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On July 26, the morning after Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort testified behind closed doors for the Senate Intelligence Committee, Donald Trump Twitter-bated out a ban on transgender people serving in the military, which top military brass are basically ignoring right now. On top of that, he randomly threatened then-acting FBI director Andrew McCabe over his allegedly nefarious ties to Hillary Clinton (which don’t exist), which seemed weird and out of left field, but that’s Twitter Trump for you. Oh, and also he bitched that morning at Alaska GOP Senator Lisa Murkowski for her principled vote against murdering healthcare for her constituents. What the hell was he trying to distract us from?

PERHAPS he was trying to make some headlines, just in case news leaked that special counsel Robert Mueller’s team sent FBI agents to Manafort’s house early that morning, while it was still dark, and raided the hell out of it. PERHAPS he was also firing a warning shot at McCabe, because he didn’t like the FBI showing up at his buddy’s house like that. The Washington Post has the scoop:

FBI agents raided the Alexandria home of President Trump’s former campaign chairman late last month, using a search warrant to seize documents and other materials, according to people familiar with the special counsel investigation into Russian meddling in the 2016 election. […]

The search warrant was wide-ranging and FBI agents working with special counsel Robert S. Mueller III departed the home with various records.

But wait, hasn’t Manafort been cooperating SO GOOD with these investigations? He met with the Senate Intelligence Committee and gave them all the notes he took during that meeting with Donald Trump Jr. and all the Russians at Trump Tower. He turned over all kinds of other documents to Congress. (And so did Trump Jr. and the Trump campaign, which handed over THOUSANDS of documents, probably all the way down to the take-out menus, because they are just trying to “help” the investigations along by bogging them down in paperwork.)

We guess Mueller was suspicious Manafort was cooperating TOO GOOD with the investigations, turning over all kinds of useless paper and keeping the good stuff for himself. In other words, he wasn’t really cooperating, and Mueller was able to show a judge he had probable cause to believe Manafort deserved an early morning visit from the FBI’s finest:

The search warrant indicates investigators may have argued to a federal judge they had reason to believe Manafort could not be trusted to turn over all records in response to a grand jury subpoena.

Moreover, Mueller might have been worried Manafort would try to destroy evidence, as former Justice Department spokesperson and current MSNBC contributor Matthew Miller notes on Twitter. Miller also flags a Twitter thread arguing that, for a judge to sign off on a 4:00 AM raid on Trump’s freaking CAMPAIGN CHAIRMAN, before Manafort had even had a chance to put his panties on, have a spot of coffee, and check his offshore bank accounts to see if his latest check from a Russian oligarch cleared (allegedly!), Mueller would have to have had really significant evidence that he would find something BIG in that search.

Manafort’s allies fear that Mueller hopes to build a case against Manafort unrelated to the 2016 campaign, in hopes that the former campaign operative would provide information against others in Trump’s inner circle in exchange for lessening his own legal exposure.

WHOA IF TRUE, and it’s probably true!

That’s right, ORANGE FISH, like that big slimehead Donald Trump.

We are guessing Robert Mueller has probably found quite a lot of creepy crawly crimey Manafort stuff, considering the number of shady deals Manafort seems to have been involved in in his work as a LITERAL ACTUAL FOREIGN AGENT. The New York Times reports that investigators were looking for “tax documents and foreign banking records,” which leads us to wonder whether they raided his apartment at Trump Tower too. They should probably check there! Or one of his other one million apartments, bought with weird mortgages from strange banks!

Regardless, this helps explain why Donald Trump has been trying to sweet-talk Robert Mueller through his lawyer, while he bad-mouths him in public. We already knew Mueller was going after literal actual foreign agent/former national security adviser Michael Flynn — as Matthew Miller also notes on Twitter, the first one to REALLY flip gets the “golden ticket,” but there is only ONE golden ticket — and he’s assembled a team of legal badasses of the caliber you hire when your real target is somebody much, much bigger, more tremendous, YOOOOOOOOGER than these piddly-ass fucks. (We are talking about the orange fish.)

So things are moving pretty fast, it seems! Wonder whose house Mueller’s boys were raiding Tuesday afternoon when Trump threatened to hulk-smash North Korea with nukes.

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  • TJ Barke

    Big money big money no whammy no whammy!

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Bob Mueller is the one who knocks.

    • Wild Cat

      I’d like to see a Gus Fring exuent for all our dear illegal leaders. (With votes.)

    • FlownΩver

      Vlad’s not here, man!

  • JMP

    There’s no reason to be afraid that Manafort would destroy documents, after all all Trump affiliates have great respect for the law and would never engage in willful obstruction of justice OK I can’t keep a straight face any longer.

    • GoutMachine

      I can’t believe the DOJ/FBI are harrassing these True U.S. American Patriots ™ this way!

  • exinkwretch

    Coming Blightfart headline: “FBI finds evidence of Hillary collusion in Manafort raid; Manafort’s millions used to buy bibles and feed starving white children. Deep State suppresses truth.”

    • GoutMachine

      Wait, Manafort owns a pizza restaurant?

  • jesterpunk

    Remember when Manafort was working as Trump’s campaign manager Trump wasn’t paying him. So who paid him to work for Trump? There is no way anyone would do that work for free.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      A couple of Corinthians footed the bill. Where did they get the money? Good question.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        They got the money from an anonymous Good Samaritan.

  • Scooby

    That means there is Probable Cause. You can issue a subpoena with nothing but not a search warrant.

  • Ducksworthy

    One fish, two fish. Orange fish, blue fish. Dead fish.Trash fish.

  • Major_Major_Major

    Don’t know when he is serving it up, but it sounds like Mueller is preparing a great big ole’ helping of yerfucked l’orange. Tasty

  • Anna Rompage

    Meanwhile, a man matching Paul Manafort’s description was seen boarding a plane to Chechnya this morning, and traveling under the name Sneaketski Ratsdofucki

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Mueller.
    Mueller who?
    What, you think this is a fucking joke? I’m here to indict your ass!

  • JMP

    Of course there’s still lying congressional Republicans – and “leftist” useful idiots of the far right – insisting that he should instead be investigating the REAL scandal, Hillary Clinton’s completely legal email server.

    • GoutMachine

      Or Running While Female.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      It’s funny that they also mentioned going after Chelsea. Not a peep about Bill though.

      • jesterpunk

        The people they go after all have something in common I just cant figure out what…

        • MynameisBlarney

          It’s obvious you fool!
          They all have Vagendas of Manocide!

          • jesterpunk

            They also have cooties and dont make sammiches or cookies.

          • MynameisBlarney

            And even moar worster than all that…
            They are strong, determined intelligent womerns!

          • jesterpunk

            Those monsters!!!!eleventy!!!!

          • Bobathonic

            What a bunch of persistent cusses they are!

          • MynameisBlarney

            INORITE!
            It’s almost like they have minds and lives of their own and don’t seem to care about being brood mares for the patriarchy!

          • Bobathonic

            Sheesh, you just can’t get good help these days.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          The people going after them and Bill also have one thing in common. They all like blowjobs.

      • JMP

        Both groups have an obsession with hating hating Chelsea’s hypothetical future runs for office, despite the many times she’s stated that she has no interest in running, and insistence that she should never be allowed to speak in public, as Clinton Derangement Syndrome and hardcore misogyny merge again.

  • Ducksworthy

    Mannafort’s daughter said there was blood money. Was there blood money? Plutonium? Dioxin receipts?

    • GoutMachine

      Money was coming from Meghan Kelley’s wherevers.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Blood money with high levels of polonium.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The search warrant indicates investigators may have argued to a federal judge they had reason to believe Manafort could not be trusted to turn over all records in response to a grand jury subpoena.

    Can’t imagine why they were concerned…

    https://i.redd.it/4yk6dni702ny.jpg

  • BadKitty904
    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Hopefully they will find their city’s last taco truck!

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    Maybe Paul’s just a fan of Tony Orlando?
    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/OPjRT95DEew/hqdefault.jpg

  • Jgb979

    JUST A NOTHINGBURGER

    (Where a prosecutor had to get a warrant brought before a federal judge to get signed off, agreeing there would be probable cause of criminal activity found)

    • cmd resistor

      A nothingburger with Dijon mustard.

  • James Baskin

    Possibly something he said during his testimony that they knew to be false triggered this raid.

    • Bobathonic

      The indications from the FAKE NEWS! are that Mueller didn’t believe Manafort was truly cooperating – i.e. that he was probably holding back or destroying evidence.

      • James Baskin

        Wouldn’t they need more than a belief of non-cooperation to get a search warrant in a high profile case like this?

        • Bobathonic

          Yes, in every case, not just high profile ones – a search warrant has to be supported by probable cause. Mueller had to go before a judge and demonstrate that probable cause.

          • MrTusks

            “Your Honor…who are we kidding? C’mon. C’moooooon.”

            “Hmm, you make a good argument, counselor.”

  • therblig
    • armed_bears

      I’d watch.

  • Marceline

    RightWingistan is losing its collective shit right now. It’s all…

    Hillary!
    The Clinton Foundation!
    DNC servers!
    Lynch/Holder!
    Debbie Waaserman Schultz!

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Deep Deep State Obama!
      Chelsea too because why the fuck not??

    • BadKitty904

      Smoke! Mirrors!! Bread!!! Circuses!!!!

      • Bad Tom

        Gee.
        The bread is stale and the circus is lame.

        • OddMan

          And the mirror is broken, now due for 7 years bad luck.
          Smoke causes cancer.
          Have a nice day.

    • Edith Prickly

      Look over there! Fake news! We’re not puppets, YOU’RE THE PUPPET!!

      • Finnibar87

        Never forget the puppet paradigm!

    • OrG in Amsterdam

      Ha! Just think what it’s going to be like when shit starts REALLY going down.

    • Jgb979

      They do have to realize that none of those things are currently POTUS right?

      Also, even if there were the slightest thing criminal about those things and there’s not, “they did crimes so please excuse my treason crimes/ THEY STARTED IT” isn’t an actual argument

      • Bad Tom

        Most especially not in a court of law.

    • Anna Rompage

      So Hillary had Ben Ghzai kill Seth Rich with an email server in the basement of Comet Ping Pong, during a satanic fundraiser hosted by DWS, Holder & Lynch to benefit the dark overload John Podesta?

      • schmannity

        Alex Jones unmasked as Anna Rompage.

      • Finnibar87

        Nice summation!

      • jesterpunk

        All because Seth Rich figured out the secret risotto recipe.

      • Rags

        Needz moar Soros!

      • Malaclypse

        Also forgetting that they did all this while using pseudonyms for their email accounts.

    • Wild Cat

      At least the nazis enjoyed themselves with meth and sex and mutual suicide before the bunker was breached.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You lost me at ‘mutual’.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      It must be tough for those guys during a busy news cycle, what with all of them having to share the same brain cell…

    • jesterpunk

      Have they said how Bernie would have fixed everything if we just worship him as the one true progressive god?

    • JMP

      I’m surprised they haven’t started throwing out the bullshit 90s anti-Clinton conspiracy theories too, for old times’ sake – let’s have pretending there’s something scandalous about firing incompetent employees of the White House travel office again! And of course the granddaddy of them all, implying they were up to something vaguely nefarious when they lost money on a real estate deal!

      • GoutMachine

        Exactly. I’m surprised they haven’t relished in the idea of pissing on Vince Foster’s grave again.

        • JMP

          Ron Brown’s, along with the graves of everyone else who died in that plane crash with him, also too.

          • schmannity

            It’s a trail of Hillary murder and mayhem leading directly to Serh Rich, tonight on Hannity.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        They have dredged up the old, “Hillary killed Vince Foster” story, if that’s what you mean.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Hey, at least they’ve finally dropped Chappaquiddick.

        Of course, that could have just been because the current crop of Republicans can neither spell or pronounce it.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Hillary hand delivered Uranium to the Russians. No colluder. No colluder. You’re the colluder.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      It does get kind of obvious when they really, really want to change the subject.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The Page 6 President is in waaaaay over his head.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    It could also have been intended to send a message to President Trump’s former campaign chairman that he should not expect gentle treatment or legal courtesies from Mueller’s team.

    So serving a search warrant is the new “bitch, please”? Good to know!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I think the pre-dawn pounding on the door has already slipped past gentle treatment… and, I bet the i’s are dotted on all the legal courtesies … so those are to be expected…

  • schmannity

    Gosh, even federal judges and magistrates are fooled by FAKE NEWS.

    –Alternative Reality calling.

  • elviouslyqueer

    So all this bloviating tiny-dick-swinging at North Korea was yet another distraction?

    Once again, I am SHOCKED.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/kR0S22SGVDm4o/giphy.gif

  • msanthropesmr

    Good.

  • BadKitty904

    Ask not for whom the doorbell rings, Paul – it rings for thee…

    • Bad Tom

      Unless it was a “no knock” warrant… Then it didn’t ring at all.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I’m sure they couldn’t get a “no knock”. He is a decent White Man, after all.

  • therblig

    when does trumpy release the kraken?

  • Joshua Norton

    When you work for Drumf, “pre dawn FBI raid” is pretty much one of those things that get included in the job description.

  • beatbort

    Trump won’t tweet storm this revelation. He’s had time to think:
    “Hmmmmmm, maybe I can fob this whole thing off on Manafort…maybe I should chum the water behind the yacht and then toss him to the sharks….Manafort overboard LOL”

    • BadKitty904
      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        A massacre of votes!

    • OrG in Amsterdam

      Except manafort knows where the bodies are buried.

      • Ducksworthy

        Strategy is not a strong point for the Orange One.

    • therblig

      white house staff anxiously checking every US phone book to locate another “Paul Manafort” they can say was the actual campaign manager.

      • Yellerduck

        Hey, KAC or David Miller could sell that with a straight face.
        KAC: “We don’t know who this guy even is. THIS is the Paul Manafort we had on the campaign.”
        Reporter: But, he’s 10 years old.
        KAC: I’m shocked at your ageist attitude! The youth of this great country are our future!”

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Republican voter-suppression?!?1? Who woulda think it…

    Trump Administration Switches Sides, Backs Ohio Over Voter Purges
    https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-court-voters-idUSKBN1AO27M

  • SayItWithWookies

    May Sergei Magnitsky reach out from the grave and squeeze Paul Manafort’s balls til they turn blue. And let it be contagious.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Makes Trumps remark “Do you think we’re so good?” sound extra despicable. While our justice system sucks profoundly, there’s no American Magnitskys.

      • Bobathonic

        How many people do you think Trumpy has asked to have assassinated? I’m going with “more than one”.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          If he feels his back is enough to the wall, then possibly. He seems like the type to go more for some Mussolini style beatings and castor oil, letting people live to tell the tale. He does enjoy humiliation.

        • (((fka_donnie_d)))

          “Who will rid me of this turbulent priest?”

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        And you’ve just identified the real problem with GeeGee Greenwald. He desperately wants to pretend that we’re no better than any of these assholes.

        EDIT:

        That scene in The Godfather when Michael comes back from Italy and goes to see Kay. People who pretend that the world is uniformly governed by complete assholes are looking for an excuse for their own assholery.

      • Sandra Bland? (I know what you mean, though: the consequences of racism are different from actual state assassinations, but still.)

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          I’m struggling with that. No, we are not so good. We have never been that good. But as bad as we’ve been, we’ve never been good at the kind of massive, systematic totalitarian thuggary practiced by the Russians over the last 100 years.

  • ManchuCandidate

    I am the one who knocks… Bitch.
    -FBI guy Mueller.

    • Finnibar87

      Bobby Three Sticks never uses the bell.

      • Bobathonic

        In my neck of the woods, Bobby Three Sticks is RGIII, sportsball perfessional.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      The Special Council Only Knocks Once.

      Coming this fall to Netflix.

  • Indiepalin

    I hope he hid his weed better than I do.

    • msanthropesmr

      Everybody recognized that weren’t oregano a long time ago.

      • Weird Fishes

        Still good on pizza, right? Asking for a friend.

    • arglebargle

      You can’t hide it too good or you might forget where you put it. Or so I’ve heard.

      • SpideySenser

        It’s twoo!

  • msanthropesmr

    OT. Still in traffic jam. I can hear the buzzard.

  • BadKitty904

    Now squeal like a pig, Paul…

  • armed_bears
  • YayConspiracy

    is that the sound of the bombing I hear, or is it my heart pounding?

  • Ezio

    Well, well, well. Look at what story just broke the morning after talking tough to North Korea. What a coincidence!

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    So far it’s been all DEEP STATE WITCH HUNT. It will be interesting to hear how Fox and Friends spin it once Trump’s own gang start making accusations.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      “How Hillary and Obama colluded with the Russians to undermine the GOP.”

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      “Manafort and Flynn were colluding with Obama Russia and Hillary all along to make Trump look bad!”
      Should turn up as an Enquirer headline any day now.

  • BadKitty904
  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Another leak succesfully plugged!

  • Scooby

    My Trump neighbor just told me they raided him because he had Hillarys lost e-mails.

    • BadKitty904

      Perhaps he’s thinking of Indiana Jones…

    • laughingnome

      You live near a Trump?

      • Scooby

        I live in Trump country, that’s why I want to move.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Something tells me your neighbor isn’t terribly bright.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        First clue: “Trump neighbour.”

        • Weird Fishes

          Self-identified, no doubt.

    • NastyBossetti

      This is why I don’t talk to people. I probably would’ve punched your neighbor.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Laughter followed by harsh, unceasing ridicule.

      • Scooby

        I won’t punch him but I once filled out a change of address form for him and had all his mail sent to Bolivia.

        • Marion in Savannah

          I like the way your mind works!

        • NastyBossetti

          Remind me not to mess with you.

    • Bobathonic

      Clearly, there is still far too much lead in our environment.

    • TJ Barke

      Of course.

    • Edith Prickly

      FAKE NEWS! They’re in Comet Ping Pong’s basement.

    • Ducksworthy

      I have a Trump (formerly GWB) neighbor. Another neighbor was standing at the curb telling him, quite forcefully, what he thought of Trump. I happened to overhear some of it. I went to the neighbor who was yelling about the Trump supporter being a hopeless idiot and asked him “So why are you arguing with him?”

    • marxalot

      Well, I think that wins the Trump TripleThink award for the day.

    • GoutMachine

      Oh, bless his (her) heart.

  • DainBramage

    When will Mueller have enough info to convince a judge that he should be allowed to tear Trump Tower down to the studs?

    • Johnny Appleseed

      Soon, I hope.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      No! It should remain standing. I want George Soros to buy it and rename it “Soros Tower.”

      • Wild Cat

        Tear down all his properties everywhere and build mosques and synagogues on them for shits and giggles.

        • DainBramage

          Add in some Planned Parenthood clinics.

          • Wild Cat

            A NAACP HQ sounds good too.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          As long as there is an outhouse built on his grave.

          • Wild Cat

            The one Jerry Falwell lost his virginity in with his mom? Why not?

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            Is that when she said: “Come out to the shitter with me Jerry. Lunchtime!”

          • Wild Cat

            It was more heartwarming when first told by Larry Flynt in the 1970s.

          • Ducksworthy

            Gack. I sort of remember that.

          • Wild Cat

            Led to a major First Amendment decision.

          • Edith Prickly
        • marxalot

          Homeless shelters. Soup kitchens.
          Worse, Section 8 and rent controlled housing.

      • Ducksworthy

        When he has wrought all the destruction he can on this planet, Trump will go to his secret capsule in the top of Trump tower and launch it toward his home planet.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          May his planet have been overrun by Mexicans during his absence.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Lucky for Paul he’s only suspected of money laundering and a little light treason – people suspected of drug crimes served with no knock warrants usually fare a lot worse. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/03/18/us/forced-entry-warrant-drug-raid.html

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      At least the FBI is learned from Ruby Ridge. When Podunk PD decides it’s time for a little excitement, that’s when the casualties start piling up. And it could be you if Informant Who Don’t Care gives them the wrong address.

  • DainBramage
  • BadKitty904

    OT: Corrupt AND $tupid?

    DeVos Invested More Money in ‘Brain Performance’ Company, Despite Weak Evidence
    http://www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2017/08/07/devos-invested-more-money-in-brain-performance.html

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Please tell me she taped a testimonial.

      • BadKitty904

        You, two, can think good!

    • DainBramage

      Yes and yes.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      “Aarre you, de bwrain speshulist? My bwrain hurts!”

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Well, my brain hurts, that’s for damnsure.

      • DainBramage
      • BadKitty904

        Go back to sleep, ‘Dr.’ Carson…

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        Different movie, but:

        “Into the mud, scum queen!”

        (Or, “Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people.”)

    • JMP

      You mean all those ads for pills and websites that claim they will make your brain work gooder are likely scams? I am shocked, shocked! I was sure the claim that eating pills made from jellyfish would magically improve my brainpower must be legit!

      • BadKitty904

        So, how long have you been voting Republican?

        • JMP

          The sad thing is, I keep seeing ads for the jellyfish brain pills running on MSNBC lately; but then as alternative “medicine” and the anti-GMO food movement show, a good number of liberals are also susceptible to anti-science con artists.

          • BadKitty904

            I s’pose we can console ourselves with the thought that medical quacks and charlatans go back as far as recorded history…

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Hey! you know what the call non-alternative medicine?

            Medicine.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Actually, they really do work, and work well. The problem is that I can now only remember things jellyfish know. Ooh, look, plankton! Yum!

    • Ezio

      When does she buy bottles of Alex Jones’ “brain force” supplement for school children?

      • BadKitty904

        Once she’s popped some more peyote…

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Now with even more chicken bones!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I cannot wait for these things to be used in public schools to kick black kids out help identify gifted children!

    • Covfefe

      No, not stupid. The point of an investment is return on investment. Sales are driven by marketing.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        The only “evidence” i want to see is in my portfolio bottom line. Cha-ching!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Think Mueller is searching the White House while it’s being fumigated? Irresponsible not to!

    • DainBramage

      Is that why the work is being done?

      • GoutMachine

        Maybe we will very soon have Tapes! And Tapps!

        • WotsAllThisThen

          I hear that whole place is high tech tapp by wire.

        • marxalot

          And tapas!

          • Elvis Causticfellow

            And taco wagons!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Doubtful.
      But, it’s very likely that there are several agencies doing their thing.

    • Zombishroom

      They’ll just find a bunch of pee porn.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        In Russian.

  • beatbort

    Is this an omen?: I took my son to a film production class today at a university in New Britain, Ct. The building where the class is held is on Paul Manafort Drive.
    Cue the Twilight Zone music.

    (full disclosure: Manafort’s father was mayor of New Britain many years ago).

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    This nothing burger is looking a little juicy.

  • TJ Barke

    Aaand Donnie called for the firing of the acting head of the FBI after learning about the raid. Donnie has nothing to fear if he has nothing to hide… so why’s he so afraid?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      ‘I WANT HIM FIRED!’
      ‘For what?’
      ‘DOING HIS JOB!’

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Persistent Demme

      He’s a genius.

  • Persistent Demme

    Would Trump start WW3 to deflect attention from this mess?
    Why yes, yes he would!

    Dearest Wonkers, allay my fears, and tell me how he’ll be stopped.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      He is far too incompetent to pull it off. Plus, the Pentagon isn’t exactly his biggest fans at the moment.

    • Ducksworthy

      Mattis has given him a decoy Nuclear Football.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Everyone told him it’s an actual, literal football, and he should see Lucy Van Pelt if he ever needs to kick it.

        • Elvis Causticfellow

          Upfisted for knowing Lucy’s full name.

      • georgiaburning

        Let Trudeau hang onto the real one, because of NORAD and all that.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        ‘Spalding?’
        ‘They’re a small defense contractor, Mr President.’

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      The military and corporate people who actually are running this country don’t think it’s good for business- at least for now.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Call me crazy…
        … but I think I do trust them, at least in this instance. Li’l Kim may be nuttier than squirrel shit, but there is nothing at ALL to be gained by starting a war with him, not militarily, not economically, and much to lose. I don’t see anyone in the government who knows their ass from their elbow supporting Donnie’s dick-measuring contest. It’s even possible that the boys in the silos and submarines have been told to wait for confirmation before pushing any buttons.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          I have read some theorizing by leftists that we are currently in the throes of a soft military coup, and that like Turkey and Egypt, we may have to rely on the military to protect us from becoming a Dominionist state. Since there is some overlap between right wing evangelicals and the military, I’m not sure how correct they are.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            It’s hard to know any more, but it doesn’t seem any more unlikely than anything else that’s happened in the last couple of years.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      “Prison cell or nuclear bunker? I’ll take the one with better food!”

      • Beanz&Berryz

        The bunker has great food to start, but it runs out after a week… So for the best overall visitor experience, the prison cell is recommended by many…

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I think, from talking with a military friend, that there is not just the option to disregard an illegal order, but actually a duty to disregard an illegal order. I don’t know how that works, but… maybe the Generals and the Admirals will save us…

      • marxalot

        According to the Uniform Code of Military Justice, yes, you are obligated to disobey illegal orders. Now, if they would just build “identifying and refusing illegal orders” into the curriculum for officers and enlisted, and make everyone take a refresher on it ever 16 months.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I want more conversation with my friend about this…

        • laineypc

          Lawyers for everybody! 1-800-ISLEGAL?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        The only hitch is that disobeying an illegal order is a tough call to make in the real world.

        Dubya and his idiots issued plenty of illegal orders that should have been rejected but were not.

        However, if any order qualifies as illegal it is an order by Donald Trump to go nuke somebody for shits and giggles.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I’d think the big Crime Against Humanity types of illegal are best to disregard… but ok, here’s another question… is there a definition of when words are a command or not a command? Is there an explicit “intent” requirement for a statement from a superior to be a command? Or is everything out of a superior’s mouth/fingers a command, unless they say, just kidding?

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            I can tell you that at boots-on-the-ground level, EVERYTHING is an order. ESPECIALLY the stuff that makes no sense. Above that, I wish I could say, though if one got lucky you could hear a LOT of kvetching about nonsensical orders from NCOs and junior officers.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            The pal is Lt. Col.or Col. level, and indulges and shares my interest in military theory and history…

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            I’d figure he’s right, then, though I can’t imagine that he ever thought it might become an issue in his lifetime.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Agreed… we talk hypotheticals… he’s proper and respectful of the chain of command… I think he’s had not direct experience…

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            He might be getting a lot of THAT rather quickly. It sounds, though, like he has a good head on his shoulders – my experience is that once they hit colonel they kind of settle down. <smiles>

          • Beanz&Berryz

            He does. We stumbled on this occasional line of conversation. After the start of the Iraq War, I read Fiasco and from there went on a ragey tear through a bunch of books on military history and theory, including some he read during some post-graduate military courses. So we have a fun geekfest once in awhile.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            I think I’m jealous…

        • Last Hussar

          Its easier to do if you’re a British recce officer and the insane order comes from a yank 4 star general. Who then wails on his British 3 star subordinate. Who tells him the same thing.

          No matter what you think of dinner James Blunt, you might not know he served as a armoured reconnaissance CO in Kosovo. He was instructed to seize Pristina airport. However our Russian ‘allies’ had got there first, helping out their Serbian mates.

          Blunt was one of the unit leaders on the ground who got the order from Wesley Clarke to take the airport. Recognising he was about to get into an area kicking contest with a hedgehog, he said no.

          Clarke then told Mike Jackson to make his troops I obey orders. Jackson refused to enforce Clark’s orders, reportedly telling him “I’m not going to start the Third World War for you.”

    • MynameisBlarney

      They’ll either remove him via the 25th Amendment or impeach the fucking traitor.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I’m leaning toward impeachment… Impeachment will need Mueller’s investigation results… but that’s cover from the Base…25thing him would be to stand up to his insanity, which is deemed insane because it’s only a bit more literal than their insanity, and there’s no “objective” investigation to provide cover… so.. Robert Mueller is our only hope…

      • ExecutorElassus

        As @20committee has put it, one potential end to this scenario is McMaster or Kelly tackling the president as he dives for the football with FBI and the marshals kicking the doors in.

    • LeftyProud

      A good friend of mine said that Trump doesn’t want the world to end. He wants us all cowering and afraid. ‬ So, we do what we can to stop him, and come here to Wonkette to feel better!

    • Raan

      Mueller, Joe Friday, and Jim Gordon marching upstairs to the presidential residence with an arrest warrant.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Um, not a “scoop” for the WaPo, since the NYT and AP also covered this earlier today.

    • Wild Cat

      So that means Fox, Breitbart, and the WSJ will carry it in 2034.

      • Marion in Savannah

        If ever.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        And Fox will call him, ‘Paul Manafort (D).’

    • TundraGrifter

      No scoops for you!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I hate orange puffer fish. I always stick with the tuna roll or salmon.

    • Wild Cat

      I lost my appetite for it when CIA Bush un 1 upchucked it all over Japan’s PM.

      • Anna Rompage
        • laughingnome

          So Mrs. Bush how was the dinner?

      • laughingnome

        The Japanese PMs are either getting puked on or hand shaken in a creepy way by American presidents.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    “We need a war, quick!”

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      “We need a another war, quick!”

      FIFY

      • SpideySenser

        Especially now that there is talk of privatizing those Blackwater goons.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Yeah, I caught that. I had no idea they were still considering it.

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Edith Prickly

      The Deep State is burning Hillary’s e-mails!

  • beingreleased

    It sounds like Trump showed good judgement in firing this Manafort guy. He seems pretty shady.

    • ghastly_fop

      First laugh of the day. Thank you!

  • Crystalclear12

    Fried orange fish sounds like something you serve with canned clams.

    • Anna Rompage

      Orange Groper?

      • TundraGrifter

        FTW !!1!!

      • HorseChestnut

        Maybe a crappie? (Nah, you win)

    • LesBontemps

      “You monster.”

      My work here is done.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        No it isn’t. You failed in your responsibility to post your non-comment ENTIRELY IN CAPS!

        “You monster” has no legal effect.

        YOU MONSTER also has no legal effect but it is in ALL CAPS.

        • LesBontemps

          Your point is well taken. So is your wallet. I’m just thankful Wonket doesn’t allow comments either with or without legal effect.

      • SpideySenser

        Oh shite, sorry, forgot to read downlline.

    • SpideySenser

      Obligatory … “You MONSTER”!

  • TundraGrifter

    “The search warrant was wide-ranging and FBI agents working with special counsel Robert S. Mueller III departed the home with various records.”

    Liberace on vinyl?

    • The Green Bastard

      “Whipped Cream & Other Delights”

      Manafort looks like a Herb Alpert fan.

      • LesBontemps

        He’s calling for a Tijuana Taxi right now …

      • TundraGrifter

        Great album cover! And, while I wouldn’t listen to it every day, the music is fun.

    • beingreleased

      This one:
      https://img1.etsystatic.com/101/0/9768063/il_570xN.836351329_pz8m.jpg
      (I bought this for my wife. She hasn’t gotten around to listening to it yet.)

      • TundraGrifter

        “Little Egypt” – great Coasters song!

      • NastyBossetti

        I guess she thinks you’re plenty happy!

      • Incoming Ham

        Little Egypt. That is a blast from the beginning of last century.

        https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/92/Little_egypt_dancer.JPG

        • BadKitty904

          Hubba-hubba!

        • bookish

          Little Egypt looks like a healthy farm girl from the Midwest.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        You’re not the only one. Keep it. Virgin vinyl in an unbroken plastic film may be worth something in 100 years. If we last that long.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Hillary is using Mueller as her personal bloodhound. He’s out sniffing on a trail with no scent, but he still hopes it will lead to President Trump regardless. A far less pristine trail leads to crooked Hillary as well as Obama, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and many others. Despite the abundance of redolent clues they’ve left behind, Mueller has been assigned to sniff at President Trump. It’s a waste of time and taxpayer money.

    It’s a charade designed to hide the criminal misdeeds of the Deep State itself. They may fabricate lies to remove President Trump, but in doing so they’ll also be flirting with civil war. Too many constitutional republic-loving Americans will not tolerate a coup by the swamp.

    http://grrrgraphics.com/uploads/7/4/7/3/74734153/mueller-cartoon-ben-garrison_orig.jpg

    • TJ Barke

      Delusional shit bags.

    • JMP

      Psst; for that to make sense, the people whose names you labeled the piles with would have to be dirty, not completely ethical and scandal-free.

    • Ducksworthy

      Funny. Garrison doesn’t sound like a Russian name.

      • Anna Rompage

        The last name of his family was changed from Douchebagski, when they immigrated from the Soviet Union…

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Those darn immigration officers and their wretched spelling skills!

    • Zombishroom

      I guess reality is on vacation?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        And isn’t coming back until we start showing it more respect.

        • Old town Urbandale

          I’m afraid that it’s gone to live on a farm upstate, where it can run free and play all day.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Garrison is a demented tool. Mueller is a lifelong Republican and head of the FBI during the Bush years. Trump interviewed him to be FBI director.
      RWNJ’s didn’t start hating him until they realized that he was going to actually investigate the Trump campaign.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Garrison explains that Mueller took orders from Dick Cheney and therefore works for Hillary or something.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          “The Cheneys and the Clinton’s have always been pals”. This explains the market for Teevee preachers,” gold” commeritive coins, genuine “diamel” pendants, and survival seeds.

    • jesterpunk

      How many investigations did congressional republicans have over Hillary’s emails and Benghazi? How many of those investigations found anything illegal? 0

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        That just proves how adept they are at coverups!

        • amrak63

          Ron jokes, but that is exactly what the wingnuts think.

          • laineypc

            And yet with all this adeptness she still couldn’t manage to wrangle the presidency through her crooked ways.

          • amrak63

            And despite the soulless murderousness of the House of Clinton, all their enemies who slander them 24/7 go on breathing.

          • puredog

            “Because God!”

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            I know. It wasn’t so much a joke as a cry of despondency.

    • Edith Prickly

      Does Garrison get paid for his demented scribblings?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Yes. He has done some covers for right-wing magazines.

        • H0mer0

          this one doesn’t even make sense

          • SeeTrain65

            None of them do.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Is there some alternate universe where IT WORKS!!11111!!!! to throw up piles of bullshit to try to obscure reality? Because it seems to be working on fewer and fewer of the koolaid-drinkers these days.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      So, the ‘patriots’ on the right are itching to rebel? There’s a word for that, and it ain’t ‘patriotism’.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        I’ve shut a few of em down this way-
        So if Trump is tried and impeached by a vote of Congress , based on the evidence presented by Mueller
        And if Congress further votes to remove him from office as described by the Constitution
        After this whole process, you are going to grab your gunz, go out in the streets and shoot who?
        The Republican Congress?
        The NY Times Building?
        Who?

    • HorseChestnut

      Reading that made me stupider.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Next fool that uses “deep state” in a conversation with me is getting his face rearranged.

      • foiled again

        Dented, into a deep state.

    • Incoming Ham

      They’ve worn this shtick out. At some point soon they will have to face the real problem. It’s going to be ugly.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Thank you, Mr Garrison, for these peeks into the minds of the totally delusional.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Weak. Sad.

    • amrak63

      “It’s a charade designed to hide the criminal misdeeds of the Deep State itself. They may fabricate lies to remove President Trump, but in doing so they’ll also be flirting with civil war. Too many constitutional republic-loving Americans will not tolerate a coup by the swamp.”

      Bring it, motherfuckers. BRING. IT.

      Apparently, your asses were not kicked hard enough in 1865.

    • Professor Fate

      “They may fabricate lies to remove President Trump, ”
      Translation – Trump is a guilty as sin and is about to get tossed out his ear.

    • MrTusks

      I don’t understaaaaaaaaaaaaand

  • BadKitty904
  • Maybe

    People like Manafort and Flynn are in a dilemma. They are probably tempted to destroy evidence. But they are almost certainly not on Trump’s friends-and-family pardon list, so they may need any evidence they have to make a deal.

    Trump may also have a pardon dilemma (assuming he’s guilty of something, which I am assuming). If he can’t pardon himself then he would have to depend on Pence. But Pence wants to run for President. Pardoning Nixon didn’t help Ford’s campaign and the uproar would likely be far worse if Trump were pardoned. Pence may not feel very generous.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      And besides, Pence himself is up to his eyeballs in Russian jiggery-pokery himself, thanks to Flynn. So President Ryan?

      Ryan is probably hoping that Rohrabacher doesn’t give him up, thereby taking him out of the line of succession and so forth and so on until the President of the United States is Dennis Hastert.

      The next big Boy Scout Jamboree should be interesting.

      • TundraGrifter

        Be Prepared!

      • Marion in Savannah

        Our priest was at this year’s Jamboree, as a chaplain. I had no idea that priests were supposed to use language like he did when asked about “the speech.”

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Words like “inappropriate” and “surprised”?

          • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

            Or more like “goddamn perverted asshole”?

      • ExecutorElassus

        Fun Fact! State crimes aren’t pardonable, and NYAG Schneiderman has three separate lines of investigation — state RICO, financial crimes, and human fucking trafficking (and those don’t have a statute of limitations. The modeling company was rumored to have been falsifying papers for underage “models” to work in the US as high-priced “escorts”) — all of which potentially target the president and his circle. RCT claims that there are taped depositions of That Asshole sexually assaulting minors and threatening “disappearance” if they talk.
        These assholes are doooooooomed.

      • Joe T.

        I’ve been saying this exact same thing for a while now.

        Word is that Dems have something very big on Ryan that they’re holding close to vest. I have no clue what/if it is.

        • puredog

          woe if twoo

          • SpideySenser

            Pretty, pretty please!

      • Dudleydidwrong

        If Hastert were to ever become pres, the next Scout Jamboree would be the first where the president spoke from inside a locked cage.

      • Maybe

        I’m not sure how deeply involved Pence is with Russia. He certainly told falsehoods, but he may have been just a good little parrot repeating what he was told. That makes him too dumb to be President, but dumb is not an impeachable offense. (We should consider adding that to the list, though.)

        Ryan is pretty good at weaseling out of things, so he may also be okay.

        But the 2016 voters showed that they want something different (okay, so they went a little too different). After the failure of both Trump and the Repub Congress to get anything accomplished, no establishment type may do well with the Repub base. Maybe we’ll get Duck Dynasty next time.

        If the Boy Scouts have any sense they won’t invite whoever is President next year.

    • TundraGrifter

      There are so many players in this mess the odds of any one person having a unique document are slim. They don’t have the coordination to all destroy the copies and they can’t trust each other to actually do it even if they did.

      We always return to Rule #1 of White Collar Crime – They don’t go to Club Fed for what they did; they serve time for trying to cover it up.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        The digital age has made all of that more complicated. Even if you think that you deleted it, there could be a shadow copy on a hard drive, or someone else’s hard drive, or a server somewhere.

        • TundraGrifter

          If I were still working in politics I’d have this printed on the biggest fucking poster I could buy :

          Don’t write anything you can phone.
          Don’t phone anything you can talk.
          Don’t talk anything you can whisper.
          Don’t whisper anything you can smile.
          Don’t smile anything you can nod.
          Don’t nod anything you can wink.
          ~ Earl Long

          • laughingnome

            And walk around in your bathrobe and act crazy in broad daylight. – Vincente Gigante

          • TundraGrifter

            “The Chin.” Didn’t Nick Nolte try the same thing? And, of course, Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            And still he got away with a lot he should never have gotten away with, out in the open.

            The ultimate insult to human dignity, IMHO, was that he got to be played by Paul Newman in the biopic.

        • SweetDeeKat

          I have a happy vision of agents carrying out every computer, phone, and electronics in the house, including the WiiU.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            That’s why they came at 4am, I’m sure.. No chance for Manafort to mess with his personal phone.

      • Maybe

        I agree, but that may mean the person who kept the best records gets the best deal.

        • TundraGrifter

          Judge Wapner always said “Save your receipts!”

          • Maybe

            I don’t think the Russians give our receipts. They give out cash.

    • Incoming Ham

      I think I would be more afraid of eventual Russian response than Trump.

      • amrak63

        This is why I hope Mueller and his people have top-notch security. The ultimate boss here is not Trump, but his master, Putin–and we know how Putin deals with enemies.

        • Incoming Ham

          I doubt they would touch Mueller and his team. The witnesses have more to be worried about.

      • Maybe

        Given that Russia wants to cause chaos in the Western world, these guys are currently their best buddies.

  • TundraGrifter

    So Mr. Mueller harpooned a pike while he hunts the Great White Whale.

    • Crystalclear12

      Gotta have bait.

      • TundraGrifter

        Sushi libelz!

        • Msgr_MΩment

          If you knew sushi….

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Wake up, little sushi….

          • amrak63

            Lawdy momma, those Friday nights, when sushi wore her dresses tight…

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Parasitic lamprey eel, to be exact.

      • marxalot

        Hagfish.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Great White, emphasis on the white. Soulless predator.

        • HorseChestnut

          Blobfish.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Mr Blobfish may beg to differ

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Hold on there, Horsie.

        • puredog

          Slimy hagfish.

          • David Crass

            Diseased, slimy hagfish

      • John Thorstensen

        Not quite. “When the bite that you feel, has been made by an eel, that’s a-moray…. “

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Nocturnal pike eel.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Aye, I’ve seen the Great White Whale. I’ve sailed with the Great White Whale. The Great White Whale was a mortal enemy of mine. 45, you are no Great White Whale.

      • TundraGrifter

        OK – How about “The Great White Wail?”

  • jesterpunk

    HAHAHA guys, Trump might be on Putin’s payroll, isnt that so funny?

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/house-majority-leader-to-colleagues-in-2016-i-think-putin-pays-trump/2017/05/17/515f6f8a-3aff-11e7-8854-21f359183e8c_story.html?utm_term=.1feda1f1368a

    A month before Donald Trump clinched the Republican nomination, one of his closest allies in Congress — House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy — made a politically explosive assertion in a private conversation on Capitol Hill with his fellow GOP leaders: that Trump could be the beneficiary of payments from Russian President Vladimir Putin.

    “There’s two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump,” McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016, exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post. Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.

    House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy’s assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

    Before the conversation, McCarthy and Ryan had emerged from separate talks at the Capitol with Ukrainian Prime Minister Vladi­mir Groysman, who had described a Kremlin tactic of financing populist politicians to undercut Eastern European democratic institutions.

    News had just broken the day before in The Washington Post that Russian government hackers had penetrated the computer network of the Democratic National Committee, prompting McCarthy to shift the conversation from Russian meddling in Europe to events closer to home.

    Some of the lawmakers laughed at McCarthy’s comment. Then McCarthy quickly added: “Swear to God.”

    Ryan instructed his Republican lieutenants to keep the conversation private, saying: “No leaks. . . . This is how we know we’re a real family here.”

    The remarks remained secret for nearly a year.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Of course as soon as Trey Gowdy heard about this he convened his investigatory committee to take a good hard look at Hillary’s emails again.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        It’s the only thing about him that’s ever “hard”

        • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

          Besides his head…

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Wasn’t this first reported long ago?

      • jesterpunk

        Yes its an older story that fit in with the newest story about Manafort.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Just trying to keep my internal timeline straight…

  • TundraGrifter

    Nice touch by Mr. Mueller to wait until Manafort has testified and then seize the documents to see if he’d told the truth.

    You almost get the feeling Mr. Mueller has done this before and that he’s pretty good at it by now.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      The big league white collar criminal is a species Mueller has hunted many times before. He knows it’s habitat, it’s hiding places, how to flush it out, and how it behaves when it feels threatened.

      • TundraGrifter

        “There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.” – Ernest Hemingway

      • Incoming Ham

        Read that in David Attenborough’s voice. That’s all I could think of when I read it.

    • mardam422

      Exactly!!1 “But Mr. Manafort, according to your testimony this document should not exist. Would you like a little time to confer with your lawyer before we present you with your choices?”

      • TundraGrifter

        I’ll say it again. If Manafort turns and spills the beans on his friends in Europe, the Ukraine, etc., he won’t live to spend any of his ill-gotten gains. And if he doesn’t flip he’s staring at twenty years.

        • mardam422

          Quite the horns of a dilemma, eh?

    • Last Hussar

      This time the FSB might be involved. Time to tread softly and…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Don’t worry Mr. Trump, all the really incriminating stuff was in a box under my bed labeled ‘Nothing to see here!’ So they won’t find a thing.”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      “Also, it’s all in Russian so they won’t be able to read it anyway.”

      • Old town Urbandale

        “And I downloaded a bunch of child porn to every hard drive to further distract the FBI.”

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    So, anyone think Donnie is smart enough to be scared shitless by this?

    • theblackdog

      Let’s see how much he tweets about Manafort or the FBI today and we’ll know.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        He won’t tweet about them. He’ll tweet about HER EMAILS!!!1!!1!

    • Invidosa

      Nope, he just reads his pretty little propaganda package and touched his little teeny self

  • ExecutorElassus

    As Russian Conspiracy Twitter has pointed out, Paulie Walnuts has been desperately trying to flip for Mueller for weeks. The fact that he hasn’t struck a deal means that:
    1) Mueller is confident that Manafort can offer him nothing he doesn’t already have, which is weird because
    2) one of the things Manafort could serve up on a platter would be the current president, and thus
    3) Mueller already has enough, combined with the NYAG, to bring That Asshole’s entire empire crashing down, and thus
    4) Manafort, and Flynn, and Pence, and a bunch of top GOP (*cough*Rohrbacher*cough*), along with That Asshole and his whole rotten family (Tiff and Barron get a pass, because they are not rotten) are all going to jail, their properties are all getting seized and auctioned off (thanks KKKeebler Elf for those newly strengthened civil forfeiture powers!), and they are all going to die broke and hated, in prison.
    FOR GREAT JUSTICE.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I wouldn’t jump at the chance to hang out with Tiffany or Barron either, but by the low bar of not fucking up the world they’re okay in my book.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Barron was prolly not even allowed to leave legos on the floor as little midnight wake-up calls for his parents.

        • AuntyMaude

          Don’t talk about the boy, Martha.

    • laughingnome

      This is my dream.

      • puredog

        “Everyone is allowed to have dreams.”

    • RugzYaBurnt

      This is a much more pleasing scenario than the one I conjured in my cynical little brain in response to the news when I just assumed that Manafort had already squirreled away anything of interest.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      That’s why Ryan, McConnell and Pence will try to offer him a deal to step down sooner- before this all comes out in the wash. Trump being Trump,he’ll be certain of his own invincibility, and won’t take it.

      • Invidosa

        I think perhaps the gop is biding it’s time to wait until they can leverage impeachement into the greatest political capitol closer to the next round of Congressional elections. So they can say “we did the right thing eventually, please allow us to give you lavish blow jobs while we strip you of everything you hold dear”

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Although don’t forget he’s a spineless, invertebrate coward with a micropeen, so don’t rule out him flouncing.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          He will do what he always does when he loses- reframe it in his mind as a win and move on.

      • Ms.Moon

        Except because of Trump Ryan, Pence and McConnell might have to deal with legal issues of their own they may let him swing out of sheer spite.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I haven’t been in a federal prison for a while. Do they have “Family Accommodations?” I sure hope so because they need to get up-to-date in their facilities. Pence could stay in the guest cell..

    • crisptickle

      nice fantasy

  • Me not sure

    Bullhorn: “Mr. MANAFORT! This is Special Counsel Robert Mueller! I have a warrent. I have the FBI with me. I have hand sanitizer. SEND OUT THE PEE HOOKER TAPES OR WE’LL BE FORCED TO COME AND GET THEM!”

  • OrdinaryJoe
  • mardam422

    The sardines are being herded into the shallows.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      …. to be canned like common clams.

      • John Thorstensen

        YOU MONSTER!

        (I is learning!)

        • amrak63

          OK, I do not get the clam jokes.

          http://i.imgur.com/SKuUMqm.jpg

          • SisterArtemis

            In ancient times, in the land of Wonkettaria, legend tells of a reference to using canned clams in – if I remember correctly; this was before my time – a linguine recipe. The elders will surely correct me if I’m wrong.

            Anyway, much outrage ensued, presumably on behalf of fresh clams, which are strangely never mentioned in these jokes. The “MONSTER!” epithet was invoked, and, well… here we are. You mention canned clams, you get MONSTER!

          • amrak63

            Thanx.

          • Saxo the Grammarian

            As I recall, it was someone (not a regular) who fancied herself a food purist who railed against using canned clams in a linguine recipe. She was from ***New Orleans***, so you know her food credentials are legit.

          • SisterArtemis

            Purists. sheesh….

          • JustDon’tSayDignity
  • BadKitty904

    Old sins cast long shadows.

    • Swampgas_Man

      It’s darker than you know in those complicated shadows.

      • BadKitty904

        Here’s hoping MuellerCo. will shed a little light…

    • Le Chapeau

      New broom sweeps clean, but the old broom knows where the dirt is.

    • AuntyMaude

      Many men cook, but fu men choo.

  • Red Bird

    My panties are on long before 4 a.m., just saying.

    • Raan

      I mean​, I can’t speak for anyone else, but I just sleep in my clothes.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Who sleeps these days?

        • jaspersdad

          Who wears clothes?

      • CindyinEncinitas

        That’s a huge time-saver.

        • O4FSake

          Day to evening wear is a huge time saver.

    • Last Hussar

      Why, do you have to go home?

      • Red Bird

        I like to be different. Pants!

  • FBI: KNOCK KNOCK

    MANAFORT: WHO IS IT

    FBI: AN UNBROKEN PENCIL

    MANAFORT: …
    https://media.giphy.com/media/3ohzdYufwe2OmrCvlK/200w_s.gif

    Good point

  • Mavenmaven

    Jared next!!!

  • docterry6973

    I understand that Manafort owns the Alexandria home, a suite in Trump Tower, a place in the Hamptons, and another home somewhere else that I forget but is likely very nice too.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sure has a lot of money for a guy who does . . . what, exactly? The IRS may want to reserve a spot in the “fry Manafort’s ass” line.

  • Raan

    It’s comforting that Evan came to the same conclusion about​ Sr. Manos de Bebé’s North Korea rant that I did.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Me too. I am starting to think we share a brain.

  • Manafort wouldn’t have even been there, but Janice made him go all the way back to Rockaway to get her lucky hat.

  • ken_kukec

    More like Mueller is going after The Great Orange Whale, Moldy-Dick, who speaks out of both sides of his blowhole.

  • writersbloc

    “It moved.” -George Costanza

  • Joseph Stans

    Oh dear, my heart just goes pitty pat when think of the honeymoon meeting between Bubba LeCroix and Donald trump. But I have a very rich fantasy life.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Bigger, oranger fish to fry? Yes, I hear he Atlantic Orange Roughy (Hoplostethus atlanticus) is quite tasty sauteed.
    Also known as the Slimehead…

  • puredog

    ORANGE FISH LIBELZ!!!1!1!!

  • Internet Hitler
    • PhloxALot

      Credit where credit is due!

      • Internet Hitler

        Yup. A classic for my family.

    • Manders

      Bloggess reference FTW!

      • theblackdog

        Poor Victor, LOL. He should have let her buy those towels.

  • Anna Rompage

    I bet Don Jr & Kushner are in their offices trying to figure out how to work the paper shredder right now…

    • thixotropic jerk

      Don The Soon To Be Con: “Can’t we have Ivanky just cut the stuff up with scissors?”
      Not So Kushy Anymore: “No, dummy, and we can’t just put everything in a pile and shoot it like you’re on safari with Eric-hole either,”

    • Steve Cole

      Perhaps Fawn Hall is available?

      • Bill Diaz

        She only puts out for Marines.

        Have a great day!

  • CO

    Is this what a human centipede looks like?

    https://twitter.com/4everNeverTrump/status/894202255041101825

    • TundraGrifter

      Nobody is worried about Roger Stone. He’s a bit player who will swept up along with various other hangers on in the mop-up operation. He doesn’t know enough to be offered immunity.

  • moeman

    Did DJTJr. answer the door?

    • redarmyzombie

      No, Mr. Badanov did.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        I expect it was scantily-clad pee-hookers.

      • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

        And where was Natasha, hmmmm?

    • Doug Langley

      Get Smart scene:

      “Answer the door, Larabie.”
      “Hello, door, what was the question?”

  • OddMan

    As someone wisely stated in the WaPo comments, two big takeaways from this are: It is now a criminal investigation, and Muller had to convince a judge he had probable cause for an early morning raid of a national figure.
    The second one is the big one, no judge in hell is going to allow a early morning raid like that without knowing damn well he will now be analyzed to make sure it was all legal. And usually a raid like this takes more planning than one day. Was Mueller ready and waited until Manafort testified or was this last second thing?
    Interesting to say the least.

    • TundraGrifter

      I don’t think Mr. Mueller is doing anything at the last second. He’s done all this too many times before. Everything is carefully planned. As I posted earlier, he lay in wait, hunkered down in the sagebrush, just outside the circle of dim light cast by the campfire. He wanted Manafort to testify first. Then Mr. Mueller pounced and Manafort had that cold stab in the gut that the game is all but up. It’s just about time to pee on the fire and call in the dogs.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Not enough pee. Even from the hookers.

      • AuntyMaude

        You really need to write a historical novel after all of the shit has hit all of the fans.

        • TundraGrifter

          This is material for Ward Just, Allen Drury, or one of the other writers of big DC novels. Or even Henry Adams.

  • Darrell Imaginarian

    I like to think it went like this. “Judge, we need a warrant to raid Paul Manafort’s house. Like, a 4 AM raid with a bunch of dogs and guys with tactical armor and battering rams. The fun kind.” “What’s your evidence he committed a crime?” “Here’s a picture of his weasle face. Guilty as shit.” “Granted.”

  • Lyly Sirivong

    This man really looks like Steve Bannon’s long lost cousin.

  • gratuitous

    Paparazzi, instead of the Viper Room, consider staking out the homes of White House officials. Imagine Manafort, standing in his driveway in his bath robe while FBI agents went through his house. What would that photo be worth?

    • Petunia Cat

      Paparazzi? How about the Washington Post doing that? Although if it would fuck up the investigation then I don’t want them to. On the other hand what I really want is for Trump to just resign in the next three hours. 😌🎂🕘

  • anon_the_great

    The smoking, radioactive ruins of Seattle or L.A. sure would distract from any indictment.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hey, it worked for Dumbya: Start a war, then tell the rubes that they shouldn’t change presidents in the middle of a war.

    • redblack

      meh. here in (206), we’d just see it as a minor traffic impediment.

  • bluicebank

    WaPo: Raid happened right after at Senate intel panel “… Manafort answered questions and provided investigators with notes from a
    2016 meeting between Trump campaign officials and Russians …”

    You know what this means, right?

    It means Jared Kushner will have to revise his security clearance form SF86 for gawd who’s counting. He’ll still be revising that form from jail. The last revision is gonna be found in his will. Unless we can get him to talk from the dead using the Ouija board, in which case that will be definitely the last revision. For reals this time.

  • JoeChristmas

    They found boxes if MAGA caps!

  • rick

    Robert Mueller To Paul Manafort: Knock Knock, Motherfucker!

    ROTFLMAO!!!!

    (Good one Evan!!! 😜)

  • whitroth

    Yeah, I think they wanted the *other* version of Manafort’s books, y’know, the unedited ones that you don’t show to the IRS….

    Lessee, 14 mos. of investigation, was it, until Nixon resigned? And Comey started last, um, was it July, or June? And Nixon’s poll #s then were 24%, and Trump’s down to 32%….

    Which, of course, is why he’s threatening a nuclear fucking war.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “Wonder whose house Mueller’s boys were raiding Tuesday afternoon when Trump threatened to hulk-smash North Korea with nukes.”

    Hey, keep it down, will ya?
    Il Douche thinks they’re renovating the White House.

    • Bill Diaz

      Do police have to alert people in public housing that a warrant has been served if the occupants are not present when the search is conducted? I imagine they do, but wouldnt that be wonderful to present Trump with a search of his personal and business area in Trump tower as well as his ‘public housing’ as a fait accompli?

      Muller blew through the last red line Trump tried to draw before he could get his pen out. I eagerly await his encore performance.

      Have a great day!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        People in public housing getting deference from the cops? LOL.

        • Might be different this time because rich and white and powerful.

    • Kern

      Speaking of which, I am sure this is completely unrelated.
      http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/trump-to-visit-trump-tower

  • TakingAmes

    It seems my non-comment of “Get a warrant, motherfucker!” from yesterday has come true in much more awesome ways than I originally thought.

    • Canned Covfefe

      Well, geeze, if you have that kind of power can you aim a bit higher? Oh, and I have a couple of requests if it’s not too much bother.

      • Bill Diaz

        ‘And if you give me a 12 inch pianist, I will kill you with it’.

        Have a great day!

      • Maybe

        I wonder if he’d need a warrant for the White House. It is public property. I suppose the residence part is private.

        • Bebecca

          Trump probably doesn’t keep one scrap of paper, that’s what you have lawyers and accountants for….

          • Maybe

            I expect Mueller can find it. Lawyers may be off-limits, but accountants are most definitely not. And that’s how to follow the money.

  • Internet Hitler

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    FBI
    FBI who?
    FBI’m gonna arrest your ass!

  • TundraGrifter

    It’s close to 5:00 pm in DC. Mr. Mueller has called his senior staff into the secure conference room for their daily review of where they are and what’s next.

    As his experienced team quietly and confidently enters the room he thinks to himself “It can’t really be this easy – can it?”

  • Holly

    These fuckers built their own gallows and now the noose(s) are tightening.

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    MoveOn is planning nationwide Rapid Response protests if Mueller is fired. Check this for a site near you.
    https://www.trumpisnotabovethelaw.org/event/mueller-firing-rapid-response/search/

  • theblackdog

    I can tell just how much the news and all these revelations making things seem longer than they actually are by the fact that it took all day to realize that July 26 was only two weeks ago.

  • Doug Langley

    I understand that the FBI very politely knocked on Manafort’s door to announce their presence. Not the front door, mind you, but the bedroom door. In other words, it was a no-knock warrant which is used to prevent suspects from destroying evidence. Has anyone confirmed?

    • AuntyMaude

      I just saw down thread that CNN confirmed a no-knock warrant.

      • I am very much against those. How can honest criminals shred the right papers with no warning, I ask you?

        • Jimh

          If Manafort waited until NOW to start destroying evidence, he’s far too stupid for anyone to help him.

          • Maybe

            Perhaps. But he might need the evidence to make a deal. I suspect they have enough on him that a little shredding won’t make his problems go away.

            If he has any sense he will have the evidence well hidden.

        • Maybe

          Let alone flush their drugs. And yes, our ‘straight-arrow’ Repubs do partake. They just don’t go to jail for it.

  • The Librarian

    Only one golden ticket, huh? And for the losers, a one way elevator ride to the federal pen or GITMO.

  • TundraGrifter

    If, as I suspect, Manafort has refused the overtures to flip on the folks in the Trump Administration, and on his friends in the East, could he be so arrogant as to thing traipsing up to Capitol Hill was going to get him off the hook and he needn’t bother destroying the incriminating documents?

    On the other hand, the FBI could very well have everything they need to take him to court.

    • Maybe

      It might not be arrogance. While destroying evidence is tempting, Manafort may realize that said evidence might be his best bet to make a deal.

      I doubt that Manafort is on Trump’s friends-and-family pardon plan.

  • all day in my head has been nirvana.

    it is good.

    • redblack

      “and i swear that i don’t have a gun.”

      seems appropriate.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    So, Mueller’s doing the standard prosecutorial tactic, get anything on a low-level grunt that translates into leverage to flip him for the bigger fish. They do it all the time with drug dealers and the like. The Outrage Machine will be gearing up about how such tactics shouldn’t be allowed in ‘Murica, but the underlying theme will be these tactics shouldn’t be allowed to be used on Rich, White ‘Muricans.

    • TundraGrifter

      I think you are on the right track but I wouldn’t consider Manafort “low-level.” Next up to him is Mr. Trump himself.

  • redblack

    solid reportage and well-sourced, wonkette. thanks for helping me understand while bringing teh funny.

  • Wes

    The raid could also be tied to his shady dealings in Ukraine. Hacked texts from his daughter’s phone suggest that he had advised then President Yanukovych to brutally crack down on anti-Russian protestors in 2014 that led to a full scale riot and his ousting.

    http://www.businessinsider.com/paul-manafort-daughter-text-messages-ukraine-2017-3

    “He is a sick f—ing tyrant,” Andrea appears to have said to Bond about her father. “And we keep showing up and dancing for him. … We just keep showing up and eating the lobster. Nothing changes.”

  • Toledo Window Box

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    The FBI.
    The FBI who?
    The FBI who will soon throw your money laundering a$$ in prison.

  • ANNG14

    Love this title! “Robert Mueller To Paul Manafort: Knock Knock, Motherfucker!”
    Of all the players in the Russian scandal, I think Manafort is the most likely to flip.

    • homegirl

      Maybe,but I wonder, once the authorities seized his papers, emails, etc. I see that opportunity flying out the window.

      • ANNG14

        Not if they make a deal with him for a reduced sentence.

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