though.

    • data_ninja

      That DLC will get ya!

    • Jennifer R

      Closer to 100 with DLC.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Well, in fairness, the heathen Jew God was pretty quick to sacrifice kids.

    • Oblios_Cap

      A couple of ravenous bears will do them good. Spare the rod and spoil the child.

  • Crystalclear12

    Hey, do you want the kid to learn how to grift on the streets!?

    • BosGrl

      Well, you could send him to Trump U.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Right? It’s like having the kid learn to drink at home with good liquor instead of in cars with hooch.

  • jesterpunk

    Trey Gowdy is going to investigate this and find out how Hillary and Chelsea Clinton where involved.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And caused the whole mess…

    • Mavenmaven

      BOTH SIDES DO IT or something.

    • BJW

      Something something, emails, something Benghazi, derp!!!111!!

      • jesterpunk

        DERP STATE!!!!!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Yeah…
    Sounds about right for the party of personal responsibility and family values.

    Doin’ a bang up job of leadin’ by example there, Duncan.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    He is tragically mistaken if he thinks he’s a DILF. And I bet he does.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      I’m sure there’s an suitable verb that begins with F that could be substituted.

      • BosGrl

        Filet?

        • BreakingDeadMen

          WITH VOTES

        • Major_Major_Major

          I was thinking froat-punch.

      • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

        Is it …FATAN?

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!

    • BJW

      Doofus? Douche? Dildo? Dick?

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Yes.

        • BreakingDeadMen

          AoT, K.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Odd that the head of the ‘vape’ caucus would have money go up in smoke.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    I took my dad’s credit card once. The government denied my disability claim.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    If I spend close to $1k at seaworld, I better go home with a fucking killer whale.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      You’d be less adamant if it wasn’t your money you spent.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        No, I most certainly would not. In fact I would be more adamant.

        • MynameisBlarney

          But would you be adamantly adamant?

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            Yes, but then I am not a dick Duncan Hunter.

    • BosGrl

      How much they treated Junior’s entire private school class?

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        Unpossible, they are nowhere near that altruistic.

        • BosGrl

          Not to be nice – pandering for parents’ votes and Junior gets to be BMOC.

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            Perhaps

    • BreakingDeadMen

      How about a sea otter? I think a whale is more expensive, but a sea otter seems right.

    • CindyinEncinitas
      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        Yea, well, between that documentary and the fact that there’s only so many tricks a killer whale can do that one was predictable.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          I hope they hurry up and close. There’s a dedicated group of folks standing outside Sea World in whale suits that must be so stifling hot. It makes me sad. That’s commitment and I admire them, but I want this to be over.

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            *shrug* Or they could figure out how to do shit without abusing whales. With that much money to throw at a problem, surely they could figure something out.

            I mean, not like they haven’t done any conservation work, ever.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I do fret about who will pick up the lost and starving baby seals when we find them on the beach and god forbid a whale should beach itself around here. I would hate to lose such a critical resource. I don’t know if the Scripps Institute would be able to pick up their slack.

          • (((fka_donnie_d)))

            Probably not fast enough :(

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    I hope his kid sues him for using him as an excuse.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    Does this make the 12-year-old a Holder in Due Course? Discuss.

    • laughingnome

      Eric Holder?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I loved him.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    But, never forget, the poorz better pay for their own school lunches dammit.

  • Joe Beese

    President Trump’s lawyer John Dowd allegedly sent an email to The Wall Street Journal in which he said, among other things, that the raid on Paul Manafort’s home was a gross abuse of power. …

    This seems highly irregular on a few fronts, both legally and politically. To state the obvious, Paul Manafort is not Dowd’s client. Dowd is Donald Trump’s lawyer. So it’s not even clear to me he would have standing to make a motion to suppress this evidence, let alone an interest in doing so that the President would want to be admitting publicly. He might have standing if the evidence ended up being used against Dowd’s client, Donald Trump. But is that true? And is it something Dowd wants to be admitting?

    If it’s not true, why does Dowd care about the Manafort raid at all? His job is to defend his client, not Paul Manafort.

    What’s going on here? According to James Comey, Trump once said it would be acceptable and perhaps good if the FBI caught “satellite associates” who colluded with Russia. Is Manafort a “satellite associate”? Does Donald Trump think those FBI agents may have found evidence that incriminates him? That’s certainly what this looks like from the outside. And Dowd may even be saying as much in legal terms.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/is-trump-worried-about-the-manafort-raid

  • Vincent Ricola

    12-year-old me approves.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    I saw this played out in the local news over and over again during my career- want to find out how unethical a politician is? Give them access to a government credit card. Not all will do shenanigans, but it’s amusing how many- out of town hotel rooms, and meals (that don’t seem to be related to business), shopping trips, and porn are always in the Top Ten. You’d think like Duncan Hunter, they might learn by hearing about others. But it doesn’t happen.

    • BosGrl

      It’s probably a slippery slope. You get away with one meal, then maybe a suit or a dress, then it’s stuff for your family…

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Governments were always super strict with staff- if you needed it for business, you had to sign it out during working hours, turn it in immediately with receipts. They actually would have been doing the politicians a big favor if they’d insisted on the same rules.

        • BosGrl

          That makes sense. I suppose if you’re honest you’d like those kinds of rules. If not…

    • grindstone

      The fastest way to get fired in my industry is to use your company credit card for ANYTHING other than company business. Yet too many people lose their jobs when they take their spouse’s car and fill it up when they fill up their company cars. Guys — they monitor that stuff, and no, we don’t believe your company truck is getting 2 miles to the gallon.

  • Catstro

    I Accuse My Children!

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Hey! He was thinking of the children. And that’s a great conservative value.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Bastards set me up!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Sounds like a 50s black and white B movie melodrama. That I would totally watch.

      • Catstro

        It is a 50s black and white B movie melodrama! It’s actually “I Accuse My Parents”, and it’s a classic MST3K episode.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Fabulous. Now I know what my plans are tonight.

    • Oblios_Cap

      J’Accuse!

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    $1400 for lunch at a $1600 skewl? The fuck?

    • BosGrl

      Caviar and imported ginger ale costs money!

  • spangled

    Omg is this the vaping congressman? lol I knew he was the worst even before I knew he was a republican (and a grifter)

  • Marion in Savannah
    • MynameisBlarney

      JFC.
      He needs to be thrown in a padded cell have his fucking phone taken away.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Sure, we’ll always consider negotiations,” he said. “They’ve been negotiating now for 25 years. Look at Clinton. He folded on the negotiations. He was weak and ineffective. You look what happened with Bush, you look what happened with Obama. Obama, he didn’t even want to talk about it. But I talk. It’s about time. Somebody has to do it. Somebody has to do it.”

      The more he speaks, the more he shows his ignorance of every subject imaginable.

      The morons of the U.S. put one of their own in the White House.

      • dshwa

        H. L. Mencken called it almost a century ago:

        “As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”

        • SeeTrain65

          More prophetic than we could ever realized.

          And we thought that was Dubya! Silly us.

      • Oblios_Cap

        He’s got the support of lots of leaders, eh? Probably just Putin.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        “But I talk.”
        Boy, does he ever.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          A master of understatement, that one.

  • Rags

    $229 for Disneyland? Did he get the Congressional discount?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Do I not understand how Steam works? (Possible.) Why is his son playing so many video games in a couple of months (in the fall, which is during the school year) that he runs up a $1,200 bill? Someone should call California CPS.

    • BJW

      I just asked my sons. Steam is a store that sells games and you can also communicate through it. But my guys have never run up bills like that. (Then again, it’s their money.)

      • Major_Major_Major

        Minor_Major does the Steam thing, and he probably drops maybe 50 bucks over the course of several months. Of course, he only buys games that interest him and usually only when they have specials running.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          You mean you raised your kid to be responsible? You’ll never make it in politics with that kind of attitude.

    • writersbloc

      There are also plenty of games with Micro transaction that allow you to “boost” your account for crazy fees- like mobile gaming.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      $1,200 is easily 20 triple-A (meaning new and high-quality; think the game equivalent of a blockbuster) games. That kid either wanted to knock out his whole Christmas list early or he literally bought everything on the Steam store front page.

      • H0mer0

        that reminds me of Steve Martin’s monologue in which his cat cashes his checks and buys hundreds of dollars worth of cat toys which he can’t return because they got spit all over them.

    • The real question is: has the kid not heard of bundles? Or Steam sales? My Steam library would be WAY sadder than it already is if I paid full price for everything…

      (it’s pretty sad though, still… https://steamdb.info/calculator/76561198030856111/?cc=us )

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Or Game Stop?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • jesterpunk

    OT but please proceed Mr Trump. He is now threatening to pressure McConnell to step down.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/08/10/trump-attacks-mitch-mcconnell-twitter-241476

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Popcorn eating memes to follow. This is epic.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m sure Mitch got quite a laugh outta that.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        I don’t think he does laughter, nor does he enjoy public humiliation. He is however, a weak chinned prick who is good at getting even.

        • BadKitty904

          His entire political career is based on spite and vengeance. Oh, and money.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            and chewing lettuce…

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Battle of the spiteful petty little men. And we’re all collateral damage.

          • BadKitty904

            For as long as we allow it to continue.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I don’t think Mitch can laugh. He might be able to manage a phlegmy chortle on a good day.

        Still, it is encouraging to note that The Donald hasn’t quite grasped the fact that impeachment hearings are tried in the Senate.

        • BadKitty904

          As if McConnell is EVER going to allow the impeachment of ANY Republican President…

          • Mehmeisterjr

            If The Most Popular President in the Entire History of the Republic Named Donald keeps trying to unhorse Mitch, it could happen.

            Of course, he would only do it if he believed that Pence would take over but this whole story is taking on a distinct Ichabod Crane vibe.

            Headlessness meet Horseman.

          • BadKitty904

            Hole, meet Ass.

    • BJW

      Yeah, Donnie. Way to go to alienate your allies.

      • jesterpunk

        He is a smart business man, a genius if you will call him that. After all it takes a real man of genius to bankrupt 3 casinos.

        • BJW

          A real genius. And he definitely wins after stiffing all his contractors. Why, it’s almost like no one in the US would want to work with him. Hmm, wonder what country and oligarchs and mobsters have extra CA$H to “invest” in Donnie’s empire? Someone might find all this activity suspicious, I suppose.

          • jesterpunk

            Good thing both his kids admitted they get loans and a lot of money from Russia.

        • Even after his old man propped him up by going into the casino and buying 3 million worth of chips and then going home never to bet a dime of that money!

      • OrG in London

        He has picked a fight with everyone. Except putin.

        • BJW

          Hmm, moose and squirrel may be getting suspicious.

        • jesterpunk

          I posted a comment yesterday how he has fought more with Kristen Stewart then he has with Putin.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Well, to be fair, you don’t pick a fight with your boss, the guy who signs your checks.

          • H0mer0

            I keep telling one of my employees that but alas…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I hope he does- I’ll laugh my ass off at the dumb turtle for supporting that criminal bastard and then I’ll laugh even harder when I do the Senate math and realize how much easier it just became to block the GOP razor thin majority.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Good.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I guess he doesn’t realize that the Executive can’t compel the Majority Leader of the Senate to step down.

      Pence is trying to figure out which ribs to slide the knife between.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I’m not gonna tell him- I’m too busy making popcorn

      • jesterpunk

        “He is still new to this and is still learning.”

        • SeeTrain65

          “GIVE HIM A CHANCE!”

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Why not? Hitler could replace a Gauleiter any time he wanted to.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      How to Make Friends and Influence People/The Art of the Deal.

      Possibly the worst book mashup ever.

  • armed_bears
    • BadKitty904

      Yah, and what about that liberal “Constitution”?!?1?

  • HazooToo

    Ask any shoplifting teenager if “BUT I PUT IT BACK BEFORE YOU ARRESTED ME!” is a solid defense.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Wasn’t that part of the plot of Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead? “If I raise enough money to replace everything I took out of petty cash I won’t get arrested”?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Or Okay, Okay, I’ll pay for it!

      • Gayer Than Thou

        “I just wanted to see what it looked like in natural light” is also not a winner. Or so I’ve heard.

      • HazooToo

        And let’s not forget “Just don’t tell my Mom!”

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          I did get a call from a friends kid who had stolen makeup from Nordstrom and was begging to be bailed out of Nordstrom jail. I did not know that Nordstrom had a jail. She was basically a good kid but kind of dumb and terrified her mom would find out.
          Since she was barely over 18, I bailed her out and she worked off the cost of the makeup. Figured it was better than a criminal record.

          • HazooToo

            You’re a godsend.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            She cleaned out and organized my closet for me. I think by the time she was done she would have preferred jail.

          • H0mer0

            It occurred to me that we were the most physically attractive when we were young and stupid and I wondered if that was a selective advantage. You did a kind thing even though no good deed goes unpunished.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Shorter term “You get away with more when you’re cute”. I know once upon a time I was, and I did.
            The thing about these department store jails is if you don’t pay for whatever, plus their “fine” they call the cops and you go to real jail. I didn’t think she needed that. Hard enough to get a job.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    We are also wondering how Hunter’s 12-year-old son got the campaign credit card to use for the $49.28 of “real” Steam purchases. Hunter really ought to have a word with his campaign manager Margaret Hunter about that!

    Is she still speaking to him after he initially blamed her for all the funny charges on the card?

    • theblackdog

      So he employed the Bob McDonnell defense.

      “It was all her fault, she’s crazy! I never did anything wrong!”

  • BadKitty904

    “Duncan Hunter”. Can the GOP stop selecting its candidates from soap-operas, please?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Stupid soft core pr0n name.

    • JackieHarkness

      And he lives on Shooters Court? WTF??

      • BadKitty904

        Another GOP caricature…

  • writersbloc

    That’s… like…. a bummer man. A real bummer.

  • Oblios_Cap

    So.. It sounds like Hunter’s son is a Steam Punk?

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Yikes.

  • BadKitty904

    Hi, I’m Duncan Hunter. You may remember me from such films as Dial M for Murderousness, The Erotic Adventures of Hercules, Give My Remains to Broadway, and The Greatest Story Ever Hulaed

    • SeeTrain65

      Or my educational films, Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly! and Here Comes The Metric System!”

      • BadKitty904

        Not to mention Meat and You – Partners in Freedom, Smoke Yourself Thin, and Whoa! Don’t Touch Me There.

        • SeeTrain65

          Or even Alice’s Adventures Through The Windshield Glass and The Decapitation Of Larry Leadfoot.

          • BadKitty904

            lol

          • SeeTrain65

            I could do more, but I’m getting tired.

    • Uhh… Troy McClure LIBELZ!!!11!!

  • Bozilingus

    See, tRump was right. Steam is the future!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Let me put it this way. I am going to be the only congressman in the last two years who hasn’t taken any mileage reimbursement.

    World’s smallest violin, asshole…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a3ce917cbc1b4f9eb825053bef916031090a04c03a89ee1d0aa182194ada4ac8.jpg

    • Oblios_Cap

      $174K pays for a lot of miles.

  • Major_Major_Major

    I’m guessing he only engaged in minor embezzlement so that he could use his personal cards at pornhub and Ashley Madison.

  • Oblios_Cap

    “The campaign finance stuff, I was not watching close enough. I have fixed it now. It’s all straightened out. I’ve taken responsibility for it. I’ve fixed it. End of story.”

    Yeah, that’s the ticket. Ignorance of the law is no excuse.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I think he forgot the part about how Jesus has forgiven him, why haven’t you?

  • DerrickWildcat

    Steam is cool. The other stuff is bullshit.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’m more into solar myself.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Hi, which of you Wonkets with good Photoshop skills can put these doofuses in the “I’m with Stupid” finger pointing shirts for me?

    https://static01.nyt.com/images/2017/08/11/us/11dc-prexy/11dc-prexy-master768.jpg

    • TakingAmes

      Jeebus, Pence is short. Short men don’t get to be president, Mikey.

      • Khavrinen

        Unless they manage to become Vice-President in a situation where the President may not make it the full length of his term.

        ( What? I was totally referring to Harry S. Truman {5′ 8″}, honest. )

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “The campaign finance stuff, I was not watching close enough. I have fixed it now. It’s all straightened out. I’ve taken responsibility for it. I’ve fixed it. End of story.” = “I got caught, realized I couldn’t get away with it anymore, did the bare minimum to fix it and won’t do it again now that people are on to me. NOW can this be the end of story?”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c7ab356cb376ab7dc924f556b3c3d87ab7d1059b9b33b98be15960da105559c9.jpg

  • TJ Barke

    Republicans, the pro corruption party.

    • Seek

      Don’t forget he got part of Randy Duke Cunningham’s old district in the last re-draw. Yup, I went from Randy Duke to Issa to this idiot, just when you are SURE it can’t be worse. It is. These Morans will elect a serial killer if he has an R behind his name.

  • CrashGordon1

    Everyone knows it’s not really theft if you pay it back after you get caught. Amirite?

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Yeah we accidentally spent so much money we didn’t have that we had to remortgage the house to pay it all back. It could happen to anybody.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      That’s what I was taught at Trump University. Damn, I wish I hadn’t slept through so many of those “Fraud 101” lectures.

    • mardam422

      Just like sinning if you’re caught.
      “Jesus will forgive me for fingering that strange pussy, so I’m good.”

  • dshwa

    It was my son, on the PC, with the Steam account.

    Worst game of Clue ever.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He would have gotten away with it if not for that meddling kid!

  • TJ Barke

    It was that damn Steam Summer Sale. YOU’LL NEVER HAVE TIME TO PLAY ALL THOSE GAMES!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Tell me about it. At this rate, I’m going to get to Witcher 3 sometime around 2082.

      • Opiwan

        I don’t think I’ll even get to Witcher 1 before I die, and I’m 39…

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      IKR?

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Republicans seem to think that Nancy Pelosi is a magical name that has wizarding powers to deflect and resolve them of all responsibility. Invoke the Pelosi, even in a town hall meeting full of angry Democrats, and somehow you are off the hook!

    • Oblios_Cap

      The Reid and the Dean were magic fund-raising talismans back in the day, as well.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      It’s like saying “radical Islamic terrorism” three times. That automatically causes terrorism to end.

  • Yellerduck

    I just get a picture of them putting the credit card in the junk drawer in the kitchen and as they leave for work telling the kids, “If you want anything use the card in the drawer. That makes it free!”

  • CindyinEncinitas

    It’s either A. Her emails; B. Kid’s a crafty little snot; C. Dunk, you’d better pack light. Where you’re going, they don’t let you check a bag through and you wouldn’t believe how bitchy they are about carry-on.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Isn’t there enough grift readily available in Congress without stealing campaign funds?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Since he had to take out a loan to repay the money he stole, I’m guessing he’s not particularly good at theft.

      Newt Gingrich went in to Congress with $30,000, and came out with $130 million. Now THAT’S a good crook.

  • Tiffany de Houston

    Why do people spell the word “paid” as “payed”? Especially when it was spelled correctly in the previous paragraph. I’m sure Betsy DeVos will really help situations just like this.

    • Karen Marie

      I’m not even going to call it a typo, because it’s obviously not. I stop reading when I see stupid mistakes like that. I figure if someone is so clueless as to not know how common words are spelled, I can’t trust them to get their facts straight.

      • I hate it when people quote people directly and the quote is misspelled too. BURN THE WITCHES

    • meanlawyermom

      This was a quote from another source, 5$F’s original content.

    • Fivedollarfeminist

      For once, it wasn’t me! But I didn’t have to transcribe that argle bargle myself, for which I am most grateful – typo and all.

  • Lulu’s Mom

    Duncan Hunter could shoot someone on the Embarcadero and wouldn’t lose any supporters.

  • Marla

    So he takes campaign contribution funds and spends it on computer electronics which in itself raises the question why the F.B.I. specifically seized them. Their may be another shoe about to drop on this story

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Is 12 year old Duncan III one of those ‘special’ kids that don’t understand STOP BUYING $1000 WORTH OF GODDAM VIDEO GAMES or did his parents neglect to inform him to STOP BUYING GODDAM VIDEO GAMES?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      and seriously, on steam, $1000 worth is a SHIT TON of games.

      • Rickyphoo

        I see a kid who is going to live in his parent’s basement forever.

        Unless, of course, Mommy and Daddy both go to jail.

  • Marla

    What’s so odd about his statement are the shifts from

    I paid back immediately $12,000…

    to

    We then payed back another $50,000…”

    Throwing the family under bus, Hunter?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      That’s what a Republican’s family is for!

  • BrendaKay

    When I read he had to take out a loan to repay all the oopsies, I decided he was pretty much guilty as charged… otherwise he’d have all that sitting in his personal account that should have been used to make those purchases, right?

  • azeyote

    this is why you need a platinum card

  • Khavrinen

    “Another $48,000 for, you know, stuff.”

    “Nothing you need. Everything you want.”

    http://www.ilikestuff.com/

  • Bitter Scribe

    Hunter should come to Illinois and run for state office. Here you can spend your campaign funds on video games or anything else you like, just as long as you declare it as taxable income.

    • Illinois; as corrupt as fuck and we like it like that!

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        We had no problem with our politicians being corrupt, as the Lord intended, until they also started being ineffectual.

  • Francis Nguyen

    We need leaders in Congress who will put the people first. Josh Butner spent 23 years in United States Navy and is a former Lieutenant Commander in the Navy SEALs. He dedicated his career to serving our nation, and is fed up with out-of-touch politicians putting their political careers and bank accounts ahead of the people.

    Join Josh Butner for Congress — the campaign to defeat Duncan Hunter and send a Navy SEAL to Congress. Join the movement at http://www.joshbutnerforcongress.com/donate.

    • Huh.
      Gonna say a big no to that since his site is all about military service and says nothing about policy, where he stands on issues, or what he plans to do to “put the people first”
      Course I am not donating to Hunter either so…..

      • Francis Nguyen

        Here is some more info on him and where he stands.

        Josh Butner

        Age: 48 years old

        Occupation: Lieutenant Commander, United States Navy SEAL, retired; Military and Professional Business Line Manager; Aqua Lung; Trustee of Jamul Dulzura Union School Board

        Residence: Lives in Jamul

        Education: BS, Workforce Education and Development SIUC, MS Defense Analysis Special Operations Low Intensity Conflict Naval Postgraduate School, MS National Security Affairs Naval War College

        Family: “Three wonderful kids. Oldest son is currently serving in the Navy, middle son graduated from film school in San Francisco, and youngest daughter is currently studying Philosophy and Poetry at UC Santa Cruz.”

        Why are you running for Congress?

        I feel an intense obligation to serve this country. I come from a long line of men and women that proudly served in uniform dating all the way back to the Civil War. Growing up, the principles of service, country, and leadership were instilled in me. That was why I spent 23 years serving and defending my country in the United States Navy and the SEAL Teams.

        When you have multiple friends that have given their lives to defend our freedoms, I’m compelled to continue a life of service that I hope my fallen brothers would be proud of. We must instill the fundamental American values of honesty and hard work back into our government. Too many in Washington are representing the special interests, not the will of the people.

        It’s time to take our country back.

        What are your two most important domestic issues/priorities?

        My first priority is to support our hard working Americans; we need to invest in innovation and create long-term economic opportunities. This can happen by supporting small businesses while also investing in our education and our infrastructure.

        Moreover, I want to protect critical priorities – like Social Security and Medicare. Seniors have paid into it every paycheck. They’ve earned it. We’ve got to protect it from those in Washington who would try to privatize it. We’ve also got to protect it by rooting out wasteful spending programs and closing special tax loopholes for the Washington special interests.

        What are your two most important foreign policy issues/priorities?

        Our greatest foreign policy concern is homeland security — the manner in which we prosecute the battle with ISIS and other violent radical Islamic extremist non-state actors and those that hijack any religion for justification of violence. Our choice in the manner in which we prosecute this war of ideas, of which we must prevail, is of the greatest concern.

        Secondly, we must always be prepared for and strategically act in ways that deter nations from using force, conventional and unconventional, against the U.S., our allies, and weaker nations striving to join the community of nations in the spirit of the Treaty of Westphalia, which spelled out national sovereignty and is the basis for modern international law among nations post World War II. This hard fought world order is of strategic national importance to the United States and our allies.

        What is the most serious threat currently facing the US?

        In addition to our most pressing threats posed by ISIS, China, Russia, and North Korea, I feel there is an existential threat to our Democracy and our way of life that is rising at an exponential rate. This threat is economic inequality.

        In 2010, economists worried that 50 percent of the world’s wealth was being concentrated in the top 1 percent of the world’s population. A short seven years later finds that the top 1 percent of the world’s population now holds 99 percent of the world’s wealth.

        We’ve got to grow an economy that works for all of us, not just the special interests. That means providing greater education and economic opportunity to make it easier to make it into the middle class and give our kids a chance at an even better life than we had.

        What is your position on taxpayer dollars for vouchers/private/religious schools?

        As a member of the Jamul-Dulzura school board, I am a strong advocate for public education on the front lines and I’m all too aware of the lack of priority paid to properly funding our schools. The recent budget passed by the Republican Congress guts public education funding.

        Worse, Washington politicians introduced a bill in February that would repeal the 1965 elementary and secondary education act that guarantees free and equitable public education for all. Their continued promotion of a national voucher program seeks to end public education as we know it. The best way to grow our economy is to invest in our schools and that will be among my very top priorities in Congress.

        What is your plan to defeat incumbent Hunter?

        People from all across this district, from all walks of life, have been supporting my campaign. They’re tired of Washington politicians like Congressman Hunter who put personal profit and special interest politics, ahead of people.

        Everywhere I go, the message is clear. We need change, now more than ever — to hold out of touch Washington politicians like Duncan Hunter accountable. It’s a movement that is bigger than any one person — and that’s why I’m running a grassroots campaign for Congress today.

        • oooo economic inequality.
          IS he pro life, pro civil rights and pro environment? Because if so, I might need to make room on my fantasy pirate ship

          Edit: He also needs to put that shit on his web site. Going about saying Seal Seal Seal!!!! Is wonderful. But we’ve had military politicians before and they don’t always work out the greatest.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Mrs. Nguyen, we’ve told you about pimping out Josh on random websites like this.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      I’m all in favour of sending SEALS to Congress. Maybe they can catch all those Congressmen who’ve been selling out their country.

  • Anyone figure out why a Cali Congress rep has a VA office yet?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      The better to grift you with, my dear.

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      I assumed that was his residence.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I pay every fucking dime in taxes on my eminently hide-able self employment income. Meanwhile, elected officials are using campaign contributions from chumps like me to send their kids to the dentist.

  • Oxidation Suspenders

    “Well, these things happen. You’re not going to make a federal case of it are you? Oh.”
    – Randy “Duke” Cunningham

  • TundraGrifter

    Personally, I think the record is still held by little Ricky Santorum. He charged a single hamburger from a restaurant close to his house to his political campaign.

    If that isn’t class, I don’t know what is.

    There were, of course, seriously questions about whether Santorum and his family actually lived in that house – other than when he was running for office. But that’s another story.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Look. Let’s be honest here. Who among us (other than the sane, of course) hasn’t flipped a 12 year old their credit card and told them to just go entertain themselves for a while. Teevee isn’t the baby sitter it used to be you know!

  • Cock Blockula

    Oh come on, who of us hasn’t used their corporate credit card on canned clams from Costco and other necessities?

  • SKruetheratbassedarDs

    And for those of you fortunate enough not to realize this, The Dunkster is not the biggest grifter in recent San Diego County Congressional history. That honor still belongs to the Dukester – ace-pilot-turned-convicted-felon Randy “Puke” Cunningham. Have been subjected to both (yep, and crybaby Issa has the District next door), best I can muster is: “Can I haz a honest Representative?”

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    Bad parents! They should have gotten the kids Lavender Town and locked them in their rooms for a few weeks.

  • Zyxomma

    Gevalt!

  • mardam422

    I was born into the wrong family at the wrong time, obviously. first off, my parents were honest. Second, we used to get a $5 a week allowance and Dad used to subtract from there for bad behavior/bad grades/not doing chores. Of course, in those days you could buy pack of Marlboros for 50 cents.

  • susan_g

    “Rep. Duncan Hunter
    used campaign funds to pay for $600 of airline fees to fly a pet
    rabbit, one of the more colorful expenses to surface in an ongoing
    review of his practices.” –San Diego Union-Tribune, January 3, 2017

  • How the hell was the school tuition almost the same amount of money as the school lunches? What on earth are those kids being served in that cafeteria, caviar and hot fudge sundaes garnished with Cartier watches??

    • Brian Bixby

      Probably the first 4/5 of the tuition cost maxed out his regular card and the remainder got put on the campaign one.

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