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She’s Just Sayin’

Just a day after Senator John McCain’s office announced McCain had been diagnosed with brain cancer, former state Senator Kelli Ward, his rightwing challenger from last year’s Arizona Republican primary, offered her prayers and best wishes for the ailing senator. (Having lost last year to McCain, she’s now challenging Arizona’s other senator, Jeff Flake.) Ward also mentioned that as a doctor, she happens to know the type of tumor McCain has is incredibly debilitating, so he’d better hurry up and resign, since, sympathy and all that, but come on, he’s really sick. Oh, and did she mention that she’d be an excellent person for Gov. Doug Ducey to appoint to serve out McCain’s term? Because she cares.

In a message titled“My Prayers to [sic] John McCain” on her campaign page, Ward wrote,

My prayers are with Senator McCain and his family. The medical reality of his diagnosis is grim. Senator McCain has an aggressive brain cancer that is both devastating and debilitating. When the time comes that Senator McCain can no longer perform his duties in the Senate at full capacity, he owes it to the people of Arizona to step aside.

For some reason, people seem to think that was a tad disrespectful, even though Ward clearly regards McCain as a deity and prays to him. But just look at all the empathy:

Senator McCain and his family have a lot of hard decisions to make. As a doctor, I’ve counseled people in similar situations and these end-of-life choices are never easy. I usually advise terminal patients to reduce stress, relax, and spend time laughing with loved ones.

She just cares that much about poor John McCain and his family, in what little time he has left, the poor man. He should resign and make the most of that time. Like, really soon. Bus she isn’t simply oozing empathy for McCain; Ward also cares deeply for the good people of Arizona:

The Senate has complicated and difficult problems to deal with and Arizona deserves to be represented by someone who can focus on those challenges.

I hope and pray that Senator McCain will be comfortable as he battles this terrible disease.

That’s a hell of a lot of empathy! It might actually congeal at low temperatures. And you know she really has to care deeply about John Mccain to say all that, since before last summer’s primary, Ward received nationwide criticism for interviews in which she said some decidedly impolitic things about the senator:

In an interview on MSNBC’s “MTP Daily,” Ward, 47, said as a physician she knows “what happens to the body and the mind at the end of life” and that McCain has gotten “weak” and “old.” In another interview with Politico, Ward raised the possibility of McCain dying in office should Arizona voters trust him with a sixth, six-year Senate term.

So after having said all those mean things, it’s awfully kind of Ward to offer her prayers to/for John McCain, not to mention finding the courage — helped, no doubt, by her medical training — to speak the difficult truth and tell him to shove off so someone without a brain tumor can take on the difficult work of senatoring for Arizona. Also, you want to talk about nobility — she didn’t even pump her fist and say “Told you the old fossil would croak in office! Told you!” She is truly a class act.

She’d sure love to bring that tact and empathy to the US Senate, Ward said in an interview Thursday on an Indiana radio station. She’d be just perfect to replace McCain once he gets off his sick, cancer-riddled ass and resigns, according to a summary by the Washington Post:

The host asked Ward, a family physician and a former Arizona state senator, about whether she believes McCain will be able to return to Washington.

“I would never presume to say what someone’s prognosis is without having examined them. As a Christian, I know there can always be miracles. But the likelihood that John McCain is going to be able to come back to the Senate and be at full force for the people of our state and the people of the United States is low,” said Ward.

See? She’s a Christian, and in the spirit of love and mercy, she hopes McCain gets better, but come on, get real — he is so old and sick! It’s really her duty to let him know God probably wants him to step aside. When the host asked if Gov. Ducey might be considering her as one candidate to take McCain’s seat, she blushed like a schoolgirl and said it might be a possibility:

Well, you know, I certainly hope so. Because, you know, I have a proven track record from years in the state Senate of being extremely effective and of listening to the voice of the people that I represent.

Besides, America needs Kelli Ward to help Donald Trump! There is not a moment to be lost!

“We can’t wait until the 2018 election waiting around to accomplish the Trump agenda, to secure the border and stop illegal immigration and repeal Obamacare and fix the economy and fix the veterans administration,” she said. “All those things need to be done, and we can’t be at a standstill while we wait for John McCain to determine what he’s going to do.”

Oddly, pundits and other politicians don’t seem to recognize how selfless Ward is in her willingness to take up poor John McCain’s burden for the good of the nation. People like West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin are just being terribly partisan about all this:

Ward, of course, is terribly hurt that all these leftist liberals and fake newsers are saying bad things about her! So she’s using the blowback in a fundraising email:

“Over the weekend a coordinated attack to destroy our campaign was launched by the fake news and the NeverTrump establishment… and it’s no surprise these attacks were launched as new polling shows our campaign surging to a significant lead over Sanctuary Senator Flake.

“It’s true that I believe that if Senator McCain’s health prevents him from performing his duties as a Senator, that he should step aside. It’s also true that I’m dismayed at the Senate’s inability to pass the America First agenda. It’s not true that I demanded McCain resign so that I could take his place, I plan on earning my seat in the Senate by defeating Sanctuary Senator Flake.”

Not that she’d say no to being appointed to McCain’s seat, either, because she’s not about to be swayed by your Political Correctness/common decency. Arizona needs someone who’s not a doddering, cancer-ridden invalid, and she means that in the nicest possible way.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the “Donate” linky so we can continue to help bring Kelli Ward’s Christian message of love, hope, and grasping political ambition to the people.

[Kelli Ward for Senate / Arizona Republic / WaPo / Arizona Republic]

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  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    She even has Satan eyebrows!

  • susan_g

    That was some harsh shit from Ward but McCain returning to Washington in order to deny millions of healthcare is so much harsher and shittier.

    • cmd resistor

      So I was trying to find news on whether McCain had showed up in DC yet. No word but his office apparently put out word that he was going to make some remarks on the Senate floor and have a press conference later. Hmm.

  • laughingnome

    You can’t spell class without ASS.

  • Scooby

    Healthcare crisis fails to avert healthcare crisis.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    She’s a ghoul.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      But without an actual ghoul’s charm.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Personally, I’m a fan of the Anne Baxter version of Eve Harrington.

  • exinkwretch

    That face was retouched with the skillful hands of a trash compactor.

  • Anna Rompage

    Who knew Sarah Hucksterbee had a twin out there….

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      My gods, they’re multiplying…

      • Suttree

        We need to find that factory and nuke it from space!

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          It’s the only way to be sure!

  • Michael R

    Dear teacher ,
    My homework is in this sealed envelope , I know it’s my fifth
    opportunity to complete it , but please don’t open the envelope
    and grade me on whatever you think might be in there .

  • The Wanderer

    Reprehensible, amoral, and disgusting.
    In other words, Republican.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    McCain has a pretty good excuse for the way he looks. Ward………..?

  • greyXstar

    I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news Joe. People like her are in control of the US Senate.

  • Oblios_Cap

    So she’ll have the pleasure of losing to both Walnutz and a Flake.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      Sounds like a new breakfast cereal.

      • Yellerduck

        It’s two, two, two flakes in one!

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Here’s the @MerriamWebster definition of ‘ghoul’ https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ghoul

  • Paperless Tiger

    Keep moving, Johnny Boy, the buzzards are a circling.

    • redblack

      fucking tasteless!

      i love it.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    How come all these right wing females look like the guy from Robocop who drove into toxic waste?

    http://t.fod4.com/t/407be21a71/c1280x720_26.jpg

  • Oblios_Cap

    It’s hard to believe she’s 10 years my junior. Arizona is tough on the skin.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Conservatism ages you considerably.

    • Edith Prickly

      She has the face she deserves.

      • leemoder

        The Dick Tracy Theory of Villainy.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      And, apparently, the brain.

    • redblack

      she’s exactly my age. i smoke and drink, and i’ll still beat her lazy republican ass up a six-floor walk-up.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Why do I have the inkling she didn’t get into the practice of medicine for the compassionate stuff but rather the money?

  • TJ Barke

    Replicants, I mean republicans, are just so caring and compassionate.

    • Suttree

      Nexus 6 libelz!

      • TJ Barke

        Too bad they won’t be lost like tears in rain…

  • WeaselPoo

    Well…bless her heart!

  • arglebargle

    As long as she’s wasting time petitioning deities, why doesn’t she ask for McCain to die, get appointed to take his seat AND to defeat Flake for the other seat, and voila, she now gets two votes as the first ever double senator.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I think that would also enable her to absorb Flake’s life-force. There can be only one!

  • ez

    Poke him with that shovel Kelli, he’s still moving.

  • Blackest Noobs

    calling her craven wouldn’t be going far enough

  • JoeChristmas

    Maybe some of her osteopathic/chiropractic manipulation training will come in handy with those bootstraps.

  • Joe Beese

    Yesterday I would have felt bad for McCain at having a politician demonstrate that his life was of no value to them.

    Today…

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    You know, I am thinking the wall should be built along the Arizona-New Mexico border. And maybe on the California side, too. Not sure Nevada and Utah would care, but they can sign on. And I am sure Mexico will fund the southern side.

  • Edith Prickly

    “Oh Senator McCain, the view is so lovely from the top of this cliff. Just come a little closer to the edge so you can see better. No closer, you’re still too far away to push see…closer…”

  • DerrickWildcat

    That some big league concern trolling.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    And then all the Boy Scouts started singing, “Na na, Na na naaah na! Hey Heyyyy! Good bye!”

  • Oblios_Cap

    Manchin appears to have a rather jaundiced view of our Ms. Ward.

    • Me not sure

      If Manchin is pissed about her, l can’t wait to hear from Franken.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        It still sounds funny to say, but this is beneath Al Franken’s dignity.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Nurse Ratched for U.S. Senate!

  • Johnny Goldwater

    I don’t want that confused old man with brain cancer chairing the Senate Armed Services committee. He can do a lot more damage than just hurt feelings, so let’s grow up here.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Are you talking about McCain or Trump?

      • Johnny Goldwater

        Hilarious

  • doktorzoom

    Didn’t really have a place to put this in the main story, but at least some of Ward’s supporters think she’s just terrific for telling McCain to beat it so she can have his seat. These are from the replies to Manchin’s tweets:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ca68844111c12091cd6b0f3b2295722d35582b5d736b5c065356d510a8d0847e.jpg

  • DerrickWildcat

    My prayers are with Senator McCain and his family. The medical reality of his diagnosis is grim. Senator McCain has an aggressive brain cancer that is both devastating and debilitating. I am praying with all my strength that you recover. Oh, can I have your car when you die?

  • Ghenghis McCann

    “In Russia we throw them off sleigh. Wolves stop to eat them. It is the way of nature. And much funny.”

  • therblig

    having a senior moment here, is it “with baseball bats” or “with votes”?

    • The Wanderer

      With baseball bats made of votes.

      • OutOfOrbit

        No, the votes are made of baseball bats.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Sharp, pointy baseball bats.

          • OutOfOrbit

            with nails in them

          • Villago Delenda Est

            “She’s got a board with a nail in it! Run!”

      • marxalot

        Votesball

  • OutOfOrbit

    Me bet doollars to doonuts that the gop has never been as nervous about a thing as they are about this vote, today. No matter how it turns out, they will be shitting in their own mess kits and the dinner bell’s-riingin’.

  • Ricky Gay

    She has shattered the glass ceiling of venality and dishonesty

    • OutOfOrbit

      Going up or down?

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    The epitome of the Concern Troll Republican.

  • Dick St. Dipshit
    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      You’re not foolin’ anyone.
      – ‘Doctor’ Kelli Ward

  • SadDemInTex

    Arizona taking Texas off the top of the shame list for a minute or so.

    • OutOfOrbit

      NOBODY gets off The List that easy.

      • SadDemInTex

        Texas is still on the list…just not #1 today….oh, wait…we still have Fuckface and Asshole as our Senators…we are always #1

        • OutOfOrbit

          it is called “sharing the top of the ticket”

    • Me not sure

      The quality list, maybe, but for sheer quantity Texas still rules the roost

  • Weißwurst Supreme

    There’s a certain undefinable evil je ne sais quoi about her… I can’t quite put my finger on it… wait a minute, is it satan? I believe it is!

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Fuck THAT noise, this one’s none of MY doing.
      – Satan

    • PubOption

      Let her introduce herself.

  • Wild Cat

    Another Christian nullifying Christianity.

    Atheism rules!

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      Thank God!

      • Wild Cat

        Actually, maybe the Gnostics were right and “good” God was killed and the universe is being run by a mad god?

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Why do you think the adherents of the current ‘God’ were so insistent on wiping out the Gnostics and destroying their writings?

          • Oblios_Cap

            I think I live by more Christian tenets tan most God-botherers do. Weird, considering I’m an athirst and thus can have no value systems.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Christian”. Jesus drove people like this out of the Temple.

  • anon_the_great

    Kelli Ward has done us a favor. She has shown us what a psychopath trying pass as human and failing looks like.

    • Bobathonic

      I’ve had way too much of that over the last year or so.

    • doktorzoom

      I was going to mention Trump, but he’s not trying to fool anyone

      • Me not sure

        Doc, I’d like to ask if hypothetically saying that someone had a very punchable face, given that the face belongs to woman and I’m a man, would get me in trouble again? God knows, I try to stay out of trouble.

        • doktorzoom

          Yes.

          • Me not sure

            I never did then.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Thank God!

      • Ghenghis McCann

        He wants to reveal his true alien self, but his tiny hands can’t manage to open the zipper on his human suit.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    I for one would love to see John C. Reilly become a senator

    http://www.nndb.com/people/214/000029127/john-c-reilly-sized.jpg

    • wide_stance_hubby

      In my dreams, I’m blowing him. . .
      a vote.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    So is there a rule that all right wing nutbar lady type health professionals must have that hair? Is this a thing?

    • SadDemInTex

      And the eyebrows…don’t forget the eyebrows.

  • azeyote

    not even stunned anymore – trump has made these kind of people appear normal compared to his horrible existence –

  • Me not sure

    The whole concept of a doctor telling someone to “fuck off and die, you old motherfucker” seems in conflict with the Hippocratic Oath.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      But 100% in line with the Republican oath of fealty.

    • cmd resistor

      She could be a reason one would NOT want to “keep their doctor.” She could be a great member of a death panel, though.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Too bad she wasn’t around when Strom Thurmond and Jesse Helms were at the end of their tenures.

      • Me not sure

        I’d get a second opinion under any circumstance.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      but she said ‘with votes’ so its totes okay.

  • Joe Beese

    McCain, his office’s statement said, “will return to the United States Senate at approximately 2:45 p.m. ET today to cast a vote on a motion to proceed to health care legislation.”

    “The vote is expected to occur after the Republican and Democratic Tuesday conference meetings,” the statement continued. “Senator McCain also intends to deliver remarks on the Senate floor after the vote. Following floor action, Senator McCain will hold a media availability in the Ohio Clock corridor of the U.S. Capitol. There will be no media opportunities outside Senator McCain’s office.”

    McCain, his office’s statement said, “will return to the United States Senate at approximately 2:45 p.m. ET today to cast a vote on a motion to proceed to health care legislation.”

    “The vote is expected to occur after the Republican and Democratic Tuesday conference meetings,” the statement continued. “Senator McCain also intends to deliver remarks on the Senate floor after the vote. Following floor action, Senator McCain will hold a media availability in the Ohio Clock corridor of the U.S. Capitol. There will be no media opportunities outside Senator McCain’s office.”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Doesn’t he want time to read the bill first?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        He doesn’t have THAT long to live.

      • Joe Beese

        You have to pass the bill to find out what’s in it.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          ‘Oh, look, it’s not health care at all, it dissolves the US Government and makes Donald Trump absolute ruler and King. Boy, do we feel silly now!’

      • OutOfOrbit

        vote, then resign

  • ArgieBargie

    Further proof than when Xtians say “I pray for you” they actually mean “fuck you!”

  • eyelashviper

    Whatta fukin nasty and ghoulish harpy. All that botox has destroyed any semblance of decency, common sense or brain functioning.
    I do believe now, that Gopers really are Pod People, here to take over humanity, and destroy the planet for their entertainment, a reality teevee program being beamed back to their planet Youranus.

    • Vincent Ricola

      They really do have a certain look about them that doesn’t seem entirely human.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Bad Wolf!

  • Wild Cat

    Her attitude aside, she looks like she enjoys sniffing her own rancid farts.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    She’s trying like a bitch to look human in that photo, but she can’t get there.

  • DerrickWildcat

    The likelihood that John McCain is going to be able to come back to the Senate and be at full force for the people of our state and the people of the United States is low and
    I just know God has wonderful plans for him. So could he hurry up and die?
    Amen and God Bless. Support our troops.

    • Wild Cat

      I’ll send him some Vietnamese take-out for his last hospice meal . . .

      God Bless America!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    AZ Republican Kelli Ward Reminds John McCain There’s No ‘I Have Brain Cancer’ In ‘Team’

    No “i” in “Hatefuck”, either. Just sayin’.

  • cmd resistor

    Wow what a loser.

  • Randy Riddle

    Ward went on to state, “And, by the way, I have a cousin who is a jeweler who would be happy to offer you something for that ring and those medals you won’t be using any more.”

  • MynameisBlarney

    Dunno about y’all, but I’m getting really fuckin’ tired of all the damn HRC bashing that is STILL going on.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029365200

    • Vincent Ricola

      HRC is too good for us. We are getting what we deserve. :(

      • MynameisBlarney

        No, we deserved HRC.
        The fucking ruskies and their collaborators in the GOP subverted our Democracy and installed their brain-dead puppet.

        No fuckin’ way in hell we deserve this shit-show.

        • Vincent Ricola

          This is true. I’m probably just reactionary from all of these terrible people stories.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      The last sentence says it all:

      “At least 20% of those polled have a positive view of Obama but a negative one of Clinton, despite the fact their policies are virtually identical.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Vay Jay Jay.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        On the bright side, we now know that a black man is less scary than an opinionated white woman.

  • Joe Beese

    RedState:

    The Senate goes into recess in two weeks. If Trump fires Sessions before or during the recess (see NLRB v. Canning) he can appoint anyone he wishes as AG until the end of the current Congress (January 2019). Presumably whoever he appoints would not be under any illusions about the length of his tenure and would order Rod Rosenstein to dismiss Mueller. Rosenstein would presumably demur. He would be fired and a recess appointment would be made to deputy attorney general. Then Mueller gets the boot. The implication in all of this is that the only people who would accept the AG and Deputy AG position would be people who didn’t mind having this act associated with their names forever. That is a somewhat scary thought.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    Y’know, after I’ve had emergency surgery to remove a malignant tumour from my brain, and I’m considering my long-range plans, I always consult an osteopath who’s after my job. It just makes so much sense!

    • Oblios_Cap

      An osteopath or a sociopath?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        She can be two things!

    • shastakoala

      I believe chiropractic intervention is in order.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Make sure you get a fully licensed and bonded certified chakra professional!

    • rues

      Wait, she’s not even the ‘family physician’ she claimed to be? Is she even a licensed doctor?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        She’s an osteopath. Which IIRC is a chiropractor with a diploma on the wall.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    He can do the fandango! Mooch threw a fit about Politico “leaking” his firing of Asst. WH Press Sec. after he told Politico he was going to fire him. This guy is bigly professional.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/scaramucci-rails-against-leaks-that-he-leaked

    • Joe Beese

      It’s supposed to be the last refuge, not the first!

      https://twitter.com/ZekeJMiller/status/889862264580427777?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Hey, why not? He also claimed that he is offended “as a Roman Catholic” that Politico ran the story.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Oh, fuck him. Do the fandango for a while, Mooch.

      • jesterpunk

        Is that leaker the POTUS?

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          So the leaker is in the (White) House.

    • cmd resistor

      I worried he might actually be slick enough to get away with more shit.

      • Bebecca

        but he agreed to work for trump so that tells you he’s stupid.

    • Edith Prickly

      Leaks. He keeps using that word. I don’t think it means what he thinks it means…

  • fawkedifiknow

    Senator McCain is not a true representative of the people of Arizona, who deserves Kelli’s respect. Like her mentor, Donald Trump, she likes U.S. Senators who aren’t captured, or dying of cancer.

    • OutOfOrbit

      I wonder if they just removed the part of his brain that was NOT cancerous.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        We’ll know in a couple of hours, I guess.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “My Prayers to [sic] John McCain”

    Was that really necessary? I think, by now, everybody knows John is sic.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Huge line of clergy and medical professionals in white coats going into the Senate. I've been told to watch for an act of "moral obedience" pic.twitter.com/REcSh506kS— Rachel Bluth (@RachelHBluth) July 25, 2017

    • Joe Beese

      Going to plead with them not to kill people?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Senator McCain has an aggressive brain cancer that is both devastating and debilitating.

    So, a Republican brain cancer?

    • Oblios_Cap

      He’s almost qualified to be a Republican president, after all this time.

  • Joe Beese

    110 out of 111.

    Dr. Ann McKee, a neuropathologist, has examined the brains of 202 deceased football players. A broad survey of her findings was published on Tuesday in The Journal of the American Medical Association.

    Of the 202 players, 111 of them played in the N.F.L. — and 110 of those were found to have chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or C.T.E., the degenerative disease believed to be caused by repeated blows to the head.

    C.T.E. causes myriad symptoms, including memory loss, confusion, depression and dementia. The problems can arise years after the blows to the head have stopped.

    https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/07/25/sports/football/nfl-cte.html

    • chortlingdingo

      Yeah, but, but, football would be so boring if they were tearing each other apart every game. And they get paid enough, so why does it matter? They know what they’re getting in to.

      ^actual real things I’ve heard someone say

  • Jgb979

    I know it’s not fair to judge a book by its heavily nipped, tucked, and manufactured cover….

    She seems nice…..

  • mancityRed6

    aww, she seems like a right pain in the ass.

  • mailman27

    Well, she seems like a truly horrible person. She’s got all the nonsensical talking points memorized… she just might have what it takes!

  • La Cieca

    Brain cancer is the only reasonable explanation for that bob.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      It’s very flattering. You hardly even notice her thick mannish head in the middle of it.

      • Oblios_Cap

        She does do a good job of shaving her unibrow, though.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      She does her hair that way to hide her horns. Skirts hide the tail. Don’t know what she does about the cloven hooves.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Boots.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Wouldn’t that hurt?…oh, feature not a bug.

  • shastakoala

    Some people are just born mean.

    • OutOfOrbit

      “Don’t worry, senator. An undertaker is waiting outside.”
      –anyone with a (R) after their name.

  • FUCK HER AND HER “DOCTOR” CREDENTIALS. I’m dealing with my mother in hospice, and with REAL medical professionals, all of whom would be horrified at what she’s done.

    • rues

      Right? ‘Family Doctor’ != ‘Highly Trained Oncology Specialist’ so I very seriously hope she hasn’t been advising on ‘end of life’ decisions for cancer patients, given that she’s NOT AT ALL QUALIFIED FFS….

      Also, I’m very sorry you’re having to deal with that.

    • SadDemInTex

      So sorry.

  • Wild Cat

    “I’d like to visit brave John McCain and discuss his heroic legacy, but I’m afraid I may catch his cancer, which would be unfair to both my patients and my future consumer units.”

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    There is no one more dangerous than an x-tian concerned for your soul. They will commit any atrocity to further their cabal’s goals.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I automatically grabbed my wallet when you said “soul”. Reflex, I guess.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Good reflexes! I am sure they will serve you well in the future.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    May the good Lord bless and keep her.
    As far from the Senate as possible.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      and bless her heart.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Tasman Sea it is!

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Turns out she’s a doctor of rhetoric.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      DOK ZOOM LIBEL!!1

  • Bigby

    So this fuckface literally wants to be a Death Panel for someone in her own party, who probably votes the same fucking was as her about 95% of the time. Huh. How, shamelessly hypocritical and sleezy. Honestly, fuck her, fuck McCain, fuck Trump, and fuck the GOP. Each day is a new craven atrocity in pursuit of cruel abuse of power. And their party base LOVES it.

  • Joe Beese
  • mancityRed6

    it’s like they took the worst parts of both the one L Micheles and made one person.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      I do see a certain facial resemblance if not a breastual one to Ms. Fiore.

  • KenTFM

    This should make this woman a politically radioactive pariah in the eyes of EVERY Arizona voter…present and future.

  • mailman27

    The hidden headline here is that she’s running to the right of Jeff Fucking Flake!

  • Zonath

    You’d think someone would clue this evil opportunist into the idea that you may not want to alienate the olds in Arizona if you’re running for office, especially if you want to run as a Republican.

  • Joe Beese
  • Gayer Than Thou

    As a Christian, I know there can always be miracles.

    Why do I suspect the miracle she’s praying to McCain for is the one that puts her in the Senate?

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      “It was part of gawd’s plan!”

  • shivaskeeper

    New GOPer slogan:

    “We eat our wounded.”

  • TJ Barke

    There’s nothing more dangerous than a nutter that believes that god condones everything they do…

    • Oblios_Cap

      There’s nothing so liberating as blaming your actions on God. I mean, think of all the effort that thinking takes when you hold yourself accountable for you own actions.

  • BearLeft

    It’s the company you keep ….

  • Joe Beese

    Representative democracy.

    As outlined by a Republican aide, GOP leaders will reveal their vision for a health care endgame—the “substitute motion” to which Tillis refers—during a luncheon on Tuesday. Immediately after that, the Senate will vote on the motion to proceed. That means undecided senators will have just minutes after they hear from their leaders to consider moving forward on a debate that will affect millions of Americans and a substantial part of the U.S. economy.

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/senate-republicans-may-score-a-health-care-win-on-a-bill-no-one-has-seen

    • Suttree

      Which any sane person would automatically vote NO on.

      • cmd resistor

        Problem being “sane.”

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          Problem being “human”.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I’m fairly certain watching a legislative body deliberate should not feel like I’m trying to disarm a time bomb.

  • davidhollenshead

    What a total bitch !!!

  • marxalot

    OT: I had a really weird night. Apparently my gf spent all Monday thinking that I had broken up with her on Sunday (which isn’t at all what I was trying to communicate, so that’s on me), and then from what she was saying I thought she was breaking up with me over what we’d talked about on Sunday. We spent almost two hours texting about it and now I don’t know what we’re doing.
    But it was really great to see Kiki’s Delivery Service on the big screen.

    • OutOfOrbit

      you don’t know what you’re doing, Do you?

      • Oblios_Cap

        I’ve been married twice and I’m still confused sometimes.

        • OutOfOrbit

          Marriage can fuck up the best couples.

          • BeachBum

            You ain’t just shitten’ lil brown turds down yer leg neether !

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Worst game of Telephone ever.

      • marxalot

        It SUPER is.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Hopefully the make up sex will be awesome.

    • laughingnome

      A modern day Romeo and Juliet!

      • Oblios_Cap

        Here’s hoping for a somewhat happier ending.

        • natoslug

          Who doesn’t love a happy ending?

          • Oblios_Cap

            especially if it doesn’t raise the price.

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            “You want ‘Golden Finish,’ good for your skin, yes? Is wery sterile!”

    • natoslug

      Sounds like what the oldest girl-child here (well, here and not here, as she is currently on the wrong coast) is going through. Your name isn’t George, I hope.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Aside from George Eliot, I can’t think of a woman with that name. Maybe time to start a new trend!

      • marxalot

        Nope.

        • natoslug

          Okay, good. Don’t want to have to fly cross-country to give you a stern talking-to.

    • BeachBum

      Do you have a boombox ? A pottery wheel ? Access to an F-16 ? Surely you can make spaghetti ?! Don’t wait man, go after her !

  • William
    • The Librarian

      I bet that changes right quick if the Senator votes against repeal.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Speaking of conservative christian low lifes, here’s Chaffetz shaming the homeless.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/aa4a6d1f137ee09c3c842ee28eb8bc381eee1d29a165c6773b8da1cc89fd5f9f.jpg

    • Oblios_Cap

      That chap has a Bush phone!

      • jesterpunk

        Isnt it a Reagan phone since he started the program and it has just been updated over the years to include cell phones?

        • Oblios_Cap

          I know it wasn’t Obama; I always thought it was a Bush era thing.

        • BeachBum

          Don’t know much about history. Don’t know much about the math I took. But I do know I love power and will use anything esp religion to get it and keep it.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            It’s got a beat and you can backstab to it!

    • cmd resistor

      When he calls himself Jasoninthe house now, to what house is he referring?

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        dog?

      • natoslug

        Charnel.

      • PubOption

        Nut?

    • MynameisBlarney

      I hope the big wheel O’ Karma rolls chafenutz and his ilk right into the fucking ground.

      • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

        Karma has a name, Darlin’ – Climate Change Driven Human Extinction, though I refer to her as “Justice”.

        By any name, Karma is a Bad Bitch, and none shall escape her grasp.

      • Mike Steele

        Though we don’t believe in a Xian/Mormon god, we DO believe in Karma, as you can see it in action. For Ward, Chaffetz, and the lot, a new, fresh hell awaits. Our only hope is that we live to see it.

      • TJ Barke

        Karma is a human force, not a mystical one. We have to make our own.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Streaming video on a phone $60/mo. An apartment in Manhattan $2700/mo.

      This is fiscal responsibility looks like.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Chaffetz is at least two things, for sure: obsessed with iPhones, and very bad at math.

      • mancityRed6

        you forgot “steaming pile”

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Definitely a third thing.

    • The Librarian

      Chaffetz=rusty chainsaw votes. What a horrible……I can’t even call him human. :P

    • NastyBossetti

      This is outrageous! Not only do these people have a cell phone with enough battery power for video streaming, but they seem to own clothing! And a blanket! Sure, they don’t have a clean, dry, safe place to live, but that scaffolding provides a roof over their heads. And poor people should have literally nothing; their lives should be 100% suffering, all the time. So glad rich people are around to point out the hypocrisy of the poor!

    • TJ Barke

      Cuz that guy definitely has the wherewithal to just up and turn his life around… He definitely needs no help whatsoever.

      • NastyBossetti

        Maybe you didn’t see the part where he has a cell phone, so I just thought I would point out to you that he has a cell phone.

        • TJ Barke

          Oh, I guess he can just call the life repairer service.

  • Fritz1964

    Wait. Did she just advocate for passive euthanasia? Nothing against D.O.s, but she’s not a neurologist nor an oncologist, so her medical advise for McCain is about as useful as a fart from Dr. Oz.

  • Jenny

    A friend of mine was a mover and shaker in her last campaign. We haven’t spoken since November. I wonder if he is involved in this one.

    Being rich and crazy is what wins elections now a days. There was no attempt on his part to tamper her crazy, for sure other than to say oh she isn’t as bad as the media makes her out to be…

    Even if she’s just a 10nth as bad as the media makes her out to be, I feel like that is still horrible enough to not be involved in politics.

    I always think about what he would say. That I needed to brace for what’s coming next. The generation after the millenials will be hard, fascist right. They’re being raised by tea party grand parents and the GOP is working hard in their youth outreach. Not to current young millenials, but to the kids too young to vote. While they’re still impressionable and trusting of adults and authority.

    After the bullshit bsa rally last night, I’m afraid he is right.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    What’s the difference between the Panama Canal and Kelli Ward?

    One’s a busy ditch.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Right-wing white ladies: this is not what I’m giving money to Emily’s List for! You can stop!

    https://media.giphy.com/media/l8px6snusvpII/giphy.gif

    • The Librarian

      When one of my kitties has had enough, he’ll take a finger gently with his teeth.

  • Joe Beese
    • The Librarian

      Nice pic for a dart board, thanks!

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Looks like somebody picked up the wrong bottle of spray tan.

    • PubOption

      Donnie being trolled?
      http://www.gocomics.com/garfield

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Obviously “you are what you eat” is true.

      GUESS WHO’S AN OVERCOOKED STEAK

  • The Librarian

    I feel bad for Senator McCain. Not a big fan, but to have someone in your own party publicly wish to hasten your (political) demise so they can take your seat is, well, “she seems nice”.

    • Pilotshark

      if she gets the seat, is she there for the full 6 years? as he was just reelected.

      • The Librarian

        Don’t know for sure, but I think if McCain retires, whoever gets that seat would fulfill whatever time is left, be it 6 days or 6 years.

  • david spikes

    McCain is a gigantic asshole but replacing him with an even bigger one?
    And why do Repub.women, particularly blonde Repub women, go so far out of their way to be the worst people in politics?
    They’ve got a lot of competition but man are they evil.

    • Dick St. Dipshit

      It’s a dry evil.

    • OutOfOrbit

      getting blond from a bottle makes one bitter

    • natoslug

      They’re being efficient. The larger the asshole, the more shit they can spew.

    • TJ Barke

      Cuz they’re Negafeminists, or something? Seeking to prove that they can be just as heinous and grotesque as the male republicans?

  • beatbort

    As a Christian, I would like to say: Goeth Fucketh Thine Self, Hussy.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Hussy Libelz!

  • hudson srinivasan

    if this is her attitude to her peer, i shudder to imagine her attitude to her constituents.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      You mean the serfs?

      • Duke

        But only the white ones

    • Mike Steele

      or her less than healthy patients…

  • Jennaratrix

    She seems nice.

  • beatbort

    One can dream, right?
    My dream is that McCain returns to the Senate, votes a resounding NO on health care repeal and replace and then gives a ten-minute off-the-cuff speech about decency, honesty and fairness and how people like this ass-eyed harridan do not embody any of these qualities.
    That’s my dream, anyway.

    • natoslug

      The likely reality is he’s going out with a YES vote and a final “where’s that marvelous ape?” joke. Like a true Maverick. Well, not Brett, Bart, or Beau, but the kind of maverick who thinks Sarah Palin is a good VP pick.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Doctor heal thyself from her own selfish assholery.

    • blarg

      Surgeons are pretty much known as the dicks of the medical world. Don’t care about people. Just want to cut ’em up and fix whatever and then move on to the next case. Bedside manner is not their strong suit, because they don’t give a fuck.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    What does an osteopath do?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Discerns the correct route for ostriches to take, I believe.

    • shivaskeeper

      Massage and chiropractic stuff to open up your bodies healing channels.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        My body only gets basic cable, unfortunately.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      She’s a Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine (DO). It’s an alternative to a MD, has functionally the same curriculum, and is granted the same rights and privileges that a MD doctor has. Osteopathic doctors tend to focus more on primary care and have to take additional study hours on hands-on treatment and diagnosis.
      One of the doctors I used to see was a DO, and he really wasn’t all that different than the MDs I also have seen.

    • dshwa

      The same things an MD does.

  • elviouslyqueer

    And thus (hopefully) concludes today’s episode of “This Hateful Bitch Right Here.”

  • Incoming Ham

    She’s a real piece of…work.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Has been ever since she was a little ghoul.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        She gruesome too since then.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Had to think about it a minute eh?

      • Incoming Ham

        The minute was going back and forth between “work” and “shit”

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Why is it that “coordinated,” as in “coordinated attack” is such a sure-fire term of obloquy? Hell, when I was in grade school I got endless grief for being uncoordinated.

    • SadDemInTex

      You used “obloquy”….did smartypants get a perfect score on SAT?

    • shivaskeeper

      It feeds into the CT theories about everyone being out to get them.

      Good word by the way. I haven’t had to look up a word in a long time.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      They were talking about your shirt not coordinating with your pants.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Shorthand/dog whistle for liberal commie conspiracy.

  • Manhattan123

    She does have the Republican ethos down.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    She doesn’t seem nice. At all.

  • Joe Beese

    Trump’s pick to run DOJ criminal division worked for Russia bank

    Alfa Bank was at the center of scrutiny last year over potential ties between the Trump campaign and Russia after computer experts discovered data suggesting a stream of communications between a server linked to the Trump Organization and a server linked to the bank. …

    Today Benczkowski has his confirmation hearing, but it isn’t expected to go smoothly. He’s already sent notice that he won’t be dealing with questions, in regards to his work for the Putin-linked bank.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/news/powerpost/paloma/daily-202/2017/07/25/daily-202-trump-s-pick-to-run-doj-criminal-division-worked-for-russia-bank/59769c1630fb04367954322c/

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    The GOP attracts all the nicest people.

  • Johnny Appleseed

    One sure way the AZ Gov. can get rid of her (locally) is to appoint her as the interim Senator in Washington, DC, filling Machine Gun McCain’s seat. Especially if the Governor feels threatened by her.

    • Pilotshark

      guess Flake is the one who is feeling a little better, as she will not be running against him next year.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    As per usual

    a) never take responsibility for your fuckups

    b) blame evil libs for quoting you

  • MynameisBlarney
    • I WANT ONE. NOW.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Dunno about that.
        If they’re the same big ass snail that’s been…ahem “running” rampant in Miami, you might want to rethink that.

        http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/09/giant-african-snails-invade-miami-florida/

        • mancityRed6

          they hoped they would take care of the fire ants

          • MynameisBlarney

            The fire ants are here to stay.
            Nothing is going to stop them.

          • mancityRed6

            yet another reason I’ll stay out of the south. and I’ll follow the frost line as everything warms up.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Speaking of ants, I’ve two rather large ants around the shop in the last couple of days.
            One was a stout fella walking around by himself. He was tan and dark brown in coloring and was maybe just shy of 1/2″ long.

            The other one was a lighter tan and had a more reddish brown hue, he was skinnier than the 1st one but was roughly 5/8” and just looked plain mean.

            Could be from the same colony but not sure.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Snail joke!

          One day a man reading at home heard a knock at his door. Sighing, he put his book down and opened the door, but there was nobody there. “Stupid kids,” he muttered, assuming it was kids playing around. He started to close the door but then noticed a snail on his welcome mat. He picked it up and threw it across the street, then returned to his reading.
          A few months later, as he is reading another book, there’s another knock at the door. He opens the door, looks around, and then down at a snail on his mat.

          The snail says, “What the hell was THAT about?”

      • Lance Thrustwell

        You could get escargot filets outta that bad boy.

    • The Green Bastard

      Slime bunny.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      A lovely specimen. Collected downstream of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, I assume?

      • shivaskeeper

        African Giant Snail.

    • TJ Barke

      There is no god…

      • mancityRed6

        ..but Zuul.

    • Shanzgood

      Is that real and someone is TOUCHING IT?!

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yes and yes.

        • Shanzgood

          That’s seriously fucked up.

    • Canis Greyhame

      I think he has a cold or something.

      • MynameisBlarney

        That rabbit is feeling a little…sluggish.

        HA!

        • TJ Barke

          BOOOOOOOOOO!

        • Shanzgood

          HAHAHAHA!

          I feckin hate slugs, though.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Merde alors, how much garlic butter do we need when we cook this snail?

      • MynameisBlarney

        I don’t think you’d want to eat this kind of snail.

        • The Green Bastard
          • MynameisBlarney

            And they can’t make Slurm worth a shit either.

        • eyelashviper

          Nasty things, we had them around when I lived down there. Ever encounter any of the toxic slugs? They slither along rather quickly for a slug, and DON’T EVER TOUCH ONE. Their slime penetrates the skin and is impossible to remove, and can make you sick….
          Along with the venomous snakes running amok, and those pythons, it can get scary. Here in North Central Florida we just have spiders, rattlesnakes, water moccasins, gators, and Gopers.

          • Shanzgood

            And Florida Mans..

          • Lance Thrustwell

            When you lived down where? Green Bastard just mentioned a Neptunian slug. Space traveler, reveal thyself!

          • eyelashviper

            South Florida, kinda Neptunian, weirder even.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            And here I thought Palmetto bugs were horrifying.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Any snails I find in my garden, I carefully take and put over the fence into my neighbour’s. She gets somebody to mow her lawn every three or four years, so I reckon they’re safe there.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        That’s a whole-stick snail!

    • tehbaddr

      That’s not a Rabbit! Clearly an Armadillo!

      • MynameisBlarney

        That’s no Armadillo! It’s a Pangolin!

        • You can’t fool me. They only live in Antarctica.

          • MynameisBlarney

            True, but only in the spring.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “He ate a lot of the salt lick, and then started foaming. OMG DOES HE HAVE RABIES?!?”

  • NotReallyHere

    Well, she sounds thoroughly horrible, so I fully expect she’ll be the next Senator from Arizona.

  • alpacapunchbowl
  • With the charm of a slime eel and the bedside manner of a certain NY landlord, she’s a perfect representative for Trumpcare.

  • wobbly

    Jeez, I just read the Wikipedia version of Senator Edward Kennedy’s life and death. It’s true that his tumor drastically reduced his activity in the Senate, but it was gradual thing. He got a lot of positive things done after his diagnosis. It was only during his last three months that he stopped attending altogether. If anyone thought he should resign, no one said so publicly, not even Republicans. And if a Democrat eyeing his seat had done so, he or she would have been drummed out the party.

    This Kelli female is lower than a snake’s belly, but the norm for today’s Republicans, I guess.

  • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

    What a Cunt-temptible woman, she almost causes me to forget my Cuntry manners, which would be a shame for a nice Cuntry Girl like me to do.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Cuntrol yourself, Anna E.

      • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

        Have you heard that Polars Bears are making an attempt to survive Global Warming by moving into Kelli Ward’s panty drawer?

    • gallbladder

      It’s all very incuntrovertible.

  • tehbaddr

    This message brought to you by “The Party Of Pushing Old People Off The Cliff”.

  • coozledad

    Scaramucciagliacci.

    “This is the problem with the leaking,
    This is actually a terrible thing.
    Let’s say I’m firing Michael Short today.
    The fact that you guys know about it before he does
    really upsets me
    as a human being
    and as a Roman Catholic.”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GubJVThmZs4

  • hudson srinivasan

    why is mccain doing this? what am i not getting here?

    GOP leaders close to securing 50 votes on key health-care vote

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      He is maverICKY

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Some members of his party think he’s not far enough to the right. He’s going to settle their hash once and for all.

    • Joe Beese

      It’s not complicated. The leadership told him to vote repeal. He does what he’s told.

      • hudson srinivasan

        he’s not a 10 year old. a full life he has lead. some self respect he should have no?

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    I dig the headline. Nice callback to one of the all time great Onion articles!

  • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Joe Beese

      If Collins is that worried that her party is being led by a clinically deranged person, she can change affiliation any time she likes.

  • Joe Beese

    The Times’ live vote-count page is here:

    https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/07/25/us/politics/senate-vote-republican-health-care-bill.html

    Watch Obamacare die in real time!

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Sure, she calls her opponent schoolyard nicknames, screams FAKE NEWS, has zero sense of dignity . . . but where’s her history of stiffing contractors and sexual harassment?
    There’s no way she will fit in with today’s Republican party.

  • Opalescent Riddles

    “I would never presume to say what someone’s prognosis is without having examined them,” said Ward, “but I’ll just go ahead and state his prognosis without having examined him.”

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Terry Schavio was fully functional and in the best health of her life when the liberals KILLED her.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        She was just about to sign a deal with “dancing with the stars!”

      • kaydenpat

        Because a Republican Senator diagnosed her through his TV screen.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      They should test John McCain to see if he smiles at a balloon.

  • mancityRed6

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/07/senators-hot-mic-you-could-beat-sht-out
    some levity about the guy that loveable little scamp from Texas, Rep Farenthold.

  • Anna Rompage

    She kind of looks like a villain out of a Batman movie…

    Is that intentional?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Why so sneerious?”

      • Anna Rompage

        “I’ll get you my little pretty”?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Except she lacks the likeable side

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      “I expect you to die, Mr. McCain.”

      ETA: Sorry, I was thinking Bond villains.

  • Marceline

    I’ll save my outrage until I see how McCain votes on repeal.

    • TJ Barke

      One guess.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Leopards don’t change their spots in The Leopards Ate My Face party.

    • Joe Beese

      He didn’t have to drag himself out of the hospital to help the motion fail.

      • Shanzgood

        Bingo

    • mancityRed6

      unless he’s coming back as some kind of atonement for past sins, then I’m fairly certain how he’ll vote.

    • SeeTrain65

      More like “Pigs On The Wing.”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGSPUOaHYn4

  • kindness

    I figured Trump was an anomaly but it seems as if the ENTIRE Republican party is afflicted with the God Damn I Have No Class disease. I’m embarrassed and I’m not a republican. I’m a proud Democrat with the voting to prove it.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Suuurre you are. That’s what they all say.

    • shivaskeeper

      They swing further to the right every day. Two Scoops is the current end state. They could get someone worse in his place in the future if they stay on their current course.

      This has been going on for years. Purity at all costs. Party over Country and Me over Party at all times. Refusal to compromise on anything and being rewarded for it. These and a hundred other things make Trump not an anomaly.

  • Shanzgood

    Is it just their age or is there something about Republican women that compels them to trowel on the eyeliner?

    • Anna Rompage

      It helps hide their lack of soul?

    • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

      She needs to check the coverage of her Lipstick.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I saw a former HRC campaign spokesperson on MSNBC yesterday who had the eyeliner blues so there are some on the left. My theory: Big Cure fans.

      • Shanzgood

        Was she 40-something?

    • thixotropic jerk

      Before you reach any hasty conclusions check out her ears– I think she may be Kirstie’s evil Romulus cousin!
      http://scifanatic.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/saavik.jpg

  • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

    I don’t have a lot of respect left for John McCain, but what remains is his due as a Naval Aviator, and a wounded Veteran that survived the horrors of being a P.O.W.

    I hope McCain recovers from his cancer, and I wish that he learns compassion for other stricken people.

    This Kelli Ward is the lowest sort, a contemptible, opportunistic Slattern.

  • kaydenpat

    Ward appears to be the kind of politician beloved by Arizonians so she may eventually get McCain’s seat. It’s amazing to me how Republicans are getting worse when it comes to extremism. There doesn’t appear to be any moderates among that lot.

    • Rags

      Goldwater put AZ about 5 years ahead of the rest of the country in right wing extremism. Too many other places are rushing to keep up.

    • yyyaz

      She can’t even wIn a primary against any gooper who isn’t as right-wing as she is. Hence her braying to be appointed.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I thought AZ was trending purple. Is it just not enough left leaning voters there? Too many old fuckers who won’t die?

      • theblackdog

        The problem is that in many areas of AZ, there are well established generations of families living there so these old fuckers pass on shitty views to their kids who grow up and pass it on to their kids and so on.

        • Le Chapeau

          So, intergenerational shittiness.

  • La forza del resistino

    To quote Frank Underwood on Ms. Ward – ‘Whoa girl’.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So I was thinking. If I were to emigrate to Canada would having relatives there give me any leverage in being able to become a Canadian citizen or like on the path to citizenship? Can they sponsor me or something?

    • chortlingdingo

      I think you’d have to have a job lined up first.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Luckily my cousin’s wife is a teacher like me so I may have some luck.

        • chortlingdingo

          Best of luck if that’s what you decide to do! Canada seems like a veritable paradise these days.

    • Jim QuinnX

      Hate to toss water on a wonderful idea, but Canada isn’t too keen on accepting more Americans right now. They are too busy accepting refugees from nations with a humanitarian crisis. As of press time, that doesn’t include us.

  • BeachBum

    Arizona Motto : ” The last state of the Confederacy.”

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      More like: “Warning: Intense heat causes idiocy.”

      • leemoder

        But it’s a dry stupidity.

        • Le Chapeau

          Upvoted for “Aliens” riff.

      • kareemachan

        That would explain Texass and Floriduh…

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    Can we get a dispensation from the women so that we may use the word “cunt” in relation to wannabe Sen. Ward?

    • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

      Granted.

    • gallbladder

      I’ve used that word (preceded by the obligatory “dumb fucking”) almost daily towards Drumpf since he got into office. It’s my only source of relief.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        When it applies…

        • gallbladder

          That’d be almost daily.

    • David Chaillou

      Cunts are neither ugly nor evil, so why disparage them by comparing them to this female moray eel?

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      You could add the prefix “hoofwanking bungle”

  • Ωbjectifier

    Sanctuary Senator. Cute.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    These people are so fucking evil. No snark.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      LOL. They deserve each other. McKranky continues to enable Twittler’s raving. What’s the difference? A dick with a hole in his brain or a dick in a dress?

    • tomamitai

      She’d have to be human to be evil, and her words indicate that, despite the genetic relationship she has with the human race, she’s not one of us. In her copy of the dictionary there should be little mirrors next to the definitions of the words “sociopath”, “shark”, and “soulless”.

  • La forza del resistino

    As a Doc, her patient end of life counseling likely involves a coupon at her brother in laws mortuary.

  • BMW

    Does Hallmark make a card for “I heard you’re so sick you should retire, so I can have your job”?

    • gallbladder

      They’re right next to the ones that say, “Heard you died.”

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        That’s on the cover. Inside the card there is always a taunting, bad-taste variation of “Congratulations, asshole! Enjoy Hell!”

    • Nockular cavity

      “Sorry you’re sick. Say, if you die, can I have your shit?”

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      It’s Hallmark’s major competitor. It came from nowhere and in a few months it became Fortune-500: Gallmark Cards.

  • Jenny

    So John McCain gets a lot of nice words said about him. His response? Hold on real quick guys, let me remind you of the asshole your nice words forgot to mention!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    It the eyes. Always the eyes. The window into the true evil that lurks inside. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/39d934fb2238e81208473055d06fac7d8a2f87f3519904a5749d63ec96fca4de.jpg

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      “I have a cunning plan!”

      • SeeTrain65

        “Kelli, you wouldn’t see a cunning plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord, singing ‘Cunning plans are here again!'”

      • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

        It’s so cunniing, you could brush your teeth with it.

  • SayItWithWookies

    “Hi Senator it’s me, Kelli. I just came to see you for maybe the last time, because you never know, poor dear. Can I get you some water? No? Oh – lack of thirst is one of the last signs. Oh, and speaking of sign, I typed out an endorsement letter, and if you just put your John Hancock – did you know he’s dead? – at the bottom I can have this in the mail to the governor in a jiffy. And stop grinding your teeth – you should be saving your energy.”

    • Johnny Appleseed

      You seem hopeful she would even offer water to him.

  • Fartknocker

    Kelli has been tasting the chemicals in Chemtrails again.

    • efoveks

      So, too many Easter Peeps? ;)

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Carrion feeder.

  • theblackdog

    When the time comes, Gov. Doug Ducey should name an extra pointy Saguaro cactus to be the replacement for McCain. It would have more brains than Ward. Bonus if it has an owl living in it.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Stop drooling, Kelli.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “My prayers are with Kelli Ward and her family. The medical reality of her diagnosis is grim. Kelli has an aggressive sympathy cancer that is both devastating and debilitating. When the time comes that Kelli Ward can no longer perform the minimum levels of human compassion, it’s time she retired her skin suit and spend her remaining time sunning herself on Arizona’s rocks with other cold-blooded reptiles.”

  • thixotropic jerk

    I dunno I think she makes a really nice vampire ghoul– and she’s a natural politician!

  • OrG

    Hey Kelli with an I, you are a terrible person and should feel bad about yourself.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Scavenger.

  • Kooolest G

    why doesn’t the governor appoint Meg McBabe to her dad’s seat? she’s already on Fox “news” and if she gets in there now she can probably hold on to that seat for the next 60 years or so

    • Jim QuinnX

      eep-ka at-tha iet-qua

  • efoveks

    As a Christian, Kelli Ward should keep her trap shut & respect the McCain family in their moment of crisis. I give her “Christian love” claim a 0/10 (or no Eastern Stars of Miraculous Jesus birthin’ ). God’s will (after all, I want to appeal to the right deity) she loses badly on her next attempt to get elected, and may she be laughed out of town by all the voters in Arizona.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Just another pathetic low-empathy christain. Typical for Arizona.

      –Phoenix resident.

  • ken_kukec

    Nice picture, The steady diet of carrion seems to agree with her.

  • Yr. Gma

    What a cunt.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      She is what a regular cunt would say, “Now she is a cunt!”

    • Tishalicious

      I see no evidence of warmth or depth.

      • efoveks

        ISWYDT!

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Fucking Republican’t vulture! (And yes, I’m being intentionally redundant for effect.)

    • Buzz1313

      You’d think she’d have the tact to pitch this replacement idea to the governor privately. Apparently not. No class….

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Tact!?! Arizona Republicans and Tact!?!?
        I’d never think that!
        /s

      • Jim QuinnX

        What makes you think she didn’t? I can’t imagine that she missed that opportunity.

  • Douglas White

    It’s really horrifying how the left continues to use the actual words and deeds of people as a way of allowing others to judge them. It simply doesn’t seem fair at all. Judgment of politicians (at least of right wing politicians) should be 100% solely based upon what they say about themselves. Anything else is a clear violation of their first amendment rights, and reeks of the totalitarianism that the left is well know for!

    • efoveks

      And don’t forget: What Would (Republican) Jesus Do?

  • nightmoth

    Bitch looks as mean as she sounds. That’s the smile of a snake right after it’s swallowed a family pet.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Snake libelz!

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    New Name: Hoofwanking BungleKelli

    • efoveks

      Yay! Return of the Hoofwanking Bungle____ ! Lo, how I have missed seeing that here :)

  • Wee Mousie

    There’s also no “I have a brain.” in Republican.

  • Doug Langley

    Gawd, that picture! I’ve seen that look in every Wes Craven film.

    • Zyxomma

      Very craven.

  • puredog

    Note to Kelli: When you’ve lost Manchin, you’re not doing well.

  • Grokenstein
  • Hardly Ideal

    I took the family to Disneyland the other day. For all the talk we make about how much we love kids, everyone seemed ready to elbow us aside if we were in their way. I thought “man, the average person would just step over your bloody corpse if there was so much as a taco cart on the other side.”

    And yet, it seems they’ve got nothin’ on Arizona republicans.

    • Marsupial99

      Wait… you found a TACO CART at Disneyland?!? Finally, we’ll get some use out of our annual passes!

      • theCryptofishist

        Just think, there could have been a taco cart at every corner of Disneyland!

      • Hardly Ideal

        Er… okay, maybe not the best example. I think there’s like two Mexican places in both the parks. The one we went to was okay, but I wouldn’t pay that much for a couple tamales outside of a theme park.

  • JackLinks

    Phuck McCain, I hope I’m alive went the POW paperwork that McCain hid is opened up and we’ll see how bad McCain really had it when he was taken to Russia for 2 or so years while a POW!!

  • Ill-Advised

    That’s a wonderful photograph. Children, look carefully: she’s not showing even a hint of fang.

  • Le Chapeau

    Why do so many Republicans look like they’re constipated and are trying to move a turd the size of a Volkswagen? Seriously that face could make a train take a dirt road.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “That’s a hell of a lot of empathy! It might actually congeal at low temperatures.”

    Heh, well done Dok!

  • theCryptofishist

    “That’s a hell of a lot of empathy! It might actually congeal at low temperatures. And you know she really has to care deeply about John Mccain to say all that,”
    Read more at https://wonkette.com/620673/az-republican-kelli-ward-reminds-john-mccain-theres-no-i-have-brain-cancer-in-team#JScrqy4eJhE2ggZU.99
    needs to capitalize the 2nd C in Mccain.

  • ahughes798

    What a heartless cunt. Sorry, not sorry.

  • Mirful

    Once again I am embarrassed to live in Arizona.

    (I am happy, however, that my sister has moved from Mississippi to Southern California- which means that she can no longer call me from Mississippi and make fun of me for living in Arizona. From Mississippi, for gods sake. Mississippi!!)

  • bbayliss

    My email to John McCain
    Nice speech,
    The motion to proceed was carried 51/50. you voted to proceed on a bill without knowing which of the six versions you were proceeding on. And then have the gall to call for regular order.
    Go to hell, cancer or no cancer. Face it, without Palin we have no trump.
    1/5 of the economy millions of americans affected. and you give us both sides!
    BULLSHIT! The ACA was passed after 14 months of open debate, for you to compare the procedure used with this bill to that of the ACA is disingenuous and false
    It’s your goddamn party, win at any cost, unprecedented obstruction, party before country.
    John McCain I expected more from you.
    YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A HERO.

  • everstar

    Is she the victim of a drive-by Botoxing? Because her face is alarming to me. And I suspect she’s part Romulan.

    • thixotropic jerk

      That’s what I thought too! (See my illustrated non-comment down thread)

  • Mavenmaven

    Being a heartless sociopath makes one a true Ayn Rand style Republican.

    • SDGeoff3

      Wisdom abounds among these non-existent comments today.
      Thanks.

  • Carole

    Doesn’t Dr. Ward have some patients to euthanize, er heal?

  • david spikes

    She’s a scumbag but so is he, so who cares. McCain would cry his crocodile tears while casting exactly the same votes Cruella would, so fuck them both.

    • SDGeoff3

      Thank you. I’m chewing nails and spitting tacks right now. I just raised my voice at the cat, and so I’m off the deep end.

  • Harbinger08

    Wow. Just when I thought they had mapped out the entire continent of Repulsive, they go and find a whole new peninsula. That is really wretched.

  • Sakonyachen

    While I must say that I believed about John McCain most things that Kelli Ward said, even my ignorant ass knows better than to say these things out loud on Wonkette. Why would you say these things in a place where people take you seriously?

  • Bill Patterson

    She’ll fit right in with Cassidy and Paul, just to name 2 of the 14 GOP sociopath MD’s serving in the Senate as well as the noted humanitarians Price and Carson kissing Caesar Disgustus’ flabby ass.

  • SDGeoff3

    After what that asshole Mc Cain did today, I think I applaud her remarks.

  • SeeTrain65

    I’m not saying I don’t agree with Manchin’s determination of Ward, but I am saying he falls short in a number of the same areas, too.

    • miss_grundy

      Does Manchin say the same thing about Cruz because after reading Al Franken’s book, it appears that everybody hates Cruz.

      • SeeTrain65

        In this case, I think he would. Even the ebola virus hates Cruz.

        • redblack

          to be fair, ebola hates everyone equally.

  • redblack

    [splorf!]

    she’s 47??!!1! and she thinks walnuts is old and sick??

    jesus god, she has eyes like two piss-holes in a botoxed snow bank.

    what is it with cons looking older than they really are? (to wit, alex jones. and i think mitch mcconnell is only 38.) is it all that clean jesus-ey living?

    or is it the bile?

  • Lefty Wright

    Well, McCain held on long enough to start the process of fucking over at least 20 million Americans. Ward would have to try really hard to top that.

  • HazooToo

    A woman who gives backhanded well-wishes that are actually very accurate is not welcome, but a man who body-slams reporters is. Keep fucking that chicken, Manchin.

  • redblack

    recommendy the whole article, if for no other reason than dok’s headline. (the nuts-and-bolts well-sourced and informative tl;dr article is good, too.)

    well-played, sir.

  • Tully

    Gee, I think she’s a Republican! And the exact type of person who should never hold office. She wants the power wayyy too much.

  • One wonders why, as a Christian, she’s a doctor in the first place. I mean, isn’t treating people for the diseases that God inflicts upon them working directly against His will?

    • tex7

      Sounds like the Real Mother Theresa. She gathered up the ill and dying, not to offer medical treatment or palliative (painless) care, but because their suffering glorified God.

      • She really did. I sometimes feel pangs of guilt for badmouthing Mother Theresa, but seriously. However Catholic I may have been, back in the day, what she did was transparently fucked up.

  • akita96th

    She is living proof there are no good republicans left in this country…Evil,vile,petty,vindictive,despicable untrustworthy, liars, cons ,crooks,practicing criminals…All of them poor excuses of a human being..No humanity left in them nothing but dark eyes of evil…Dont even get me started on the Christian aspect of it geeze…None of them has honor,ethics,or an oz of patriotism…..I go so far as to call them downright traitors to democracy. They have no understanding of truth or honesty…They follow blind ignorance they celebrate stupidity on a level unsurpassed in US History. Education in this country has ceased to be relevant to republicans..Americans needing help is a bad word to these republicans…When did representing Americans and helping Americans become a bad thing…….People dont matter These evil fuks dont pray to any god..Frauds in all things including religion…..A bunch of fat ass flaccid pricks posing as lawmakers.

    • JJ O’Shaughnessy

      I think you left out their wonderful singing voices.

  • James Lamere

    In the words of Albert Schweitzer…..”Womba , if that women returns..kill her ” .

  • Wes

    What a “See you next Tuesday”

  • Boko999

    So that’s one of the Feminazis Limburger has been on and on and on about.
    As an old WASP one of my favourite accomplishments of the feminist movement is that it has empowered women to be as big an asshole as men.
    I knew that would happen. I never thought women were inherently nicer than me.
    Bitches.

  • Jim QuinnX

    Don’t be so critical. She probably wrote this because it’s her time of the month.

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Is it just me or is Arizona the Florida of the west?

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    As I recall, she held actual town hall meetings to address the “chemtrails” problem…

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