There’s hot breaking news in the saga of Donald Trump Jr. trying to do Russian collusion for his daddy, but failing just like he does with everything else in his life. When we first learned about BabyShits McTrumpenstuff’s meeting with Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya, he said he agreed to it so they could talk about how nobody is allowed to adopt poor abandoned Russian babies anymore. Then he changed his story and said, “Oh yeah, actually I took the meeting because this friend of my dad’s said the Russian lady had some hot hard Hillary Clinton gossip to share. But she didn’t have any hot hard Hillary gossip, ALLEGEDLY, so we talked about Russian babies instead.”
Now it turns out, according to the New York Times (which has been leading the way on this story, surprisingly), that before agreeing to the meeting, his “acquaintance,” Rob Goldstone (a British music publicist for the son of Trump Senior’s oligarch pal we’ll get to later), emailed Lickspittle Junior to say the hot hard Hillary gossip Veselnitskaya had was literally “part of a Russian government effort to aid his father’s candidacy, according to three people familiar with the email.” WHOA. IF. TRUE. This was before we learned about Russia’s hacking of the Democratic National Committee.
This means that, quite literally, a Trump pal with ties to the Kremlin emailed DiaperLumps Junior and told him, “Hey! A foreign enemy nation wants to illegally help your dad win the presidency by feeding you salacious shit about his opponent, Hillary Clinton. You game for a little bareback collusion?” And Junior was like “OH YES, BRING ME THE PRECIOUS! I WILL BRING PAUL MANAFORT AND MY BROTHER-IN-LAW JARED TOO!” Um … go to jail, Junior?
For background, Goldstone, who was also at the Trump Tower meeting in June 2016, represents Emin Agalarov — known simply as Emin — who is one of the sexxx kings of Russian sexxx music, like he is their Bruno Mars or their Michael Bolton, we guess. He was reportedly the one who wanted Young PoopyKnickers Trump to meet with Veselnitskaya. Emin’s dad, Aras Agalarov, is a Russian oligarch who is super close to Vladimir Putin:
The senior Agalarov is one of Russia’s richest men; Putin awarded him the Order of Honor, one of the country’s top civilian awards, in 2013. Aras Agalarov is often called the “Donald Trump of Russia.” […]
Donald Trump’s links to the Agalarovs date to the Miss Universe contest in Moscow in 2013, which the father and son had wanted to bring to the Russian capital. Trump, who owned the contest at the time, had long pursued the idea of a Trump Tower in Moscow, though that deal never happened …
According to The Atlantic, Trump appeared in one of Emin’s music videos, he’s referred to Emin as a “winner” and a “champ,” and Emin told Forbes back in March that “Now that [Trump] ran and was elected, he does not forget his friends.” Finally, a president who loves his Russian friends more than he loves America! #MAGA
Baby Trump’s lawyer Alan Futerfas — and really, it was about time he lawyered up — says all of this is “much ado about nothing,” that Daddy Trump didn’t even know about the meeting (even though he was in Trump Tower at the time, and he tweeted about Hillary’s alleged 33,000 “missing emails” that very day), and besides, “nothing came of it.” Because we guess it’s only a crime if you actually complete the act of collusion. If you blow your load early, no harm no foul, happens to all guys, right?
Little Mini Whiskers Trump also weighed in on Twitter Tuesday morning:
Donald Trump Jr. is just like his dad — the world’s shittiest client, who steps on his own dick on Twitter.
NBC News interviewed Natalia Veselnitskaya on Tuesday, where she shared details about her meeting with Pussgrab Junior. She confirmed Paul Manafort and Jared Kushner were also there, but said Jared left early and Manafort just played with his phone the whole time. She said she never pretended to have sexxxy incriminating information on Hillary, and that she doesn’t work for the Russian government. While that may be technically true, it’s important to remember that many people on the Kremlin’s take are not employees per se, but work as Russian agents in myriad other ways. Veselnitskaya is not just some also-ran who wanted to talk about Russian babies. She’s in DEEP, and she’s well known as an agent for Kremlin interests. (For more on that, read this excellent Washington Monthly report by Martin Longman.)
“It is quite possible that maybe they were longing for such an information. They wanted it so badly that they could only hear the thought that they wanted.”
He wanted it sooooo bad! He was like a junkie, looking for his next fix, of sweet, beautiful Hillary hate! And if he didn’t get it, HE MIGHT HAVE DIED.
SO! What have we learned?
Here’s our takeaway on this so far. Donald Trump Jr. got the message that “Hey! Russia has been doing all kinds of spying/hacking to help your dad, and they’re looking for the dumbest fucking idiot possible to serve as a gateway to using it to influence the election. Are you that dumb fucking idiot we’re looking for?” And he said “OK!”
In the two instances of collusion or attempted collusion between Trumpo-American citizens and Russia we’ve learned about so far, there’s a common thread, and it’s American citizens completely infected with metastatic, irrational Clinton hate. The first instance involved longtime Clinton hater Peter W. Smith, now a dead corpse, who bragged he was working with Michael Flynn to try to get the mythological 33,000 deleted Hillary emails from Russia. Now we have a Kremlin-connected pal of Daddy Trump arranging a meeting between a Russian lawyer lady and BabyStupid Trump, by giving the impression that maybe she had some SICK NASTY DIRT about Hillary to share.
Russia has been spying on and trying to mess with American elections for years. Why did it work SO WELL in 2016? We have a gut feeling that, as we learn more and more about the true extent of collusion between Trump and Russia — because this is probably just the tip of the iceberg — this common thread of Russia targeting people sick with Clinton-hating disease is going to continue. It just makes sense.
Do you have any doubt that people infected with that malady wouldn’t commit treason just to make sure that bitch stays in her place? Didn’t think so.
UPDATE: Junior has now tweeted out all the emails between him and Goldstone. SPOILER: They incriminate the fuck out of Junior.
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