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If you are not from the New York metropolitan area, you probably can’t name this

We’re a day late to this story, for which we apologize, but this is worth it. We’ve been ever-so-restrained about David Brooks discovering the existence of people who don’t usually go to gourmet sandwich shops and whatnot, but for once we’re not looking at these column inches and wondering what the fuck David Brooks is up to. No, this comes from the food section, of all places.

You see, the New York Times has recently been making an effort to get out of its lane as the Paper of Pretentious Record and understand Real America. So of course it publishes a whole feature piece on buttered rolls.

But not just any buttered rolls, oh no! The kind that only New Yorkers know about! You know what, let’s just break this down for you. Starting with this lede, which is a thing of wonder and awe:

It can be hard to explain the appeal of a buttered roll.

Unlike the breakfast sandwich or the cruller, the humble buttered roll makes no claims to lusciousness. It’s not really greater than the sum of its parts: a round roll, sliced and slathered with butter. There is no alchemy involved.

And yet, like many New Yorkers, I’ve breakfasted all my life on buttered rolls, wrapped in plastic, foil or wax paper and sold for about a dollar at any corner deli, bodega or coffee cart.

Do I love them? No. That is not really the point. I love that they exist, an unsung, charmingly ordinary hero of the city’s mornings.

I am actually kind of glad to hear that New Yorkers eat things so humble for breakfast! I had thought, from my previous reading of the New York Times Sunday Edition, that it was all overpriced eggs from whatever the next most expensive version of Panera is! But no, damn my eyes, New Yorkers are just like us!

Though of course bread and butter are eaten all over, the buttered roll (or roll with butter, as it is known in parts of New Jersey) is a distinctly local phenomenon. Mention its name outside the New York metropolitan area and you would very likely be met with blank incomprehension.

Now, I live in Appalachia. I am from the high Rockies. Neither of those places is in the New York metropolitan area. I own a pan that has belonged to my husband’s family since early last century that is according to family tradition dedicated to making rolls. I tried once to make a cake in the roll pan and I thought my mother-in-law was going to actually kill me for the misstep. That pan is for rolls. I’m pretty sure she thought less of me after that, to the day she died. (Also I was never good enough for her firstborn so maybe she was looking for an excuse, but still!)

“Never heard of it growing up in Chicago,” said Michael Stern, a chronicler of regional fare and an author of the “Roadfood” book series, “and really not much beyond Fairfield County in Connecticut.” (Indeed, one can roughly trace the expansion of the buttered roll to the migration of New Yorkers to surrounding commuter suburbs.)

If your job is “food journalist” and you have never heard of a “buttered roll” then you should not be writing about food. For what it’s worth, I have also eaten rolls with butter in Chicago, so we must assume this writer grew up in a Four-Yorkshireman hole in the muck where all he ever ate was gravel and WAS GRATEFUL FOR IT, DAMMIT!

In New York City itself, buttered rolls are a perennial: Like a working character actor, they are everywhere you look without realizing it. No one has tried to reinvent the buttered roll, or jazz it up or export it — the idea just wouldn’t occur. Still, it unobtrusively endures.

No. No. No, a fucking roll is not like an underemployed actor. It is a piece of bread, shaped into a roundish form, and in its best incarnation it gets an egg or butter wash when it is baked. An actor is a person. It’s not even a good comparison, because if an underemployed actor flies under the radar that’s one thing, but who has ever been presented with tasty bread and not noticed it? Also: you just said in the previous paragraph that you had in fact exported the fucking rolls.

“It’s one of the most popular things I sell, absolutely,” said Peter Cherevas, who has had a coffee cart stationed at 86th Street and Broadway for the past 27 years. Sales, he said, are “very, very consistent — more than bagels.”

“Bagels have slacked off; buttered rolls have not,” he continued. “Small coffee, milk one sugar, you’re good.”

Mr. Cherevas typically sells four dozen buttered rolls a day, to a diverse group of customers: young and old, suits and hard hats. “Everyone!” he said. “They’re all New Yorkers, though, not tourists.”

I’m not trying to fuck with the food truck guy. All I’m saying is that it’s a rare tourist who goes to New York City and wakes up early and thinks “I am in a food capital, fuck real breakfast, I WANT A PLAIN BUTTERED ROLL!” Most tourists stay in places where bread is served in the morning next to the coffee station in the lobby, if there’s not a restaurant or buffet included in the room rate. It makes sense he’d not see many tourists. I hope he gets free advertising in exchange for having been featured in such an utterly silly bit of writing.

Part of the appeal is that they’re hard to screw up. Even if the roll is less than fresh, or prepared with margarine, or the filling is bizarrely distributed, the final product is somehow, magically, edible.

I don’t even know what to do with insights of this magnitude. Bread: you can eat it! Bread: it’s fucking MAGIC, man!

“You can’t go just anywhere in New York and get a decent breakfast sandwich,” the chef Wylie Dufresne said. “You certainly can’t guarantee a good bagel. But you can go into any bodega, get a buttered roll.”

No, really, New York has figured out how to put bread in all their food stores. This is why us rural folk don’t venture into the cities, because that’s like witchcraft. How do they do that? Is there, like, a centralized place that just makes bread, and then some kind of conveyance to get the bread to the stores? My rural brain hurts even trying to think of how this all might work because I just make rolls in my kitchen most of the time.

It’s not that straightforward, though. If you ask New Yorkers about it, as I did, the effect can be practically Proustian. “Hang on, let me write a novel about this,” responded one friend, who (apparently overcome with emotion) then failed to do so. Another friend’s father recalled a song at a 1968 Hunter high school sing-in featuring the lyrics “Gristedes takes a cut a every roll and buttah.” (Unconfirmed.) My husband, as a young editor at the book publisher Farrar, Straus and Giroux, often saw Roger Straus Jr., one of the company’s founders, buy a buttered roll and coffee regular from the coffee cart in front of the building, part of his morning routine.

PROUSTIAN. Bread is Proustian. If your unconscious memory is triggered by eating bread rolls, well, the Atkins diet was over ages ago and you can absolutely move on. Doctors recommend a moderate amount of all food groups and some exercise these days. I suppose that bread eaten by a publisher might be described as Proustian, but then again most book publishers are prone to overblown literary references. It’s their actual job. Still, nobody’s saying the publisher described it this way — that’s the choice of the author, who has likely never fully read Proust any more than you have, because Proust is something you can safely say you’ve read to be pretentious knowing that nobody else has and you’ll never get called out.

Peter Elliot, an editor at Bloomberg, recalled that for his class-conscious father, buttered rolls were too unsophisticated, and banned in their East Side home.

How fucking above yourself do you have to be to ban buttered bread?

The origins of the buttered roll are cloaked in mystery, or perhaps mere lack of curiosity. I approached five historians of New York food, all of whom admitted they had never considered the roll’s place in the city’s foodscape. It belongs instead to a certain kind of anecdotal lore. That said, there are certain facts. The first such rolls would have arrived in New York in the 1870s, along with Louis Fleischmann’s Vienna Model Bakery, which brought commercial yeasted bread to the city. The buttered roll apparently became popular with German Jews (and later, Eastern European Jews) as a filling, inexpensive dairy meal, in accordance with kosher law.

Pliny the fucking Elder described how people made yeasted breads in his day. I had been under the impression that Jewish people had figured out that whole “leavening” thing well before the 1870s, to boot. Maybe shaping bread into rolls was, like, a modern Christian invention? (Also, is this a weird way of accusing Jews of stealing crusty breads?) In any case, the origins of bread rolls with butter aren’t a mystery. It’s a subject of study for archaeologists.

To some purists, a buttered roll made with “spread” is not worth eating. “The entire point is a roll spread with real, sweet butter,” said Christina Harcar, a fifth-generation New Jerseyan. “The day they switched to margarine, in the ’70s, is the day my grandmother ate her last buttered roll.”

If you are out there, cast adrift by margarine, you can email me. I will give you my recipe for both rolls and homemade butter. You don’t have to live your life out, pining for bits of bread, wishing that people just didn’t love margarine so fucking much.

Still, it’s not a hard taste to acquire. A vendor who has run a coffee cart in Midtown East since 2009 said he had never had a buttered roll before moving to New York from Karachi, Pakistan. Now, though?

“I eat one every day,” he said. “Small coffee and one buttered roll. It’s easy.”

The Fertile Crescent, which is where humans started to grow wheat, is not actually that far from Pakistan. It seems possible that this vendor, confronted with a food writer asking stupid questions like “had you ever had a roll with butter before you moved to New York,” simply amused himself and said no.

Our apologies for skipping over some of the last half of the article, but it doesn’t get any fucking better and there’s only so many ways to point out the magnitude of idiocy it takes to claim that “buttered rolls” are a food unique to the Atlantic Seaboard.

I never thought I would be pining for the relatively self-aware takes of David Fucking Brooks.

And it is now your Open Thread!

Help your writers buy more buttered rolls and give us money by clicking below!

[NYT]

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  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Open thread? Let the good times roll.

    • jesterpunk

      That is just your cosmopolitan bias showing.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Lezzez Le Bon Pain Roule

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    If the Times has not reported on it, Certain People cannot eat it.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • ahughes798

      There isn’t a day in my life when something from Monty Python doesn’t go through my brain. Bits of the first couple of seasons of SNL, also, too.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        That’s why the show still gets referenced, all these years later.

  • MississippiLefty

    Bizarrely, I was just thinking about this because I was re-watching Madmen and at one point Joan says to her mother that she isn’t having breakfast at home and that she’ll “get a roll at the office.” And I wondered what kind of roll that would be and if it was a 1960s thing. Mystery solved!

    We went out to dinner in NOLA on Tuesday and the restaurant offered us what looked suspiciously like the buttered roll in the picture. They called it “brioche,” which it totally wasn’t, and served it with house-made salted butter, which was delicious.So, New Yorkers eat dinner rolls for breakfast and think they invented the wheel. Who knew?

    • tomamitai

      I think of the roll in “coffee and a roll” as a cinnamon roll or a maple roll or some other type of sweet roll, which may but doesn’t have to be eaten with butter. A Kaiser roll, even buttered, does NOT sound like something that goes with coffee. Now, if you put some honey or jam on it, that’s another story.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      I hope you had a great meal wherever you went. Brioche is about 2 parts flour to 1 part butter. My favorite is a brandy brioche, where you substitute brandy for the liquid in the dough (usually water or milk).

      • MississippiLefty

        Oh, yes. We went to Rue 127 for the Coolinary deal. It was very good, a little too salty on a couple of dishes. Brioche has a specific texture and this was not that. It was yummy, though.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          I love that place. Do they still do the stuffed pork chop with hoppin’ John? My favorite.
          Their Duck is also very good.

          • MississippiLefty

            I don’t remember the real menu, as we were focused on the prix fixe. We did order the risotto appetizer from the real menu. Easily the best dish of the evening. The scotch egg was really good, too.

  • Johnatx

    Me. I am hoping for benevolent alien lizards from Rigel to invade Earth right now. Jeebus. It’s f##ing dough that’s been baked.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Sadly, by definition invader != benevolent

    • shivaskeeper

      Not sure what the ### is. Are you trying to say fucking? It’s allowed here. This is a safe space for swearing.

      • Johnatx

        No fucking way!

        • shivaskeeper

          Fucking true.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Fucking way. In fact, fucking anyway. Anyway you like that is consensual.

    • Kiri the Unicorn
      • Duke

        I dig the Gorn.

        “I shall be merciful and quick.”

        • FlownΩver

          “Does this tunic make me look fat?”

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck
  • JMP

    “I’ve breakfasted all my life”

    No, you have never “breakfasted”, because that is not a word; “breakfast” is a noun, not a verb, you can “have breakfast” or “eat breakfast”, you cannot “breakfast”.

    Seriously, how does the New York Times hire a writer who is that deficient in English grammar? Stop using nouns as verbs, stupid people!

    • Basic English

      I’ve broken fast?

      • armed_bears

        and, sometimes, wind.

    • BosGrl

      There’s a diaper commercial that uses toilet as a verb. Drives me nuts.

    • SterWonk

      <voice type=”Calvin”>Verbing weirds language.</voice>

    • FlownΩver

      Verbing nouns weirds me out.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      At least we didn’t learn how to “architect” the bread.

    • cleos_mom

      My senior high school English teacher, Mr. Clark — who knew everything there is to know about the English language and actually made Macbeth accessible to a classfull of middle-class baby-boom brats — used to emphasize that a word’s ‘identity’ depended 100% on usage.

      That said, I’ve never heard of anyone “dinnering”.

  • FZsdaughter

    In NYC, a buttered roll means a buttered Kaiser roll, the kind with poppy seeds on top. You slice them through the middle, weakly toast and smear on soft butter, wrap in a piece of counter paper — that’s a NYC buttered roll. It’s a cheaper alternative to a bagel or bialy. As for the kind of rolls you make in the family pan, I daresay they’re what we’d call dinner rolls. #GrewUpInManhattan #JustSayin

    • FZsdaughter
      • MississippiLefty

        Pssst! We have kaiser rolls in the rest of the US too!

        Also, too, how is it the FZsdaughter clarified in one snarky comment what the mysterious roll is better than the NYTimes food writer?

        • BosGrl

          Yes, but I think it’s the way they are sold, all day, everywhere, that makes this unique.

          • tomamitai

            Do they eat all those poppy seeds all the time so they’ll have an excuse for failing a drug test?

          • Aaron Wise

            Kaiser rolls are sold all day, everywhere in the USA.
            Nothing unique about putting butter on a kaiser roll and eating it.

        • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

          And Kaiser buns in Canada!!!

          • SDGeoff3

            Oh you naughty little….

        • FZsdaughter

          I’m not saying Kaiser rolls are unique to New York! I’m saying the guy put up a photo of some dinner rolls and that’s not what a NYC buttered roll is. There’s only one kind of roll that’s a buttered roll, and that’s a Kaiser roll. If you asked the deli guy for a buttered roll and he handed you a dinner roll with butter, you’d be like, “what is this, a joke?” #RegularCoffee

          • MississippiLefty

            No, I get it! I was just saying to the NYTimes that the kaiser roll isn’t that special…

      • That’ll ruin your drug test (opiates)

    • BosGrl

      I do think there is something unique about buttered rolls being available, ready sliced, toasted, and buttered, from street vendors and corner stores. It sounds wonderful… :) That’s what makes this different. I don’t understand, however, how a person growing up around bread has never had a buttered roll in any context. That’s just weird.

      • Thiazin Red

        I’m pretty sure he meant in that context. Yes, rolls with butter exist everywhere, having them for breakfast at carts is not a thing everywhere.

        • SDGeoff3

          Despite what the un-cuisined, unwashed lunch dates of David Brooks will tell you.

    • SDGeoff3

      Agreed.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Weirdly, NYT and NYT Magazine have mentioned a restaurant in Dayton, WA (pop. 2500) in three different articles in the past 10 years.

  • Vincent Ricola

    “Peter Elliot, an editor at Bloomberg, recalled that for his class-conscious father, buttered rolls were too unsophisticated, and banned in their East Side home.”

    This is a level of pretentious douche behavior that few ever reach. It’s both stupidly stupid and insulting stupid, all while managing to convey a subtle hint of stupid.

    • willi0000000

      so stupid it’s not even stupid?

      [ now i feel stupid ]

      • cleos_mom

        Maybe something like “if you gaze long into a stupid, the stupid also gazes into you.”

  • shivaskeeper

    I distinctly remember when I lived in Germany for g to the local bakery on a Saturday morning. One would get rolls, and other bread products there. Not a lot of people know that you can get bread like substances at the bakery. Anyway, this would explain why if I asked for butter on my roll the baker and usually the entire family including children would stare at me like I had a dick growing out of my forehead.

    Who knew.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Butter…on a bread roll?

      Wow, it just blows my fucking mind, man…

      • shivaskeeper

        IK, R?

        • SDGeoff3

          Just imagine our surprise.

    • OutOfOrbit

      have you looked in a mirror lately?

      • shivaskeeper

        No dick growing out of the forehead. I’m sure of that.

        • SDGeoff3

          Well ok then.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      IKR? You could smell the bakery for blocks and twas wonderful.

      • shivaskeeper

        Yes. Yes it was.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Speaking of Food–
    A joint LITERALLY just opened around the corner from me– Levengood’s Mighty Fine Hard Cider. Not only is there a brewery on the premises, not only is the cider good, but they make some damn good nachos to go along with the stuff. Just had a couple glasses, and now I’m flying high.

  • SDGeoff3

    What a great article! Thanks.
    I moved from New England to San Diego thirty-five years ago. (I have enjoyed buttered rolls in both places.) No one knew what iced tea was, anyplace I ate. Hold on…that’s right. On the three occasions I first ordered iced tea, two waiters asked me what it was, and the other brought me a cup of hot tea with an ice cube floating in it. I had already given up on the concept of iced coffee. Talk about blank stares. I’m not making this up. And I couldn’t find cranberry juice anywhere.
    And if memory serves me, in my native Rhode Island, coffee with milk, one sugar is called “coffee regular”. But then, there’s also coffee milk, which is very wonderful.

    • shivaskeeper

      You could try to order sweet tea outside the south for a similar tea experience.

      Also, too you memory has served you well for what coffee regular is.

      • SDGeoff3

        Now, let’s talk clam cakes.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Ooh, I totally want a coffee milk now.

      • SDGeoff3

        You know of this coffee milk?

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          I used to live in Boston and commute to RI for a job ( long, boring commute) so I am familiar with the regional specialty of coffee milk. Yummy!

          • SDGeoff3

            You can still get Autocrat and Eclipse coffee syrup online.

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            I wonder if they’ll deliver to the EU. I’ve been making mint and vanilla and chocolate syrups ( pretty simple, really, just sugar, water and a few flavorings bolied together for a few minutes), so I imagine coffee syrup wouldn’t be too much more difficult. Now that I have a craving, maybe I should try it. It won’t be authentic RI, it might be tasty.

          • SDGeoff3

            There is a Torani coffee syrup also, as well. I’ve never tried it. That should be available for you.

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            Thanks!

          • SDGeoff3

            De nada, I’m sure! Thanks for the great articles.

          • cleos_mom

            The latter is bound to see a spike in sales this month.

          • SDGeoff3

            Indeed!

    • cleos_mom

      The Husband had the same experience with iced coffee: a cup of hot black coffee and a glass of ice on the side.

      Ask for “regular” coffee anywhere outside the northeast and people will assume you don’t want decaf.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I would identify that object as

    1) not a kaiser roll, which is pretty much universally the kind of roll New York delis and bodegas sell,

    and

    2) not baked using a recipe from the NYT recipe section, because recipes from the NYT recipe section are incoherent, give terrible directions, generally get the ingredients and amounts wrong, and went to hell when Craig Claiborne died.

    But at least their proustian ruminations are always kinda stupid.

  • JMP

    I am shocked, shocked to see New Yorkers take something universal and pretend it’s unique to New York. What are going to do next, take some other city in the Northeast and claim it’s the “sixth borough”, causing all the residents of that city to tell New Yorkers to fuck off? Claim their pizza is magically superior even though it’s the same as available everywhere else on the East Coast? Or just continue to combine pretension with provincialism and claim being from New York somehow makes them superior to residents of every other city?

    • Thiazin Red

      Yes but for breakfast? Do other people eat buttered roles, by themselves for breakfast?

      • JMP

        Yes!

      • OutOfOrbit

        nobuddy here doz

      • BosGrl

        I do, but I thought I was just a carb junkie…

        • There is nothing wrong with carbs.

          • BosGrl

            My spare tire begs to differ…

          • ahughes798

            Eat a bit of everything you like. It’s mostly portion control, IMO.

          • BosGrl

            I’ll try!! :)

      • Catstro

        When my dad was a principal, his school had the best lunch lady ever. She was just an all around good person, and she made the best rolls. Soft, flaky, buttery rolls. On days when he was too busy to pop down to the lunchroom, she’d sneak a a dozen to him in his office for lunch (his entire lunch, he would just eat those rolls). So I dunno, maybe us rubes are doing it wrong and eating rolls as meals at the wrong time of day.

      • SDGeoff3

        Not I. I’m a toast, english muffin kind of guy. Unsalted butter and bitter orange marmalade, like my gramma from Scotland served.

      • LaylaOhGee

        Buttered toast every morning.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Well, having one of the two major parties run against you personally for 150 years or so can make folks cranky.

    • SDGeoff3

      If New York makes you this beset by crankiness, I suggest you avoid Boston at all costs.

    • Duke

      The last one.

  • We will never achieve true economic justice until everyone who reads/contributes to the Fuck the Fucking New York Times Lifestyles sections are all executed by guillotine.

    • OutOfOrbit

      well that’s a little harsh

      • SDGeoff3

        I am still campaigning for a return of The Wheel. Talk about reality Teevee possibilities.

        • OutOfOrbit

          i favor the gallows

          • Isn’t that (usually) a more protracted death than the guillotine?

          • OutOfOrbit

            not as messy unless the rope’s too long

          • ahughes798

            American Gladiator! Losers drawn and quartered!

          • SDGeoff3

            To each his own.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Excuse’-moi, but as a poor soul condemned to read shit from our local paper every morning (the Intelligencer), I LOVE the NYT even when it gives space to Douchehat and Friedman. At least they have sane letters to the editor and Paul Krugman.

      • and Charles Blow

        • Erala Contratista

          And Gail Collins.

    • Erala Contratista

      Nuh uh!
      Thanks to Lifestyles, we got to the Minnesota State Fair which is way more fun than we even hoped for. Which was not much.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Us here western canukistanies would call it a bun, but we’d still know what you were talking about.

  • If these things are so Proustian, what is their favourite curse word?

    • SDGeoff3

      I’m thinking “merde”.

      • Schizer!

        • SDGeoff3

          Also, as well. Yes.

          • It’s the one curse i know in a couple of languages. Thank you movies!

          • SDGeoff3

            I learned some bon mots from my music teachers over the years, too.

          • Musicians are a filthy lot

          • SDGeoff3

            Indeed. When I got a little too carried away, the one who became my “life mentor” would say, “Oh honey, calm down; this is musical masturbation.” Or, “get your hand off your dick and back on the keys, honey.”

    • Duke

      Gauche

  • Thiazin Red

    Gristedes always smells just a bit like rotten garbage that they’re trying to cover up with cleaning supplies. Every location I’ve been to. Its weird.

    • Erala Contratista

      One word…..terroir.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    It’s true. A friend asked for one in Cincinnati. He may as well just climbed out of a spaceship.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    I hope they paid Sadie Stein in buttered rolls. I certainly would not have given cash.

  • armed_bears

    It’s true that sad bear earlier was sad, and then he became happy, and how he’s like, WTF, NYT? It’s hard enough to get past your paywall with these paws, and now you’re big-timing me on yeast rolls?

    Imma go to Zabar’s and eat somebody.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6bc9d5508178bb40ceba687944e802a206f27101a87d5b9ec1f2fd52a27275c3.jpg

  • La forza del resistino

    Anyone trying to bake light, fluffy bread in the high Rockies should familiarize themselves with the term ‘flattop massif’.

  • Have we considered they might just be trolling everyone? How far up your coastal elite ass do you have to be to pretend that the food that literally every restaurant in the western hemisphere gives its patrons for free is a unique, mysterious treasure known only to the anointed few? Next week: The NYT writes an 8,000 thousand word piece about the pure NYC pedigree of putting a sprig of parsley on the dinner plate.

    • Aaron Wise

      The comment section will boil yer brains.

      • tomamitai

        My mother liked to eat scrambled eggs with brains, said they were great. Never tried them myself, or the pickled pig’s feet in “natural gelatin”.

    • Hank Goldstein

      That’s my take – Andy Kaufman as BUT food writer.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Standard fare in New England – maybe the writer thinks it’s cool that people eat them for breakfast?

    • BosGrl

      You know what I miss, really, really miss, is Milk Lunch crackers.

      • jesterpunk

        Is that made by the Milk People?

        • BosGrl

          That must be why they’re no longer made. The Milk People went out of business because no willing refugees to work at the factory.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I await their four-part series on Taylor Ham.

    • shivaskeeper

      Do. Not. Fuck. With. The. Taylor. Ham.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    The hits just keep on coming – holy hell.

    https://twitter.com/Fahrenthold/status/893224820003016710

    • Thiazin Red

      Has Fahrenthold gotten a sexy new picture, or did I have him confused with someone else?

    • jesterpunk

      What A IDIOT.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      It’s like he can’t even be satisfied with the current level of grift so he has to shoot himself in the ass again.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      But in early July, the post was relocated to a trailer on the sidewalk, more than 50 floors below…

      So there’s a trailer parked in front of Trump tower? Ha!

  • Me not sure
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Subs, hoagies, grinders or heroes. Discuss.

    • jesterpunk

      Hoagies is the only right answer.

    • Duke

      Baguette with cheese

      Sniff

      • Ahem. Avec formage.

      • BosGrl

        Oh! Real French baguette with butter and a thick slice of ham. I could eat that every day.

    • We call them wedges here.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Gyros!

      • Swampgas_Man

        Onloy if the place pronounces them GEr-ros, not JY-ros.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Heros

        • Lancelot Link

          Euros

    • BosGrl

      Spuckies.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Explain, please.

        • BosGrl

          That’s the word I grew up hearing in East Boston. I don’t hear it much anymore. I call them subs.

    • tomamitai

      If they deliver I’ll call them whatever they want, and as often as I can afford to.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Sammich?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Cool photo – single exposure with a very good lens – of the ISS sailing across the moon. It’s a daytime photo, so the ISS is nicely lit up.
    Click to embiggen: https://ichef-1.bbci.co.uk/news/976/cpsprodpb/CFDF/production/_97151235_issdaylighttransitdanicaxete.jpg

    You have to be a hard-core space junkie to work out the timing for this.

    • Duke

      Space junk?

      It’s my nemesis.

      • TJ Barke

        So you work at half section?

    • OutOfOrbit

      fake news science a hoax photo-shopped green cheese flat 6kyo

  • Ryan Denniston

    “I am actually kind of glad to hear that New Yorkers eat things so humble for breakfast!”

    Buttered rolls allowed me to survive Spain. Except the exteriors of the rolls were hard instead of soft like here, but it was better than shrimp heads in paella. Also too, buttered rolls are not unique to New York, no matter what New Yorkers want you to think.

  • efoveks

    Hot buttered roll– is that some kinda kinky sex thing? Asking for a friend.

    • BosGrl

      Ask Kim Kardashian.

      • efoveks

        I will never get that picture out, you realize that don’t you? ;)

        • BosGrl

          Heh

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    So, you know the real reason I moved to this socialist hellhole that the locals call “France?” It’s for the bread. And butter. And croissants (a magical amalgam of the two). It’s no NYC, but it’ll do.

    Still, I understand the desire to wax poetic about a starch-based breakfast.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Oh jeeez’…run down to Poilane and pick me up a couple loaves of sourdough bread and a bag o’ butter cookies. Oh what great memories…yum, yum.
      ~sigh…I can dream~ ;)

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Why am I drooling?

      And I’d give anything for a Languedoc red right about now.

    • BosGrl

      Heaven: Sitting in a courtyard in Paris, drinking espresso from a tiny cup and eating a fresh croissant that you walked blocks to buy because OMG.

      • Nodrama4mama

        I can agree on that. My favorite thing about Paris was the bakery on every corner with the fresh croissants and Pan du Chocolate.

        Not to mention the cheese. And the champange.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Green Pig Bistro in Arlington, Virginia has the best damned Parker House Rolls I’ve ever had…..all I gotta’ say about that.

    But that’s just how I roll.

    https://derpicdn.net/img/2013/5/29/336239/thumb.gif

    • BosGrl

      Boston invented them! :P

      • SDGeoff3

        Is the Parker House still open? I have a lot of memories.

        • BosGrl

          It’s the Omni Parker House now but it’s still open. I haven’t been there for ages.

          • SDGeoff3

            I hope they’ve kept that original recipe. How could they not?

  • Ryan Denniston

    “No, really, New York has figured out how
    to put bread in all their food stores. This is why us rural folk don’t
    venture into the cities, because that’s like witchcraft. How do they do
    that? Is there, like, a centralized place that just makes bread, and
    then some kind of conveyance to get the bread to the stores? My rural
    brain hurts even trying to think of how this all might work because I
    just make rolls in my kitchen most of the time.”

    Pipes. Enormous pipes that run alongside the steam pipes and water mains under the city. With little hyperloops that whiz that bread at 180 mpg across the city.

    • efoveks

      Pew! Pew! LOL!

  • Ricky Gay

    Ciabatta be kidding me!

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      It’s baguetting crazy out there.

      • BosGrl

        You guys are a pain.

        • SDGeoff3

          Clever. Challa be seeing you later!

  • Non-New Yorkers couldn’t answer if they had heard of buttered rolls because they were dumbfounded by the stupidity of the question.

    • Swampgas_Man

      They couldn’t answer because they had a mouth full of bread.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    okay, so I’m a texan, is a butter roll basically biscuits?

    • Swampgas_Man

      My grandma made something called Monkey Bread, is that the same thing?

      • Jennifer R

        Monkey bread is sweet IIRC? Like it’s got sugar or honey in it to crust it up right?
        Dinner rolls are closer to slightly crusty white bread.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        never heard of it.

    • Jennifer R

      It’s a dinner roll, not a biscuit.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        ah…i was thinking that might be it.

        So as the writer says, FUCKING BREAD.

        FWIW, Alton Brown did an episode of Good Eats on the fabulous world of rolls – and he makes his show in Atlanta.

        • Jennifer R

          Yeah, I loved good eats it was a great show.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            IKR? i hate to see he’s now or has been doing some dumb cooking competition show.

          • I have the entire series of Good Eats on one of my hard drives. It’s such an amazing reference

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah he was burning out and he wanted to do something less intense.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Biscuits are flaky, sorta like this NYT piece.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Biscuits are superior in every way. There is no bacon egg and cheese buttered roll at McDonalds or Buscuitville.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i actually don’t do a ton of biscuits, but you see them advertised (we’re more Southwestern than Southern here).

        However, gimme some cornbread wiht sweet butter, hell yeah!

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          speaking of which, sneak some jalapenos into your cornbread for a little kick.

          Is good actually.

          • Were you not around the other day when i made taco cornbread waffles?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i saw that, but did not want to wade into that.

          • They are delicious. I made homemade pico for them too

          • Jennifer R

            Like I said, just take cornbread batter, and put it in your waffle iron. You can put pretty much anything you would put on cornbread or waffles or tacos on it.

          • Jennifer R

            I’m gonna be eyeing you now. Next thing I know you are gonna put sweet corn or honey in.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ugh, mom sneaks corn into them sometimes. IS NOT NEEDED. And messes with consistency, IMHO.

            But no, seriously, jalapeno cornbread is guuuuud.

          • Jennifer R

            My roommate has a habit of putting in honey. Next time she does, I am going to use weed honey instead.

          • Jon Sussex

            Don’t forget the bacon. ;)

      • Except with gravy. That ruins them.

        • Jennifer R

          What is wrong with you?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            IKR?

          • Jennifer R

            Even tasty garlic cheddar biscuits need a white gravy for added yum.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I lived in NYC for two decades, and never heard of this buttered roll BS. Maybe I just somehow managed to overlook it, but I love food, so I find this hard to believe.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      It’s a round sandwich roll, called a hard roll here, sliced in half a butter is smeared on it.

    • shivaskeeper

      No it is not a biscuit. Heathen.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol, i’m looking for common ground!

        (How’s the trip?)

        • shivaskeeper

          rolling out for the start point in a few hours. Many feet higher in elevation. Should be about 10-15 degrees cooler. Other than heat we’re doing pretty good.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            watch that elevation sickness, it’s a bastard. Damn near floored me in the mountains above denver. (course the heavy drinking didn’t help).

            Drive safe!

          • shivaskeeper

            Not going that high. Generally I don’t worry about alpine sickness until I go over 8,000 feet.

  • m3bosha

    Mmmmm. I really want to make my Grandma’s yeast rolls now. We also use butter, but since Grandma is from Nebraska, I’m not sure if it counts as a buttered roll.

    • SDGeoff3

      We are on our way.

      • m3bosha

        They really are soooo good. And the best part, we use the same dough to make sticky bun cinnamon rolls. Which also are buttered. Damn. I need to lay off the indica, momma’s got the munchies.

        • SDGeoff3

          Indica will do it every time.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Crucial testimonial absent. What does the Predisent endorse for breakfast?

    • Ricky Gay

      Trumpets

      • Pisto75666

        (Pee) Strumpets!

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Egg McMuffins?

    • Vincent Ricola

      Cocaine?

    • SDGeoff3

      Fox News.
      Sad. Very sad.

    • BosGrl

      Fried chicken omelet. With cheese.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Velveeta cheese, that is.

        • BosGrl

          I was thinking that already-liquid cheese in a jar they sell in the tortilla chip aisle…

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Butter on a stick and a moon pie.

  • Jennifer R

    Been saving this one for the open thread
    https://twitter.com/SFtheWolf/status/893205248575025152

  • Canis Greyhame
  • Bitter Scribe

    It’s true. In Chicago buttered rolls are called “mugwumps with teat paste.”

  • Ryan Denniston

    We cannot allow a buttered roll gap!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybSzoLCCX-Y

  • TJ Barke

    I really don’t even…

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I lived in NYC for twenty years, and never heard of a buttered roll. Breakfast sandwiches? Sure. Bagels with a smear? Yes, please. Buttered roll? Yeah, not so much. I don’t ever even remember seeing a biscuit.

    • BosGrl

      Maybe you have to say a secret word?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Maybe they knew I was born a southerner, and was unworthy of the buttered roll? Seriously, as much as I ate out when I lived in NY, I think I would have seen it on a menu once or twice.

  • Erala Contratista

    Thanks for this. The whole article made no sense. Learned to make rolls and butter them when a wee lass.
    In the cosmopolitan San Joaquin Valley.
    Tee vee on Sat. night was boxing or Buck Owens.

    Next feature “Tap Water Of New York, A Local Treasure”

    Still, the review of Fieri’s place is a classic…..

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      rofl, the tap water crack was a good one.

      ; )

  • La forza del resistino

    from the needz moar dick jokes news desk:
    Gen’l Mark Inch (ret) has been tapped to head the federal prison penal system as a stiff corrections proponent by Donald.

  • TJ Barke

    Someone post the clip of Mugatu screaming about crazy pills, I’m on my phone, plz & thx.

  • Marr

    Good Lord, I hope to God this was an attempt at tongue in cheek journalism. I have bread rolls (in multiple styles, shapes and flavors) everywhere I have been. The Midwest, cruise ships in Alaska and the Caribbean, England, Italy.

    Though to be fair to Mr. “Only New Yorkers know about hot buttered buns” Italy served theirs sans butter, or margarine, but included a serving dish at the table full of Parmesan cheese you would liberally sprinkle (dump as much as it would hold) into fresh roll you tore open.

    Old Country Buffet had buttered rolls. You don’t get much further from high falutin’ New Yorkers than that.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      yeah, pretty sure fuckin’ bread is a worldwide phenomenon that’s only a few thousand years old.

      • tomamitai

        DO. NOT. GOOGLE. “FUCKIN’ BREAD”!

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          (scribbles on notepad).

    • Snarkbot 9000

      Hey whoa whoa slow down there, chief. We ain’t talkin’ about your fancy schmancy little cruise ship dinner rolls here, alright? These a NEW YORK rolls. Its the water, what can I say? Everything just tastes better here, and despite having tried nothing else, I am still confident these things are the best things in every case. Now with the diplomacy out of the way, a more substantive look at the differences between a NY Kaiser roll and OTHERS.

      NY Kaiser roll
      High gluten, firm but elastic crust, airy, soft center, hint of sourdough flavor from batch fermentation

      Others

      Dogfood

      I think that about settles that.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Yeah, but New York also invented rats, so you know, both sides, but the Democrats are worse.

  • Buttered roll rat never went viral because nobody outside of the five boroughs could figure out what it was dragging.

  • DainBramage

    Pretentious twaddle. People will eat anything if you slather it with butter, even snails.

    • Or lobster bug meat (used to feed to prisoners in New England)

      • Snarkbot 9000

        *Now sold by hipsters in Brooklyn for $200/lb.

    • bupkus231

      ummm – esgarot with brown garlic butter….

  • memzilla Ω

    We need a Wonkette Betting Pool: How Many Trump Morons Will Perjure Themselves in Front of a Federal Grand Jury?

    • Vincent Ricola

      Obligatory AOT,K.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Is that like sucking your own cock?

      • Reximus

        Sort of, but more jail-y

        • SDGeoff3

          Not jail-y if you don’t do it on the lawn.

      • clubseal

        Asking for a friend

      • Bill D. Burger

        Steve Bannon libelz’! ___ Wait! Oh fuck. That’s not possible.

        Nevermind.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Gonna’ be a very high percentage. They have been absolutely conditioned since bith (and it may well be in their Trump DNA) NOT to be able to tell the difference between the truth and a lie.

  • Reximus
    • Thiazin Red

      Damn, this HAS been an exciting news day.

  • Raan

    Regional breakfast foods, go!

    Scrambled egg, Taylor ham, and cheese on a Kaiser roll.

    • clubseal

      Elk sausage, cheese, egg, bell pepper, and onion burrito.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        mexican style eggs with chorizo, or so I’ve seen/heard. I don’t really do breakfast. I grew up in a white family, but we still did mexican style breakfast sometimes.

        Also sometimes, late after drinking, Menudo! (Not me htough, no thanks). People here swear by it’s hangover curing/preventing properties.

        • marxalot

          Huevos rancheros or migas will clear you up just as well without the tripe, trust.

        • Lancelot Link

          Yes. it is true what they say about menudo.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Spam, spam, spam, eggs and spam.

    • tomamitai

      I enjoyed some scrapple for breakfast in Philly once, but that was before I knew what was in it.

      • Snarkbot 9000

        Alas, I too made the error of ever looking at the ingredients in that package. I might have gone my whole life never knowing. Sometimes I miss those days before I knew that I knew what snouts taste like when mixed with cornmeal and baked to a crispy outside and warm, soft, and snouty interior.

    • marxalot

      chorizo, bean and potato/rice breakfast taco (you might want eggs, I trust no one for eggs); any and every kolache (cream cheese on the fruit ones pls)

  • gallbladder

    My late-maternal grandmother made the most delicious breads without benefit of visiting New York.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    If you ever go to NYC and want a good breakfast (no buttered rolls on THIS menu), go to Norma’s at the Parker Meridien.

    http://nymag.com/listings/restaurant/normas/menus/main.html

    $25 seems like a lot for breakfast, but it’s worth every damn penny. There’s always a wait to get in to this place, just because it is so damned good. There used to be a trans waiter there who was delightful.

    • DainBramage
      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I always know I’m going to have to have a nap after I eat there. The portions are HUGE, in addition to being delicious. I justify the expense to myself, because it’s really the only meal I’ll eat that day.

        • DainBramage

          I had to stop reading the menu. I was getting too excited.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I needed a cigarette after I ate there for the first time.

            I took an ex-girlfriend who was a petite little thing there for breakfast, and she DEVOURED a huge plate of blueberry pancakes. I think she consumed her weight in pancakes. But my god, they are soooo good. Their claim to fame is actually their French toast, which is amazing.

            I should also mention that the portions are large enough that two people can split a dish.

    • marxalot

      bookmarked for next month’s NYC trip

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Let me know how you like it. They also give you a little smoothie, which is also delicious.

  • DainBramage

    If I’m going to eat straight carbs like that, I won’t waste in on a boring buttered roll. Like on Thanksgiving – No roll, more stuffing.

  • Nodrama4mama

    I’m a native new yorker and I thought the buttered roll article was pretty stupid. I will say that whenever I go back to the motherland, and post a picture of a bacconeggancheese sandwich, I get more likes than I do for puppy pictures. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bee4aebf565f046691bb3a65e56a407a1ec037d7619ec0ace610b9f416134032.jpg

    • SDGeoff3

      Me too! I miss them.

    • gallbladder

      You got mine!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I lived in NY for twenty years, and ate my fair share of bacon and egg sandwiches, but don’t remember ever seeing a “buttered roll” on any menu or in any bodega. Did you ever see them?

      • Nodrama4mama

        No, but I never looked because I wanted bacon! Also if I’m going to butter something its going to be a warm everything or sesame bagel.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Biscuits are everywhere in the South, but I don’t think the same is true of buttered rolls in NYC. I feel like I would have noticed them.

      • Snarkbot 9000

        It’s not really something that’s normally just left out like they do at 7-11. Most places you ask for it and the roll is sliced fresh and buttered on the spot. I guess some of the busier spots make them in advance, but it’s not really all that common from my recollection to see pre-made buttered rolls set out in many places. You occasionally will see mention of it on a specials board like a $0.99 Coffee with Buttered Roll special, but aside from that, it’s never on a menu. It’s one of those things that’s basically assumed to exist anywhere that serves breakfast of any kind. Kind of like how people in South Jersey and SE PA can reasonably assume a cheesesteak with fried onions can be found at all local pizzerias.

    • bupkus231

      I just can’t find those poppy-seed “hard rolls” ( that’s what we always called them upstate ) elsewhere, where the bread inside the crust is light and fluffy. I probably didn’t get the sandwich with bacon – but a fried egg, and just a touch of ketchup, was just greaaaaat!

    • marxalot

      one of the things I’m looking forward to on next month’s NYC trip is a proper fuggin breakfast sarny

      • Nodrama4mama

        Luckily they are not hard to find. I prefer the ones in the bodega or deli to the truck ones. Trucks and carts are for falafels and hot dogs.

    • Snarkbot 9000

      Ah the ol’ #4 Breakfast Special (small coffee included) – my nemesis. 4.22 plus tax 20 years ago – made exactly 1.32 gazillion of these sandwiches when I worked at a deli on Long Island. Oh and the fussy assholes with their “over-easy” bullshit. One guy, a regular, even wanted an **obscene** quantity of mayonnaise slathered on the TOP AND BOTTOM halves of the roll (this dude inspected that shit and complained to my boss if his specifications were not met in exacting, disgusting, detail. To this day I cannot go near mayonnaise on or in anything because of this experience.

      • Nodrama4mama

        One- those sammiches are not supposed to have mayo, so you could have beat the crap out of the guy and gotten away with it.

        Two-How can you eat one with the over easy egg and not be wearing the yolk?

  • clubseal

    So much WTF, I could grind it up and make a million WTF flavored buttered rolls.

    On the one hand, I can’t fathom the need for this “story” because one, I wish I had enough staff at my paper to assign such a moronic piece and two, pretty much every region on earth has had buttered bread (hello, Hawaiian sweet rolls). On the other hand, killermartini’s takedown was well worth the fact that the buttered bread story exists.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    FWIW, in germany, I remember having for breakfast brochen with butter and marmelade or jelly when I was a wee bureacrat in charge of tacos.

    The TX mom and I still call them brochen, but they sell them as bolillos.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bolillo

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I love brötchen.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        IKR? sorry everyone for mangling the spelling, it’s only been 30 years or so since i’ve seen it spelled.

        ; )

        • tomamitai

          Better umlaut than never.

    • (((Aron)))

      I wish I was a bureaucrat in charge of tacos :(

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i assure you, it is purely a ceremonial position.

        ; P

  • La forza del resistino

    My fav hot buttered roll, bun, whatever, is the last one I ate.

    • gallbladder

      R’Amen.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I sometimes slather myself in butter and roll around. Does that count?

  • Rotational Symmetry

    Snark aside, I have to be honest here. Yes, of course, we have bread with butter here [Ann Arbor, MI], obviously. But if I were out and about and wanted to *buy* a buttered roll for *breakfast*? I don’t think I could find a place to get one – it is, in fact, not a thing.

    • Thiazin Red

      I appreciate snark, but this is kind of a willful misreading.

    • BosGrl

      I’ve had rolls in the morning going through the Dunks drive through, but I’ve never asked them to slice, toast and butter them. They’d do it, I’m sure, but I don’t think it’s a normal thing.

    • Jon Sussex

      Yeah, those are dinner rolls where I grew up.

  • Reximus
  • La forza del resistino

    Brits remember the 100th anniversary of WWI Passchendaele battle.
    Why aren’t Brit men req’d to wear silly hats?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c5c91b4eba7437e0088b62e96fff6af7293eca3797e5358a40ee9d394b320cbd.jpg

    • gallbladder

      I hear that their two-bit haircuts more than make up for it.

    • BosGrl

      1. The women are too traditional to complain.
      2. I wish I had somewhere to wear a silly hat.

    • marxalot

      I dunno, those overambitious bus conductor’s caps with the gold leaf on the brims and complicated badges are a bit silly.

  • I am at the movie theatre and i am quite sure my waitress gave diet coke instead of the real stuff. This is making me grumpy

    • gallbladder

      What’s the feature?

      • Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

        • gallbladder

          Mmm. No going half-way where that show is concerned. Can you get your money back?

        • marxalot

          I hear that’s less a movie than an all out assault on your senses and sanity.
          …I still love Luc Besson though.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Wasn’t my jam. Like to hear your take though.

          • It is not going to be my favourite Besson. The plot is so convoluted it nearly makes no sense. The guy playing Valerian is flat and Cara Delevigne had more to work with as Enchantress in Suicide Squad. Almost no one builds worlds like Besson, but he’s better with a good starting screenplay (Leon, Adele Blanc-Sec). He needs one of tbos again. Maybe they’ll give him a Star Wars?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Uh oh, rogue attacking dodo going rogue, considers attacking.

      • Well, aspertaime tastes like shit

        • Thiazin Red

          It really does, I can’t even eat light yogurt because of that horrible after taste.

          • I was right. They have switched if for the full fructose corn syrup stuff

          • Shanzgood

            That’s why I can’t eat it. HFCS makes me as sick to my stomach as dairy and soy. The only thing that’s worse for me is MSG.

          • starfanglednut

            Ugh. That stuff is awful.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Agreed.

        • tomamitai

          It gives me the eyelid twitchies.

    • (((Aron)))

      Diet Coke tastes better than the regular stuff.

      Count yourself lucky!

      • Blasphemer! Aspertaime is the worst

        • (((Aron)))

          HERETIC! Fetch the hedgehog!

      • shivaskeeper

        FFS at this point you may as well drink battery acid or a Pepsi.

        • (((Aron)))

          :O

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Yes – that brings incandescent rage in me. I feel yaz.

    • redarmyzombie

      This is most tragic, though I am wondering what kind of movie theater has waitresses…

      • One of my locals chains has a site that has a 19+ lounge and adults only theatres. And you can the fokd from the bar to the regular theatres. I am having mini pirogies and spinach and arichoke dip for dinner

    • starfanglednut

      As long as she doesn’t put margarine on your roll.

  • Dick St. Dipshit

    I hear that butter from the Local Milk People is used exclusively in New York butter rolls.

  • marxalot

    Okay, reporting from a childhood in Texas, where a white roll (or brown and serve rolls, or whatever) accompanies every plate of bbq or chicken fried steak by law, I has a confuse. I mean, you can get “buttered rolls” at the notriously over salted tables of the Blackeyed Pea. Does this person really think they don’t exist as a saleable food outside of the MTA covered region?

    • Thiazin Red

      No, they don’t think you can get them individually for sale as a common breakfast item in other places.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        okay, now THAT might be a good argument, cause I’ve never seen that in many travels, but the article makes it sound like hte concept is from space aliens.

        • Thiazin Red

          The NYT article doesn’t, this article does.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            I disagree:

            “Though of course bread and butter are eaten all over, the buttered roll (or roll with butter, as it is known in parts of New Jersey) is a distinctly local phenomenon. Mention its name outside the New York metropolitan area and you would very likely be met with blank incomprehension.

      • marxalot

        You can get em individually (wrapped in Saran, butter pat back) from any bbq joint in the Late Great State, or at least where I’ve been, and most of those are open early to run the smokers. Can also get ’em from most kolache places if you want coffee. But why do that when you can get a cinnamon bun or, you know, a kolache?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I guess this whole silly thing can be based on what your definition of a roll is.

    • Jamoche

      I used to go with friends to a BBQ place in Texas where they’d come around with fresh out of the oven rolls constantly, and it was a real temptation not to fill up on them while you were waiting for the BBQ.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    My weird breakfast treat? Try a bagel and cream cheese and put some breakfast sausages on it.

    • BosGrl

      That sounds awesome.

    • Thiazin Red

      I put maple syrup on all breakfast pork variations, bacon, sausage, ham, all improved by maple syrup.

      • Shanzgood

        Yes!

  • Bill D. Burger

    You know who else like a good hot buttered roll?

    Paula Deen….and her husband__It was the name of their favorite sex act. Damned woman liked butter on everything.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/736d7b5ba16032de606eacd1505562b3fb9dc4c34627075f9103b21744e42e62.jpg

    • gallbladder

      Oh FUCK! Almost—almost I say, comrades–forgot about her and her capped teeth.

      • Le Chapeau

        And her crazy, mirthless eyes.

    • Bitter Scribe

      I just saw the episode of Law & Order: SVU where Cybil Shepherd plays a character based on Deen. She even looked a little like her. It made me feel old, when I remembered how hot she used to be.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I just so didn’t need to expand this image…

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I once saw her drink a cup of melted butter and tried not to vomit. And I LOVE butter.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I’d rather have a baguette. But that’s just me being french.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Ken Ham is still at it:

    Ken Ham Calls On Christians To Reclaim Rainbow From ‘Anti-God’ LGBTQ Movement

    Ham explained that while the rainbow represents “God’s covenant” and a reminder that “God’s word is true” in the Bible, today the rainbow “has become so associated with a movement that is so anti-God, anti-Christ, anti-Christian that I just believe it’s time that we stood up in the culture and said, ‘You know what? We’re taking the rainbow back.’”

    …Then we all have a jolly good laugh while Kenny goes to figure out another dodge by which he can wring a few more dollars from his failing children’s bible-story tourist trap, and perhaps contemplate a life gone hilariously awry.

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/ken-ham-calls-on-christians-to-reclaim-rainbow-from-anti-god-lgbtq-movement/

    • gallbladder

      I have Newton on the line. He’s demanding his fair share of rainbow reclamation royalties.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        What, did he finally get a girlfriend?

    • shivaskeeper

      Still at this one is he? Bigger names in the religious right have tried this bullshit. They failed. He’ll fail too. So sad.

    • La forza del resistino

      He may reclaim the rainbow but not after complaining an atheist rained on his parade.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      “This natural weather phenomenon is OURS, nyah! Nyah! YOU gheys can’t HAVE IT! WE OWN THE WEATHER!”

      • tomamitai

        And prisms too?

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          And gravity! Gravity is from the Loard and gheys can’t have it! They have to float!

    • alpacapunchbowl

      The downside of the schadenfreude-licious fact that his Noah’s Ark thing doing poorly is that it frees up more time for him to piss and moan about this nonsense.

    • tomamitai

      Didn’t they try to “reclaim” the word “gay” a few years ago? How’d THAT go?

  • Reximus
  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    OK, so I got one of these recently. Don’t judge me. It works pretty well and is very inexpensive. You can put all kinds of meats, cheeses, and sauces in the layers.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ccccc4f7c6ae9076cdba5224991dabd24fbb465dc9198012e4ceccbb2bd3b540.jpg

    • Shanzgood

      Yes, please!

    • marxalot

      that but with tiny waffle irons pls

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Judge you? Hell, I want to marry you.

    • La forza del resistino

      a levitating UFO gadget?

    • gallbladder

      Let’s eat!

    • alpacapunchbowl

      No judgment. My ma has one and it’s awesome.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • gallbladder

      Christmas.

    • Reximus

      Schadenfreude-mas

    • Independence Day 2.0

    • dshwa

      Orange Tuesday*

      *If it’s a Tuesday

    • svejk

      No Mas Don

    • LucindathePook

      Let’s make it a week, or maybe Impeachment Month.

  • Joe Beese

    Rinse and dry one large russet potato, then dice it. Mince half a large white onion and saute it in a cast iron pan with half a stick of butter until it colors. Add the potato dice, heavily salt and pepper, and cook until golden brown.

    Serves one. Me.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i dig it – plain or with salsa of course.

    • starfanglednut

      That’s a lot of butter. Sounds yummy.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I’ve been waiting for the open thread to share this with y’all: https://twitter.com/FranceWorldProb/status/893202826956087298

  • Doug Langley

    When I was a boy, the best times was when we visited my aunt. She and mom would yak while she fixed a huge lunch for everyone. I remember the first time she served rolls, fresh out of the oven, hot and light and chewy. They showed me how to spread butter on them, and oh my God were they delicious.

    • gallbladder

      Gotta have that subtle hint of aromatic alcohol byproduct in the air.

  • DainBramage

    UPS just delivered my eclipse glasses. I’m gonna go outside and look at the sun. If I can see it through the haze, that is.

    • Anna Rompage

      It’s quite nasty out there today, isn’t it?

      The wind is suppose to change direction by the weekend, and will blow this grossness out

      • DainBramage

        I hope so, this smoky haze is bad. The moon was nice and red last night though.
        BTW, eclipse glasses are better than a blindfold. Couldn’t see a thing until I looked directly at the sun.

        • Anna Rompage

          Be careful with those, a lot of them have a time limit that you can look at the sun for…

          • DainBramage

            Yeah, 3 minutes. I’m probably going to make a pinhole camera too.

    • tomamitai

      Make sure you got the real thing, there are supposed to be a lot of fakes out there.

      • DainBramage

        These are ISO 12312-2:2015 certified. Yeah, you can’t be too careful.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Buttered rolls. Pfft! Golden Corral has them.

    • bupkus231

      No. No, they don’t. Not the NY hard roll ( which the NYT piece mistakenly calls a “buttered roll” ). Not that I’m all that well-travelled, but I have never found a good NY hard roll anywhere else outside of NYC, northern NJ, and NY’s Hudson Valley.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I leave mine on the counter overnight. They’re plenty hard then.

        • bupkus231

          Hell – ifn they’re more than 4 hours old, they’re too hard to use.

      • Jamoche

        That makes it all even stupider. “Here’s an article about a specific kind of roll that’s unique to NYC, and we will use the most generic name possible for it.”

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Margarine? Fucking MARGARINE??
    No that roll is not bloody well edible.
    #wisconsingetssomethingsright

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Thiazin Red

      The next president can just have that better one they were planning on making till Trump cancelled it for no reason.

    • gallbladder

      “Hide?!? We’ve got nothing to…oops, plane’s about to leave!”

    • Coup works in this case!

    • Doug Langley

      Trying to remember . . . when the MIG pilot defected, didn’t we have to return the plane?

    • Beer Hunter

      I’d take that trade

  • Reximus

    So Mueller gets to call the Mercers to the GJ?
    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/893236329605214212

    • jesterpunk

      Rachel has to be so happy she is off this week.

      • DainBramage

        If she isn’t in a total news blackout, she’s probably bouncing off walls.

        • jesterpunk

          I just meant about having to rewrite the show at the last minute because of all the breaking stories coming out later in the day today.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah, when the morning meeting means absolutely nothing at 4 pm.

            I do not miss those days.

          • jesterpunk

            When the 8:30pm meeting means nothing at 9pm when the show comes on the air.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            fair point, but I used to do the 5 pm show.
            ; )

          • jesterpunk

            Oh, I couldn’t imagine trying to do a news show with Trump as President. You would basically have to do everything live as you go along with as much stuff that drops all the time about him.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            me either, mine was during the Dubya years too.

  • redarmyzombie

    Good fucking christ, can these people just suck a dick already?

    • jesterpunk

      Bannon can suck his own from what the Mooch said, does that count?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Calling Mooch! ___ Bannon!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Thiazin Red

      I want the Peter Gunn theme to be playing whenever I see video of him walking. Or something equally cool.

  • sw19hoofywoofy

    “Bagels have slacked off…” Indeed. They are clearly over-leveraged right now, and the smart money is piling into the cutting-edge new york buttered roll sector. Baguettes have taken a hammering recently. Brexit fears have really damaged the english muffin’s reputation, but the favorable exchange rate means we recommend them as a decent buy and/or long term hold. However, if you want to chase extremely high yields and are willing to take a risk, then hot dog buns filled with hobo beans could really clean up, if the North Korean takeover bid materialises….

    • Thiazin Red

      I will say, the problem of people calling things bagels which are not bagels has increased in NYC. A bagel is a very specific thing, you can’t just call any bread with a hole in it a bagel.

      • Not just a roll with a hole!

      • sw19hoofywoofy

        A donut is just a bagel with lots of icing on it.

        *runs away very fast*

    • Anna Rompage

      Call me cosmopolitan if you may, but I do like me a croissant…

      • Thiazin Red

        Only if its fresh and crispy, a non crispy croissant is gross.

      • puredog

        One day before I die, I want me a cronut.

  • HazooToo

    For Open Threader’s consideration: A terrible accident happened to the family of a very determined person, and I’m sharing this here just in case anyone can afford to help out. https://twitter.com/juliet_benoit/status/893194178745819137

  • rob black

    Had to create a new account to comment:
    This is vegan restaurant butthole level snark right here. I may have hurt something laughing.

    • There’s a “buttholed roll” joke in here somewhere.

      • Jamoche

        Down there with the picture of Paula Deen.

      • Anna Rompage

        Buttered buttholes, Turgid’s favorite!

    • Welcome, but comments aren’t allowed

      • rob black

        Well excuuuuuuse me!

        • dshwa

          It’s not personal. That’s a long standing Wonkette joke from a previous commenting system.

        • As i was hazed, so shall you be

          • rob black

            Oh I know…Have been around through 3? different proprietors under various guises. Was just in lurking mode for a while….but this was a special case post that required commentary. May have ruptured a spleen.

          • Killermartinis is awesome. I have met her at a drinky thing

          • rob black

            Oh this was gold I tells ya…..gold!

    • sw19hoofywoofy

      Brad? Is that you?

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    Fucking KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN has sold “buttered rolls” for decades. It’s a staple of southern cuisine, and frankly EVERY FUCKING PLACE IN THE WORLD. I suppose we can next expect articles such as:
    “Toast: You Won’t Believe What Happens when you place “Bread” in this kind of special Oven!!!”
    “Water: The Elixir of Life Available from an actual Tap!”
    “Nuts and Berries: The Amazing Foods Now Available to Forage for the First Time!”
    “Fire: We Have Now Discovered the Latest Way to Alter the Chemical Structure of Edible Food!”

  • Paperless Tiger

    I thought it was a Southern thing, rolls. Granny used to make about 100 of them for dinner, so we toasted them for breakfast also too.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    USDA says we Muricans eat about a cuppa wheat flour a day…

  • Anna Rompage

    Why it’s hotter than a swine’s nutsack, a week after Joni Earnest tied it up with a rubber band, in August…

  • Bill D. Burger

    I understand tourism is up a couple hundred percent in New Hampshire since Putin’s Pawn called it “…a drug infested den.”

    Motto changed: “Live High or Die”

    • alpacapunchbowl

      When he said the drugs are coming from the southern border, he meant the southern border with the nearest quack prescribing physician who lives in the pocket of big pharma, right? Either that, or the southern border with the local meth lab?

    • La forza del resistino

      The Mexican prez should have reminded Donald all those oxycontins came from Perdue Pharma’s NJ and CN warehouses.

    • hendenburg2

      Pretty sure Colorado already trademarked that one

      • Bill D. Burger

        Playing off Denver’s motto, we’ve changed the state’s to “A Mile High and More”
        Gawwd’ I love this state. Come and visit for a real Rocky Mt. high.

  • dshwa

    You may take our Fries, but you’ll never take our DINNER ROLLS!!!

    Or something like that.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Ah, I have That One Friend on my Twitter feed again. You know, TOF that still believes that Hillary Clinton’s problem was she was too centrist and triangulated everything to pieces. TOF that believes that while the Trump presidency is a disaster, there’s nothing we can do about it so we need to chill out.
    Well, today, TOF is slagging on Resistance. Saying “Has calling or writing letters to Congressmen or Senators ever caused them to change their minds? Ever?” and “You should spend your time being creative and enjoying your hobbies instead of wasting it calling political people.”

    • dshwa

      “Has calling or writing letters to Congressmen or Senators ever caused them to change their minds? Ever?”

      He should ask Murkowski and Collins that question. Or all the R senators secretly thanking McCain in their prayers for shooting down healthcare so they didn’t have to vote against it.

    • jowgajen

      Dear TOF, this *is* my hobby.

    • ManchuCandidate

      What a fucking ass.

    • sw19hoofywoofy
      • gallbladder

        Epicurus might agree.

  • ManchuCandidate
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      You know Poppin’ Fresh was running around with Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Fields.

      • gallbladder

        Is that why they called him “Poppin’?”

      • Anna Rompage

        Don’t let Famous Amos find out, it’d likely get a rise out of him, and he’d likely roll somebody…

      • Doug Langley

        And nobody suspected Sara Lee.

        • Anna Rompage

          It was Little Debbie that killed Seth Rich, in the basement of Comet Ping Pong, with a private email server…

          • Doug Langley

            Hillary taught her well.

        • Bobathonic
    • gallbladder

      Triple-bleached goo bastard.

    • Ricky Gay

      Let’s poke that fucker

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    that’s the choice of the author, who has likely never fully read Proust any more than you have, because Proust is something you can safely say you’ve read to be pretentious knowing that nobody else has and you’ll never get called out.

    I’ll have you know I once entered the Summarize Proust Competition.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwAOc4g3K-g

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      And do you have any other hobbies?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Biting the heads of whippets?

  • When I lived in NYC, only 25 years ago back in the primitive 90’s, there were no Starbucks nor microbreweries.

    None.

    And this was the typical NY breakfast (Danish optional)…
    https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81thCQBMdiL._SL1245_.jpg

    • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼

      I’m just going to leave this here:

      http://www.nycoffeecup.com/

    • hendenburg2

      I personally love how, no matter what show, no matter what network, if it takes place in NYC, that is the ONLY coffee cup people use

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        exactly! (Always. scroll. down).

      • Thiazin Red

        Its an easy detail to get right and give it an authentic look if you can’t shoot here.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      since you brought it up – what is the deal with those cups? You see them all the time in like Law & Order episodes in New York.

      I think I saw one once in a machine in Chicago.

      • Thiazin Red

        Pretty much all the breakfast carts have them. I assume they must all order them from the same place.

        • puredog

          You can buy a permanent porcelain version online.

      • Street vendors. Gone.

      • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼

        Also, any theater production set in New York, which is why I have entire stack of them lying around.

      • MizzMazz

        I miss the ‘Wild Card Poker’ ones, with the hole card on the bottom. Finish your coffee first, though!

  • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼

    Hey! Buttered rolls from bodegas & delis got me through college in NY.

    Also, this reminded me of the opening number of “In the Heights”, although there it was “pan caliente”.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65Py2ESubKY

    I propped a local version of this show. At one point the main character Usnavi tosses out items that he sells… condoms, lottery tickets, etc.
    We didn’t throw out any buttered rolls, but an actor nearly got brained by a quarter water.

  • hendenburg2

    Did anyone see Samantha Bee’s investigation into Kris Kobach’s pre-Secretary of State grift?

    It went like this:
    1) Convince Bumfuck, Iowa/Indiana/Arkansas etc-style town to pass anti-immigrant laws (which he can write for you, for a fee)
    2) Laws get challenged
    3) Kris Kobach, lobbyist, refers you to Kris Kobach, Harvard-educated lawyer (allegedly), who can defend your laws. For a fee.
    4) Town loses, and has to pay the legal fees for everyone involved.
    5) In all of this, towns never bother noticing that Kris Kobach’s group is listed as a Hate Group by the SPLC

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JVGx-hvY9I

    • jesterpunk

      That would be a feature not a bug if they did notice.

      • hendenburg2

        Well, I’m trying to figure out whether that would apply to Escondido.

    • Persistent Demme

      I wonder how he sleeps at night.
      *sigh*

    • tomamitai

      Conservatism: the grift that keeps on grifting.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Wouldn’t it be cool if she partnered with Randy Rainbow?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That’s exceptionally gifted griftiness…

  • Thiazin Red

    Apparently, I’ve got a new recurring nightmare, this time about my stupid cat. In the dreams I have to take him to another city, and while I’m at the hotel he gets out. The rest of the dream is me frantically searching a foreign city for him.

    It does help that he wakes me up by pawing at my face every god damn day, so I instantly know he is there and wake up kind of annoyed with him.

    • DainBramage

      Your cat is projecting the dream into your sleep.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Bz&Bz Rules for Pets (of which I have none now) is they: (1) can’t tear up my stuff and (2) can’t mess up my sleep…

  • Doug Langley

    Okay. Did the drug test thing today. Will start new job Mon or Tues.

    Summer camp wants me in tomorrow. Field trip will be public park, then Magic Mountain.

    Hit Golden Corral, partly to celebrate new job, partly to get strength up to chase the kids.

    • DainBramage

      Awesome. Good luck in the new job.

      • puredog

        Donnie made that jerb for you . DINNEE? DINNEE? C’MON, ADMIT IT, LIBTARD!

    • gallbladder

      Congrats!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      yay!

    • Anna Rompage

      That’s super awesome! Congrats!

    • sw19hoofywoofy

      I dunno how well I’d do on a drug test. It’s hard to keep up with all the new trends. :/
      https://twitter.com/icetsvu/status/893230012811415552

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        and i thought snorting ritalin was strange when the Chicago college friends were doing it.

      • Jamoche
        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i love the opening line, “I’ve done 400 episodes, so this whole show is a blur.”

          • sw19hoofywoofy

            400? Wow.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            17 years.

          • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

            That means Mariska Hargitay has said “It’s OK” 400 billion times.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Did you eat your fill of rolls?

      • Doug Langley

        They usually have pizza for field trip lunch. Gotta wait until after serving the kids. One kid has an appetite like a sperm whale, comes back for seconds and thirds before I started my own lunch.

      • Doug Langley

        Couple weeks ago they served dumplings. These were the horrendous things, size of soccer balls, 99% dough with a spoonful of meat sauce inside. Yeah, got my fill of “rolls”.

    • LucindathePook

      Wunderbar, and good luck and good friends.

    • BosGrl

      That’s great, Doug!! So happy for you!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Woohoo! I’ve done the camp counselor thing. Pro tip: when you want them to pay attention, never double down on a failing strategy, e.g. yelling. Try a new tack, like promising treats, or introducing a special game if they’re good.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      I don’t have to stay up nights studying for the drug test any more….

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i took a class in college to fulfill my science credit taht was about drugs. My mother used to like to say her son got an A in drugs.

        • The labwork was great!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, it was an art school, so for my final project I wrote a short story. For my forensic science class, I wrote a song. Try writing a lyric including the words gas chromatograph you fuckers. ; P

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I had a friend in college who worked at a pharmacy; her hubby was a sod farmer in Iowa. She joked, of course, that she pushed pills and hubby sold grass.

          • SkinlessGenderlessMan

            “I’ve got a verse and can’t rhyme it….”

            –J. Buffett, Boat Drinks

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            If you break a gas chromatograph
            That may be the words of your epitaph

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            nicely done.

          • FreddieFree

            I thought I had staph, despite the gas chromatograph.

          • Jeff Ackerman

            I quit drugs in at xmas 1976, had to give up beer 8 years ago. Allergies kicked in. Life would have been different if I came down with allergies at 18. I wouldn’t have made decisions with my beer goggles on, and could have been rich! My wife has been a very tolerant and patient woman.

    • shivaskeeper

      Very good.

    • h4rr4r

      How many drugs did you get to try?

    • Lambsendbeds

      Congratulations! I highly recommend a whip and a chair.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Congrats on the job!

    • Doug Langley

      I’d like to point out it is NOT the high paying teaching gig, nor the high paying instructional designer job. Those places should have got back to me by now, yet heard nothing. Are good paying jobs a total hoax? Instead, this is a file clerk thingy. Fun fact: it actually pays a tad better than adjunct prof at community college.

    • fredoandme

      a friend of mine: i failed the god dammed drug test! after i studied for it all weekend!

    • William

      When I was in the service my best friend administered the drug test. A title lovingly known as the Urinal Colonel. We’d do the old apple juice gag, IE fill a sample with apple juice, and as folks were dropping off their samples he’d say “shit, this one doesn’t have a label’ , and start tasting it to try and guess whose it was

    • William

      Did you study for the test?

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      How is that place? Is it not as gross as I imagine?

    • FreddieFree

      Golden Corral? Do you hate yourself?

      • Doug Langley

        Why is it people keep telling me I have low standards? Was it the result of growing up poor? As a boy, practically the only restaurant we went to was McDonald’s. And that was exactly twice a year. Mom took me and my sister there after dentist visits to treat us.

    • FreddieFree

      On topic, NYC just got its first Golden Corral in 2016, in The Bronx. That proves how terrible it is.

    • FreddieFree

      There are 64 Golden Corrals in TX and 55 in FL. Does correlation equal causation for the impetus of national embarrassment.

  • wry6read

    Umm … This is serious. Apparently the NYT offered a buyout that was accepted by the brioche editor.

  • The Wanderer

    That was, for want of a better phrase, the most hamster-strangling STUPID NYT article I’ve read this week.

    • dshwa

      At least it wasn’t about Her E-mails.

      • gallbladder

        Or Benghazi.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Downright Proustian

  • dshwa

    My grandmother served Rolls and butter with practically every dinner she ever made. And she was second generation Irish immigrant, and never lived in the City a day in her life.

  • Persistent Demme

    And I thought bagel snobs were the worst!

    And ask a Canadian about Montreal Bagels and Smoke(d) Meat!
    Watch the fun ensue!
    (Or a southerner about putting sugar in cornbread!)

    • alpacapunchbowl

      St. Viateur bagels straight out of the wood-fired oven are truly one of the great pleasures in life.
      And I’m not even Canadian!

  • Reximus
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Oh my…. how the mighty has fallen

    • h4rr4r

      Is this open to all Americans?

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • gallbladder

      I’m betting the armadillo is having a good chuckle.

    • jowgajen

      The status of the animal is unknown.

      “We didn’t find the armadillo,” the sheriff said.

      The man was apparently airlifted to the hospital, hopefully he will recover and know better in the future.

    • Jamoche

      “The animal’s hard shell deflected at least one of three bullets”

      OK, armadillos are tough, but not that tough. But what they are damn good at is jumping. I have shot at armadillos on a friend’s ranch, and I would bet anything he missed and it ricocheted off a rock.

      • marxalot

        Why shoot at the dillo? Don’t they have enough troubles, leaping up into people’s grills on the highway?

        • h4rr4r

          They dig holes, which then horses step into. A broken leg is generally a death sentence for a horse.

        • Jamoche

          They dig holes and cows will break their legs in them. But don’t cry for the armadillo, their range has expanded immensely over the past century, from the very southern tips of Florida and Texas to the whole south.

          Plus, we never hit them.

    • marxalot

      Hahahahahahahaha teach you to fuck with the dillo, asshole.

  • h4rr4r

    The problem with this is that they suck.
    They are cheap imitations of Brötchen.

  • puredog

    Significantly, Wylie Dufresne does not, himself, cop to eating buttered rolls.

    • They’re probably pyramids and only ever stared longingly at real butter pats

    • A Walker

      At WD50 I had what looked like a sugar cube presented to me. It tasted exactly like eggs Benedict. I bet Wylie could deconstruct the buttered roll to be a cup of tea.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    So, this seems like a political suicide in the Trumpy era, but maybe I’m not reading the political climate de jour.
    https://twitter.com/dailykos/status/893241482634825732

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Riding that 35% support coattail, as it drags along in the dirt…

    • gallbladder

      Political suicide should have happened months ago. There is no ostensible threshold for such where the Drumpf syndicate is concerned.

    • sw19hoofywoofy
    • tomamitai

      He was a republican up to about 15 minutes before he ran for governor, so no big surprise there.

    • h4rr4r

      It’s West Virginia.
      If he really wanted to ensure his election he would promise fentanyl in every spoon and a meth lab in every trailer.

      • Ricky Gay

        and a cousin in every marriage?

        • Major_Major_Major

          WV divorces are awkward. Imagine going to a family reunion and having to hang with all your exes.

        • h4rr4r

          Two cousins!

          • Ricky Gay

            Da’am!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      The guy changes parties like I change my socks. If he was a Democratic politician, it was in the “pre-Southern Strategy Dixiecrat” mold like Kim Davis. So no big loss to us there.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      West Virginia went for Trump over Clinton by something like 45%. I’m convinced Trump’s 35% approval rating consists solely of South Carolinians I personally know, and West Va.

    • La forza del resistino

      WV party affiliation determinant’s is pretty much which way is the coal dust is blowing today.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      W. Va. is the epicenter of white and stupid. I’d expect nothing less.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Its all a ruse, he’s gonna walk up to 2 scoops, whip out his pecker and double Dick slap Donny across the face. (I wish)

    • puredog

      “RAT JUMPS ON TO SINKING SHIP. DETAILS AT ELEVEN.”

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Don’t take vacations. What’s the point? If you’re not enjoying your work, you’re in the wrong job.” — Think Like A Billionaire

    Donald Trump, colossal hypocrite, or just very, very stupid?

    • gallbladder

      Yes.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        “The habitual vacationer, @BarackObama, is now in Hawaii. This vacation is costing taxpayers $4 milion +++ while there is 20% unemployment.”

        ~Donald J. Trump, future president, and current idiot

        • gallbladder

          Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Yeah, meanwhile every fucking weekend he runs up a $3 million tab.

          • h4rr4r

            You mean turns $3 million in tax money into revenue for himself.

          • gallbladder

            Well, it’s all for the the greatness of America, so just you STFU.

    • Thiazin Red

      That whole “do what you love” thing just annoys me generally.

      Does anyone enjoy working as a cashier? Scrubbing floors? That shit still needs to get done, and someone has to do it. Not every job is enjoyable, and not everyone has the option of following their bliss when they need to pay rent. Its such a ludicrously privileged thing to say.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i think anything you HAVE to get up and go to sucks eventually.

        I’ve always written things, but being paid to write news was a drag.

        I’m convinced even playboy photographers are like, “fuck, MORE BOOBS?”

        • gallbladder

          I said the same thing within 15 minutes of going to a strip joint for the first time.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ugh, my friends used to LOVE going for hours. But i get bored.

            I used tell them (and this is absolutely objectifying and misogynistic): “It’s like going to a buffet and not being allowed to eat anything.”

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Well, if you’d been smart enough to get a small loan of a million dollars, and then inherited 200,000 apartments in NYC from your father, you’d understand these economic things a lot better.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      He just thinks the process server won’t know where to bring the subpoena if he’s on vacation.

    • puredog

      No, no, he has a point. He’s in the wrong job.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Not Buttered Rolls™, but I’ve been exclusively eating homemade bread since the beginning of the year. Only gained 100 pounds.

  • mancityRed6

    King’s Hawaiian rolls or GTFO

    • Anna Rompage

      Made into kalua pork sliders, with a little orange marmalade, or peach jam, and a couple hearty splashes of Crystal hot sauce

      • Shanzgood

        Where you at?

        • Anna Rompage

          I’m in Portland Oregon, currently sitting out on the back deck, and sipping an IPA

          • Shanzgood

            Dammit.

          • Anna Rompage

            No kidding!

            Grandma use to make so much peach jam, and marmalade, we’d have cases of each.

            I became a master at using those as a base or accent for various sauces.

          • tomamitai

            I had an aunt who made preserves and jams from plums that grew in her back yard. I was afraid to eat them because the jars she canned them in made them look like something from a movie mad scientist’s lab.

      • mancityRed6

        I’m good with warm and some butter. no need to be fancy.

      • mancityRed6

        umm mmm, I do love me some Crystal

    • h4rr4r

      No, eww, no.

      No, Americans have no idea what good bread is. So many cultures come together and we get the bread of lame midwesterners.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        No argument from me, Europe has all these wonderful storied Breads and America’s gift to the world? White bread. Sighs loudly

        • h4rr4r

          Japan is worse. They took our white bread bred it with angel food cake and came up with a total abomination.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Germany has a kids’ show called “Bernd das Brot.” He’s a piece of crispened pumpernickel bread. The name is a sort of German-English pun. Bernd das Brot means Bernd the Bread, or “burned the bread”.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl_Rt0PNxn4

      • mancityRed6

        all I know is that scones are different from here than they are in the UK.
        and I don’t like pain au chocolat as much as the ex did, does or whatever.
        that and her breakfast was wet cat food, sorry, pate on the days we didn’t go to the store.
        English muffins here, are scones there. scones here are hard drop biscuits.

        • h4rr4r

          Couple issues here, the English boil everything, and pate is good.

          If you want good bread, seek France, Germany or even Italy.

          • mancityRed6

            see, except for the layover in Frankfurt the only place I’ve been to in the EU was Ireland and the Canary islands.
            I have nothing to base this on.

          • h4rr4r

            Thankfully these days specialized bakeries make decent replicas in the USA.

          • Stranded Devonian Lungfish

            Whaddaya mean, “even” Italy? Ciabatta, FFS!

          • h4rr4r

            You proved my point.

        • tomamitai

          If our cookies are the Brit’s biscuits, what are their cookies?

          • mancityRed6

            still, cookies.
            Twix are biscuits, though.
            M&Ms are called smarties.
            and until about 15 years ago, snickers were called Marathon.
            I did pancake day with their recipe, which made crepes. I had my parents send some bisquick over. much better.

          • tomamitai

            I remember that The Beatles liked “jelly babies” and their British fans used to throw them at them when they were on stage, but when they came to America and mentioned it during an interview the fans here started throwing jelly beans at them which are much harder and not pleasant to get hit with.

          • mancityRed6

            the happy world of Haribo, kids and grownups love it so.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Hey killermartinis, your mother-in-law must be related to my grandma, because she also had a special pan for rolls, and she’d throw a spatula at anyone who tried to use it for anything else and she might come very close to using a bad word, which Methodists aren’t allowed to do in the kitchen, as bad words are only allowed in the outhouse. Grandma was born in 1894 in the Missouri Ozarks, and HER mother also had a roll pan, and HER mother had one too, which I know because my grandma told me she inherited the roll pan from her mother (b. 1862) who said she inherited it from HER mother (b. 1827), who came from Indiana. When and where the roll pan was purchased is shrouded in sanctified mystery, but I have it at my house and I bow to it, occasionally. However, I don’t make rolls in it as I am gluten intolerant, but it is a very handy pan for Enchiladas made with corn tortillas. I strongly suspect the roll pan was purchased from a traveling peddler, as they traveled the back roads of the rural Midwest in the 1800’s selling household goods to isolated farmer’s wives and occasionally bringing a whiff of romance as well, which I know because great-grandpa was born 9 months after a pair of peddler brothers from Boston passed through Missouri in 1854. Nobody is 100% sure which brother done the deed, but perhaps great-great grandma had no money for a roll pan and more than kisses were exchanged in payment. In my house, growing up, bread rolls were only served on Sundays and holidays, and came to be known as “Sunday rolls.” I think that puts paid to the Louis Fleishmann’s Vienna Rolls story.

    Bagels are a much more interesting story. I never saw one in Missouri until I went to grad school in Miami in 1977. They had a chain called “Mr. Bagel” with dozens of flavors of bagels and dozens of toppings, and I was smitten. I never saw them in a Missouri supermarket until the late 80’s. And how about croissants? They are practically unheard of where I live, but they are everywhere in Europe.

    Also, what is this BS about switching to margarine in the 70’s? America switched to “oleomargarine” during WWII because there was a shortage of butter.

    • Anna Rompage

      There was a big “health push” back in the 70s that said margerine was suppose to be better for you because it was made from plant oils…

      Little did we know back then, science got that one wrong…

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Which is proof the global warming is fake.

        • Anna Rompage

          Totally!

      • h4rr4r

        The taste was a dead giveaway. Living longer is not worth it if you have to eat that.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I read once that real margarine has a white color, so they added yellow dye to make it look like butter. Now that can’t be healthy. And can anyone explain to me why Americans add orange dye to cheddar cheese, which is naturally white? If cheddar cheese isn’t orange in the US, some people won’t eat it. Why did this bizarre trend start, and where?

          • h4rr4r

            That is a regional thing. Here in NY State and most of the Northeast cheddar is white. You find yellow cheese in the Midwest and in the national brand garbage.

            The yellow/orange is annatto, same stuff that makes chorizo reddish. It is totally safe, just ground up seeds.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Thanks, I’m glad to know it’s safe, but I’d still like to know before I die what idiot decided to make cheddar cheese orange. I’m 61 and the commercial brands have been orange here all my life. I had no idea cheddar was really white until I traveled in England in 1972.

          • h4rr4r

            Where are you? I am just wondering about regional cheese color.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Missouri. But I’ve lived in Iowa, Texas, Louisiana, Illinois and Florida, and cheddar cheese is always orange there. The problem is that small town supermarkets never carried what I call “real” cheddar cheese until about 10 years ago – as in natural cheddar, including cheddar from England or Canada. To get that I had to go to the nearest large city. Even now the variety of cheeses available in small town supermarkets in the Midwest is very limited. To get real, whole milk Ricotta and Mozarella cheese I have to drive 125 miles to St. Louis.

          • h4rr4r

            I think it is to simulate the slight yellow tinge that you see in cheese made from grass fed cows.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        That must not have gotten much attention here in Missouri because everyone was already eating margarine in the 70’s here, and had been since WWII. I never saw butter until I went to Europe in 1972. My mother just loved her “Oleo” until the day she died, but butter tastes so much better I find that hard to understand.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      It was wooden spoons that would get swung or thrown at me, in my youth. Not spatulas.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Pop-n-fresh crescents when I was growing up… which has no “w”

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Yes, they have no “w” and they also have no resemblance to croissants other than shape. I vividly remember the first one I ever ate, in a pensione in Rome in 1968. I couldn’t believe how delicious and flaky they were, and how ENORMOUS.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I saw Wrath of the Titans on telly today. I didn’t see it in a cinema because I thought Clash was pretty rubbish. Wrath was no better and I got bored pretty quickly. If he’s continuing that route, I predict Sam Worthington will become the new Steven Seagal in about 10 years.

    • Thiazin Red

      Does he have any special skills? Seagal at least had cool martial arts stuff he could do. But I don’t get at all Hollywood trying to make him a thing. I’m sure hes a nice enough person, but he is peak bland white dude.

      • Lyly Sirivong

        Not that I know of…

      • Jamoche

        Seagal was a showboating asshole who’d hit his stunt guys on purpose. Nobody in the martial arts world respected him.

      • Jeff Ackerman

        On Deadly Ground was filmed in Valdez Alaska in the 1980’s, everyone there hated Seagal, he was very arrogant. They all talked about how nice his wife was. Seagals brother in law owns a Flying Service in Alaska. I have known him since the early 80’s. His sister tought my children in grade school. One of the stories he told was Seagal was visiting the lodge and asked him to find an 8 foot grizzly for him to fight. We all had a good laugh over that. He should have done it, it would have spared us a lot of cheesy movies.

  • chascates

    WashPost reports “Trump to Make Big Announcement:
    https://youtu.be/Ik78li8R-oY

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Mrs Pixelz and I call these rallies “trips to the mall” after a scene in the (funny) movie “Soapdish” where aging soap opera star Sally Field goes to the mall to be recognized by fans and bask in their adulation for the ego boost.

    • gallbladder

      He’s running for office?

      • chascates

        I hope he’s running from office but it’s probably a nothing burger

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        With that much bulk, he won’t get far.

    • Jamoche

      Aw, come on, closed captioning, at least *try*.

    • tomamitai

      John Denver would be rolling in his grave if they hadn’t cremated him and spread his ashes over the Rockies.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        NO TRUMP DID NOT PLAY THAT SONG!

        Please NOOOOOOOO!

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    So. New Yorkers like bannock….

  • Alexander Stallwitz
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities

      Hope in the Dark was written to counter the despair of radicals at a moment when they were focused on their losses and had turned their back to the victories behind them—and the unimaginable changes soon to come. In it, she makes a radical case for hope as a commitment to act in a world whose future remains uncertain and unknowable. Drawing on her decades of activism and a wide reading of environmental, cultural, and political history, Solnit argued that radicals have a long, neglected history of transformative victories, that the positive consequences of our acts are not always immediately seen, directly knowable, or even measurable, and that pessimism and despair rest on an unwarranted confidence about what is going to happen next. Now, with a moving new introduction explaining how the book came about and a new afterword that helps teach us how to hope and act in our unnerving world, she brings a new illumination to the darkness of 2016 in an unforgettable new edition of this classic book.

      tl;dr: if God is not going to be good enough to spare me from living through the reign of Donald the Terrible, I need to have hope FFS.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Nothing wrong with that,

      • NorthernSaber

        She writes for Harpers, too- where I saw her work for the first time.

    • Thiazin Red

      I’m 3/4 through Kushiel’s Dart, and its pretty good, interesting world building, well written characters.

      I’ve also been listening to some story podcasts. I finished Limetown and The Message and started Tanis. The ending of The Message is a little weak, but Limetown was quite good. Tanis is pretty absorbing as of episode 4, but we’ll see, doing a long running mystery is risky.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m shallow, so I’m looking at a book on art deco buildings, and one on flower gardens. Christ, I may have to start voting for Republicans if I get any dumber.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        LOL

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Nothing is stupid about an interest in architecture or gardens. Reading anything by Jim Cramer in the hope of becoming rich would be more worrisome, however.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Art Deco is cool, i love the style, it was one of the reason I loved Bioshock. The city that is the setting Rapture is all Art Deco. Its very cool looking

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I’m reading “We Crossed a Bridge and it Trembled,” about Syria; just finished Kate Atkinson’s “Life after Life” and “A God in Ruins,” both interesting visions of the possibilities of time travel. The latter two are novels, the first, a series of interviews.

      • Thiazin Red

        I’m not sure if I want to read God in Ruins, since I was happy at the end of Life After Life. It makes it sound like she went through all of that crap to save him, and then her brother’s life turned out bad.

        • puredog

          “The Sympathizer,” by Viet Thanh Nguyen.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Have you ever read Bring the Jubliee, its a older but very clever novel invovling time travel and a South that won the civil war.

    • dshwa

      As usual, I am in the middle of several books that I switch between depending on the mood of the moment:

      “Our Mathematical Universe” by Max Tegmark
      “Words Are My Matter” by Ursula LeGuin
      “Galileo’s Middle Finger” by Alice Dreger
      I am about to add “The Enigma of Reason” by Hugo Mercer and Dan Sperber.
      I also just finished “The Girl on the Liar’s Throne” by Den Patrick, and am continually reading and rereading “Spiritual Enlightenment, the Damndest Thing” by Jed McKenna, and am anxiously awaiting “Oathbringer” by Brandon Sanderson and “Doors of Stone” by Patrick Rothfuss.

      • NorthernSaber

        Glad to see that others do that too…

    • NorthernSaber

      Re-reading Mikael Niemi’s “Mannen Som Dog Som En Lax” and just started Guy Deutscher’s “Through the Language Glass”. Both, for different reasons, really make me zoom in on the connections between language and culture.

    • nonono

      The Mao biography by Jung Chang is awesome. Chinese sources for decades that no one else had access to. I’m in the middle of William Goldman’s Hype and Glory and stalled on “White Mughals” by William Dalrymple. Hanging on to “To the Castle and Back” by Vaclav Havel from a president I admire.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Re-reading “Persuasion”. It’s my annual summer Jane Austen binge.

    • Ms.Moon

      I’m reading a Advanced Reader’s Copy of The River’s Edge by James P. Bylock. It’s a mystery (I’m on a mystery binge) about a company that is polluting a river during the Industrial Revolution in England. The company is polluting a river and people are being murdered, fish, birds, and animals are dying because of the pollution. I am loving this so far I am trying to find out exactly what’s going on but I can’t guess so I’m truly loving it.

  • Claire

    I found this twitter and now I’m just going to look through it and cry and drink a lot.

    https://twitter.com/ObamaPlusKids/status/892897808721879044

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      It’s like a knife in my heart now, whenever I see a picture of Obama.

      • Claire

        Jesus, isn’t it? He just is such a good and decent person, and half of this country looked at him and saw nothing worthy of respect.

        I hate us right now.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          It hurts even more because we went from a decent, intelligent, articulate person, with no actual scandals during his presidency, to a bumbling, grifting, dishonest, idiot who has a fresh scandal, every fucking day.

          • LucindathePook

            How quickly you forgot about the Grey Poupon!

          • alpacapunchbowl

            And the tan suit!

        • NorthernSaber

          Had a shitload if fun trying to explain Trump (while literally treading water in a pool) to a Dane and a Denmark-based Brit yesterday. We used three languages, and the gist of it was that Brexit and Trump came about because Those Who Couldn’t Fucking Be Bothered to Join the Modern World threw hissy fits last year- and yeah, because Obama was black, also too… Gonna suck being a Swedish-speaking American again next time over. Was bad enough trying to explain “W”, and he at least was sane…

          • Claire

            God, I don’t ever want to have to explain Trump in a foreign language. I can’t even figure out how to explain him in English.

          • NorthernSaber

            “W” was massively unpopular in Sweden, so when Iraq II was heading into full clusterfuck status I’d get these wonderful leading questions like “Don’t you think it’s important that American students see other points of view in the world?” (I led numerous student trips there in those years). So yeah- I’d become the Swedish-speaking American confirming for V.K. that no, not everybody here thought invading two countries was a great idea and no, not by a damned sight did most of us vote for him.
            Good times…

          • Claire

            I feel like I want to remind people all the time that the US has been downgraded to a “flawed democracy” precisely because of our awful voting system that basically gives you more of a voice the more disconnected from reality you are. It’s actually reached the point where my defense of “You all suck” is “But wait, we suck in a different way than you’re thinking.”

          • NorthernSaber

            If you ever want to have Serious International Fun, just have a go at explaining our electoral college system to someone from a civilized country… You may want to have alcohol handy!

          • Claire

            God. I think I’d have to fall back on “It was supposed to give more power to rich land owners and it just went to hell from there.”

          • NorthernSaber

            And folks from unitary systems have ALL kinds of fun with our federalism. The idea that one part of the country could in 1955 determine whether black children could go to public schools based on “states’ rights” will send a good Swedish Social Democrat right to day drinking!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I have another heart in mind where that knife would be better served.

    • gallbladder

      I’ve got something in my eye. Goddamn you.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      this is a few weeks old, but I’m convinced Obama has found the world’s cutest babby:
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2136da18782d39d6dae1b940d565afe394fd6cb429ffb7cc4f7144d6b6434e5d.jpg

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Good lord, yes.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Never have I had more appreciation for my post-workout smoothie. Nothing against high-quality, whole grain bread, mind you, but these buttered rolls sound very meh to me.

    YMMV, I guess, but I’ll pass.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I make smoothies for everyonhe in the house each morning, which is usually 3 of us, but will be 8 tomorrow, but Issa full-on sucker for warm fresh bread with butter on it…

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      A truly soft, yeasty, freshly-baked roll with soft, creamy butter inside is the opposite of meh. They can be, however, a bitch to make perfectly. Many restaurant versions prove this daily.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Bread: it’s fucking MAGIC, man! iswydt, take it away, my first female band crush-
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps7tVvQHLyo
    This is how you do rock ‘n roll.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Have we talked about the Great Hannity Freak Out today?
    https://twitter.com/PrincessBravato/status/892946421040545792

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson
      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        The push to can his irresponsible ass is catching fire. Nice!

    • spangled

      lol keep squirmin’ little lump

    • jesterpunk

      I see the DERP state is hard at work.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Awwww, does Lumpy has a scared?

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    I spent the first 18 years of my life on Long Island, my Dad commuted into the City every day of his working life, and I was a frequent visitor. I never had any damn buttered roll for breakfast. A buttered roll was what you ate with dinner.
    When I go back to visit I make a point of staying somewhere on the Upper West Side because it’s calmer and there are trees. Why the hell would I eat a buttered roll for breakfast?

    • SDGeoff3

      You know what? It’s fucking retro avocado toast, which no sane individual should be eating, except to look pretentious and contrarian.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Now H and H Bagels is a classic, and I’d recommend them. They’ve been eclipsed by other stores but they’ve been there forever. Zabar’s is touristy but also a classic.

        • SDGeoff3

          I have enjoyed H&H, but not Zabar’s.

  • sw19hoofywoofy

    More nerdy local council elections in Blighty (with mandatory cool names):
    https://twitter.com/britainelects/status/893161471852654592

    • sw19hoofywoofy

      Labour GAIN Margate from UKIP.
      Labour GAIN Marine Worthing with a huge 27.8% swing.
      Con HOLD posh sounding safe seat

      • sw19hoofywoofy

        This is another gain (extra seat for Labour) as is a multi-member ward (i.e. more than one councillor)
        https://twitter.com/britainelects/status/893240035063025664

      • La forza del resistino

        You Brits. Penshurst, Fordcombe & Chiddingstone sounds like a law firm from an Agatha Christie novel.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I expected more from the Standing At The Back Dressed Stupidly And Looking Stupid Party.

    • La forza del resistino

      Does the church approve of the St Margaret with St Nicholas relationship?

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I disagree with every word of this pretentious pile of steaming bullshit, including the prepositions.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    No, no, no… this is one of those things that confuses. That thing up there? That’s not a buttered roll. Buttered rolls are kaiser rolls. That looks like a dinner roll.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Pedant.

      • SDGeoff3

        !!

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Just trying to save lives…you try to serve that to a Lawn Guylander as a buttered roll… it won’t go well.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Do they offer you a “buttered roll” you can’t refuse?

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            There will be a lot of “I gotchyuh fuckin’ dinnuh roll righ’ heeyah” posturing first.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Obligatory crotch grab also too, right?

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            But of course … even as I wrote the words, I had to make the gesture. It’s all part of growing up and being a Lawn Guylander.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Represent!

            Btw, I weighed in on that thread with the smirking little BernieBro twat from the other day. And NOT that I think you need any help from the likes of the me to ward off the infestation….it’s just that him mocking your commitment to the resistance really set my teeth on edge. You’ve been fighting the good fight since this presumptuous little shit was making armpit fart noises in 2nd grade. That said, I’ll always have your back, Sarge.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Thank you!! And I’ll always have yours!! I am OK with fighting, but even when it’s morans like that, I do appreciate reinforcements at any time!!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Thank you, I know you will. I think it’s pretty much “hang together or hang separately” at this point!

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Old Ben got that right then, and it’s truer than ever today, that’s for sure!

      • ziggywiggy

        I’ll be a pedant too, here’s what is actually used for a buttered roll, I love them for deli sandwiches. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/81cef60c4af44a7ae1839e7a545aceda8e1bb276c8c267a9e7c935c155d62b3c.png

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Wait, *that’s* what they’re claiming is local to NYC thing? I’ve been eating sandwiches on those, yes, with butter, since I was but a cria growing up in the greater Milwaukee area.
          This article just keeps out-dumbing itself.

          • Claire

            I feel like New Yorkers think everything good is local to NYC. In fairness, if I lived there I’d think the same thing.

          • ziggywiggy

            I think it has to do with how many different cultures live here, when people come they bring their food with them, so we are lucky to have food from all over the world tossed together in a relatively small area.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            San Franciscans are the same, in my experience.
            I suspect it’s partly because so many people move to NYC and SF from elsewhere, so it’s like they think they have to prove themselves or something. Kinda sad, really.

    • ziggywiggy

      But if we point out that the buttered roll that’s in the story is not small, is not a dinner roll or biscuit people can’t make fun of it or insult you.

  • Major_Major_Major

    I heard this damnable lie that coastal elites were now able to get their breads presliced. Satan walks among is, and all you heretics are gonna fry.

    • La forza del resistino

      And some Cosmopolitans eat their bread with a knife and fork bias.

      • SDGeoff3

        I can’t stand to be alive any longer. Sweet jeebus, take me now!

      • Anna Rompage

        I thought the cosmopolitans ate unleavened bread that are in the form of bland sheets of something similar to a water cracker

    • SkinlessGenderlessMan

      …..all you heretics are gonna fry.

      Using bacon fat, or maybe bacon fat and butter. Makes incredible sourdough griddle toast!

  • Anna Rompage

    Michael Pollan did a great mini series on Netflix.

    I’d highly recommend checking it out.

    The one episode on bread is really quite intriguing, as it touches on how old world bread is fermented, and speculates that the fermentation process changes the chemical make up of the flour, making it much more nutritious, and potentially easier to digest…

    https://www.netflix.com/title/80022456

    • Thiazin Red

      Is that why bread in Europe tastes so much better?

      • MynameisBlarney

        My dad has been in this country(he left East Berlin) since the early 60’s and STILL complains about the bread here.
        Also, too; That’s a big factor in my hatred of white bread.

        *edit* he LOVES Cuban bread though.

        But, who doesn’t?

        • Thiazin Red

          I’ve never liked dark breads here, but I went to Vienna and dark bread there is amazingly good.

          • MynameisBlarney

            My dad bakes his own bread now.
            One slice of that with some good butter, cream cheese or yogurt and some strawberry preserves and you’re full until lunch.
            A loaf weighs at least a couple of pounds, it’s insane.

          • MizzMazz

            I learned baking from an East German lady at a restaurant she owned. It was the 80’s, and some people had never had anything other than wonder bread. Isn’t a good hearty bread great?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yes.
            Yes it is.

      • Anna Rompage

        Yeah, most breads here use quick rise yeast, which turns out a bland, mushy, loaf of bread about the color of most of the GOP interns…

        In Europe, they do a long rise on their breads, so it often times develops big airy pockets, and has a great chew.

        • MizzMazz

          If you bake a lot, the air itself innoculates the sponge. In this apartment, I have to use other methods for now, but damn, that was a good series.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      sourdough… for real…

      • Anna Rompage

        Even beyond that, he gets into wild fermentation…

        Mix up your dough without any starter or anything, and let the air innoculate your bread…

        It’s a multi day process, so it’s no wonder why we’ve moved away from that.

        It’s something that I’d like to try though!

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I made a sourdough starter from scratch.. basically as you said… after googling it… That first starter basically flour and water, I think… and maybe some cloth cover to keep out the bigger bugs… and some nice warm air… That first start is kinda slow to start, so the way to go after that first round is to keep some set aside to to be the “starter” for next batches… just feed is some flour, warm it a bit… and bango…

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            I want to try this too. I’ve heard putting a few untreated (wild or organic) grapes in with the flour/water helps by adding extra natural yeasts. And we have grapes in our arbor this year.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Lots of options googling “starting sourdough starter,” but rye is a secret key… flour for the starter and whiskey for the starter starter.

        • Thiazin Red

          Like a lambic, but with bread?

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I’ve been eying that technique in my Baking with Julia cookbook for ages and still haven’t quite worked up the courage to try it.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I love Michael Pollan. Especially since it turns out that the accusations that he is sexist seem to be overblown.

    • Claire

      I see people on Trip Advisor fairly often saying that American bread hurts their stomachs but European bread doesn’t. That’s enough reason for me to move, right there.

  • Fartknocker

    I’ll be saddened to learn in the next NYT food article that Tacos El Pastor was invented by a Jewish rabbi who secretly loved a Panamanian pig butcher.

    • Anna Rompage

      I accidentally fed a beef stew that had some porn in it to a very devout Orthodox Jew.

      I’m sure I’m gonna get punished for that one.

      BYW, I realized after they ate it, and did not mention it to them.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Porn? I know you meant pork, but it works either way.

        • SDGeoff3

          I’m good.

      • h4rr4r

        Glossy or just some you printed out to enjoy later?

        • Anna Rompage

          Oh my, that should have been pork, but to each his or her own

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            leave it.
            ; P

      • SkinlessGenderlessMan

        Not telling them was a mitzvah.

      • tomamitai

        I think you “rule 34’d” yourself!

      • Unhappy Fingers

        We know where YOUR mind was during that meal!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      *Al

  • Thiazin Red

    The Dark Tower reviews are disappointing. I’m confused why they tried to cram the entire series into one movie instead of adapting Gunslinger.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Oh no! It looks so good!

    • OutOfOrbit

      i do hear it couldnt be done

    • janecita

      I don’t care! I’m watching it tomorrow.

    • SkinlessGenderlessMan

      Dunno anything about Dark Tower, but it sure as hell didn’t work to try to cram one book of the Dune series into a movie. Of course Dune could have been a trilogy or more all by itself….

      • Thiazin Red

        And somehow Lynch made it weirder.

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          I am Jack’s shocked amazement.

        • tomamitai

          I saw that movie before I read the book and was glad Herbert didn’t have anything as stupid as the “weirding modules” and killing words.

      • tomamitai

        I liked the SciFi channel’s Dune miniseries, but their Children Of Dune wasn’t so hot.

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          I’ll have to watch that someday.

    • tomamitai

      I didn’t like the books, I thought they were way too long, and the ending sucked.

  • gullywompr

    This from a city that eats tubules of scrap meat from carts…

    • Michael R

      You spelled cats wrong

    • Thiazin Red

      I could legit find out tomorrow that the cart meat is a combo of rat and human, and my reaction would be surprise that the rat-human combo is so delicious.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        I guess it’s the equivalent of a good bowl o’ brown from Flea Bottom.

    • h4rr4r

      At least they know to use pork in them.

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      I’ll have a crab juice with that.

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4NFv5IGP2uA

  • Jennifer R

    Ideas I have come up with so far based on wonkette feedback of my game:
    Have combat close out combat internally instead of relying on remembering to do it in the next section is bad because remembering. (requires me redo how I display win/lose choices)
    Put a UI element that tells you what section you are in, because talking people into the dev console is excess work no one needs.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Trump about to make the very important announcement at his WV Klan rally.

    “Mueller impanels a federal grand jury in DC and reportedly issues subpoenas about the June 16 meeting among Kushner, Manafort and Trump Jr., and that Russian lawyer.”

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      “I quit!”

      Yeah, I know, too optimistic.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        I seriously get up every day with the flicker of hope that this will be the day he finally says that.

    • dshwa

      A bad performance of “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” with America substituted for Argentina followed by a helicopter to an international airport and a flight to a non-extradition country?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Go on…

        • dshwa

          Followed by the rest of us singing “No One Mourns the Wicked” or “I’m Gonna Wash that Man Right Out of My Hair” (dealer’s choice)

          • SDGeoff3

            Porgy and Bess: “My man’s gone now.” Cleo Laine is preferred.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    OK, I’m now going to share one of my sexual fantasies with you pigs.

    http://www.davidbouley.com/bouley-main/chariots/

    There was a magic restaurant in NYC called Bouley (they closed recently), that had an actual wooden cart, where they wheeled huge loaves of bread to your table, and asked you which kinds of bread you’d like. You could choose as many as you liked. They’d cut into the wheel of bread just for you. It was glorious and magical. After eating their 8 course lunch (the tray of chocolates comes AFTER the dessert), as I was wheeled out of the restaurant, they’d hand me a lemon pound cake. Not a SLICE of lemon pound cake, mind you, but an actual LOAF shaped entire lemon pound cake. That was my favorite restaurant, and like everything I loved, it is now gone. Sniffle…I’ll be in my bunk, thinking of magical bread for a while.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara
      • SDGeoff3

        Yeah baby. I like it. I like it a lot. Where are you going with that glove?

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Bread, warm, steamy fresh bread, with that yeasty smell. Be still my beating heart.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I told my mother today “I wish Bouley had offered an all bread option.” I would literally have been willing to pay $30 just to go there and gorge on the bread.

      • MizzMazz

        Uh, yeah! I especially like the little boules out in the front. :)

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I make bath and body products as a hobby/business, (more hobby) and one of the best sellers is a lemon pound cake scented sugar scrub that has a touch of lavender. Alas,it’s made with vanilla, which turns things brown.

      • SDGeoff3

        But not orange, right?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Anything with lemon in it is good. There used to be a bakery in Georgetown, SC that had lemon muffins that were sooooo good. Alas, Kudzu bakery seems to have closed, too.

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    My only comment is that Kings Hawaiian are the best rolls because they don’t even need mother fucking butter.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Oh god, those are so dangerously DELISH

    • SDGeoff3

      They have a couple of new products.

      • h4rr4r

        Are any of them actual bread?

        • georgiaburning

          #burn

          • h4rr4r

            Your avatar makes that comment so much better.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Heresy.

          • h4rr4r

            Truth. Kings Hawaiian are awful. They are the worst use of flour since white bread was created. Before that it was simply white bread that was the biggest waste of flour.

            Real bread has texture and can’t be smashed by looking at it funny.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            True, but if you are eating some down home food or BBQ, there is nothing better.

          • h4rr4r

            Anything or nothing. I love BBQ, but I rather skip than eat those. Never even seen them with BBQ. Is this a regional thing? I am most familiar with Texas and St Louis BBQ.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            I think it’s a Black Atlanta thing. We are addicted.

        • SDGeoff3

          They are the same as the rolls, but in new shapes and sizes, as I recall.

          • h4rr4r

            No would have been shorter.

    • MizzMazz

      Closest thing to my grandma’s Portuguese sweet bread. They’re good with butter, and nice with Kalua pork inside. Tasty little sammiches.

      • SDGeoff3

        In SoCal the local Philipino version is “pan de sal”. And it makes some great “egg plus things” breakfast sandwiches.

        • MizzMazz

          Yum! I am so glad I live in a place where I can get all sorts of food from all over the world, and yes, the best are the little markets.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      We just need a bot that changes the word “massive crowd” in any Trump tweet to “tiny penis”

    • Anna Rompage
      • yyyaz

        Rompage on, Anna!

    • Claire

      Didn’t he say he was going to make some sort of YUGE announcement tonight? I don’t even want to think about what it might be.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        It’s just that the WV governor switched parties.

        Whoop.

        • Claire

          That was the yuge announcement? Man, Trump really is scraping the bottom of the barrel for good news, isn’t he?

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            I expect he’ll be having rallies to celebrate the successful installation of updates on his phone any day now.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Most guys can’t really get away with public masturbation…

  • Sophia

    Australia’s Prime Minister Slowly Realizes Trump Is a Complete Idiot

    The transcript of Donald Trump’s discussion with Australian prime minister Malcolm Turnbull obtained by the Washington Post reveals many things, but the most significant may be that Trump in his private negotiations is every bit as mentally limited as he appears to be in public.

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/08/australias-pm-slowly-realizes-trump-is-a-complete-idiot.html?

  • jesterpunk

    Another Duggar being an asshole, really wish TLC would just dump the whole clan back into whatever hole they came out of.

    http://www.eonline.com/news/871119/jill-duggar-s-husband-derick-dillard-accused-of-bullying-tlc-s-jazz-jennings

  • MynameisBlarney

    Anyway, regarding the actual topic.
    Gimme a big ass Cajun steak or chicken biscuit from Bojangle’s and I’m a happy man.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Goddammit! Now I gotta drive to frickin North fuckin Floriduh just so I can get me some Bojangle’s.
      Dirty rice, red beans and motherfuckin steak biscuits here I come!

    • fredoandme

      one of the joys of going to new york was always the trip to the blarney stone for a corned beef.

      nevermore. sigh. daughter and i forced to learn to make it ourselves. it’s good, but it AIN’T the same.

    • tomamitai

      I used to love the biscuits with butter and honey they sold at Roy Rogers, but they all closed down around here. Their coffee was pretty good too, although it was too damn hot.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    WV Gov wants us to forget about Russia because the stock market is so good.

    Fuck off, traitor.

    • mackafritz

      The stock market has been moving up the past 8 years. It has nothing to do with dumdum.

    • Claire

      I’m all about the stock market being good because I have money in it, but it’s not enough to make me forget about Russia because I’ll probably live another 40 years and I need that money.

      Speaking of which, how does one go about putting money into, say, the Euro? Or the yuan, or some other currency that’s likely to take up the slack when the dollar stops being the default currency?

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      I’m sure his constituents are happy about that.

      Some of them may even have heard of the stock market, but as governor of a state with an average income of like $23,000 a year, that seems like it’s not really showing him to be a man of the people.

  • I love dinner rolls (do they have dinner rolls in New York?) but why the fuck would you eat a buttered roll for breakfast?

    • DrBigHead

      You are dead to me….

      :)

    • OutOfOrbit

      well if freshly baked & still warm enough to melt butter & required no baking by me…

    • Claire

      The same reason you’d eat buttered toast, but not toasted? I don’t know, I like bread.

    • h4rr4r

      THEY ARE NOT DINNER ROLLS! They are nothing like dinner rolls. They are crusty.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        They are bannock from the interior and brought east with J.J. Aster to NYC. We cook that shit for breakfast when camping over a fire.

        • h4rr4r

          No, the NYT article is about the bread that evolved Brötchen.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Liars!

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      We have dinner rolls… we eat them with dinner.

      The rolls we eat for breakfast are hard rolls (kaiser rolls) which have a nice crusty outside and are the natural container for soft butter or a nice bacon, egg, and cheese.

      • h4rr4r

        Get some cured meat, mmm. You know salamis, hams, etc.

        This is why I couldn’t ever live in the middle of this country. The food situation is shockingly bad.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Mmmmmm…. cappicola and salami on a hard roll… lordy.

          • Thiazin Red

            Elitist! I freeze in terror at the names of common deli meats and make David Brooks buy me Mexican food.

  • SkinlessGenderlessMan

    So I need to take my small monogrammed thermos and go into the City, where every native saves bread!

  • mancityRed6

    so, identity theft. anyone?
    apparently someone tried to cash a check for me at a riverboat casino in Nevada.
    yeah.
    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/74/Colorado_Belle_Hotel_%26_Casino_%28Laughlin%2C_Nevada%29.JPG
    this place.
    said his name was (my first) Anthony (my last).
    nowhere near correct.
    the good thing is that the account is on hold, and I’ll open a new one tomorrow. the guy in the “cage” at the casino also has his fingerprint and his picture and he will hopefully keep them close by for when the bank comes a calling for their $200.
    bad thing is, new account. all those nasty people that want my money will have to have the records changed.
    fuck.

    • Claire

      Damn, that sucks a lot. I hope everything gets straightened out without too much trouble.

      • mancityRed6

        bank details are half done, need to go by the local tomorrow after work. they’re never busy after 2PM on a Friday, right?
        at least the guy in the “cage” found the info and had fingerprints and photos.

        • Claire

          Ooh, that’s good. Fingerprints and photos are hard to dispute.

          • mancityRed6

            the guy in the “cage” said it could take two to three hours but it was minutes. mainly because the guy seemed off and his signature didn’t match his license.
            I was asked to describe myself to him and he said naah, doesn’t match. I think it was the tattoos that gave me away.

          • Claire

            Tattoos are useful! I mean, I guess they aren’t if you don’t want to be identified, but if you do then they’re gold.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      This crap is really common- my fiancé had this happen- apparently there are people who randomly generate bank routing and account numbers, they print checks, and try to cash them. I hope you are able to get it resolved quickly. The banks seem to be getting better at sorting this out. He was able to show them that he couldn’t have been in 2 places at once.

      • mancityRed6

        account is frozen, new account tomorrow. and $200, so I’m sure my bank will fight tooth and nail over it.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          I also had someone make up a fake ATM and charge Valero Gas $300.00. The bank awarded me the money and they didn’t even blink. Hope it’s similar for you.

          • mancityRed6

            the shop I worked at had Valero cards for a long time. even with two 50 gallon tanks, it didn’t get up to $300. good lord.

      • mancityRed6

        he knew more than that, my middle name on my account is only listed as A. I’m guessing Anthony was just a guess.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And also too, I don’t think there’s a river in Nevada big enough for a riverboat casino…

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      It looks like a boat on dry land. I suspect Ken Ham.

    • tomamitai

      People still kite bad checks? How retro!

      • mancityRed6

        ohhh, fuck. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow night.
        otherwise I’d be laughing.

  • memzilla Ω

    “WASHINGTON (AP) — President Donald Trump’s former national security adviser, Michael Flynn has disclosed new income and consulting roles that he previously left off his public financial filing, including payments from the Trump transition team and a brief advisory role with a firm related to a controversial data analysis company [Cambridge Analytica] that aided the Trump campaign.”
    —————- [snip]
    “Cambridge Analytica was heavily funded by the family of Robert Mercer, a hedge fund manager who also backed the campaign and other conservative candidates and causes. Cambridge Analytica also worked for the successful pro-Brexit campaign in 2016 to pull Britain out of the European Union. Trump administration chief strategist Steve Bannon was a vice president of Cambridge Analytica before he joined the Trump campaign.”
    —————- [snip]
    “The person close to Flynn said he is disclosing the information in an amended filing with the White House to make sure the ‘public record is accurate and transparent.’”

    AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    • dshwa

      The game of “What does Mueller know?” this gang is playing is sooooooo much fun. Mueller could be just sipping tea and eating Buttered Rolls all day just waiting while they squirm and incriminate themselves further.

    • data_ninja

      The Business Plot 2.0: Slower moving but with more Russian.

  • Picabo

    Born on this date in 1926, Tony Bennett. Watch the video and you will know why I would like Lady Gaga to record an album of the great jazz standards. She’s got the pipes!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65ZNsOilwow

    • SDGeoff3

      They are both wonderful.
      I decree it.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Love her or hate her, Lady Gaga can fucking sing! No auto-tune for her.
        And of course, Tony Bennett is, well…Tony fucking Bennett!

        • CripesAmighty

          Best. Show. Ever. Saw Tony w/KD Lang (who can belt some standards herself). Killed it.

        • tomamitai

          She can tickle the ivories pretty good too, although I don’t particularly like her music.

    • La forza del resistino

      Great duo. I’d be pressed to remember the lyrics at his age, let alone sound good.

    • CripesAmighty

      You do realize that that is but the title track of a full album of standards by Tony and Gaga? If you haven’t, download the whole thing posthaste. It’s stunning. (As well as Tony’s ‘duets’ series with Gaga, Winehouse, Aguilera…)

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Anna Rompage

      Making his spiteful best during the final days in the White House?

      Curious, do impeached & convicted past precedents still get secrect service protection and their monthly stipen?

      • data_ninja

        I’m guessing someone is worried about spies in the Secret Service, and anything else going on in that tower of his that’s suspicious (illegal). I mean, if the Secret Service isn’t there to watch the place 24/7, it sure sounds like it’d be mighty easier to setup a secure method of communication to a certain ‘comrade’.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Why would you go to New York for buttered rolls, when you get them with every dinner you order in northern Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota or South Dakota. They all taste of forgetfulness…

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      YES!

    • Left Coast Tom

      Here in the Bay Area they taste of sourdough.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Rick Wiles Binds The Demonic Spirits That Seek To Destroy President Trump

    “They are acting under the spirit of Lucifer and therefore we, the church, have authority … [to] bind these devils and let loose angels to protect the president,” Wiles proclaimed as he then spent several minutes calling on God to protect Trump and to expose and destroy those “who have been orchestrating this satanic campaign of lies and deception against the president.”

    Funny how god always needs schmoes like Rick Wiles to do the heavy lifting for him. For a deity, he seems curiously impotent.

    “We bind every demonic, evil, wicked, satanic spirit,” he declared. “We bind all of those demonic spirits that are operating in the White House, in the Congress, in the intelligence agencies, in the Pentagon, anywhere in this nation to destabilize the president of the United States and to cause our government to collapse. We bind those evil spirits and we render them paralyzed.”

    The president seems plenty destabilized as it is. Anyway, the binding thing didn’t work: I’m a naughty, demonic unicorn who tempts righteous young men into kinky equine buttsechs, and I remain free to plot against Trumpy in my spare time. It’s all in the technique: that noob Wiles needs to pray louder and wave his arms around some.

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/rick-wiles-binds-the-demonic-spirits-that-seek-to-destroy-president-trump/

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’ve always found it odd that God only chooses to talk to one person at a time. Why not let EVERYONE see how awesome he is?

      • dshwa

        He definitely hired the wrong P.R. firm.

        “No seriously God, the whole silent and mysterious thing is waaaaay more convincing than bolts of lightening and booming voice the whole world could hear.”

      • Beanz&Berryz

        It seems like that was the fucking point of the Reformation, but some people seem to have forgot that…

      • AJ Milne

        DRM restrictions, I figure.

      • Sophia

        God talks to me all the time. He’s that voice of despair I hear in my head saying “Will these dumb motherfucking charlatans never STFU!”

    • dshwa

      Lol, he thinks we’re the demons in this situation. How cute.

    • La forza del resistino

      They should stick to Judas Iscariot being the original leaker

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      If you bind and paralyze all of those demon thingies, why the fuck do I always say “christain”, whether I want to or not?

      Fucktoad.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Apparently Lucifer is a really great guy and people are going to be talking a lot about him.

      http://geekspeakmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Lucifer.jpg

  • My sister has our grandmother’s iron skillet and my cousin has her pie tins.

    This has been mentioned at every family get together since 1999.

    • La forza del resistino

      Sounds vaguely familiar. Are we related?

    • MynameisBlarney

      I have some hand me down cast iron from my dad.
      Most of it’s modern-ish.
      But I have a Dutch Oven that is about 100 years old. He got it at yard sale in SC for 10 bucks like 30 years ago.
      That thing makes damn good stew. It’s got 3 little legs on it and a handle. Works great right on top of the coals.

      • tomamitai

        Our Boy Scout troop leader had a whole set of cast iron cookware that he made us lug on camping trips. Whoever got stuck with the frying pan didn’t have to carry anything else, which was only fair, as you COULDN’T carry anything else with that behemoth in your pack! He claimed it was easier to clean than the light weight aluminum cookware that everybody else used.

  • Whollyholeyholy

    I would swear there was a buttered roll on every tray lunch I ever ate for lunch in suburban Houston, and none of us ever considered that we were putting on airs.

    • ziggywiggy

      Because you weren’t eating the same thing. The NYT screwed up by not calling it what it really is, a kaiser roll. But trust me a buttered roll is nothing fancy or putting on airs, it’s just a cheap and fast way to get something in your stomach to soak up the coffee while you are rushing to work.

  • Suttree

    the buttered roll (or roll with butter, as it is known in parts of New Jersey)

    They also call Taylor Ham fucking “pork roll” in parts of New Jersey. It doesn’t make it something you need to cite in you stupid fucking article. Asshole! Really….. Fuck the NYT!

    Brilliant piece though killermartinis!

  • Anna Rompage
  • Left Coast Tom

    The New York Times “Food” Section previously tried to convince us that guacamole can be made with peas.

    • Whollyholeyholy

      God I had forgotten about that.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Monsters!

      • dshwa

        Guac from Peas:

        Better or worse than Canned Clams?

        Discuss.

        • Suttree

          Worse!! Canned clams are edible and only give you food poisoning on occasion. I would have to commit seppuku if I ate guac with peas.

          • SDGeoff3

            Or just avoid it.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Too easy.

          • leemoder

            At that point, it ain’t guac…it’s baby food.

          • Suttree

            Babby shit!

        • SDGeoff3

          You read my alleged mind. I simply can’t right now…sniff

          • dshwa

            We’re even, because my alleged mind missed the Porgie and Bess song that should have been obvious on Trump fleeing the country as a musical earlier. I swore at myself for missing that for a solid minute when you mentioned it.

          • SDGeoff3

            I heard you. The universe echoed with your tears and regret.

        • Anna Rompage

          Worse, I can actually find a decent use for canned clams… peaamole, I got nothing…

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          I will exercise a second amendment solution if you know what I means!

    • SDGeoff3

      The reaction in San Diego was swift and furious on local talk shows.
      Why, it was as if you asked a Rhode Islander to add cream to clam chowdah!!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Also that my people ate something called “grape salad”.

      • SDGeoff3

        Betty Crocker cookbook around 1955?

        • MynameisBlarney

          There were some fucking horrible recipes from the 50’s.

          • SDGeoff3

            Yes. I remember it well. But, I still crave Jell-O mold salads with vegetables and/or fruit thrown in. And the mysterious, slightly diluted Miracle Whip drizzled on top.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Don’t forget the jello with meat in it.
            *shudders*

          • SDGeoff3

            Never had it, but the Jell-O stuff and a lot of other foods from Memory Lane were in a few Swedish-American cookbooks of the day, too.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I’m sorry.
      That’s not guacamole!

      I hate avocados, But I love me some guac.
      And I don’t think peas would taste right in that context.

      • SDGeoff3

        Avos are great sliced with a few sliced green onions amd your favorite salad dressing, or just a good squirt of fresh lime juice. Add some jicama, and you’ll be in heaven.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Nope.
          Dad force fed me avocado slices when I was 10. I just can’t eat sliced avocado like that.
          I wasn’t able to bring myself to even try guacamole until about 6 or 7 years ago.
          And that was by mistake. Someone had made a layered bean, cheese, salsa and guac dip and forgot to mention the guacamole part.
          I was buzzed and ate half of it before they told me it had guac in it.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Sweet Jumpin’ Jeebus, was THAT where it came from?

      BURN THEM

      I may not be a huge fan of guac myself, but it MUST be made from avocados dumbass.

      It’s like making hummus out of black beans. Yes, you’ve made something, BUT IT AIN’T HUMMUS

      Thank you, rant over.

      ETA: If you add some salsa and hot sauce to your bean paste, you have an awesome bean dip!!! Yay! (But it still isn’t Hummus)

      • MynameisBlarney

        And turkey bacon?!!?

        NOT. BACON.

        • Courser_Resistance

          God, I had a co-worker once who nuked turkey bacon in the office microwave daily. The stuff smelled horrible! Fake smoke and chemical smell. How can anyone eat that???

          Live is short people, too short to eat fake food (which includes abominations like ‘turkey bacon’.

          • MynameisBlarney

            The little grocery store in my neighborhood has a deli that sells 1/2 thick smoke/maple cured bacon.

            It is fucking incredible.

          • tomamitai

            At cookouts when I was a kid my uncle used to skewer a one inch cube of bacon on a stick and hold it over the grill like he was toasting a marshmallow, and he would have a hunk of bread in his other hand that he would catch the drippings on. It took a bit of coordination to keep from roasting your hand, so he had to do it before he had too many beers. It tasted pretty good, but I was too impatient to do it more than once.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Damn! That sounds awesome!

          • Suttree

            I used to date a woman who didn’t eat red meat. She loved turkey bacon.That was the longest year of my life.

          • MynameisBlarney

            From what I’ve read, turkey bacon is really REALLY unhealthy.
            All the chemical they use to make it are fucked up.

          • Suttree

            She smoked Camels and drank a 12 pack of Samuel Adams every night. I don’t know what her problem with red meat was. It was not a health issue though!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Bacon ain’t even considered to be red meat is it?

        • SDGeoff3

          No damn turkey bacon. Period.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Oh no, how do they even manage to find such terrible food writers in one of the world’s most renowned cuisine capitols?

      • Left Coast Tom

        What’s funny is…their wine editor seems pretty decent, and has found plenty of good, small, relatively obscure wineries in California.

    • natoslug

      These are not good people. The NYT “Food” Section is staffed entirely with bad hombres. Not a one of them will ever be hired by the Local Milk People.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Dear God, please make this happen. Thank you and amen:

    https://twitter.com/CaptainsLog2017/status/893234590495551488

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I was so disgusted by Trump’s goons shouting “lock her up” that I literally want to see Trump, Flynn, Trump’s kids, Sessions, Kushner, and everyone else associated with Trump marched to jail in leg irons.

      • SDGeoff3

        Well, it’s looking better for that today.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Every day we get a little bit closer to a president Mike Pence…wait a minute…

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Him stalking her at the debates did it for me…

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I’ve hated Trump since the 1980s. I guess you could say I hated Trump before it was cool. I could die happy if I saw him going to jail.

      • Ms.Moon

        I hope Hillary come to see them put into the vans and she’ll give 45 the nicest smile possible before going home and having an excellent time with her husband.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I hope so too.

  • h4rr4r

    No idea what that lead image is, but it does prove David Brooks not totally wrong. You managed to prove his point by selecting a photo of something totally different than what he was talking about.

    He did not mean rolls generically, he meant hard rolls aka kaiser rolls. An imitation of Brötchen.

    • hudson srinivasan

      what’s this bout?

      • h4rr4r

        I am talking about the article. The thing being made fun off is an author suggesting someone outside his region may not be familiar with a certain regional style of bread. The author of this page proves it by posting an image of a totally different kind of bread item.

        It would be like me saying if you do not live in Western NY, you probably don’t know what chicken french is. Then you trying to prove me wrong by showing a picture of a roasted chicken with herbs de provence, which is entirely unlike what I was talking about.

  • rob black

    The lunch ladies in my grade school back in the 60’s used to make yeast rolls that looked just like that picture.
    About 11:00 a.m. every day the smell would waft through the entire school and you could actually hear stomachs start to growl in anticipation.
    Got to find that recipe…

    • Ms.Moon

      There is something about the smell of baking bread that is so distracting and the crunch of the bread just slightly cooled enough to eat without breathing through your mouth.

      • rob black

        I was thinking about it and school lunches back then were such a far cry from today.
        An army of women, dressed in white..with hair nets, would just appear sometime in the mid morning and start cooking…and the food was amazing!
        I remember reading once, that due to Kennedy and LBJ and desegregation, they were dumping more money per student into the system than at any time in american history (before or since)….and the food certainly made it seem so.
        I can remember my mouth actually watering smelling it. Everything was delicious.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Wish we could get a vacation from his administration:

    https://twitter.com/TheDemCoalition/status/893103691334647808

    • Sophia

      He hasn’t been on the job long enough to have a 17 day vacation. Goes golfing every weekend and now this?

      • puredog

        Weak, sad. Why not a 170-day vacay, Donnie?

    • Thiazin Red

      Did he have someone photoshop out his jowls and shorten his tie?

    • RobKanC

      If only Don of the past can see into his future, he would not have criticized the nice black man for things his lazy ass would do.

      • Sophia

        Nah he still would have done it. His brain does not allow for self criticism. It’s different when he does the same things.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Have you ever had a boss where having them out of the office is better than if you took a vacation? I’m guessing he’s that boss.

    • Left Coast Tom

      He hasn’t done anything since his inauguration, usually retirees don’t need to take “vacations”.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    I feel a rebellion in the thread to the buttered bread post!

  • memzilla Ω
    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      The really sad thing was I didn’t think this was satire at first. I absolutely believe Trump could say this.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I was going to ask cuz he be that stupid.

      • Thiazin Red

        Ugh, same.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        He actually told the Australian prime minister he was the best person, so it wouldn’t be unpresidented.

    • mancityRed6

      it’s really not far out of the limits of belief. the Borowitz clued me in, though.

  • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼
  • Ezio

    Man, these local milk people puns are udderly tiring.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’m sure you mean Udderly Tiring.

      • Ezio

        Yeah, I fixed it. I blame autocorrect.

    • ltmcdies

      I think local milk people puns just crashed twitter…

  • Courser_Resistance

    You know when I want some nice buttered rolls, I just go to the Black Eyed Pea. They have yummy rolls.

    All that being said, bread rolls are not really that big a deal. Onion rolls, on the other hand, are worth fighting over. My local store never seems to have enough in the bakery case. I don’t want 6, I want 2 or 3.

    Yes, first world problems indeed.

  • AJ Milne

    I got as far as ‘Proustian’ and started to suspect our literary food columnist was doing it on purpose…

    … but then no one else involved noticed, and it ran in memorium after their frustrated suicide.

    Also, re:

    ‘… because Proust is something you can safely say you’ve read to be pretentious knowing that nobody else has and you’ll never get called out…’

    Oh, you simply _must_ read Proust. Far more accessible than you might imagine. Why, I remember, in one scene, the foil warning his protagonist, his little buddy, about the falling coconuts… Poignant, a reminder of how fickle is fate. Go to great lengths, build the tiger trap to catch the inexplicable celebrity guest, and damn, again with the coconuts.

  • Michael R
    • h4rr4r

      Did you go on poop water day?

      • mancityRed6

        I once had to do something at a Johnson County Kansas waste treatment plant. we had to be there at 1 AM and done by 4 AM because that’s when people start waking up here.
        now I flush at 4AM and I know where it goes.

        • h4rr4r

          I also too relieve myself at 4am, my wife hates it since we don’t get up until 6.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          your guy at the head of the line…

          • mancityRed6

            literally, the guy in the “water” started knee deep, and then was glad he wore the chest waders.

    • Covfefe

      Anything and everything in the US. Just stay out of Canada.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Though we have a very nice Canadian smoke haze here 250 miles south of the border…

    • leemoder

      A future president there in the lower right.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      No Martians

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Niagara!….are you down under in the tunnel?…

    • puredog

      The first rule of Open Thread is that you don’t talk about Open Thread.

  • Ezio
    • mancityRed6

      isn’t that Huckleberry now?

  • bbayliss

    They’re going to try to “make an effort to get out of its lane as the Paper of Pretentious Record” by writing a pretentious article about doughy, shitty, tasteless, gag inducing, white bread?

  • RobKanC

    I once had a buttered roll which was like a unemployed model. I really wished it was a bit bigger. Also ppl eating bread is still a thing?

    • mancityRed6

      I was once high at work on a Sunday night. nothing open for miles, my rented house was closer. I went home, got some cheese and some bread and went back. it’s still a meal I compare other meals to. it was fucking legendary.

      • RobKanC

        I kid, I kid.. There is nothing wrong with a occassional indulgence of bread.

        • mancityRed6

          honestly, sharp cheddar and plain wheat bread. oh so damn good.

          • tomamitai

            I love Land O’Lakes American on Italian bread, even on what passes for Italian from the Big Box store. It’s more like a cheddar than that Kraft American “cheese food” dreck. Unfortunately it’s harder to find and a lot more expensive, so I can’t have it too often.

      • TootsStansbury

        Good bread, good olives, roasted red peppers and cheeses. Dinner.

        • mancityRed6

          I used to eat the black olives, but plain. and I’ve done stuffed red peppers before, but it’s been awhile.
          really, just bread and cheese are still good for me.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Artisanal Sausage: there’s really no reason to put anything else in your mouth.
      http://www.butcher-packer.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=1020

  • Wild Cat

    This is nothing. They made the bedbug epidemic in NYC “endearing.” A woman who was afraid to go to her apartment after work met her boyfriend in a bar because she could only get blasted to face her bed-bugged apartment and sleep on the couch. So the epidemic had a nice ending: LOVE.

    I shit you not.

    Fuck the fucking NYT and their ads for $76M apartments.

  • Red Bird

    Open Thread! I made a rum and coke to celebrate Donnie’s pending indictment. I hope whoever they pick for the jury (grand juries actually have juries right) doesn’t end up being a bunch of Trumpkins.

    • Anna Rompage

      “If a district attorney wanted, a grand jury would indict a ham sandwich

      • Red Bird

        Except, if you’ve been paying attention, the grand juries formed for indicting police of murdering civilians have returned no indictments.

        So, a prosecutor could just do a grand jury for show and then let him go.

        • h4rr4r

          I bet $1 that does not happen to the cop that murdered the Australian lady.

          • mancityRed6

            mmm, Muslim and brown, yeah he’s going down.

          • dshwa

            It’s going to be interesting seeing if our love of authority figures overcomes our innate racism as a country. I give it even odds, honestly.

          • mancityRed6

            his neighbors have already said he was jumpy, he’ll go down even if he doesn’t deserve it. he’ll be a bone thrown to those who are upset about the Baltimore cops planting evidence.

      • mancityRed6

        tell that to the grand jury that gave Darren Wilson a pass, or the DA that treated it like a trial.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Just need a basic showing of mayonnaise ryea

    • Nounverb911

      When selecting a jury for doonies trial, all three of these words are acceptable….
      https://twitter.com/MerriamWebster/status/893212330686914561

      • dshwa

        The only thing that doesn’t suck about this timeline is that a dictionary has raised trolling to epic status.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Whew!….

      • leemoder

        I remember the summer of ’78 when I helped my dad empanel the basement.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I’ll have a rum and Coke, hold the rum. I’d also like to make a toast…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdIXrF34Bz0

      • Red Bird

        Fun-A. :)

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Just flipped on Trumpmania CXIVVIII. Snore. There is ample girth amongst the faithful.

    • dshwa

      That’s because they couldn’t run away fast enough to escape having to stay for the speech. The nimble locals are in the holler drinking their Coors right now.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Fuck Coors. Why would anyone drink a beer that tastes like metal?

        • dshwa

          It’s cheap.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          And produced by fascists.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The KFC Army marches on its stomach.

      • dshwa

        The 88th Hoveround Calvary demands drive through stops

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “Company…halt! Dark or white?”

          • dshwa

            With that crowd? White, duh.

          • mancityRed6

            I’m only white in certain places, thanks to the “must wear pants” policy of the apt complex.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You should consider moving to a more progressive complex.

          • mancityRed6

            it’s about 3 miles drive from work, somehow a 45 minute walk. don’t expect me to pack this shit up and move.

          • mancityRed6

            oh, and miss that long legged girl walk her dogs…wait, I’ve said too much.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            On second thought, maybe wearing pants is better for everyone involved.

          • mancityRed6

            yeah.
            I’m sure she already wonders about me.

      • CripesAmighty

        Ready! Set! Waddle!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “Captain, our position is in gravy peril!”

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      If I want to see a bunch of angry fat white conservaties, I can just visit my relations.

  • Nounverb911

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    Tump is a bad landlord. SS moves out of dumpf tower.

    https://twitter.com/DearAuntCrabby/status/893234859782569986

    • Anna Rompage

      Slum lord Don…

    • Mr. Blobfish

      The for profit president

    • h4rr4r

      Why were NAZIs living in Trump tower?

      • mancityRed6

        no, these are people who would take a bullet for him.
        wait, I’m not making myself clear.

        • ltmcdies

          exactly the people one ought to annoy with over charging for work space

      • TootsStansbury

        Of course there are. Nazis and Russian kleptocrats. The place is lousy with them.

  • TootsStansbury

    Well anyway, that whole post made me think of the fact that I could be blindfolded and led into an Officer’s club, anywhere on this still lovely globe, and the smell of rolls and linen would tell me where I was at least as far as being in an O club.

    • CripesAmighty

      Or an elementary school cafeteria (the buttered rolls made by the cheery, portly ladies at mine, were divine).

  • bbayliss

    I would like to hear some rude and creative insults about Steven Miller.
    Any takers?

    • rob black

      Have you ever seen anybody who was so obviously publicly de-pants, swirlied and atomic wedgied as a child..in your life?

      • bbayliss

        I was thinking, maybe not enough?

        • rob black

          All of them, in the administration, can make a hand twitch…but he is special in that way. Mostly because of the shite coming out of his mouth.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      That no good fucking piece of shit, shit for brains, stinking, reeking, extruded, turd Stephen Miller asshole is not worth the time and energy to throw insults at. And he’s a moron, too.

    • mancityRed6

      it’s so sad to see someone who is obviously self hating.

    • La forza del resistino

      Steve Miller Band ‘Fly Like an Eagle’ libelzz.
      Stephen is the other guy.

      • BosGrl

        Tick tock tick…

      • Three Finger Salute

        I call him Pompatus of Hate.

    • dshwa

      There was a good one on Twitter today:

      Stephen Miller is so racist he chased off his own hair because it was brown.

    • leemoder
    • bbayliss

      An argumentative, uninteresting pair of boxer shorts feeling superior for not being briefs.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Too stupid for the rooshans to groom as a spy.

    • Petunia Cat

      I’m STILL getting him mixed up with Carter Page! And why not, they have the same forehead. Although Page always looks really lit up. He’s the comedy mask and Miller is the tragedy one. 🎭 It’s really just mean-spirited cunning in his case.

      Also he’s a bigot and he stood at the prestige-dripping White House podium and engaged in childish bickering. Not an insult, just accurate.

      • miss_grundy

        He’s a freaking bombastic racist provincial. I’ll take my cosmopolitan bias now.

  • natoslug

    The followup article “Water: It’s wet” was a real eye-opener. They dove in deep for that one. Probably had to make up for not rising to the occasion for the buttered roll.

    • Petunia Cat

      😂😂😂

      Water = snowman blood.

  • Michael R
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I’m sure we are getting closer to the day when Trump’s hangchin will bloat out like a frog as he croaks.

      (votes&etc.)

    • La forza del resistino

      Forget Mt Rushmore. They can carve George, Tom, Abe and Teddy on his neck.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Honestly, we don’t even need to apply distortion filters to make his jowls look like that.
      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cybx__AVEAAKA7Q.jpg

  • Moar Wordz

    Ugh. Precious NYT’s article. Yes, an absolutely silly peice of writing.

    • SDGeoff3

      Much too precious for me.

  • memzilla Ω

    Dear Lord:
    Please bless Robert Mueller and his entire crew. Guide him in his effforts. And please, for the love of all that’s good and true in the world, let all of us Wonketteers live long enough to witness THE MOST EPIC PERP WALK OF OUR LIFETIMES. Amen.

    • BosGrl

      My dad and I were discussing it today – when it starts to go down, we are going to pop ourselves a huge bowl of popcorn, park ourselves in front of the teevee and laugh and laugh. Then cry and cry when Pence is sworn in.

      • mancityRed6

        I have vague recollections of the Iran Contra hearings. I know my dad was interested. I’ll tune up something I can listen to at work.

        • Three Finger Salute

          “I have vague recollections of the Iran Contra hearings.”

          That’s funny, Reagan didn’t recall…

      • miss_grundy

        Unless Mueller can get him on something too. That would be wonderful!

  • Jennifer R

    Whoo new feature added!
    Now section name displays at the top of the screen.

  • Red Bird

    Rachel will be flames tonight.

    • OutOfOrbit

      is she back?

      • BosGrl

        I don’t think so, but Joy has that side of snark, too :)

  • Nounverb911
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Oh yeah, I forgot about this bakery-related story from a few days ago: https://twitter.com/FranceWorldProb/status/891093180216692736

  • Rollie Wagstaff

    “I sometimes dig for buttered rolls,
    Or set limed twigs for crabs;
    I sometimes search the grassy knolls
    For wheels of hansom-cabs.
    And that’s the way” (he gave a wink)
    “By which I get my wealth–
    And very gladly will I drink
    Your honor’s noble health.”

    Lewis Carroll “I’ll tell thee everything I can”

  • WomanInThePersistence

    I so love Sam Bee. And am feeling a wierd need to watch “The Music Man”.

  • Shanzgood

    Baconzgood says hi!

    • hudson srinivasan

      he can still talk and you can still type?? ;)

      • Shanzgood

        He has a land line at his house.

        • hudson srinivasan

          weren’t y’all gathered this weekend or something? atleast that’s what i thought from your/bg’s posts.

          • Shanzgood

            No, he was here three weeks ago, though.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I say hi, back.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      I just learned about the Church of Bacon today. I’m miffed that I have lived all these years bereft of this knowledge. Also too, Hi!

  • Me not sure

    After a long consultation with my local milk person, I’ve come to the conclusion that this exotic comestable called “butter” is made by “churning” the liquid produced by a cow’s udder. Sounds disgusting. The person churning, however…. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/286c4b8895e8550ac5f65e36d8a782b06a36877c0020f2d309bbc49fcf3efe7e.gif

    • OutOfOrbit

      werks for me! brb

    • gallbladder

      I don’t think I’ve ever had such a lust for milk byproducts until now.

      • mancityRed6

        oh come on, hot, spreadable…butter?

        • gallbladder

          You win.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Milk products are the best!

    • hudson srinivasan

      true story. when we used to visit my mom’s native in summer, we used to carry buttermilk as a refreshment. but the road used to be so bumpy and the suspensions on the buses so crappy that any left over bottle of buttermilk would churn itself to butter.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Wasn’t “Churn, Churn, Churn” done by the Byrds?

      • OutOfOrbit

        not like that!

    • mancityRed6

      *looks at bunk*

  • Edith Prickly

    Any of the Olds on here remember the Ponderosa steakhouse chain? A colleague of mine was the “roll girl” at a Ponderosa when she was in high school. Her job was to bring the rolls to the table then ask if people wanted extra butter (but not tell them that they would get charged for it if they said yes.)

    I tell this anecdote to make the point that if a ’70s-era steakhouse chain was running a con with buttered rolls, then it wasn’t some New York secret.

    • mancityRed6

      still around, just not near me anymore.
      http://ponderosasteakhouses.com/locations/

      • Edith Prickly

        Interesting. They exited the Canadian market in the mid-80s.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I think I went to one once when I was a kid unit. I remember the rolls.

    • gallbladder

      Went to one on Pembina Highway in Winnipeg as a kid. Was painted green (the facade of the restaurant, not me.)

    • mancityRed6

      they had the big cow outside, right? with the letter sign on it’s sides?

    • boredcatlady

      I went to one in KY a few months ago, but I can’t remember which town, Maysville maybe. No idea if there are many more left.

    • leemoder

      Can always get them around here at the Eat ‘N’ Park.

      • Edith Prickly

        I just discovered Eat ‘N’ Park on my last trip to the US. We won a free piece of pie from a scratch ticket at a Pittsburgh Pirates game. Damn, that was some good pie.

        • leemoder

          Most excellent diner grub in the Lower 48.

    • georgiaburning

      Sizzler is still around with the rolls, they don’t charge extra for more butter AFAIK

    • Three Finger Salute

      We had one in MA called Bugaboo Creek. Best honey wheat bread I’ve ever had.

    • cleos_mom

      The late Ponderosa Steakhouse was a member of the Belly Up To The Trough species of restaurants. Golden Corral and the near-extinct Ryan’s are other examples.

      I could pretend here that I’ve never eaten in such restaurants, but I won’t.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    So, killermartinis, if you’re going to hate us, hate us for the right reason – because Jennifer Senior lives here.

    From the perspective of the species, it’s perfectly unmysterious why people have children. From the perspective of the individual, however, it’s more of a mystery than one might think. Most people assume that having children will make them happier. Yet a wide variety of academic research shows that parents are not happier than their childless peers, and in many cases are less so. This finding is surprisingly consistent, showing up across a range of disciplines. Perhaps the most oft-cited datum comes from a 2004 study by Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize–winning behavioral economist, who surveyed 909 working Texas women and found that child care ranked sixteenth in pleasurability out of nineteen activities. (Among the endeavors they preferred: preparing food, watching TV, exercising, talking on the phone, napping, shopping, housework.)

    • Three Finger Salute

      I’m not happy that my parents had children. As a result, I decided not to. I wouldn’t want to pass on the crazy genes. I think it’s unethical and, yes, I also think it should be illegal. It’s like infecting a random person with a disease by sticking a needle in them as they walk down the street.

  • ltmcdies

    something to ponder: Senate is on vacay….

    https://twitter.com/crampell/status/893253312748957698

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
      • ltmcdies

        yeh I just read that….Bwwwaaahhhhhh

      • Joe Beese

        And this is a Republican controlled Senate!

        If I were Trump, I wouldn’t want my approval ratings to keep going down…

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Sessions may be a malignant, racist little elf, but he’s their malignant, racist little elf.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        that’s gonna leave a mark.

    • gallbladder

      What better way to reward an historically-unproductive Senate than with time off.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        They can’t take our healthcare away while they’re gone. I’ll pay them to do nothing before I’ll pay them to wreck things, given the choice.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Hey, they’ve been busy. They’ve ran their mouths. They’ve pitched fits. They’ve dodged accountability. They’ve ducked responsibility. They’ve wrestled with reality . . .

        • gallbladder

          I see your point.

  • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼
    • WomanInThePersistence

      It’s astonishing how awful some of that “food” is.

      • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼

        It’s amazing what you can do with aspic and hotdogs!

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I have a strange fascination with the dark side of cuisine. Enjoy this from “Favorite Recipes of America: Salads”

          The thing at the bottom is Tuna-Lime Ring. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/65c2cd104c2b721cf70ccb7a024113a4f9e5636c6e2431853b34f65303a9b69a.jpg

          • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼

            That’s frickin’ art, that is.

          • miss_grundy

            Looks like something you might find at an Episcopal church picnic….

          • WomanInThePersistence

            The recipe calls for lime jello, tuna, and dehydrated minced onion.

          • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼

            And a sheet of ice for display, apparently.

      • cleos_mom

        The worst I remember is a tuna casserole: tuna canned in oil, Campbell”s cream of mushroom soup (undiluted) and crushed potato chips mixed and baked till solid. That’s the whole recipe.

        Sort of a food version of Playing In The Poisoned Fog.

    • Thiazin Red

      So much stuff in gelatin.

  • Canis Greyhame

    Hungry whale has the right idea.
    https://youtu.be/6zOarcL1BSc

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Butter? And a roll? Nope, never heard of it. Butter, yes. A roll, yes. But butter and a roll? This must be some new thing, unique to the Five Boroughs or maybe even just Manhattan.

    Hey, have you heard of the newfangled thing they serve with cups of soup? They are in little plastic packages and they are called Saul-teens (I’m guessing at the spelling.)

    Our next report: Peanuts and Crackerjack. A new taste treat at Yankee Stadium.

    • h4rr4r

      You know you too are proving him correct, right? It is about a specific kind of roll and how they are sold.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        No, wait. All I saw was that they are good even if they are not fresh. Uh, OK. Stale bread with butter. That sounds good.

        And the writer quoted one particular guy with a truck but didn’t explain why his rolls were different.

        The writer also asserted that this particular kind of roll is unique to New York and (worded-backwards) New Jersey and you can’t find them anywhere else except that they are in surrounding commuter suburbs.

        But what kind of roll? If the writer can’t describe that in any specific terms, why write an article about it except to take a few cheap shots against people who eat rolls that are not specific to New York City? Oh and Jersey. Oh and adjacent suburbs.

        What is that unique quality? Not a clue except that it is Proustian?

        We are aching to learn but… no clue.

        Governor LePage better set up a well-regulated Militia because the dreaded buttered rolls have already crossed the border along with the whores and drug addicts in Massachusetts and could turn up in Maine any day now.

        This kind of relentlessly dumb, prolix writing is what allows Trump to claim that the New York Times is failing.

        They have been doing good work on Trump. Finally.

        This article was just dumb and a waste of ink.

        • h4rr4r

          In the area he is writing about there is no need to describe them.

          In this case fresh means baked in the last few hours. Like bagels these rolls are at their best within minutes of being made. Stale usually implies day old or worse.

          Your comment addresses the issues with the NYT article far better than the article on this page did.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      It’s new invented

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      In western NY we call them crackers. Just to mock the southern racists.

    • mancityRed6

      buttered rolls, I know right?
      next thing you know they’ll be serving them with turkey, and something called “stuffing”

  • Joe Beese
    • miss_grundy

      Yay!

  • Anna Rompage
    • Canis Greyhame

      omg, charge that phone! We’re gonna need a bigger battery.

    • h4rr4r

      They had to do that, otherwise he might do something they would have to impeach him for.

      • Anna Rompage

        Like nominate Vlad for a new cabinet position that sits between him and the VP?

        • h4rr4r

          Boot Sessions and hire a stooge to fire Mueller.

    • mancityRed6

      the tax cuts are at stake here, dammit!

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Not the tax cuts! America is crying out for another tax cut for billionaires.

        • mancityRed6

          and the millionaires cry out “what about me, dammit?”

        • gallbladder

          And local milk people (goddamn us Canadians!)

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Do you mean local milk in a bag people?

          • Sophia

            Hey, we need those bags to put in our boots when we walk to school. Where else you going to get them from? Recycle, reuse.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Is that how you make butter up there?

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            I remember when I first encountered milk in a bag in kindergarten, even at the tender age of almost 5 I thought it was foolish to give children mini milk super soakers, and was before there were super soakers.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • alpacapunchbowl

      McConnell did something that doesn’t make me rage-y?
      We are truly living in interesting times.

    • tomamitai

      Whoa, I might need to buy me some booze and popcorn for the weekend! Better get to looking under the couch cushions for some cash!

  • Petunia Cat

    To Killer martinis: 😂😂😂😂

    What a nutbar! Also he doesn’t appreciate that a buttered roll is just a shitty danish. That everyone’s talking about having one with coffee should have tipped him off. Now beaten biscuits, that’s a regional delicacy. Although anyone can make their own crappy version by just splashing some milk on Bisquick stirring it around and chucking it in the oven. All this starch talk is getting me hungry… 😋☕️🍞🥐 But properly made beaten, or baking powder, biscuits are special. So incidentally are savoury British scones. Oh my god… 🤤

    But apropos this bizarro guy’s stupid bun obsession, you can get them from Pillsury! 🤦🏻‍♀️ I have to concede I have never seen them as a coffee time snack along side the Danish etc. Not in San Francisco or Michigan although I was a kid then, or Southern Ontario. But that’s because they are an at home food, pace Pillsbury, in all of those places. Also there’s a regular-ass kind of bun/roll in Canada and Britain called a bap. There’s nothing special about them. But still, you know, exoticism.
    😂

    • h4rr4r

      Pillsbury does not sell kaiser rolls.

      • Petunia Cat

        Which is so sad because when they unfurled they’d look like little propellers. 😁

        • h4rr4r

          Yeah, but the article is being very specific about that kind of roll.

          • Petunia Cat

            Oh. From killer martini’s piece I thought it was just any old buttered roll, with any shape.

            I can attest that kaiser rolls are not just a New York City thing. They are EVERYWHERE in Southern Ontario. When I was a teen in the 70s every single town up the Bruce peninsula had little non-chain burger places that served something called a Big Eric. Which was maybe a hamburger maybe some other kind of meat, on a kaiser. Kaiser’s are definitely not just a New York thing.

    • Three Finger Salute
  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Three Finger Salute

      Link doesn’t work.

  • Michael R

    WEST VIRGINIA: Billionaire Democratic Governor To Switch Parties At Tonight’s Campaign Rally With Trump ….
    but even MORE interesting :

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fdb2e2c40ba70bf0127e8949684bc4b35ed97772b60fcad8adbac979a2063b81.jpg

    • Thiazin Red

      That doesn’t seem like it could be money laundering at all.

      • dshwa

        Mueller is going to need another lawyer, it seems.

        • mancityRed6

          premature grand jury?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        So by turning Reptilian, does this asshole think he will get pardoned by Trump?

    • Anna Rompage

      He wears some awfully big shirts to launder like that…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Is Trump going to dunk him in the baptismal font and pronounce him “saved”?

      • dshwa

        No, but he’ll get a tweeted blessing from him tomorrow from the Golden Throne.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Trump’s baptismal font is full of dingbats…

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Jim Justice”? That’s not a real name, that’s a cartoon cowboy sheriff character from the 1950s. I think he flashed his badge and stopped a bank robbery by the bandit gang of Dishonest John and Pancho Villa. Or in this guy’s case, maybe he was in on the bank robbery and only stopped the other two because he wanted the whole thing.

    • tomamitai

      I hadn’t seen the part about his Russian connection! It seems like the folks who’ve been calling what happened in 2016 a Russian backed coup weren’t exaggerating by much!

  • Joe Beese

    Any oldies act knows: All the crowd wants to hear are the hits.

    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/893254766008160258

    • Left Coast Tom

      You know, West Virginians…your neighboring states’ Economic Development coordinators are just going to collect these scenes, produce a video, and show it to any company expressing an interest in moving to your state rather than theirs.

    • gallbladder

      Fucking helpless anueploids.

    • dshwa

      The Trump version of Billy Joel’s “Piano Man”

    • miss_grundy

      These rubes in West Virginia are truly stupid, aren’t they? Didn’t these fools realize this comemierda was going to take away their health insurance? These must have stupid as a main meal every day.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Waitaminute now. Are you actually from Grundy? ‘Cause if you are, I have some questions, and they ain’t about the wrestling team.

      • CripesAmighty

        Tossing offal into the barnyard.

        • Wild Cat

          “Tossing off in the barnyard, thinking of my lost sheep,
          Her name was Virginie, I loved her a heap . . . “

      • Wild Cat

        The Chinese forensic experts will be heavily examining their DNA after the region, one of the last holdouts of the The Great Lena Dunham Aborted Girls for Jesus War, finally collapses into a Jim Jones orgy of meth and Joel Osteen IV in 2068.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    I was always taught that Jews eat their rolls smothered with chopped up christian children.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      See? They have so much in common with the Muslims. I don’t know why they can’t celibrate their similarities more.

      • dshwa

        Middle East peace solved!

        • Three Finger Salute

          #ThanksJared

    • Le Chapeau

      And your point?

      • Les Appentis De la résistance

        Jews are made out of butter?

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Tastiest golem ever!

    • CripesAmighty

      How ’bout that? Mom always said it was liver.

  • miss_grundy

    You know what I miss the most from living in New York City? Kaiser rolls–whether poppy seed or sesame seed, I really, really miss eating a good Kaiser roll. Especially when I butter it and put it in the oven so that it gets all crusty and yummy. I miss that and pastelitos de carne. They don’t have these where I am currently living.

  • Joe Beese

    What else could any reasonable person need to know?

    https://twitter.com/KellyO/status/893255995937501186

    • Canis Greyhame

      So there were Russians in his campaign?

      • Joe Beese

        As The Big Dawg would say: It depends what “in” means.

        • Canis Greyhame

          … also, “campaign”

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            … also “Russians”

          • gallbladder

            And “cigar.”

        • Reximus

          and ‘no’

          • hudson srinivasan

            and “our”, “were”, and “there”.

        • hudson srinivasan

          also “no”

      • Left Coast Tom

        If L’il Donnie said there were none then the answer is, clearly, “Da”.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        And in his salad dressing.

    • miss_grundy

      Really? Perhaps they went by a different name.

  • Le Chapeau

    Grew up on the wilds of western New York, and Grandma made rolls for every Thanksgiving dinner. There is a restaurant in Indiana, the Beef House, that is famous for its rolls. If you google “throwed rolls,” rolls that are tossed to you across the restaurant so that you can butter them yourself, we find rolls being throwed in Alabama, Missouri and Texas, three places that are definitely not in the Five Boroughs. There are rolls all over the damn map. The idiocy of this NYT rolls article reminds me of the map Spy Magazine (peace be upon it) published in the ’80s which purported to show the United States as seen from the New York Times newsroom. It showed a giant Manhattan Island, with a tiny little continental U.S. hanging off it, like a hangnail. That map perfectly illustrates the mindset behind the stupid buttered roll feature.

    • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼

      I did not know anyone threw rolls across a room outside of the Drones Club.

      • lowenufc

        Bertie- is that you?
        Don’t let Aunt Agatha see you do that.

        • Maclare, Local Milk Person 🍼

          Don’t worry chum, the old axe de battle is out having her broom re-strawed, so… wait…what’s that… LEG IT!!!

      • miss_grundy

        They throw fish at that market in Seattle……

        • cleos_mom

          I’d pay to see that!

      • cleos_mom

        I didn’t know anyone threw rolls outside of Lambert’s Cafe.

  • Anna Rompage

    For as much as I love Portland, they can do some fucked up shit from time to time…

    “Portland Parks & Rec closes outdoor pools due to excessive heat”

    Um hello, earth to captain obvious, public pools are where people who don’t have AC go to cool down

    • Edith Prickly

      Hmm – perhaps they don’t understand the function of outdoor pools?

      • Anna Rompage

        They’re much more than public urinals, I swear!

        • gallbladder

          What?!?

          • Anna Rompage

            That’s not a candy bar!

    • TootsStansbury

      I have broken a sweat swimming laps in an outdoor pool.

      • Anna Rompage

        I’ve broken a sweat climbing the side of a mountain when it was 10 degrees out…

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      I dunno, ours felt like bath water here in Illinois when it was super hot the other week.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Really!? All of them!? I was a lifeguard for those guys way long ago… who ever heard of such a thing!

    • OutOfOrbit

      meebbee concrete too hot for bare skin

      • Beanz&Berryz

        A squirt from a hose can cool a pool deck…

      • Anna Rompage

        It’s only 102 out…

        People in Arizona, The San Joaquin Valley, Utah, Nevada, and just about everywhere else uses pools as a way to beat the heat,

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          But there, it’s a dry pool water.

    • hudson srinivasan

      this is like restaurants closing for lunch.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Ohh.. I see… It’s the air quality issue… But, still… hmmm.. that seems like a bad decision…

      • Anna Rompage

        Air quality?

        People breathe whether they’re in a pool or not…

        Hell, I’ve been a smoker for 20 years and feel just fine!

        Air quality…

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Here’s the current air quality — based on ozone:

          Health Message: Active children and adults, and people with lung disease, such as asthma, should avoid all outdoor exertion. Everyone else, especially children, should avoid prolonged or heavy exertion outdoors.

          Particulates are not listed as being so bad…

          https://airnow.gov/index.cfm?action=airnow.local_city&cityid=160

          The indoor pools are open…

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Really?

  • DrBigHead

    Re: Bread. I may have mentioned in an earlier post that Ms. BigHead was diagnosed with celiac about 10 years ago. The hardest thing for her to give up has been your basic fresh-baked wheat bread. we have spent the last decade experimenting with countless gluten-free baking mixes and recipes for baked goods that void wheat and its kin. Would not have gone through that effort for just any other foodstuff.

    And while I hate do defend the NYT, perhaps they were simply referring to the restricted use of that particular name, although I cannot believe that any English speaker would not know what you are referring to when you say “buttered roll”.

    • Petunia Cat

      I’m so sorry Ms. Bighead can’t eat the lovely starch! 🍞😢

      You might have a point about the nomenclature. Or would if the person who wrote the article was remotely sane. Because most people would just call that a roll. The butter is implicit. 😁

      PS a real regional delicacy is eating chilli with spaghetti and grated cheese in Cincinnati. #RandomInformation

      • DrBigHead

        We could also come to blows over whether a can of Coca Cola is a can of soda or a can of pop

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Pop. D’uh.

          • miss_grundy

            In NYC, that refreshment is known as soda….

        • Sophia

          When I first moved down to Miami and worked in a restaurant people would give me the strangest look when I said the word pop. Some didn’t have a clue what I was talking about.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            I thought Pop was a Midwestern thing. Do you call water fountains Bubblers also too?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I think that’s a Portland thing.

        • TootsStansbury

          It’s a coke. Don’t matter what the hell it really is.

        • Petunia Cat

          It’s pop!! Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop. So you’re one of those non-Midwestern soda people eh?
          PS I’m not in Cincinnati that’s just some cool lore I know by way of Calvin Trillin’s Tummy Trilogy. But Coca-Cola and especially Dr Pepper are still pop pop pop pop pop. 😊

          • DrBigHead

            Upper Midwest born and raised (Nordeast Minneapolis to be exact). Grew up calling it pop. Experienced the pop/soda controversy during a three year hiatus in Columbia MO. Living now in southern Arizona with two desert rat children who make fun of me if I ever say “pop”.

          • Petunia Cat

            😁 Good! We’re on the same team.
            Here’s some irony: you’ve lived in various places in the US and you’ve had to change your ‘pop term’, I was born in the states, my parents were from Detroit we moved to Canada when I was four. Same ‘pop term’.

        • cleos_mom

          I’ve lived in the Midwest for close to three decades but am from the Southeast. I’ve picked up the odd habit of referring to highways number first (“50 Highway” instead of “US 50) but still say “soda. “Pop” sounds a bit too Archie and Veronica.

          • DrBigHead

            Interesting. What part of the Midwest? Where I grew up (Minnesota) it was usually “Highway XX (e.g. Bobby Zimmerman’s Highway 61). Same whether it was a State highway or a US highway.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Celiac is a bitch of a disorder.

  • Wild Cat

    You know what I miss most living in NYC? The arts scene, revival movie houses, used bookstores, zine shops, music stores, affordable eateries where you could chill and talk or read, intellectuals, street artists, subways that worked, baseball tickets that didn’t cost a week’s salary, and attitude that said “Fuck Authority.”

    NYC is just a big fat soulless buttered roll for insipid tourists and billionaires warehousing real estate.

    NOW GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Yeah, I liked NYC in the 1980s too.

    • mancityRed6

      when I was there for my visa in ’02, I found a dry cleaner that would press my previously unopened dress shirt before my 8AM meeting at the embassy…before they opened.
      that and the free drinks that got me blotto at the bar.
      nothing but good things about downtown New York people, except for those that just wanted a free cigarette.

      • Wild Cat

        I’m glad I quit (and I eventually paid the price big time for being a chain smoker). Yeah, no one was shy bumming cigs in NYC.
        In London, it was funny and weird when kids asked me if they “could get a fag off me.”

    • Three Finger Salute

      Intellectuals? What are these “intellectuals” you speak of? They don’t exist in America. Must be one of those wacky foreign things the Canadians invented, like poutine freedom fries and quantum Timbits.

      • Wild Cat

        Christ. People used to read Barth and Gaddis and Pynchon and Faulkner on the subways. Like me.
        Now? Dog help us.

        • Khavrinen

          You can read?!?

          Elitist librul scum….

          • cleos_mom

            Now, now. Don’t judge the non-reading community.

  • Joe Beese

    Maybe it’s the tankful of bourbon talking, but McConnell blocking a recess appointment to replace Sessions gives me hope that the Republican Congresscritters are prepared to cut their losses and impeach Trump when Mueller drops his warhead.

    • CripesAmighty

      They’re measuring the blast zone, picking up their shit and…

    • WomanInThePersistence

      So is the Senate really doing a pro forma session?

      • Joe Beese

        Maybe she holds a grudge?

        Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska), doing wrap up for the entire Senate, locked in nine “pro-forma” sessions — brief meetings that normally last roughly a minute.

        The move, which requires the agreement of every senator, means the Senate will be in session every three business days throughout the August recess.

        http://thehill.com/homenews/senate/345261-senate-blocks-trump-from-making-recess-appointments-over-break

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Well played, Sen. Murkowski.

        • CripesAmighty

          Don’t remember who it was, but another senator recently said something to the effect of, “Don’t fuck with Lisa.”

      • OutOfOrbit

        that i think i heard

    • Covfefe

      Turtle, Obvs, thinks he’s in the clear.

    • miss_grundy

      I doubt McTurtle & Co. appreciate Tangerini’s threats. If it looks like he is going to hurt the GOP, they will probably through him under the bus.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Thank you Mr. Mueller. I am going to enjoy one of my better cigars tonight!

    • gallbladder

      What about the cognac?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I was tempted to open my XO but decided to stick to my commitment to open that only when Trump is no longer resident. Out of my “routine” stuff, of which I was tempted to order more of that. So, I’m seeing how long I can go without. I can get more VSOP in just under three weeks if I stick to my plan.

        • gallbladder

          I’d hold you to that.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Alright. Grumble…

          • gallbladder

            You’ll thank me later.

        • chascates

          No Pappy Van Winkle?

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Too expensive for me. With my luck, I would buy some only to find that it tastes like piss to me.

  • Michael R

    It would be a big laugh riot if the Trump investigation brought Putin down ,

    • Michael R
      • miss_grundy

        Pootie may have to watch his back. If he can’t give the oligarchs what they want, he may not survive the night of the long knives.

    • dshwa

      Not going to happen. But it might roll up his money laundering and seriously crimp Russia’s ability to influence things.

      • Michael R
        • dshwa

          Putin’s too popular in Russia. Between the state media propaganda, his unholy alliance with the Russian Orthodox Church, and his ability to sell a “the whole world is against us” narrative, he’s not getting removed from office. He’ll probably sell the whole U.S. investigation as part of the world being anti-Russia and become even more entrenched.

          • Michael R

            I just found out he’s up for re-election in a few months . Bizarre .

  • yyyaz

    Toxic Orange works WV crowd by saying his election represented the “greatest loss in U.S. political history” by Democrats. Amazingly, the reception of that line from the crowd of loons was nothing more than light applause, no rebel yells even.

    • gallbladder

      They’re still banking on Big Coal coming back.

      • dshwa

        I would question their grasp of economics, but they’ve been supporting Trickle Down for years so…

        • Khavrinen

          You mean they knew about the Pee Tapes that long ago?!

          Oh, you meant the economic thing…

      • Joe Beese

        Any day now…

      • miss_grundy

        They can keep dreaming….

    • Delu

      It was more accurately the greatest loss in Us Political History by AMERICANS.

      Even some of his supporters are beginning to see that.

    • CripesAmighty

      Back to the barnyard to throw the chum.

    • TJ Barke

      Uh, no, not even in the last 30 years…

    • Claire

      Huh, that seems to bode ill for Trump. If even WV is giving his bullshit only cursory applause, Scranton must be stocking up on rotten tomatoes for his next rally.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      So history began after Reagan won 49 states back in 1984? Interesting.

  • Joe Beese

    Bok! Bok bok bok!

    In the latest delay of a White House trade move, a planned Friday announcement of President Donald Trump’s trade action against China has been postponed, two people familiar with the matter said.

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/08/03/trump-china-delay-241304

    • Delu

      This is from the man who BEGGED Mexico to not publicly mention that they are not going to pay for the wall.

      Unsurprising indeed.

      • Joe Beese

        Not the alpha Coulter was looking for, I guess.

        • Delu

          No not really, she’s cooled on him.

          Busy with Delta Airlines right now until the next Muslim scare or something I guess.

        • Steve Cole

          I am stealing this. Thank you.

    • Thiazin Red

      But I thought China was cool since they had the best chocolate cake with Trump.

    • gallbladder

      Was one of the two people Xi Jinping?

    • Left Coast Tom

      Ivanka got pissed?

    • miss_grundy

      He already made his travel plans to leave for Jersey. You expect him not to get to the golf course early to play a round????

    • CripesAmighty
  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Hüsker Dön’t

    Not only will the Nebraska State Patrol grab you by the pussy, they will get all up in there. But only if you are a suspect woman applying to be a State Trooper

    The Nebraska State Patrol has for years forced female recruits to submit to invasive, medically unnecessary pelvic exams performed by a male doctor before they can be hired, according to a new federal lawsuit.

    http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/nebraska-state-patrol-accused-requiring-vaginal-exams-n789096

    • mancityRed6

      good word play there.

    • Bananas Foster

      WTF?!

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      I went from mildly baked to stabby after reading this. In the spirit of wonkette’s noncommenting rules, grrrrr! Fuck those guys.

  • Nounverb911

    Sorry donnie, you can’t pardon Bibi when he is convicted.

    https://twitter.com/haaretzcom/status/893216394598285312

  • Nounverb911
  • This reminds me: anybody else watch OZARK?

    • miss_grundy

      That show is the bomb!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Kind of. My wife does. I just like the old guy in the basement.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Yeah! It’s not bad.

  • Reximus
  • janecita

    I hate the Trump Mafia, I hate the Russians, and I hate all the people, that willingly gave us this fucking nightmare. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ad9aef6bad38450368977b486d610ad50890c97a664f2f2c7e8e1a00f0f303d5.gif

  • Three Finger Salute

    The Pakistani guy should open a bakery that sells only Fertile Crescent Rolls.

    http://img.wennermedia.com/920-width/rs-140922-babu1800-1404326428.jpg

    That being said, this is what passes for “news” in the birdcage liner of record? A navel-gazing op-ed about bread and butter? Wow, the Old Grey Lady ain’t what she used to be. They never heard of a Bulkie roll? Oh, that’s right. This is New York; Boston may as well not exist.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I’m with New York on this one.

      • Three Finger Salute

        There’s also Portuguese sweetbread and malassadas if the Bulkie roll isn’t your thing. Warning: more addictive than crack.

  • EER

    So a two and a half hour commute into the city, then an hour and a half each way after moving closer. Every morning, at the deli, egg on a roll, mustard, black coffee. After a while, you walk in and they hand it to you. Eight years. One day, kidding around, I asked for ketchup. Blank face, sandwich and coffee.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      It’s like coffee rolls. NY coffee rolls have yet to be produced correctly outside of the five boroughs. I don’t know why, but I haven’t found one anywhere else that comes close to a fresh, Brooklyn baked, NY coffee roll.

  • hudson srinivasan

    the greater ny area is a foodie heaven, and prolly unmatched in range any where in the world.

    i have a list of places. top of it is a smallish kitchen Dimple’s Khasiyat (Dimple’s Speciality) run by a woman in Edison, NJ. Prolly the best parathas outside of Punjab/Delhi. They are so good, all the years I have been in there I have not tried anything else from her elaborate menu. She has like n different parathas i have tried many of them, but never anything else.

    Outside of that in NY:

    There is a place in Rochester, NY that prolly makes the best Chole-Bhature in prolly all of America, also a woman chef.

    There is a place called Alibaba in Troy, NY that makes great lavash and chicken curry with the best cabbage pickles ever.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Goddammit you makin me HONGRY!

    • Joe Beese

      Back in 1986 when I lived in Manhattan, a friend and I came out of a showing of Straight To Hell and decided we were in the mood for pizza. Not being familiar with the neighborhood, we just went into the first slice joint we came across.

      And the slice was fucking delicious. And on our way out, we both appreciated how only in New York City could you find a slice of pizza that good by accident.

      • Wild Cat

        Now we have dollar pizza which is awful. Don’t!
        Sadly, the second and third generation of Italians don’t want to work 24/7/365 running the really good pizza shops that began to fade out two decades ago.

      • hudson srinivasan

        really. the first time my parents were visiting us in NY, i took them to see the statue of liberty. some how we ended up late and lost and the first place we we could find food we stopped. to this day my dad raves about it over phone.

    • TootsStansbury

      My first visit to Manhattan was Mr. S. Grandparents in little it’ly. Grandma was a GENIUS in the kitchen. She had me filled up so bad I could hardly sample the street food and this was during Feast.

  • Mavenmaven

    Next in the NYT: A Paean to Milk, That New York Saviour.

    • Reximus

      But it has to be Local

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        Tsk tsk, it has to be artisanal and organic.

        USE THE MAGIC WORDS.

    • BadKitty904

      I thought he was in Frisco.

  • William

    Some of the best buttered rolls can be found in a humble all night diner. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/00555d928aa36441f738a5d0b3bfba1e6bac02a3589570dd0982ea144f76b5cb.jpg

  • BadKitty904

    Isn’t that a Parker House roll?

    • RobespierreHoo

      A true Parker House roll is only dispensed at the true Parker House Hotel in Boston. Also, the best Boston cream pie. Promotional considerations have been furnished by……

      • BadKitty904

        OK, isn’t that an untrue Parker House roll?

      • SeeTrain65

        “Watching Andrew Zimmern’s shows pay off!”

    • Are those good for sloppin’ up meat juice?

      • BadKitty904

        Granny didn’t approve of sopping. But she overlooked it at home – within reason – as long as we remembered to behave in public.

        • TootsStansbury

          Whaaaaaaaat?

          • BadKitty904

            She opined it’s a Not Done Thing.

  • BEST ROLLS EVER were those big, fluffy, slightly moist yeast tolls that came with our school lunch. A few years ago a friend drug me halfway across town to a state maintenance staff cafeteria in a big government building because it smelled like ‘Those Rolls’.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “A grand jury doesn’t prove anything!!!1!!1!”

    I guess that’s technically true.

  • Nounverb911
    • Wild Cat

      Good riddance, eh?

    • janecita

      And this is what happens when we support DINOs.

      • Wild Cat

        If he did vote on our side a bit, it’s worth the degradation, but this guy is corrupt to the core, I imagine. He probably ran as a Dem because there were a ton of Repugs running.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      West Virginians should have known that he put his financial interests above the needs of West Virginia when he didn’t pay his fucking taxes.

  • Nounverb911

    The WAPO is getting in on the trolling now too, also.
    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/893250139833458688

    • gallbladder

      Would that be the “failing” WaPo?

  • HorseChestnut

    Next week: Rice! Did you know people eat that?

    • Nounverb911

      With fava beans and a nice Chianti?

  • theblackdog

    Ugh, damn car repairs. Of course the thing that breaks (exhaust hanger bracket) is something I can’t just buy at an auto parts store.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Coat hangers and/or stainless safety wire.

      • TootsStansbury

        Jebus. Trigger alert. Republicans if they get their forced birth agenda through.

        • MynameisBlarney

          HA!

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Bungee cord ftw.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Nope.
          That’ll burn. Exhaust is hot.

          • ZangoCrudmonger

            Hang it off the bumper post muffler and you’re good. Yeah, I’ve done it.

          • theblackdog

            Unfortunately the main support is at the catalytic converter so it will melt.

      • The alternator fell off my Datsun Honey Bee so i put it back on with a wire coat hanger. This occurred at about 2 AM while driving through Sylacauga, Alabama.

        I drove it like that for several years.

        It ate fuses like candy. I’d be driving on the Interstate and have the headlights and/or wipers go out on me. I could change the fuse out without even slowing down.

        • MynameisBlarney

          I had a Datsun B210.
          I put 400k + miles on it.
          Loved that car.

          • theblackdog

            Nice. This is a 20 year old Hyundai Elantra with 260k+ miles on it. I love that I can still work on it and with it being old and a stick, no one will steal it XD

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        Plumber’s strapping to the rescue!

        ETA: My sister once had a ’53 DeSoto with the headlights held in place with that stuff…

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I once fashioned one of those out of a spool of wire from the hardware store for about 10 bucks. Lasted for months, no joke.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
      • OutOfOrbit

        still available?

  • Pookabun

    The bread in that picture is not a buttered roll. It is a roll and there’s butter on it but it is NOT a buttered roll. A buttered roll is a Kaiser roll, cut in half horizontally like a bagel, buttered and then the top replaced. There must be gritty cornmeal on top. Extra points if the roll is slightly stale. More extra points if it’s wrapped in cellophane and stacked on a bodega counter so you can grab it while your coffee is being made. Google “blue NYC Greek coffee cup” – that’s your coffee cup. Even more extra points for a store cat and a general air of grubbiness. That’s it. Nothing else is a buttered roll. It’s fucking awesome, btw.

    • hudson srinivasan

      top of the muffin to you!

    • What Pierre said

      Super extra bonus points if, on biting into the roll, the stale crust crumbles and falls all over your frontage (usually maximally visible to everyone because you’re probably wearing a black shirt, because, well, NYC), and several crumbs fall down your shirt and lodge in your bra (if you wear such a thing), which you are unable to remove (the crumbs, not the clothing) without much difficulty and embarrassment due to being on a crowded subway and holding the aforementioned cup of hot coffee with one hand and the remainder of the butter roll in the other. Super duper mega extra massive bonus points if one of the crumbs is unreachable and bothers you for the whole day until you finally discover it, still under your shirt/in your bra, when you undress to go to bed or not comment on a mommyblog.

      I know, it sounds very difficult but really, if I can manage it anyone can. You don’t even have to be in New York City.

      • Pookabun

        And all the extra super duper mega extra massive extra bonus galactic pointstravaganza points if all of this is because you can’t afford a better breakfast instead of because you actually want a damn buttered roll and bodega coffee! Then you get the broke, blase, put-upon New Yorker points.

        • What Pierre said

          Meh, I’m generally a bagel girl myself, the buttered roll is usually because they don’t have any pre-buttered, pre-wrapped bagels left and I can’t wait because I habitually leave my house at the last minute. Bodega coffee, on the other hand, I really like, as long as I remember to tell them no sugar (sugar being the default bodega coffee setting).

  • CripesAmighty

    A brief survey of this thread reveals that, hands down, the world’s best buttered rolls were made by beloved school cafeteria ladies across the land.

    • Sophia

      And my grandmother

    • gallbladder

      And grandmothers.

      • Sophia

        Jinx

        • gallbladder

          Owe me Coke!

          • Sophia

            Is that a Pop or a Soda?

          • gallbladder

            Your choice, so long as we both get rolls!