SHARE
It’s a classic look

Looks like investigative poo-thrower James O’Keefe and his merry band of news fakers have stepped on their own dicks once again, this time in an aborted attempt to infiltrate that dangerous nexus of radicalism the League of Conservation Voters (LCV — which only looks like a Roman number). The New Yorker’s Jane Mayer reports the LCV has filed a complaint with California’s Department of Justice after the group figured out that three new “volunteers” who were very eager to talk about all sorts of very leftish ideas were actually infiltrators, two of whom had previously worked with O’Keefe. It’s not clear what the Gang That Couldn’t Spy Straight was trying to prove with their bumbling “investigation,” but we can at least feel relieved Donald Trump hasn’t hired O’Keefe to run covert ops at the CIA.

In a six-page letter of complaint sent to the California Department of Justice on Friday, the League of Conservation Voters, or L.C.V., asked the state’s attorney general, Xavier Becerra, to open a criminal investigation into the operatives for potential fraud, racketeering, unfair business practices, trespassing, invasion of privacy, and possible violation of the state’s two-way-consent eavesdropping laws.

O’Keefe, needless to say, wouldn’t tell Mayer about whether the three were connected with his “Project Veritas” (Latin for “Truth Pulled Out Of My Ass”), saying only, “I don’t comment on investigations real or imagined, or work with mainstream reporters who operate in bad faith.” He only works with amateur “reporters” who operate in bad faith, just like him. Mayer, clearly amused, reminds us she wrote about O’Keefe’s brilliant self-sting last year, when an “investigation” of George Soros fell apart thanks to O’Keefe’s failure to hang up his own phone.

While LCV isn’t sure whether the infiltrators — Christian Hartsock, Daniel Sandini, and Ann Vandersteel — were working for Project Vermin or doing their own copycat work, the complaint notes that Hartcock and Sandini have worked with O’Keefe previously; Mayer adds they also have connections to Steve Bannon, and both were credited in Bannon’s 2012 agitprop movie Occupy Unmasked. (Depressing thought: a Steve Bannon film festival…) Vandersteel works with a cheesy rightwing outfit called “YourVoice America,” and is a big fan of the #Pizzagate conspiracy theory. If this was an O’Keefe joint, he clearly had the usual team of crack investigators.

LCV chair Carol Browner, a former EPA director and Obama administration official, said the infiltrators had at least the basics of a sophisticated scam going. They posed as frontmen for big-money donors who wanted to save the environment, and offered fake business cards, Facebook and LinkedIn accounts, and the story that Donald Trump’s election had motivated the donors to act, so could they please meet lots of big-time activists and people in government, please? Their fake Facebook pages had exactly what you’d expect for liberal activists, like pictures of Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, lots of “#Resist” hashtags, and of course a “like” for Saul Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals, which was probably one of the tip-offs that these guys were fake. Nobody but rightwing loons like O’Keefe goes around quoting Alinsky like gospel. We go for The Big Lebowski, man.

Then there was the brilliant spycraft:

The L.C.V. staff found some of Sandini’s behavior bizarre. At one L.C.V. event, he seemed inexplicably disappointed when he wasn’t able to present a pair of cufflinks to the California Senate’s president pro tempore, Kevin de León, after de León failed to show. The staff also noticed that he had a habit of leaving his cufflinks, and his phone, on tables during get-togethers, which, according to L.C.V.’s letter, “raises the possibility that we have been recorded without consent. We are deeply concerned that if surreptitious, unauthorized videos or recordings were made, these individuals could make deceptive edits to create unfair, malicious, and false impressions.”

You know how it is — you just accidentally leave your Hi-Tech Spy Cufflinks or your phone sitting around whenever there’s a meeting. Browner said Sandini’s behavior gave her “the heebie-jeebies,” and that she had told colleagues so at the time. You don’t get a lot of heebie-jeebies these days, and we love Browner for it (and also for actually using the EPA to protect the environment). Sandini was a bit less than subtle:

“He stood too close, and he seemed to both know too much and too little,” she recalled. He was strangely knowledgeable about her husband’s career, and kept pushing Browner to respond to heavy-handed left-wing statements, while urging her to set up a voting drive in Florida.

Sandini eventually introduced Browner to the third operative, “Ann Steel” (how DO they come up with these aliases?!), who claimed to be a “wealthy oil baron’s widow” and also set off Browner’s bullshit detectors. LCV started looking more closely at the three, and noticed their Facebook accounts had all been created fairly recently, and that their “friends” included a surprising number of folks from Southeast Asia, suggesting they’d been purchased in bulk. (Cue that great spy song, “Secret Asian Man.”) Eventually, LCV figured out their new pals’ real identities and hired a lawyer to file the criminal complaint with the California DOJ.

And now we’ll see what lame-ass footage O’Keefe throws together, if he was connected to these doofuses. And since California takes its two-way consent for recording seriously, we’re hoping to learn more about those super-secret Spy Cufflinks. These are clearly the most sophisticated agents since that one time Jared Kushner asked Russia for his own shoe phone.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the “Donate” clicky, then speak clearly into your shot glass.

[New Yorker]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • MynameisBlarney

    HAHAHAHAAAA!!!

    What a fuckin dumbass.

    • BadKitty904

      Pretty much sums it up.

  • Oblios_Cap

    We go for The Big Lebowski, man

    There’s no thread that a Vonnegut, Catch-22, or The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy quote won’t improve, IMHO.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Now there’s a frood that really knows where his towel is

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Monty Python libelz.

    • calliecallie

      Animal House Libelz!

  • TJ Barke

    People that want to keep the earth habitable and believe nature has intrinsic value are communists that hate your freedom to drive retarded lift kitted pickups and steal water from other regions so you can water your lawn in the fucking desert

    • JoeChristmas

      We also worship Alinsky.

  • Nounverb911

    96% of Americans agree we should drop O’Keefe on North Korea.

    • Oblios_Cap

      That’ll learn L’il Kim.

    • Raan

      With or without a parachute?

      • Nounverb911

        Either’s fine with me.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Hey, hey, hey! Remember, we’ve got a budget deficit, and we wouldn’t be getting that parachute back anytime soon.

          Those things aren’t cheap.

      • Major_Major_Major

        Considering NK is nuclear capable, in the interest of O’Keefe’s safety it should be a lead parachute.

      • SeeTrain65

        Yes.

      • laughingnome

        With weights

        • Raan

          Oh, like a Loony Tunes-style anvil pops out?

      • chazmanr

        The parachute packed with laundry as per Fandango.

      • leemoder

        Locked in a loaded Port-A-Potty.

    • JoeChristmas

      More like 64%.

  • Oblios_Cap

    (Cue that great spy song, “Secret Asian Man.”)

    ISWYDT

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    Sharp dresser.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    If you have to leave your cuff links behind when you go to bathroom, I don’t wanna know what you are up to in there…

    Seriously, who does that? Why did they think that was a “clever” way to record people?

    • “I’m gonna need a lot of wrist mobility for the next 45 seconds, mind if I leave this here?”

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Gonna have to roll up my sleeves for this one!”

    • Hemp Dogbane

      “Ok, don’t worry. Whatever sounds you hear, rest assured I don’t have the heebie jeebies.”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      At least G’Kar had the foresight to stash his fake eye in the honeymoon suite.

  • Ann Steel and Trent Maynard: names you can trust.

    If you’re an angsty K-Rock listening 13 year-old in the 1990s. (Trust me, I’ve been there.)

  • bookish

    IntelBrief. The Soufan Center.

    DANGEROUS RHETORIC OVER NORTH KOREA

    Bottom Line Up Front:

    • Pyongyang’s nuclear weapons and ballistic missile capabilities are now catching up to the bombastic warnings of its leadership.

    • President Trump is attempting to match the apocalyptic rhetoric of his counterpart, using language that is unusually aggressive for the president of a nuclear power.

    • Attempting to match the bombastic rhetoric of North Korea is fraught with potential risks given the high stakes of misread intentions and posturing.

    • Given the intense focus of so many parties, high-level diplomatic efforts and face-saving negotiations need to be initiated promptly.

    Two key differences separate the ongoing war of words between North Korea and the U.S. from the many previous incidents of escalating rhetoric. The first is that Pyongyang’s nuclear weapons and ballistic missile capabilities are now catching up to the bombastic warnings of its leadership. For the first time, North Korea is believed to have attained the ability to act on some of its threats against the U.S. mainland. Reports suggest that the U.S. intelligence community now believes Pyongyang has mastered the technology to merge a miniaturized nuclear warhead with a long-range intercontinental ballistic missile (ICBM) capable of reaching the continental U.S. The development marks one of the last and most critical milestones for North Korea’s nuclear weapons program. The U.S. previously determined that such a milestone was likely months or years away, allowing time for increased sanctions and diplomatic measures to possibly, though improbably, forestall such a development. In addition to the new threat to the U.S. mainland, the ever-present threat of North Korean missiles striking Japan, South Korea, or perhaps Guam is quite real. As North Korean capabilities increasingly match its bellicose statements, the threats can no longer be dismissed as simple posturing or bluster.

    The second difference between the latest crisis and previous ones is that the current U.S. administration is unfamiliar with the unwritten rules of the road that previously dictated much of U.S.-North Korea relations. President Trump prefers to match the apocalyptic rhetoric of his North Korean counterpart, using language that is unusually aggressive for the president of a nuclear power. In an August 8 statement to reporters, President Trump said ‘North Korea best not make any more threats to the U.S. They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen.’ He then followed up with two August 9 tweets to emphasize that his previous statement should not be considered flowery language, but a warning of a potential U.S. nuclear response to a North Korean threat. In two tweets—which are widely considered official statements by the U.S. president—the president stated: ‘My first order as President was to renovate and modernize our nuclear arsenal. It is now far stronger and more powerful than ever before…Hopefully we will never have to use this power, but there will never be a time that we are not the most powerful nation in the world!’

    It is difficult to overstate how far these statements from a sitting U.S. president deviate outside of the norms ascribed to responsible nuclear-powers. There is merit in changing the U.S. approach to the North Korean issue. The previous U.S. strategy has been employed for decades but now must adapt to a new strategic equation as Pyongyang continues to advance its nuclear-capable ballistic delivery capabilities. But matching the bombastic and cataclysmic rhetoric of North Korea is fraught with potential risks given the high stakes of misread intentions and posturing. China has asked both North Korea and the U.S. to tone down the rhetoric, even as the U.S. has expressed disappointment in the lack of Chinese leverage in the crisis. As with other presidential statements, Trump administration officials have tried to reassure allies by subsequently qualifying the president’s bluster, emphasizing that the rhetoric is both a major shift from his predecessors’ alleged naiveté, yet not a careless or improvised escalation in U.S. posture.

    In response to President Trump’s warnings, North Korea proffered another, more specific threat, this time against Guam. North Korean state media said plans to fire four Hwasong-12 missiles over Japan and into the waters 30-40 kilometers off of Guam would be ready in mid-August. The risk of misreading intentions amid conflicting stances and incendiary statements is pushing the chance of armed conflict to its highest level since the Korean War. Given the intense focus of so many parties on the immediate threat, active diplomacy at the highest levels is critical to avoiding an outbreak of hostilities between nuclear powers. Yet the U.S. diplomatic corps is a shell of its former self. Many high-level State Department officials have yet to be confirmed, including an ambassador to South Korea, undermining the U.S. ability to employ one of the most effective tools in its arsenal, its diplomatic power.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Max Baucus says it’s over on the “keep NK from getting the weapons” front. He says time to put them in the club with Israel, Pakistan, and China, and bring them into the grown up world where we stop threatening their sovereignty and start making them behave like other nuclear powers. (NPR this morning)

      • mailman27

        Makes too much sense.

        • Oblios_Cap

          That’ll never fly in Winglandia.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          My exact thought. This is a mature approach.

          So Donald doesn’t get it.

      • Oblios_Cap

        *GASP* Israel has nukes?

        They won’t admit it, though.

    • BadKitty904

      A little parakeet told me that Putin has been secretly feeding NKorea Russian missile technology in an effort to force the U.S. and China into war…

      • Christopher Story

        Wrong! It’s all a plot by the Bilderbergs to usher in the NWO under the rule of the illuminati so that the lizard people can finally rise up and destroy the tall white aliens from Zeta Reticuli as well as their aliance with Proxima Centauri, because Hillary’s 33,000 deleted emails to Podesta proved that Comet Pingpong wasn’t a sex ring, it was a recruiting station for child soldiers to secretly colonize Mars. In fact, that’s how they get away with all the animal-human chimera experiments that are turning all our frogs gay. That’s why they make us drink the flouride! Open your eyes, SHEEPLE!

        – Alex Jones
        (I’m guessing)

        • BadKitty904

          Peyote is a helluva drug…

          • Christopher Story

            What’s peyote? ;)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This guy is imagining a fantasy world where Donald is a serious statesman.

  • schmannity

    Defund Acorn!!1!!1!

    Whut?

  • armed_bears

    Would it be wrong to send James O’Keefe some moniez? I mean, to support his efforts? ‘Cause I love the idea of this nerb continuing to shine light in exactly this way. He’s the most Dinesh D’souza-y of the Dinesh D’souzas.

  • x111e7thst

    By their cufflinks ye shall know them?

  • cheetojeebus

    Vandersteel? ugh roit. uh huh. Dopes.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Real men hide recording devices in their pocket squares only.

    • BadKitty904

      Or in their dickies.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Speak into the microphone, please.”

        • BadKitty904

          Perhaps I should’ve said “cravats”?

      • laughingnome

        Sadly, no one wears dickies anymore.

        • BadKitty904

          Maybe if Wonkette started selling them…

  • BadKitty904
  • jesterpunk

    They should have gone with Max Power.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSVms6cT9nk

    • cheetojeebus

      Isn’t that Mike Pompeo?

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • Oblios_Cap

      Just being super ‘Merican, that’s all.

    • proudgrampa

      Wow. Just. Wow.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Fucking clueless as fuck.

      Reason # 1,087,499 why I don’t shop at fucking MalWart.

    • Zonath

      The corpse of Charlton Heston just sprung wood.

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        I’m sure it busted straight through the casket.

    • Christopher Story

      “Because, fuck your #safespace”
      Rednecks who shop at WalMart

      • MynameisBlarney

        Skoolz iz fer shootin! Not buk larnins!

  • schmannity
  • Scooby

    They just need realistic spy names like Pussy Galore or Holly Goodhead.

    • Raan

      Dixie Normous.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Perky Valley

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Tetonia Grande.

          • SeeTrain65

            So Heywood Jablomy is out?

          • Raan

            What about Michael Hunt?

          • eggs ackly-wright

            Lotta Topp.

      • armed_bears

        Gonna reuse an anagram for a wonker: Lather Cumswell.

    • Nounverb911
      • schmannity

        Lotta Vagina

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          Ivana Humpalott

    • Ricky Gay

      Mike Hunt?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      James O’Queef?

  • The Wanderer

    I actually do worry that this dingbat and his merry band will run across Certain Folks and we’ll be seeing that pimp pic as O’Keefe’s LKP (Last Known Photograph). My worries aren’t so much for Herr Dingbat, but for anyone he manages to go along with him.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    “…the usual team of crack investigators.”

    I invite them to investigate mine.

    • Bananas Foster

      It’s hard to investigate when you’re on that much crack.

  • sincarne

    “Project Vermin”: missed opportunity. “Project Vermin Ass” would have kept the meter, and included “ass”.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Hey can I buy you lunch? I represent a potential donor with, like, a bajillion dollars. Oh, and you speak into my wrist, and enunciate, please?”

  • Raan

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bb74d565559ec5b91ca17091a10e1966873e632661e2e04909b0c3829234cdf8.jpg

    Everything about this getup screams “ΑΕΠ Pimps ‘n Hoes Mixer”.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Also, too; it screams “This douchehammer couldn’t get laid if he crawled up a chickens ass”.

      Srsly. That nose looks like a fucking potato.

      • proudgrampa

        Potato LIBELZ!!!

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Is O’Keefe Jewish?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The truly sad thing is he learns nothing from his failures.

    • Raan

      He might actually be incapable of learning.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He learned that no matter how many times he steps on his own dick, the credulous MSM will still take him seriously next time and that no matter how many times he fails, someone like the Mercers will continue to bankroll him…

      • Latverian Diplomat

        They can only talk about him negatively if both sides do it! and they haven’t found a leftie “journalist” as terrible as he is.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Yet another of the many reasons for my nym.

        • SeeTrain65

          When he becomes a journalist, let me know.

          Until then, he’s a propagandist, pure and simple.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            For the record, I did deploy the quote marks of sarcasm…

          • SeeTrain65

            So you did. My mistake.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            No worries. It can’t be said enough.

          • SeeTrain65

            ; )

    • Edith Prickly

      What else is he going to do, get a real job?

  • Oblios_Cap

    If only I didn’t have a conscience, I could live on wingnut welfare like O’Keefe.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    They were unable to deploy their tie clip cameras because, as Trumpkins, they only use scotch tape now.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      That is the tackiest thing in the fucking world. A self described “billionaire” dressing like an uncomfortable 8 year old going to church on Sunday.

      Not that Donald would ever go to church, mind. He was fidgeting like a preschooler at that service right after the inauguration in the National Cathedral.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Haha we are open threading the fuck out of this post. Sorry Trix!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    the big tipoff was the fact that he carried that microwave with him wherever he went…

    • anon_the_great

      A little subtle but nice…

      • armed_bears

        Never too subtle for this audience.

  • ariel_gee_398

    I like this new policy he has of not commenting on imagined investigations. I expect to never hear another word out of his mouth.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The Spy Who Derped Me

    • SeeTrain65

      “Nobody Does It Worser.”

      • MrTusks

        Fail Another Day

        • calliecallie

          Mr. No

  • proudgrampa

    OT: I think it’s time for these guys to move the clock a bit closer to midnight.

    http://thebulletin.org/clock/2017

    IT IS TWO AND A HALF MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT
    DoomsdayClock_black_2.5mins_regmark (1).png

    For the last two years, the minute hand of the Doomsday Clock stayed set at three minutes before the hour, the closest it had been to midnight since the early 1980s. In its two most recent annual announcements on the Clock, the Science and Security Board warned: “The probability of global catastrophe is very high, and the actions needed to reduce the risks of disaster must be taken very soon.” In 2017, we find the danger to be even greater, the need for action more urgent. It is two and a half minutes to midnight, the Clock is ticking, global danger looms. Wise public officials should act immediately, guiding humanity away from the brink. If they do not, wise citizens must step forward and lead the way. See the full statement from the Science and Security Board on the 2017 time of the Doomsday Clock.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The first party to pop a nuke loses. The second party to turn something into a parking lot also loses.

  • Belasaurius
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Sure would have fooled me!

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    You can always spot O’Keefe’s crack investigators because they’re the ones constantly smelling their fingers.

    • anon_the_great

      And the paste jars are always empty

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Licensed to deceptively edit.”

  • Latverian Diplomat

    I think our first clue was, we were driving down a residential street and all the garage doors opened as we went past, and all he said was “these darn cuff links.”

  • Ricky Gay

    Missed it by that much. :(

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “I don’t comment on investigations real or imagined, or work with mainstream reporters who operate in bad faith.” = “Aw, shit, they caught me and I’ve got nothing!”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Wealthy oil baron. Now you’re on the trolley.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I hope she spoke in kind of an old timey accent and everything she wore was sepia-toned.

  • Crystalclear12

    Enthusiastic stupid is the best stupid.

  • Pilotshark

    Well one thing for sure O`Keefe does know that California doesn`t mess around, he should remember his 200K fine.
    maybe they will add another 200K and 2 or 3 years in jail.

    • georgiaburning

      Second offense

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      I’m sure some conservative Super PAC pays off his fines. The only way he’s going to feel the burn is if they decide to give him jail time.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        Please.

  • Indiepalin

    What this guy needs is a good false mustache.

    • Marion in Savannah

      [snerk] Some years ago the women in my choir put on false mustaches for the last rehearsal on Christmas Eve. The priest still has a twitch every Christmas…

    • Maybe a full beard so he doesn’t get kicked out of the stoning…

  • Randy Riddle

    Why, oh why, can’t James O’Keefe be implicated by the FBI in this whole Trump-Russia thing somehow?

    • jesterpunk

      O’Keefe was being paid by the Trump campaign last year. So give it some time.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Probably because the Russians desire a modicum of competence.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Well, they sure as fuck screwed the pooch when they chose Dampnut, didn’t they?
        BWAHAHAHAAAA

        • TJ Barke

          Not necessarily. If he managed to lift the sanctions, then fantastic, if not, at least he’ll sow disorder and disfunction in the American government and schism, conflict, distrust and uncertainty among the citizenry.
          One is certainly a bigger win than the other, but they’re both wins.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Yup. This country seems to be heading towards even more disorder and dysfunction, which is good for Russia, in their weakened state where their military power is suspect due to their general economic weakness.

          • I agree. Once President Honey Boo Boo was elected, there were no plausible losing outcomes for Putin.

    • Because useful idiots have to actually have a use?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Stank Finger
    He’s the man with the dildo rape boat

  • Major_Major_Major

    George Smiley has nothing on these “operatives”.

  • I bet one of these idiots actually hugged a tree because he expected it would lend versimilitude to the charade.

  • Edith Prickly
  • Major_Major_Major

    Spies Like Us 2, coming soon to a youtube channel near you.

  • bookish

    https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2017/08/robert-mueller-paul-manafort-russia-investigation?google_editors_picks=true

    Manafort has provided more than 400 pages worth of documents to the various Congressional committees investigating the allegations that the Trump campaign colluded with the Kremlin to derail Hillary Clinton’s candidacy, but Mueller’s aggressive tactics suggest he thinks Manafort may not be fully cooperating with law enforcement, his assurances to the contrary. “It is a big deal,” Peter Zeidenberg, a former Justice Department prosecutor, told Politico. “Prosecutors do not take aggressive steps like this with subjects who the government feels are being open and cooperative. And they also do not do this to ‘send a message.’ They do it because they think there is evidence to be found and that if they do not act aggressively, it could be destroyed.” Senator Richard Blumenthal echoed the sentiment in a statement. “This kind of raid—in the early morning hours with no advance notice—shows an astonishing and alarming distrust for the president’s former campaign chairman. It seems to decimate his claim that he is cooperating with law enforcement,” the Connecticut lawmaker said.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Too bad they can’t grab his passport. Yet.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        But his passport is the only proof he never went to Prague!

        • Covfefe

          Czech Republic is within the Schwegan Zone. Once you enter any other member state, you don’t show a passport to get into any of the others, so the prolly wouldn’t be a Czech stamp on his passport anyway.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I wonder if this is all part of a plan to get Manafort to flip. Because I think he’s key to sending Donald and his spawn up the river for a long, long time.

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      Investigators are closing in on Manafort’s son in law, the husband of his daughter Jess: I wonder if that’s a tactic. It wouldn’t be the first time the feds shook down a family member to prompt an act of conscience by the real target of the investigation.

      If so, tough on them, Manafort is reputed to hate his son in law, to be morally indifferent to his daughters, and in any case in too deep to back away now. He would probably be more than willing to see his entire family behind bars than to risk his own life (which he would almost certainly be doing) by telling the truth about this hot sour mess of treason and mendacity.

      Anyhow as his other daughter Andrea is said to have declared, “[Manafort] is a sick fucking tyrant. And we keep showing up and dancing for him. … We just keep showing up and eating the lobster. Nothing changes.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Does he still live in an apartment above his parent’s garage? Like real Double Naught spies and investigative reporter tycoons do? Cuz that would make this story funnier.

  • Boscoe

    “but we can at least feel relieved Donald Trump hasn’t hired O’Keefe to run covert ops at the CIA”

    ..OR HAS HE?

    DUNDUNDUUUNNNNNNNN

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If we weren’t screwed before, then we are now.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I imagine Trump distrusts the CIA so much, he hired O’Keefe to spy on the CIA.

      • LesBontemps

        This would make an excellent premise for a Michael Bey movie. Or the Coen Brothers, depending on the target audience.

        • calliecallie

          I’m actually thinking more about the Secret Asian Man movie, starring Jackie Chan.

          • LesBontemps

            Jackie Chan as a secret Asian? Even I’m not buying that, and I’m an idiot.

    • Yeah, I’m pretty sure the spooks would not take him seriously for even half a second and would go on running their ops as usual. Doubt he has the ScoobyDoo wherewithal to outsmart them.

  • armed_bears

    I think Katt Williams wants his costume back.

    • MynameisBlarney

      He’ll never be able to air out all that stank.

    • SeeTrain65

      I think that Eddie Griffin’s from “Undercover Brother.”

      Or Antonio Fargas’ from “Starsky & Hutch.”

  • MynameisBlarney

    OT; but a brilliant take on the China/NK situation.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029438923

    • TJ Barke

      Very plausible.

      • MynameisBlarney

        They’re playing GO and Dampnut’s playing Tiddly-Winks.

    • Oblios_Cap

      So the Chinese can be the world’s Policeman™? Can we cut our bloated defense budget and get single payer health care now?

  • WotsAllThisThen
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Lol, I did the tour of the spy museum a month or two ago when I was working in DC- cool nerdy fun!

    • Antonin Dvorak
      • Zippy W Pinhead

        i did buy the ‘Deny Everything’ t-shirt

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          I didn’t. And you can’t prove I did.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            until laundry day

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Wow. Some mornings all the coffee in the world doesn’t help. I kept reading LCV as League of CONSERVATIVE Voters and the article made no sense……..oy veh iz mir. I need to go back to bed………

    • OutOfOrbit

      putin’ sumpin in yer coffee there cowboy?:

    • BosGrl

      So did I! Thought maybe they were trying to oust RINOs.

    • James Baskin

      Conservatives are against Conservation. Contemplate that.

  • Mavenmaven

    This is like derp the world has never seen.

    • Major_Major_Major

      I really feel sorry for the poor writers at the Onion. They are gonna have to resort to the real news at this rate.

      • Leftykook

        Shit, they don’t hafta do NUTHIN. They just cut and paste the AP News feed and put it up…

    • proudgrampa

      I see what you did there.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Unbelievable, believe me.

  • Major_Major_Major

    Stinker, Failure, Todger, Spy(?)–My working title for the James O’Keefe biopic

  • kindness

    We liberals are blessed with these enemies. And I mean that. Thank the FSM for the morans we have to fight against.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Ha! He fell for the classic Alinsky trap. Which is, of course, nobody reads Alinsky except deluded right wing nutjobs.

    • armed_bears

      Thought it was a land war in Asia….

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Nope, it’s never going in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          “Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.”

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    “O’Keefe? Who is this ‘O’Keefe’? I am Guy Incognito.”

  • armed_bears
    • HazooToo

      This is sooooooooo going in the Trump Tweet Reply Box!

      • armed_bears

        Well, but ‘science’…. liberal bias.

        • HazooToo

          Reality has a liberal bias.

          • Which explains why conservatives are so hostile to reality.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      So, Teddy Roosevelt was right….it’s best to speak softly and carry a big stick!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • SeeTrain65

      The story is nice. The New York Post’s shouty video isn’t.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yeah…Auto-Play should be illegal.

    • jesterpunk

      Its a good thing they teach that but its bad they even have to do that.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Agreed.

  • exinkwretch

    Inspector James O’Klouseau strikes again!

  • jesterpunk

    Guy i really think Congress should defund Acorn again. They last voted to defund them in 2015.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/omnibus-acorn-defunding-wut_us_5672ffdce4b0dfd4bcc0f456

    • RobKanC

      That dead horse is just a pulp of unrecognizable meat doody now.

      • jesterpunk

        Doesnt stop them from beating it.

        • WeaselPoo

          Like a common Obamacare

      • Khavrinen

        But are there e-mails about it?

  • Iron Monkey

    As if wealthy people needed special introductions to people who need money. He gives amateurs a bad name.

    • grindstone

      Egggzactly. I tried to explain this to a guy who was complaining about a girl he had a first (and only) date with, and who claimed was a golddigger because she kept asking him what he did for a living. Dude: a real golddigger does not go on blind dates. She does her research beforehand, and likely knows more about her target than he realizes about himself, with special emphasis on portfolio. Asking you about your profession is just ascertaining if you have a job or are living in mom’s basement.

      Wealth is a club that you may or not get into based on how much money you have, how old it is, and several other factors that might render you NOK. (Not our kind, dear.)

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        I thought it was NQOK (not quite our kind). Or is that the British version?

        • grindstone

          Being as how I’m half southern lady and half hillbilly, you can’t really expect me to get it all right. (I’m keeping NQOK, though.)

  • OutOfOrbit

    I thought there were LAWS against being A Public Nuisance! run these fuckers down, put’em in a animal shelter, board up the windows & forget about’em

    • Sophia

      Original form of punishment but I like it

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • Shibusa

    https://img1.etsystatic.com/045/1/9276595/il_340x270.684489537_7ccv.jpg
    I think Daniel Craig wore these cufflinks in Skymall.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      “May I leave my cufflinks, that look suspiciously like tiny cameras with superior audio and video, in this crowded room?”

    • WALL-E NOOOO!

      They took his eyes. God have mercy, they took his eyes . . .

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • proudgrampa

      FUCK YOU, Dubya. Asshole.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Missed it by *this much.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I need to rewatch that movie.

      • Major_Major_Major

        What movie is that from?

        • SeeTrain65

          If I’m not mistaken, it’s “Top Secret.”

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Laugh all you want. I, for one, am staying on my toes. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0180426/

    • wide_stance_hubby

      “I am going to downfist those libcucks like a BOSS now!!”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    The fact that O’Queef has not been offered a job by the Trump administration yet is puzzling to me.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Pompeo was able to barely eke out a win.

    • Rev. Samuel

      Communications Director will be open anytime now. And then two weeks after that. And two weeks after that

      • Amy!

        Oh, wow, the thought of that just caused me a joygasm and a giggle fit. It’s sooo easy to imagine O’Keefe as white house spokesdildo or as miscommunication director!

      • Leftykook

        They changed the title. It’s “King of Stupid Mountain” now

  • ManchuCandidate

    Derp, James Derp. Double Oh Uh Oh.

  • spangled

    how do you do fellow liberals? don’t you guys just love soviet gulags? shouldn’t all hard working southerners be euthanized? please speak your responses clearly into my lapel for no reason.

    • “How many abortions have you done today? I’ve done ten. Just love doin’ the ‘bortion.”

    • MynameisBlarney
    • SeeTrain65

      “I’m sick of old people telling us what to do. My old man says I listen to too much Gerry and the Pacemakers … no, wait, … I listen to too much Blake. … No, not Blake … DRAKE! THAT’S IT! DRAKE!”

      (whispers into cufflink) “Guys, it’s not working. They’re not buying it.”

    • timpundit

      “Newborns are the worst, aren’t they? Say, are you going to Obama and Hillary’s baby roast this Saturday?”

    • formerChild

      If the conspirators are southern, we’ll need a certified translator.

    • JustDon’tSayDignity

      “Have you met your Walmart-FEMA quota yet today? How many guns have you sequestered?”

  • RMKH

    Hey Doc – I get the heebie-jeebies all the time and say so. But I guess we’ve previously established that I’m an Oldz

    • timpundit

      I get ‘The Staggers” then it develops into “The Dropsy”. After that I know it’s time to slow down the drinking.

    • NotDarkYet

      If your heebie-jeebies last for longer than four hours … tell me more!

  • PubOption

    What’s that about Heebie Jeebies?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XLOP3nz6wg

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Isn’t the proper terminology “Cosmopolitan Jeebies”?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Laughing on the bus,
    Playing games with the faces,
    She said the man in the gabardine suit
    Was a spy.

    I said, “Be careful,
    His bow tie is really a camera.”

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Other Steve Bannon film fest entries:
    “The Hoax of Global Warming is a Soros Ploy”
    “Urban Threat Level 49”
    “When Blacks Attack (and then become President)”
    “My Little Aryan Pony”
    “Liberals Destroyed Our Suburb”
    “A Very Cliché’d Muslim Badguy is Defeated by a Gin-Swilling Real Murican Guy”

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Those were all rejected, though. The winners, which were directed by Beve Stannon, Meve Mannon, and Cleve O’Bannon, were:
      “Fuck fuck FUCK you all I HATE YOU”
      “Ha ha ha on the Jews”
      “Fuck you, where’s my vodka, I want you all to die”

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      That’s ridiculous. Real Murkins don’t drink gin. That’s for sissy furrners. We drink Jim Beam and s’mores-flavored vodak.

  • ltmcdies

    really….”wealthy oil baron widow”……did this lot learn their spycraft from the Beverly Hillbillies.

    • Wuulf

      Professor Jethro taught them well.

      • Ian Bruce 伊恩·布鲁斯

        Yes… before he blew himself up with a heat-seeking crawdad.

    • Pepper Jack

      Double-naught Spy Skool.

    • commatoes

      I haven’t seen that phrase outside of an historical novel that included petticoats.

  • Weird Fishes

    Morans.

  • puredog

    “Please click the “Donate” clicky, then speak clearly into your shot glass.”
    I always slur my words when I’m speaking into my shot glass.

    • Lambsendbeds

      The shot glass is supposed to be empty when you speak into it.

      • Amy!

        Even harder not to slur, then. I mean, you can’t have a really empty shot glass until the bottle’s empty, amirite?

        • JustDon’tSayDignity

          Hmm. This might be why we have to keep a padlock on the liquor locker.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Until ALL the bottles are empty.

          • Amy!

            Oh, good! I’m not the only reason for the padlock on the liquor cabinets!

            Say, do you, uhh, know anything about picking locks? No reason! No, just, uhh, curious. Making small talk. Or, you know, I’ve heard great things about bolt cutters ….

            Say, anybody got a damn drink around here?

  • Nancy Wagner

    “Secret Asian Man” deserves a donation. I’m chipping in again.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      There’s a comic strip by that name.

  • timpundit

    Honestly, after “Dear Shit fer Brains”, Wonkette stories on O’Keefe’s and his kind are my favorite. I especially like the ‘Tale of The Dildo Boat’.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    For an outfit called Project Veritas, they sure seem to do a lot of lying.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      Veritas is Latin for Pravda.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        You Win, Go Home

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    This reminded me I hadn’t donated to the LCV this year. Done.

  • “Wealthy Oil Baron’s Widow”?
    was somebody else using “Crown Prince of Nigeria”?

  • Incoming Ham

    He’s got a future writing crappy novels no one will want to read,

  • Perkniticky

    Wow, they’re almost as incompetent as Trump. I think we’re seeing a connection here…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      repeat
      “Is there currently an opening for WH Communications Director?”
      until 1=2

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I just love the idea of this guy leaving his cufflinks everywhere and desperately trying to gift other people with cufflinks. I don’t know why it strikes me as hilarious as it does, but my lord, I can’t stop laughing.

    • roberteye

      That made me laugh too. Nobody wanted his name cufflinks! I’m surprised he didn’t speak into one of them: “He’s not here! What do I do?”

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      It’s just so utterly, utterly stupid! Like a three-year-old trying to show you a magic trick.

    • commatoes

      You do not buy cuff links for a person unless you are absolutely sure they wear french cuffed shirts. I have one and only because I bought it by accident.

      • Hardly Ideal

        I’ve never even had to use those, thanks to this awesome innovation the kids are calling “buttons.”

  • The Librarian

    “a Steve Bannon film festival…”

    I think you meant a Steve Bannon HORROR film festival, right?

  • roberteye

    George Costanza had a better plan by “accidentally” leaving his briefcase containing a running tape recorder.

  • Sean Green

    lol O Keefe is a convicted criminal and looks like a nutjob. Only Republicans would take someone like this seriously.

    • BJW

      Exactly. And yet, they are running the government.

      • stubbornirishlass

        About that – could someone please explain to me again how the presumably greatest nation on earth has allowed a minority of halfwits and simpletons to take over?

        • BJW

          I’m an OLD. I am completely at a loss. I have GOP friends who have just moved along farther and farther right with the party. Or, at least they vote with the party. How anyone could assume that the GOP was a good, trustworthy party after 2008 completely escapes me.

      • Mahousu

        Running it? Not really.

        • BJW

          Well, yeah. Running it into the ground I should’ve said. Because they apparently don’t know how to govern, only say “nyet.”

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        running it like this:
        https://youtu.be/9LvW3ZBfiXU?t=31s

    • Buzz1313

      I was thinking he looks inbred.

  • specialcircumstances
  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    “and of course a “like” for Saul Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals”
    It’s hilarious that the old wingnut liars have been lying for so long that the younger generation of wingnut liars believe those lies.

    • BJW

      I never knew such a book or person even existed, until Obama ran for president.

      • kareemachan

        Well, I hae a copy of ‘The Anarchit’s Ckbk’ from *wau* back when….

  • BJW

    Thanks Doc! Now I’ve got an earworm! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdC9P58hJT8

    • Zyxomma

      Ah, but what an earworm. Beautiful. One of my friends used to perform this.

      • (((Aron)))

        WAS YOUR FRIEND JOHNNY RIVERS?

  • Jennifer R

    He wouldn’t be infiltrating any group he actually thought was dangerous. Any significantly dangerous group would just take him out back as soon as they caught him.

  • kareemachan

    Furry handcuffs, amirite?

    • Hardly Ideal

      I seem to say this every time this douchebag comes up, but leave it to O’Keefe to ruin something as lovely and wholesome as a boat full of sex toys.

      • (((Aron)))

        Boat Full of Sex Toys is an awesome name for a band.

  • whitroth

    I dunno ’bout a Bannon movie festival, but I’ve got a *great* setup for at least one.

    MST3K

    • (((Aron)))

      Yeah, but then I found out about Joel’s politics, and I had a sad :(

  • commatoes

    This reminds me of two things.

    I saw a special about the origins of MI6. Initially they were a bunch on upper class amateurs playing at being spies. Funny side note, they were instructed by their head to use their semen as invisible ink. It was amazing that they got anything done and did not get themselves killed in the process.

    Also, I saw a thing on the New York/New Jersey Mafia. The current generation is using movies and television as “how to” guides on how to act as mobsters. As opposed to their grandfathers, who were intelligent and ruthless, these guys are idiots playing as caricatures of the pop culture mobster.

    Yeah, a note to James O’Keefe and Co., watching “Mission Impossible” multiple times does not make you an undercover operative.

    • Khavrinen

      “these guys are idiots playing as caricatures of the pop culture mobster.”

      Seems only fair, given that Trump’s playing a caricature of a movie President.

    • Grumpy Twat

      ‘ …they were instructed by their head to use their semen as invisible ink. It was amazing that they got anything done and did not get themselves killed in the process.’
      Well loading a fountain pen that way has to be a BIT risky.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        And time-consuming.

        • (((Aron)))

          And it clogs up the feed like crazy…

          Don’t ask me how I know this.

  • JoeChristmas

    Donald Trump hasn’t hired O’Keefe to run covert ops at the CIA.

    Yet

    • NotDarkYet

      A lot of Trump does has that “yet” dangling over it, like a rough beast slouching towards Bethlehem to be born. When its hour comes round at last, the vexing nightmare will jolt us awake, only to reveal an even deeper, more awful abyss.

  • Wes

    Is being that bad at stealth deliberate, like is he pitching a new “candid camera” show or is he just a moron?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      The data suggests he really is that stupid.

  • Hardly Ideal

    I would give myself a hernia trying to be as big a douchebag as O’Keefe and his merry men. He may as well hire Metal Gear cosplayers as spies.

    • (((Aron)))

      DO WE GET TO HIDE IN BOXES????

  • cats530

    What the hell is that little schmendrick wearing? Is he impersonating a pimp?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      yup, from years ago video involving a “sting” of some group. He came in pretending his gf was a prostitute or something. He went on Fox in that outfiend to debut his video (Even though he wore slacks and a t-shirt in the ‘sting’)

      • (((Aron)))

        And thus was brought down ACORN :(

    • NotDarkYet

      schmendrick — love that word!

    • (((Aron)))

      He’s not a schmendrick. Just a plain old schmuck.

  • Someone needs to make a movie based on this concept. Funny AF. Sweet baby weeping Jesus, these people actually believe their own bullshit.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      And it has to be done straight, because that would make the comedy that much more enjoyable.

      • You wouldn’t need to write jokes. The jokes and gags would write themselves, and the laughs would just flow. It could be a TV show. Maybe even better as a TV show. Christ these people.

        • NotDarkYet

          Maybe this whole thing–the entire Trump presidency–is a reality show. A kind of Truman show produced by space aliens for their amusement.

    • boredcatlady

      A very earnest Christopher Guest treatment would be amazing.

    • NotDarkYet

      Not just believe — they poop it out, and EAT it up!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    ahhh, THESE are the lawsuits I wish I could work on.

    • (((Aron)))

      But you get to work on TACO lawsuits, man! That’s INSANE!

  • Zyxomma

    Extra points for Secret Asian Man. I adore that song. Thanks, Dok.

  • Kitty Smith

    Every time I see the Great White Pimp I remind myself that he was supposed to be in prison.

  • mary5920

    Browner says Sandini’s behavior gave her the heebie jeebies. Hope she knows this Boswell Sisters’ song:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUB3ZR4F8vw

Previous articleSounds Like Anthony Scaramucci Needs To Take His Blue Dresses To The Cleaners
Next articleEric Bolling Demands $50 Million For … Sending Women Dick Pics, We Guess?