Recently, we learned a weird story about what seemed like attempted collusion between Trump people and Russia, but there was no smoking gun that said, “There! That is Trump people and Russia, colluding like a couple of horny teenagers!” This weekend, though, we learned that high-up Trump person Donald Trump Jr. specifically tried to do horny collusion with this one Russian lawyer chick in the summer of 2016. WHOA IF TRUE!
The New York Times reported Saturday that, during the 2016 campaign, immediately after Donald Trump secured the GOP nomination for president, Donald Trump Jr., the Creepy McBadFace thing what emerged the first time God decided to bless Trump with an heir, had met with this Russian lawyer named Natalia Veselnitskaya at Trump Tower. Trump’s first campaign manager Paul Manafort and his doting son-in-law Jared Kushner also were there. (Surprise, Kushner originally forgot to disclose this meeting in his security clearance filings, because he frequently forgets such things.)
Junior’s excuses for his bad behavior have changed throughout the weekend. Initially, he told the New York Times that yeah, he totally had that meeting, and it was about letting Americans adopt bouncy Russian babies. You see, Americans haven’t been able to do that since 2012, when Russia had a shitfit in its Russian panties over a law called the Magnitsky Act, which “blacklists suspected human rights abusers” from Russia, as the NYT puts it. One component of it was a Trump Travel Ban, but instead of banning innocent Muslims, it banned 18 Russians thought to be responsible for stealing actual entire companies and also for Russian lawyer Sergei Magnitsky’s death in prison, and banned them from using the American banking system. In response, Russia banned American adoption of Russian babies, and also banned its own list of Americans from entering Russia, among them Bush administration officials David Addington and John Yoo, and also a bunch of U.S. Attorneys and A.U.S.A.’s, including Preet Bharara, whom Trump memorably fired because “reasons.”
Veselnitskaya, as you probably can assume, hates the Magnitsky Act, and has made it her life’s work to fight for its repeal, because it’s totally unfair not to let Russians go around killing people and abusing human rights.
Here is Junior, ‘splaining himself on Saturday:
It was a short introductory meeting. I asked Jared and Paul to stop by. We primarily discussed a program about the adoption of Russian children that was active and popular with American families years ago and was since ended by the Russian government, but it was not a campaign issue at the time and there was no follow up. I was asked to attend the meeting by an acquaintance, but was not told the name of the person I would be meeting with.
He didn’t even know who this meeting was with, but “an acquaintance” made him go, and he decided to invite his BFF Paul Manafort and his brother-in-law Jared, because why not. And it was no big deal, because they DIDN’T TALK NOTHIN’ about Daddy Trump’s campaign, which was why the campaign manager was there, to not talk about the campaign.
Later on Saturday, Mark Corallo, a spox for Trump lawyer Marc Kasowitz, said it was all a big set-up, maybe to trick the Trump campaign into accidentally doing hot, wet collusion with Russia. Know whose fault it really was? Hillary Clinton’s, of course:
“We have learned that the person who sought the meeting is associated with Fusion GPS, a firm which, according to public reports, was retained by Democratic operatives to develop opposition research on the President and which commissioned the phony Steele dossier. These developments raise serious issues as to exactly who authorized and participated in any effort by Russian nationals to influence our election in any manner.”
Uh huh OK, the Democrats tricked the Trumpers into colluding with Russia, and somebody from Fusion GPS laid a trap that Donald Trump Jr., Paul Manafort and Jared Kushner all just fell into. We’re just … um … that’s not even … like if you are going to lie … THAT SHIT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE, TRY AGAIN AND GO TO HELL.
Corallo says Veselnitskaya “misrepresented” who she was when she sought the meeting. Meanwhile, the NYT notes that her only connection to Fusion GPS is that she uses a private investigator from that firm. That is literally the connection Trump’s idiot lawyers are seizing on here.
Anyway, on SUNDAY, the New York Times reported that actually, according to three White House advisers and two other sources, ambulatory anal wart Donald Trump Jr. took the meeting because the Russian lawyer lady was promising DIRTY SEXXX DIRT about Hillary Clinton. This led fuckhead to revise his earlier statement:
I was asked to have a meeting by an acquaintance I knew from the 2013 Miss Universe pageant with an individual who I was told might have information helpful to the campaign. I was not told her name prior to the meeting. I asked Jared and Paul to attend, but told them nothing of the substance. We had a meeting in June 2016. After pleasantries were exchanged, the woman stated that she had information that individuals connected to Russia were funding the Democratic National Committee and supporting Ms. Clinton. Her statements were vague, ambiguous and made no sense. No details or supporting information was provided or even offered. It quickly became clear that she had no meaningful information.
Junior says that after she provided NO SEXXXY DIRT, she changed the subject and talked about bouncy Russian babies. Poor Junior! He was all ready to unbutton his knickers and collude with the Russian lady for daddy, but he couldn’t get there! He also says Daddy didn’t know about it, because apparently there are just some things you don’t tell Daddy.
Let’s not miss the giant point here, which is that when offered the chance to canoodle with a Russian for the purposes of hurting his dad’s opponent, Junior got a gleeful boner and said, “Yeah let’s do it! Can I bring my friends Paul and Jared too?” Maybe Veselnitskaya actually didn’t have any information to share. Or maybe Junior is lying about that too. Regardless, ACHTUNG! COLLUSION! Or at least a good old college try at it!
The Washington Post flags the sheer number of times Donald Trump and members of his inner circle, including the first fruits of his sad sperm, have denied unequivocally that anybody from Team Trump ever met with a Russian for the purposes of collusion. Monday morning, Trump liar-in-chief Kellyanne Conway went on TV and said that, even in the face of Junior admitting to popping a tent in his Underoos at the chance to collude with a Russian, this is definitely not evidence of collusion. As always, the only proper response is “STFU, Kellyanne Conway.”
We don’t know if special counsel Robert Mueller was investigating Junior before this, but we bet he is now.
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