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Monica Lewinsky???

We were not going to say anything about this thing Anthony Scaramucci, who was White House Communications Director for literally HOURS, tweeted Wednesday night:

“It’s too easy,” thought we. If you know nothing else about him, you know that Anthony Scaramucci is DUMB. This is a guy who asked, “What would Joe Paterno do?” with a STRAIGHT FACE. He compared himself and former White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus to “Cain and Abel,” because you know some brothers are just like that. Boys will be boys, after all!

In accusing Ryan Lizza — who taped his on-the-record phone conversation with Scaramucci like a common reporter from the New Yorker, BECAUSE HE IS ONE — of being the Linda Tripp of 2017, did he even know what he was saying? First of all, Tripp was a government employee (not a reporter) who recorded her conversations with Monica Lewinsky IN SECRET, because of how she despised the Clintons, whereas Ryan Lizza is, again, A REPORTER, who, again, had an on-the-record phone chat with a mouth-frothing Anthony Scaramucci, who talked about how President Steve Bannon sucks his own cock and called Reince Priebus a “paranoiac,” and so on and so forth. It was a very embarrassing conversation.

An ON-THE-RECORD very embarrassing conversation. (For the record, Scaramucci still is clinging to his belief that Lizza did NOT have his permission to tape their ON-THE-RECORD conversation. Regardless, as Ashley Feinberg of Wired points out on Twitter, DC is a one-party consent jurisdiction, which means shut up, Anthony.)

But in saying Lizza is the Linda Tripp of 2017, doesn’t that mean Anthony Scaramucci is the Monica Lewinsky of 2017? And if so, are his blue dresses stained, from doing blow-penises to Donald Trump? We are just asking! And it’s a reasonable question, because Anthony Scaramucci, king of metaphors, served it right up for us.

But we weren’t going to say anything.

Then, this morning, Monica Lewinsky tweeted about it, and we changed our mind:

LOL!

When Anthony Scaramucci took his job at the White House, a few hours before he was fired from his job at the White House, we made MANY JOKES about how he spent his first press conference gushing and cooing over how he “loves the president, he loves him, the way he wears his hair, the stylish clothes he wears, HE LOVES HIM LIKE XO!” They were supposed to be just #jokes!

But now he’s Monica Lewinsky? Did he love the president TOO MUCH, and then Ryan Lizza ruined it for him?

Also too, we have a bone to pick with the second part of his tweet, about how Ryan “Linda Tripp” Lizza is “up at night not being able to live with himself,” because it’s almost certainly NOT TRUE. This is like when Donald Trump tweets that the Russia investigation is a hoax, or when he claims people love him. It’s sad and delusional and pathetic. A quick gander at Lizza’s Twitter feed shows that he still has his report on his crazy bonkers conversation with Scaramucci as his pinned tweet, which decidedly does not suggest he is “up at night not being able to live with himself.” It’s probably more like he’s up at night not being able to stop GIGGLING ABOUT THIS.

Anyway.

Oh, dear Ant’nee — can we call you Ant’nee? Sara Benincasa did and we thought it was funny so yeah, we can — if it’s true that Ryan Lizza is the Linda Tripp of 2017, which means by extension you are the Monica Lewinsky of 2017, we suggest you take all your dresses to the cleaners, and also maybe stop by your local Planned Parenthood, because you never know where Trump’s jangly bits have been.

We are just saying.

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  • MynameisBlarney

    So…is he implying he gave turmp a beej?

    *vomits*

    • ManchuCandidate

      Either physical or metaphorical but probably both

      • MynameisBlarney

        Maybe that’s why his wife left him.

    • Keith Taylor

      I do not know. I just know that everything to do with Scaramucci is on the high side of incredibly classy. This man is a gentleman of mark.

    • weejee

      The Mooch lands a limp balm endorsement in 3, 2, 1…

      • Major_Major_Major

        Orange taint is likely not going to be a high demand flavor.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Yes. (vomits)

      (Melania vomits)
      (Ivanka vomits)
      (Steve Bannon smiles)
      (Mike Pence runs in with bucket and mop)

      • onedollarjuana

        (Mike Pence runs in with bucket and mop)

        and a stiffy, if the rumours are true.

  • memzilla Ω

    I literally had cottage cheese in my refrigerator that lasted longer than Anthony Scaramucci did.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I had a bag of wet arugula that lasted longer.

      • Mpeg

        Someone should’ve done the sniff test before assigning Scaramucci any position of viability.
        Actually that’s all kinds of *ick* and wrong to think about…

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Kinda a scratch and sniff the mooch test. He wouldn’t have passed in regular times. With Trump, it sounds like there had been some mutually agreeable sniffing going on.

  • Oblios_Cap

    He must not have taken Sara up on her offer if he has time to Twatter.

  • Walter Wellstone

    OK, Mooch, simmer down now. You’re in no position to make any more stupid mistakes. Remember what happened the last time you did.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    So much gushing in this story.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    He really blew his opportunity.

    • Major_Major_Major

      It really sucks to be him.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        His deep throated complaints mean nothing

        • Lance Thrustwell

          It’s a lot to swallow.

    • Shibusa

      Close but no cigar.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      There’s a stain on his honor.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    He just doesn’t know when to shut up.

    • weejee

      Squeeee. Just so.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Good to see you could tear yourself away from the Weejee Board.

        • weejee

          Starting to feel like Pacific time zone again.

  • weejee
  • Proud Liberal

    My question to the Mooch:

    Why did YOU call Ryan Lizza if you thought the conversation would be off the record? Dummy.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He was pissed off that SOMEONE told Lizza about Mooch’s supposedly TOP SECRET dinner with Donald the night before.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The Mooch demonstrates that one need not have any intelligence, only animal cunning, to be a hedge fund manager.

    • Oblios_Cap

      And no moral compass. Don’t forget that.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Or to graduate from Harvard, for that matter. Was he one of those rich family affirmative action people?

    • bupkus231

      and lick. Don’t forget luck, because there’s too many unintelligent people out there to be the only criteria to be a hedge fund manager….

    • Bright Bart

      he manages no hedge funds. he sells bundles of hedgefunds repackaged as moochie delight funds or whatever the fuck he calls them. he is a salesman like trump and likely couldn’t manage a fund out of a paper bag.

  • Major_Major_Major

    Mooch,
    Friendly piece of advice. Swallow your pride and suck it up.
    Kindest,
    M^3

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m sure Bannon can give you tips on how to do it, too.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Whelp, I could have done without the vurping induced by that mental image.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      already done. No way Drumpf doesn’t make them swallow.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Clearly our hopes that he would depart the political scene in shame were wildly optimistic. We forgot these people had no shame.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      see also: Newt Gingrich

  • Indiepalin

    An ice cube on the surface of Mercury would probably last longer than Scarmucci did.

  • proudgrampa

    What, exactly, is “one-party consent?”

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      You can record your own conversation without the other person knowing.

      • proudgrampa

        Oh. Thanks!

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          Get thee to downloading every season of The Good Wife, stat!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Sounds like date rape.

    • weejee
      • amrak63

        It’s Trump. Would Lady Liberty even feel it?

      • amrak63

        She turns around and rams that torch down his throat in 5…4…3…

        • Antonin Dvorak

          IRL, the very next float had Lady Liberty holding his head Judith and Holofernes style.

  • ManchuCandidate

    I see a little jizz stain of a man. Scaramucci Scaramucci did you do the metaphoric Lewinsky-ango?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      We will not let him blow!
      Let him blow!

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    But, now we know exactly what it takes for one of these people to defend the Clintons. So, there’s that.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Scaramucci’s thinking: Sure, Colbert makes everyone else look like a fool, but he won’t make me look like a fool.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      /rollseyes

    • Creepoman

      “I can make myself look like a fool all by myself!”

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I just wonder how he’s going to try to monetize his household-name status.

    • BadKitty904

      He won’t need to.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      He’s smart! Not Like everyone says!

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Ant’nee, there are two scientists on the phone. They say they’re very very interested in studying you! Dr. Dunning, and Dr. Kruger, line two.”

  • Oblios_Cap

    good to see Monica appears to be doing well

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      You should watch her TED Talk. It’s one of the really compelling ones.

      • Finnibar87

        I dropped the ‘Lewinsky’ part from scandal.

        The scandal was all Bill’s fault. Monica deserved better.

        • jesterpunk

          I dont know, I would say the scandal was all Republicans and Ken Starr more then anyone else. Bill and Monica had an affair which was bad but that was more between Bill, Hillary and Monica, Republicans turned it into a huge deal to try and get back at Democrats for Nixon being impeached and for Bill daring to try and govern while Democrat.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            No Japanese deep sea trawler has ever been on as much of a fishing expedition as Ken Starr…

          • Oblios_Cap

            Too bad about Starr getting axed over a sex scandal, wasn’t it?

          • Latverian Diplomat

            It wasn’t a sex scandal so much as a scandal about covering for rapists.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Don’t get all technical on me, now.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            I meant it less as a technicality and more as “it’s even worse than that”.

          • jesterpunk

            And he has the nerve to claim Mueller is fishing.

          • bupkus231

            Face it – he was paid to say that, or he’s sucking up to some Republican billionaire for “future considerations”…

          • jesterpunk

            I just figured it was the typical Republican complete lack of self awareness.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            IOKIYAR

          • PubOption

            He certainly had a whale of a time.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          No doubt he should have known better, and I’ll take it one step farther and say that Hillary deserved better than to be portrayed as the scheming bitch that tolerated her husbands infidelities in exchange for power.
          Maybe after the last Republican Baby Boomer dies, Republicans will quit trying to recreate Watergate for the Democrats.

  • Marla

    Your 15 minutes are over, self-fellatio observer boy. Go home and wait by your phone for a book deal offer that will never come.

  • Indiepalin

    Scaramcci has accepted the blame for inspiring an endless series of bad Queen knock-offs among internet commentators.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Ryan was just the blacklight that shows the stains. You’re no blue dress. More like a Motel 6 bedspread.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      We’ll leave the blacklight on for you

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “If I had a blacklight, this would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.”

  • Ricky Gay

    The Smooch – ah yeah!

  • exinkwretch

    Tough job for forensics — he’s one enormous come stain.

  • WideStance

    Not that it matters any more, but did you ever wonder how that horny young intern got assigned to the White House basement, and why her closest confidante (who taped their phone calls and coerced her not to get the dress cleaned) was a 50+ year-old Republican operative?

    • MrTusks

      Quite sure the Senate wondered that.

    • bbayliss

      Something about it does not pass the smell test.

      • kareemachan

        At ALL

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Linda Tripp is… a real piece of work

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Repulsive is the word I was thinking of. Apparently she now owns a Christmas store in Middleburg Virginia that gets terrible Yelp reviews.

      • PubOption

        The source for a Palin name?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      No, I never wondered- I assumed it was GOP BS from the get-go

  • MrTusks

    in case anyone was wondering, there is no verified Monica Lewinsky on Instagram.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Uh…ok
      What about twitter though?

      • MrTusks

        She’s verified on Twitter, but IG is the only one I use and I wanted to follow her. My only options were porn parody accounts.

        • puredog

          Just googled her Twitter account. That is an actual post from it.

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          You say that like it’s a bad thing!

    • blarg

      Is that photoshop, then? Or does the blue check mark not mean what I think it means?

      • NastyBossetti

        It’s Twitter. She is verified on Twitter.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    If Scaramouche is Monica and Trump is Bill, then Melania is… Nah !

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    This GOP cult of victimhood must end. SAD!t

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I always call reporters with a national audience when I’ve had a few cocktails and am in the mood for some totally, completely off-the-record chit-chat about my job.

  • bbayliss

    For christs sake anthony, swallow.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Gargling is apparently what all the kids are doing now

  • blarg

    The Mooch is on Colbert tonight. Can’t not watch….

    • Major_Major_Major

      Monday night, alas.

      • proudgrampa

        Mooch must have absolutely NO self-awareness…

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Don’t anybody clue him in.

      • blarg

        Oh, I must have misheard him. Dammit.

  • beingreleased

    OT. I have a question. Here is a tweet and my response:
    https://twitter.com/beingreleased/status/895658152095395840
    Is this as funny as I think it is, or I’m I going to get flamed as an Obama hater? Cause, I don’t know why, but I think it’s pretty funny (and I would most likely support Obamuary).

    • BadKitty904

      *I* was amused, but then I’m the worst possible barometer for determining appropriate and inappropriate humor…

    • Serai 1

      I don’t see how liking the idea of Obama getting the first month would make you an Obama hater.

      • beingreleased

        I can see some humorless folk thinking I was making some kind of Obama was worse than Trump statement and Obama was more arrogant than Trump, etc., etc.

        • Serai 1

          I think you should make whatever jokes seem funny to you, and not worry about what stick some idiot has jammed up his ass.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Dick jokes are always a hit on this site. Or so I’m told.

          • WIDTAP

            Dickuary? I think this has too many Nixonian overtones.

    • mardam422

      Only as long as he doesn’t put an R in any of the summer months. Clams and whatnot.

      • PubOption

        February would be most likely, short fingers and short month.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Well, you know the old mnemonic rhyme:

      Thirty days hath Flynntember,
      Vanka-, Jared- and Juniorember,
      All the rest have thirty-one,
      Except the Trump Administration which seems to go on for fucking ever.

    • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

      Don’t fuck with Cocktober. NOBODY fucks with Cocktober. Cocktober fucks with you.

  • Covfefe

    Matt Shuman at talkingpointsmemo.com called Bannon’s endeavor “a particularly inventive feat of onamism.”

    • Bobathonic

      Invented by every male dog ever.

  • BadKitty904

    Who is “Linda Tripp”? I’m too lazy to google it.

    • Serai 1

      So you were asleep through the 90’s, then?

      • MrTusks

        Possibly unborn. 1992 was 25 years ago.

        • Major_Major_Major

          Shitfire, I’m getting old.

      • BadKitty904

        Being born in ’89, I was asleep through much of the early ’90s, actually.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Tripp was the late nineties. And I’m sure the playgrounds of America couldn’t stop talking about the Clinton impeachment.

          • BadKitty904

            Well, 1995ish, I was just told by an older co-worker. I don’t recall us 6-yr-olds being too obsessed with Bill’s peccadilloes…

          • Raan

            At 8, I think we were occupied with trying to learn cursive and multiplication.

          • BadKitty904

            See?

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Started in ’95, maybe. It did drag on and on.

            The playground part was a joke. Though the “news” was challenged to talk about blow jobs in a broadcast standards friendly way.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Truly, you are the future of America, young sir.

          • BadKitty904

            Then God help us all…

    • Wild Cat

      She’s a sick fuck who bakes tarts in Germany after setting up a tart here.

      • BadKitty904

        We studied the Lewinsky thing in school, but I don’t remember all the specifics. Most of us were too busy giggling over the adults trying to avoid using the word “blowjob”.

        • Wild Cat

          US adults too stupid to say “oral sex”? Whatta shock!

          • BadKitty904

            We went to a Catholic school, sooo…

          • Wild Cat

            O, then the teachers should have said, “It’s what Father Flanagan does to you boys in recess.”

          • Raan

            Man, good thing I wasn’t drinking something when I read that.

    • mardam422

      What are you, 18? On a related topic…busy tonight? Asking for a friend.

      • BadKitty904

        Hey, I’m 28, thank you very much. *stands up extra-str8 and tries to look all adult*

        • mardam422

          Don’t try to look old faster. It sucks once you look 40. Well, that’s what my friend say, anyway.

          • BadKitty904

            *meh* I reckon I look the way I look.

    • Paperless Tiger

      An Army Intelligence agent tasked with neutralizing the ‘swallow’ agent, Monica Lewinsky, who infiltrated the Executive and military branches.

    • Wild Cat

      Also, without Tripp, we wouldn’t have the turd Jonah Goldberg to go all chicken hawk over . . .

    • SeeTrain65

      Imagine a 300-pound custard donut with buck teeth and glasses. Then you’ll be close.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Since nobody has answered your question, she is the 50-something woman who “befriended” Monica, talked her out of having the stained dress cleaned, and tape-recorded their “friendly” conversations, then took the recordings to the press. Once she became famous she had a lot of plastic surgery done, which, not to be catty, she needed but it really didn’t help, since ugly inside = ugly outside. She was a Republican holdover in the Clinton administration who was out to get Bill Clinton by any means necessary, and damn nearly did.

      • BadKitty904

        Moral: Don’t trust Republicans. For any reason. Ever.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Perzackly.

        • amrak63

          Yes. Every Democratic President should be Joe Stalin (without the violence) and purge, PURGE, PURGE.

          • BadKitty904

            Bamz certainly proved the necessity of that maxim…

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I’m not a big fan of Bill Maher but he had a great line about Linda Tripp. And I can’t find it on the interwebtubes! This is so unfair.

        Does anyone remember it?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      You must be young.

      • BadKitty904

        Well, I’m old enough to buy beer.

  • schmannity

    Where did Scaramucci put the cigar????

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Dear Ant’nee, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. All those people who call you a cock sucker just mean it metaphorically…

    *wink*

    • Mehmeisterjr

      ISWYDT but (and I hate to cavil, no, actually, I love to cavil) I think the correct Freud quotation is: “Sometimes a dildo is just some fuck face named Scaramucci.”

  • anon_the_great

    I’d like to see this douche nozzle firmly planted up his own mangina.

    And then make fart noises.

  • Raan

    OT, but the morning Wonketeriat needs to see this. So, you guys remember the poll Cheeto Benito put on Twitter that horribly backfired on him, right?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bbc599115b5dadd0750cab8e47a2287529befd3557d4f3b466b76abf0287658c.png

    Yeah, that’s the one. Well, it turns out that Kelli Ward (R – Chemtrails, AZ) wanted to take a crack at it.

    https://twitter.com/kelliwardaz/status/895339783563509760

    It has not gone spectacularly.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8ba28e57c176cd0b17fa15ab36a7b25b698923448e4e8d3975ae512b542a365e.png

    • jesterpunk

      Its sad that 47% of people believe Trump.

      • Raan

        I assume those are the overnight Russians.

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          And multiple Jill Stein accounts.

      • Zonath

        Its sad that 47% of people Twitter bots believe Trump.

        FTFY.

    • Zippy W Pinhead
      • Major_Major_Major

        I prefer my Obamaphone, thank you very much.

        • TundraGrifter

          Ring, ring, ring, ring
          Obamaphone…

      • Courser_Resistance

        I truly do not understand the male imperative to stick things in their butts and think it’s hysterically funny. Sparklers/fireworks, vuvuzela things, lighting farts on fire and all manner of sundry items that seem funny at the time.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          dunno, I have never suffered from that particular issue, lol

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I don’t think it’s necessarily a male thing so much as it is a dumb thing, although I admit I haven’t seen women do it. But there are some men who would never do it (like my father, or President Obama) and some who probably do it every July 4. We call these men “smart men” and “republicans.”

          • Courser_Resistance

            Though I have never seen it, I’ve heard tell that some ladies can do interesting things with various objects and their vaginas. So meh, it’s more a stupid thing than a gender thing. I guess you work with what ya got…

          • puredog

            Women like to do it with Sharpies (capped). Or so a friend tells me.

        • TundraGrifter

          Can you imagine going to the ER because the pop bottle you shoved up your butt neck first won’t come back out?

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Even worse: Can you imagine Steve Bannon going to the ER because his Ron Jeremy impersonation went tragically awry?

            Medic: What happened, Mr. Bannon?

            Bannon: Mrmph, mmrphm, mumph.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          It could be a male thing except that I, a duly-registered guy, have never felt the urge to stick foreign objects up my anal pore or to play with fire anywhere near that area.

          Searching my memory, I can’t think of any guy I have ever known over what is now creeping up towards 70 years who did.

          I am an out-of-touch elitist?

        • Cock Blockula

          The British Royal Navy has a tradition called “the Dance of the Flaming Asshole” which could be a metaphor for the Trump administration, or just a stupid thing that guys do when they are at sea and bored.

          • Courser_Resistance

            Knowing the Brits, it’s probably memorializing something both arcane and absurd. I’m part Scot, so… ;-)

  • Major_Major_Major

    Mooch,
    Remember the old adage: It is better to die on one’s feet than live on one’s knees.

    • Raan

      Especially when dying on your feet doesn’t involve Cheeto dick.

      Oh, sorry, were we only implying that’s what the Mooch was doing?

  • mardam422

    So where did Trump put the cigar?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Mooch’s Havananus.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        His poo-midor?

  • Proud Liberal

    Sadly, the Mooch would have been a lot more entertaining to watch than white nationalist Stephen Miller.

    • Serai 1

      So much for the press guy not pulling focus.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Dead eyes. Like a doll’s eyes.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        To be fair, in doll terms, Moochie is a lot like Chatty Cathy.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    If I may, Anthony, dear, I’d like to suggest that it’s time for your not-pology and announcement that you are entering rehab now.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    What are the odds that the first thing on the recording is Scaramucci giving consent to be recorded?

    I realize it wasn’t legally necessary, but isn’t it fairly standard practice for a straight up interview like that?

    And the Mooch is dumb enough to lie about that, even knowing his consent is recorded.

    • jesterpunk

      The alt-right wont care, Trump gets away with denying things he just said so the Mooch figured he could do the same thing.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Lizza might not have asked for consent.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Maybe not. I don’t know what the SOP is. In DC political circles, people who are not idiots may know that “on the record” means “I might be recording this”.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I don’t think of Lizza as Linda Tripp – more like someone recording a night out with a pickup artist who just said “Now watch me put the moves on this chick.”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I think of Lizza as John Goodman as Linda Tripp, if that makes any sense.

  • SweetDeeKat

    And now I will forever associate Mooch with jizz.

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • The Wanderer

    Scaramouche does look like a fellow what knows his way around the ol’ baloney pony.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    OT: So Fram (the oil and air filter people) are using the guy who played the murderous former cop and parking attendant in Breaking Bad as their spokes character “Frampa”

    • The Wanderer

      LOL

  • jesterpunk

    Perfect song for Trump and his staff.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuZhnNR6vzc

    I hear you on the radio

    You permeate my screen, its’ unkind but

    If I met you in a scissor fight

    I’d cut off both your wings on principle alone

    On principle alone

    Hey megalomaniac

    You’re no Jesus

    Yeah, you’re no fucking Elvis

    Special, as you know yourself

    Baby, just step down, step down

    • Proud Liberal

      Oh my Gawd! That song had to have been written for him. Amazing.

      • jesterpunk

        Its from 2004 too, damn Incubus could see into the future too.

        • Proud Liberal

          It’s like wow! That is exactly what he is and what is happening today. It’s a nightmare and I wish we could wake up from it.

      • ahughes798

        It was written for W. I have much love for Incubus.

  • Rick Hill

    “This is like when Donald Trump tweets that the Russia investigation is a hoax, or when he claims people love him. It’s sad and delusional and pathetic.”

    Yeah but this is the new conservative/rightwing/mra/libertardian norm. Lie or claim reality to be what you want it to be and the rubes don’t know what to believe except that their guys are the best!

    • Proud Liberal

      They’ve been creating their own narrative of the truth for years.

      • Rick Hill

        Yeah but trump has put lying without repurcusions right out there. There’s no attempt to hide it anymore

        • Proud Liberal

          It’s pathetic that he is getting with all of his shit. My concern is that nobody is going to stop him. He’s going to destroy this country if he hasn’t already.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            My thought is to change what we mean by “this country.” Coastal secession. Then their “this country” is much less of a bother.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          They have no interest in the truth- all they care about is winning and sticking it to people they don’t like. It’s textbook fascism

          • Rick Hill

            Don’t be too harsh. Some of them are just using it as a way to cover their complete incompetence and to try to grift as much as they can.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      This is frightening, these people are completely brainwashed (from WaPo)

      Roughly half of Republicans believe Trump won the popular vote — and would support postponing the 2020 election.

      Nearly half of Republicans (47 percent) believe that Trump won the popular vote, which is similar to this finding. Larger fractions believe that millions of illegal immigrants voted (68 percent) and that voter fraud happens somewhat or very often (73 percent). Again, this is similar to previous polls.

      Moreover, 52 percent said that they would support postponing the 2020 election, and 56 percent said they would do so if both Trump and Republicans in Congress were behind this.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        This is literally why we can’t have nice things. This democracy lasted longer than most, but it’s over now.

        • TundraGrifter

          “Longer than most?” I have to seriously wonder about that.

          • Rags

            Tell it to Iceland

          • ahughes798

            Where bankers were actually sent to jail for their crimes.

      • NastyBossetti

        Why is someone asking whether people support postponing the 2020 election? Who the fuck thought that up?

        • bupkus231

          Remember how all the RWNJs were claiming that Obama was going to postpone the 2012, then the 2016 elections?

          Who the hell do you think thought up this bullshit poll?

          • TundraGrifter

            Sorry- you may call “Jinx!” on me now.

            A very intelligent comment, however! You betcha!

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Thanks, Obama.
            /s

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          it’s good to gauge just how crazy the nutters have gotten

        • TundraGrifter

          Remember when the far right Regressives claimed Mr. Obama could cancel the 2016 Election and stay in power as a dictator?

          These fools aren’t fringe – because fringe is tethered at one end.

      • Rick Hill

        Too bad it’s not four years ago when they loved them some Constitution

      • Donkey Option

        …They aren’t even trying to hide that they really really want to live in a fascist dictatorship as long as its their fascist dictatorship, huh. I mean, I’d rather live under a government I don’t agree with but has been duly elected knowing that they can be ousted during the next elections that have a wonderful liberal fascist dictatorship. I just kind of wish the my democracy looked more like a real democracy instead of this stupid, gerrymandered bullcrap flawed democracy that we’re currently working with.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Joseph Goebbels laughs the laugh Stalin laughed when Stalin enslaved Eastern Europe.

    • WIDTAP

      The US Presidency. Not a job suitable to the “fake it until you make it” approach.

      • anon_the_great

        Uh, American history begs to differ

  • Bright Bart

    I do not think he is up at night because of not sleeping because he is Linda Tripp.
    I do not think that. and I think many thinks because I have such a good brain and am such a good boy.

  • laughingnome

    O/T or maybe not. How many people on Wonkette think Trump and Melania still do it?

  • TundraGrifter

    “(For the record, Scaramucci still is clinging to his belief that Lizza did NOT have his permission to tape their ON-THE-RECORD conversation.”

    This is a very odd claim. In means the person making it speaks one way “in private” and another way “in public.”

    Is that you, Janus?

  • SeeTrain65

    As I said earlier, the magic words were “OFF. THE. RECORD.”

    And you didn’t say them. This is on you, Mooch.

    • BadKitty904

      Ya dumbass amateur.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Makes you wonder whom you have to blow to become the WHITE HOUSE COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR.

      • TakingAmes

        Dampnut. Mooch did it on CNN and Fox for WEEKS before they hired/fired him.

  • Donkey Option

    So, apparently Scaramucci is going on Colbert next week? Because he has to further convince us that he is literally the dumbest and can only make the worst life decisions?

    • LesBontemps

      Pretty much the definition of “nothing left to lose.”

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Or of an insane level of arrogance that is somehow leading him to think he can outwit and outtalk one of the most skillful, skewering, quick-witted, savagely clever minds out there today.

    • Mavenmaven

      warmup for his participation in Dancing With the Stars.

      • TundraGrifter

        I’m still waiting for Duh Gov’ to be on cable TV peddling reverse mortgages. It’s just gotta start in the next few months.

    • WIDTAP

      Hopefully Stephen has put the cutlery away and will be wearing appropriate body armor with Anthony “Front Stab” Scaramocci in the building.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      In front of a microphone in public…

      • WIDTAP

        Tuesday next week: Scaramouche claims he never gave Stephen permission to broadcast the interview.

    • Opiwan

      He might as well follow it up with a face-to-face with John Oliver immediately after.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I can’t believe that D.C. has single-party consent for recording convos. I am going to assume that literally every conversation that takes place in our capitol is recorded.

    • BadKitty904

      I mean, of ALL cities on earth where that seems unbelievable…

      • TundraGrifter

        Or, of all the cities on earth where it makes the most sense.

        • BadKitty904

          Also. Too.

          • TundraGrifter

            Kind of the ying and the yang of it, huh?

          • BadKitty904

            The proverbial “double-edged sword”…

  • puredog

    That Lewinsky tweet wins the internet.

  • La forza del resistino

    I’ve been involved with 7th grade student council administrations that had more class than to call Becky a slut.

  • Mavenmaven

    I just hope when Scaramucci does Dancing With The Stars they manage to get him to dance a fandango, I don’t know why.

    • TundraGrifter

      They can always shoot at his feet until he starts dancing.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      That Scaramucci kid ain’t quite right in the head, is he?

    • ahughes798

      It’s Galileo. He’s a hella good DJ.

  • BREAKING: THREE NEW POTENTIAL VALUABLE APPOINTEES ADDED TO TRUMP ADMINISTRATION

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1200ed74cdd311aa4dd5f54d662a78802f5cfe89c61fb828344ff7a4f1e90990.gif

    I

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Pretty sure Ryan Lizza is too busy accepting drinks from other Americans who were as amused by his story as I was to spend much time not being able to live with himself. But thanks for playing, Mooch!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fce450e8982e716d66ab91c6fa455007029b60ce57a9d75b7ab68786132b347d.jpg

  • Jgb979

    One of the things I’ve learned from years of watching conservative dumbasses is to realize just how much projection is a factor in everything they say or do.

    “He’s the one up all night”

    I for one think HE sleeps pretty soundly…….

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Their minds are so small and limited that they only know their own experience, and SO small and limited that they think everyone else thinks exactly the same thing, and so that is literally the only thing they can imagine the other person is doing, and in the case of malfeasance, they absolutely assume that the other person is doing the same thing.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Tony Scars, as a new father, might actually be up all night. Oh right, he’s ditched the wife and kid. Fuggeddaboudid!

  • TundraGrifter

    Devil With The Blue Dress On

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmdH5hAhs_8

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “What is Mitch Rider on downers, Alex?”

  • maman

    Blue brings out the color in Ant’nee’s eyes! Dreamy!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Remember 2008-2016? No scandal plagued resignations. No discussion of “self-pardon.” Nobody talking about the President “lawyering up?” Sigh.

    • BMW

      There were a lot of fake scandals, though. BENGHAZI IRS BIRFCERTIFICATE!!!1!

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Or Tan-Suit-ghazi!!111! or GREY POUPON-GATE!!1!11

        What halcyon days…

        • ahughes798

          Who among us can forget the sheer horror of the coffee salute?

  • Bitter Scribe

    Maybe someone who speaks Emoji better than I do can help me out: Is that thing in the Monica Lewinsky tweet supposed to mean “embarrassment”? And if so, who is/should be embarrassed? Monica, Anthony or someone else?

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      Yeah, I didn’t get that either.

    • stubbornirishlass

      Putting myself in her place, I’d say it’s embarrassment that she is being dragged into this crap show in any way, shape or form.

      • Bitter Scribe

        You’d think she’d be used to that kind of embarrassment.

        • stubbornirishlass

          I’d interpret it more with the view that nothing could be as embarrassing and undignified as these people, not even a semen-stained dress.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Yes.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      I think she’s either implying that Anthony must be mortified since he obviously gave Trump a blow job from what he’s saying or, it’s like “ooooh, I’m SO embarrassed, look how embarrassed I am HAHAH I am not embarrassed, you’re a idiot” But who knows.

    • Opiwan

      That’s more of a “WTF?!?!” emoji, in my limited experience

    • I’m pretty sure the emoji means; One fucking blow job ruined my life and it’s the gift that keeps on giving!

  • azeyote

    the next question for moochica that’s not about cigars – is it really as small as his hands?

  • lucidamente

    You know what Stephen Colbert’s first question will be when Scaramucci goes on The Late Show next week?

    • Amy!

      “Do you swallow?”

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Ba dum tish!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “What the fuck is wrong with you, you dense, addle-pated little anger machine goombah?
      “BTW, keep it up. You’re comedy gold, man.”

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      “Can we get you a towel?”

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Could you tell me what the definition of ‘is’ is?”

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      “Why the hell are you agreeing to appear on this show? I mean, you know how smart I am, right?”

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I’m figuring that Da Mooch caught Colbert’s interview with Jennifer Garner and figured it’s going to be something like that.

        And it will, Anthony, it will. Don’t let anybody discourage you. This Colbert guy, he’s a cream puff. You can easily blow him away, er, so to speak.

        (I have to admit, though, that I regret Letterman didn’t stick around long enough to book Steve Bannon for Stupid Human Tricks.)

    • TakingAmes

      When do you pick up your blue dress from the cleaners? Were they able to get the stain out?

  • jowgajen

    1. Ryan Lizza is a reporter, that you talked to on the phone. OF COURSE HE RECORDED THE CALL, IT’S LITERALLY HIS JOB, HOLY SHIT.

    2. I read the tweet as implying Trump can’t sleep because he feels guilty about the hummer Mooch gave him under the Resolute Desk.

    • TakingAmes

      A resolute hummer?

      • ahughes798

        You can’t fit a hummer under a desk.

  • Incoming Ham

    Sounds like The Mooch is trying to make gold out of manure. He is on record for being an asshole and got fired. Now he needs a way to keep attention, stay relevant, and get set for that tell all biography that no one needs.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      This. It’s all about keeping eyes on him. HIM HIM HIM. It must be eating at him that he’s no longer in front of the cameras.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    It would probably keep me up at night, thinking of ways to thank the gods for causing some of the dumbest, most undeserving demi-human crap-piles to ever get near the levers of power to literally drop the most embarrassing petard-hoisting quotes upon me.

  • M.E. Lawrence

    Lewinsky is a Rhodes scholar compared to this fluff-brain.

  • Monica Lewinski’s life was pretty much ruined because she gave Bill Clinton a blow job when she was 23. If that’s the worst thing she did in her life, she’s probably a pretty good person. I’m pretty sure “the mooch” has done much worser things .

  • Hiam J Beaudry

    So when Trump tried to grab him by the pussy, Mooch told him what he grabbed was a cigar?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      More like a cigarette, I’m guessing. One of those little, thin ones.

      • gratuitous

        A roll of Certs?

        • ahughes798

          I thought Italian men are very gifted in their down theres. Or at least that’s what they like to say while simultaneously adjusting said nether region when you are walking by the construction site.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Hmm, Linda Tripp hasn’t yet weighed in.

  • whitroth
  • Does this mean trump is gettin impeached?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I loved when Roger Ailes finally croaked, Monica Lewinsky wrote a scathing op-Ed piece about him. I loved her for that.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I once went to a costume party as Monica. Wig, beret, blue dress. I was pretty cute, actually!

      I’ve always had a lot of sympathy for her. Even though I was Republican and didn’t vote for Bill, what the Repukes put both of them through was an obscene waste of tax dollars. I fully believe that the whole thing was a setup by GOP operatives. Monica was a starstruck young woman and everyone knew Bill had a predilection. It was easy as pie.

      • ahughes798

        I don’t think she was set up at all. She had bragged about going to Washington and getting her “presidential knee pads.” This wasn’t no innocent young thang we’re talking about here. But the furor over their consensual relationship was fucking ridiculous.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I have nothing but love for the Clintons. From what I can tell, Monica Lewinsky doesn’t harbor any ill will towards Bill Clinton. She mainly seems to hate Fox News and Linda Tripp. I don’t blame her. She’s not the one who wanted her affair with Bill to be public. That slimy worm Tripp pretended to be her friend, and taped her surreptitiously, (which I believe is illegal in Washington) and then gave the tape to GOP operatives. Worst friend ever.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I think the thing that galled me the most was that Bill as FAR from the only president to have trysts and peccadillos. I wasn’t huge fans of either of the Clintons at the time but I believed then, as I do now, that those kinds of thing are up to the family to handle. Unless the guy is egregious about it, say, like Trump, it’s honestly not my business nor anyone else’s. It was between Bill and Hillary and maybe Chelsea.

          I’ve always seen it as dirty Republican tricks. It took me an embarrassing number of years to actually change my voter registration though.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’m proud to say the last Republican I voted for was Reagan in 1980, and I’ve regretted it ever since. It was my first election, and I was dumb.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    The difference between Monica and the Mooch is that Monica probably had a normal-sized penis to suck on.

  • WIDTAP

    To borrow a phrase from John Oliver:

    “…and now, this”

    https://twitter.com/Scaramucci/status/895757745533616129

    • ahughes798

      Oh, Ant-nee, don’t youse wise guys keep your plans on the DL? Shut uppa you face, testa di cazzo!

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