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It has been a big week for the Incels over on Reddit, who just celebrated reaching 20,000 subscribers. Which is a pretty startling number when you consider the fact that this is a subreddit that — I shit you not — posts articles about women committing suicide and refers to them as “life fuel.” Incel, in case you are not hep to the term, refers to “involuntary celibate.” While not all involuntarily celibate people are horrifying, misogynistic Elliot Rodger worshiping nutjobs, this particular group of them certainly is!

This particularly special fella wants some media attention, so we’re going to give it to him. Specifically, he wants media attention for the hunger strike he is going on until the government provides him with a girlfriend.

This has been a thing in incel world for quite some time now — the idea that the government should force women to date them in order to prevent them from being sad about not having girlfriends.

Another incel posted this darling poll, asking what sort of punishment women should get for having more than one sex partner in their life…

…and then the rest of them got SO MAD because said poll was “brigaded” by normies who answered that “sluts” should go unpunished. Unfair!

In another thread, one incel gave up his seat on the bus for a pregnant woman, and then felt “cucked.”

And another dude suggested that there should be an Elliot Rodger movie, so that “normies” can see “what they go through.”

Yeah, so — this forum is basically a place where men who can’t get laid go and commiserate and together learn to hate women even more. It is literally a place for “online radicalization.” This stuff here? It’s not even the worst of it. This is the tame stuff.

MEANWHILE… back at Infowars, Donald Trump’s BFF Alex Jones is very upset about all the animal-human chimeras he’s hearing about “that have no rights” and are “80% ape, 80% pig” — which he says is just “beyond pedophilia.”

He stated:

“Folks, I have hundreds of articles I see every week about human-animal chimeras with no rights. You talked about people you know in research labs, I’ve talked to them too. You see humanoids, they’re like 80% gorilla, 80% pig, and they’re talking.”

Pssht. As if America is gonna make some talking human pigs and not have a reality show about them? PLEASE.

ANYWAY! This is now your open thread! Tada! Please be kind and leave some cash money in our tip jar, because “we” may have just spent a stupid amount of money on tomatoes.

$
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  • Doug Langley

    80% gorilla and 80% pig is . . . 160% manimal??? Math, how does that work?

    • sorbs

      Alex Jones is as accurate at math as he is at genetics.

    • Jonathan Lawson

      Manbearpig! half man, half bear, half pig.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Now don’t you start (with the math).

    • JCfromNC

      Well, I suppose if you include the normal overlap in DNA for Earth organisms, it might work out that way. But I doubt it.

    • “M”

      Man, Incels are at 20K subscribers, okay? Don’t even argue.

  • Parakeetist

    Sometimes I feel bad that I’m single. Other times, I don’t.

  • memzilla Ω

    Two topics, one common theme: the weaponization of stupid.

  • tomamitai

    That incel shit is a joke, right? Could anyone really be that pathetic and want to talk about it on the internet, even with anonymity?

    • Rick Hill

      It used to be that there was a ratio for letters written to a politician. Something like 10k to one. If someone was hacked off enough to write then there were 10k who didn’t bother to write but were still hacked off. I wonder what the ratio is of incels who don’t join reddit to those who don’t join? At the very least, there are 20k of them.

  • NotALiar

    I don’t have a girlfriend. I got up and went to work. And read Wonkette.

  • sorbs

    Easy cure for incels: QUIT BEING A SPOILED ASSHOLE!!

  • doktorzoom

    Hmmm… Raul Labrador, Butch Otter… I think Alex Jones may be on to something, at least as far as Idaho’s concerned…

  • RobKanC

    What the eff is a incel?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Birth control in ostensibly human form.

    • TJ Barke

      “involuntarily celibate”
      Shorter: No one wants to fuck them.

      • RobKanC

        Really? How can one be involuntarily celibate.. That’s just stupid.

        • TJ Barke

          Again, no one wants to fuck them.

          • RobKanC

            I get that part. But I am still confused how they went from there to being involuntarily celibate…

          • TJ Barke

            celibate; they don’t have sex, involuntarily; they would like to but “can’t”.

          • RobKanC

            oh geez!! I am ashamed that I have to share this earth with these idiots..

          • ariel_gee_398

            Think of them as the Future Rapists of America.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Strangely, the FRA never took off like the FFA. Can’t imagine why.

          • Do they have a picture of Bill Cosby on the club flag?

  • Rick Hill

    What? No punishment for women who are the gay?

    Ok, the time of joking is over. I, seriously cannot believe the logic folks have anymore. The flat earthers, anti vaxxers, mra’s, incels, trump supporters. My gawd, maybe we do have too many regulations that keep the socially inept, or whatever they are, from being taken out of the gene pool. Maybe we an get a Gofundme going to pass out lawn jarts and bottles of poison that don’t have idiot proof caps on them

    • Courser_Resistance

      Well, the incels are taking themselves right out of the gene pool, so…

      Nah, they’ll never die out. The condition isn’t genetic, it’s, well, just them. Sad puppies that they are.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Remember carnival rides that had a sign showing you must be this tall to ride?

      We need internet tests, you must be this intelligent to access..

      • willi0000000

        . . . similar for running for office.

  • TJ Barke
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    TV talking heads: Team Trump can claim victory over G20 meeting because nothing really bad happened.

    (Filed under ‘You Gotta Be Fucking Kidding Me’)

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      How do they figure “nothing really bad” happened? Is there some New Rule I’m unaware of that makes it okay for a “president” to throw away every bit of status and influence this country once had?

      • Courser_Resistance

        I found I was actually pleased that the G20 has basically set itself up against the US. Obviously, it’s bad for us, but I’m somewhat relieved that overall Europe has missed the nationalism bullet so far. Macron and Merkel can really help consolidate the EU if there’s any hope of that happening.

        So yeah, sad as I am for my country, I’m REALLY glad to see the EU take a strong stand against the Trump Regime. Because, sad as it is, that’s what represents the US right now.

        • BrianW

          France and Germany Save the World. Now there is a movie title I did NOT see coming.

    • jesterpunk

      “He didnt have anyone pee on the beds this time and he didnt fling shit at everyone else, how presidential.”

    • FlownΩver

      Weak-ass acceptance of Putin’s destruction of our democracy = victory, eh?

      The Art of the Fail

  • TJ Barke

    I’m sorry, who are the ones that are “entitled” again?

    • “M”

      Don’t be sorry.

  • BloviateMe

    I feel like the internet is far more dangerous to mankind than nuclear weapons, at this point. Horrible people need to live their horrible lives in anonymity and loneliness. They are far too dangerous in groups.

  • Jeff Ackerman

    Wow, I thought hard times was a 6 pack to go and sleeping with my own wife!

    (just kidding)

    How can people be so fucked up? I guess they never look in the mirror….

    • Vecchioivan

      … or bathe …

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’ve been away for TWO DAYS and this is the nonsense I come back to? Unlovable morons wanting the government to provide them with sex partners and talk of human-animal chimeras (I would bet BIG money that Alex Jones has no idea what a chimera actually is) that are 160% of a thing somehow? How did you let this happen, Wonkers? I thought you were running a tighter ship, here.
    <—– stomping off in disgust
    .
    .
    .
    <—-slinking back in to see if anyone has upfisted this non-comment

    • Jeff Ackerman

      There!

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Thankee! Here’s one for you.

    • jesterpunk

      You missed the vegan buttholes.

    • KnaveOfSwords

      Human-animal chimeras that are 160% not human, in fact. Which makes them 160% less human than some of the people Alex Jones wants to deny rights.

    • Doug Langley
    • Ill-Advised

      The picture is so hideous that it actually does turn my stomach. Wish it had alt-text. Why are you doing this to us and not Alex Jones?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wow — I’ve had dry spells before, but I don’t recall even suspecting that it was somehow everybody else’s fault. But I’ve gotta congratulate them on coming up with a worldview that guarantees they’ll never have to stop griping about the problem.

    And as an afterthought to that — what happens if one of ’em does get laid? Is he denounced as some sort of traitor to aggressively whiny personalities everywhere? Is he denounced as fake news? Or is this a purely theoretical question?

  • clairence

    Holy wow! The self-loathing is so thick! I wonder how much research money I could get to study this psychological sub-set.

    • Courser_Resistance

      No matter how much it was, it wouldn’t be worth it to spend time with a bunch of self-obsessed losers that believe that a penis somehow automatically entitles them to sex.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Pssht. As if America is gonna make some talking human pigs and not have a reality show about them? PLEASE.

    THIS.

    • The Wanderer

      I thought we already had created human/pig hybrids. One’s in the White House.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Alex Jones talking about ape/pig hybrids has got to be the most ironic thing I have seen all week.

    • lowenufc

      Maybe that is that self-awareness starting to take effect.
      Might explain the shirtless bbq eatin’.

      • So you are saying that Jones is into cannibalism?

        • lowenufc

          Sure. Make it viral. Why not?

          • theCryptofishist

            Is trichinosis a virus?

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            No a roundworm.

          • theCryptofishist

            So, we’ll go with swine flu, I suppose.

          • Ill-Advised

            For Alex Jones, a condiment.

          • “M”

            PLEASE make it viral.

            AMOF – can we make it eat itself?

  • JMP

    They’re pissed if a woman has more than one sex partner. Seriously, what the fuck? Are they so paranoid about their own sexual inadequacies that they fear a woman with any experience would immediately reject them for being so bad in bed? Plus, these hate-filled losers haven’t had sex yet, which means they should want someone with experience – two virgins having sex does not work very well because neither knows what they’re doing; ideally someone’s first time should be with someone experienced who can teach them.

    Brr, these are the type of creeps that make me ashamed to be a man.

    • willi0000000

      do like i do . . . don’t be ashamed to be a man . . . be ashamed that they are men

    • JCfromNC

      I think they also hate guys that have had more than one sex partner, except in that case it’s a hate born of envy rather than resentment, like it is for women. They’d be more than happy to be that guy, but they’d still want all their “conquests” to be virgins.

  • therblig

    Dear Penthouse Forum: Once again, nothing happened to me.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      “THEY REFUSE TO PUBLISH MY LETTERS”, Said the man-child that sent those in.

  • Alt-dog

    Do any of these guys realize that there is a free market solution available to them?

    • Jeff Ackerman

      I’m sure you meant they all have used the invisible hand of the free market!

  • Scooby

    Slovenian bride tax credit?

    • Yr. Gma

      That could work.

  • JMP

    I wonder why no women want to have sex with these poor guys who are constantly whining about how much they hate all women.

    • weejee

      Perhaps, like their beloved Orange leader, their micropenises approach Planck Length?

      • willi0000000

        and not only are they good . . . they’re fast too!!!!!

        • bobbert

          The Lorentz Contraction
          Reduced his rod to a disk.

          • willi0000000

            now that’s fast!

            [ so fast was his action . . . he didn’t get any action? ]

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Involuntary celibate? Synonyms for ‘loser’ are getting very creative.

  • Vecchioivan
    • weejee

      We’re uke-ing now? Larry, is that you???

    • jesterpunk

      It worked for Trump.

    • Thiazin Red

      I know one guy who got one in real life, and yes it was because he was such a tool that no woman with real options would have him.

      • “M”

        We know him too. He’s been fauxlected & installed in the White House.

  • Internet Poll!

    How about an Elliot Rodgers movie?
    1 – Yes. A story about a villain not getting fucked will be dynamite onscreen, boobalah.
    2 – No. There are plenty of movies about castration already – Un Chien Andalou, Deliverance, Porkys, all three Atlas Shrugged movies…
    3 – Yes. We need more movies where white kids struggle to find love.
    4 – No. No actor could ever capture the smoldering substancelessness of Elliot The Priapic Dustbunny Rodgers.
    5 – Yes. Scarlet Johansson can play him.
    6 – Maybe – Only if we get the scene where dad buys him the Beemer in a single take, medium distance shot, camera set waist high. Elliot should be pantless.

  • The Wanderer

    “Not to walk on two-legs, that is the Law. Are we not men?”

    Actually, I thought the header pic was the Dish of the Day from Restaurant at the End on the Universe.

    • FlownΩver

      OK, we’ll meet the meat.

      • The Wanderer

        I’ll have three slices of his liver, with bacon and onions.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Seriously, A couple of days ago I was in Yellowstone National Park. I spent most of my time in the backcountry. I am out of shape and in my 50s. I wore one sock with sandals (blisters), a bear claw necklace, and man-bracelets. I had man-boob sweat and hadn’t washed in a week. I still got phone numbers and emails from women who chatted me up. I was cornered and bought beers by older ladies, asked to hike with younger ones.

    I’M NOT EVEN TRYING. What are these idiots doing wrong?

    • The Wanderer

      They’re scumbags.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Leaving your mom’s basement is the first step.

    • They have more hate, both for themselves and women?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I could see that. They’d be staring with hating eyes, where I am just wondering what that blob is in front of me because I lost my glasses.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          I suspect two of the women who approached me were actually bison.

          • Did they approach women as well? Then you know they are bi, son.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            WINNER WINNER Chicken dinner!

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      They get steeped in thinking of women as Things In Categories rather than human beings and interact with them accordingly.

    • therblig
      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Then they came to the wrong man! nom nom nom

      • theCryptofishist

        So, are those grizzly, sun, polar, or black bear claws?

        • Lori

          Drop.

          • theCryptofishist

            Gummi?

    • Courser_Resistance

      Dude, if I saw you in the backcountry and you simply treated me like another human being, I’d be begging for a beer with you too!

      It’s really a shame that more people don’t realize that everyone is their most attractive when they’re happy and being their genuine self. No one cares about man-boob sweat or even the smell of what I call ‘honest’ sweat. Hell, we’re too conscious of our own boob-sweat trickling down our bellies which just may protrude a bit over our pack belt. :-)

      Also in my late 50’s and love hanging out in the mountain.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Keep talking, I like where this trail is going… ;-)

        • Courser_Resistance

          I was planning to spend the weekend up on Kenosha Pass (Park County, CO) and do a little hiking on the Colorado Trail to work out some nutrition/hydration issues, but reconsidered after a digestive upset on Friday. If I can get my apartment cleaned today, I’ll hit a local park tomorrow for a hike. It’s not 10,000 ft. but it’ll do ;-)

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            You are hardcore!

          • Courser_Resistance

            Eh, in some ways more than others. I’ve had both hips replaced about 5 years ago and man, is it a loooong road back. And I don’t maintain conditioning like I did when I was young! I’m on a SAR team too, and their support and having a mission helps keep me committed to moving forward.

            It’s probably more bullheaded determination more than anything else.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Keep up the good fight!

          • Courser_Resistance

            You too! We can rest when we’re dead!

          • theCryptofishist

            (Upfist on behalf of my dead, SAR husband.)

        • FlownΩver

          Get a room park, you two!

    • shastakoala

      I went to Yellowstone National Park and all I got was the lousy norovirus. True story.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Ew. I’m so sorry.

    • theCryptofishist

      Going to Lassen which is, or at least at one point was, the least used national park? Or going to Bear’s Ears which is being demonumented? Or going to some sort of Rat Cellar Bar and drinking shandy until they puke? I’m not sure. They seem to like pathetic surveys, maybe we should put one of those together.

  • Well, at least we know the sub reddit where Steve Bannon will find the next meme he passes on to Trump to tweet will come from.

    • “M”

      Did you see that Losers4Trump subreddit or whatever it was? Did you try cross-referencing those usernames?

      You may be closer to the truth than you realize.

  • MizzMazz

    Maybe Alex thought this was a documentary:
    https://youtu.be/PzaVyYeZ_yI

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      That WAS a young Andrew Garfield….

      • SterWonk

        Wow, I didn’t realize he had been in Doctor Who.

  • BloviateMe

    If you women would just realize you’re property. And stop spreading your legs. Except you need to spread your legs. But only to one person, and only the right person. Find the most repulsive person that you are in no way attracted to, mentally or physically, and there’s your fella.

    It’s all so easy to fix. It’s stunning none of you are jumping on board.

  • schmannity
    • weejee

      Pig libel!!!

  • Nockular cavity

    To be honest, Slut Camp started going downhill after its first 7 volumes.

  • Elliot Un-Rodgered amirite?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Holee fuck. Is that Kato Kaelin?

  • Jeff Ackerman

    Heres a solution for all the poor inches
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wzt5S8ZsXk

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Damn autocorrect

      • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

        Kinda funny, though

  • Khavrinen

    “the animal-human chimeras he’s hearing about “that have no rights” and are “80% ape, 80% pig” — which he says is just “beyond pedophilia.””

    Beyond math, too, apparently.

    • FlownΩver

      If I were 160% I might speak up about it.

      “Folks, I have hundreds of articles I see every week about human-animal chimeras with no rights…. You see humanoids, they’re like 80% gorilla, 80% pig, and they’re talking.”

      Isn’t free speech a right? C’mon, Alex – make up your alleged mind.

  • snigsy

    OMG, Ladies! Some lovely young men are unhappy and it’s our responsibility to fix that. I’m going to knit them some socks.

    • BloviateMe

      Rock out with your sock out.

      • mailman27

        Those socks are rock hard.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Imma go out on a limb and say they’ve already made themselves multiple socks.

    • Alt-dog

      I’m sure they’ll put those socks to good use if you know what I mean.

      • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

        So: wool socks, then?

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          steel wool

          • Jonny On Maui

            Nice touch!

    • I think lovely pink hats would be more appropriate.

    • jaspersdad

      Sock sammiches.

  • A Groucho Marxist

    If it wasn’t for Al Gore I wouldn’t have to read about shit like this.

  • Jo Mathie

    “A movie based on Elliot Rodger’s life view” sounds like a brilliant idea so long as it’s done by women who are royally pissed off when some “incel” men think that they “deserve” women. We don’t like you because you are awful human beings. That’s why you aren’t getting laid. Go and masturbate to magazine photos of women who wouldn’t look at you twice. No-one deserves a persons affection.

    • mailman27

      Who the hell is Elliot Rodgers? (I’m afraid of looking him up…)

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        you should be – he was the Santa Barbara shooter who was a virgin in his 20’s, deep into this weird MRA/red-pill/incel crap.

        He wanted to shoot up a sorority, but for some reason shot some other people instead.

        • theCryptofishist

          Oh, that asshole. And, for some reason, when I see the name I think “Chris Elliot”. Chris Elliot LIE=bullzzzzzz!

      • Jo Mathie

        He’s the guy who killed six people and injured 14 others in California. He wrote an incredibly long masifesto called “Elliot Rodger’s Retribution”, in which he outlined details of his upcoming attack and his motives. He explained that he wanted to punish women for rejecting him and that he envied sexually active men so he wanted to punish them for their sexual activity.

  • wait! what?

    Everything in subreddits is so poorly planned. How could anyone create a survey about having sex more than once and not realize that at the bottom of the survey there’d be the disclaimer “I’m not a robot?”

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Sounds discriminatory towards manbots.

      • wait! what?

        I’m guessing these type of robomen take it hard…

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          *giggles* You said “hard.”

    • Khavrinen

      I saw that, and wondered if ( given the poll ) it should have continued “… but she was.”

      • wait! what?

        With the obligatoryTalking Heads song playing on the mouse over.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    So Alex Jones has no idea what a chimera is? That is what I have gathered from this based on the fact that any human/pig chimera that may exist is like a pig embryo growing a human liver or something, not a half human monster. It may still be controversial, but basic knowledge of what words mean makes it a whole different story.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      But the human liver can speak!

      • SomeBigRedDog

        Mine yells at me now and then …

        • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

          Especially since last November…

    • jaspersdad

      Shorter version. Alex Jones has no idea.

      • Ducksworthy

        But he does have an audience. Does that mean that they muster be even dumber than he is? (Sorry. Rhetorical question.)

    • Thiazin Red

      We have a bunch of chimeric mice, they look like mice not mouse people. But I wouldn’t expect him to be able to understand that.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        You should get them to register to vote just in case.

    • mailman27

      They seem to be 160% something or other.

  • A Groucho Marxist

    What disease makes you think you’re in a Philip K. Dick story? Because Alex Jones is ate up with it.

    • Jones certainly isn’t a man in a high castle, is he?

      • Khavrinen

        Well, the high part may be accurate…

        • He probably dreams of android sheep?

          • Khavrinen

            Are you saying Alex has been a baaaad boy?

          • theCryptofishist

            Without intellegence, he can’t be VALIS. I am, however, willing to grant him all kinds of vast.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Maybe he was caught in the Martian Time Slip.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Wait, the government is supplying girl friends to unemployed douche nozzles?

    Wadda country!

    And now back to reality…

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Where do I sign up for this? I want to boss around one of these boys and immaculate him in front of his friends.

      I kid, I kid. We know they don’t have friends.

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        You wish to remove his sins? How many baptisms will it take? (excellent typo)

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          Enough for him to not surface? So one.

          (I am queen of such typos. I have stories.)

      • Alt-dog

        I think they’re already immaculate in the Catholic sense of the word.

        • theCryptofishist

          I think mom’s basement is anything but immaculate. But not for the OCD ones.

          • puredog

            I think “immaculate” was an epic mis-spelling.

          • theCryptofishist

            “Ejaculate” “Accumulate” “Pond”?

    • And they are upset about the government helping out with health insurance?

  • I think Google is trying to turn me into a nutjob. My newsfeed is frequently populated by crazy RW sites…

    • AJ Milne

      Seriously worry a bit about that …

      I suspect it just means there are a hell of a lot of them, and they’re still getting a _lot_ of exposure, somehow. Remember, before Trump tried to repurpose ‘fake news’ or at least deeply confuse the issue, it mostly meant the extremely widespread right wing and distractionary disinfo that got him elected, magnified by various mechanisms through social media…

      … and I kinda figure if _I’m_ seeing it, with my reading habits, there’s still a damn deep ocean of it out there. For all that some of the new media companies have made noise about trying to shut down the more clearly conspiratorial/bullshit stuff.

  • wait! what?

    Chimera’s are obviously animal crackers; which is why 80% of them are gorillas and Alex is talking to them…

  • Alt-dog

    Government supplied concubines? I’d settle for single payer health care.

    • wait! what?

      If your concubine is a doctor then it’s a win/win; the rates will be on a HEAVILY laminated card…
      …gross…

    • theCryptofishist

      So will they when they are off their mom’s policy and and have cysts that need lancing. Just so long as “blue balls” are a recognized illness.

  • CripesAmighty

    Okay, that’s quite enough of that, thankyouverymuch. Going back to vegan buttholes…

    • Jonny On Maui

      Once you’ve gone vegan butthole you can never go back…

      • wait! what?

        Whereas there’s always something a little bit fishy about pescetarian butt holes…

      • lowenufc

        When one looks into the vegan butthole, the vegan butthole looks back.

  • Nockular cavity

    Beyond its creepy Talibanist violence and misogyny, the illogic of that poll pisses me off.

    1) I need someone female to have sex with me (even though I hate all women, but whatever).

    2) SOME women are having sex with more than one man in the course of their lives. Hoors!

    3) DON’T EVEN TELL ME that that increases my chances. Feminist lies!

    4) NO MOM, I AM NOT CLEANING UP MY ROOM! You didn’t even get the right kind of Hot Pockets. BITCH!

  • jesterpunk

    Why don’t the incel boys get together with the incel girls? That would solve all of their problems without the government having to pay for hookers.

    • theCryptofishist

      Incel girls aren’t as gorgeous as the incel boys think they deserve. Dudes, in the assortive mating game, you’re going to have to take what you get. Excuse me, I have to go roll my eyes.

      • jesterpunk

        I saw them complaining about that before I left reddit, that sub was on SRD multiple times. You are right they complained the women didnt live up to their standards, they basically wanted to have sex with their mom.

    • Jennifer R

      How many women even identify as “incel”?

      • jesterpunk

        There where a bunch of them on reddit somehow.

        • Jennifer R

          The internet being the internet, is here much reason to believe most of them weren’t sock puppets?

          • jesterpunk

            Not sure, I never looked at that sub too much when I was on reddit. I only really saw it when it made it to subredditdrama. The whole thing is pretty pathetic and almost makes the red pill morons seem slightly less shitty.

    • Thiazin Red

      Because they deserve to have only the most beautiful women without having to bring anything to the table or exert any effort themselves obviously. Women should be coming to them.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Honestly, I think I’d prefer dating a human-pig-gorilla hybrid that is somehow more than 100% a sum of its parts over one of those Incel dumbshits. At least weird animal hybrids would be less inclined to slip a date-rape drug into your martini.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      They probably smell better too.

  • lowenufc

    Am I alone in thinking that anyone that self-idenitfies as an incel could probably do with a hunger strike?
    I’m not throwing stones here, ’cause I could use a hunger strike, but I am reasonably happy and happily married (Hi tiny kaiju) and I like food.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Probably a hunger strike is in order. And I’m sure that bathing occasionally wouldn’t hurt their chances.

      • lowenufc

        Hey- I do that everyday!
        The bathing thing- can’t abide going about my day without a shower.

  • Suse
    • Jonny On Maui

      I know I’m really over thinking this, but how does one clean a sex doll? Clothes washing machine or dishwasher? You know these idiots aren’t cleaning by their own hands…

      • Suse

        Long intimate candle-lit bubble baths for two (or more).

      • Jennifer R

        Clean? Hahaha

  • jowgajen
  • Lyly Sirivong

    Eww… I’m sort of an incel. Sometimes I think “would be nice to get a man”, but then I read about all bullshit they pull and I’m like “I’m alright on my own actually”. Which makes my mother despair because she wants grandkids.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’m 58 and occasionally feel like I missed the boat. Then yeah, another guy kills his girlfriend and yeah, I’m good just as I am.

      • Paul

        I’m older than you and was a lifelong bachelor by choice. Then I found this wonderful woman named Holly, here. Walking on air now, even though she came with two cats. They’ve trained me well. (The cats, that is. Holly spoils me and I try to reciprocate.)

        Follow up on a hike girl. Never too late. Good people here.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Oh, don’t get me wrong, I have lots of male friends. As well as the only girl in a family of boys. I like men a lot on all levels. I do like to spend lots of time outdoors, so I’m not hiding myself away anywhere. (Well, maybe a bit in the winter)

      • puredog

        Now if you were a wild optimist you’d greet such news with “Aha! Guy suddenly available!”

    • Jonny On Maui

      Well buy her some! Or rent…

      • Lyly Sirivong

        Where can I get a catalog ?

        • I am guessing, not on reddit.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Grandkidsrus dot com

          They have quite a selection…

    • Jennifer R

      Wonkette is a not bad place to hook up

      • Lyly Sirivong

        That’s what I heard. at least if I meet someone here, it’s less likely that he would be a racist misogynist homophobic arsehole.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    “This has been a thing in incel world for quite some time now — the idea that the government should force women to date them in order to prevent them from being sad about not having girlfriends.”

    Talk about privileged fucking snowflakes.

    • Jonny On Maui

      You forgot ‘clueless’…

    • Le Chapeau

      It has been said that the role of government is to provide that which private citizens are unable to provide for themselves, but I think the saying concerned highways and bridges, not women.

  • LadyLaz

    Omg. That picture freaks me out.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    LOL, guys that are tool disgraceful to get sex trying to slut-shame ladies because they dare to have sex without them!

    • Raan

      I wonder just how often they watch videos explicitly about ladies having sex without them.

  • Jennifer R

    You know, come to think of it, creepy subway guy who asked me ask last year if anyone would notice if I was missing was probably just some sicko redditer. He did volunteer he was a 43 year old virgin first.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      You saw one in the wild? Did you get a photo?

      • Why would you want to do that to your poor camera?

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          to turn in to the police so they can make flyers?

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Hrrrr hrrrr.

    • wait! what?

      The only proper response is: “No more than your dismembered body.” But, see, that’s fighting passive aggressive murder threats with more brutal ones; and we don’t do that here.

    • Nockular cavity

      Ew, fuck! Were there other people around?

      • Jennifer R

        Yeah, he cornered me between a window and the isle, so I the first thing I did was draw attention to the both of us. By the time he got that far in his spiel the whole subway car was watching him.

        • Nockular cavity

          Good strategic thinking!

    • Tell him it was funny when he was 40, but it’s just pathetic now that he’s 43?

    • Bitter Scribe

      Gee, some people try to strike up a conversation with “Nice weather today.”

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I heard of a guy who had one of his testicles explode. Something to do with the vas deferens getting twisted. Evidently, that was the first thing everybody learned about him upon first meeting him.

        • Bitter Scribe

          And probably the last.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    obligatory (This song is awesome, I’ve been trying to learn it for fuckin’ forever, it’s insane to play):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUL_ZL4RILM

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    I see the problem! These boys don’t even understand basic female anatomy. Our cunts are always close. Mine stays in the same place all the time. I don’t keep it in a jar by the door like Eleanor Rigby’s face! It’s attached, and that’s a great thing. Otherwise, I would constantly be trying to dig it out from the bottom of my purse, like everything else I own. Ladies, keep your friends close, and your cunts closer.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      lol, you’re on a comedy gold bender lately.

      Sounds like Maui and Johnny are doing good for you!

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I’m a happy camper!

        • Jonny On Maui

          Me too!

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            You better be. I will tolerate nothing less!!

          • Jonny On Maui

            Yes Mistress!

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Get a room, you two!

            Oh… wait… carry on…

          • Paul

            Oh Jesus. That tone. Jonny hide the shovels.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            True story..we just got back from buying yet another shovel. Jonny has broken 3 shovels on cane grass. His technique is terrible! I’m trying to teach him.

          • Paul

            He truly should listen to the voice of experience. I figure you bailed to Maui one step ahead of the law.

            Howzabout one of those yellow fiberglass handled shovels. Costlier but cheaper in the long run.

            Jonny, have her show you again and again and again. Occasionally it pays to be a slow learner. You should ideally get the hang of it just as the job is nearing completion.

            Do you have a “bad back”? That works like a charm. If not, perhaps you could somehow “strain it.” Not only can you NOT work, but your MD should recommend back rubs in copious amounts. Also, too, no heavy lifting. 12 oz. max.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Haha!!!!

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          Rebecca asked me about you both. One day we were rapping about all the couples that had met on Wonkette.

          I included you two and our Editrix herself asked me, “they met on wonkette!?!”

          I said, I thought so, but wasn’t sure.

          • Jonny On Maui

            It’s true. We met here.

          • BosGrl

            ADVERTISEMENT: Any 50+ year old guys in the New England area that don’t mind an overweight, out of work woman who has very strong opinions and a cat that sheds? Available now!

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            GIRL. LET’S TRY AGAIN!

            Boys, boys, boys…today is your lucky day! I, BosGrl, am single and ready to mingle. I am a smart, confident, voluptuous, entrepreneur/cat lover with lots of interesting things to say. You would be lucky to have me, because I am awesome. Make sure you’re awesome, too, because I deserve that!

          • BosGrl

            LOL! That must be what I’m doing wrong.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            yup, that’s a winner.

            Apparently *somebody* was a copywriter at some point in her life.

          • puredog

            Sorry, I’m an incel. Slut.

          • CeeQ

            Dickheads need not apply!

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Yes, we did. We were always friends on here, and eventually we started talking outside Wonkette. He (naturally, obviously and of course)fell madly in love with me.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          I’m sure Hawaii is nice and all with great camp sites, but couldn’t you sleep in the house or something?

    • Raan

      Ahhh, look at all the lonely people.

      • The Wanderer

        Where do they all belong?

        • Von Braun

          Father McKenzie
          Using his tie on a (choir) boy as a gag
          He’s such a fag

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Reddit, apparently.

    • Suse

      lmao!11!!!

    • theCryptofishist

      Oh, it’s a very good thing that it’s attached. Mine would be getting all crumpled and get some ground in scary stuff and then I’d run it over in the wheelchair. So much to be grateful for.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        Mine would end up at the bottom of my backpack with all of the other unexplainable detritus of my life. Covered in dog hair.

        • theCryptofishist

          Ah well, back to the spa for another brazillion.

      • CeeQ

        I’d accidentally pull out mine instead whilst reaching for my wallet. So awkward when you’re trying to pay for a danish and out pops your vag on the counter! Heavens.

        • theCryptofishist

          Hahaha!

    • CeeQ

      Well if we had to keep vag-es in our purses, I have one of those purse organizer thingies with different sized pockets and slots. They’re really helpful! You can keep your keys, your phone, your removable lady garden, your wallet and make-up all tidy and in their own place! Plus there’s space for a coin purse. So easy!

      • Ill-Advised

        I’d have to put mine on a Tile, so that when I misplaced it, I could find out where I’d left it. It would be a tad disconcerting to find out that I left it on a counter during a shopping spree, or had been picked up by a stranger. It’s a problem to have someone else’s vagina ringing while you’re buying groceries.

  • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

    These people are ridiculous. I’m going to go out for a chicken burrito smothered with fries, cheese and green chile and topped with a dollop of sour cream.

    • Le Chapeau

      Dang, you made me hungry.

  • Alex Grey

    I really hope the Denver Post has gotten into the satire business, otherwise there are people in Colorado who actually still believe the Earth is flat.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Seriously, in Fort Collins? (I’m a CSU grad). Of course, if they have science backgrounds, it’s engineering. Why are engineers so susceptible to woo?

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Some engineers just can’t calculate the friction coefficient or the angle of repose for an infinite number of turtle shells.

      • La forza del resistino

        These are the people in CO who phone their British relatives over dinner and wonder why they’re grumpy for waking them up

      • puredog

        I bought my house from an engineer-turned-naturopath. Talk about woo.

    • Alt-dog

      Our species is doomed.

    • Take them skydiving once and they will change their story!

    • Bitter Scribe

      The most touching part of that article IMO:

      All scientists and educators consulted for this story rejected the idea of a flat Earth.

      I can only imagine how that poor bastard of a reporter had to phrase the question.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    So, there IS a movie about loser mass killers.
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt6983908/?ref_=nv_sr_2

    I can’t watch it though because it’s about my friends getting shot.

    • theCryptofishist

      Ouch. and love.

    • BosGrl

      Oh dear God. I’m so sorry.

  • Lori

    That poll was created by people who utterly fail to grasp is that if the choice is between sex with them and no sex at all the vast majority of women will opt to just pop a fresh set of batteries in BOB.

    As for the government forcing women to screw them, they’re just being cheap. If they don’t require a woman who actually want to have sex with them they need to save up their quarters and hire a professional.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • Raan

      In my head, I imagined “BOB” being said with exaggerated b’s, the way Rowan Atkinson says them.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        they were saying on the Black Adder documentary that part of that (i think it’s just part of it) is that Atkinson had a stutter, so he had to think about the way he says his b’s before he says them – it also happens to came out quite funny.

      • Doug Langley

        I always hear my physics prof who told us a “bob” is a small, dense weight.

        • puredog

          WOW BOB WOW

    • Le Chapeau

      That is an excellent point, Lor. You would think at least some of these man-babies would have sufficient income to pay a pro. But that runs into their whole “women are whores” philosophy. In their self-defeating mindset, they want a “nice girl” to be their personal whore and only screw them. Any woman with experience is unclean in their eyes. Oh, I almost forgot, I’m sure they are also incredibly picky. Try to land a date with a plain woman? Nah, they have standards to uphold. Their entire worldview is at odds with itself.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Yeah. What you said. I mean, if a guy can’t get a woman who wants to, they can hire a pro. Maybe they want to have some sort of voucher system so that they can get hand-out money from the feral gummint to pay for prostitutes. Call it Prosti-Aid, or something.

      ObOpenThreadTMI&Etc.

      I can’t figure the whole thing out. When I was in university, I had women throwing themselves at me and I was so clueless that I didn’t know what was happening. I called myself “The Monk”. That all straightened out (sort of) when I got a girlfriend, which at the time was a bad idea because I was “top student” in grades. The GF dropped me half a GPA point for some reason. I determined that a GF was equivalent to at least twelve class hours. So, this awkward nerd ended up having no “incels” problem at all. I can’t imagine being so much of a dipshit that adopting an “incels lifestyle” would be a thing. This is so weird that I can’t even write articulate comments today. There are a lot of fucked-up people out there!

  • My first instinct was to make a crack about the pigs and/or gorilla men in the White House. Then I remembered that pigs and gorillas are both intelligent animals and don’t deserve to be smeared by association with Trumpers.

    The incel guys are the creepiest thing ever. There was one that found his way to another forum I frequent who kept talking about how his mother should have realized that he was in his way to incel-ville and had sex with him to prevent it. He also had the idea that the government should provide women for him to have sex with.

    • theCryptofishist

      Okay, he was trolling, his mind is very broken, or both.

      • The guy had a long internet history of that stuff. He’s probably still out there. If he was a troll, he was a dedicated one. Either way, I think his mind was broken.

    • Bitter Scribe

      I think I need a shower now. A day-long one.

    • Nockular cavity

      his mother should have realized that he was in his way to incel-ville and had sex with him to prevent it.

      Oh, because THAT wouldn’t have messed him up for life, right?

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I think that ship has sailed already.

  • Jennifer R

    Isn’t it bad that I sort of hope some redditers show up to complain that we are mean sluts. Just wait until hey hear how much some of us get laid.

    • AJ Milne

      A bot that periodically chirped up in those fora to say: ‘Hey, I’m having sex right now! And not with you!’ is the kinda disruptive technology I think we need to see more investment in.

    • puredog

      I’m getting laid RIGHT NOW! Though it makes it hard to type. Priorities, priorities.

  • Thiazin Red

    Now, I know that trying to apply real logic, instead of clearly superior man logic, is futile but why is it the number of penises that ruins vaginas instead of amount of sex? Say I have one boyfriend who I have sex with several times a week with for years. I will have had an order of magnitude more sex than if I had sex with a different man once each month. Why would my vag be okay on case A but not B?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Yup! Looking for logic where none exists.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        The complete and utter lack of logic has a “logic” all its own.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I don’t remember that problem when I took 7th-grade math, but maybe I was busy in the boy’s room when the teacher went over it.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        You were busy in the boy’s room when the teacher went over the boy’s room?

      • puredog

        Gittin’ busy in the boyz room? AMIRITE?

      • Ill-Advised

        Indefinite antecedents cause all manner of foreplay problems, such as “is this foreplay?”

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Sounds like a weird math story problem.

    • Raan

      Because vagina dust.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Because only way one can become a “true man” is to have a single sex vagina… I just can’t. It done boggles the mind.

    • BosGrl

      You’re only supposed to let one man plant his flag in you. He can plant his flag anywhere he wants, though. See how it works??

    • Lori

      The logic seems to be that if women are only allowed to have sex with 1 dude, ever, this will destroy the ability of attractive men to bogart all the chicks, leaving enough for them.

    • theCryptofishist

      They think that humans only mate once, so one they shoot their wads, they will never need sex again.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Because putting their dick where another dick has already been triggers that tingly homoerotic part of their brain they’d rather not deal with?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I had one girlfriend all through college. We did it like 3-4 times a week during the school year. Summer it dropped to a couple of times a month when we were home. We split after graduation, and, while I didn’t have a lot off experience with a lot off different people, the experience I did have seemed to be very transferable.

  • lowenufc

    Part of me was all excited to read this article thinking it was about the French Sci-Fi comic the Incal. Imagine my disappointment.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    It ain’t the females’ faults that all they want to do is talk incessantly about wrestling and Warhammer figurines.

    • Jonny On Maui

      You say ‘warhammer figurines’ like they’re a bad thing. Once you’ve gone 28 mm you’ll never go back…

      • Jennifer R

        Dark Souls is using 30mm and all the better for it.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          I would like to drag out that ‘silly little millimeter longer’ tag line here. My fellow oldz will know.

    • Jennifer R

      Everyone I know who likes Warhammer is a woman.

  • jaspersdad

    Speaking of pigs. Trump lawyers have asked for a dismissal of defamation charges that Summer Zervos brought against trump for calling her a liar for claiming he sexually assaulted her when she was a contestant on Apprentice.

    ““The Statements—all of which were advanced during a heated political campaign to convince the public to vote for Mr. Trump, and many of which were published via Twitter—constitute non-actionable rhetoric and hyperbole that is protected by the First Amendment,” the filing reads.”

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/trump-calling-sexual-assault-accusers-liars-is-hyperbole-protected-by-first-amendment

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      non-actionable rhetoric and hyperbole…

      yikes. Still not a lawyer, but I don’t see that playing out well for them.

      • yyyaz

        1. If the law is on your side, pound the law.
        2. If the facts are on your side, pound the facts.
        3. If neither are on your side, pound the table.
        This is definitely the third.

  • BosGrl

    So they’re 160% ape pig mix and something else too? I think Alex Jones needs to stop talking to Kramer about Pig Man.

    • I think Alex Jones needs to stop talking

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I second this motion.

  • Michael R
  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    So I’m trying to understand this… are these delightful gentlemen saying that any woman who has had sex with someone other than one of them is a whore, but that women given by the government to these dudes for the sole purpose of being ineptly humped by them are not whores? Or do they look at this government-sponsored prostitution they imagine as being the only solution that gets them laid while still being able to think that any woman who has sex is a whore? And aren’t a lot of these guys libertarian douchebags also too? And shouldn’t they be objecting to government interference?

    I just don’t get it.

    • Neither do they. If you know what I mean.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        They make that clearer and more permanent with every word.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      It defies all logic. The only way to handle it is to point and laugh.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        This I do already.

    • theCryptofishist

      Logic? How does it work? Ideas go in, ideas go out, no one can explain it.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        They certainly can’t.

    • Paul

      Perhaps they should all go on hunger strikes until their demands are met.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Are you trying to crash the world Hot Pocket market?

        • Paul

          That would be a secondary bonus.

    • Ill-Advised

      If they go Galt, they’d need a government to determine fitness. Which department would have jurisdiction?

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Homeland Security, natch.

  • Bitter Scribe

    80% gorilla + 80% pig = 160% ridiculous?

    • AJ Milne

      Whaaaa!? I don’t have any of those…

      … anymore.

      • Raan

        “Well, if I want Hitler’s DNA spliced into him, I’ll let you know.”
        “Yeah, I’m around.”

    • Hemp Dogbane

      It is a crime against nature to add percentages.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        thank the lord there’s no fractions, I’ve always been terrible at fractions.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          There was a study done recently. Turns out that 4 out of every 3 people doesn’t understand fractions.

        • Holly

          Dang it Space Tacos! I was told there would be no math.

  • wait! what?

    http://ew.com/tv/2017/07/08/nelsan-ellis-dead-true-blood/
    I really liked him in “Elementary.”
    R.I.P.

    • Awww..that is really sad

    • MizzMazz

      And only 39. He was the reason I kept watching True Blood. RIP, Nelsan.

      • I loved him, Alex Skars, and Kirsten, but the series finale made me retroactively hate the whole series

        • MizzMazz

          I liked the same ones too, and yes, that finale sucked. It ended with a damn Hallmark card commercial thing. I would totally watch an Eric and Pam show, though.

        • sarafina

          Nelsan was the best, and that ending was soooo baaadd. Talk about ending with a whimper.

      • Jamoche

        He was the reason I watched as long as I did.

      • puredog

        That’s really sad. He was a complete sweetheart.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Solutions for incel problem:
    1. the Orgasmatron from the film “Sleepers.” Get to work inventing it.
    2. Wilhelm Reich’s Orgone Box makes a return.
    3. Plenty of chickens, as in Keep fucking that…” Ah, the joys of cloacal sex!
    4. Uniting all incels in support of Trump*. In return he’ll be willing to supply incels with partners, like the two lines at the 6th-grade dances or the Unification Church’s mass marriages.
    See, snowflakes, we’re thinking about you….

    • Walter Wellstone

      They should just buy a RealDoll and get it over with.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Hey leave Ivanka out of this!

        • Ill-Advised

          Why? She’s on sale. Daily.

  • Dogshouse

    Exciting! It’s the genesis of Hyperpigs! (How much of a nerd am I, yet don’t need a state-supplied SO)
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Races_in_Revelation_Space

  • Jennifer R
    • Thiazin Red

      Bro, its so unfair that girls won’t date me just because I look forward to being able to get away with murder.

  • Walter Wellstone

    I just read some of the content on that site. They’re all losers. They admit it by calling regular people “Normies” and by admitting they have no social skills. Fucking losers in my book. I used to feel empathy for these people but most are self-centered, nasty pieces of shit. They want girlfriends, can’t get them because they’re weirdos, and call women whores for not wanting to fuck them. It’s hilarious. Thanks for this, Robyn, I needed a good laugh and this was just the ticket.

  • Tillerson Considered Central Figure In ExxonMobil Investigation – Is being under investigation for fraud a job requirement in the Trump administration? http://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/tillerson-exxon-investigation-intensifies

    • Lori

      It’s not a requirement, but since no one who isn’t shady AF will work for him it’s more or less a given.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      They have one of those inspirational posters in the office: you don’t have to be a criminal to work here, but it sure helps.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
  • aktlib101

    Incel. Never heard this word before. How old are these “people”, 10? I took the bait and clicked on the provided Reddit link. Could not bear reading more than a minute. Wow. No wonder Trump won, Pussygrabber must be a cult hero to them.

    • Walter Wellstone

      He is, actually. These pathetic morons think Donald is going to provide them with Miss Universe contestants so they can finally get laid.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        He might as well promise them. It’s not like he has any interest in keeping ANY promises.

    • aktlib101

      I had to go watch the epic Merkel’s eyeroll again, priceless:
      https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/883366502304559107

    • HorseChestnut

      Trump is very popular on Reddit.

  • Scooby

    How can they be animal human hybrids if they are gorilla pig hybrids?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      And 160%, at that.

  • Raan

    “No, he didn’t want me in the White House. Which, you know, kind of suited me, to be honest. I didn’t want to raise the kids under that kind of pressure. And I knew it would make things easier for him.

    He’s never had affairs, exactly. But I know he screws around. Always known. I don’t know why I’m telling you this.

    Except maybe that you asked. And no one ever asks. I mean, I know it doesn’t matter. Presidents screw around. The best presidents screwed around. And it didn’t matter. Hell, they were loved for it.

    But…Christ, I wish he’d try to lie to me about it. Some pretense, some indication that he cares and doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. Just strolling in with the stink of some …thing he had picked up for him by that scumbag Schact…

    It’s not important. It’s a silly thing. He lies to everyone else, for God’s sake.

    Why can’t the bastard lie to me just once?”

  • Uh, Alex, did you drink too much while watching The Island of Doctor Moreau, again?

    • Nounverb911
      • Marion in Savannah

        I had a cat that did that. She even turned the water on. Problem was she never turned it off…

        • Jamoche

          I’ve occasionally considered getting a motion sensor for my bathroom sink.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        some days are like that, floofy white kitteh.

        Hell, if that was beer, i’d join you.

      • Holly
        • Marion in Savannah

          Seems to be kitty’s preferred way of getting a drink of water. I’ve got a cat who puts her paw in the water dish and licks her paw instead of drinking like a normal animal. Cats…

          • Holly

            They are the most wonderful creatures. They embody everything that’s graceful and beautifully playful. I have two “rescue” kitteh’s and they have saved me over and over and over.

    • Raan

      Or maybe he was on acid watching Loony Tunes.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    On the other hand, here are some lovely people that are winning at relationships: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/507a931205fa0ae124f4726386ef929a38768c7e3014c1de15b2931c405dd32d.png

    • Lawd..they look so damn happy

    • Raan

      Unlike the incels, I’m secure enough in my masculinity to say this: goddamn, Jimmy was a handsome man back in the day.

      • cmd resistor

        I think he looks a bit like David Bowie.

        • Raan

          I can see that.

    • Yr. Gma

      How cute is he in his uniform there?

      • William

        He’s actually a nuclear scientist, and was hand picked by Rickover.

      • Holly

        Jimmy was commissioned as an Ensign in the Navy. My mom and dad were married around the same time as these two and dad wore his ensign dress whites for the occasion. The old adage “a man in uniform”

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      These two have done more good than any other former POTUS & FLOTUS that I can think of. Having great expectations for the Obama’s!

      • Bitter Scribe

        A good man who got steamrolled by an odious demagogue.

    • William
      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i was thinking about Trump’s stupid quote the other day for some reason (i HAte myself).

        “Two Corinthians, that’s the whole ball game…”

        Like, what the fuck does that even mean? I’m slow on the uptake, but clearly someone said, this is a good passage, and he went, okay, I’ll mention it.

        • William

          It doesn’t mean anything, but Trumpanzees have never really read the Bible, so Donald could tell them Santa Claus was born in a manger, and it all make sense to them.

          • Karenbpeters

            Managing director of Google says we are paying $97 per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family^hy210d:
            On tuesday I got a great new Honda Accord from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it…Find out more here
            ~hg210o:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash500TopGuides/GetPay$97/Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★:::::~hg210o…

        • Von Braun

          Like, what the fuck does that even mean?

          It’s code for: “I’m a queef-squizzle.”

          • YoBunnyBunny

            I don’t know what queef-squizzle is but I’m totally stealing it, lol.

          • Harrietjfenner

            Managing director of Google says we are paying $97 per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family^hu188d:
            On tuesday I got a great new Toyota Tundra from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it…Then visit following link for more info
            ~hh188o:
            ➽➽
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    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz
    • HorseChestnut

      She is so freaking cute in their wedding photo.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        My first thought about that wedding photo is, “With that giant grin on his face, could he look more like a southern-fried goodball?”
        But my second thought was, “He’s young, healthy, marrying a beautiful beautiful woman, and he’s not afraid to grin like he’s the happiest man on earth, dude is Winning At Life.

    • puredog

      Geez, they were married in the same year a putrid egg hatched out our Donald.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      Awwwww!

  • TJ Barke

    Why are these people so incapable of self awareness and or self reflection?

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Maybe they’re born with it? Maybe it’s Maybelline?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        In-breeding. It causes all of the self-awareness and mirror neuron genes to cancel out and make shit genes instead.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Stupidity? My guess is they are so stupid they couldn’t find their own asses with both hands and a flashlight.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well, that’s a ¥64 question.

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • Is this what not-cynicism looks like?

      • Lyly Sirivong

        I don’t know whether it’s naivety, stubbornness or optimism, but I do hope he’ll succeed.

        • Walter Wellstone

          Show Donald (1) a way for him to take credit for something concrete related to fighting climate change and, (2) a way for him and his family to make money out of it, especially if in the process he gets to outdo a fellow rich fuck very visibly, and he’ll get on board.

          • Jamoche

            “Psst, Donnie, Elon Musk is richer than you…”

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Could be. Or maybe Macron is on some really, really good shit.

        If so, I want.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Jerry Brown is calling a San Francisco conference on the topic, but Trump probably wouldn’t enjoy traveling to the Bay.

      • Is this the one Justin is going to? Is so, Grifter Barbie Vank-Vank may try to convince him…

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Trump gets to the Bay Area and finds that no “luxury” lodgings are available. So, he ends up staying at Hotel California.

        And staying. And staying.

        • Left Coast Tom

          San Francisco is well known for it’s inexpensive, easy to find lodging.

        • puredog

          With any luck, he’ll check into the Roach Hotel.

      • Maybe he should go for a swim in the bay. You know, to investigate water pollution up close and personal.

    • Yr. Gma

      Bonne chance, mon ami.

    • wait! what?

      The sexiest thumbs-up award have just been clinched.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Appreciate it sir, but good luck with that. For one thing, climate change involves science. It’s beyond him.

    • William

      Good luck Macron. Bring sock puppets and your French to idiot dictionary

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Putin won’t let his toy go to meet with Macron. Or he’ll make him take a Russian handler to control him–not control him away from sucking up to Putin, he happily does that voluntarily, but prevent him from accidentally blurting out something that might agree with Macron.
      Or:
      Putin: Haha, that Macron, he’s a dummy! What a stupid!
      Trump: YES! YES! He’s mean and says things in French!
      Putin (speaks fluent French as every educated Russian would, as well as English, is unable to keep look of absolute contempt from flickering across his face, but Trump of course doesn’t notice; then:) Yes, yes, just so. YOU, you are strong. Go, handshake with him! (has to leave the room because cannot suppress derisive laughter for one more second)

  • Left Coast Tom

    You talked about people you know in
    research labs, I’ve talked to them too. You see humanoids, they’re like
    80% gorilla, 80% pig, and they’re talking.”

    Even worse, they have radio talk shows.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Oh my dog! I didn’t know “incels” were a thing until I read that article. It would seem that dipshits who by some combination of genetics and willfully rendering themselves undesirable to women have a forum so that they can blame and hate on women. I can’t believe this. No, really, is this a joke? I can’t blame women from wanting to stay away from said dipshits. I’m actually attracted more to women who have fucking standards! {{{Deep breath.}}}

    Charles Darwin riding on Thor’s Hammer into a Purple Sunset Wearing a Tricorne Hat, I just can’t…fuck it! I’m going to have a fine cigar and cognac to calm myself down.

    Piss on my ToDo list today.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Incel is just another word for unfuckable.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Obviously, the unfuckables are keen on using the synonym with fewer syllables. But then, “dipshit”, has two syllables, also two.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Incel’s just another word
        For nothing much to fuck

        As Janice Joplin would say.

  • William

    Hmmmm good question. Lets ask Rush.
    “So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. We want you post the videos online so we can all watch”.
    There ya have it. Rush knows how to deal with sluts.

    • wait! what?

      It’s gotta be a cuck-alt-right thing; this obsession with feminazis…

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        It is. Scared, frightened, inept, feckless men with no footprint in the world, rather than improving themselves, dissolving into infantile anger.

      • nosuchuser

        Yup, little children playing at being men. Personally I like my women like my coffee; strong, bitter, and with a whole lot of back talk.

        • wait! what?

          I like my women like “my” presidents; Democrats w/an 8 year commitment.

    • MizzMazz

      Oh man, I was in my husband’s office and he had this shit on. You could practically see the flecks of spittle flying out of his mouth when he spoke. It was so vicious and disgusting – the radio got changed to music as soon as I had heard enough. On the upside, the old man is getting better (slowly) and no longer listens to that rubbish. I swear it’s like the Incel Reddit thing; people go in there, and they get radicalized and poisoned.

  • weejee
    • AJ Milne

      We must do everything we can to defeat ices!

      (… gets coat, leaves.)

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Human-Pissicle hybrids.

    • Doug Langley

      Yeah, they give me the cold shoulder.

    • At least they are a tiny problem.

  • The really sad part is that these guys don’t seem to understand that if you stop trying so hard to get laid and just try to be a good person, you will get laid. And better yet, you will get a person who might actually like you and want to spend time with you when you aren’t having sex.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      you kinda want to ask them, “what do you two do after the fun two minutes are up?”

      • AJ Milne

        Two minutes?

        You may be giving them too much credit.

      • Ask Mom for a sammich?

      • Raan

        Reflect on the last 90 seconds of boredom and disappointment.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          needz moar shame and/or embarrassment. (At least if they’re protestants).

          ; )

  • suziq

    So if a woman can only have sex with one man in her lifetime, they are saying if a woman who has had sex before agreed to have sex with them they would turn her down? Because of their very high standards of course. I think there may be a flaw in their logic,

    • wait! what?

      Then a woman can have all the sex she wants within this subreddit; because they’re not “men.”

    • Yr. Gma

      It seems suspiciously like that 72 virgins way of thinking.

      • aktlib101

        An italian friend of a colleague of mine said, and I quote: “keep your 72 virgins and give me a good whore instead “

        • grindstone

          Billy Connolly said the same, “Virgins, pssshaw, give me two fire-breathing hooors!!!”

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Silly you. They want a woman that THEY only get. If this woman rejects them, AND allows an alpha male to have sex with them, well fuck them! That is, the woman–PUNISH HER. Don’t punish the alpha male because they obviously secretly want to have sex with HIM, oops, I mean, he’s a cuck.

      • Edith Prickly

        They believe women can’t help themselves around alpha males, because pseudoscientific evolutionary biology word salad, something something.
        The obvious conclusion – maybe the “Chads” aren’t bitter self-pitying manboys who think women owe them sex – completely escapes them.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Just the tiniest of flaws that is as large as Alaska.

  • William

    Human animal hybrid? How about a racist, draft dodging, ultra right wing, religious, bankrupt, woman grabbing, tax fraud,con man, whose father killed Kennedy?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d89112c517c948c7e822df04c063b3da3ffd1d7be5e1b5c702874822f1d79702.jpg

  • TundraGrifter

    80% pig – 80% gorilla. 100% nuttier than squirrel poop.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Is it just me, or is discus sucking today?

    • wait! what?

      Disqus exists to suck; but I digress…
      It’s working suspiciously well on the lame gym internet connection in Chicago.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      As threads approach and pass 500, Disqus begins to get funky, in a not-good way. We’re closing in on that right now.

  • The Green Bastard

    ManBearPig is real! I’m super cereal!

  • Painter of Goats

    I wouldn’t wish these guys on Ann Coulter and usually it’s the other way around.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I heard NASA is sending the pig apes to Mars.

    • HorseChestnut

      I heard they’re already there.

      • Left Coast Tom

        NASA denied it so it must be true.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      To work in the underground sugar farms?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      I thought they sent them to the White House.

  • Jamoche

    There’s a news article out there (BBC maybe?) about sex bots getting AIs to make them more realistic, with one researcher saying this would be a bad thing because men using them would become even more socially isolated.

    This is a bad thing? Socially isolate the fuck out of them. The rest of the world will thank you.

    Although, seriously, I don’t think these guys would want the AI versions – they don’t want women smarter than them, even if they’re bots.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      An abacus is smarter than these loons.

    • The Green Bastard

      Seriously. Just program the sexbots to be all “Ulla dance. Ulla work now.” & call it a day.

      https://media.giphy.com/media/IKhVMT9iNeSoU/200w.gif

    • CindyinEncinitas

      And live without the soul-affirming experience of interacting with the pasty, bitter, smelly mens who have absolutely no chance of understanding me? How will I find my limitations and shame?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      They already made a (horrible) movie about this…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR542tQhXJo

    • Lori

      If they make the sexbots more realistic wouldn’t that mean they’d refuse to have sex with their owners?

  • Edith Prickly

    Calm the fuck down, Alex. Who do you think your audience is?

  • aktlib101

    I did not know I should be worried about humans mating with pigs or apes. As in producing offspring.
    Otherwise, humans have been known to have sex with all sort of…”things” or “life forms”. Can’t incels marry a goat or a banana or something?

  • Holly

    More than one sex partner?? Uhhh ummm why do you ask? I don’t know what you mean….I ahhh more than one??? I ahh ummm how many is more than one…is that what you mean?

    • How many fingers are we talking about here?

    • BloviateMe
      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        that can’t be true if I’m outperforming the average. I’m downright monkish in that respect.

      • Whee! I’m above average!

    • William

      OK Holly lets review the standards of sexual promiscuity according to the book of American conservatism.
      1. Man who has many sex partners (and they better be wimmins, we don’t allow that funny shit here). Manly, studly, All American, ‘He da man’, man of the world, He man.
      2. Woman who has many sex partners. Slut, Skank, ‘Ho, diseased ridden, sperm burping gutter slut.

      • aktlib101

        Like Jeebus intended, no?

      • Holly

        And there’s the rub! All the manly he men want to be sexxed up by all us slutty slut skank ho’s and then we’re damned when we do and then the wonderboys living in mom’s basement damn us for NOT sexxxxing them up? Damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Damn! What’s a girl to do? ANYTHING SHE DAMN WELL WANTS TO DO!

        • William

          They will love you in the darkness
          Take advantage of your starkness
          And refuse to recognize you in the light

          (the Box Tops Sweet cream ladies).

    • aktlib101

      To give them credit, maybe they are only talking about one sex partner at a time? Like no multi-somes forevah? *snickers*

    • William
      • Canis Greyhame

        Oh damn. You win again, reflective properties of light!

    • AJ Milne

      Clerks moment:

      Dante: My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!

      Impressed customer: In a row?

    • puredog

      They mean “at the same time.” I’m sure of it.

      • Holly

        Of course. I didn’t even consider that possibility.

  • Ezio
  • Villago Delenda Est

    Just stolen from the Twitter machine. I think you’ll like it!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/db05c8bc0e9d782afcd4fab2c197ed276d9c74fdd6a833b66a13413b27e63b00.jpg

    Posted by Laura Sesana @lasesana, who I have started following! She’s got more of them!

    • NotDarkYet

      Does it make me a bad person for thinking that the top fellas have better hair?

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        No, just observant.

        • NotDarkYet

          LOL! In some quarters around here, I’d be a candidate for a good
          lynching if I were to say that out loud …anything but rah, rah
          patriotism is mightily suspect!

    • Ezio

      Donald Trump Jr. doesn’t even look like he’s related to 45 and Eric.

      • Alt-dog

        He does bare a striking resemblance to Ernesto the pool boy though.

        • Ezio

          He looks like a rejected Sopranos cast member.

      • Yr. Gma

        He has undergone the knife a time or two.

    • msanthropesmr

      Saddam Hussein was competent. Brutal, horrible, stole from the treasury, awful terrible, but competent.

  • CatDog

    Couldn’t the humanpighybrids be sourced out by FEMA sex panels to all the Incels at the order of our Lizard Overlords and everyone would be left in a permanent state of bliss?

  • Skaarphy

    OT: Beautiful song for beautiful people

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twlE9VvgQKc

  • TundraGrifter

    I’m old enough to remember when people had the simply decency to keep their humiliation to themselves instead of parading it the world like it was a virtue.

    It’s not a feature, people! It’s a bug.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      If you can’t even get a mercy fuck from a horny girl nerd you need to consult your physician.

      • TundraGrifter

        Or go to work at Fox News. Over there they fuck like rabid weasels.

        • Raan

          With or without consent!

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Apparently. Because family values I guess.

    • Serai 1

      Oh, dignity is a thing of the past. Best not torture yourself with memories of it.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Incel Movement”? Really? The very fact these assclowns think they’re entitled to sex is why they should remain celibate. Forever.

    • The Green Bastard

      They should hurry their movement along so we can flush.

    • TundraGrifter

      Seems to me it should be named the “Incel No Movement.” There’s no motion in their ocean.

    • Ezio

      “Women having the right to reject me is so not fair! Reverse sexism!”

    • Holly

      Amen brother.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I’m going on a hunger strike on live stream until the government gives me a girlfriend. Cool idea, bro. I’ll donate to planned parenthood instead of sending flowers, ok?

    • William
    • msanthropesmr

      I read assclown as anchovies.

      • The Wanderer

        Sounds a bit fishy to me.

        • Ill-Advised

          He jumped the shark.

  • Holly

    There’s a new Quinnipiac poll out that asked – – What is the first word that comes to mind when you think of Trump….and the number one answer was IDIOT! So that’s nice.

    • OrG

      I would have went with dumbass, but idiot works.

      • Holly

        The second most popular choice was “liar”.

        • Alex Grey

          How about shit-fer-brains?

    • CeeQ

      Fuckwit comes to mind readily.

  • I was reading this earlier:

    https://theringer.com/a-league-of-their-own-25th-anniversary-geena-davis-penny-marshall-ce750e85bb3c

    I was not at all crying like an idiot at the embeded clips

    • The Green Bastard

      There’s no crying in baseball, Pickwick!

  • Ezio

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with gun ownership provided you view the gun as a mere tool for hunting or self-defense. The problem comes in when you start treating guns as an extension of your fragile little manhood, and that’s exactly the issue the alt-right has. Hence they constantly project and call everyone a “cuck”. Michael Parenti has written that these male supremacists are often white supremacists too.

    • SnarkON

      Very few people need a gun for self-defense, and even fewer need one to get themselves dinner. Don’t kid yourself that you’re one of the good-guy “responsible gun owners.” Every gun that exists is one more killing machine.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Naw, lots of perfectly normal and healthy people sport shoot or target shoot or hunt without ever once in their lives even considering pointing their weapon at a fellow human being, let alone actually killing one.

        That sort of ridiculous black and white absolutism is what drives millions of responsible gun owners into the arms of the NRA and makes it impossible to make any progress crafting new common sense gun laws.

        • Serai 1

          Dude, you miss the point. It’s the GUN that’s the problem. Doesn’t matter how good you think you are with it, or how innocent your motives (and sorry, I do not accept “I like it” as an acceptable motive for having a deadly weapon around), the damn thing is deadly in and of itself, regardless of the owner. Plenty of “responsible” owners’ guns have injured or killed people – thousands every year. So the whole “if the owner’s okay, there’s no problem” line of thought is specious and self-serving to the point of callousness.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Right, there’s no such thing as shooting sports, there is no such thing as recreational shooting, there is no rationale for hunting- the fact that it’s been an Olympic competition for over one hundred years must be a figment of my imagination. Every single person who owns a weapon of any sort is a ticking time bomb and there is no possible criteria to differentiate between a responsible and an irresponsible gun owner.

            Sheesh, that sounds as unhinged as an anti abortion zealot demanding that some poor twelve year girl must bear the child that her rapist father or brother gave her, because there can be no exceptions for abortion, everything must be black and white and the answer must always be zero percent or one hundred percent- there can be no answer anywhere in between. We laugh at the absurd absolutism of these zealots and their crazy absolutism motivates us to fight even harder against it.

            Congratulations- you now know how the millions of actual, real live responsible gun owners who really do exist despite your claims to the contrary feel every time they hear this sort of malarky. Toss in some douchebag like Wayne LaPierre whispering in their ears telling them how the gubmint is coming to take away their guns and using arguments like this as exhibit A and it’s no wonder why we can’t get any sort of significant gun law reform in this country. When the two absolutist camps stake out opposite sides of the debate and both refuse to give an inch, nothing ever happens and lots of people die.

          • Serai 1

            Wow, you’re just set on missing the point, aren’t you? Whatever.

        • SnarkON

          Sure. And not one nice, responsible person who only ever uses his gun to shoot tin cans out in the desert has ever had his gun mysteriously end up in his toddler’s hand. Not one of those jolly target-shooters has ever used his target-shooting gun to commit suicide. Or to brandish at his buddies when he was really wasted. Nope. These are the good gun guys.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            No, those are NOT the good gun guys, those are the bad gun owners, the irresponsible ones. Lumping the good, responsible ones in with the bad ones and driving them into the arms of the NRA with the absolutist talk so that no progress ever gets made on sensible gun law reform just seems like a pretty fucking dumb way to go about reducing the incidents of gun related tragedies. Just like the fact that some car owners are irresponsible and drive drunk or speed, some gun owners are irresponsible. But we don’t blanket ban all automobiles because of them or take away everyone’s driver’s licenses, we concentrate on the bad drivers and focus laws on reducing the bad behaviors without unduly limiting the ability of those who do use caution and common sense and obey the laws to continue to drive.

            Try standing up in your next city council meeting and announcing your intent to ban driving and that you won’t rest until every single car in town has been confiscated and see just how much cooperation you get to pass a law lowering the speed limit in school zones or to increase penalties for DUIs. Good luck with that… Even though 90% of the people in that meeting already don’t drive drunk or speed through school zones, once you declare them all the enemy and lump them in with those irresponsible ones and accuse them of being drunk speeders, they probably won’t do shit to help you pass laws that they’d otherwise have been in favor of. Funny how that works…

            I mentioned in another post the anti abortion zealots with their zero exceptions and their black and white morality and their inability to see shades of gray or to lay aside their dogmatic beliefs no matter what. Those idiots are the best thing to happen to the pro choice side- they’re our secret weapon against the pro life arguments. All we have to do is let those zealots start running their fool mouths about forcing kids to birth rape babbies and all the other ugly dogma that they spew and millions of people somewhere in the middle of that particular debate all gasp at the ridiculousness and move towards the pro choice side. Even the ones who are squeamish and maybe personally anti abortion find that zealotry to be too offputting and if forced to choose, choose pro choice.

            And that’s the problem with absolutism. Zealots never let anyone have a nuanced opinion- they refuse to allow any sort of middle ground on the subject. It’s always either ‘all or nothing’ and they force everyone to choose a side. But most people aren’t that binary, so if forced to choose a position they find untenable, they will balk and choose the opposite or simply choose not to debate. So nothing gets done and the zealots end up hurting their cause. That’s exactly what the zero firearms zealots do to the gun law debate. The NRA loves them and their foolish absolutism- what a great bogeyman to use with the vast majority of gun owners somewhere in the middle. There’s not a chance in hell that we could round up and confiscate and eliminate every single gun in the US anytime soon, if ever. So the ‘no guns for anyone’ crowd spins their wheels, both sides dig in and nothing gets done, so lots of people needlessly die. We could however get some meaningful reform done if the anti gun zealots would give up the rhetoric and learn to work with all the millions of law abiding, responsible gun owners as allies to accomplish sensible reforms, instead of vilifying them and lumping them in with the irresponsible ones and driving them to the NRA’s side.

            This country has actually made great strides in reducing drunk driving and we managed to do it without having to confiscate every single driver’s car keys. We did it slowly but surely through education and more stringent laws and better enforcement. We did it by jailing those who drive drunk and holding bar owners responsible for over serving and by making it incredibly hard to get insurance if you get a DUI and by making designated drivers and ride programs a thing. The biggest change was a cultural one- we changed society so it was no longer acceptable to be a drunk driver. We could do the same with guns, but it won’t happen overnight and it won’t completely eliminate gun deaths- just like we still haven’t completely eliminated automobile deaths. But we have seen a massive reduction in them, just like we could achieve with guns. And I’ll take that reduction here in the real world every damn day vs fairytale fantasies of the zealots that will never happen because we’ll never take away every single last person’s car keys or their guns. We need to stop alienating millions of gun owners first and get them on our side so we can make concrete progress rather than holding out for the impossible.

          • SnarkON

            Too long; didn’t read; guns and gun apologists suck.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            So do people who are unable to engage in an adult conversation. Get back to me when you grow up enough to have one…

          • SnarkON

            No thanks.

  • SnarkON

    I simply cannot imagine why these nice men can’t get laid.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    If a woman has voluntary sex with an Incel is she still a slut?

    • RobKanC

      no, then she becomes a statistical anamoly.

      • AJ Milne

        … possibly even a miracle.

        • Jennifer R

          More likely a statistic.

    • The Green Bastard

      Is this one of those philosophical, tree falling in the forest type things?

    • Probably yes. These guys hate women. If they ever do get in a relationship, they’ll move on over to the RedPill forums to complain about women being bitches and brag about being abusive, controlling asshats.

      • AJ Milne

        Less snarkily than I’ve been doing, I think, too, yeah, roughly, that.

        And it is kinda sadly messed up. Longer essays on it. Guys taught sex is conquest, makes you a winner, makes her a slut… And I wonder sometimes _anyone_ has a healthy relationship ever with the shit lying around on this…

        (But, really, I only came back in for my top hat and cane. Being silly/_really_ leaving now. Yell at me if I don’t.)

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        You are correct. Why the hell would anyone think that their misogyny would suddenly vanish just because they got laid. And you just know they prematurely ejaculated!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      nobody knows – it’s never been documented.

    • That depends. Is she still sleeping with his father as well?

      • The Green Bastard
      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        She’s his mother? Well, if any man would do that…

        • Raan

          “Give to Oedepus! Give to Oedepus! Hey, Josephus!”
          “Hey, motherfucker!”

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          This is starting to sound like a Robert Heinlein short story…

    • SnarkON

      Nah, she was drunk.

    • OrG

      Is this a trick question?

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        No, philosophical. As in, “If a tree falls alone in a forest…” Which, BTW, I always thought was an easy question to answer.

        • The Wanderer

          Of course a tree that falls in the forest alone makes a sound. After it’s settled, you can distinctly hear it mutter, “Well, shit.”

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “Jane Doe discovered in shallow grave near Taco Bell”

    • Holly

      Here’s another pillysofacal question. How does a woman have sex with an Incel? Never because his mom keeps coming down the stairs to check on the laundry.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Technically, they cease being an incel the moment they get laid

        • Holly

          Yeah but they can never get laid because mom will forever be omnipresent.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            lol, sucks to be them

  • Canis Greyhame

    I say fancy-up the title and call it Les Hommes Terrible!

    Anyway I’ve never heard of these incel things before, but fuck them (or more to the point, continue to not fuck them) because they’re choosing the creeper life.

    I mean, maybe they were just awkward nerds once, having trouble talking to girls, but what did they think was going to happen after they started embracing utterly vile attitudes toward women and broadcasting serial-killer vibes in public?

  • Skaarphy

    Beautiful song for beautiful people
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH5SzwRwXkQ

  • William

    Maine Moxie festival is ongoing here. Eat your hearts out world.

    • There is a Bacon Fest in a small town about 40 minutes from me today

    • Fartknocker

      I have a 12 pound beef brisket that I started smoking at 6:00 AM this morning using mesquite wood. The rub was salt, pepper and a touch of garlic oil. I’ll pull it from the smoker in about 45 minutes so it can rest and dinner will be served at 6:00 PM with a wonderful black bean salad with tomatoes, onions, jalepenos, green peppers and some line juice. And bourbon. Best part is Mrs. Fartknocker got to play today, is taking a nap, and is prohibited from doing the dishes.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        uh, I lost your address. Could you give it again?

        What?

        Oh, no reason.

      • William

        That sounds delicious. You should try some Moxie barbecue sauce. It will make your brisket taste like cough medicine. Who doesn’t like cough medicine? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1d825d166ad60b1cc7790a849e85012964fbee7eb7ec45b73272be1cdcb2423a.jpg

        • Fartknocker

          Correctly prepared brisket needs no sauce. However, sauces are fun. I like “Fire in The Hive” made in California by Cahoots Catering. It’s mildly sweet, decent heat, and is especially good on a brisket sammich with a little bit of red onion, lettuce and tomato. I can tell you the Nutella does not go will smoked sausage.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I also like using Montreal Steak Seasoning on them as a rub

          • Fartknocker

            That’s a staple in our pantry. I love that seasoning.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I just seasoned a couple of 1.5 lb 2″ ribeyes for grilling in a few hours- the truck is to salt them way before or immediately before putting them on the grill so the salt does its thing and draws the water out, then gets drawn back in via osmosis. That way the meat doesn’t dry out or you don’t end up steaming it from the water you just drew to the surface. Plus the salt gets drawn back in as well, so you season all of the cut rather than just the surface.

          • Fartknocker

            And when you pull the steaks off the grill, you are also allowing them to rest for a few minutes so your steak is juicy and doesn’t require any Shitty Trump sauce.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Yup, let ’em sit

            And well done steaks are an abomination

      • Slamtundra

        That sounds awesome.

    • Holly

      William? I was given a Moxie by a woman who I considered my friend. She set it down in front of me and said “Try it! You’ll LOVE it” She is a wicked wicked woman and I will never trust her again.

  • Three Finger Salute
  • PigsDoFly

    What’s this about pigs?

    • William
      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        at least she wrote asshole near hers….

      • Walter Wellstone

        “Terrist.” That’s a new one.

        • BloviateMe

          That’s because, for President Blackenstein, there’s no “or” about it.

          I guess.

        • I think that is the George Bush spelling of terrorist.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          That spelling is Terrble!

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Terrierist libel!

        • Raan

          She spells it how G-Dub pronounced it.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        White-a-nater? Ok, sure. That seems like a snarky made-up thing that I would put in a Wonkette comment that wouldn’t exist.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i think that’s “white A(something) Hater.”

          What I want to know is, what’s that written vertically on the left?

          i’m not wearing my glasses, but it kinda looks like I (heart) U Amber.

          • Martini Ambassador 🍸

            Also, if you look closely, you can see the “Obama is” panel was added afterwards. Because clearly, it’s so clever and effective and multi-purpose, right? So, my question here is, was this shirt reused? And was the previous target Dukakis? Gore? Clinton?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ha! I didn’t notice it till you mentioned it.

            My guess is she misspelled obama (or “is”) and the brightest of her kinfolk pointed it out.
            “Well shoot, I can’t waste TWO sweaters!”

          • Jamoche

            Maybe America?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            that’s my guess, but ya never know!

    • Serai 1
  • puredog

    Robyn, Robyn, how DO you find this shit? I weep for you.

  • Skaarphy

    Beautiful song for beautiful people
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDVHaA-MyeU

  • Canis Greyhame

    Oh boy, here’s what else I learned today after reading this post (thanks Robyn!)
    http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/chad-thundercock

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Haha it’ll blow their minds when they find out that Chad doesn’t prefer ladies.

      • The Wanderer

        Chad Thundercock’s a bottom?

        • Seamus Romney

          A bossy bottom to boot. And don’t give him your number!

          • The Wanderer

            (tsks) I was sort of hoping he’d be a switch.

      • Canis Greyhame

        I’ll be a bit disappointed if someone isn’t calling themselves “Chad Thundercock” on disqus by the end of the day.

        • I tried to convince my wife to call me “Chad Thundercock.” She still hasn’t stopped laughing.

        • Chad Thundercock

          Could happen.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Well, we have an Unfortunate Wackelpudding so you may be right.

          • Apparently wackelpudding is also known as wackelpeter which seems to be germane to our discussion of the incels.

          • sarafina

            And isn’t there now a Butthole McYodelingTown?

      • Daniel Nee

        Thank you chad now about bringing the thunder

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      So basically these incels are admitting that they can’t get laid because they are hung like Donnie?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • Three Finger Salute

      Well, he punished Canada with a 25% tariff on imports not long after Justin beat him at the arm wrestling contest and Ivanka gave him the kind of goo-goo eyes she never gives daddy. Also, that refugee subtweet that the Trump/Le Pen supporter in Quebec used as justification to go all Charles Martel on 6 innocent Muslims during Friday evening prayers. (I found out recently that the mosque is actually in the same district as the church where Justin and Sophie got married. So a very personal heartbreak for the Trudeaus in addition to being a tragedy for the families of the dead.) And just generally everything else that makes Justin look over 9,000x more attractive to everyone than Donald could ever hope.

      Then he sought to punish France by withdrawing from the Paris Agreement, because Macron also beat him at arm wrestling and told Putin in so many words to piss off as regards meddling in his campaign. Scarily, now he’s indicating that he wants to really get back at journalists for “negative press covfefe” (aka reporting on the facts) — not just with the CNN wrestling video but by teaming up with the bigger, smarter bully to go after the “nerds” that the big dumb bully can’t silence once and for all.

      He’s worse than petty. Mere pettiness would be if he was still a D-list game show host and failed casino/real-estate/hotel magnate with more bankruptcies than the full contestant roster on Wheel of Fortune since 1981. This is yuge. A petty, narcissistic, vain egotist like this not only has access to nuclear weapons in his own country — but is BFFs with the sadistic KGB madman serving in the role of dictator of our longtime enemy in Moscow. Who also has nuclear weapons at his disposal.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Why does he look like he’s trying to take a shit and just can’t do it?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Because that’s yet another of Jared’s jobs…

  • As a biology teacher that Alex Jones story is disappointing on so many levels. There is no possible way to fuse porcine cells (38 chromosomes) to hybridize with human cells (46 chromosomes). It just can’t happen.
    And religious people shouldn’t believe it either. That would be creating a new species, which can only be done by (insert imaginary being here) and not by humans.

    • Walter Wellstone

      That’s what they’ve told you. You’ve been programmed to believe that 38-chromosome cells cannot fuse with 46-chromosome cells. What you don’t know is that 38 divided by 46 is 0.826 and, if you look carefully, 2+6=8, which means it’s really 0.88 and you know what 88 means, right? WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!111!!!1!!!!!!!!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Any sufficiently advanced technology that can make 80%+80%=100% should be able to accomplish that hybridizing trick without breaking a sweat.

    • sarafina

      I believe I read something where the feds are trying to grow organs in animals to be acceptable for human transplantation. I think the law should be (while alive) everyone has to actively opt out of organ donation after death, a new kind of advance directive.

      • I am not exactly sure what you are referring to. You can grow tissue from one species in a different species if the host animal’s immune system doesn’t reject it. But every cell would remain distinctly human or distinctly mouse (if that is the host species). A hybrid or chimera would be where each cell contains DNA from both species and is neither human or murine (mouse).
        Honestly, I am really uncomfortable with the ethics of that approach. Other scientists are working more on the idea of building a “skeleton” of plastic and or collagen, then growing an organ on that foundation without using a living, breathing, possibly intelligent animal as a substrate for growing human organs.
        We can and do transfer single genes between species, but we are a long ways from getting living, functioning cells from hybridizing anything that has multiple chromosomes.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          as a hardcore smoker and drinker, I’m banking on the day I can get a lung and liver transplant at my local Wal-mart.

          FWIW, there’s an interesting doc on Netlifx about bionics. There’s one project working on making every major organ bionic – there’s a few they don’t even have prototypes for, but they have a heart, a spleen, and I think a kidney. (Apparently the pancreas is tricky to replicate artificially).

          • Thanks, I will look for that. I haven’t been doing any of this research since the 90’s, we were mutating genes in certain types of cell lines to search for which types of mutations cause which types secretory tumors (tumors that secrete massive amounts of hormones) and cause children to develop abnormally. Being able to manipulate genes or development in tissues is fascinating and incredibly complex.
            I’m not surprised about how hard the pancreas is to model, it secretes multiple hormones, each from a different region and cell type. That is really hard to make happen.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i suspect the breakthough will eventually come with a combo of DNA/stem stells and bionics.

            Either way, get on it smarty pants scientists!

          • Is that documentary called, “The Incredible Bionic Man?”

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            yes!
            It’s got a lot of that fake build up that so-called documentaries do these days on basic cable, so you gotta have some patience, cause the science is pretty cool (when they get around to it!)

        • h4rr4r

          Could you explain the ethical implications of using animal organs for transplants instead of hotdogs? I don’t think anyone is going to be trying to make human level intelligence pigs.

          My limited understanding of the current methodology is that many single gene single gene transfers are being done in the hopes of making organs acceptable for transplant into humans.

          https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.technologyreview.com/s/603857/crispr-may-speed-pig-to-human-transplants/amp/

          • There are two different protocols here. One, from your article, is growing a pig so that you can kill the pig and harvest it’s heart to transplant into a human. Given that pigs are actually intelligent animals, the thought of growing one specifically so you can take it’s heart out to put in another animal is a bit troubling to me. I do see your point about eating meat and it is a good point. My grandfather raised cattle and pigs for food. I raised chickens as a boy. And I worked with many types of animals in my experiments as a researcher. Some of these animals really have personalities, emotions, clear thought processes. So the idea of raising and killing them for a specific body part is troubling to me. Perhaps, I am just too sentimental about animals that I have met.
            The second protocol is taking cells from the person who needs a new organ and attempting to grow the organ on outside of the body. You either take stem cells or regress skin cells to stem cells and then stimulate them to develop in certain ways. Thus no animal is being killed for it’s body parts. Which seems to be a better choice if we can do it. http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20120223-will-we-ever-create-organs

          • h4rr4r

            I totally agree that would be preferable.

            I do wish that we could engineer the taste of pigs into chicken or something like that.

        • sarafina

          Humans have had pig heart valves implanted. I believe this story was on NPR, and I am very much against this. Again, I think most human deaths should be opportunities to gain transplantable organs.

  • Walter Wellstone

    I hope the incels show up here. We need some new trolls.

  • This post reminded me that this guy exists. https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Marjan_Siklic So thanks for that.

  • William
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Krispy shut down the restaurant so that he could dine. He was being thoughtful. Just think of all of the other diners there having to deal with him enjoying his one thin mint.

      • Rags

        Wahfur theeeen

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      lol…

    • The Wanderer

      (giggles)

    • The Librarian

      Is Christie the 80% pig chimera Whack Job Jones was referring to?

  • aktlib101

    Heh, followup to Trump-Putin meeting:
    “Tillerson declared the two sides had an “intractable disagreement” on the matter and Trump wanted to “move forward”
    https://twitter.com/McFaul/status/883389563732844545?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theguardian.com%2Fus-news%2Flive%2F2017%2Fjul%2F07%2Ftrump-meets-putin

    • TundraGrifter

      Remember when people used to talk about “a learning experience?”

      Today we just call it a Cluster Fuck.

  • Skaarphy

    Angry song for angry people
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIyL8ti3SME

  • Seamus Romney

    Hello my name is Treg and I’m a slut. I’m assuming the degenerate country of Sweden is an option for my deportation? I can have my bags packed in an hour.

  • First of all, this isn’t a fart. Second of all, it shouldn’t make me laugh as much as it does:

    https://youtu.be/K9V5wzWv6gM

  • TJ Barke

    No one really wants to fuck me either, but I don’t think there is some sort of vast female conspiracy about it…

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I bet there is some girl in your future that will appreciate how excellent you are.

      • TJ Barke

        I don’t. But again, I don’t see this as some sort of reason to hate all women.

        • RobKanC

          Well, that instantly makes you better than the incel idiots..

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            right? Puts JT & I far ahead of those idiots.

            We might be even be a refreshing change for some of these women.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Donald Trump has been married three times. Rush Limbaugh four. Now, you might say that’s just because they have money and women hope they will hit the lottery and be the one married to them when they die. And that’s fair. But even that yutz from Kentucky, Kim Davis, has been married multiple times, and she’s a terrible human being and not rich. Hell, even that guy who ate the other man’s face in Florida was married. Lids for every pot is what I’m saying.

      • TJ Barke

        Eh, I wouldn’t really wish myself on anyone.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Gene Simmons (ick) once said (something vaguely like): if i ask out 100 women, 1 will eventually say yes and that’s what’s important.

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

    Someone on the other thread was complaining that Mueller should have found something by now and it’s taking too long and so forth. I can’t remember who it was but there’s this.

    Notice he’s hiring prosecutors, not investigators.

    http://www.npr.org/2017/07/08/535813901/special-counsel-mueller-lets-his-actions-do-the-talking-15-hires-more-to-come?utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=politics&utm_medium=social&utm_term=nprnews

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      yeah, just cause he hasn’t announced anything or filed a case yet doesn’t mean he hasn’t found anything.

      Sigh.

      • I am willing to wait a while so that he will have solid enough cases to move the Trump administration straight from the white house to the big house.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          ayup. I’m daydreaming, but I can’t decide if i want it to be just one huge, overwhelming case (obstruction, bribery, tax evasion, etc etc) or if I want it to be a long drawn series of cases.

          • I suspect most of the charges will involve some sort of tax evasion/money laundering type of charges and obstruction of justice for hiding it all.

          • Maybe if we are really lucky he can bring some RICO charges and sell off some of the Trump family assets to help pay for this mess.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Can he do that when the properties are already mortgaged to the Russkies?

          • Good point.

          • William

            As long as he loses everything in the end. I don’t support penalty over rehabilitation, but in Trump’s case I’d bring back the stockades. ‘For crimes of gross injury to public trust and deceny.’

      • TundraGrifter

        “Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.” Also.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          ayup, also reminds me of my favorite scene:
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvpam38IOgA

          • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

            Man, I wish Aaron would make more of those. Having Sam Jackson voice a privileged violent white boy was comedy gold.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            AND Charlie Murphy.

            Yeah, I used to love watching those when I had Adult Swim.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      p.s. I literally just stumbled across this, no searching:

      “LAW PROFESSOR: The obstruction of justice case against Trump is already a slam dunk”

      In the weeks since the New York Times reported that President Trump allegedly asked James Comey to drop a pending criminal investigation of Michael Flynn, there has been much debate about whether the president committed obstruction of justice.

      Looking at the entire affair from the standpoint of strict legal analysis, there’s just one conclusion: All available evidence says he did.

      Under such a plain legal analysis, of the sort my students and I conduct in the law school classroom, it is highly likely that special counsel Robert Mueller will find that there is a provable case that the president committed a federal felony offense.

      https://amp.businessinsider.com/trump-commit-obstruction-of-justice-2017-7

    • Yeah. Remember how that Clinton investigation was over and settled in like, days?

      • wait! what?

        Brenda Starr for the prosecution…

      • Yr. Gma

        LOL. Bigly.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Watergate took months and months.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      He’s only been on the job for two months!

    • It’s just frustrating watching a failed steak salesman diminish our country and the office of the presidency every fucking day. Of course it’s better for Mueller to take his time, get all the facts, and build the best case(s) possible (preferably one that takes Pence out as well) but it’s also natural to wish we could just get past this already.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        and Paul Ryan as well. Oh, and Mitch McTurtle.

        • If he could find something on Gorsuch, too, that would be lovely. I’d like a redo on that seat.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Well … since we’re making wishes … how about Chaffetz and Nunes also too?

      • Edith Prickly

        Mueller needs to make sure his case is rock solid before anything goes ahead, because this bunch is going to subject everything to 12-dimensional fuckery. He’ll get them in the end though. Trump has no idea how fucked he is.

    • weejee

      And to make sure all the bits fit, Mueller will have those very smart prosecutors savage the evidence worse than Putin just savaged poor tRump.

    • Yr. Gma

      I think I know the guy. He’s frustrated, but he needs to recognize that his is not TV and the good guys will not get it all tied up in 43 minutes.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Great minds, etc. These short attention span dipshits think this is Law & Order.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      This isn’t fucking Law & Order, dipshits. It’s not going to court in a fucking hour.

      Mueller doesn’t want to miss anything. Be thorough, be complete.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        And Law and Order is so fuckin’ realistic.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    If you find yourself to be an adult white male American “incel,” maybe god is trying to tell you something.

    • wait! what?

      …you might be a redneck?

  • Panika MCD

    I’m almost glad that my phone refuses to display these messages. if these guys really wanted to get laid by a human woman, they might realize that voluntarily remaining in an all male circle jerk is not the best strategy. I vote we refer to them as Volcels hence forth.

    • GRH

      Yeah, there’s a reddit for that…
      https://www.reddit.com/r/volcels/

    • William

      Or maybe Igcels?

      • Panika MCD

        what’s the lg for?

        • William

          Ignorantly. Ignobley works aswell.

          • Panika MCD

            we could just go with Iglies.

          • William

            Piggly Iglies?

          • Panika MCD

            no. pigs are smart, delicious and often cute.

          • William

            Yes! They I don’t find them delicious. They’re a great way to showcase a vast variety of other flavours though. But also cute and possibly smarter than any of these fuckers.

  • TundraGrifter

    Scottie Nell Hughes – Sleeping her way to the bottom.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    I know some nice, successful, funny, pretty, smart young women. A couple of them are related to me. I guarantee you they wouldn’t meet these losers’ “standards”.
    It’s a lot easier to bitch about women than meet some actual women and risk rejection.

    • boredcatlady

      I’ve had dudes like this list all the reasons they’d date me if I was hotter.

      • Chad Thundercock

        I hope you took the opportunity to laugh at their wedding tackle in reply?

        • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

          Your latest nym is hi-fkn-larious

    • Wild Cat

      I think they’re more afraid of risking ‘acceptance.’ They’re not emotionally equipped to deal with a real relationship. (What a bunch of sick fucks.)

      • TGuerrant

        They’re not even equipped to deal with a shower once a day.

  • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

    Bad thing: Office A/C fails, and I have to work in it and Dublin CA is going to hit 100 today.
    Good thing: PM was thoughtful enough to fetch and distribute ice cream sammiches.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      oye, hydrate!

      • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

        No worries there. Already have a water habit.

    • TundraGrifter

      Today (Saturday) it’s hotter in the San Francisco Bay Area than it was yesterday on Maui.

      • Lambsendbeds

        Yeah, but for SFBA, that’s in the low 80s – at least that’s what it’s been in Oakland. We are all just a bunch of wusses who can’t deal with temperatures below 50 or above 75. I am including myself in that group, and I’m from Chicago. Amazing what 25 years in California will do to the soul.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          the people of your great white lands of the north often immigrate to south florida, where they told me it was never hot enough for them.

          Apparently a youth in the midwest does some damage to the soul.

          ; )

        • TundraGrifter

          There are pockets much higher. Remember – Alamo is almost always 8 or 10 degrees hotter than Walnut Creek or Concord. Up in the Albany-El Sobrante-El Cerrito-San Pablo-Richmond complex it was high 90’s even unto 100.

    • Yr. Gma

      California is just awful this week. It was 80F at 3 am here.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Since leaving office Obama has apparently been searching for the world’s cutest baby. He has succeeded.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2136da18782d39d6dae1b940d565afe394fd6cb429ffb7cc4f7144d6b6434e5d.jpg

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    “80% gorilla, 80% pig, and they’re talking.” How many are conspiracy show shoutcasters?

    • Edith Prickly

      AOT, K.

    • FelineMama

      Wow, I never would’ve thought alex jones would’ve put family pics out there for viewing!! Maybe, hmmm,

  • Edith Prickly

    Is it open thread yet? I’ve had enough of these ultramaroons and losers. It’s a baking weekend Chez Prickly – making chocolate peanut butter bars for dessert and maybe a batch of muffins tomorrow morning.

    Also planning to make coconut curry chicken in the slow cooker tomorrow, coz it’s going to be a rainy day…

  • Wild Cat

    I’d ay women are fairly rational prefering Duracel-operated items to incels. (What a bunch of sick fucks.)

    • Three Finger Salute

      I guess “electric bunny” is going to become a euphemism for vibrators. Keep going, and going, and going, and going…

  • The Librarian

    I had never heard of Incels before, so did a little reading about their community and read some of the commentaries. Sort of kindred spirits to MGTOW? If the two groups aligned, would they start bickering over who had more to complain about? Do I care?

    • Chad Thundercock

      Slightly different. MGTOW think all women are sluts and complain that they can’t get laid. Incels think all women are sluts and complain that they can’t get laid. MGTOW claim to have given up trying, but I don’t believe them.

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie

    By my calculations, “80% gorilla, 80% pig” = 240% bullshit! That’s just math, people.

    • Seamus Romney

      Math is hard.

      • Bub, the truculent Zombie

        Especially for gorilla/pig hybrids!

  • This article helped me explain to my husband why it’s sometimes unnerving to be approached by strange men. We have no way of knowing whether Random Guy is an ordinary guy or some sicko who idolizes spree killers and thinks women should be deported, jailed, or killed for having sex lives.

    • William
      • Chad Thundercock

        But think of the furniture shopping!

      • tehbaddr

        But those are not genitals he’s trying to grab, (makes a big difference!)!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      and this is why i don’t approach strange women except if I need an ambulance.

      • Chad Thundercock

        I approach strange women all the time. That’s how they know me by my first name in the ER.

        • Three Finger Salute

          “Hanging”?

  • Wild Cat

    Speaking of reddit, did the late Aaron Swartz have anything to do with them and the direction they took (misogyny, neo-nazism)? He seems to be revered by certain figures on the anarchist Left. I’m curious as to why (beyond his trying to take my income away, as he didn’t seem to believe in copyright law, which pays my salary).

    • Three Finger Salute

      Swartz’s tragic case didn’t have anything to do with woman-hating or Nazis, and it wasn’t so much that he didn’t believe creators should be compensated for their work as he didn’t believe in regulatory capture and copyright monopolies. His “crime” that he faced a ridiculous 50 years in prison for was basically allowing academic research papers to be accessed publicly by anyone, anywhere, and collaborated on like a wiki, instead of only at select universities which pay thousands of dollars for a subscription to proprietary databases like J-Stor and Elsevier.

      There’s a crisis right now in academic publishing where the researchers themselves forego copyright of their own work to the publisher and actually have to pay the database to access their own research. Not to mention, a lot of these databases are “geoblocked” in the same way as TV shows and movies can’t be accessed in regions outside that of initial distribution. Think of how the U.K. and Canada don’t get to see American programs until sometimes two and three seasons into the show, or how DVDs have “region codes” that don’t play on players outside of the country you bought the disc. It’s a moneymaking gambit for the studios — and in this case, the publishing companies — to charge an additional license fee internationally that is oftentimes higher than what they charge in the United States.

      Swartz didn’t want the digital equivalent of the Library of Alexandria to remain behind closed doors that only those privileged enough to attend prestigious universities — or any universities at all — could have access to. Let alone remain confined within U.S. borders and inaccessible to, say, the all-girl robotics team in Afghanistan that Trump blocked from entering the country.

      There’s a phrase in the copyright-reform movement that says, “Information wants to be free.” The idea being that there should be a direct creator to consumer relationship that cuts out the middleman altogether (who often takes a giant chunk of the pay cut and retains a significant amount of control that also takes away from the creator) — and that consumers should also be allowed to be collaborators and “remix” the original work as long as they give attribution to the original creator.

      As well, that some things just shouldn’t be charged for at all, like medical research that can potentially benefit millions of people — especially if it leads to a treatment for something that then gets patented and marked up exponentially by proprietary drug manufacturers (and insurance companies who gouge people even more). Copyright maximalism has led to abject stupidity like “Happy Birthday” being bought up by Warner Brothers and million-dollar lawsuits filed against restaurants who allow their staff to sing it for patrons without obtaining an onerously expensive “public performance license” first. It’s led to Disney gobbling up smaller studios and declaring ownership of the Greco-Roman pantheon and suing people for millions for posting cosplay selfies on Instagram. It’s led to the bizarre and ridiculous concept of “cultural appropriation” that’s inspired riots on college campuses for such overblown “microaggressions” as wearing a sombrero on Halloween or a white person making sushi or soul food at the cafeteria. Copyright, taken to the extreme, is theft.

      Swartz has nothing to do with this. He was a victim of the increasingly draconian, oligarchic, and censorious copyright cartels who have used the government to impose control over the cultural commons and treat “theft” of ideas encoded into 1s and 0s as a de facto capital crime. The real “thought leaders” of this tech-bro rape apologist movement are people like Daryush Valizadeh (aka “Roosh V”), Jian Ghomeshi, Travis Kalanick, and Gavin McInnes. And of course, the God Emperor of rape culture and Twitterpated pussygrabbing himself, Donald J. Trump.

      • Wild Cat

        Interesting. I know he had a slot on the blog Crooked Timber, but he died before I came across that blog.
        Do you know if he was part of reddit at one point? For some reason when I read the initial obituaries he seemed to be linked to it, but that info seems cloudy now.

        • Three Finger Salute

          According to Wikipedia, he was involved with Reddit’s early development and actually served on the board of directors as a partner. I don’t know what his involvement was beyond that. However, I am familiar with some of the more well-known copyright controversies there, like when the HD DVD encryption system was cracked and posted in a thread (not by Swartz but someone else).

          But I do follow tech blogs like TechDirt and TorrentFreak, which (obviously, considering the name of the last one) are not very sympathetic at all to how our current copyright system overwhelmingly benefits conglomerates and major players at the expense of consumer/collaborators and even content creators, and leads to totalitarian inanities like the Happy Birthday case and Disney turning into what reformists call the “Mausreich.”

          Reddit does have a Q&A forum called “Ask Me Anything” (AMA), where big names sometimes arrange to do interviews with the users, so maybe he did an AMA also. He also was involved with the development of Creative Commons and developed RSS, and was apparently quite the prolific tech prodigy even as a child. The government persecuted him to death because Hollywood had enough cash to sic the DoJ on him. One of the few things I get angry with Obama about: he didn’t call off the dogs on The Internet’s Own Boy. (Title of a documentary about his life.)

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Psycho crypto-rapist fascist losers say what?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    so, the millenial i’m friendly with at the corner store didn’t know who Lt. Uhura was.

    • That person is pop-culture illiterate. For crying out loud, Zoe Saldana plays the character in the sexy reboots

    • The Wanderer

      Sterilize him. Now.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Oh come on. She’s in the new movies. I think that’s a lack of nerd cred rather than age.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        eh, it’s a young lady who’s sees me pratically every day.

        She had some cell phone thing in her ear that was huge, I told her she looked like Lt. Uhura.

        This was the conversation:
        “Who?”
        “Lt. Uhura, from the original Star Trek?”
        “Star Trek, come on really? (major condescension)”
        “Look, it’s not that I watch it regularly, but surely sometime in your life you’ve seen what I’m talking about?”
        “Nope.”

        (Proceed to explain Uhura and the huge thing that was always in her ear).

        • Eh. It’s only one of the most significant cultural milestones of the last 50 years, arguably influencing the trajectory of tech research leading to the modern era. That’s an easy thing to have missed.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’m kind of constantly confused by that. I get that I’m at the tail end of the Gen X era, but come one! Surely these things are seen by accident, on the web, in a parody, or a MEME!

            Now, typically I hate condescending people about things they may not have heard about. A fellow film school student was being a smug ass to two japanese students – as in straight from japan, limited english – cause they hadn’t seen Citizen Kane. I got so pissed, I walked over to him and said, “I’ve seen it and IT SUCKS!” I may have also added how DP Greg Toland was responsible for most of the things people give Welles credit for.

            Anyway, still…you’d think there’s some things you just can’t escape knowing about.

    • Raan

      You need to learn him some facts.

    • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

      But was he/she talking about Podesta’s emails?

  • Steve Cole

    I am curious which “degenerate country” would sexually active females choose? Asking for a friend.

    • Canada

    • The Wanderer

      Yeah, gotta be Canada.

    • Vecchioivan

      I’m starting a home for sluts here in Portland.

      • Steve Cole

        I think Sam Kinison had a similar charity. PDX is easy for me. I wish you luck.

      • tehbaddr

        That’s good, I used to run a “Fucketeria” in DC. Get laid and fed, uhhh it was for women guest only!

      • therblig

        Krakhós?

    • TJ Barke

      Just about any of the nordic countries.

    • Donkey Option

      I usually like Europe – Spain mostly. But if there was a country where these guys would be guaranteed not to be? I don’t really care, that would be the place.

      • Themyscira

        • Donkey Option

          Would I get super awesome powers? Because sign me up!

          • I’m ok without the powers, so long as i can bring the wonders on indoor plumbing and wifi with me

          • Donkey Option

            Oh, yeah. Indoor pluming, and hot water heaters.

    • tehbaddr

      There’s many places in the old Eastern Block, hostels, willingly fuckable women, and “art shows”.

  • Ezio

    If there is one man on twitter who deserves sympathy, it’s this guy…
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/801ac94a36d8c493a030e682e86874dc3bf39c78de0aa93e9f37511c3c5ba425.jpg

    • Jesse

      If there’s one man who has the right to punch Richard Spencer in the face, its this guy.

      • (((Aron)))

        We all have that RIGHT.

        That poor man should have the PRIVELEGE.

        • And a speed-pass to the front of the line

          • Raan

            And a cricket bat.

          • (((Aron)))

            I will happily give it to him. So long as I get back-cuts.

    • (((Aron)))

      That poor, poor man.

    • Lyly Sirivong

      I hope he’s never been punched by mistake.

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie

    To call Alex Jones human garbage is a gross insult to both humans and garbage.

  • Three Finger Salute had a post up a couple of minutes ago about an event in 1989 in Canada that is one example of how this mentality can end. If you are unfamiliar with the events at Ècole Polytechnique in Montreal, may i recommend Dennis Villeneueve’s stunning film about the event?

    Polytechnique
    http://imdb.com/rg/an_share/title/title/tt1194238/

    • Jennifer R

      It’s wikipedia page doesn’t mention it at all.

      • snigsy

        Google Marc Lepine.

      • It wouldn’t. It’s a terrible thing. Dude who couldn’t hack the school’s education requirements blamed the wormen who could and went on a massacre at the school, shooting only female students. 14 women studying to be engineers died.

  • tehbaddr

    “Incel” it’s hard to get past that when your mom keeps knocking on the basement door!

  • Anna Rompage

    80% ape with 80% pig equals eleventy million percent MRA red pill assholes…

  • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent
    • Steve Cole

      What has Mueller been up to? Any links to a good summary?

      • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

        See my post with the NPR article downthread. All we know is he’s hiring a dream team of prosecutors. Not investigators. Prosecutors.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Don’t need to collect any evidence … the US intelligence services will be happy provide whatever corroborating evidence is required.

      • Jennifer R

        Still really early. Expect Muller to spend 12-18 months on this assuming that he isn’t fired.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
    • Well, 80% or more insane douche, definately. Still unsure on the Busey thing

      • Chad Thundercock

        I dunno, there’s some definite Buseyness going on there.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Risky Buseyness

    • snigsy

      Heebie-jeebies.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      I’d rather be eighty percent pig, if I had to choose.

      • Roni Raven, Undercovfefe Agent

        Yes, pigs are highly intelligent animals.

  • eyelashviper

    That photo of the creatures with long ears looks like the result of a Gingrich/Trump/Palin romp in the hay…sad.

    • Bub, the truculent Zombie

      Most of them believe the Earth is six thousand years old. They’ll swallow just about anything.

  • Jennifer R

    Illinois makes the 48th state to refuse to send private information to the fraudulent election commission.

    • grindstone

      Is there an updated list somewhere? ‘Cause last I checked, Florida had resurrected the politically dead corpse of Katherine Harris and was “reviewing the request”.

  • Donkey Option

    I’m wondering how the math is supposed to work on this. Okay, they have to be supplied girlfriends. But any woman who has had a sexual partner is off the table. I guess those guys aren’t really picky about their potential future concubines because I’m pretty sure the pickings would be mighty slim.

    • Edith Prickly

      I think you’ve given this more thought than they have.

    • The answer is that they probably want their supplied girlfriends disgustingly young, therefore more likely to be virginal. They want them picked out of the high schools, or worse. Easier to groom the young ones to be robotic sex-and-housekeeping slaves.

      • Covfefe

        If I were an incel, I would be down in Cape Canaveral liberating me some of those teenage sex slaves NASA is sending to Mars.

      • Chad Thundercock

        This is the most likely answer.

        Although, ya know, a sex and housekeeping slave wouldn’t be so bad. Can she hold her own in a discussion about, say, Renaissance art?

        • Doubtful. These guys don’t want women who can hold their own in a conversation. They don’t think women are people. They think women are life support systems for tits and vaginas.

          • Chad Thundercock

            Oh, I wasn’t talking about them any more. I got distracted.

          • Wild Cat

            Has there been any comprehensive psychological studies of these geeks? To turn to misogyny over sexual frustration goes back to the beginning of humanity, but that they’re now all Borg-linked is significant and frightening.

          • Thiazin Red

            I imagine their ideal scenario is having one of those old servant bells, where the woman stays in her room till called.

        • As a lady who would excel at the sex and Renaissance art, but fail at housekeeping, where do i get to land?

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Are you busy this weekend?

          • Yes. I am packing to move next weekend

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Hmpf.
            Have you decided where to move to?

          • Yes. I have a new apt lined up

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I figured.

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            Can you cook? It may just be a matter of skill swapping.

          • Yes. I cook and bake awesome. But i hate cleaning up after

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            *hides dust bunnies under bed*

            What?

      • Thiazin Red

        If you inform them that the age of first marriage in medieval England was early 20s for both men and women they would refuse to believe it. Even noble girls who were married earlier weren’t expected to start having sex right away. Girls like Margaret Beaufort being married and pregnant at 12 were outliers not the norm.

      • puredog

        This just in: high schools largely a lost cause. Gotta go middle school.

      • Donkey Option

        You’re probably right. And now I’m throwing up in my mouth.

    • O_Hellllllllp

      Not to make this conversation even ickier, but typically the solution involves going younger….

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
    • snigsy

      She’s imagining the many drinks she’ll be having tonight.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        “I am a sehr glucklich I have plenty Heifferweizen”.

        • h4rr4r

          I am pretty sure beef is not allowed under reinheitsgebot.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            shit, did i misspell it. I meant the beer.

          • h4rr4r

            It was clear enough, I just had to make that joke. I just like puns too much.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah, so sorry! I’m kinda dumb sometimes.

          • h4rr4r

            So say we all.

            Well those of us with enough self esteem to be able to admit that we have faults.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      trump’s face, though.

      “Why am I in the back? I’m not supposed to be in the back…”

      He looks like those kids that you can tell are juuuuust about to break out bawling.

      • MizzMazz

        Or like “When are we getting snacks?”
        So out of it. If we have textbooks in the future, will this picture be included?

        • LucindathePook

          Too scary. Will no one think of the children?

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        Looks like he’s not all there to me.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Dr. Angela Merkel has a Doctor of Science in Quantum Chemistry. Of course she has the “FFS” face on when forced to deal with our imbeciles.

  • thatdamnbob
    • Gary Charound

      I used to have a blender that was an oyster eyeser.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Upfisted for effort.

        • Chad Thundercock

          Ah, the pity fist. More than the incels get.

          • Gary Charound

            Pity is underrated. I’ll take it.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      I’m still convinced the concept of eating oysters started as a Neanderthal dare.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I always figured is was somee guy who was, really, really, really hungry.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          a plausible hypothesis, friend. A plausible hypothesis indeed.

          I once asked here how people discovered willow bark worked as a pain reliever. Shanz suggested people were eating wood during hte lean months and realized they didn’t hurt as much after they had some.

          #ModernPrivilege I suppose.

      • thatdamnbob

        So was “pull my finger”

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          so bad ideas never go out of style?

    • thatdamnbob

      ask Paul Theroux, he’s seem ’em!
      from “Deep South” by Paul Theroux:

      I said I was looking for a place to stay.
      He held a can of beer but it was unopened. He had OYSTER EYES and was jowly and, though sober, looked unsteady. He ignored my appeal. I was thinking how now and then the gods of travel seem to deliver you into the hands of an apparently oversimple stereotype, which means you have to look very closely to make sure this is not the case?—?the comic, drawling Southerner, loving talk for its own sake.
      “Ah mo explain something to you,” he said.

    • Thiazin Red

      That looks like something you would see in a Cocteau movie.

  • Thiazin Red

    https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/07/07/arts/dance/american-ballet-theater-promotes-4-dancers.html?referer=http://balletalert.invisionzone.com/index.php?/topic/42753-promotions/&amp;

    Good for them. I’m surprised Royal wasn’t promoted before, hes been a soloist in all but name for a couple years now.

  • Raan

    I’d just like to point out that if animal-human hybridization were possible, Japan would have been on that shit long ago.

  • wait! what?

    Sooner or later, Alex is just going to have to admit how much he wants to be Axe Cop’s wife…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6feec2be7c4ff72f9136f9d80a1019b96f5d73172e50e995aece33df205c23d6.jpg

  • bluicebank

    Never heard of “incel” until now. I hate these assholes for being stupid.

    During my fooling around years, a “dry spell” was just that, perhaps a function of probability. Home run hitters have them, too; it’s not that they can’t hit the ball, it’s that they currently aren’t, and then one bright day, boom, over the fence.

    OR, it could be that the baseball player is shitty at hitting, and the only time he’s getting on base is on a walk.

    These incels should blame their fathers for not explaining baseball to them.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    The topic of each item in this post was, and correct me if I’m wrong, pigs that can talk.

    • Yes, but as Trump proves just because you can talk, doesn’t mean what you say will make any sense.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    These incels are 80% pig, so maybe we could match them up with a hydbrid GF?

  • Kakariki
  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Tuck Buckford is going to have to step up his game….

  • While squatting down to disconnect my electronics set up today, i realized my knees are worse than i thought. And i already thought they were terrible

  • Ezio
  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Alex Jones is man/pig/hardboiled egg hybrid himself.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    I guess human-animal chimera meat won’t be on the menu at the vegan yodeling butthole cafe anytime soon. Thanks, Obama.

    • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

      Human-vegetable fare, however, is under consideration.

  • You see humanoids, they’re like 80% gorilla, 80% pig, and they’re talking.

    . . . And they’re saying “No, we will NOT date those sad creepy Incel cucks!”.

    • Reince Pubis

      I truly hate the alt-right lingo, but wouldn’t they need to get a girl to begin with in order to be “cucked” by her?

      • Count Awesome

        They firmly believe a slut sleeps with everyone while a bitch sleeps with everyone but them.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          that’s a joke from the incredible comedy, “Fear of a Black Hat” – seriously look it up – the spinal tap of rap.

          “What’s the difference between a bitch and a ho? A ho fucks everybody, a bitch fucks everybody but you.”

          • Count Awesome

            I don’t know where it came from, I’ve just known the joke for 30 years.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            sorry, i didn’t mean you swiped it. I just meant it reminded me of that joke – cause that movie is so funny.

          • Count Awesome

            Almost every joke has been swiped at one point or another.

  • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

    Well, this is fun and all, but now I need to drive to Napa and find out what “hot” really means. Also too, look in on a elderly relative in skilled care. Later, wonkers!

    • Chad Thundercock

      Napa is going to be like walking into an oven. Good luck!

    • Steve Cole

      You prefer Napa toasted or well burnt?

      • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

        It turned out to be dried. Needed olive oil and a little salt.

  • Big Puppy Resists

    Oh, Robyn, I know you are doing a public service reporting this stuff. But I’d really rather not know that there are men out there that are this damaged and entitled. As for chimeras, WTF?

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie

    Donald Trump skipped a visit to the Warsaw Ghetto during his visit to Poland. He’s the first president to do so since 1989. Leaders of the Jewish community in Poland expressed “deep regret” over the president’s decision to forgo with a visit to Monument to the Heroes of the Warsaw Ghetto, noting that every president since George H. W. Bush had done so. “We deeply regret that President Donald Trump, though speaking in public barely a mile away from the Monument, chose to break with that laudable tradition,” they said in a statement. [Washington Post]

    “Pfffft! Those were the Jews that got killed. I like Jews that DON’T get killed, like that kid who’s getting my sloppy seconds from Ivanka.”

  • Count Awesome

    Why do men get such a bad rap? Oh, never mind.

    • Holly

      But I love you guys! I really really do love you guys.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Well: we have cooties, we’re stinky, we’re sloppy & lazy, sometimes jerks, always idiots etc etc

      • Chad Thundercock

        I leave the toilet seat up deliberately.

        • OutOfOrbit

          I think that is under “jerks”.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        You forgot the hairy. My wife is always plucking thinks out of my coat.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Funnee, you look pretty sleek.

      • SisterArtemis

        Add to that “you don’t call each other on your stupid bullshit” and you’ve pretty much completed my criteria.

        But when you guys do call each on the b.s., the rest of the stuff is sort of tolerable, sometimes even well worth tolerating.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    My mother’s brother and his wife came from Laos to visit (and to buy half a dozen Vuitton bags) and they brought me this :
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5bc9e850bc1f1baa1c3e63a7c42bcae43c038f4e42b17c42e76d4dc6d71ec43f.jpg

    Sticky rice crackers. I’m addicted to it and it’s terrible because it’s pretty much impossible to find outside of Laos or Thailand. But it’s sooooo good.

    • Serai 1

      Try Amazon or eBay. You’d be surprised what shows up online.

      • Lyly Sirivong

        Never thought of that. Thanks, I’ll look it up !

    • Biel_ze_Bubba
    • SisterArtemis

      So, what kind of flavor is this? I’m presuming not bland because of the color. Savory? sweet? spicy? all of the above?

      • Lyly Sirivong

        Sweet. Sometimes they add liquid cane sugar on top.

    • bupkus231

      When I first saw this post, the Disqus “show more” thingie prevented me from seeing your explanation of what those were – I was so afraid they were going to turn out to be the “salted rat dicks” so often gifted around here…

  • ADVERTISEMENT FOUND ON INCEL REDDIT ACCOUNT

    PAPA LAZAROU’S SCHOOL OF DATING AND PEGS!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIrTTv_Isho

    • Count Awesome

      Part of me is surprised that they don’t just go all “Borat” and get out the “wedding sack”.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      the video won’t load here…and it’s left me curious about what kind of “peg” we’re talking about.

      • It’s a clip from England’s wonderfully strange The League of Gentlemen. Mysterious Papa Lazarou seduces housewives and elderly widows to become his wives under the pretense of being a seller of wooden pegs.

        • SisterArtemis

          Well, to be honest, a good wooden peg is hard to find these days. Cheap plastic knockoffs all over the place…

    • The Green Bastard

      Hello, Dave!

  • Rasilom

    OT: This is amazing. Keith Olbermans special comment from the day of the citizens united decision. I think he is psycic.

    https://youtu.be/gPayKb39Kao

    • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

      “Looks like I picked the wrong decade to stop drinking heavily.”

      • Count Awesome

        To stop sniffing glue and methamphetamines too, also.

    • Michael R

      I can see where this might have seemed over the top at the time ,
      I’d like to force everyone in the government to watch it now .

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
    • OutOfOrbit

      That cat looks plugged in…Is it electric?

  • Holly

    Totally OT but I have to tell all you Wonkers and an especially loud shoutout to Courser Resistance and Skwerl the Taco Hunter. I am crazy mad in love with Paul. He and I met right here on Wonkette a little over a year ago. I was already in love before I even saw his face for the first time. I now reside with this most wonderful of men in this most wonderful cabin with the two cats and a Newfy is in the offing. It does happen but only if you make it happen. Love to all and Paul I love you deeply and with everything I am (he hates it when I do this).

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
      • Paul

        She knows. We thanked her.

    • This is wonderful.

    • Me not sure

      MOLOTOV!

      • Holly

        Thank you. We are very happy regardless of what Paul says.

        • Me not sure

          May you always be so.

    • puredog

      A Newfy is in the offing? You are getting a large black dog? KINKY!

      • Holly

        Newfs are fabulous. I’ve been the human to two of the most wonderful animals ever ever.

    • Chad Thundercock

      Paul sounds like a dork.

      (Seriously tho, congrats. I love these stories)

      • Me not sure

        Your nym de nuevo resonates well.

      • Paul

        Big dork. Like you Chad.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        You haz newsletter? Asking for a friend…

        • Chad Thundercock

          “The Thundercock Ejaculations”? It’s behind a paywall that only accepts dead fire ants. That’s what happens when you mistake web designers and entomologists.

          • grindstone

            That’s so random, and…..now I’m intrigued.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Does Fedex get out your way?

      • Holly

        No dork here. Just a fabulous man who thinks of everyone else first. And thank you. I’m living proof that fairy tales can happen no matter how old you might be.

    • HazooToo

      Huzzah! Another love match!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Another love connection? Fantastic! 😻❤️💌💖💘

    • Paul

      Yes I do.

      Dear.

      • Holly

        Darling? Where have you been? You know I love you.

        • Paul

          Sulking.

          • Holly

            Oh, FFS stop it. Come over here and I’ll take your boots off.

          • Paul

            See??!! See??!!!!11!! THAT”S the problem. I shouldn’t have to “come over here…” You should jump up immediately and come to me to remove my boots. Sad. Lazy. Bigly slacker.

        • Paul

          Yes dear.

    • CeeQ

      Awww you guys!! I love that this happened. Mazel you crazy kids ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • HazooToo

    Wasn’t there a group of assholes who decided to have a BBQ right next to some other group on a hunger strike not long ago? I feel like Wonkette wrote about that. Anyway, point is, I would GORGE MYSELF on a feast of delicious fragrant foods, and watch him starve. So it’s probably for the best that he’s not getting the attention he wants.

    • Count Awesome

      I’d be giving play by play while I eat. “Oh my God! It’s so tender and juicy it’s falling off the bone. I need to finish this fast and get more before it’s all gone.”

      • HazooToo

        Could you pass the stuffed-crust pizza? I want to make a pizza-taco shell for my mac and cheese!

        • h4rr4r

          This food is all so great, the only thing that is better is relations with my significant other.

          • HazooToo

            Yes! In fact, I hear there’s going to be a Wonkette orgy – a Worgy! – happening right after they bring out those cakes we like!

          • Count Awesome

            “If the Countess were here I know she’s let me eat this sparerib out of her cleavage and let me lick the rest of the sauce off her!”

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            well, that got weird fast.

          • Count Awesome

            She actually probably would just to fuck with those kind of assholes.

          • starfanglednut

            Food after sex is the best!

          • Count Awesome

            Of course. It’s just more energy for the next round.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          But wait! We’re not done yet! We’re gonna dip that in waffle batter and deep fry it! Then we’re gonna top it with some whipped cream, nuts, cherries and canned clams!!! You heard me!

          • HazooToo

            YOU MONSTER!!!!

    • Jamoche
  • Ezio

    I have found out how to screenshot tweets this weekend and I feel mad with power.

    • SisterArtemis

      Yes, this was a FANTASTIC discovery for me as well. (shhhhhh: I can also CROP THEM!!!! Don’t tell!)

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Copy link to Tweet, paste for the amusement of the Wonketteriat.

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie
  • Moebym Reborn

    Saw an old lady today who strongly resembled Queen Elizabeth II, down to the hairstyle. I was thinking, “what the hell is the Queen of the UK and Commonwealth countries doing at a boring US supermarket?”

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      “what the hell is the Queen of the UK and Commonwealth countries doing at a boring US supermarket?”

      undercover work.

      • ariel_gee_398

        MI-6 has failed her, so she’s taking on Trump herself.

      • SisterArtemis

        fixing the engines on their delivery trucks, perhaps?

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          “Don’t worry lads, I did this back in the war. Now hold my coat and crown and pass me the 15mm socket wrench, would you dearies?”

          • Chad Thundercock

            She’d ask for the 5/8 inch because she’s a fucking boss.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            “oh, of course, you silly americans don’t use the metric. It’s okay, I can do the conversions in my head.”

          • SisterArtemis

            In the meantime, the Corgies are standing guard around her, growling at anyone who attempts to mansplain to Her Majesty.

    • h4rr4r

      They don’t have Wegmans in the UK.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Thanks Obama Brexit

  • Three Finger Salute
    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      And guess what, Mr Trump Fan, YOUR health care will be taken away to pay for those rounds.
      You’re welcome.

  • BREAKING NEWS! HOT STUFF!

    ACTOR AND ACTIVIST PAPER BAG WEARER SHIA LABEOUF ARRESTED FOR DISORDERLY BUMMING A SMOKE ALMOST RIGHT OUTSIDE MY DOOR (WELL, ABOUT THREE OR FOUR MILES FROM IT ANYWAY)!!!

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/08/entertainment/shia-labeouf-arrest/index.html

    I hope Marion from Savannah and our other Savannian Wonkettes are all OK.

    • h4rr4r

      Naw, he got charged with asshole in public. Drunk in public is not a crime unless you are being an ass.

      • Count Awesome

        But when is he not an ass?

      • This is an ‘Open Container’ town so you have to be REALLY obnoxious to get arrested for public intoxication. If they tried to arrest all the obnoxious drunk people in the streets on St Patrick’s Day they’d have to ship most of ’em to Atlanta.

        • bupkus231

          Yeah, but it wasn’t St. Patrick’s Day – so maybe the bar was lower…

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          We. Don’t. Want. Them.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      They should arrest him for those awful movies

      • h4rr4r

        That Indiana Jones movie was a war crime.

        • Three Finger Salute

          What Indiana Jones movie? There were no Indiana Jones movies after The Last Crusade. I REPEAT: There were NO Indiana Jones movies after The Last Crusade and NONE of these nonexistent movies had the words “Crystal Skull” in the title. Accept no substitutes from the Asylum Factory.

          • Ryan Denniston

            Indiana Jones The Last Crusade was the most attended and absolutely last Indiana Jones movie, period!

  • Three Finger Salute

    Aaaaaaaand speaking of violent nutcases:

    Wrestlemania .45: Donald Trump Jr. tweets video of his father SHOOTING CNN

    Memo to Jack Dorsey: We need a Twitter ban against all terrorists named “Trump” until we find out what the fuck is going on. Actually, we know what’s going on. Kick him off.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      read the thread, there’s apparently tons of these. this is my favorite:

      https://twitter.com/_GreatWhiteDope/status/883737672874827776

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Dear wingnuts; These aren’t memes, they are just shitty photoshop.

        • Count Awesome

          They confuse “We the people” with “Me the sheeple” all the time too, also.

          • Three Finger Salute

            “Me have pee pole”

      • Three Finger Salute

        I have Twitter blocked in my hosts file. I’m going to guess it’s more stupidity with bad CGI and Windows Movie Maker.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          it’s a scene from a matrix movie…trump is neo (natch), who is facing an intimidating opposing force of CNN, MSNBC, etc.

          He dismisses his two comrades in arms (the constitution and the american flag for some reason).

          the news outlets then fire machine guns loaded wiht bullets of “fake news”…neo puts up his hand, stops all the fake news (and a twitter bird?) right in their tracks, and then they fall to teh floor.

          Neo/TRUMP then smirks.

          FIN

          • Three Finger Salute

            They’re going to be pissed when they find out that both directors of The Matrix are trans.

      • bupkus231

        That’s fuckin’ awful.

  • memzilla Ω

    This was the meeting that Uday at first denied, then said “oops, slipped my mind” about. “Donald Trump Jr. set up a meeting last June with Jared Kushner, Paul Manafort and a Kremlin-connected lawyer.” (The attorney, Natalia Veselnitskaya, isn’t just “Kremlin-connected,” she’s a well-known Russian mob lawyer with links to the FSB.) “…this episode at Trump Tower on June 9, 2016, is the first confirmed private meeting between a Russian national and members of Mr. Trump’s inner circle during the campaign. It is also the first time that his son Donald J. Trump Jr. is known to have been involved in such a meeting.”

    • miss_grundy

      The FSB whose director was one Vladimir Putin?

  • I had to do an electronic chat with my cell phone provider to change my address and this actually happened: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ef8d73554bdbe6a838541e3aa64fa5c25e913da05ed1db63b04ffdefc7b5102c.png

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i just couldn’t help looking at your other two tabs.

      Latest Wonkette story, of course.

      What in the world is an Oliver Queen/Felicity smosh?
      ; )

      • Fanfic….hush. i’m allowed

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          ; )

          • I am currently on hold with my interwebs provider. I submitted an electronic form, but hit “GO” on my tablet before i was done editing the form. They said it would be a 45 minute wait

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            fuuuuuck.
            And here I thought canada was eden.

            harrumph, HARRUMPH I SAY!

          • I went with an independent provider and i haven’t had to call them since my initial set up 2 years ago, as opposed to having to call 3 times a month when i was with one of the telecom giants.

          • The only address change to go off without a hitch was with my bank

        • marxalot

          Olicity? Really?
          …de gustibus non disputandum est I guess, but Ollie needs several attitude adjustments and a brain transplant before he’s even fucktoy material.

          • But…so pretty to look at…

          • marxalot

            I am biased in this matter, since I a) have hated Ollie Queen since I was old enough to read Justice League comix; b) am a non-matching queermo. I wish you great joy of your ogling, mental or otherwise, but I maintain that literally every woman in the DC universe could do better.

          • I am really, only basing it on the show. The closest thing to DC i’ve read comics wise is from the Dark Horse imprint. I have most of the Fables collections and a bunch of Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman

          • marxalot

            Given that the show exists, as all these things seem to, in a bubble where characters who would otherwise never have met on timelines which make no sense do things which are totally out of character if you do read the singles… fair. Have fun.

          • I know that DC has added a character from the show to the comics- John Diggle. And Amell has thus far not been required to wear the Van Dyk. However, boxing glove arrows are a thing

          • marxalot

            When the new 52 came in, DC went on this crusade against facial hair. And apparently “two day stubble” reads better onscreen than “is that an Imperial good lord really why do you even bother with a mask”.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            the TX mom and I were having this conversation earlier. I was trying to explain how all movie/tv show characters and fashion models have stubble.

            She’s watching some show and netflix and wants the main character to shave.

            She bursted in here to tell me he had finally done so for one episode!

      • I was proud i remembered to block out my name/phone number/account information

    • Walter Wellstone

      Was that Bob from Hyderabad?

    • h4rr4r

      Why does your cellphone provider need your address?

      • Jennifer R

        for e911 services.

        • h4rr4r

          Could you explain?

          Does that mean 911 does not work if you are not home? I always thought it used the location of the tower you were using. I admit I based this on my experience calling 911 one time. I was at home and I got the 911 center for the city I live next to but not in. Literary one block over. The address my provider has is for the correct one. So I guessed it was based on tower.

          • Steve Cole

            You are correct. It is based on cell tower utilization. And mandated by law, the carriers must provide this service to emergency responders.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          it’s canada but i think e911 works everywhere, no? (A dispatcher once knew my location when I was reporting a drunk driver).

          It’s more like you want the bills to come to your house, or don’t want to enter your address everytime you pay with a credit card.

      • I don’t pay attention to email bills

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      I disagree with

      — this comment interrupted by an ad: buy a potato smashed for the low low price of $19.95 —

      selling stuff when you’re conducting official business.

    • wait! what?
  • starfanglednut

    I don’t envy Robyn. She seems to frequent some pretty gross corners of the internet.

    • Swampgas_Man

      And then she brings them back HERE.

      • CripesAmighty

        Gotta admit–sterner stuff than I. Picked that rock up, took a peek–eewwwrrgh! *THUNK!*

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      It’s like rubbernecking, only with crazy, angry people.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    This hour in presidential derp:

    “One the same day the first daughter represented the United States at the G20 in Hamburg, President Donald Trump suggested Ivanka Trump should be pitied.

    “If she weren’t my daughter it would be so much easier for her,” Trump claimed. “It might be the only bad thing she has going if you want to know the truth.””

    • Count Awesome

      Ivanka seems a lot like the princess in the “Princess and the Pea/Pee”.

    • HazooToo

      If she weren’t his daughter, she’d be his First Lady. So…. No. No, it would be MUCH fucking worse for her.

    • The Wanderer

      No.
      No pity.
      No mercy.

    • empf

      Just another day in trumps alternate universe.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Pretty big ‘only’ there.

  • OutOfOrbit

    At last, babby photos of the OPOS & sibling spawns.

  • marxalot

    Hangon, I know we can’t use things like “logic” and “math” where nutters are concerned, but why do these unfuckables hate sluts? I mean, looking at population distributions, the best chance they’re ever going to have of getting laid is if the most possible women engage with the most possible partners (which would involve a drastic lowering of standards, thus including the unfuckables in the category of “possible partner”). Since their personalities are utterly repugnant, they should be praying for an uptick in non-monogamy among the heterosexual female cohort: knowing she won’t have to talk to him in the morning would greatly improve the average woman’s chances of fucking one of these sadsacks. Then again, ever leaving the house and learning how to have a conversation rather than threatening “the government” with your own death (hint: someone would have to be emotionally invested in your welfare for that to be effective) would also improve their chances of ever using that condom, and they’re not showing much progress on that front either.
    And someone tell Alex Jones how many percent goes into an apepig, please and thank you.

    • Count Awesome

      Too proud to pay for a hooker, but not proud enough to leave the basement

      • marxalot

        Too poor to pay for a hooker, more likely.

        • Chad Thundercock

          Even hookers have standards.

        • Count Awesome

          Or too poor to pay for a hooker that will fuck them. Even hookers have standards.

          • Chad Thundercock

            Hahaha snap

    • why do these unfuckables hate sluts?

      Agency. They want a woman shackled to them to be their on-demand sex toy forever.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Hence the burgeoning sexbot industry among Silicon Valley douchebros who have the same personality, just more money to piss away on indulgences for themselves and their kind. Some analysts, however, have resigned themselves to the fact that this is going to be a thing, and are taking steps to encourage caution against potentially “problematic” outcomes. They’ve said that even besides the concern over increased social isolation of already isolated basement-dwelling rape apologists, the (intentional?) dearth of female representation in Silicon Valley has the potential to create a market inequality of sorts, where there won’t any male sexbots to purchase — because it’s only straight dudes building robots who want to fuck them. Not to mention the dearth of racial and sexual minorities in the field all but ensures that the AI sexbot supply will consist of nothing more than the 21st-century blow-up-doll equivalent of the Barbie Aryan Race. No gay black Westworld.

    • h4rr4r

      Not just their personalities, I have met some in real life. In that case bathing would have been a good start.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        I have a more exciting life than they do, and I spent the afternoon washing new socks.

        • marxalot

          Oooh, I love new socks. Overdyed or what?

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            Eh, I just like to wash ’em once and get all the packaging chemicals out of ’em. Same with any new clothes. I’m very rough on socks.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            So am I. That’s why I decided to stop wearing them altogether.

      • Count Awesome

        “But the musk is supposed to attractive. It’s pheremones.”

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        oh god don’t make me bathe. No orgasm is worth it.

    • There is just so much to unpack here. (1) They are introverted narcissistic personality disorders which means that they don’t talk so much but inside they’re fuming that no one recognizes their genius and other contributions. They are waiting… (2) Their narcissism convinces them of their own sexual prowess and skills and again they cannot believe no one recognizes it. What is wrong with these women? (3) They don’t really want to have sex. They don’t really want to have a girlfriend. But, they think they should, but should it ever happen, they would hate the whole experience especially the sexual demands that even the most innocuous woman would make on them. And (4) it is much more fun to go onto to Reddit and kvetch with all the others than actually go out and try and do something that would rectify the situation. Classic unsolvable problem behavior.

  • bookish

    Meeting “primarily about an adoption program”, they say.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/08/us/politics/trump-russia-kushner-manafort.html

    Two weeks after Donald J. Trump clinched the Republican presidential nomination last year, his eldest son arranged a meeting at Trump Tower in Manhattan with a Russian lawyer who has connections to the Kremlin, according to confidential government records described to The New York Times.

    The previously unreported meeting was also attended by Mr. Trump’s campaign chairman at the time, Paul J. Manafort, as well as the president’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, according to interviews and the documents, which were outlined by people familiar with them.

    While President Trump has been dogged by revelations of undisclosed meetings between his associates and Russians, this episode at Trump Tower on June 9, 2016, is the first confirmed private meeting between a Russian national and members of Mr. Trump’s inner circle during the campaign. It is also the first time that his son Donald Trump Jr. is known to have been involved in such a meeting.

  • TundraGrifter

    Maybe the Trump Administration tried to make hotel reservations but their credit card was declined.

    • bupkus231

      Nah – that’s this fall, when the Republican Congress cannot agree to raise the debt ceiling…

  • wait! what?
    • Ryan Denniston

      Speed weed would be an excellent name for a fast food delivery chain.

      • bupkus231

        Fast “food”???

        • Ryan Denniston

          I was thinking of Taco Bell and weed.

        • Count Awesome

          Edibles.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Female hypergamy? Pretty sure I don’t want to know the details on that one FFS.

    • TJ Barke

      It’s just a pseudo sciency word for promiscuity.

      • SisterArtemis

        With big gams, right? lotsa dancing or something, I guess…

  • And…i can’t update my health card address online. Fuck you ontario government!

    • Ryan Denniston

      Aha! Therefore, 23 million Americans should lose access to Medicaid and Exchange-provided plans. Because Big Gummint can’t do anything right.

      • I said Ontario, not Oregon

        • SisterArtemis

          We actually have an Ontario, Oregon here.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Ontario, California, also, too.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Today, we are all Ontario.

        • Ryan Denniston

          I know. It just goes to show that cross-national data means absolutely nothing, until we find a single case to back up our claims.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      We south of your border Wonkers would kill, or rather not die, for your problem.

      Though I’m sorry for your trouble. I blame Obama!

    • h4rr4r

      That must be awful. Tell me what it is like to know you will never bankrupt your family with medical bills?

      • Pretty satisfying. But very few things pull off bureaucracy as well as Canadian government. I enjoy that all the other agencies check against Health for addressess etc, but health won’t cross check to Finance and revenue for the same

    • Three Finger Salute

      I covfess: even if the U.S. did end up going with single-payer (and pterodactyls flew out of Trump’s ass), it’d take awhile for me, personally, to not feel ashamed of being on “welfare” if only because that’s how a good half of the country also feels about it. For instance, there’s a stigma against kids who attend public school from parents who can afford to send their kids to private ones. Not just K12, but public universities have the same hierarchy, with community college even lower on the totem pole.

      Many of these parents voted for Trump, but at the same time some are angry that he appointed DeVos as Secretary of Education — because they’re worried that vouchers will “pollute” their child’s “pristine” learning environments with the taxpayer-subsidized riffraff from the good-for-nothing public schools. They don’t care about the public schools having money siphoned from them. If it were up to them, public schools wouldn’t exist at all.

      At the same time, I’m sure you’re aware that in the US, those who pay for private health insurance look down upon those who are eligible for Medicaid. Public schooling doesn’t have anywhere the same level of derision as public health insurance, but suffice it to say that there is a definite ladder of class hostility directed at those who simply can’t afford to pay for their whole lives in cash.

      I have an aunt like this. All three of her sons went to private school and private universities. She was a pampered princess who married an insurance salesman and moved away to a very well-to-do suburb of Cambridge. She turned her back on her factory-town upbringing and wanted nothing to do with “that side” of the family — including her own mother, my grandmother, who was hardworking and compassionate (to a fault) and strived to do the best for her daughters (particularly after my grandfather died young of cancer), but who this one ungrateful bitch looked at as nothing more than an unglamorous scrub with — god forbid — a union card. And she utterly despised my mother, herself a public school teacher who got her graduate degree at state university, which this aunt referred to as “loser schools.” (She was also profoundly jealous that my mother was the first of the family to go to college at all.)

      My mother just wanted to be a part of her nephews’ life, to share in that expanding family, but her sister wouldn’t have it. (Not to mention, she was jealous that mom — seven years younger — was the first to have a daughter, while she, who had only sons and her last one at 40, was too old to have any more.) To her, mom represented everything she hated about the “old neighborhood” and all its waste-of-money public amenities available to everyone. The city bus, the city schools, and those filthy city people living in tenement apartments with clotheslines hanging out the window and neighbors in the next house over sharing a single cord. My mother misses her nephews dearly. So do I, miss my cousins. And hate my aunt for robbing me of that shared family experience growing up.

      I guess this was really my first experience at what could be called class consciousness, and it came from right within my own family. To think that our side wasn’t “good enough” to even be called family not because of anything we did, but what we didn’t earn still pains me. Now that hostility has expanded to the point where as a beneficiary of public investment, I’m not even good enough to be called American anymore.

      Long story short: My aunt is a female version of Donald Trump. Right down to calling people losers. I bet you can guess what party she belongs to and who she voted for.

      • I don’t think I’ve ever encountered the public/private school class issue, at least as it relates to K-12 schools. Where I live, all of the private schools are religious schools. The kids that go there aren’t necessarily better off, they just have parents who want to make sure their kids get Jesus math or creation science. Some of our public schools are ritzier than others, though. If your parents have money, you get to go to one of the good schools, and if you happen to be attending one of the good schools because you got a waiver or maybe you live in a tiny bad area that happens to fall into the good school zone, you get picked on for being a poor kid. Sometimes by the adults working in the school as well as the kids.

        I’ve seen the distaste that some people have for community colleges, but screw those people. My oldest is getting quite a good education out of our local community college at significantly less cost than those same credits would cost at a state university or private college. And because he ended up in the community college’s honors program, he’ll get to transfer to the ritzy private college that we could never afford to pay for on a scholarship to finish his bachelor’s. It’s a pretty good deal.

  • Dolmance

    Anyone can get a girlfriend, guys. Just listen to me. All you have to do is sneak up on them and then shove your tongue into their ear as far as you can. No question, they will love you after.

    • Count Awesome

      Sounds easier than actually talking to them and sharing interests.

      • Moar Wordz

        Or the could just stalk them, that’s the new dating

        • Count Awesome

          “Yep, she’s my girlfriend. She just doesn’t know it yet.*

          • Moar Wordz

            I’ve had 2 deal w/ this way more than I would’ve liked

      • OutOfOrbit

        Sounds like werk : (

        • Count Awesome

          Apparently another job some Americans refuse to do.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      That’s my secret method!

      • h4rr4r

        I just show them my butthole.

        • The Wanderer

          Vegan butthole?

    • Ryan Denniston

      We don’t need to club them over the head anymore? Thank goodness, they are dexterous.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Although first you may want to develop a tolerance for bear mace.

      • And elbows to the sternum. And kicks to the nutsack

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          “kicks to the nutsack”

          Ooooh, the new name of my punk band.

          • marxalot

            EVERYBODY IN THE PIT!!

        • Chad Thundercock

          Oh, foreplay?

    • Count Awesome

      I’ve had success pretending to be the cable guy, pizza delivery guy, and pool boy and she didn’t even have a pool.

    • empf

      Let’s pitch in and get them sex bots

      • Dolmance

        Sex bots are like having sex with a corpse, only less messy, and I wouldn’t want them to get any ideas.

      • I think they make sex bots with a standards level set just a wee bit too high. We’ll have to wait for the hack.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Surely the government has to step in right? Will they provide me a companion or what?

    Does this guy think our national anthem is “Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy”?

    Um, don’t answer that…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ef3c8ad70edca5132d239957d0b059b2d1bfc7bddba9f635a52598c34814a842.jpg

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      That’s the big surprise for Thanksgiving.

    • marxalot

      I mean, the Japanese gov’t has a matchmaking bureau, but I honestly don’t think our gov’t is set up to draft women into relationships with pathetic unfuckable weirdos. Also the hunger strike presupposes that someone cares whether this guy lives or dies, which I think he’s already established is not the case.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Slut camp (they get disciplined to keep their cunts close)

    IDK about the rest of you ladies, but I like to keep my cunt close to me at all times. No camp required!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/763e848ff4d581463f85324e9a50d32fd47bcadeb2cbb19b5da9502ef0935e31.jpg

    • Count Awesome

      As a man, how can I get to be sent to slut camp?

      • therblig

        you could begin with a quest to the Castle Anthrax

        • Count Awesome

          Darn, there goes my plans for the BEST summer camp EVER.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well, yeah. If it’s detachable, you could lose it or the plugs could get bent.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        There have been times when I wished it was detachable, primarily during annual PAP smears. I often think the same thing about my teeth right before I have them cleaned. I’d like to just drop both off for servicing and inspection, and pick them up an hour later, like I do with my car.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          insert obligatory Archer/Katya reference here.

          (I’m lazy).

        • If your dick were detachable, then you could drop it off for servicing and get a LOT more done. Think about it.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Another excuse to post this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jv5pjSRSLGQ

    • I tried to keep a cunt close once, and I wasn’t even elected president. How is that even fair?

      I’ll show myself out.

    • Khavrinen

      Keep your friends close, and your cunts closer?

      Wait, that’s not how that goes…

  • Me not sure

    Wife says that my motto should be ” seize the day and then fritter that fucker away”.
    Can any body tell me what the Latin word for fritter is?

    • jesterpunk

      Google says its RELIQUUM

      • Me not sure

        I’ll work on that tomorrow.

    • The Latin for ‘to fry’ is ‘frigere’… the modern Italian would be ‘fritto’, plural ‘fritti’.

    • marxalot

      “dissipo” may come closest to the implications of “fritter” or “frivol” away, since “fritter” isn’t actually related to the fried food in this case. “dissipo” is close to our “dissipate” or “expend frivolously”

      • Me not sure

        I’m thinkin’ t-shirt motto. $$?

        • marxalot

          “dissipo” also has the meaning “squander” which I think captures what you want here

  • And another dude suggested that there should be an Elliot Rodger movie, so that “normies” can see “what they go through.”

    Soooo… they want to make a movie about some creep who can’t get laid by the blonde cheerleader types he longs for, so he goes on a killing spree in which he kills some other dudes, and these idiots think that the ‘normies’ will see him as the hero… damn, they are a few shrimp short of a combo plate.

    • Three Finger Salute

      See below. Pickwick and I have been talking about the precursor to that horror show which took place in Montreal in 1989. There was a Canadian film about this bloodbath — but these guys want the Marc Lepine/Elliot Rodger character to be the hero in the fanfic they’re writing.

      • Jamoche

        James Nicoll posts about the Montreal event on its anniversary every year.

        • Dennis Villeneueve made a stunning movie about it. I highly recommend. It is very stark and well made. It is available in both French and English

    • This “hero” won’t be killing other males. He really won’t

    • h4rr4r

      Have they tried doing anything other than whining?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        obviously not…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And if the pregnant lady had turned down the “gentleman’s” offer of a seat, how long do you think it would have taken him to type up something about how that slut thought she was too good for his beta seat?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6bf2bdd93786d15a53ce9abb9e905675fd4218681ecf1da43c26582fa152f30f.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I think a movie based on Elliot Rogers’ life would really help to spread the word on what we go through. What do you think?

    Good idea–then people can see what it is like to deal with a misogynist pig who hates you for no reason.

    That’s what you meant, right?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3d1afef58c740565ce935e1f023ef933ece932654582411e5b2cfca13a4ef443.jpg

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Speaking of genetics and stuff, there is apparently a site where you can submit your kid’s DNA to determine if they’re going to be the next footie wunderkind.

    • Wouldn’t it be better to determine whether they’re really yours? I mean, I’m just sayin and all.

      • Chad Thundercock

        Who cares if they’re going to make millions playing sports-the-ball?

  • bookish

    http://time.com/4850421/g20-trump-paris-agreement-climate-change/?xid=gonewsedit&google_editors_picks=true

    Nonetheless, policy experts say the strong statements on global warming that emerged from the G20 were far from a foregone conclusion going into the conference. But, hoping to show that the rest of the world maintained committed to addressing climate change, Merkel prioritized a strong statement on the issue and pushed otherwise-reluctant countries like Saudi Arabia to get on board.

    “Merkel really wanted a strong outcome on climate and energy even if she couldn’t bring Trump along, and she delivered in full,” Steve Herz of the Sierra Club’s International Climate Program told TIME in an e-mail. “Even traditional laggards like Saudi Arabia did not see it in their interests to cross the Germans and the other champions of the agreement to back Trump.”

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      So, the decline of the US to third-world status continues apace, as it becomes isolated and irrelevant to the rest of the world.
      Thanks, Donnie.

  • Checked out the incel subreddit and found this, which explains a lot about these guys…

    Chad’s who pump and dump average girls are like assholes with full gear and perks who spawn camp on the newbie server

    • jesterpunk

      What does that even mean?

      • Chad Thundercock

        They’re complaining about online gaming. Surprise, eh?

        • Jennifer R

          They are comparing people who can have sex with more than one woman in their lifetime to someone who has a max level character, kitted out in full end game gear sitting in the newbie zone spawn killing level 1s.

        • jesterpunk

          Maybe if they spent less time playing online games and less time being assholes they would actually talk to people and maybe find a girlfriend?

          • Jennifer R

            Really, they only need to stop being assholes. TONS of women play online games at every level. Hell I used to lead a progression raid team of Goons, and it was 6 women 4 men.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i met a very funny, sexy sounding british women on borderlands 2 – but I haven’t played online in awhile (i don’t fucking like multiplayer, dammit!)

          • jesterpunk

            I only said spend less time playing online games because it seems like they play with other MRA/ red pill/ incel people.

      • TJ Barke

        Gamer speak. To “Spawn” is to enter a game world. To “camp” is to hang around in a particular area and attack people that approach.

        • jesterpunk

          Thank you, I am not much of a gamer and generally prefer single player games when I do play something.

          • Jennifer R

            In this case it’s the people with the biggest shoulder pads and most particle effects on their weapons stomping on people who are brand new to the game, in the ostensible safe space set aside for new players.

            It’s a tortured analogy if ever there was one.

    • Chad Thundercock

      Yep. And snipecamp too.

      • TJ Barke

        Bastards!

        • Chad Thundercock

          It’s just how we Chad.

          • Chads gotta Chad.

          • Khavrinen

            I thought the Chads were hanging? Or is that too many ( rigged ) elections ago?

    • eggs ackly-wright

      And the rad concks are never dommed by the deecies.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Does full gear and perks mean penises and money?

      • Alex Grey

        Personalities and intelligence I suspect.

      • TJ Barke

        In this analogy, sort of…

      • kareemachan

        But you know they’re lying…

    • empf

      Thank God I don’t understand a word of that.

      However I do love when idiots complain about not having girlfriends when they are clearly horrible people. That’s why you don’t have a girlfriend.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      And horrorshow groodies.

  • bookish

    Link to full G20 Leaders’ Declaration, 2017.

    https://www.g20.org/gipfeldokumente/G20-leaders-declaration.pdf

  • Lyly Sirivong

    One of the main characters in the Journey to the West is Zhu Bajie, a pig-man (actually a god who got kicked out of heaven because he tried to rape a goddess…)
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a6289c8a8a491c0e1e1d4d062d9c49d0403cc485fccfa0483fd513dbc88ca919.jpg

    • Count Awesome

      He probably gets laid more than the incel guys do.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      can say how delighted I am to see someone with bigger moobs than me own.

      (i’m doing 300 fucking reps of 10lbs on the bench press machine at the gym each night and hte fuckers are still there!)

      • Lyly Sirivong

        I think the actor had to wear a fatsuit for the role but I’m sure his real moobs were already impressive as they were.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          *sigh*

          • Shanzgood

            It could be hormonal. I’ve seen skinny guys who have a slight case of them that would definitely be exaggerated by carrying even a little extra weight.

          • Jennifer R

            This, it’s called gynecomastia.

          • Shanzgood

            I have a friend who had it.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            nah, I’m just fat. : (

            And why are you here! Go be with baconz!

            Did he take you to downtown Wichita like I recommended? Was it rooooomantic, smooch smooch?

            : )

          • Shanzgood

            I drove him around downtown after we had pedicures and a nice al fresco lunch. He’s from Pittsburgh so he thinks Wichita is…quaint.

      • Count Awesome

        Have you tried riding a bike? It’s an excellent way to raise your metabolism and you may see faster results when you isolate muscles.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          tbh, i’ve only been back at it for a week or so.

          Yesterday I finally reached an hour on the treadmill, burned 239 calories. Not a great workout, but i’m so unused to exercise I have to go slow or i hurt my back (i’ve been powering through the pain).

          but, AFTER that I do what little lifting I do, so hopefully my heart rate and metabolism are at a high when I move on to my bench press, abs (i can’t find a good machine that’s comfortable and gives me a workout, and just may start doing crunches old school on the mat) and then free weight bicep curls.

          What I need is fucking patience, and I have none.

          • Jennifer R

            Something to listen to might help?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i rock out on music, but REALLY need to get my phone loaded with podcasts or something (which is how I passed the time at my data entry job).

            But I meant long term patience…I want to lost 80 pounds TODAY!
            ; )

          • Lori

            FWIW, my walks got notably longer when I switched from music to audio books.

          • …That almost makes Amazon’s audible subscription make sense. Almost. (You only get one book a month, and unless you only download books by Tolstoy, that would never last all month.)

          • Lori

            Make friends with your public library. Ours has lots of audio books, plus lots more e-audio available through our Overdrive account. I just borrow the books, rip them to my iPod and delete them when I’m done listening. Overdrive has apps for both iThings and Android. You have to be careful about your data when you’re not on wifi though, so watch for that. Many libraries also have Hoopla and they also have audio books.

          • OH! You know, I’ve noticed that, but I’ve never used it! Thanks for the suggestion!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i was thinking of those too…at first I thought I couldn’t afford them, but I believe my library has them!

          • Lori

            I would be very surprised if they don’t. Get thee to thy library!

            Just be aware that you may have to experiment a bit before finding the right books for listening. I spent years thinking I didn’t like audio books. It turns out I just can’t do fiction on audio, but I love audio nonfiction. Many people are exactly the opposite. And of course the reader makes a huge difference. There are some I love and some I really don’t like.

            Tl;dr–if you don’t like the first book you try check out a few more before deciding that they don’t work for you.

          • I always enjoyed listening to old radio shows when I worked out.

            …HEY! Maybe that might be a way to get back into it!

            One of the shows I enjoyed, and I can’t remember what it was called at the moment, was an anthology series starring Vincent Price, whom I think we can all agree did NOT have a problem with elocution. However, the low fidelity of the recording processes of the day was unkind to the story which revolved around a pair of “shiny, silver buckles”, which always sounded like, “shiny, silver buttholes” every time he said it.

            Good times.

          • Count Awesome

            Instead of the treadmill use a stationary bike. It’s easier on your joints and will raise your metabolism rate much faster. It’s hard at first but every week it becomes easier.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            “It’s hard at first but every week it becomes easier.”

            That’s been my experience over the past week. I tried them once, I have this vague recollection of them being uncomfortable.

            The fact is, given my smoking habits, my lungs are my weakest bits – so right now I’m just trying to work on being vertical and getting that heart rate up for a 1/2 hour to hour.

            But you have a fair point. I should give it a shot.

          • Count Awesome

            I also smoke like a fiend at times as well and that first week is a killer. On a stationary bike you should be able to adjust from something that works for you in the beginning and then gradually increase the resistance as you move forward.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i actually like the other machines, (all I can think of is the swish/swish machines…ellipiticals! Those!)

            They seem like a good work out, but again, I’m tryin’ to go slow – my body knows not hte concept of exercise.

          • The important thing is to find something you enjoy doing. Simply walking in the park recreationally is a great exercise. Get a bird identification guide to exercise your mind as well.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            that’s what I think too – and as noted – ANY activity is better than the none I was getting.

            I get bored fast (computer age), but I try to use the time to sort of zone out (or meditate).

            But very true – and I’m still looking for it.

      • marxalot

        Dude, weight alone ain’t gonna cut that. You’ll have a solid core but you gotta do cardio to get the extra off. Try intervals: they suck, but not for as long, and they fucking work.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i’m trying to do low weight, high reps – cause I (eventually) don’t wanna be huge muscle bound dude, need cardio, and wanna burn fat.

          • marxalot

            Stationary bike with the presets– like most gyms have– will help. Do your weights first to boost testosterone and get into the burn, then do intervals on the bike (20 minutes, work you way up to it), then floor work/core conditioning/whatever to take advantage of the afterburn. 3 times a week. And be patient with your body: it’s the only one you get! ;)

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            hmmm, as usual I’ve been doing it completely wrong.

            I may have to give this a try for a week or a month!

      • NotDarkYet

        Just … uh … embrace ’em (I know, word choice …).

        They’re meant to be.

        I came to a similar insight when I realized that no amount of gym time was gonna get my “perfect for child-bearing hips” (while I have no desire to have kids) to that en vogue silhouette perfect for wearing low-rise skinny jeans.

        Thankfully, that trend passed anyhow.

      • kareemachan

        Keep at it! I, for one, appreciate somebody trying to get themselves in better shape.

        I’m waiting til my gout – honest – :-( subsides to continue keeping my strength up.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          ugh, my dying uncle has been plagued with that for decades.

          Jennifer R (who’s done an amazing job losing extra weight) and I were talking about having to work out within your limits.

          Maybe you can try those chair exercise routines?

          Apparently any activity is better than none!

    • He was blackpilled by the celestial femoids.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i totally htought this was a joke…until i scrolled up.

      • h4rr4r

        People still use celestial?

    • Jennifer R

      And he gets turned into a shape changing panty thief in Dragonball.

    • kareemachan

      Can I admit what an Asian literature fan I am and love JttW?

      Also, my kid got me addicted to anime/manga and I heart Saiyuki, Saiyuki Reload et al.

      There. You have my confession. I admit to everything, including my love for ‘The Tale of Genji’ and ‘The Pillow book of Sei Shonagon’.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      He looks like my 4th grade P.E. teacher.

  • bookish
  • Fuck, that incel subreddit is a rabbit hole… it’s as much of a timesink as ‘TV Tropes’. I can’t turn away from the horror of it all.

    I usually LDAR at home but today I decided to go to the local park. It was filled with normie couples and Stacy single mothers.

    I
    wanted to get some ice cream from the ice cream van and stood in line
    behind a group of Chinese tourists. There was a Chinese girl in front of
    me and when she saw me she quite literally flinched and stared. I
    stared back at her because I honestly don’t care what femoids think of
    me anymore. She tapped on her friend’s shoulder and whispered something
    in their language. They both kept turning around to really study my
    ugliness.

    I can’t even get ice cream without being black pilled by femoids.

    It gets worse.

    Asian women worship white men as gods so you must be really fucking ugly, sorry man.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well, I don’t think they care for the “serial killer stare” that I imagine these guys have as their default expression.

      • The mad stalking rapist murderer stare needs no translation. It is the same in every culture.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
      • Lori

        I had to stop reading WHTM because it was killing what little was left of my faith in humanity.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          read the comments section – lots of strong empowered women, male allies, trans and gay folk.

          (And they’re a nerdy, snarky bunch).

          • Lori

            Yes, the comments are very good. It’s just that reading the comments always lead to me seeing what they were commenting on and that was bad for my mental health.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            fair enough – and I get ya. Some days it’s just all too much.

          • Lori

            I have no idea how David does it day after day. I would have either curled up in a ball and ceased all human contact or gone on a killing spree long ago.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Try to look at it this way. . .the more you know about how god-awful some people can be, the more you appreciate the nice people you meet and are friends with.

          • Lori

            That was my approach for a long time and then I hit the wall. I realized that I appreciated nice people, and in fact had hit my capacity for doing so, so all WHTM was doing was making me hate everyone else more. Or more precisely, it was causing me to develop an unhealthy level of suspicion about everyone I don’t know well. There’s “Gift of Fear” kinds of caution and there’s “I assume you’re a fucking horrible waste of air until absolutely proven otherwise.” That’s not healthy.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I’m not sure I entirely agree with you that it’s not healthy. It’s definitely safer. Women have been prey for several hundred thousand years, so better safe than sorry is my motto. But I’m old now so it’s easy for me to talk since I am no longer in the market.

          • Lori

            Like I said, the kind of vigilance that Gavin de Becker talks about in his book “The Gift of Fear” is a healthy survival strategy. Assuming that nearly everyone is secretly evil is not. At least not for me. Sometimes you just have to walk away. I know those people are out there, which is necessary, but I can’t watch the daily parade.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Femoids? Really?

      • Besides, we all know it’s “fembot”, praise be unto the Prophet Zappa.

      • Odd Jørgensen

        so, against better judgment I googled femoid, and this gem was at the top:

        I just want a pure femoid (self.Incels)
        submitted 2 months ago by Brazierlord
        For the first time in a long while I saw a femoid that I found perfect to me. She was pale with black hair and was wearing headphones and glasses and looking down as she walked. She was so cute and I wondered if perhaps she was in a similar boat as me with respect to loneliness. But then I remembered how girls who look just like her camwhore themselves online for thirsty betamales who want to feel like she is their league of legends playing girlfriend. Not to mention the fact that every single 6/10+ female loses their virginity by 19 to thirsty betaChads who must validate themselves through consistent sex because they are financially and mentally unsuccessful. If I was a simple normie I wouldn’t even be thinking about shit like this. I could just look at a girl, get hard, and convince myself that she is perfect and innocent and score with her. Don’t let normies ever tell you it’s your fault you are incel. It’s not your fault that people are degenerate and you are perceptive enough to see it.

        “Brazierlord”? Is that because he has to wear one? Confused.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          This. Makes. No. Sense.

          What is wrong with these people?

          • Odd Jørgensen

            Fuck if I know, and I`m afraid to do any more googling in an effort to find out, god only knows what else is out there. Shudders.

    • kareemachan

      Gee, I just do NOT want to go there and think about this.

    • ariel_gee_398

      This is such utter bullshit. They remind me of this guy I went to grad school with. He is just not physically blessed. He didn’t have a gf all through school, not because of any of that, but because he was a jerk. But he got to know some women in the school, learned to be a better person, and is now happily married and just had a kid. He has not gotten any better looking, but he got to be a better, more considerate person, and now he’s a great partner for his wife. Ugly has nothing to do with their problems, it’s just a convenient excuse to believe all women are shallow whores.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        You are right. I know dozens of men who are not physically attractive who managed to find someone to love them and marry them because they are fundamentally decent human beings.

  • Sometimes I’m sorry I ever emerged from my cave and started participating in mainstream culture again. These guys are right up there with flat earthers and breatharians. The government would have to step in and provide me with a companion? What does he think this is, Obama’s socialist Kenya utopia? Why doesn’t he just hire a prostitute like everybody else does?

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Doesn’t always work. At the “request” of the company CEO we took a “gentleman” co-worker to the nearest large town in the Yukon and the local lady of the evening had standards that were to high for him and any amount of money.

      • Even after you got out the hose and Tide and brushes and everything? Maybe should’ve ruffied him.

        • Jeff Ackerman

          Personality like a hydrophobic skunk came to mind.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        That would not be a problem in East St. Louis. I guess these guys don’t live near there.

        • Jeff Ackerman

          About 5000 miles away.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    You see humanoids, they’re like 80% gorilla, 80% pig, and they’re talking.

    He does know that strictly speaking, an entity can’t end up being 160% of two different…

    …why the fuck am I expecting Alex Jones to be capable of logical thinking? The heat here must be getting to me!

    • Count Awesome

      Education Secretary DeVos disagrees with your math assessment.

    • I sometimes long for the days when i had no idea who Alex Jones was. But that would mean i had not found Wonkette, so truly the darkest timeline

    • Ezio

      This is your brain on drugs…uh..I mean super male vitality.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      No if the heat were getting to you, you might find yourself agreeing with him.

  • bookish

    Can’t imagine why these fine gentlemen can’t get a date.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Puzzling, isn’t it?

  • Ezio

    OT: My mom returned to her job at the hospital officially after months of physical therapy following her car accident in September. Mentioned it was nice that she was the one wearing the scrubs again instead of wearing a cast in a hospital bed.

    • kareemachan

      I’m glad she’s better.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      That’s good to hear, and I hope she had good insurance. My friend who was in a motorcycle accident last September has now officially passed the $1 million mark in hospital and rehab and medication bills.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        can she sue? (cause i saw some shit in my short insurance defense days).

        • Angela Ruzzo

          It’s a he, and no he can’t, because Other Driver had 1) no insurance and 2) no job and 3) no money and will pay a $500 fine and walk away.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            well, fuck.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yeah, my words exactly. Other Driver finally gets her day in court on Tuesday the 11th, and I was thinking of going and sitting there staring at her grimly, but then I thought 1) she won’t care and 2) Traffic court starts at 9 am and I could easily sit there until noon waiting for her case and I just can’t deal with that.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            is there any chance of $$ restitution as party of their sentence? Some counties/maybe cities have a victim’s hotline, advocate, type thing.

            That’s the problem with torts of course. If the person who did you wrong ain’t got no money.

            I’m not a lawyer (and nothing I should say should be construed as legal advice), but maybe they should ask around about something called subrogation.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7b1a4e8e4482a87edd9ff489abdd86dea5fc94b684bd1a2f36ab345d855a5f56.png

          • Angela Ruzzo

            No, no chance at all, according to three different attorneys and the Victim Liaison guy at the Prosecuting Attorney’s Office. There is a Victim Compensation Fund in my state, but it specifically EXCLUDES car accidents, probably because there are so many of them they would run out of money quick. One attorney did say he could sue against FUTURE INCOME but since Other Driver is 34 with a juvenile record and no high school diploma and a criminal record and a DUI and has never worked a day in her life but just sponges off of various men, one after another, including her daddy who bought her car for her and 2 ex-husbands, I doubt there would ever be any future income during my Friend’s lifetime (he is 62).

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            ugh. I’m sorry.

            We have mandatory insurance here in texas (which doesn’t help AFTER an accident), but some policies have uninsured motorist coverage.

            That whole story is fucking awful, and one more reason we need single payer.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Something one in four drivers in NYC is uninsured – despite all efforts to tie registration to insurance. Typically, they pay what it takes to get a policy, register the car, then don’t pay the premiums. Or just bolt on any old plates and hit the road. They don’t much care if you suspend their license, either.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            We have mandatory insurance here too, including uninsured motorist, but the law is not enforced. As far as I can tell, the only purpose of the law is to generate revenue in the form of fines for the judicial system. And you’re right about single payer.

  • Jennifer R

    The funniest part?
    I was a 350 pound MMO playin uber nerd and I was still able to get myself invited to all sorts of sex and group sex events. These people are right they are utterly undatable, but they are wrong about the reasons. All they would have to do is say the words in their head less. And shower, I did shower. Maybe lose the stupid hats too, but that is probably negotiable.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I just feel bad that they ruined the fedora and the trilby for the rest of us.

    • marxalot

      Given the people I’ve met at play/kink/sex events etc, I agree with you. It’s not their bodies, it’s their terribleness. They let it out of their mouths at the wrong time. (And even when they keep it in for a minute, later, they ruin parts of the local scene.) These guys can’t get a fuckin’ D&D group together, because they don’t know four people who can stand to be near them for an afternoon.

    • Jamoche

      It all boils down to Granny Weatherwax: they never learned not to treat people as things.

    • Zippy W Pinhead
      • Jennifer R

        I agree. It’s difficult as hell to choose to be a better person versus just attacking those that make you look bad.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          more difficult? You betcha. But it’s also more productive and keeps you from turning into one of these idjits. Plus, being a decent person has the added bonus of making you a happy, healthy person instead of a miserable loner with a shitty attitude- whether you get laid or not for your efforts

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I wonder what happens to these guys when they end up in prison? Being a miserable loner with a shitty attitude is not a useful character trait when one is in prison.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      St. Louis hosts a BDSM convention called, creatively, “Beat Me In St. Louis” and I went one year out of curiosity because there wasn’t anything else to do that weekend. The most interesting thing about it was that hardly any of the attendees looked like Barbie or Ken, in fact a significant percentage of them were plus-size folks who were past the first flush of youth, and they did not appear to be having any trouble finding partners.

      • Jennifer R

        Experience is always a premium in the kink community.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        the first flush of youth

        We’re talking about that non potty trained kid with the vegan butthole, amirite?

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I’ve got dibs on “Vegan Butthole” as a band name!

        • Jonny On Maui

          I’m thinking we either need a contest or a penalty for working ‘vegan butthole’ into a new thread…

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I think I’m in love with the name “Beat Me in St. Louis.”

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Yeah, me too, that’s kinda what attracted me to check it out.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Sure. I totally believe that’s why you went. ;–)

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Really truly, I heard it was a good place to find the latest and greatest vibrators. I was right.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I used to run the computer network for a large public library system, and we had about 100 public access computers in the main branch. Every day I would see about a dozen very overweight, unwashed, unattractive men using them to search online for beautiful, young, skinny Russian women with large breasts willing to fly to the US and marry them sight unseen in return for a Green Card. These guys would come in Every.Single.Day and spend hours looking at pictures of these girls in their underwear who I’m sure would take one look at them and prefer a life of prostitution. Until I got that job I had no idea this was a Thing or that there were so many of these sad men. Someone should tell them you can buy a fairly realistic-looking life-size doll for about $2500.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      One of the men wasn’t named “Donald J. Trump” by any chance, was he? Perhaps you might know him as “John Barron.”

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Trump is actually good looking compared to those guys, certainly better dressed, and I would have recognized him, but the idea of DJT entering a library – a place filled with books – is somehow ludicrous.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Actually Trump wasn’t that bad looking when he was younger. He dresses like a complete slob, but I could see that he might be better dressed than the library loafers.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      I volunteered to teach English as a Second Language to immigrants here. The biggest problem at the Facility is the “proud owners” of the mail order brides would resent their brides new found freedom once they learned english and became independent. Domestic violence is a problem there several times a year.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        that’s awful. (not your work or the outcome, but the situation).

        • Jeff Ackerman

          There’s a reason they look for women overseas…

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            …and there’s a reason the women come. English, freedom and independence are high on the list.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        That’s terrible, but I am not at all surprised.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I remember a Dateline episode from years ago where some guy killed his Russian mail order bride. The videos they showed of the two of them together were awful. You could tell she hated his guts, but had to tolerate him to get the green card.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I’ve heard horror stories in both directions from the mail order market- nice guys who get their clocks cleaned financially and emotionally by ruthless golddiggers (often connected to organized crime) as well as nice girls desperate to escape their home countries who end up in horrible domestic violence, sex slavery and all sorts of other nasty situations.

        It seems that anyone who naively goes into that market thinking they are going to get a relationship (or their freedom), rather than simply looking to scam and abuse people, is destined to get hurt.

        • Jeff Ackerman