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Also, they don't have buttholes, except of course in slashfic. The less said, the better.
Ponies, it should be added, are vegetarian but not vegan. Except maybe that hippie, Treehugger

Our story on the Memphis vegan restaurant that had a severe outbreak of vegan baby butthole was, understandably, our top story of the week, and like any piece that goes viral, it generated a lot of new traffic, including some folks who couldn’t resist the urge to drop by our table and start yodeling incoherently at us. Some were from Very Upset Vegans who were angry that we would say rude things about vegans, because why are we trying to alienate people whose diet is better for the planet than yours? But not too many, at least not compared to our Facebook post about the article, where there was much unhappiness about our aggression, like these deeply disappointed persons:

  • Huh. I guess I really didn’t expect you guys to be assholes about vegans. Disappointing.
  • Did you really need to unleash your beast on a tiny restaurant with like 5000 followers on FB? Could you have found a bigger restaurant that responds poorly to customer complaints? Maybe one that isn’t struggling to be a vegan restaurant in Memphis? Maybe one that hasn’t just experienced a death in the family? This was a really small post to make, and you have much bigger targets that could use some attention, no?
  • Why are you such an asshole about vegans? Get a fucking education, it’s the rational thing to do for your fucking health and the planet. Fuck you Wonkette.
  • Sad. Wonkette used to be so worth reading.
  • I’m not surprised by the article or these comments. Nothing sends lefties rushing to the same side as Ted Nugent like the idea that somewhere someone isn’t bludgeoning an animal for sustenance. What a fucking nerve to eat differently! And they talk about it, too! The same people that can read nuance in virtually everything else suddenly become yee haw anybody who don’t do like me is a sanctimonious asshole!
  • Would’ve been funny and outrageous enough without you being an asshat to vegans in general.
  • Wow this article was clearly written by an asshole.
Actually, it was written about an asshole, which was the whole problem with the restaurant. As to the second comment’s suggestion that our little article drove massive internet traffic to the now-deleted Facebook page of Imagine Vegan Cafe, we’ll certainly take some credit, but Evan assures us that the Facebook foofaraw over the negative review, and the restaurant owner’s parsnip-aggressive replies, had already become a local sensation in Memphis the evening before he wrote his piece — this was one of those stories that was destined to go viral. Still, we did write about several other things that day! You can look them up, although no one read ’em because they weren’t about vegan buttholes.

Then there were the comments here at Yr Wonkette, like these very disappointed notes from “nona,” who wished we’d just grow up already:

  • Author seems like a hipster try hard. Just the first paragraph alone lost my interest. Seems like the writing style of a middle school brat.
  • [In reply to “And yet you read the whole thing to comment on it”:] Actually I didn’t. I scrolled to the screen shots. I don’t give a fuck. Author seems like a try hard. If this is his best no wonder.
  • I wouldn’t call it snark. His written flailing of his words at the start is pretty sad. And yes I’ve read many articles from this site.
  • So nice he has these people who hide behind made up names and fake pics to defend him. Haha. Can’t handle someone giving criticism to a shitty article. Has nothing to do with vegan or ideology. The subject is a funny subject and I agree with the patrons. But again, his first paragraph was so juvenile, not snark (if that’s what you call it, fine. I imagine you live in the south or Midwest) , making it not seem well written enough to continue reading. So I skipped to the screen shots.

We have to say we were mystified by that strange regional animus — we guess snark works different in whatever post-hipster enclave “nona” inhabits, where people write much gooder, without the flailing of the words. Also, what sort of weird groupthink must be at work where the regular readers of a blog fail to recognize the obvious inferiority of that blog’s writers the moment someone with a clearer head points it out to them? Sad, really. We will make every effort to change our style to meet the demanding criteria of a one-time driveby commenter, and hope that someday we may be worthy of her approbation.

Some jerk who said the baby’s bad behavior was the result of not enough children getting spanked, and the resulting “Hitting children is not a good thing” reply from a Wonker, drew this from one “Freeland Dave”:

Spare the rod and spoil the child. But you probably don’t subscribe to anything God tells you so just ignore my stupid comment. That’s what most people do today.

We recommend “Freeland Dave’s” comment history to aficionados of Rightwing Know-It-Allism, since “Freeland Dave” is one of the great unheralded experts on the internet. He says he lives in Seattle, so he’s seen firsthand the hundreds of Canadians who come to the city’s hospitals all the time so they won’t die on a socialized medicine waiting list. All the black people he knows hate Maxine Waters. And wouldn’t you know it, since he’s worked “with data gathering equipment for decades,” he happens to know that most climate studies are the result of fiddling with the data to get the desired results. And that’s just within the last week. But he’s right. We probably won’t advocate thrashing children based on his — or God’s — advice.

Following in “Freeland Dave’s” bitsteps came “Nidijih,” whose avatar is this cheerful parody of a Nazi eagle insignia incorporating Pepe the Frog and a Trash Dove (yet another innocent meme devoured and made evil by the Hacker known as 4-Chan.) “Nidijih” had quite a comeback when a Wonker replied to “Freeland Dave’s” Bible wisdom with another Bible quote, Matthew 7:12, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Somehow, this inspired “Nidijih”explain that the decline of corporal punishment leaves far more at stake than simply one unruly naked vegan child in Memphis:

In other words, you wish you hadn’t been taught discipline, so you dont want to teach it to your kids? No wonder the west is dying..,

Yep, the Golden Rule is the reason for the decline of Western Civilization. “Nidijih’s” comment history is a sad slog through your basic racist, anti-Muslim, and MRA nonsense, with a particularly whiny insistence that circumcision is a violation of human rights. Also, “liberal self hatred” is causing White Genocide, etc.

One “Terrence Jeffrey Johnson” had some thoughts on leftist vegans, and also a very funny joke to about Chinese food:

  • Vegans are stupid leftist morons….PETA really means People Eating Tasty Animals! Filthy Hippies need shut down and CPS needs to take their kids away
  • Beef, shrimp, or chicken from a Chinese restaurant? You mean cat or dog, right?

Again, this user’s comment history is a fascinating glimpse into the mind of a wingnut: Mr. “Johnson” has all sorts of prescriptions for the people he doesn’t like. Various people he reads about at Breitbart, American Thinker, Mediaite, and elsewhere should be deported, punched in the face, charged with vagrancy and put on the chain gang, imprisoned for being commies, and one “white boy traitor” in particular should be “punched in the face a dozen times, then tarred, feathered, and strung up with piano wire from a meathook, you traitor.” He’s a very action-oriented guy, our “Jeffrey.” He also thinks the members of “Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense” are “treasonous hags” who deserve to be “passed around the Hells Angels like the whores they are.” Looks like the vegan hippies would get off pretty easy with just their kids being taken away by CPS.

Then there was some brave commenter who deleted his own Disqus account for some reason, at some point after assessing the article thusly:

Speaking of sand…sounds like you’ve got sand up your hoo-ha.

And then things got really dumb. He told a Wonker to “stop being a retard,” then defended the term “retard” as a fit descriptor, because here is a definition from some old psychology manual of different degrees of retardation, and why do you retards reject science, haw-haw? Besides, it’s not like he was going to be offending any retards, it’s only a word, after all:

As if my lack of ’empathy’ has any affect on any retard. Are there any retards reading this? Did I hurt someone physically? Are they suffering? I think not.

When told, “Fuck off, you ableist scum,” he called attention to the disgusting hypocrisy of the Left:

Name calling, while accusing someone of being scum. You sure showed me.

And finally, when a Wonker suggested that he might do well to learn not to use “retard” as a pejorative, he simply came back with “Thank you for getting donald trump elected.”

We’ll have to add “Please don’t use ‘retard’ as an insult” to the big catalogue of reasons Donald Trump won. We learn so much, writing for this blog! Before their final flounce and self-deletion, our visitor explained the true damage done to America, perhaps the world, by Political Correctness:

Crafting a virtuous self-image, motivated by selfishness and in practical terms destroying millions of lives. What a great person to be lecturing about ethics.

Someone asked him how the hell that worked, exactly, but all he said was “Please think about it really hard first.” So we’ll have to think real hard about how political correctness and not calling people retards has “destroyed millions of lives.”

Yeah, we’re done. Didn’t come up with anything. If you know of any lives destroyed by the stricture on making fun of people with intellectual disabilities, be sure to call them to the attention of Jeff Sessions at the Department of Justice.

Finally, one late entry in the Derp Sweepstakes: Even while we were typing up this week’s Dear ShitFerBrains Saturday, we got a new competitor in the Derpolympics, one “major Bubba” (we’ll assume the lowercase “m” indicates major is an adjective, not a rank), who explained that OBVIOUSLY anyone who runs a vegan restaurant is unfit to be a parent, because they are 1) mentally ill, 2) liberals, 3) baby-murderers, 4) and, duh, Nazis. A sampling:

  • Who is really surprised by this? It’s a given that Mental Illness is running rampant thru this place, it’s a Vegan Restaurant.
  • [In reply to someone pointing out his random Capitalization suggests serious wingnuttery:] Oh they are not random there Snowflake. Vegan Restaurant = Mental Illness. It’s really quite simple.
  • I find it quite strange that the same group of people who would claim to be Vegan to protect the lives of animals are the same group who would defend the right of a mother to murder her unborn child. Nature and evolution has clearly designed the Human body to be an omnivore, a diet that includes meat. To deny that is to deny evolution and nature and therefore should qualify as a true mental illness. LOL, SMDH and STFU
  • Ever meat a Vegan who wasn’t a Liberal? Put that in context. Liberals are the champions of baby murdering, yet a Vegan won’t eat meat or wear leather because they don’t want to harm animals, but are perfectly ok with being a Liberal. It’s called Hypocrisy. Suck it.
  • Hitler was a Socialist and Liberals and Socialists are the same thing. Thank you for playing. You Fail.
  • I know, I know, I was expecting too much for Libtards to let facts influence their opinions. What was I thinking?
  • Hitler was a socialist just like modern day Liberals. Nazi brown shirts attended the opposing party’s rallies and disrupted them and attacked the attendees much like the Liberals at Berkley in California only the Liberal Socialists traded in the Brown Shirts for Black. Liberals are far more like the Nazis than any Republican. You fail

So there you go. Hitler was a liberal, liberals are vegans, vegans are Nazis, and capitalization is Arbitrary. We left out the very strange argument over how the word “fetus” was made up by liberals to hide the fact that abortion kills babies (proof: No one ever says “I’m having a fetus”) because, as Nazi fascist commie liberals, we hate freedom of speech.

Enjoy your Sunday, Terrible Ones, and please try not to have a cow.

$
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  • canes_pugnaces

    I would suggest vis a vis the article:
    1) It did have a bit of an ax to grind re: vegans;
    2) It did seem a little on the bullying side (but hey, it’s your site);
    3) There are bigger fish to fry (even though fish are not eaten in vegan restaurants. Sad!);
    4) It was very funny, so there’s that; and,
    5) I’m going to eat a cheese omelette now, sans yodeling and butt holes. I’ll report back.

  • FauxAntocles

    And this is why Drumpf loves uneducated voters and they love him…

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Takes one to know one.

      • BosGrl

        Celebrities! They’re just like us!

        • OutOfOrbit

          Some like it hot. (In Boston?)

          • BosGrl

            Oh man, it is brutal today. I have central air but it costs me a fortune on my electric bill so I’ve been trying to avoid it, but then I just sit here in a heat- and hormone-fueled puddle of perspiration.

            What was the question?

          • OutOfOrbit

            All you need is a damp hand towel on your nekkid boobs and you will chill, add a fan for FRIDGID!

  • Longstreet63

    Whenever these tragedies occur, it’s always too early to blame Vegan Baby Butthole.
    They have a strong lobby.

    • Bad Tom

      As well as a penetrating odor.

      • Longstreet63

        You need that in congress.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    Ever “meat a vegan”? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • OutOfOrbit

      Oh just stop.

    • SFC Sphinxor

      You probably should have tried to flesh that one out a bit first…

      • OutOfOrbit

        Not U2!

        • SFC Sphinxor

          He’s a butcher, really.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Oh my Dog…

    • Steely_Fan

      Also, too, “parsnip-aggressive replies.” Dok’s killing me today.

      • PubOption

        It will be hard to beet that pun.

  • Dolmance

    Circumcision is a violation of human rights. Just imagine your child growing up, taking a trip to Europe, whipping out his penis in a public place only to have everyone point and scream, “JEW! JEW! JEW!”

    No thanks.

    • SFC Sphinxor

      Back off! Here in America, we consider OUR form of genital mutilation to be acceptable! Not like those OTHER peoples’ genital mutilation…

      • BosGrl

        Let’s take a poll: Guys, if you were circumcised are you bitter about that and has it affected your enjoyment about or your ability to have sex? Because that’s what female genital mutilation is all about.

        • SFC Sphinxor

          No, and no, but I know there is some bizarre group of guys that try to “reverse their circumcision” through stretching their skin, or something.

          • BosGrl

            I’ve seen that! Does it actually work?

          • SFC Sphinxor

            I’m not an expert, but no.

          • Longstreet63

            Not unless it restores severed nerve endings.

          • Royal Ugly Dude

            “What are you doing in there, Johnny?”
            “Reversing my circumcision! Now leave me alone!”

        • No snark: We had our lads done because hubby had his done and he assured Yr Jen that it was better, cleaner, more better for them.
          Yr Jen was a dumb and 25 and should have looked that shit up but since she only ever met one penis, had no clue.
          Ignorance is not a defense here, just wish I had known more.

          • janecita

            I did it to my son, I’m a Health Educator and I’m plenty informed. It’s cleaner, and believe it or not, it helps to reduce the incidence of Penile Cancer and other diseases. You did the right thing.

          • Still feels wrong. I just wish I had been better informed. But 25 year old Catholic Girls are either MONDO informed about Penis, or not at all.
            I fell into the later category.

          • SFC Sphinxor

            When I was in my twenties, a coworker who had been born and raised in Germany had himself circumcised around age 25 because “American girls expect it.” I’ll leave the health argument to the experts, but it’s clearly a cultural norm for many groups in our country.

          • janecita

            My brother was circumcised when he was 24. His foreskin got caught in his zipper, and it tore.

          • OH HELL OW. Poor guy!

          • mailman27

            All male wonkers are now doubled over, cringing…

          • Longstreet63

            Mastectomy also reduces the incidence of breast cancer, but nobody suggests performing it on newborns as a standard.

          • janecita

            False equivalence, whatever.

          • Longstreet63

            I understand you saying so, but explain why the equivalence is false. Would some other, milder amputation work better?

          • 1complexmolecule

            Not in first world countries; and please cite your sources.

          • janecita
        • Longstreet63

          I’m not circumcised, but only because I wasn’t expected to live long after birth.

          • :hugs: showed them!

          • Longstreet63

            Like the saying goes “they wish they’d , have killed me at birth even more!”
            That’s a saying, right?
            My Mom said it was.

          • Hrm. Not sure…….

      • Fine, don’t circumcise your babby boys. As long as I don’t have to witness a group of tasteful “Bloodstained Men” protesters hoot and holler at me on the street again like they did a couple of years ago.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/61cd5749eafa2a3ea7b67d9d0c3ad39a3e9712017e576021abba860fa43e956e.jpg

        • SFC Sphinxor

          Wow, I’ve never seen that. The bloodstained crotches really adds a lot, huh?

        • Ricky Gay

          Probably leave really bad tips, also too.

        • LucindathePook

          I know this is irrelevant, but this pic makes me think of when I used to have menstrual periods.

          • When I first spied them standing at an intersection in those getups I figured it was some kind of Menstruation Protest. Not sure of what the point would be to protest that, now that I think about it.

    • Blender_415

      Funny, my parents circumcised me, and I recently returned from a trip to Europe… every time I whipped out my penis in public, everyone screamed, “HOLY CRAP YOU’RE HUNG LIKE A HORSE!” and high-fived me. (Then then immediately notified the closest police officer, b/c whipping your penis out in public isn’t really considered acceptable behavior anywhere)

      • BosGrl

        Rob Delaney, is that you?

      • armed_bears

        Unless you are a horse.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          …Who don’t have foreskins anyway.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      My folks circumcised me when we came to the states because an MD said it was a good idea and used a mohel (Orthodox Jewish practitioner) because it was free. Dear stupid mra assholes; please shut the fuck up about how circumcision is exactly like fgm. A sterile procedure (with local anaesthesia) by a trained surgical tech with a loving, supportive family by your side is nothing whatsoever like having someone cut on your privates with a razorblade or a piece of glass while being held down by your female relatives.

    • Werewolf

      I’d say 90% of objection to circumcision is anti-Semitism/Islamophobia.

      • Dolmance

        That’s why it’s so cruel, making it so a child grows up and is unable to take their penis out in any company, venue or any situation really.

        You nailed it.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    Geez, I didn’t see the pro-spanking comment. Can we at least acknowledge there’s a lot of middle ground between hitting your child, and letting them run around a restaurant showing the patrons his butthole?

    • SFC Sphinxor

      When I was a struggling young artist, I often had to show patrons my butthole. Happens.

    • NO. IT IS ALL PIE. THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND.

      • Bad Tom

        Special chocolate pie?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      We’ll just agree to disagree.

  • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️
  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    *raises hand*

    Uh, yes. Can we go back to getting BernieBro trolls? Because these are just a bit too weird for me.

    • Easy. Post an article about Saint Jill or Bernie of the Bird.
      They’ll come a’runnin!

  • memzilla Ω

    Dok. I don’t know how you do it. If I had to get elbow deep in the Deletia Gutter I’d need so much vodka to sanitize myself that my liver would be calling up The Hague to have me arrested as a livercidal maniac.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I’ve thought that it might be satisfying to weld the Banhammer of Dok for a while, but it must get exhausting pretty quickly. Especially when it needs to be applied to misbehaving regulars.
      Dok has mighty arms.

    • Nockular cavity

      But Deletia Gutter is my favorite pony.

  • In the first corner, weighing a healthy if full of itself 145 lbs, we have Super Vegan! And in this corner, wearing the red trunks, we have Captain Racist Asshole!
    No hitting below the belt, gentlebums, let’s have a good clean fight.
    I SAID CLEAN FIGHT

  • ⭐️Most Accurate Poster 2017⭐️

    Also Dok, I know you got a lot of material this week to wade through – but one of the 4chan racists that showed up tried to explain that “Nazi” was short for “National Zionist”, which is the most amazing misunderstanding of politics I have ever witnessed.

    • I saw that one! I was all…weeeellll there is a bit of revisionist selling the narrative!
      The worst part is that if one of them winged that out here, there are others trying to make that an actual thing

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Alt History is a very Nazi like thing.

        • I blame all those alt history books
          Was at the Barns and or Nobles yesterday and, as a miser, checking out the clearance section, and there were 5- 5!- different books about “What if Hitler won????”
          I was all…fucking hell.
          Coulda all been the same one in different sizes and shapes though.

          • Longstreet63

            To be fair, I’d bet all five were dystopic SF.

          • No clue. I went with Pratchet instead. Him and Gaiman with Good Omens.
            And there was one with a white cover and one with a black cover too! So choices.

          • Bad Tom

            Good Omens is hysterically funny. You will actually LOL.

            Or else.

          • That is what I figured ^.^
            I need to buff out my library a little and I figure going with an author I know with a new guy may introduce me to more XD Cowardly way but there it is.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            I just reread Good Omens after many, many years. There was so much in there I’d forgotten about.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            There is a Nazi Wank thing about “Luftwaffe 1946”, where, if WW2 went on for another year, Germany would have all those jet planes and defeat the Allies with one hand tied behind their backs.

          • Longstreet63

            About as realistic as everything that happened in Wonder Woman.
            The jet wouldn’t have helped at that point, since it wouldn’t stop the Red Army.

          • ….they do know they were almost utterly out of pilots, right?

          • Bad Tom

            The Brits had a similar problem. The experience level of pilots flying keep getting shorter and shorter, with predictable results.

          • That’s why they were so excite to have the USA in on the thing I suppose. Plenty of fresh meat to throw at it.

          • Bad Tom

            They might have done that if their industrial capacity hadn’t been savaged by aerial bombardments.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Except they would not have had the resources to actually on a massive scale build all those wonder planes plus one of the A-bombs would have been dropped on Berlin probably.

          • amrak63

            True. The Allies agreed that beating Germany came first, so if Germany had been able to hold out until the USA had workable atom bombs, the first one would have been dropped on some hapless German city. I’m not sure it would have been Berlin, though–in real history, we never dropped an A-bomb on Tokyo.

            Hence, the Germans were actually lucky that they lost when they did, rather than later.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            A lot of that speculation is dependent on who succeeded Hitler. Adolph would have been dead in six months from all of his health problems, most of them drug-induced. He was deteriorating quickly, physically and mentally, when the Russians were closing in on Berlin.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            But at least they were in the clearance section. On the other hand “The Art of the Deal” was probably on special offer as “Two for the price of three.”

          • lol on a lark I checked and they did have a couple conservative books, but Al Franken’s newest was on the end cap :D

          • Little Lulu Ω

            There’d still be a Whole Foods.

    • OddMan

      “National Zither”
      “National Zircon”
      “National Zipper”
      “National Zilch” ?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    So, Donald and Vlad are going to create an “impenetrable” cyber security organization.

    In other news, foxes are going to create “impenetrable” hen houses.

    • Stulexington

      And the hackers are going to pay for it!

  • therblig

    “Ever meat a Vegan…?”

    is he confessing to cannibalism?

    • Ricky Gay

      Can’t go wrong with grass-fed!

      • therblig

        free range?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Everyone of those sanctimonious responses epitomizes why people roll their eyes when someone says “vegan”.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Pretty much. Insufferable bastards. Like holy rollers.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Oh…evangelicals vs. vegans cage match. Many will enter, hopefully fewer will exit.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Wow…tough to figure out who to root for. I think I’m going with the lard-fried pork rinds in this one.

          • ariel_gee_398

            At the sanctimony singularity, there are no heroes to cheer.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            A literal Black Hole of self-righteousness.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I have a relative who’s vegan. A restaurant meal with her is like something you’re sentenced to. First, there is the interminable interrogation of the poor fucking waitress to determine that whatever she MIGHT order is up to snuff. Then, when the food arrives, it’s “are you really going to eat that?” followed by a lecture at the molecular level on what it is doing to your body, your soul, the planet, but most importantly to HER.

        That said, most of the vegans I know are not at all like that.

        • janecita

          They are worse.

        • like an ex-smoker only with food. yegods

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Did I mention that she will be at least 45 minutes late as well, because she felt she needed to go for a quick run and then meditate for a bit at exactly the same time we are meeting at the restaurant? Because the time concerns of the other 12 family members there are just really not all that important.

          • gak.
            I take it this is not a regular thing

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Nah…it’s the daughter of my mom’s husband, who fortunately only visits once a year. And even then, I generally find an excuse to beg off attending.

          • smrt. I’d order ahead and eat with all that time, then we she got there be all, we’re done, catch ya later!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’ve said that a thousand times…”let’s just fucking eat.” But my mother overrules, because since said hubby’s daughter stays at her house, she knows she will hear about it for the rest of her fucking life if we were to do that.

      • Alan

        I know dozens of vegans and they’re all perfectly normal. Never had a single one say much of anything about food.

        • Lucky.
          I only ever seem to run into the first crowd. Being that I myself am all for folks doing their thing I do not care.
          I’d totally vegan out if it were not for the lack of cheese and milk anyway

          • Alan

            Cheese and ice cream are why I’m vegetarian and not vegan. Mmmm, canola cheese.

          • I could get by even though I enjoy a good cut of steak now and again.
            But I would actually die without cheese. and Milk Chocolate.
            Y they want me to die, Alan?????

          • Alan

            Oh god, I forgot about chocolate. Ever had vegan chocolate? Don’t bother.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Did you really need to unleash your beast on a tiny restaurant with like
    5000 followers on FB? Could you have found a bigger restaurant that
    responds poorly to customer complaints? Maybe one that isn’t struggling
    to be a vegan restaurant in Memphis

    And if the owner hadn’t been such a dick to the customer who had a valid complaint, you’d have a point here. As it is…

    http://cdn.playbuzz.com/cdn/bc9ce328-38a0-4411-800d-526d0c9724b9/bd794390-3549-40fe-862a-0dee4580fa78.jpg

    • Mr. Blobfish

      That’s what I was thinking. Instead of ignoring the post or apologizing, he went straight to Warp Speed Asshole. He doesn’t care about the business, only helping animules. If you alienate your customers, you will have no business and you will not be helping animules.

  • lowenufc

    I read these comments and then thank my lucky stars for abandoning my PhD in History because all I really needed to know is that it is all Liberals fault, Nazis were vegan buttholes, and I am wrong.
    Did I miss anything?

    • armed_bears

      Free-range children.

      • lowenufc

        Do they taste better than regular children?

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          It depends on the roasting sauce.

          • Longstreet63

            I use a good quality marinate.

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            Yeah. A dry rub is no good cuz they holler too much.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          If they eat anything that they pick up off the ground, probably no.

    • jesterpunk

      All wars where caused by people being respectful to someone else.

      • Bad Tom

        Food, water, territory, power, and/or MONEY never has anything to do with it.

        • jesterpunk

          It was that one guy holding the door open for Dave and Dave saying thank you that caused it. If he had just slammed the door in Dave’s face then laughed when he walked into the door there wouldnt have been any problems.

        • Power is a red herring. Stick to the resources, that is what they are all about, root cause. Even our “war on terrorism” is really just an oil war, hence why we are not bothering to fight terrorists in countries that lack vast oil reserves

          • Bad Tom

            The resources are the basis of the power.

    • Canned Covfefe

      Yes, it’s all Obama’s fault. (See time machine.) Oh wait, or is it Hilz? Keep confusing my history lessons.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Ironically, I have learned never to read Wonkette pieces about restaurants while I’m eating.

  • armed_bears

    I cannot wait to see what Vlad’s twitter-bot network has learned from Buttholegate.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Ever meat a Vegan who wasn’t a Liberal? Yeah. Hitler.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Don’t forget Bill Clinton.

      • Bad Tom

        Bill Clinton is vegan?

        • Royal Ugly Dude

          He went Vegan about 15 years ago. He says it’s the reason he’s still alive.

          • Jeffocaster in the East

            Yes because had he not stopped and left the flesh alone, Hillary would have killed him……

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            So, you’re saying that “major Bubba” was actually Bill Clinton in disguise?

            I don’t know if Wonkette should be flattered or disappointed.

          • Nockular cavity

            WHOA IF TRUE.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I did not have sex with that vegan.

      • mancityRed6

        if he still wears leather, he’s just a run of the mill vegetarian.

        • ariel_gee_398

          No, he’s a health vegan, not a moral vegan. Lots of vegetarians (myself included) don’t wear leather.

          • mancityRed6

            then he would be a strict vegetarian, not the kind that excuses eating chicken or fish.
            vegans don’t drink milk, eat honey, or wear leather. don’t know how they feel about anything with premarin in it

    • Bad Tom

      But I didn’t meat him. I only red him.

    • lowenufc

      Hitler was a vegan, vegans are liberal, liberals are Nazis. It right there SHeeple!

      • Bad Tom

        The Bad Logic parade continues!
        ——-
        It is so useful. You can prove anything.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      But Hitler was a liberal socialist! Have you learned nothing?

      • therblig

        and liberal socialists are jews, so…

        Oh.My.God

    • janecita

      I thought that he was a vegetarian not a vegan.

    • Nockular cavity

      A relative encountered David Duke-supporting vegans in Louisiana, who thought animals deserved rights, and n*****s didn’t. Seriously.

      • amrak63

        Hitler himself loved animals, or so I’ve read. It was certain kinds of humans he wasn’t too fond of.

    • LucindathePook

      Loved his spelling of the verb in this instance.
      If a Vegan meat a Vegan
      Coming through the rye…

      • PubOption

        If Hitler is involved, it had better not be Romany Rye.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Vegan Baby Buttholes… sounds like a Punk band.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Name calling, while accusing someone of being scum. You sure showed me.

    Does this make any sense to anyone?

    • therblig

      i think it’s the whole “so much for the tolerant left” meme

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Yeah but–his “gotcha” seems to be that someone name-called while calling him scum. I don’t quite see the contradiction there.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Nothing sends lefties rushing to the same side as Ted Nugent like the
    idea that somewhere someone isn’t bludgeoning an animal for sustenance.
    What a fucking nerve to eat differently!

    OK, as a person who regularly gets fun of for eating healthy, I am now LMFAO over the idea that I am on the same side as Ted Nugent because I believe restaurants should practice basic hygiene TYVM…

    http://i.imgur.com/tyTc1Nl.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      They cant understand nuances, everything is black and white for them with no shades of grey.

    • Stulexington

      And as someone who’s jockyed a fast food till, I believe resturant owners should practice the basics of customer service also too.

  • snigsy

    As a Canadian on many socialized medicine waiting lists (because I’m dying from liberal self-hatred), I can assure you that I have regularly traveled to Seattle hospitals where all the black people tell me they hate Maxine Waters. And let me tell you a thing or two about spanking.

    • mancityRed6

      it was “all the black people he knows”, so, none of them?

  • Moebym Reborn

    Being Chinese, my blood pressure spikes every time I see a reference to that idiotic stereotype that Chinese are savages who eat cats and dogs.

    • mancityRed6

      it’s also a stereotype for roadside tacos in Tijuana, as told to me by my then second generation American gf of the time.

      • (((Aron)))

        Apparently dog is traditional cuisine in certain parts of southern Mexico.

    • I always figured it was beef and pork and chicken since it is beef and pork and chicken.
      No snark a minute, I thought it was Korea for the dog? I heard the thing about China and cats, but I always heard the /dumbjokes about Korean food and dogs.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Dog is a thing in Korea, fer sure.

      • mancityRed6

        my boy’s wife is half Chinese, she knows a few people from varying countries. the richer nation generally picks on the poorer nations.
        I can’t remember now if it was Thailand or Vietnam, but dog jokes were made by a girl from South Korea

      • Moebym Reborn

        Yes, some Chinese eat both and Koreans do eat dogs – in both cases, certain regions more than others. It’s the ethnocentrism inherent in that stereotype that bothers me.

        • Sorta like how some people in the US eat Chitlins.
          Which….I think I would prefer dog myself. Because no.

          • mancityRed6

            amen

          • I almost fell for it once. Want some chitlins? erm….I am not sure what they are?
            This is what they are!
            Then no. No I do not want. Thank you

          • PubOption

            Pig intestines, also written as chitterlings.

          • amrak63

            I am happily carnivorous, but I think I would rather eat a vegan meal than eat dog, or any critter’s chitlins. :P

    • RoniOh

      Sorry Chinese do eat dogs. I’m not sure about the “savages” business but I’m also not sure why you’re prepared to lie about a known fact.
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog_meat

      • Moebym Reborn

        Look at my comment below; you’re not quite getting my point. I’m well aware Chinese eat cats and dogs, and was in fact once offered dog meat by my aunt.

        • PubOption

          The only time I have had some odd meat (chicken with a shoulder blade) was in a Greek-owned restaurant in a seedy area of Manchester, England.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Pisses me off to no end, too. I gently remind my cockhole racist friends of the little known fact the men of the Lewis and Clark expedition preferred dog over salmon.

      “In the dry areas of what is now eastern Washington, in fact, where there
      was little if any game and the only other choice was dried salmon,
      usually impregnated with sand, the men came to prefer dog.

      Their favorite foods were always elk, beaver tail, and buffalo, and when
      they were struggling up the Missouri the men ate prodigious amounts of
      it, up to nine pounds of meat per man per day. But dogs would do if dogs
      were all that they could get.” http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2003/12/1204_031204_lewisclark.html

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I scrolled to the screen shots…

    So I skipped to the screen shots.

    Say, you know who else skipped to the screen shots?

    • mancityRed6

      noted movie enthusiast, the late Kim Jong il?

      • Longstreet63

        He’s not dead. He ascended to godhood after being baptised post mortem by some religious group or other.

        • mancityRed6

          the Mormons strike again!

    • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

      John Holmes?

    • armed_bears

      John Dillinger?

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Alex DeLarge.

    • BosGrl

      Every book Drumpf ever read.

      • Panika MCD

        All Quiet on the Western Front and The Art of the Deal eleventy times each?

  • mancityRed6

    “So nice he has these people who hide behind made up names and fake pics to defend him.”
    just to be clear, my avatar is not a fake pic.

    • Thing that gets me….they also hide behind made up names and fake pics so….
      erm….
      huh?

    • armed_bears

      Nor mine.

    • Panika MCD

      my avatar is a drawing, not a fake pic. what is a fake pic anyhow?

      • mancityRed6

        when you find something you like in an image search.
        like one of my old avatars
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9743ea7cf8a6dd497f0e276e1953628aa4f0f2b6850c08adfd38b1195e21517e.png

        • Panika MCD

          but it’s still a real photograph…just not of you.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Well, my avatar is a really truly picture of me. Just not a really recent one…

          • mancityRed6

            exactly my point.

          • Panika MCD

            but then what is a fake pic?

          • mancityRed6

            I would say it’s using a picture that is not yourself as an avatar. like how some websites give you a generic picture if you don’t have one picked out.

          • Panika MCD

            does “fake” not mean fake anymore?

          • mancityRed6

            no. fake is now relative to one’s own perspective. or intelligence.
            either way.

          • Amy!

            Fake “fake”!

  • I am having a juicy burger with bacon in honour of all the broo-haha

  • schmannity

    Memphis. Come for the ribs, stay for the vegan baby butthole.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    just ignore my stupid comment. That’s what most people do today

    But if I ignore it, I can’t LMFAO over it. You can see the bind I’m in!

  • alwayspunkindrublic
  • puredog

    Now that’s some first-class MAGA jerb creation right there: sculpting cat and dog carcasses so as to convincingly resemble shrimp. That’s gonna take some skills, though, so maybe not.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Following in “Freeland Dave’s” bitsteps came “Nidijih,” whose avatar is this cheerful parody of a Nazi eagle insignia incorporating Pepe the Frog and a Trash Dove (yet another innocent meme devoured and made evil by the Hacker known as 4-Chan.)

    https://media.tenor.com/images/63315a333efd174f8c3b31848049fac7/tenor.gif

  • chiefkurtz
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    If you can’t see that Hitler was a vegan socialist liberal fascist that literally wanted to kill Jews and homos and retarded people just like Maxine Waters wants to, then you’re just a idiot. No wonder Trump got elected by all of those illeagels, you moran!

    • Longstreet63

      You forgot to mention Zionist.

      • (((Aron)))

        And a world-class ballroom dancer!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          What a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in an afternoon! Two coats!

      • mancityRed6

        and Muslim

    • Panika MCD

      not enough random capitalization and punctuation. 5.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Well he has a point, Hitler was a vegan like many lefties, but he also had a deformed penis like many righties.

    • (((Aron)))

      He was actually a vegetarian. Not a vegan.

      • And every vegan will tell you there is a vast difference. Cheese is murder, man!

        • (((Aron)))

          ‘I’m a level three vegan: I refuse to eat anything that casts a shadow’

        • Stulexington

          And honey is literally stealing the food from the mouths of bees!!! Won’t somebody think of the pollinators??!!??!!!

          • really? Honey too? But…honey is all plant matter. Like straight up!

          • Stulexington

            well, it’s excreted by animals, like milk.

          • No silk wearing then?

          • Stulexington

            Probably no wool either.

          • yikes. Yeah not for me. I could probably do Vegetarian if I had to. But not Vegan.

          • And vegan shoes…you may as well wear cardboard on your feet

          • Stulexington

            Everything must be made of hemp!

          • Bozilingus

            Sandalwood incense. Made it out of my own sandals…

          • shivaskeeper

            That depends. Can I sautee the veggies in bacon grease? If so, I also, too could go vegetarian.

          • Butter or olive oil is also good ^.^

          • shivaskeeper

            But bacon grease comes from bacon.

          • Panika MCD

            only flax and hemp, you heathen!

      • LucindathePook

        Louisa May Alcott’s dad Bronson (who pretty much refused to work) made the family go live as total vegans at Fruitlands. Sugar and cotton were out as slave-produced, wool and honey stole from animals. So they pretty much wore linen. Experiment did not last very long

        • (((Aron)))

          Bronson was an odd duck. Even amongst the Existentialists.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      He also had terrible gas. Once Dr. Morell started shooting him up with morphine and meth and pig testicles, he got better. Hitler also liked dogs.

      • Panika MCD

        most people like dogs–even those unfortunate enough to be allergic to them. Trump doesn’t like pets at all–so he’s at least one rung below (above?) Hitler on the deplorable scale.

  • (((Aron)))

    Hey those last two out of three replies from majorBubba were replies to ME!

    You like me! You really like me!

  • schmannity

    Alex Jones promoting reasoned discourse in the public arena: Old Man Punches Out Weaselly CNN Reporter.

    https://www.infowars.com/old-man-punches-out-weaselly-cnn-reporter/

    • jesterpunk

      But liberals are the ones who need to tone down their violent rhetoric.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Of course. They’re terrorizing the country.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    In other words, you wish you hadn’t been taught discipline, so you dont want to teach it to your kids?

    I hate to be the one to tell this commenter, but positive discipline is a thing FFS.

    • shivaskeeper

      See to them discipline = punishment. Always. I was taught discipline = doing the right thing even if no one is looking and no one will know about it.

      Discipline and punishment are not interchangeable words or concepts.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Filthy Hippies need shut down

    Come to think of it, a nap sounds good right about now. Thanks for the suggestion!

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      I guess you could interpret it as such. I am more like, “WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!?!?!?!?!”

      • BosGrl

        Also, too, what year is this?

        • I am just digging it that we’re hippies again :D For a lil while there the right seemed to be going out of its way to not use the hippie word.

          • BosGrl

            CBS reboots All in the Family in 3… 2… 1…

          • Ricky Gay

            “Meathead” becomes “Soyhead”

          • Dingbat divorces Archie and….
            wait….

          • BosGrl

            Mike and Gloria are back together and retired and living in Florida. Baby Joey is a wingnut. Hilarity ensues as the old hippies cope with a son who disdains their values…

          • Didn’t they do that with Family Ties?

          • BosGrl

            Well, Alex wasn’t an actual Nazi. Baby Joey has swastika tats.

          • mancityRed6

            it would have to be a movie.
            I’m still hoping for a movie of Good Times with Dave Chappelle as Jimmy Walker.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I was offended by the yodeling.

    • Jeffocaster in the East
    • BosGrl

      Oh don’t say you don’t like yodeling because everyone here will try to convince you it’s a good thing.

    • Yodeling is a good thing! And now I will try to convince you of such.
      ……what?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I was permanently traumatized by yodeling after my band was forced to go on at a music festival after a fundie Christian family act that featured a “teen yodeler”. They were the nastiest people I’ve ever met…they couldn’t even tune their instruments, let alone play them. If I want atonal, I’ll take Albert Ayler, thank you.

      • Bitter Scribe

        At least the “Tomorrow Belongs to Me” kid in “Cabaret” could stay on key.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      I wonder if Jodl yodelled?

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Speaking of dietary assholes, I was once in a butcher shop here in Hive of Hipsters Brooklyn, and there was this goateed loudmouth shouting out his orders to the counterperson and sorta looking-around-while-trying-not-to-be-seen-looking-around to see how other customers enjoyed his wit: “I’ll take some DEAD COW MEAT. Two slabs of this DEAD COW. Is this DEAD PIG? Yeah, gimme a pound of the GROUND DEAD PIG,” etc.

    It wasn’t a protest against meat eating, ’cause he was buying the shit. I think he was announcing to the world “See? I don’t deceive myself about what I’m eating! I’m the last honest man! I know I’m eating dead animals, unlike you tranks, and I DIG IT. Deal with it.”

    • therblig

      i hope he paid with some dead presidents.

      • unagidon

        I don’t think that you are allowed to kill your own animals in Brooklyn. So you’d probably have to throw it under a bus.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Could he kill an animal and butcher it himself? Then he wouldn’t need to go to the butcher shop.

      • Hemp Dogbane

        By now most of the hipsters have taken that class.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Maybe his mom was making him buy the stuff.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        “If you’re going to stay in my basement, then you have to do some chores.”
        “Aw, but Mom ….”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    motivated by selfishness and in practical terms destroying millions of lives

    Reading Wonkette destroys millions of lives? Dafuq?

    http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/31/311ab87178f17d227f8d63e2d60e49a087ab88293a3dede983a0e04acef83316.jpg

    • certainly destroyed mine. I should be cleaning something.

    • Raan

      “Destroying millions of lives.” Is the traffic that good?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        If only those millions contributed to Wonkette before they died, Trix and Shy would be set for life.

    • mancityRed6

      can we just strike that last line now?

    • Nockular cavity

      Stop slacking, you hippies. Why, just this morning I’ve already destroyed billions of lives!

  • TundraGrifter

    Sunday morning sick burn:

    “PREET TWEETS — @PreetBharara: ‘When pursuing a corrupt politician, mobster or murderer on strong FBI evidence, if he “vehemently denied it” we just dropped it usually.'”

    ~ This morning’s Politico Playbook (7/9/17)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Looking at you, Uday.

    • Canis Greyhame

      I just waded through all of the POTUS tweets after that meeting with Putin. Holy shit y’all, looks like we’re about to get annexed like a common Crimea.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Except remember that Trump twists in the wind like a set of chimes. Based on who he talked to last. Trump has no real beliefs, no real agenda. MAGA but no plan for how to do that or what it looks like at the end.

    • NotDarkYet

      It WOULD burn if the intended target had a capacity to burn. However, I believe that orange skin is a new technology that wards off any burns, attempts at education, or appeals to empathy.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    OT – watching George Snuffalopalus (my mistake) and Ted Cruz is talking about healthcare. Key comment? “We think that our changes will make premiums fall. But if they don’t, we will have failed”.
    Really?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      The logic of people who know the cost of everything and the value of nothing knows no bounds FFS.

    • BosGrl

      “Oopsie! Sorry about that, guys! We’ll try to do better next time.”

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        “I guess providing options for affordable health insurance is simply impossible! I hope you will all remember this the next time you hear some rando whining about their dying infant!”

    • Alan

      We elect politicians to make laws about things they know nothing about. There’s something to be said for technocracy.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Even though the CBO says opposite. But if believe, close your eyes and really believe, then by golly, it just might work. And if not, oopsies, we tried.

      • Panika MCD

        you have to also too clap your hands if you want Tinkerbell to live!

        • BackDoorMan

          … I thought the clapping was to show that “you believe in fairies”… so, I can’t see the GOP doing that.

    • Panika MCD

      and they can’t take it under advisement of the CBO that premiums will rise and just not-fail instead, why?

    • I was momentaritly confused as i watched a 40 minute interview that George Stromboulopolus did with Eddie Izzard earlier

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        But was that video. This dumfuckery I watched was live teevee.

        • On the youtubes. I don’t have cable anymore

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Yeah, this is broadcast. I don’t have cable either.
            George Snuffaloplus is a tough one because he is on GMA with fluffy stuff and then on Sunday, he tries to be serious.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This is the guy who doesn’t grok the moral of “Green Eggs and Ham.”

    • shivaskeeper

      Did Cruz get up this morning and do anything more than suck at the government tit? If so he has failed.

    • hudson srinivasan

      and if you failed how will you hold yourself responsible?

      • ROFL, have you met Ted?
        It is all the black guy’s fault of course!

    • Canis Greyhame

      Cruz Care is just a slimy scam to turn the ACA into a giant high-risk pool. And after all the young & healthy people jump ship to buy a junk insurance plan that doesn’t cover anything (or just opt-out entirely) it would definitely send the ACA side of the market into a death spiral. He knows this. It would be working as intended.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        It’s all very cynical.

        • Canis Greyhame

          Well I mean, just look at that face of his!

          • Celtic_Gnome

            That face looks like an open book was shut on it. Hard.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    “PETA really means People Eating Tasty Animals!”- Wow! That guy is clever and original! He should turn this into a bumper sticker!

    • Panika MCD

      there was a club by that name at Sarah Lawrence when I was in grad school. they always offered vegan options at their bbqs.

    • Moebym Reborn

      I saw this at a college campus about 12 years ago. I believe it was the College Republicans using the slogan to mock PETA, and likely the Hare Krishna as well.

      • shivaskeeper

        It’s more than 12 years old. I had a T shirt with that on it back in ’91 or so. Only because even them PETA just rubbed me the wrong way.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And Ford is Fix Or Repair Daily (or Found On Road Dead). This is America. You get choices! Freedom!

  • Panika MCD

    but we already had a Housecow last night…truly, I am stuffed.

  • NotALiar

    Nona is why trump won

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      God, I really hate that bitch.

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Nona is why Brad never has time for us.

    • Bozilingus

      Nona your bizness!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    the Liberals at Berkley in California only the Liberal Socialists traded in the Brown Shirts for Black

    Don’t be silly–every fashionista knows that brown is the new black!

    PS: your spelling is as bad as your capitalization: the town is spelled Berkeley. Might want to proofread before you go off on others, wingnut!

    • Ghenghis McCann

      But in Germany we capitalize all Nouns.

      • Stulexington

        Really, I thought you just put them all at the end of the sentence and rammed them together into a superuberhypermeganoun.

        • doktorzoom

          Clearly you’re a fan of Twain’s “The Awful German Language” :D As is anyone who appreciates Twain.

          • Stulexington

            To be fair, have you ever heard a ballad sung in German? They actually have to mangle the pronunciations a little to make it sound less harsh.

          • puredog

            That’s great.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Ah, Twain… To this day I can’t read “How to Cure a Cold” without being reduced to helpless giggles.

            https://docs.google.com/viewerng/viewer?url=http://www.loa.org/images/pdf/Twain_Cure_Cold.pdf

          • Big Puppy Resists

            “Fifthly, I would do away with those great long compounded words; or require the speaker to deliver them in sections, with intermissions for refreshments. ”

            Thanks for the link, Dok! I greatly enjoyed it and it made me laugh out loud. Twain never ages.

        • YayConspiracy

          A bar that serves rhubarb is a: ‘Rhabarberbar’ and if the owner is ‘Barbara’ than she is ‘Rhabarberbarbarbara.’.

          • Stulexington

            Rhubarbarbarbarbaranne.

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            ♫ ♫ Du hast mich schaukeln und rollen
            Schaukeln und Wickeln,Rhubarbarbarbarbaranne
            ♫ ♫

  • TJ Barke

    So much derp, so little time…

    • Bemused Australian

      The derp must flow. He who controls the derp controls the universe.

      • TJ Barke

        Well, controls the US anyway.

        • Nockular cavity

          Well, it is a desert of thinking, isn’t it?

          Which makes the sandworms…what? Sean Hannity?

          • TJ Barke

            Hannity is just another Harkonnen.

      • shivaskeeper

        Dune libelz.

        • Bemused Australian

          The derp extends life. The derp expands consciousness.

          • TJ Barke

            I think it expands unconsciousness…

        • Bemused Australian

          It’s been years since I re-read Dune, so it’s probably time. I’m sure there’s a copy around here somewhere.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            I’m ashamed to say how many years passed after Spaceballs was released that I got the Dune joke on Yogurt’s planet.

            I can be a little slow at times.

      • TJ Barke

        But who is the Dipshitz Stupidass?

        • The Wanderer

          Wasn’t Mauve-Bib the Kumquat Haagendasz?

          • Bemused Australian

            And Alex Jones was the Inquisitive Haddock.

          • Werewolf

            Or is he the Shutout Mopes?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    The Stupid. It comes from all sides…

    • Bemused Australian

      It is engaged in a frontal assault on reality, with a remarkable degree of success.

      • NotDarkYet

        “They’ve got us right where we want them. We can fire in any direction now!” (with votes!)

  • Bemused Australian

    I always miss the trolls,it’s a timezone thing. It’s nice to read about their zany exploits though.

    • shastakoala

      It’s all fun and frolic in Vegan town.

      • Bemused Australian

        Goose stepping and baby murdering as well!

        • To be fair, there is always some goosestepping babby murder.

          • Longstreet63

            Look, it’s under control, all right? I will never live it down, will i?

      • BosGrl

        Until someone puts out an eye!!

        • Bemused Australian

          A brown eye?

    • Alan

      You’re really better off to read it later. You might be tempted to respond to them and that only makes it more dumber.

  • ken_kukec

    “… we guess snark works different in whatever post-hipster enclave “nona” inhabits, where people write much gooder, without the flailing of the words.”

    Spoken like a true hipster try hard, Dok.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Dok’s the special guest villain in Try Hard 2: Try Harder, coming this November.

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    I’m glad we have modern threshing machines. Can you imagine threshing all your kids by hand the way our ancestors did? And in this heat? No thanks! And there were always a few that got missed. I’d have to beat my kid if our vegan gruel had chaff.

    • Bemused Australian

      There’s an app for that.

      • NotDarkYet

        Thresh-vergnügen!

    • Wacklepudding ftw!

      • Bemused Australian

        WTF is a wackelpudding?

        • I do not know, but apparently German Artists can barely afford it.
          And it is usually questionable.

        • Gary Charound

          A gelatin dessert.

          • Bemused Australian

            So, a form of wobbly food substance, yes?

          • doktorzoom

            It’s also sort of timey-wimey and wbbly-wobbly, too, from what I hear. A “questionable wacklepudding” was also mentioned in last week’s ShitFerBrains

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Jerman Jello.

      • VirginiaWackelpudding

        Why thank you! Here, have a shot of cotton gin and tonic.

    • Lordpnut

      Not, vegan restaurant, I’ll not feast with thee.
      Not untwist, slick though it be, my last strand of peen, since seems I burnt my rod-hand rather.
      My chaff might fly, and my roots get dry while I, wretch, lay wrestling with – holy shit – my butthole.
      Yeah, I know. Hopkins’ ghost is gonna strangle me in my sleep.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I have always believed that it is extremely rude to get upset or make negative comments about what other people eat or how they eat it UNLESS what and how they eat is so offensive that one is forced to leave the table or else throw up on it. I had not considered a scenario where a stranger’s naked baby is running around displaying his butthole or another child is yelling in my face, since that has never happened to me, but I think that would meet my criteria of being “forced to leave the table”, especially if it happened at a restaurant where I am paying money to enjoy a meal. But none of that is the point of Evan’s article – the point was the restaurant owner’s bitchy response to a customer’s complaint. I frankly don’t see any difference between the owner’s self-absorbed response and the response of Christian bakers to a request by gay people for a wedding cake. If you are in a business that involves direct contact with the general public, as opposed to a business where your customers are members of a private club who know what your standards are in advance and who share them and agree to abide by them, you are pretty much required to keep your standards for personal, private behavior to yourself. If you can’t do that, then you need to find a different business.

    • The Librarian

      Very well said. Many thanks.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        You’re welcome. I have often wondered what would happen if I started a business and put a sign on the door saying “We do not serve Christian Fundamentalists, Racists, Sexists and Republicans.” How long would I stay in business?

        • The Librarian

          Depends how long people think some of those designations don’t apply to themselves.

    • Notreelyhelping

      “Yes, for our gay wedding, we’d like a vegan cake that prominently features a butthole.”

      *thud*

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Haha, you reminded me of a bakery I saw on Long Island 40 years ago that made “Sexy Cakes.” The things they could do with Twinkies and SnoBalls and Crispy Creme donuts were truly amazing.

        • Notreelyhelping

          I wonder if they ever have a problem getting someone to slice up the cake. “Are you sure you don’t want a little scrotum?”

  • Michael R
  • Mr. Blobfish

    I just finished reading Blitzed. It’s about drug use in the Third Reich. Methamphetamine was first synthesized in Germany just before the outbreak of WWII. It kept the workers in the factories humming along, building the war machine. It was even in chocolates to keep the hausfraus happy. Meth was the secret ingredient to the Blitzkreig. While the Allies were expand Hungry, the Germans were speeding balls across Europe. Goering’s morphine addiction kept the Luftwaffe inept, luckily for us.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Today’s fascist supporters run on meth.

      • TJ Barke

        Methamderpamine.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Oh good golly, I might have to change my nym again…

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Gauloises and wine just couldn’t measure up, thus France.

    • Bemused Australian

      Benzedrine was produced in the US from the early 30s. All sides used amphetamines during WWII. Churchill was hopped up on speed for the duration of the war, probably to balance out the hard liquor and depression.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        The US did experiment with bennies when they got wind of what the Nazis may have been up to. It wasn’t as good as meth.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I can’t imagine drinking a bottle of brandy every day and getting anything done, let alone get out of bed.

        • Bemused Australian

          A lot of booze will bounce off a good dose of amphetamines. Churchill was a pretty serious alcoholic as well, so accustomed to ridonculous amounts of hooch.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          The bottle of brandy is what you get out of bed FOR.

      • Nockular cavity

        Ever read the Korean War novel The Bridges at Toko-Ri? The Navy aviators in that story are (barely) kept going by constant speed intake.

        • Bemused Australian

          Never read it. Worth a look?

          • Nockular cavity

            Yes. Short but well-written. James Michener wrote it after he had been a reporter on a carrier during the war, and it’s been lauded for its realism.

          • Bemused Australian

            Sounds interesting. I’ve stuck it on my kindle list.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Hitler’s last days weren’t that pleasant. The allies, hearing rumor of a super drug responsible for the German performance in the blitzkrieg, included pharmceutical factories on their target lists. Adolph’s drugs of choice were becoming hard to get in his Berlin bunker.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I just finished Blitzed myself. Fascinating book.

  • TJ Barke

    Why do these people that love fascism so much feel the need to claim that we are the real fascists?
    It’s like neo nazi holocaust deniers. “We never holocausted all those people! We really think we should holocaust all those people, but we never did!”

    • OrG

      No fascist! No fascist! You’re the fascist!

      • TJ Barke

        “Say, aren’t fascist things like an obsession with law and order and suppression of dissent neat?”

    • Panika MCD

      because words have no meaning anymore.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Our stupid troll from last night seemed to think socialism and fascism are the same thing, but he also seemed to think Obama is a Secret Gay Muslim. Oh, and Hillary is a murderer. The guy was like a field guide to idiotic RWNJ tropes.

      • Jamoche

        Back in the 30s, Time Magazine put the Socialism part of the Nazi’s name in scare quotes.

    • Stulexington

      Because fascism is a bad word. They don’t know what it means but they know it’s bad so they aren’t doing it, you the people they hate are.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      “Why do these people that love fascism so much feel the need to claim that we are the real fascists?”
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/54b4c1a42cb75e7f6ab9be9b7b8b76abcc3f802077ddd50bc64cca6d5b884ea5.jpg

    • Werewolf

      “It vasn’t us, it vas somevun else, und anyvay ve vas chust followink orders!”

  • Moebym Reborn

    I can’t exactly blame members of the vegan community for coming to each other’s defense, as they are often targets for being mocked. But the restaurant owner’s actions are not defensible, and whoever thinks by us criticizing him we’re attacking vegans and their establishments is missing the point entirely.

    • Oh for sure. But they missed the thing entirely that it was a spoof, probably because they did not bother to read the article at all, just saw somewhere that Wonkette was making fun of Vegans!!!!
      Which makes em no better imo than any wingnut ever.
      Horseshoe fail.

      Edit: Had my own horseshoe fail the other week so pretty sure that is what it was XD

    • OrG

      It’s okay to be a vegan. It’s not okay to be an asshole.

      • BosGrl

        Heh

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        The offspring learned that lesson the first – and last – time he called me a bloodmouth.

    • shivaskeeper

      They seem to get mocked more for the holier than thou attitude and constant evangelizing about being a vegan than for being a vegan in and of itself. It’s as if they think they have the only real truth and need to make sure you know it as well whether you want to hear it or not and irregardless of how many times you have heard it before.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Spare the rod and spoil the child. That means don’t beat your kids. Spoil them instead.

    • Panika MCD

      I think “the rod” can be a metaphor. but don’t tell Freedumb Dave…he doesn’t know what those are.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      In rod we trust.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    “Also, what sort of weird groupthink must be at work where the regular readers of a blog fail to recognize the obvious inferiority of that blog’s writers the moment someone with a clearer head points it out to them?”

    This is a veiled swipe at Andrew Sullivan, isn’t it?

    • We have to make veiled swipes at him? I am much more comfortable swinging openly and loudly at him

    • tomamitai

      It seems like there should be an “until” in front of the phrase “the moment someone with a clearer head points it out to them”. As it stands, it sounds like “the regular readers” know the blog’s writers are inferior, but then lose that knowledge when someone else tells them about it.

  • Rick Hill

    Well, at least you guys didn’t make a post about Nader….

  • handyhippie65

    so i guess none of the conservatives were boy scouts. i remember the motto as calling on scouts to be polite, kind, and courteous. is that not another way of defining political correctness? i admit i don’t always live up to that standard, but i try.

    • Rick Hill

      Yeah but they will say things like “I was spanked as a child and it left me with a disorder called respect for otherz.”

      True story

      • handyhippie65

        so was i. my grandmother really did make me go pick my own switch. and you better bring her a good one, cause you didn’t want her to have to go get one. you did what you were told, when you were told. you were seen and not heard, unless you were asked a question. my mom wasn’t as bad, but the same rules applies everywhere. i got spanked for not having my homework done in grade school. rural indiana in the 60’s and 70’s were kinda painful for a kid.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    since he’s worked “with data gathering equipment for decades,”

    Sorry Freeland Dave, the State Fair turnstile people counter does not count as “data gathering equipment”.

    • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

      He kinda left his chads dangling on that one.

      • data_ninja

        I hope he wasn’t sporting an election!

    • mancityRed6

      they made him wear a clicker on his belt when he ran the tilt a whirl.

    • Michael R

      He can’t even do it without burning kids hands with his cigarette .
      ( OK that’s just something I experienced )

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Did they run out of the handstamp ink?

    • mancityRed6

      the Joplin newspaper always had ads for travelling carnival workers.
      I’d look at the cats and say “if it wasn’t for you, I’d try it out”
      kinda glad I didn’t, but still, you never know what could have been.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Our cats ruin everything! Career interrupted.

        • mancityRed6

          same goes for the idea of being on a cargo ship.
          alas, I’m out of my prime now. not a 10.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        You could have used the cats in the “World’s Smallest Lion Taming Act”. P T Barnum is revolving in his grave.

        • mancityRed6

          yeah, well, screw him and his Egress.

          • Amy!

            Yeah! What was up with that anyway!!! I dunno how many times I paid my money to see the Egress, and I never did!! They’d just push me out, and laugh when I told ’em I paid for the Egress!!!!!1!

            I bet Predisent Tonailed Drump will straighten those guys Right Out!!!!

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “Well Freeland Dave, the darn people counter gave up a while back. We can’t afford to replace it, so you just write down some numbers. Nobody will know.”

    • Nockular cavity

      Actually, it does, and so does a seismic array, the Hubble telescope, a yardstick, a measuring cup, and a speedometer.

  • Canis Greyhame
    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      The picture on that article looks like Vladimir is saying “when blow me next time, please to insert thumb in my ass!”

      • Canis Greyhame

        Which is a lot more fun than the sinister reality behind that gesture. “These critical journalists, we should simply have them killed, no?”

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          “Just say the word Donald, we discuss terms later!”

    • Thiazin Red

      Its like they’re actively trying to look as guilty as possible.

      Also, rolls eyes and makes jerk off motion at McCain and Graham. Sure you’re so upset, I’ll believe it when you vote against him.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Are potato chips vegan? If I continue inhaling the bag I’m eating will I be forgiven? I don’t really need to know. I will eat them any way.

    • Stulexington

      I’m guessing it depends on what kind of oil they’re fried in. If it’s not something expensive from a specialty shop they’re not true vegan.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Isn’t coconut oil the current thing. Must check Goop.(Other sensible advisory websites are available.)

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          The latest advice is not to eat coconut oil. External use only.

          • I got a loverly bunch of coconuts, fiddle dee dee

          • Les Appentis De la résistance

            Do they need oiling?

          • Ghenghis McCann

            Where do you intend to insert them?

          • therblig

            who knew the Elevator Killer was so talented?

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf670orHKcA

          • Stulexington

            But it’s used on the outside of the potato chips so it’s fine right?

        • Amy!

          Avocado oil seems to be the big hipster oil at my local co-op right now.

      • Les Appentis De la résistance

        I checked. Its veg oil. I’m safe and pure.

    • mancityRed6

      there was the kerfuffle in India about how McD’s fries were made in beef tallow.

  • If the vegan baby was actually wearing an asshat, this would be a non story. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d2dd5e609449f1ca9e68977bd1f749217dc9d862ce1c55497619fe14880f4a23.jpg

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      What about underwear?

      • No news on that as of yet.

      • shastakoala

        I know that “Pull-Ups” toddler diapers can and have been worn as hats.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          Grandma? Is that you?

      • wavicles

        What about it? HEY, wait a minit… is someone around here wearing underwear? I know it’s not a rule but isn’t there protocol here regarding pants?
        Like a vegan, (and I’ve yet to meat a vegan I didn’t like) I’m a purist about clothing my lower half; no means no.

  • Tony Prost

    “Ever meat a Vegan who wasn’t a Liberal?”
    Ever meet a troll that could write 140 characters without a spelling error? Spellcheck is oppressing me!!!!!

    • Moebym Reborn

      I got the feeling this misspelling was intentional.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I was in a biker bar back in the 70’s when this guy came in to get the hard stuff to celebrate his twenty-first birthday. The bartender asked for his ID. He didn’t have it on him. The bartender said he couldn’t serve him.

      The kid went into this big rant about how he never carried his ID when he was out on his bike because when he was on his bike, he was free, and the ID just tied him down to The Man, and he couldn’t abide that and the bartender had to serve him because it was his twenty-first fucking birthday!

  • Rick Hill
    • NotDarkYet

      And they get fucking ornery when you do it too late.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      That’s a male almond, you fool!

      • The Wanderer

        He’s just gained a friend for life.

      • Rick Hill

        So…that’s not milk, then?

        • Harrietjfenner

          Managing director of Google says we are paying $97 per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family^hu189d:
          On tuesday I got a great new BMW from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it….Then try this out
          ~hh189o:
          ➽➽
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    • eyelashviper

      I drink cashew milk, and NOTHING is more ornery than a cashew in the am.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Before they’ve had their coffee, at least.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        Well cash you too then.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Wait. I thought “almond milk” was like “hazelnut coffee”.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        It’s almonds plus water, pureed then strained. That’s all it is. Nut slurry.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          psst…I knew that. :)

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Oh. Okay.

          • theCryptofishist

            Ah yes, you were caught in the old Wonkette dilemma, if I’m being helpful, am I actually being taken in.

    • shastakoala

      It would be easier just to chew the almonds up and spit them out. They might already do that in in this vegan restaurant.

      • RevengeOfSmot

        Just like mom used to do….

    • Almonds are evil. Almond milk is eviler.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    “Author seems like a try hard”

    Don’t we all, baby, don’t we all.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Live free or try hard.

      • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

        Try hard with a Vagendeance.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    There are still comments being posted to the Baby Vegan Butthole thread.

    • armed_bears

      It’s the song that never ends.

      • therblig

        sung by Lamb Chop?

    • Of course there were.
      In two years there will still be someone to post that Evan is a jerk for making fun of Vegans.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Even though vegans who comment on more-or-less obscure political blogs are, by definition, the type who “do not get offended easily.”

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          That’s the thing that struck me most about Baby Vegan Butthole article; nobody specifically said that all vegans were precious easily-triggered snowflakes, but then the hoards of triggered snowflakes descended. Geeze guys, way to reinforce a stereotype.

    • The Wanderer

      I have no desire to go and look.

      • Bemused Australian

        Words of wisdom.

        • The Wanderer

          Thank you. Ordinarily I would, pour le sport you know, but I’ve done yard work, and then swept the floors in the house. I’m spending the rest of the afternoon writing.

          • Bemused Australian

            Whatcha writing?

          • The Wanderer

            I’m on Chapter 63 of a story set in a medieval world, and Chapter 244 of an alternate-Earth story that I started in 2003 (I’ll find the end around here somewhere, I will).

          • Bemused Australian

            Is it you who’s writing the novel about meth-head chimps commandeering the Spruce Goose?

          • The Wanderer

            LOL
            No, but by cracky that’s an interesting idea.

          • Bemused Australian

            I wish you well with your writings. I don’t have the discipline needed to write fiction, so respect for managing it.

          • mancityRed6

            just remember, Chaucer thought he’d get all the way through as well.

          • The Wanderer

            I know, but I feel fairly confident that I can get both done. The bigger of the two has been going on for 14 years, but I can glimpse the ending.
            The other story is nearing its conclusion as well, as my much-abused heroine approaches safety.

    • mancityRed6

      3700+ comments so far, it’s like an open thread.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Only whinier and with 350% more lectures.

        • Bemused Australian

          Moral rectitude requires a lengthy and strenuous process to be properly brought forth.

          • Lordpnut

            Heh heh. “Rectitude” heh heh.

      • Panika MCD

        we may need a supplemental DSFB late in the day.

        • mancityRed6

          I can bet today’s recipe won’t be vegan

    • shastakoala

      Honestly, I just now read the Vegan post. I was in the mountains poaching grain fed wild life.

  • eyelashviper

    Lordy, and we wonder why some of those sloped browed Trumpanzees on the right view libs (by default this includes all vegans) as snowflakes and out of touch…..
    I always thought that the role of a restaurant was to cook and serve food, and follow safety and health guidelines while doing so, and sites like Yelp are available to give potential customers a view of the restaurant…????? I never knew that it was a place for children to be children, to romp naked while being toiled trained, with parents who see nothing wrong with such behavior. To say nothing of the health hazards of a child being toilet trained while wandering through the place, it is seems kinda dangerous to have small children loose in a place where food is being cooked, and hot items carried around…But that’s just me.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, there you go. You’re some sort of carnivorous totalitarian or something.

      • eyelashviper

        and mean and stubborn, also too.

        • mancityRed6

          you say that like it’s a bad thing.

      • therblig

        flesh eater + fascist = fleshscist

      • Pisto75666

        That hates kids also, too.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      And not being closely supervised and getting loose into the Wilds of Memphis.

  • SCK

    The world is getting more and more postmodern, according to Jeet Heer.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Well, it could be true anyway.

  • La forza del resistino

    Planning a special vegan dinner date tonight and need a babysitter?
    Who you gonna call?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5578c41576235b5060008e65b50c539b8a2c8f1662b4aa2e76f6ded47dc96b7b.jpg

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Not vegan butthole! Not vegan butthole! You’re the vegan butthole!

    • nightmoth

      It’s long since gone, but when Obama made his 1st presidential run, a couple of college girls put up a website on which they posted every picture they could get of Obama interacting with children. I think it was called ObamaKissingBabies, and it was one of the most beautiful websites EV-AH! Made me cry with happiness every time I looked at the new photos of the week.

      • I’m old and nerdy enough to remember when John Kerry/John Edwards erotic fiction was a thing. And then there was an outcry because some people thought making the Dems look Teh Ghey was playing into Bush/Cheney’s hand. Whatever, we dodged a bullet with Edwards.

        • nightmoth

          Woah–missed that! Sounds kinda hot, except, yeah, John Edwards was a dick to Elizabeth.

    • Alex Grey

      That depends on whether you want said children taken care of, or eaten by some sort of hair-tentacle monster.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I am not a whiny vegan who gets all butthurt when meat touches my food.

    Or when a toddler’s butthole touches his/her food, apparently.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Well, meat’s meat.

    • theCryptofishist

      Seriously, I am aghast at the number of people who seem to be completely oblivious to the health issues. Babby give fecal coliform, babby gets hep… so much lose.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    A nice sunny track from the Netherlands I have been bopping my head to while wasting away the afternoon in margaritaville
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nt4fp43U2ys

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Really beautiful country you have there. Shame about the mimes.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Clip was recorded in France, hence the mimes. :P

  • PigsDoFly

    “I guess I really didn’t expect you guys to be assholes about vegans.” When are vegans NOT assholes about being vegans?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      When they’re asleep?

    • mancityRed6

      you know how you can tell someone’s a vegan?
      don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

      • Khavrinen

        A conundrum for our time: If you meet a vegan, Crossfit-er who vapes, which will he tell you about first?

        • mancityRed6

          unless you’ve just met God, you’ll know they vape by the talking cloud.
          whichever comes next is a toss up.

          • Khavrinen

            Yes, but the fact that the cloud is so obvious doesn’t mean they won’t feel the need to tell you about it.

          • mancityRed6

            and then you remind them that there really haven’t been any studies on the glycerin they’re inhaling and they get all huffy about it.

    • La forza del resistino

      There is no bottom to this age old argument

    • Panika MCD

      but is story about vegan asshole…?

    • UncleTravelingMatt
      • Edith Prickly

        Kalespiracy – LOOOOL

      • PigsDoFly

        Awesome

  • DensityDestiny

    Oh for chrissakes…Only people who aren’t regulars around here would misinterpret the first paragraph of that story. It wasn’t a homily against veganism. Clearly, *Evan* likes meat, as true Wonkers all know.

    Never change, Evan.

  • Panika MCD

    as every cultured diner knows: the vegan toddler butthole goes to the far left of the plate.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Does it pair with white or red wine?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        And which is the correct utensil to use?

      • mancityRed6

        yes

      • Panika MCD

        white. vegan butthole is a light affair. red for non-vegan butthole as it is more robust.

      • David Chaillou

        White. Like snails, you need a strong garlic sauce to hide the original taste. So white, or mellow.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Port.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Well, any port in a storm.

    • jesterpunk

      I still want to know what kind of butthole goes with what food, is it like wine or is it one size fits all?

      • theCryptofishist

        I’m waiting for the butthole with an apple in its… aperture.

    • shastakoala

      I never know which fork to use.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Start on the outside and work your way in.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Please don’t drink from the finger bowls.

      • Doug Langley

        Certainly not! They make fine ashtrays.

      • geoffalnutt

        Yeah, but if you do, spit it back.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Welcome to Ed Gein School of Innovative Meat Handling.

  • PigsDoFly

    So I guess these vegans wouldn’t appreciate how Baconz would go to the Humane Society, adopt a bunny, take it home, break it’s neck, skin it, gut it and then make a nice stew or roast?

    • Panika MCD

      if he didn’t get killed by the bunny on the way home. is Baconz going to make a nice pair of mittens out of that fur?

      • La forza del resistino

        I hop so.

      • puredog

        Keyfobs. Four per bun.

    • Shanzgood

      This is way worse than canned clams.

      • PigsDoFly

        Bit when cooked right they taste so good. And the cat loved the free entrails.

    • mancityRed6

      you’re supposed to ask, “these are good eating, ain’t they?” first.

      • PigsDoFly

        Well the banned me forever after I got my 5th. Apparently I was handling it unusually. Like I was picking out a canelope.

        • mancityRed6

          *squeeze*
          not enough meat on this one

          • PigsDoFly

            Exactly. One that bit a lot wouldn’t have made a good pet, but he was wonderfully marbled.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          That reminds me… I have a cantaloupe in my fridge…

    • Bemused Australian

      It ain’t proper bunny food unless you need to beware of shotgun pellets while eating it.

      • PigsDoFly

        Free plump vegetable fed rabbit that was massaged and petted every day vs $7.99 a pound for a scrawny frozen one? Yeah right. Where am I going to get my rabbit.

    • Me not sure

      Bunnies can either be pets OR meat. They are very utilitarian that way, as this short film by Michael Moore showed.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/85eddc611ccf1c9251a11ce3c013718f19d817bee3e778b5037fb664410934a6.jpg

      • PigsDoFly

        I never considered them anything but meat. Frankly if anything Night of the Lepus has taught me is we must be cautious about humanely destroying the rabbit population.

      • bupkus231

        Back on the old WaPo reader forums ( before they had comments sections on individual stories, they had a separate forum ), one guy had the moniker “Pets_or_Meat”. He was a rabid right-winger ( in the days of GWB ) who took all the rightwing talking points and stereotypes and ran with them. He was infuriating and entertaining….

        Eventually, he turned out to be a Poe…

    • SisterArtemis
      • PigsDoFly

        They would look nice with some garlic and fresh basil.

        • SisterArtemis

          I will try to get a picture of them evil-eyeing you.

          And did I mention that’s The Bunny of Doom in the foreground. Watch out, mister!

          (she’s actually very sweet – she was the only black bunny in a litter of white and mostly-white cutie pies, so naturally, she had to be their nemesis)

    • Yr. Gma

      No. They would not appreciate that, you evil bunny killer.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender
  • Mr. Blobfish

    I just read about trump’s proposed Russo-American Joint Taskforce on the Cyber. Great Creator of all creatures great and small what a rube that dope is.

    • Master Contrail Program

      One would think a relic from the eighties would learn the lessons from one of the decade’s finest cinematic endeavors. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/42038d6a15a323525009c4e65164c7ff3d85e6a06ededdf749f305d5c8052a59.jpg

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Or at least Rocky and Bullwinkle.

      • Bemused Australian

        US-Soviet brotaps? Don’t give Donald ideas!

    • Ghenghis McCann

      How many magic beans does it take to bribe Trump to agree with you?

    • MilwaukeeKent

      “Putin and I discussed forming an impenetrable Cyber Security unit so that election hacking, and many other negative things, will be guarded.”

      — President Trump, on Twitter

      Steve Mnuchin on the cyber task force thing:
      “As we’ve said, they focused on a ceasefire on Syria, focused on making sure that we have a cyber unit to make sure that Russia and nobody else interferes in any democratic elections.”

      Sooo…Election hacking will be “guarded” by the foxes and chickens, and only Russia and nobody else (just the Russians, an exclusive franchise) will interfere in the elections. Okay. Makes sense.

      “It’s not the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard, but it’s pretty close.”
      — Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC), on Meet the Press, about President Trump’s plan to form a “cyber security unit” with Russian president Vladimir Putin.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Me-ow, Miss Lindsey. Also too “I am sure that Vladimir Putin could be of enormous assistance in that effort since he’s doing the hacking,” McCain laughed sarcastically during an interview on CBS.

    • Yr. Gma

      Putie must be bedridden by now from gasping for breath while laughing with his sides split.

  • Today, like everyday, we are all middle school brats.

    • Panika MCD

      we are united in this cause.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I was at a BBQ last weekend that had a strange mix of vegans and raw meat eaters. The kids were all home-birthed and home-schooled. I had beer and a hotdog.

    • mancityRed6

      when there were get togethers at the house, I’d always grill.
      ribs, bratwurst, burgers. there was always one or two that wanted veggie burgers, so I said BYOB and it will get cooked.

      • Bemused Australian

        Just make ’em a vegan steak, but don’t cook it on the same grill as the kosher prawns.

        • mancityRed6

          vegan steak, free range or grass fed vegans?

          • Bemused Australian

            Nah, factory farmed. It uses up less ‘environment’.

          • mancityRed6

            ah, city raised.

        • SisterArtemis

          lolz, made me think of an not-to-bright baker I knew who got a job at a hippie restaurant and bakery. Making cookies on a shift all by himself, he decided that the vegan cookies didn’t have the right texture, decided to add eggs to the batch he was making.

          They sold out fast. And he never did get why maybe that was a bad idea, however much it improved the cookies. “It’s not meat!” he kept protesting when I told him he’d fucked up the cookies.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        ON THE SAME GRILL AS THE BRATS??!?!?!?!? YOu MoOnsTer!

        • Mr. Blobfish

          We have two grills. Da Missus eats only the lesser form of life, like fish and eggs. Veggies and fish go on one grill, big hankin’ slabs of animal flesh on the other.

        • mancityRed6

          after.
          it was the same grill that handled vegetables, it could take it.

        • chimichanga

          Brats? Like vegan steak veal?

      • Lordpnut

        Bring yer own butthole?

    • Bemused Australian

      A nutritious meal. Very good.

    • mancityRed6

      the correct term is “beers”

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Goes without saying. I was driving so got to keep the BAL at a legal level.

        • mancityRed6

          my mind autocorrected that as “lethal”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      You didn’t try the smoked placenta? Man, you’re missing out.

  • dlemex

    Someone should tell nidjih but that is a mighty lavender avitar. I’m just saying, I doubt Pepe would approve.

    • mancityRed6

      it’s always appropriation with these people
      they can’t create so they steal
      and Pepe is dead.

  • Me not sure

    I love the Hitler was a socialist shit.

    • The Librarian

      I see this all the time. “Socialist is part of their name!” Ignorants.

      • Me not sure

        Here is Hitler posing with all of the capitalist industrialists that he met with in 1933 after promising to protect them from socialists, communists and unionists if they would just give him tons of money, which they did. That is one of the promises that he kept. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c0e8cbae53db3f9ddd61128d524cd54f817bfc784e1dbb197c5b0d5c87e074f3.jpg

        • amrak63

          “The Night of the Long Knives”, IIRC, was Hitler double-crossing that faction of the Nazis who actually wanted the socialist part of “National Socialism”.

          The German fat cats thought: “Hey, this rabble-rouser knows how to wean the rabble away from Marxism; he’ll pull their strings, and we’ll pull his.”

          I wonder if they still thought they were so brilliant when they were standing among the bombed-out remnants of their factories–assuming they were lucky enough to survive the bombing raids.

          I also wonder if the Koch Brothers, the Mercers, Adelson, and their ilk will entertain similar regrets some day.

          • Me not sure

            The NSDAP originally, like Mussolini, had socialist roots, but Hitler’s takeover was pure opportunism. He saw a small weak party needing leadership and thought he could downplay the socialism and stress the nationalism in order to have a mechanism for his own personal ambitions. Even the nickname Nazi was an attempt to emphasize the extreme nationalist agenda. The people killed that fateful night were a mixed bunch, but had the socialist remnants of the NSDAP in it. He wanted to end any chance of a rival seizing the party as he had done.

      • Bemused Australian

        They must be admirers of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. Such democracy! Even has nukes!

        • theCryptofishist

          But as good as DDR democracy?

      • Jamoche

        Time magazine used to put that in scare quotes: National “Socialism”. Modern newspapers really need to relearn the art of scare quotes: Trump “promises”. Republican “health care”. Tax “reform”.

        • SisterArtemis

          “President” Trump

      • Lori

        Would Nazis lie to you? I think not. If it’s in the name it must be true. /s

      • Latverian Diplomat

        They did that because socialism was popular in Germany, unlike Nazis, at that point.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Pffff. Next thing you’ll be telling me that Christian Conservatives are either Christian or Conservative.

        • The Librarian

          Not from what I’ve seen/read/experienced. :P

  • boredcatlady

    “Freeland Dave” kind of sounds like Dr. Bill Wattenburg, pompous fucking condescending know-it-all? (Awww, KGO 😊)

  • Edith Prickly

    So a story about vegan butthole attracted more vegan buttholes? Makes sense.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Like moths around a flame.

    • boredcatlady

      I’m LIVING for this vegan butthole story! I had vegetarians on my wall (not even vegan ah getting sniffy and defensive 🤣

    • Alex Grey

      It’s like gravity.

  • Panika MCD

    according to non-comments on the story, WaPo and the Daily Caller have now linked the article…

    • mancityRed6

      oh, good. there will be reasonable and well though out arguments from the daily caller crowd. well, either crowd, really.

      • SnarkON

        I look forward to the intelligent discourse.

    • Bemused Australian

      Does that portend am incoming troll swarm?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Do I dare look back to my non-comment that the Masai live healthy lives on a meat-based diet?

      • Panika MCD

        only you can answer that.

  • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

    Maybe it’s just me, but the caliber of DSFB and the non-existent comments today is even better than usual. I can’t remember when I’ve laughed so much recently, and it is sorely needed!
    Maybe the topic (vegan baby buttholes) is part of the reason, and for once I’m not laughing to keep from crying.

    Wonkette attracts so many quick-ass smart asses!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Stop being such a Hitler,

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You just try to keep a straight face when discussing vegan baby buttholes*.

      *Just $5.99 under the blue flashing light of savings!

  • chascates

    Deleted Comments without any mention of ‘cuck’ or ‘antifa’?

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    And wouldn’t you know it, since he’s worked “with data gathering equipment for decades,”

    Data gathering equipment:

    http://www.archscan.com/uploads/1/3/8/5/13857287/8199325_orig.jpg

  • Doug Langley

    Somewhat OT: this week in Movies So Bad They’re Good, Crooks & Liars posts this classic 60’s thriller:

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/07/cls-saturday-night-sci-fi-theater-our-man

    • Jamoche

      Sidebar rollover lede: “McCain throws cold water on the Trump-Putin cyber hacking plan”.

      Oh please. That’s far more proactive than Walnuts can manage. What’s the truth, article?

      “McCain laughed sarcastically during an interview on CBS.”

      That’s more like it. But did he at least elaborate on that sarcastic laugh?

      “McCain did not indicate whether he would act in the country’s best interests with his Republican majority colleagues in putting some checks on the president. Nor did he suggest that he would at any point not support the president’s agenda of working with Russia on cybersecurity.”

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Aren’t you supposed to put out hacking with CO2 (I think halon is banned)? Water is bad for the electronics.

  • PigsDoFly

    “Hitler was a Socialist and Liberals and Socialists are the same thing”

    I have said this before and I know I’ll have to explain it again. Hitler was a fascist. Yes the Nazi party had “Socialist” in its name but saying they are truly socialist is like saying hamburgers are made of ham.

    • OrG

      Hot dogs are made of dogs!

      • PigsDoFly

        Only 8-12%

      • Doug Langley

        They go great with cold cats!

      • Lordpnut

        Soylent green is people.

    • mancityRed6

      in the UK they’re called beef burgers so people don’t get confused by the chicken burgers.

      • Jamoche

        In Texas a mushroom burger is a beef burger with mushrooms on it. First time ordering one of those in California was a big shock.

        • H0mer0

          sort of like a cheeseburger really has beef in it also too

          • Celtic_Gnome

            When I was a little kid, I wouldn’t order a cheeseburger from McDonald’s because I thought they were grilled cheese sandwiches, and I hated grilled cheese sandwiches.

        • mancityRed6

          they have those in the midwest, it’s just that they’re Morels and I don’t know of anyone who would share of their bounty outside of family.

          • Bemused Australian

            There are some good spots for Morels near where my parents live. All the locals jealously guard their knowledge of good mushrooming spots.

          • OrG

            My brother sells them. I don’t remember how much he gets per pound, but it’s A LOT.

          • mancityRed6

            at my last job, a guy would take a couple of weeks off and come in with a grocery bag full.
            we were always out in the field and in the middle of nowhere so he had some good spots to look.
            I’ve never had one, but I’ve heard it tastes like steak if it’s well prepared.

          • Jamoche

            This was ground up mushroom, and a couple of decades back – I’ve heard they can make them edible now, but those were indistinguishable from cardboard.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        At Gordon Foods, they put the salmon patties in the same freezer case with the hamburger patties, because all patties live together.

    • Master Contrail Program

      To be fair, these people also believe that there are Americans For Prosperity and One Million Moms having meltdowns over JC Penney spokespeople.

    • doktorzoom

      They’re made of people from Hamburg, as we all learned from “Calvin and Hobbes”

      • Master Contrail Program

        Ich bin ein Hamburger?

        • Notreelyhelping

          How many cows go into hefeweisen?

      • TJ Barke

        These deleted commentors need lobotomies. I’ll get a saw…

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Is Bratwurst made from naughty children?

        • doktorzoom

          Just as Knackwurst is made from the band that did “My Sharona”

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Don’t tell the white power movement what weißwurst is made from…

          • YayConspiracy

            Ich weiß es nicht?

        • SnarkON

          Literally the worst.

      • PigsDoFly

        I love when the staff responds to my snarks. It makes me feel like a big man.

        • Jennifer R

          I got a little internal cheer when one of the Fplus ridiculist replied that one time.

      • President in Exile Firefly

        Hamburgers are actually steamed hams. In the Albany, NY dialect.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_5V1oIqr4g

      • Msgr_MΩment

        So are hotdogs made of the residents of Frankfurt, or of Vienna/Wien?

        • H0mer0

          [I suspect you already know they came from Wien)

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Not that anybody asked me, but I once read that Wieners call them frankfurters and Frankfurters call them wieners. Go figger.

          • theCryptofishist

            What a load of bologna.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            …and would have jumped on it with relish.

      • Nockular cavity

        Who are all Nazis. It’s the circle of life!

      • SnarkON

        Hamburg is also the hometown of the Hamburglar, who was wrongly maligned for being a thief.

  • PersianOregano

    Do vegans breast feed? Because that would make their babies non-vegan no?

    • H0mer0

      good point! Also too, their fetuses were not vegan in utero

      • mancityRed6

        cannibals, all of us at one point.

        • H0mer0

          “Fine young cannibals”

    • Shanzgood

      Oh god.

    • Bemused Australian

      Just so. Also, if they metabolise their own body fat, which is a thing humans do, they are also eating animals (themselves). The insect content of flour is usually not zero, so that might be a problem too.

      • H0mer0

        [tell me about it]

      • PersianOregano

        Isn’t kosher wine kosher because a rabbi has ensured that no insects or whatever ended up in the vat with the grapes? Do vegans drink non-kosher wine?

      • PersianOregano

        I’ve heard that commercially ground coffee has a pretty high “acceptable” roach content as well

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Not kidding, but I’ve seen them claim that breast milk is not an animal product because it’s made from the bodies of vegan humans…I guess by the transitive property.

      • Bemused Australian
      • Left Coast Tom

        In the same way a steak is made from the body of a vegetarian cow.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          That was my thought also too.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Aren’t cows also vegans?

        And in the other direction, does that logic make vegan cannibalism OK?

        I mean, the real case to make is that human milk is consensual given, no animal cruelty or imprisonment involved. No “vegan purity” argument needed.

        • theCryptofishist

          But are cows vegan? Liver flukes? Bugs in the grass? And then there’s another ruminant, deer, who has been proven to eat mice.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Maybe the only truly vegan cows are the ones named Bossy? :)

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          I think the folks making that argument were more enthusiastic than intelligent…but I will give them props for at least advocating for breastfeeding when asked “how can I raise my baby vegan?” considering there are vegan purity ponies who advocate making formula with almond milk and other lethal stupidities.

    • rosenbomb

      I think they will probably use consent as the key change here. The mother consents to breast feeding, but a cow does not consent to being slaughtered.

      I’m not a vegan, but that would be my best guess!

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        But did the baby consent to drinking milk?

        • H0mer0

          When trying to get my infants to nurse, I didn’t realize how difficult it was and wondered how we made it as a species when the babby kangaroo climbs out of the wound and latches on to the correct teat, yet we have to convince the babby that we aren’t trying to suffocate it.

          • SisterArtemis

            basically, our boobs are too big. Who knew?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            They’re located in a weird place, too.

          • Women’s breasts are placed so that the baby’s face is the same distance from the mother’s face that their eyes see… not that babies see well. It’s a bonding thing.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            *smile* I’m speaking as a Not A Primate, of course!

          • Doh! I get it now.

          • H0mer0

            who woulda thought? The plastics and silicone industry don’t think so.

          • Persistent Demme

            I wish they would tell new mothers that it’s hard work, and not to pressure themselves.
            I had a first baby that was big, a great nurser, and I had a lot of milk.
            Even so, there were times that were tough.
            My second baby was fussy, but all my experience (I was so lucky!) came in handy, and I was able to say “meh” and relax.

          • H0mer0

            the lactation consultants told me and the other bleary-eyed mother that it wouldn’t hurt if we were doing it right. Paternal gramma nursed six babbies and said it hurt. One of the boys was a good nurser and the other was more fussy with nursing (mellow other ways)and gave me a blister so it’s different from babby to babby.

          • Persistent Demme

            What a load of crap from the consultants!
            Yes, it hurts if you’re doing it wrong, but it can ALSO hurt if you’re doing it RIGHT!
            (I was born with teeth, and my mom insisted on breastfeeding at a time when it was not cool! Ouch!)
            They also go on and on about whether or not you have enough milk, (I could have fed triplets, so I was lucky not to face this), but lots of mothers were in agony, and worried all the time.
            I can’t wait to tell my own girls the truth, and not this bs.
            (I call this misinformation “macha.”)

          • theCryptofishist

            And breast to breast? (Sorry, the things that pop into my head when my filter is out being cleaned.) (Who am I kidding, I don’t have a filter.)

        • rosenbomb

          Babies don’t consent to a whole lot, from what I understand ¯_(ツ)_/¯

      • Jamoche
    • President in Exile Firefly

      What about human cheese?

    • Yr. Gma

      Good question.

    • suziq

      I would guess that breastfeeding is a little different. Humans are supposed to breast feed, which is why pregnant people get milk in their boobies. Mother nature never intended for humans to drink cow milk which is why many (maybe a majority? It was in a documentary) are lactose intolerant. Some people are vegan merely for their health, some because they feel sorry for the cute little animals etc. Not everyone does it for the same reason but I think it is okay for vegans to breast feed without going against their principles.
      Or not! For some reason I feel like having some good barbecue…

      • SisterArtemis

        I really don’t give a shit what people eat, or whether their consistent or not. I do care very much about proselytizing self-righteous assholes. I actually have met a couple meat-eaters who are so rabidly All About The Slabs of Meat that they are as obnoxious as the extreme Vegans we’re all discussing. But they didn’t gain a platform to broadcast it at large – mostly just annoyed people trying to relax around campfires and BBQs. At that level, you can pretty much blow off the die-hard diet folks, and let them commiserate and bitch amongst themselves off in the corner.

    • Not only do they breast feed because that’s natural, they eat their placenta, too because mama cats do it.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Ewww.

  • doktorzoom

    I for one am surprised that no one has yet commented on the flagrant display of Twilight Sparkle butt.

    Or maybe you’re all just too polite to mention it.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      I expected sparkles coming from its butthole, but it’s as smooth as a Ken-doll, so that was disappointing. ;-)

    • mancityRed6

      puhleeze, in this day and age, horse butt is nothing.
      in fact, one of my cats is giving me the stink eye right now.

      • efoveks

        Ole One Eye strikes again!

    • Doug Langley

      It’s no big deal. Cartoon characters aren’t anatomically correct.

      • Jamoche

        The final season of Samurai Jack got to go where the original couldn’t – swordfights could result in human blood, not just spurting machine oil! But Adult Swim still had a line they couldn’t cross – no dog buttholes:

        http://io9.gizmodo.com/samurai-jack-wanted-to-show-a-dogs-butthole-but-adult-1792714476

      • Jennifer R

        I have whole genres to introduce you to.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        You’ve never seen any of the fan-made art, have you?

      • SisterArtemis

        awwwww, takes me back. If I recall, that’s from Breakfast of Champions?

        • doktorzoom

          Yep. And around the time it was published, Vonnegut incorporated it into his signature.

    • TJ Barke

      And spoil the plot?

    • SisterArtemis

      Polite… yeah, that’s it. We’re being polite.

      Actually, when I saw it, I thought of all the weird MLP porn-ish images I’ve come across when looking for MLP memes – a lot more butt there then our dear Twilight is showing off up top.

      Since my Pony interests range from adult-wonkette style meme searches, to googling coloring pages for my granddaughter, I’ve learned to tailor my google searches carefully when she’s looking at the screen with me.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Naw, I was just trying to craft a joke about it that wouldn’t get me banned.

    • Canis Greyhame

      When someone mentions vegans, I generally do picture pink cartoon unicorns.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      I was distracted by your brilliant prose.

    • Jennifer R

      I suspect the interested parties are all in their bunks.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Okay, how’s this: “I only get worked up over male cartoon pony butts.”

      • Jennifer R

        So what you are saying, wonkette should sub in Big Mac now and again?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Shining Armor is a hottie.

        • SisterArtemis

          errrrYup!

    • YayConspiracy

      Oh, you’re right! I only just now noticed the fragrant display..

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Did you mean to misspell “flagrant”?

        • YayConspiracy

          Oh my, I only just now noticed it said flagrant… It’s just that I just now noticed a pony’s behind can give me the vapors…

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Pony butt vapors are not known for being especially fragrant. Biologically speaking, we’re walking compost bins.

          • YayConspiracy

            Another thing I didn’t know! This is turning out to be an educamacational sunday!

          • suziq

            Actual horse “butt vapors” (jeez, can’t you just say farts like a regular pony?) may not be fragrant but can’t cartoon unicorn vapors be any odor you want? I am imagining strawberry scents maybe…

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            Or fresh-mown hay.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Anyone who pays that much attention to my ass should be interested in more than how it smells.

          • suziq

            And of a similar species, I would think.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Not necessarily. I find human hands to be really exciting and sexy and exotic.

          • doktorzoom

            Lyra?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Foreplay.

          • SisterArtemis

            “Butt Vapors” is my new anti-smoking neo-punk/ska/vibraphone quintet name.

    • Yr. Gma

      There is no visible buttHOLE.

  • OrG

    O/T I think getting toked up and listening to some King Tubby dub could become a Sunday morning ritual.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    And I am not a whiny vegan who gets all butthurt when meat touches my food.

    ‘Scuse me while I wipe my meat on your food.

  • IT’S TIME FOR . . . ANOTHER MOAR PIGGIE JOKE!

    So me mate Clive goes to visit his pal Olly, who lives in the countryside.

    So in goes Clive into Olly’s house where he spies a little pig peeking at him from the hallway.

    “Olly” says Clive, “what’s with the pig?” Olly tells him that’s Alfie The Pig, the Best Pig in the World.

    Olly explains “One time me wife was about to cross the street and Alfie runs at her squealing to beat the band, just in time to save her from walking in front of a speeding lorry.”

    “And about a month ago the baby fell into the pond and in jumps Alphie and saves ‘im from drowning.”

    “Just last week the house caught fire in the middle of the night and Alphie runs room to room squealing ‘is little heart out and wakes everybody in time to get out and keep the fire from burning down the entire house!”

    Just then Alphie came walking into the room and Clive noticed one of the pig’s back legs had been replaced with a wooden peg.

    “So how did Alphie loose the leg?” Clive asks.

    Olly says “A pig as wonderful as that one? You don’t eat it all at once.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/674e039b3b09de63031d368dff0436bb9f763a0b899cb0b288d722998df5b2dd.jpg

    Thankee, ladies and gents! You’re too kind. Too kind.

    • doktorzoom

      Truly a classic.

    • unclejeems

      Huzzah, I haven’t heard that one in decades!

  • malsperanza

    “If you know of any lives destroyed by […] ‘Crafting a virtuous self-image, motivated by selfishness and in practical terms destroying millions of lives’ ”

    Challenge accepted! This describes Donald Trump to a T.

    Thanks for playing. I win.

  • RevengeOfSmot

    All I’m saying is that if someone presents an asshole to me as I’m eating, they are liable to end up with a carrot jammed in their ass, toddler or adult….

    • Yr. Gma

      You might want to rethink that toddler part. Just saying.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      A babby carrot?

      • RevengeOfSmot

        Not if I can help it, I may have to substitute a pepper grinder….

  • natoslug

    I had my cow last night. Rare, no catsup (or ketchup).

    • eggs ackly-wright

      I used to have steak tartare at Labuznik, but it closed years ago and I don’t have money anymore.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I had a cheese omelet, so I aborted chickens. And I suppose I stole the milk from the poor babby calves to make the cheese.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I demand that you applaud my decision to dwell at the bottom of the food chain. Or else.

    • natoslug

      I prefer food pyramids. Fewer bits of food fall out and onto the floor that way.

      • SisterArtemis

        I hear they’re full of grain!

        • H0mer0

          I never thought of it that way! Maybe I owe “Sleepy Ben” an apology.(nah!)

        • Le Chapeau

          RIMSHOT

        • natoslug

          Grain or Amway salespeople.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    I say this every single time, but I have to say it again. Fascism is a right-wing extreme. You cannot be both ideologically left-wing and fascist. I’m sorry, but words have definitions.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Define “definition.”

      • SisterArtemis

        splitter!

      • Jamoche
      • eggs ackly-wright

        Define “define”.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Define ‘define’.

    • theCryptofishist

      Elitist!

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        You say that like it’s a bad thing

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I understand vegetarianism.

    I do not understand Veganism.

    That said, I understand both better than 90% of the dipshits that show up here to yell at us.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I thought veganism is going entirely without animal-sourced foods, like milk, cheese, and honey…?

      • suziq

        Honey is probably okay? Can’t remember hearing about that either way. But you are correct, nothing from animals including dairy products. I suspect Lance means he doesn’t understand how people choose to live on twigs and berries : )
        Can you tell I am not vegan? I admire people who can do it, I just would not be able to.

        • SisterArtemis

          Most interesting vegan I’ve known was a customer of mine. He’s a full on RW nutjob, though a friendly sort and at least consistent in much of what he believes. He was the kind of guy who hunts for the yearly meat supply, they grow the bulk of their veggies, can everything in sight for getting through the winter, etc etc. Due to some health issues, he had to go off all animal products for over a year. He rolled with it, learned about proper nutrition without animal products, and went out with his buddies hunting, just took a camera instead of a rifle. And when he went back on meat, he incorporated his new understanding of veggies and nutrition into the mix. One of the few rightwingers I have some respect for.

          • suziq

            That’s interesting, I admire people that do their research and go with the proper nutrition and not just “no animals!!” Like my niece, who waffled between vegan and vegetarian but really ate fruit and candy mostly. She came to stay with us for a week and I took her to the library first day and we got some books on vegan/vegetarian cooking and made her prepare healthy food. But it was a struggle. And I don’t know if she did better after she left. I try to avoid the topic.

          • SisterArtemis

            My ex-sister-out-of-law only ate buttered toast. She came to stay with us back when I was a very healthy hippie-mama vegetarian, so her options for not eating meat were pretty broad. I worry about her to this day.

            My ex’s brother, on the other hand, couldn’t understand me being vegetarian at all, due in no small part to being mentally challenged. He stayed with us for a couple of weeks one time while I was pregnant, and generously stocked my cupboards with Dinty Moore Beef Stew. *sigh*

          • suziq

            Yeah, buttered toast probably not giving a person all the nutrition they need. Or any of it. I bet the food bank was happy to get a bunch of cans of Dinty Moore though!

          • Phrieda Ω

            Two whole fried chickens and a coke.

          • Phrieda Ω

            Oh, yeah, dry white toast.

          • Le Chapeau

            Upvoted for Blues Brothers ref.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            The local food bank will appreciate it.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          When I was in grad school 20+ years ago there was a student-run co-op in the student union. I had a cold one day and went in to get some tea. When I asked about honey, I was told by the counter-person that they didn’t stock honey because it “exploits bees.” Mind you, I regularly got a turkey sandwich from the deli at the co-op, but bees were evidently higher priority.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Never mind that humans bred domesticated honeybees into existence.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        The vegans I know will not eat honey because “honey is made by bees for bees, and their health is sacrificed when it is harvested by humans.” My vegetarian friends, on the other hand, will eat honey.

        The coffee issue seems to be a subject of some debate. I went to a vegan restaurant once with a friend, and I did not see one single thing on the menu that I wanted to eat, so I decided to just have a cup of coffee while my friend ate. However, they did not serve coffee, not even organic coffee, and when I asked why not I was told that they were expressing solidarity with the workers who harvest the coffee, who are underpaid and abused by the coffee growers.

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          Honey may be made by bees for bees, but honey-eaters like bears have co-evolved with the bees. And not even Fair Trade coffee?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Apparently not even Fair Trade coffee. They had some very strange ideas about salad dressings too, but it all got so weird that I can’t remember now what they were. I was almost afraid to ask for a glass of water.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            You’d have had to pay for the water, since they were probably against city water if it was fluoridated.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            It was Santa Cruz, CA during a big drought, so I think everyone was paying for bottled water in restaurants. I was just worried that I’d get a lecture on the evils of something-something-corporate-something before they would condescend to bring me some water.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            You were probably right.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            What kind of bottle???? Glass? Dafuq?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            God knows, I didn’t ask.

          • Kiri the Unicorn
          • Le Chapeau

            I’m sure it was “free range” water that they got from their rain barrel.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            That ran off their sustainable roof.

          • Le Chapeau

            Which is planted with grass, fertilized by the kid with the bouncing butthole. Nothing goes to waste!

          • Angela Ruzzo

            But who made the rain barrel? Was it made out of wood from trees that died naturally and by indigenous people participating in a cooperative?

          • Le Chapeau

            I was trying to come up with an even snarkier comeback, but I bow to your superior snark.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You are gracious. I was going to continue to snark about the metal bands holding the barrel together, but I decided to stop while I was ahead.

          • Le Chapeau

            Not only are you snarkalicious, you are wise.

          • starfanglednut

            You’d be murdering all those helpless bacteria!

          • theCryptofishist

            Ah, beat me to it.

          • shastakoala

            Honey is bee barf. Is that Vegan friendly?

          • justifiable

            Only if bees have buttholes.

        • suziq

          That is interesting, but I find it hard to believe that the health of the bees suffer when honey is harvested. Now I will have to google it. But I will probably still eat honey.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I have a beekeeper friend – who is also an organic vegetable grower and a Pescetarian (a vegetarian who eats fish) – and he says that bee health thing is nonsense, and that the bees in his hives are healthier. I do not debate it with him because I know nothing about it.

          • suziq

            Yeah, that makes sense to me, and a beekeeper should know, right?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Right. He SAYS that bees prefer his nice clean hives to other homes, and that they apparently tell other bees to visit, because he says he keeps getting more and more bees and he can’t set up hives fast enough. I take this with a tiny grain of salt, but again I don’t know anything about it. All I do know is that I have 6 pots of lavender and bees love to visit my yard.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            I have several different kinds of large cacti around my front yard wall perimeter and last month when they were blooming the bees were happily buzzing about. Support your local bees!

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            We had way more bees than usual this year, because our apple tree was in bloom. (It only blooms every other year.) I was careful not to disturb them.
            Oddly, they’ve been ignoring the clover in the lawn.

          • starfanglednut

            Yeah, and it seems to me that the more people we have raising bees the better, seeing as how endangered they are.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Apiarists are careful to leave enough honey for the hive to use.

          • Le Chapeau

            Bingo.

          • Le Chapeau

            The bees are fine. Beekeepers have been doing this for thousands of years. Bees have serious health concerns these days but it has nothing to do with humans eating their honey.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          So, ultimately, if you eat anything but lawn clippings you’re a bad person who should feel bad.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Don’t you know that cutting the grass causes it pain? It’s CUTTING it, fergawdsake.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            And keeps it from flowering!

          • Le Chapeau

            Won’t anybody think of the children?!

          • Le Chapeau

            Well, Clarice, have the blades of grass stopped screaming?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Sheep nibble it. I wonder if that is more or less painful for the grass.

          • theCryptofishist

            Now you’re making fun of the North Koreans.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            It might not be as much about what you eat as it is about how much you’re willing to listen to the multitude of conclusions they have drawn about why you should feel bad about all of it.

          • Le Chapeau

            As a former sous chef, I know that people eat with their eyes first, and, as an observer of vegan/vegetarians, I can say that people also eat with their attitudes first.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You made me think of the book “Stranger In A Strange Land” and the chapter where Smith freaks out when invited to walk on a carpet of living grass. ” ‘Walk on living things?’ he asked with incredulous horror.”

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            I thought of that too. Mike was fine after he grokked that the grass was perfectly cool with being a carpet.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yep. That was my favorite part of the book because I was 16 years old and had never thought about grass being a living thing before, so it was a New Idea. I looked at the world differently in so many ways after reading that book.

          • Grokenstein

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e60d814acb6984ee561bb96db6630f82a9fd7b6aa8a7eaa176693e95b5997762.gif

            EVERYONE IS BAD AND THEY SHOULD FEEL BAD
            (Source: Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal)

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Only if they’re organic lawn clippings made by hippies with scissors. FLINT scissors.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Wouldn’t Flint scissors have too much lead?

        • theCryptofishist

          Haven’t they ever heard of Fair Trade coffee? (I hope that wasn’t random capitalization.) That might change things for the harvesters even faster.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I didn’t ask. To be honest, I think everyone in the place, both staff and customers, was stoned, so a rational conversation was not an option.

          • theCryptofishist

            It was a rhetorical question. That’s definitely the sort of situation that would have me flying in the grass, rather than trying to talk to them.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            If they’d had Magic Brownies on the menu I might not have missed the coffee or cared about why they didn’t sell any, but they didn’t. But don’t tell anyone I said that.

          • theCryptofishist

            You’re secret is safe with me.

        • Le Chapeau

          Sooooo: by shunning coffee in solidarity with workers who pick and process it … what would happen to their jobs if everybody stopped drinking coffee in solidarity … ? The logic escapeth me.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I remember joining in the protests against the Teamsters back in the 70’s, and we all had to give up eating lettuce. Small midwestern towns didn’t have organic or farmers’ markets in those days, so it was Teamsters lettuce or no lettuce, unless you grew your own or drove 120 miles to a big city. I don’t know if this had any effect on the Teamsters at all.

          • theCryptofishist

            Ah, Jimmy Hoffa might know.

          • justifiable

            Why, do you think he’s fertilizing some right now?

          • Le Chapeau

            The teamsters were hauling that lettuce, but I think the boycotts were directed at the growers, at the behest of Cesar Chavez and his union.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Whoa, wait a second. What kind of conditions do they think farmworkers live in? A lot of the ones around here sleep in tents or in the river bottom and along the freeways.

        • Le Chapeau

          I am indifferent to vegans and vegetarians. May they be happy and healthy. There is a video somewhere on the intertubes about lifelong vegetarians eating meat for the first time. Not just an old burger, but great cuts prepared especially by top chefs for their taste test. The reactions are fascinating. Oh wait, here’s one:
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnKbiyTyTxs

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I am indifferent as well, but I do get annoyed when they start talking about how much healthier their diet is. One vegetarian friend had a meltdown when a doctor told her at age 70 that she had a heart condition, as if she thought being a vegetarian for 50 years would make her immune to disease. Meanwhile, my father and 4 of his siblings lived to be over 90 on a diet of fried meat, fried eggs, fried potatoes, bourbon and cigarettes.

          • Le Chapeau

            Sometimes your DNA is your best friend, sometimes it’s your worst enemy.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Very true, and it’s such a crap shoot. I occasionally think of when I was conceived, during which event my father produced approximately 100 million sperm, every one of which was genetically unique, and one of them got the prize. I got a good one, but I had no control over that.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            My dad is almost 80 and he’s like the Energizer Bunny ™.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Good for him! What always amused me about my dad and his siblings is that they lived through the Great Depression and were very poor – one step up from being homeless and starving. My grandmother fried everything in lard, and they breathed in coal smoke every day. Yet they all lived past 90, which I am pretty sure is due to the fact that they led very active lives when they were young, including hard physical labor, and the food they ate was real food they grew or killed or caught themselves. In contrast, I sat at a desk in an office for 40 years and grew up eating processed junk food. When my dad was 76 and I was 36 he was in my back yard digging up 100 feet of flower beds with me, and he could work longer and harder than I could. It was embarrassing!

          • Zyxomma

            See, that’s what all too many vegans do not understand. I live well without eating any animal products; my body wants fruit, vegetables, soaked nuts and seeds, sea vegetables, mushrooms, a little sprouted pulses (raw or cooked) and a little grain. When I ate flesh, dairy products, and eggs (as a child, before I had a choice), I was always sick. Eating lovely, delicious, vegan food, I’m always well. Of course, I supplement a few things: Vitamin B12 and Vitamin D3 are the examples that come to mind immediately.

            HOWEVER, I also recognize that the perfect regimen for me may not be perfect for thee. I have a very dear friend who’s 10 years and one month my senior. If he doesn’t have meat or dairy at least once a day, he feels weak. On the 4th of July, we went out for a belated birthday lunch (6 days after my Big Day). There was no traffic in the city, so we drove close to Buddha Bodai on Mott Street in Chinatown, where dim sum is served till four. He was able to eat vegan because after our lunch, he was going to his sister’s barbecue, where he’d have chicken. It’s just the way he is. And I think the people who post videos of animal torture on social media are closing minds, not opening doors. I became vegan without seeing what goes on in slaughterhouses; I don’t think that type of thing is helpful.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You’re right. I keep telling people that we don’t all like the same music, or the same clothes, or the same furniture, or the same cars, or the same people…or the same food. Variety is the spice of life.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          I did not know about the honey thing. The things I learn on my Wonkette!

        • I was vegan for a long while and stopped when I realized that if you took it to its logical end, you would not eat anything that you did not grow yourself because someone somewhere some how is exploited to provide you with what you’ve got.

          I was once chastised by a vegan for wearing leather shoes that I got before going veg (I was done with being vegan by then) while wearing a t-shirt made by slave labor in Vietnam, sun glasses made of horribly polluting plastic and made in Thailand by ruthlessly exploited people, etc.

          If we’re to participate in our larger community, we must all acknowledge that we all make compromises and some of us are more comfortable and aware with them than others.

          Righteous indignation, however, is rarely a becoming look.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You are right. This is one reason why I try very hard to buy everything second-hand, including clothes. I figure someone somewhere was exploited to make the item, which another person enabled by buying it new, but I am simply recycling the exploitation rather than enabling more of it. That’s really the best I can do.

        • Claire

          I have to confess that there is no philosophical stance that could persuade me to give up coffee. If the literal fate of the world depended on me never having coffee again, I would have to think long and hard about it, and have discussions with NASA about whether all the animals could be evacuated from the planet first.

        • Zyxomma

          Unless this was long ago, their excuse was bullshit. There are plenty of ethical, organic, fair-trade coffee beans available now. And healthy bees (the ones who pollinate organic plants) make a surplus of honey, so if the bee servants want to liberate a little for their own pleasure, why not? And why didn’t your vegan friend take you to a better restaurant, where you could have found something delicious to eat?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            It was 2012. It was Northern California. I don’t debate with those folks. I was practically lynched for smoking a cigarette on the beach, meanwhile half the people on the beach were smoking weed. My friend had a doctor’s appointment after that lunch, and I went along, and the doctor spent 3 hours analyzing her negative energy with crystals and prescribing $400 worth of supplements. I knew right then I had entered an alien world. I do not mean to disparage crystal healing for those who believe in it, but this particular doctor was definitely a crackpot.

  • nightmoth

    Surprising that the vegan restaurant piece drew most of the ire this week, but as I did not read it, and now I have read it because of all the ire—I have to say “Butthole McYodelTown”—Oh, well done, Evan!

  • anon_the_great

    Ever meat a Vegan?

    Yeah I did once. Nine months later…

  • A_Changeling

    Sigh. I can’t help myself.
    Circumcision is a violation of human rights, though.
    Although not having a dick I have no skin in the game.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Winner.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      It’s an interesting argument. Is injecting antibodies for deadly infectious diseases into the bodies of babies without their knowledge and consent a violation of their human rights? Some people think so. I personally believe that forcing me to take P.E. class in school was a violation of my human rights. I’m not snarking, I’m serious.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        PE was the absolute fucking worst!

        It is the right of parents to consent for their minor children. And not vaxing the little tykes gives them the right to die from preventable diseases? Seems and odd form of freedom. (Am not suggesting that you yourself are making that argument, you were just pointing out what some people are saying.)

        I did not circumcise my two sons (took a lot of heat for it).

        • William

          I had my son circumcised with pinking shears. He’s very popular.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I am occasionally mildly annoyed that my parents had me baptized into the Catholic religion when I was 2 weeks old. One can’t undo being baptized, according to the Church. In the olden days, if the Inquisition knew someone had been baptized and then became a non-believer, they would burn them as a heretic, even though they didn’t exactly have a choice when they were babies. That always struck me as grossly unfair. But then there are a lot of things about religion that are grossly unfair.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Hm. Perhaps that vegan restaurant was on to something after all.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcXiwNjkhxU

  • MAZS

    How about, I have a fetus and am going (by choice) to have a baby.

  • TJ Barke

    If liberals are nazis, then why the fuck do all the neo confederates and neo nazis all fucking vote republican? No one that ever self identifies as a nazi ever supports liberal policies…

    • amrak63

      [snark] Oh, you libtards with yer “logic” and “facts” and “reason”! [/snark]

    • SisterArtemis

      There you go, thinking again!

  • Yr. Gma

    We didn’t get many butthurt yodelers complaining on the thread, did we?

    • SisterArtemis

      too busy yodeling

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Yodeling makes you happy.

      • justifiable

        Funny how it doesn’t spread to everyone else around you.

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          I get happy alone. :-P.

          • justifiable

            Yeah, I bet the avalanches you start make sure of that.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            You heard me all the way over there?

          • justifiable

            Unfortunately.

    • shastakoala

      Waiting for the Von Trapp Family Singers to weigh in.

      • Nockular cavity

        “High on a hill sang a lonely goatherd,
        ‘FUCK YOU, WONKET, DIIIIIIIIEEEE!'”

    • theCryptofishist

      We haven’t been able to translate that article into Switzerdeutsch, yet.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Would Afrikkans be quicker?

  • Vegans are disappointed that you made fun of them? How long have they been vegans? Hell, even vegetarians make fun of vegans. And, then they come here and read your insults and are surprised? I reckon y’all shoulda made more dick jokes about vegans.

    • Off limits: Dicks are made of meat.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        I guess vegans don’t mind playing with the sausage, they just don’t want to swallow?

    • sw19covfefe

      I have to say – as a non-meat-eating, organic, save-the-planet type – I have learned to be so very very patient with the numerous proselytising vegan-types.
      They were my first experience with Purity Ponies, which set me up well for the rest of my life.
      *I have encountered some very cool vegans also, too*

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        I used to work with a vegan who was so uptight and brittle and miserable that I endlessly fantasied about tying her up and showing a cheeseburger down her throat. But yeah, there was probably no connection.

      • Zyxomma

        I’ve been a save-the-planet type since the first Earth Day. I’ve been vegan longer than most of the vegans I know (including those on FB) have been alive. The Purity Ponies are the WORST.

  • Mr. Lambert

    So the toddler learned to take off a diaper. Okay. What about the rest of the clothes? Who is supposed to be watching the kid?

    • theCryptofishist

      I think the dishwasher. When he’s not heating huge cauldrons of water on the stove.

      • sw19covfefe

        WHY DO VEGANS HATE WATER>!>!!!!<!!<?!!!!!!

    • Grokenstein

      It’s a free-range child. Free to run wild and naked and yodel and show everyone its butthole. (Yeah, I called it an “it.”)

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        I always call little children its ’cause they’re gender neutral til they get some age on them.

    • Finnibar87

      When the Daughter was a toddler, she enjoyed taking her clothes off and on; she was even dressing herself at age 18 months.

      I’d put her in a onsie on her so she would refrain from free rangin’ it outside the house.

      It took too long for her to bother with the snaps, you see.

      Toddlers are easily fooled that way.

      • Quercus Queen

        Exactly. I had three toddlers in cloth diapers at the same time, and they all loved being unencumbered by clothes, diapers, etc. Snaps on the diaper covers and onesies stumped them nearly every time.

  • CindyinEncinitas
  • Lizzietish81
  • marxalot

    I mean, I’m not exactly one hundred percent normal, but these folks are weird.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “We left out the very strange argument over
    how the word “fetus” was made up by liberals to hide the fact that
    abortion kills babies (proof: No one ever says “I’m having a fetus”)
    because, as Nazi fascist commie liberals, we hate freedom of speech.”

    I think the nomination of Jeff Sessions as head of the Department of Justice pretty much counters any narrative that the left is the bastion of Orwellian rewriting of language to warp reality.

    • theCryptofishist

      And there’s a lot of commercial Orwellian language, such as “pre-owned.” or maybe that’s just misleading.

      • Zyxomma

        Yes, and “all new” about a TV episode. What, do they think we think it’s going to be partly new?

  • aktlib101

    Excellent 2 minute broadcast:
    “Australian Journalist’s Devastating Take On Trump At G20 Goes Viral”
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/australian-reporters-devastating-take-on-trump-at-g20-goes-viral_us_59624c0de4b0615b9e9227af?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

    https://twitter.com/abcnews/status/883877120082038784?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffingtonpost.com%2Fentry%2Faustralian-reporters-devastating-take-on-trump-at-g20-goes-viral_us_59624c0de4b0615b9e9227af

    ““We learned that Mr. Trump has pressed fast forward on the decline of the U.S. as a global leader,” Uhlmann said. “He managed to diminish his nation and to confuse and alienate his allies.”

    Trump was the only world leader at the summit who did not agree to a statement declaring the Paris Agreement on climate change to be “irreversible.” Trump on June 1 announced he was pulling the U.S. out of the accord that aims to combat global warming.”

    “Referring to Trump’s Twitter habit, Uhlmann described him as “a man who barks out bile in 140 characters, who wastes his precious days as president at war with the West’s institutions — like the judiciary, independent government agencies and the free press.” “

    • Finnibar87

      Keep tweeting the idiot Trump about how the world is laughing at him.

      He freaking hates that.

  • I’m a longtime commenter (not allowed), and I also thought Evan was being pretty Nugentian about vegan cuisine in general rather than the asshole or assholes in question.

    As they said to the Dixie Chicks, STICK TO SPORTS!

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Does Nugentian mean asshole-ish?

      I just thought it was super-funny.

      I used to go to a lot of alternative-type gatherings and the pot-lucks are the worst. Hippie cookies taste like sand. Not that there isn’t a lot of delicious vegetarian food in the world, but I will not eat a cookie without some eggs, butter, fucikng flour and sweetener in it.

      • Right, some is good some is bad. There’s a lot of shitty tasting food in the world, with or without animals in it. Stereotypes suck.

        • Stereotypes have feelings, too! They evolved, man! They evolved! They can’t help the way they are. Lay off the stereotypes. You non-PC SOB.

          PS I hope that is over the top enough that the snark and sarcasm are evident. If not, I apologize.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    At the end of the day, what other people eat is simply none of your business. Really. People do all kinds of sad mental gymnastics to try to make other people’s private, personal choices about themselves, and that’s so they can feel superior to someone else without having to actually do anything but run their mouths. It’s so they can feel justified in insulting and judging other people from that made-up position of superiority. The only diets or other personal habits you should be concerned with are your own and your own household’s. I don’t care if you eat Tofurkey any more than I care if you eat a steak wrapped in bacon shoved inside a smoked pork butt. Not my business. I have a life to live that doesn’t include trying to live yours for you. That said, the piece was simply meant to be funny. Not everything is supposed to be serious, and that post obviously wasn’t. It wasn’t a hit piece on Vegans, no matter how very hard they try to make it about them. And since they feel so very comfortable telling everyone else what they should chew in their own mouths, I’ll go ahead and give them some good advice-learn to laugh at yourselves, and mind your own business.

    • SnarkON

      What people eat is perfectly fine, but to deny that one’s dietary choices have a direct effect on the health of the planet is super convenient and completely disingenuous. We Americans are wasteful, wanton consumers. We would do well to curb our consumption of animal protein, our energy use, and numerous other behaviors that are a “personal choice,” true, but also have a tremendous adverse effect on other humans and animals and the environment. Sure, eat your bacon wrapped steak or whatever. But the smug vegan you hate so much for judging you actually *is* a more thoughtful global citizen than you are. That’s just a fact. P.S. I am NOT A VEGAN.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        You have zero clue what kind of citizen I am. You have zero clue what kind of citizens all the world’s vegans are. You have zero clue what I do or do not eat. You have zero clue who I do or do not hate. Pretty soon, you will have zero people who will even attempt to interact with you here. That number dwindles everytime you open to mouth to shit on other commenters here, and with absolutely zero clue as to what you’re talking about. That’s just a fact.

        • SnarkON

          Jesus. If that’s your reaction, then go ahead and block me. I did not say ANYTHING insulting to you. I wasn’t being disrespectful, and I wasn’t trolling. I stated a pretty irrefutable and rational fact.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Facts are based on knowledge, not your assumptions about other people.

          • SnarkON

            For the record I am not attacking you personally. I can see on second read how my comment could come off that way. I’m just generally annoyed at the overall tone of this comment thread and worried to death about the fate of the planet, and it’s depressing to me that everyone here feels that it’s OK to bash vegans — who do give a shit about the Earth and the creatures on it, which I find admirable. That said, you clearly went out of your way to attack me personally, which is completely shitty. Really, I think it’s best if you just block me. I’ll do the same.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I don’t block people, or need you to tell me what to do. You don’t get to dictate people’s reactions to your constant rude judgments. But you do you, and the problem will simply resolve itself naturally, and in time.

          • SnarkON

            Buh-bye.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            Maybe you don’t think you were insulting, but it sounded that way to me because the points you made (and they were good points) included remarks that were personally derogatory to Ms.MLG.

          • SnarkON

            Well, I didn’t mean it as a personal dig, more as a general statement to everyone on the board who’s currently dissing vegans. Her comment was just the one at the top that I responded to.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            “But the smug vegan you hate so much for judging you actually *is* a more thoughtful global citizen than you are. That’s just a fact.”

            Sounds insulting to me.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            I think the way you couched your argument made it come across as “smug vegans have good reason to be smug and I agree with them”.

          • SnarkON

            Quite possible. It is hard to control for tone in internet comments. To clarify, I don’t approve of smugness of any sort, whether vegan smugness or carnivorous smugness.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Thank you for accepting my comment with good will and in the spirit of constructive criticism.

          • SnarkON

            You’re one of my faves around here, and I appreciate your tact.

          • sw19covfefe

            True, it is all in the delivery. QED: hardcore vegans.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I see you’ve been busy picking fights and insulting other regulars today.

            You really need to grow up.

          • SnarkON

            Whatever you say.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Whenever I have decided to change my actions as a “thoughtful global citizen” it wasn’t because I was insulted or preached at by someone who thought he/she was my superior.

        • SnarkON

          I’m not a vegan, for fuck’s sake, and I don’t care what you eat or don’t eat. I cook meat in my home. I also believe that people who bike to work are more environmentally thoughtful than people who drive cars, and yet I have a car. Would you lighten the fuck up already?

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            You started it.

          • Serai 1

            Pot, meet kettle. Shake!

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Blah, blah, blah.

      • CripesAmighty
      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        It’s not the fact of making dietary choices. It’s the smugness and judgmentalism. Yes, of course, you’re right. The single biggest thing we can do to lower our carbon footprint is not recycling, or driving a Prius, but to eat less beef–the immense amount of water, destruction of essential rain forest for grazing, and fuel used to transport, is one of the most damaging things in our planet. Once I learned that, I cut way way back and probably eat red meat once a month at most, for just that reason.

        But the point is that we don’t have the right to be smug or sit in judgment of others, especially others who may be contributing mightily in other ways (donating to organizations, working to save the rainforest, helping disseminate useful information, paying for poorer citizens to have health care, fighting for human rights, etc). There are many ways to be a good global citizen, and being smug and judgmental to your fellow humans is actually not one of them.

        • SnarkON

          I agree. I’m also not in a position to judge because I am not, in fact, a vegan. I do think most of the judgement right now is being directed at vegans, not from them.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Then you don’t know vegans. Lordy, do I know vegans and vegan restaurants, living in L.A., and I can assure you, that judgment is coming from them. Otherwise why would anyone care what they eat?

          • SnarkON

            I meant the judgment on this thread. And I know tons of vegans, and they don’t strike me as particularly judgmental. #NotAllVegans and all that.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            That’s certainly true. #AllDietsMatter

        • Claire

          I stopped eating much red meat for the same reason. I still have taco night every couple of weeks, because giving up tacos is beyond my waning strength; but steaks are mostly a thing of the past, and even beef stew only happens two or thee times a year.

      • Claire

        I’m not a vegan either, but it’s kind of hard to deny that it would be better for the environment if more of us were. That’s why I don’t really mind smug vegans, just like I don’t really mind smug childless people. They’re covering for the rest of us a little, they’re allowed a certain amount of smugness.

      • Serai 1

        I’d like to see all this SAVE THE PLANET DAMMIT passion put towards haranguing people to STOP REPRODUCING. You want a negative effect on the planet? THAT is what is killing the planet – not what we’re eating, but the fact that there are just too goddamn MANY of us. But I never see any of these gung-ho food warriors pointing that out.

        • SnarkON

          Most of the vegans I know are childfree.

    • Opiwan

      I got sidetracked by the immense drooling spurred by the image of a bacon wrapped steak in a smoked pork butt… Nom nom nom!

  • aktlib101

    Oh, and it is the Dems’ fault that the Trumps colluded/collude with Russia. Take that, snowflakes. So says Rinsed Pubis.
    “Reince Priebus Accuses Democratic Operatives Of Setting Up Russia Meeting With Trump Jr.”
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-russia-lawyer_us_59624746e4b0615b9e922779?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Of course it’s bullshit, but if Rinsed Penis want us to think Junior got played by the Dems, what gawd-awful super-manipulation would he be vulnerable to by let’s say, oh, just pulling any random group out of a hat, Russian criminals?

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        I can believe that DJT, Jr is that stupid. I can’t believe that the DNC had anything to do with it.

    • jesterpunk

      RNC PR BS says what?

      • Zyxomma

        That’s what I always call him. He doesn’t deserve any vowels.

    • Duke

      The amazing part is that the Democrats got the meeting scheduled in Trump Tower. Nice touch, globalists!

  • Grokenstein

    The Imagine FB page is up again and in full “everyone’s mean to us but we DON’T CARE!! DON’T TELL US HOW TO RAISE A CHILD/RUN A RESTAURANT!! LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAA!!” yodel.

    We’re back! We would like to thank everyone who has reached out to us in support through messages, phone calls, and visits to the restaurant. We had to temporarily deactivate the page to eliminate the unnecessary cruelty of some commenters directed to our children and family members. Several spoof pages have popped up, but this is the only genuine Imagine Vegan Cafe business page. We’ve appreciated the media’s willingness to reach out to us and come by for a visit, as well as the Health Department responding to complaints stemming from this incident with another excellent report after inspecting the entire restaurant. We have a long standing reputation for scores in the upper 90’s, and will continue to work hard to maintain that. Our children also remain our highest priority; clearly our 22 month old isn’t familiar with the “no shirt, no diapers, no shoes, no service” policy and we’re working on that 😁She has always and will always be under close supervision and further “rip and run” escapades are being closely monitored. However, we have an open door singing policy and encourage and foster our kid’s love of music, so be aware you could be serenaded at any time!

    Jesus Christ.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      One of the problems with those people is that while they think they have sense of humor they actually don’t. Gawd, I hate defensive people.

      • kareemachan

        I just have a problem with humor-impaired people – whoever they might be.

      • Phrieda Ω

        DON’T TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME*

        *No Poe’s, pleae.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Defensive, moi? I resent your non-comment.

    • Duke

      So there are vegan PR staff.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Thank you for your service. Going to FB and actually looking for this shit is above an beyond the call of duty.

    • insolenttomato

      I really, really, really hope Memphis-area members of the Wonketariat take full advantage of the “open door singing policy.”

  • Finnibar87

    That Chinese food canard in America doesn’t stand up to scrutiny, and is truly stupid.

    Slaughtering small, domesticated animals for a meat source is labor intensive, messy and dangerous, with the end result being a bit of paltry flesh.
    Plus: once exposed, the restaurant is done for.

    Who would bother with when ordering meat from a wholesaler takes way less labor hours, is easier, provides more meat and is ultimately cheaper?
    Who would risk their business for literally no payoff?

    People should think such things through now and again.

    Once would be nice, even.

    • William

      From my observations, Chinese folks don’t eat a lot of meat.

      • kareemachan

        And from my friends, who spent time in China.

  • Jon Sussex

    Needz moar cuke jokes.

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    This is one of the funniest deleted comments roundup in a long time. The woman who can’t write complaining that Evan doesn’t write well; the guy with his extra-terrestrial logic (his capitalization isn’t random, because Vegan Restaurant = Mental Illness snowflake, no comma of course); the “nobody says I’m having a fetus” argument; the strangely unenthusiastic “…sounds like you got sand in your hoo-ha”, as if they were just coming to a sad conclusion…

    Are the Derp finally renewing themselves?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      To paraphrase: genius has limits, for derp there are none.

    • proudgrampa

      Is they learning?

      • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

        Often is the answer provided.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      i lOve ranDom cApitalIzatiOn.

      Who’s the boss, huh? Me or a bUnCh oF lEtTerS?

  • Finnibar87

    Physcians made up the word ‘fetus’ so they could murder at will.

    Everyone knows THAT.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      No, not physicians. WHORES who can’t keep their LEGS closed.

  • William

    I gave up meat 4 years ago. Oddly I don’t miss good meat. I miss shitty meat. I used to grill these thick cut-with-a-fork filets, and I don’t miss them. I would make burgers with ground chuck, diced onions and Italian bread crumbs. I don’t miss that. I miss Arbys. That’s right, shitty formed meat byproducts. I miss the pastrami, the corned beef and the formed sliced meat you dip in that incredibly salty and likely sugared dipping juice. Just to be clear. You can give up meat and still kill yourself with food. Skittles, doughnuts and Little Debbie snack cakes contain no meat. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a2fdefbac4037640fd5dab57319ababae6adbe9944ffc8ad270762c660e93844.jpg

    • proudgrampa

      “I miss Arbys. That’s right, shitty formed meat byproducts. I miss the pastrami, the corned beef and the formed sliced meat you dip in that incredibly salty and likely sugared dipping juice.”

      Who doesn’t love Arby’s?

      • William

        Jon Stewart

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Arby’s is why I got stuck in Kearney Nebraska for three days.

        • 1complexmolecule

          Please elaborate.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            While driving home, straight through to Toronto from LA back in January of ’96, we stopped at an Arby’s on the CA-NV border (I think) for a snack. I had crazy fries. But by the time we hit Colorado I was sick as a dog from food poisoning, and we were forced to stop for the night in Denver because I couldn’t stand being folded up in the car. I was still on rough shape in the morning but a bit of Jello put me right enough to continue on… straight into the Blizzard of 96. After being stuck behind unmoving vehicles (including a truck whose trailer kept threatening to topple over on top of us in the crosswinds) we eventually got moving again, and crawled down the unplowed Interstate to the Kearney exit, beyond which the highway was closed. Took ’em three days to clear the roads. In the meantime I wandered around in the -40 temps in a sweater and boots remarking how REFRESHING the air was, to the displeasure of the stranded truckers.
            I credit our survival to the four Blizzaks and fog lights on my Taurus wagon.

      • kareemachan

        Well-made pastrami is wonderful.

        (I say this as I made it myself.)

      • Phrieda Ω

        The first Arby’s I ever saw was in Eastover, Md in 1966 and back then it appeared not to be flaked and formed but a big roast shaped log and in a gyro-type cooker. The server carved the requisite amount by weight and I remember it being excellent. Real horseradish would help rather than faux horsey sludge in the modern version.

        • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

          It was a Big Day indeed at the Unpaid Protestor household, circa 1969, when my parents would take us to the Maitland (Florida) Arby’s.
          I remember that same big ol’ log of roast beef, and the horseradish sauce. The sandwiches were delicious.

          I had an Arby’s sandwich here in Minnesota, in my pre-vegetarian days (about 1990, I think), and it sucked.

        • justifiable

          For some reason my eyes just combined two sentences on top of each other to read: “carved the requisite amount of Rhodesia by weight.” And damn, that would be excellent as long as there was enough horseradish.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      I give so many props to Arby’s for being so smart about the way Jon Stewart endlessly mocked them and having such a smart sense of humor about it, recognizing it was still publicity, never saying a word, and then taking that full page ad when he retired to wish him well! Hilarious and so beautifully handled!

      • Resistance Fighter Puipui

        The commercial they ran during his last show, where the big-voiced announcer just cried through the whole thing, is one of my favorite things they’ve ever done.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          I know, right? Hilarious and now I view them entirely positively. SO smart.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Why is good old fashioned vegetarianism good enough? Give me cheese and eggs or give me death.

    • sw19covfefe

      YOU ARE HISTORIES GREATEST MONSTER!!>!!!!!!!!

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        You have a Godzilla avatar, and yet you say this?

    • William

      I don’t eat meat, but love cheese, eggs and pasta. A very strict vegetarian admonished me explaining that on dairy farms male calves would be killed at birth because they don’t produce milk. I don’t know if that’s true. Then I made the argument that plants have feelings, and respond to light, sound and warmth. I told him a salad bar was like a holocaust event for plants.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        They’re not killed at birth, they’re raised as steers and then yup, butchered for meat.

        All herd animals it’s the same. Picture a sheep farmer who is primarily raising her flock for wool. She has, let’s say, 100 ewes and maybe 2 rams to service the ewes. Let’s say the ewes give birth to fairly equal numbers of girl and boy lambs. The girls have tremendous value because they can make more sheep, the boys have got to go, so they become legs of lamb in order to justify the cost of the raising them to the appropriate age.

        Farmers will track which ewes birth more girls to boys because ewes who throw more girls have more value.

        The interesting thing here is that animal husbandry is the opposite of the patriarchal world we live in, where in girls should have fucking more value because without us birthing the next generation the race goes bye-bye toot sweet.

        • Serai 1

          What I find funny is the vegans’ refusal to face the fact that all those animals they want to “save” actually evolved to be prey. Whether kept by humans or not, most ungulates in the natural world are prey to animals to eat them for dinner, and not usually in as pleasant a fashion as humans do. No hammer to the head or bolt to the neck – prey animals in nature get ripped to pieces. So one could make the argument that us eating them is actually a step up.

      • It both is and isn’t true. All dairy farms need males, but they might not need as many as they get in any given year. It is possible that the excess would be killed, but most likely not before they’ve been put up for sale to other operations who would want them.

        Say, for example, we have four goats here on the fambliy farm, all boys, who came from a dairy goat operation who didn’t need them. We bought them to help control the brush on our property, but some people buy them to raise as meat.

        So, this explanation would likely not satisfy the person you were talking to, since unless everyone has a cow stud farm, or a brush problem that needs chewing, ALL DAIRY FARMS MEAN MALES MUST DIE!!1!!!1! Whether immediately or eventually probably wouldn’t matter.

      • kareemachan

        I heart you.

    • CripesAmighty

      Some folks just don’t know that they need to back up cuz they passed the line from ‘earnest’ to ‘insufferable sanctimony’ about six miles back.

  • proudgrampa

    What?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      That’s my reaction to these SFBs every week.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    FWIT Herr Hitler was a vegetarian and was said to have monstrous farts. He was a lot of bad things, but not an IC. Looks like he had game these 4Chan MRAs still don’t have.

    • Serai 1

      Hitler was not a vegetarian. He ate a lot of vegetarian food, but also ate sausages. So, not a vegetarian.

      • justifiable

        Nopeity. You got that from Dione Lucas, who claimed that she cooked squab for Hitler when she was working for a hotel in Hamburg before the war. She has also been tagged as Hitler’s cook, which is when all that sausages nonsense appeared. She wasn’t his cook, and it’s pretty suspicious you don’t hear that squab story until 1964, when she has a cookbook to sell. Hitler’s official food taster gave an interview 4 years ago, sharing that her boss referred to meat broth as “corpse tea” and that the menu “…was all vegetarian, the most delicious fresh things, from asparagus to peppers and peas, served with rice and salads…There was no meat and I do not remember any fish.”

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Huh – he probably had a B-12 deficiency, which would have affected his brain in a not-good way.

          • justifiable

            He probably didn’t, for the simple reason that his Austrian cooks and at least one dietician used to sneak bone marrow into his soup. Apparently he was on to the cook because he’d have stomach cramps afterwards – which can be for the course if you’re a vegetarian and someone spikes your food – so eventually he only trusted him to prepare mashed potatoes and consomme.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Oops. I didn’t mean to offend you.

        • Serai 1

          Who said you offended me? I was just pointing out that Hitler=vegetarian is a myth.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Snopes says different.

    • insolenttomato

      I had read – on Snopes, probably – that he was a vegetarian, but only became one towards the end of his life for health reasons and not out of any moral conviction? Not that it matters since, as stated earlier, assholes/mass-murdering fuckheads (H/T Eddie Izzard) can be found in any group.

      Back to snarkage.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        I love Izzard’s stuff. And I agree with you. The only thing common among mass murderers is murder.

        • insolenttomato

          A friend introduced me to “Dressed to Kill” when I was 18, and it’s been downhill ever since.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            An “Action Transvestite.”

          • insolenttomato

            “Je suis un travesti executif!”

  • meanlawyermom

    “Ever meat a Vegan…?” This is hilarious. He probably meant “meet a Vegan,” but it is so much better this way.

    Best deleted comments!

    • Alex Grey

      IKR, I laughed when I saw that too.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    I reserve the right to use the word ‘retard’ as much as I like. How else can I describe the change in a car’s ignition timing during full-throttle/low-vacuum driving?

    • William

      My dads 1938 Johnson Seahorse outboard motor had a lever that read “advance Retard”. He quietly explained the intricacies of the spark advance that would occur before the throttle opened, as we giggled like idiots.

      • Jamoche

        In Cupertino there’s a place I drive past frequently called “Herbal Mineral”. They have no excuse. Actually… *googles* … nope, no excuse at all: https://www.herbalmineral.com/about

        • kareemachan

          In Fujisawa, we saw a business called ‘Psycho Retard Motorcycles’. I SO wish I’d gotten a photo of it.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      The very first phrase of the very first tune in Beethoven’s Sixth Symphony ends with a retard, because going full steam ahead just ruins the mood.

      https://youtu.be/pSEDRvNkw7I

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I retard bread dough in the fridge overnight.

  • 🇺🇸ℱїḓḓℓεÐεεÐεe🇺🇸
  • themidniteskulker

    Couldn’t agree with Terrence Jeffrey more – I’m pretty sure that anyone who doesn’t see things my way, or think the way I do, is a moron,any any restaurant I wouldn’t eat at should be shut down. Freedom!!! I guess.

    • justifiable

      Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to close down.

  • CripesAmighty

    Many moons ago, my dear friend (and fellow lefty activist) Barbara and I were thrown out of a Progressive Book Fair because we couldn’t stop howling at this: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/de7e3b4686d8003310b7bf53db260092cc6d91eb4e4d07a1e1061c75a3a8aefa.jpg

    Yes, I know we shouldn’t make fun of the hopelessly earnest, but…

    • William

      Thrown out of a progressive book fair for being cheerful? That’s like getting kicked out of Wal-Mart for violating the dress code.

      • The Librarian

        Got stink eyed at an animation festival for laughing at some really clever cartoons. That’s right, cartoons, not high art. Well, maybe we were high.

        • Saxo the Grammarian

          Mrs. Grammarian and I attended the “Ed Wood” movie when it was in the theaters many, many years ago. We were laughing until the tears flowed over the artistic flailings of Mr. Wood, ’cause we had both done some theater ourselves and knew first-hand how wrong things can go. This bothered the people behind us. A woman leaned over and hissed “WHAT are you LAUGHING at???” We looked at the puzzled but earnest look on her face and laughed even harder. At least she didn’t ask the usher to throw us out.

          • The Librarian

            How could one not laugh during that film? Either they didn’t get it or a possible Wood descendant*

            *previous one gig stage manager for experimental theater group. It wasn’t easy. They did ask me again, but I had to decline. I think they were being nice.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ever read david sedaris’ essays about his time in art school and performance art.

            hilarious.

          • The Librarian

            Love Mr. Sedaris! I’ve lol’d in public reading his books.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            me talk pretty one day and naked were on the shelf of a house i was crashing at in LA. I literally laughed so hard, it hurt.

          • theCryptofishist

            I wouldn’t advise laughing at the horrible over-acting in the Birth of a Nation (1917 version) either, although it’s more like feeling you’re the only one who gets that church is a joke.

    • kareemachan

      [soothing pat on the shoulder]

      I worked at a new/used bookstore for a decade. You wouldn’t believe the shit that we saw….

  • Told you I’d get a response from the concern troll over on the vegan butthole story, but it wasn’t QUITE response I figured it would be (but it was pretty close):

    Troll alert: QuestionableWackelpudding is a paid Big Pharma troll who is pretending to be autistic. Please do not reply — they get paid per reply. Notice no profile photo and meaningless name. EVERY sentence that pretends to be about facts is a lie!

    BOY, I WISH, on all counts.

    Also, this person is clearly not a regular Wonkateer. WHAT A SURPRISE!

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      So, how much does Big Pharma pay these days? Is it worth signing up?

      • No, goddamnit. Google and that bitch Lori pay so much better.

        • justifiable

          I haven’t laughed so fucking hard since I got accused of getting paid to post by Big Pharma for ripping an Andrew Wakefield true believer a new one, in depth, on Jezebel over that fuckwitted “documentary” that got bounced from the TriBeCa Film Festival. It was the weekend, too – and no, they don’t pay for overtime.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        if you don’t mind being paid in Sorosbucks

    • Parchment Scroll

      I’m so sorry. This is the bullshittiest of bullshit concern trolls.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      What?!? What?!? What fresh hell is this?

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    I really don’t see the logic of being a Vegan. Yes, GM made two million of them, but they stopped making them in 1977 and there really aren’t many intact ones left. It’s really not a sustainable sort of diet; one would be far better off being a Corollan or perhaps a Sentran.

    • William
      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Thanks to that transportation, Chevy had to design the oil pan in such a way that they accidentally made the Vega seriously good at maintaining oil pressure and proper lubrication at high RPMs. Turns out you could redline the hell out of them without worrying about throwing a rod and their little aluminum engine would hold up to all sorts of abuse. I had one in college and I discovered the secret to owning one- abuse it as much as you can. The worse you treated them, the better they ran- I regularly pushed mine to 100mph and generally beat the shit out of it and got between 150-200k miles out of it.

        • doktorzoom

          Wasn’t the Monza (shudder) just a reskinned Vega anyway?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            A new Monza
            Or a moped
            A Winnebago
            Hell, a herd of Winnebagos, we’re giving ’em away!

            (yes, a DeLorean reskinned Vega)

    • Jamoche

      When you run out of cars, move on to guitars
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHCdS7O248g

    • Maggielle

      Mine was 1972 Vegan and I loved it. Even though it was Vegan, it was burly and energetic. Later I became Hondan, and I confess I miss looking out at that huge Vegan hood. On the other hand, all these years later I have been diagnosed with osteopenia and I have to take a once weekly pill plus lots of vitamin D. I have to wonder whether going Vegan for ten years was a factor. I’m just wondering, I’m not judging.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Well, at least you weren’t Pintoan. That turned out to be explosively problematic.

      • SeeTrain65

        IMHO, anything is better than being a Chryslerian. Because when you are, after about two months, you become a Reebokian.

      • Smibo

        Hmm… ’72 Vegan? Were those the ones that would blow up if they got hit in the rear end?

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Those were the Pintoans.

          • Smibo

            All this time, I thought Pintoans were the beans-only peeps. Thanks for the clarification!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    ahhh, the great Vegan Butthole Thread Battle of 2017.

    it will be written of in the history books and songs about it shall be sung by our descendants!

    Quick! We need a monument!

    • kareemachan

      Hide it with the one in eastern WA.

    • It isn’t quite the rival of the BERNIEWOULDHAVEWONTHEDNCAREEVIL! Wars of 2016, or The Monstrosity of Canned Clams Thread of … uh, also, 2016, I think, or the DOK ZOOM IS THE SMARTEST, KINDEST, GENTLEST MAN I KNOW AND ALSO A GENEROUS LOVER thread.

      But, it is right up there. Much snark was spilled, and we should pour some of our 40 in remembrance of the guffaws that fell.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        rofl, I have heads to put on my mantle.

        • justifiable

          Ewww, you have heads hanging off your clothes???

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Not even as compelling as the Pineapple On Pizza? Yes or No Debacle..

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          oh lord – or the Beans in Chili? Yes or No fight.

          I fear the day we get into arguing BBQ. Luckily, we’ve managed to restrain ourselves…so far.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      From the Halls of Vegan Butthole Thread
      To the shores of Tofu chili…..

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        rofl! You people crack me up

    • Jesse
      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        yup, that’s a winner…let’s send it to the full wonkette committee.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      That was quite a thread.

  • kareemachan

    Yeah, I blocked bubba about halfway through its temper tantrum.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I didn’t even bother. After a few posts I just lost interest and quit reading

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    i have to say though, it looks like we managed to attract some new wonketteers to join the snarky vile mob.

    It’s a strenous screening process, but we’ll be better for it.

    • As much as I enjoyed the vegan butthole story (because it’s still making me giggle, even today), I’ll be glad to see the backside of it, too, because some of the trolling was super-nasty and I’ll be glad to have a nice, friendly comment history back.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i have to say, I like rapping about our days, our challenges, our health, our adventures, our hobbies, our tv shows/movies…but i also (apparently) like arguing with assholes on the internet.

        Hey, I never claimed to be a GOOD person.

        • For me, I just can’t handle the people who know so much more about my own life and experiences than I do. “Veganism is superior, because farms are cruel, icky, gross and do you have any idea how cruel, icky and gross they are?”

          “Well, I grew up on a –”

          “FARMS ARE TERRIBLE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!”

          Or, “Vaccines cause autism and autism is terrible! Do you have any idea what the poor parents of autistic children go through?”

          “I have some idea, yes, because –”

          “YOU ARE A BIG PHARMA DOUCHE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!”

          …Okay. Farmsplained and autisplained, both in the same day.

          I’ll just do sit in the dark and eat my leftover ribs from the bar-b-que.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, an denjoy your lack of polio and shingles.

            I know – sanctiminous, smug, holier than thou crap drives me nuts. I will go out of my way to offend those kinds of people, which is something I never do, cause I try not to be a dickhead.

          • Granted, it is sometimes difficult to have truly meaningful conversations on complicated subjects in the non-comment sections of Commie Mommyblogs. Because, honestly, I’m very high functioning, while some of my friends where honestly voted “Most Likely To Become A Serial Killer” in high school. So, that’s lucky. And, yes, my family have run a huge agricultural business in Texas for decades, but I was only directly involved with that during the summers, when I’d visit and not be off of a horse for three months, so there might be nuances I just don’t get.

            BUT, when the other side is just RIGHT, dammit! YOU SHUT UP, NOW!, there can be no possibility of any meaningful conversation, at all.

            When it comes to farming, the animals aren’t the problem. The problem is too many fucking people, not that cows fart too much, or eat too much, or whatever. The problem is emerging economies, who are beginning to consume meat on the level that we have done in this country for decades, because, now, they can afford to do so. And who are we to deny them the status symbols we ourselves enjoyed while criticizing them for not loving the planet enough? (For my own part, I chose to not have children, meaning my potential children cannot have their potential children, saving the planet dozens of little garbage makers — and that’s just in the short term. Pretty green, if you ask me, so I get steak and shut up.)

            As to the anti-vax thing, Believing in something so completely debunked just blows my mind, and the tacit hatred for people who, through no fault of their own, have brains that don’t quite work the way yours does is just … cruel. Strangely, one of the reasons I’m good at my job is because I DO notice things other people wouldn’t. And, I have lots of patience for the segment of our population that just baffles everyone else in the organization. But, having been vaccinated, I’m obviously just damaged beyond redemption, or lying. Joy.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol.
            FWIW (and apologies if this insulting) I never knew or suspected you were austistic.

            And that’s the point I make about veganism, kililng namials – okay, yeah, we do that. The whole sustainable, eco crap, well, that’s people pushing profit by not being responsible with their practices.

          • Oh, the autism thing won’t show up on a message board, necessarily. Most of the autistic people I know love message boards, and sometimes places like Second Life (is that still a thing?) because it evens the playing field of communication for them. If visual clues aren’t even a factor in speaking, it makes us far less likely to get the interaction wrong. If anything, it puts so-called normal people at a disadvantage because they sometimes forget that text doesn’t come with a facial expression to let everyone know what you’re feeling, so suddenly, I’m not the douche for answering that question of whether or not those pants make your butt look big honestly, everybody else is a douche because sarcasm isn’t a font.

            Even in real life, it’s mostly undetectable. Or, at least, less detectable than many others I know. My parents enrolled me in acting and voice lessons from a very young age. I’ve described the personality most people think of as me as a performance, and that honestly isn’t very far from the truth. Sure, sure, I’m playing me, but I’m playing a more outgoing, approachable me — and that’s friggin’ exhausting. I need a lot of downtime to recover. As I allow people to get closer, they slowly get to see the not ready for prime time version. Not everyone can handle it.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            that’s actually wonderfully put and I never thought about the online thing that way, but you’re totally right!

            Sarcasm and jokes gets lost in text.
            i’m not autistic, but I have always had a thing about eye contact. No idea why (my childhood was fine!), it just makes me feel…vulnerable? exposed? (i suspect it’s very much an evolution thing, like with dogs and cats).

            I strike people as shady cause when I’m talking to them, I always look everywhere else but at that them. I’ve been working on it over the last 20 years and I’m better at it, but still not ‘normal’.

            and i get the thing about performance too. the people in my family are terribly charming and i can be too – but it’s an effort. When i was a journalist, i use to have to make small talk and make calls to strangers on the phone. it still stresses me out. But, i learned how to have a genial phone presence that i could turn off and on like a light switch. A lawyer I knew once told me, I “gave great phone.” Lol.

            also, i find people exhausting as well. Parties, dates, time with gf’s or friends – i love them, but fuck does it get old at some point and i just want to be alone.

            Just goes to show some experiences are more common than we think.

          • Matthew

            The eye contact thing is interesting; it’s my understanding that it’s different across different cultures. I’ve been told, for instance, that direct eye contact is considered aggressive and rude in Japan – can anyone verify or unverify?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i can’t (cause I’m dumb). We have a commenter living in japan, but due to time differences, he’s only on late and I actually haven’t seen him in some time : ( (he’s cool).

          • justifiable

            Direct eye contact does come off as rude and confrontational – the etiquette is to maybe look quickly, initially, and then skew your gaze to the other person’s ears, or neck, or whatever, and then glance back as needed.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Yes, exactly. Beautifully put!

        • Jesse

          Right there with you TXDST, if I couldn’t argue with assholes on the internet I really wouldn’t know if it was worth it anymore.

          And doing a good job of arguing with assholes on the internet makes you a GREAT person.😉

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            Thanks! You too
            ; )

            gotta pass my unemployed days somehow! (perhaps, looking for work? NAH!)

          • Jesse

            A job is a job. Putting down assholes is a Calling.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i like to rationalize it as honing my logic, argument, persuasion, and writing skills.
            ; )
            maybe i should put that on my resume, “Two years experience arguing with internet trolls.”

          • Jesse

            I’d give that resume a second look.

          • justifiable

            Or you could go all Robert Frost on their ass.
            “But yield who will to their separation,
            My object in living is to unite
            My avocation and my vocation
            As my two eyes make one in sight.
            Only where love and need are one,
            And the work is play for mortal stakes,
            Is the deed ever really done
            For Heaven and the future’s sakes.”

          • Smibo

            Admirable dedication there, Jesse! For me, it’s just a hobby.

    • Rick Hill

      Just as long as they don’t horn in on my Soros bucks

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        shh, they’re donating to wonkette while I’m not.

        • SisterArtemis

          shhhhh you’re donating your wit and charm, which are always welcome around here. We are strictly commanded, each and every week, and I quote: DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT!.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, i’m pretty sure they added that after a few of us broke, unemployed folks bemoaned how we couldn’t donate.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I seem to remember that being a standard even when they had ads.

          • SisterArtemis

            You are correct.

          • SisterArtemis

            I’m pretty sure they added that because they don’t anyone skipping a meal in order to donate, and because they really don’t want to make us feel guilty. Unless we should feel guilty, in which case, okay then!

  • Ilgattomorte

    In response to “major Bubba”, I can say, factually, not all vegans are liberals. My son once dated a right-wing republican vegan. Oh, she was a joy! By joy I mean, the kind of joy one feels when the crippling gas pains that have left you doubled over in agony for days disappear, and are superseded by a painful rectal itch that feels like tiny razor blades cascading down from your colon. It’s the kind of joyousness that seems like it will never go away. It did go away, but like that anal itch, it left scars.

    She was that delightful combination of both uniformed and wrong, but at the same time, always right, completely superior and always judgmental. She came fully equipped with an entire set of twist endings, as if she had been written by M. Knight Shyamalan for a very special episode of Night Gallery.

    Now I’ve known vegans and they’re not all crazy. I’ve known republicans who weren’t complete douchebags. But, somehow, I believe, that in combination those two things have a greater likelihood of producing one hell of a crazy complete douchebag.

    So no. Not all vegans are liberals.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      my mother once called one of my gf’s “an emotional vampire” – so there’s that.

      • Man I hate it when vampires get all weepy. SUCK IT UP, YOU CRYBABY VAMPIRE!

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          no no no (although funny as hell), she use to suck up all my emotional energy with her constant nuttiness, so I was drained at the end of a day.
          Hmmm….I like yours better.

          • I figured, but that was the first thing I thought of when I read your post and I found it pleasing. (I especially liked the, “SUCK IT UP” bit.)

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          so Twilight?

        • doktorzoom
          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            twilight sparkle libelz!

            Seriously, y’all getting me into that show has just ruined me. ; )

      • Ilgattomorte

        Well, if she was a vampire, at least she wasn’t vegan.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          ugh, can confirm I never dated one.

          A cousin who was vegan and getting in some trouble came to live with us for awhile…goddamn that shit was complicated. Couldn’t even cook animal byproduct on the same source or keep it on the same plate…taking her out to a restaurant was damn near impossible.

          It was only a stroke of blind, dumb, luck we ended up at a mexican food place that served vegan refried beans (the cousin made sure, the staff confirmed they don’t use lard to cook them).

          • Ilgattomorte

            Oh I know. I once wasted hours making a grilled tofu salad that was apparently rendered inedible because I used a tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce in, maybe 2 1/2 gallons of salad (I’m Italian, we cook big food). I had no idea vegan Worcestershire sauce was even a thing. Ms Morte and I don’t really eat tofu salad, so it pretty much went to waste.

            That’s the thing I’ve never understood about many vegans. At some point, it stops being about health, animals and the planet when you are willing to waste food over minuscule and unintentional additives. I can’t tell you how many times we threw food out because of something minor that was more about principle than any real harm to the planet or the person. To me, if you are really worried about the planet that kind of waste is more damaging, not to mention just a tad impolite.

          • Lambsendbeds

            Srsly- I can’t believe that “principle” could cause someone to be that damn rude. I’m not a vegan, but I’m very picky about certain things. When I am fortunate enough to be invited to someone’s home for a meal I always offer to bring some contribution so that there will be one dish I know I will like. For example – I HATE almost all the traditional Thanksgiving and Christmas desserts – apple pie, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, mincemeat anything, fruitcake. I always bring a lemon chiffon pie that everyone loves. Win – win !

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            “I HATE almost all the traditional Thanksgiving and Christmas desserts – apple pie, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, mincemeat anything”

            (eyes you suspiciously)

            And I thought we got on so well.

            TBH, i was horrified at the prospect of mincemeat pie…until i learned htere was no meat in it and it was FUCKING AWESOME.

          • Suse

            Real British mincemeat does have meat and suet in it. I make cranberry mincemeat that’s very good.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            !!!

            Fucking british – the things they do with meat mystefies me.

          • justifiable

            Here, have some spotted dick. It’s made with yummy suet! I’ll save the Lombard custard for another occasion.
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/84206a058b51422041803baf06f4e8864cd479a60a9d64de4cb7e0aa509c77a0.jpg

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            and what (his uncouth southern ass asks hesitantly) is suet?

          • justifiable

            Oh, bless your heart. Suet is the solid, chunky hard fat around the kidneys and loins of cattle and sheep. When I was a wee nipper in New England, in the wintertime my mom used to get a chunk of it from the butcher and put it out in the birdfeeder, which for some reason used to fascinate/freak me out. I have no idea what the fuck mom thought the jays and chickadees ate in summertime (ham sammiches, probably – mom wasn’t exactly Audobon) but I guess it was eaten by squirrels or just melted – or maybe a crow raid or five vanished it.

            Lombard custard is more an historic dish, whereas spotted dick is still a thing today. It’s a sweet custard in a pastry crust, made not with suet but with beef bone marrow. And while the marrow gives it a rich, buttery feel, it’s still weirdly beefy. Unless you’d consider rolling your NY strip in sugar hot off the grill, my advice is to pass.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            the things people eat.

            SMH

          • justifiable

            I still don’t get cauliflower – you’d think anything that looks like brains really should be avoided on principle. Ditto Brussels sprouts, aka Nature’s hand grenades.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i actually like cauliflower!

          • justifiable

            I still remember the summer when I was in my early 20’s and found out that one of my co-workers thought that the soft-serve ice cream you get at Dairy Queen was somehow made from beef tallow because it was so creamy and white.

            Honestly, you can’t make this shit up. I blame the disappearance of small grocery stores being taken over by huge chains and maybe a lack of rock salt for home ice cream makers. You put in an hour hand-cranking one of those fuckers as the mixture hardened, and you KNEW what ice cream was made from. Your sweat and the blood from your blisters, I’ll tell you what.

          • justifiable
          • Lambsendbeds

            Oh noes! Does this mean we are never going to be able to flirt or banter, or braid each other’s hair ever again? WAAAAHHHHH !!!!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol…hair…you mean the 5 of them on my chest, right?

            lol.

          • Ilgattomorte

            Look, I don’t know if you’re a guy or a girl, or how old you are, but if you’re going to bring pie …
            … do you want to date my son?

          • Lambsendbeds

            I’ll bring pie whether or not your son is included in the evening!

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            I don’t believe in buying water in bottles BUT every once in a while there is a situation where I have a choice of either being dehydrated or drinking water in a bottle. So I drink water in a bottle and recycle the bottle and don’t suffer any great angst over it.

          • Lambsendbeds

            If vegan cousin was that picky she should have prepared her own food her damn self. Then it wouldn’t be meat adjacent. Sheesh…

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            apparently, that ended up being the unspoken arrangement.

            The meat eaters cooked and ate, then the cousin and her bf (poor guy) cooked and ate.

      • SeeTrain65

        You know what my mother called my girlfriends?

        I’ll let you know when I find one. : (

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          no worries, she won’t like them.

          It’s apparently a “thing” they agree on at monthly mom meetings.

          • SisterArtemis

            yeah, but I’m not telling where we meet up.

            For me, it’s the boyfriends. My daughter has terrible taste in men, always picks the highly intelligent bad boys. Two of them have shot themselves to death. After she and the last one broke up, she came to me and said she was starting to understand why parents, in some cultures, picked the men for their daughters.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            gah!

            Highly intelligent and bad boy is indeed a scary mix…uh…says a friend of mine.
            Yeah.

            That’s it

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            My daughter says that I have bad taste in men, including her father.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Of course not all vegans are liberals- that’s just one more thing for wingnuts that “everyone knows” that is in fact complete bullshit.

    • theCryptofishist

      If it has not already been noted, something something godwin something.

    • Smibo

      She was that delightful combination of both uniformed and wrong, but at
      the same time, always right, completely superior and always judgmental.

      So, it was only the Veganism that distinguished her from every other SFB Righty, huh?

      • Maggielle

        There’s something about a right wing vegan in a uniform….

        • Smibo

          SO distinguished!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    It’s funny. When I think an article is dumb, or starts out poorly written, or I’m not interested in the subject matter, I just move on to the next article without feeling compelled to complain that my needs have not been met.

    But maybe that’s just me.

  • Rick Hill

    You know. Own self has done enough traveling and is not in search of anymore. But. If I were to go to someplace that was self’s choice it would be to go to Argentina for their bbq. Ot, btw http://i1.wp.com/uniqueeventsservices.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/clh_album17.jpg
    http://i2.wp.com/uniqueeventsservices.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/clh_album9.jpg
    http://i1.wp.com/uniqueeventsservices.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/clh_album10.jpg

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i was very surprised ot learn in miami that the argentines are big cowboy, meat eater folk.

      Excellent food.

      (they also make wonderful desserts, if the local argentine bakery was representative)

      PS – it all looks yummy.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Hoo boy are they ever.

        The gauchos of Argentina were and are real cowboys and steak is the national dish.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          yup!

          apparently so is Monterrey mexico. I had the best damn skirt steak when I was there.

      • justifiable

        Seriously, if you put an Argie down in the desert next to three wire hangers, he will turn them into a grill.

    • You might could also try South Africa and Australia.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    The same people that can read nuance in virtually everything else suddenly become yee haw anybody who don’t do like me is a sanctimonious asshole!

    Holy projection, Batman!

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    and now on to the anti-vaxxers in the Charlie Gard thread.

    • Edith Prickly

      Oh fuck, really? I might have to go boot some head.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        do it!

        Look for the one that calls Robyn a cunt and deems her (understandable) outrage a ploy for getting donations.

        • Edith Prickly

          She has been answered. I took a couple of shots at the other cranks spit-spraying all over that thread.

  • Parchment Scroll

    “Gosh, I wish I could get my phone to log in to Disqus so I could comment during the daytime and once again be a regular participating member of the Wonketariat.” –Me before reading a given week’s Dear Shit for Brains

    “Boy, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with these assholes.” –Me now

  • Celtic_Gnome

    So much butthurt. If these people ever leave their mothers’ basements, we are in such shit.

    • Charon_69

      They may have gotten out last November, just long enough to vote

      • theCryptofishist

        Absentee.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      They would go catatonic in ten minutes tops.

  • Me not sure

    When I was a boy we had buttholes for dinner every Thursday, and we liked it! We also wore onions on our belts as it was the fashion in those times. Now, all of the good buttholes are exported to make McRibs for the Asian market. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1cd374f017a3cd0182674206f07658989d414e2e9256d885c07d34cd52afcd1a.jpg

    • Le Chapeau

      The only thing I care about is that there be NO BONES in my boneless buttholes. Grandma was famous in our neighborhood for baking the best boneless butthole pies anyone had ever tasted.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      this is the second time i’ve seen this picture…

      we’re all horrified by the “boneless pork rectums” part, but my question is WHAT DOES INVERTED MEAN?

      is there a usual way to boneless pork rectums are delivered? And why is it inverted? And why is that relevant?!?

      • What you should be REALLY worried about is the bone-in variety.

        It’s truly horrifying.

      • Maggielle

        I know. I mean, if you are inclined to purchase boneless pork rectums, certainly you wouldn’t be averse to turning them inside out by hand.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          I would think that the inversion process could be automated. “Hey, engineering, get on this, will you?”

      • Me not sure

        Like a sock turned inside out? Maybe that’s where the good eatin’ is. I dunno.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        This time I stopped laughing long enough to hit Snopes.
        “…pork rectums (including the inverted variety) are a not uncommon food product, used in such dishes as chitlins (or chitterlins) and vended by many different companies in a variety of countries.” The shot was taken in Taiwan, allegedly. No solid proof either way on it’s reality.
        http://www.snopes.com/photos/food/bonelesspork.asp

      • Bobo the Dork Boy

        And do pig assholes normally have bones? Since they feel the need to mention that theirs do not?

  • Jo Mathie

    “I really didn’t expect you guys to be assholes about vegans. Disappointing.”
    This is either really funny or unintentionally hilarious. Given the state of the world at the moment I’ll just give it a confused frown.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      They got it backwards. We were being vegans about assholes.

    • SisterArtemis

      I believe that is the comment that led me to jump over from facebook and post yesterday three days ago (according to Disqus anyway) in the vegan butthole thread. (ok, I cannot believe I just typed “vegan butthole thread” and that SO MANY PEOPLE know exactly what I’m referring to).

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Wow this article was clearly written by an asshole.

    Indeed, it was clearly written. Thanks for your comment (which is not allowed).

  • Mehmeisterjr

    As the sole proprietor of a combination of ridiculously restrictive diets that range from some foods I should avoid, some I must avoid and one common ingredient that could and almost did kill me, I try to avoid getting all pissy about what other people eat.

    If I am a guest in someone’s home or (rarely) in a restaurant, I mention the potentially fatal allergy and pass on other things as graciously as I can manage.

    But it is not my business to lecture them and I don’t.

    Is that so goddam hard?

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      that’s honorable!

      The whole, “It looks lovely, but it might kill me” part is to be understood.

    • How can you be righteously condescendingly indignant with an attitude like that?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It’s tough, to be sure.

        The other night, I went to a dinner party with friends and the hostess prepared an absolutely delicious-looking dessert which, unfortunately, was way off the chart of at least two of my oppressive diets.

        Then she discussed at great length how she did it. It was seriously tempting but, in the end, I had to decline.

        So I said, “I am sorry I can’t eat it but it was a pleasure hearing you talk about it.”

        I fear I will never become a completely obnoxious asshole. I guess my parents raised me wrong.

        • You know that’s grounds for child removal in several states.

          • justifiable

            None of which happen to be Tennessee.

        • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

          Being a big fan of desserts, this story makes me sad.
          Many of my friends are also on “oppressive diets,” and it gives me great joy to research the shit out of dessert recipes to find something they can eat.

          • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

            which is not meant as criticism of your hostess! sometimes, it just happens that hostesses don’t know, or space out.
            My dear, departed husband had many dietary restrictions, and i always appreciated his gracious responses (similar to yours) when he couldn’t eat something at someone’s table.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            My hostess was well-aware of my crazy collection of restrictions and meant no harm.

            She just prepared this delicious dessert. Naturally, she shared how she prepared it with everybody else. Why not? She wasn’t trying to rub it into my face.

            I thought that a small gesture on my part would avoid any suggestion of the passive-aggressive foodie martyr. That’s something I never want to be.

        • SisterArtemis

          I cannot eat raw oranges, or even orange juice (unless, interestingly, it has vodka or gin in it; I blame chemistry). After many years of missing fresh oranges, I have decided to encourage as many people as possible to eat them right next to me, because at least then I get to smell the delicious wonder of fresh orange.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Maybe it’s just me, but “unless it has vodka or gin in it” suggests an obvious solution.

          • SisterArtemis

            apparently they frown at screwdrivers and greyhounds* with breakfast before coming to the studio… (grumble grumble frown)

            ___
            * cocktails, for you innocents

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Kind of like my smelling fresh bread or an off-the-chart dessert. Mmmm, fresh bread.

          • Eileen Besse

            I used to “make” my own bread. Those were the days.

    • Rick Hill

      Oh, well aren’t you special?

      I mean really, you are, special. That’s pretty cool,

  • What’s the deal with saying vegan, vee’-gahn and not vay-gan, anyway? Why do they have to be so contrarian? I assume the veg part of the term is from vegetable and that’s pronounced veg (short vowel). And, in vegan there is nothing that would normally make the first e long. So, what’s up with that?

    • theCryptofishist

      If it was from vegetable, it would be vehjan, so I think this is not a fruitful line of inquiry.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      in spanish, vegetables are “veduras” – “ve-do-ras”.
      if that helps.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Also, what’s with the long hair, and the loud rock music?

      • Are you making fun of me? Are you? I can almost always tell when some is making fun of me. Almost. Always. Almost.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Wellllll, maybe just a little bit. :-)

    • Alt-dog

      He began to explain, but then decided against it.

      • It really is the only rational response to me. I wish more people would try it. It would make life so much easier.

    • Eileen Besse

      English major here.

  • theCryptofishist

    That starfish cutie mark is misplaced.

  • The Librarian

    I read the original article, the Shit-Fer-Brains, and the deleted comments. I think quite a lot of people try to offset their carbon footprint in ways they can, whether it’s food, water, solar, vehicles, composting, money, all of the above (good for those that can, but it doesn’t mean the rest of us suck). If you’re going to be holier than thou about it, you can’t be surprised when people call you on it.

    • theCryptofishist

      And you know, some people are just never going to give up meat, so there’s something to be said for promoting things like “meatless Mondays”, because less meat is better than more meat.

      • The Librarian

        Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
        Theodore Roosevelt

        • Courser_Resistance

          This ^^ It’s the only way to stay sane.

          I never took the article as bashing vegans as bashing terrible restauranteurs. The fact that it was a vegan place was, I won’t say chance, but could have been almost anyplace.

          • theCryptofishist

            And in the end, aren’t these people doing a disservice to a minority struggling for respect, especially in a BBQ town? The sooner they go under and make room for a sane vegan restaurant, the happier almost everyone will be.

        • LadyLaz

          Why Theodore Roosevelt is my favorite president ever.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      A great way to reduce one’s carbon footprint is to not have a butthole vegan baby, or a yodeling one – or better yet, don’t have either one. That would have made an enormous difference to the planet.

  • Eileen Besse

    English major here. Editor of dissertations and publications here. Punching myself in the face here at the USUAL assortment of asswipes. THEY NEVER GO AWAY. We’re supposed to accommodate them….. EFF THEM….

    • Yr. Gma

      We are supposed to accommodate whom? Trolls? Just block them.

      • SisterArtemis

        maybe they’re trolls at the places she edits dissertations and publications? Because, damn, if you could block meatspace trolls, that’d be great, but I don’t think they’ve worked out the technology yet.

        • Yr. Gma

          When the technology is ready, I have a list.

          • SisterArtemis

            don’t we all, Gma, don’t we all….

          • theCryptofishist

            They’ll none of them be missed.

        • C4TWOMAN

          I think its called 86’d, but its gotta cross the disturbing the peace threshold…

      • Eileen Besse

        I know, I know…just ranting about trollishness….

  • Kitty Smith

    I have to admit that the cracks on how the visitors really wanted/needed meat from a place that doesn’t serve it kind of… annoyed me. The article was funny, just… not those parts. Oh well, nobody bats 1.000.

    And naturally, people take it as an excuse to be even worse people.

  • Maggielle

    You guys, this is totally OT, but that may not be a bad thing. Tonight’s full moon is known as a Buck Moon, and I looked it up to see why, and it’s because now is when boy deer get their big antlers, and then yesterday I was driving down a back road and right by the side of the road, picking his way up the hillside, was a buck deer with big ol’ antlers. It was like the universe was doing show and tell with me. Very enjoyable.

    • Yr. Gma

      So you didn’t shoot it and take it home to cook?

      • Maggielle

        OMG don’t you know what can happen to you if you shoot a buck on the night of a Buck Moon?

        • Dudleydidwrong

          You grow tiny antlers? Is that what happened to Trump*?

          • justifiable
          • Dudleydidwrong

            OMG! The Wererabbit! “Grommet! Here, boy!”

            I was referring to tiny antlers as a sign of tiny…er…hands.

          • justifiable

            You’re thinking of “tiny antlers, tiny hooves” syndrome. What you really need to watch for is the tail combover.

          • Maggielle

            Well, no. You turn into a Chaos Demon. Have you ever seen a Chaos Demon? All slime and antlers. They’re disgusting. But not like tiny Trump antlers – that’s really gross. Ew.

      • SnarkON

        My first thought as well.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      A month ago, for the first time in my life I had a deer walk across the street in front of my vehicle. I was driving down the highway today thinking “if a deer ever walks across the street in front of me again, I wonder if blowing the horn would make it run to the other side of the road, so I wouldn’t hit it?” Not ten minutes later, one walked across the highway. She just strolled across the highway like it was no big whoop. Two motorcyclists steered out of her way. I was saying “whew” when I noticed a baby started to follow behind her. It was so strange, because I SWEAR the baby jumped up, and off one of the motorcyclist’s back. Then she turned around in circles, while jumping three feet off the ground, in the middle of the highway. She then ran back to the side of the road she had just come out of, while her mama was on the other side of the highway.. A few miles further down the road, I saw a little dead baby deer on the side of the road. Deer are weird animals. The End.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        dude, lay off the LSD.
        (kidding, but wut?)
        ; )

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Weird random deer story! I got a good tip on how to avoid murdering deer in the future out of my comment, so all is not lost.

      • marshlc

        If you see one deer on the highway, assume that there is another one in the ditch. Because there almost always is.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I was so relieved when the mama deer got across the road, and then when the baby followed her I was freaking out. When the baby started jumping up and spinning in the middle of the highway, with a bunch of motorcyclists, and me, bearing down on her, I was really freaked out. I hope mother and child were reunited.

      • HorseChestnut

        Flick the headlights. Deer are blinded by car headlights, and when they find themselves suddenly blind, their brain says, “Freeze!” Flicking the headlights can break the trance and let them run.

        • justifiable

          If they’d just fucking cooperate and cross at the sign where they’re supposed to, I wouldn’t have to hit them.

        • Eileen Besse

          Yup. Lived and still sorta live in the woods where they also live.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Good Tip! But does it apply even during the day?

          • HorseChestnut

            I have no idea, this is only for the times when they’re frozen in your headlights.

      • ez
        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I never realized how weird they were, until this past month. I kind of feel sorry for them – they’re too dumb to know not to cross the road with vehicles bearing down on them.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender
    • Jackie Jones

      Classic Fredo.

  • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

    They were outnumbered 20-1 but they stood their ground like true sons of the South. Mainly because they were surrounded by police wasting time and money protecting their useless asses.
    KKK rally outnumbered by counterprotesters

    https://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2017/07/09/KKK-rally-outnumbered-by-counterprotesters/2221499609994/?utm_source=fp&utm_campaign=lh&utm_medium=3

    Looks like General Lee ain’t gonna make the jump this time.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Was this the Charlottesville nonsense?

    • justifiable

      You got that right. At some point the propaganda just needs to be pulled down. Lee trained as a solder and swore to serve his country, and for all that he prided himself on his adherence to military principles and ethics, in the end he decided that loyalty to his state was more important than allegiance to his country as a whole. This isn’t an attitude that should be celebrated and revered any more. Sorry not sorry they lost and all that, but they were dicksmacks and since their entire culture was founded on the profound misery of others, they deserved it. Now they need to grow the fuck up.

      • LadyLaz

        Hey now, my home town turned out against those asswipes.

        I spent many a fine summer day in Lee park (now renamed justice park, I think) and the statue is beautiful.

        I am quite fine with that statue being dug up and hauled off somewhere else. Maybe the slave exhibit at Monticello.

        • justifiable

          Seriously, all kudos to you and the Iocal government who voted to remove it it and rename the park. I meant the ones who are bleating on FB or whatever about their proud history being dismantled, because Lee is on a par with the country’s founding fathers, so what is ‘Murica coming to?

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender

    Watching Real Genius and remembering how haut Val Kilmer used to be. That is all.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      great flick.

    • Edith Prickly

      Kent? Wake up Kent! This is Jesus Kent, and you’ve been a very naughty boy…

      Still fucking hilarious after 30 years.

    • I don’t remember Real Genius, but you’ve just reminded me about Top Secret! and now I want to watch it again. Wonder if it’s on Netflix…

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Top Secret was a good one but Real Genius is better, imho.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    you people stop being funny and sexy and smart, i’m trying to watch the twilight zone!

    have a giggle:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2cb8b68db7e4fccafc62c57d3d846f35367763d1b82a1479af938db481ace980.jpg

    • Le Chapeau
    • HooverVilles

      Aw, can I up vote this more than once. Pretty please
      >^o.o^<

    • HooverVilles

      I forgot mention, but what a coincidence; I have recently been watching the twilight zone. I had forgotten how good some of those episodes were.
      Sounds like you are enjoying them too.
      Have a great day!
      >^o.o^<

    • iceweasels

      New desktop background. ;)

    • I’m stealing this.

  • ibwilliamsi

    It’s weird, because I’m a liberal, and I love meat. Who knew we were supposed to be vegans? I may have to just stick to being a progressive.

    • Jackie Jones

      Don’t forget to hate God, love Hitler (who was a socialist), and admit we have no morals.

  • Granny Sprinkles

    We need a commemorative t-shirt. I would probably buy a Wonkette branded shirt that said “I survived the Great Vegan Butthole Kerfufle of 2017” if it were available in jaunty colors.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      scroll down for our official monument.

      • SisterArtemis

        OMG. All it is lacking is a yodeler.

        For those who don’t wish to scroll down to find it,
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ac5a7a8f2e29c892e37015ae88eb7d18ae83f608665a0b43926ef916d494457e.jpg

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Is that part of the Wall?

          • justifiable

            I’d be 1000% for a wall if we could immure the entire Trump clan in it. Anyone have Vicente Fox’s phone number?

          • Erala Contratista

            Immure.

            Thank you for your literacy, made my day :-)

          • justifiable

            Come for the snark, stay for the vocabulary words!

        • Delu

          Creepy long-fingered hands those.

          But not small.

          • justifiable

            Just spatulate. *shudder*

  • Walter Wellstone

    Vegans are so cranky; it must be the lack of animal protein–sorry, guys. I just couldn’t help myself on this one.

  • dshwa

    major Bubba with some major projection.

  • Ω cynmac will never surrender
    • Odd Jørgensen

      One of the adults at his house prolly told him it was a really bad idea.

  • Sharon Cooper

    It is possible to be a vegan and not be a judgemental asshole.

    Yes, I’ve actually met some that aren’t! They are rare birds indeed, but they do really exist!

    • Yr. Gma

      My vegan cousins are not assholes about their diet, but the have other areas where they can do judgmental.

    • SisterArtemis

      Actually, I don’t think that, among vegans, it’s all that rare – I’d say 3 out of 4 of my vegan acquaintances are perfectly reasonable people. However, those squeaky wheels that are the other fourth of them get a LOT of attention, kind of like when a handful of assholes get out of line in a peaceful protest. Guess who gets all of the attention? Not the nice people quietly eating delicious veggies and grains, I can tell you that.

      I do maintain that the couple in question are unusual in that they are both assholes and apparently make appealing vegan food. Most of the proselytizers of The Vegan Lifestyle who I’ve know are also producers of really shitty food. So to speak, given the article that spawned Vegan-Asshole-Gate.

      • justifiable

        Since most of their menu seems to be store-bought fare that goes straight from the can or the freezer to the microwave, “appealing vegan food” isn’t really accurate. So your original observation holds up.

        • insolenttomato

          This. Culinary-wise, they were barely trying. So the owners’ comments that “they’re not a business” was spot-in, just not for the reason they think.

          • justifiable

            Tooooo right. Also, no imagination anywhere, which is actually a great excuse since sincerity only comes from being hippy amateurs – if you strive for excellence, you’re a sellout, amirite? See, only be being microwave dilettantes and straight-from-the can dabblers can we truly achieve that profound state of self-righteous crunchy granola (no honey, it’s bee theft) smugarseness. That “it’s not a business, it’s our home” was the attitude that began in their former location, when they were serving people in a house while Barney was blaring on the TV in the next room. If you’re that hard-up for vegan food that you’ll subject yourself to that mishegas, fine, that but that mom-and-poppy “we’re not a business like the rest of the heartless restaurant trade” happy crappy is pure bollocks, since you still need to conform to the BOH regulations if you expect to get paid for your little reheated vegan offerings. Give me professionalism every time if it keeps both Barney and arseholes away from my meal.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Most vegans that I know are perfectly nice people.

      • Jackie Jones

        Agreed. But these people were pretty amusing about a simple complaint.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          These people behaved very badly. I suspect that in an alternate universe, they have a steakhouse. With a small child exposing themself. And are rude to those who find it off-putting. It’s not the diet, it’s the asshole(s).

          • Jackie Jones

            Exactly. You just reminded me of hilarious Maggie Smith Movie called, “A Private Function.” She would say things like, “It’s not the PORK, it’s the Principle!!!”

    • Maree Martin

      Ones who aren’t judgemental assholes while whining about what judgemental assholes meat eaters are? This I have to see…kind of like an atheist who doesn’t proselytize his “religion” while condemning all others more than any Christian I have ever met.

      • Lily412

        I also find self-righteous atheists annoying (Richard Dawkins, anyone?)

        • keenanjay

          Every category has a percentage who can be characterized as such.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            thank you.

          • Lily412

            Yeah, that seems to be the case. Assholes are always the loudest.

        • LadyLaz

          Well, he’s been stirred up.

      • Jackie Jones

        Oh the judgy thing – yes! The vegan restaurant story was hilarious BECAUSE of the writing. Sent it to everyone on the planet. My friend sent me back joke, “Two Vegans walk into a bar. How do we know? They tell everyone within 30 seconds.” I am an ex vegan and I laughed my butthole off. Thank you!

      • Jennaratrix

        ~wave~ Hi, over here. Atheist who doesn’t give a shit what you do or don’t believe in, and who only talks about her atheism in this exact kind of situation. So although you can’t actually see me, you’ve “seen” an atheist who doesn’t do what you just said. And who fucking HATES loudmouthed asshole atheists who DO do what you’ve just said.

        • Bill Diaz

          You mean Sam Harris and Bill Maher?

          Have a great day!

          • Jennaratrix

            Those would be the ones, yes. And also too Christopher Hitchens.

          • Bill Diaz

            Ok, then we probably have a similar ‘live and let live’ attitude about religious belief or not. Hypocrisy is hypocrisy and there are many atheists and ‘christians’ who are not a credit to their belief system.

            Have a great day!

          • Jennaratrix

            Sounds like it, and you too!

    • justifiable

      Name three.

      • Puck

        I can name… um… huh. Nvm. The only one I know now is a total dick. Is a first on hearing a whole “no meat in the same room as me because I just cant be around that” type of person. What a dick.

        • FlownΩver

          “no meat in the same room as me because I just cant be around that”

          Hmmm… can we think of a solution that doesn’t involve removing the meat from the room?

        • Odd Jørgensen

          I`d start carrying a piece of jerky just to whip it out to get rid of the fekker, on general principle. Or ditch the jerky and just whip out the meat.

    • Lily412

      For every vegan I’ve met, I’ve met 5 other omnivores who can’t resist telling their opinions about vegans and the fact that “they don’t eat real food, LOL!!!1” I just roll my eyes and move on. It’s usually not worth talking about because if you push back, then they claim you’re proving their point.
      (full disclosure: vegetarian)

      • insolenttomato

        Oh yes. When I was vegetarian I encountered the same. Oh, and variations of Leary’s “eating meat is an instinct, being vegetarian is a choice.” Initially I’d try and push back, then I realized that when people are determined to be assholes there’s pretty much nothing you can do, so I just rolled my eyes and silently wished that they’d get stuck at every red light for the rest of their life.

      • Bill Diaz

        I find that hard to believe, depending on where you live. In Burlington Vermont, any random group of 3 people will have around 5 different total dietary preferences/requirements and no one bats an eyelash.

        Any restaurant worthy of the name here and not specifically catering to beef creatures or the like, has a wide variety of both vegetarian and vegan options. It is widely recognized as a necessity in any food business that doesnt primarily cater to college students and even many that do.

        Maybe because we are all communist lesbians here in the People’s Republic of Vermont, but I have personally been a vegetarian on and off for ~40 years and the only time anything close to what you described has happened to me was in the deepest Red Confederate South around military bases.

        If you live in a place where acceptance is the norm (and why would you want to live anywhere else, lol), then what you shovel into your pie hole isnt any more of an issue than the gender identification of your ‘dream date’.

        Have a great day!

        • Lily412

          The omnivores I’m referring to would be those in South Carolina (including some of my own friends and family) and various internet denizens that I’ve run into in the past (…15?) years that I’ve been veg.

  • Kerlyssa

    for some reason i’m reminded of a childhood neighbor’s freerange kidlet who said hello by coming up to you and trying to pee on your leg. little kids are just. yikes.