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A face Daddy has to protect.

There’s BREAKING NEWS in the Trump-Russia conspiracy scandal! When news broke a few weeks ago of Donald Trump Jr. taking a fun Russian meeting with a bathtub full of Russians, Junior’s first lie, released in an official statement, was that it was just a meeting about letting Americans adopt BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES and nothing more, end of story. But in the days that came after, a new picture emerged, of Donald Trump’s Russian pals approaching Junior with promises of sexxxxy dirt on Hillary Clinton. The New York Times reported that week that Trump advisers worked on Junior’s initial statement on the way back from the G20, and that the only statement Daddy Trump would sign off on was the milquetoast lie about adoptions. Of course, as we all remember, all the stories fell apart when Junior tweeted out the email chain that led to the meeting.

It turns out, according to a Washington Post report that dropped Monday night, that Daddy Trump was more deeply involved in Air Force One scheming about Junior’s Russian statement than we knew, to the point that he actually DICTATED THE WORDS OF IT:

Flying home from Germany on July 8 aboard Air Force One, Trump personally dictated a statement in which Trump Jr. said that he and the Russian lawyer had “primarily discussed a program about the adoption of Russian children” when they met in June 2016, according to multiple people with knowledge of the deliberations. The statement, issued to the New York Times as it prepared an article, emphasized that the subject of the meeting was “not a campaign issue at the time.” […]

The extent of the president’s personal intervention in his son’s response, the details of which have not previously been reported, adds to a series of actions that Trump has taken that some advisers fear could place him and some members of his inner circle in legal jeopardy.

COULD IT? COULD IT PLACE HIM IN SOME LEGAL JEOPARDY? Possibly, if you think that is some obstruction of fucking justice right there, maaaybe?

And who wrote down the statement Trump dictated for his good and not at all stupid son? That would be adviser Hope Hicks, who, as the WaPo reports, “served as a go-between with Trump Jr., who was not on the plane, sharing edits between the two men, according to people with knowledge of the discussions.” So Hope Hicks is obviously on Facebook right now, posting vague statuses like, “Anybody know any good lawyers? ASKING FOR A FRIEND LOL JUST KIDDING ASKING FOR ME.”

The WaPo further quotes a Trump adviser (LEAKER!) who says, “This was … unnecessary. Now someone can claim he’s the one who attempted to mislead. Somebody can argue the president is saying he doesn’t want you to say the whole truth.” Imagine that! That adviser added that Trump “refuses to sit still,” and that since he’s under the (likely mistaken) impression that “he’s not in any legal jeopardy,” he is bound and determined to fix this Russia problem ALL BY HISSELF, you know, because he’s so good at things.

Trump’s ding dong lawyer Jay Sekulow says this story is FAKE NEWS, for what that’s worth. (It’s probably not worth much.)

And Jared and Ivanka, or “sources close to them” or something, say THEY wanted to tell the whole truth right away because they are perfect and never ever ever do anything wrong.

When Daddy Trump did his COMPLETELY BATSHIT INTERVIEW with the Times, he said he talked about BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES with Vladimir Putin during the after-dinner G20 meeting he failed to report to the press. Therefore, we had kinda assumed that was figuring in the president’s imagination as he jetted back to America with his advisers, who were busy working on a bullshit statement for Junior.

And indeed, several of the Russians Junior met with, including lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya, are anti-Magnitsky Act crusaders, and one thing all those knuckleheads have in common is that they come promising BOUNCY RUSSIAN BABIES, in exchange for lifting sanctions on Russia. So it remains highly plausible that the adoption thing was part of Junior’s meeting. And it’s highly plausible that Trump and Putin actually did talk about adoptions, by which we mean Putin probably reminded Trump that part of their agreement is that he lift the Russian sanctions, not that Putin owns Donald Trump or anything. OR DOES HE?

(By the way, that Russian sanctions bill Congress passed has been sitting on Trump’s desk without his signature for quite a few days! Wonder why.)

So did Donald Trump obstruct all the justice and should he go to jail right now? Our Magic 8-Ball says, “ABOUT FUCKIN’ TIME,” but it is not a lawyer.

This guy was George W. Bush’s ethics lawyer though:

You heard the man, Donald! Please collect your things and go, for you are a failure and also you are very stinky and we hate you, the end.

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[Washington Post]

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  • Joe Beese

    As entertaining as this is, I don’t see where legal jeopardy attaches.

    If a president placed himself in legal jeopardy every time he lied to the public…

  • Bdupa

    Solution- get recently divorced “The Mooch” to marry the single Trump daughter (we will not mention) and he can be Jared II. Booyah!

    • Ghenghis McCann

      She’s had enough sense to stay well away from the whole clusterfuck. But maybe she should take out a restraining order on “The Mooch” to keep him at least 200 miles from her, just in case.

  • beingreleased

    “Now someone can claim he’s the one who attempted to mislead.”

    This is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while. “It would have been better if Trump hadn’t tweeted a selfie of himself standing over a dead body while holding a smoking gun. Now someone can claim he shot someone.”

    • Gayer Than Thou

      … on Fifth Avenue.

    • ziggywiggy

      Trumpers will say the dead person was a protester who was in the middle of 5th ave blocking traffic so they deserved to die.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “That’s just circlestationary evidents!”
      — A Trumpkin

  • Joe Beese
    • kindness

      Harry Reid at least had our backs. Schumer????? I don’t know. Wall Street is strong with that one.

      • miss_grundy

        It is time to hit Schumer’s office with phone calls, emails, petitions, and hanging around his waiting room with placards. Just enough to make his staff realize that the rest of us are not amused.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Does McConnell not remember the big foofaraw when Reagan tried to do tax reform back in ’86 (McConnell was a freshman Senator at the time)?

  • Indiepalin

    The first draft of Trump’s statement erroneously accused the state of Georgia as being “in bed with the Russians”. Ty Cobb was not amused.

  • dslindc
    • miss_grundy

      “Out on the sidewalk” or “Under a bus” are the responses that won’t get you a job in the current White House.

      • LesBontemps

        “You’re hired. Now don’t just stand there, help me rearrange these deck chairs.” — White House HR.

  • kindness

    We would have known earlier if only we could have seen that the tweets were written in crayon.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Some people have crappy fathers. The smart ones learn pretty early on that those crappy fathers are not to be used for life advice. Others… (weak, sad, overrated).

    • ziggywiggy

      And sometimes the idiot doesn’t fall far from the idiot tree.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “I honestly thought all fathers were like that.”

  • spangled

    OT but um…

    “The Fox News Channel and a wealthy supporter of President Trump worked in concert under the watchful eye of the White House to concoct a story about the death of a young Democratic National Committee aide, according to a lawsuit filed Tuesday.”

    http://www.npr.org/2017/08/01/540783715/lawsuit-alleges-fox-news-and-trump-supporter-created-fake-news-story

    • Anna Rompage

      Come on, we all know Ben Ghazi killed Seth Rich, with an email server, in the basement of Comet Ping Pong, while performing a satanic ritual of making risotto in effort to channel more dark energy to Podesta…

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        I heard it was with a candlestick

        • dirkmcquickly

          But it was Col. Plum, er Flynn.

      • Ricky Gay

        Shh. Icksnay on the ruthtay!!!

      • ken_kukec

        But if we call it a “matter” instead of a “case” no one will notice.

      • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

        You listen to Alex Jones too!!!

    • miss_grundy

      Why am I not surprised at anything that “The Republican Disinformation Network” a/k/a Fox News does anymore. This young man’s family has gone through the ringer since he died in D.C. I just wish Karma would hurry and get here already.

    • BigCSouthside

      Yeah if all that shit is true Fox News should not be allowed to use the News label anymore

    • beingreleased

      The first page of the lawsuit quotes a voicemail and text from Butowsky boasting that President Trump himself had reviewed drafts of the Fox News story just before it went to air and was published.

      Butowsky now tells NPR that he was kidding about Trump’s involvement.

      • LesBontemps

        The “I was only joking” defense is about as effective as the “I was just following orders” defense, probably.

      • jesterpunk

        Was that a joke like Trump’s police brutality “joke”? Like i got caught and called out for my comments so I am going to pretend I was only kidding?

      • Erala Contratista

        Where do Drumphf FIND these people????
        Now it’s some “lawyer” called Buttofsky?
        Huh???!?

  • dslindc

    Our Magic 8-Ball says, “ABOUT FUCKIN’ TIME,” but it is not a lawyer.

    But it’s probably more competent at lawyering than most of Trump’s lawyers.

  • Anna Rompage

    Trump was nothing more than a big fish, in a small scummy mob filled pond before he was voted into office by the minority of voters here in the US. Will he learn that his bombastic, unethical ways will do little more than bring his own administration down?

    • LesBontemps

      I hope not.

    • Darlene Underdahl

      At seventy-one he won’t learn anything. A woman like Hillary, yeah, she could learn new stuff, but not Donald.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        He refuses to learn, and he’s damned proud of it.

    • georgiaburning

      Why should he learn anything? There’s no money in that.

  • Randy Riddle

    Trump a micromanaging control freak? Who knew?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He’s the worst sort of micromanager. He inserts himself into stuff he should stay out of, and neglects what he really should be doing.

  • LesBontemps

    “Now someone can claim he’s the one who attempted to mislead. Somebody can argue the president is saying he doesn’t want you to say the whole truth.”

    Someone? Somebody? Has this unnamed presidential adviser just awakened from a coma?

  • Catstro

    I’ll never get over Hope Hicks: both campaign adviser and campaign strategy

    • BigCSouthside

      I don’t really get what she does, but she is highly favored by Trump obviously

      • exinkwretch

        It involves sturdy knee pads and zero gag reflex.

        • BigCSouthside

          It’s fucking weird. She’s been extremely close to him since she started her career, and is currently the highest paid White House aid, and based off the six months of comms snafus she is fucking terrible at strategic communications

          • Ghenghis McCann

            Trump likes loyalty. Competence comes way down the list.

          • BigCSouthside

            Yeah DJT is known for elevating unqualified people to high positions so the feel they owe him, but she is doing a fucking terrible job protecting him, yet he hasn’t said shit about her

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Competence isn’t even on the list. It’s a sign of weakness. And disloyalty. Sad.

          • exinkwretch

            Don’t sell the woman short. She’s 28, so she’s has literally portions of a decade of experience in those kinds of things.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            So, does she keep the Predisent company for those odd times when Melania will have nothing to do with him because he’s an old, creepy prick?

      • Jeff Ackerman

        Maybe there is another white stain on a blue dress in the White House.

      • ken_kukec

        What she does is take orders and not ask uncomfortable questions. That’s the apotheosis of “loyalty” in Trumpworld.

    • Covfefe

      If Donald’s true love and BFF is MIA, who is Donald to rely on for counsel?

  • Robert James Nugent

    So do I owe Don, Jr. some sort of apology for believing HE was the dumbest Trump?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      It’s a bit early to decide. There seems to be a rush to the bottom going on.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      It’s kind of like Schrödinger’s stupidity in a box: they are all simultaneously the stupidest Trump. It just depends on when you open the box.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        So that explains why so many kids are frightened of Jack-in-the-boxes. They’e worried that when the lid opens, a Trump might pop up.

      • ken_kukec

        Never collapse the stupidity function by looking in the box, man. Never.

    • miss_grundy

      He is still is the dumbest one because he allowed his father to use him as a fall guy.

  • proudgrampa

    While I understand Painter’s take on this. there is no evidence that ANYONE in the White House has a shred of dignity.

  • puredog

    “He should have the dignity to resign.”
    But, er, he doesn’t have the dignity to do anything, so.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Donald Trump and the word dignity should never be used in the same sentence.

    • Catstro

      I dunno, I’m ok with it being used in the sentence “Donald Trump doesn’t have a shred of dignity”

      • miss_grundy

        But in your example, dignity is really far away from Tangerini’s name.

        • Elvis Causticfellow

          “Donald Trump throws dignity down and dances on it.”

          • Erala Contratista

            Can’t dance.
            Lots of proof, too.

  • dirkmcquickly

    Dignity and Drrumpf are two words that should never appear in the same sentence unless the word NO precedes dignity.

    • beingreleased

      Your non-comment has failed your own standards.

      • dirkmcquickly

        Apparently you don’t know what the word unless means.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    “If this story is true he should have the dignity to resign.”
    Umm . . . thanks, Richard Painter, but we’re talking about Donald Trump.

  • Blackest Noobs

    the dignity to resign…..hmmm well you 1st actually have to have some dignity to do so.

  • exinkwretch

    The bestest president ever has more important things to worry about, like posing for the sculptor who’s helping prepare his addition to Mount Rushmore and recounting the ballots of his HUUUGGE popular vote victory!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    It is truly beyond my capacity to imagine methodically crafting a blatant lie with my own fucking child to cover up something he had done. Normal human beings do not behave this way.

    • miss_grundy

      I doubt anyone ever thought this cretin was “normal”. I don’t even think his parents thought he was normal, which is why they sent him away to military boarding school.

      • snigsy

        I think “human” is also questionable.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Just because he beat up a teacher and pelted an infant in a crib with pebbles doesn’t mean he wasn’t a normal child.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      If Crom forbid one of the kids got in legal trouble, I’d get the best lawyer I couldn’t afford and do everything they fucking said.
      Trumps default mode is to lie. It’s like breathing to him.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      He’s not covering Junior’s ass. He’s covering his own. You know we’re going to find out that he was at that meeting, or on the speakerphone. You know he was there.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    100% certain that Donny Junior has gotten himself in trouble before, many times, and Daddy has had to write a note for him. I suspect this is SOP in the Trump crime family.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “Youthful high spirits”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “Please excuse Don Jr. from school today. He had to stay home to torture some small animals, start fires, and wet the bed, but I assure you, he is NOT a psychopath.”

      • LesBontemps

        “Just a loser. Sad and weak.”

        • Ghenghis McCann

          “No Mr President. This is Donald Jr.”
          ” An inspiration to all Americans. He’s doing so well at whatever it is he does.”

      • SadDemInTex

        Actually he was probably just drunk off his ass when he was 10. I don’t think he is a psychopath. He’s just a sad stupid drunk

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I dunno. Grinning like a chimpanzee for a photo with the severed elephant’s tail you cut from the magnificent and endangered beast you just slaughtered seems pretty psychopathic to me.

          • SadDemInTex

            I keep forgetting about that hideous picture. I still think he was drunk the whole time and trophy hunting, while utterly despicable, is not necessarily a sign of pathology. Well, narcissism, maybe?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I know I use the term loosely and not at all scientifically. It’s the only way I can mentally square such aberrant, pathological behavior from this entire family.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Booze libelz!

  • Bozilingus

    Looking forward to the day the Trump name becomes so toxic that the kids change back to Drumpf.

    • miss_grundy

      Even that name will be too close to the toxic Americanization of the surname. Barron will have to come up with a totally new surname to live out the rest of his life. His older siblings should get stuck with the name.

      • Querolous

        Barron can change his last name to Varnostnik.

    • LesBontemps

      They should just change it to Hitler already.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      We dropped the ‘T’. It’s just Rump now.

  • BadKitty904
  • “should have the dignity to…” Does he know he’s talking about the most shameless grifter in Grifterland?

  • Stulexington

    The WaPo further quotes a Trump adviser (LEAKER!) who says, “This was … unnecessary. Now someone can claim he’s the one who attempted to mislead. Somebody can argue the president is saying he doesn’t want you to say the whole truth.”

    Gee, I wonder who that someone could be.

    • Jenny

      Well there’s so many booted employees now with an axe to grind!

  • WeaselPoo

    Trump’s first draft:
    You were talking about Russian babes, okay? Like Ivanka, who’s a 10 by the way, tremendous, you know… life..you know life. .

  • Jenny

    I want him to please proceed until all his assets are seized and the family name ruined. His kids in jail would be a nice bonus too.

    • BigCSouthside

      I’m with you. I want scorched earth on the entire family. I want it to be so bad Barron changes his name out of shame and Tiffany leaves the fucking country.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Well this is what happens when you elect a fucking traitor to the country.

    • beingreleased

      Well, now we know. I won’t be doing that again, I can tell you.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Don’t blame me, it was the Electorial College what did it.”

      • Blackest Noobs

        electorial?!?

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Consult your Trumpkin to English dictionary

          • Blackest Noobs

            ” I will do no such thing. Now pour me another glass of port you bloody fool.”
            Samuel Johnson, the guy who basically invented the English Dictionary.

    • beingreleased

      Actually, we should probably do this a few more times to get a statistically significant sample.

      Someone made this argument to me once regarding W and electing a businessman president. I said – Bush was supposed to be a great businessman and he nearly destroyed the economy. She said: As a scientist, you wouldn’t run an experiment just once, would you?

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        And then the nurse called her in for her afternoon lie-down and nappie change, I presume?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I’m guessing the private convo Trump had with Putin at the G20 about the meeting involved Vlad saying something to the effect of “The shit is about to hit the fan so you better make up something quick.”

  • LithiumION

    The thing is, Russian babies all have a high-resiliency rubber composition in their bellies, just like golf balls. They bounce like motherfuckers.

    Believe me. I used to hit them down the driveway with a tennis racket as a kid. The babies, I mean. Golf balls are expensive.

    • CafeenMan

      I used to cut open golf balls. They used to be filled with a huge winding of rubber band and in the middle of that was the “liquid center” that used to be all the rage.

      I assumed that the liquid was some kind of bacteria that would reproduce until it ran out of food. The reproduction would keep the ball center trying to expand and thus make the golf ball stay bouncy longer.

      Of course I’m probably wrong about it but that’s what I thought when I was a kid opening golf balls.

      Once the cover was off all you had to do was drop the rubber-band core and it would unwind itself crazy fast. Taz has nothing on the speed of an unwinding golf ball.

      Hopefully this has been a significant contribution to not only this thread but this blog and all progressive blogs around the world.

      • fredoandme

        slow clap, slowing rising to a crescendo of love comin’ at ya…

      • NastyBossetti

        This is, perhaps, the most significant contribution to all progressive blogs around the world.

        • CafeenMan

          That’s kind of what I thought too, but I’m a humble man so I didn’t want to put it like that. :)

      • Erala Contratista

        When I was a kid, Everybody Knew if you unwound a golf ball it would explode.
        Or poison you.

      • Geoff Richmond
    • Doug Langley

      At summer camp, we were out in the parking lot. Some of the kids were swatting tennis balls around. Then they discovered the trees had dropped small green apples that when swatted broke into a thousand messy bits. Sure enough, they quickly declared “apple tennis” was far superior to the regular kind.

  • Edith Prickly

    No puppet, no puppet, you’re the puppet!

  • Joe Beese

    BREAKING: Lindsay Graham is bothered!

    Graham: WaPo Report On Trump Statement ‘Bothers Me A Lot’

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/lindsey-graham-washington-post-trump-statement

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Okay, so that’s about DEFCON 4 on the Republican concern chart. Not quite to the peeved stage yet.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a64f27deb0a6b03c504a65e43199da4cd64ee7fe8ed4d20f01c21ebd7655d7a2.gif

    • Anna Rompage

      Lindsey is like an abused spouse, and will forgive and forget Donad’s transgressions in a day or so…

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      “I might possible get concerned at a later time.”

      • Latverian Diplomat

        At least he didn’t use the passive voice. “Concerns have been raised. Bothering has occurred.”

        • Mehmeisterjr

          The vapors may occur at a later time.

    • Edith Prickly
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Wake me when he’s Concerned™. That may precede a spell on the fainting couch.

      • miss_grundy

        Well, he has to tug on his pearl necklace while fanning himself.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      No, Lindsey! Not the holy hell! NOT THE HOLY HELL!!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m getting really sick of Lindsey being all bothered.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      “I believe I have one of my headaches coming on. Now if you will excuse me, I shall retire briefly for some rest and refreshment.” – Miss Lindsay

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Someone doesn’t want to make their boyfriend Putin upset.

    The White House is saying Trump hasn’t signed the Russia sanctions bill yet because no legislation was sent. It was sent to his desk on July 28:

    https://twitter.com/NatashaBertrand/status/892350976082030592

    • Anna Rompage

      The dog ate my homework?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Stop calling Chris Christie names. He has feelings.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Feelings that need nachos!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            If I was a thin-skinned, bullying dickhead like Chris Christie and thought it would be cool to get filmed getting up in the grill of a smart-assed Cubs fan, I’d probably set the plate of nachos down first. These people really don’t understand irony.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Dickhead overrules any thought of how it will look.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Kelly wanted a fresh start, so he just threw away everything on Trump’s desk.

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Haha!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Is it Bannon’s fault they ran out of toilet paper and needed to use something else?

    • FlemmishSpy

      He’s going to pull a LePage.

    • miss_grundy

      It is probably underneath one of those piles of folders he keeps on his desk so he can look “busy”.

    • FlemmishSpy

      If the bill is late, you must autofellate!

    • TJ Barke

      There’s probably polonium diet coke in his future if he signs it.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I don’t know what x is, but an A is worth $50.”
    — Donald Trump teaches Don Jr. how to succeed on an Algebra exam. (Junior got the A, but the bribe was never paid, of course)

  • SadDemInTex
    • miss_grundy

      I hope she sells a lot of books, makes a lot of speeches for a lot of money pointing out what is wrong with the current foreign policy of the dimwit in the Oval Office, takes a lot of walks with the dog through the woods and enjoys good dinners and a glass of red or white wine. And I also hope she is laughing her butt off at the idiots in this country who are about to get screwed over with “tax reform”.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        The National Enquirer just reported that she kicked Bill out after discovering his secret sex den at the Clinton Library.

        They don’t even try anymore, do they?

        • Ernestinarvictor

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !at288d:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !at288:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash588MediaFindPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!at288l..,…

    • Run2Live

      This title is sooo much better than the first draft, ‘What Happened?’

    • arcessita

      I have so much love for this, but I hate that it keeps making the rounds with the attribution cut off. For those who want to know, here’s the original: http://www.shakesville.com/2017/06/hillary-clinton-previews-her-upcoming.html

      • SadDemInTex

        I will fix mine

  • ken_kukec

    And that nice Jay Sekulow, who spewed at the time that The Boss had nothing to do with Junior’s first fake story, seems like such a straight-shooting mouthpiece, not a scammer at all.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    What I still can’t wrap my brain around: One hundredth of this level of deceit and sociopathy would sink the career of the fucking county dog-catcher. We’ve been listening to a compendium of this shit for two years now, and it gets worse every day, yet this career criminal is still in office, with massive Republican support.

    • TJ Barke

      Tells you something about republicans, don’t it?

      • OrG

        Well,at least re-inforces.

    • Paperless Tiger

      The news spin-cycle: Nearly every day, Trump gets caught criming. The news outlets fret about it for a while and then decide that it may not be a crime. Repeat.

      • Doug Langley

        Well jeez, think about it. It’s not as though he’s done something truly horrible like run a private email server.

    • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

      Seems like Senate republicans, at least, are starting to pull away.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    NOT OBSTRUCTING! NOT OBSTRUCTING! YOU’RE OBSTRUCTING!

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Will Don the 2nd appear on Fox to say “I’ve just remembered” or “I didn’t think it was important” or “If I had known, I wouldn’t have done it/would have done it differently” ?

  • Bozilingus

    Riffing from an earlier comment in this thread, Monopoly has many versions for sale. Clue should do the same and make a tRump administration version. Predisent tRump could do it in the Oval Office with Ivanka a putter. Maybe Wonkette can create a version similar (but not sueable) to sell.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I can’t wait until we find out Assmouth was actually at that meeting. It’s only a matter of time.

    • Bozilingus

      He made a recording.

  • Edith Prickly

    [Trump] probably sat down with every member of the staff and made sure that every dependent clause was precise and accurate. And then Air Force One turned entirely to cotton candy and everybody a had lovely time.

    – Friend of Wonkette Charlie Pierce

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a56746/trump-junior-advice/

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Say what you will about the ethics of Donald Trump, at least he’s giving writers a chance to hone their snark.

      • miss_grundy

        And he is supply ethics professors with a lot of examples of how not to do things.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Not to mention making us all realize that W had an ethics lawyer!

        • MamaBrown

          Ethics professors? Kindergarten teachers for fuck sake!

      • OrG

        This is shooting fish in a barrel.

      • beingreleased

        It truly is a golden age of snark.

      • Fennec

        Nah, it’s too easy with him and his lackeys, there’s really no challenge

    • WotsAllThisThen

      “this particular bull has a positive instinct for finding china shops where none existed before”

      Charlie and the Cotton Candy Factory just proves that the book is always better.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Dateline: Next Saturday

    In an official wee-hours Tweet, Donald Trump dismissed Donald Trump, Jr. from his post as Son, effective immediately.

    “I deserve loyalty. No loyalty, not my son. No choas. Believe me, choas. Not here. Covfefe. Sad.”

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “I have no son!*
      “Actually Mr President, you still have another two sons, and a couple of daughters. You might want to take a nap now. A nurse will be along in a minute, wit a nice hot drink.”

  • BearGHAZI

    I’m beginning to suspect there was no discussion of babbies at all, bouncing or otherwise

    • Paperless Tiger

      Even if there was, the deal would be to lift sanctions in exchange for allowing adoptions.

    • Elvis Causticfellow
      • Ghenghis McCann

        What do the cute babbies think? We should be told!

      • Fennec

        That is one of the only human photos of that horrible excuse of a person…. Because at least he seems to be sympathizing with how angry those children are at being held by a weird stranger

  • Phoenixdoglover

    “Failing Amazon Washington Post uses anonymous srcs. FAKE NEWS! Even if I did dictate for my smrt son, tit is not illegal! No covfefe” – Deleted Drumpf Tweets

  • OneYieldRegular

    Hell, Trump probably hired someone else to do Donny Jr.’s homework when he was a kid. There is no way that someone with those kinds of resources and opportunities gets to be that dim-witted at 39 years old without some help.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    As an adopted person, I would just like to say, again, STOP USING CHILDREN AS LITERAL HUMAN SHIELDS for your nefarious bullshit. When these ‘people’ talk about “adoption is code for repeal” they are saying “We’ll trade you some HUMAN CHILDREN for getting our stuff back.”
    People who were in the process of adopting those babies had their hearts broken to pieces. Children who desperately needed homes were left to flounder in poorly-funded, overcrowded Russian orphanages.
    Lest you think I’m simply making an appeal to your heartstrings without any knowledge, let me add that a friend of mine adopted a baby from Russia before all this started. He was almost two but was the size of a skinny 9-month-old when he arrived. He had an allergy to milk, so the orphanage gave him tea. We would go out to eat together and he would eat more than I did as a 2-year-old (him, of course; I was recovering from surgery, to be fair, but still). In order to get him my friend had to make two trips to Russia; the first for “approval” and the second, six weeks later, to pick him up. My heart aches when I think of the parents who were in between those two trips when that evil gnome cancelled the entire program just because he was pissed off that he couldn’t freely steal even more of the assets of his country.
    Oh, and a huge number of those children were born with fetal alcohol syndrome, because their parents live in a shithole where there’s no longer such a thing as a free and fair election, so they’re stuck with the dictator who’s robbing the country blind for as long as he cares to stay in power.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      to add on – someone I know adopted from Russia, it’s was a long, $$$ process.

      A few weeks or months afterwards, they brought the kid over.

      She was still being spoon fed…when they went to feed her, she’d just pop her mouth open.

      I was told that’s how they did it in the orphanage – line the kids up and have them pop their mouths open for food.

      I magine the girl is about as american as apple pie these days.

  • mileslarboy

    Evan Hurst is god.

  • anon_the_great

    Turns out Eric is the good Trump. Whodda thunk?

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Just wait.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Only in that family could stealing from a children’s cancer charity make you the least offensive one.

      • anon_the_great

        In his defense Eric was pocketing the expenses for his charity golf thing until Pappa caught wind of another grift. Not the best accounting method but Eric was doing real charity work.

        • blarg

          Right? He did actually try. But then bent over and took it when papa came calling.

    • TJ Barke

      Least worst =/= Good…

  • BearGHAZI

    Didn’t Trump kick a baby out of a campaign rally for crying? Was that the kind of baby discussion he refers to?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      No, the baby who was his nephew, the one who was ill and he took his medical coverage away out of spite to his brother.

  • “…he should have the dignity…”

    There’s lotsa stuff he should have the dignity for, ethics lawyer guy.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      “Yeah, dignity, senatah. There was a lot of dignity”

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    ABC confirmed the story with two “senior officials.” Add Sekulow to the list of White House Liars who Lie.
    It would be nice if there was ONE PERSON, JUST ONE, in the White House who was not a fucking liar. Even Gen. Kelley is bound to be infected with whatever virus they’re passing around in there.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Senior officials” = Ivanka and Jared, who are more than happy to toss Don Jr. under the bus to save their own wretched skins.

    • Terpsichord

      I am beginning to think Hope Hicks is the leak.She knows EVERYTHING.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Despite all this, the Trumpanzees are going to continue to support him. That’s just a given. And as long as he has their backing, he’s not going anywhere until he’s forcibly removed.
    It’s too early for day-drinking, isn’t it?

    • Crystalclear12

      Day-drinking rules have been suspended until 2020 or Trump’s impeachment.
      So, drink up.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Or Trump gets 25th-ed

    • blarg

      It’s true. I went to brietbart to read that story on Painter’s statement, and all the troglodytes there were hooting and howling and saying LIAR, Trump won, you lost. BUTTHURTZ. I couldn’t take it, I had to leave before even trying to troll them.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        They really do behave exactly like howler monkeys, don’t they?

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Not as much dignity.

          • Le Chapeau

            Trump supporters make howler monkeys look like the British Royal Family.

          • Jamoche

            Brain-damaged howler monkeys on crack?

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            While flinging excrement.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Or as much power

      • Buzz1313

        They’re stuck on “she won-get over it!” Trump supporters don’t get it! We’re over it. It’s the crazy Russian collusion shit and his ineptitude that’s got us all freaked out.

  • beatbort

    DJT: OK, Donnie, we put together your statement for you.
    Junior: Daddy, please, I can make up my own lies.
    DJT: No, go with this statement. And when we get back, I want you to go out on the lake with that Nice Mr. Kelly in a rowboat.
    Junior: Daddy!!!!
    DJT: OK, no allowance this week.
    Junior: Alllll right. I’ll go. Sheesh.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      More like, “You’re going to Vegas, no worries, just get into the car with Clemenza in the back seat.”

      • Geoff Richmond

        That was the Mooch yesterday.

  • “The Don eated my homewerk! I mean NUH-UH The Don eated YOUR homewerk! DAAAAAADDY!!!”

  • Crystalclear12

    He has no dignity. He will leave that office when he is dragged out.
    I’m just hoping the film it.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      In 3D. I wanna catch every moment.

  • BrendaKay

    Trump figures he can do no wrong; if someone tries to indict him, he’ll just pardon himself.

    • Le Chapeau

      Except there is no pardoning for an impeachment and trial, just in case the dumbass GOP finally decides he’s not useful anymore.

  • Lefty Wright

    I hope Trump hangs in another 12 months. At this time, the GOP is so disorganized and the White House in such disarray it looks like nothing will get passed into law. In the meantime, all of this makes it easier for Democrats to win in 2018. If we can unite around common goals and not try to tear down the Democratic Party from within. On the other hand, if Trump steps down now Pence may be given a honeymoon period on taking the presidency and despite having Mother with him all the time, proceed to fuck millions of citizens.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The Berniebros (and Bernie) are working hard to fuck 2018 up.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        “I’d vote for a woman, just not [whichever woman is currently being considered”

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Just got scolded for a lack of “unity” by a bro for posting evidence that “just not THAT woman” was done to Elizabeth Warren when she ran in 2012.

    • SisterArtemis

      Yep, I’m with you on this one.
      My hope is that the entire Trump administration, including Pence, and Ryan as his lackey, will be taken down JUST AFTER the Democrats re-take the House in 2018, Nancy Pelosi will be installed as Temporary Queen of Us until 2020, and then we get some fabulous Democratic team in the Oval.

      • John Gold

        My fantasy too, my fantasy too

  • Weird Fishes

    BUT HER EMAILS

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Mercury goes Retrograde on August 12th, so just think of all the miscommunication that will happen for the rest of the month. They won’t be able to get any of their lies straight.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      I thought they stopped making Mercurys in 2011?

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      And then we get a solar eclipse a week later! in Leo!! If ever there was a time for a Sun King to go down. Maybe I should get busy with that wickerman in the back yard, you know, just in case?

  • Mavenmaven

    This might be the only actual work he’s done as President.

  • cmd resistor

    DIGNITY????!!!!!!!!!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Bwah ha ha ha ha….

  • skip1

    The mooch is standing by to escort Comrade Trump off the Whitehouse grounds…

  • thewalkindude

    This may not be all tRump made up-
    Trump Approved Fabricated Fox News Story on Seth Rich Murder

    A lawsuit filed on Tuesday morning by a Fox News contributor says the network worked with a wealthy Trump donor to fabricate a story about former DNC staffer Seth Rich’s murder, with the approval of the White House.

    • roberteye

      Yeah easy enough since for 25 years the acolytes have been totally sold on Vince Foster being murdered.

  • roberteye

    I just wonder if at a follow up meeting with dad at TT, Jr. got punched in the head, Gekko in Central Park with Bud Fox-style.

  • Aileen

    It takes a special sort of narcissism to be this much of a criminal and yet truly believe you’ve done nothing wrong. Because the usual rules don’t apply to you. I’m almost… impressed? Jealous? It’d be nice sometimes not to have a conscience.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I get him. He’s pathologically narcissistic, and not very well educated. What I don’t get is everyone around him i.e. the entire Republican Party. Is “getting rid of regulations” really enough to keep these guys going? It’s not like they’re passing any legislation. Are they that confident about their voter suppression schemes?

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Yes, EXACTLY! THIS!

      • Aileen

        I think Trump is like the pet raccoon the bratty kid always wanted. Now that they have their (possibly rabid, definitely very destructive and not at all house trained) pet raccoon of their dreams, they’re realizing what a mistake it was but haven’t figured out how get rid of it or admit that it was a really bad idea.

        • Le Chapeau

          The raccoon analogy works for me. Those little bastards are vicious.

          • Aileen

            They’re proof it is possible to be both adorable and a vicious agent of mayhem. One of them beheaded one of my chickens a few weeks ago, a daylight attack which is difficult to prevent. Raccoons and I are not friends.

          • Le Chapeau

            When my boys were scouts, the nightly routine in camp was to take the trash bag out of the garbage can, put it in the animal proof dumpster, and tip the can over on its side, to save ourselves from hearing the raccoons tip it over later that night. They would just walk in and out of it looking for food all night, but that made no noise.

        • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

          Once a trash panda, always a trash panda.

  • SisterArtemis

    All I can say is that this is going to be a GREAT mini-series in few years, and will undoubtedly make its producers a bundle of money. Hopefully, those of us in the viewing audience will have access to electricity in our tent cities and abandoned-building communes.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      We will have Brawndo to drink though. It’s what plants crave.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    ‘Dignity.’ <snerks>

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      That does it. Time to update the nym.

  • David Chaillou

    If this story is true, is that Spicer getting back at Trump for the pope Francis snub, Priebus getting back at Trump for the 6 months of eating shit at the White House, or Ivanka getting back at dad for refusing to stop Steve’s war against Jared?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      lolololol

    • dshwa

      Or AOT,K. Who even knows anymore with this bunch.

    • Flashman

      Personally, I would be happy to give each of these wretches a bottle of whatever they’re drinking and an open line to WaPo and/or the NYT.

    • gratuitous

      The number of folks who might be holding a teensy grudge and the reasons therefor are so numerous that identifying just which person leaked what because of this or that will probably yield only to a statistical analysis. Considering the sheer number of people Trump has dicked over during his presidency, there are several arguable candidates for any damaging disclosure.

      • Jamoche

        It’s the leakage version of Murder on the Orient Express.

        • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

          Or And Then There Were None.

      • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

        Don’t forget the people he dicked over before he was elected*.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    All stories with Trump in the headline should now say, in their entirety, “go away we hate you the end.”

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Don’t forget “you’re stinky”

    • That’s the question though. Do “we” hate him?

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        For certain values of “we”

  • blarg

    Perhaps Don Jr is not as loyal as we all thought? Perhaps he was annoyed at being made to lie (badly) and annoyed at being proven immediately wrong. Perhaps he tweeted that entire email chain as a middle finger to pops? Sure, it makes him look bad, but it makes Don Sr. look worse now, knowing what we know now. We do know that they have a checkered past. Everyone knows the story about Sr punching Jr out when he was in college for the crime of attempting to wear a jersey to a Yankees game. We also know that there was a period in which the Trump boys did not speak to their father because of his treatment of their mother. Maybe he’s still got some old wounds that have quietly festered. Maybe he’s had enough? Maybe he’s (one of many) the leaker?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      I like this and it is entirely plausible.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Sounds pretty, but I don’t think so. The NYT was about to print the email chain in question, so I think it’s more plausible that Junior tweeted it in an attempt to get out in front of the story.

  • Bitter Scribe

    …he is bound and determined to fix this Russia problem ALL BY HISSELF, you know, because he’s so good at things.

    Some British general in World War II said that having Hitler (or Himmler? not sure) directly commanding troops was like handing the Allies an extra division. I think if Trump calls all the shots regarding his legal defense, we’ll see something very similar.

    • SisterArtemis

      crossing fingers… crossing fingers…

    • Jamoche

      Hitler. It’s why his own generals wanted to assassinate him, and the corresponding jokes that the Allies didn’t.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    “Dignity to resign.” Stop it , you’re killing me.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Funniest thing I’ve read all day.

  • dshwa

    Any takers on “coincidence” that this came out two days after Pubic Rerinse was fired?

    Didn’t think so.

  • Jennaratrix

    He won’t resign. He doesn’t have the integrity. He’d be more likely to put a {vote} through his skull than resign, and I don’t think he’d do that, either. (AND I AM NOT ADVOCATING THAT.)

  • John Thorstensen

    “He should have the dignity to resign.”

    That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. Also the saddest.

    • John Thorstensen

      Ach, same thing downthread! Great minds think alike, etc.

  • rubikcube

    Daddy has to write dumbass’s lies for him. Because he’s dumb.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Trump and dignity don’t belong in the same sentence, paragraph, novel, library, planet, etc.

  • Pirate Jenny

    Has anybody started a band called Bouncy Russian Babies yet?

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      What genre? K-pop?

      • Geoff Richmond

        German polka comes to mind for some reason, very heavy on the accordions. Not sure if they would play plunk or more national anthem- type stuff though.

        • theCryptofishist

          You’d be taking the wurst right from their mouths:
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpmDAu_47OE

          • Geoff Richmond

            Well, nothing saur about those krauts!

          • theCryptofishist

            You know, I could of chosen another German food, “Brot” would have been completely kromulent, but no, I went with the first thing I thought of. I didn’t realize it was a dick joke until I was off the computer. I’ve advanced a level in my wonking…

          • Geoff Richmond

            Well if it makes you feel any better, I didn’t even think dick joke when I read that. I did however get a hankering for some currywurst though, served with a nice hefeweissen. No dicking around on an empty stomach, I guess?

  • whitroth

    Every fucking Rethuglican who, on this basis, does not agree to take up the Bill to Impeach that’s being circulated, and at least debate it on the House floor, needs to be immediately censured, and removed from office for violation of their Oath of Office.

    I think that gives a majority of something like 52 to 1 (Pence)….

  • JustDon’tSayDignity
    • m3bosha

      I really, really thought that anyone who would pursue the job of POTUS would be aware of the repercussions of having this job. I’m not sure if I should be more annoyed at him personally, or the sycophants who knew better but didn’t tell him the truth about the job because they thought there was no way he was gonna win.

      • miss_grundy

        He thought that he was going to have a camera follow him around and take the digital media and turn it into a new reality show for him.

  • Le Chapeau

    And you know what? His followers LOVE this shit.

    • miss_grundy

      Unfortunately, his followers are just like Tangerini: they are common, bigoted, racist, sexist, misogynistic, xenophobic asshats without a shred of dignity and there are far too many who are churchgoers.

      • Le Chapeau

        You forgot arrogant and selfish. They truly believe that they have no obligation to anyone but themselves.

  • Jamoche

    “FAKE NEWS, for what that’s worth”

    I’m inclined to see the knee-jerk “FAKE NEWS” reactions as confirmation.

  • Kgprophet

    White House blamed Democrats who “want to continue to use this as a PR stunt and are doing everything they can to keep this story alive and in the papers every single day.”

    Because you know Hillary has got that red phone at CNN where anytime she wants she can dictate what the entire mainstream media will cover. Quite possibly maybe the real reason this story stays alive is because, well, you know, foreign governments trying to corrupt our election process IS SHAKING THE VERY FOUNDATION OF OUR DEMOCRACY.

    • miss_grundy

      The story is staying alive because it has become journalistic Chinese water torture. It is the constant drip, drip, drip on a daily basis. Constantly changing the information on forms, forgetting that you met with people representing foreign governments or groups. This is “The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight”.

      • stubbornirishlass

        Sure they can. At each other.

    • Um, HEL-LO! What about the time “Don” Hillary Clinton manage to get the entire mainstream media to focus on the Donald’s podium instead of any policy she was promoting?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      there’s a story at Infowars saying Obama gets with “the media’ every morning to plan how to sabotage Trump.

  • It’s a wonder to watch how quickly Trumps throw each other under the bus.

  • Querolous
  • CeeQ

    Pack up your knives, sashay away, leave your apron on your station, auf wiedersehen you’re out – just get the fuck out already OMG.

    (Hahahahahaha he will never resign, he has no dignity.)

  • Flashman

    Sharing the Trump family press statement recipe with the next generation–how gratifying! See, Donny? Basically, say the most self-aggrandizing and exculpatory thing you can that doesn’t contain something immediately identifiable as an obvious and total lie. By the time the truth comes out, do a dozen other terrible things.

  • miss_grundy

    Chris Hayes is discussing this story right now on his show. The Republican who is speaking tweeted that knowingly writing a deceptive statement is a crime and obstruction of justice. And he sounds like he belongs at a country club somewhere drinking a G & T.

  • akryan

    When the ethics lawyer from the Bush administration says you’ve gone too far, then you really know you’re bad.

  • Zyxomma

    I will not relate the personal story of the couple I know who adopted a child from eastern Europe. It’s theirs to tell or not. But it seems their horrific experience was not atypical: http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1997439,00.html and was totally unlike the story of the two-year-old from China adopted into a friend’s Jewish home. She’s starting university soon.

    • theCryptofishist

      Adoption is a messy business.

  • Oh Christ, only a Bush lawyer could use the word “dignity” when referring to Drumpf.

  • The “dehr” face pic: Is hysterical neoliberal Big Bird trying to stump our dear junior with a ditty about how crosswalk work (ELITIST!)?

  • The Librarian

    Trump can’t resign with dignity, he doesn’t have any. He should just resign.*

    *I’m under no illusion that I’m the first to say this

  • rick

    By the way, that Russian sanctions bill Congress passed has been sitting on Trump’s desk without his signature for quite a few days! Wonder why.

    Because the coward will simply let the bill become law without a signature, or even a veto. That’s how chicken shit Trump is to not upset his bromance with Putin.

    • Ernestinarvictor

      Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !at286d:
      On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
      !at286:
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    • MyLovelyNose

      You know, I forgot about that detail of Presidential vs. Congressional power. But I’m sure Trump isn’t aware of it in the slightest.

      “It’s somewhere on my desk, have Ivanka find it, I forgot where I put it, who lost it?”

  • Hazel Blumberg

    “Dignity” and “trump” do not belong in the same sentence.

    flumpf needs to resign. Sooner, rather than later.

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