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You have made Dr. House go “Blearghhh.” That doesn’t bode well.

We’re learning all sorts of fun stuff about the Senate Republicans’ exciting new bill to kill Obamacare and many of the people on it. For instance, it’s full of wishful math, promising to use the exact same money for several different purposes. It also makes sure whatever horrors the bill unleashes on plans in the individual marketplace, Congress’s healthcare will not be affected by the New Cruelty. After all, they’re important people, unlike the losers and takers who’ll be subject to higher prices or penalties for having preexisting conditions.

The “I Got Mine” Amendment

Over at Vox, Sarah Kliff explains that what’s good for the voters is not good for Congress, because why should Congress have to suffer just for writing an incredibly bad healthcare bill? The brand new version of the “Better Care Resolution Act” sneaks in a provision that was laughed out of the House version of the bill, exempting congressional health insurance from Ted Cruz’s plan to let insurers drop the Affordable Care Act’s essential health benefits:

Insurers can offer plans without these benefits — unless they’re selling coverage to members of Congress and their staff, who are required to buy coverage on the health law marketplaces. The exemption says this part of the law still applies to any plans sold to Congress.

Now, here’s the weird part: Kliff says the rule appears not to protect members of Congress from the new rules allowing insurers to charge people with preexisting conditions higher premiums, or to reject them altogether, according to policy expert Timothy Jost of Washington and Lee University, who says it’s not clear how that would actually work in practice:

The Senate draft … would still allow insurers to charge higher prices to those with preexisting conditions — when selling to Congress as well as to the rest of the public. This could create an odd scenario where the plans that Congress is eligible for have to cover a wide array of benefits but can also deny coverage or charge more to those expected to have higher costs.

Also, as with several other parts of the current draft, it’s possible the provision exempting Congress from its own healthcare fuckery will violate the rules governing reconciliation, the method Republicans are using to kill Obamacare. The bill can only address policies that fall under the jurisdiction of the Senate’s Budget Committee and the Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee. A Senate aide told Kliff that congressional insurance coverage is the bailiwick of the Senate Finance Committee, so the congressional exemption may have to be stripped to avoid subjecting the bill to a filibuster, assuming it’s not removed thanks to public shaming. Then again, if Senate Republicans were capable of feeling shame, they’d already be running away from this mess of slime as fast as they could.

You Cannot Spend The Same Bribes Four Times!

Maine Senator Susan Collins, who along with Kentucky’s Rand Paul makes up all of the committed “no” votes the Senate plan can handle, noticed something really dumb in the new draft of the Senate bill, something even dumber than Ted Cruz’s amendment to return us to the good old days of higher costs and outright denials of insurance for preexisting conditions. The new draft of the bill includes some beautiful additional spending meant to make Republican “moderates” happy, or at least willing to vote for the bill, but it’s actually a shell game.

The Cruz amendment, again, would create a two-tier individual market — cheap crappy plans that don’t cover much of anything, but will supposedly attract all the younger, healthier buyers, and then plans that meet the Obamacare standards but will mostly be bought by people who actually need to use health services.

It’s a recipe for turning the individual insurance market into one big high-risk pool, so the idea is that the new Senate plan would supposedly offset that market instability by not repealing a couple of the taxes in the ACA, which would then be allocated to states to “assist such health insurance issuers in covering high risk individuals.” Ah, but here’s where Collins noticed the fuzzy math, as Talking Points Memo explains:

[There] is no additional money. Instead, the amendment takes money already appropriated in the bill for other needs and says it can be used for these payments to insurers under the Cruz Amendment.

“It seems to me you’re using that money over and over again,” she said. “It’s supposed to relieve the cost of high premiums. It’s supposed to solve the problem with deductibles being unaffordable. It’s supposed to be available for high-risk or reinsurance pool. It’s supposed to be available under the Cruz Amendment to help prevent a huge increase in rates for people with pre-existing conditions.”

That assessment was confirmed by Matthew Fiedler of the Brookings Institution, who agrees there’s double-dipping going on in the bill:

“The overall bill adds $70 billion to the stability fund,” he said. “But the Cruz amendment then redirects that same money to make payments to insurers designed to mitigate the problems that the Cruz amendment would create in the ACA-compliant market.”

“That funding will, of course, not be available to serve the stability fund’s other purposes,” he added.

Presumably, the Congressional Budget Office will notice that when they score the thing, too. In addition to stabilizing the individual market, that same $70 billion (plus another $112 billion from the first draft) is supposed to help subsidize tax credits for people booted off Medicaid so they can buy insurance, help lower-income folks set up health savings accounts, and reduce deductibles and premiums for people in high-risk pools. (Which will be everyone buying real insurance on the exchange.) That money might not go that far!

But what about all the economic growth that will be stimulated by the tax cuts, and also the magic pixie farts from all the people working harder because now they’ll be Taking Responsibility For Themselves? Seriously, these “experts” have no idea how Republican Math works.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations, which we only spend once. Please click the “Donate” linky below!

[Vox / TPM]

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  • MynameisBlarney
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • JoeChristmas

    Srsly, I don’t know what’s worse with these people: Supporting this atrocity or being complicit with treason?

    • Eileen Besse

      Both.

    • armed_bears

      AOT,K

    • JMP

      It can be two things!

    • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

      They’re only complicit with the treason in order to pull off the atrocity. There, doesn’t that make you feel better?

    • onedollarjuana

      Not to be pedantic, but it’s not treason unless it’s in a time of war. Unless you’re Republican, you probably know that the U.S. has not been in a state of war since 1945. What it is, is betrayal.

      • goingohm

        OK, you’ve convinced me. The War On Christmas is a thing.

        • willi0000000

          what about The War On Drugs . . . ?

          . . . or Crime

          . . . or Poverty*

          * the republicans do so have a part in The War On Poverty . . . they are warring against the 0.1% becoming too poor to support congresscritters.

    • starfanglednut

      If they hadn’t done the second, they wouldn’t be able to do the first.

    • OneYieldRegular

      What’s the difference?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Meh, AMA, what do they know about health care?
    https://twitter.com/dailykos/status/885953511682445314

  • Indiepalin

    Pre-existing?!? Scalise should have thought of this before he took the field that fateful Wednesday.

  • JMP

    We’re not supposed to look at what this bill actually does, just pass something that they can say is “repealing ‘Obamacare'” quickly and then declare victory before figuring out how many people it will kill and how it will destroy the economy.

    • Bobathonic

      Intended audience gives zero fucks.

  • theblackdog

    Just how many more times can I call my Dem Senators and tell them to say Fuck No to this bill and pressure the Repubs to do the same?!

    • shoeflyin

      I’m calling my R senators whenever I have a free minute during office hours. Getting to know Brad who answers the phone .

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Your R Senator answers the phone? Must be nice. I get voicemail that cuts me off before I get done spelling my last name for them.

        • shoeflyin

          Call state office if you can’t get thru in DC

      • theblackdog

        Excellent, make them recognize who you are and that you care enough to call

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Robbing Peter to pay Paul to make it too expensive for Mark and double billing Luke to pay the Pharisees and deny contraceptive coverage to that skank, Mary Magdalene.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    As a person who would be dead, or homeless without decent health insurance, I can honestly say that anybody who would vote for this atrocity is evil.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Although perhaps they are counting on using this strategy to make up for the multiple counting of funds:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/42b3097ff8953249252bb7a4756065a9b65c91da3e3102286ad7e9cb7512dfbc.png

  • Joe Beese

    This is ultimately our fault. The Republicans don’t really care about destroying Obamacare… not this much. What they really want, what they really really want, are the tax cuts. Only Democrats would filibuster that. So they have to get the cuts with something that can pass through reconciliation.

    If we would let them cut taxes on the rich, increasing the deficit by a trillion dollars, they would leave health care alone.

    Of course, then they’d accuse us of being financially irresponsible.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It’s always been about the revenue offsets to push through the tax cuts via reconciliation to avoid a filibuster. They’ve been fucking obvious about it since day one.

      • starfanglednut

        Perhaps. But they do really, really hate that black guy and want to lord it over that woman.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          oh, that is definitely a bonus- destroy the legacy of the blah guy and erase him from history is a surefire crowd pleaser

    • goingohm

      If they can project a four percent growth rate with a straight face, why can’t they just brazen another couple?

    • BigCSouthside

      I think they’d still kill healthcare

  • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

    If venality is a pre-existing condition, the Senate better fix that bill pronto.

  • Blackest Noobs

    maybe cuz it’s finally hotter than hell here but im thinking fuck it…burn it all down….let’s get a re-do on everything….launch the nukes….REBOOT THE FUCKING PLANET.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I get the feeling. But too many innocent bystanders.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Humans deserve it, but the critters did nothing wrong.

      Let’s all just march back into the sea and rEvolution..

  • Daniel Hooper

    You know, I remember learning something about imaginary numbers in high school, but I don’t remember it being able to do stuff like what’s in the BCAA. Guess I wasn’t paying enough attention.

  • goingohm

    Math will appear on Colbert tonight to announce it can no longer be a Republican.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Show us on this calculator where the Senators touched you.

      • Congress: Whoa, whoa! We’ve seriously never been close to math. Not even remotely!

      • SterWonk

        The Senators never touched Math. That’s the problem.

  • Scooby

    So, it sounds like the CBO can reduce the number of people losing insurance by 100.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    There’s also the fact that most of the bribes money being allotted in this bill is so poorly explained and vague that it essentially amounts to “cut 800 billion from Medicaid, then give what’s left to Tom Price to spend however he wants”. There are no details to direct how that money is distributed to states or any rules on who gets what or what they must do with it. Basically, HHS gets to play candyman to the 50 states with absolutely ZERO input from Congress.

    Remember how terrible it was to let evil gubmint come between you and your doctor? Remember how terrible it would be to trust unelected bureaucrats with your healthcare dollars? Yeah, not so much now. As always, the GOP comes up with something ten times worse than the thing they got elected railing against.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    How about we take that $70 billion, split it among all the Republican members of Congress with the caveat that they all resign, disband the party, and let the adults solve the problems. It would be the best investment in the future this country ever made.

    • goingohm

      There’s a deal with some m-effing art to it! We’d be doing so much winning I would not get tired of it! I could shame The Glib Reaper and die happy!

  • Ryan Denniston

    Could be worse. Could be they go full shameless and fire The parliamentarian. Though then they’d have to resist the urge to rewrite insurance for poors out of existence.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I almost feel ashamed asking but what is the story on Chelsea claimed to have stolen from Haiti funds?

    https://twitter.com/RareCandace/status/885950244705509376

    • RobKanC

      Says the idiot who voted for a grifter into white house.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Let’s see, the Chelsea story? Debunked

      Trump kid? Stole from kids with cancer

      Fuck you Candace

      • Weird Fishes

        Oh, and the treason. Lest we all forget: The treason.

        or the emails. oh, wait: THE EMAILS

    • This was apparently referenced in a couple of the Wikileaks emails. Wingnuts latched onto it and believe it as gospel. Meanwhile, no reputable news source has ever been able to verify it as true.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      There is no story. It’s made up. Candace is a vile little Trumpanzee.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Well, of course McConnell is insulating his minions from the effects of his bill! This is how these motherfuckers roll!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      He’s probably handing out EBT cards to secure votes.

  • Baconzgood

    It’s like they aren’t even trying.

    • whitroth

      Given that a) they never came up with anything in decades, and b) they’ve had seven years, and have introduced *nothing* to replace it before this mess, what gave you the delusion that they were trying?

      Ok, I take that back: they are. Very trying.

  • They still haven’t revealed the super secret Cruz amendment that says:

    “All Members of Congress and their staff shall be considered Canadian Citizens for the purposes of health care.”

    • Three Finger Salute

      Justin comments on said Cruz amendment for Congresscritters.

      Excuse me, Mr. Cruz? If I may just politely interrupt for one moment… The ghost of Mr. Tommy Douglas would like a few words with you. And the ghost of my father — no, not Fidel Castro. Or, if you’d like, I can relay the message to you personally, if you wouldn’t mind just stepping out for a moment — Are you familiar with my dear friend and mentor, Jean Chretien?

      https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/7b/Shawinigan_Handshake.jpg

  • The Democrats should offer an amendment (if the Republicans would allow amendments) that:

    “All Members of Congress and their staff may only be insured by the worse plan available in the home state of the Member of Congress.”

    • SterWonk

      Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      The least expensive one, definitely. You know, for deficit savings, or austerity, or whatever.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
  • “Uh, hi, thanks for coming in.”
    “No problem, what’s up?”
    “Well, Senator, we reviewed your new health care plan.”
    “It’s great, isn’t it? Smells like freedom.”
    “It smells like something alright. There are a few financial irregularities that we’re hoping you can clear up.”
    “Like what?”
    “You- you have the same money, the exact same money, going to four different purposes.”
    “And?”
    “And… that’s impossible.”
    “No, it’s not. I tip my valet $1. Then I tip my waiter a dollar, then I tip my bartender a dollar, and then I tip the coat check girl a dollar.”
    “First, you’re a horrible human being. Second, that’s not the same dollar. It’s four dollars. Four x one is four.”
    “Only because God says so.”
    “Senator, the only way your plan will be financially sound is if an asteroid made of solid gold and the size of Texas miraculously exploded over North America causing it to rain golden nuggets across the country and the resulting extra weight of the gold caused the Earth to gravitationally collapse into itself forming a singularity that transported us to an alternate universe where numbers and math work differently.”
    “I like your projections.”
    “Get the fuck out of my office.”

    • Me not sure

      “Can I snag one of those free Andes mints in the bowl on your desk?”

      • “Those are NOT free. I do not exist to support your candy habits. Those mints can only be purchased with Galt gold. GOOD DAY, SIR!”

        • Me not sure

          “So… that’s no?…. Or maybe?”

          • Phried Ω

            He said, “GOOD DAY, SIR.”

          • Me not sure

            “Yeah… but I’m a Senate person.”

          • Jeandsanchez

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !pg183d:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !pg183d:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash473FinderCustomGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::!pg183l..,…

          • Me not sure

            Do you get free mints?

    • weejee
      • goingohm

        The Senator’s always had a thing for unstable wormholes.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Because of course it does.

  • bookish

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/moderate-republican-senators-dean-heller-obamacare-trouble_us_5968ee6fe4b017418627154d
    For all of the signs that the GOP health care bill is on life support, a key fact should still frighten Obamacare proponents: None of the so-called moderate Republican senators who could kill the bill have done so.

    And one of them, Sen. Dean Heller (R-Nev.), who threw cold water on the legislation early on with a scathing statement, can be “bought off” with perks for his home-state, according to a report in Axios.

    https://www.axios.com/axios-am-2459041508.html

    • BigCSouthside

      Didn’t see that coming

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Short of killing Yucca Mountain (which can’t happen anyway), I don’t think there is anything they can offer Heller to get him off of no. I trust the local political operatives (Jon Ralston and Michelle Rindels) more than I trust Axios, and they’re pretty confident he’s not going to flip. He just likes being thought of as important.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It’s mainly the fact that none of them want to be the name that killed the bill- whoever announces next is the third “no” vote

      • Pilotshark

        Well Heller as a congressmen voted no on the ACA, than got his seat in the Senate when Ensign got canned, then he voted no again.

        so he has a track record of screwing his consistences.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          He didn’t win his last race by that much (11,000 votes), and there’s been a huge demographic shift in the state since then. He’s vulnerable, knows he’s vulnerable, and needs the popularity of Governor Sandoval (who isn’t in favor of this garbage) if he wants to hang on to his seat.
          If Sandoval flips, Heller will flip. But Sandoval is termed out and will not face the voters again. So he has little incentive to screw over the people – he wants to protect his legacy as a steady hand who took over after the stormy era of Jim Gibbons.

          • Pilotshark

            Yep, and Sandoval I am sure is looking ahead as well, a senate seat might be where he wants to go.
            think Mitch is talking to Sandoval today or soon, wonder what Mitch will try to bride him with.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Sandoval’s never expressed any interest in running for Congress – he has expressed interest in getting back on the federal bench, but McConnell can’t promise him that because of the blue slip rule.

      • cmd resistor

        So just get together and announce all at once that 5 of them are not stupid.

    • Joe Beese

      Early favorite for the name: The Blackjack Kickback

    • marxalot

      Heller can’t afford to flip “yes” unless Mike Pence manages to get Sandoval to play ball at the governors’ conference this week. The bill as it stands more than triples what NV would pay to keep its expanded Medicare, which is remarkably popular and one of Sandoval’s accomplishments. In order to get him to change his tune, it will take more than Yucca Mtn– because Yucca promises tend to have a very shirt half-life.

  • whitroth

    Those damn pixie farts are smelling up the halls of Congress. Can’t we just take all of that money, and offer Medicare for All, *with* the right to negotiate prices?

    Oh, sorry, the GOP doesn’t believe in pixie dust, just farts.

    • jesterpunk

      Remember during the Shrub administration Republicans added a section to Medicaid that forbids the government from negotiating drug prices.

      • whitroth

        Which was why I added that. You don’t want leverage to interfere with our Holy Profits, do you, you, you, HERETIC!

  • Michael R
  • whitroth

    I’ve got it! The clause that the GOP is looking for! Here, looka here, they just need to add in this:
    All persons in the US making under $30k/year are no longer Americans, but illegal immigrants.

    See! Doesn’t that fix everything?

    • Shouldn’t that figure be considerably higher?

      • whitroth

        Well, that was just a negotiating figure. Of course we’ll let the neoConfederate Caucus bargain it up to, oh, $50k/yr.

    • jesterpunk

      Great you just killed Trump “economically anxious” base.

      • whitroth

        And your point is? I mean, they’re like roaches, don’tchaknow?

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    So, we get a death spiral from Cruz and no medicaid to fall back on?

    And the first will almost certainly happen as the next election begins, and since we can’t actually do anything about it?

    https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-k4yQ2nlxuzk/UH6Hv4mvD-I/AAAAAAAADmQ/hbIayFdEi2A/s640/pleaseproceed.png

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yeah, going out and campaigning why it’s good to kick Grandma and Grandpa out of their nursing home is really going to make Republican incumbents feel welcome.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Fixed it, btw.

        But, honestly, the medicaid cuts will be thrown out by the next sane administration. It’s this shitty idea by Cruz that is the immediate danger. This is going to fuck up the individual markets in a major way.

        • cmd resistor

          Cruz is a major asshole.

        • shoeflyin

          Unfortunately they are literally so cynical they will pass this expecting that. No, really, that’s the latest selling point for hold-outs.

      • BigCSouthside

        They will still win. Unless population shifts most of these people are protected by the mighty gerrymander

        • OutOfOrbit

          and voter suppression

      • cmd resistor

        Speaking of Grandmas, Trump plans to appeal the order of that Judge out in an island in the pacific saying grandparents should be considered close family for purposes of the “ban.” So they can be known as anti-grandparents.

        • The Wanderer

          If grandparents and anti-grandparents collide, will they mutually annihilate and provide limitless energy?

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Trying to get a judge to overturn common-law principles of consanguinity and judicial precedent of who constitutes “immediate family”? Mighty stupid.

          • cmd resistor

            If the stupid fits. Those Muslim grandmas are pretty scary, though.

  • bookish

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2017/07/14/white-house-releases-sensitive-personal-information-of-voters-worried-about-their-sensitive-personal-information/?utm_term=.18bff6929c82

    The White House on Thursday made public a trove of emails it received from voters offering comment on its Election Integrity Commission. The commission drew widespread criticism when it emerged into public view by asking for personal information, including addresses, partial social security numbers and party affiliation, on every voter in the country.

    It further outraged voters by planning to post that information publicly.

    • RobKanC

      And what are the odds that the Dumpster fans harrass these ppl.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        1:1

      • OneYieldRegular

        Extreme doxxing.

      • Claire

        1.0. That’s what the administration is counting on.

  • weejee

    OT: The GOP is in deep, deep, doo, doo. The Chicago Tribune is calling them [ Chicken Littles. ]

    / faints

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Hey, IT? Can I get a single key installed that, when struck, types “[REDACTED]”? Should save a massive amount of time and productivity from here on out.

    • Raan

      I believe most word processors let you make a macro for things like that.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Republican math is easy – the iPhone you don’t buy this month can go towards your healthcare. Then the iPhone you don’t buy next month goes towards your healthcare, and so on. In this manner, not buying a $500 iPhone will pay for $12,000 worth of healthcare. Especially if you invested it in a meth lab.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    That Cruz fella is a real sack ‘o crap.

    • BigCSouthside

      Sack of crap libelz???

  • Count Awesome

    Republicans are great at fake math.

    • RobKanC

      or as the repubs like to call it, Bible math.

  • Joe Beese
    • BigCSouthside

      Is it possible Trump pissed off pooty poot at G20 and he’s having his people burn trump down?

      • Nockular cavity

        Putin’s goal is not supporting Trump so much as undermining the US. So if he burns down Trump and makes the US more ungovernable, so much the better.

      • ltmcdies

        more likely Trump’s becoming a liability…also there’s an awful lot of light being shed on Russia’s election hacking. It’s not like the US is the only target.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Putin really underestimated how incredibly incompetent, vain, and desperate for attention the Trump Bunch is.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Putin really wants those sanctions lifted. Trump is trying as hard as he can, but Congress ain’t playing along.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Well then, Putin’s gonna have to work even harder to throw the mid-terms isn’t he.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I thought the same thing. Maybe Donnie’s no longer useful and now is just an idiot.

  • bookish

    http://www.governing.com/topics/politics/gov-elections-states-federalism-trump.html?google_editors_picks=true

    “Over 20 states have been hampered with in some fashion, but no one seems to know what states they are, which means the Department of Homeland Security has not shared that information,” says Iowa Secretary of State Paul Pate. “We’re still a little frustrated on that count.”

    Given the heightened concern about election security, Connecticut Secretary of State Denise Merrill says it seems like an odd moment to be constructing a national database of voter information, as the federal commission seems intent on doing.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I mailed my info right to the Kremlin. Cut out the middleman, I always say.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • BigCSouthside

      I seriously think actual nazis would poll more favorably than this turd at the moment

      • puredog

        McTurtle haz a sad that you have downgraded him from being an “actual Nazi.” I mean, he works hard for the money.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Among the Republican base for sure.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Official GOP position: “Fuck the public. What have they ever done for us?”

      • Three Finger Salute

        The aqueduct?

  • Nockular cavity

    “it’s full of wishful math”

    It’s spelled m-e-t-h, Dok.

    • marxalot

      that’s Kentucky math!

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I just read on google news that any Senator can offer unlimited amendments to the bill. Do any of you know if this is true and, if it is, what is to stop opponents of the bill from offering amendment after amendment after amendment after amendment….

    • jesterpunk

      It is true, and the only thing that can stop it is McTurtle.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Thanks. So pretty much hopeless because turtle.

  • Panika MCD

    OT – who wants to proof a poem for me?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      There once was a young man from Orange,

      dammit!

      • Panika MCD

        that’s really not how proof reading works…

      • Gary Charound

        There once was a young man from Orange
        Who got his dick stuck in a door hinge
        If you visit please knock
        Before you crush his cock
        And we’ll never stop hearing his poor whinge.

        Meh. Best I could come up with.

    • The Wanderer

      Sure. Lay it on me.

    • OutOfOrbit

      I’d love to help but donut know poetry from shinola.

      • Panika MCD

        it’s got to fit the photo prompt here:

        https://www.ironhorsereview.com/photofinish

        • The Wanderer

          Nice visual. It’s a bit like the writer’s forum I’m part of. A word, sentence, picture or concept is used to stimulate the literary glands.

          • Panika MCD

            it’s called ekphrasis.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I have actually done this.

      • OutOfOrbit

        FOR PAY TOO! You lucky bastard.

      • Panika MCD

        so email me at the email I gave to The Wanderer in the next minute or so.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Whoop, something just came up. Go with Panika!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Once again, the biggest obstacle to Republican health care tax cuts is basic math.

    Hey dumbass Republicans, Obamacare was sussed out for years with the top experts in the country. The Mayo Clinic had a blog dedicated to their part of the debate as it happened. If there was a way to make it all cotton candy and magic wands, don’t you think we would have done that already?

    • BigCSouthside

      And the president personally defended and educated the public on the bill. I am not sure trump knows what a bill even is

      • WotsAllThisThen

        He knows what a bill is. It’s those slips of papers the Russians give you in secret.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Bill is that guy who’s a rapist (unlike clean, spotless, upstanding moral Christian Donald “The J is for Jesus” Trump), and has a witch who eats children on pizza for a wife, right?

      • Blackest Noobs

        shit. Trump doesn’t know the difference between laws and executive orders….why would you expect him to know anything at all about the senate’s healthcare bill?

  • The Wanderer
    • marxalot

      He was in military school! It felt like the ‘Nam! Don’t question his service, he was so great he never even got captured, such a hero, great hero, not a draft dodger, you’re the draft dodger!

      • jesterpunk
        • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️

          They manage to pack so much scorn onto their front page. It is amazing.

          • Claire

            You do a thing every day for 100 years, you get pretty good at it.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        He’s a veteran of the Great Syphilis Wars of Manhattan.

        • I suspect he is a wounded veteran in the late stages of the disease.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        YOU WEREN’T THERE MAN, YOU WEREN’T THERE!

    • BigCSouthside

      It’s been a while but I think that’s a no no for even military personnel not in uniform

      • The Wanderer

        It is, yes. Again, I’m waiting to see what his Commander-in-Chief’s uniform looks like.

        • BigCSouthside

          Ever seen The Dictator?

          • The Wanderer

            You mean The Great Dictator, starring Charlie Chaplin as Adenoid Hynckel?

          • Nah, this Dictator starred Sasha Baron Cohen and it wasn’t even worthy of the epithet “Pretty Good”.

          • The Wanderer

            Ah. Must’ve been why I didn’t see it.

        • Rags

          6 stars.

        • Spurning Beer

          Boxy suit jacket. Necktie reaching to the inseam.

        • ahughes798

          Designed by Hugo Boss, for sure.

    • I keep expecting the announcer to go, “ROCK ME, AMADEUS!”

      • The Wanderer

        LOL
        Alles klar, Herr Kommissar!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Ooh! Broccoli, hot potatoes!

    • Bill D. Burger
      • Claire

        Aw, what a photogenic puppy.

      • Canis Greyhame

        At least he was human enough for cute dogs to want to be around him.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Military members out of uniform do not render salutes like that.

      Donald is a moran. But you knew this.

      • ahughes798

        Especially draft-dodging ones.

    • gkshenaut

      Why shouldn’t he? He is the commander in chief of the US military. Seriously folks, he could equally validly use the military or civilian salute, or, like Macron, just stand at attention.

  • Crystalclear12

    The accountant in me had to be sedated.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Do it now. Sedatives will not be covered by insurance under the GOP plan.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Quiz:Which republican will perform this before hanging himself?

    https: //www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBeXF_lnj_M

    • SDGeoff3

      The world’s smallest violin is playing for a party unworthy of mercy.

      • The Wanderer

        I gave up the World’s Smallest Violin years ago. I use the Apple iPod Angstrom. It’s the size of two hydrogen atoms.

        • Bobathonic

          Do NOT slam two hydrogen atoms together.

          • The Wanderer

            Why not? They make cute klick-klack sounds!

          • Bobathonic

            You’ll be out of hydrogen and stuck with a helium atom. And heat, lots and lots of heat.

          • mackafritz

            Stick an oxygen atom in between them.

          • The Wanderer

            Only if you’re playing Handel’s Water Music.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Downside is that it only plays one frequency.

    • The Wanderer

      NOT, K

    • mackafritz

      It’s too pretty and has too much emotion for a republican.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        I would see Graham and McCain perform it and then confront McCain about his “bomb Iran” joke making the strap even tighter.

        • Spurning Beer

          The Republicans are unworthy of Bach. The would be welcome to perform one of the works of Bachman Turner Overdrive. Or Celine Dion.

          • Bobathonic

            YOU MONSTER!

          • Three Finger Salute

            Leave Canada out of this, the Republicans are unworthy even of Nickelback. Celine sure can burst eardrums but I think she deserves a bit easier treatment considering the loss of her husband and brother. And BTO was awesome. They can stick to their hillbilly trash music like Kid Rocks-in-his-head, Toby whatsisname the 9/11 obsessive, and Nooge the Stooge.

          • ahughes798

            I agree with you on everything except Celine Dion sucked way before her losses. Her late husband and Nooge the Stooge had something in common, at least.

  • Terpsichord

    Just would like to point out that Steve Scalise NOW has a pre-existing condition. They should suck on that for a bit.

  • Vincent Ricola

    OT: Alex Jones is insane and his words are bad.

    https://twitter.com/superdeluxe/status/885875327028809728

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Il Douche will happily “keep his promise” by signing any piece of shit “healthcare” legislation that’s put in front of him, without knowing or caring what the fuck it does.
    And his dumbfuck supporters will cheer, also without knowing or caring what the fuck it does.
    They might care later, but by then it will be too late… the dumbfucks will surely have voted Republican again already, just as McConnell expects them to.

    • mackafritz

      They won’t even care then. As long as the “librulz” lose they don’t care if they are burning down their own house.

      • SterWonk

        There is a disturbingly large population of people who are willing to screw themselves over, as long as “those people” get screwed too.

    • cmd resistor

      That is depressing and SAD but true.

    • Three Finger Salute

      The dumbfuck supporters will cheer because Rash and Faux keep putting on the two-minute hate blipverts that show them how those “others” are suffering because of it. And how the uppity Kenyan socialist with a tan birthday suit is having his un-American legacy “blackened out”. They don’t care if they, themselves die of cancer and painkiller overdoses as long as sluts don’t get to kill babies, queers drop like “fruit flies” from AIDS, “illegals” don’t get “free shit” for their “anchor babies,” and of course, “welfare queens” don’t get to provide for their “crack babies from as many different thug daddies.” The dumbfucks are motivated by one thing and one thing only: pure, unadulterated hate.

    • Claire

      That’s half of what’s going on here. Their idiot voters are so hung up on “keeping a promise” that the content of the promise doesn’t even matter. If a guy at a bar promised to blow their heads off and then reconsidered when he was sober, they’d complain because the promise wasn’t kept.

  • 451 Byrnes

    These fuckers really think we can’t do basic math, don’t they?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Their voters can’t.

      • 451 Byrnes

        Unfortunately it affects all of us, not just the morans…

    • Three Finger Salute

      I’ve always struggled with math, but what I lack in advanced numeracy I more than make up for in basic empathy. Republicans just want to multiply their harm exponentially, add more divisions to the already negative discourse, and subtract the surplus population from an inequitably distributed Pi. Statistically, they have a higher percentage of regressions to the mean.

      • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

        Let’s not forget imaginary numbers.

  • marxalot

    Mob accountants are looking at this and saying “buster, that doesn’t add up!”

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    QUADRUPLE YOUR SAVINGS!
    With this one simple trick!

    (Whisks your grandma out to the new iceberg)

    • Doug Langley

      Good thinking. Cold cash.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    They’re gonna sell it as “The Ted Cruz Death Spiral”

    People are going to be pissed to learn it turns out the goddamn thing contains EXACTLY ZERO Ted Cruzes being thrown into a sewer drain. FALSE ADVERTISING

  • bookish

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/07/13/obamacare-markets-health-care-240487?utm_source=nl-politics-daily-071417

    Insurers in the Obamacare marketplaces spent 75 percent of premiums on medical claims in this year’s first quarter, an indication the market is stabilizing and insurers are regaining profitability, according to a Kaiser Family Foundation study released this week. By comparison, in the prior two years, insurers spent more than 85 percent of premiums on medical costs during the same period, which translated into huge losses.

    “We’re not seeing any evidence of a death spiral or a market collapse,” said Cynthia Cox, Kaiser’s associate director of health reform and private insurance. “Rather, what it looks like is insurers are on track to have their best year since the [Affordable Care Act] began.”

  • Shanzgood

    I like House because he’s INTJ like me except he uses his powers for evil and is emotionally manipulative and abusive.

    *goes to read article*

    • ahughes798

      Is INTJ a personality type?

      • Shanzgood

        Uh huh. Meyers Briggs, IIRC. I don’t follow it like an astrology fanatic, just use it like a tool such as the DISC test I did years ago. I almost always get the same “you like to get shit done even if it pisses people off” result every time.

        • ahughes798

          My sis got the same result as you. Always moving and doing stuff! Good for you, even if it pisses people off sometimes!

        • ahughes798

          I got INTJ-T. The Moderator. Pretty much fits. Way high on being an introvert.

  • bookish

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/14/politics/gop-senate-health-charts/index.html?CNNPolitics=Tw&utm_source=nl-politics-daily-071417

    To explain why the Senate’s Obamacare repeal plan is in so much trouble, here are nine charts focused on the ten Republicans who opposed McConnell’s earlier bill and four of those who had real problems with it.

    • 451 Byrnes

      Sooo…According to the charts, Ted Cruz is just a soul-sucking, American-citizen hating, anchor-baby asshole…

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Nice to have confirmation of what we’ve long suspected.

      • Begin Anew Day

        Are we talking about assholetrologicl charts?

        Being a certified pseudo-assholetrologist I can safely predict that Ted Cruz will be eclipsed by the Rectum of Sagittarius and emerge as a blood blister on Jupiter’s descending moon.

        • akita96th

          Ted Cruz is a puss soar on America…..He is the proverbial shit stain….Getting near him you can always smell shit oozing from his mouth hole…..Just like all the other republicans…Taints n shit weazels…They open their mouth and shit nuggets run down their lips

        • 451 Byrnes

          Huge Upfist! Love it!

      • NotDarkYet

        And those are his good traits.

  • azeyote

    why not just grease the skids with money right into their pockets, with some immunity too – they own the country – they can do what they want – for awhile

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      If they thought they could get away with it…

  • PixieThis

    Well what did you expect? They’ll need the better care when their poor maids and other servants start dying off from preventable illnesses….

  • bookish

    http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/07/the-trump-administration-is-gutting-funding-to-prevent-teen-pregnancy/

    The Trump Administration is cutting $213.6 million in grants for programs and research to prevent teen pregnancy at more than 80 institutions nationwide. According to Reveal, from the Center for Investigative Reporting, the programs, which had been awarded five year grants by the Obama administration, received letters from the Office of Adolescent Health at the Department of Health and Human Services announcing their grants would be cut short by two years. The letter explained that funding would end at the end of this fiscal year because the programs are no longer in the government’s best interest due to shifting priorities.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      ‘Shifting priorities.’ Yeah. we have a pretty good idea what those priorities are.

  • willi0000000

    don’t these people realize that there is a chance that this bill might kill white people?

    • Jon Sussex

      Not the 1% so meh.

    • Jesse

      Just the poor ones addicted to drugs. Win win!

  • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

    So much math. Math is hard!

    • 451 Byrnes

      Especially for the trump base.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    unintentional hilarity observed on fox news at the gym:

    “Trump Returns to USA as Son’s Russia Meeting Grows

    Ha!

    (Had to admit, based on teh chyron alone, they were approaching the light of reality at some points, mentioning trump’s ‘challenges’. bonus hilarity, they appear to do several minutes on the Mizzou’s enrollment being down, with the UNAVOIDABLE implication it had to do with the protest 2 years ago – i.e. the “can we get some muscle here” prof. And all that is assuming Fox’s numbers were accurate, which I highly doubt)

  • Granny Sprinkles

    I’m not sure what Bertie Wooster has to do with health care policy.

    • SeeTrain65

      Bertie Wooster? Pfft. That’s Lord Monty!

  • akita96th

    These stupid fuknatorsGOP(senators/Posers) are going to pass something besides gas…And it is going to be a big stinker….But they will be proud of their turd, singing, dancing laughter..ahh yes..and busting beers with the shit weazel n chief himself when they do…..Fuking Americans is a celebratory event for these incumbent douche bags…

    Your misery is their pleasure and they are eager to serve it out…But by all means vote for these asssholes, they are going to butt shlump all their base voters and make them like it.
    They will piss down their backs and bitch about the weather being wet…And blame all their new misery on Hillary and them goddamn emails ..If it wasnt for them fukn Benghazi shenanigans and them goddamn important emails sent to some server..shit they dont understand anyway …If not for that I would have excellent health care….And dont forget that Kenyan..yeah yeah…its his fault the republicans are fist fukiing us in the ass…Godamn Obumer and that fkn Hillary..its them who are screwing us over…Yeah baby you stupids keep singing that song.

  • unmasked mumbler

    Republicans sure love them some socialism when it only applies to rich white people.

    • this country says it’s about

      Yep, government corporate welfare is equal to what poor people (people who are truly hurting), yet no one in government is clamoring to wean those who already are making a sh*tload of money, off the government teat of tax credits, subsidies, depletion allowances, tax incentives, grants, and god knows what else. No they go after cutting those who it will hurt the most. Those who whose very survival may be at risk. When it come to socialism for rich folks “some” is not enough for today’s Republicans.

  • RevengeOfSmot

    Well lookie here, Trump was finally right about something, but it’s completely by accident….

    Their replacement is indeed a failure.

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/885770227514052608

    • Incoming Ham

      Does he even know what he is saying?

      • RevengeOfSmot

        I think we both know the answer to that is a big fucking negatory cowboy…

  • this country says it’s about

    “If Obama did it we need to get rid of it just because Obama supported it,” needle pointed into every Republican lawmaker’s pillow.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    The Republican Party’s official 2016 Party Platform: Don’t worry. There won’t be any math.

  • Relativicus
  • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly
  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Take two pixie farts and call me in the morning.

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