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A face only a mother could punch repeatedly.

Former Rep. Jason Chaffetz’s career as a Talking Ugly Head on Fox News is starting with both a bang and a whimper! Monday morning, he waked up and affixed his Mormon underpanties to his meat body, sculpted his face out of the weird shape it gets when he sleeps on it, and into the weird shape it has when he goes in public, and went to the Fox News studios for his CLOSE-UP. His brilliant thought for the day, which he could not wait to share with “Fox & Friends,” is that it’s REAL FUCKIN’ DUMB how Congress is questioning Prince Jared Kushner this week, because shouldn’t we be asking Chelsea Clinton about that time she did Benghazi?

“Republicans need to get a backbone,” Chaffetz said. “Every time the Democrats say they need to call up Jared Kushner or Don Jr. — call up Chelsea Clinton, call up the Clintons.” […]

“There we have an inspector general who issues a report stating an actual crime,” Chaffetz said. “You have Bill Clinton, the former president, taking millions and millions of dollars from countries, that Hillary Clinton is going in and then doing business.”

“So every time a Democrat says ‘I gotta talk to Donald Trump Jr.,’ then go up and bring Chelsea Clinton in there,” Chaffetz continued, “because she was involved in the Benghazi situation, she was involved with the (Clinton) Foundation.”

It’s possible Congress is investigating Jared Kushner because he worked on his pops-in-law’s campaign and now he works for the White House and there are all these questions about undisclosed meetings Kushner took with Russians that may or may not have been related to the Trump campaign doing conspiracies with Russia to win the election, WHEREAS Chelsea Clinton’s mother Hillary Clinton is not president, Chelsea Clinton didn’t have an official role in her mother’s campaign, and there is literally no evidence Hillary colluded with Russia (or Ukraine!) to steal the election FROM HERSELF and give it to Jolly Old Pussgrab McOrange.

But maybe Jason Chaffetz is right and Congress is refusing to investigate Chelsea for her obvious Benghazi-ing because DOUBLE STANDARD! He actually said on Fox that “they would never do this to the Clintons.”

Is there something to Chaffetz’s argument? Did Chelsea do Benghazi? Sure why not!

During the Benghazi hearings, GOP Rep. Martha Roby memorably asked Hillary if she was home alone THE WHOLE NIGHT of the Benghazi attacks, and Hillary and everybody else giggled because it sounded like Roby was wondering if Hillary was visited by any extramarital weenus or hoo hoo nookie that night. Roby was not amused.

But the truth is we were also laughing because the secret all liberals know (AND ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT) is that Hillary was home alone that whole night (unless Huma came over for Benghazi ‘n’ Chill time), and that she was able to stay there by herself because Chelsea Clinton, former first daughter, was right at that very time using a jetpack to ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM into Libya and Do Benghazi. Like what do you think people who work at the Clinton Foundation do? It’s right there in the employment agreement. (“You may be called upon to Do Benghazi occasionally, and you will definitely have to Clinton Body Count at least one person per annum. Do not worry, you will get time-and-a-half for these things, double-time on holidays.”)

So yeah, it’s true, and fuck Jason Chaffetz right in his sideways face hole for blowing the whistle on it.

Oh well. We didn’t think it was possible for Jason Chaffetz to get dumber, but we guess when you mix his bizarre face with Fox News, some sort of dipshit chemical reaction occurs and you get a level of MORE STUPIDER than the scientific community ever thought possible.

In that spirit, here are some more questions Jason Chaffetz should ask on Fox, to impress his new bosses so they keep paying him eleventy Ameros per week:

  • Shouldn’t we ask HILLARY CLINTON if SHE went to the Moscow Miss Universe Pageant with HUMA ABEDIN and while there did THEY have any Russian pee hookers do a Russian pee hooker show for THEM?
  • Shouldn’t we ask DEAD TED KENNEDY if HE colluded with Russia in CHAPPAQUIDDICK to steal the election for HILLARY?
  • Shouldn’t we ask BARACK AND MICHELLE OBAMA if THEY ever bragged to BILLY BUSH about all the pussies THEY GRABBED?
  • Shouldn’t we ask NANCY PELOSI if she got an AIRBNB for THREE MILLION ILLEGAL ‘SPANIC MESSICANS so they could VOTER FRAUD to make HILLARY CLINTON win the POPULAR VOTE?
  • Shouldn’t we ask CHARLOTTE AND AIDAN MEZVINSKY if THEY took any secret Russian conspiracy meetings in June of 2016 in order to steal the election for GRANDMA HILLARY? Oh pfffffffft, the liberal media will probably say, “Charlotte was two and Aidan was being birthed at the time,” but they would say that because they are BIASSSSSSS.

These are just very good (and important) questions Jason Chaffetz should ask on “Fox & Friends,” and if he takes Wonkette’s advice, he is sure to have job security at Fox for approximately one million years.

Wonkette salaries are fully paid by lovely souls like YOU! If you love us, click below to pay our salaries!

[h/t RawStory]

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  • Joe Beese
    • Rudy is probably the worst mainstream choice for AG, somehow more than that racist shit bag Sessions. He is also utterly unconfirmable

    • Christopher Story
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      There are a whole bunch of Senators who hate him/don’t trust him

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      There’s just NO WAY Donald Trump could be elected! I hope he’s the candidate, because Hillary will slaughter his ass! It’ll be something like 45 states to 5!
      – just about every damn one of us this time last year.
      Just sayin’.

  • Baconzgood

    If the Republicans were an ex-boyfriend a judge would have no problem signing a restraining order the Clintons filed.

    Get over this super unhealthy obsession. They are just not into you. For 30 years for christ sakes. So much effort spent on a hick family from Arkansas.

    • Serai 1

      Except that only Bill was a hick. Hillary’s from Illinois.

      • Baconzgood

        Hick by association then.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Bill Hicks libelz!

    • OutOfOrbit

      The Rubes never stop loving the way it feels to have their panties twisted, tightened and rubbed up & down againt their poop-shute holes by FN while hearing Clintons!!! Bad!!!1!!!!

  • William

    Anyone else notice that these Fox fed idiots never mention anything specific? They just throw out phrases like Benghazi and e-mails and hope it sticks to the wall like Russian hooker urine. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c7c40033aa1254d12045f2f262f8e3a3c2d9ef8cfc5609831c97d5053fbe9c0a.jpg

    • Pisto75666

      The sad part is it usually does.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      And the Clinton Foundation! It did something or other… mumble, mumble.

      And uranium! And emails!

    • miss_grundy

      Perhaps if the House Republicans hadn’t cut the consulate and embassy security budget for two years running we wouldn’t have had security problems in Benghazi. But they did that and never had to pay for it.

      • Paul

        Ramen to that miss g.

        That has always pissed me off

      • William

        It’s even simpler than that. When terrorists attacked the twin towers, the GOP blamed the terrorists. When terrorists attacked our embassy the GOP blamed an American secretary of state.

  • Steve Cole

    You left out “find the body of Jimmy Hoffa” and award blame for the collision of the USS Fitzgerald.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    So the only difference between Jason Chaffetz the Congressman and Jason Chaffetz the pundit is that we’re no longer paying his salary?

    • Christopher Story

      No more illusion of ethics

  • Losing the election to Trump was just phase 1 of her diabolical plan to destroy America by letting the GOP get everything they said they wanted. She is pure evil. MUHAHAHAHAAHA!

  • Indiepalin

    What about Barron’s frequent interactions with a Slovenian model?

  • Baconzgood

    Um….none of the Clintons hold public office. I may be wrong in this. Maybe a kids book is nefarious ISIS propaganda…but I doubt.

    https://m.barnesandnoble.com/w/she-persisted-clinton-chelsea/1126344707?ean=9781524741785&st=PLA&sid=NOK_DRS_NOOK+EBooks_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP77105

  • Steve Cole

    I think all F&F cast members should wear blond wigs, short skirts and heels, no matter their original plumbing.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Being gelded isn’t transitioning.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m so glad that Jason Chaffetz fucked off to Fox News and I can forget he exists until his inevitable co-worker harassment lawsuit.

  • Serai 1
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    “But what about…?” is the mating call of the wild Trumpanzee

    It is as ubiquitous as the sound of crickets or the croaking of bullfrogs, across America’s heartland…

    • Every “but what about” is an admission of guilt. Wingnuts just have this weird idea that wrongdoing is a zero-sum concept that can be transferred to others or be diluted by spreading it around.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        the moral and intellectual development of a four year old.

        “He did it too!” quits working for most of us by the time we hit kindergarten

  • Bill D. Burger

    The Kush just finished his lil’ speech. Arghh….that voice:

    It’s the high school prick who led the debate team. Tracy’s alter ego: ‘Stacy Flick’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2IHwCUrFo8

    • Serai 1
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Oh, no. He’d be the prick who thought he was the slick debater but in reality was the jerk-off who tried to win with smarm and smug while everyone else ran rings around him.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        He is a cocky little SOB

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He did manage to say some stuff that’s going to bite him in the ass. No reliance on Russian money? No collusion? I can’t wait until he has to explain that stuff under oath once the financial records are introduced as evidence.

  • Having to be nice to Steve Doocy on the phone for 5-10 minutes was the moral low point of my life.

    And I once almost kicked a child on the street in Delhi. (Saw somebody grab at my bag of groceries to try and steal it, kicked my leg out in that direction, saw I’d just missed kicking a 7ish year-old, wanted to die.)

    • SisterArtemis

      Having to be nice to Steve Doocy on the phone for 5-10 minutes was the moral low point of my life.

      I suspect there’s a story here, and also, congratulations on surviving.

      • Actually it sort of gets contextually worse. I was working (briefly–quit shortly after this) for the speakers’ bureau at a big book publisher. Doocy was supposed to be flying to Florida to give a speech with Jeb! but had lost his flight confirmation number, which I had to find in a database for him.

    • I wouldn’t have made it 3, and i have been being fake nice to people for 18 years in cutomer service

    • Rags

      Soooo…. is that a beta barrel in your avatar, or are you just glad to see me?

      • Nah man all the betas are frogs, not barrels.

  • Michael R
    • SisterArtemis

      Ah, the super-creepy decor of the mid-20th century…

    • Catstro

      Ew, it’s like Pepe the Frog mated with a strawberry

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      My grandmother had one of those, and one that was a lemon/human hybrid. Fuckin’ scary shit. I was soooo ready to smash them when she died, but they had already disappeared into the mists of time.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Yikes! That’s uncanny.

  • ken_kukec

    Chaffetz is so 114th Congress.

  • david spikes

    Scary to think that the crazy Jason Chaffetz we saw doing crazy in Congress was actually keeping the crazy under control, saving it for his wingnut welfare on Fox.
    Jason really has a face that was meant for radio.

    • mardam422

      Meant for my fist.

  • Stulexington

    They’re still doggedly reading from their playbook even though it assumes Hillary won and no one edited it after that point.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I would prefer to live in the original edit personally. This rewrite is the worst.

  • armed_bears

    I guess Fox is willing to pay his housing stipend.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      he gets to sleep under the glass desk

      • Painter of Goats

        Short-skirted blonde optional?

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Holy shit, that is one dead horse you’re still beating.

    • dslindc
    • HorseChestnut

      It’s gone past horse, now it’s just glue and jerky.

    • Christopher Story

      Honestly, furries are less fetishists than these “But Hillary!” freaks.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It’s all they got. They have no message, no plan, no nothing, other than their hatred of Dems/liberals. Hey viewers! Remember how good you felt in 2016 getting to wallow in all that hatred? Here’s a chance to reclaim some of that, it’s an oldie, but one we know you’re gonna love!

  • dslindc

    Nobody told me I’d get to do Benghazi if I worked for the Clinton Foundation! Where do I apply? Will I also get access to the pizza place sex dungeon?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    I did not think he could get stupider.

    I have obviously overestimated him significantly.

    My bad.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    You have Bill Clinton, the former president, taking millions and millions of dollars from countries, that Hillary Clinton is going in and then doing business.

    Supposing for the sake of argument that this were true, what Hillary Clinton does in 2017 as a private citizen is relevant because…?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/042f95b248360b3b25270ffb53a30c6cb7c6de536119527ad38af8afad2c0aac.jpg

    • miss_grundy

      It isn’t relevant to those of us who have critical thinking skills but since the GOP are just plain stupid they have to project their sins on the opposition. After all, the current occupant of the Oval Office is doing business and his political party isn’t calling him out on it or even telling him to STFU already on his lies–or alternative truths as he likes to call them.

  • katkelly57

    He has the face that only a mother could love….and she sometimes wonders.

  • Nockular cavity

    Just…shut the fuck up Chaffetz, you beaver-faced moron.

    There. That’s my clever reply.

  • Michael R
    • Was. He quit and works at Faux now. So, the above is him doing his job

    • dslindc

      *Some restrictions apply, not available if President is a Republican.

    • mancityRed6

      he quit because they have proof he was one of the pee hookers.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Lying sack of shit.
      Lying sack of shit.
      Lying sack of shit.

      • mancityRed6

        one more time!

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Oblios_Cap

    When did Chelsea get dragged into all the Ben Ghazi hoopla?

  • Wild Cat

    ManOManOChaffetz, leaving Yahweh for Moroni, leaving a 435-seat bordello for a 4-seat fascist couch that still reeks of Ailes and O’Reilly’s farts.

  • armed_bears
    • MynameisBlarney

      Now that’s not a fucking creepy as fuck face at all.

      • therblig

        that’s a face that says, “of course I have 6 freezers in my basement, doesn’t everyone?”

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • Baconzgood

    I’d also like to point out about this whole Bingazzzzhhhhh-argle-bargle-rage is that because of those “time zone” thingies (with the world being round) it was like 5PM EST when the shit hit the fan. And even when shit isn’t hitting the fan I doubt the United States of America Secretary of State knocks off work before 9PM. I’m sure that there is a lot of stuff that job entails. Hell I worked at an amusement park guessing people’s weight couple summers and I worked 10-12 hours a day 6 days a week.

    • OutOfOrbit

      And Shanz weights How Much?

      • Baconzgood

        I’ll tell you what my boss told me when I started the weigh/height/age guessing booth job. “ALL women are 28, 5 foot 8 and 118 lbs” we called it the “rule of 8”. It was better to give them a Chinese made teddy bear than to have them glare at you every time they walked by.

        • OutOfOrbit

          That was smart. So Shanz weighs 158 lb?

          • Baconzgood

            She wishes. She wants some junk in her trunk. She’s too thin. She would wear 138 nicely.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Copius amounts if red meat, donuts, pretzels & beer.

          • Shanzgood

            Feed me up!

  • Red Bird

    Didn’t read this. Chaffetz should just go away.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    OT: speaking of rocket surgeons, this in from “the best people”:

    https://twitter.com/meridithmcgraw/status/889308885189894145

    • MynameisBlarney

      Idjits!
      It’s spelt like “West (BY GOAWD) Virginny”!

    • Virginina is a terrible disease, especially when it manifests in the Western organs.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        especially if it’s in your beaver.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Nobody uses spellcheck there. WTF?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      It’s hard when spelling Virginia for the pres. He thinks you’re about to spell vagina.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        It would be funnier if they said he was en route to Beaver, Vagina.

    • Nockular cavity

      Just grab them by the Virginina.

      Trump saw “Beaver” there, and lost all concentration.

    • armed_bears
    • Oblios_Cap

      Flying off to soak in some Beaver, eh?

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      “Almost heaven, West Virginina…”

    • Rags

      The White House Spelled Vagina wrong on POTUS Schedule.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This sack of shit needs to be flushed.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Too big to flush, sadly.

  • Joe Beese
  • Blackest Noobs

    New and Improved Chaffetz but with just helluva lot less hair gel.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Dear gawd, if ever there was someone who needed to STFU and go the hell away forever and ever, it’s Chaffed-Shitz.

  • Mary Theresa

    OT: Another one maybe leaving the Trumptanic.

    Tillerson may make early exit from State Department: report
    http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/343448-tillerson-considering-early-exit-from-state-dept-report

    • lucidamente

      Omarosa is waiting in the wings.

    • mancityRed6

      “Sources “familiar with Tillerson conversations with friends outside Washington” admit the secretary of State may just be venting, but they sense his doubts about President Trump are growing.”

      all I see are empty cubicles, where are my people, dammit?

    • armed_bears

      Rex, grow some truck nutz and stick it out thru the whole 25th business.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I guess God’s telling him “I was just joking”.

    • Bitter Scribe

      The links says Trump is considering replacing him with Rudy Giuliani. Dear God.

    • Baconzgood

      I used to sell restaurant and bar equipment (taking a break from it for a few years) and I remember talking to an owner of a local chain of pizza joints (he had about 10 or 12 in the area). He was telling me how one of his locations had problems keeping employees. Most would stay 3-8 months. I told him “it’s not the help that’s the problem. That kind of turn over indicates piss poor management”.

      For some reason that conversation popped in my mind reading that article

      • theblackdog

        Did he ever fix the issue?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      RExxon is saying “where’s my Rosneft deal? I didn’t sign up to actually do this State dept crap!”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Perhaps he recently saw the “line of succession” meme and realized there was a chance, remote but real, that he could become the next completely incompetent, unprepared, Russia-compromised, ultrarich “president” and wisely decided life as a private citizen would involve less full-body media probes and upskirt shots.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      This will happen when you hitch your wagon to a braying orange jackass.

    • TJ Barke

      Well he’s gotta be close to finished gutting the state department by now.

  • Wild Cat

    “I’m sorry, Shep, but I’m starting a measure in the office to have all gay Fox employees fired . . . “

  • Joe Beese

    Ryan Contradicts Trump: Robert Mueller Is Not ‘A Biased Partisan’

    You’ll regret saying that when Trump fires Mueller on the pretense that he’s a biased partisan and you have to support his decision.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      no he won’t, ZEGS was born without a shame gene

      • TJ Barke

        Or spine.

    • therblig

      he might be preparing for both trumpy and pence to be booted, and doesn’t want his presidency tainted with the stench of partisanship.

  • fawkedifiknow

    “Lock him away!! Lock him away!!”

    • Ducksworthy

      Only let him out on Groundhog Day. That may be the only time he is useful.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    So, Jason Chaffetz seriously just went to his new job and asked why nobody in Congress has ever investigated the Clintons?

    • Crystalclear12

      Well, he just knows the one song.

      • Run2Live

        He’s just publicly ass kissing Pussgrab McOrange.

      • Weird Fishes

        Variations on a theme don’t count.

        • Yvonneerobinson

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !pb387d:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !pb387:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash677GroupFamilyPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!pb387..,.

      • Edith Prickly

        Second verse, same as the first…

  • Crystalclear12

    Well, we knew it would be bullshit but mixing in the batshit keeps it interesting.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Had you only listened to FUX this past week, you’d come away with one impression: ‘President Hillary Clinton is in big trouble. She could soon be impeached.”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DFc1-ubXUAAexMf.jpg

    • Ducksworthy

      Isn’t the picture on the left the failed exorcism?

  • lucidamente

    Ah, yes, the “He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue!” school of Congressional investigation.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And plain old c-onneryness

  • Ωbjectifier

    And just what the hell is Amy Carter up to now?

    • cmd resistor

      Probably no good.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    FUCK- want to know why we can’t get our message out? Right now on MSNBC it’s split screen- Chuck Schumer and other Dems are revealing their “better deal” economic plan, but MSNBC has them on mute while the talking heads “explain” what they are probably saying (since we can’t hear them) along with talking about Trump and Russia. Just STFU and let us hear the plan, assholes.

    THANKS LIBERAL MEDIA!

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Was watching that as well. Had to turn it off in disgust. The takeaway seemed to be that the only way Dems can win is to be more like Donnie. smh.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Seriously, how about all you overpaid stenographers shut your pie holes and let us hear WTF they are saying? But then you wouldn’t be able to go right back to your tired BS about how the Dems can’t get their message out, amirite?

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          No kidding! Must be the fault of the party that the media wastes all it’s time saying what’s wrong with the party while reporting on stories of rednecks who voted republican. Go figure.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Stupid Dems need to start staging their announcements as professional wrestling events. Get that Liberal Avenger guy in there to make the speech while he’s slaying some jerk in a MAGA hat.

      • Claire

        That would be epic. Nancy Pelosi could put on a pair of sky-high Louboutins and an Armani pantsuit and carry around the cards that tell you what round it is.

  • theblackdog

    If there wasn’t already 25 years of this BS already I’d wonder how long they can try to play out the “LOOK AT CLINTON!” story.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    “Jason Chaffetz can go fuck right off,”

    – David Hume

  • canes_pugnaces

    Jared’s excuse, filed under DICK MOVE in Webster’s:

    “I actually emailed an assistant from the meeting after I had been there for 10 or so minutes and wrote, ‘Can u pls call me on my cell? Need excuse to get our of meeting.”

    • mancityRed6

      what a moron, he doesn’t know how to get out of a bad date?

      • A Groucho Marxist

        He’s so bad at it, he married his last one.

        • mancityRed6

          now you’re cutting it close.

    • Bill D. Burger
      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        “I am Grootei Kislyak!”

      • armed_bears

        I want this app.

      • theblackdog

        Did he make sure to wink with the correct eye?

    • OrG

      He’s lying. Again.

    • Bill D. Burger
      • PubOption

        I’m not that good at transliterating Cyrillic. Does that say that Russia is pervy?

        • Maxine Headroom

          Yup! (Translates to “first”)

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Saw the video of his little walk-back from his closed meeting, really wanted that shit-eating grin wiped off his face. What a damned douchenozzle!

    • cmd resistor

      Another nameless assistant. WOnder if it was the same one who hit the “send” button too soon on his security form?

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      So Jared, please produce that email. What was the assistant’s name?

      • Paul

        My thoughts exactly. Isn’t that saved somewhere on a server or whatever the proper term is? (Old, Luddite.)

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    OT, but not too much. Apparently the WH is so batshit crazy that Tillerson is threatening to leave. And Sessions may or may not last the week. Rats are fleeing.

    Chaffetz, OTOH, is slimy enough to still hang on to the deck chairs as they slide into iceberg-laden waters.

  • OrG

    Aaaand… the bottom gets lower.

    • mancityRed6

      there’s a bottom?

      • OrG

        Yeah, and it just got eeeeeven lower.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    OT: Here’s your daily “No Shit, Sherlock” from Chris Cilizza

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/24/politics/trump-jeff-sessions-quit/index.html

    • Vincent Ricola

      Obligatory Chris Cillizza is a hack who is terrible at his job.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      master of the fucking obvious… And remember, he gets paid a decent six figure salary for this incisive insight.

    • TJ Barke

      Jeff ain’t gonna quit, he’s finally getting a chance to reestablish his racist reactionary police agenda.

    • Claire

      According to this, Trump wants Keebler to quit so he can put Rudy Guiliani in the post. I wonder if that’s true. The Senate confirmation hearings would certainly be interesting.

  • Spurning Beer

    Somebody needs to investigate Jason Chaffetz about why he scooted his oily ass out of the Senate like it was on fire. (His ass, not the Senate.) You KNOW there’s a big story there. A big, Russian story.

    • Vincent Ricola

      It’s irresponsible not to speculate that Jason Chaffetz left his job because he was balls deep in dirty Russian campaign money.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        It’s also true, because we read it on the internet. In fact, I saw something about it just now. Like, JUST now.

        • A Groucho Marxist

          I have heard it from several different sources, myself. Smart people are talking about this.

          • OrG

            Believe me.

      • agnosticsdonthatemuch

        IMO, He knew he wouldn’t be investigating all his “Clinton Crimes” for “Years”. He wanted that center stage SOOO BAD!
        Well, he didn’t get. He actually Refused to investigate anything Russian.
        Instead, he concentrated on Big Bird!
        Well, Now he can be “Onstage” at Fox!
        He also knew if he did his job, it would hurt his Career!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      All Russian stories are big. And long. Ever try to read “War and Peace”?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        No, but I did try to read Crime and Punishment.

        • therblig

          i almost got through “Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice”.

          probably not the same thing, now that I think about it.

    • canes_pugnaces

      => House

      • Spurning Beer

        I stand corrected. And the House is, in fact, on fire.

      • PubOption

        Alright, the reason he left was not lupus.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Don’t forget to subpoena his kids.

  • mancityRed6

    he looks like he’ll leave a greasy stain on that white couch.
    is that thing treated?

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Oh, look. Speaker Ryan making empty words about how Mueller isn’t a partisan. Bold talk, sir. How about you make it clear what happens when Donnie Two Scoops fires him?

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/889538210979885058

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Yeah, but when Dampnut gets rid of Sessions and fires Mueller, you’ll be back licking his taint, you worthless sack of entitled offal.

  • JackLinks

    “Chaffetz defends voting to cut funds for embassy security” roughly one month after the Benghazi attacks!

    http://thehill.com/video/house/261153–rep-chaffetz-white-house-claiming-ignorance-on-warning-about-libya-attack-is-totally-not-true

  • cmd resistor

    Am I wrong to think that it’s ultimately up to the GOP to decide who gets called to these little committee chats?

  • therblig

    is this how you run for governor of utah?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Chelsea only met with Benghazi four times and never discussed sanctions or a secret back channel.

    • atheist

      The meeting was all about how many Benghazi’s she wanted to adopt.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Republicans have been politicizing their investigations so long they forgot what a real criminal investigation looks like. How does it FEEL?

  • Fartknocker

    Moron grifter with wet black poodle pubic haircut said something about Benghazi?

    • therblig
      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Now that’s stylin’

      • covfefesumgame0005

        a standard? yours?

        • therblig

          yes. yes.

          that’s Gary, the Prison Poodle (aka Monsieur Penndoc for PA Dept of Corrections). Donated by a breeder in MD – he’s a bit runty for a standard; socialized by inmates at Cambridge Springs Women’s Prison; shipped off to Canine Partners for Life for service dog training.

          Unfortunately, he didn’t have the temperament (a bit skittish) for service, so we adopted him.

          Sometimes he forgets how to dog, since he was raised to not be a normal dog, but generally, he’s an amiable goofball.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I think he’s wonderful.

          • therblig
          • WomanInThePersistence

            That is a wonderful pooch. And an awesome picture.

          • SisterArtemis

            The look of long-suffering patience.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            He looks like a sweetheart!

          • therblig

            he pretty much is, although he doesn’t always behave in the dog run, so he needs a muzzle. a pit bull once tried to test him – he ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti he shut him down to the point where the pit’s owner was yelling “you got beaten up by a motherfucking POODLE?!?”

          • covfefesumgame0005

            our first dog was a standard too, our next was a miniature, we had her until I was 19-20, bred her once and kept one of them, poodles can be skittish but also smart and even the tiny ones can be ferocious defending their family :)

      • Paul

        ‘Zat your pooch? Are they as smart as I hear?

  • WomanInThePersistence

    O/T Wow, the day shift is so different.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      we still don’t wear pants though…

    • lucidamente

      We’re just beginning our drinking.

      • mancityRed6

        amateur!

    • OrG

      At work or Wonkette?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Why not both? I’m actually taking some time off. It’s wierd to be here at Wonkette at this time.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Do you have 20 years of schoolin’?

      • Me not sure

        Look out, Kid!

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Noticed the same when I transitioned from the night shift months ago. It’s still nice though. Less trolling too.

    • SisterArtemis

      It is! And way less Open-Thready. But as Pre-Existing-Condition-Jack pointed out below, less trolling too. And I bet the Minions of Lori rarely poke their heads in during the daylight hours.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        It felt strange typing O/T.

  • azeyote

    for fucks sake these people act like infants –

  • cheetojeebus

    Shouldn’t we ask this fucker what the hell he’s goin’ on about and why the fuck we should care what a fucking treasonous ass sneeze has to say? In short, shut the fuck up asshole.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Spurning Beer

      Isn’t it spelled Cheetos?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      There’s a reason for that…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJr8oHsvsdo

      • mancityRed6

        it did nothing for me!

    • mancityRed6

      last time at San Diego zoo, they had a cheetah out on a leash.
      I did not make any sudden moves.
      but damn, they are some beautiful cats.

    • Me not sure

      What happens when the cheetah gets a little peckish during the night?

      • MynameisBlarney

        That’s what Whitecastle’s are for.

      • shivaskeeper

        Not on the list of things they would try to eat. Besides, nothing would try to take down a Lab unless it was deranged. Labs are too damn friendly.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I’m a toy dog person. But I also love labs. When my mom had surgery, her labs were lovely.

          • shivaskeeper

            They are. Eternally full of the joy of life.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            They are lovely beasties.

        • Me not sure

          I guess they’d lick you to death before you could rip their abdomen open

          • shivaskeeper

            That is likely.

    • shivaskeeper

      If you want a dog that will chill you out, a Lab is a great choice.

  • Jamoche

    Mob-run town 101: “Yeah, and if you come after the boss’s kid, we’ll send the cops after your kids, see?”

  • everclay

    This creep lied about why he quit his elected job – he said he wanted to spend more time with his family in Utah. But he’s anywhere but there. He just wanted to use the escape hatch to get out of the Oversight Committee, knowing what shyt is coming down the tubes.

  • Relativicus

    Mayor McCheese, known Democrat, has been deposed exactly zero times since the Benghazi.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Office Big Mac is on it!

  • canes_pugnaces

    Sorry more Jared ranting:

    WHY has NO ONE (not the WaPo, not CNN, not the WSJ, or anyone else for that matter) commented upon the obvious contradiction between Jarhead’s written acknowledgment that when he received the extortion email demanding 52 bitcoins, he immediately contacted the Secret Service. But he did nothing when he received his brother-in-law’s email chain with the header that stated: “Russia-Clinton-private and confidential.”

    Huh?

    The Trumps, and associates, think that Americans are morons, and will believe anything they say or write, no matter how obvious their lies.

    OK, back to work.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      I’m sure he’ll be able to produce the email, or the SS agent he mentioned it to. Or the name of the assistant who accidentally hit ‘send’. Or any of the other details ha managed to avoid.

      • canes_pugnaces

        Yeah, I’m sure.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Everyone is kinda missing the point. Doesn’t matter if they met with Russians and there was nothing interesting so Kushner left. The point is that Kushner, Trump Jr., Manafort, and probably Trump, agreed to meet with the Russians upon hearing that they had dirt. That’s intent right there.

    • shivaskeeper

      Has the GOPer base done anything to disprove that they are morans and will believe everything they are told?

      Until then he has no reason to change tactics.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    “have to Clinton Body Count at least one person per annum”
    per annum? I thought it was a one time initiation thing. Then we get a teardrop tattoo.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Tokays_don’t_blink

    Sheesh, Jason, just sack up and ask Hillary out already.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Hehe!

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      Yeah man, if Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you can be brave enough to ask out that girl (Hillary) that you really (secretly) like.

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      Dude, your giraffe is melting!

    • Janae Bess

      That pic looks Way too smart and good looking.

    • Me not sure

      If those things are as toothless as they look, I’m going to have impure thoughts.

    • shivaskeeper

      I think that one was assembled wrong.

  • exinkwretch

    Never seen a chipmunk with lots of hair gel. And never wanted to, either.

  • Covfefe

    I’m home alone and just gave myself two scoops.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I am also home alone. And am watching bears stand in a river. No scoops.

      https://youtu.be/p5mu_febWXg

    • JerryRich

      I smoke two joints eat two scoops.

    • Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Go to “Bathsheba’s Bad Bathing Babes” for the reaallly big scoops.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Remember kids: this congressional hearing bullshit is completely & totally separate from Mr. Mueller’s investigation. Jared may not be talking now, but a subpoena and contempt of court will have him singing like Rosemary Clooney.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      With his Gilbert Gottfried voice?

    • JerryRich

      George Clooney: Please leave my Auntie out of this. Thank you.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Rosemary Clooney Libelz!

      https://youtu.be/mriXncI96lw

      • Me not sure

        George’s Aunt Rosie would not have had to ask me twice.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Aunt Rose now owns a van by the river that just says “candie” on the side.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Like tRump, he stll believes lying is fine for the rich and no penalty will ever be attached.

      • crisptickle

        Like tRump, he believes himself to be rich.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I hope this involves his voice rising an octave or three.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Kushner: ‘All of my actions were proper’

    You know who else claimed all their actions were proper?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Idi Amin?

    • Vincent Ricola

      Emily Post?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Miss Manners?

    • armed_bears

      Approximately 380,000 National Socialists?

    • OrG

      Tom Brady?

    • Me not sure

      Anyone in this administration not yet found out?

      • OrG

        Or even after…

        • Me not sure

          Just before they drop off the radar screen.
          “Spicey Down!”

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Every Christian fundagelical preacher not yet found out?

        • Me not sure

          As a former altar boy, I can tell you the it’s always a good idea to make sure your ass is covered.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Nixon?

    • canes_pugnaces

      the first Emily Post.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      MC Hammer?

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Jackie Jones

      Mary Poppins?

    • Me not sure
      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Dang, this hadn’t posted when I posted mine! Yours is better, with the nice picture!

        • Me not sure

          I didn’t know, but you know what they say about great minds…

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      HAL?

  • anon_the_great

    Jason Chaffetz is a stupid lil lick-knob ennit he?

    Then again, that’s a feature, not a bug

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    I have a dream that someday Republicans will be just too damn embarrassed for themselves ever to mention the name Clinton again, except with respect.

  • chiefkurtz

    It makes perfect sense. I couldn’t understand why, when the NFL was investigating Tom Brady for cheating by partially deflating balls, the didn’t ALSO call in Andrew Luck of the Colts.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Also, during the Nuremberg trials, no one was investigating the Jews!

    • Paul

      Brady!!!!! Benghazi!!!!!!

      Colts played with the same footballs. Haters gotta hate.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Monday morning, he waked up and affixed his Mormon underpanties to his meat body, sculpted his face out of the weird shape it gets when he sleeps on it, and into the weird shape it has when he goes in public…”

    Something like this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12H8zIk7yQA

  • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl
  • 3FingerPete
    • theblackdog

      Jan! Cut the crap.

      Best Florence Henderson line ever.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Watch it, Shitfitz, John McCain also babbled about this very double standard and look at what happened to him.

  • anwisok

    Bill & Hillary are done, and Chelsea doesn’t appear to have any political aspirations. One wonders when the Rs will realize they need a new scapegoat.

    • OrG

      Uh….. Thanks Obama?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Never- inside the bubble they’ll always have their CDS

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh, maybe when the bros at Vox let it go?

      • Nah, once The Young Turks let it go

        • Carpe Vagenda

          That’s kind of redundant, though, isn’t it? When the Republican operatives let it go the Republican operatives will let it go?

          I mean, that’s also true of at least some of Vox, but young Ezra tries to keep his skirts clean.

    • OutOfOrbit

      When the rubes who HILLARY HATRED FOREVER! have all died out.

    • georgiaburning

      Their base is pretty dumb and unless there is are in$$$entives they have no reason to change.

    • BigCSouthside

      One reason I wish Michelle Obama would run. They would try on her and she’d have none of that shit

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Don’t forget the BernieBros are aiding and abetting them

      • theblackdog

        THIS. Holy fuck it got ugly on Twitter over the weekend for Malcolm Nance’s account when he mentioned that Bernie lost the POC vote during the primaries.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          I’m increasingly certain that the BernieBros, especially the ones on Twitter, are deeply infiltrated by Russian trolls/Russian agitators. We already know they were infiltrated by GOP bad actors, many of whom were outright tweeting “in support” of him as a way to weaken Hillary. It’s all about weakening Hillary, still.

          • theblackdog

            This wouldn’t shock me. Weaken Hillary, weaken the Dems, then weaken other opposition to autocracy.

    • Carole

      Never. The fact that she had the chutzpah to run in the first place has stoked enough hatred on the right to last until the heat death of the universe (or at least the Earth).

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

    OT – Watching Star Trek IV – when the Klingon Ambassador finishes his tirade, you can hear a member of the gallery shout “You Pompous Ass!”

    xD

    • I watched the panel for the new Trek series, Discovery, last night. Excelllent casting (Jason Isaacs, James Frain, one of the guys from the original cast of Rent, Doug Jones, and the lead is an African American lady who used to be on Walking Dead). Looks really interesting

      • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

        I have high hopes that it’ll be good Trek. :) I love the idea of the Captain being a woman, non-white, and Queer, and the designs I’ve seen are really cool.

        • She’s first officer, but the show will be focused on her. Isaacs is the Capt. Frain is playing young Spock’s dad

          • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

            Ahh, that still works. Thanx. :)

          • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

            I would watch Michelle Yeoh paint her toenails for 2 hours, so I’m cautiously optimistic. OTOH, I hate paying for CBS’ streaming.

          • I forgot about her, she wasn’t there for the panel, but they did mention her

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Michelle Yeoh is on this?!? Where do I sign Up? Because she’s fucking awesome.

          • Yes, her character is the mentor/surrogate mother figure to the main lady

          • WomanInThePersistence

            OMFG! I’d watch her read a telephone book.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            I’d watch her think about reading a telephone book.

          • shivaskeeper

            1st officer/XO should make for some good storytelling. Assuming Star Fleet runs like a navy, the XO is the Captain’s hammer. The XO runs all the day to day stuff, makes sure discipline is enforced, and is the instrument of the commander’s will who should be rightly respected and feared in equal measure.

            If you can’t a good story about that character you shouldn’t be telling stories.

          • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

            Yiss. Riker was a fave on TNG. I used to do Fanfic where Riker made Captain after “Best of Both Worlds”, and Elizabeth Shelby became XO on the D.

        • The cast and producers were very adamant about promoting the inclusionary messaging that has spanned the history of Trek. Lead actress literally said, if you can’t handle diversity, get a new fucking fandom

          • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

            Oh, that is AWE-sum!

            Sincere thanks for telling me, Pickwick. :D ~hugs~

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I’ll trust you. Because you’re good at this stuff.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        My absolute favorite thing about it is that epic woman from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon is a captain. She moves like very, very dangerous poetry.

        • Cliff Hendroval

          Michelle Yeoh, hell yeah!

        • Paul

          Well put CV.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    OT-ish: go ahead, Fox. Beat up the nuns.

    https://twitter.com/TopherSpiro/status/889487372152385537

  • Oxidation Suspenders

    Hey Jason, we want you to come on the show, but our audience isn’t interested in any new material. Can you just keep it to your greatest hits? Maybe a Clinton track or two – something where our audience already know all the words and can sing along?

  • WomanInThePersistence

    More spam from the White House. Enjoy!
    Obamacare is a burden on working families and job creators all across this Nation. If we don’t replace it, the calamity will only get worse. Americans desperately need relief. Congress needs to step up and do their job, by repealing and replacing Obamacare. The legislation working its way through Congress right now provides the choice and control people want, the affordability they need, and the quality they deserve in healthcare.

    ————-

    USS Gerald R. Ford: A 100,000-ton Message to the World
    On Saturday, President Trump participated in the commissioning of the USS Gerald R. Ford aircraft carrier in Norfolk, Virginia. The USS Ford is the world’s most advanced aircraft carrier and is a great asset to the US Navy, further cementing our position as the most powerful Navy in the world.
    Watch the Video

    President Trump’s Historic Actions to Put America First
    On Sunday, Vice President Pence detailed the bold actions President Trump has taken in his first six months to restore prosperity, keep Americans safe and secure, and hold government accountable.
    Read More

    • Doug Langley

      How times have changed. I can remember when it took more than 6 months to build a carrier.

      • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

        Yeah. xD

        For the unaware, Ford has been under construction since 2005.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          And has no steam catapults.

          • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

            If nothing has changed, the next Ford-class will be the new John F. Kennedy, and after her is the new Enterprise.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            New E, could be considered CV-6B for a triple-mixing of numbering schemes, real and imagined, or CVN-65A, rather than the official CVN-80, for a plausible two-step scheme.

          • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

            I’d love that. :) The name <Enterprise should never stand idle longer than it takes to build a new ship.

            I had a real joy with a former friend that believed the old Kennedy was decommissioned because the GOP hated the name, and I could tell him that the 2nd >Ford would be the new Kennedy/

      • Yellerduck

        Well, now they have the snap together models, so not so much glue and stuff.

        • Doug Langley

          Some assembly required, batteries not included.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Launched only to be immediately called back to port under Presidential orders to be retrofitted with steam catapults and coal power.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And sails. Navy ships look bigly better with sails.

        • Pilotshark

          or big old high tech oars.

          CO: we no more speed to launch the planes, bring on the second roll of oar power.

  • Marla

    Shitfetz finally found a home where he can beat a dead horse to death.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Jason Chaffedass, you are some very special kind of stupid.

  • beatbort

    Wasn’t this doofus leaving to, I dunno, get his head sharpened or something?

    • natoslug

      You can’t sharpen an eraser.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Isn’t it about time Congress investigate whether Billy Beer was simply rebranded Pearl Light? The American people deserve an answer.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Chelsea Clinton murdered Billy Carter!11! 8 yrs old and already a KILLER, JUST LIKE HER MOMMY!!11!

  • ANNG14

    Republicans must keep reaffirming their stupid credentials to appeal to their base.

  • Edith Prickly

    But the truth is we were also laughing because the secret all liberals know (AND ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT) is that Hillary was home alone that whole night (unless Huma came over for Benghazi ‘n’ Chill time), and that she was able to stay there by herself because Chelsea Clinton, former first daughter, was right at that very time using a jetpack to ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM into Libya and Do Benghazi. Like what do you think people who work at the Clinton Foundation do? It’s right there in the employment agreement. (“You may be called upon to Do Benghazi occasionally, and you will definitely have to Clinton Body Count at least one person per annum. Do not worry, you will get time-and-a-half for these things, double-time on holidays.”)

    Does Wonkette give prizes for The Paragraph Most Likely to Make You Inhale Your Coffee Then Spew It All Over Your Monitor? If yes, I nominate this.

    • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

      The Wonk store needs to start selling waterproof keyboards.

  • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

    What I “Love” about Benghazi, Libya, etc., is that the Conspiracy-types, Alt-Righties, and sundry and assorted assholes are all totes down for Mohammar Khaddafi, and so very sads that he is gone and dead thanx to Bams-and-Hillz and NATO.

    Does Anypony else remember when Ronnie Raygun did his best to bomb Khaddafi, and that if an F-111 hadn’t lost track on their Laser pod Khadafi would have been dead in 1986?

    • Edith Prickly

      I would be very surprised if anyone who screams about Benghazi even knows what the fuck happened that night, or could find Benghazi on a map. They’ve been trained by the wingnut media to bark “Benghazi” like trained seals any time someone mentions Hillary. They don’t know nuthin’ bout no history.

      • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

        This, exactly this.

      • natoslug

        Benghazi was a product tampering case for a topical pain relief cream, wasn’t it?

        • Beanz&Berryz

          It warms so good, but has a funny smell.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Ben Gay is the stuff that the Religious Right believes is Satan’s ointment.

          Ben Ghazi is a covering you put on sores caused when you bend over too far when applying Ben Gay.

      • cmd resistor

        All you need to know is:
        Hillary Lied
        Four people DIED.!!11!!

        • Carole

          Only 4? Those infamous Clinton Death Squads are lying down on the job.

          • cmd resistor

            Probably because she sent Chelsea to do the job.

    • Pilotshark

      killing his daughter or son not sure now which one.
      lost an aardvark (F-111) as well, that night.

      • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

        A daughter, I think.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      And France refused to allow passage through their airspace, so they had to take the long way around. By the time they got there they were so tired they accidentally dropped one bomb on the French embassy. Oopsie!

      • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

        Yes. It was also too the last combat action for USS Coral Sea; “Older, Bolder, & Better”, and the first combat for the F/A-18.

        But nows, poor Khadaffi is a “good guy” and one of the seemingly millions whacked by Hillz.

    • Thiazin Red

      My favorite thing is how apparently no one gives one single shit about all of the embassy attacks that happened under Bush 2.

      • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

        Right? Nothing bad or untoward happened ever before Bamz terms.

    • Paul

      Yup. That sure got Mo’s attention.

      I don’t remember that bit about the laser pod snafu. Got a linky thing please?

      • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

        I have to look, I saw it on F-16.net sometime back.

      • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

        Found something: Aanother well-informed Air Force officer says: ”The fact is, they got into the exact target areas they had planned. It was an ironic set of circumstances that prevented Qaddafi from being killed. It was just an accident, a bad day.” The officer is referring to the fact that the laser-guidance systems on four of the nine F-111’s attacking Qaddafi’s quarters malfunctioned prior to the attack. The pilots had to abort the mission before reaching the target, thus eliminating at least 16 more bombs that could have been dropped. The high-technology system that was to insure Qaddafi’s death may have spared his life.

        http://www.nytimes.com/1987/02/22/magazine/target-qaddafi.html?pagewanted=all

        • Paul

          Thanks Anna. Much appreciated.

          You da’ bomb.

          • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

            NP, and thank you.

            I am certain I saw a post by an F-111 WSO back then that stated his Pave Tack dropped out just after they released an LGB, but I am equally certain that the “Search” on F-16.net is a Fail.

  • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

    Jason Chaffetz: too stupid even for Fox Newz?

    Discuss.

    • Edith Prickly

      Is anyone too stupid for Fox News? See: Hannity, Sean.

    • natoslug

      Too stupid is their maximum threshold. They start digging from there.

    • OrG

      Unpossible.

  • natoslug

    Stupid and ugly is a winning combination. Chaffetz has a bright career ahead of him on Fox’s BS with JC.

  • BMW

    Do you think those straws ever get tired of all these Republicans grasping at them?

    • natoslug

      Grasping At Straws is the name of my new wellness clinic for needle-dicked chronic masturbators. I may well be able to answer your question in a year or so.

  • gene108

    Keeping the base raging is what Fox News does, and Chaffetz did his job.

    I don’t understand how people can be so outraged, as most right-wingers seem to be, without burning out, but damn, they do pull it off.

    • Carole

      They seem to stroke out a lot. That’s my availability heuristic, anyway, not wishful thinking.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    It’s unfair to pick on Don Jr when he wasn’t even involved in the campaign. He was too busy attending Oxford on a Rhodes scholarship, marrying Marc Mezvinsky, and having two babies.

  • Weird Fishes

    These are all very good questions! Too bad the lamestream media doesn’t want the sheeple to know the TROOTH!

    Also, the landings on the moon (which is made of cheese, if you don’t believe me use your AOL machine and look up “CLINTON CABAL CHEESE CONSPIRACY” which is all over Geocities) were faked. The lizards don’t want us there.

    • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

      The landings were faked, but they used the Nazi Glocke-powered Flying Saucer we captured at Roswell, so they were faked *on* the Moon.

      Sneaky, those Deep State Globalist Running Dogs.

      • Weird Fishes

        NEXT LEVEL

      • Teto85

        Yah, but NASA got Stanley Kubrick to shoot the landings and he wanted it to be so realistic that they went to the moon to get the best location shots.

        • Anna Elizabeth: Tank Grrl

          Kubrick was a perfectionist Par Excellance. xD

          I watched a Doc recently that claimed Kubrick faked Apollo and “confessed” in The Shining but one of the “sources” was Richard Hoagland, for shit’s sake. xD

    • Edith Prickly

      Lizards do not share their cheese. That is a TROOF FACT.

    • Carole

      And those cheese-eating surrender monkeys (the French) are in on the cabal. Freedumb Fries for everyone!

  • Randy Riddle

    While we’re at it, can we have new meetings about whether FDR could have prevented Pearl Harbor, how many Communists were in Truman’s State Department, and whether Johnson organized the conspiracy to kill JFK?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Drag JFK Jr before the committee! Under oath!

      • Manhattan123

        And I’d like to know where Mary Lincoln was the night Abe got shot!

        • Le Chapeau

          Right next to him. It was the perfect alibi!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    The first question Chaffetz needs to ask is how many times Chelsea had to update her SF-86 and whether her security clearance should be revoked if she did.

  • beatbort

    Roger Ailes’ putrifying arm just shot through his casket and the ground in a Nazi salute.

    • Carole

      Little known fact: Ailes died on the toilet, went into rigor that way, and had to be buried with his ass pointing toward Hell.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Just like Elvis!

  • Manhattan123

    Welp, Steve Douche no longer has the most punchable face on Fox.

  • goonemeritus

    If only Senator Chaffetz had a seat on the House Oversight & Government Reform Committee, he could put a stop to all those shenanigans

  • Carole

    I guess his old MLM company, Nu-Skin, wouldn’t take him back. Nor would they honor the warranty on his face. “That’s old skin,” they said.

    • Courser_Resistance

      LOLOL! Believe it or not, back when I showed my borzoi in the fancy show ring, I used that Nu-Skin spray on their coats to make them nice and shiny!

      • Carole

        So that’s what it does. It didn’t help Chaffetz’s mutt face, did it? (I love borzois. I just saw 2 of them this weekend).

  • whitroth

    Those aren’t the Important Questions. The Important Questions would include, why didn’t Chelsea do Benghazi on Chaffetz? And/or Mitch Turtle?

  • IdiotsforPalin

    That didn’t take long…..Chaffetz proving his Trump knee pads fit perfectly……..

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Chaffetz will have an Infowars show soon.

  • Courser_Resistance

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4e970d02db4e942afdeb9230c6dd384ad3db8b1fcbef595d3052d49f66da2f60.jpg

    I have very few of this gif things because I am kinda an oldz, but this sums it up nicely for me.

  • Run2Live

    These F&F performances are for an audience of one, Jolly Old Pussgrab McOrange.

  • Run2Live

    This Fox on Fox violence never gets old:

    https://youtu.be/Z2cdDFSWAPQ

    • grayone

      ok…that was beautiful! thanks for posting!

  • Perkniticky

    I don’t understand how they can claim to be concerned about a former president making millions off of foreigners, when they are unconcerned about the current president making millions off of foreigners. Are Republicans entirely blind to double standards?

    • The Reverend Stu’

      Yes.

    • phoenix00

      IOKIYAR. The only rule that applies.

    • Le Chapeau

      Utterly blind.

  • Stella Thomas

    Man that guy is truly a one-trick pony.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      You just know he’s got a movie promo-style cutout of Hillary that greets him in his front hallway at home.

  • Stella Thomas

    So he really did leave Congress because he can only focus on Hillary/Benghazi and without that his life has no meaning. I was kidding when I said it at the time.

  • cats530

    “A face only a mother could punch repeatedly.”

    Love that caption : )

  • ltmcdies

    Meanwhile this doofus is writing alternative history

    https://twitter.com/christiannegen3/status/889575425248309249

    • Le Chapeau

      It is pretty clear that his brain is just a random lie generator. He can’t possibly be paying attention to the words coming out of his butt mouth.

  • Mavenmaven

    Going after Chelsea? Sure, why not start rounding up uninvolved civilians now even before Trump goes full fascist?

    • phoenix00

      Before?

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    One-hit wonder keeps playing his one hit.

    Jason is a deeply stupid man.

  • puredog

    The night of Benghazi, Hillary Clinton slept with a collie. I read it on the interwebz.

  • Teto85

    I had to change the channel. Even the cats were repulsed by this asshole’s stupidity. And they tolerate Labrador Retrievers.

    • Le Chapeau

      Labs are very intelligent. Golden retrievers, on the other hand.

  • Paperless Tiger

    You go after my family, I go after yours. Great. Another vendetta. This is the kind of gangster movie that you can’t stop watching.

  • Yr. Gma

    Dear god, he is one ugly mofo, and why doesn’t he just go away?

    • Edith Prickly

      Beauty may be only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone.

      – My Gma (real quote)

      • SDGeoff3

        I Like that one. Gramma quotes are awesome, always.

      • Le Chapeau

        So does stupid.

      • Le Chapeau

        I’ll see your Gma quote, and raise you my Grandma quote: Chaffetz “is lower than whale shit. It lies on the bottom of the ocean, and he could stand tall under it.”

  • AyeDiosDrinko

    Didn’t we already ask the Clintons a bunch of questions?

    • mary5920

      They did and got reamed pretty good. I guess they secretly like intelligent women.

      • AyeDiosDrinko

        I guess I you’re not getting it at home…

  • SeeTrain65

    Give Jason a break. The wife was using the family brain cell today.

    • SDGeoff3

      And the toaster still didn’t work.

    • Lulu’s Mom

      Just one wife?

    • Bangkok Taxi

      Right to the heart of the matter

  • BadKitty904
  • TootsStansbury

    What do these assholes have up their sleeves that makes them think they can pull this shit off? Do they know, somehow, that they will prevail? Do they think the majority of the American population is going to just shrug and say whatevs, lay down and die and let these slimy motherfuckers take our stuff? They must have some plan of dealing with the inevitable ungovernable mob.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      They have Russian help in upcoming elections, for one thing.

  • Mike Steele

    We say the next person to be interrogated should be Michael Reagan. When 241 U.S. Marines died in Beirut (the largest single-day loss since Iwo Jima), was Ronnie sleeping alone? Was Nancy with her astrologer? The people have a right to know, Jason.

    • gingerwentworth

      I’ve thought about that constantly ever since this crap began. Nobody blamed Reagan at all, that I know of. 241 men!

      • Le Chapeau

        Friend and former co-worker was a marine assigned to that Beirut building, but he was on patrol in the hills that day and missed the explosion.

        • gingerwentworth

          Good.

          • Le Chapeau

            Good is how he got to be a co-worker, years later, instead of a crispy critter, then. The luck of the draw is sometimes the hardest thing for war survivors to cope with.

    • Sarah E. Grove

      I hate that slack-faced fuckwit Michael Reagan. He carries a lifelong jealousy towards Ron Jr. — Michael was the adopted son of Reagan and Jane Wyman, who Ronald Sr. dumped for Nancy. So Michael was a kind of “left-behind” kid who never lived with his father.

      Ron Jr. Grew up in his father’s house (survived it, rather) and is the spit ‘n image of Ron Sr. Michael is a seriously wacked-out-in-the-head, blind, deaf and DUMB Republican.

      • Mike Steele

        Ladyy MS: Do love me some Ron Jr., though I think he looks more like Nancy.

  • ryp

    Chaffetz is obviously auditioning for a job on the Couch of Stupid, “dumber than Doocy” being the main requirement.

    • Le Chapeau

      Dumber than Doocey is a frikin’ looooowww bar to limbo under.

  • Ducksworthy

    Fox has caught a ground squirrel. Cute.

  • The Reverend Stu’

    This just in: Jason Chaffetz is planning on changing his name to Benghazi Benghazish Benghazington.
    With his new found super power he will have himself paged at every Wal-Mart in the world.

    • Johnny Appleseed

      Sounds good. The name could use a “the third”, as in “III”.
      The one-th?

  • grayone

    I’ve been nostalgic for some good ol’ Benghaaaaazzziii! That’s just goooooddd TV’ing!

    (disclaimer: I have no idea who Benghazi was…but I’m sorry he passed…glad to see he was properly resurrected by mr. chaffing….speaking of which, where’d I put my Preparation H?)

    • thixotropic jerk

      Know whut ya get when you mistake Ben Gay for Preparation H?

      • Le Chapeau

        Yeah! That’s when you have to reach for the bottle of assburns!

  • Johnny Appleseed

    Still sleeping on the couch?

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

    We also need to talk to twins Jenna and Barbara Bush about their involvement in 9/11. And I’m sure we all remember about Anna Roosevelt’s role in Pearl Harbor.

    • Bangkok Taxi

      Zactly

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    Hey, Chaff Itch: Clinton isn’t the president. She’s a private citizen. What she did or didn’t do doesn’t matter at all compared to what the short-fingered vulgarian who’s stomping all over the Constitution is doing. Get over it, asshole: SHE LOST!

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Finding a better “SQUIRREL!” than HRC is going to be tough.

      • Maybe

        Well, they do have Obama. And rumor has it he’s black! And was guilty of being President while black!

        The Repubs are equal opportunity bigots.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Seriously, it makes me wonder if they’re sorry she lost. Imagine the investigations they could be running if Hillary was in the White House.

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

    “A face only a mother could punch repeatedly.”

    Ah, Evan? Sorry, but I fact-checked that and you’re wrong.

    • phoenix00

      “A face everyone and their mother could punch repeatedly.”

      FTFA?

    • Harbinger08

      I’m not his mother and I’m sure I could do it for a while if someone needed a break.

  • Zyxomma

    Jason who? Oh, yeah, that asshole again.

  • Bangkok Taxi

    Nice pic. Mouth breather.

  • Yvonneerobinson

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !pb387d:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !pb387:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash677GroupFamilyPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!pb387..,..

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Chaffetz is a fuck with.

  • iceweasels

    Hey as long as we’re going back in time to harass private citizens, can we finally do something about Bush, Cheney and ALL THE WAR CRIMES?

  • Careful Chaffy, you don’t want to blow your entire wad of stupid on day one. (I kid, that turdgurgler has bottomless reserves of stupid.)

    • Le Chapeau

      It is an inexhaustible resource.

  • Debmcd

    Why don’t we just ask that dipshit for his papers please. I hear his dad helped assassinate Kennedy right before he tried to assassinate Castro and right after overthrew his kid’s first grade teacher.

  • sarahjane1912

    That reminds me. The Dead Kennedys are touring this year. Tix still available for UK gigs! And I can still play ‘Too Drunk to Fuck’ on the piano. Go me.

  • Maybe

    They’ve been attacking Chelsea Clinton since she was 12 years old, when Limbaugh referred to her as the “White House dog.”

    It’s like a bad and evil magicians act. They want you to look everywhere and at everything except what they’re doing.

  • HooverVilles

    Noun – verb – Benghaz deja vous all over again

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