SHARE

BAD NEWS, WONKERS! YOUR PRESIDENT IS COMPLETELY FUCKING INSANE!

Yesterday, three New York Times reporters sat down with Donald Trump for his first non-Fox interview in weeks. Why does he keep coming back to the failing New York Times when they always make him look like a lunatic? How does Maggie Haberman get him to say all this crazy stuff? And how are we only six months into this horrible nightmare?

Around 9PM the Times dropped a partial transcript which is so bonkers that we are actually feeling a little lightheaded. And to prove they aren’t FAKE NEWS, they released audio of some of the best bits.

OMG! This thing really happened!

Let’s start the morning off with the Top 5 Holy Shit Moments. There will be so much more later! But for now, let’s gown up and dive in.

[Editrix’s Note: After Your 5$F wrote this article, the New York Times dumped another mountain of crazy words online. We’ll have more stories soon!]

1. Poor Donald! Stuck With an Attorney General Who Can’t Even Kill a Russia Investigation!

TRUMP: Well, Sessions should have never recused himself, and if he was going to recuse himself, he should have told me before he took the job, and I would have picked somebody else.

HABERMAN: He gave you no heads up at all, in any sense?

TRUMP: Zero. So Jeff Sessions takes the job, gets into the job, recuses himself. I then have — which, frankly, I think is very unfair to the president. How do you take a job and then recuse yourself? If he would have recused himself before the job, I would have said, “Thanks, Jeff, but I can’t, you know, I’m not going to take you.” It’s extremely unfair, and that’s a mild word, to the president. So he recuses himself. I then end up with a second man, who’s a deputy.

TRUMP: So Jeff Sessions, Jeff Sessions gave some bad answers.

HABERMAN: You mean at the hearing?

TRUMP: Yeah, he gave some answers that were simple questions and should have been simple answers, but they weren’t. He then becomes attorney general, and he then announces he’s going to recuse himself. Why wouldn’t he have told me that before?

Hooboy! Donald Trump knows who the real victim is here, and it is DONALD TRUMP! How dare Jeff Sessions leave him hanging with no Attorney General to protect him from the Russia investigation! And for what? Lying about those one or twelve meetings with the Russians? PFFFFT. If Jeff Sessions was going to knuckle under like a pussy every time someone questioned his ethics, then he should never have taken a job in the Trump Administration!

Will Jeff Sessions You’re Fired himself and hitch a ride back to Alabammy by Monday? We would not be FOR SHOCKED, and Rachel Maddow has already announced a Resignation Watch for the Keebler Elf we all love to hate. Clearly Donald Trump expected that the top law enforcement officer in the country would have eighty-sixed the whole Russia business by now, instead of sticking him with some four-eyed, fake Republican from Baltimore. We almost feel sorry for Jeff Sessions, who has been unfailingly loyal to his lunatic boss. But then we remember that he’s that backwardass bigot Jeff Sessions, and we knock that shit right off!

2. Trump Would Consider Firing Mueller If He Started Investigating Trump’s Company

SCHMIDT: Last thing, if Mueller was looking at your finances and your family finances, unrelated to Russia — is that a red line?

HABERMAN: Would that be a breach of what his actual charge is?

TRUMP: I would say yeah. I would say yes.

HABERMAN: Would you fire Mueller if he went outside of certain parameters of what his charge is? [crosstalk]

SCHMIDT: What would you do?

[crosstalk]

TRUMP: I can’t, I can’t answer that question because I don’t think it’s going to happen.

Well, Trump didn’t produce a map with a red “X” and say, “Mueller better not dig here, because that is definitely NOT where the bodies are buried.” Although they haven’t published a full transcript yet, so who knows what scoops the afternoon may bring! God knows what’s going to crawl out if special counsel Robert Mueller starts turning over rocks in Trumpland. But Trump railed for years against the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act (FCPA) because how can Americans compete overseas if they can’t pay bribes? One of the first things he does in office is try to weaken the FCPA. And now he’s threatening to Saturday Night Massacre Robert Mueller if he starts looking into the Trump Organization’s business practices. The guy’s not worried about someone finding a blue dress with his DNA on it, if you know what we mean!

3. Trump Knew About DJ and Jared’s Russian Intel Connection BEFORE The Meeting!

TRUMP: I just heard there was an email requesting a meeting or something — yeah, requesting a meeting. That they have information on Hillary Clinton, and I said — I mean, this was standard political stuff.

SCHMIDT: Did you know at the time that they had the meeting?

TRUMP: No, I didn’t know anything about the meeting.

WHAT???? Don, Jr has been swearing to anyone who will listen that his father never knew that they were meeting with representatives of the Russian government to get dirt on Hillary. Trump himself told Reuters last week, “I didn’t know until a couple of days ago when I heard about this.” But under Haberman hypnosis he remembers that he did know about it beforehand.

Holy shit! We might have to lie down for a minute!

4. Trump Accused James Comey of Trying to Use The Steele Dossier as Leverage

TRUMP: When he [James B. Comey] brought it [the dossier] to me, I said this is really made-up junk. I didn’t think about anything. I just thought about, man, this is such a phony deal.

HABERMAN: You said that to him?

TRUMP: Yeah…

TRUMP: So anyway, in my opinion, he shared it so that I would think he had it out there.

SCHMIDT: As leverage?

TRUMP: Yeah, I think so. In retrospect. In retrospect.

What even are you talking about, Poppy! Mother Jones had the Steele dossier in October of 2016. John McCain (may he live to be 120!) had it in December, and he gave it to the FBI. Half the newspapers in the country had it by the time James Comey had that awkward conversation with you on January 6, 2017. But please, tell us more about how mean James Comey was blackmailing you with a bunch of “phony” stories that was known to every media outlet and large parts of the intelligence services.

5. Donald Trump Thinks The FBI Director Reports To The President

TRUMP: And nothing was changed other than Richard Nixon came along. And when Nixon came along [inaudible] was pretty brutal, and out of courtesy, the F.B.I. started reporting to the Department of Justice. But there was nothing official, there was nothing from Congress. There was nothing — anything. But the F.B.I. person really reports directly to the president of the United States, which is interesting. You know, which is interesting. And I think we’re going to have a great new F.B.I. director.

HABERMAN: Chris Wray.

TRUMP: He’s highly thought of by everybody. I think I did the country a great service with respect to Comey.

Here on Planet Earth, the FBI Director reports to the Attorney General. It is wildly inappropriate for the President to intervene in any pending investigation, particularly one which concerns his family. But thank you for letting us know that you intend to supervise Christopher Wray directly after he is confirmed! He must really appreciate you vouching for his independence and integrity!

Okay, Wonkers! Remember to breathe!

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! Click here for PART DEUX of Wonkette’s HILARIOUS REPORTING on this interview!

[New York Times]


Wonkette is ad-free! And for the record, we’d have asked the old goat about his plan to throw 32 million people off health insurance! Please click to fund us!

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • TJ Barke

    Get this motherfucker out of the presidency, now…

    • Alan

      That was succinct.

  • Nounverb911
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Welp, as it turns out, it’s not at all surprising that I woke up and found that I had become a giant cockroach this morning.

    • TJ Barke

      How did you manage to type that out?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Cockroach antennae are surprisingly good digits for typing?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        My phone does dictation and cockroach-to-English translation. The wonders of modern technology, praise be!

      • Kakkeltje

        He got better?

        • amrak63

          Just like the peasant who got turned into a newt did.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I hate when that happens.

    • armed_bears

      Samsa… Is that you?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Kafkaesque is the new black.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Kafkaesque is the new motorcycle.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Shouldn’t you be typing only in lower case then?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        hee hee hee mehitabel is lol

    • Spiracle Libez!

    • rosenbomb

      This isn’t going to end well for you.

    • amrak63

      *knock knock*

      “Who’s there?”

      “Raid.”

      “RAAAAIIIIIIIID!!!1!”

    • OddMan

      Ich bin eine Kakerlake

  • Msgr_MΩment

    There’s a simple explanation, people.

    Somebody saw Maureen Dowd’s brownies in the fridge and accidentally laid them out on the conference table for refreshments.

    • armed_bears

      Ha! As much sense as any other explanation.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Here on Planet Earth, the FBI Director reports to the Attorney General. It is wildly inappropriate for the President to intervene in any pending investigation, particularly one which concerns his family.

    It is also wildly inappropriate for the president’s family to be under investigation by the FBI.

    • Bobathonic

      This prednisent is wildly inappropriate, no matter the topic.

      • Amy!

        Everything about this administration is unpresidented.

  • armed_bears

    TL,DL in the first graph: YOUR PRESIDENT IS COMPLETELY FUCKING INSANE!

  • Blackest Noobs

    Trump’s ego and his incompetence will be his undoing.

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      Been saying that for decades, literally. Yet here we are.

      • amrak63

        Yes, that concerns me as well. Never underestimate the ignorant authoritarian loyalty of the Stupid White Folks of Real Amurka.

      • Blackest Noobs

        his only saving grace was other people thought they could make money with him…before NBC offered him his show, he was about to lose everything.

        if there’s one group to blame…it’s wealthy white folks at NBC that used Trump to make money.

        money is the root of all evil…example #1 is Donald J. Trump.

    • willi0000000

      his ego and incompetence are at war for the privilege.

  • AJ Milne

    … re the guy on Maddow speculating yesterday that, let go like this, Sessions has exactly _no_ incentive to back Donnie on his hilariously pathetic* ‘can’t remember’ thing re kicking everyone outta the room…

    It’s really gonna mess with me if it’s Sessions and Comey together bring this guy down. Beyond the odd couple pairing, it’s the sheer whiplash of it.

    (ETA: Oh. Right. Forgot the *. So: *granted, Trump is one of the few people on the planet you might almost believe this about. Somehow forgot even this? Convenient. Still, if it’s ‘the defendant pleads dementia’, the jury _is_ at least gonna be stroking their chins thoughtfully over that one.)

  • goonemeritus

    He comes back to the New York Times because Trump for all his many failings is in his heart a New Yorker. As a New Yorker Trump is well aware that the opinion of New Yorkers are the only ones that really matter.

    • canes_pugnaces

      and yet, here in NYC, he is loathed.

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      That may well be true. Funny he doesn’t realize most New Yorkers hate his fucking guts!

      • goonemeritus

        We are very proud of the fact that we have considered him a “short fingered vulgarian” for more than 30 years. And yet our approval is all that he really craves.

        • Bub, Zombie in mourning

          I remember having conversations about the wiggy bastard with a friend of mine in the early eighties. I thought his first bankruptcy spelled the end of him. How wrong I was.

          • AJ Milne

            Funny thing:

            It was my Russian roommate in university predicted, at the time, ‘he’d be back’…

            She really seemed to like him. Think I’ve a hazy sense as to why. Bit of the same thing makes ‘tough guy’/scrappy Putin’s appeal work for enough to keep the scale of the demonstrations moslty manageable (so far), at least.

    • hudson srinivasan

      he wants to be liked by new yorkers. he’ll prolly take it to the grave that he earned no respect or love from them.

    • arglebargle

      I’d like to see the reaction from the fans if he caught a foul ball at a Met game.

      • Amy!

        I can’t really imagine that.

        I can imagine him ducking as the ball heads in his general direction. Catching it? Nah.

        For one thing, I don’t think his fingers would fit around it.

  • MynameisBlarney

    From 2000 to 2016, you can draw a straight line from the hanging chads to the blatant voter suppression.

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a56423/2000-recount-republican-voter-suppression/

    • TJ Barke

      Fuck these fascist slime!

    • The Wanderer

      Pretty much. Atwater playbook, carried to a logical conclusion.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Takeaways:
    #1: Trump is stupider, I mean by miles, than I thought. And for the record: I thought he was a moron.
    #2: Trump knows he is in legal jeopardy and, for reasons outlined above, has provided Mueller with a map scribbled with Ivanka lipstick on a pussy grabber map where to dig for treasure.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      He really is an imbecile of the first rank, ain’t he?

      • canes_pugnaces

        The interview is painful to read.

      • Nockular cavity

        It’s bad enough he’s stupid, it’s bad enough he’s criminal, but even worse, he’s a stereotypically stupid criminal! Stop being a Batman cliché, Trump!

      • Alt-dog

        What kind of chump?

        https://youtu.be/3gvD3B-2Vwk

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Mother of God. I’ve had more coherent conversations with tweakers at bus stops.

    • The Wanderer

      I had a more coherent conversation with a client not two hours ago.

  • The Wanderer

    By Cthulhu’s penises, seriously, WTF? He actually thinks that the FBI Director reports to him and not the AG? How is this grown man capable of tying his own fucking shoes!?

    • MynameisBlarney

      It’s absolutely insane, isn’t it?

      • The Wanderer

        It makes my brain hurt.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Governing is haaaard. Who knew?

      • The Wanderer

        I’ll concede it’s hard, and stressful, but that’s why you surround yourself with competent staff who know their jobs, and whenever in public you put forth the impression that you’ve got this.

      • Covfefe

        Governing isn’t hard for Donald. He knows more than all the lawyers and all the bureaucrats and everyone else, as well as the generals.

      • Finnibar87

        And so UNFAIR to Trump!

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      He’s lived in a rich, ignorant man’s bubble his whole life. Delusion is a hell of a drug.

      • The Wanderer

        Yes, yes it is. I want a ringside seat when that delusional bubble bursts.

        • willi0000000

          wear a raincoat . . . i suspect it will be like Dr. Lawn’s patient, Mr. Saliferous.

          [ that even worried Sam Vimes ]

    • Vincent Ricola

      He steals small children and makes them tie his shoes.

      • The Wanderer

        (laughing inappropriately)

    • Ωbjectifier

      But Vlad haz a sekrit police!! Why can’t I??

      • The Wanderer

        I thought Erik Prince was setting that up for him.

        • BlissfulScribbler

          Setting up anything new for Trump must be like that scene in the Simpsons where the witness protection dudes try to get Homer used to his new last name.

    • cmd resistor

      Velcro or slip-ons.

  • Michael R
    • Kakkeltje

      You know who else finished a little bit bad?

      • The Wanderer

        Elizabeth Bathory?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Smaegol?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Senator Palpatine?

      • arglebargle

        The potato salad at the Independence Day picnic?

      • Ωbjectifier

        Walter White?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Ann Boleyn?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        AOT,K?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Homer Formby?

        • willi0000000

          congratulations! . . . you win the Memory Clogged With Almost As Much Useless Shit As Willi’s award.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Really, it’s an honor just to be nominated!

    • Finnibar87

      No Waterloo for you, Donnie J.

      • The Wanderer

        AIYEE! ABBA earworm!

        • arglebargle

          When you read the comments you take a chance.

        • Finnibar87

          Oops!

          ABBA Alert!

          • The Wanderer

            (gibbers incoherently)

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Mama Mia!

      • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

        He did it all for the Money, Money, Money.

        • Ill_Used_Floppy_Disk

          Upvoted for the cold antiseptic sting of the Swiss franc

  • BigCSouthside

    Every once and a while I go on a little thought trip, wondering what in the fuck could be in his finances.

    His taxes do not indicate illegality, or the IRS would have nailed him right? With everything that drops releasing his tax returns would be a really good diversion. Every time something happens and the returns remain hidden all I can think is “trump thinks whatever is in those returns is worse than this”

    Now he is warning an independent investigator to not look at his finances? What the fuck could be in there?

    • AJ Milne

      I _really_ think it’s gonna be breadcrumbs pointing to significant (primarily Russian) mob investment in him, over like more than a decade now.

      This isn’t some wild ass guess. This is where so many breadcrumbs _already_ point. His back from the dead story after the crash may have been a whole hell of a _lot_ of that.

      • BigCSouthside

        I thought that too. NY real estate is known as a dark money laundromat. I know US banks wouldn’t touch him decades ago, so financing had to be secured elsewhere

        Edit: you’d think they’d hide that in any financial documentation

        • AJ Milne

          Recently linked both these somewhere. New Republic had a thing called ‘Trump’s Russian landromat’, out a week ago. WaPo, too, title something like ‘With Trump it’s all about the money’, referencing that first one. Essentially saying that: large, stressed businesses with little access to conventional credit are natural targets for money launderers, and a lot of what was looted from Russia following the collapse of the USSR headed toward NY real estate.

      • BigCSouthside

        I also think it could be vanity. It would show he’s not super rich

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Hint: It’s stars with “Deutsche” and ends with “bank”.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Deutscherindfleischetikettierungsueberwachungsaufgabenueber-tragungsgesetzunabhängigkeitserklärungschicklgruberbank?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I don’t know why people have such a hard time with German.

        • arglebargle

          gesundheit

        • Querolous

          Douchesbank

      • arglebargle

        Deutschetreasonbank?

    • Alan

      No, there’s little in a tax return to indicate that you’ve been laundering money for Russian mobsters. You need the forensic accountants to figure that out. Hope that’s coming.

      • theblackdog

        Mueller did hire a dude who traced the money trail in Europe of a few Al Qeida operatives and led to nabbing one of their top dudes behind the US Embassy bombings in Africa. I don’t think it will be as difficult to find the Russian connection with Trump.

        • Alan

          I’m guessing it would be pretty easy once they actually start looking.

  • Vincent Ricola

    “When he [James B. Comey] brought it [the dossier] to me, I said this is really made-up junk.”

    Peepee tape confirmed incoming in t-minus 5…4…3…2…

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    So . . . Robert Mueller better not investigate Trump business dealings. Isn’t that clearly obstruction of justice?

    • Wuulf

      It’s like a mobster telling the traffic cop “Don’t look in the trunk.”

      • OutOfOrbit

        It works if the cop is dirty.

        • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

          Or you can get him fired if he does.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Nah. He was like, “just sayin”.

    • OutOfOrbit

      He is still in that Private Business bubble where implied threats were a real thing.

    • It depends, if he had these things ” ” at the start and end of the statement, then it’s only hypothetical.

      If not then this whole interview is fake news anyway.

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      Sounds more like an invitation from the moron-in-chief.

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    the F.B.I. started reporting to the Department of Justice. But there was nothing official, there was nothing from Congress.

    28 U.S.C. Section 532

    “The Attorney General may appoint a Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. The Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation is the head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.”

    Codified into law September 6, 1966.

  • Thanks, “Real” America for inflicting this… “person” upon the country.

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      yes, but they’re probably all feeling less economically anxious now.

      • theblackdog

        They probably feel it just as much but now they can openly say it was due to the that was in the White House.

  • Finnibar87

    Trump the idiot in haiku form:

    Deal! phony.
    Where is the witch?
    Hunt!

    • Alan

      Reminds me of the game Mad Libs.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    My favorite was his claim that his speech in Poland “was the greatest speech ever delivered by an American president on foreign soil”. Many, many people are saying that.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      He dissed St. Ronnie’s “Tear Down This Wall” speech? Really?
      Oh, Peggy Noonan’s gonna get the vapors.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “Ich bin ein Moran.”

    • BigCSouthside

      It was a goddamn klan rally speech

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I tend to agree that it was one of the more compelling White Nationalist speeches I’ve ever heard a U.S. president deliver on foreign soil.

      • cmd resistor

        I happened on FTucker Carlson the other day saying, Nuh-uh!

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      Many people probably are saying that: Donnie Jr., Ivanka, the not-dumb one, Priebus, Sandbags, Spicy, …

      Unfortunately for Drumpf, no one with a triple digit IQ is saying it.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Well, it did put to shame JFK’s “I am a donut” speech

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Vincent Ricola

      88 reasons why he is unfit to serve as predisent? According to my count, the reason list is way into the thousands by now.

      • Finnibar87

        99 reasons why Trump sucks, and Ivanka is one.

    • PubOption

      The Independent is legit – except for some old articles by Johan Hari, who tended to invent parts of his stories.

  • Finnibar87

    Unfair!
    Am I president?
    Bad deal.

  • memzilla Ω
    • arglebargle

      I would vote for Toles.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    You fools! Can’t you see he’s toying with us with his genius 4D Chess moves???

    • Beautiful Soup

      Morning Joe called it “4D Hungry Hungry Hippos.” (Apparently he was quoting Eli Lake.)

    • hudson srinivasan
      • The Wanderer

        Uh huh. I met a guy whose IQ was higher than mine. MENSA member, as well. He’s on Death Row for killing two of his neighbors.

        • Beautiful Soup

          i think i saw the “Dateline” on that guy. A subspecies of Florida Man, as I recall?

          • The Wanderer
          • Beautiful Soup

            Yep. An especially horrible way to kill someone.

          • The Wanderer

            Very. He used to run the local chapter’s Murder Mystery Weekends.

        • hudson srinivasan

          Day in and day out i have to work with people who get into pissing competitions over their own brilliance. This whole idea of people self absorbed with their own smarts is a complete turn off for me.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          I can understand being a MENSA member being surrounded by some of the lesser gods could be excruciating.

        • OutOfOrbit

          I thought Mensa was a wimminz monthly moon thing.

      • Bub, Zombie in mourning

        I just flushed something more intelligent than Donald trump.

        • hudson srinivasan

          TMI

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          A radiator?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Bub eats only brain food.

          • Bub, Zombie in mourning

            Pickings are slim around the White House these days.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            The drain of brain leaves only the inane.

      • Alan

        No, his IQ is displayed on my thermostat.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          …in Celsius.

          • Alan

            No kidding.

          • willi0000000

            yeah.

            [ it was forty below ]

        • msanthropesmr

          Whoa. Cold where you are

          • Alan

            And we have a winner!

        • hudson srinivasan

          that’s cool.

          • SpideySenser

            ISWYDT

  • dslindc

    Donald has words. The best words.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      This quote sums it up:

      “Yes, yes. [garbled]”

    • Finnibar87

      Deal.
      Unfair!
      Phony.
      Beautiful.
      Unfair!
      Bad deal.
      Unfair!

      • kareemachan

        DUPBUBU!

        • willi0000000

          Bqhatevwr!

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    How many of his thoughts are delusional?

    AOT,K!

  • Finnibar87

    Trump the idiot just invited the special prosecutor to check out his family’s ill gotten wealth.

    • The Wanderer

      Eeyup.

      • Finnibar87

        If it were me?

        I would drop everything and get my paws on all the Trump crime family’s tax returns, for starters.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Who says Mr Mueller hasn’t already?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “If you look into that money Eric and I stole from the children’s cancer charity, I’m going to be SO pissed!”

    • arglebargle
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “Look, I know how this sort of thing goes. You just sit here and ask questions and eventually I slip up and reveal something incriminating, right?”

      “Thank you, sir.”

      “For what?”

      “For telling me that you know how this sort of thing goes, sir.”

      • bobbert

        Carrot Mueller?

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Seems like they’ve both had experience.

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      No money laundering, no money laundering, you’re the money laundering.

  • Michael Smith

    Trump reminds me of Will Ferrell’s character in Austin Powers who will just tell you the truth if you ask him three times.

    • Finnibar87

      Ahh, the magic of three.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Its a magic number.

        • Finnibar87

          I love magic!

          Especially the thinking part.

        • msanthropesmr

          Yes it is.

  • La forza del resistino

    as a visiting history lecturer you suck Donald. FBI has always been under DOJ.
    Fun Fact: FBI predecessor, BOI, was run under AG Charles Bonaparte, great-nephew of French Emperor Napoleon I.

    • Finnibar87

      I love fun facts!

    • hudson srinivasan

      visiting history lecturer? visiting history lecturer’s second cousin’s neighbor, three doors removed, most likely.

      • Finnibar87

        LOL

        After Gingrich didn’t get tenure at the U of GA, he was one of those things.

  • Finnibar87

    Know what is truly unfair, idiot Trump?

    Your carcass in in the WH and it is dumb as a bag of hammers.

  • Wuulf

    The Trump thinks he’s a Jedi knight. These are not the financial records you are looking for.

    • Finnibar87

      [ Trump points ]

      These are! But don’t you dare look, Mueller.

    • Covfefe

      Trump feels invulnerable. I would have said he’s like a teenager, but Jedi knight works.

  • TJ Barke

    Can we section 8 this motherfucker?

    • Wuulf

      You want to put him in public housing?

      • TJ Barke

        The other section 8.

        • weighmaster

          The kind Klinger wanted but Frank got.

        • Wuulf

          I know, but we are the snark mob aren’t we?

      • msanthropesmr

        He’s already in public housing. We want to get him out

        • Wuulf

          Actually, he’s in publicly owned housing.

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      The only people who can are so far showing no signs of having the stones for the job.

  • Claire

    No way is Sessions going to resign from his cushy job of punishing black people for blackness just because Trump said a mean.

  • Bub, Zombie in mourning

    Reposting this from last night. I’m not feeling much more optimistic this morning.

    I confess that something about this interview has scared the hell out of me. (More so than I already was) I just don’t see how America can survive this and return to a state of relative political or governmental normalcy. The damage Trump has already done, and is continuing to do, with the complicity of the Republican party and much of the media, financed by a class of amoral, avaricious monsters is incalculable. At best you are headed for a mind-bending constitutional crisis. At best. At worst? Like I said, I’m scared as hell.

    • AJ Milne

      I do have faint hope this will be a bit of a cold water in the face splash to those sleepwalking into this…

      Faint, tho’. It’s _amazing_ how many people are basically saying, what the hell, we’re already _mostly_ a kleptocracy; let’s go further, so long as I’m somewhere nice in the pyramid.

      • Bub, Zombie in mourning

        I had that same, faint hope when he insulted John McCain during the campaign…when he said Ted Cruz’s dad killed Kennedy…when he kept refusing to release his taxes…when he suggested it would be a good thing if “2nd Amendment people” took care of Hillary…when he put himself in permanent violation of the emoluments clause…when he blatantly obstructed justice by firing Comey…when he…

        • cmd resistor

          Made fun of the reporter with the disability……

          • Bub, Zombie in mourning

            I know…Christ, there is so goddamn much of this shit. The man is a walking billboard with “Unqualified to hold public office!” written on it in huge red letters.

    • Finnibar87

      Me, too.

      Me.too.

    • Stay frosty Bub, you and we all will get past this.

      Here, have these, I call em mini-trump shields.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/aa9ab4c1472efef8b3ede031af106d18761b66b7c566ec54b3382498a223663a.jpg

      • Bub, Zombie in mourning

        I’ve been trying that. Also booze. Sometimes simultaneous kittens & booze.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          You’re not pouring for the kittens, are you?

          • Bub, Zombie in mourning

            Fuck ’em. Let the fuzzy little bastards get their own goddamn booze.

          • SpideySenser

            You’re not p̶o̶u̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ purring for the kittens, are you?
            FIFY.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      A poll showed that a significant percentage of Republicans do not believe that Dimwit Jr. met with Russian operatives, contrary to what Dimwit himself stated. Feel better now?

      • Bub, Zombie in mourning

        No

      • hudson srinivasan

        are you serious? oh my god!! this is some level of delusion.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Welcome to the future. Check your brain at the door.

      • ltmcdies

        just to add some perspective… only 38 percent of Americans self identify as Republican.
        I think the number is around 80 percent of those are members of Cult Trump

        which means probably 70 percent of yah haven’t drunk the Kool Aid.

        America’s biggest problem is you don’t seem to have an actual mechanism to get rid of a nutty leader.

        In say British parliamentary type system…Trump would likely be gone…probably taken out by his own party because in that system we don’t directly vote for Prime Minister. There are drawbacks but man are there advantages.

        Anyway, America’s not irretrievably broken yet.

        http://www.gallup.com/poll/211817/democratic-edge-party-affiliation-seven-points.aspx?g_source=&g_medium=&g_campaign=tiles

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Yeah, I’ve definitely come to see the advantages of a parliamentary system. This fucking electoral college, for instance. An obsolete holdover-and one of many-of the devil’s bargain we signed at the beginning to keep the whiny-ass southern slave holders on board. We’ve been paying the price for that ever since.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Agreed. This is gonna get out of control, and the results can’t be predicted.

      • Bub, Zombie in mourning

        I would contend that it is already out of control.

  • memzilla Ω

    Can’t wait for the obituary of his presidency: The Art of the Deal Usional.

  • BadKitty904

    “Why does he keep coming back to the failing New York Times when they always make him look like a lunatic?”

    Um. no, that’s not the Time’s doing that…

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Let me see if I have this right. Sessions should have told trump he would recuse himself from an investigation that didn’t even exist.

    • Finnibar87

      Trump argle bargles time.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Where’s that Obama Time Machine when you need it?

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      Trump already knew it was coming, since he knew they were as guilty as fuck.

      • Covfefe

        But Sessions lied about his contacts with Russians in Sessions’ confirmation hearing. So Sessions must have had an inkling himself.

  • The Librarian

    M is for Misogyny that you throw at me
    O is for that nasty Orange stain
    R is for Robe pics that I can’t unsee
    A is for Asshole, I speak plain
    N is for Nothing good comes from your ‘splains

    Put these all together, get some brains!!!!

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So Sessions and Rosenstein just gave a presser on cybercrime. Add “spineless cockgobbler” to the list of descriptions for Jeff Sessions.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    This makes me economically anxious.

    • TJ Barke

      It makes me existentially anxious.

  • Joe Beese

    IT’S EXTREMELY UNFAIR TO THE PRESIDENT!

    (Never trust anyone who refers to themselves in the third person.)

    • Finnibar87

      Trump is having an UNFAIR.

    • The Wanderer

      “Bob Dole approves of this.”

      • willi0000000

        “Bob Dole approves of Bob Dole”
        – Bob Dole

        • Opalescent Riddles

          “Bob Dole is Bob Dole, and Bob Dole approves of Bob Dole’s message.”

          — Bob Dole, speaking of Bob Dole’s approval of Bob Dole’s message about Bob Dole, in which Bob Dole approved Bob Dole’s message.

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            *INCEPTION SOUND*

    • Bub, Zombie in mourning

      Bub the zombie agrees with this statement.

  • Crystalclear12

    Don’t worry, I take a deep breath between each drink.

  • FauxAntocles

    Is this the same interview where he says health insurance costs $12/year?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Yes. And the second time he’s gone there. Confusing life insurance with health insurance? Like he ever knew there was a difference?

  • Blackest Noobs
  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    And yet crazy, stupid, venal, incoherent Donald Trump has an 87% approval rating with Republicans according to the latest Gallup poll.

    Millions of American voters are willfully ignorant, ideologically incoherent, and dumber than a box of rocks. Trump is their guy and they are standing by him. If Trump, his cohorts and his family members are found guilty and remain in power, that’s when America truly becomes a failed state.

    I’m an eternal pessimist, and even I didn’t think we’d get this close in my lifetime.

    • Finnibar87

      The GOP just can’t quit its Trump addiction.

    • BigCSouthside

      They get judges out of it. They’d elect a turnip if they thought it would nominate fascist judges

    • This is what they meant by “May you live in interesting times”

      We’re living in a historic age folk.

      Maybe trump is the Singularity.

      • Rags

        He is a black hole. Reality goes in, never to be seen again, and all that comes out are lethal emissions.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      It’s because they are getting all their news from Fox, Breitbart, and Hannity, which get their talking points from Koch-funded think tanks and PR firms.

    • Claire

      I read one of those insufferable Trump-voters articles the other day and one of the people they talked to actually said “What they hate about him is what they hate about me.” They’ve so totally internalized him that if they admit he’s a garbage human being, they have to admit the same thing about themselves. Never gonna happen.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        Yep – it’s a cult.

      • Serai 1

        “So, you’re a spoiled ugly racist who thinks he’s an Emperor?”

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        “I’m an idiot who is faking their way through everything, and I really shouldn’t be holding any power whatsoever.”

        Dunning-Kruger needs revisiting. They never imagined people who essentially recognize they’re absolutely terrible at whatever they do, but they bluster on, because there’s an even biglier fuckup out there, with even more undeserved power, that they idolize.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Gallup reports that the percentage of people self reporting as Republican has dropped 4% since 11/9.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        Not good enough, but it’s a start.

  • Joe Beese

    Dad and Junior really need to get their lies straight.

    Don’t they spend any quality time together any more?

    • BadKitty904

      IKR? “Fat, corrupt, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

      • willi0000000

        “why not, dad . . . it got you elected president*”
        – DJr

    • ltmcdies

      they’ll get plenty of quality time in side by side prison cells

      • marxalot

        Keep ’em separate– don’t wanna give them the chance to get their stories even close to straight.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Junior is dumb but not so dumb that he has forgotten what “quality time” with Senior involves: a punch in the face.

  • La forza del resistino

    Do it again Maggie. This time bring a little sodium pentothal for his Diet Coke. That’s ethical isn’t it? You’d get into Pulitzer Hall of Fame by the w/e.

    • Serai 1

      Turns out sodium pentothal isn’t a truth drug, though.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The only possible explanation is Big Orange has the hots for Maggie Haberman and is trying to impress her.

    • BadKitty904

      I dunno. I’m still going with the “crazy as a rat in a tin can” option.

  • BadKitty904
    • Ghenghis McCann

      Judas Iscariot Libelz!!1!

      • BadKitty904

        Sad, but probably true.

        • Serai 1

          He was a misguided zealot trying to help people. This… is something else.

  • TJ Barke
  • Joe Beese
    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i posted yesterday that he was asked about the debt ceiling in an interview.

      He said he didn’t want to say what he’d do, cause he wants to be unpredictable, then he said, “but i’ll be very strong on the debt ceiling.”

      I ws convinced he’d heard the phrase, but couldn’t remember which side he was supposed to be on.

      • Jamoche

        “Let’s see, is running it up and then ducking out good or bad when it’s a government?”

  • rosenbomb

    Man, and I thought George W was inarticulate…he looks like T.S. Eliot compared to Trump

    • TJ Barke

      Never thought I’d see a president worse than W. And yet here’s a worse president less than 20 years later…

      • BadKitty904

        Thanks, GOP!

        • OutOfOrbit

          We can thank SC(R)OTUS for W shrub.

      • rosenbomb

        I know, fuck. You’re 27? I am, too.

        I remember being in high school and knowing Bush sucked. Then my 20s were spoiled by blessed Obama…and now we are here.

        • Opiwan

          Those of us close to 40 had similar experience with Reagan and Poppy during our formative years, followed by 8 years of relative bliss with Wm. J. Clinton. Then the hammer fell…

          • willi0000000

            you wanna talk hammers? . . . been watching politics since Eisenhower . . . think tricky dick, then raygun, then HW, then W . . . now this piece of shit.

            nixon is still the worst . . . venal and smart.

          • BlissfulScribbler

            Yeah, but you have to factor in the growing decrepitude of conservative politics on the whole. Sure, the figureheads they hide behind become more and more inept and TV-friendly (horrifying as it is, Trump is the face that degenerate white Baby Boomers want to see staring back at them, since he validates their wasted, stupid lives), but all the while the agenda continues to go further in terms of normalizing sociopathy, government dysfunction, and handouts to wealthy people who bear no responsibility to the American public.

      • OutOfOrbit

        tRump has yet to kill 200k (+) civilians and committed dog knows how many war crimes and crimes against humanity…but it’s still early.

    • hudson srinivasan

      He’s more like P.S. Idiot

  • Finnibar87

    Back when Mickey Rourke was a hottie, and in the film ‘Body Heat’, his arsonist character asked his lawyer William Hurt a question:

    I got a serious question for you: What the fuck are you doing? This is not shit for you to be messin’ with. Are you ready to hear something? I want you to see if this sounds familiar: any time you try a decent crime, you got fifty ways you’re gonna fuck up. If you think of twenty-five of them, then you’re a genius… and you ain’t no genius. You remember who told me that?

    So good.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    My favorite part of the story is that trump didn’t consult with top aides or lawyers before the interview and left them blindsided and scrambling after the fact.

    • Finnibar87

      That is what makes Trump an idiot, after all.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      To use a phrase my Dad used; “He opens his mouth and lets his belly rumble.”

      • willi0000000

        talks just to hear his head roar!

    • Liquid Tomato

      I imagine there’s a lot of drinking on the job in this white house.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        On and off.

    • cmd resistor

      One ALMOST feels sorry for them.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      UNPOSSIBLE! He’s NEVER done that before!

  • Beowoof14

    The other interesting thing here was Rachel reported the other concurrent story in the times was Mueller is investigating Trump businesses.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    The guy’s not worried about someone finding a blue dress with his DNA on it, if you know what we mean!

    I don’t think you can collect DNA in pee.

    • Rags

      Yes you can.

  • Mormos

    now if someone can just get him to say he told pence about the meeting.

    • BadKitty904

      I want a reporter to tell Lil’ Donnie that Pence just came out of the closet and see what he says.

  • elviouslyqueer

    To repeat: I want this motherfucker dragged KICKING and SCREAMING out of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. And I want LOTS of kicking and screaming.

    • Crystalclear12

      On camera!

      • elviouslyqueer

        ALL the cameras.

        • Finnibar87

          The kicking and screaming shall be televised, over and over and over.

          • elviouslyqueer

            I’m chilling the Cold Duck for when that happens. You think two cases is excessive?

          • Crystalclear12

            Only two?

          • Finnibar87

            Go with three.

            I just heard it is a magic number.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Per person?

      • hudson srinivasan

        for these festivities i would even go to DC and get a t-shirt.

        i want that t-shirt.

    • Finnibar87

      But first?

      Strip the entire Trump crime family of its wealth.

      Then the kicking and screaming will be even better.

      • mailman27

        Writs of attainder, all around.

        • It might be worth bringing back “corruption of blood” to put Uday, Qusay and Victim-of-Incest in jail with him.

      • TakingAmes

        Maybe that’s the 11th dimensional chess Sessions is playing with the civil asset forfeiture. It’s be a boon to the DC police force. What? A girl can dream.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Word on the street is the kicking and screaming has started, but off-camera.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        But has been on Twitter for months.

      • Tio_Doidinho

        I want it ON-CAMERA, dammit.

        • Bebecca

          and every television, phone and computer in America tuned in like the white bronco chase. I want him humiliated.

          • Serai 1

            Don’t worry. At some point along the line, some peon will stash a smartphone in a dark spot, and we’ll have some mighty fine party footage!

      • Serai 1

        I’ve heard it’s been going on for quite a while now, actually.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Look Donnie, there’s a police van… want to sit in the cab play with the siren?

    • marxalot

      I would like him, his whole corrupt family, and all the fucking collaborators in his cabinet, to be paraded in irons the length of the National Mall, then loaded into the wagons before every television camera and human witness available.

      • willi0000000

        tumbrels!

      • crisptickle

        nude, with shame bell!

    • Serai 1

      I want him dragged out along with everyone else involved. Scorched earth. Get rid of ALL of them – and that includes anyone in the House or Senate who was involved, as well. Massive perp walk right down Pennsylvania Avenue would be ideal. The grocers would sell out days in advance.

  • Crystalclear12

    That is some Grade A crazy.
    However, the stupid is very low quality but there’s a lot of it.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Ah, the eternal question: quality or quantity?

  • Anna Rompage

    I have a feeling that right after the election, Donad had a chat with Vlad, and Vlad told him, “don’t worry Donnie, just appoint people who are solely loyal to you, and deny everything. Your people will protect you!” Vlad then added “This strategy, it has worked wonders for me, have you seen my approval rating? It’s 99%!”

    • MrTusks

      The other 1% was dead…eventually.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    The thing is that if you put Trump in the room with anyone reasonably attractive and a pussy you can get this orange clown to say fucking anything.

    Democrats need to get Kirsten Gillibrand to oversee his removal in the Senate when the time comes. He won’t know what hit him for a week when he stops thinking about her legs.

    • AnneBonny

      He’ll just call her a fat menstruator.

    • Serai 1

      Yep. If the MSM really wants to get stuff out of Twitler, all the reporter needs is a great rack and a superior set of gams, and she could get him to tell all his secrets.

  • bookish

    AltEPA @ActualEPAFacts
    ·
    19m

    Donal Trump doesn’t know the difference between health insurance and life insurance, it seems. Please RT.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    But the F.B.I. person really reports directly to the president of the United States, which is interesting. You know, which is interesting. And I think we’re going to have a great new F.B.I. director.

    https://punditfromanotherplanet.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/j-edgar-hoover-seriously.jpg

    We all know that presidents reported to J. Edgar Hoover.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      He would not have been having this shit. Donald would have received a private screening of the pee tape- along with a promise that the screening would be public should he do anything to displease the FBI. Of course, there would have been no investigations into the Trump family corruption.

      • willi0000000

        priorities!

  • Joe Beese

    O/T:

    Rep. Joe Kennedy III ‘reviewing’ controversial Israel anti-boycott bill he supports following ACLU concerns

    https://www.boston.com/news/politics/2017/07/19/rep-joe-kennedy-iii-reviewing-controversial-israel-anti-boycott-bill-he-supports-following-aclu-concerns

    Maybe he could have reviewed the bill before he fucking co-sponsored it.

    • Alt-dog

      But that would require work and these guys already work almost three days a week on average.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “Oh, Mr Kennedy, I’m such a fan. Can you autograph this for me?”

    • willi0000000

      neal (D)MA-1 supports it too . . . dismay registered by phone a minute ago.

  • Joe Beese

    Every interview with Trump is guaranteed to have some bizarre notes, those moments when Trump sounds like a Hollywood producer in the 1970s. You could go with his description of the Bastille Day parade in Paris (“You know what else that was nice? It was limited. You know, it was two hours, and the parade ended. It didn’t go a whole day”) or even when he jumped subjects like a weasel on meth (“The Russians have great fighters in the cold. They use the cold to their advantage. I mean, they’ve won five wars where the armies that went against them froze to death. It’s pretty amazing. So, we’re having a good time. The economy is doing great.”)

    http://rudepundit.blogspot.co.uk/2017/07/bonfire-of-inanities-observations-on.html

    • cmd resistor

      For some reason I found this quote most bizarre. Maybe THE most bizarre. although there is so much to choose from.

      “We had dinner at the Eiffel Tower, and the bottom of the Eiffel Tower looked like they could have never had a bigger celebration ever in the history of the Eiffel Tower. I mean, there were thousands and thousands of people, ’cause they heard we were having dinner.”

      • chortlingdingo

        He really wants the whole world to bow down in adulation doesn’t he?

        • willi0000000

          or, at least, be about him.

          [ i don’t know about the song though. ]

        • Serai 1

          Even more bizarre is the fact that he thinks they already are.

      • MrTusks

        Except for when the Eiffel Tower was the centerpiece of the World’s Fucking Fair, right Donnie?

        • TundraGrifter

          Or, perhaps, the celebration when the German army moved out.

      • Bebecca

        Oh right, thousands of people showed up to get a glimpse of your face. They adore you in Paris, Don.

        • Serai 1

          I wouldn’t doubt that, honestly – though I suspect it’s not for the reasons HE thinks.

  • Joe Beese

    Breaking: Sessions says he’ll stay on “as long as that is appropriate”.

    http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/016/345/sizwqikzcgjyatxpyl7n.jpg

  • Randy Riddle

    “And how are we only six months into this horrible nightmare?”

    I haven’t lived through six months that seemed this long since I binge-watched two full hours of the Home Shopping Network.

    • OutOfOrbit

      2 hrs of HSN! Why would you do such a thing?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      How long did it feel for the poor lost souls that were trying to sell stuff on the Home Shopping Network? Maybe Purgatory is real.

    • willi0000000

      and i thought riving across Kansas for a week one day was bad.

      [ only ⅞ to go! ]

  • Ricky Gay

    He feels a lot more at ease when interviewed by a rag his supporters won’t read. #fakenews

  • Janae Bess

    This Madman/ Monster Terrifies me. And he just keeps getting worse.

    • TundraGrifter

      What did Michelle Obama say? The Presidency doesn’t mold you – it reveals who you are.

      • Serai 1

        Someone should publish a book on her “wit and wisdom”. Seriously, that woman drops pearls all the time.

  • Marla

    It must be so taxing to talk in Trumpease. “Yeah, you know, interesting, very interesting. Like, how there are no round corners in my office and then it recuses itself. I thought to myself on this Russhue thing ‘why would I do that?’ Chris Wray is a second deputy you know? Then my best words kicked into my best brain telling me how serous this cyber thing is. People telling me screaming ‘death, death!’ but I’d date her in ten years. Hillary is going to kill us all with windmills.”

    Trump speak is a babbling one-year old trying to communicate to you that it needs it diapers changed.

    For fuck’s sake, I’m about to lose my god damn mind over this stupid, bloated orange clueless asshole

    • willi0000000

      well said!

      [ i think ]

      • Marla

        “Well, you know, I use the best words but before I answered you I was going to pick somebody else because I’m like, proven very strongly. I have my own opinions, you know, you can have you own opinions.

        • willi0000000

          careful . . . i have access to some G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate.

          [ . . . and i’m not afraid to use it ]

          • Marla

            Yikes.

          • willi0000000

            my work here is done.

          • Old Man Yells at Cloud

            Its already been used. Where do you think republicans came from … that 1/10 of 1 percent.

  • Bub, Zombie in mourning

    When my nephew had brain cancer, I looked for an ambitious kid who was thinking of going to med school to perform neurosurgery. “He’ll learn, he’ll learn” I figured…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/68456cc879999f6d6b373f2006c439c3284a8e89cb305180c7b6b01980451572.jpg

    • ltmcdies

      well this is what comes of the fantasy that any idiot can be president, isn’t it. You don’t need people skills or governing experience or demonstrated emotional stability.

      any fucking idiot can be handed the “keys” to the Oval Office it will be “fine”

      it’s the god damn plot of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.

      • TundraGrifter

        Didn’t Mr. Smith have ethics and morals? Harry S. Truman was a “common man” who did pretty well in the job. So was Abraham Lincoln.

        Extraordinary people, of course. Strong characters who stood for something – so they wouldn’t fall for anything.

        • ltmcdies

          neither Truman or Lincoln had never held office…Truman was actually a VP
          And Mr. Smith is a fine fictional character but still …he’s fictional

          • Cleo_Cat

            Wasn’t Lincoln a state rep in Illinois?

      • Serai 1

        This administration has popped that particular balloon, that’s for sure. “Anyone can be president”? WHY THE FUCK WOULD WE WANT THAT???

        • BlissfulScribbler

          Because this is where America had arrived by 2016. Part of the apotheosis of unchecked capitalism is the ‘customer’s always right’ idea that any consumer’s ignorance is equally valid to another’s expertise.

          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f7641f27852604ea52551bab8e5956101f22fd971c0dbea20996b0668b84a618.jpg

          • Serai 1

            *eyeroll* I’ve seen that specious interpretation of “the customer’s always right” and it never fails to irritate me. The axiom has nothing to do with the customer’s “expertise” or lack thereof. It has to do with the fact that if a retailer doesn’t give the customer what they want, he stands to lose business. And that, by definition, is something a retailer does not want. Thus, the customer is always right – meaning, whether you agree with what they’re saying or not, you give them what they want. Because otherwise, pissed-off customer, lost sale, possible bad publicity losing him more customers. (In this day of Twitter, that last is a given.)

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I despise Il Douche as much as anybody but . . .”I can’t answer that question” is maybe just a wee bit shy of theatening to fire Mueller, innit?

    • AnneBonny

      Yeah these headings are not matching these quotes.

    • Serai 1

      SCHMIDT: Last thing, if Mueller was looking at your finances and your family finances, unrelated to Russia — is that a red line?

      HABERMAN: Would that be a breach of what his actual charge is?

      TRUMP: I would say yeah. I would say yes.

      What part of that is too difficult to parse?

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    And yet they continue to normalize his behavior.
    https://twitter.com/mkraju/status/888039781636218885

    • BadKitty904

      Um, that is precisely the problem.

    • cmd resistor

      I found that disappointing.

    • BlissfulScribbler

      In America, being rich (or, considering the case of Trump, mostly appearing rich) basically translates to being good. I hate to say it, but I don’t think we’ve even scratched the surface of what this guy and his family can and will get away with.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    So they published the intervew like that ? Is there any commentary of fact checking ?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Wray should just Saturday Night Massacre himself right now,

    • Pilotshark

      or hold out for the AG job coming up soon.

  • TundraGrifter

    Quite happily, I’ve never heard another person – man or woman – in their 70’s whine so much about things that are “unfair.” After seven decades on the face of this earth, you’d think this maroon would have learned that life often isn’t fair.

    • MizzMazz

      IKR? It’s toddler talk, and no one has had the guts to tell him how stupid he sounds. He certainly hasn’t figured that out for himself.

      • cmd resistor

        That’s what I never figured about all his fans who say he’s this big tough guy. He’s the whiniest.

        • MizzMazz

          Probably because they talk just like them, and they’re all tough guys, right?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Most toddlers don’t whine this much, at least not un public.

        • MizzMazz

          And when they do, they get a time out.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            ‘That’s it, Mr President, you go stand in the corner and think about what you’ve done!’
            ‘But it’s an oval, there’s no corners…’
            ‘YOU HEARD ME, MISTER!’

          • MizzMazz

            Bwahahahaha!

          • BlissfulScribbler

            Trump doesn’t know that much about shapes.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Which is odd because Sesame Street was around during his formative years – ages 24 through 50.

    • Doug Langley

      Now if said person was homeless and destitute and was a refugee from a war zone, then yeah life’s pretty unfair. But considering Dolt 45 has had every possible luxury dropped in his lap, well.

    • natoslug

      He’s part of the “Party of Personal Responsibility®©℗™℠💩.” Of course he’s going to whine about unfair life is to him.

    • cmd resistor

      When my kid tried it, I usually told him something along the lines of Life is Shit, and then You Die.

  • Rags

    The people who need to read this, won’t.
    If they do read it, they won’t believe it.
    If they do believe it, they will ignore it.

    • AnneBonny

      If they do read it, they’ll become even more convinced that the opposite is true.

  • marxalot

    What.
    Just. What.
    Anyone who looks at this, or the bits where he barfed word salad about healthcare, and still thinks he’s in possession of any of his mental faculties has probably lost all of theirs.

    • Pisto75666

      Or barely had them to start with (we’ve seen most of his base)

  • fawkedifiknow

    i know Sessions is as dumb as an Alabama boll weevil, but even he must have gotten the message when his friend and boss said he wishes he had never hired him.

  • nightmoth

    He thinks a president is a king.

    • gene108

      Or the CEO of a closely held family run business, which has been in his family for generations, and will get handed down to his kids to run one day.

    • Serai 1

      You think too small. He’s convinced he should be EMPEROR.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Bitter Scribe

    OK, maybe I’m dumb, but I don’t get why #3 is such a big deal. Trump didn’t say, according to that excerpt, that he knew about his son’s meeting “beforehand.” He said he “just heard there was an email requesting a meeting,” which could easily mean that he heard about it when the story broke in the Times. In other words, “just heard” could mean “just heard last week.”

    • jesterpunk

      He was in Trump tower during the meeting.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Even if that’s true, Trump Tower is a big place, and Donald Sr. can’t keep constant tabs on who goes in and out. He’s busy being president. I mean, those episodes of “Fox & Friends” won’t watch themselves.

    • AnneBonny

      Yeah this excerpt literally says he did NOT know about it so, while he could well* be lying, I don’t see how this exposes the lie.

      *I wrote “I’m sure he’s lying” but honestly, there must be a ton of things his campaign didn’t tell him. Man has a mind like an aggressive sieve, I’d give up too.

      • Tracey Meyers

        Nah. I’m not buying that. Five of DJT’s closest RU pals drop into TrumpTpwer of Hell to dish dirt on Hilz-Dawg in return for lifting sanctions, I mean, babbies, and he doesn’t know anything about it? No way, I’ll be shocked when it comes out that he wasn’t IN THAT ROOM. He can’t stand shutting up or horning in.

    • Oh good, it’s not just me. I thought I was reading it wrong somehow.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      The spoken transcript might clear it up. “It just depends on the meaning of ‘just.'”

      If he meant “merely” vs. “recently” perhaps his bigly good speaking style will uncloud this little tempest.

  • Doug Langley

    Did you hear something? It sounded like lawyers’ heads pounding into tables.

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      No, I think that’s empty whiskey tumblers hitting bartops.

      • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

        Empty bottles of Bailey’s and bowls of Lucky Charms being tripped over in the WH. And Reince’s body hitting the floor.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Last night, Josh Marshall wrote that he hoped the comm staff was on suicide watch.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

    From Rude Pundit:
    5. Just weird shit – Every interview with Trump is guaranteed to have some bizarre notes, those moments when Trump sounds like a Hollywood producer in the 1970s. You could go with his description of the Bastille Day parade in Paris (“You know what else that was nice? It was limited. You know, it was two hours, and the parade ended. It didn’t go a whole day”) or even when he jumped subjects like a weasel on meth (“The Russians have great fighters in the cold. They use the cold to their advantage. I mean, they’ve won five wars where the armies that went against them froze to death. It’s pretty amazing. So, we’re having a good time. The economy is doing great.”) But I’m gonna go with the saga of French President Macron and his love of holding Trump’s hand: “He’s a great guy. Smart. Strong. Loves holding my hand…People don’t realize he loves holding my hand. And that’s good, as far as that goes…I think he is going to be a terrific president of France. But he does love holding my hand.” Every night, Macron touches the hand that held Trump’s, and a single tear runs slowly down his face as he remembers those soft, small fingers interlaced with his.

    • gene108

      Marcon’s half a foot shorter than Trump and his hands are bigger than Trump’s. I’m sure that has to hurt Trump’s delicate fee-fees.

  • AnneBonny

    Wonkette heading: Trump would consider firing Mueller
    Trump statement: I can’t answer that question

    Wonkette heading: Trump knew about the meeting beforehand
    Trump statement: I did not know about the meeting beforehand

    The guy is clearly unhinged, and a liar, and Wonkette might well be right about what’s actually going on, but I can’t see how those quotes support those headings.

    • laineypc

      It’s got me scratching the noggin as well.

      • AnneBonny

        Seriously, I would for someone to explain what I’m missing.

    • Serai 1

      SCHMIDT: Last thing, if Mueller was looking at your finances and your family finances, unrelated to Russia — is that a red line?

      HABERMAN: Would that be a breach of what his actual charge is?

      TRUMP: I would say yeah. I would say yes.

      Seriously, WHAT IS SO HARD TO PARSE ABOUT THIS?

      • AnneBonny

        …the part where he’s directly asked if he’d fire Mueller, and he doesn’t answer. Trump seems to be answering Haberman, not Schmidt.

        • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

          He gave his usual bullshit double talk answer: Yes, it is a red line, then, no I can’t answer that. Because he is arrogant and ignorant, and the biggest bullshitter around.

        • Lord Jim

          Haberman is simply continuing Schmidt’s question. It’s really not rocket science.

          • AnneBonny

            …nor are we dealing with a rocket scientist. Trump can’t follow threads. Nor does he necessarily think fundamentally violating your duties means you should face consequences.

            Regardless, the heading makes it sound like he outright. But in fact what he said was so ambiguous that the reporter had to ask directly–at which point Trump evaded.

            Dunno why 5$F even included the direct question and evasion if the previous part was so conclusive.

  • mardam422

    OH…MY….GAWWWWWDDDDDD!!!1

  • Keith Taylor

    I am trying to remember to breathe, I really am, but it takes concentration and effort. Which only means I have joined what by now is a LARGE club. This man is as bonkers as he is unprincipled, or as unprincipled as he is bonkers. He really is.

    • Skaarphy

      For the time being maybe it’s best to consider Trump suffering from dementia or early-ish stages of Alzheimer’s, and just wait for nature to take its course.

  • SayItWithWookies

    TRUMP: But what it does, Maggie, it means it gets tougher and tougher. As they get something, it gets tougher. Because politically, you can’t give it away. So pre-existing conditions are a tough deal. Because you are basically saying from the moment the insurance, you’re 21 years old, you start working and you’re paying $12 a year for insurance, and by the time you’re 70, you get a nice plan. Here’s something where you walk up and say, “I want my insurance.” It’s a very tough deal, but it is something that we’re doing a good job of.

    It’s almost like he understands the issue with greater depth and clarity than any other human being before or since. Pass me another whippet, I can still feel my hands.

    • TakingAmes

      This is the paragraph that got me. I just… have no fucking idea what he’s talking about. $12 a year for insurance?!?! Is this word salad about medicare? I just don’t know.

      • peregrin

        Shit, if I could get insurance for $12 a day I’d be ecstatic, never mind $12 a year.

        • Last Hussar

          NHS funding is approximately £2500 per person in UK. That’s about $275 per person per month.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        In Rain Man, Dustin Hoffman’s character literally had no concept about how much things cost and just blurted out random numbers.

        This was explained, because Dustin Hoffman’s character was autistic.

        What ever in the fuck is wrong with Trump??

        • NotDarkYet

          What’s wrong with Trump? Well, that’s gonna take a while, so pull up a chair … but long story short: it is a perfect confluence of shit causes and conditions that came together to make Trump, Trump: money, genes, upbringing, a shitton of unmet emotional needs, an even bigger shitton of fears and resentments, dick-measuring contests on an as of yet unheard of scale — all topped off with a sprinkling of more money, revenge fantasies, hype, bad taste, ruined steaks, two scoops, and urine …

      • Sounds like he’s talking about life insurance.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Hands hands hands hands….

    • phoenix00

      Whippet libelz!!

  • cheetojeebus

    If I hear one more fucking Republican say ‘this is a distraction from implementing our agenda’ …say it, go ahead, one more fucking time…..

    • BadKitty904

      It’s not Congress’ job to “implement agendas“. It’s Congress’ job to protect and further America’s best interests, for all Americans.

      • cheetojeebus

        I fear it will be some time before it functions like that.

        • BadKitty904

          It will never function like that as long as the Republicans hold the majority.

      • miss_grundy

        The only “agenda” Congress should have is how to make life better for all Americans. I think they have forgotten that mission.

        • BadKitty904

          I know they have. And their every action confirms it.

    • miss_grundy

      Just don’t get into serious legal trouble when you wreak vengeance….

      • Tracey Meyers

        It’s ok. Mexico will pay for it.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    Are glioblastomas contagious?

    • miss_grundy

      No, but his “personal Vietnam” during Studio 51 days may have led to serious STDs or VDs as we used to say. So, his brain may be affected.

      • Ducksworthy

        Tertiary syphilis. Watch how he walks.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      I was gonna go there!

  • Ryan Denniston

    “And nothing was changed other than Richard Nixon came along. And when Nixon came along [inaudible] was pretty brutal, and out of courtesy, the F.B.I. started reporting to the Department of Justice.”

    A curious mind might wonder whether there’s a connection between Nixon coming along and the FBI director reporting to someone within Justice. Moran.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      FBI director always answered to the Attorney General within the DOJ.

      All the way from J. Edgar Hoover.

      • miss_grundy

        And J. Edgar designed the modern FBI as David Grann wrote in his latest book, “Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI”, which is a terrific read.

        • Petunia Cat

          Tim Weiner’s, Enemies: A History of the FBI is about how the FBI actually started. That Osage book sounds like it’s about the FBI being competent. Which is not the main FBI story. Hoover got them to set up the FBI on the back of the 20s red scare after Attorney General Palmer’s house was bombed by an anarchist. Hoover was 100% horrific. The Watergate era improvements were much-needed.

          [That Osage book sounds amazing though.]

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        exactly

  • Zyxomma

    I haven’t yet read the transcript, because I’m having breakfast and I don’t want to lose it. Thanks, $5F.

  • azeyote

    i like when he said it wasn’t good for the president – who was he talking about – jim ?

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      or Brad?

      • Last Hussar

        Janet?

  • Gorillionaire

    Trump is a grumpy sundowner in a nursing home, but with an inheritance and a tv show.

    • wait! what?
    • Tracey Meyers

      And health insurance prolly. Although it’s hard to tell what he bought for $12 when he was 21 since he seems to have no idea what it is… maybe it was a dime bag… or bats. Or cake. Or another RU mailorder bride.

  • Bebecca

    and he’s too stupid to know not to make enemies of people that know things about him that can place him in deep deep trouble. Mike Flynn must really know some bad stuff, I guess he’s the exception.

  • Me not sure

    Donnie…Donnie… Listen to me. I TOLD you that Sessions was was no good, but you dated him anyhow and he broke your heart. You have no one to blame for this but yourself. Now just take the penicillin and pray to God you didn’t get him pregnant. I’m just glad your mother didn’t live to see this.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    I thought election night was going to be bunker night. Looks like it may have just been delayed.

  • BuzzKill48

    Sadly, I think we can pretty much assume at this point that there’s another Saturday Night Massacre coming soon. The only way Trump can duplicate Putin’s way of controlling Russia, is to have complete loyalty of the DOJ and the FBI. In this interview, he gave Sessions a very strong hint to resign. Didn’t happen. Gave a strong hint to Rosenstein to resign. Didn’t happen. Gave a strong hint that he doesn’t like the acting FBI Director and wants him gone. Didn’t happen. Basically told Mueller to quit investigating and to just shut the fuck up. Didn’t happen. What else can a poor misunderstood wannabe dictator do when all of these red lines keep getting crossed?

    • bigjericho

      If he pulls a Saturday Night Massacre and the GOP Congress backs him on it, it’s going to look a lot like consolidation of power for an outright dictatorship. And if that happens, there may be a coup by the military or intel community…and this country may never be the same again.

      • lurch394

        I never thought I’d look forward to a military coup. Then again, I didn’t think we’d elect F*face von Clownstick.

  • Manhattan123

    “But the F.B.I. person really reports directly to the president of the United States…”

    The FBI person? When that’s the least batshit insane thing said in an interview, you know it’s going to be a bumpy night.

  • arensb

    It’s extremely unfair, and that’s a mild word, to the president. So he recuses himself. I then end up with a second man, who’s a deputy.

    Isn’t it the law that Sessions had to recuse himself? So we have a president crooked enough that he feels hampered by anti-corruption laws, and stupid enough to say so to the New York Times.

    • DT

      And a populace too indifferent to care.

  • Poly_Ester

    The FBI “person” may snitch to the Preznit, but he doesn’t report to him, Drump.

  • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

    The Russian cock sucking traitor does not seem to realize that he’s being fucking recorded! Good grief, these Republicans are fucking stupid as well as violently right wing insane.

  • whitroth

    I could only manage to read bits of the excerpts.

    WHY THE FUCK ISN’T CONGRESS PASSING AROUND CONSIDERATION OF THE 25TH AMENDMENT?!?!?!

    As I noted in another thread, I stole a line from a commenter on another website: it’s Mueller time!

    • The GOP controls Congress, and with them it’s been Party Before Country since 1992….

      • DT

        But you’d think they’d want their man Pence in there so they could actually get shit done.

  • CeeQ

    I never would have guessed that allowing a completely ignorant, incompetent and unrepentant moron – who does not have any idea how anything works, let alone governance and jurisprudence – to be POTUS would turn out to be so disastrous.

    • Lord Jim

      Who knew that electing a mendacious fucktard to the Presidency would be so disastrous?

      • lurch394

        Governing is hard.

  • Petunia Cat

    Trump said that Comey was telling him about the Steele dossier because Comey wanted to “keep his job”. 😣 The FBI director has a 10 year term. He isn’t a political appointee who is changed when a new president comes in. How in the fuck can Trump still not know this? OMFG. They gave the FBI director a set term because Hoover just stayed forever and blackmailed everybody. Then his successor after he died, L. Patrick Gray, destroyed evidence for Nixon during Watergate. You don’t want the FBI director beholden to the president.

    Trump thinks every organization on earth is run the same way his skevey businesses and the businesses of his sleazy pals are. Sure, he has a gangster mentality but he’s like a really dumb gangster, who doesn’t know how anything works outside gangster world. 🤦🏻‍♀️

    Trump, the six month mark. 😫

    • Last Hussar

      So the head of the FBI should withhold information from the President if that information directly impacts the president so as not to appear threatening?

      • Petunia Cat

        The post-Watergate improvements did not anticipate Trump. 😣 How could they?

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Jesus H. F. Kee-riiiist, this man is utterly bonkers.

  • Petunia Cat

    Trump’s Sessions comment implies Sessions knew he would recuse himself before he got the job. #CrazyTrumpTimePhysics But Sessions only had to recuse himself because he lied during his confirmation hearing about meeting with Russians during the campaign. 🙄 If Trump had fired him for lying during his confirmation hearing he could’ve got a non-recusing AG! 😂😂😂 But yeah, Trump actually wanted his buddy boy to stay on the job and protect him from the law. Poor Trump, the littlest dictator who couldn’t.

  • moeman

    I love boning up on this shit!

  • kittygrrl

    Our POTUS is now officially cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. The GOP must be so proud.

    • Lord Jim

      A couple of months back, my former pastor said that his sister, who is a
      career worker in the mental health industry, said that she sees in
      Trump clear signs of decompensation.

      • Gina Bousquet

        I guess decompensation means only some condition is destabilized. It would be interesting if she had speculated which condition she thought it could be.

      • tex7

        I agree. He also lies for no reason to cover up the fact that he can’t remember what really happened. He believes his lies when he utters them, but then cannot remember what he has said, so he says something later that is contrary to his first statement.

      • lurch394

        “Narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury.” I see what you mean.

    • SeeTrain65

      Three red potatoes short of a clam bake.

      • Lefty Wright

        One neuron short of a synapse.

        • SeeTrain65

          One medulla oblongata short of a brain stem.

      • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

        A few sammiches short of a picnic.

    • handyhippie65

      his base sure is.

  • Ms.Moon

    45 needs to listen to his lawyers. He also needs to shut up because this is becoming embarrassing. When I’m lying I commit to the lie the story doesn’t change, has he ever seen Law and Order at all Classic Lennie or SVU? Shut up. Lawyer up. One lie only.

    • SeeTrain65

      Shutting up is not an option. His arrogance and narcissism compels his braggadocio. He couldn’t shut up if you stitched his lips together.

  • Bemused Australian

    Speak for yourself. He ain’t my president! You’re the president!

    • lurch394

      Rub it in, mate. You blokes had the original Animal Kingdom.

  • Ducksworthy

    Trump to Meuller: “Don’t investigate the money laundering.” Reminds me of a story that could have come out of Florida.

    Drug dealer is driving while high, gets pulled over by cops. Immediately yells out “Don’t look in the trunk!”

    • bigjericho

      Bugs Bunny: “Rocky’s not hiding in the oven!!”

      Stereotypical Irish cop: “Oh, so he’s hiding in the oven, is he??”

  • Bigdaddyvike

    Adios from CO Beau!

  • phoenix00

    All of the “But Her E-mails” memes are not enough.

  • bigjericho

    But it was very unfair to the President! VERY! UNFAIR!!!1!

    I think I quit complaining about things being “unfair” when I was about 20 years old?

    • Maybe

      I also notice that you don’t talk about yourself in the third person.

Previous articleThis Is Not Good News For John McCain
Next articleNRA Declares War On Washington Post, Because After All, Obama’s Gone