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Get off our TV.

Jill Stein has been watching the television from whatever underground hut she lives in, and she is sore alarmed that this Donald Trump rapscallion seems to be beating the drums of war against North Korea! That is not the correct approach! Did Jill Stein not just recently use her immense foreign policy expertise to explain on television that North Korea is simply frightened, because everybody unfairly demonizes the nation all the time? Dr. Jill Stein can write a prescription for the medicine North Korea needs, and it is that maybe they wouldn’t be so mean if their brains weren’t being cooked by vaccines and Wi-Fi technology!

Oh wait, that’s not right. Jill Stein must have been reading her Jill Stein Dipshit Talking Point Flashcard upside down. Silly Jill Stein!

Regardless, the point is NUCLEAR WAR IS BAD (correct), so Jill Stein picked up her magic Twitter wand and, like a fairy godmother doing Bibblty Bobbity Boos at Cinderella, made the following wisdom about North Korea appear:

Shit! Jill Stein’s magic Twitter wand must be fucked up again. Why is it showing tweets from last year, when #EverythingWasDifferent, because #Reasons?

Fuckin’ wand did it again! Why is Twitter reminding Jill Stein of how Jill Stein predicted that Hillary Clinton, who has been in public service for 4,386 years and knows full fucking well how to stay out of nuclear war, would DEFINITELY PROBABLY FOR SURE accidentally stumblefuck us into a nuclear war if she was elected president? How is that even pertinent to today’s discussion?

Besides, Jill Stein probably assumes, based on the very good logic inside her brain, that had Hillary been elected, she would have thrown us into a modern-day Cuban Missile Crisis in SIX DAYS instead of six months. What is even your point, Wonkette?

Jill Stein tried once more, VERY CAREFULLY, and produced the following missives, which we must all heed, because they are Dr. Jill Stein’s orders:

Thanks for the #knowledge and the phone number, Jill Stein. Helpful as always.

Now, if Jill Stein doesn’t mind, we’ll take it from here, so Jill Stein can feel free and unencumbered to commence the hard work of shutting the fuck up please.

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  • Wes Grogan

    Yeah. Fuck Jill Stein.

    • whitroth

      No, no, no. No fucks for her.

      Besides, I’d rather do it with a Wonketteer than Jill Stein.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Go on.

  • Azazael

    Maybe if we stopped screwing the the DPRK they would calm down. Oh and we didn’t win the Korean War the first time.

    • whitroth

      Let’s not forget how joyous China would be if we dropped a nuke on N.Korea. I mean, fallout is *so* hip….

    • Le Chapeau

      They don’t even notice when we stop screwing around with them.

  • SweetDeeKat

    We are supposed to IGNORE HER. We have relevant dipshits to attend to, please.

  • JoeChristmas

    She’s gonna kick her self until she’s green.

  • JoeChristmas

    Easy next post Evan: Just pull the Swindler IC’s tweets from last year that say the same things.

  • kareemachan

    Jill-baby, you’re still an elected dog-catcher in your little ‘burb. Stay the FUCK out of international policy, okay? Thanx.

  • Belasaurius

    I’d bring back McCarthyism if it kept her off teevee forever.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Chutzpah, thy name is Jill

  • Bananas Foster

    Too bad she skipped the derp vaccination.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    For the love of god, why is Jill Stein on any broadcast. She couldn’t make the Gong Show.

    • John Thorstensen

      Still, it beats her song stylings.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The Bong Show would be more her speed

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I feel like, of the two of them, Gary Johnson was the more stoned most of the time. Of course, her staff not being able to get her on the right plane could be a bracket-buster, but “What is a leppo?” will live in infamy long after I, for one, have forgotten whether she meant to go to Cincinnati and went to Cleveland, or meant to go to Columbus and went to Cleveland, or whether and how Ohio even entered into it (I have already forgotten).

        • commatoes

          When Mike Barnacle asked Johnson about Aleppo, you could sense Johnson’s foreign policy credentials dying faster than a goldfish in a plastic bag at the county fair.

      • commatoes

        If Stein and Sessions hit the bong together, I think the world would be just a little bit better.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Wouldn’t we all be better off if she found the jazz cigarettes and planted her ass in front of the tv with some snacks and the remote and we never heard from her again?

  • memzilla Ω

    Hey, Jill, you know what would be great, aside from STFU Jill Stein? IT WOULD BE GREAT IF WE HAD AN AMBASSADOR TO SOUTH KOREA, YOU ALGAE-WITTED PUTIN HACK.

  • Manhattan123

    Doesn’t she have more important things to do like talking new parents out of vaccinating their children instead of wasting her time on this war stuff?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Don’t forget the poor dogs. Have you ever seen the sadness of a family with an autistic dog?

      • Manhattan123

        Just every family that has owned a Jack Russell.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Or more ADHD?

        • calliecallie

          Pomeranians seem much more autistic. So easily fly into a furor.

          • Manhattan123

            The worst dog is better than the best Trump. Fact.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            The worst dog can eventually learn to behave properly if you show it kindness and give it respect. The Orange Menace had no receptors in his brain for those things.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Or a border collie.

      • JoeChristmas

        I hope she gets rabies…with votes of course.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Not related to Ben, by chance?

    • Belasaurius

      both about the same IQ

  • A Groucho Marxist

    Jill Stein should leave Twitter and stick to dropping the sick science with her hott rapps

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Yes, the guy who said with his mouth parts “What’s the point of having nuclear weapons if you don’t use them?” and “If Japan had that nuclear threat, I’m not sure that would be a bad thing for us.” is less dangerous than the one who actually was involved in diplomacy.

    YOU. FATUOUS. MORON.

  • elviouslyqueer
  • Lyly Sirivong
    • SisterArtemis

      Every. Damn. Time.

  • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼

    “Urgent. Prevent WWIII.”

    Ok then, if you insist…

    • SayItWithWookies

      She went to medical school for that sorta wisdom, you know.

  • spangled

    jesus christ look at the comments on the old jill stein wonkette articles linked. people (and bots) really are dumb as shit huh??

  • GoutMachine

    How did we get so many stupid doctors in this country?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      specialization

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’m sure there’s a brain surgeon around here somewhere who could explain. Dr. Ben? Paging Dr. Ben Carson?

    • Pilotshark

      well holiday inn express has been advertising for a while now. and motel 6 still leaves it`s lights on. :-)

    • commatoes

      Sen. John Barrasso went to RPI and Georgetown Med. He voted to repeal Obamacare.

      WTF?

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    And on the horizon they appeared. A sea of backwards, white ball caps, cargo shorts, polos and flip-flops. “Bro,” they said, “are you a neoliberal?”

    *passes out army helmets*

  • Anna Rompage

    Jill “vaccines cause autism for votes & vlad’s peen tastes like Trump’s ass” Stein can go fuck right off…

  • jesterpunk

    How long until we get Jill Stein bots here telling us how great she is?

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      I keep telling everyone we need to build our walls higher and invest in boiling oil, but no one listens to me.

      • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼

        Oil is expensive. Wax maybe?

        • (((fka_donnie_d)))

          McD’s will give you used burger grease for free

          Or so I’m told.

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          Just use the used deep frier oil.

          • MizzMazz

            Painful AND smelly! I like it!

      • Crystalclear12

        Sorry, we spent our money on liquor.

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          At least cut some bitches with the broken bottles.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Maybe there are some dragons’ eggs around here somewhere.
        Check under the sofa cushions.

    • what, me worry?

      Be right there, bunky!

      • Major_Major_Major

        Would you be so kind as to just post a link to all your previous commentary and spare us all the tedium yet again?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Yup, welcome to this week’s Kamala thread

    • elviouslyqueer

      Great. And I just ran slap out of Raid.

    • Edith Prickly

      Our resident Steinbot showed up right on cue.

      • SisterArtemis

        Even announced the intention!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I finally just blocked their dumb ass

        • ltmcdies

          as did I…life is too short

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “As a Doctor, I can assure you that Hillary Clinton would have caused radiation burns that hurt worse, and cannibalistic mutants with even bigger appetites.”
    — Jill Stein, wandering the glowing ruins of a post-apocalyptic wasteland

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Jill who?

    • BearGHAZI

      I forget. She’s the lady who has a sock puppet named lambchop, and she says dumb things

      • Msgr_MΩment

        NYET KUKLA. NYET KUKLA. VY KUKLA!
        Update: Because fuck Cyrillic fonts and fuck Russian case declensions.

      • amrak63

        Shari Lewis libelz!

        • Eileen Besse

          My puppy has Lambchop as his friend. As big as HE is, too!

  • Edith Prickly

    SHUT UP, DUMB LADY.

    (h/t Tbogg)

  • SisterArtemis
    • Blackest Noobs

      basically the plot to every time travel story.

      • Seek

        Just when you think shit can’t get worse – It Does!

        Kinda the story of everything since I’ve been alive. 50 yrs of shit maybe … nope, not better it’s worse.

  • what, me worry?

    Stein makes the totally non-controversial statement that we shouldn’t go into a nuclear war with N Korea, or anyone, really, and the Wonketariat loses its collective shit, because if Stein’s against it, then war must be awesome.

    Keeping the tradition alive – if you don’t like what the Right is doing, pivot Left, punch a hippie.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      shutup whiner

    • Beaufighter

      Weaponized false equivalencies will kill us all, at this rate

    • Manhattan123

      Oh, I thought the point of the piece was that Stein tried to paint Hillary as a warmonger and said Trump would be better for peace. Didn’t realize it was that she was non-controversially against nuclear war.

      Comprehension skills, they are a dilemma.

      • what, me worry?

        Actually Stein’s argument was they were both warmongers.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          And she was as wrong as you always are

        • jesterpunk
        • Manhattan123

          Like when she said “Hillary Clinton’s foreign policy is much scarier than Donald Trump’s”?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            You didn’t actually expect this clown to be truthful, did you?

          • what, me worry?

            That tweet was a response to Clinton’s belligerent stance re: Syria, vs, Trump’s lack of statement at all. His only previous statement was that we shouldn’t be in Syria at all, which is right in Stein’s wheelhouse.

            So, you know, I’m sure a lot of us could have tweets posted out of context that in retrospect look silly.

          • Manhattan123

            So when Trump launched those 57 cruise misses in to Syria a few weeks after taking office when his polls started dropping, it’s okay, because he’s not belligerent. Or will carry out matters of war and peace by the polls. Gotcha.

            Also, yes, I’m sure a lot of us could have tweets posted out of context that look silly. But Trump and Stein can have their tweets posted in context and look silly.

          • what, me worry?

            Lol. No. It’s not okay, he just didn’t give you any indication he’d do that before the election. His only comment on the situation was that we shouldn’t get involved at all. I guess he “evolved” on the subject.

            I thought you Hillary types were comfortable with that.

          • Manhattan123

            We’re more comfortable with having a non-Alzheimer’s patient as President, especially when that guy is a tool of the Russians, either willingly or, best case scenario, a useful idiot. Lol,

        • mary5920

          Yes they were just the same person, only with different genders, history, intelligence, humanity and ideas. Other than that…
          BTW Stein said the right things about peace. No problem with that.
          Rest assured, now that she is on the case, things will calm down.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Right after she uses all those millions of dollars to avoid holding a real job until her 2020 grift get to the bottom of that voter fraud

        • Msgr_MΩment

          BOTH SIDES would have gotten us into a nuclear war. Well, for one of them it’s going to be a nukular war.

          • commatoes

            One side does NOT know what nuclear war is.

            He has the impulse control of an over-caffeinated toddler.

        • commatoes

          Jill Stein’s judge of character is questionable.

          She made a judgement.
          She was wrong.
          She was very wrong.
          She avoids taking responsibility for it.

          QED

          • what, me worry?

            If you’re looking for a politician who avoids responsibility for her judgment, I’d direct you to Hillary, blaming her loss on everyone but her own decisions.

          • commatoes

            You do realise that is FoxNews and Trump’s MO.

            1. Ignore the question posed.
            2. Inject HRC or Obama as worse thereby tacitly absolving the subject of the initial question by inferring that the mere existence of HRC’s and Obama’s “sins” is a greater evil inflicted upon the world.

            Ergo, if I torture a puppy, I can claim that there are people in the world that torture hundreds of people. So, I am OK.

            I think I understand you now.

          • what, me worry?

            I don’t think you do. Because in order to criticize people you disagree with, like Stein, you first have to have your own house in order.

            If your preferred candidate is a recidivist dissembler who refuses to take responsibility for anything she does, then criticizing other candidates for the same failing, without acknowledging it in your own, is just hypocrisy.

            To use your own example, it is similar to criticizing puppy mills for their treatment of animals while you, yourself, are running a factory farm that abuses its animals.

          • commatoes

            Persecution complex?

            If you do not wish to answer the question, just say so. It is as simple as that. And no I am not “looking for a politician who avoids responsibility for her judgment”. I am asking how Jill Stein specifically is avoiding responsibility for her past statements while making new statements that she is characterizing as having a degree of insight or expertise. The views/actions of other politicians is not germaine to the discussion.

            PS For your edification,
            The straw man fallacy occurs in the following pattern of argument:

            Person 1 asserts proposition X.

            Person 2 argues against a superficially similar proposition Y, falsely, as if an argument against Y were an argument against X.

            This reasoning is a fallacy of relevance: it fails to address the proposition in question by misrepresenting the opposing position.

          • what, me worry?

            The fallacy in your argument is two-fold: (1) your assertion that Hillary’s dissembling is substantively dissimilar in any way from Stein’s, and (2) that my pointing it out is a tacit argument that Stein doesn’t dissemble.

            My argument isn’t that Stein doesn’t dissemble. It’s that you don’t have standing to criticize it, since your candidate has a far larger catalog of examples, without a peep out of you in criticism.

            Ergo, you’re a hypocrite.

            QED

          • commatoes

            Not substantively dissimilar but not germaine or relevant, if you will. I am not a proxy for HRC, which you seem to assume about everyone. I have problems with almost every politician as there cannot be one that matches my views exactly. I will point out flaws/inconsistencies in HRC stances when that is the topic of discussion. Your argument is similar to the indignant motorist screeching to the police officer as to why (s)he is not out catching real criminals as if their own infraction is of little or no consequence.

            As to ” pointing it out is a tacit argument that Stein doesn’t dissemble”, by not addressing the initial question and going on a topic tangentially related is not a tacit argument, but its absence, as you have not provided an ACTUAL argument or evidence to contradict the initial assertion/premise. By not arguing the initial assertion, you are ceding to its truth via “The Straw Man Fallacy”. There is a very informative series by PBS’s Idea Channel on Youtube if you want a quick primer on “Logical Fallacies”.

            I do not know if it was intentional or not but you seem to be ceding to my initial position literally. As you wrote, ” My argument isn’t that Stein doesn’t dissemble”. Thank you.
            As to your second assertion, ” It’s that you don’t have standing to criticize it, since your candidate
            has a far larger catalog of examples, without a peep out of you in
            criticism.” That is quite a leap as I have little to say about HRC other than she overlaps with my view to a greater degree than DJT. That is the false assumption on which you are basing your entire argument. Polemics make poor debaters and tend to be ignored or ridiculed. If you want actual debate, you should really debate.

            Lastly, please do not use QED incorrectly. It is Latin for Quod Erat
            Demonstratum. As you did not begin with a statement, you posit as true ,
            the term “quod” refers back to nothing. You should have structured it:

            Statement: You are a hypocrite.
            Proof: [Insert proof here]
            Conclusion: Ergo, you are a hypocrite.
            QED
            Quod referring back to the initial proposition that “I am a hypocrite”. Mathematicians and logicians use terms with precision. To use them as rhetorical flourishes is to use them incorrectly.

          • what, me worry?

            You didn’t finish reading my reply, in which I provided an explanation for why the criticism in this case is dishonest, but no matter.

            Your comment isn’t about any of that, you just wanted to post condescending criticism, not of Stein, but of me. Your snarky explanation of when to use QED (mine was sarcastic, because you used it improperly previously), suggests you aren’t really interested in what Stein is up to. You’re just trolling.

            And since I don’t respond to snark, condescension or derision in any way that might satisfy you, I’ll simply wish you good day.

          • commatoes

            Please reread my first usage of QED as the assertion is “Jill Stein’s judge of character is questionable.”

          • what, me worry?

            Don’t have to. It wasn’t complicated. It just wasn’t a mathematical fact. And you know that, so why are you pretending to not know it?

            You start with a fact. Stein made a judgment.

            You proceed to an unproven assertion. Stein was wrong.

            It is unproven, because you make no mention of the context of the statement, with, at the time it was made, was arguably correct. The statement was in regard to Syria, at a time when the known positions of the candidates was that Clinton wanted to enforce a no-fly zone in an area in which another major power was operating, and the most contemporaneous information we had about Trumps intentions was an admonition to Obama to not attack Syria at all. Based on those positions, and in that context, Stein was right. Clintons policy was more dangerous.

            You want to recast that as a universal statement, which, in context, it wasn’t.

            Your “proof” is just as dishonest as Evan’s. You might as well start out with Pi = A basket of kittens.

            You used QED incorrectly. Go back to school.

          • commatoes

            You’re funny.

          • what, me worry?

            And right.

            I get extra points for being funny and right at the same time.

            Don’t present your opinion as a mathematical proof. You aren’t as logical as you think you are.

          • commatoes

            You do realise I have been yanking your chain this whole time. Yes, you get extra points and a pat on the head.

            Oh, QED is about as archaic and pretentious as you can get. To the best of my recollection, it hasn’t been used seriously in Logic, Philosophy, or Math since Latin went out of vogue. If you can not grasp this, see “modern humourous use” of QED in that Wikipedia site you have probably been furiously searching. As you claim to be familiar with mathematical proofs, where did you first see QED? Rolle’s Theorem, The Mean Value Theorem? Constant Sign Corollary? If you have taken first year Calculus. Boolean Logic? Maybe Set Theory? Mostly likely Geometry and the work of Grigori Perelman on the Poincaré Conjecture. Or maybe the proof of Fermat’s Last Theorem from a few years ago? If you are a little more advanced in your studies.

    • Belasaurius

      Stein is partially responsible for putting shrimp dick in the Oval Office. I’ll make fun of her until the sun explodes

      • what, me worry?

        No she isn’t. she’s responsible for bringing a small number of voters out who would have otherwise stayed home.

        • Belasaurius

          Bullshit, she convinced boneheads that Hillary was worse than Trump.

          • Belasaurius
          • amrak63

            Did I mention I had blocked WMW?

            I still have his picture, however.

            http://i.imgur.com/xXHHL8i.jpg

          • Belasaurius

            how do I do that? Never mind I just figured it out

          • what, me worry?

            “natesilver (Nate Silver, editor in chief): I don’t really buy it. And the rub is Pennsylvania, which was close but not that close. You have to assume that almost all of Stein’s voters would have gone to Clinton. But both pre-election polls and the national exit poll suggests that a lot of them wouldn’t have voted at all, if they’d been forced to pick between the two major candidates. The breakdown might have been something like 35 percent Clinton, 10 percent Trump and 55 percent wouldn’t vote. That doesn’t wind up netting very many votes for HRC.”

            https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/jill-stein-democratic-spoiler-or-scapegoat/

          • Belasaurius
          • jesterpunk

            Also this too.

            http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/gist/2016/10/jill_stein_thinks_nuclear_war_is_less_likely_under_trump.html

            Why do you think a nuclear war is more likely under a President Clinton than a President Trump?

            If you watched the debate the other night, you would have heard Trump saying that he’s looking for collaboration with Putin.

          • what, me worry?

            And again, Stein isn’t responsible for Clinton’s loss. the majority of Stein votes wouldn’t have voted for Clinton anyway. Read the 538 analysis of the polling.

          • Belasaurius

            If their analysis about the election was wrong, why the fuck should I read their post-election analyses?

          • what, me worry?

            So, news you don’t agree with is “fake news”?

            Where have I heard that before??

          • Belasaurius

            it was an analysis, not news. It was Silver’s PREDICTION of WHAT MIGHT HAVE happened, not what actually happened you ignorant fucking twat.

          • what, me worry?

            I’m not sure if that’s misogynist or not. It’s certainly rude.

            Polling weighting and aggregation proved very effective in past elections, and there’s no reason to believe, other than, you choose to not believe it, that aggregate polling of Stein voters is wildly wrong.

            Stein voters had the opportunity to vote for Clinton and refused. Why do you assume if Stein wasn’t available they’d all turn out to vote and all vote for Clinton?

            It seems psychotic.

          • Belasaurius

            oh no, someone was rude to you online, is this your first day on the internet?

          • what, me worry?

            No, I just point it out when it happens, since I won’t respond in kind.

            Maybe someday you won’t flex your keyboard muscles so frequently.

          • Belasaurius

            maybe someday you won’t flood the internet with nonsense. Stein said, in a tweet that many people have posted above, that Hillary was worse than Trump and now here we are. ENJOY!

          • what, me worry?

            The context of that tweet was Syria, where Clinton had advocated increasing our war footing, and Trump hadn’t advocated anything yet.

            http://www.npr.org/2017/04/04/522627064/on-the-record-president-trump-vs-private-citizen-trump-on-syria

            https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/346063000056254464

          • Belasaurius

            not voting makes them assholes as well.

          • what, me worry?

            But it also makes Stein not responsible for Clinton’s epic fail.

          • Panika MCD

            the only epic fail I see here is you. you keep expecting us to embrace your purity bullshit and we don’t. I sincerely do not know what keeps you coming back.

          • amrak63

            Uncle Vlad’s money, I would guess, is what keeps him diligently fucking that chicken.

          • Panika MCD

            that is a crime in 32 states, DC and, on 9/1, TX, too.

          • FlownΩver

            Get a thunderdome, you two.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            She trumpeted the Moscow line. Period.
            She’s whatever the opposite of patriot is.

          • ltmcdies

            then convinced them to “fund’ a recount…

      • Panika MCD

        I’d make fun of her whether or not she had any part in the mess. she is infinitely jestable.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Oh. You again.

    • Daniel Nee

      Stop trying to screw the pooch and we won’t have to keep busting our knuckles. No realy if you want to govern you need a governing coalition back stabbing whining true believers need to find the critical path

    • Beanz&Berryz

      “Clinton much worse than Trump”. Not a hippie… An ignorant, self-deluded, fact-averse dipshit from the left. With votes. Dipshit.

      • what, me worry?

        But also a hippie.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Naw. Hippies are fine. We like hippies. It’s ignorant, self-deluded, fact-averse dipshittery from the left that deserves a punch. Being a hippie is not an excuse.

        • Panika MCD

          I am a hippie and I find your comment to be an insult.

    • janecita

      I agree, her comment is totally non controversial. I think that people are just pissed about her past comments, and how ridiculous they seem now.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        The comment is angering because she helped bring this very situation about, by making said past comments.

        • And also that it was obvious that Trump’s anti-war stance in Syria was entirely down to saying the opposite of anything Obama said and wasn’t worth the pixels it was tweeted out in.

          But not to Stein, because she is a moron.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Shouldn’t you be at the schoolyard passing out mumps-flavored lollipops to the children?

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Are you fucking kidding?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      No, we’re pointing out the deep, deep hypocrisy in what she’s saying NOW versus what she said then.

      • Belasaurius

        but can we punch a hippie? I mean, for fun?

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Only if they’re wearing Bierks with socks. That’s a crime, man.

          • SisterArtemis

            Do NOT come to Eugene, Oregon, then…

        • FlownΩver

          As a hippie in recovery for over forty years I may or may not resent that remark.

    • richcreamerybutter

      Please explain why she has a perpetual boner for Clinton other than the possibility she is a GMO-free fruit loop

    • Panika MCD

      don’t you have a meditation circle or something that you could bother people at? we are clearly making with the gallows humor and not losing our shit. just because you lose your shit every time someone says the mean things about your “future girlfriend” or whatever doesn’t mean we have lost ours.

    • The Wanderer

      I believe it was her immediate and groundless assertion last year that Clinton was more likely than Trump to get us into a nuclear exchange. There was no way to prove that hypothesis then, and there’s no way to prove it now, since Clinton lost the election and we are saddled with this corrupt, sagging homunculus.

      • what, me worry?

        In context, it wasn’t groundless. Clinton had jus suggested a no fly zone in an area of the world where Russia is on the other side. It doesn’t take any imagination for that to escalate with the only other nuclear superpower.

    • Harbinger08

      Oh, boy, look, a Stein defender! So hard to find any now that we are traumatized by the Trump regime on a daily basis. Someone should put it in a jar. So one day we can show it to the survivors. Hopefully.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    You’d think that the DPRK would be the one place on the planet relatively safe from the scourge of WiFi radiation (though that is probably not the radiation they should be worried about)

  • mary5920

    She must be lonely tonight, which is why her twittering tweeter gets a going. It’s all good advice about peace, but she seems to be riding in with a lot of extra baggage on that pony.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I’m grateful to Jill Stein for making look like maybe not the dumbest, most dishonest, most delusional third party candidate in history.”
    — Ralph Nader

    • janecita

      Can we please leave Nader out of this? Whatever you think about the man, he has given this country a lot of years of public service.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Sorry, but the parallels are overwhelming, and he has never apologized.

        • janecita

          He shouldn’t, he is not at fault for Al Gore’s loss. I think that given that Bush’s brother was the governor of Florida, he would have won that state either way

          • Latverian Diplomat

            That’s debatable, but what’s not debatable is all the lying about Gore and the Democrats, accepting support from Republicans who were clearly only interested in ratfucking etc. Some of us are still pretty pissed about that, and have a right to be, IMHO.

          • Little Lulu Ω

            Yes. Thank you. Nader accounted for, what, 50,000 votes in Florida in 2000? A few hundred of those would have turned the Florida vote to Gore. Instead, we got Bush and Cheney. Bush. And Cheney.

      • mary5920

        He did say a lot of things I agree with and his actions in the 1970s and 80s were admirable.
        I read a biography of him years ago which explained that his background from his dad was one of continual political argumentation and aggressive debate.
        He was described as difficult to work with, and more to the point, that he would throw people under the bus who were essentially in agreement, but he had to be the most right.
        Sound familiar at all?

        • Belasaurius

          sounds like a Purity Pony to me

        • janecita

          No, because Trump has never done anything good for the American public, and Nader has.

          • mary5920

            Yes of course. I wasn’t actually thinking of Dump when I wrote that.

        • Swampay

          He was awful on Sesame Street.

          • mary5920

            I can’t imagine.

          • Swampay

            Seriously. They had a joke where a sweater his mother made him unraveled because it wasn’t up to code.

          • mary5920

            I just watched that. Martina Navratilova was quite a natural and Ralph was a bit clunky but okay; however when he destroyed Bob’s sweater (Bob being one of his “friends in the neighborhood”), he gave himself away. ;-)

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Everybody’s a fucking expert on NK.
    https://twitter.com/MeetThePress/status/895090753327837184

  • Edith Prickly

    Thanks Jill. How about you mosey on down to the Vegan Butthole Cafe and order a giant cup of STFU kombucha?

  • Les Appentis De la résistance
    • Courser_Resistance

      My dogs used to boop me in the butt and hip all the time. Especially if I wasn’t handing out treats fast enough. I miss that. They’d also boop me in the face in the morning to wake me up.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      I miss getting rattie boops.

  • CripesAmighty

    Did I tell y’all about the time I got kicked out of our local Green Party organization b/c I refused to vote for a wackjob purity pony for a local board? Felt good then, even better now.

    • Eileen Besse

      Yay YOU!

    • goonemeritus

      The new improved Green Party, Now with less experience and almost no chance of having to come up with actual legislation. .

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Bit of friendly advice, guys? That never works out well as a strategy.
        – the GOP

    • schmannity

      No. What happened?

      • CripesAmighty

        He lost. Lol.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    OT: Northern Florida:
    Public sex at Wisconsin State Fair, because Wisconsin

    http://www.citypages.com/news/public-sex-at-wisconsin-state-fair-because-wisconsin/439249903

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Do they get participation ribbons?

      • TundraGrifter

        Best of Breed.

    • MizzMazz

      LOL, I like how the last paragraph in the article has links to new food, new drinks, entertainment and music lineups!

    • CripesAmighty

      “Cornporn.”

      Ok! Ok! Ow! Ow!…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • The Wanderer

      “I’m fighting a war for peace.”

      • yyyaz

        I’m fucking for chastity.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          I’m drinking in honor of my sobriety.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          I’m planning a twenty-course dinner party to protest world hunger.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    ‘We were a superpower. We are now a hyperpower.’

    The White Man’s House is a cesspool of insanity. Thanks Jill. You helped make this.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU8KsbdqnwI

    • GoutMachine

      Superhypertetrapetapower!

    • OrG in Amsterdam

      We can have some Ritalin?

    • Randy Riddle

      I’ve never heard ADHD referred to as a “hyper power”.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Semi-OT: You never heard of the lunatics in the “diversability” movement then. A mutant hybrid of evo-psych, Tumblr identity politics, Scientology, and hijacking of language from the gay rights movement. They claim that there’s no such thing as mental illness, because it can’t be measured physically (lie, MRIs and bipolar disorder is a creative personality, autism is the next wave of evolution into the Singularity, and schizophrenia is a pathway to alternate states of consciousness. ADHD is supposedly a heightened awareness left over from the caveman days that makes you a stealth survivalist or some such bullshit. They’re growing exponentially in their “mainstreaming” because of the Internet and want to undercut science, to make it impossible for those of us who do want a cure to have no choice but to accept ourselves for being “born this way.” Straitjacket Pride. I fucking hate these people and want them to ride the lightning in Old Sparky with so many votes.

    • jesterpunk

      Fucking Nazi.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        In this case, he really is.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Amazing how they completely rebuilt and modernized the U.S. nuclear arsenal in just six months, with no new funding or actual concrete action taken.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Kind of like they did with the economy

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Power of positive thinking. You liebruls wouldn’t understand because you hate America.

      • BigCSouthside

        What’s really funny, is the modernization effort…

        Ordered by Obama.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          Thanks Obama!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Is that anything like a Hyperforce?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUsFLVjobug

    • Zonath

      Wait, was Uberpower already taken?

    • TundraGrifter

      Hyper Bolic.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Supercalifragilisticexpialidociouspower LIBEL!

    • harryeagar

      They just don’t make alpha males like they used to.

    • BigCSouthside

      I ficking HATE Seb Gorka.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      STFU. We are a super duper power.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Uber power in der welt!

    • Three Finger Salute

      A hyper power on ludicrous speed?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAWL8ejf2nM

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      It’s not ‘hyper power,’ it’s ‘hyperbole power.’

    • commatoes

      Better in the original German

      Uberwaffen.

  • Randy Riddle

    Jill Stein is like that one person on the Titanic who was all like, “Don’t bother with the lifeboats – the cold water will kill you anyway. And, no Sir, I don’t believe in weather reports!”

  • ltmcdies

    I got one thing only for this privileged idiot

    https://twitter.com/RexHuppke/status/895137293178220544

  • amrak63

    Beware, LWNJ flying monkeys.

    We have a berserk Yandere and we’re not afraid to use her.

    http://i.imgur.com/8nTZpQr.jpg

  • Crystalclear12

    How’s that recount money treating you, Jill?

  • theblackdog

    Maybe if we tell her that DPRK is full of wi-fi and vaccines she’ll shut up about them.

  • Jenny

    I hear North Korea needs doctors with strong woo skills. Go on Jill, you’re missing your calling.

  • Me not sure
  • PixieThis

    “What’s that terrible smell???”

    “Oh, that’s just jill stein talking again”

  • Andrew Sayre

    Odd that Stein is out of her bunker right now. Usually she doesn’t start begging for attention until a year before she runs for President again. Until then she is completely absent from politics.
    Must mean she’s aiming to ratfuck Warren in MA next year.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Ironic, you would think that the Green Party would have an organic, grass roots presence. More of a brownfield during off year elections.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        She’s less of the “green” that grows, and more the kind that’s consumed by people who then spout a bunch of deep-sounding bullshit, followed by boring whining and then sleep.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      or she burned through all that recount cash faster than she expected

      • SisterArtemis

        lolz… read that as “burped through” the first time around

    • Eileen Besse

      “We’ll see about that.”

  • Panika MCD

    there’s a pot hearing going on in the Pink Dome right now. this dude just quoted One Corinthians in favor of the bill.

    • Jonny On Maui

      I’m ignorant, “Pink Dome”?

      And are the pots in question mineral or vegetable?

      • Panika MCD

        TX Capitol is made out of pink granite.

        herb.

        • commatoes

          How very butch.

          • Panika MCD

            they had to make 40 miles of track to get it there.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Thanks! How did the pot talks go?

          • Panika MCD

            it’s the same decriminalization bill we’ve been talking about for decades. it’s not on the call. it was just one of those things they did to piss off Abbott because he has said he will veto any pot bill that crosses his desk. one of the Republicans seems to think that pot use and crime has gone up in Colorado.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Thanks! I’m betting that only one of those is true and I’m also betting it’s not the crime one.

          • Panika MCD

            neither one is true.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Texas Capitol building. Here in Georgia, we have the Gold Dome, plated with gold leaf mined from Dahlonega, Georgia.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Thanks!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      It’s spreading…quick, get the CDC on the phone!

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      If we get pot before gambling, I’m gonna be pissed.

      • Panika MCD

        we have gambling.

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          Not really. The lottery don’t count, and the only casino in the state is on some Native American reservation out near Big Bend. I’ve got to go all the way to OK or LA.

          • Panika MCD

            hey, there’s also the Racing Commission and bingo.

            there’s been talk about putting casinos on the barrier islands.

          • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

            There’s actually a ship in Aransas Pass that takes you into international waters, but it’s nasty.

          • Panika MCD

            there’s a few of those. I heard sometimes people don’t come back. it’d be much safer if they were dumped into Galveston Bay.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        I’ll bet you won’t.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    If we give her money, will she go away?

    • BadKitty904

      Ask Putin.

      • jesterpunk

        Didnt she claim that she was just sitting at the table with Putin but the entire dinner no one talked to anyone, they where just all sitting there smiling but ignoring each other?

        • BadKitty904

          Versus stating “Yes, I took a bribe from an enemy state to covertly disrupt the American election and to betray and destroy my homeland.”

    • Belasaurius

      we tried that, remember the “recount” fund

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      No, that just encourages dependency

      • BadKitty904

        “Bootstraps,” man…

    • harryeagar

      She’s already away for about 99% of the electorate. If it weren’t for Evan, we’d all e asking, ‘Jill Stein, isn’t she dead?’

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I saw her twice during the 2016 campaign. Once was when she tried to crash the Southern Democratic Women’s convention in October, 2015. Rachel Maddow interviewed Hillary, Martin and Bernie in succession. CNN was set up outside the arena conducting interviews also too.
        The next time was when Dr. Cornel West introduced her to the student body at Georgia State University. I stayed for Dr. West and had my picture taken with him. He knew me from other meetings. I left when he did and when Dr. Stein started talking. It was better talking to students lingering outside, ones that I knew from the Bernie campaign. I blame this visit in the spring of 2016 for the young Bernie supporters here expressing their disappointment with support for Stein.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      It didn’t work last time.

  • Just like to say that Jesus or Superman or Cthulhu could show up any time now and save/eat us. Any time, guys.

  • BadKitty904
  • Scooby

    When Trump or Tillerson short Samsung we will know we are screwed.

  • Anna Rompage

    Jill Stein, she is a dick joke….

  • Lisa Churinskas-Hulit

    Trying to think of something pithy to say or call her, but the best and most fitting one I could come up with is “IDIOT”! Nothing beats the classics.

  • richcreamerybutter

    Jill and Donald would have a 93% match on the Hater app

  • TheGrandWazoo2
  • OrdinaryJoe

    Flood the fucking White House switchboard? LOL. How do you think this call goes? “Hi, I’m a Jill Stein supporter and I think”….click…..”hello, are you there, hello…”

    • Me not sure

      More like “Thanks for your service. …click.”

    • mardam422

      I’m a Jill Stein supporter and I think…
      Objection Your Honor. Facts not in evidence.

  • proudgrampa

    That cunt.

    • BadKitty904

      Walnutz? Is that you?

      • proudgrampa

        Get off my lawn!

  • harryeagar

    I sort of doubt that a Twitter plea from Stein can generate much of a flood. Maybe more like the piss stream from an old guy with a big prostate.

    • Courser_Resistance

      It’s dribbles then. No stream.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I resemble that remark.

    • The Wanderer

      More like “Who the fuck is that?”

  • Bitter Scribe

    There’s no fool like an educated fool.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Remind me again why Jill Stein is a thing? Oh, yeah, that Me-First Vanity Candidacy of hers in 2016.

  • goonemeritus

    Doesn’t she get any points for hutzpah?

  • Hanaka

    Shutting the fuck up must be really hard work for her as she can’t seem to manage to get the job done.

    • Roadstergal

      Yammering is her only marketable skill anymore.

  • Belasaurius

    Fuckin Steinbots are showing up

  • Seamus Romney
    • DainBramage

      All hail Bronn the Bowman!

    • The Wanderer

      As usual, Bronn says what everyone else is thinking.

      • DainBramage

        Bronn and Tyrion was more fun than Bronn and Jaime.

        • The Wanderer

          Their reunion will be bittersweet.

    • OrG in Amsterdam

      There is. Rules forbid saying what it is
      .

  • The Wanderer

    I said this earlier, so here goes again:

    Dear “Doctor” Stein:
    Fuck off. Fuck off, and keep fucking off until your hair regains its original color, then fuck off until it becomes gray again.
    May Cthulhu grant you a swift death in this season of fire,
    The Wanderer.

    PS: Fuck off.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Wonder what the Russian state police say to parents there who protest against vaccinating their kids before they send them into the Russian school system?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      ‘вы арестованы!’

  • Panika MCD

    1) Jill Stein doesn’t live in a hut underground. she lives in a deer blind she’s been occupying in a live testing range since December 21st.

    2) Jill Stein doesn’t tweeter with a wand. she telegraphs her 140 character missives by placing crystals on certain parts of her body to amplify her aura. wouldn’t want to get near any wi-fis!

    3) I thought “peace offensive” was what Alex Jones did with his FREE SPEECHES!

  • goonemeritus

    In truth I don’t blame Jill for being awful, I’m sure she was born that way. It’s her followers that still smugly refuse to scrape her bumper stickers off their Subaru’s that are giving my middle finger tendonitis.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      SUBARU LIBELZ!11!1

      • goonemeritus

        Are you sure you didn’t actually vote Stein, statistics don’t lie.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          I live in California and I drive a Subaru. I cast all my ballots for HRC.

          • goonemeritus

            It must be one of those fancy high end Subaru’s not a proper proletariat model.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            Got me there. I guess front seat warmers are not proletarian.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Subaru hasn’t made a proletarian model since they discontinued the DL.

        • The Wanderer

          I drive a Chevrolet. I voted for Clinton.

          • therblig

            i drive a vw, but hitler wasn’t on the ballot, so i voted for clinton, because they’re all the same, right?

        • Sedagive ’em Hell

          Hey buddy: this vegetarian, Subaru-driving cat-rescuer is a moderate/centrist/”just vote for a goddamn Democrat for ever-lovin’ Christ” liberal who not only voted for Hillary, I volunteered for her campaign.

          We’re not all nutcases you know.

          • goonemeritus

            Well good for you for fighting the pressure of your owners group.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        SUBARU LESBIAN LIBELZ!11!1

        /FTFY

        • aureolaborealis

          Today we are all lesbian Subaru owners.

          (We used to own three. I gave one to an actual real-life lesbian who totaled it. Now we have two.)

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Once upon a time, I saw a Ford Taurus on the highway with a Nader sticker, so I sped up to see who was driving. It was Ralph Nader.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        unsafe at any speed…

      • SisterArtemis

        well, ok, he gets a pass

  • Scooby

    I chip in to send her on a vacation to Seoul.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      …or Pyongyang.

    • Mavenmaven

      I would happily go to Seoul, one of the coolest places on the planet.

      • Scooby

        Not if Trump attacks NK.

      • yyyaz

        Take me with you. Li’l Kim can’t take out more than maybe 0.5% of the place. And if he does, they’ll need some help to clean up the mess.

  • La forza del resistino

    NK shouldn’t fear an invasion. It is a place so dreary that even Dennis Rodman no longer goes there but now prefers France’s Côte d’Azur.

  • Beowoof14

    A term I learnt on Wonkette comes to mind, Cunt Punt. Jill could surely use a therapeutic application of this particular action.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Don’t wear your good shoes…

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Grokenstein

      …And Brad Fowler’s “Want me to vote Democrat ever again? Make Hillary step down and give the nom to Bernie!” ultimatum is the first comment that loads on that page. Moron. I’m sure he’s delighted with himself even now.

  • jesterpunk

    I wonder if Jill is trying to distract from the Russia probe?

    http://thehill.com/policy/national-security/343292-jill-stein-looped-into-widening-investigation-of-russia-and-trump-jr

    Stein’s name was included in a Senate Judiciary Committee letter requesting all communication between President Trump’s son Donald Trump Jr. and a number of others, including Russian officials and other members of Trump’s presidential campaign.

  • Mavenmaven

    Don’t blame her, she’s just doing what Putin pays her to do.

    • BadKitty904

      So, she’s now a Republican?

      • OutOfOrbit

        the new Pootine Party AKA PeePee

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Hey, all those silver-grey shawls don’t pay for themselves.

    • clubseal

      Nobody should like Jill Stein, but for Christ’s sake not everybody who has a different opinion is a paid Russian mole, McCarthy.

      • Roadstergal

        I mean, it’s not like we have video diaries from Red Square or pics of her attending a Putin Gala.

        • clubseal

          I guess I’m a little salty, having been accused of being a Russian troll on this very site for sometimes having a different opinion.

          For the record, I did buy a Russian language book about 10 years ago because I love learning new languages, but it smelled like its owner smoked 40 packs a day in a cat infested house, so I couldn’t stand to be around it for long.

          • CaliCheeseSucks

            I understand being sensitive about Mensch-like accusations but this is a legit one.

          • aureolaborealis

            That sounds like something a Russian troll would say …

      • jesterpunk

        Not everyone is being investigated for being a paid Russian mole, Jill Stein however is being investigated along with Trump’s kids and staff for being a paid Russian mole.

        • clubseal

          Fine. But sticking with my American tradition, I consider people innocent until proven guilty, generally.

          • amrak63

            As long as we don’t work for law enforcement agencies or the judicial system, are we obligated to observe that rule?

          • clubseal

            You’re not obligated to do anything, I suspect. But there’s value in wondering whether you, if accused of a crime, would want the benefit of a trial before being punished.

      • CaliCheeseSucks
      • Mavenmaven

        You haven’t seen the famous picture of her having a meal with Putin?

      • Mavenmaven
  • Villago Delenda Est

    I’ll just comment that Evan closed this article with a terrific sentence that captures, gloriously, what Jill Stein should do.

    • Indiepalin

      Rescue some more cats?

      • BadKitty904

        HEY!!!

      • Marion in Savannah

        Rescuing cats is a GOOD thing. Jill Stein is NOT a good thing. I hope that clarifies it.

    • Boohunney

      Yes, I put it my ever growing “Insult” word file.

  • Roadstergal

    How do I get to the parallel universe where the popular vote winner is president? Do I have to buy a ticket?

    • RMKH

      Just click the heels of your ruby slippers together three times and say “There’s no place like Europe, there’s no place like Europe…”

    • amrak63

      Speaking of parallel universes:

      http://i.imgur.com/xU6qvC3.jpg

    • La forza del resistino

      Fun Constitutional Fact: with populations gravitating to urban areas, 70% of peeps will soon be represented by 30 senators and 30% of peeps get 70 senators.

      • Roadstergal

        Fuck.

        • Serai 1

          Yes. That’s why that bullshit has to be thrown out. It’s the majority being held ransom by the minority.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Don’t remember where on MSNBC I saw it, but the under-600K folks in Montana have the same Senatorial representation as the 35+million folks in California. Grrrrrrrrrrrr

        • La forza del resistino

          that’s where I got those #’s too. Grrrr

      • armed_bears

        Interesting and believable… can you point me to a source?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      A plane ticket, yes, to any other democratic country.

  • OutOfOrbit

    1-way ticke Soel, free lift to DMZ, punt the cunt into NK, problem solved

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Jill Stein belongs to a very large group of people: the group whom I hope, when their time comes to shuffle off this mortal coil, leaves obituary writers around the world scratching their heads and saying, “Who?” It is an illustrious group –
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    Just kidding, it’s $arah Palin and her entire family, everyone named Trump, everyone named Ted Cruz, Joe Walsh, the Duggar clan, the Duck Fuckers, and everyone who’s ever been on Faux including all their guests, hosts, and management.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    I don’t feel like scrolling all the way down, so for the benefit of late-arriving Jill fans, allow me to express what I feel is the reason why we find Ms. Stein so objectionable.

    It’s because we are all of the left, and ostensibly share the same goals. You do not share our belief that the Democratic party is the best, and really only, realistic vehicle for much-needed societal change, and that’s fine. Where the anger comes from, tho, is that the Green party, and Ms. Stein, never seems to take any steps to make their party an actual constructive force that could be a real ally in the fight against the right.

    Instead, the Greens only seem to appear in presidential cycles, and when they (predictably) make no headway, they declare a pox on both houses as equally evil and encourage their followers to either vote for the Greens despite no prospect of any success or just sit at home, instead of joining the rest of the left in trying to hold back the Republicans. And then smugly inform us that it is *we* who are the problem, for not flocking en masse to them, instead of holding their noses and doing what they could to slow a possible catastrophe.

    So, no. We’re not terribly fond of people who, when the vote goes against them, betray their ideological allies and the ideas they supposedly believe in out of spite. Or we just like punching hippies, IDK.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Nobody’s really defending her. The alt-trolls are busy with North Korea and ripping the throat out of McConnell and she basically has no supporters.

      Maybe when the other stuff dies down.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Not to mention that Stein, much like Ron Paul, Lyndon LaRouche and the other fringy candidates in history, use the party more as personal vanity projects rather than…y’know, political parties.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Dennis Kucinich LIBELZ!

        • OrdinaryJoe

          I once met HER in person and after that I was willing to tolerate him.

          https://joelrgluck.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/elizabeth-kucinich.jpg

          • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

            Holy shit I completely forgot about his smoking hot wife. How did that… what does he… how big is the…

            *Robotnik.exe has encountered a fatal error*

          • yyyaz

            Big man, big hammer. Little man, all hammer.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            ROFL

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I’m guessing he got one of his UFO buddies to kidnap her for him

          • Naytch

            And an amazing accent iirc…

          • Red Bird

            It’s his brain. She likes his brain.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            She’s stunning. I thought it was interesting that we stopped getting one-handed hagiographic profiles of her once her husband stepped away from attacking Democrats.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            She has become a legitimate political force of her own. Interesting person.

        • King Beauregard

          I have my problems with Kucinich*, but I am going to give him this: when he ran for president, he said he was doing so just to keep the primaries discussing uncomfortable issues, and after he’d done that he went away. He didn’t drag the primary into unnecessary infighting.

          Also, I’ve met Kucinich and his wife shopping at the West Side Market (Cleveland folks know what I’m talking about). Dude rocks a denim jacket with a southwestern-looking phoenix bird motif on the back.

          *: He voted AGAINST the House version of the ACA, the one with a public option. Because even that wasn’t good enough for him! Fortunately Obama and Mrs. Kucinich staged an intervention and got him to vote for the Senate version.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            I lived on the East Side when I was there, but Ohio City is for everyone. Also, give him credit for not selling out Cleveland Muni way back when.

          • King Beauregard

            Indeed, there’s a lot I can credit him for. I don’t despise him like I do Jill Stein, because while I have my problems with him, I also respect him for a lot of things.

            I watched enough “Superhost” to know my 1970s Cleveland civics.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Superhost. Stooges and Mothra.

          • King Beauregard

            Superhost was where I first saw “Prince of Space” when I was maybe nine, and I thought it was a damn fine film. Then MST3K covered it years later, and that made my adult self happy.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Do you ever watch Svengoolie on Me TV? Keeping the chiller theater alive in the 21st century.

          • King Beauregard

            Every so often, but I tend to have too much other stuff going on Saturdays. That said, MeTV brings me much delight and I’m watching “Hogan’s Heroes” right now. Remember when it went without saying that Nazis were the bad guys?

          • BreakingDeadMen

            I do indeed. I think I first watched that on WUAB as well.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Yeah, Kucinich occasionally did stuff, unlike Stein. And he knew when to back off, unlike BS.

        • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

          My defining impression of him is his wanting to impeach Obama for taking military action and not any other president while Kucinich was in Congress, for “reasons”.

      • OrG in Amsterdam

        Say… you know who else used a political party as a personal vanity project?

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Colonel Green?

          • amrak63

            Governor Kodos?

            Khan Noonian Singh?

            Lee Kwan?

          • CindyinEncinitas

            KHAAAAN!

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            Colonel Mustard? Colonel Sanders?

          • BreakingDeadMen

            So, so close

        • Three Finger Salute

          Hitler?

        • pstockholm

          Stannis?

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Evita?

        • King Beauregard

          My mooooom!

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Sorry Steiniacs. It IS a binary system. You work with that or STFU.

    • Pisto75666
    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Nothing would prevent them from working to attain local office, and endorsing the preferable presidential candidate who is an actual contender (with whatever caveats they please).

      • Amy!

        Well, slightly pedantic correction. In many states, the laws which surround qualification for putting a party on the local ballots are tied to the percentage of the vote for statewide or national office in the last general election. In NC, where I live, the local Green Party (full disclosure: I was involved, while voting solidly dem, and severed all ties only in 2016 when they nominated that nut case and I couldn’t believe the nonsense she was spewing) can’t get on the ballot, because the requirements are so high. Except that the Republican-controlled legislature, seeing that the Libertarians can buy their way onto the ticket from the right, are considering making it easier, so that the state Green Party can get on the ticket and split the left.

        *sigh*

        But the point is: when you can’t get on the ballot unless you can poll high for higher office, the principle of building parties from the grassroots is effectively subverted. This is why NC passed the laws that currently govern ballot access in the eighties (then, they feared the Socialist Party, but it was a different era).

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          All fair points, but that sounds a lot like a constitutional issue for the courts, not for Quixotic tilts at the presidential windmill.

          • Amy!

            Entirely agreed.

            In the current state of play, I don’t think that any “third party” can actually break into American politics nationwide. That means organizing, if you’re going to organize a movement, as part of one of the two existing parties. That doesn’t get any closer to changing the system to get more parties and more participation (which aren’t priorities for everyone, but which I think are worthwhile goals of themselves), but perhaps that could be part of the movement’s platform?

            I’d really like to see enough diversity in the ballot that we get over 75% participation. It’s not impossible, based on other developed countries, but it doesn’t happen here.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            My issue is why would the Green Party be better? Maybe a Naderite Green Party, we knew what he stood for and he had accomplishments working within the system to point to. But Stein?
            Who is this young Vic Tanny bitch
            Who wish to be queen for a day?
            Who would sacrifice the great grandsons and daughters of her jealous mother
            By sucking their brain until their ability to think was amputated
            By pimping their instincts
            Until they were fat, horny and strung-out
            In a neurotic attempt to be queen of the universe
            Who is this bitch?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Except that they would never sully their precious essence by supporting someone they don’t consider sufficiently pure.

    • TJ Barke

      Take your reasonable assessment back to wallstreetville, shill!

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      Punching hippies FTW!!!!!

  • DainBramage

    Now that we’ve heard about North Korea from Stein, how about a word from Gary “Can’t Find It On the Map” Johnson?

  • Christopher Boscarino

    Stein is playing the old game of taking credit for preventing/causing something she knows is inevitable. She knows we won’t go to war with North Korea, but now she can credit herself for the “movement” that prevented it by all those phone calls. Whatever, Jill Stein. Don’t you have some Doctoring to do or something?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Getting kids sick…

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Hey, Eric Bolling is exploring a new revenue stream.

    Not suing HuffPo, just the reporter.

    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/895390310448205826

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      $50 million? Bolling sure has an inflated opinion of himself.

    • weejee

      Doubt he was able to use an optical microscope for those selfies. Prolly, used an SEM to image something that small.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      As a HuffPo reporter, will he be able to pay his lawyer in exposure?

    • TJ Barke

      Fuck yourself, Bolling, not even Fox would stand by you.

  • Michael R
    • Beanz&Berryz

      except for some starry dipshits

    • DesertedPictures

      Well… she would have been better than Trump…

      (Now excuse me while I go and throw up a little. Still mean it though…)

      • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

        That’s . . . neither certain or a question I’m sure I want to explore . . .

        • amrak63

          No, she would have been measurably less execrable than Covfefe.

          • Pisto75666

            Is there a particular reason as to why we’re asking Jill Stein her opinion, well about ANYTHING really?

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Same reason, I guess, why Tim Russert thought it would be a good idea to ask a self-promoting gold-plated asshole NY real-estate developer his thoughts on North Korea in 1999.

          • Crystalclear12

            And look how that ended.

          • Pisto75666

            Point taken.

        • DesertedPictures

          She would have been a terrible president, obviously. But think of the ammount of times we say ‘even if he knew nothing about the presidency before, he should have picked up this basic fact about foreign policy/ (for example) by now, simply by osmosis.’
          I think she would be able to make that very low bar.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I agree; while I find nearly everything about her objectionable for reasons, shut up is why, I do think every candidate who was in this endless race with the possible exception of Ben Carson would have been able to clear that bar. It’s amazing to me that the trumpanzees chose the ONLY candidate out of what, a total of 22-23, who actually can’t?!

          • Carpe Vagenda

            which just means that her continued invincible ignorance is chosen. Not good.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            She’s as good at cognitive dissonance as any Trumpanzee.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            And yet she has not.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        No, she really wouldn’t.

        Probably a wash, though.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        That’s a low bar. A kitchen appliance would have made a better President

      • Three Finger Salute

        BERNIE TOTALLY COULD HAVE WON!!!!!!!!!!1111eleventy9/11!!!!

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    Jill Stein’s dick is not the dick I like.

    • BadKitty904

      Homo pro-tip: There’s a distinct diff between having a dick and being a dick.

      • La forza del resistino

        The hobbies of Anthony Weiner or Eric Bolling ring a bell?

        • BadKitty904

          No. And I wouldn’t admit it – this close to supper-time – if they did.

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            Supper-time? It’s only 3:00, I haven’t had breakfast yet.

          • BadKitty904

            Here on planet Earth, it’s nigh onto supper-time.

      • The Wanderer

        Indeed!

      • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
        • BadKitty904

          Just reminding Evan of the Homintern’s directives in this matter…

          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6285b6cb6217ebd69ba26544c9d8e5558fc329ec91354796ca416008281d2750.gif

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            Umm . . . I think I’ll be in the bunk the rest of the day . . .

            I’ll have the watch that someday, even though it’s *gak* hetero.

          • BadKitty904

            It’s a standard teencom, but there’s some GENUINELY funny writing in it. Plus the boys are phenomenal, eye-candy-wise.

          • BadKitty904

            But there’s…STILES, my spirit TV-character!

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            That isn’t that movie, The First Time?
            Been watching TW, I’m halfway through season 3. I’m starting to worry about the warnings I get from my ISP though (though I’ve never gotten one for downloading TW).

          • BadKitty904

            I think it’s from TW, but it’s so distracting, who knows.

            One of my proudest moments was when a friend said I look and act like Stiles (I don’t look like him, unfortunately, but I do act like him). It was an exciting change from the way my husband usually describes my appearance (“like a homicidal muppet“).

  • YetAnotherRebecca

    Here friends, have a really excellent song about living in a post-apocalyptic world. For *some strange reason* I’ve really had a hankering for it today

    https://youtu.be/xSDNKCadUcg

    • RMKH

      https://youtu.be/9s_oAV9LtJE

      Or this one for us Oldz

      • susan_g

        I would choose “Lather” from that album for a Jill song.

        • RMKH

          Fair enough but I was responding to the post-apocalypse theme.

          But I have seen her thrashing the air with her hands.

      • eka

        but can anything really beat talking world war iii blues?

  • Serai 1
  • pgjack

    Stein knows she is to a large degree responsible for Trump being in office and her rants against Hillary are her attempt to try and cover her ass which at this point is a lot like her face.

    • Gary Charound

      Her rants against Hillary are from October.

  • cmd resistor

    Grossout. Trump just posted this video thingy Tweet which apparently is to the tune of Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA. (I only know this from the caption as I refuse to listen to it). It consists of various photos, at least 99% of them containing Trump, most featuring him prominently. I think I saw one of the White House where I didn’t see his face.

    • jesterpunk

      Is his staff twitting him his twice daily propaganda briefing now?

    • Raan

      Failure to pledge allegiance to Dear Leader? Directly to gulag.

    • clubseal

      I thought I had a pact with Jesus demanding that anything with that song would be stricken from the Earth by a lightning bolt. Guess I’ll have to have my lawyer call his lawyer.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Burn it with fyre!

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Thanks for the warning. I wait for someone else to tell me of such things. It’s like secondhand smoke, still hazardous but with perhaps a later incubation period.

  • Marion in Savannah

    OT, but Robert Bateman, a 25-year Army vet who sometimes writes for Charlie Pierce’s blog, has something to say about Trump/Korea. I don’t think I’m reassured…

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a56921/mattis-north-korea/

    • yyyaz

      Good read. I especially like the logic of using Mattis’ and McMaster’s tenures as a barometer.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Yeah, but those two and Kelly seem to be the only “grown ups” in the WH. Where will they ever find replacements? I mean credible replacements.

  • susan_g

    To be fair, it’s hard for Jill to utter complete sentences while those visions of shirtless Putin run up and down inside her brain. Same sort of thing that occurs when Peggy Noonan tries to drunk-type her column while looking at that Reagan poster on the wall.

    • Marion in Savannah

      And the ultimate result is about the same — a godawful train wreck.

  • Raan

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/96643f73306ecaee27bd3f670334e85bd0fcb6b24267da288d6b64335369c90f.jpg

    Also, Bam Margara called in to the local oldies station to request Prince this afternoon.

    That is a real thing that happened.

    • TJ Barke

      Fake news! Pearl hates ingesting stuff.

  • The Wanderer

    Well, Wonkers, I’m going to stroll away from this thread. It’s time for dinner, and I’m cooking marinated and breaded chicken breasteses, with veggies (peas and carrots) and garlic mashed potatoes.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Did you send out some sort of memo earlier? I’m doing breaded chicken breasteses too, but with some teriyaki rice and haricots verts.

      • The Wanderer

        I don’t recall sending a memo. I marinated the chicken in Italian dressing, then breaded them with seasoned bread crumbs.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I’m making pork chops with rice and homegrown tomatoes on the side. Of course, it’s just me, so I could eat cereal out of the box with my bare hands and call it a “balanced” meal. Enjoy!

    • BadKitty904
    • Lance Thrustwell

      whip it all up in a blender!

      • The Wanderer

        I could chop it all up, make a thick gravy to go with, and make a type of shepherd’s pie.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Real shepherd or GTFO.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Whip it good!

    • Persistent Demme

      I made a “zoodle” (summer squash ribbons) salad for lunch, with my new Spiralizer, which Mr. Demme, (the guy who calls late night oboe playing “free lancing”) thinks is very funny.
      I like it more than I thought I would!
      (Certainly more than Mr. Demme.)

      • The Wanderer

        Sounds tasty!

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      A small serving of mac and cheese (with bacon!) and a couple of pizza buns. Livin’ the high life, me.

  • Persistent Demme

    STFU, Jill.
    (You’ve done enough damage.)
    There’s a special place in hell for you.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Jill Stein is offensive.

    • BadKitty904

      She is a stench in the nation’s nostrils.

      And no, she and Lil’ Kim will NOT distract us from Donnie-and-the-GOP’s treason with Russia.

      • jesterpunk

        She wont even distract from her own treason with Russia.

        • BadKitty904

          Too. Also.

  • Flash Cloud

    Yeah, Jill! Only two people are allowed to run for office at once!

    • jesterpunk

      The new rule is only 1 batshit crazy person at a time and Trump filled that role first. Maybe Jill should start with a lower position instead of showing up every 4 years to run for president.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        But she’s smart like Trump. She’s a doctor.

        • jesterpunk

          Ben Carson is a doctor too. If I have a brain tumor I will go to Ben, if I need healing crystals I will go to Jill Stein. If I need anything else I will go to someone who understands that thing.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Actually, if you have a brain tumor you should hie yourself to a dude named Takanori Fukushima in Raleigh, NC. (See, there IS a good thing in NC…) Dude is amazing.

          • jesterpunk

            NC has research triangle and all the companies there so there is another good thing in the state. Thanks I will keep that guy in mind if I do need it.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            And is far less likely to fall asleep during the procedure.

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            Or leave religious tracts in your skull.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            ‘I’m cured! But why do I have the urge to visit Egypt with a basket of wheat?’

        • clubseal

          A title which means significantly less after that one guy was doing castrations in his trailer. In the nude.

        • Bobathonic

          Listen to noted bigot Seb Gorka and try to retain any respect for the title.

      • BosGrl

        Instead of primaries, how about a runoff? Everyone votes on the same day, for any candidate running, and then the top 2 go again in November. The Rs might never win the White House again!

        • jesterpunk

          Why not just 1 election, if no one gets over 50% then the top 2 go to the runoff?

          • BosGrl

            Even better. The way we do it now is not working.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Did Jill have any realistic prospect of winning? No? And would her involvement potentially damage the ideology she supposedly espouses? Yes?

      Then she shouldn’t run. This isn’t hard.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        but then she’d have to get a real job

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        But against that: did running make people pay attention to her? Yes? Then she SHOULD run.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
      • jesterpunk

        Did he save us yet?

        • Sakonyachen

          Certainly doesn’t feel like it.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I missed the part where anyone here said that

      Also too, funny how WMW goes away and you show up, right on cue…

      • Panika MCD

        it’s sad, really. they seem like soul mates. if they met, they could lay around in bed all day talking about how great everything would be if there were no vaccines or wifi.

    • Panika MCD
  • RobKanC
    • DesertedPictures

      And Benghazi!

  • DesertedPictures

    So Jill Stein finds the time to hypocritically criticize Trump’s North-Korea war-mongering, but still refrains from commenting on the real issues that divide her base: what does she think about Vegan Butthole at dinner?

  • Lance Thrustwell

    If I might say something quasi-heretical, Stein is not necessarily wrong that flooding the WH phone line could possibly have some effect on popularity-obsessed DJT {ducks}.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      I’m wondering if she somehow routed it through a pay toll.

    • DesertedPictures

      Unless it’s on Fox-News, Trump will never learn off phone calls made to his own house.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        It will appear as a footnote in his afternoon good news bedtime story as “millions flood the WH call center to express support”

        • yyyaz

          Same as Li’l Kim’s beddie-bye stories. Hmmmm.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      True, though there are myriad, indivisible, resistance, and other anti-Trump groups that have been saying that for months now. She’s just the one who managed to join the parade only ten minutes ago, only to jump out front and pretend like she’s been leading it the whole time.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Fair enough.

    • Perkniticky

      I thought the place was being redecorated… so probably no one’s there to answer the phones anyway. (I know that’s not how it works, but Trump, so that probably is how it works.)

      • BosGrl

        “Hi. No, sorry, he’s not in. This is Dan. Yeah, I’m painting the Oval. Can I take a message?”

        • Rags

          “hello, this ees Boris. Am redecorating the Oval. Da, that’s it, redecorating. Can I take message?”

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      It’s not that. It’s that she was feeding the Hillary Warmonger meme, which was bullshit.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Well yeah, I’m not questioning that.

  • Thiazin Red

    I have the biggest craving for smores. I can’t imagine toasting marshmallows over a gas stove would taste very good. I also don’t like marshmallows or Hershey chocolate in any other context so it would be a waste to buy them just to make one smore. Still, that does sound really good right now.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Just find someplace that delivers.

      • Thiazin Red

        I’ll check seamless web, maybe someplace that delivers to me has some.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Do you have neighbors with kids? Make friends – buy the stuff and have them over, or, better yet, find a dad who still has a real charcoal grill. I buy whole watermelons and give away halves because it’s just me, but I can’t abide paying more for a half than I would for a whole one. (And yes, I know there’s something weird about that sentence.)

      • Thiazin Red

        Don’t care for kids. Has to be a wood fire.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          In the park next to my place, there are grills near the pavilions. You can burn what you will and clean up after yourself.

      • BosGrl

        That’s not weird. I do the same thing – if there’s a 2 for 1 sale and I don’t want 2, I bring the extra one to my mom.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I buy slices and they are reasonable, like a package of 5 is $1. I hate to waste.

    • jesterpunk

      Can you have a fire pit and do you have a patio? Set up fire pit at night, make s’mores at night and relax after work.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      A peanut butter cup substitute?

      TJs has those nice dark chocolate ones… And you don’t have to eat just one

    • BosGrl

      When I had a Brownie troop, we had a “teeny” party for dolls. We made s’mores with Golden Grahams, chocolate bits, and mini marshmallows and we cooked the little marshmallows with a toothpick over sterno.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e04ba529ab8d147b0ea9cf3982b714b8b8a4047b6d4ac26b8ffd29c7df3f52e5.jpg

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        That looks like fun!

        • BosGrl

          They had a blast. Of course, that was back in the days when I was a good mom.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            You are a good mom, just going through a trial.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh god. There’s just no excuse at all for it, but my local delivery service has a package of bakery graham crackers with somebody’s home made marshmallows and german chocolate and oh. my. god.

    • Bobathonic

      Not bad that way, but the ambience is for suck.

  • BosGrl

    Every Friday evening, I drive through the town where Jill Stein lives. If I see her, anybody want me to give her a message?

    • OutOfOrbit

      she would make a good bumper sticker

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Um, yes, but I’d like not to be banhammered, so use your imagination. Thank you for your service, and I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Please give her a hocked measure of my esteem.

    • DesertedPictures

      You where such a great doctor: focus on your medical career again and forget about politics.

      Also: say hi to Putin for me…

    • HazooToo

      Tell her to go fuck herself.

    • jesterpunk

      Tell her your car has wifi.

      • BosGrl

        winner winner chicken dinner

    • Paperless Tiger

      Just make up something really snide and tell her I said it.

    • TJ Barke

      Flip her off as hard as you can.

    • Panika MCD

      you could just go ahead and NOT run her over.

      • marxalot

        But, like, at a particularly meaningful or symbolic moment.

        • Panika MCD

          maybe if you do it with votes.

          • BosGrl

            Well, yeah.

    • Edith Prickly

      Farting in her general direction will suffice.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Well, it is true that her mother was a hamster. Also too her father smelled of elderberries.

      • amrak63

        Because her mother was a hamster and her father smelt of elderberries.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          GMTA.

  • mrFawkes
    • armed_bears

      they seem nice…

      • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

        They are nice. The one on the right might be doable, too.

        • Red Bird

          The right of what?

        • Shit, with that picture, they are All Doable.

          C’mon, fuckers, bring it on in here, I love you and you and you and…

    • Perkniticky

      I was planning to knit us all matching hats for Christmas – this is better.

  • Red Bird

    Who???

    • jesterpunk

      Jake Stern.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Wal-Mart may want to rethink some of their “Back To School” marketing strategery.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/13bf9ee0a07736004e4cbab0a1adda061eca745bc8f67590906efcd3e5cb0fbd.jpg

    • Marion in Savannah

      Dear, sweet babby Jesus…

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      About 10 years ago I saw a “Back to School” display of bibles in a Borders and considered complaining.

      • BosGrl

        At least, though, some kids go to religious schools. I don’t think too many of them are going to Fudd Elementary.

      • What, did they come out with the new edition?

        I was shipping Grizeldatoth and Noah. Grizoah!

    • jesterpunk

      Fuck you very much NRA.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      This is wrong on levels that haven’t been invented yet.

      • mardam422

        In dimensions we can only see in mathematical equations.

        • brucej

          Fractally wrong. Wrong at every level of magnification.

    • DesertedPictures

      It still weirds me out that guns and school-supplies are sold in one and the same shop. Seems wrong somehow. But then again…. freedom!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Guns are school supplies. Because MERIKA!

    • DainBramage

      Reason 5,856,915,315,561 to not shop at Wal-Mart.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        My BF lives in the burbs and even though there is a Kroger’s and a Publix nearby, he goes to Wal-Mart. When I spend the weekend, I may buy $20 worth of groceries and I always feel bad. Because they treat their employees so badly.
        I will say that if a gun display was the first thing I saw, I’d walk back out.

    • TJ Barke
    • The Wanderer

      Let me guess – is this the Wal-Mart near Columbine?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        It’s supposedly one in Sacramento, California.

    • gallbladder

      Jesus fuck.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      This is not a bad idea.
      This is what happens when bad ideas get together and have children.
      And those children have bad ideas.

      • OutOfOrbit

        the WALTONS!

        • Three Finger Salute

          If they redid that show as a Walmart-sponsored action movie, you’d have the killer going, “Say good night, John-Boy.” [pow]

        • Hey, c’mon, the Waltons was sappy, and boring, and sicky-sweet, and on TV until the mole on John-boy’s haid went cancerriffic and they had to amputate, and really fucking boring, but…

          Where was I going with this?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Now you. too, can kill 25 kindergarteners and watch as unhinged conspiracy theorists with White House press credentials pretend that it didn’t happen!

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Back to school .25 special

        • CindyinEncinitas

          When Linda gets a better grade than you on the math test but you want to impress Steven with your math superiority, taking care of the situation is a breeze! And you won’t even miss recess!

          • lilith

            Say what you will about America, but I feel like we’re all getting pretty good at gallows humor right about now. Mostly because there’s no other option.

    • Panika MCD

      looks like riflery guns. they do less damage than a bb gun because they are meant for shooting holes in little paper targets.

      • Gary Charound

        You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.

        • Panika MCD

          that’s why you’re always supposed to keep them pointed down range. you are not allowed to play with guns because you still haven’t figured that out, Gary. I’m not allowed to play with them because I want the kind with tranquilizer darts in them.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Bear tranquilizer?

          • Panika MCD

            I didn’t know they had ones that specified body type, hair quotient, gender and sexual orientation!

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            It’s the 21st century, Panika! Just wait until they can get it down to musical preference and body spray type!

          • Panika MCD

            I know some people have been waiting for the ones which are for shitgibbons who favor orange body spray. I’m not saying I want those ones. people are saying. and I think we all owe it to John Kelly to look into it.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        There were some idiots that tried to rob a drive-thru with a fake AK-45. The workers went for cover, the thieves took what was in the cash drawer but the “gun” got wedged in the window and they left it behind. The cops explained that they treat all weapons as real and that they were still looking for these dummies.

        • Panika MCD

          but riflery guns are not imitation semiautomatics. they’re .22s and air rifles.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Oh, I know but I am just concerned that anyone looking to do a stupid crime would brandish one and wind up getting hurt.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Hard to put in a backpack, though.

        • Panika MCD

          they make special bags for them and most of the time have them in lockers at the rifle range they use.

    • The only way that could be worse is if it was An Hero.

    • kaydenpat

      WTH?!!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Sweet Jebus on a breadstick, what is wrong with them?

    • Rasilom

      Well you have to make sure little Jack and Jill can protect themselves on the way to and from school. I mean just think abouy all the rabid liberal heavily armed psychos of the wrong skin color that they have to fight through just to learn about Jebus riding his velociraptor. Will nobody think of the children!?!?!?

    • SadDemInTex

      That is truly horrible

  • fawkedifiknow

    Ralph Nader Libel!!!

    • Panika MCD

      how exactly does one libel Ralph Nader? he doesn’t really have a reputation that can get any worse so it’s not like he can sue for loss of money or face.

      • Lord Jim

        Good point.

  • azeyote

    just another putin puppet

    • kaydenpat

      Yep. I don’t understand how she has any legitimacy after her hobnobbing with Putin.

  • HogeyeGrex

    Dear Jill,

    I think you know what to do with this.

    https://www.agelong.com/assets/images/Doc19%20(640×455).jpg

    • Lord Jim

      You’ll probably have to explain it to her – she’s pretty thick.

  • Gigglesnort

    The whole “Hillary is the same as Trump only worse” meme she is pushing is fundamentally destructive to American democracy. It normalizes what Trump is and does, which is abnormal on so many levels. It shows Stein either has no judgement at all or is just sowing chaos and doubt, which is something the Russians like to do to their political adversaries. Which is no surprise, because Stein is all Russia’d up, as much as Trump is.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    In news that’s sure to temporarily distract you from the threat of nuclear war, someone has placed a giant, inflatable chicken with Donald Trump’s hair just behind the White House. Well, look,if we built this large wooden badger.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b0eae59362e3458e64b8df848a1cb732bbe38b5be9bc0119ae459aae0628da56.jpg

    https://www.thecut.com/2017/08/white-house-giant-inflatable-chicken-donald-trump-hair.html

    • Wuulf

      The chicken of shame.

    • DainBramage

      The inflatable chicken should have a golf club in one hand and a bucket of KFC in the other.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        mmmmmm, chicken cannibalism.

      • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

        I wonder if his stool has enough grease in it to set it on fire.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I could go the rest of my life without knowing the answer to that

          • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

            But it would be so entertaining if it did.

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            I think the labeling and nutrition laws require Trump to post that info. Sean Hannity should be able to know the calories in his “happy meal.”

      • kaydenpat

        Golf Playing Cannibal Inflatable Chicken.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie
      • gallbladder

        Accurate also to that fucking incessant “OK” sign he gives. Perfect.

        • TJ Barke

          He knows the best egg farmers.

          • Lord Jim

            Just a few blocks up from the milk people.

      • kaydenpat

        Love the hands but they should be much smaller if they’re mocking the real Trump.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie
      • Lance Thrustwell

        I want to write a brief program that generates upfists for that forever.

      • kaydenpat

        LOL!! That’s one cocky chicken.

    • Bobathonic

      https://media3.giphy.com/media/10JyBK5GzdUYyA/giphy.gif

      I have a card model of that rabbit dangling over my head at work. Everyone should.

      http://www.chthulhu.com/models/rabbit.html

  • Perkniticky

    Wait, why would Syria lead to nuclear war? Oh never mind, it’s not worth asking these people.

  • ManchuCandidate

    This moron again? Shouldn’t she stay off the Wifi or at least wear a tinfoil hat?

    • kaydenpat

      She should just sashay away — permanently.

  • Red Bird

    Also too, this is the OT. PANTS!!!! PANTS!!!!! PANTS!!!!!
    Whew, glad I got that off my chest. Now for a glass of rose.

    • OutOfOrbit

      pants off bottoms up

      • Shanzgood

        Someone’s in a frisky mood!

        • OutOfOrbit

          i got my rocks off today & mebbee tomorrow II! : )

          • The Wanderer

            Yay!

          • Shanzgood

            Well goodie for you!

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Should we give him a ribbon?

          • Shanzgood

            Where to tie it, though?

          • OutOfOrbit

            didnut mean that to sound taunting — i did it all by myself

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Ooh, me too! Damned things must have weighed a hundred pounds apiece, but I got them off the truck!

          • OutOfOrbit

            i was certainly breathing hard toward the end, and for awhile afterwards too.

    • Panika MCD

      no pants! no pants! you’re the panties!

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        “There are soldiers all over my house and I’m in my pants.”

        • Panika MCD

          you shouldn’t have pants in here unless you’re wonking at work. speaking of which: I need to go home.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
  • Paperless Tiger

    They told Trump “use détente”, but he thought they said “use the taunt”.

  • JMP

    Since this is your fault you willing tool of fascists dipshit you’ve got no place talking.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy
  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      needs moar ankle biting…

      • TJ Barke

        Then you’ll need a herding dog.

        • mancityRed6

          that’s how I was able to get this girl at 6 months, turned in for biting heels.
          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/49c14acee0b99c5297dff9deeaa4c99dfcb60b57b60cfdd1995b68c73c1b9a80.jpg

          • marxalot

            Just as her Maker made her, mister.

          • kaydenpat

            Does she still bite heels? She’s awfully cute.

          • mancityRed6

            trained her out of it in about a month, maybe? it wasn’t hard.
            she still followed every where anyone would go and would always try to herd you in other ways.

          • marxalot

            My beloved Dummy Dog does that. And runs with her hindquarters to one side, which along with the merle on her undercarriage is the only clue we have to her genetic heritage. She’s a Shelter Special.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            border collies are great for that- “No, go this way!”

          • mancityRed6

            we taught her to “place” (sit on something, the trainer could “place” his dog on a fire hydrant).
            when we were outside, if you got up, she took your chair.
            made it memorable when people came over.

          • kaydenpat

            Good to hear. Lol at her attempts to herd you though.

          • mancityRed6

            it was mostly at the dog park. running in circles, ever expanding circles.

          • TJ Barke

            Gee… A Heeler was biting heels? You don’t say…

          • mancityRed6

            yeah, it was kind of hard to fathom the thinking skills that went into buying her in the first place.

          • TJ Barke

            Sort of like my Wylie. He was born deaf, and his first family gave him up because they thought he was stupid and disobedient.
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/534a2c1c298f3f412d63e695b18adde8d9f863485035d5d1dbade1546de6f479.jpg

          • mancityRed6

            definitely not stupid, but too damn hyper to put her butt on the ground fully when told to sit.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I dunno, Cocker Spaniels are considered hunting dogs and those little bastards will bite ankles like no one’s business – even their owner’s

          • TJ Barke

            Field bred cocker spaniels are hunting dogs. Bench bred cocker spaniels are canine Hapsburgs.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            most of the ones I’ve ever met are just ornery little bastards, lol.

          • TJ Barke

            They are, in general, cantankerous. Springers live to please, cockers are more independent.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Springers are great! Good working dogs and quite friendly

          • TJ Barke

            Excellent family dogs as long as the line doesn’t have rage syndrome.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Mine never did. They were more interested in sticking their heads in my lap.

  • Beautiful Soup
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Same headline but different paper, I think… so it’s doesn’t count as a repeat…

      • Beautiful Soup

        Yay!

    • BosGrl

      Oh Maine, never change.

    • CripesAmighty

      If this means he has a new hobby…

    • The Wanderer

      We’ll drop alt-right fursuiters on Pyongyang.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        I see no downsides to this plan.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      I hope they got Frank Lee’s name right, at least.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      Which one has to poop in place?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      So, a cosplay of Sunday night’s GoT episode?

  • Michael R
    • kaydenpat

      Get her, Kitty!!

  • jaspersdad
  • Panika MCD

    I’m just going to leave this here for you guys to toss at anymore WMWs or Flash Clouds who stop by. going home now so that I can get out of these fucking pants.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZhvn2gZZTM

  • Kakariki
    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      How can that be? He is a lying shit weasel with no deceny and a paycheck from Fox fucking News!

      • Kakariki

        Yeah but:

        “This exceptional group of leaders and practitioners will offer our students diverse and multi-layered insights into a range of issues through their up-to-the-moment experience and demonstrated commitment to public service and civic engagement,” William Delahunt, the institute’s acting director and a former congressman from Massachusetts, said in a statement.

        https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2017/08/09/utah-chaffetz-join-harvard-kennedy-school-fellow-this-fall/W3c8ubO1B413W6f2JUB6yO/story.html

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Hmph. “Commitment to public service” my ass. He quit.

          But OTOH I guess I see what they’re doing and since there actually is no such thing as a non-shit-weasel conservative these days (if there was ever), I just go with: whatever.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Stanford does the same thing: keep a couple of token conservatards on the faculty so as to be “fair and balanced” (and, incidentally, keep donations coming in from conservatard donors.)
        It’s a quota system, which of course is perfectly OK if conservatards are the beneficiaries.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Ucch. More Harvard politicians & celebrity angling. Sometimes they’re really obvious. Most of the students will do a lot of eye-rolling.

    • therblig

      joining as a fellow as in “see that fellow over there? he doesn’t know shit”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Cheese Whiz.
      I mean, I have to know what I’m talking about before I get up in front of a class.

      Or is this one of those things where Jared Kushner’s dad bought him a place at the table?

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      But you wouldn’t be required to take his course though? Although isn’t Malia Obama going to Harvard? Hmmmm.

  • marxalot

    Oh geez, y’all, I started the new all-cardio workout menu on Monday and there is not enough coffee in the world right now. Send help. Send dick jokes. I have to stay awake for another 45 minutes before I can go home.

  • CripesAmighty

    OT–Welp, Der Dumpenfuhrer’s chest thumping really worked: Lil Kim sez, ‘oh, yeah, well, gonna lob some missiles at Guam. Eat that.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Have you ever really looked at your fidget spinner?

    I mean, really *looked* at your fidget spinner?

    That said, the song is horrible, even for him.

    https://twitter.com/oliverdarcy/status/895406208424845313

    • mancityRed6

      must have been one of his “smoke weed to see how strong it is” days.
      but with x

      • kaydenpat

        Don’t even try to blame weed for Jones’ madness. He’s always been like this.

        • mancityRed6

          yeah, but this time all he needs is some glow sticks, a whistle, and a bottle of water and he’d be at a rave.

    • Thiazin Red

      I’m glad I’m too old to not know about stuff like this.

    • kaydenpat

      It’s as if he’s mocking people by seeing how bizarre he can behave and still have followers.

      • TJ Barke

        Maybe he really is Bill Hicks…

    • TootsStansbury

      Fat, drunk and nutters is no way to go through life asshole.

      • H0mer0

        “[he’s] got a history of taking off [his] shirt.”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        HEY.

    • CripesAmighty

      Wasn’t there some John Birch conspiracy theory about the Pet Rock way back in the day?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Oooh, can you find it? Because that would make me really happy.

        • CripesAmighty

          Just a vague recollection from the mists. Wondering if anyone lose had.

    • BJW

      Well, I only watched a couple seconds and that is 2 seconds of my life I’ll never get back!!

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      When it comes to useless things, I’m from the Slinky generation
      https://youtu.be/EZL6RGkPjws

    • BJW

      I see no reason to own one of those devices. It’s not logical.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        the reason for them is to keep people like Jones distracted so they don’t hurt themselves waiting for the trucker speed rush to subside…

      • Sally

        The ones that light up are actually kind of cool (to my 8 year old grandson.)

      • Carpe Vagenda

        One of the first toys we bought the kid was a skwish. It taught her teething, and hand-eye coordination, and it was basically just cool.

        When we had people over, they always ganked it. Because, seriously, cool.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/81805fdf39bac7922f818cd3beae0053d77f035ac8bcf70988ad1825abf7fcbd.png

      • TootsStansbury

        I got one for my cat to bat off of the dresser.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I think for people who have neurological excitation issues (which is probably most of the internet) a soother is a good thing.

  • kaydenpat

    Who is Jill Stein tweeting to? Who is her audience? That photo of her dining in Russia with Flynn and Putin should have put an end to her political musings. She has nothing of substance to say.

    • Sally

      It should have put an end to her campaign when they first surfaced. Many people who voted for her never saw that photo until recently. Nice work, media.

      • jesterpunk

        But Donny 2 Scoops has an advertisement for his DC hotel that is more important.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      It identified her at best as a Useful Idiot, and at worst as a candidate who was also helping to diffuse the Dem vote to get Trump elected. My money is on Useful Idiot.
      It wouldn’t surprise me at all if we find out her campaign had been taking foreign money with no idea where it came from.

  • TundraGrifter

    Is it sexist to call Jill Stein an Offensive Piece? I’ll take the chance.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      She’a piece of work regardless of gender. Fuck her and her superior shitface attitude.

    • Finnibar87

      No.

  • amrak63

    I went away for about 40 minutes–and 159 new comments.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      We are a chatty bunch on the open thread.

      • I was going to suggest we were slacking. That seemed low

        • WomanInThePersistence

          When you go low, I go high. Or at least tipsy. :)

          • (I can’t get tipsy-i’m at work)

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Just got home a little while ago. And what crazy kind of hours do you work?

          • Evening this week, so 1-9pm

          • marxalot

            Moi aussi. I cannot feel my calves and my brain has turned off, though.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            And your point is…?

      • Three Finger Salute

        I wish the Canada one had been open thread. Jill Stein is cringey and Justin is way more fun.

    • Doug Langley

      You should know better than leave us unsupervised.

  • Picabo

    Is this open thread?

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      no comments are allowed

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      This is not a thread.

    • jesterpunk

      No open thread… no open thread… You’re the open thread!!!

  • Finnibar87

    Whack job Jill Stein is up to her usual tricks, I see.

  • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

    So, I only watch TV online, and I want to get Showtime, and it’s asking me if I want it through Amazon, Hulu, Youtube TV, or a bunch of other things. (I currently have Netflix and nothing else.)

    • mancityRed6

      commercial free hulu is the same price as netflix. I have both.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I like both of them. Plus the YouTubes.

        • mancityRed6

          youtube is easier than trying to load a cd into a chromebook that doesn’t have a cd player.

    • BosGrl

      If you use Amazon, Prime is a good deal for what works out to less than $10 a month. I get the free shipping, plus Amazon Prime shows (like Rob Delaney’s show) and Amazon Music (which is great when my daughter is using Spotify).

      • mancityRed6

        I tried the prime once, but everything I wanted to watch I would have had to pay for.
        maybe it’s different now, but I don’t buy enough on the Amazon to make it worthwhile.
        I also have a well trained Pandora.

        • BosGrl

          There are some shows you have to pay for. I wanted to watch Monarch of the Glen from the beginning but first it cost extra, then it was free but it disappeared before I could watch the first season. But there are other shows on there I like and we always need something that I’m too lazy to go out for.

          • mancityRed6

            I currently have Buffy on the Hulu and the new MST on the Netflix as shows I’m watching.
            plus the only seasons of Futurama for bedtime.

          • BosGrl

            LOVE MST!! I’m trying to get the nephews to watch it but all they want to watch these days is football.

          • mancityRed6

            there was some site that had all the seasons available for free download. something about preserving for posterity reasons. I kept them all except for the early KTA episodes. they’re not all the best quality, but they still add up to 120 gb.

          • Bobathonic
          • mancityRed6

            Turkey day marathons are still happening on the youtube, I think. they have been. I think I’m gonna stay home this thanksgiving.
            and I’ve been to a couple of rifftrax live screenings. not live, but at a different theater.

          • Bobathonic

            I love the rifftrax live shows. I see the simulcast at my local theatre, with my local milk people.

          • mancityRed6

            check out cinematic titanic, if you haven’t already. I don’t know if it’s still around, but it had Joel and some of the regulars that didn’t go to rifftrax.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            The last new show was last year, but they’re starting to show up on Rifftrax now.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Don’t worry, one day they’ll grow up.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            “Cry Wilderness” is an exceptional episode of MST3K. Just saying.

          • mancityRed6

            from the new season, that one did pique my interest
            Mitchell, San Francisco International, and The Atomic Brain, all time favorites.
            well, anything with Tor Johnson in it.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I was literally crying, I was laughing so hard. I may need to watch it again soon.

          • starfanglednut

            It’s on netflix, I’m pretty sure.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        For me the problem with Amazon Prime video is I can’t get it on my tv because I use Apple TV. But I’m starting to stream some on my laptop cuz I can set it up by my lovely new spinning wheel (which there is no space for in the little tv area), so thanks for reminding me about the Amazon video.

        • Catstro

          My husband said that Apple announced an Amazon Prime app for the AppleTV at WWDC. Said it would be “fall”, his educated guess is October. I’m waiting impatiently.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Nice! Though (until then) I started watching “Goliath” last night on the laptop while spin, spin, spinning on the new spinning wheel — I loves me some Billy Bob.

    • A Groucho Marxist

      Hulu is worthwhile, if only for Rick and Morty, and then you can get Showtime through that, I think. That’s only about $30 a month, which is still better than the $100 of regular cable you used to get in the dark ages with the three religious channels and nine home shopping networks.

      • mancityRed6

        just 3?
        yeah, I just finished rewatching for the third time. waiting on that new season, dammit.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I get my TV through an alternative provider in Sweden…

  • jesterpunk
    • Msgr_MΩment

      I glanced at the ring on my finger.
      The Snake That Eats Its Own Tail, Forever and Ever … I know where I came from — but where did all you zombies come from?

      • Bozilingus

        Upvote for Heinlein reference.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • Finnibar87

      Come on.

      That’s gotta be a joke panel.

      • mancityRed6

        think of it like that Christian haunted house that put a star of David instead of a pentagram.

    • NeoliberalBanksterCaptainHowdy

      I’m joining. Where is it?

    • A Groucho Marxist

      That’s clearly a pagan church, what with the fertility symbology and phallusy’s.

    • BosGrl

      That truck should park in front of the penis-shaped Scientology church.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        I started watching Handmaid’s Tail this week and was super bummed to learn today that Eliz. Moss is a fucking Scientologist.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Yeah. But she’s still very good in the Handmaid’s Tale.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          She was born into it, I tend to give those scientologists a little more of a pass than the nutbars who choose to join. Same thing with Beck.

    • mancityRed6

      the bread of life.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “This is my flesh
      Take and eat Me…”

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Damn, beat me.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          /Take and bite me

    • The Green Bastard

      Please turn to the Book of Skeet, verse 69

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      “Take, eat; this is my body.”

      • Bobathonic

        A bountiful harvest in deed.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      And Jeezus said, “Skeet skeet!”

    • TootsStansbury

      Well, I will now go in peace to love and serve the Lord.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Blessed is s/he who comes in the name of the Lord!

    • La forza del resistino

      money shot. now pass the plate.

      • TootsStansbury

        Ding ding oh I suppose it should be dong dong dong! We have a weiner!

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        The Arc of the Covenant Moneyshot

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      And Eve replied, “Okay, just don’t get any in my eyes.”

    • Me not sure

      “Sorry pastor, I’ll just be having the wine. I’m doing Atkins.”

      • A Groucho Marxist

        Pure protein, bruh

    • BosGrl

      I was trying to find out where the church is, when I came across this:
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ba73b72a8125f1d319c9dffefd4251f9c767b02c906d300850beb48046879044.jpg

      • A Groucho Marxist

        The Adventists are good people, truly.

      • Doug Langley

        . . . said Monica Lewinsky.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Ah, ‘Domming from the bottom.’

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Doin’ it right! It’s only a sin if the seeds hit the earth.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Onan you din’t go there!

  • Picabo
    • Bozilingus

      Your gonna need a bigger star for his Hollywood star site.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      “Dead eyes, like a doll’s eyes…..Trump’s Eyes!”

    • La forza del resistino

      Liam Neeson owes his career to Shaw setting the stage as a tough guy with an accent.

    • Me not sure
      • JerryRich

        Bond vs. Red Grant is still my favorite movie fight.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          One of THE best of all time. I need to re-watch that movie soon.

    • BadKitty904

      Robert Shaw, in his role as a Republican politician addressing a Scout troop:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPzTGx96P6U

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Here’s to swimming with bow-legged women!

  • BosGrl

    Hardball is safe again tonight – Steven Kornacki is filling in.

  • mrFawkes

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cba412d01fb6d709ece107366346716177968da90aae1a814599a8395ae14666.jpg Grandkid: Grandpa tell us how World War III started again.
    Grandpa: Well, it all started with a big white chicken and a bloated orange buffoon.
    Grandkid: Which one was bigger?
    Grandpa: Hard to say sonny, they were both filled with hot air.
    Grandkid: And they got into a fight?
    Grandpa: Sorta. The orange buffoon had a meltdown when he saw the big chicken outside his house. He was mad. He also had two buttons on his desk, one for ordering in Diet Cokes and the other button for sending out nuclear bombs.
    Grandkid: And he pushed the wrong button?
    Grandpa: Like he always did.
    Grandkid: I like chicken.
    Grandpa: So did I sonny, so did I.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      That photo gives me hope.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Did it leave nuggets on the WH lawn?

      • mrFawkes

        Two scoops worth

    • Panika MCD

      there will be chicken after the nuclear fallout?

      • Doug Langley

        Yeah, but you better prefer it well done.

        • Panika MCD

          don’t sell me crispy cockroaches and call them chicken.

          • Doug Langley

            Damn, there goes my get-rich-quick scheme.

          • Panika MCD

            there’s not going to be money, Doug.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        There will be leftover Chicken Kiev from Chernobyl.

      • mancityRed6

        we’ll call it chicken ’cause that’s what it will taste like
        but it will have a tail, and teeth.

        • Panika MCD

          will the tail have a stinger?

          • mancityRed6

            in a few years, yes. but you get 6 legs and as many wings.

          • Panika MCD

            is that 4 more legs and 4 wings?

          • mancityRed6

            maybe.

          • Panika MCD

            or am I the one growing the extra legs and wings after a fee years of eating the things?

          • mancityRed6

            there’s going to be changes, for sure. just get on board with the new DNA and you’ll be fine.

          • Panika MCD

            who do I look like, Jill Stein?

          • mancityRed6

            oh, hell no.

          • mancityRed6

            wait, “extra wings”?

          • Panika MCD

            yes.

      • TootsStansbury

        Nope just long pig.

    • Snopes Shop

      HAHAHHA

  • Finnibar87

    Jill Stein?

    Shut up, Iris.

  • jesterpunk
    • Msgr_MΩment

      The Colorado Avalanche: Men without Hat Tricks.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
      • jesterpunk

        That is amazing.

    • BosGrl

      Videos in the ’80s were great. Silly and pretentious, but great.

    • TootsStansbury

      I know someone who renfairs. She goes camping for two weeks every summer and I always pictured her sitting on a camp chair, drinking her ass off and watching this video unfold. IRL.

  • commatoes

    So can we lump Jill Stein with Trumpkins et al. that thought NOT voting for HRC was a good and prudent action? Like Bush 43 that had Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, etc., Dolt 45 has Bannon, Gorka, (had) Flynn, etc.

    A POTUS’s advisors have a lot of influence and with Dolt 45, they are defining foreign policy. They are just as bellicose abd ignorant as the neocons.

    • BadKitty904

      And just as selfish and venal.

      • Paperless Tiger

        Now with Extra Stupid!

  • Doug Langley

    I want to thank everyone warmly for your donations. Gofundme is going to send almost $200 my way. What I don’t use for gas goes to food. You people are the greatest!!

    Now all I have to do is hope for the money to reach my bank account 2 milleseconds before I swipe my card at the gas pump. How is it they say “2 to 5 business days”??? Jeezus, what happened to speed of light communications and computers and gigahertz servers?

    • yyyaz

      Banksters need the float interest.

    • BadKitty904

      Wonketteers need to make this boy a sammich.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      I was looking for your go fund me link last night but it got buried in the thread…I’d like to help with a few ameros if you’re still in a pinch. And I don’t think sammiches travel well through intertubes ;-)

      • Doug Langley

        gofundme.com/dougs-expenses

        Yeah, most sammiches don’t do well when emailed.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Prolly due to all the gluten.
          Ameros comin’ atcha, Doug. Hope the bank job isn’t kicking your ass too badly!

          • Doug Langley

            Thanks so much. Actually, today was much better. They didn’t need Doug the Human Forklift moving all the heavy boxes. Just did general filing. I must say I’m impressed how the ladies have the strength to carry big boxes and jam folders into the shelves until the whole thing is compressed into coal.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Never underestimate the power of an administrative assistant who is finally putting paperwork to bed…aggression is a terrible thing to waste.

          • Doug Langley

            No kidding. The super is nice and civil, but mess things up and there’s hell to pay.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            I’m pretty sure I got the right Doug. Otherwise, some other Doug is getting a sammich on your behalf. All Dougs Matter though.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            P.J. O’Rourke once noted how the economies of so many countries seem to be based on the carrying capacity of 80-year-old grandmothers.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Mine don’t fit the mail slot, either.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • CripesAmighty
    • TJ Barke

      Fucking morons.

      • JerryRich

        And that’s the best thing you can say about them.

      • Bobathonic

        I see no evidence of copulation.

        • TJ Barke

          I’m sure it’s a big fuckfest for these creeps. “Oh yeah, tell me how you want to tear down the community center!” “Say death tax agian! Oh fuck!”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I don’t know why these poisonous little ticks aren’t in prison. Sneaky, chickenshit Republican politics at its finest.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        you’d think that some sort of fraud charges would apply

        • jesterpunk

          He was being paid by Trump before the election, I wonder if he is still being paid by Trump or the White House?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Somebody’s gotta be paying the assholes to have all this free time to set up phony identities, fake accounts, and spend months trying to con people.

        • mancityRed6

          he did have to pay that Acorn guy for the pimp fraud thing, but it was only about $100k

    • This dude’s made up rich donor identity was Trent Maynard. Methinks somebody was really into 90s hard rock.

    • mancityRed6

      James O’Keefe III
      there are two more of him?
      where is Jones with his talk of replicants now?

  • BadKitty904
  • Panika MCD

    I keep forgetting to give an update on the TX tree bill someone asked for:

    the Senate mulched the House version into a Frankenstein of their own bill and the US military hates it.

    instead of doing anything with the Senate version, the House had bipartisan story time with Texas Campaign for the Environment and the Lone Star Chapter of the Sierra Club.

    guess what book they read?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “Trees: Threat or Menace?”

      • Panika MCD

        NO. look at who they did the event with. Jebus. we’re TX, not Halliburton.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Sorry. Bad joke.

          • Panika MCD

            very bad. I should unloose Dobbs on you for that one.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            I deserve it.

    • BosGrl

      The Giving Tree?

      • Panika MCD

        good guess. but nope.

    • mancityRed6

      “The Larch”?

      • Panika MCD

        that’s a Monty Python skit.

        • mancityRed6

          book, skit. I tend to watch tv with the captions on.

          • Panika MCD

            we know what books are down here. we’re not Yokelhoma.

          • mancityRed6

            then come to Kansas. I’m not sure they do.

          • Panika MCD

            fuck that shit. no BTs.

          • mancityRed6

            ?????

          • Panika MCD

            breakfast tacos, you heathen!

          • mancityRed6

            breakfast? I can’t remember a time that I ate before 10 AM.
            and I’m usually up by 4

          • Panika MCD

            good thing that we serve BTs until 10:30 or 11…some places sell the ALL DAY.

        • Me not sure

          The mighty scot’s pine?

      • BosGrl

        Oh , I do that all the time. It comes into my head out of the blue. “Number 1. The larch.
        The larch. The larch”. Then I crack myself up and my daughter is like
        WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Hitler?

      • Panika MCD

        this isn’t Glenn Beck Jeopardy.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The Lorax?

      • Panika MCD

        DING DING DING!

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          That’s heavy readin’, right there. Damn elitist state fucking congress…shit, I lost it at the end there.

          • Panika MCD

            it was read by 2 House reps. Carol Alvarado (D – Truffula) and Wayne Faircloth (R – Last Seed).

    • RobKanC

      The Bible..

      • Panika MCD

        the pot heads did that in Crim J.

    • Bobathonic

      “Oh Christ It’s This Asshole Again”?

      Seriously, The Pet Goat?

      • Panika MCD

        what? no. Beanz already got it.

        • Bobathonic

          I saw that, but it’s more fun to make conjectures.

          • Panika MCD

            I fail to see the fun in making fun of a good, bipartisan effort to save trees…

          • Bobathonic

            Then I guess that noncomment wasn’t for you.

          • Panika MCD

            nor anyone else, it appears.

          • Bobathonic

            Unfortunate.

          • Panika MCD

            sure. it’s everyone else’s fault that your comment wasn’t funny.

          • Bobathonic

            What, do you want me to cry about it? Boo fucking hoo.

          • Panika MCD

            how about I make fun of your state like you do to people you have just met and we’ll call it even? where are you from? oh, you don’t want to say because you just think you are so clever and why doesn’t anyone but Mother notice? maybe you should figure people from Texas know how to make fun of their state better than you do as we had Molly Ivins to start a cottage industry of snark and you didn’t. how sad for you.

          • Bobathonic

            Wow, are you sure a snark emporium is where you want to hang out? You seem somewhat sensitive, regardless of the late Ms Ivins’ precedents.

            I make fun of many of the places I have lived, and the peoples there. I’m sure you already have made fun of at least one my home states, if you ever mock anyone anywhere besides Texas. I’m sure I was crestfallen and cried myself to sleep for weeks over it.

            Does that make you feel better?

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    The important question is: How does Nina Turner feel about North Korea and Russia?

  • Jgb979

    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/steinhillary2.png

    I Thought she was your typical haughty dipshit, but she’s TOOOOOOTTTALLY on the Putin payroll.

    There can be a wifi free wing in my imaginary treason jail that will never get built

    • TJ Barke

      Donnie doesn’t want to go with war Russia, he wants to sell us out to them.

      • BadKitty904

        “Has”.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          With the whole-hearted support of his base.

          • amrak63

            Who used to beat the rest of us over the head with how (allegedly) they were The Only True Patriots in Amurka.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            There is that ironicalness… Russian kiss-asses dissing our patriotism… Fuckem.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            They still do. True Patriots™, as it happens, love have always loved Pootie and the Russkies.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Which does, according to 538, appear to be diminishing slightly….

        • TJ Barke

          Not quite yet.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      The best part, if you’re trying to deal with this by finding the ugly humor in it, is that the ten millionish she didn’t spend on recounts most likely went into her portfolio of funds full of defense stocks and petrochemicals.

      It’s almost like Cambridge, MA hasn’t been a net positive for the world.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        MIT libelz! We have nothing to do with what goes on “up the river.”

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Hide a Volkswagen for me somewhere and all is forgiven.

    • Incoming Ham

      She is a pandering batshit crazy 2nd place loser.

      • amrak63

        2nd place? Too generous.

        • Incoming Ham

          Runner up losing loser.

  • La forza del resistino

    Donald vows Kim will meet Fire and Fury. Meanwhile two dancers in Jersey remind Donald to pre schedule as they are off after 2:00am.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Piss & Vinegar libel!….

      • La forza del resistino

        Caught their act outside of Reno once. It’s a niche market.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Oooh – they’ve moved up from Winnemucca?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Sapphire and Tiffany (no, not that one) really needed the tips, tho.

      • amrak63

        Don’t be so sure it’s not that one. This is Covfefe The Perv we’re talking about…oh, why did I do that to myself? Fluttershy!

        http://i.imgur.com/SSa9QpW.jpg

  • HazooToo
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      We are well and truly fucked….

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Yes. You have been since November 9th, 2016.

      • weejee

        It may be Seoul, Tokyo, and Guam that will have to sleep in the tRump/Kim wet spot.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      BREAKING: Trump calls North Korean military a “bunch of mindless jerks.”

    • amrak63
  • weejee

    And waiting in the wings – sing a song of sick Pence, a pocket full of lies.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c572640662a61b48c3c3fc2248cb692871725b3070126f96eabc237bc3adf669.png

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I see he’s flying Men-Only instead of Coach.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I wonder if he’s afraid to use the lavatories – you can’t be sure WHO has been in there.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      It’s a cry for help.

    • Paperless Tiger

      He has to sit in the mens only section or they have to apply the self-abuse restraints.

    • TootsStansbury

      I can’t help but think those topless, manly photos of Putin make him tumescent, in his pants. Mother never makes him feel this way.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • Courser_Resistance

      Really? Someone never told them No Bueno?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba
    • jesterpunk

      Of course deplorable are responding on twitter about how its good for walmart to display that and bad for anyone to be offended.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Well, that really was appalling. What does Walmart have against number 2 pencils?

      • Mack N. Nietzsche

        What? You’d put something as dangerous as a pointy stick in our children’s hands? Think of the children!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Pencils are all well and good until someone gets an eye poked out.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a No. 2 pencil is a good guy with a Bic pen.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I was taught in a political science class in college that “War is the failure of diplomacy.” Can someone Tweet this to Trump? I’d do it myself, but I don’t have a Twitter account.

    • BadKitty904

      Ultima Ratio Regum

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Good old Tom Paine. “…a great portion of mankind, in what are called civilised countries, are in a state of poverty and wretchedness…Let us enquire into the cause. It lies not in any natural defect in the principles of civilisation, but in preventing those principles having a universal operation; the consequence of which is, a perpetual system of war and expense, that drains the country, and defeats the general felicity of which
        civilisation is capable.” (The Rights of Man, Chapter 5, 1791)

        I wish I could write like that.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          “The world is my country and my religion is to do good.”
          ~not Ronnie Raygun, that’s for fucking sure!

          • Angela Ruzzo

            “To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.” I keep reminding myself of that one whenever I encounter a Trump supporter. It would make a good t-shirt logo right now.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Exactly.

    • TootsStansbury

      He won’t care.

    • La forza del resistino

      Diplomacy to Donald is popping a few TicTacs before he goes in and moves like a bitch (which 1 year later, I still don’t know what that means)

    • amrak63

      “Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.”–Salvor Hardin, an Isaac Asimov character.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        And he was clever, but he was wrong. Violence, in some form or other, is the first refuge of the incompetent. It’s the last refuge of the people who refuse to go down without a fight.

        OTOH he did donate a shitpile of money to the Hayden Planetarium, so we’re good.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      There is this awful strain of American thought that “diplomacy is for the weak”. I think it’s the arrogance of a country where half of that country has never been invaded or suffered total defeat, and the other half is still angry and embittered that it happened to them.

  • Alexander Stallwitz
    • HazooToo

      I want a subscription.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Evil. Fur. Faces.*
      .
      .
      .
      *I am a gardener.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’m surprised Jill’s call to action to flood the White House switchboard didn’t include a plea for donations. Maybe she’s still flush from her “recount” grift.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    I learned today that you’re supposed to tip 10% on take away. How come I am this fucking old and did not know this?! I have some serious apologizing to do at my favorite Chinese restaurant.

    • A Groucho Marxist

      Nah.

    • BosGrl

      Um. Why do you have to tip someone at a counter when you are picking up?

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Restaurant take away. I read it from the WaPo restaurant guy. It’s a thing.

        • BosGrl

          I’m using my gas and wear and tear on my car to pick up the food. I’m already paying for the food. The counter person is supposed to be making at least minimum wage. Why do I have to say thank you with money for putting something in a bag? Should I tip the person at Marshall’s?

          • jesterpunk

            I think that might be so the owners can pay them less then blame customers when they dont make much money?

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            To each there own.

          • BosGrl

            Sorry – I wasn’t beating up on you. If you want to tip the person, that’s nice of you. I tip servers well over 20% because I know they need the tips to make anything at all. I tip my hairdresser because she rents her chair. It’s just like, when does it end? Lots of people work hard at minimum wage jobs and they don’t get tipped. /rant

        • Me not sure

          Even if they don’t do table service their hourly wage probably still sucks. Throw ’em somethin’.

      • Catstro

        Depends on the establishment, but usually the bartender or wait staff has to fill that order, which takes time away from actual tables they would be serving. I tip at places that are primarily sit-down service, but if it’s mostly a counter joint, I might not.

        • Courser_Resistance

          In places like Black Eyed Pea who do it that way, I do tip them. Because yes, they’re taking time out of their normal job to serve me.

          My chinese restaurant is about 90% delivery so I just tip the delivery guy $5. Pizza guy too.

      • jesterpunk

        I never heard of that before today either.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I do it when I walk in and place an order with the Bartender, like you do in a lot of places. If I’m just picking it up at the checkstand, then no or just a buck or two.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        see my response ^^

      • Marsupial99

        I tip about 10+% on take out (not fast food, though) because I’m tipping the cooks, order taker/cashier, and everyone else involved. For dine-in, we do 20-25%, unless something is wrong.

        Why? Because they are people working (presumably) hard for their money.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Because they probably wear 2 hats, and in my state any “tipped” employee can be paid $2.33 per hour. Yes, you read that correctly, $2.33 per hour. Also they can work up to an hour while the place is closed with no opportunity for tips. Also if reported tips bring them above minimum wage the employer can deduct wages until the hit the cushy federal minimum wage. I had a job where I regularly received $0 paychecks because the tips were awesome. Granted, I ran my ass off, but I was able to raise my son on tips.
        Tl,dr: always tip something.

        • BosGrl

          I wasn’t talking about a server. I would never not tip a server and I would tip them if I picked up at a real restaurant. I was thinking of a storefront situation, like a Domino’s or most of the Chinese restaurants in my area that are just kitchens and counters. My apologies. I know it’s a difficult job. I didn’t mean to offend you.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            No offense taken at all, sister. I generally go by the rule that if there’s a tip jar, spare a little something because the staff probably needs it and is invariably getting screwed by the circumstances of their employment. And, thank you, service work is rough and doesn’t get the respect due to an actually skilled profession, but the great thing is that they even give jobs to English majors ;-)

          • BosGrl

            Thanks for understanding. I need to think before I post.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            *hugs*
            Friends are here for understanding! And I didn’t mean to come off as miffed at all if I did. I still miss restaurant jobs. I watch Kitchen Nightmares to get my fix now that I landed something that tangentially relates to my edumacashun.

          • BosGrl

            I love Kitchen Nightmares. After listening to all the swearing, I feel refreshed. And congratulations! I’ve never used my degree for anything worthwhile.

    • Catstro

      If it makes you feel better, probably 90% of their other patrons don’t tip either. I think it’s one of those things that most people don’t know.

    • Bec Jenn

      I found out not too long ago that there is tipping for maids at hotels. I’d never heard of this before.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Protip- if you’re just at the hotel a couple of days and therefore request no maid service, ask housekeeping what an appropriate tip is (even if you know). If you have a problem, you’ll get premium service, bc they already know you’re going to tip.

        • Bec Jenn

          I think back now, before I learned about tipping, I really owe the maids in one hotel a HUGE tip and an apology. My husband destroyed the porcelain in a big way. I probably also owe the plumbers an apology too.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          technically, you’re supposed to leave a small tip every day because different housekeepers are responsible for your room. I leave them a few bucks as I check out, especially if I’ve made more of a mess (though I happen to be a remarkably clean and neat guest- I rarely require more than flip by bedsheets up and replace a towel every once in awhile)

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            I rarely get maid service every day. If you’re there under 3 days, you don’t need new sheets, and they leave ample towels and soap. In other words, they’re not in there every day. So I leave $3-5/day at the end. But I always let them know that I’ll be tipping, just in case I need some extra love!

      • Marsupial99

        Housekeeping: ~$10/night IN ADVANCE. That way they know who to be nice to!

        • Courser_Resistance

          Thanks! I just reserved a hotel room for a SAR conference in late Sept. and I will do so.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Really? I’ve been leaving tips for the housekeepers for close to 40 years now. Used to be $1/person/night, but it seems to have gone up since the last time I stayed in a hotel/motel.

        • Rags

          Two bucks is pretty much the minimum

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            So noted.
            Now, if I can ever afford to stay in one ever again…

      • Rags

        OK- who tips the staff who cleans up at free hotel breakfast buffets?

    • jesterpunk

      I dont even know the percentage I tip I just make it a nice round number ending in 0. Oh wait that is for delivery, for something I am picking up and taking home I have never tipped.

      • Courser_Resistance

        In this economy (and I’ve been pretty blessed), my minimum tip is $5. I used to do a generous 20%, but since I’m generally by myself and go to pretty moderate places, that really doesn’t amount to much and I’m taking up a minimum 2 top. At my favorite greasy spoon its a 4 top. I don’t think my bills ever been more than $15 but the servers are always busy and awesome. Most people who eat there don’t have a lot, so boosting their daily take a little bit just feels…. fair.

        • jesterpunk

          I dont really order delivery much, mainly because there is only 1 place near me that delivers. But when I do it normally comes out to $22 or $23 and I just do an even $30 just to make it easy. I never knew about tipping when I was picking up food before today though.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I am not sure who makes up these rules. If they have the food ready when I get there and they’re nice, I’ll leave a buck or two. Same thing with Starbucks.
      But generally, I tip people for bringing things to my table or taking them away.
      Then again, I don’t live in LA or NYC, so maybe that hasn’t caught on here.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I don’t do take-out much, but we have some places with counter ordering and table delivery. I do 10% at these, since I had to do about 1/2 the process…

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          That’s where I draw the line- if I’m pulling wait staff away from their usual service to take care of me, I’ll tip them something. But if it’s someplace where I’ve either phoned in an order or walked up to a counter to order, I don’t view that as tipped service, mainly because those people are rarely working for the tipped rate.

          • BosGrl

            That is what I meant to say and managed instead to piss everyone off. Thank you for saying it better.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          I do that too- even if I’m at a buffet and some harried server brings me a drink and the check, or someone busses my table, they deserve something. They work their asses off.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Oh, always. They’re working a LOT of tables, and buffets are the sorts of places where people generally don’t think they need to leave a tip because they’re doing most of the work.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Well crap. I guess that makes sense, because they’re still getting “restaurant minimum” or something like 25% of minimum wage, whether you’re eating in the restaurant or not. How does this work with delivery? I mean, I always tip the delivery person, but how do you tip the staff?

      • mancityRed6

        “don’t take candy from strangers.”
        “look both ways before crossing the street.”
        “beware the ides of March.”

    • mancityRed6

      I used to put a dollar tip down just so nothing else could be written down.
      not that I didn’t trust them, they were cheap and I could walk there and back when I was in Lawrence.
      but, no. not unless they bring it to you farther than the counter you pay at.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      No. No tip on take away. There has been no service. No one seated you, waited on you, brought you beverages and food, asked if you needed anything more. The kitchen crew made the food and the cashier put it in a bag. Nor are the kitchen crew or cashier considered “tip” employees (i.e. on a lower minimum wage). If it’s a hot day and they’re slammed and still give you your food with a smile, $1 in the “tip bucket” is fine.

      Delivery is different–the delivery drivers have a hideous job and are overworked and underpaid. I tip at LEAST 15-20%, sometimes more if it’s just pizza and we’re talking about just a couple more bucks. More if it’s raining or yucky weather. My brother worked as a delivery boy and it’s just an awful job and you’re usually treated like shit by the company. If it’s a heat wave, I’ll offer them a cold drink too. Esp. here in L.A. where it really is a horrible job to drive all over the place in traffic.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Delivery drivers also have to own and maintain their cars, pay for insurance and, probably most importantly, don’t get reimbursed for gas. I’ve known delivery drivers who worked shifts that netted them negative dollars. I tip them well and in always in cash unless I don’t have any on me.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I used to do pizza delivery as a teen- I’d always quote the price as “x dollars plus gratuity”. Last place I worked, after having done that for months (as I’d done at other places previously), someone called in to complain about it. When I got back to the restaurant, the boss tried to chew me out for it. I quit on the spot. I told him that I was well aware of the fact that I made several dollars an hour more than any of his other drivers and that he either needed to give me an immediate raise of $3-$4 per hour to make up the difference or I had no interest in working there anymore.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Good for you!
            And then there’s always the people who straight up decide they don’t want to pay at all and come up with some nonsense reason. I never worked delivery myself, but that shit makes me grrrrrrrr mad.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            That was the other reason that the pizza owner was miffed- I was also his best driver by far and he not only knew it, he knew that I knew. I was much faster and more efficient at deliveries and had far fewer no pays. He knew that if I walked, whoever he replaced me with for the same pittance he was paying would cost him money in term of lost productivity and lost sales. Who knew? Decent pay serves as a powerful incentive to do your job better! But being the typical dumb local employer, he couldn’t get past his aversion to higher payroll or see profitability in the long term (especially since the way I increased my money didn’t even require him to spend any more of his- the customers made up the difference), so I walked right out the door and never looked back- told him to mail me my final paycheck.

            Guys like that spend their entire lives muddling along, trying to find a way to cut a few corners to reduce expenses and never make the connection that one’s employees aren’t a necessary evil to be exploited as much as possible, but an investment just like any piece of the equipment they buy. The same people who would never consider buying inferior kitchen equipment because they appreciate the difference in quality and will gladly spend the extra to have it, will spend all day trying to nickel and dime their payroll down, just because they get angry while they sit there signing those payroll checks every two weeks and convince themselves that they should be able to get the good employee for the same price as the inferior one.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            And this is true from the smallest business owner to the biggest multinational corporations. Their shortsightedness is mind boggling. I don’t know how much longer capitalism can last with a bunch of arrogant and self-serving clowns running the circus.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          VERY good point.

    • Marsupial99

      I learned another thing about tipping a few months ago. At Disneyland, there is a no-tipping policy. HOWEVER… there is also a “guest is always right” policy. If you try to tip a worker, they will politely refuse it. If you try (or ask) a second time, they will be very friendly, but refuse. The THIRD time, they are allowed to accept it. And yes, they told me that there are people watching…. and counting!

      (Annual PAsshole here. You learn weird things…)

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    “Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.”

    ― Laurence J. Peter, The Peter Principle

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Drumpf has blown the Peter Principle out of the water, because he is WAY past his level of incompetence.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        He has been since the day he was born. Trump is the ne plus ultra example of the damage that can be done by the inheritance of wealth. But for his daddy’s money, he’d be somewhere in Queens today, selling used cars in a plaid sport coat and two-tone shoes.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          He’d be in jail.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            In a plaid sport coat and two-tone shoes.

        • yyyaz

          Dead from fentanyl at 46.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Sadly Peters never considered a forty year PR campaign to convince us all that incompetence was sexy.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    A cooler head could have prevailed, but thanks to the likes of you Dr. Stein we got a hot headed baby man in charge…

    • Paperless Tiger

      One hand on the button and the other reaching for yer cooter.

      • Me not sure

        …and I’d keep an eye on the one on the button.

  • CO

    Neo-Nazi to Troll Army: ‘We Have to Be Sexy’ at the Big Alt-Right Rally. Looks like some of the trolls on here will be a bit busy this weekend.

    https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/599zmx/neo-nazi-to-troll-army-we-have-to-be-sexy-at-the-big-alt-right-rally

    • mancityRed6

      Air BNB is cancelling accounts for those people, too.

    • jesterpunk

      HAHAHAHAHA. So they want women to show up and sleep with them but not say anything or do anything else.

      Anglin also cops to having “problems with women.” All of this advice is addressed to men, and he assumes that his audience is 100 percent male. (“We need to keep women on the sidelines. Not speaking, not leading, and with no official membership in anything.”) But he wants to attract women and suggests that buying a fitted shirt and getting ripped will not only score his crew political clout, but get them “groupies”:

      • amrak63

        “I’mmmmm too sexy for my brownshirt, too sexy for my brownshirt, so sexy it hurrrtsss…”

        You’re welcome for the earworm.

      • The Green Bastard

        Ah, the Jersey Shore​ approach: GTL, disgusting basement slugs.

      • Claire

        It’s kind of hilarious how obvious it is that men, having coasted for so long on the fact that women’s only opportunity for a decent living and respectable childbirth ran right through them, have managed to go for millennia without figuring out what parts of masculinity women are attracted by and what parts are suited only for dominance displays for a male audience. There’s a reason that increasing female participation in the workforce and the destigmatization of single motherhood have caused marriage rates to drop like a rock – men have grossly misjudged how much of performative masculinity is attractive to women and how much we’ve just been willing to write off as bullshit we have to put up with to reach other goals.

        In an ideal world, I feel like all men would be going “Hm, given the choice between us and nothing, women are increasingly choosing nothing. I wonder what we can do to clear this bar that women are now able to set wherever they want.” However, in true dudebro fashion, guys like this are doing nothing but whining that the bar should be reset so they can all clear it instead of breaking their noses on it.

    • The Green Bastard

      ” worst look ever is a baggy T-shirt. Wear fitted T-shirts, where the sleeve goes to the middle of your bicep. It should not hang lower than base of your member.”

      LOLOLOL!!! Andrew Anglin IS Bernaise: “I don’t like your cuffs, I don’t like your cuffs, I don’t like your cuffs. A man’s cuffs should be even with the tip of his peepee! Yours are all the way down to your balls!”
      http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8V3R26inme0/T1oyAa_X3JI/AAAAAAAAA8Y/b00s52MkacE/s1600/bearnaise.gif

    • Carpe Vagenda

      omg

      I cannot stress the point hard enough – I’m hitting italics again – we need to be extremely conscious of what we look like, and how we present ourselves. That matters more than our ideas. If that is sad to you, I’m sorry, but that is just human nature. If people see a bunch of mismatched overweight slobs, they are not going to care what they are saying

      I’m hitting italics again

      He’s saying they’re 1950s-style media girls.

    • mancityRed6
    • amrak63

      The neo-Ratzis could go streaking in Antarctica and they still would not be cool.

  • Bec Jenn

    I feel my twitter feed is officially legit. I just got my first MRA DM. Just wanted to share. I only had Twitter before for game company releases…but since the election, and hearing that 45 can’t handle criticism, I just wanted to make #ImpeachTrumpNow a thing.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Um….congratulations?

      • Bec Jenn

        ;D

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I’m going to go waaay out on limb here and guess that Donnie has never read Carl von Clausewitz.

    “No one starts a war–or rather, no one in his sense ought to do so–without first being clear in his mind what he intends to achieve by the war and how he intends to conduct it.”
    ― Carl von Clausewitz

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Not so far out, I think….

    • Left Coast Tom

      L’il Donnie intends to conduct war by tweeting from a golf course.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I think even “intends” is giving him more credit than he deserves

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          More like “Depends”

      • Anna Rompage

        I wonder if he’ll take a huge stash of McDonalds with him when he goes into his bunker?

        • BosGrl

          Are you kidding? He’ll set up a whole mall-sized McDonald’s, complete with staff, right in the bunker.

    • Fifth-and-a-Half Element
    • Anna Rompage

      Fire falling from the sky, the likes which the world has never seen…

      That’s a plan isn’t it?

    • TundraGrifter

      The same could be well said about invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq. When I am debating Regressives and they claim we “won” in Iraq before Mr. Obama lost there I ask them to please describe what that victory looked like. What did it consist of? Certainly not a surrender on the main deck under the big guns of the USS Missouri.

      I’ve never gotten a coherent answer to that question.

      • Paperless Tiger

        It’s pipelines all the way down.

      • jesterpunk

        Obama didnt have a big banner on an air craft carrier and have a photo op. I guess that is winning?

      • aktlib101

        You, my friend, are wrong about Iraq and Afghanistan. Heh. Those were wars of aggression with the purpose of transferring hundreds of billions of taxpayer money into the coffers of the military industrial complex, subcontractors, high-ranked government people, all of that crap.
        And while I am grateful for military personnel who volunteer and put their lives on the line, I keep pointing out that going to war in Iraq and Afghanistan was NOT to protect American Freedom, it was for profit. You want to protect Freedom, go attack Saudi Arabia, who funded the terrorists on 9/11. Then we can talk about Freedom

        • yyyaz

          Months ago, an official agency (maybe the GAO) I checked with put the cost at nearly $3 TRILLION. I assume we have passed that by now.

    • La forza del resistino

      Carl von made the mistake of adding the ‘clear in his mind’ part.

    • Edith Prickly

      I’m going to go waaay out on limb here and guess that Donnie has never read Carl von Clausewitz anything that doesn’t have his name in it.

      FTFY.

  • Edith Prickly

    Looked out the back door while I https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eb9bcefe0e53734c817b3976b2e3938f49db3134808eb56b63ed6349570b102c.jpg was having dinner and spotted this guy climbing the tree. He thinks Jill Stein is a twit too.

    • Jennifer R

      Trash Panda!

      • La forza del resistino

        jinxed again. but will add, batten down the garbage can lids.

        • Edith Prickly

          We have a new city-issued green bin with a locking lid. They tried knocking it over a few times, but couldn’t get it open. https://www1.toronto.ca/City%20Of%20Toronto/Strategic%20Communications/City%20Update/April%202016/Images/Green%20bin_medium_180wide.png

          • Cosmopolitan elitist!

          • La forza del resistino

            There’s people in the States that would love to call that container home. It’s got a lock and wheels!

          • Jennifer R

            I bet they keep the garbage kitties out too.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Give ’em time. They probably haven’t stolen the right tools yet.

        • BosGrl

          Mint trash bags are a wonder. They keep out other critters, too.

          • La forza del resistino

            that sounds like a nicer solution than having my dog urinate on the can. He still does anyways.

          • BosGrl

            Well, that works too :)

    • SnarkON

      Who is that guy? He’s wearing a bandit mask.

  • BadKitty904

    For a guy who’s afraid of stairs, Donnie sure does talk tuff. I think America needs to develop “bone spurs”.

  • Picabo
    • toughsister

      How’s he gonna bankrupt it? It’s already bankrupt.

      • TJ Barke

        He’ll find a way, he’s innovative.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Hold my beer

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Hi there! You look familiar. Any relation to Tom Servo or Crow?

  • Shanzgood

    Woohoo! Baconzgood’s phone has been recovered! I’m busy being frantically happy that we will be able to talk and text as much as we want to again and am going to use that distraction to keep from thinking about how exactly the T-Mobile store it was returned to figured out it was his and whether or not that involved reading any of his texts or looking at any of his pictures. That photo he took of me with the canned clams could ruin my career.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      They got his name from the sim card serial no.

      • Shanzgood

        Sweet!

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          However, I am intrigued by that photo with canned clams reference.

          • Shanzgood

            He posted it a few weeks ago. I look deranged.

          • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

            Not at all what I was imagining. Damn you for shattering my fantasies. :)

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        probably- or just dialed themselves from it and looked at caller ID

        • Shanzgood

          Wouldn’t that mean they had to unlock it?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            if it was locked

          • Skeptical_thinker

            No. Emergency phone call.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Completely O/T. How’s your Mom doing?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Hip is doing better, I’m worried that the anesthesia may have exacerbated her dementia though

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I hope you’re right about the hip. And it does take days to get anesthesia out of one’s system. Not to mention post-surgical painkillers. I’m sending good thoughts your way.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            It is the question- is this still the post-op trauma and meds or is it permanent? They did advise beforehand that anesthesia can permanently affect dementia though- she’s been taken off the opioid painkillers, so we’ll see how much that was involved.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Hopefully it’s temporary.

    • SnarkON

      You monster!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      We’ll be the judge of that…

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • BosGrl

      See, there are good people out there.

    • OutOfOrbit

      but while browsing the nood webbs

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Go on…

    • Lord Jim

      YOU MONS…uh…tell me more… :D

    • Red Bird

      Why? Are you a clam farmer? Hengh????

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Dear god, you didn’t!??! MONSTER!

  • ElenorRigby

    can someone PLEASE tie her and Susan Sarandon into a convertible and let it drive off a cliff? Like for Realizies? Because those two evil, selfish, pampered assholes are the ones who went ON AND ON to anyone who’d listen (and the media loves a hysterical old bat, apparently because every media outlet gave them more time than they’d either seen in years) that “Hillary will lead us to nuclear war… she’s a war monger.”

    • Carpe Vagenda

      OK, so, no. I am an old bat, and I’ve been railing against this shit for years, and nobody paid the slightest bit of attention.

      Also, Sarandon the Retroactively and Only In A Limited Manner Pure has now been hired for a Showtime series by that nice Mr. Redstone’s Comcast.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        goodie. she kin buy more blood diamonds

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Nah. Her renumeration appears to come in shares of five percenter ping pong clubs.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            ping pong clubs? Do they involve Michelle Malkin?

            (plesae don’t yell at me Trix!)

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Yeah, no, I am going to yell at you, because not only is that gross, but I’m pissed that real racists have sarcastic commenters to hide behind.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Yeah, no, I am going to yell at you, because not only is that gross, but I’m pissed that real racists have sarcastic commenters to hide behind.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • BosGrl

      There’s not enough money in the world…

    • Carpe Vagenda

      No, really? Zircon and Rayon were the kind of talent the Trump campaign acquired?

      What are the odds.

    • OutOfOrbit

      no con too low for lifelong grifters

      • TundraGrifter

        Watch it!

        • OutOfOrbit

          : ) sarasarahsaruh

    • TundraGrifter

      Did the Trump Campaign ever pay those little girls they stiffed?

      Meanwhile, when these two appear on Sheer uh “Am I uh An Idiot?” uh InSannity’s show, does he bother to disclose they are paid by the Trump Campaign?

      Of course. Not.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    A weird thing just happened. I got a news alert that the suspect in a hit-and-run in Vancouver, WA appeared in court today. I don’t ordinarily keep up with the day-to-day goings on in Vancouver, but I was bored, so I read the article. His alleged victim has the same name as my best friend, is the same age, and was riding a motorcycle (my friend is an avid motorcyclist.) This also happens to be the time my friend, who lives in San Francisco, takes an annual trip to the Portland area to visit his wife’s family.

    Fortunately, my friend is safe and sound in SF. The other guy has five broken ribs, but survived.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Oh my! What a relief!!

    • TJ Barke

      Whoa, weird.

    • HazooToo

      That’s got to be your friend from an alternate timeline.

      • TJ Barke

        Oh shit! The boundaries between universes are breaking down!

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          You’re just now noticing?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Buy lottery tickets. Now.

    • Werewolf

      My cousin has the same name as a *very* famous murder victim. People freaked out a bit.

  • It is the time of year where i get to tell nurses they are wrong! Yay to organizing school nursing care!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Yay. I guess. I had a health thingie a few years ago, and I have to say the nurses were awesome.

      • They usually are here too, but school nurising is an insane pain in the ass. All timed visits for insulin, all across our service area, with limited care teams

  • Picabo
  • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

    Evenin’ gang. I’ve been away for quite a while and have missed you all. It’s funny, since I retired I don’t seem to have much time to sit around and BS any more. I don’t know how I ever had time to fit a job into my busy schedule before.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Lovely to see you! I hope things are going well?

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        They are, thx. I’ve lost 5 lbs so far and I’m getting more exercise in a week than I did in a month of desk jockeying.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh, good for you. Seriously. Live your life like people were hijacking it before.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Apparently, https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6bdaac72b5538dd2203a4a5c31b35d84fb4a1f0f474304e6a57efa82d66a6723.png Donnie Two Scoops forgot everything he was taught about negotiating.

  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    I am starting to think that if you are a successful physician and you willingly enter politics, you are by default an incompetent boob. I use her and Carson to prove my point. Admittedly the “n” count of my exhaustive study might be a little low, but you can’t argue with the facts…

    • Raan

      Do ophthalmologists count?

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        How many fingers am I holding up?

        • Raan

          I don’t know, I can’t see your hand.

          SWEET CRACKERS, I’M BLIND!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Finally a diagnosis from a qualified professional!

      • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

        Only successful ones. Not self-certified ones like Paul…

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Also, too Rand Paul and Tom Price

      • therblig

        Frist!

      • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

        Note “successful”…and paul is self-certified ophthalmologist. Price was an orthopedic surgeon. Even other surgeons don’t consider those guys doctors…

    • BosGrl

      Google “physicians in congress” – there are a lot of them, past and present.

    • John Thorstensen

      Well, there is Howard Dean.

      • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

        Forgot about him. I like that guy. You hear that scream now and i think its funny how we pick a particular something to focus on.

  • h4rr4r

    So Putin likes having the DPRK as a destabilizing force in asia. Good to confirm.

  • La forza del resistino

    “On Monday 8/14 Anthony Scaramucci will be my guest on [The Late Show]. This is just a heads up for our censors to get ready!” Colbert, the show’s host, wrote on Twitter.

    • TJ Barke

      Oh god steven, don’t give him any more attention…

      • Duke

        “Can’t turn away”

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Negative capability sells.

  • Poly_Ester

    This is serious, folks. Our cat has donned her cloak of invisibility. This only happens for DEFCON5. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b231b2d46339efd4f1e4f566fbf653fcb6132bb58fe4a308995e333f6401d94f.jpg

    • La forza del resistino

      is that a bulge in your duvet or are you just glad to see me?

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      No cat! No cat! You’re the cat!

    • AJ Milne

      The kitten we’re sitting is sleeping in a bookcase right now, on top of a row of textbooks…

      I’d assumed it was just a good kitten-sized hidey-hole. But now you mention, she may be getting in position to guard critical material for the rebuilding of civilization from the ravening hordes.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Cats are foresighted like that.

    • Manhattan123

      When you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the cat. You can do anything.

    • Delu

      If anyone doesn’t notice before getting on the bed, that is going to be one flat cat.

    • CindyinEncinitas
      • Poly_Ester

        Animals know when disaster is imminent.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    “Fire and Fury” is the name of my new Gotterdammerung tribute band.

    • yyyaz

      Not if my Mounted Habanero Mariachi band has something about it.

    • BosGrl

      “Fire and Furry” is the name of my new Muppets tribute band.

  • jaspersdad

    Canadian co-author of U.S. climate report says findings ‘flatly contradict’ Trump administration

    “The reality is we need that policy mechanism to point us in the right direction as well, because otherwise we, as humans, are just resistant to change,” said Katharine Hayhoe, director of the Texas Tech University Climate Science Cente

    “‘Extremely likely’ to a scientist is standing out there, looking up at the sky, seeing the asteroid approaching you and saying it’s extremely likely it’s going to hit the Earth,” she said.

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/katharine-hayhoe-climate-report-trump-1.4240089

    • The Librarian

      I like Ms. Hayhoe, but wouldn’t “consequences of prior actions” hit a little harder than side-effects?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • Bijou

      FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

      • cheetojeebus

        Image search “Guam brown snakes” and you won’t feel so bad.

        • A Groucho Marxist

          Nuke the entire site from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.

        • yyyaz

          You know those will survive. Guam brown folks prolly won’t fare as well.

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          I suspect that brown snakes and the rats they feed on will survive the nukes just fine.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Guam’s not a thing.

      • jesterpunk

        Dave’s not here man.

        • NotALiar

          Is it true hemp can be used in shampoo?

          • CindyinEncinitas

            How do you smoke your shampoo?

      • NorthernSaber

        Got an awfully fucking large air force base on it for not being a thing…

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      North Korea’s military will have a plan to send Hwasong 12 missiles toward Guam by “mid-August and report it to the commander-in-chief of the DPRK nuclear force and wait for his order,” according to KCNA. Kim Jong Un is understood to be the commander-in-chief of the nuclear force.

      • Rags

        Will they have to fire it over SK or Japan?

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          skimming, an article said Japan.

    • Jenny

      Oh noes he told the plan!!!

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      This means they will launch some put-put rocket that will fall off about 3 miles into the Pacific Ocean, possiblyin the same direction as Guam. L’il Kim will tell his people that he struck fear into our hearts.
      If Trump can keep his bloated yap shut (no guarantee) that will likely be the end of it- for a while.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        They can’t even be consistent in hitting the Sea of Japan, and that’s right next door.

    • yyyaz

      Giving Trumpledthinskin his window of opportunity, yay.

    • Covfefe

      By mid-August, they will complete their plan on how to strike Guam.

    • La forza del resistino

      Donald will order a Navy fleet there (there is a fleet already there) as soon as someone points Guam out on a map for him.

    • Jennifer R

      My assumption is that we will end up entering limited hostilities.

  • HazooToo

    Made amazing meatloaf. Used StoveTop Stuffing instead of bread. Insanely tasty. Can’t type, eating.

    • Bijou

      I use instant oatmeal…I’ll have to try your way sometime.

      • BosGrl

        That sounds great! I’m going to try that. Fewer carbs.

  • Snopes Shop

    She’s a monster. She is indefensible.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Well, the good news is that Jill Stein is really going to have to eat her words once the escalation of rhetoric leads to an actual nuclear war!
    Well . . . okay, “kind of good news.”
    Um . . . “cold comfort?”
    Fuck it, I need more wine.

  • Bijou

    I’m a bit confused as to how the Bernie Bros went seamlessly from Bernie to Jill and now back to Bernie again.

    Remember when they said he was a sell-out for eventually putting support behind Hillary? Now they love him again.

    Apparently loyalty and consistency don’t go hand-in-hand with white privilege and general douchebaggery.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      They spin it by saying “Well, he endorsed her platform. He never endorsed her.”

      • Snopes Shop

        LOL how can they stand themselves?

  • vivian

    Never has duct tape been more sorely needed.

  • BMW
    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Just hurry the fuck up. I’m ready for it.

      • BosGrl

        Same here.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          We’ll just feel real warm and then go to sleep and wake up with Jesus and our grandmothers smiling at us, right?

          • BosGrl

            That would be lovely.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    this was from hours ago – but i was waiting for open thread (who believes it was his FIRST order?)

    https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/895252459152711680
    https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/895254168570605568

    • AJ Milne

      Right after the order to recount the inauguration crowd, deny the vote to everyone not voting for him, and the six Big Macs.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        and the wall and isis and the muslim ban…

      • Ryan Denniston

        Isn’t he a KFC guy?

        • AJ Milne

          Well, I’ve seen pictures implicating the golden aortic blockage as well…

          So I figure he’s a citizen of the world. Probably anything that ever metastasized into a greasy plastic franchise box and migrated to fester beneath every off ramp, he’s up for it.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            speaking of which – didn’t the right give clinton a bunch of shit for being a bubba and eating McDonald’s (i remember the SNL skit), but with trump it’s probably – “SEE! He’s a man of the people!”

      • IdiotsforPalin

        Feed him triple burgers soaked in duck fat……grilled in butter with eight slices of cheese and fries of putine

      • Rick Hill

        And register his intent to run in 2020

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i guarantee you that was teh first ACTUAL thing he did – besides taking a 3 day weekend, remember.

    • HazooToo

      MASSIVE HONKING LIES.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Give him six boiled geese and some gravy, stat!

    • Augustus

      dude, this fucking guy

      you literally just sealed our doom with that curse

    • Ryan Denniston

      Gotta have that warboner in tippy top shape. BTW, if we’re paying for them, why can’t we use them?

    • IdiotsforPalin

      You fukking liar…Obama did that…..he just didn’t brag about it….GFY

      • Ryan Denniston

        Wha? White man taking credit for a black man’s hard work?

        • IdiotsforPalin

          Obama has a bigger penis……so there

    • Delu

      http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2017/aug/09/donald-trump/under-donald-trump-us-nuclear-arsenal-far-stronger/

      First order? Facts say no. Nuclear weapons haven’t been modernized yet anyway.

      Hope to not use this power? So he was lying about “fire and fury” then? Or simply spewing shit as usual?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        rexxon said today that trump’s word should not be taken literally – he was just giving them a taste of their own medicine. Seriously.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Did he also call it Trump doing “improv”? I heard that on the news as well.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i haven’t seen that, but i’ve been gone for 5 hours.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Well, you missed the interpretive dance portion, so I hope you can stay for the rest.

        • BosGrl

          Dear God, do we need a Drumpf to English translator now?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Heh, are you this CNN writer?

            Washington (CNN)Secretary of State Rex Tillerson’s unofficial job title could be translator-in-chief.

            The top US diplomat found himself in a familiar role Wednesday, explaining to the world what his boss actually meant when he threatened to bring down the “fire and fury” of the US upon North Korea.

            In Asia and beyond, President Donald Trump’s comment, along with his promise to unleash power “the likes of which the world has never seen,” was seen as dangerously provocative brinksmanship that heightened tensions, increased the potential for miscalculation and made diplomacy with Pyongyang even more difficult.

            Mattis to North Korea: Stop actions that could lead to ‘destruction of its people’

            Tillerson offered a different take.

            “I think what the President was doing was sending a strong message to North Korea in language that Kim Jung Un would understand, because he doesn’t seem to understand diplomatic language,” Tillerson said, referring to the North Korean leader in remarks to reporters during a plane ride to Guam.

          • BosGrl

            Yes, yes I am. I never told you guys before but I mine the noncomments for material. It’s gold, I tell ya! Gold!

          • Delu

            Well yeah, Mattis and co pretty much have to take on such translator roles too.

          • Lord Jim

            Except McMaster tripled down on Trump’s bluster by talking about “preventive war”. Wasn’t McMaster’s appointment supposed to be the entry of the “adult” in the room? So far, McMaster has seemed like another feckless flunky.

          • CindyinEncinitas
          • eka

            oh, please no. it’s better if we don’t fully understand.

        • Delu

          “Seriously not literally”.

          Need I say more?

          Well I will anyway. It’s a line that allows Trump to say whatever shit he wants and not take responsibility for it.

          Then it falls upon his minions to explain whatever the heck it is they think those words of his meant.

          Each with their own individual interpretations of course.

          • Rags

            “He was joking.”

          • Delu

            Well yeah, like that one about him “joking” to ban all transgenders from the military on twitter too right?

            We can’t really tell what are jokes and what isn’t anymore, another big problem of “seriously and not literally”.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Trump was referring generally to any purveyor of cheese products.

    • Jenny

      Yeah ok bro. Our economy is owned by China and we suck at diplomacy and can’t get our allies to back us up for shit. So being the hyper best means nothing.

      The only people really worried about being number one is him and the maganoids like him who only know history by watching action movies. Preferably ones with Steven Seagal.

      • A Groucho Marxist

        Maganoids. As succinct a nom de faction as I’ve ever heard.

        • Jenny

          Avoid the noids!

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      This looks like something a 5 year old would say.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Oh come on, just how minuscule IS his penis?

    • vivian

      FIRST RULE OF BUSINESS:
      Don’t bullshit a bullshitter. Kim Jong Un can see right through this tripe; it’s his metier.

      • Delu

        Kim Jong Un probably knows he’s bullshitting.

        I’m not sure about Trump though.

    • Rags

      A program established by bamz, natch.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Nothing like bragging about your nuclear arsenal on the 72nd anniversary of being the only country which has actually fucking nuked someone.

    • Rick Hill

      Meanwhile, reports out today it’s the same it was six months ago. Or eight. Or fourteen

    • IdiotsforPalin

      Fukk you asshole…..
      Again the black president’s dick is far bigger than yours:
      http://www.defenseone.com/ideas/2015/02/obamas-trillion-dollar-nuclear-weapons-gamble/104217/

    • OrdinaryJoe

      A genie grants a man three wishes …

      “Whatever you wish for your worst enemy gets double”

      ” What is your first wish?” Asked the genie.
      “I wish for $10 million.” Said the man.
      ” Okay, your enemy gets $20 million. Next?”
      ” Okay, I wish for a mansion.”
      “Done, your enemy now has 2 mansions. What is your final wish?”
      The man pauses to think carefully.
      “I wish for you to beat me half to death.”

  • IdiotsforPalin

    Jill should suck my dick…and swallow. …but it’s to late now

    • aktlib101

      Your dick is not there anymore? /s

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Dude, where did you leave your dick?

        • Rick Hill

          I had it just a minute ago…maybe in my other pants…

          • Rags

            Pants??!?!?!

          • Rick Hill

            I’m a rebel. Sue me

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Don’t let it get away! I hear they come in handy sometimes.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Check the dishwasher rack – maybe he cleaned it and forgot to put it back together.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Aren’t they dry clean only? I mean, they’re so delicate…

      • IdiotsforPalin

        Woulda. coulda, shoulda

    • rufus magister

      Why, I thought you had your premature ejaculation problem solved. Sad.

      • IdiotsforPalin

        Only with your mama…..sad

        • rufus magister

          Impotent otherwise.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Ummm….no. She’s a dreadful human being, but no.

      • IdiotsforPalin

        I’d do it for gawd and contry

    • Beowoof14

      Somehow the thought of my dick in Jill’s mouth is a huge turn off.

  • aktlib101

    The fuckers at Monsanto, are at it again. With government/EPA’s cooperation, of course. Money does’t smell, does it?
    “Scant Oversight, Corporate Secrecy Preceded US Weed Killer Crisis”
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/scant-oversight-corporate-secrecy-preceded-us-weed-killer-crisis_us_598b6e7ae4b0d793738c62bd?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009
    “Farmers are posting startling pictures on social media: fields of beans and vegetable gardens withering away.”

    “As the crisis intensifies, new details provided to Reuters by independent researchers and regulators, and previously unreported testimony by a company employee, demonstrate the unusual way Monsanto introduced its product. The approach, in which Monsanto prevented key independent testing of its product, went unchallenged by the Environmental Protection Agency and nearly every state regulator.”

    “In this case, Monsanto denied requests by university researchers to study its XtendiMax with VaporGrip for volatility – a measure of its tendency to vaporize and drift across fields.”
    Is America Great already, are we there yet?

    • h4rr4r

      Why are they making requests? Just buy some and test it.

      Dollars to donuts, farmers are misusing the product. Tank mixing it with other products or some other application issue.

      Don’t get me wrong Monsanto are no Angels, but they do love money.

      • Jamoche

        It wouldn’t surprise me if it can only be bought through official channels for exactly that reason.

        • h4rr4r

          Farmers like money too.

          Buy some from one of them. It is not like Monsanto would ever know unless you try to buy a rail car. A rounding error amount as a cash transaction will be untraceable.

      • ⭐️ BRAINTHRUST 5000 ⭐️

        At some point maybe three-four years ago the right wing think tanks worked out they could get credulous lefties to do their work for them. That’s why these stories (“EPA helping Monsanto KILL ALL THE BEES!!!!1”) exist at all, and why they ALWAYS mention the EPA.

        • h4rr4r

          Ignorance has always been popular in America. My opinion is as good as your facts, and all.

    • ⭐️ BRAINTHRUST 5000 ⭐️

      Ah yes, let’s spread more right-wing propaganda designed to target the EPA because it feeds into our confirmation bias about scary MONSAAAAAANNNNNNTTOOOOO.

  • chascates

    “We’ll handle North Korea. We’ll be able to handle North Korea. It will be handled. We handle everything.” (Donald Trump, July 31)

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f2348d96079e7b2d6cd16bf668f04b49baa501fc808381dc3267210b044151e3.jpg

    • AJ Milne

      In fairness, every woman under twenty five he’s ever met can attest that he certainly tries to.

      • Marla

        Twenty-five?

        That’s a bit old for the orange menace, isn’t it? Wanting to date 10 year old girls in “ten years” is his motto.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Realizing he has to say he’d wait ten years.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I’ll fund that unguided trainwreck.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh it’s on now. An apocalyptic-lovin Baptist nutjob says ‘…God has given Trump the authority to take out Kim.” BooYah!

    https://twitter.com/BettyBowers/status/895315742366744577

    Well, if Gawwwd’ sez’ it’s OK!

    • RMKH

      Concerning Christians that might object to Jeffries’ idiotic warmongering – “They are not well taught in the scriptures”. What he means is they haven’t learned that the Bible contains much that is contradictory, and they haven’t learned to cherry-pick a verse that backs up their base instincts.

      • Lord Jim

        No. This is a matter of some dumbshit who has no idea what “hermeneutics” means and whose “interpretation” is guided by an ill-founded and arbitrary doctrine that has no contact with sound biblical scholarship.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I’ve decided that all forms of organized religious belief are a form of OCD.

  • Baconzgood

    Finally Baconzgood haz fo https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3e0736d71f035e38207e30b71650b40dcf822605f270556f591bbabf963fc7f4.jpg ne. I lost it but thankfully a concerned citizen turned it in a week later.

    Iz haz fone

    • HazooToo

      Welcome back to the light! We’re now holding Duck & Cover drills, in anticipation of nuclear war.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I have lost mine twice, but I have a listing in my Contacts called “Me-Call If You Find This Phone” and it has worked both times, got it back within hours.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        stealing that idea!

        • puredog

          Well, yeah, that could work if you have another line of some kind. I’ve now dropped my landline, so that doesn’t work, sob.

        • BosGrl

          Yes, but you can’t have a password for that to work. On my Android, you can put a message on the lock screen. I had my phone number on there.

  • dshwa

    Dear Jill Stein,

    Obscurity would like you to return now. Please leave at once.

    Thanks,

    Everyone

    P.S. You can keep the money Russia gave you to help elect Trump. Just go the fuck away now.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Right, Jill. Let’s not elect a seasoned statesman to handle the nuclear menace. Let’s go for a hotheaded lunatic who wants to know why we don’t use more nukes, and gets his kicks by provoking fights.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Orange fucker was a prophet in 2013…he foresaw his own administration.
    ******************************************************************************
    Donald J. Trump‏ _ Verified account
    @realDonaldTrump

    Be prepared, there is a small chance that our horrendous leadership could unknowingly lead us into World War III.

    • Delu

      And who would have forseen THAT hmmmm?

    • La forza del resistino

      ‘unknowingly’ is 2 syllables beyond Donald’s usual fare. Maybe Barron wrote that.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Personal gripe alert: Does anyone else regularly start their day behind their place of employ cleaning up syringes, soiled underwear, garbage, and human waste? Most days I’m wearily inured to it….other times-like today-I want to find another solar system to live and work in.

    • Snopes Shop

      It can always be worse….?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        No dead bodies yet.

    • SnarkON

      Your neighborhood seems nice.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It’s where I rent my shop space. I don’t think I could take living in this area.

    • HazooToo

      At one point, working the overnight shift at Wawa, I found a small baggie of pot while sweeping the lot. We smoked it immediately.

      • Shanzgood

        When my son worked the graveyard shift at a convenience store (where he was robbed at gunpoint) he found a bag of crystal meth. He called the cops to turn it over, but they just told him to flush it.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Bring it by my shop next time. I’d have a line a block long by 7 a.m.

          • puredog

            I’d advise against snorting a line that long. According to a friend.

        • HazooToo

          Well, ain’t that comforting…

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            The downstream fish were never the same, also too.

        • commatoes

          Coming from former convenience store clerk. Shitty job for shitty pay and one of the few minimum wage jobs where getting shot is not unheard of. Though I live in Canada so I was more likely to get stabbed.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • WomanInThePersistence

      Well, that sucks.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Do you need an assistant cheese-slicer or anything?

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Always. And we rarely have to begin our days picking up shit, and other things.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            When can I start?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Anytime!

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Why are people pigs?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Well, they’re addicts and generally homeless, so they don’t have many options. Which, though I try not to judge, doesn’t make me feel any better.

    • Paperless Tiger

      We had a safety training course for how to pick up garbage bags so you don’t get stuck if there happens to be a needle in it. Don’t hug it! Good to know.

      • BosGrl

        Yeah, you really should not pick up a needle, ever. If there’s fentanyl on it, you could actually overdose. Use something to pick it up and then wash your hands.

        • commatoes

          Fentanyl and carfentanil is just moving into my area. As a large portion of the population in my city use ERs as primary care (local shortage of GPs) the EMTs are very nervous on OD calls.

          • BosGrl

            I’m sorry it’s coming your way. I’m sorry for everyone – the addicts, the EMTs, the ER staff.

          • commatoes

            Luckily my province has had time to prepare. Unfortunately, we are learning from the mistakes, some fatal, made by provinces farther west. As a rule, most of the population no longer view addiction as a moral failing, but a public health issue. There is very little of “those addicts do not deserve our sympathy” type of moralizing.

          • BosGrl

            That is huge and will help a lot. Too bad this wasn’t common knowledge years ago. We might have had a real solution by now. :(

    • BosGrl

      I think you have it tough behind your shop. Can you put up a fake camera or something? A motion sensor light?

    • Jenny

      So my mom’s house? Honestly her diabetes was the best thing ever because of needle safety training. Cuz your kids yelling at you for leaving needles out ain’t enough.

    • commatoes

      My former cop buddy tells me that a lot of drugs are geographically specific. Locally, it’s all crack cocaine, which surprised me. So pipes are common, but not needles.

      Up the highway is a smaller town where hypodermic syringes are pretty common in some areas. But we have a province wide (equivalent to state) needle exchange program that has cut it down a lot.

  • HazooToo

    OK, this is a batcrap crazy bitch, and her poll is asinine, but IT IS BACKFIRING ON HER ALREADY, LOL, GUYS YOU HAVE TO VOTE ON THIS!

    https://twitter.com/kelliwardaz/status/895339783563509760

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Chemtrail Kelli; Arizona’s finest.

      • HazooToo

        It’s already 51% in favor of CNN!

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i got a campaign email from her….for some reason.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Print it out and burn it!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            dude, printer ink ain’t cheap and school starts soon.

            ; P

      • commatoes

        As a parallel, Alex Jones’ overall medical, pharmaceutical, and natural supplement expert is a chiropractor.

        It seems that having Dr. in front of your name give some people automatic expertise in EVERY aspect of human health. My mechanical engineering buddy works at a power plant. He takes his car to a mechanic for repairs. Yeah, not all skill sets are transferable.

    • Paperless Tiger

      When did Trump ever tell the truth?

    • Raan

      Also, remember the last time the administration put a question to Twitter? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bbc599115b5dadd0750cab8e47a2287529befd3557d4f3b466b76abf0287658c.png

      • HazooToo

        God, that is fucking beautiful.

      • commatoes

        They actually found 195 people that were NOT sure!?!

        • Raan

          It’s been my assumption that those votes were people who missed trying to hit “no” or cats stepping on the mouse or something.

    • Edith Prickly