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Dignity of the presidency: Restored!

Kellyanne Conway took to the Sean Hannity Propatainment program Wednesday evening to explain why it’s definitely no big deal that Donald Trump Jr. acknowledges he’d taken a meeting with a Russian government lawyer, after being told that the Russian government would like to please conspire to help his daddy win. And at the end of the “interview,” she had a clever little visual aid!

This is how I see it so far. This is to help all the people at home. What’s the conclusion? Collusion? No. We don’t have that yet. [crosses out “collusion”] I see illusion and delusion.

So just so we’re clear, everyone: four words. Collusion, no. Illusion, delusion, yes. I just thought we’d have some fun with words. A Sesame’s Grover’s word of the day, perhaps, Sean.

Because we love you and are willing to suffer on your behalf, we watched the full interview, too, so you won’t have to; in it, Conway repeated the now-standard What About Hillary And The Ukrainian Government? line, because as we all know, Ukraine hacked several states’ election systems, broke into the computers of the Republican National Committee, and unleashed an online assault of pro-Clinton trolls and botnets.

She also praised Don Jr. for his sincere, 100% transparent appearance on “Hannity” Tuesday, in which he said yeah, maybe if he had it to do over again, he might do things differently if a foreign government agent offered to help with an American election. Conway had a real zinger ready to go for that:

I think many people in last year’s election should say that they would’ve done thing differently. How about the people saying on election day Hillary Clinton had a 92 percent chance of winning Michigan? Turns out she had a zero percent chance! Many things could be done differently.

How true this is. Conspiring with a foreign government to subvert an American election is exactly the same as an inaccurate probability estimate (also, we’re not going to look it up, but we’re pretty sure no one predicted Michigan at 92%). But if we had it to do over again, we probably would have preferred a smarter electorate that wasn’t driven by the desire to kick out all the Muslims and Messicans, and that wouldn’t think Kellyanne Conway’s little “Here’s yer sign” trick was terribly clever, for instance.

Still, at least it generated some parodies:

Also, we have to say we were disappointed that people on the Twitters were reminded more of Andrew Lincoln’s creepy stalker who was supposed to be charming in Love, Actually than of Bob Dylan’s “Subterranean Homesick Blues,” which is another thing we’d change if we had it to do over again.

Oh, and Kellyanne? Mr Dylan has YOUR sign:

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[Fox News on YouTube / Cnet]

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  • BadKitty904

    I’ll wait ’til she starts using finger-puppets, thanks…

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I think she was just eager to create an internet meme, and she succeeded. Even being mocked is considered to be a win by these schmendricks.

  • SadDemInTex

    Didn’t she steal the idea from Melissa as Spicer?

    • irishdave3

      Are Jim and the Spice Boy on vacay in Gay Paree?

  • Joe Beese
    • Joe Beese

      Reminder: Cruzcare has been as popular among Republican Senators as its author.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        So, if someone murdered it in the Senate and there were a hundred witnesses, nobody would vote to convict the murderer?

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        It’s not even popular among INSURANCE COMPANIES, who pre-ACA, drafted shitty no-coverage policies in the first place.

    • Joe Beese
      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        It might ultimately INCREASE that number.

    • BigCSouthside

      They need to just sack up and repeal with no replacement. Let’s stop pretending like they actually want people to be insured

      • Celtic_Gnome

        They don’t care if people are insured. They just want the money to fund the big tax cut.

  • memzilla Ω
    • BadKitty904

      Trump Claims the Sun Was in His Eyes, His Shoe Was Untied, the Mexicans Ate His Homework

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Alt-caption: Worst cover of I’m a little bit country. Ever.

      • armed_bears

        Win!

      • arglebargle

        My Endless Love?

      • Calipha Ornia

        “You’re the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin’ ”

        – Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty

      • Whale Chowder

        Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw?

  • schmannity

    Since most Trump voters order off the picture menu, I’m not sure multiple syllable words is the way to go.

    • BadKitty904

      Semaphore is right out, too.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Interpretive dance was a dud also too.

        • BadKitty904

          What’s left? Hula?

          • Gayer Than Thou

            If I had a dime for every time I’ve said that…

      • amrak63

        As is “5”.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      So that’s why they always settle for an order of lard-fried dough and Mountain Dew?

      • schmannity

        a/k/a Thursday special

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Mmm! Breakfast!

  • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

    Twitty Conway is truly a world class idiot.

    You like potato and I like potahto
    You like tomato and I like tomahto
    Potato, potahto, Tomato, tomahto.
    Let’s call the whole thing off

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZ3fjQa5Hls

  • Wild Cat

    To think—if she put an black man on one card and a tree and noose on the other card, she’d ensure a GOP landslide for the next 20 years.

    Things ain’t lookin’ too bright.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    When I look at that sign I see she tried to cross out the collusion but was not able to do a very good job.

    • doktorzoom

      Bravo!

  • BadKitty904
    • Joe Beese

      What, she should give up show business?

    • Flashman

      Which she then eats.

      • irishdave3

        Because we are what we ….She eats Zoo Doo

  • doktorzoom

    Broken video embed is fixed!

  • La forza del resistino

    Hope she at least changed the toner cartridge (that we paid for) when she was done.

  • BigCSouthside

    Is she a true believer or does she know she’s a ridiculous scumbag and doesn’t care?

    • SadDemInTex

      I vote scumbag

    • BadKitty904

      As long as her paycheck clears, either or both will do.

    • MamaBrown

      This sounds like one of those fun cocktail party conversation starters. Kellyanne, groveling sycophant or crass opportunist? Discuss

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      All together now:

      WHY NOT BOTH?

    • jesterpunk

      She will do anything for a pay check.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Funny, if it wasn’t because The Government has to pay salaries, she’d totally be getting short-paid by Trump.

      • irishdave3

        I believe she doesn’t take checks, just put the CASH on the dresser.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      She was happy to trash Trump for cash before she was hired to praise him, so she clearly doesn’t care.

    • Augustus

      She knows what she’s doing, which is more evil.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Kellyanne is the one they trot out when it’s an utterly indefensible position. She’s always willing to make the suicide charge.

    • BadKitty904

      What has she got to lose?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Lord Cardigan could’ve used her at the Battle of Balaclava. And we wouldn’t have her useless ass to kick around anymore. Win/win.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        She’d have been there if not for the wounds sustained at the Bowling Green Massacre.

        • irishdave3

          I blame the Veterans Administration since she was on the waiting list for a real long time to get her wounds treated. Traumatic Brain Injury some say….

      • Querolous

        Someone had blundered.
        Hers not to make reply,
        Hers not to reason why,
        Hers but to lie and lie.

        • irishdave3

          I was a-thinkin that was doo doo or lie?

    • BigCSouthside

      She’s the mujahideen of idiocy

    • MamaBrown

      Right? Forward the Light Brigade!

      • irishdave3

        Riding her Wah Hobby Horse into the Lobby!

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      She gulps when she’s getting ready to tell a huge whopper. It’s hilarious.

  • goonemeritus

    I look forward to Kellyanne holding a boombox over her head outside Trump’s window when the nation finally breaks up with the Donald.

  • memzilla Ω
  • ariel_gee_398
  • Belasaurius

    ugh a voice like a thousand nails being dragged across a thousand chalkboards. And Trump’s pathetic lapdogs yuck it up as their healthcare and retirement slowly disappear.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “Take THAT, libtards!”

      • amrak63

        They say that as they shoot themselves in both feet.

        Repeatedly.

        And then they blame “libtards” because their feet hurt.

  • ManchuCandidate

    She is the Devil Inside (the White House) and is a Suicide Blond, but she does not give anyone a New Sensation or what you need.

    INXS never did a song called Covfefe though.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Ain’t that a Kick? She Mystifies me.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Sheep dogs participating in a conspiracy is Collieusion.
    An extreme testicular collision is a ballfusion.
    Nuclear scientist corruption is Collfusion.
    A telephone company merger is Callfusion.

    With apologies to Tim Kazurinsky

    • Angry Red Bird DGAF

      Covefefusion?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        That’s a tweet in a conspiracy with a ministroke…

        • amrak63

          No, it’s Colonel Mustard with the Rope in the Library.

  • rosenbomb

    It is both remarkable and pathetic how obsessed this administration is with Hillz. She is NO THREAT to you people! Obama didn’t carry on about McCain and Romney 8 months after the election! STFU about Hillary!

    • BigCSouthside

      This whole thing is rooted in irrational hatred of Hillary and Obama.

      • rosenbomb

        Yeah– both of which are rooted in misogyny and racism, respectively. Powerful women and powerful PoC really get to them.

        • BigCSouthside

          Every last thing trump does is to get back at obama. We have a fascist racist president because a black guy hurt his fee fees once

          • rosenbomb

            I can’t even look at pictures of Obama now without wanting to cry. I miss him so much.

          • BigCSouthside

            It’s a shame what these people are doing to him. out of spite and nothing more

          • amrak63

            And Tsar Putin realized he could take advantage of that fact, and of the millions of “morans” who shared Covfefe’s hatred of blacks and “uppity” women.

      • Buzz1313

        Exactly. They’ll believe any among the of unsourced/ made up bullshit about Obama being born in Kenya or Hillary murdering someone but when Trump’s own offspring produces emails proving he attempted to collide with Russian agents, they’re calling it nothing? Republicans are the walking definition of willfully ignorant.

        • irishdave3

          Front row seats at the Trump of the Will Fully Ignorant Rally cost the big bucks.

    • BadKitty904

      I think they’re finding out that fewer and fewer people – outside the GOP Death Cult – really care. They flogged that horse to death long ago and are going to have to come up with some new lies to blame their ongoing failures on.

      • rosenbomb

        Definitely deflection going on…if their base actually paid attention to the policies the GOP enacts and how they don’t benefit them, they might vote otherwise. But if they’re told it’s Hillary’s fault, they’ll vote Republican.

    • Michael Smith

      When your entire appeal is based on defending America from the traitorous liberals, you need to keep reminding voters why they need you.

      • rosenbomb

        Yes. It’s easier to place blame on others to keep the base happy, because if they realized how much the GOP screws them, they wouldn’t be valuable votes.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      If this popularity-obsessed Orange shitwit had any sense, he’d realize there’s 3 million more potential fans out there. Hillary poses no threat — other than to his fragile paper-thin ego — so why not at least give some grudging respect, at this point?

      This is why it’s obvious he didn’t really win, without the help of Russian crutches. He displays zero leadership qualities. No instinct for gaining consensus. He doesn’t even bother to appeal to anyone but his weirdly still-bitter sore-loser dead-enders.

      All negative three million of them. Oh wait, that number was at election time, and gee, since then, his disapproval rating has only grown. That side of the ledger is shrinkng, and shitwit has no innate sense of how to reverse it. He is no leader.

      Yeah, shitwit, keep up the one-note song, because you’re too vindictive and petty to move on. That’s totally the secret to future political success!

  • Joe Beese
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Well that certainly should put Trump’s mind at ease!

    • ManchuCandidate

      Mommies Deniest: NO MORE RUSSIA/TRUMP!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Fuckin’ ignernt twunts!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Thank you, suburban white women! Like you haven’t already caused enough fucking carnage.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        But but but! One of them is black! Maybe you didn’t notice because, by weird coincidence, she’s sitting in the back row, farthest from the interviewer.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          That’s Matlock edgy!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “I’m no fuckin’ Rosa Parks!”

          • Stulexington

            Good, cause that would be really gross and also too probably illegal.

      • Angry Red Bird DGAF

        53%

    • Maclare 🍦🍦

      Not a pantsuit among them!

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Nor pants.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Wait. Isn’t that our demographic?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Thirty Helens do NOT agree.

    • BadKitty904

      Oh, well, in that case, everything’s OK!

    • Spurning Beer

      The next segment will be Trump administration officials talking about how they do not care about moms.

    • BigCSouthside

      My first question: ” how many of you voted for trump because your husband did?”

      • BadKitty904

        My second question: “How many of you voted?”

        • BigCSouthside

          Third question “tell me what life is like in Stepford”

    • ariel_gee_398

      Totally random group of women who just happened to be wearing color-coordinated dresses to show off their gams. This must be Roger Ailes’ first miracle on the way to sainthood.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Some day, women on Fox News will smash the glass coffetable interview ceiling.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        Seems like you can get him out the building but there ain’t enough febreeze on the planet to remove the stench from the offices

    • Reximus

      are those real blah wimmenz? or photoshop?

    • Sadly, sixes at best.

      • irishdave3

        so “going down” the line it’s 6, 6 6 and such as that?

    • jesterpunk

      Is that Fox News newest panel? They are all dressed in Fox anchor outfits.

    • BadKitty904
    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Not a mom-pants wearing Obama in the bunch.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      This manages to be gross on so many levels.

      • rosenbomb

        Moms in minidresses

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Mothers
          I’d
          Like to
          deFenestrate

          • chimichanga

            and that’s putting it MILDly

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          Mike Pence is appalled. Some of them even have bared arms!

          • starfanglednut

            Their right to bare arms shall not be infringed.

          • irishdave3

            Of course the fringe would cover their bare arms and modesty would be restored!

          • rosenbomb

            And where are their husbands?!?

          • irishdave3

            The Moms don’t have no right to Bare Arms…Holy Amendment is a boys only deal.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Seven out of seven choosy mothers choose Grift.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      BS. Those are the gals from the secretarial pool.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Of course they are.

      • irishdave3

        The shallow end of that pool.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Still can’t figure out who the fox is.

    • Ricky Gay

      Rowan and Martin’s Laugh In has not aged well. :(

      • Antonin Dvorak

        You bet your bippy.

        • Ricky Gay

          Veddy interesting (not)

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I had to look that up….
        ….in my Funk & Wagnall’s.

      • Mystery_Poster

        I’ve been watching old Laugh In episodes. Funny hearing about the president’s relationship with the press, abortion access, gay rights and outrageous prescription drug prices.

        • Ricky Gay

          Sock it, TO ME?

    • MynameisBlarney

      I’m sorry, but I just can’t fap to that.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Try closing your eyes and think of supple democrats in power.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Mmmm….

          Supple Democrats in Power….

          That should be a band name.

    • starfanglednut

      Were they all ordered to wear a dress that shows some leg?

    • UnsaltedSinner

      “But what do women who have given birth think about this?”

      • irishdave3

        Soccer her up Moms!

    • Stulexington

      We randomly selected from our viewers 7 people to answer these questions because we no statistics good.

    • Michael Smith

      What do they call that? Appeal to popularity?

      Real Americans don’t care about the Russia story. Therefore, if you care about the Russia story, you are not a Real American.

    • Buzz1313

      It’ll be news when they have a panel of moms who DO care about the Russia scandal.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      I always base all my opinions on what seven random moms that aren’t my own mom think of things.

      Wait, this is not about Jif peanut butter?! It’s about not giving a fuck about colluding with Russian Commies??

      Fuck that noise. Go home moms, you’re drunk.

      • irishdave3

        Drunk on Russian Trump Vodka I expert guest.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    I remember her interview on Rachel during the election, when she was supposedly giving the Trimp campaign legitimacy.

  • ariel_gee_398

    I’ll give her this – she understand rhyme better than Mint Chip.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Yes but does she have a friend with a “kick ass truck?”

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Someone should tell that poor white supremacist rapper boy that “Mint Chip” sounds a lot like a drag name.

      • armed_bears

        Second-line dancer in “Thunder from Down Under’.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      It would’ve gone better with a goofy top hat and a giant alarm clock hanging from gold rope around her neck.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Two more original items for Ivanka’s accessories line.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Yeah, boyeeeee!

    • armed_bears

      Great shout-out to a previous day, but it’s no vegan butthole.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        It’s a butthole that rolls coal.

      • starfanglednut

        Does not merit any cakes we like. Canned clams, on the other hand…

        • armed_bears

          Mmmmm… cake.

  • Joe Beese

    When I was a very young man, I thought my whole life might be different if I had hair like Michael Hutchence.

    Of course, the person who really did have hair like Michael Hutchence came to a sad end, so now I know better.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      PBUH.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • WotsAllThisThen

      You mean this is what he’s like in a good mood this whole time?

    • Lance Thrustwell
      • HooverVilles

        Brings back good memories! Yea!

      • amrak63

        “Obamacare? Oh, I’m going to blow it up. It obstructs my view of Venus.”

        • amrak63

          Or on this site, his view of Vegananus.

    • BadKitty904

      And anyone would care if this traitorous moron is “angry” because…?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Nuclear football?

        • BadKitty904

          Like he could remember the codes. ‘Sides, the Joint Chiefs gave him a toaster and told him it was the “nuclear football”.

          • amrak63

            Ascended Madoka grant that you be correct.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Mitch McConnell: oo, now I’m scared.

    • Proud Liberal
      • Stulexington

        Except Lewis Black is actually effective when he’s angry. Trump just spouts off something on twitter and then tries to break something from Obama’s legacy.

    • Mystery_Poster

      Maybe he’ll turn into the incredible hulk. Remember, “don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

  • La forza del resistino

    KAC musta labored hours choosing these words thinking maybe alternate ones were better.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Here’s a word for you, Kellyanne.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEkjLahAsv4

  • BadKitty904
    • Lance Thrustwell

      I’m sorry, I know it’s mean, but “Sewer Rat Barbie” is the funniest description of KAC I’ve ever read.

      • BadKitty904

        It is mean. And she’s earned it.

        • Augustus

          One of the truly tragic things about all this is that we Lefties, for the most part, are kind, loving, and gentle souls who want everyone to get along. They are forcing us to be mean through their brazenly duplicitous narrative and cowardly, avaricious, and frankly evil policies that hurt the poorest and most vulnerable among us. They have certainly earned our ire.

          • BadKitty904

            I’ve actually thought a great deal about this. I am not a hateful, vindictive person nor was I raised to be. Yet the current Republican dictatorship and its crimes against America have inspired genuine hatred in me.

            That’s not who I am and it’s one more example of the damage they are doing to our nation.

          • amrak63

            Me too, but I merely despise Covfefe and the GOP.

            My true hatred is reserved for their master, Putin.

          • irishdave3

            Don’t you have to retire to get your IRE?

        • Paul

          And then some!!1!1!!

  • Proud Liberal

    There won’t be a conclusion until a full investigation is complete.

    There was collusion.

    There is no illusion, only KellyAnne’s delusion.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Get those visual aids to Mueller’s investigative teams. That’ll close the case.

    • BadKitty904

      I hope she pulls that stunt in court when she’s on trial.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Kellyanne, please gain 30 pounds and start sleeping regularly, I’m worried about you.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Too late for her–nothing left inside that can grow a seed of good.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Bub, the truculent Zombie

      “I need some TP for my bunghole!”

    • PubOption

      Huh-huh, huh-huh-huh, huh-huh.

    • Paul

      Oh fucking FSM. No food now for at least 8 hours.

      Go to your room.

  • azeyote

    collusion is the conclusion –

    • Proud Liberal

      Bingo.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      And she can’t hide it with a magic marker.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Kellyanne, when you were told, “I’d rather lose than win the way you did” this is what she was talking about.

  • rosenbomb

    Sort of related, this is a delightful article about Love, Actually by Lindy West. It makes me laugh every time.

    http://jezebel.com/i-rewatched-love-actually-and-am-here-to-ruin-it-for-al-1485136388

    • Gayer Than Thou

      OK, that was brilliant, though I will go on loving Love, Actually for when I need two hours to feel sorry for myself.

      • rosenbomb

        Romantic movies are my guilty pleasure. Except, not all that guilty..I own it.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    It’s funnier in the original Russian.

    • OutOfOrbit

      You seen to know a lot about Russian.

      *Side eyes.*

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Joe Beese

      All too easy.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Impressive.

  • jesterpunk
  • Mystery_Poster

    This is gonna keep the comedians busy for quite some time.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      See? Jerb creation!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Oh that’s good.

    • Stulexington

      It’s not high treason, he’s representing the middle class. It was Middle Treason at best, hardly anything to be concerned about, why are we still talking about this and not that squirrel over there?

      • amrak63

        Da, concentrate on squirrel! And moose!

        • Naytch

          Not again… This trick never works!

    • chazmanr

      Brilliant!

  • Michael Smith

    The pump don’t work cuz the vandals took the handle

    • Bub, the truculent Zombie

      You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

      • amrak63

        You don’t need a weatherman to know the GOP blows.

  • BigCSouthside

    At this point I just imagine Hillary at home, not even bothering with wine glasses anymore, drinking merlot from the bottle at 7 in the morning muttering “un-fucking-believable” every five minutes.

    • starfanglednut

      I feel so bad for her. I take comfort in the fact that she’s tougher than all of us put together.

    • sadboy

      That would be me, actually, if it weren’t for the day job.

    • amrak63

      Actually, I suspect she’s enjoying this.

      http://i.imgur.com/0oJm5zV.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Here we have two pictures of happy, happy trees…and a fucking liar.” ___ Bob Ross

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DEnhL6gXsAENJKE.jpg

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      I REALLY like this one.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
  • Reximus
  • HooverVilles

    Not Kellyanne Conway, but Trump.

    Donald reportedly said this, “I’ll be very angry if health bill fails.”

    Behind the scene: Stomp stomp whine, I want something to brag about, stomp stomp whine – DJT

  • BadKitty904
  • Well, KellyAnne’s a dumbass
    Talk to her? Hard pass
    Junior somewhere messing
    Spilled the Russian dressing
    Betsy DeVos
    Helping Roosh V floss
    Pence avoiding ladies
    Biding time ’til he can be boss
    Look out, Trump
    you sentient dump
    for alt-right cheaters
    (ironically) swamp creatures
    So bad at this, oh hell
    Go back to runnin’ hotels
    Views women as pumps
    and grabs them by the handles!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    “We have done more in five months than practically any president in history. There’s not a thing that we’re not doing well in. The White House is functioning beautifully, despite the hoax made up by the Democrats”.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      And we thought the idea of the Big Lie was just a cautionary tale from history books.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        That’s more than a Big Lie. That’s an untruth so huge and blatant that it might actually trigger a vacuum metastability event and erase the universe.

    • BadKitty904
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Are you quoting anyone in particular? Or auditioning for Trump’s twitter feed?

      • proudgrampa

        Some talking head being interviewed on MSNBC, I think.

  • AndyC316

    For some reason, I’m so incredibly offended by this and I don’t know why.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      They’re treating governance of our country as a big joke.

      • BadKitty904

        And Americans like ignorant children. Or Republican voters.

        • amrak63

          But you repeat yourself.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      The closest analogy I can think of would be trying desperately to communicate to someone who holds the keys to your group’s survival – like, someone in a sealed engine room who is ignoring a vital meter – and they are actively mocking your attempts to convey the danger that everyone is in. It’s that level of frustration for me.

  • starfanglednut

    Speaking of flat-out lies:

    https://mobile.nytimes.com/comments

  • Reximus

    The 5 D’s of “conservative” espionage denial: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge!

    • BigCSouthside

      If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge impeachment for high treason

    • Stulexington

      I’m guessing the first dodge is the move to get out of the way and the second Dodge means get in a car and drive away really fast?

      • Querolous

        Get the Dodge the hell out of Dodge!

    • If only they had someone as competent as Patches O’Houlihan to teach them how to handle this.

      • Reximus

        all they got is Seb Gorka instead

        • BigCSouthside

          That fuckin guy. He’s like a Bond villain but one of the really cheesy ones

  • Michael R
  • Joe Beese

    The president’s suggestion that he is not current absorbing all that much TV these days contradicts what several White House sources have noted about Trump’s regular television consumption habits: Mainly, that ever since taking office, the 45th president of the United States spends way too much time watching cable news—Fox News, naturally, being a favored, and friendly, network—and obsessing over coverage and media personalities.

    Officials reached by The Daily Beast spoke on the condition of anonymity because they were not cleared to discuss the president’s TV hate-watching habits, or internal West Wing strife.

    As other news outlets have noted as well, President Trump has a tendency to also yell at his TV screens in the White House, and scowl and angrily comment as he watches news segments he finds disagreeable.

    This is especially true with Trump-Russia stories. When asked if the president was still hissing at the TV this week over the televised Trump Jr. coverage, one White House official confirmed that the president was still taking out his Russia-related frustrations on an inanimate object while bitterly watching the news.

    “Yes,” the aide replied. “Very much…Growling.”

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/team-trump-hunts-for-traitors-while-the-president-growls-at-the-tv

    If our fondest wishes come true and Trump is forced out, Mike Pence is going to seem like Churchill by comparison.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Pence has a dimwitted plan to attack Russia?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        It’s not really his plan. He got it from reading Jack Chick pamphlets.

    • Buzz1313

      I want to get on Trump’s Twitter feed and start saying “Pence for President”

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Our species has perhaps another 50-100 years of reasonably inhabitable environment left on this planet. I’ll take my joys where I can find them – and Donald Trump growling and hurling crockery in frustration manages to bring a smile to my withered lips.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Who could have imagined that someone who’s never seen ‘Citizen Kane’ would be so good at recreating scenes from it?

        • irishdave3

          Ws that the one with the Fake Rosebud?

    • Paul

      Pence might go with him. Then we need dems to get the majority back in 2018.

      No Trump. No Pence. Pelosi will be Speaker of the house. Greetings Madame President.

  • Chyron HR

    Ha ha stupid Dylan, you misspelled “Brony”.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    This Trump in France coverage is mesmerizing.

    There he is shuffling around!
    There he is in a car!
    There he is getting out of a car!
    There he is going into a building!
    There he is coming out of a building!

    • Beowoof14

      Well we are looking to see if Trump can find the car, can he find the building, did he shit is pants again.

      • irishdave3

        Wee Wee!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Still hoping the French can get him to put his head into that absolutely safe, non-functioning, for-historical-purposes only guillotine for Bastille Day.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      He’s touring the facility and picking up slack!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Kellyanne went home for the day….but is on call.

    https://media.tenor.com/images/52278e62e6ee384302352c3a8c215742/tenor.gif

  • Joe Beese

    A clearly exasperated White House staffer told Yahoo News they believe the continued attacks on the Clintons are an effort to satisfy Trump, who has infamously remained fixated on his election victory. The staffer suggested this focus on the Clintons is leading to statements that don’t address the issues at hand and therefore prevent the discussion from moving on.

    The staffer’s take: “The Clinton stuff is purely done to appease Trump. It’s the equivalent of giving a sick, screaming baby whiskey instead of taking them to the doctor and actually solving the problem.”

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/even-white-house-frustrated-stonewalling-donald-jr-s-meeting-232113089.html

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “I have a job helping a psychopath destroy my own country. Hey, don’t harsh on me, brah, it’s a paycheck.”

    • Oh! So THAT’S what’s in the new health care bill that turtle man wants to get passed in August.

  • Buzz1313

    Why is the Republican answer to ANYTHING regarding TrumpRussia “Hillary lost! Get over it”. We’re talking collusion with the enemy, not sour grapes! What the fuck is with these yahoos?!

    • BadKitty904

      Because they’re trying to avoid going to prison for their crimes?

    • Bub, the truculent Zombie

      They have nothing else. Besides, thanks to the MSM, it worked before.

  • Zonath

    “How about the people saying on election day Hillary Clinton had a 92 percent chance of winning Michigan? Turns out she had a zero percent chance! Many things could be done differently.”

    Goddamnit, Kellyanne, that just isn’t how probabilities work, you stupid bint. Look, if I flip a coin, and it lands heads up, does that mean that there was no chance that the coin would have landed tails up?

    Maybe ask someone in the administration with a rudimentary grasp on math or even reality to give you some remedial instruction…

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Uhh . . .

    • proudgrampa

      I was told there would be no math…

      • irishdave3

        Will it be on the test?

    • TJ Barke

      Who in this admin knows anything about math?

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Speaking of the people with the best words…

    https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/885508926065782784

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Hairstrike Alpha

      If you were to run your head into a wall full speed and then babble into a tape recorder immediately afterwards you’d make more sense then Trump.

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie

    Honestly, these people make the task of mocking them too goddamn easy. I sometimes feel like a high school bully taking the lunch money from a science nerd wearing thick glasses and orthopedic shoes.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Professor Fate

    Didn’t anybody tell her that this was going to happen? This sort of thing has ten foot pole marks all over it.
    On a side note it would seem serving evil is not good for her, she seems to wasting away from the inside.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I’ve made this effete literary gag before, but it’s like she’s Dorian Gray in reverse.

      • proudgrampa

        Great minds, etc…

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Oops, guess I missed yr comment there, PG.

          • proudgrampa

            No, I think we hit the button at the same time, kiddo.

    • proudgrampa

      I know, right? It’s like she’s got a Dorian Grey thing going on…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Michael R
    • Bub, the truculent Zombie

      “As a special honour, President Trump, We would like you to ride in the back of this cart. It is called a tumbril. Many of our most famous nobles have ridden in these.”

  • BMW
  • Proud Liberal

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/268e2fe33ef34965e2be355629cfadbd096c059bfd54c3655e9a440bff82effd.gif

    These are Kellyanne’s tactics. She thinks she’s getting away with it.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Proud Liberal

      Bannon’s too fat to do Meth. More like heroin. Kellyanne is the meth user.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • MynameisBlarney
    • BigCSouthside

      He’d win.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      The writer of the article sez “Let’s face it, the guy would start with pretty close to 100% of the straight white male vote.” I happen to be a member of that minority, and I’m actually a little offended!

      Even though in many parts of Michigan, he might be, um {looks down, mumbles} right.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I wouldn’t vote for him based on his shitty fucking music alone.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Keith Taylor

    And the chalice from the palace has the pellet with the poison …

    • Carpe Vagenda

      but! the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJ9f2rnjB84

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Haha! Great scene. Every time I watch that scene I wonder how many takes it took to get it right with straight faces.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          Given the stars involved, I’m going to say one.

  • Mystery_Poster

    Someone needs to teach poor, dumb KC about Power Point. We have more professional looking presentations than holding up signs these days.

    • Proud Liberal

      Well, if she were a normal person, she wouldn’t have done this at all.

  • Crystalclear12

    She thinks Trump supporters can read!?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      It was in really big letters. (That’s the equivalent of shouting at people who don’t understand spoken English.)

    • Manhattan123

      That was for an audience of one: Trump. Staffers know they can communicate with him easier through his favorite Fox shows. The guy who the director of national Intelligence said likes to get his briefings in easily digestible charts and graphs and not those pesky single-spaced dense documents Obama the show-off preferred.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    Malibu Stacy Kellyanne Conway: Don’t ask me, I’m just a girl. [giggles]

  • TJ Barke

    Hope you got hazard pay for watching that vid…

  • Manhattan123

    Did she really not see this was going to happen? The combined IQ of this administration’s brain trust must be approaching double digits.

    • TJ Barke

      Negative?

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I think maybe they are all surrounded by sycophants all the time, and they never get out and meet real people, therefore they think we are all stupid sycophants who will just believe whatever they say and do what we are told to do. They obviously think they are smarter than everyone else, which is a big mistake to make when you are actually not that smart.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Literally Kellyanne Conway’s professional specialty is selling politicians who think rape is unimportant and/or funny to Republican women. I think stupid is background noise for her at this point.

    • tomamitai

      Considering the profusion of delusion in this administration, I think their combined IQ is best expressed as √−1.

      • clubseal

        i libels!!11!

    • Marceline

      This is the kind of middle school bullshit their base loves. That’s the only people they care about.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Aren’t you generous?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Is she trying to get Kate McKinnon to parody her again on SNL?

    • SeeTrain65

      All the better.

    • BMW

      Fortunately for her, this is their off season. By September, 1,000,000 more dumb things will have happened.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      This is the kind of sketch the writers LOVE doing.

  • ken_kukec

    KaC’s on the pavement lyin’ ’bout the government.

    Enough to send anyone to the basement to mix up some medicine.

  • Blanche Beecham

    I can’t think of anything that rhymes with idiot.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      shitty-ot?

      Oranges, porganes, who said…

  • Carpe Vagenda

    It just seems weird after all the fuss about Mika’s had-work-or-not (which everyone in Trump’s family, including Trump, has, extensively) that Kellyanne appears to have had so much botox injected into her forehead that she can’t open her eyes all the way.

    • PubOption

      Repubs never seemed to notice Laura Bush’s frozen face, either.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Or that Donald Trump, a man who sells himself as a total cocksman, is horrified by female bodily fluids. So apparently there are none involved in his sex life.

        • 451 Byrnes

          I just threw up in my mouth a little…Well, a lot.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Angela Ruzzo

    I read that Kellyanne is being paid $180,000 a year to work in the White House. I sure would like to see her job description and her daily schedule because she certainly hasn’t done anything to justify being paid that much. What exactly does she do all day long, I wonder?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I really think her day depends on fully charged batteries.

    • chickadee

      Only $180k? I know 25 year old entry level tech workers who make more than that. She must really love him after all!

  • BMW
  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “How about the people saying on election day Hillary Clinton had a 92 percent chance of winning Michigan? Turns out she had a zero percent chance!”

    THAT’S NOT HOW PROBABILITY WORKS!

    • CafeenMan

      Have you met a Republican yet who knows how to do any math besides counting money?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Well, if she’s bright enough to be tacitly admitting that they Russkie-rigged it, then her statement is technically correct.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    gotta give ’em credit – at least all those words on them dere signs were spelled correctly.

    (ELITISTS!!)

    I heard the clip – what a bunch of smug condescending B.S. – and people think liberals are smugs.

    Ugh, FUCK these people.

  • Edith Prickly

    The White House barrel of stupid is bottomless.

  • SeeTrain65

    “Conway’s is the basement mixin’ up the medicine …”

  • OneYieldRegular

    Has anyone thought to get Kellyanne Conway some professional clinical help? Because if ever there was a cry for some…

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • CountryClubJihadi
  • Me not sure
  • D0ngR

    Now we know why she’s been out of the spotlight. Looks like she had her eyes done.

    • Anna Rompage

      That, or it’s just the swelling caused by drinking so much…

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Illusion Delusion is my favorite Guns ‘n’ Roses album.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Vol. 1 or 2?

  • BMW
  • Jus_Wonderin
  • Paperless Tiger

    Lies and More Lies, that’s all she wrote.

  • Machnethylsteinerbincolabird
    • Opalescent Riddles

      Ah, OK, I should have scrolled down before I linked the same thing.

    • Serai 1

      WIN.

    • KenTFM

      No more calls people, we have a WINNER!!

    • Run2Live

      You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

      Oh, And watch your pawking metawrs.

  • ThatDale
    • C4TWOMAN

      Imma downloading this one to make a blank template. Thx!

  • clubseal

    Mmmmm, delicious They Live reference.

  • SeeTrain65
  • PixieThis

    I used to love flash cards as a study aid, but now, not so much.

  • SeeTrain65
  • SeeTrain65
  • SeeTrain65
  • The Librarian

    I am glad KaC took the time to show us her card trick. The parodies it inspired have been quite tasty.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    I understand her confusion. She’s under the illusion that by attempting occlusion with this childish intrusion, as she has already done with profusion, his viewers will come to the conclusion that there was no collusion. But she’s under a delusion, and clearly has suffered a contusion. Before she suffers from disillusion, she should perform an elusion and go into seclusion.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      That’s pretty good! I toast you with a glass of herbal infusion.

      • Willert

        and white Rus-ians

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Actually, the Russian white tea is quite yummy!

    • C4TWOMAN

      If only there was an allusion of an intelligence transfusion…

      • whitroth

        I think they’ve all drunk the intelligence dilution potion… or maybe it was the dunce potion.

        Or it could have been simple brain transplants, with Abby.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Let me bear your children.

      • amrak63

        Unicorn-pony hybrids! SQUEEEEE *klunk*

    • John Frum

      One million upvotes

    • Serai 1

      Pity her mother wasn’t malthusian.

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      So you mean she’s cruisin’ for a bruisin’ (with votes)?

    • Doug Langley

      Are you trying to shun us?

    • Burma shave.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Is this what passes off as wit among republicans ?

    • John Frum

      Kellyanne Conway is too witty by half.

      • Serai 1

        Yeah, but which half?

      • Bitter Scribe

        Does that make her a half-wit?

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Half vast.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Some people think of Kellyanne Conway as half-empty.
            Others think of her as full of shit.

  • Um…the “Photograph” video really didn’t need a sequel, KellyAnne.*

    https://g.co/kgs/3rjeyB

    *But maybe she can finally figure out what’s on Joey Trump’s head.

  • JD Mulvey

    There’s only one person who has to like Kellyanne’s performances, and he says he doesn’t watch much tv.

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      he says….

  • HogeyeGrex
  • Edith Prickly

    Seems appropriate:

    https://youtu.be/Vnj5FnuwtLE

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      best pop band of the 80’s-90’s

      • Serai 1

        My sister was a teenager in their heyday, and she used to go to all their gigs in L.A. and try to get right up to the edge of the stage. Hutchence threw her a bracelet once, and she wore it for years. (He used to wear these thin metallic bracelets during the concerts and then toss them out to the audience.)

        • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

          i only saw them once, on their first US tour opening for Adam Ant, of all acts…i was in an up-coming pop band at the time and we would score tix from radio stations sometimes, and we scored these at the last minute, not even knowing who INXS really was yet, as they were just starting to get radio play (back when that mattered)…INXS big opening-ed, and out slithers M Hutchence in an all black leather outfit that looked like the same one Elvis wore on his 1968 comeback Tv show…imagine those moves in the above video in black leather…we were like, awww, sexxxxaay who is this fuuukeeeng guy?….moves like jagger, only more graceful and sexy—we were instant fans, they were tight and funky as hell

          and believe it or not, Adam Ant was just as good or better, (the ‘dont drink, dont smoke’ tour) with a tight, crackin band, and Adam Ant as one of the most charming, sexy, and entertaining front men this side of Freddie Mercury

          • Serai 1

            Those moves in the video ARE in black leather. Regardless, he’s a mountain of Yum, and one of the great tragedies of rock, in my opinion. Who knows where he could have gone?

            And excuse me, but I LOVE Adam Ant. Saw him here in L.A. at a club, and near died from Teh Sexxxeh. (Guess who was opening for him then? The fucking BOOMTOWN RATS. Adam got all the great opening bands, I swear.)

          • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

            actually, yeah, now that you mention it, that’s what he was wearing when i saw them…evidently he was really digging on the black leather–ohhhyeaaahhh…and def a real tragedy

            adam ant was great…as entertaining and sexy as freddie m or michael hutchence

          • Serai 1

            First time I saw him, he was dressed as The Highwayman. And that was, as they say, All She Wrote.

      • Bitter Scribe

        More hooks than a fishing supplies store.

      • amrak63

        One of the best, anyway.

        Anyone else think that guitar riff near the end sounds like the son of the riff from CCR’s “Born on the Bayou”?

        • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

          sort of–‘bayou’ is an E7 chord, where the ‘blonde’ riff is just back&forth E-B-D without the G# that gives it the bluesy tension of a 7chord…but yeah, close enough

          • amrak63

            I’ll take your word for that, as I have never studied music beyond my “Music Appreciation” course in college–which did introduce me to some fine classical compositions. ^_^

  • Serai 1

    His name was Micheal Hutchence, and Missy Gollum only WISHES she were as cool:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1FPlLV_BmI

    • Marceline

      I was just about to post the same thing. I LOVED INXS. I saw them in concert a couple of months before he died. They put on a great show but it was pretty apparent to me that he was struggling with substance abuse. To this day I can’t recall seeing someone drink so much on stage during a concert. One red solo cup after another of red wine.

      • Serai 1

        Not surprising, given the shitstorm he was dealing with. I will NEVER forgive Bob Geldof. EVER.

    • everstar

      I have rarely laughed so hard as I did when I learned the Train song “Hey, Soul Sister” was supposed to be in the style of INXS.

      • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

        i could have gone the rest of life without knowing that…i liked train (up until ‘soul sister’…the shark-jump)…what a feeble attempt

        • everstar

          “You were trying to emulate [INXS], one of the sexiest bands of all time, and instead you wrote ‘Hey, Soul Sister.’ … My God! That’s like if you tried to make scrambled eggs and instead you caught syphilis!”

          https://youtu.be/pTmDgqNhxJI?t=7m53s

          • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

            bwaaaaaahahahahaaaa…this is hilarious—‘natalie merchant a mistake’…’howie mandel on mandolin’ (i always thought he looked like howie, too hahaaa)…yeah, train shoulda stopped at ‘angels’ and ‘drops of jupiter’, which is a really good piece of song and lyric writing, so i dunno how monahan went from that to this…i saw train early 2000’s, and they were pretty good, but that was before this abomination…speaking of abominations, hootie and the blowfish…darius rucker…ugh…the culmination of all that was the reagan/bush/clinton yrs…the hootie drummer dropped in on us one night at the top of their run and played a couple songs with us, and mygawd…sheesh…i’ll cut him slack and say he was 3/4 thru a tour and tired/stoned/whatever…but We Played His Band’s Songs, fercryinoutloud….yes, there is much pop music that deserves to just fade into the ether and never be heard again…INXS aint any o that

          • Zyxomma

            I’ve never heard Train (to my knowledge), and couldn’t get the video to play. Guess I’m lucky.

  • mardam422

    No illusion
    It’s her delusion
    The only conclusion
    is Trump’s collusion

    Ball of confusion!!!
    That’s what this administration is.

  • Iam Reading

    Kellyanne, you silly propagandist and serial liar, your audience (trump supporters) can’t read!

    • kaydenpat

      LOL!!

  • Opalescent Riddles

    OK, let’s do this one:
    https://youtu.be/JUQDzj6R3p4

    • Suse

      Brilliant!

    • kaydenpat

      Hilarious but why does he look so bored throughout?

      • Opalescent Riddles

        He’s just imitating Bob’s original, no?

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • kaydenpat

      I was one of the peeing hookers.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    The country don’t work ’cause the vandals took the handles.

    • amrak63

      Da, and the wandals had wery specific eksents, Keptin… ;)

      Of course, Russian doesn’t actually turn “v” to “w”–but languages change over time, so maybe by the 23rd Century, Russian “v” will have become “w”.

      Live long and prosper, y’all.

      • whitroth

        We inwented the pee tapes!

  • Kooolest G

    did anyone else think it was weird that she says “collusion, no we don’t have that YET” is she expecting that we will at some point? oh and also, I hate to say it, but that color actually looks really good on her, and she must have a new makeup and hair person

    • whitroth

      Sorry, but “dirt on Clinton from Russia, let’s do it” is a statement of intent to collude…

      I wish the blender would turn off, so the solids in this colloid would finish sinking to the bottom….

  • Zippy W Pinhead
  • Jamoche

    Normally youtube comments make Mos Eisley look like Mayberry, but this guy has a cool Dylan story:

    I have one of those actual cards he holds up. My dad and his friend were there at the recording of this when my dad worked as a black cab driver in London. He picked up one, his friend picked up a few, apparently. My dad said I could have his about 20 yrs ago. Still got it, now in a frame! Nice to see Nobel Prizes being awarded to people who wouldn’t have stood a chance years ago!

    Just don’t read the thread past the first few replies.

    • Zyxomma

      You didn’t provide a link, so can’t read any replies. That’s fine; it’s a cool story. I just texted two of my best friends, both Dylan fanatics, with a photo of purple clover and Queen Anne’s lace.

  • whitroth

    Um, Kellyanne? Y’know, IANAL (and btw, how’s that ethics investigation by the DC Bar against you going?), but a US serviceman was just busted and is coming up on charges, we assume, for no action other than allegedly “pledging support to the Islamic State” (now in freefall). Seems to me that Trumpo, Jr, by the very subject line of his email, is guilty of desiring to accept support from a foreign power… and so could be charged with similar charges (ok, more likely the FCPA)….

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      also, “now in freefall THANKS TO YEARS OF WORK BY BARACK OBAMA but for which Trump will take full credit, of course”

  • kaydenpat

    Who does this? Seriously. Who the hell behaves like this?

    • Alex Grey

      They had to dumb in down to kindergarten levels, to be sure their viewers could understand.

    • Janae Bess

      But he only hires the Best people!! High quality people! OMG!!!!

    • Realizing that lazy eye of hers is about to take a permanent holiday, she’s just figuring out different ways of covering her face.

  • Well, I see the mistake right here. If the White House spokesgoons are into prop comedy, now, they’ve got to hire Carrot Top.

    • irishdave3

      But isn’t the Carrot Top already the Tweeter In Residence?

  • Skaarphy

    OT, because of INXS: 30 years ago I was an exchange student in Sydney. My mother had had (?) recently won a lawsuit against her divorced husband for not paying the full extent of his aliments for some years (if that is the right word) – and finding herself some thirtythousand Deutsche Mark richer she gave my brother and me this choice: Either you both get a top-notch stereo each, or you get the fuck out of this country for a year.

    We both chose the latter and went to Australia. My brother ended up in Perth (on the west coast), and I ended up in Sydney (on the other side) which was a bit of a bummer. We were assigned to families suited to us so we had no choice in the matter.

    My family turned out to be an Austrian exile with her native born son. She was a bit overbearing and exceedingly interested in German/Austrian happenings. She also liked to hug a lot and had very, very large breasts. Don’t ask me what it did to my virgin 15-year-old soul. It confused me quite a bit, that’s what.

    Anyway, here’s the INXS thing: I went to school there, in Marrickville High – Marrickville being a suburb close to the inner city – and this is where I met Yvonne, the (second) love of my life.
    Yvonne was quite small and skinny in stature, very serious and headstrong, and prone to frequent outbursts of smart, observational sarcasm. Her best friend was Carla. And they were seriously best friends. They stuck together like rubber and glue. Carla was rather big, had dark, curly hair, and didn’t talk much. But when she did you sort of listened. Everybody did. Even the guys who believed themselves to be too popular for that. She just was like that. They hated it, but they did.

    Anyway, again, Yvonne. Yvonne had this job in the Sydney Opera House. She did some low-grade logistics, and and a bit of electronics (like plug A into B), and she had done that for quite some time when she found out that her favorite band of all time was about to play there. INXS! And she was supposed to be there on the night they were playing!

    But she wasn’t. She caught a flue, a very bad one. She was glued to the bed for three days straight, just when they were playing.

    I left Australia a few days after that, We never really got to talk about it. We wrote some letters but it quickly fizzled out. The connection we had was there, in Marrickville, and it ended there. But I still love her, in a way.

  • Alex Grey

    “I think many people in last year’s election should say that they would’ve done thing differently.”
    Like millions of people who didn’t bother to vote.

    • amrak63

      GOP dirty tricks, and/or other circumstances beyond citizens’ control, prevented some citizens from voting–but yeah, I despise the voluntary non-voters even more than I despise the Trump Chumps.

      • The ones that really get me going are those who actually went to the polls and voted in down-ballot races, but didn’t pick anyone for president. There were quite a few of those…. Not enough to swing an outcome, but still….

  • Jamespuck

    She stole her bit from Demetri Martin. He should sue Kelly Ann Trump- Conway. http://www.cc.com/video-clips/5lepme/stand-up-demetri-martin–findings

  • whitroth

    Collude with Russia? I’m all in!
    That’s the reason,
    We’re callin’ it treason

  • Incoming Ham

    Was there a crawl at the bottom of the screen with definitions of all of those words?

  • I was hoping this Michael Hutchence performance piece would end with death by autoerotic asphyxiation.

    • PabloDali

      Oh Snap!

      Can women do that?

      • Probably not Kellyanne, since she obviously thrives in an oxygen-free environment.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I think we were all hoping for that.

    • Grumpy Old Man

      Her end like the beginning of Ruling Class – “was she ‘artistic’?”

    • SpideySenser

      “art piece would end with d̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ ̶ votes”. FTFY. Don’t want to incur the banhammer wrath!

      • I was testing the limits of artistic license. 😄

  • Zyxomma

    Ah, Doktor Zoom, that was lovely. KaC is not.

  • Querolous
  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Weird how she suddenly looks so rested, after disappearing for several weeks. I wonder if she went to Mika’s bloody facelift specialist?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      No doubt, this is why the word “facelift” landed on and stuck to a couple of El Mango Grande’s few remaining brain cells and why it occurred to him when he wanted to fling some random poo at Mika.

      However, even if the surgery has alleviated some of Kellyanne’s haggard tendencies, it has obviously done nothing for her own intellectual and moral shortcomings.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Kellyanne needs a brainlift.

    • Apple Scruff

      She went to Selena Meyers’ “spa”.

  • Zombishroom

    I want to slap her for mentioning Grover from Sesame Street while the assholes cut funding for PBS.

    • Zyxomma

      The only Grover any Republican should dare name is Norquist. Not Sesame Street Grover, not Cleveland, only Norquist.

    • Brought to you by the letters “B” and “S”

  • Jay Silversmith
    • irishdave3

      Kelly Repubican Anne Kelly..KRAC…hmmm

  • irishdave3

    The Blueberry Princess of New Jersey came out of seclusion for the coronary occlusion because…Fusion!

    • Zombishroom

      A poet amongst us!

  • irishdave3

    Critical Mess results in Fusion?

    • Zombishroom

      Fusion as in end-of-the-world-coitus. I’m pretty sure it exists.

      • irishdave3

        Oh God, oh God!

        • Vacuous Virgina

          I’ll have what YOU’RE having 😋

  • irishdave3

    If KaC shows US her Alt Tweets is that Fake Nudes?

  • Jesse
  • Charon_69

    Thank you! I feel like the only person who got how wrong the ending to that movie was…’get off her doorstep you weirdo’

    • Carole

      My personal favorite was “suckcess.”

  • redblack

    best god damned story ever posted to the wonket. funny, gritty, sad, funny, gritty, and sad. also, too, funny. and the non-comments hit the spot. too.

    thanks, dok. it’s been a rough week.

    and fuck kelly anne conway with multiple votes all at once.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      In every orifice.

  • irishdave3

    Some say that the KRAC (Kelly Republican Anne Conway) head gave the Bunny Rancher an infusion of neo Con Fusion ….In other words a Head Fake!

  • toughsister

    Well… She’s already a laughingstock. So what’s she got to lose?

  • javadavis

    Randall Munroe has something to say about using words:
    https://www.xkcd.com/1860/

  • http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/news/342010-colbert-trolls-satans-trophy-wife-conway-for-holding-up-signs

    “Trump Jr. tried to articulate but that turned out to incriminate,” Colbert said, holding up a sign with the two words. “See it’s easy to remember, it’s something even an idiot would anticipate and now he’s going to be an inmate. Just thought we’d have some fun with words.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=KAtClXJJ5pY

  • Hazel Blumberg

    How I love the fact that Kellyanne the Con disappeared for a loooong time, only to come back with a New Face. I guess her bossman told her he couldn’t bear to look at her any longer. She doesn’t look any better. And she’s still an a$$hole. And what ever happened to poor Spicey? And where’s the SHuckster? I have NEVER seen a prez who has so many spokespersons.

  • ANNG14

    Admit it Kellyanne, no one listens to you.

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