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May I have this weird disgusting dance?

GODDAMMIT, what is wrong with him? When Donald Trump got out of the limo to greet French president Emmanuel Macron in Paris Thursday, their handshake wasn’t quite like it usually is. Normally, young, fit, sexually active Emmanuel Macron handles the tiny puss-grabbing hand of Trump with brute force, then stares into the nearest camera and makes love to it in the French language. Today was more subdued, as Macron just grabbed Trump’s hand and held it where he wanted it, but more nice-like. So of course Trump had to immediately fuck it all up and remind the world what a gross creep he is, by doing SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD when he shook French First Lady Brigitte Macron’s hand. They did the common French hug and kissy kiss on both cheeks, then Trump grabbed her hand WITH THE INCORRECT TINY PAW, held it in the air for a second, and then YANKED IT. You know, like normal people do.

Here, watch them both:

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? That was not a human gesture! But we guess the ladies just let Trump get away with it, on account of how he is a celebrity who takes them furniture shopping.

Trump completely made up for it later, though, by explaining to his wife and the French first couple that Brigitte is “beautiful” and “you’re in such good shape!” This is a normal thing for the leader of the free world to say to the first lady of France, and it’s not at all sexist.

Hey remember that time Donald Trump lied and said he was leaving Marla Maples for that OTHER French first lady, Carla Bruni? Bruni was like “Non, connard!” and it later turned out Trump had planted that fake news in the New York Post all by himself. At least he hasn’t done THAT to Brigitte Macron.

Yet.

Trump continued to present America’s best face to the world during his joint presser with President Homme Sexy. We already told you he used the occasion to blame Barack Obama for setting up that conspiracy meeting between his fugly son and that Russian lady lawyer. That was special. But he ALSO reaffirmed his commitment to our relationship with France, because “France is America’s first and oldest ally.” GOOD JOB SO FAR! END YOUR THOUGHT RIGHT THERE.

He did not end his thought right there. He added, “A lot of people don’t know that,” which is the thing he always adds when he’s sharing information he’s learned in the last five minutes. Remember when he told a room full of Republicans that a lot of people don’t know Abraham Lincoln was a Republican? This was that, but more embarrassing because 1) EVERYBODY FUCKING KNOWS THAT and 2) he was on an international stage. We do not know how Macron made it through this presser without giggling:

He didn’t say it, but he probably wanted to add that he’s been hearing Joan of Arc has been doing tremendous work these days.

This post ends where it began, with a question: GODDAMMIT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?

Let’s make ourselves feel better by gazing at Emmanuel Macron’s fine-ass official portrait some more.

Oui oui!

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  • WotsAllThisThen

    He didn’t want to risk embarrassment by trying that handshake yank on her husband again.

    • “M”

      Monsieur Le Président Homme Sexy may hire someone to deal with him later.

      45 may not make it past le dîner.

      • dansezlajavanaise

        j’espère que non.

  • John Thorstensen

    GODDAMMIT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?

    Uh …. where to start?

    • Joe Beese

      My first guess would be… a lot.

  • Joe Beese
    • WotsAllThisThen

      That’s one step. Next he was told it was about HRC but not that it was from Russia. Then he was told it was the Russians. Then finally yes he was in the meeting.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Why do you guys even bother listening to him?

        • LesBontemps

          For the dizzying alternate universe.

          • Elvis Causticfellow

            It brings back nostalgic memories of sniffing glue.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            … and tab acid.

    • cmd resistor

      OMG what a surprise.

  • Did you collude with the Russians? Oui, Oui

    • Dutchman

      Would that not be “Wee, Wee”?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      IPWYDT.

  • Dutchman
  • WotsAllThisThen

    First ladies of the world take note. Start your upper body workout training now.

    • The Wanderer

      I’d suggest tae kwon do as well.

      • WotsAllThisThen
        • The Wanderer
        • Gayer Than Thou

          Except for the fact that she had to have a fucking fight with three guys just to have a beer, that is an awesome video.

          • OneYieldRegular

            There are certain evenings when I’d feel capable of taking on an entire military battalion if it stood between me and a martini.

          • It says she’s being sexually harassed, but that traveled into assault really quick.

        • jaspersdad

          That was beautiful.

    • Lisa

      But don’t get too muscular or they will say you are transgender a là Michelle Obama. We women can’t win.

  • To be honest, they’re made for each other. He used to perv on Miss Teen USA contestants, she shacked up with her pupil (Macron) when they “wrote a play together” when he was 15. Creepy fucks the both of them

    • SadDemInTex

      Get thee behind me, troll

      • She is married to a man she met when she was teaching him at high school, where they began their relationship. That is creepy. It doesn’t make Trump any less of an asshole or somehow fit to lead a nation, but it’s still creepy

        • SadDemInTex

          She did not have relations with him when he was a minor and did everything in her power to make sure he had the opportunity to get over his obsession with her. Her children have known him since they were all children and have been completely supportive of their relationship. They married in 2007. My mother married a man the same age as my brother (he was 23 at the time). They were happily married until he died of a heart attack in his 50s. So no, it is not creepy unless you think that the age difference should always being an old penis in a fresh vulva. I wish I had a dollar for every friend of mine who was fucked by a friend of their father when they were 15 or younger. (All female btw).

          • janecita

            You don’t know if they had sex when he was 15, I doubt that they would announce it. It is none of our business, but it is a disturbing story.

          • SadDemInTex

            He was in the same class as one of her children. Do you seriously think that wouldn’t have been known among the teenagers?

          • janecita

            It was worrying enough for his parents to send him away.

          • SadDemInTex

            It was always his obsession, not hers. He never wavered. And in France marriages are contracts and one of the problems for his parents was that she would never be able to “give” him a child. I think the whole hearted support they have had from both families is more meaningful than any salacious gossip.

          • So no, it is not creepy unless you think that the age difference should always being an old penis in a fresh vulva

            No, it’s creepy because adults shouldn’t fuck children, and that goes double for adults in positions of authority over those kids, such as TEACHERS.

          • SadDemInTex

            Again, one of her children was in the same class as Macron. If there had been an improper relationship it would have been known among the teenagers.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Which makes it even creepier.

          • SadDemInTex

            I just hate the different standards for men and women. And the idea that an older woman can not possibly be an object of erotic and lasting love by a much younger man.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I totally get that. But I don’t see the double standard in this. In my situation, I have a teenaged daughter and if a 39 year male teacher encouraged a romantic relationship with her – hell hath no fury like an admittedly overly protective father. So, if there is a double standard, it’s that we accept it when an older female courts a much younger male but not the other way around? I might be missing something there.
            One thing I agree with you on is that there is a double standard about attractiveness in older women and men. For that reason alone I thinks it’s cool that Macron is still happily married to his wife. They are both grown adults now and seem to be in love, so good on ’em.

            I do kinda feel for the first husband though. That would’ve sucked, having your spouse leave you for somebody 24 years younger. That’s got to suck regardless if you’re a man or a woman. But, it’s their business. I’ll just do my part by never leaving my wife for a girl 24 years younger than I am, just out of principle if for nothing else.

          • SadDemInTex

            Forget 24 years younger…it is always horrible when someone leaves someone for someone else.

          • Juan de Fuca

            It is indeed. And I get where you’re coming re. the other stuff too. At the end of the day, if they’re happy, it’s nobody else’s business. I just initially thought it was weird when I read the story but to each their own. I’ve always been attracted to older women and married one myself. ;-)

          • SadDemInTex

            He was 18. What you can’t get over is that he was sexually attracted to an older women. My mother “fucked” her 23 year old boyfriend before she married him (he was exactly my brother’s age). They were happily married until he died first, in his 50s

          • Ill-Advised

            When he tells you he’s bringing the noise, believe him. On reading this thread, I do.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I’m sure they were just going to the movies…

      • janecita

        Sorry, but what she did is beyond immoral, and reprehensible. She acted like a total perv.

        • SadDemInTex

          It is simply not true. Read some articles from French media. Dont you think this would have sunk his political career if this was true. I feel these comments are a result of the revulsion that we are taught to feel for old vagina…how could it possibly be attractive?

        • dansezlajavanaise

          where you there or are you referring to what you think she did?

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Yeah, no. That’s legit criticism there, that is.

        • SadDemInTex

          Sure…just because my mother married a man the same age as my brother makes her a pervert.

          • BrianW

            SadDem,
            I’m backing you up on this one. He pursued her, clearly loves her very much and even asked her children if it was OK (to which they said yes). It’s not the type of relationship we’re used to here, but so what? It didn’t affect his political career and besides, it’s not really any of our business.

          • Ill-Advised

            Upvoted.

            That was some good bait. The best. We got away from Trump’s relevant behavior to history about old news in record time. Is our trolls larnin’?

          • BrianW

            Thanks. I just keep coming back to the fact that we’re all good liberals who are supposed to be, “live and let live”, but somehow THIS gets up our noses? Like you said, some excellent bait there.

    • janecita

      I agree, she is all sorts of pervy. She was 39, married and had three kids at the time. Disgusting!

      • One of her kids was in the same class at school as Macron. Bet Christmas is fun!

        • janecita

          Didn’t his parents think that he was dating her daughter?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I remove my troll-b-gone … the relationship is far outside of the norms we’re used to here in strait-laced, puritan ‘Murrica.

  • JoeChristmas

    You know who else did a little jiggle in Paris?

    • The Wanderer

      Brando, with gratuitous use of butter?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Whiskey tango foxtrot.

      • Wild Cat

        I never believed that scene. The fridge in 1972 would have margerine!

        • Clark_Nova

          Not in France. Margerine is an American abomination.

    • SDGeoff3

      Quasimodo.

    • jesterpunk

      Shakira? That is why France implemented Shakira law.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut_UCqgAOfY

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        I shall be in my bunk.

      • Joe Beese

        My pants don’t lie.

        • jesterpunk

          Neither do her hips.

    • Wild Cat

      Rick Salomon?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Josephine Baker?

    • janecita

      Me? Every time I visit! J’adore Paris😍

      • JoeChristmas

        J’adore Paris aussi, surtout en août. ; )

        • dansezlajavanaise

          y’a personne dans les rues.

    • Wild Cat

      Frenchy McFrenchface?

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Nicole Kidman, in Moulin Rouge.

    • Wild Cat

      Prince Edward, in her can?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Achilles?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Richard Blaine and Ilsa Lund?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Charo?

    • Nockular cavity

      Hitler? Okay, maybe he did a little jig in Paris.

      • amrak63

        IIRC, he actually did the jig elsewhere in France.

      • JoeChristmas

        You got it!

    • CripesAmighty

      Leslie Caron?
      Scratch that–she woulda passed on this (shit)show.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    You know Dumbass was thinking “you’re in pretty good shape for an old broad.” He left off saying out loud the last bit because Mellon mighta jabbed him in the ribs. Plus, Macron woulda slugged him.

  • OutOfOrbit

    Would-a been sweet if Messr. Macro had hauled off and decked that OPOS.

  • Joe Beese

    Of course they did.

    Senate Republicans included a provision that exempts members of Congress and their staff from part of their latest health care plan.

    This exemption could have the effect of ensuring that members of Congress have coverage for a wider array of benefits than other Americans who purchase their own coverage.

    https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/7/13/15966034/senate-republicans-exemption

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      The House had to pull that part at the last minute once it leaked out.

      • Ill-Advised

        Was it pulled? I didn’t see that bit…

    • OneYieldRegular

      The American people should make a vow: if Republicans take away our health care, we will take away their jobs.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Assmouth is good for one thing at least – as proof that some selves should not be actualized. He could do with a lot more repressed instincts, properly applied.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    To be fair, French women are extremely easy, as evidenced by the way the French invented both the bissou francais and the soixante-muff.

    • janecita

      She likes younger men, Trump is too old for her.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Much younger men indeed. So there’s at least one thing that Trump and Brigette have in common – they likes ’em young. BTW, I just found out Macron started “dating” her when he was her high school student.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9608589aba2ab5a387fcd166480cbaafeb0289f7c36c7c10b5cc532c48f2d4df.png

        • janecita

          15 years old, she was 39, married with 3 kids.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Yup. I also read his parents kept the cops and local authority out of it because they trusted their son’s judgment or something. When asked how they felt about it at the time, they replied something along the line of – well, we weren’t exactly thrilled about it if that’s what ya mean.

    • OutOfOrbit

      “soixante-muff”…hairy underarms?

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Joan of Arc… She had the best curves.

    • OutOfOrbit

      icwydt

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        True. It’s too clever for a common Trump.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      She was smokin’ hot!

      • OutOfOrbit

        and you too!

    • The Wanderer

      Joan of Arc’s last words: “Lawks a-lawdy, my bottom’s on fire!”

      • OutOfOrbit

        Oh Dawg.

  • IAMBOWLINGGREEN

    Trump is a yanker.

  • ariel_gee_398

    What else did Trump do today? Defend Don Jr. in the same language a father would use if his kid were accused of rape. Normal dad stuff. https://twitter.com/Acosta/status/885579213985771520

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      He’s 39 years old. He’s not a kid! Jesus…

      • Not to mention, I would expect Trump to say atta boy, and engage in some “locker room” talk if Jr. was accused of rape.

      • Joe Beese

        There are a number of elected members of Congress who are younger than him.

      • Lisa

        Amen. He’s a middle aged married man. Stop calling him a kid or a young man. For the love of God, why are middle aged white men who do bad things called boys or young but women are sluts or haggard or weak and minority men are shot first and questioned later?

      • Dudleydidwrong

        A “kid” is a young goat. Okay; works for me.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Brock Turner, advisor to the President.

    • cmd resistor

      To be honest, I have been at meetings where nothing happened.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        To be fair, when don says it he means no pee hookers.

    • Maria Sewell

      Thought he was talking about Flynn again…

    • Bmaccnm

      “He’s a good boy, He”s a good kid.” He’s 35 fucking years old.

  • memzilla Ω

    Lord Dampnut, now cementing himself as an INTERNATIONAL Embarrassment.
    #MakeAmericaGaslightedAgain

  • Scooby

    What are you talking about the French love him! They are all cheering Donald..wait I think they are saying Connard.

    • The Wanderer

      “Canard?” Doesn’t that mean “duck?”

      • So they were getting ready to throw their shoes at Trump, “en-masse.”

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        I thought it was “Cunard,” which means “Cruise line”.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          That went over like a lead Titanic.

          • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

            Life isn’t always a Carnival.

          • Rasilom

            I Disney that one comming…

          • Ill-Advised

            Nor is it always la vie en rose.

            Le sigh.

        • LesBontemps

          That’s a synonym.

      • Scooby

        Yes but Connard means like Shithead.

        • LesBontemps

          also too asshole, douchenozzle, dickhead, fuckwit … you get the picture.

          • Scooby

            All acceptable translations.

      • whitroth

        He’s a base canard.

        • Ill-Advised

          A foul canard!

  • shastakoala
  • Pinkham’s Law

    “This is a normal thing for the leader of the free world to say.” Well, yes, but is it normal for Donald?

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Did he check her teeth? That’s the best way to evaluate the age of a First Lady.

    • The Wanderer

      I thought you took a core sample through a leg, and counted the rings.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        That’s to confirm the teeth findings. It’s a partially destructive test.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Donald has used that trick to haggle many a dowry.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Here, Donny Dumbass….I’ll just drop this right here:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwydujSqMRA

  • jaspersdad

    Has anyone actually heard Melania speak French, or is her linguistic ability comparable to her ‘degree’ from a Slovenian university?

    • Wild Cat

      Well, she can “speak” French, but in a manner that’s not polite to talk about out loud.

      • jaspersdad

        That’s degree one gets at university, not from university.

    • Joe Beese

      Models probably need to know at least a few phrases in French – as dishwashers must know at least a little English.

    • cmd resistor

      Her French is probably better than HIS English.

      • jaspersdad

        Hell, her English is better than his English

        • cmd resistor

          True.

    • aureolaborealis

      Maybe they meant she does French. Also, Greek sometimes, when she hasn’t eaten at Mar A Lago for a while.

    • ibwilliamsi

      She’s probably telling M Macron to just ignore the fat orange guy – she does.

  • Dear France,

    We would totally be okay with you putting an iron mask on Mr. Trump, locking him in the Bastille, and replacing him with a kinder, more intelligent look-alike.

    We know, we know… that was the plot of the our stupid movie and not your classic book, but come on… in this case, it’s a way better ending.

    We’re just saying,

    America.

    • whitroth

      Seconded, with votes (consider me the second vote for this).

    • Anna Rompage

      I’m sure Melania would approve of this message…

      • janecita

        Why? I’m hoping that she goes in the tower with him.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          She’s a bought and paid for wife but she didn’t sign on for this. She’s a lousy FLOTUS because she never wanted to be FLOTUS.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Alec Baldwin, it’s your time to shine!”

  • BigCSouthside

    Looks like some lucky lady might have some furniture shopping in her future

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Today, we are all Brigitte Macron. And tonight, many of us will wish we were. Oui oui!

  • Joe Beese

    The depressing thing is that this was Trump actually trying to be diplomatic.

    He sees what is, by his standards, the old bag that is Macron’s wife. And overcoming his revulsion, he deploys the old Trump charm.

    Never fails!

  • Where are the candid snaps of Macron’s macaroons?

    FOR HISTORY

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “you’re in such good shape!”

    One of the things I learned as an office drone is to not compliment anyone in such personal terms. First, it’s objectifying. Second, by not complimenting others, I was passively insulting them.

    • msanthropesmr

      The ONLY person who should comment on your shape is your tailor and your doctor.
      Gus the Tailor –
      “Jesus you’ve gotten fat”

      • ibwilliamsi

        I thought Jesus only ate wafer crackers. Must be all the carbs.

        • Rasilom

          No silly, Jesus is made from wafer bread. Thats why they eat him on Sundays.

          • ibwilliamsi

            Seems like a thin meal plan.

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Wafer thin

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I just keep my compliments bland and generic, like “nice ass”, and “damn baby, you look like you could tear it up in bed. Mm Hmm!”

      And I’m even more polite to the women!

      • BreakingDeadMen

        “God, I’d like to fuck you” is a good one.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Best deployed among Royal circles.

          • Covfefe

            What about a royal circus?

          • ibwilliamsi

            Perfect for Trump.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            “I learned this move from Nero”

        • NotDarkYet

          I would leave out “God” when in France; most people there are not particularly religious and certainly don’t use religion as political bait.

          However, when in the throws of orgasm, you may exclaim something like: Oh mon dieu — Je m’en viens!

          God is then relegated to a kind of ceremonial bystander.

      • NotDarkYet

        Thou thrusteth well!

      • mailman27

        “I grabbed her by the pouissant. She refused. Yet I persisted.”

  • OneYieldRegular

    “A lot of people don’t know that”

    To be fair, Trump did get something like 62 million votes, and it’s quite likely that a lot of those people (not counting the Russian hack-bots) would have trouble finding France on a map.

    • msanthropesmr

      It’s next to Canada, right?

      • BigCSouthside

        It’s in Canada. They speak that French surrender monkey language there

        • msanthropesmr

          Oh Yea – right next to Tim Horton’s
          WE make fun of Candiana because we are wicked, wicked jealouse.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Ha, well arguably it is next to Canada – at least the territoire outre-mer of Saint-Pierre et Miquelon just off the Labrador/Newfoundland coast.

    • shastakoala

      I doubt they even care. Like they’re ever going to South America anyway.

    • ibwilliamsi

      If his voter’s were smart enough to find France on a map, they’d have been smart enough to not vote for him. A lot of people don’t know that.

    • NotDarkYet

      It’s the place where that uppity previous guy got his mustard from …

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    DeVos is SHOCKED people are upset over her meeting with MRAs.

    • Anna Rompage

      Someone needs to push that asshole of the Golden Gate Bridge, about 20 min after the waters below are chummed with 100 gallons of red meat… WIth votes of course

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        …you mean, red votes, right?

        • Ill-Advised

          From the red election!

          (This could not have happened in the 50s.)

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Is she also SHOCKED that people are pissed that the person who oversees Title IX in her office is one of the advocates of the “bitches be lyin'” defense?

    • Didn’t she also schedule a meeting with a with a group that defends domestic abusers?

    • OutOfOrbit

      I liked Alice Cooper till I read about his “advantaged” early years & then heard “We Don’t Need No Education” again. It ties in with DeVos. Weird.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        School’s Out, but point taken. He was good when he was the singer of a kick ass band called Alice Cooper, but once he sacked those guys and became a solo artist named Alice Cooper it was over.

  • TJ Barke

    Make America a joke again…

    • msanthropesmr

      Too late.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      The punchline had better not be “…the Aristocrats!”

      • TJ Barke

        It is.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Don’t bother, they’re here.

  • Joe Beese
    • jaspersdad

      Give spies a chance.

    • TJ Barke

      Shouldn’t he be fighting on the eastern front for the glory of the Reich, and paying for it?

      • Bub, the truculent Zombie

        The Hungarians mostly ran away. I’m Sure Sebastian would have run with the best of ’em.

    • Bub, the truculent Zombie

      No, no Sebastian! “Collusion.” The word you were looking for is “collusion,” gulyás breath.

    • Truck Fump

      Like the Vichy collaborated with the Nazis?

    • Canis Greyhame

      Hey the collaboration worked so well for them in the campaign, why not carry it through to the administration?

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      That should go over well in France. They know a little something about collaborators.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      I will enjoy seeing his ass fry more than anyone’s, even the Donald.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Didn’t collaborators get shot?

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      If only there were some other countries we could try collaborating with. Maybe even a whole international alliance of them.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      So a ‘reset’ then. Do they have a red button too?

    • SeeTrain65

      You guys did that already, Seb. That’s how you clowns were elected.

    • mailman27

      Whitesupremacistnazisezwut?

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Looks like he made a wish when he did that.

  • Mavenmaven

    One thing about shapes, when you see Trump next to Macron, well, Trump is overweight.

    • Rasilom

      And the ocean has a slight moisture problem.

    • Our president is not overweight. He is just under tall.

  • jaspersdad

    Trump briefly made America great again……………..By briefly leaving it.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Where is ICE when we really need them? Aren’t orange shitgibbons banned?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Répétez après moi: Va te faire foutre, eh salopard.

    • LesBontemps

      Shouldn’t it be “Allez vous faire foutre”? After all, this is a formal event.

    • mailman27

      Repeat with me…future…so what? leopard…?

  • CripesAmighty

    For an alleged teetotaler, it’s remarkable how precisely he mimics the behavior of every boor in a bar.

    • DainBramage

      He’s perpetually drunk on dickishness.

      • NotConvinced

        That’s why he wakes up everyday with a dick hangover.

        • NotConvinced

          He tried to go to dick rehab but was kicked out for being too much of a dick.

          • NotConvinced

            There are cartons of dick with Trump’s face on it with the question, “Have you seen this total DICK?”

  • Paperless Tiger

    That’s why they call them jerks.

  • DainBramage

    Malaria must find it distressing to have to keep meeting these hunky foreign leaders when all she’s got is an orange shitgibbon.

    • Boojum

      It’s OK. She’s also got her true love, Vladimir.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Good. Serves her right, says I.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      You don’t think she is getting “Secret Service” from the Secret Service?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Et aussi: Ferme ta putain de gueule et assieds-toi!

    • mailman27

      And also…close…whore? Wut??

      • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

        Shut your fucking mouth and sit (down).

  • memzilla Ω
    • My son is about to start his senior year, but we still laugh about the time his kindergarten teacher called me, very upset about Ben using a bad word. When we got to school, we found out they were discussing Pinocchio and Ben told her that in the movie they called the donkey an ass. And she really couldn’t understand why we weren’t upset with Ben.

  • OddMan

    Really really OT.
    This must be the first time I have recommended La Civiltà Cattolica “Reflecting the Mind of the Vatican Since 1850”
    This article “lays out a scathing critique of “evangelical fundamentalism” in the US, arguing that, on issues ranging from climate change to “migrants and Muslims”, proponents of the ideology have adopted a twisted reading of scripture and the Old Testament that promotes conflict and war above all else.”
    It was vetted and approved by the Pope.

    https://laciviltacattolica.com/june-2017/evangelical-fundamentalism-and-catholic-integralism-in-the-usa-a-surprising-ecumenism/

  • jaspersdad

    Macron will explain to Trump on Bastille Day what happens to petty despots who favor nepotism, idle games and opulent gold fittings while their people suffer.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      If he does, it will get “Save until I delete” status.

  • Joe Beese

    Current count on motion to proceed:

    NO: Collins (ME), Paul (KY)

    UNDECIDED: Murkowski (AK), Heller (NV), Portman (OH), Lee (UT), Flake (AZ), Hoeven (ND), Gardner (CO), Cassidy (LA)

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Flake just announced he supports the Cruz amendment

      • CripesAmighty

        Let me guess: Leeches and laying of hands will be covered.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          He’s banking on stupid rural Arizonans and Phoenix republicans continuing to mindlessly vote straight ticket GOP in 2018. I’m not sure he’s wrong- these people are beyond hope, considering that rural voters and retirees will be decimated by this.

          • theblackdog

            I used to live in rural Arizona, I (unfortunately) second this statement. Bonus points if he can get the LDS church to go along with it because they’ll follow any recommendation coming out of Salt Lake City.

      • SeeTrain65

        Expect Portman to do the same. Because that’s who he is.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Heller will be a no as long as Governor Sandoval is. They’re tied at the hip on this one. And as long as the Medicaid cuts are there, Sandoval won’t back down.

      • from your mouth to god’s ear. we just need one more.

    • cmd resistor

      Who was the other “this bill isn’t mean enough” person? Cruz?

      • Les Appentis De la résistance

        Lee.

  • NotDarkYet

    Trump read that speech like it was the first time he ever saw some of those words. And when he had to turn the page … the

    sentence got interrupted in the most

    awkward fashion.

    Almost like Shatner reading something, except worse.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      And these days Shatner does it to be funny.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Man. On the left is the guy russia elected; on the right is the guy russia tried to ratfuck. Apparently the French are much better at learning from experience than we are. Oh, and much more attractive.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      The French listen to their intelligence services and act on verified information.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Is that any way to run a country?

      • SeeTrain65

        “Vive la différence!”

  • Reximus

    Maybe France has a copy of Le Oui-Oui tape

    • BreakingDeadMen

      if you go “oui-oui,” European.

  • Axi-SymmetricTongueThruster

    Not even Trump is gonna grab a 74 year old pussy.

    • Ricky Gay

      Hmm, nobody comes out a winner in that comment. Least of all you.

      • Axi-SymmetricTongueThruster

        Just keeping it real. Maybe Macron keeps inviting Trump back so he can get up close to Melania

        • Ricky Gay

          Who knows. But there is nothing real about your previous remark.

          • Axi-SymmetricTongueThruster

            Oh sorry, I thought this was the sling your shit board and see what sticks.

          • Ricky Gay

            There’s an art to it though. Your shit wasn’t humorous, it isn’t insightful, and it doesn’t deflect from Trump’s idiocy. (Which I guess was your original plan?) But yeah, other than that you are a regular Phil Silvers!

          • Axi-SymmetricTongueThruster

            Actually it was just an observation. I realize someone’s got to do it, so it might as well be her husband. Do you think Macron would trade up if given a chance?

          • Ricky Gay

            You seem obsessed. Maybe you should rub one out.

          • Axi-SymmetricTongueThruster

            Only if I get Melania. You gotta take Macron’s mom. er wife

          • Ricky Gay

            It’s your fantasy dude.

          • Axi-SymmetricTongueThruster

            OK, I get Melania.( or Ivanka), you get grandma

    • AyeDiosDrinko

      Cool sexism

      • Axi-SymmetricTongueThruster

        Sexism?? I thought commenting on 74 year old snatch was racism

        • Ricky Gay

          Are you Ram from Heathers?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Yeah, he grew out of that once his mother passed.

    • Yr. Gma

      I know. Math is hard. Why haven’t we blocked this boring troll yet?

    • pianoplayer1

      64.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump decided to wow em’ by going on a ‘charm offensive’ huh? ___ And, of course, the Orange Foolius was just alarmingly offensive.

    https://pics.me.me/dis-may-shock-face-see-icanhascheezeurger-5468120.png

  • The guy who looks like 10 pounds of crap stuffed into a 5-pound suit (at least one pound of which is a bizarrely large necktie) absolutely does not get to have an opinion on what kind of shape anyone else is in.

    • DainBramage

      I’ve met plenty of guys like that. They’re uniformly visibly overweight with questionable grooming and they constantly rate the women they meet and point out any perceived “flaws.” I don’t put up with that shit anymore.

  • jaspersdad

    ‘And this is an exact replica of the guillotine, Mr President. Perhaps you’d like to see if…? That’s right, now, if I just adjust this lever…

    Oops…

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      ‘Ah, but we have found le problème, M. Macron. The mécanisme, she says, Made en Amerique!’

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie

    Orange MAGAfucker embarrasses the United States of America again in 5…4…3…2…

    • SeeTrain65

      “Sorry, Bub. He did it long before the count.”

      • Bub, the truculent Zombie

        I start a new count every time he does it. I have yet to get to zero.

        • SeeTrain65

          “Holding at a perpetual five count.”

  • ariel_gee_398

    Amazingly, he manages to ratchet up the skeeziness by immediately giving Melania a once-over after “complimenting” Macron, as if comparing the two. He is a true artiste.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Ratchet: le mot juste.

  • Proud Liberal
    • Maybe if Kris Koboch asks him really nicely, Sessions will turn over the data?

    • Canis Greyhame

      There’s just so much corruption, collusion, and contempt of court. This administration has all the c-words going for them!

    • TundraGrifter

      AOTK

    • SeeTrain65

      The fact he still wets his bed?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He’s obviously not worried about anyone enforcing the court order.

    • mailman27

      He’s not hiding his deep-fried arrogance.

    • Pisto75666

      Foghorn Leghorn’s a real cocky son of a gun, isn’t he?

  • Boojum

    He moved on her like a bitch…

    • TundraGrifter

      Did he offer to take her “furniture shopping?”

      • Jukesgrrl

        “I have a lot more money than your hubby. How about I take you shopping while I’m here. You probably have some nice stores in Paris.”

    • Axi-SymmetricTongueThruster

      I watched it again and I think he was pushing her out ot the way. See that babe in the back?

  • Axi-SymmetricTongueThruster

    What’s the deal with Macron, is he trying to catch Trump on jet lag?

  • theblackdog

    Speaking of portraits, there are finally portraits of the orange and the creepy one hanging in the lobby of our agency, and I have to walk by them every day :-/

    • DainBramage

      I suppose you’re not allowed to use them as dartboards.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Or toilet paper.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Sometimes spitting isn’t as offensive as the target. Just sayin’!

    • Invisible Bunyip

      Ah, for two minutes with a sharpie!

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Sharpies are inexpensive and widely available. Just sayin’.

      • theblackdog

        Need a stepladder and there are cameras, plus literally hanging up behind the security guard desk.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Hmm. Sounds like a job for the IMF.
          Your mission, should you choose to accept it…

    • Clark_Nova

      Spitwads through a straw. At least twice a day.

  • Proud Liberal
    • SeeTrain65

      I hope someone pissed in Trump’s Diet Coke at tonight’s state dinner.

      • Three Finger Salute

        The sick thing is he’d like it even more. Probably try to sell it as Trump-brand New Coke.

        • SeeTrain65

          So he’s ripping off Pepsi Zero?

    • Manders

      Va te faire baiser, ton bâtard d’orange.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      ‘It WAS beautiful. Then you showed up, couillon.’

    • mailman27

      When this is translated into French for domestic consumption, will it reflect the level of stupid? Does a commensurate degree of stupidity even exist in the France? Mais non? Mais oui?

    • mailman27

      Third grade level? Fourth grade? Because I guarantee that this doesn’t even get to fifth. Sure, there’s a lusty chorus that’ll tell you this is elitist bullshit. But I think that the “leader of the free world” should sound like a fucking grown-up.

  • Courser_Resistance

    He looks strong and capable. And a wry look that’s kinda flirty and yet kind of like James Bond, daring you to fuck with him. I LIKE it!

  • TundraGrifter

    Perhaps President Trump has been channeling his inner Ben Franklin. Ambassador Franklin was quite the lady’s man in France back in the day Many people do not know that.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Part of being a “ladies man” is knowing how to court/chat up/move on someone without coming across as a creep. I’m sure Trump THINKS he’s a ladies man, but lol….no.

      • TundraGrifter

        Well put! Mr. Trump was probably a creep at about 7. I’ll bet he hit on his baby sitter.

        • Clark_Nova

          At 10 he tried to kill the neighbors’ infant with rocks. It got him sent away to school to protect daddy from the inevitable lawsuits that would cost him more than Donnie was worth to him.

          He was the prototype for Rhoda Penmark.

        • C4TWOMAN

          I tried to find a This Modern World comic about Donald as a kid. The gist was, he was a polite, kind young man…until an alien toupee -like parasite took over his body.
          Imagine I have embedded it. It is very funny. You are laughing.

      • Clark_Nova

        Trump just rents-to-buy whores like Melania.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “And how will you remember your meeting with the First Lady of France, Mr. Trump…”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5fda26a9311d048cb1ea7b5db027da7f83ac2af7dd5640f8f8bf5195902a0715.png

    “Well then….. America must be so proud.”

  • AyeDiosDrinko

    Trump is such a big, manly, man’s man, he’ll show our ally who’s boss by sexually harassing ally’s wife in front of the world! Yay America!!

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie

    The Law of holes famously states: “if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging”. I don’t think Donnie is familiar with it. What the hell, right? Somebody give the man a bigger shovel:

    https://twitter.com/ZekeJMiller/status/885578176172363778

    https://twitter.com/davidfrum/status/885590285157371911

    • TundraGrifter

      I think you’re looking at the wrong “Rule of Holes.” Try again – under “A.”

    • mailman27

      “The Rosenbergs, right? Many people don’t know about them.”

    • crisptickle

      maybe he can avoid capital punishment?

    • Clark_Nova

      It was Trumps’ guru, the doubly self loathing monstrosity Roy Cohn, who railroaded Ethel to the chair by waving a handful of TV schematics at the dumb-as-rocks jury.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    “You must do crossfit. All the fittest people do crossfit. And golf. “

  • proudgrampa

    “That Joan of Arc is a real hot item!”

    What? Too soon?

    • TundraGrifter

      Better a hot stake than a cold chop.

      ~ The Three Stoogies

    • CripesAmighty

      Smokin’! (Slap! -I deserved that)

      • proudgrampa

        You and I are bad. We don’t feel bad, but we are bad.

  • proudgrampa

    Have they done the rumps to Trump thingy yet?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Although Macron de-sexified himself to me by declaring the continent of Africa lacked civilization . His wife doesn’t deserve to be exposed to the Orange Herpes Sore.
    http://www.politico.eu/article/macron-g20-angry-reaction-to-emmanuel-macrons-remark-that-africa-has-a-civilizational-problem/

    • C4TWOMAN

      While I think Macron could have been a hell of a lot more empathic, that’s a simplistic reduction.

      • You forget. Not perfect is forever the really real enemy.

      • The fact that you find a dude who ignores centuries French involvement in slavery and colonization and uses tropes out of that disgraceful era a hiccup in empathy is beyond simplistic.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Hmmm…I don’t think saying “he could have been a hell of a lot more empathic” = a hiccup in empathy.

          Did you actually follow the link and read what he said?

          • I read what he said in several newspapers. Have you read anything about the history of French slavery and colonization? Read a book or two about it before you post excuses for leader of France especially at someone whose family comes directly from both those brutal practices.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Well, since you’ve read it several places, perhaps you can post a quote that represents your interpretation better. Instead of mischaracterizing what I said, which FYI reads like flamebait.
            I have no disagreement about the history of the situation.

          • Do you own work.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Mkaybye!

    • Three Finger Salute

      He’s blunt, maybe too blunt and lacking contextual nuance as regards France’s history of colonialism there. But I don’t fault him entirely, because his statement has to do with climate change and overpopulation. The French are also very anti-clerical, and Pope Francis is a hypocrite for saying he cares about the planet while doing nothing about Catholic NGOs putting a kibosh on sending birth control to developing countries. Africa does lack “civilization” in a lot of places, if you define civilization as basic infrastructure and especially women’s education and control over their reproductive processes. That’s a cultural problem that the patriarchal Abrahamic religions — whether it’s the Catholics, the evangelicals or Islam — get in the way of.

      You can’t have 8-12 kids all competing for an increasingly scarce amount of resources. So the answer is to increase education and get religion the hell out of there so that women can have manageable enough families at a time when they want to — or no kids at all if that’s the choice they want to make — and go to school, improve their lot in life, and also decrease the population burden on their country’s limited infrastructure.

      • Since my existence is a direct consequence of France’s colonization your defense of this bigot and definition of “civilization” deeply problematic. What you know about the continent of Africa could fit under an electron microscope.

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie
    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Klassy.

    • Doug Langley

      I can’t wait to see him try his rapier wit on the judge.

  • CripesAmighty
  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    I don’t know how many times I watched that. What the everloving FUCK? Was he feeling dominated and needed to pass it on down the line? He’s lucky she didn’t cold-cock him for mauling her like that. Mme Macron must have a HUGE amount of self-control.

    • Axi-SymmetricTongueThruster

      He was too busy checking out Melania

    • C4TWOMAN

      He’s not forgotten. A smart player bides his/her time. When the time is advantageous to humiliate Trump, Macron will do it, or better yet, help someone else do it and relish it in private.

      • BeachBum

        Le vengeance mieux servi avec a bien Beaujolais.

        • Eileen Besse

          Tribute to you. EXCELLENT.

      • Doug Langley

        Wait until they’re together and all the cameras are on them and everyone is listening, then say “So how are the kids?”

    • NotDarkYet

      Wasn’t she a teacher at some point? You learn self-control or you end up pummeling one or more of the kids (even at uni level) every hour.

  • Ωbjectifier

    “You’re in such good shape.”
    “And you look like a wad of chewed up orange bubble gum.”

    • Bill D. Burger

      “…solid 6, maybe a 7. Mel, she’s a 10…I paid for all that work. I can give you the Dr.’s name…..few nips and tucks and you could be a solid 8. Manny would be your horndog then, huh? ~laughs~”

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Allegedly, that’s why TRMP went off on Mika. She had gotten her double chin done and he wanted her doctor’s number. Mika wouldn’t tell him cuz who would want TRMP as a patient?

        • mancityRed6

          and have to keep that Hippocratic oath? no thanks.

    • Blanche Beecham

      Circus Pee-nut. Yep.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Does the Attorney General personally approve visas?

  • Blanche Beecham

    He’s disgusting.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      In a gross embarrassing way.

  • Bill D. Burger

    ot…but .. too cute: Russia, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to find the rest of Donald Trump Jr.’s emails.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DEk01L-XgAAuCOU.jpg

    • amrak63

      Hokey smoke! Will the moose and squirrel save the Republic?

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Her arm is a little frail looking and he’s a big fat man. He could have done some damage. Jerk

    • pianoplayer1

      Man, her forearm is child-sized.

      • Zwadny Zigashits

        Not necessarily, we are so conditioned to Merikan size humans.
        Living in Asia I am reminded daily how normal humans look.
        It’s not how we look.

        • pianoplayer1

          My sister is five feet tall and tiny with small bones and wrists and little hands. I equate her tinyness to her height.

          • Bangkok Taxi

            I just found the ‘frail’ observation a rather typical uninformed, American way of looking at people.
            The isolation Americans enjoy is unique amongst the developed world.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Come back, Mitt! All is forgiven!!!

    • mancityRed6

      not quite yet, let’s see what Pence does as POTUS

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        You mean the New Christian Caliphate? Yeah, I’d rather go with the magic undies.

        • mancityRed6

          look at how much trouble they have passing anything now? and you know that any thing he puts forward will be automatically bogged down in lawsuits.
          maybe I just want to see him squirm when Merkel asks for a private meeting.

          • the ACA replacement is NOT DEAD YET.

            do not curse its hoped for demise.

  • BeachBum

    I would have liked to seen his face when Melania and Macron were talking and laughing in French.

  • NotDarkYet

    “You’re in such good shape.” Implied/not said: “… for an old broad!”

    • pianoplayer1

      This happened to me recently. I went to a party. When I walked in, this imbecile said, “You look so different. You used to be f. . .[at]. (Change in meds allowed me to lose medication-induced weight gain). This person is dumber than Trump AND a bag of rocks. I just laughed. BTW, anyone taking Remicade who gains a lot of weight. . .It is the Remicade.

      • NotDarkYet

        Holy shit — Remicade! My doc thought it would be good to try for my RA. Well, no sooner had the first infusion started that my BP went sky high, I couldn’t breathe, and I thought an elephant was sitting on my chest. Was rushed to ICU, and then spent three days in cardic unit. $25,000 later, the docs were certain I didn’t have heart problems but a bad reaction to the Remicade. That was a trip!

        Laughing at imbeciles (dumber than T AND a bag of rocks? Man, that’s frightening! How does one manage activities of daily living?) such as the one you encountered is the best course of action. At least until it’s legal to kick ’em in the nutz.

        • pianoplayer1

          I have RA, too. I just spent 19 (!) days in hospital from RA -caused pneumonia, pneumothorax, and pleural effusion. No bacteria, no virus, just inflammation caused all that! One doctor said RA should be called Rheumatoid Disease. It damages organs, not just joints. I hope my lungs are not permanently damaged. (I dread seeing the hospital bill!)

          I agree. Remicade sucks! Methotrexate, too.

          • NotDarkYet

            It sucks living with RA. Some days, the pain is … well, I am sure you know.

            Oh, dear — 19 days?! Based on my measly four and ca. 25 grand, it could be north of 100 grand, no? Unless you are not in the U.S. :)

            Can they run tests to see if there is permanent damage to your lungs? Or is it too early to tell?

          • pianoplayer1

            Too soon.

          • NotDarkYet

            How long do you have to wait to find out?

          • pianoplayer1

            Maybe next week? Oh, I had two VAT surgeries, too. Not fun!

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • Doug Langley

      You mean they have doubts?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Wonder if “Jim” helped Putin’s Pawn prepare for Paris (*alliteration…just flows at times, huh?). Remember Jim? He’s Trump’s go-to guy for all things French. And, of course, he doesn’t exist.

    Trump in Paris: The curious case of his friend Jim

    WASHINGTON (AP) — For all things Paris, President Donald Trump’s go-to guy is Jim.

    The way Trump tells it — Jim is a friend who loves Paris and used to visit every year. Yet when Trump travels to the city Thursday for his first time as president, it’s unlikely that Jim will tag along. Jim doesn’t go to Paris anymore. Trump says that’s because the city has been infiltrated by foreign extremists.

    Whether Jim exists is unclear. Trump has never given his last name. The White House has not responded to a request for comment about who Jim is or whether he will be on the trip.]

    Calling John Baron and John Miller….they can confirm this. Trump says so.

    https://apnews.com/e18f254c4ac84e6bab4ceed56401cc65/Trump-in-Paris:-The-curious-case-of-his-friend-Jim

  • Michael R

    The correct response is to sit on Melania’s face .

  • Bill D. Burger

    Just went up in the West Wing last week:

    The look on King Salman’s face is priceless: “The Great Orange Jinn…..I shouldn’t have thought of it. We are doomed.”

    https://twitter.com/hunterw/status/885233667722940420

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Jesus. Fucking. Christ. What a maroon.

    • Werewolf

      “What does my Lord Sauron command?”

      • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

        Never touch a palantir.

    • Rags

      My dog, who would offer such an apalling photograph to the subjects, and what kind of megalomaniac would think that this was a flattering pose?? Oh. never mind.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I amend my previous statement about white dudes that I would get busy with: should have included Macron in that fine-ass portrait above, and Justin Trudeau, but only if Sophie joined us.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Now you’re talking. What a two-for.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Oh, I kind of see how it went downhill. They were doing the kind of two arm grab thingie, and then Brigitte tried to get the fuck away before her ladygarden was unlawfully groped, and the only one of her hands he managed to grab as she pulled back was the left.

    Sigh. So awkward.

    • I think it was payback for Marcon making him look like a chump.
      Make me look bad, I go after your wife.

      • Jukesgrrl

        You’re right, no doubt. Although like most of his behavior, it probably wasn’t a conscious thought. It was whispered to him by John Baron or his friend Jim.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Eh, maybe. I think Trump is a truly horrible, despicable waste of oxygen, but I don’t think he has the ability to be subtly rude, especially by proxy. If he hates you, he obnoxiously mocks you (or your spouse) on Twitter or in an interview. This was just Trump being severely, horribly bad at something in every way.

        • AyeDiosDrinko

          I would argue there wasn’t anything “subtle” about this.

    • Zwadny Zigashits
  • Mr. Blobfish

    “Broadway” Don Trump https://goo.gl/images/mzh67F

  • bookish

    Mrs. Mac should have ground her fine heel into his instep, and smiled.

    • Zwadny Zigashits

      You just made my day with that.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “You’re in such good shape!”

    “And you too! You are not even sweating through your suit yet! And your hair is very convincing!”

    *Looks at Melaria*
    “It is all his money that makes the lumps, no?”

    • Zwadny Zigashits

      That’s cruel. I love it.

  • natoslug

    It’s all that greater a compliment, coming from such an incredibly perfect example of fitness and masculinity and general shapes such as Donald Turnip.

  • Poly_Ester

    I wonder if Ben Franklin grabbed the Queen’s pussy when he was introduced to her as Minister Plenipotentiary to France.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “You’re in such good shape!”

    “As are you! Bloating is very popular American past-time, yes? I see all ze Americain touristes doing ze waddling nowadays. Howevaire, you are ze best one yet!”

    • Zwadny Zigashits

      Oui oui, I really like oui oui

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Pauvre Brigitte. Awkward as hell, but she’ll get over it. She’s been through a lot worse with the french media.

  • Slinger

    My gawd, does he think every woman is so impressed by his personality that his gross tacky behavior is excused ?

    • Zwadny Zigashits

      Think? Assumes. We know about that ‘assumes’ thing

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    On the plus side, the Hartzler Amendment, which banned trans treatment by the military, was killed, but my asshole of a rep voted in favor of it. >.<

  • CountryClubJihadi
    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      he’s no pepe lepieux

      • OneWhiteWhisker

        More like PeePee LeTape.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Pepe Le Frog?

      • chazmanr

        Pepe, while a handsy SOB, never grabbed a pussy by the pussy.

    • HooverVilles

      Well, doesn’t that sum Trump purrrrfectly!
      >^o.o^<

    • kaydenpat

      Cat = Ivanka.

      • TJ Barke

        Cat = most of America.

  • Eileen Besse

    Thank you for the Macron pic. I feel a tad better.

  • azeyote

    she should stay alert during dinner cause that won’t be a lobster pokin around under the table

    • kaydenpat

      She looks like she knows how to break bones if he tries anything with her. He better keep his little hands to himself.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    I have yet to hear anyone explain *why* Trump needed to go to France.
    Did he just invite himself over?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      In his own words, above.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    On Air Force One on the way to Paris:

    “Q When were you last in Paris? When were you last in France?

    THE PRESIDENT: So I was asked to go by the President, who I get along with very well, despite a lot of fake news. You know, I actually have a very good relationship with all of the people at the G20. And he called me, he said, would you come, it’s Bastille Day — 100 years since World War I. And I said, that’s big deal, 100 years since World War I. SO we’re going to go, I think we’re going to have a great time, and we’re going to do something good. And he’s doing a good job. He’s doing a good job as President.”

    GODDAMN FUCKING IDIOT!!! He thinks Bastille Day commemorates the end of WW I?
    And even after all this shit flowing out of his mouth he never did answer the fucking question!

    Here’s the rest of the transcript. His insights into Chinese and Korean history are just…I don’t know what….
    http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/13/politics/trump-transcript-air-force-one/index.html

    • DesertedPictures

      In defense of Trump:
      The first military parade on the Champs Elysees was held just after ww1: this was indeed meant as a victory parade as well. The parade itself started in 1880.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        I don’t get your point. What parade are you talking about? My point is that it appears he doesn’t understand the difference between Bastille Day, which is tomorrow, July 14, and November 11, the end of WW I, which is celebrated under many different names in several countries.

        • Nicola Andrews

          Today was the 100th anniversary of the US entering WWI. The Great War had been going on since 1914.

          • TJ Barke

            And it ended in 1918, not 1917.

          • Grumpy Old Man

            Oh, snap!

      • Iam Reading

        “In defense of Trump”
        At no point should any decent American be in defense of trump for anything. Fuck that and fuck him and fuck anyone who stands with him

    • azeyote

      he listens to Jim to much

      • Jay Silversmith

        and we can’t even blame Jim Beam.

        • Zwadny Zigashits

          And to think, he doesn’t know Jack

    • MamaBrown

      Oh my fucking god.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        My thoughts exactly. Holy crap!

  • DesertedPictures

    Here is a possible very good outcome of this visit…

    http://www.politico.eu/article/trump-something-could-happen-on-paris-agreement/

    • Grumpy Old Man

      I went there and this struck me in gut:
      “Yeah, I mean, something could happen with respect to the Paris accord.
      We’ll see what happens,” Trump told reporters at a joint news conference
      with Macron in Paris. “But we will talk about that over the coming
      period of time. And if it happens, that will be wonderful, and if it
      doesn’t, that will be OK too. But we’ll see what happens.”
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bc8d8348c18324c77992d1aeeb53ef0df27fe2e57899c2b24eb4166048fca2b5.jpg

      • chortlingdingo

        One of the many things that infuriates me about Trump is this little “stay tuned” schtick he’s got about information. He’s clearly stuck in reality TV world.

  • Jay Silversmith

    Don the con never does something without revenge in mind. This was his way of getting back at both Macron and Melania. Macron for making dolt45 look like a wimp in the first handshake. He then slobbers all over Macron’s wife and embarrasses Melania for not holding his hand.

    • kaydenpat

      Or he just can’t help himself when he sees an attractive woman. Pretty much what he admitted to Billy Bush.

  • NotALiar

    Damn Macaroni is super cute. Accept for his whole austerity agenda. Takes away many many sexy points

  • Michael Lindsay

    I note she shifted real quickly to her right.

    Probably to avoid Trump’s incoming “daddy pat” on her posterior.

    • kaydenpat

      Or him losing his mind and trying to grab her you know what.

    • MamaBrown

      She saw the Access Hollywood tape.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I remember when right-wing bloggers went into hysterics because Michelle Obama touched the Queen of England’s shoulder. Now Trump yanks on the arm of France’s First Lady, and it’s just Donnie being Donnie.

    • kaydenpat

      Hypocrisy is real.

  • kaydenpat

    **shakes head from side to side in horror**
    **cannot speak when in total shock**

    Sigh.

  • eyelashviper

    She could have used this, and given him a nice jolt to remember Paris:

    https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1163/6200/products/knuckle_blaster_pink_2048x2048.jpg?v=1467760192

  • andyshelt

    Not a big deal as far as the religious right are concerned as you can just pray away the perv!

    https://twitter.com/JohnnieM/status/884942560439009281

    • eyelashviper

      And this differs from voodoo how???

    • TJ Barke

      Not even Jesus Christ himself could love someone as disgusting as Donald.

    • Empress of the Iguana People

      I keep praying to the flying spaghetti monster that one perv in particular goes away.

    • ahughes798

      It took 6 people to keep the asshole from keeling over backwards? Or is he askeered of the Jebu and had to be forced to pray?

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Wiwm did all those people buy their crappy high school class ring?

      • Jeffery Campbell

        And worse yet, kept wearing it! I sold mine in college for vodka.

    • Zwadny Zigashits

      Calling forth the sky god!!!
      We are so fucked.
      What next? Singing jebus loves me?

      • Jeffery Campbell

        This I know.
        For the Bible tells me so.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Let’s ask the Duggars how that is working out.

  • Ilgattomorte

    This is the new Trump. He knows he has damaged relations with our Western allies and is trying to soften his image.

    That’s why he stated that Angela Merkel is a stately woman and a “solid 6”, Justin Trudeau can get all the pussy he wants and Emmanuel Macron has “an amazing hog”. He went so far as to say that “Macron’s junk” is almost as big as Putin’s.

    • ahughes798

      Good lord this made me laugh harder than I have in a while. You rock!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Thanks for this.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      You said a mouthful there

  • BMW

    In fairness, Trump usually trades in his wives in for new ones before they hit 40 (Melania’s on borrowed time, you know), so he probably has no idea how the aging process works for women. Maybe he was surprised she didn’t need a wheelchair to get around.

    I think Hillary may have been the oldest woman he’s ever met, and he was always making cracks about her being on death’s door, despite her actually being younger than Trump

  • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

    I never noticed before, but DAMN! Emmanuel Macron is hot. Why do we have to get stuck with old man Fugly and the banjo twins?

    • ahughes798

      ‘Cuz we’re rednecks
      Rednecks.
      Don’t know our ass from a hole in the ground.

      • You mean that was a hole in the ground?!!? A hole? In the ground? Well, that explains a LOT…

        • ahughes798

          It’s lyrics from a song, but I can’t remember the title, or who performed it.

      • Zwadny Zigashits

        Bout covers it.

    • Zwadny Zigashits

      I’d like to see a meme of those two with missing teeth, overalls and f ed up hair picking and a grinning.

  • catnmus

    Oh, if only Brigitte Macron had said “You should try it!”…

  • rocktonsam

    I’m sure its been said but melon seems happy to be on this trip. What with hanging out sexy French guy instead of fuckface sour puss.

    • miss_grundy

      She probably went shopping and bought herself more French designer attire. She prefers them to American designers.

  • mary5920

    Yeesh. Would it be bad form to sock Dump in the jaw, then shout “vive la france”?

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      no

  • GODDAMMIT, what is wrong with him?

    He was put in a position of power by very foolish people.

    • Charon_69

      Bang on; if he was a powerless numpty no one would care

    • amrak63

      Not quite; he was put in a position of power by Vladimir Putin, who manipulated very foolish people.

  • Iam Reading

    At the end of the day, he is just a fucking asshole

    • Zwadny Zigashits

      He starts the day that way.

      • Iam Reading

        Asshole oroboros?

        • Bangkok Taxi

          ouroboros? A new and poignant observation.

          Well done, well done indeed.

    • Alan

      All day.

  • NotConvinced

    So many sharp world leaders and we’re stuck with this shit stick.

  • Let’s make ourselves feel better by gazing at Emmanuel Macron’s fine-ass official portrait some more.

    Oh by the way:

    “Something, something disingenuous-talking-point-about racism-designed-to ‘shame’ liberals, something.”

    Sorry. I wasn’t aware if you got the latest newsletter from Concern Trolling Monthly.

  • Suzette Horst

    “That Joan of Arc, I hear she’s pretty hot.”

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Too soon.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        That comment really got me fired up 👹

        *groan*

    • Clark_Nova

      Smokin’!!!

  • ahughes798

    I like it when Evan writes about the sexxxxy world leaders who aren’t Trump. It’s like sitting with a friend and boy watching, but funnier.

  • Grumpy Old Man
    • Zwadny Zigashits

      I love the look on Obamas face, like WTF.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Merci!! That’s a sandwich for which I’d like to be the filling.

  • It just occurs to me that some of you might be straight men and/or lesbians. So in the name of “fairness” here’s some cheesecake fore you after you finish you “nothing burgers.”

    https://www.yahoo.com/amphtml/style/michelle-obama-puts-edgy-post-white-house-style-display-espys-160826228.html

    • Somersault

      Not a lesbian, but DAMN! She’s gorgeous!

  • Zwadny Zigashits

    Fine work as usual Evan.
    Keep the Orange one away from small children and livestock please.

    • Vacuous Virgina

      Deadstock are permitted, however 😂

      • Bangkok Taxi

        Beastial Necromonger Trump? Seems plausible.

        • Vacuous Virgina

          Great name for a rock group 😂

  • Zwadny Zigashits

    When the question is posed, what the heck is wrong with Anus Orange, I am always reminded from whence he came. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f2d31cc2e4785e71c2f622ad61c1bb07c022309525b72f47709bec93c9a8fc43.jpg

    • Gawd, she looks like one tough old ornery broad, don’t she? If looks could freeze souls, you know where the Ol’ Pussy Grabber’s went.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Oh, Evan, you’re such a pushover for every hot French President who comes along.

  • CATMAN

    I’m surprised Donny the jokester didn’t ask her “how do you say cougar in French?”

  • unionthuggery

    I’m just glad he didn’t tell them how much he loves French cuisine. French fries, French toast, etc.

    • How do you know he didn’t?

      • unionthuggery

        They haven’t launched nukes at us. The French will tolerate casual sexism, but mock their food and shit gets real.

        • Speak bad French and we’re taking it to another level.

  • Jo Mathie

    I’m waiting until he meets Kate Middleton… You just know he’ll do something really inappropriate.

    • BFD

      He’ll probably say “Weren’t you killed in a car crash in Paris?”

  • Buzz1313

    “A lot of people don’t know that.” WHO?! What in the holy f&@k is this guy on?! Oh and Evan gets much love for the “Non,connard” Carla Bruni quote. Hah. Going to sleep now.

    • dshwa

      I’m guessing the homeskooled don’t know this, because they’re taught in the DeVos curriculum that Jesus sprinkled some water on the Founding Fathers and the troops and then America sprung into being to the sound of a choir of angels singing a C-major chord.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        C-major?! Please give the choir invisible a little more credit for creativity than that.

        • amrak63

          I guess that was too early for the Choir Invisible to include the ex-parrot.

          Also, creativity and Fundagelicalism don’t go together all that well; art is easily corrupted to the purposes of Say-hay-tun, doncha know.

          • Vacuous Virgina

            Too busy pushing up the daisies, probably 😋

          • Jeffery Campbell

            All the LULZ for ex-parrot and “Say-hay-tun.” Those are laughs I needed, and badly!

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Qui est plus chaud? Macron ou Trudeau ?

    • JesusWasAHippie

      Trudeau. Macron a close deux.

      • Boo Hoo

        Definitely. Although, I’m of the mindset of: “Why choose when you can have both?” You know, if I could actually have both. Or either.

      • D’accord

    • Lynn A Myers

      C’est Macron, quelle fromage!!!!

    • insolenttomato

      Les tous, Katie.

    • Matthew Wright

      Both, merci.

  • BFD

    Surprisingly he didn’t complete his “You’re in such great shape” thought with “for an old woman like you married to a much younger man.” He has gone from being a national embarrassment to being an international joke.

  • Dolmance

    This whole Presidency is like going to the Dog Meat Festival in China on Acid, except it never ends. It never, ever fucking ends.

    I’m sure the orange one jacked off on the plane, after snarling to Melenia how that French lady had nicer tits than her. I’m sure he doesn’t even shut the door. Just brings himself off with a sullen, baleful expression on his face. Ugh.

    • David Chaillou

      Acids do that, sometimes. You have to enjoy the ride, because the ride is all there is.

    • RevengeOfSmot

      Only thing Donnie Two Scoops needs for a fap session is a mirror, and some spit….

  • William

    OT, but stay tuned. Peter W. Smith, GOP operative who sought Clinton’s emails from Russian hackers, committed suicide, records showhttp://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/politics/ct-peter-smith-death-met-0713-20170713-story.html

    • amrak63

      You left out the quotation marks around “committed suicide”.

      Of course, I may be mistaken, but I wonder if Putin or one of his henchrats was afraid that Smith might spill some beans?

      • Mike Steele

        Only speculating, but how many suicide notes include “NO FOUL PLAY WHATSOEVER” in all caps, as did Mr. Smith’s farewell message? Reads suspiciously like a Trump tweet.

    • Alan

      Another Hillary murder!

    • Sophie McMillan

      Except it appears that it may have been health related. Rachel covered this last night – she was beautifully apologetic to the family that this had to become public knowledge

  • Axi-SymmetricTongueThruster

    You know what’s funny, America allows practically any kind of union, EXCEPT the Bridget and Macron kind. In America Bridget would have gone to prison and would be a registered sex offender. What’s up with that?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      what hte ever loving fuck are you talking about?

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        It’s a troll flexing its tiny wit.

        Don’t try to make sense of it. There’s no sense to be had.

  • William

    Locker room talk. Move along people, no sexual predation here.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    The pig’s idea of a compliment.

  • Vacuous Virgina

    Oui, oui!

    But enuf about tRump’s … hands, that’s it, his hands 😅

  • Alan

    “A lot of people don’t know that” translates to “what a dumb fuck I am”.

  • RevengeOfSmot

    I take solace in the fact that each time that piece of shit hops on a plane his chances of dying in a plane crash increase. Not much mind you, but the math is solid…..

  • Marla

    Why Macron did not deck the F A T orange man-child there and then remains a mystery.

    • Grizzly

      Because Macron, unlike certain other world leaders (who’s names rhyme with dump and cut-in) is a gentleman. Gentlemen do not savagely beat Alzheimer’s victims, no matter how orange or narcissistic convinced of their desirability they may be.

  • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

    I wonder how the conversation at the Macron household went after the visit from his royal anus. Could it have gone something like this?

    Si vous l’avez déjà amené ici, ce sera vous qui aura besoin d’un avocat.

    Translation: If you ever bring that pig here again it will be you who will need a lawyer.

    Please note: This was translated by google.

  • Run2Live

    “So of course Trump had to immediately fuck it all up and remind the world what a gross creep he is, by doing SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD when he shook French First Lady Brigitte Macron’s hand. They did the common French hug and kissy kiss on both cheeks, then Trump grabbed her hand WITH THE INCORRECT TINY PAW, held it in the air for a second, and then YANKED IT. You know, like normal people do.”

    In case you’re not a lip reader, here’s what Trump was whispering into First Lady Brigitte Macron’s ear:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c0ffba9da7b3beae2068510fed457c5fdf28a0718c720ae81c801ac0d3f33ae2.jpg

  • Grizzly

    Remember when we thought that the most embarrassing thing our president could do was puking on the Prime Minister of Japan? It make me sad to think back a Bush presidency as good times.

    • Hazel Blumberg

      I remember being mortified by that. But wow, puking on somebody cos you have the flu isn’t anywhere near as bad as what fake 45 does.

    • Maybe

      The only good news is that the Repubs have gotten even better at blocking any governing from getting done than they were when Obama was President. And that’s when they’re in total control of the federal government.

      Repugs are great at winning elections; awful at governing. Dems are sometimes good at governing, but lousy at winning elections.

      This is not a good thing.

      Please, progressives, liberals, Dems. Always turn out and always vote against the Repub.

  • Hazel Blumberg

    I so wish that the French First Lady had looked tr$mp right in the eye and said, “Such a pity that you are in such terrible shape. You are so fat, so ugly, so orange, so possessed by a dead thing on the top of your head, and have seven double chins. But at your age, what can one expect? Enjoy Taco Bell!”

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