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Crisis pregnancy centers (CPCs) — clinics that exist for the sole purpose of discouraging women from having abortions — have been known to engage in some fairly shady practices. From masquerading as full-service health clinics without having an actual doctor on staff, to pretending to offer abortion services, to lying to their “patients” about abortion resulting in breast cancer and mental health issues they made up themselves, like “Post-Abortion Syndrome” and what have you.

Given all of this, you may feel a tad skeptical when I tell you that I have found the worst CPC ever. Oh, but I have. In fact, it’s so bad that I would actually guess that even some of the most virulently anti-choice people would say it was a bridge too far.

It’s called “My Choice Chicago,” and it’s part of a network of CPCs called “Enlightened Woman Centers.” Rather than presenting themselves as a fake abortion clinic or as a pregnancy “resource” center, they’ve somehow come up with an even more appalling way of discouraging abortion.

Their gimmick? “You may not need an abortion.”

Why, you ask? Is it adoption? Are they gonna say adoption?

NOPE. According to their site, you may not need an abortion, because maybe you will just have a miscarriage anyway!

Right now, you probably wish you could escape. You might feel scared, worried and needing to think. Know this — you are not alone. We are here to help you.

You may feel that abortion is the best choice for you. But before you commit, take some time to understand why you may not need an abortion! About 1 in every 4 pregnancies will end naturally. Yes, NATURALLY without any intervention, surgery or chemicals! Wouldn’t you feel relieved if your pregnancy ended naturally by miscarriage? If you miscarry, you will not need to go through the pain, suffering and risk of an abortion procedure!

Yes, you read that right. You may not need an abortion because maybe you will just have a miscarriage.

IT’S TERRIBLE ON EVERY POSSIBLE LEVEL!

It’s somehow both demeaning to both those seeking abortion and those who have had a miscarriage — most of whom would not exactly describe that as an experience without pain, suffering or risk. Miscarriages come with cramping and bleeding, for one. For another, there is also the possibility of an incomplete miscarriage, which often needs to be treated with a D&C anyway.

This tactic is inches away from “You may not need an abortion. Have you SEEN the infant mortality rate in the United States? Babies die all the time here! No abortion necessary!” levels of pure callousness.

The clinic actually offers “on-site testing” (i.e., an ultrasound) to determine whether you could be one of the lucky 1-in-4 that does not “need” an abortion and is just going to miscarry anyway. Fun!

If the pregnancy test is positive, you’ll be scheduled for an ultrasound examination to determine fetal viability. Usually, the ultrasound can be performed during the same initial visit. Based on the results of this ultrasound exam, medical personnel will be able to tell you whether they are seeing what’s expected. One in 4 pregnancies ends naturally in a miscarriage, because the pregnancy is not viable. So it’s important that you confirm the presence of a live fetus before you make a decision. Miscarriage is your body’s natural way of ending a pregnancy. In this case, you wouldn’t need the pain, cost and risk of abortion.

On their FAQ, perhaps unsurprisingly, they disseminate the usual anti-choice propaganda about breast cancer risk and “Post Abortion Syndrome,” but follow it up with why a “natural” miscarriage may be the best choice for you.

5. What are my risks associated with abortion?
Abortion is a medical procedure (resulting in death of the fetus). With any surgical or chemical abortion, there are associated physical and mental risks. Studies suggest an increased risk of breast cancer later in life. Other studies suggest that women getting an abortion, especially those with reservations, often suffer from Post Abortion Syndrome (or PAS). Even if you’re already committed to having an abortion, don’t rush in as you may not need it! About 25% of all pregnancies end naturally. Why go through the pain and cost of an abortion if it’s not necessary? Call or stop by your local participating center and let us help you make an enlightened choice.

Also on their FAQ page, they seem to repeat a line about “no further obligation.”

A good way to check for a viable pregnancy is by ultrasound technology. We recommend you get your ultrasound at a medical facility that will (a) not charge you for the ultrasound, and (b) not put you under any obligation.

All Enlightened Woman participating clinics have agreed to offer ultrasound exams free of charge with no further obligation whatsoever.

Do they think that if you get an ultrasound at Planned Parenthood that you are then obligated to get an abortion? Because I am quite sure that is not a thing.

Now, certainly, it seems rather suspicious that an anti-choice CPC would be so “whatever” about miscarriages — as if the thing they were most concerned about was the actual abortion procedure rather than the ending of a pregnancy. That really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. (And in fact, some people who noticed that one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage ended up being totally pro-choice once they made that connection between all the little babies being murdered in the womb, AND GOD.)

It’s far more likely the actual game here is getting people into the clinic in order to have an ultrasound, in the hopes that seeing the ultrasound will discourage them from having the abortion. This is why many states now require transvaginal ultrasounds prior to getting an abortion. It also, unfortunately, seems pretty likely that they may tell their “patients” that they are likely to suffer a miscarriage when in fact they are not, in hopes of keeping them from having an abortion.

As I mentioned earlier, this is not the only one of these clinics. In fact, a Google search for “You may not need an abortion” turns up nearly 48,000 results, the first few pages all being CPCs like this one, many of them with extremely misleading pro-choicey sounding names like “Informed Choices Clinic” and “RealChoice4Me.com.” Several of them have even tailored the way they appear in Google search to make them look like real abortion clinics.

And yes, they all tell prospective patients that they may not need an abortion because maybe that fetus will just kick it on its own so why bother? Probably because they just really, really love life so much.

[My Choice Chicago]

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  • Bill D. Burger
  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • whitroth

    Someone needs to file criminal charges.

    And how do they make sure that you’re one of the “lucky 1 in 4”? Do they kick you in the abdomen?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    So basically they are admitting that God is pro choice…

    • Only when he says so… which is why it was a good thing that the Israelites supposedly butchered infants when at war, but it’s a bad thing for you to kill infants… even if God appears to you and says to go do it because hearing and seeing God means your crazy in modern society… but not 3,000 years ago… because… reasons.

      • efoveks

        Yep. Years of leaving unwanted babies outside of the city gates to die, and not a peep about it in The Big Book. There IS however, a nice mention about dashing babies’ heads against the rocks.

      • Scooby

        Just because God loves killing babies doesn’t mean you can.

        • marxalot

          Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. Baby-killing also too.

  • Forced Birthers *spits*.

  • armed_bears

    Pretend I had written some reasonable disclaimers here, and noted that the mother’s age influences miscarriage rates enormously, but:

    After week 12, rate of miscarriage in healthy women is 5%… doesn’t really ever go lower than that because of … oh never mind, facts…

  • Bill D. Burger

    Best sign I ever saw at a Women’s Rights’ rally: “Unless you’re admitting Jesus is a dick, keep him out of my vagina.”

  • Look, think about God, okay? He’s up there sitting in a cloud not having much fun at all. And here you go and selfishly exercise your constitutional right to an abortion when he wanted to kill your zygote himself!

    Or give your child a horrible birth defect that will cause it to live a few hours in horrific agony before expiring. That’s got to be pretty entertaining for him and you’re just going to deny him that by having an abortion?

    For shame, you hussies.

    • jodyleek

      Or, better still, your child will be born with horrible birth defects that will cause it to be dependent upon constant medical care for the rest of its days, all the while not being able to speak or walk or hear anything you say.
      Suffer the little children, so on and so forth…

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Medical care you won’t be able to afford if the Rethuglicans have their way.

    • Mildred Broxon

      Or even worse, give your child a horrible birth defect that won’t kill it, and it will live in misery for years. Thus providing us all an example of Noble Suffering, I suppose?

  • Edith Prickly
  • Michael Smith

    Wow that reaches a new low of cynicism for the – ahem – pro-life folks.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Those are some truly horrible simulacra of the human race.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    The list of people I want to throat punch lately is really increasing. *sigh*

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    I feel like they are just an extension of the “pray away aggressive cancer in your children” crowd.

  • BearLeft

    That’s so low it’s downright Senate-like.

  • Dick St. Dipshit

    I’m writing a country song called Jesus, Please Kill My Baby.

    • marxalot

      …And Bring Back My Truck

      • armed_bears

        genius

      • armed_bears

        Please make it in the key of C, ’cause I’m not very good with fancy barre chords.

      • puredog

        “An’ Muh Dawg.”

    • Little Lulu Ω

      …In Your Seersucker suit…

  • Pinkham’s Law
  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    The important thing is removing the woman’s right to make any choice. If God does it, that’s cool, because the woman had no say, which is how it’s supposed to be.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Wow. This approach is, um, interesting. Here are some other great ideas that wingnuts can adopt to “help” people cope with life’s uncertainties:

    > You may not need health care because there’s a chance you could get eaten by a bear. Or a shark.

    > You may not need to fight climate change because there’s a chance you and your family and everyone you care about could get mauled by piranha fish.

    > You may not need to care about yourself or your future anymore because a rhino could fall from the sky and crush you. At any moment. Why bother?

    • theCryptofishist

      You forgot “You may not need an education, you could be eaten by a bear” Betsy DeVos. Those bears are doing double duty.

      • armed_bears

        Armed Bears object.

        • theCryptofishist

          Oh, this administration is slandering everyone.

      • puredog

        “You may not need health care because there’s a chance you could get eaten by a bear. Or a shark. And I mean completely eaten, none of this pussy ‘a leg’ or ‘an arm’ shit. Like Glass in The Revenant, but not getting lucky like he did.”

  • Indiepalin

    When are our male congressmen going to get to the bottom of this “1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage” myth? Put Gowdy on it, he’s a sneaky little shit just like Trump is.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      (It’s Hillary)

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’ll bet Hilary is behind at least half of them.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        HillaryWitchcraftFemaleHiveMindControlBortions!

    • grindstone

      Don’t fucking tempt them. We are small steps away from real miscarriages being “investigated” as suspicious.

  • marxalot

    Wow.
    I need to stop eating lunch, there’s just no percentage in it with the news these days.

  • Scooby

    1 in 4 odds is even worse then Russian Roulette!

  • CountryClubJihadi

    My “Post Abortion Syndrome” felt pretty darn good. Like Freedom to turn 17 without having a baby. But maybe if my Dad had found out, he would have pushed me down the stairs and it would have ended naturally.

  • BearLeft

    This has got to be right around the corner: “Don’t have premarital sex: There’s a good chance you’ll be raped.”

    • efoveks

      Needs exclamation point and happy face for full sarcastic value.

    • clubseal

      Unfortunately in this case, studies actually do say that the chances are high of a woman being raped.

      • marxalot

        What is it, 1 in 3 women experience sexual assault? Hell, that’s better odds than the miscarriage thing.

        • puredog

          Worse odds?

  • theCryptofishist

    This is a novel twist on Pascal’s Wager.

  • Bungfefe

    Remember kids, (lol) abortion sends babies to God faster!

  • Mavenmaven

    You may not need an abortion because the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.

    • armed_bears

      Oh ick. Christ, not that asshole again.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    If I had a uterus, it could crush steel right now.

    ‘New low’ is their motto.

  • Baconzgood

    FAQ: what the fuck is wrong with us?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    These people are just evil. No two ways about it.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Every time someone gets in my face about causing so many abortions, I just point out that I don’t really exist. Santa Claus taught me that one.”
    — Yahweh

  • mary5920

    Are they saying that God wants us to murder da babyz?

    Sheesh. I once got a really horrible free copy of an actual magazine called “better than rubies” all about courageous and stupid women who had baby after baby they couldn’t afford, some were told by their doctor that they would be putting their life in jeopardy by getting preggers yet again, but went right on ahead, ignoring the warning that God placed right into their little noggins via a medical professional –and risked making all their other children motherless, because–they worshiped their own version of god, who was a religious bigot and tyrant who apparently hated women.

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      Hey! What part of

      Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

      don’t you understand?

      • mary5920

        I think the snake slipped that one into scripture.

        Child bearing is very hard (I’ve had 3 natural deliveries, at home, with midwives) and in labor, the desire is to squeeze the heck out of your partner’s arm and yell at him to do something. It’s the husband who meekly submits to his wife’s labor directives.

        • Yellerduck

          That’s what my wife did to me, but she never said what it was I was supposed to do. I don’t know if it made her labor any easier, but when the baby was born, the dishwasher was unloaded and the kitchen was mopped.

          • mary5920

            That was exactly what she needed.

          • puredog

            “. . .and not since.”

    • grindstone

      “Above Rubies”, and I think that’s part of the godawful Michael and Debi Pearl Biblical Baby Beaters camp. It is basically a constant stream of subjection for women instructions, that you will never, ever, evah live up to.

      • mary5920

        Ah yes. That’s the one. It’s amazingly twisted. They think using God given common sense is not allowed, esp. if you’re a woman.

    • puredog

      God wants us to let HER murder the babbies, when she feels like it, but not otherwise.

  • jodyleek

    One of my grandmothers had 10 children. One day, she overheard her daughters talking about someone they knew who had a miscarriage. My grandmother piped up, unusually, and said, “Even if I had jumped from the top of the chicken coop, I wouldn’t have had a miscarriage.” Which makes me wonder, did she try that? And how close to chicken coops are these clinics?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I think Grandma doesn’t understand biology very well. Most miscarriages are not caused falls or things like that.

      • jodyleek

        She didn’t understand biology very well to be sure, as she had 10 children.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          “I finally figured out what was causing that”, as the old joke goes.

    • OutOfOrbit

      girl in local area didnt want babby so tried to flush it down toilet, wouldnt go so into a garbage bag & straight to the nearst dumpster. babby found & survived, mom charged with attempted murder and “child endangerment” which, in Iowasux, will get you moar prison time than murder will

    • shastakoala

      True story. This is kinda garbled. My mom admitted jumping up and down the stairs when I was cooking in her oven. Good Catholic that she was, she thought her doctor who was Catholic would think she was loose or some such nonsense. Seemingly because she had given birth a few months earlier to my sister. She was a married woman for craps sake. Crazy, I know. Anyway my sis and I are the same age for a couple months.

      • marxalot

        Irish twins! Comrade Mom and her brother are juuuust over 13 months apart, so not quite.

      • jodyleek

        My grandmother with the 10 children was Catholic as well, of course.
        One of my great-grandmothers, when found to be pregnant with her 9th child during the depression and married to an alcoholic, died after attempting an abortion on herself. When women are faced with fewer and fewer options and are denied the medical procedures that are still constitutional for god’s sake! they will resort to these measures in increasing numbers.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • The Wanderer

      Aiyee. My loins may not stir at all this weekend.

      • OutOfOrbit

        i tried to visualize a camel toe but i lack the necessary brain power to overvome “i just cant even”

        • bupkus231

          “overvome” may be a typo, but it sounds like the perfect shorthand for “vomiting over and over again”.

          “I was so overvome with disgust over that picture, that I got dehydrated and had to get intravenous saline…”

    • puredog

      Does brain bleach come in 55-gal drums? Asking for a friend.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “You may not even carry this pregnancy to term; why back in the good old days, young women were always falling onto knitting needles or coat hangers or something. Anything could happen.”
    — A slightly more honest CPC

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    “So you’re telling me there’s a 25% chance I won’t have a baby if I do nothing?”

    “That’s correct.”

    “If I have an abortion, what are the chances I won’t have a baby?”

    “100%”

    “I’ll take one of those then.”

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
  • clubseal

    Gotta love the old “some studies say … ” horseshit.
    Either there’s a study supporting everybody’s opinion, or people are just brazen about lying.

    • marxalot

      68% of statistics are made up on the spot.

      • The Wanderer

        42% of people might agree with you.

  • Spurning Beer

    I was about to wish ill upon these antiabortion idolaters, risking possible discipline under the Commenting Rules for Radicals, but then I realized that one out of four of these assholes could die horrible deaths anyway.

  • Suttree

    You might get hit by a car/turned into ash in a nuclear war/shot by a cop so why bother with an abortion?

    • marxalot

      Murder is the most common cause of death for pregnant women. It could happen to you!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Because treating a miscarriage with a shrug and a “well, sometimes shit happens” couldn’t possibly be construed as callous, unfeeling, and generally totally fucking AWFUL.

    • Edith Prickly

      Not to mention that if you are one of the unfortunate few who miscarries in your second trimester (before 20 weeks), you are past the point where a D&C is safe and have to deliver a non-viable fetus. Which is just as fucking painful as a full-term labour.

      • rosenbomb

        That happened to a friend of mine. She was almost 9 months along :(

        I think of her often when posts about these soulless assholes come up.

      • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

        Did you mean after 20 weeks? I miscarried at 14 weeks, was discovered at 17, and I had a D&C under general anesthesia. I felt so good when I woke up … for a moment.

  • arglebargle

    And hey, if God doesn’t help you out with that miscarriage, no worries. The Republican Party will be here to try to kill off you baby with shitty “health” care and magic disappearing safety net.

    • Yellerduck

      And don’t forget the new Secretary of Vaccine Prevention cabinet post.

    • Mintie

      But not before forcing you to pay out thousands of dollars, because your health insurance won’t cover the costs of pregnancy and birth what with being a woman a pre-existing condition. Their corporate constituents need to get theirs first, after all.

  • The Wanderer

    I have the feeling that I’m going to get yelled at for this, but my counterargument to a person who says that a woman shouldn’t have an abortion because God might do it for her is, “But doesn’t the Lord help those who help themselves?”

    As it is, The Christian God(tm) answers prayers at about the same rate as Odin. I’m not really going to rely on Great Spooky Sky Entity when faced with such an enormous decision like whether or not to have an abortion.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Odin promised to rid us of the Ice Giants. I don’t see any Ice Giants!

      • The Wanderer

        See? Global Warming works!

      • armed_bears

        Ian McShane to the rescue again.

      • Michael Loraine

        The planets Neptune and Uranus are generally referred to as Ice Giants. So while they’re a long way off, they’re not really gone. Not to pick nits or anything…

    • Alex Grey

      If god wanted you to have an abortion, there would be abortion clinics, oh wait…

  • mailman27

    In a weird twist, many women who have miscarriages don’t want them, and all women who get abortions do want them!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Look, abortion is a complicated enough issue without dragging what women want into it.

      • Seek

        Leave these things to the men folk

  • SayItWithWookies

    You may not need an abortion – in fact, it’s always more pleasant if you think of it as a luxury rather than a necessity.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Why are they are totally squandering the opportunity to blame women for their miscarriages, too? Is there that much money in miscarriage cards, balloons & t-shirts?

  • Anna Rompage

    So if 25% of all pregnancies end up in miscarriage, that means god is the largest abortion provider in the universe…

    Now, let us turn to Betty to find out god’s real views on abortion…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cq3U09DeKpg

    • arglebargle

      If god doesn’t provide an abortion he has other ways of dealing with that bundle of joy…

      How blessed will be the one who seizes and dashes your little ones Against the rock.

      Psalm 137:9

      • Anna Rompage

        Anyone who’s read revelations knows that jesus plans on trashing more fetuses than an Alaskan prom…

        Betty Bowers

        • arglebargle

          Grown up’s, also too. He’s an equal opportunity mass murderer. But he loves us, so it’s all good.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Iron Age solutions for Space Age problems.

        • arglebargle

          If it was good enough for my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandpappy its good enough for me.

      • puredog

        You say God has her ways of shutting that whole thing down?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Yeah, but that craycray motherfucker kills a lot of his clients.
      0/6. Would not use again.

    • Alex Grey

      God’s eye sight must have started to go some time after the Sodom incident, he used to have pretty good aim. Take Lot’s wife for example, god managed to kill just one person who pissed him off, and no collateral damage.

  • Crystalclear12

    Or go ahead and have the baby. They only survive if you feed ’em!
    The important thing is that they are born!

    • puredog

      An’, an’, an’ if you’re the RIGHT kind of Christian-ist, you can withhold medical care and faith-heal ’em to death!

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Because a miscarriage never had any negative physical/mental consequences for any mother, ever.

  • Baconzgood

    This isn’t a nice thing to say.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Glad you didn’t say it then.

  • Edith Prickly
  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    I don’t think that this level of fraud would be permissible in any other form of healthcare. WTF?

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Once upon a time, I had an incomplete miscarriage and had to have a D&C. It was not painless nor pleasant. Anti abortion activists want to outlaw D&Cs as well, so I guess they just want lots of women to die. It’s a good thing these asshole clinics aren’t near me or I’d tell them how miscarriages feel and not with votes either.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • Teto85

      Ein and Ed!!!!! Gonna Binge some Be Bop this weekend.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i have no idea what that is – just swiped it from another wonketteer.

        • Teto85

          Cowboy Be Bop is an anime program from the late 1990s(?) dealing with the adventures of a pair of space bounty hunters and the beings they run into. Ed, the girl and Ein (short for Einstein), the dog are eventually passengers/crew on board their ship, the Be Bop. Check it out if you are into anime. First big role for Steve Blum. And the source of an adult actress’ name before she changed it to avoid copyright problems. (You have to figure that one out yourself, enjoy ;-)

  • Alex Grey

    “Other non scientific or fact based studies suggest that women getting
    an abortion, especially those with reservations, often suffer from Post
    Abortion Syndrome (or PAS).”
    Fixed.

  • empf

    I’ve had three miscarriages. They were all horrible.

    • Lambsendbeds

      I’m very sorry for your loss. That must be heartbreaking, and I hope that you had plenty of support to deal with your grief. Also too, these guys can go fuck themselves with a rusty Garden Weasel.

    • Zyxomma

      Sorry for your suffering.

    • Invisible Bunyip

      I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ve been lucky to never have one myself, but two of my close friends say it was the most painful thing they’ve ever experienced.

    • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

      Ditto. Even the teeny tiny one at 6 weeks hurt like a mo-fo. But if I hadn’t been watching like a hawk, I would have thought it was just a really bad period. Which probably happens with considerable frequency.

  • Michael Loraine

    Did they mention the part where some states or jurisdictions are imposing legal penalties on women who have miscarriages? A woman who miscarries could be charged with fetal homicide, or at the very least, be compelled to pay funeral expenses. Your favorite search engine will regale you with horror stories aplenty if you look up “miscarriage legal penalties” or similar keywords.

    • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

      This right here is what drives me into a blinding rage, and also why I am unable to watch the brilliant “The Handmaid’s Tale” tv show.

  • The Librarian

    This is not enlightenment, this is ignorance and sowing confusion. This also ain’t no party, no disco, no fooling around. This is fucking with people’s futures.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    *mutters Commenting Rules under breath

  • NotReallyHere

    You know, this seems about half a step away from:

    “Plan B: Helping your body miscarry naturally.”

    • HazooToo

      There ARE plants like that. Women would brew them into tea. And then the God-botherers would burn them for a witch.

      • NotReallyHere

        I know. They should have put the herbs in a bottle with a fancy label with the words Herbal, Natural, and God’s Own Creation on it. Then it would be totally fine!

        Do I need a snark tag?

        • HazooToo

          Yes. Sorry, my snark meter is busted lately. I’m trying to fix it.

          • NotReallyHere

            No problem. It probably wasn’t very good snark. Anyway, this whole Senate healthcare vote has been absolutely exhausting. And all the shit Trump gets away with, and just everything really.

          • HazooToo

            Some days I lose all feeling in my brain. If it were legal to mail human feces, Trump would be getting at least one package daily.

  • puredog

    “That really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.”

    If it’s sense you are looking for, I think you are looking under the wrong rock.

    • dshwa

      Considering they generally oppose birth control and sex ed, the two things that have been shown to cause the biggest decrease in abortions, I would say sense is very lacking under that rock.

  • Bigby

    My mom had a miscarriage and D&C, just before Roe. She told me many years later as I was pretty young when it happened. But she almost friggin died. I have at least two women friends who’ve had the same experience. ALL were wanted pregnancies. Future versions of mom and friends will die because of these people. They are psychopathic zombies. And, when it happens to them or theirs, 100% shameless hypocrites.

    Can we spread a rumor that unwanted, unneeded ultrasounds produce “ricochet-Pelosi-beta waves” that turn fetuses into liberals? Prolly get them banned tout de suite. Open up underground clinics to perform them for people who want/need them for healthy preggos…

  • Aileen

    Up until I had one, I had no idea an incomplete or “missed” miscarriage was a thing! The treatment options are the same as an abortion – take misoprostol or get D&C. Or, I guess wait and hope you don’t go septic the way God intended? And, the effects are the same. Physically, it was a pretty miserable experience. Emotionally, I can’t compare it to an elective abortion, but I can’t say knowing I’d been carrying a dead fetus around for a month, picking out names and thinking happy thoughts about nursery decorations all the while was an especially enjoyable experience. In conclusion, fuck these people, they are the literal worst, and I need to go donate more money to Planned Parenthood.

    • Zyxomma

      Sorry you had that experience. My mother suffered the death of her firstborn son at age 10 (Cerebral Palsy), a miscarriage (also a boy) and a stillbirth (my almost-brother who was named and buried). That’s why my sisters and I are five years apart. Thank you for your donations to Planned Parenthood. As my mother’s stories show, even with family planning, things can go horribly wrong.

    • Invisible Bunyip

      “Hope you don’t go septic”

      Look up Savita Halappanavar. But only if you’re ablle to handle women dying in hospital from deliberate neglect.p, while staff wait to what God intends.

  • Prolecat

    The pro-lie movement is a champion at Limbo.

  • BearWithPreExistingVotes

    One out of every four… yet he misses Putin, Trump, Pat Robertson, AND Scott Walker?!

    • natoslug

      God has shitty aim.

      • Jukesgrrl

        He needs glasses.

        • natoslug

          And therapy. Or maybe some chamomile tea and to rub one out so that he can relax a bit.

      • BearWithPreExistingVotes

        Even HE’s been drinking in response to this mess.

  • Daniel Hooper

    “Wouldn’t you feel relieved if your pregnancy ended naturally by miscarriage?”

    Hope it’s not too presumptuous of me as a male to say, but I’m gonna go ahead and say generally most women are gonna say no…

    My experience with pregnancy, pregnant women and overall childcare is limited to the care of my fictional children, and yet I feel like I’m eminently more qualified to give advice than these, “experts”.

    • arealbaby

      And anyway, with an abortion you are given a time and a place to be when it happens. What is this here – just go home and wait & wait and hope you’re near a toilet when the time comes?

      Oh, right, I forgot – it is about waiting & waiting. For that 20 week mark.

      Bunch of clowns.

      • Shanzgood

        Or 14 weeks. That’s the cutoff at my local clinic. The nearest place that will do one up to 21 weeks is a 3hour drive. And that’s a lot closer than for most.

        • Zyxomma

          14 WEEKS???!!??? Oh, that’s right, you’re in KS.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Don’t forget the 24 to 72 hour “waiting period” from the 1st “consultation” appt to the actual abortion appt. Anyone got 3 days off, money for gas and lodging and the cost of that 1st unnecessary appt? No? Well then, congratulations, Mommy!

          • Zyxomma

            And when the little bundle of not-necessarily-joy joins the family, NO money for food, education, or anything else.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            “Hey baby! Your free ride ended at the birth canal, you little libtard taker!”

          • Zyxomma

            Exactly.

          • Shanzgood

            It’s not a legal thing, it was the facility’s decision. There were probably lots of factors involved. It’s run by Julie Burkhart, who used to work for Dr. Tiller, and it’s located in his old premises. She would probably provide the same services he did but I guess she thought she could do more for more women by not being constantly thronged with protesters and threatened with assassination.

          • theCryptofishist

            *sigh*

          • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

            I would hope anything after 14 weeks would be a medical emergency, and I assume any OBGYN worth his or her salt isn’t going to abide by such a limit.

          • Sakonyachen

            I felt a great swell of pity the day she told me.

  • Rexlok

    King County’s “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” Can No Longer Say They’re Health Clinics

    http://www.thestranger.com/slog/2017/07/20/25302789/king-countys-crisis-pregnancy-centers-can-no-longer-say-theyre-health-clinics

  • QHarp, Mujer malévola

    I kind of want to hang out outside of one of these places and encourage people to go to Planned Parenthood instead (actual encouragement, not ‘you hellbound whore’ encouragement). Mostly because people deserve actual medical care, but also partly just to fuck with these anti-choice assholes.

  • natoslug

    And if you still want an abortion after meeting with them, they’ll push you down a flight of stairs for free. What a service!

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    But before you commit, take some time to understand why you may not need an abortion! About 1 in every 4 pregnancies will end naturally. Yes, NATURALLY without any intervention, surgery or chemicals!

    I’m fairly certain this “statistic” is false. Seems to me about 95% of pregnancies end naturally, most using a method called “giving birth” after about 40 weeks.

    • Shanzgood

      The remaining 5% just…stay pregnant?

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        Or end “unnaturally”.

        • Shanzgood

          What about supernaturally?

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            The Ghost in the Womb!!!!

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Oy. Don’t get me started.
            – Mary of Nazareth

          • Shanzgood

            Hee!

          • Sakonyachen

            When abortion is illegal, I plan to start a supernatural abortion business.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        I should point out that 84% of statistics are made up on the spot.

      • capnkrunch

        It happens in science fiction and the future is now so…yes?

    • h4rr4r

      No. Far more than 5% miscarry within the first two weeks.

    • Bananas Foster

      The actual statistic on “spontaneous abortions” is far higher than 25 percent.

      Approximately 70 percent of zygotes don’t end up being born.

      #theirgodabortsalot

      • Zyxomma

        I have read that the first trimester miscarriage rate is between 37% and 50%. Still NO excuse to “wait for God to solve it” while the time elapses beyond when (1) a medication abortion is possible and (2) too late! 20 weeks is the limit in this RWNJ state.

    • Aileen

      They’re actually right about this statistic. HOWEVER, and this is a big old caveat, the vast majority of miscarriages happen very early – often even before the woman misses her period. So, by the time the woman has come to terms with being pregnant and scheduled a visit to the local clinic, her chances are much lower.

  • Shanzgood

    Their objective is to get women to wait too long to be able to have an abortion, either because there is nowhere nearby where they will perform one past a certain number of weeks or it becomes unaffordable or illegal. Oh, it also becomes riskier the longer you wait, so they also get THAT bonus.

    • Bananas Foster

      Most of all, they want women to wait too long to have a medical abortion, because that’s a hurdle for some women. Having a medical abortion is psychologically different (for some) than having a surgical abortion.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        We need to move past the stigma surrounding any abortion. It’s not shameful to know what’s right for your life. I’ve had one. Many women I know have had an abortion. I work at an emergency medical fund call center and 90% of the women who call say something to the effect of, “Ah, hi. I was given this number to see if you can help me get a…ah…procedure.” It’s so unfortunate that even under those circumstances people don’t even want to say the word “abortion.” And that splease fact marks a win for the forced birthers, sadly.

        • Invisible Bunyip

          I’ve had an abortion also. It was the right choice then, over 30 years later I have zero related medical or psychological issues.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Thank you for standing up and saying it! Not that people can’t confront the matter differently, and not to discount those who really stuggle with the choice, but there is nothing inherent to the act of aborting an unwanted pregnancy that causes harm to the woman or her mental health. All the brow beating, on the other hand, imposes social burdens that are certainly harmful. Imagine what we could have accomplished with the last 40 years of BS.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            I’ve had an abortion. It was entirely the right thing to do, and my feelings about it, decades later, are still feelings of relief and gratitude that I had a choice.

        • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

          Six pregnancies, three miscarriages, and two wonderful kids.

          And then there was that time when I was 19.

          Had my first child at 40.

          • (((Aron)))

            Sounds like my mom’s situation. Except your last pregnancy wasn’t ectopic (I hope).

            She had me, her elder son, at 35.

          • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

            Not ectopic, thank goodness. Evidently I have a genetic abnormality that makes me substantially more likely to throw blood clots at my poor little unborn. Fortunately my doctor was a superhero and ran all the tests, and prescribed methylfolate and baby aspirin. And shortly after, I gave birth to the Highlander.

          • (((Aron)))

            THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!

            And I’m so glad your baby was healthy!

          • theCryptofishist

            I salute you. That seems like a lot of pain and loss.

          • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

            Thank you. You get through. The pain is mostly forgotten and my boys are just the best. I wouldn’t change a thing.

          • theCryptofishist

            Well, that’s life. People are strong, and we face our losses and tragedies and go on. Our stories don’t make sense if we skip the dark, painful parts.

          • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

            I think the key to our civilization’s salvation is each of us learning and being willing to share the dark parts. It’s not easy at first, but with practice I’m getting better at it. The point is not that I want to share my own pain, but that I need others to know they are not alone.

      • Shanzgood

        That, too.

  • arealbaby

    Just what the hell has happened to people?

    I mean…

    I can’t…

    What??

  • Ellie

    Cheer up! You may have a stillbirth!

    Just when I thought that CPCs couldn’t sink any lower…there’s no bottom to this cess pit, I guess.

    • JesusWasAHippie

      Don’t have an abortion! Due to the out-of-control opioid epidemic currently sweeping our country, your child may lose his or her life in 20 or 30 years due to a painless and natural heroin overdose, anyway.

  • Cornelius Fussbudget

    Wait, is Gary Johnson working there now? This logic seems familiar:

    http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2016/09/gary-johnson-climate-change/

  • Bananas Foster

    I wonder if the photo is a stock photo.

    Because, really, who poses for an ad that basically says, “God says it’s wrong to kill your baby, so hold on, because he may kill it before you have to?”

    #notallgods

  • Swampay

    That always seemed weird to me. If god wants every fertilized egg to become a full grown human, why does he wipe out so many of them? Either he doesn’t give a shit about the wee embryos or he’s a really sloppy worker.

    Also, I believe the high number of incomplete pregnancies probably includes fertilized eggs that don’t implant. So if you’ve got an implanted egg that can be seen on ultrasound, I think the numbers go way down.

    And of course, nobody can really ever know what that percentage is of non-implanting ova.

    • PattyM

      Monte Python, the Meaning of Life:


      Every sperm is sacred
      Every sperm is great
      If a sperm is wasted
      God gets quite irate

  • Lyly Sirivong

    “And if you don’t miscarry, don’t worry ! Sudden infant death syndrome can also happen !”

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      “Don’t worry! Due to our cruel Healthcare system you have a pretty good chance of dying during delivery anyway, so you won’t have to worry about how you’ll cover all those co-pays anyway! Jesus loves you THAT much!”

    • theCryptofishist

      SIDS (it’s changed its name now–has agency and everything!–but I’ve forgotten the new one) used to be the diagnoses when women smothered their children. The thing that these anti-abortion wackos won’t admit is that the form of birth control we use instinctively is exposure. Abortion is an improvement. Birth control is an improvement over that, and of course they reject that, because, in the end, it’s all about controlling women’s sexualities. Fuck them.

      • VirginiaWackelpudding

        Exposure is the most bibbelically sanctioned way to get rid of lil indiscretions. Most cultures practiced it in the past and since Murika got in the wayback machine it is expected to gain popularity muchly.

        • theCryptofishist

          But if one high school student should give birth in the girl’s bathroom and stuff the baby in the garbage can…
          Yeah, the safe give away spot at fire houses gives me hope. Or at least seems reasonable to me.

  • orlaheho

    Lordy. I knew a 15 year old girl in the early 80’s whose mom took her to a cpc. She miscarried the next day. Then her mom took her back so they could berate her for murdering her child by wishing for an abortion. I guess today they would say, “There, aren’t you glad you didn’t waste your money. You’re welcome!”

  • Mehmeisterjr

    On the plus side, your child might die of measles-related encephalitis. (You’re not vaccinating the kid, right?) God’s will be done.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    Filth. There’s really no better word to describe them.

  • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

    I’m quite sure they realize an early ultrasound does absolutely nothing to confirm the long-term viability of a fetus, only whether there is a heartbeat at the time. Which I would totally trust them to be honest about, uh-huh, sure I would.

  • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

    Islamic shit holes are filthy. Oh wait, these are Christian shit holes. Funny how fucking Republicans around the world are all the same and hate everything our country stands for, isn’t it?

  • godsaidHA

    This has probably already been noted (I didn’t read all the comments) that 1-in-4 occurs before most women even suspect they’re pregnant. A week or two late, a heavy period: that’s a “miscarriage.”

    • M.E. Lawrence

      Also known as “spontaneous abortion.” Mother Nature is swell, but she is not always benevolent. Are these scumbag clinics allowed to treat females under 18? Do they have to inform a parent?

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        I don’t think they care about what they’re allowed to do, just what they can get away with.

      • janey

        i had 2 miscarriages at 2 and a half months. They also are called spontaneous abortions. I got yelled at by a doctor when he saw that in my records. Apparently he didn’t understand the spontaneous part. But you are right, many pregnancies end before the woman even knows she is pregnant. That is something misunderstood by religious nuts who condemn women who have babies with birth defects. Apparently we are more powerful than God himself.

    • RugzYaBurnt

      That’s why when doctors ask me if I’ve ever been pregnant, I reply “Not to my knowledge.”

  • Jesse

    “Pregnant? Scared? Don’t know what to do? Are you thinking about your options? Good news! Imagine Aerie Health Services is here for you.

    You need guidance in your time of need. Answers to your questions. At Imagine Aerie we can give you answers, guidance and support in this momentous time in your life. Answers like ‘should I keep my baby even though I don’t have any way to support him/her?’ Yes! You should. Remember, support comes in many forms. Your baby loves you and the most important thing is to reciprocate that love, everything else will work itself out. Or ‘What about abortion? I do know about the many health risks associated with it like depression, irregular cycles, sterility, breast cancer, pungent feminine odor, mental illness, uncontrollable lactation, sleep irregularities, anal seepage, etc. but maybe I should consider it?’ Good news! You don’t have to. Did you know there’s literally thousands of near earth objects flying around the Earth at this very moment? It’s true! Just like the meteor in Chelyabinsk, Russia that crashed to Earth damaging 7200 homes. And it was a tiny one, lots of near earth objects are many, many times bigger than that. The odds of one crashing down upon our planet get bigger by the day. If a large one hits, you won’t need to have an abortion at all! The life-extinguishing event could wipe out all life as we know it, rendering the Earth a lifeless mass of rock. So why put yourself through all the risks associated with having an abortion when planetwide death might be moments away? You can relax and enjoy the time you have left, no abortion necessary. Now don’t you feel better already?”

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    Where’s my box of kittehs? WHERE’S MY BOX OF KITTEHS??

  • mardam422

    You don’t need an abortion. Maybe you’ll die first. Now, isn’t that better? And then, if a doctor has time to remove the fetus, it can still live. Everybody wins!!!1

  • PattyM

    Every time I think they have gone as low as they can they go ahead and dig deeper.

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