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Trump’s face when he watches “Fox & Friends”

Donald Trump awakened Monday morning and started his week the same way all previous American presidents did, by rage-bitching on Twitter about the FBI director he fired for having the audacity to keep investigating his campaign, even after Trump tried to obstruct/kill that investigation:

OMG HEATHER IS IT LIKE SO ILLEGAL? LIKE HOW ILLEGAL IS IT? Are we talking like “Taylor ran a red light in her new BMW” illegal, or more like “the Trump campaign may have colluded with an enemy nation called Russia to steal the 2016 election” illegal?

First of all, like most thoughts that originate in Trump’s anal canal and then somehow find their way into his brain, this is a lie. Comey did not leak classified information to the media. Comey leaked a memo to his friend and asked him to give it to a reporter. It is a memo we all know about, and there was nothing classified in it. Comey wrote many other memos about his encounters with President PussGrab, a few of which contained secret or classified information. He has turned all of those over to special counsel Robert Mueller. Comey explained this during his testimony before the Senate Intelligence Committee. In fact, moron GOP Senator Roy Blunt asked Comey for clarification on that very point, and he gave it. ALSO TOO, in fact, Comey had an interesting exchange with Democratic Senator Mark Warner, vice chair of the committee, where he explained that he specifically wrote the memo we all know about, where he describes the Oval Office meeting wherein Trump tried to obstruct justice by the pussy and get the FBI to stop investigating Michael Flynn, in such a way as to make sure it DID NOT have classified information in it. That way, he could share it if it became necessary. (SPOILER: It became necessary.)

Since this is all well-established fact at this point, why is FuckPuddle McOrange tweeting about it right now, besides maybe to distract everyone from how his son, FuckPuddle Junior, is under fire for trying to do ACTUAL COLLUSION with Russia? Oh just the usual. Trump was watching “Fox & Friends” in his ketchup-stained nightgown and they did a BIG EXCLUSIVE BULLSHIT BOMBSHELL REPORT on how Comey allegedly leaked classified information to his BFF, and thus, “broke the rules”:

That grammar champion tweet and the “Fox & Friends” report it links to rely on an article in The Hill, written by wingnut John Solomon of wingnut Sinclair Broadcasting, under the headline, “Comey’s private memos on Trump conversations contained classified material.” Now, pay close attention, astute readers, because we need you to compare what Fox News said with that headline and figure out if they are the same. TIME’S UP, YOU WIN! They don’t remotely say the same thing, as any person with a rudimentary grasp of the English language can see. (Of course, this excludes most Fox News viewers and the barely elected president of the United States.)

A careful reading of Solomon’s journalistic tour de force reveals a wingnut seemingly intentionally jumping back and forth between the non-breaking news that some of Comey’s memos had classified information in them and the non-new information that he shared one un-classified memo with his pal, to be leaked to the New York Times. We imagine he’s hoping you’re not that good at reading, just like the American president and the “Fox & Friends” couch of marginally sentient dildos. And Kellyanne Conway, who said Monday morning that this is the REAL story everybody should be talking about right now.

Specifically, out of seven Comey memos, four were classified to one degree or another. Guess which memos we haven’t read? Those. Which one do we know all about? One of the ones that had no classified information in it, because Comey specifically wrote it up that way.

We always knew — FROM THE VERY FUCKING BEGINNING — that some of Comey’s memos had secret or classified information in them, and why did we know? Because Comey testified about it! That’s why those exchanges with Roy Blunt and Mark Warner happened! See above!

So what are we talking about here? Fucking nothing. How much of fucking nothing? The original Hill report, by the Sinclair wingnut, had exactly two tags on it, and one of them was “Hillary Clinton.” Not even James Comey showed up in the tags, because this story wasn’t actually about James Comey, it was about changing the subject.

Oh, and by the way, Comey pal Benjamin Wittes has some thoughts about Trump’s tweet. You should read them, because he is smart.

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  • Wild Cat

    The pig in the WH is Murdoch’s greatest brainwashing success.

  • armed_bears

    Thank you. Good post and good ‘splainer… and I got nuthin’.

    I can’t. even. these guys anymore, and Evan saves the day. Plz add more butthole, however.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Plz add more butthole, however.

      Oh honey, asked and answered. Just scroll right on up to the top pic.

      • armed_bears

        Ha! You are correct, as usual.

      • Oblios_Cap

        That’s not Vegan Baby Butthole™, though.

  • schmannity

    Trump’s Twat (past tense of tweet) has many capital letters! Just like a nitwit wingnut.

    • ariel_gee_398

      A “nitwit wingnut” or twitwit, if you will.

  • elviouslyqueer

    #ButHisMemos.

    You read it here first, yo.

    • Three Finger Salute

      #ButtholeMemos

      I read about those here first too.

  • Christopher Story

    Old fashioned character assassination. Can’t refute the message? Then discredit the messenger.

    • Oblios_Cap

      That’s the first thing the cops do after they shoot you.

  • calliecallie

    James Comey is smarter than all of them put together, Katie.

    • chimichanga

      It’s Mueller times, suckas.

  • Canis Greyhame

    Is anyone else getting increasingly alarmed over just how much influence and political power is suddenly being wielded by fucking Fox & Friends?

    • Augustus

      Not sudden, but, yes, we are all very concerned about that!

  • Randy Riddle

    I can’t really form an opinion on this until Russia Times tweets about it.

    • Suttree

      Sputnik or GTFO!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Donnie, once again you’re demonstrating you’re out of your element.

  • Suttree

    My mother hasn’t let me near her wingnut “Independent” boyfriend since this all started. I have a good feeling I won’t be seeing him for a looooonnggg time.

    • msanthropesmr

      Is your mother doing it out of love for you?

      • Suttree

        More so him at this point.

        • msanthropesmr

          Don’t hurt ’em, Suttree

          • Suttree

            He called me up on 11/9 and was a dick. He’s got some payback and heckling coming. It’ll be fun calling out a retired marine for supporting a traitor.

          • msanthropesmr

            No such thing as a retired marine.

  • schmannity

    Traitor Trump. TRAITOR Trump. TRAITOR TRUMP.

  • MrTusks

    If the cat’s out of the bag, would you care to elaborate on what information was classified and why it needed to be classified?

    Hold that thought, I just saw a squirrel.

  • ManchuCandidate
    • msanthropesmr

      Ain’t nothing light about it.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And there’s no banana stand to fall back on, either.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        There was, but it went bankrupt.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      NO TOUCHING

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Don Jr: “Send lawyers, guns and pardons, dad get me out of this!”

    • msanthropesmr

      It’s amazing how prescient that Warren Zevon was.

      • Notreelyhelping

        How was I to know
        She was with the Russians too?

  • NorthernSaber

    I think “The Marginally Sentient Dildos” used to play the Nordic folk-punk curcuit back in the 90’s- could swear I saw them in Duluth once. Could be wrong. I blame Finnish friends for any/all 90’s based confusion…

    • msanthropesmr

      No, no – they were a marginal Rap Rock band from North Africa.

      • Major_Major_Major

        I thought they were a Nu Metal band from Majorca.

        • msanthropesmr

          Coulda been – but I swore that they were Roots Rock from Peru.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Christ! They were on a world tour from Africa to South America.

          • NorthernSaber

            If so I hope they avoided the “Peruvian Marching Powder”- can only imagine coked-up Peruvian roots rock!

          • therblig

            Uncle Sigmund’s Peruvian Cocoa powder?

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Wasn’t that a short-lived Mariachi/Polka fusion act from Romania?

          • Rags

            No- they were a folk metal cover band from Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        It’s the nickname of a string quartet from West Blocton, Alabama, Great Mozart, the best.

  • andyshelt

    “moron GOP Senator Roy Blunt”

    As if there were any other sort!

  • Bill D. Burger

    [Trump Rage-Bitching About James Comey Again, Because ‘Fox & Friends’ Told Him To]

    And because he’s trying to do anything to deflect attention from his depraved, lying, treasonous spawn.

    • BeachBum

      Worst Russian Deflection Ever !

  • Christopher Story
    • Villago Delenda Est

      All the upfists

      • Christopher Story

        My dream is to have that printed off as a poster and have it signed by the entire Mueller team after Trump & Co. are taken down. It’s a nice dream.

  • BeachBum

    Der Trikkeldikor acts of treason really are Classified Information. For him. No one was supposed to know.

  • BadKitty904
    • Bill D. Burger

      Perhaps at the bottom of the Marianas Trench….with votes, of course.

      • msanthropesmr

        I want to dip fried calamari in the Marinara trench.

        • chimichanga

          That’s cheesy, garlic bread that is… (mmm, marinara)

          • therblig

            “Yo no soy marinara” – Richie Valens

          • LucindathePook

            Soy capitan,soy capitan

      • Little Lulu Ω

        After he’d been stuffed in a bottle. With votes.

  • bookish

    THE GROWING ISOLATION OF THE U.S.

    Bottom Line Up Front:

    • The conclusion of the G20 summit in Hamburg, Germany saw the U.S. drift further away from its role as a world leader.

    • 19 of the G20 countries reaffirmed the Paris Agreement, with German Chancellor Merkel labeling the U.S. withdrawal as ‘deplorable.’

    • The U.S. is both domestically divided and internationally marginalized, with both trends likely to worsen.

    • The bifurcation of the U.S. administration—between presidential tweets and stated executive policies—makes it difficult for allies to view the U.S. as a trusted and stable partner.

    The conflicting messages and tweets coming out of the Trump administration, especially those related to foreign policy, are damaging U.S. national security. The U.S. appears increasingly adrift, lacking coherent policies and actions, and forcing allies and adversaries alike to essentially disregard much of what is said in Washington. The chaos—whether, as stated by the U.S. Ambassador to the UN, it is ‘intentional’ or otherwise—permeates almost every statement and action of the executive branch. Statements by the Secretaries of State and Defense are routinely undercut and contradicted—most often in the form of tweets—by President Trump, whose open disdain for the press leaves little opportunity for clarification. The outcome of the G20 summit makes clear that foreign governments are beginning to ignore the rhetoric coming from the Oval Office, and that the Trump administration’s incoherence is prodding U.S. allies to exclude the U.S. from important strategic initiatives.

    When President Trump left the annual meeting of the G20 in Hamburg, Germany he did so without holding a press conference, breaking with a tradition set by previous U.S. presidents. The lack of a press conference is far more than a continuation of the President’s declared war on the media; it removes a much-needed chance for the President to clarify the U.S. position on a host of important issues. In the absence of such clarity, matters of critical importance to U.S. national security—such as the ongoing investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election, and the product of a discussion between Presidents Trump and Putin—were left to be defined by the Russians and subsequently contradicted by bizarre tweets from the U.S. President.

    While the U.S. political system is increasingly paralyzed—both domestically and internationally—its allies and partners are moving ahead with their priorities. Chief among these are climate change. On this issue, the G20 effectively acted as the G19 with all but the U.S. declaring that the Paris Agreement was ‘irreversible.’ German Chancellor Merkel ‘deplored’ the U.S. withdrawal from the agreement and stated that the G20 statement on climate change made clear ‘the dissenting view of the United States, but I am gratified to note the other 19 members of G20 say the Paris agreement is irreversible.’ The U.S. issued no statement on climate change.

    On issues such as trade, the U.S. also finds itself on the wrong side of historic trends. The Trump administration prefers to engage in point-to-point bilateral trade deals, while most countries prefer the kind of multilateral cooperation that has yielded a net benefit for the U.S. for decades. Threats by the U.S. to enact tariffs on steel imports are being met with annoyance and counter-threats by the EU, but—as with many other important international matters—the actual intentions of the U.S. on this issue remain unclear. President Trump tweeted that he expects a trade ‘deal’ with the U.K. to happen ‘very very quickly’ but the reality is that the U.K. cannot enter into bilateral trade deals until it officially leaves the EU in May 2019. Meanwhile, the EU signed a massive trade agreement with Japan that accounts for 40% of global trade. The U.S. walked away from the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP) in January, to the dismay of its allies and the delight of China.

    The lack of U.S. leadership is more than symbolic; it represents a fundamental shift of U.S. foreign policy that will be difficult to restore once ceded to U.S. adversaries. The countries that seek to influence the international order in the absence of the U.S.—such as Russia and China—are overwhelmingly autocratic, and openly hostile to the values that produced a largely stable post-WWII order. Thus, the intentional self-isolation of the U.S. in matters of global affairs—from trade to climate change—runs counter to strong historic trends, and is likely to have enormous and long-lasting consequences for U.S. security and prosperity.

    • BadKitty904
      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Yup. The most bloodless victory in the history of conflict.

        • BadKitty904

          Putin will be remembered as one of the greatest military strategists in history.

    • BigCSouthside

      Shorter: US fucking itself in the ass with a spiked dildo. Likely will not recover ever.

    • Three Finger Salute

      She said “deplorable”? Hahaha! Ich liebe diese Frau!

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Ich auch!

    • mailman27

      The indispensable bookish.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Translation:

    “SQUIRREL! ___ (Don Jr. didn’t meet with the Russians. You met with the Russians.)”

  • Ezio

    Am I the only one who notices how Donald Trump sounds like a valley girl with that tweet? “THAT IS SOOO ILLEGAL!”

    • msanthropesmr

      Probably the author of the piece

      OMG HEATHER IS IT LIKE SO ILLEGAL? LIKE HOW ILLEGAL IS IT? Are we talking like “Taylor ran a red light in her new BMW” illegal, or more like “the Trump campaign may have colluded with an enemy nation called Russia to steal the 2016 election” illegal?

    • SisterArtemis

      OMG BECKY!!!!

      All of his tweets make more sense if you read them in a Valley Girl voice.

  • BearGHAZI

    What a fiendish trapp Trump has set for us all!!

    • BadKitty904

      Oh, what a wicked web Donnie weaved…

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Oh, what a wicked web wig Donnie weaved…

  • ariel_gee_398

    Anyone else feel like they’re standing in a shower where the water turned to shit about 8 months ago, and the faucet is now too slippery and shit-coated to turn off?

    • msanthropesmr

      No, but have you considered a career as a poet?

      • Suttree

        I believe Bukowski already wrote that one.

    • Little Lulu Ω

      Welcome to Flint!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Send that to Trump* because that’ll give him another idea for his times with the Russian hookers. If he hasn’t thought of it already.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Every Monday one can wake up secure in the knowledge that our President, somewhere, somehow, between Friday night and Monday morning, has once again Twet the bed.

    In times like this, I guess it’s good to have something you can rely on

    • Khavrinen

      Hooray!! The Hell-on-Earth we’re inhabiting it predictably nightmarish, yay!

  • BadKitty904
  • memzilla Ω

    Methinks the next reprint of 1984 is gonna have cover art of Big Brother wearing an orange weasel pelt on his head. Kellyanne is doing her doubleplusgood best at this whole MinTruth jerb.

  • msanthropesmr

    Pfft – the Brookings Institute is notoriously lieberal.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Whatever you do, don’t go to the comments on The Hill article FFS…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/13ae33f2f55f13d93a91dc84f1a60b64ccb3c6b35947cbf64b2fa38c3e39eaa3.jpg

    • msanthropesmr

      AOT,K.

    • mancityRed6

      the ship is sinking and all the rats are tweeting about how unfair it is.

      • SisterArtemis

        You left out the part about the rats gnawing holes in its sides below the water level…

        • mancityRed6

          it was hard to do in between punching protesters and chanting “lock her up”, but they got it done. and dog bless ’em.

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        I was wondering why they all sound like “squeaksqueaksqueaksqueaksqueak”

    • Three Finger Salute

      I’m of the opinion that 99% of websites shouldn’t allow comments. Wonkette, however, might be a good place to try them out.

      • SisterArtemis

        Oh sure, like The Mom of Us will allow that!

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Never read the comments at the hill. I’m glad wonkette is sensible and doesn’t allow comments at all.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Can you imagine what the lunatics that come here might write?

    • Suttree

      I’ll save that for a few hours from now, when I’m drunk.

  • Ezio

    I like how right wingers were praising James Comey before the election and now they’re all blasting him because Trump fired him.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Look, I’m a very busy man. Let’s cut to the chase – Comey was in reality a deep cover Clinton plant for 20 years who only went after President Clinton to make him look good for the Republicans so that he could sabotage them from the inside at a critical moment.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      He then monkeywrenched Hillary’s campaign so that Trump would win. Then he’d have them right where he wanted them.

      • WIDTAP

        But this was all a conspiracy with Mueller and Vince Foster, who is still alive and running deep cover as James O’Keefe.

        • armed_bears

          And, after Ashcroft was dead, Mueller moved the pillow.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Sounds legit.

    • TJ Barke

      You laugh, but I’d bet dollars to doughnuts that there are people that actually believe that.

      • SisterArtemis

        a) I love the phrase “dollars to donuts”
        b) in this economy, it’s more like “dollar to donut”
        c) at fancy coffee house, it’s more like “dollar to donut hole”

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          At Timmies a donut is 95 cents, which works out to exactly a dollar with tax.

  • Anna Rompage

    So the Donad is relying on a fake news fright wing conservative option show for his legal council now… why am I not shocked?

  • Relativicus

    “Nothing”? I thought we were talking about how unbelievably stupid “The Most Powerful Man in the World” is?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    On the other hand, the great logistical minds in the White House (LOL!) have already insisted that if the Dumbass makes a public statement, then he’s ipso facto declassified that piece of information. It would delight me to no end if Twitler’s little 140 character obsessions end up being the very thing that take him down.

    • SisterArtemis

      You, me, and a whole lotta other people, possibly higher than 63 million…

  • Khavrinen

    “BREAKING NEWS: ‘Fox & Friends’ Still Controls President’s Brain.”

    Objection: Assumes Brain not in Evidence.

  • Wild Cat

    I don’t hit news sites on the right. Or flunky sites like the NYT.

    How is the WSJ covering this? Are the mammon-motherfuckers getting concerned?

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    I was browsing through WikiLeaks tweets the other day and they use the exact same tactic to lie and link to an article to give themselves cover. They also pulled the trick of claiming the news reported a fact by citing a news report of allegations by Assange.

  • BigCSouthside

    Can we get a gofundme to pay someone to hack the Fox and Friends TelePrompTer to say “Donald Trump should resign” so ten minutes later he tweets “I am sooooo resigning!”

  • Walter Wellstone

    You know how the Republicans have been behaving like lunatics out is spite towards President Obama? Well, spite could the bitch that’s gonna set them all up. The Trumpendejo, Turtle McConnell and Eddie Munster have been pissing so many people off, including James Comey, that some may just go “You know what? Fuck it. I’m gonna release everything I got just to get back at you, motherfuckers. I don’t care what happens to me as long as I bring you down in the process.”

    • Three Finger Salute

      FUCK IT! WE’LL DO IT LIVE!

  • Lance Thrustwell

    “That is so illegal,” Donald pouted. He stomped his feet and shook his curls. “It makes me ever so cross. It is simply horrid!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “You have made me very angry.” *huff puff* “Very angry indeed.”

      • therblig

        then he demanded an oompa-loompa and he wanted it “NOW!”

  • goonemeritus

    This is “the broken window theory of policing”. If we come down hard on people that almost, potentially leaked material that could be considered by some to be classified. Crimes like treason will take care of themselves.

  • Jenny

    Yeah, because James Comey would make that amateur hour mistake. Sorry, he isn’t a Trump clown.

    Cry moar Trump noobz!

  • TJ Barke

    Taylor libelz!

    • SisterArtemis

      Random association, I know, but I suddenly found myself wishing Taylor Swift would let loose on the Donald …. much as I don’t care for her music, there’s something about her style of syrup and acid I’d love to see dumped on his head.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Well, Trudeau is going to Gatsby country this week and Tay Tay lives in one of the Newport mansions. Maybe they’ll compare notes.

    • weejee
  • elviouslyqueer

    Trump Rage-Bitching

    *stops reading*

    *checks calendar*

    Yep, still a day ending in -y.

    • TJ Barke

      Lately they’re all days ending in why?

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Would the accused please approach the bench? I said, would the accused please approach the bench? I cannot make a ruling if you’re just going to sit there like the piece of paper that you are. Okay, fine then. Case dismissed.”

    • Lance Thrustwell

      “Would the accused please approach the bench” is my least favorite thing to hear in the morning.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
    • Anna Rompage

      The Russians have managed to not leak the pee tapes, yet….

      • mancityRed6

        it’s not even been 6 months yet (oh god), give it some time.

  • weejee
    • Three Finger Salute

      I believe that’s called his morning unconstitutional.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        <golf clap>

  • bookish

    http://nbcnews.to/2sWxkiT

    But it is the states, where Republican-controlled legislatures are using more sophisticated tactics than they have previously, that are poised to have the most immediate effect in the 2018 midterms and the 2020 presidential election.

    With turnout in the United States already low — 55.7 percent of voting-age Americans cast ballots in 2016 — critics say voter ID legislation disproportionately affects minorities, low-income Americans and younger voters. The Brennan Center for Justice at New York University has estimated that as many as 11 percent of Americans — 21 million of them voting age by 2000 Census data — were without photo IDs, while 4.5 million more have IDs that may not reflect their current names or addresses.

    Some studies have found that ID laws depress turnout: One study that controlled for outside effects found that they depressed turnout among both Republicans and Democrats but hurt Democratic and minority turnout the most, while other analysis has noted that turnout can be influenced by everything from the weather to that year’s batch of candidates, indicating that the effect of voter ID requirements is hard to measure.

    Opponents say the real intention is not to guarantee the integrity of elections but to disenfranchise certain groups, those that often vote Democratic.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Looks like there’s a LOT of interest in Donny Jr’s little meeting. Numerous reports that not only the House and Senate want to hear from him, but Mueller’s team is quickly turning an investigative eye on DJTjr as well.
    It’s widening much more quickly and with a lot more energy than I expected it would.
    Thus…of course, the Trump twittershitstorm today trying to take away energy from the look at his son and to deflect in any way he can from the situation.

    (Meanwhile, luckily for the whole country, the GOP in the House in Senate find their agendas paralyzed for the moment.)

    • BeachBum

      Misspelled penis.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Only a matter of time before he throws Junior to the wolves.

  • SayItWithWookies

    How many times do these half-assed distractions fail to work before Assmouth gets on to bombing North Korea?

    • weejee

      We might make it to Thursday.

      • Christopher Story

        Damn. I just ordered Minecraft for the kids and it won’t get here till Friday.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Are they old enough to be drafted? They might not notice.

      • SayItWithWookies

        I guess I’ll buy Boeing stock now instead of holding off.

        • gallbladder

          Lockheed Martin and McDonnell Douglas might be good longs as well.

          • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

            McD is part of Boeing.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        does anyone have Tuesday in the pool?

  • BeachBum

    OT Trumkinski wil make fabooluz and grate trade deals. Any day now. Any day now. Any……day….http://www.cnbc.com/2017/07/10/auto-imports-from-mexico-keep-climbing-despite-trumps-threats.html

  • PigsDoFly
    • Jennifer R

      You two go to the most romantic looking locations!

      • Oblios_Cap

        I’ve never taken a date to an abattoir myself.

        • marxalot

          Mudersheds are so in right now! But try finding one that hasn’t been ruined by the bridge and tunnel crowd.

          • Ωbjectifier

            Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.

        • mailman27

          I guess she meant “boudoir.” Shit.

      • PigsDoFly

        I am classy dude. I even paid for extra wax.

    • BeachBum

      Nice. Needs moar ambeeyonce.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      I like how she can casually stand on a wall. I hope she’s not a witch. Unless you’re into witches.

      • Doug Langley

        Spidergirl, Spidergirl . . .

      • PigsDoFly

        Yes I am. But you spelt “Screeching Banchee” wrong.

        • mailman27

          She won’t be screeching when you get that peck on the cheek tonite, Baco– I mean PDF.

          • PigsDoFly

            We aren’t either into the PDAS. But together….it is so cute you’d want to kick a puppy after seeing us.

    • Nockular cavity

      I’ve seen this horror movie before. But not sideways.

      • PigsDoFly

        You didn’t drink enough boxed wine then

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Awww! So pretty! But is that hole in the ground? Who are you guys keeping down there?

      • PigsDoFly

        Morlocks.

    • natoslug
  • Walter Wellstone
    • gallbladder

      “People can’t close their outside door. That’s when they call and say, ‘Hey, I got a problem,’ “

      Definitely a contender for “Latent Understatement of the Year.”

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      75 in Anchorage this week. That’s actually pretty close to record. Theyre not calling it a severe weather alert like our 110 degree episodes but they’re putting people on notice.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Nice going, Donnie. By the time Trudeau’s kids are in high school, Canada is going to look like the Sahara Desert. They’re going to look at old pictures of ski trips and ask…

      “Hey dad, what’s all this fluffy white stuff you’re surfing in?”
      “It’s called snow, Hadrien. You were very little when it all disappeared. I’m snowboarding there, not surfing. And we’d still have it, if it wasn’t for purity ponies like Susan Sarandon and the media’s obsession with buttery males.”
      “Why don’t we have the snow anymore?”
      “Because it’s 2030… and it’s 50 outside.”

      (50°C = 122°F)

      • Nockular cavity

        SI units are a Chinese hoax!

      • AJ Milne

        Speaking as someone who would pretty much prefer to be on his snowboard than anywhere else (life permits too rarely of late, but still), and who starts overheating when it hits 18°C, fuck those guys.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Did you read that article in NY Mag yet? It’s a long one, but worth the time.

      https://t.co/V6fvO8P3af

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Before I crank up my sympathy response, remind me, who did Alaska vote for?

      • Walter Wellstone

        Eggsackly.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    It’s funny watching them trying to deflect with wads of toilet paper. The facts just go straight through, but they lie about the stains they leave behind and hope that’s all anyone notices.

  • Finnibar87

    We’re going back to goddamn steam!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Hooray! Mah cole-digging jerb is cumming back!

      • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

        Perhaps yer cole kin git used to fire up them marginally sentient dildos. Dildos ain’t gonna power themselves.

  • Taylor ran a red light in her new BMW

    Taylor said just leave the milk in the carton, don’t put it in the bag.

    Don’t be like Taylor.
    https://media4.giphy.com/media/26DOrqChka9OnoHzG/giphy_s.gif

    You look like you could use some help

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Look, just because the Trump companies laundered money for the russians through casinos and real estate deals, just because the Mango Menace has done business with russian mobsters in the past, just because many (all) of his “brain” trust had undisclosed meetings with russians during the campaign and just because he publicly asked for russian help during the campaign does not mean he’s colluding with the russians. Where’s the proof?

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      They’re just people who happen to live in his building. He’s being neighborly.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Witch hunt! Witch hunt! This is nothing but a Witch hunt! Now, about that Benghazi thingy…

    • Penny Dreadful Says Cats

      Feels like we’ve gone past colluding and are well on our way to colliding.

    • Where’s the smoking gums?

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Gnus should not smoke. It will affect their ability to run away from predators.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Instead of a ‘kick me’ sign on his ass, he has a ‘troll me’ sign. God, he’s stupid.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    At least, there’s a starting point to that story. Unlike the “Obama wiretapped me”-thing.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I’m listening to “Never Mind the Bollocks” right now and the end of “God Save the Queen” is on:
    No future, no future, no future for yooooouuuuu!

    We can certainly hope this applies to the orange queen.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Ha! That album came out when I was in High School (Yes, I know I’m old – shaddup) and I thought, “what a great way to piss off my parents” – Fast forward 35 years later and I questioned my parenting skills when I let my daughter wear her “Never Mind the Bollocks – Sex Pistols” t-shirt to school.

    • The Wanderer
  • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

    Because comments are not allowed, I did not scroll through them before posting this

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    CNN is also running with the “Comey memos contained classified information” theme. I’m not sure where they were when Comey was testifying. Probably looking for that missing plane.

    • Of course they are. That is the cycle.
      Wingnut makes up just asking question Op Ed.
      Fox news starts yammering and just asking questions.
      MSM gets jelly of the click bait and runs it too also!
      Rinse and repeat

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        “SOME say that…”

    • mailman27

      Our liberal media.

  • khanurik

    “marginally sentient dildos” is the most apt description thus far of Fox and Friends – and, also, too would be a great name for a band…

    • orygone

      that one was just perfect. might get stolen for TV show Veep.

    • bigjericho

      My pit bull is smarter and more honest than Steve Doocy, and he licks his own ass every couple of hours.

      • FlownΩver

        Doocy, or your canine buddy?

        • bigjericho

          Yes.

          • H0mer0

            “why not both?” or AOT,K

    • The Wanderer

      I wouldn’t want a marginally sentient dildo. I can’t handle rejection.

    • What’s the buzz from those marginally sentient dildos?

    • When dildos and AI are joined, they’ll be out of a job. It’ll be worse than what’s happening in coal.

  • Boscoe

    To be fair, Drumph doesn’t actually CARE if his statement was true, it’s the SMEAR that counts.

    • SisterArtemis

      True dat

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      it’s all red meat for the mouth breathers

    • The Ol’ Pussy Grabber actually believes everything he says and thinks is true even if they are contradictory. Not only that, he believes everyone else knows it is true and believes it not matter what they profess. It is the nature of his extreme narcissism.

      • FlownΩver

        There’s no believing involved. His statements are solely a means to an end – and that end is the enhancement of his twisted self-image. This man has no business being in charge of anything more consequential than a sandbox.

        • You’re right about that, but he believes everything he says when he says it. He actually testified under oath that his monetary worth was whatever he felt it was at that moment. It is difficult to believe the depth of his narcissism. And, his entire purpose in life is to keep his caricature of a human being propped up.

  • Me not sure

    Comey was fully entitled to possess and keep for his eyes the classified info. As long as it wasn’t released by him to any person not entitled to see it no law was broken. Trump doesn’t understand this or just doesn’t care. Meanwhile, he blithely releases classified information being shared with the US by a foreign power (cough, Israel) without consulting with that very sensitive source. Lock him up!

  • bigjericho

    Straight from FOX & Friends or Nat’l Enquirer (both about the same level) to Twitter, via POTUS’ dessicated brain. This is where we’re at, peoples.

  • marxalot

    And you thought Reagan was a problem when he only knew what he read…

    • FlownΩver

      Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

  • NorthernSaber

    For what it’s worth, Mr. Hurst, I just moseyed over to the still-riled-up anthill you drove a rototiller through last week with your now legendary “Vegan buttholes” post. As the echoes of the Snark-ocalypse gradually fade I’m reminded most of old dorm arguments over Miles Davis albums or the meaning of “Stairway to Heaven”- in short, the sort of stuff that goes on forever. I think we may still be making snide, knowing asides to “butthole vegan yodeling” long after we’ve managed to forget the treason trial of Trump in the summer if 2018…

    • The Wanderer

      Vegan Butthole Yodeling might have been a deleted act from The Gong Show.

      • William_C_Diaz

        It was, presenting ‘Vegan Butthole Yodeling’ on the Gong Show:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrJm9fZ_lEU

        Have a great day!

        • H0mer0

          thanks Mr Diaz! That deserves a lot of upfists, even in the absence of mooning.

        • NorthernSaber

          Wonder if this is the same “Oingo Boingo” that had a couple hits (“Dead Man’s Party”) in the 1980s?

          • Bill Diaz

            Yes it was, good call! I am one of those people who believe that Danny Elfman was the 20th century’s answer to Mozart, based on the breadth and depth of his musical accomplishments.

            Have a great day!

          • NorthernSaber

            They actually had some pretty cool horn parts. Elfman was part of that? Didn’t know that- thanks for the info!

          • Bill Diaz

            Have I got something to curl your toes back! Presenting the Oingo Boingo Farewell Concert:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYfjDyGPt4g

            Have a great day!

          • NorthernSaber

            Awesome, Bill! Many thanks and hope you have a great evening!

      • NorthernSaber

        I remember the original- that cat was a weird one, all the more so when he later claimed to be a CIA agent! I think Vegan Butthole Yodeling (VBY, to those who are hip) could really catch on in Pullman, WA. I could see it sweeping the Palouse and heading down the Columbia to Portland. Yep…

    • JD Mulvey

      This controversy barely rates when compared to the one where The Editrix betrayed her gender, allegedly, last summer.

      • NorthernSaber

        Hmm- had forgotten that episode, but Evan sure riled some people up!

  • Paperless Tiger

    Somehow we’ve reached a point where Fox News and Trump can tell any lie they want, while straight news and straight politicians exhaust themselves trying to explain why it’s a lie. The liars are winning.

    • Any time you’re playing defense in politics, you’re losing. The Ol’ Pussy Grabber has the political press playing defense.

  • FlownΩver

    I can easily imagine the conversation on the “’Fox & Friends’” couch of marginally sentient dildos” (a nice turn of phrase, btw) during a commercial break:

    “I know… now let’s see if we can get him to say ‘poop’!”

    • H0mer0

      is the rapey one still there? I hate it when sex toys go sentient–I haz idea for new videogame or horror movie?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    i saw a cnn headline about this just now and was wondering what was up…I immediately thought, “great, we’re back to classified and unclassified again.’

    Sigh.

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      I liked the “masking” and “unmasking” parts better. It was more “Eyes Wide Shut.”

      • Who was that masked man, I’d like to thank him (wicked pissah old TV reference).

  • Blackest Noobs

    so the Comey Memo that got “leaked” to the media…what exactly was classified about it?

    cuz as far as I can tell…NOTHING…NADA….was TOP SECRET in that memo.

  • Ian

    I wrote the hill, asking that they stick this story in the OP-ED section, or any other place that they would find suitable….

  • Ilgattomorte

    The Comey thing is important, but it’s just one of the many things that Trump has gleaned from his top intelligence sources.

    For example, did you know that far too many seniors are totally unaware of the benefits of reverse mortgages and what a reverse mortgage can do for them? … sad

    Or, even now in this country there are women that walk around with their bladders following them around all day. These poor women could be a solid 6 or 7, but are forced into being 4s because of their cute damn bladders, running behind them all of the time. It’s disgusting.

    With all of this horrible news, it’s good to know, that according to his sources, you can still get a pill in this country that will allow old guys to hook up with hot women half their age. So there still is hope that we can make America great again.

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      Is “no boners” a pre-existing condition or not? Asking for a fiend.

      • H0mer0

        since boys are born without boners, I assume so.
        (I made “a” alliterative! I haz poetry now?)

    • Mike Steele

      Ms. Lindsey addressed the first issue the other day on MTP. Chuckles wished Graham a happy birthday; Lindsey replied, “Now I can qualify for a reverse mortgage”:)

  • whitroth

    Come on, Rumpolini’s back to doing what he can to minimize his no good, very bad weekend.

    Gotta say, Putin puttin’ on a master class display of running an agent who doesn’t even realize they’re an agent/tool nor that they’re being run….

    Then the rest of the G-20 treating him like he’d had an unfortunate encounter with a skunk.

    • FlownΩver

      Skunk LIBELZ!1!!!!1

  • Ill-Advised

    Unpossible. “Thoughts that originate in Trump’s anal canal and then somehow find their way into his brain” can’t happen, because “corpus callous-sum” is pronounced “anal canal, filled with All those little pouchy things just big enough to hold a tweet.”

    You’re welcome.

    • It’s always good to have a Latin scholar handy to clear these things up.

    • Ewwww….

  • The Ol’ Pussy Grabber is a one hit wonder! All he’s got is bluff, bluster, obfuscation, confusion, and intimidation — okay, he’s got more than one, but you know what I mean. It just gets old, but, then again, that’s the plan: you stop paying attention after a while.

    • Khavrinen

      “And if I know you you’re doin’ that thing,
      Every day just doin’ that thing,
      I can’t take you doing that thing you do”

  • Wookie Monster

    If you can’t trust Steve Douchey and the Monchichi on national security issues, who can you trust?

  • Just wondering. Is there anybody at the White House saying stuff like, “Um, Donny, that’s not true. Comey’s memo wasn’t classified, he did nothing wrong. And Donny, you ought to be careful, you’re committing libel against Comey! He can sue you. And for chrissake, you’ve got the FBI, the CIA and the NSA to explain these things to you, why are you listening to Fox ‘n Friends???”

    Trump has hired about 27 lawyers in the past couple of months, don’t any of them try to legal ‘splain stuff to Donny? And if they have, and he ain’t listening, why haven’t they quit?

    • BosGrl

      All of them fall all over themselves to sigh at and admire the emperor’s clothes.

    • Incoming Ham

      You can splain stuff to Donny until you are blue in the face. He won’t listen and you’ll be sacked for insubordination by way of facts.

  • Dan Gude

    So very

  • DJG

    It’s always about the leaking. Why so obsessed with leaking?

    • TundraGrifter

      Depends…

    • Judy Byrd

      Golden showers leaking?

  • TundraGrifter

    Just because Mr. Trump doesn’t understand how any of this works, he shouldn’t assume others (particularly those with decades of experience) share his ignorance and confusion.

    Of course Mr. Comey knew how to document what he wanted to – and how to be able to release it if events warranted. He’s spent many, many years in this business.

  • Pisto75666

    If I ever have kids, I’m so naming my first one FuckPuddle Jr.

    • Natalie Frenshen

      That was pretty epic.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    I don’t know….I’m kind of torn here. On the one hand, it’s Trump. On the other hand, who would know more about illegality than him?

    • Maybe

      Almost anyone. Trump knows very little. One of the few things he does know is that rules and laws don’t apply to him.

  • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️

    “Your Honor, someone else did something illegal once!”

    “They did? Oh, case dismissed then.”

  • Maybe

    The more I hear about the Trumps, the more I expect to hear the Last Trump any minute now.

    And in some ways it would be a relief.

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