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This actually didn’t even happen in Portland

There is a vegan restaurant in Memphis called Imagine Vegan Cafe. We have never been there because LOL vegan food. Next time we get a hankering to eat sand, we guess! Anyway, this restaurant is not far from our house, and from what we know from our local vegan pals, it’s well-regarded. Or should we say, it WAS well-regarded, but then #ButtholeGate happened.

Y’all. Y’ALL.

A regular diner had a bad experience, so she left a review, like people do. It wasn’t a mean review, really! She didn’t cuss them, and she didn’t say she was never ever fucking visiting again. She just wanted to let the owners know she found it kind of icky when she was eating her monkey grass salad with dirt dressing, and the OWNER’S TODDLER CHILD WAS RUNNING AROUND THE RESTAURANT ALL NEKKID WITH DIRTY FEET AND SHOWING ITS BUTTHOLE TO WHOMEVER WANTED TO SEE IT. She also didn’t like it when the owner’s other kid yodeled at her repeatedly while she was eating. Otherwise, it was great! Really good imitation food! Would eat again! Just, like, next time, hold the toddler butthole and the yodeling and everything will be great, OK?

Now, a normal restaurateur who knows how to run a business would see this, apologize profusely, and promise it will never happen again. Maybe a gift certificate would be in the offing! That is not what happened.

The owners instead responded by lashing out at the reviewer in two (recently deleted!) posts, because obviously that person hates children, because if you don’t want to eat lunch or dinner while Mommy’s Little Bundle Of Health Code Violations runs amok, that means you HATE KIDS and HATE HER KIDS SPECIFICALLY:

As you can imagine, there were ONE MILLION comments and the thing was going viral, with everybody tagging all their friends and loved ones and pastors and their fluffers saying “OMG YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS.” They were #NeverForgetting about the thing they named #ButtholeGate! A few people were like, “Blow off the haters!” But other people were asking, “But if you don’t want to have TODDLER BUTTHOLE IN YOUR FACE when you are eating, does that really make you a hater? REALLY?”

As we said, this has all been deleted (like in the last five minutes — aren’t you glad yr local Wonkette was on the case?):

The commenters’ rebuttals could be summed up as, “No actually the menu does not say DINING ROOM FULL OF TODDLER BUTTHOLES, but nice try though!”

That’s right, fuck ALL Y’ALL SELFISH MOTHERFUCKERS who think restaurants should have quaint things like “standards.” Imagine Vegan Cafe is about SAVING ANIMALS and LETTING KIDS RUN AROUND WITH DIRTY FEET AND SHOWIN’ EVERYBODY THEIR BUTTHOLE. Sure, it’s a “business” in the sense that it takes money and makes a profit and has to pay taxes and has to be inspected by the health department on a regular basis, but that is just FASCIST CAPITALISM GONE WILD. Why do you hate animals and toddler buttholes and insistent yodeling?

Besides, their kids were being totally normal, even if they were taking local diners to Butthole McYodelTown against their will:

HOLY GOD, the kid is POTTY TRAINING? As opposed to potty train-ED? So there’s a risk that, as you’re sitting there eating your imitation hot wings (made entirely of couscous and sadness!), the naked kid might have an oopsie-poopsie? Like literally? On your table?

After the first thread went viral, the restaurant started a new thread to apologize for being such dicks who probably only act like that because their stomachs are crying out for a fucking steak explain why they were right and the person who left the mean review is a liar who sucks:

Then they deleted that one too.

If you’re ever in Memphis and find yourself passing Imagine Vegan Cafe, you may judge for yourself whether it is to your liking. Or you can take it from a local, make a right at the light, make another right at the next light, and on your right you will see a glorious place called Central BBQ, where the food is made of food and the only exposed butts are on the hogs they’re smokin’ up right nice for you out back.

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  • Indiepalin

    The same thing happens with the babies every time I eat at Los Pollos Hermanos here in Albuquerque.

  • The Wanderer

    (crosses one eatery off his list of Places to Dine in Memphis) What’s your opinion of Coletta’s, if you don’t mind my asking?
    (adds Central BBQ to the list)

    • Joe Beese

      Seriously, going to a vegan restaurant in one of the bbq capitals of the world is like going to Idaho and getting carrots.

      • The Wanderer

        No argument here. I loves me some BBQ, and Coletta’s is Italian food (not cuisine; I don’t have enough cash for ‘cuisine’).

        • ahughes798

          I could be a vegetarian if meat didn’t taste so damn good with BBQ sauce on it. And if bacon didn’t exist.

    • EvanHurst

      Coletta’s is lovely. Haven’t been there in YEARS. We are awash in amazing restaurants these days.

      • The Wanderer

        I go up there for Mephit Furmeet, and we make it a tradition to eat at Coletta’s on Saturday night.

    • Leighmac

      Decent but not spectacular food. Dino’s in Midtown has better italian fare in hole in the wall place. Bari’s in Overton Square is very good but $$$.

    • BrianW

      I ate at the Central BBQ near the Civil Rights Museum a couple of years ago, and I can recommend it. It is different than what we are used to here in Texas where BBQ is concerned, but vive la difference I say. PLEASE NOTE: I am not saying which one is better; I am saying that they are both good, but in a different fashion.

  • Joe Beese

    You don’t have to be vegan to be self-righteous, but it helps.

    • GoutMachine
      • The Wanderer

        And tell you.
        And tell you.
        And tell you.

        • SterWonk

          The same for religious extremists. And people who have weird dietary restrictions (no meat, yes dairy; no onions or garlic — but other root vegetables are fine; no mushrooms) because of their extreme religion. <sigh>

          • amrak63

            No onions or garlic? What is that denomination, the First Church of Count Dracula?

          • jodyleek

            I think I’ve read that Hare Krishnas avoid onion and garlic for some reason. They replace with asafetida I believe.

          • onedollarjuana

            Can’t spell “asafetida” without “fetid”.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Nothing replaces onion and garlic.

          • SterWonk

            Hare Krishna, which is a sect of Hinduism. I might have misstated by saying “extremist”; “fundamentalist” might be a better word?

            My dad converted when was finishing up HS / starting college, and dragged my mom along with him. Vegetarian Indian food is no problem. Indian food without onions and garlic, on the other hand… honestly, what’s the point?

          • Ill-Advised

            To be fair, some people are genuinely discomforted by whatever’s in allium. My partner, for one. No known vampire fangs, but does have a certain brooding quality before coffee and after watching C-SPAN, these days.

      • Joe Beese

        It’s funny because it’s true.

  • Proud Liberal

    Wow. Just wow.

  • The Wanderer

    Is the guy in the header pic Javier Bardem?

    • armed_bears

      Yes. Yes he is. #portlandia

  • Wild Cat

    Is the cast of Portlandia aware that the Portland Police are too impotent to stand up to the Fat Elvis Portland 3.8% ABV GOP Militia?

  • Crank Tango

    *Its butthole.

  • Joe Beese

    Veganism… child rearing…

    It only needs the Israel/Palestine conflict for the hot-button trifecta.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Our menu clearly states about the children.”

    That just doesn’t sound very vegan to me.

    • The Wanderer

      It’s a modest proposal.

      • Paul

        That was Swift.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Can I balance child rearing against my craving for tender meat?

          • Paul

            Sure. Have twins.

    • aureolaborealis

      “Our children are raised in northern Italy on a diet of acorns, beer and almond milk. We know that imposing language or clothes or names upon them would be oppression, so they run naked and free, identified only by numbers, free to pursue happiness and fulfillment however they chose. We like to say they have a great life, and one bad afternoon. And we think you can taste it in our product.”

      • The Wanderer

        I’m giggling inappropriately.
        Again.
        My coworkers are edging away from me.
        Again.

        • LeftyProud

          I’m lucky to have an office where I can close the door and laugh my ass off — or butthole.

      • SadDemInTex

        This must get one million upfists!

      • armed_bears

        Man, this needs more up votes.

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        *bliss*

      • Carpe Vagenda

        My family is from northern Italy. Just. No.

        Although they do have spectacular vegan food.

  • aureolaborealis

    That’s a free-range butthole to you, pal.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Now I’m wondering if vegan butthole is even possible. Do any plants have buttholes? Maybe carnivorous plants? And how do vegans feel about eating carnivorous plants?

      • onedollarjuana

        How do vegans feel about eating bugs? ‘Cuz they do. All of the time. Can’t be helped. They’re tiny and live on plants. And they’re animals.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          I talked to a vegan once about honey…he was ambivalent…mostly just tried to avoid it.

      • BrianW

        Oh, I was thinking that since we’ve already had the Butthole Surfers, perhaps the Yodeling Buttholes would be the next big alt-something group. Or, to maintain consistency, the Butthole Yodelers. I’m not picky.

  • Crank Tango

    Pro-tip: Avoid the tossed salad with baby greens.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    It wasn’t really the owner’s kids, it was a hired floor show. And the name of the act….The Aristocrats!

    • William Cook for now

      Whelp now I’m disappointed Evan didn’t make an Aristocrats joke.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        He’s got to leave something for the comments that aren’t allowed.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    Gonna guess that the kids will end up being home schooled. Just a feeling.

    • GoutMachine

      Probably un-vaccinated, also too.

      • William Cook for now

        Because what this story really needs is another catastrophic possible health consequence to a toddler nakedly toddlerizing an entire restaurant.

  • Up In Smoke O’hontas

    Ooooo!!!! I want Central BBQ now!

  • ariel_gee_398

    Does baby butthole have its own category on the restaurant inspection scorecard, or is that more of an off-the-menu, write-in item?

    • The Wanderer

      There might be a category for it on Yelp.

    • Doug Langley

      I think it was supposed to be on the dessert cart, but escaped.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • aureolaborealis

    My wife and I are weird about stuff like this. Stuff like strangers looking at our kids’ assholes.

    • Alan

      What about you looking at other’s kids’ assholes?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    LOL vegan food. Next time we get a hankering to eat sand, we guess!

    In fairness, there are some good vegan restaurants in Los Angeles that would surprise you. But I’ve never been to one with owners like this, thank God.

    • marxalot

      There’s a vegan Mexican place across from where I stay that’s supposed to be pretty good. I believe the people who tell me this, despite my Tex-Mex brain not being able to understand the concept of Mexican food without cheese or lard.

    • MrTusks

      “monkey grass salad with dirt dressing”

      I agree that good vegan food exists, but this gave me a hearty lol.

    • Leighmac

      LOL SATIRE.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    I think this is a cue for me to go lie down and let the Percocet do its work.

    • The Wanderer

      If Percocet were a natural opium derivative, I’d say lie back and let the dragon sing.

  • Proud Liberal

    I think the Health Department may be making a visit soon.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      You know what they say, a California Health Grade D is a Memphis Health Grade B+

      :-)

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    OK, not to Vegan bash or anything, but(t–hehe, butt!), why are so many vegans, including every single one of my personal vegan acquaintances, so smugly righteous and sanctimonious and cranky all of the time? Does tofu anger up the blood or something?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Lack of protein is my guess.

      • Oblios_Cap

        A life without bacon is not worth living. -Socrates, I think.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Vegetarians are pleasant, we still eat cheese. Vegans are pretentious monsters and they don’t eat cheese. Draw your own conclusions.

    • William Cook for now

      Stress due to malnutrition. Also too the diet is a beacon in the night for people who want to justify their innate smugness and sense of superiority. Also too aswell the worse they make meat eaters out to be the better they can feel about their own choices and the sacrifices they’re making. Really, this explains most of the far-left flakes.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        But, if you eat vegan south asian food, it’s not about making your food penitential and denying yourself. It’s about making really fucking tasty lentils. You’d probably walk away from dinner not missing meat at bit, at least for that meal.

        • William Cook for now

          Indian food is amazing too. I’m just trying to explain the Venn here.

    • Lizzietish81

      “We’re not only proud of it, we’re also smug about it.”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O1rHYWH8MY

    • Duke

      Animal fat makes people ahppy

      • justifiable

        What about literate and/or coordinated?

        • Duke

          I’m hoping it fixes typos

    • Carpe Vagenda

      For a lot of the women at work it appears to be a form of morally righteous anorexia.

      • Werewolf

        The technical term is “orthorexia”.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Who knew. I had a grade school friend who managed to convince herself she would be patrician and waspy if she managed to become a sylph, and I remember her looking at each mouthful of food like she was inspecting it for bugs.

    • Jenny

      I had to do some only eat fruit and veggies stuff for various allergy tests. At first, “omfg i am so haaaaangry. Anger and shut up before I eat you. I just want a steaaaaaaak” /sob

      Then it felt pretty good energy wise but so many plants make you poop. And you’re pretty much eating all damn day. So basically kitchen to bathroom. That seems to never stop. Plant protein just isn’t as filling as meat. And if you hate the texture of tofu and other fake meats, it makes it hard for your brain to say yes I am full and happy. So the bitchiness comes back. I mean, I do like salads but the grass taste just is no match for beef. Mmmmm beef.

      tldr: unhappy people from unhappy eating.

    • Alan

      Nope, I’m vegetarian and the tofu is great but vegan food is crap. Try ice cream without cream or cheese made of canola oil and you’ll understand.

      • marxalot

        Ooh, I had some good vegan ice cream in Austin– it was coconut cream based and it was tasty.

        • Alan

          Now that sounds as if it might actually work.

      • MrTusks

        Yesterday I discovered “nut cheese” was a thing, but declined to investigate further.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Is that like dick cheese only lower?

          • BackDoorMan

            bada bing bada BOOM

      • onedollarjuana

        By accident I ate vegan all day yesterday, and it was wonderful. Toast and Earth Balance margarine for breakfast. Vegan buta nabe over rice with fried tofu for meaty texture for lunch. Rice, beans, and pepper/onion stir fry with tortillas and Daiya “cheese” for dinner. All vegan.

        • Alan

          Some good monterey jack makes that rice and beans way better. If you toss a fried egg on that rice and tofu it’s to die for.

    • 1complexmolecule

      Iron deficiency.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I had a vegan meal recently! It was delicious, and I only had gas for like barely four hours after that! No buttholes of any age were displayed, and no one yodeled, so I cannot say whether either of those things would have helped with the gas situation.

    • GoutMachine

      I think yodeling only works on cheese. Dunno. Ask the Swiss.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Did you try the veal?

    • SadDemInTex

      So true and so funny! Srsly I suggest taking an enzyme digestive when eating a meal like that. Those suckers have changed my life for the better bigly!!!

    • grindstone

      Dunno, sounds like your butthole yodeled for four hours….

  • armed_bears

    Please: Some create the band “Couscous and Sadness”.

    • The Wanderer

      With the hit single Baby Butthole?

      • armed_bears

        I was thinking more of a Peaches and Herb groove… maybe “Shake Your Grooved Thing” or the like.

        • The Wanderer

          Ah.
          So something like “Crying in My Roti?”

          • SterWonk

            I’m pretty sure roti has milk and butter, so definitely not vegan.

    • GoutMachine

      But the Butthole Surfers do exist…

    • msanthropesmr

      Couscous and sadness covered in slime….

      (To the tune of incense and peppermints.)

      • Ill-Advised

        Diapers and fragrances when dining at nine,
        Napkins soiled by these kids that aren’t mine,
        Who cares what dish we choose…

    • HarryButtle

      Sounds (kinda) like the title of a Smithereens song.

      • amrak63

        I assume you’re referring to “Beauty and Sadness”?

        • HarryButtle

          Blood & Roses is actually what popped into my head.

  • GoutMachine

    I’d have more sympathy if Mama Bear!!!!!!!!!!!!! used about three more exclamation points. Then I could feel her pain.

    • Duke

      They are easier than adjectives.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    You had me at “couscous and sadness”

  • Jenny

    Ok I was totally the parent who let their toddlers run around naked. It’s a great brother morman deterrent. But the naked was restrained to the house and the yards, or when they were feeling really dexterous, the car. There’s just no way a naked baby should be in a restaurant showing everyone their buttholes, their hieneys, their pee pees, or their ni nas! Come on now, use your brains!

    • rebecca

      Also the beach. Naked babies at the beach is what God intended.

      • Alan

        With sunscreen Mom.

    • SterWonk

      Come on now, use your brains!

      The morans would have to get a brains first.

      • MrTusks

        Also brains are meat.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I knew I was done having children when I discovered that my tolerance for toddlers in public had hit zero.

  • Alan

    Hmmm. If the hostess tries to seat me next to kids I ask for a different table. They would really hate me. Almost as much as I hate ill behaved children, I suppose.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Um…how the fuck does letting a kid moon your customers translate into saving the animals?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/93f1b67132de7b5c742468f820bb2bf2bdf00dbc1d5e52dd4c52f37c8a4286a3.jpg

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Seriously, if I want unsupervised children running around a “restaurant” I’ll go to Chuck E. Cheese (I used to think the motto was “where a kid can eat like a kid” lol)

      • Skeptical_thinker

        I always thought that a single Chuck E. Cheese meal for a horny teenager was the best possible argument for condom use.

    • William Cook for now

      My parents didn’t exactly let me but luckily I grew out of it quick. c_c;

    • Carpe Vagenda

      The kind of sad thing is that if Imagine had a supervised room where someone kept the kids amused while people ate, their business would probably double.

  • jodyleek

    Isn’t allowing your child to run around (and fulling admitting that they do) a restaurant that you own with dirty feet and no underpants a violation of some sort of health code?

    • Alan

      I’m guessing. Never been to Memphis though.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I have no issue with attachment parenting if you have the luxury of doing it and think it’s worth doing. Your choice, I support it.

    But that’s not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about a toddler and a five year old running unsupervised around a public space where people are carrying hot food and maybe some of them not guarding the cutlery on their table while they’re eating. That’s not a growth experience for little Meadow and Free. That’s begging for third degree burns and lost fingers.

    Also the diaper thing is a massive health code violation, at least in every state I’ve ever worked in.

  • exinkwretch

    I’m gonna let my children run amok, and if you object, you’re a monster!

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I can promise you that your kids are not as darling to strangers as they are to you. You can bank on that. Making conversation with a five-year-old is work under any circumstances. You do it with five-year-olds you’re related to because you care about them and you need someone to drive you to the liquor store when you’re too old to do it yourself. But otherwise, no rational adult would welcome “conversation” with a random five-year-old. And yodeling isn’t helping.

    • GoutMachine

      Amen. And as a childless person, I get annoyed by parents in restaurants who let their kids make as much noise as possible. You can tune it out because you can. I cannot.

      • The Green Bastard

        As a child-having person, I have to agree, Agree, AGREE.

      • Shanzgood TOMORROW

        I used to gather my kids and leave if they got too noisy when they were too little to know better. When they got big enough to understand, I’d tell them my expectations before we went in and that if they didn’t meet them, we’d leave. It didn’t take very many times before they realized dining out is a privilege, not an excuse to behave like rabid monkeys. Maybe it was because I had my kids later in life and spent a lot of time being an adult annoyed by children of badly behaved parents, but I just never wanted to be THAT mom with THOSE kids.

        • GoutMachine

          Bless you.

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            It works at the park and the movies, too. Not so much on airplanes, though, so we always brought lots of things to keep them occupied.

            I hate people who drag their kids out with no toys or books or anything and expect them to just sit there quietly. Gah!

          • SweetDeeKat

            Seriously, WTF? I can’t sit quietly without props and I am a grown-ass woman. I think I finally removed the last of the hot wheels cars from various purses about 3 years ago, and my youngest is 20.

          • Lark_in_the_AM

            Seriously. I was a walking toy library whenever we went on long trips – a daily “surprise!” bag with mini-Dover sticker books, snacks and a puzzle book/drawing pad/madlibs/coloring books and a fresh box of washable markers or colored pencils made airports and long car trips bearable for all of us. I usually brought recorded kids books and lots of sing along tunes, too, for road trips.

          • Thiazin Red

            It pisses me off when adults don’t bring things to occupy themselves with on the plane and expect their seat mate to provide in flight entertainment.

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            Gah! I don’t like chatty seat mates. Or chatty check out clerks, especially if they’re commenting on your purchases.

          • Sakonyachen

            It pisses me off when I have a seat mate. I once flew on a plane with the two seats on either side. I’m big enough to pass for an MLB or a small NHL guy. The person next to me was taller than me. She was nice though. We talked a lot about her boyfriend and my trip to Canada(fuck you guys for not letting me in). My neck hurt and she had trouble standing up from trying not to cuddle because we were so freaking cramped. She looked like she was in a fetal position and I had one leg in the aisle so I wasn’t rubbing legs with her the whole way. Figured that would be awkward.

            On the way back I had a window seat and I sat next to Chris Christie’s stunt double.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            At a science fiction convention, Ms. Gnome and I hosted a party in our room for another convention that was coming up. We always traveled with a rubbermaid tub full of toys for the kid. That was set up in the corner, and we got just about every parent with small children at the convention. Their kids could play with the toys, and the adults could have an adult beverage and equally adult conversation.

            A good time was had by all.

        • Alan

          My father took me out, put me in the car, and went back in to eat. I misbehaved in a restaurant exactly once. I also put my elbows on the table once and he stabbed me with a fork.

          • IHaveThoughts

            I’m not even kidding, my dad did the same thing. And if I misbehaved in a restaurant my mother would give me a big embarrassing lecture in front of everybody. Needless to say, I didn’t feel a strong urge to behave like a little shithead for very long.

          • Alan

            I believe it. That was perfectly normal once.

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            Whoah, the fork thing is kinda harsh!

          • Alan

            Probably, but I have impeccable manners to this day. Oddly, so do my children but I never stabbed them. Go figure.

          • coozledad

            My grandfather would try and stab anybody, child or adult, if they were reaching for anything he wanted. The chairs at the table farthest from him always filled up first.

          • Alan

            Maybe that was his goal all along. I don’t want to sit next to kids either.

          • Edith Prickly

            Mom of Prickly perfected the thigh pinch of death (masked by the table) and hissing through clenched teeth to correct any breaches of decorum. She did it a lot at church too.

          • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

            Yet.

          • William Cook for now

            I just got the heavier end across the crown for acting up, although my dad used the move pretty liberally.

        • The Green Bastard

          Yes, exactly! We’ve got 4 altogether & ppl do compliment the boys on their manners. It’s like, ‘thank you, but it wasn’t really a choice. It was either this or ‘let them just be kids’ never take the horde of them anywhere.

          • Alan

            You made me chuckle. My wife refers to kids as hordes too.

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            We got complimented on ours after a long plane ride from Amsterdam when they were two and six. We were all in line to get through customs/immigration and tired from the flight and the lady approached us to say how nice it was that they behaved so well on the trip. That felt good.

          • Maggielle

            I don’t have kids but I like them okay, and more than once I have told parents how cool it is when I see their kids being kind or patient or just acting nice. It does make parents feel good. Also I am hoping that doing this makes tiny deposits in the Karma Bank so that those grownup youngsters will have mercy on me when I’m completely decrepit.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Also too, the important lessons you taught them is that their behavior affects other people, that other people have their own thing going on that might not involve your kids and that’s OK, and that people have boundaries.

        • Iron Monkey

          dining out is a privilege, not an excuse to behave like rabid monkeys

          I have been doing it wrong for years.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Bless you!!!

          For any public outgoing, my parents would dress us down on what BETTER NOT happen as soon as they put the car in park! If anything, my parents were determined that we would not “embarrass” them in public. That we grew up during a time when leaving kids in the car to bake or freeze depending on the weather was not yet frowned upon only reinforced my parents’ stance.

        • NotDarkYet

          My parents used to tell me the story of our train trips to Italy (from Germany) in the early 70s when I was about 4 or 5 years old. Those were about 20 hour trips, one way.

          When we entered the sleeper train compartment, the other two travelers’ (generally 5 to six per compartment) faces used to show a version of “oh dear god, not a screaming kid all the way to Italy!”

          But since I was pretty well-behaved and quiet (other than for the last couple of hours when I started to get excited and asked “are we there yet?” a couple / three times), at the end of the trip, they took my parents aside and told them a version of, “ya know, at the beginning I wasn’t exactly happy to have to spend all this time in a confined spot with a kid, but damn, your kid is the best I’ve met!”

          Now, mind you, my mom is Italian, which means children are the no. 1 priority in a family, and sometimes, that also means, they can get away with murder (no Cosa Nostra jokes, please! :)) But when it came to child raising, she was more Prussian than my very Prussian dad.

          I was reminded of all this when I read your post–that was something mom did to check my impulses to run around like a coked up monkey (since ADD wasn’t a thing when I grew up and wouldn’t have made a damn bit of difference to my mom anyway). On a recent flight to Germany, I had the pleasure of the company of two very out-of-control kids who kept sprinting back and forth in first class (not a lot of sprinting space to begin with) and bumping into everyone’s armrests. When someone finally asked the parents to please have the kids settle down a bit, I caught snippets of that convo … something along the lines of “they’re just kids; they can’t sit still for all that time; and their ears hurt due to the pressure. Besides, what do you want me to do?”

          I didn’t think a person’s eyes could roll that far back in their head without getting stuck that way. It was 8 hours of two kids running, jumping, bumping, yelling, and short, bursty screaming. I didn’t know a human body could maintain that sort of activity for that long.

          • Bleecker

            “They’re just kids” is the reason kids growing up today behave like demons. Many parents nowadays don’t give a single fuck about anything but what their own children want and need, and if Bobby and Jane want to run amok in public, they just let them do it. Someone should have grabbed those kids by the arm and told them to sit down since their parents weren’t able to control them. I don’t know how you kept your cool and didn’t do anything directly.

        • Bleecker

          Thank you for actually parenting your children. I wish more parents were willing to do that.

    • Alan

      Yep, that. My own kids were enough of a pain.

    • aureolaborealis

      My kids doing pretty much anything are awesome, amazing and cute. Other people’s kids doing the exact same things are pigs.

    • marxalot

      I love my assorted psuedo-nieces and nephews. They’re great, they’re cute, they’re relentlessly verbal and terrifyingly mobile, but their parents still don’t let them inflict themselves on unsuspecting strangers.

    • SadDemInTex

      *sigh* Amen,GTT! I have been in hotel rooms for the last two weeks. My stay in one (over 4th weekend) was made especially delightful by a toddler next door (preverbal) whose communication with parents and sibling (who I only found out about when I heard this pleasant soul gurgle at the same time) was sustained super sonic screaming (starting at 7:30am) AND THEY NEVER LEFT THEIR ROOM FOR THREE DAYS. This hotel was located in a stunning family oriented location during fantastic weather and no matter what time during the day I popped into my room there they were. I finally pretended to have nasty sex (shrieking colorful words as loud as possible). Here’s hoping the kid got those words throughly learned.

      • Alan

        “…family oriented location….” There’s your problem.

        • SadDemInTex

          Well, if you consider a very pricey resort town “family”. (a very pricey place especially in winter).

    • coozledad

      Exactly. I just sit there thinking “How can I completely ignore this youngun without somehow damaging it. I damn sure can’t understand it.”

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      I mean, I’ll stick out my tongue and thumb my nose at random infants, cause I think it’s funny af (and so do they, mostly), but _always_ in the presence of their parents. Do you _want_ the police to come have a chat with you about your disturbing habit of conversing with small persons to whom you are not related?

    • Jeffery Campbell

      C’mon man, I love kids. Tastes like chicken.

  • BigCSouthside

    This is the funniest shit I’ve read in a long time

    • Gayer Than Thou

      It’s funny shit until it ends up in your couscous-and-sadness “chicken wings.”

    • LeftyProud

      Gave me a good laugh!!!! “…where the food is made of food and the only exposed butts are on the hogs they’re smokin’ up right nice for you out back.”

  • elviouslyqueer

    Visit from the Shelby County Health Department in 3…2…1…

  • JKMas

    Cage-free isn’t always the best policy, just saying. Especially so with children.

  • WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO

    They got vegan restaurants in Memphis?!?

    NOT THE MEMPHIS I ONCE KNEW

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwC_EzY5Uvk

    • Lizzietish81

      Did you ever see the Sex and the City with the Vegan restaurant? This was in NYC so it’s not too weird, but it was super busy, but only because the waiter was hot.

      • SterWonk

        Wasn’t that the guy Sam ended up with at the end of the series?

        (How the fuck did I know that? I watched maybe a dozen episodes of that show when it first came on, and that’s it…?)

        • Lizzietish81

          yeah, he was younger and an actor.

          I only really watched the last season and that was sporadically. I mean there’s only so much Carrie I can take before I get violent.

  • Vincent Ricola

    “It’s about saving animals and standing up for ones who can’t stand up for themselves. In this case, our precious children.”

    They seem nice. No pretentious dickbag vibe at all coming off these posts. Bless their hearts.

    • BigCSouthside

      Next time I shoot something and eat it I’m sending them pictures. #Delicious

    • Alan

      People who think that other people think their children are special are idiots.

      • rebecca

        EVERYONE THINKS MY CHILDREN ARE SPECIAL.

        • DT

          You’re literally the only exception.

        • Alan

          Uh huh. And everyone thinks mine are special too. If she’s well behaved I’m good, you can bring her along.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Damn! Calling Trix an idiot. Brave.

        • William Cook for now

          No that is different. Our Editrix knows that we know Wonkette babby is special. On account of her becoming our Supreme Ruler right about whenever Editrix has had enough of this shit and retires.

        • Alan

          I dunno. Cute as can be but a lot more special to her mom.

      • weighmaster

        I was recently thanked for giving birth to my daughter. I was pretty floored, but managed a slightly bewildered “you’re welcome.” It was weird.

    • Oblios_Cap

      If the kids were running around, they were capable of standing up.

    • teele

      If I had children, and considered them precious, I think I might want to prove that by making sure they were well looked-after during the time that I was trying to make a living so that I could feed and clothe them. But I don’t have kids, so I’m just hypothesizing.

      • Vincent Ricola

        No, you’re right. I’m a parent and this is how most of us think.

  • fawkedifiknow

    It sort of makes one wonder if they wash the vegetables before they serve them, doesn’t it.

    • jodyleek

      And if they wash their hands after changing said babby’s diaper. Ewww.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        They may feel it’s healthy to get a little variety added to your intestinal microbiome. That’s all the rage these days.

  • John Iwaniszek

    Just what I don’t want at lunch, Dinner and a show.

  • Lizzietish81

    Once I brought a friend over my sister’s for New Years. She was deep in a “I’m never having kids” phase. I looked up and saw my niece was exposing herself to my friend.

    There are no words.

    Otoh, this friend recently had a baby, so I guess it wasn’t that traumatic.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Full disclosure: I know these folks and have hung out with them (though not at Imagine) on a couple of occasions. To say that they ROYALLY fucked themselves in Memphis would be the understatement of the century.

    And I can’t even bless their hearts for this.

    • jodyleek

      My guess is that they will be receiving a visit from some public health inspectors some time soon? (I hope).

  • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

    The self-righteousness is strong in Imagine Vegan Cafe.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Tofu – the scopolamine of non-meat items.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    My parents raised me not to show my butthole to strangers. I can’t honestly say I have always followed that lesson, but at least I’ve never done it in a restaurant! Unless you count the men’s room.

    • The Wanderer

      I find this intriguing.

      • Rick Hill

        Ok, you two. Get a chat room…..

    • Alan

      I never did it as a child.

    • elviouslyqueer

      That was you?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Which time?

    • marxalot

      I have a rule against unsolicited buttholes. Neither to present nor observe.
      Solicited buttholes are entirely different.

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        Rubbish. It’s always best to seek forgiveness than to ass for permission.

    • GoutMachine

      Those repressive monsters!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Free range children?

  • jesterpunk

    Well the republicans have a new excuse for why health care is so complicated, they didnt actually do anything the past 8 years and just threw something together recently.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/powerpost/one-reason-the-gop-health-bill-is-such-a-mess-they-didnt-think-trump-would-win/2017/07/06/bed6a8e0-624a-11e7-8adc-fea80e32bf47_story.html

    Sen.Patrick J. Toomey offered a simple, remarkable explanation this week
    for why Republicans have struggled so mightily to find a way to repeal
    the Affordable Care Act.

    “Look, I didn’t expect Donald Trump to win, I think most of my colleagues didn’t, so we didn’t expect to be in this situation,” the Pennsylvania Republican said Wednesday night during a meeting with voters hosted by four ABC affiliates across his state.

    • ariel_gee_398

      “Also, all those repeal Obamacare votes were just expensive theater cause we’ve got no idea what the fuck we’re doing or how to govern.”

    • The Green Bastard

      The truth will set you free, Pat. Hopefully, free from a job soon.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Probably the only honest thing he’s said in all his time in the Senate.

      • jesterpunk

        I am surprised he actually said that though.

    • Darlene Underdahl

      They planned to spend the next four (eight) years harassing Hillary for living.

      • jesterpunk

        Yeah, they where planning on continuing to say no to everything.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        “We had planned to just throw lawsuit after lawsuit at that bitch,” he added, “But then the Russians got involved and now we are expected to lead? We have been obstructing for so long that we’ve really forgotten how this works.”

    • Doug Langley

      Hogwash!! They knew full well Hillary would be the Healthcare President. She had proposals for improving ACA. If that’s what they wanted, she would have been the best person to carry it out.

      They never wanted to “replace” or “fix” or anything. Just tear it out by the roots and throw away. Hillary would never go for that. But Trump does.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Not a fan of free range children in restaurants in general, and especially toddlers who aren’t potty trained. I was pretty lax with my kids, but if that toddlers coordinated enough to take off their diaper, run around, stand up on a table, and show off their butthole, you should be able to accelerate that potty training a bit.

  • aureolaborealis

    The surge in pedophile clientele will probably keep this place in business.

  • MynameisBlarney

    *must refrain from posting Pedo Bear Seal of Approval meme*

  • jesterpunk

    How long until Alex Jones and the Pizzagate guy are all over this?

    • P’jama Pahnts

      “liberal snowflake on liberal snowflake violence”…?

  • Duke

    Sartre was close,

    Hell is other parents.

    • Crank Tango

      Ironically, from “No Exit.”

      Get it, anyone? Get it? See what I did there? Oh never mind.

      • orygone

        being and nothingness

  • canes_pugnaces

    I’m not a prude, but a potty trained butthole toddler accompanied by loud yodeling isn’t my cup of tea. Tofu, no tofu. As for the sausage reference from poster #1…

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Small kids running around restaurants are dangerous in general, exposed butthole or not. Servers are carrying large trays full of hot things.
      the worst thing I ever saw like that was a Mexican restaurant where a toddler was riding his big wheel around and between the tables. To be fair, the guests were regulars and the servers were used to dodging.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    “That’s not food. That’s what food eats.”

    — overheard somewhere.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The 5 year-old speaks by yodeling is what I got out of all of that.

    • William Cook for now

      There’s a solid warning flag right there. “Your child is yodelling at me and staring.”

      “My precious angel was merely trying to have a conversation in her beautifully original and in no way practical or even practicable way. You must hate children.”

      • marxalot

        “We don’t impose societal norms on communication in this household and mild precious child has decided to become a Tuvan throat singer and you WILL respect her choices.”

        • William Cook for now

          I actually dig legit throat singing. Even if the name is dumb because do other people sing from their nipples or what?

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        My mother was a school teacher in the 1950’s. 5 year old kids that were developmentally normal but not potty trained weren’t unheard of even then.
        “We prefer to let Junior learn at his own pace”.

      • therblig

        A flying saucer creature named Zog arrived on Earth to explain how wars could be prevented and how cancer could be cured. He brought the information from Margo, a planet where the natives conversed by means of farts and tap dancing. Zog landed at night in Connecticut. He had no sooner touched down than he saw a house on fire. He rushed into the house, farting and tap dancing, warning the people about the terrible danger they were in. The head of the house brained Zog with a golfclub.”

        ― Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Breakfast of Champions

        • Eileen Besse

          ONE OF THE BEST EVER.

    • orygone

      yodeling is a lost art. they don’t teach in sckools no more like history and ice fishin

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      If a 5 year old did that to me, I’d come back at him with some hardcore ululating to see if I could get him to pee his pants…if he was wearing any.

      • marxalot

        Bulgarian Women’s Choir style or GTFO

  • What the fuck, man? Put some goddamn pants on your kids, you hippie loons, and go eat a fucking cheeseburger.

  • BadKitty904

    Is this a First-World or a Third-World problem?

    • William Cook for now

      Throwing a shruggie at all basic standards of hygiene because you grew up too priviledged to have any grasp of the dangers of communicable disease? Gonna go with First World.

      • ExpatGirl

        Thinking of communicable diseases, dollars to vegan doughnuts that she is an antivaxxer on top of being privileged, arrogant and rude.

      • GoutMachine

        Not to mention having the luxury of “being vegan.”

    • elviouslyqueer

      If you’ve been to Memphis, the answer is Yes.

    • ExpatGirl

      I’ve spent a lot of time in the ‘Third World’. Never had a naked child present me with his/her butthole while I was eating (or any other time).

      This is an Imagine Cafe problem.

  • Rick Hill

    So, am I odd because I’m thinking that kids walking on the table is the dirty part?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I’m fine with naked kids running everywhere. The table part is definitely where I draw the line.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Don’t like that with kids or pets. Nobody walk on the food table. Sampling everyone’s plate not ok either.

  • Nockular cavity

    Great public relations, the best!

    “This is unprofessional.”
    “Fuck you!”

    • grindstone

      I left a review on TripAdvisor once, and it was a 4-out-of-5 review, but in it I mentioned that the restaurant in question was good for adults: “Since we usually go for spicy food and beer, we don’t take our child, but just on observation and word-of-mouth, this is NOT a kid-friendly place. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, as I’m all for an adults night out spot, but they’re not altogether subtle about it.”

      The owners contacted me and argued about it. Via email, I told them that all my parent-type friends had said if you show up with children, you will be totally ignored by the servers. We ourselves had experienced this, and there is no child’s menu or kid-friendly food. This was just sort of their reputation, which was okay by me. They were not having it — how dare I impugn their fine restaurant, etc etc. So, oh well, haven’t been back, other places to go.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Did the owner really say no one has a problem seeing a naked adult in restaurants?

    Even San Francisco drew the line there.

    • BadKitty904

      Even Hooters doesn’t buy that.

      • orygone

        I went, I mean a friend went to a strip club in portland OR about 10 years ago, you could sit right up front and have a 8$ steak dinner. good times

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Information revealed: During Cory Booker’s senate campaign a contribution was made by a stripper from a vegan strip club in Portland. After his opponent tried to make a scandal out of this, Booker’s spokesperson settled the opponent’s hash by pointing out that the only interesting thing about the stripper’s contribution was that there was a vegan strip club in Portland.

          • orygone

            ill will have to.. ill will have a friend check that out

    • aureolaborealis

      A business with naked adults and a buffet isn’t a restaurant.

    • IHaveThoughts

      I mean, everyone’s fine with it at my local wing joint. Of course that’s because it’s a strip club…

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    VELCRO on their DIAPER? They aren’t using banana leaves as god intended?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Organic hemp cloth diapers with reusable covers or GTFO

      (I use Pampers on my kid)

      • Jenny

        I used luvs cuz they were bigger and my son’s stupid wiener has a mind of its own and would piss out the top and sides of pampers. The cut of pampers just never stopped the piss of a free thinking wiener. Sad!

      • Les Appentis De la résistance

        We used the velcro equipped diaper covers on our daughter because I wasn’t very good with pins.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Banana leaves?
      Well LA-TI-FUCKIN-DA! Ain’t you fancy!?
      When I was a kid, we used bark and moss, and WE LIKED IT THATTAWAY!

      • Suttree

        Luxury! We used a stone and duct tape.

  • I bet if they ever had rats invade the restaurant, they’d name them and let them roam free.

    • Oblios_Cap

      if?

    • h4rr4r

      Rat’s don’t typically do that.
      Mice and hamsters will when under stress though.

    • MrTusks

      Why would they have rats? There’s no food.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Imagine no decorum
    I wonder if you can….

  • marxalot

    I like how, no matter what the topic, they “couldn’t begin to care.” I guess that’s better than starting to care, but quitting halfway through. :|

    • GoutMachine

      Better than “could care less,” I suppose?

      • Skeptic Rising

        I remember way back when having an argument with my older sister about that phrase. She used it about something:
        Me: “That means you care.”
        She: “No, it means I don’t care.”
        Me: “You said you could care less. What you probably meant was that you COULDN’T care less. That would mean you don’t care.”
        She: “Oh, screw you. I could care less what you think.”
        Me:

    • ExpatGirl

      She deleted all the posts. At some point, she clearly did begin to care.

  • GoutMachine

    I love how they’re equating a non-toilet trained asshole with bare breasts. Bare breasts don’t go around shitting all over the floor OF A RESTAURANT, YOU DIPSHITS!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      And when they yodel, I yodel back!

    • coozledad

      Just wait until mama bear shows up with the carob fudge tray.

    • dirtielaundry

      Unless you’re in a Hentai and have shitting dick nipples.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        WTF is THAT? Is that as bad as the Estonian Giggling Whim-Whams?

    • Ill-Advised

      Under the right circumstances, they can be aimed and fired. I had a friend who did that to her (little) kids once. At home, though.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Is the Imagine Vegan Cafe run by the same couple who ran Amy’s Baking Company?

  • MynameisBlarney

    5 bucks the parents are anti-vaxxers.

    • amrak63

      I know better than to take THAT bet.

  • AndyC316

    Came for the yard waste/ left bc of the naked asshole :

  • DainBramage

    Since they don’t care about losing business, I imagine they have a huge trust fund that they’re sinking into this.

  • BadKitty904

    From a slightly different POV, my hubby and I feel the same way about sweaty go-go boys dancing on the bar we’re sitting at. “Not unless my drink comes with a little umbrella, cupcake…

    • msanthropesmr

      How about non sweaty gogo dancing?

      • BadKitty904

        Case by case, dude…

        • elviouslyqueer

          True story. Back in the early 2000s, the hubs and I, along with several friends, traveled to New Orleans for Southern Decadence which is held, for some idiotic reason, on Labor Day weekend. Needless to say, it was approximately 1,000 degrees when we arrived, with about the same percentage humidity, so we hightailed it to one of the larger gay bars on Bourbon Street for alcohol and air conditioning. The obligatory go-go boys were, of course, dancing on the bar and displaying their, um, “wares.” One of said go-go boys kept prancing in between me and the bartender which, given that I was already hot, sweaty, irritated, and in dire need of a cocktail, wasn’t the greatest career move he could’ve made.

          Needless to say, I reached up, pushed his dick aside not unlike one does when parting a curtain, and ordered my drink. Go-go boy said that this “bad touch” would cost me $10, whereupon I informed the little twink that if he was lucky I didn’t rip the thing clean off and sling it into the street for getting in my way.

          I think I ended up getting about 20 free rounds from other grateful customers that day.

    • mardam422

      I guess I am being a bit self-righteous. I mean I never complain at the buffet at Pasties.

    • aureolaborealis

      “It’s a mystery to me, too, honey. Seems like every bar has go-go dancers. Oh well. As long as we’re here, it would be impolite to NOT put a twenty on the table.”

  • BMW

    “Way better than Subway!”
    -Jared

    • WotsAllThisThen

      TOO SOON!!!

    • Ricky Gay

      OMG

    • Vincent Ricola

      That is terrible. I’m still laughing.

    • MynameisBlarney

      You’re goin’ to hell for that one, BMW.

      See ya there.

      • BMW

        You should see the joke I *didn’t* use.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Probably for the best.

    • mardam422

      Too soon? But kudos. Or maybe that’s butt kudos?

    • armed_bears

      Eeewwww.

    • Alan

      Ewww.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Yeah, he wasn’t talking dinner…

    • Dolmance

      Absolute best post of the week.

    • Sakonyachen

      Oh my God!!

      Oh fuck it! I can’t even pretend to pearl clutch, that shit was funny!

  • msanthropesmr

    Children also need to learn that life doesn’t revolve around them.

    • Proud Liberal

      Are you talking to Trump?

      • armed_bears

        More up votes, pleez.

    • Pugsandcoffee

      Parents also need to learn that everyone else’s life doesn’t revolve around their children.

    • The Green Bastard

      The ones who don’t get that lesson​ may grow up to be common Martin Shkrelis.

      Think hard, parents.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    All right then. Corky’s it is.

  • ryp

    if I want to see toddler buttholes and get yodeled at, I’ll go to a Trump rally, thank you very much.

    • Proud Liberal

      Wearing MAGA hats.

      • Ricky Gay

        MAGA (in my pants!)

    • MOG253

      FTW!!!!

      • Jerilynadaniels

        Managing director of Google says we are paying $97 per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family^hi223d:
        On tuesday I got a great new Nissan Versa from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it…See more
        ~xd223d:
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      • Catherinelcummings

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    • mardam422

      Now THAT”S winning!!

    • armed_bears

      ‘Trix: Can we have THIS hat?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Please come to the front desk to claim your prize.

    • armed_bears
      • NotDarkYet

        Can we have yodeling assholes?

        (I’m always for “bundling” things –to get a better deal; or to get deal-making started00 … been watching American Pickers, can you tell?!)

        • wallydog

          Great band name.

        • PJ

          Jim Carrey has a second career?

    • PJ

      you just made me cry from laughing. I needed that.

  • rosenbomb

    As a long-time vegetarian, the vegan jokes can be tiring, but even I know vegans can be self-righteous and preachy. I go by the philosophy of “everyone gets to make their own food choices, and it’s none of my damn business if your choices are different than mine.” End of story.

    • msanthropesmr

      Yep. And I always provide vegan/vegetarian options when I have a party.

      • rosenbomb

        You are a good host!

        • msanthropesmr

          Baked vegan beans are always good.

          • MynameisBlarney

            As an Omnomnivore, I used to get vegan sides with my burgers or chicken sammiches frequently before my fav restaurant shut down.
            Just because they were tasty. Not for any other reason than that.

          • marxalot

            Sweet potato fries!

          • MynameisBlarney

            No.
            I enjoy sweet ‘taters in various ways, but not like that.
            Everyone always says they’re so awesome and I try them and I try them and they are not even anywhere near awesome IMHO.

          • marxalot

            I have discovered that the secret to sweet potato fries is oil heat: they need to be fried at ~50 degrees higher temp than Idaho spuds, or they get limp and sad and weird. A thick cut and very hot, fresh oil, and damn those are good. I like mine with horseradish mustard or beer cheese.

          • msanthropesmr

            Donald Trump is limp and sad and weird.

    • Suttree

      I have had girlfriends of various no red meat/vegetarian but not actual vegan varieties over the years. It actually made me a better cook. I have no qualms with people who choose whatever diet that they see fit for themselves. I actually eat much less red meat now because of a woman that I dated 17 years ago. I still like it though. Nomnomnom

      • rosenbomb

        That’s totally valid. My boyfriend and I cook a lot, and he recently stopped eating meat completely. But prior to that he was eating meat all the time– either way is cool with me.

      • marxalot

        I eat a tonne of eggs, because I have an elevated need for dietary protein, can’t just spend all day eating (looking at you, black beans), and am Broke.

        • Suttree

          I love beans! Veggie or meat. They are both delicious. I miss my pressure cooker.

          • marxalot

            Black beans, red beans, split peas and lentils, oh my! And eggs. Like, lots of them.

          • rosenbomb

            ALL the eggs and beans!!

          • aureolaborealis

            I have lived the life you describe. Your dwelling must require industrial air-handlers.

    • mardam422

      Yes. But if I had the “choice” it would be to eat what I decided to eat without butthole. That’s my choice. Your results may differ.

      • rosenbomb

        I’m with you– I have plenty of patience with kids, but not when I’m eating. I didn’t have anything clever to add about the butthole part of the story that wasn’t already said

      • Suttree

        If I wanted butthole, I would be eating the cheapest hot dogs available.

    • Pugsandcoffee

      I know some preach vegans, and I even know vegans who won’t be friends with non-vegans, but it’s no more tiresome than the endless litany of “but bacon” or “where do you get your protein?”

    • marxalot

      Since I am a Poor who takes their own lunch and does their own cooking, I find that more and more of my meals are vegetarian or vegan– because there’s no reason to include meat/animal products in my red beans and rice (unless I feel spendy and upgrade to jambalya), or because the way I like to eat meat militates against cooking and freezing and reheating. That doesn’t mean I don’t eat meat, just that I don’t eat it nearly as much as I used to. Especially since I fucking hate sandwiches (food service job, still scarring me). For everything else, there’s getting over myself, y’know?

    • Alan

      As a long time vegetarian, vegan food really sucks.

    • OneYieldRegular

      We took French friends to a vegan restaurant in San Francisco where we sat at a communal table. The two other people there commented on how delightful it was to see our friends’ four year old enjoying such healthy food. They replied, “O yes, she loves to eat. She eats everything! Hamburgers, foie gras, sweetbreads, oysters – everything.” The change in facial expression on these two was priceless. They didn’t talk to us after that.

  • FauxAntocles

    I’m reminded of the Simpsons episode where Ned goes crazy.

    • William Cook for now

      Now I’m Prune Tracy!

  • pstockholm

    Despite my low tolerance threshold for random kids (ok, people in general) and weak interest in vegan food (although some respect for vegans, in principle, if not the sanctimonious reality), I’m very slightly on team Imagine here. Mostly because whining on social media is kinda low. Jeez people, just take the kid off the table or move or tell the owners or decide to never come back, but at least shut the fuck up on social media.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Nope. If only because nobody needs to see baby butthole while, y’know, DINING OUT.

      • pstockholm

        Assuming it was an actual butthole stuck up in their face from a baby that climbed up on their table. Seems kind of unlikely. I’m guessing naked toddler running around and climbing up on some table. Americans are pretty weird about nudity and especially weird about naked kids. So yeah inappropriate, but my point was actually about taking to social media to fuss about this. Because oldz here and that way of handling it seems lame.

        • rues

          ‘That way of handling it’ is leaving a review on a business’s page, so that other potential diners can evaluate whether or not they’d like to risk toddler-butthole and/or yodeling. Businesses frequently have pages which are commercial in nature and allow them to interact more directly with their customers than they might on, say, Yelp. They didn’t go to personal pages and whine, they directed a complaint and a rating at a business page which is designed for that purpose.

          • pstockholm

            See above, I consider ratings sites social media. When we go through the trouble of rating things it’s pretty clearly a little fart of self importance we’re letting loose on the world.

    • The Green Bastard

      I dunno. Seeing the response from the owner tells me that I’d probably not want “Mamma Bear”* yelling in my face. Additionally, I’d be grateful to look up a restaurant I was considering eating @ & be warned of Surprise Butthole. Pretty sure that’s​ not on the menu.

      *Bears eat meat. Shouldn’t​ she be a “Llama Mama”? How abt a “Drama Llama Mama”?

    • Tobias B. Santa

      The original post was on a review site, not social media and then Imagine put it up on their social media site. Soooooo, I blame them 100%

      • pstockholm

        I’d say a review site is social media. Kinda lame if they’re regulars to not tell the owners to their face.
        Owners possibly worse on the lameness on social media thing. I’m not gonna clock them for sanctimonious though, because it’s kind of baked in because vegan.

    • William Cook for now

      I prefer to be informed what restaurants feature naked humans at the most virulent, pathogen-ridden stage of life thanks.

    • guppy06

      “Take the kid off the table?” Self-described “mama bear” will take of your hand if you try to touch their perfect little angel, no doubt.

      And seriously, this was pretty calm and reasoned negative review on a restaurant. Short of accusing them of selling warmed-over pre-packaged food the customer could have gotten anywhere, insults didn’t start until the owner started with them. They didn’t sit at the table and demand a discount off their tab because of the free floor show (which, IMO, would have been justified). They didn’t say that anybody who would dare eat there clearly hated America and Jesus. They simply said “Food was meh, but floor show definitely not my thing.”

      And the owner’s response was that only an animal murderer would hate children.

      (And chasing off and insulting customers white taunting them that you’re the only vegan game in town is not how you keep them from eating animals, folks!)

  • DainBramage

    Running a vegan restaurant, I imagine they do hear a lot of negativity, especially from friends of vegans who don’t know what they’ve gotten themselves into. Comments like, “I’m stopping at McDonalds on the way home” are probably pretty common.

  • Joe Beese
    • Mateo

      This..couldn’t possibly end badly.

    • Oblios_Cap

      It will triumph. We have the will.

    • NastyBossetti

      The west was saved by the blood of patriarchs? Not patriots?

      • Perkniticky

        No, because patriots could hypotetically include women. And you know how Trump feels about women’s blood – eeeeeeeew!

      • BigCSouthside

        Was it actually patriarchs???

    • ariel_gee_398

      I guess they’re really letting Bannon let his Nazi flag fly this trip.

    • Nockular cavity

      Poland is The West now?

      • marxalot

        According to them, they always have been, because using the Roman alphabet and being Catholic makes Warsaw the easternmost outpost of Christendom. According to Moscow, however, Krakow is the western frontier of Russia.

  • Nockular cavity

    Shorter: Fucking hippies.

  • TJ Barke

    They smoked some bad granola.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Maybe I shouldn’t go to such a dark place, but I’d be damned if I would ever let my children run around naked in public when cell phone cameras are everywhere. Good god, that child could end up on the internet on a child porn site. Don’t these hippies know that times have changed. We no longer have to take our pictures to a little booth in the middle of a parking lot where they have rules about what they will or will not reproduce. Also too, the internet. I’d like to smack these parents right in their stupids.

  • aureolaborealis

    My youngest has weaponized, on-demand farts. I can imagine my hypothetical vegan restaurant with her running around pants-less farting on diners and yelling, “YOU SMELL MY SMELL!!!!”

    • amrak63

      Don’t let her get any more mature, and you’ll have a female presidential candidate whom the Stupid White Folks of Real Murka would actually vote for!

      • amrak63

        Though as the owners of the Imagine Vegan Cafe prove, not all Stupid White Folks are right-wingers; I expect this pair voted for Jill The Pill.

  • Han Shot First

    Best. Wonkette post. EVER!!!!

  • Edith Prickly

    It’s like these people were created at a Self-Righteous Hippie Vegan Stereotype factory. Also, hating on your customers is always a #winning business strategy.

    (Note to any vegan Wonkers – I respect the choice but reject the food. It is indeed all couscous and sadness in my mouth.)

    • Pugsandcoffee

      I’m always curious why the need to “reject” it. It really does come across like self-righteous christians shouting “love the sin, hate the sinner.” Are you feeling defensive about your eating habits or something?

      • Edith Prickly

        Nope! I love dairy products too much is all. And frankly, i find vegans are often tiresomely evangelical about their choices (or masking an eating disorder.)

    • William Cook for now

      I felt the same until Indian food.

      • Edith Prickly

        I love Indian food – but what about all the ghee?

        • William Cook for now

          Most of their more well known cuisine is vegetarian, but I know they have a vegan culture as well. I had an instructor who was Indian and vegan, not even dairy.

  • orygone

    couscous and sadness.. priceless

  • Oblios_Cap
  • AndyC316

    What are the chances the CPS is getting called on this joint? Doubt it’s SUPER smart to have a naked baby running around a working kitchen, what with all the knives, and burners and what not

    • Shanzgood TOMORROW

      And around strangers.

      • William Cook for now

        Right? The complaint reads a lot like ‘free baby available for pick-up’.

    • marxalot

      Maybe in addition to being vegan, they’re also “raw food” so there’s none of those burners to worry themselves about.

      • AndyC316

        That’s a thing?

        • MynameisBlarney

          Yup.

        • h4rr4r

          Oh yeah, these nutbars exist.

      • Lisa

        Nope, Imagine specifically commented they are not about “raw food” and to go elsewhere for that shit. Basically.

        • Banrion

          But many of their reviews indicate that they do not know how to properly heat food either.

    • Raan

      Probably more likely that the health department will show up, followed by the owners bitching about being persecuted.

    • Tobias B. Santa

      Shit, I wonder about the Health Dept because I’m pretty sure naked barefoot childrens violate some health codes.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Anyone who refers to themselves as “mama bear” needs to be immediately dismissed from civilization as a whole.

    • LucindathePook

      Sarah Palin LIBELZ!!1!!1 or not, really

    • William Cook for now

      Except Grizzly Mamma, she’s the exception.

    • Or shot with a tranq dart, dragged out to the wilderness, and abandoned.

    • coozledad

      So her ass was naked too?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Um. 😳

      There was this footage we saw on some nature channel of a wolverine attacking a grizzly cub whose mom reduced it to wolverine molecules. The kid found that comforting.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Sure, but the bear didn’t then go on social media and brag about it.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Wasn’t that a Sara Palinism?
      Edit: Sorry I never read the later comments before posting.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    For business owners that don’t care about money, they sure seem to keep up with the review sites

  • x111e7thst

    I do not wish to see naked children while I eat. this has nothing to do with the food and everything to do with the naked children

    • MynameisBlarney

      I don’t wanna see naked children ever.

      • Alan

        I don’t want to see children ever.

        • MynameisBlarney

          *nods*

          Nothing but shrieking germ factories hell bent on depriving adults from sleeping.

    • Tobias B. Santa

      Especially if they’re potting training. I don’t want to see a kid pop a squat and shit on the floor while eating.

      • Old town Urbandale

        Sheesh. It’s not like you had to pay extra for the floor show.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Maybe they’re in training for Squat Cobbler?

  • guppy06

    #NotAllVegans

    (#YesAllParents)

    • h4rr4r

      #YesAllVegans

      #NotAllParents, no really no fucking way. Some of us can parent.

      • Raan

        #NotAlllVegans
        #NotAllParents
        #YesAllSelf-RighteousPricks

        • William Cook for now

          Cognitive dissonance is an extremophile.

      • guppy06

        Everyone’s own children are well-behaved, much like everyone’s own dogs are just friendly and harmless.

        • h4rr4r

          No he is a little bastard, but I have the sense to leave when he acts that way.

          • guppy06

            Just because you’re not sure who his father is…

          • h4rr4r

            I do take him with me when we leave.

            No really, parents who don’t remove misbehaving kids from restaurants should get a visit from CPS. They likely do other stuff wrong too.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            I do not understand the parents who sit and eat calmly as their little Dear approaches 120 decibels. I understand that it’s hard to go out when you have kids, but other folks exist, too. When it’s 9:00 and you’re eating at the bar, baby belongs at home.

          • h4rr4r

            It is easy to go out with kids.

            You start from a very young age, and as soon as the child acts like that you take them home. No debate, no consoling, just leave. If you have to leave the food on the table that is fine. Might even be better.

            Also you have to schedule it around them. Friday night after a long day of nearly no activity at school or daycare is not a good time. They are going to be restless and the service will be slow. Saturday early lunchtime after 3 hours at the park, now that is the time to take kiddo to a restaurant.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Agreed. Also, don’t take them out past their bedtime. The other thing I hate to see is an obviously exhausted and stressed out toddler being wheeled around screaming their heads out at the mall. It’s time to go home, parents.

          • h4rr4r

            There is another one of those things that piss me off about other parents.

            You don’t need a stroller at the mall unless the kid is well under 2. Even then for a short visit you don’t need a stroller.

            We go to the zoo and I see folks with 6 year olds and strollers or carts. No, just no.

            Make them walk, it’s good for them. We took my son to Europe when he was little more than 2. Did not use a stroller. Sure after 2 or 3 miles he would get tired, at which point I carried him. So it was good exercise for both of us.

          • Raan

            This seems like valuable advice and I have filed it away for future reference.

          • h4rr4r

            My Mommy taught me that.

            No really, it works great and she used this on me too. To this day I do not show people my butthole in restaurants.

        • janecita

          My kids are a pain in the ass, and my dog is a humpy little bastard.

          • clubseal

            Well thank Piss Christ it’s not the other way around.

        • Jenny

          My kids are a bunch of assholes like their parents, and my dogs are murder machines on well stitched leather leashes.

          I’m one step away from a viral news story, like every day. Such is life.

          • clubseal

            Viral news stories are so temporary … aim high for the history books, Jenny.

        • Jennaratrix

          Fuck that – my dog hates other dogs and if you let your dog run up on us, she’s gonna get nervous and potentially hurt someone. And my kids are often assholes.

          Wait, I think I’m doing it wrong.

          • guppy06

            Yeah, you got it backwards.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Maybe it was a bad batch of kale that made them crabby.

  • ResonantCavity

    Evan, you gotta stop with the loltriggerreddd jokes. It’s mean and ableist and not funny.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Could you be more vague?

      • janecita

        Wtf is going on? I don’t understand!

      • ResonantCavity

        Not… not sure what you mean? Look at the title? Of the… of the article?

        • MynameisBlarney

          For fucks sake. Seriously?

          • ResonantCavity

            I guess so! Bye?

          • MynameisBlarney

            0_o

            Ooookaaaay…

        • janecita

          I still don’t get it, oh well!

      • clubseal

        I’m confused about it being ableist. Is that just me?

        • MynameisBlarney

          No, it ain’t just you.

          • clubseal

            Following the thread, it appears he or she believes that “triggered” has something to do with people with anxiety. Which I think is 100% incorrect, but what do I know.

          • Empress of the Iguana People

            Also depression, PTSD, and probably a few other things. Its a genuine clinical term. I bet it’ll be changed before long, though.

        • William Cook for now

          People who deal with anxiety, panic, PTSD and the like could be considered less abled than someone without those problems. So for someone who has to go about every day knowing that certain easily producable can reduce them to a less capable state, it seems ableist to reduce the term for this terrifying condition into a joke about anger management.

          Seriously the same level as prison rape jokes. Tastless, pointless, but not exactly harmless.

          • clubseal

            You do know what “triggered” is in reference to, right? Literally nothing to do with anything you said in this context and everything to do with, as far as I know, a liberal term for certain discussions that might bring offense. And comparing it to prison rape jokes is just dumb.

          • William Cook for now

            For people with PTSD, it is very common for their memories to be triggered by sights, sounds, smells or even feelings that they experience. These triggers can bring back memories of the trauma and cause intense emotional and physical reactions, such as raised heart rate, sweating and muscle tension.

            From http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder

            Being triggered is a real thing that is truly awful to live with. #Triggered is something the right wing came up with to make fun of ‘SJW snowflakes’.

    • William Cook for now

      Seconded. Triggered jokes are as cringey as ‘Assume my gender’ or prison rape.

    • Alan

      Restaurant Owners Go Apeshit Just Because Diner Didn’t Want to See Their Kid’s Butthole.

      • ResonantCavity

        See, exactly! It’s funnier because it makes the shit butthole connection, which is comedy 101, and it’s not terrible to people with anxiety.

    • Yr. Gma

      The problem with Wonkette is all these jokes.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        *turns corner, crashes into Gma*

        You got your Too Many Buttholes in my Not Enough Buttholes!

        No, YOU got your Not Enough Buttholes in my Too Many Buttholes!

        Wait, these buttholes taste great together, just like Vegan Food!

    • Jennaratrix

      So, you’re triggered by someone joking about being triggered? For serious?

  • Raan

    I didn’t know Amy’s Baking Company, the restaurant whose owners refused to let Gordon Ramsay help them, branched out into vegan food.

  • Crystalclear12

    Boy, I hope they are saving up for that kid’s therapy.

    • John Thorstensen

      “We’ve tried nothing, and we’re out of ideas!”

      • MynameisBlarney

        “I see. Well, try harder then!”

      • Raan

        Upfist for Flanders’s parents.

        • John Thorstensen

          Exactly. The Minnesota Spankological Protocol is their only hope

    • Yr. Gma

      Or his attorney.

  • Pugsandcoffee

    The vegan hate is a little old (despite these shitty people). But it’s totally ok. Now, whenever anyone “but bacons” me, I just remind them their cholesterol will be along with the check soon.

    • aureolaborealis

      Blood cholesterol is not particularly correlated with dietary cholesterol, at least for most people. The surplus calories that can result from calorically dense foods like bacon on the other hand …

      • Pugsandcoffee

        Ugh. You’re more explainery than actual vegans.

    • clubseal

      A vegan leaves St. Louis at 10 a.m. heading west. A CrossFit gym member leaves Las Vegas at 11 a.m. heading east. Which one tells someone about veganism or CrossFit first?

      • Jenny

        The cross fit guy doesn’t have to, he has his cross fit gym shirt on!

  • mardam422

    The only butthole you’ll see at a Micky D’s is actually in the quarter pounder.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      When they say 100% beef, they’re not kidding.

  • Blanche Beecham

    Why eat vegan in Memphis? I do not understand. Get thee some ribs and BBQ! Go watch the ducks at the hotel. What is wrong with people?

  • janecita

    I eat meat once in a while, I’m not a vegetarian, I just like other things better, but after reading this story, I’m craving a steak. I’m sorry, but these people are GROSS! Militant vegans irk the living hell out of me.

  • Beowoof14

    When I saw the baby butthole headline, I assumed it was about Trump running around in Poland.

    • SisterArtemis

      different article, same butthole-ishness.

  • BadKitty904

    I’d think a vegan restaurant in Memphis would be pretty thrilled to have any customers at all…

    • Alan

      My thought.

    • Officer Meow Meow Fuzzyface

      ever been here or just stereotyping because The South?

      i’m not a vegan, and i enjoy the delicious barbecue here as much as anyone, but they do have people besides hayseeds in the South, especially in the cities, i assure you.

      • keenanjay

        Both.

      • Tobias B. Santa

        Isn’t Memphis known for ribs and BBQ?

      • BadKitty904

        I was born, raised, and live in the South, where my family has lived since 1644.

        That was not an insult directed at my homeland, but a humorous comment based on the apparent disparity of a vegan eatery in Memphis, a city justly famed throughout the world for its BBQ.

        • Noah Holt

          Considering that this restaurant is in quite a trendy little area of Memphis, right on the same block as Goner records, it should come as no surprise to you that there is a vegan restaurant there.

          • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

            …for now, anyway.

        • Officer Meow Meow Fuzzyface

          my apologies.

      • Persistent Demme

        Just the “stereotype” that Memphis is famous for BBQ.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Oh come on now…
      When I left NC there were a few vegan only restaurants and quite a few with vegan menu options.

      • BadKitty904

        I live in a town of 12,000. We have two vegan restaurants.

        It was a joke and I’ll label same as such in the future, if need be.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Ah…
          Easy to miss snark in text.
          Still…gonna send in my Snarkometer for calibration.

          • BadKitty904

            Indeed, it is, hence the lack of animus. But as one of Wonkette’s few – and staunchest – Defenders of the South, I’d be last to snark at my beloved homeland with malice.

          • William Cook for now

            It’s that Pelosi Event. Still disturbing the snark field.

        • clubseal

          I knew it was a joke. Will take a gold star now.

    • grindstone

      Honest to god. I mean, you GO to Memphis for the barbecue. I don’t need to see Graceland and I can get blues lots of place, but hand to god I’ve never had better ribs in my entire life.

      • BadKitty904

        Amen, amen, amen.

  • aureolaborealis

    “Anyone who doesn’t want to see me breastfeeding my 13-year-old while I prepare their lunch is a repressed, patriarchal asshole, and we don’t need their business!”
    – Imagine Cafe response to a review in 12 years, probably.

    • Jennaratrix

      It’s really optimistic of you to think they’ll still be in business in 12 years.

      • King Beauregard

        It will truly be an “imagine” cafe: a big cardboard box, a park bench, and a Thing That Cannot Be Unseen.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Why so upset? It’s not like Jr dropped a load on the table. C’mon y’all. Man up. You wouldn’t be so squeamish if your Honey puckered up to give you a kiss, why give a gentle nudge back over a toddler pucker at your table? (I co-raised two kids. None ever gave a pucker show. Not once. Where the hell does that come from??)

  • Richard Harper

    I actually don’t mind vegan food. I do, however, mind unsolicited butthole viewings. This place seems pretty safe from my custom.

    • Wes

      Strange, I don’t mind unsolicited butthole viewings but I DO mind vegan food.

      To each his own.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Where’s the beef?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Walter Mondale, is that you?

  • Persistent Demme

    My brother, (his kid was a vegan for awhile), says vegan farts are the worst!
    Just sayin’…

    • The Wanderer

      Beans, beans, the Musical Fruit!
      The more you eat, the more you toot.
      The more you toot, the better you feel,
      So eat your beans at every meal!

      • Pilotshark

        clam chowder makes it louder.

      • Eileen Besse

        Beans, beans, good for the heart!
        The more you eat, the more you fart….

    • Edith Prickly

      Burned broccoli whiff for days.

    • It’s the chickpeas.

      • aureolaborealis

        … made into flour, which is then formed into foodstuffs that aren’t cooked completely.

    • covfefesumgame0005

      if you ever stood south of a horse you would know why…

    • MynameisBlarney

      LOL

      TACO BELL LIBELZ!

  • I knew this was Evan without even looking

    • armed_bears

      Yep… casting polite judgement as he does.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Even without the extra e

        • armed_bears

          This languag makes no sens.

          • covfefesumgame0005

            that’s what we get for speaking a patois instead of a real language :P

  • Notreelyhelping

    “C’mon, lady. He’s just winking at you.”

  • WotsAllThisThen

    That’s nothing. You should stop in Saturday night for their Puppetry of the Penis Dinner Theater.

    • Raan

      Followed by Randy Marsh’s Cock Magic.

    • The Green Bastard

      LOLOLOL! I was just recently regaled w tales from a PotP show a friend went to some time ago.

      • Edith Prickly

        I saw it when they were in Toronto. It was….something. Some of the tricks looked painful to me, but they didn’t seem to mind.

        • William Cook for now

          Flaccid it is like silly putty. It’s basically just a lump of tough, stretchy connective tissue. It’s only when erect that pressure can be forced through the delicate pneumatics and cause any deflective or contortive pain.

  • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

    I hate to be the turd in the punchbowl here, but aren’t there some kind of health department regulations concerning establishments where food is served? Every restaurant I’ve ever eaten in has a big notice in the rest room about washing your hands. There are “no shoes, no shirt, no service” signs all over the place. Naked people of any age present a health and safety hazard and a legal liability in any restaurant. Fecal bacteria on the tables and chairs? Hot liquids spilling on children? Heaven help these self-righteous people if and when the health department drops by for a visit.

    • Crank Tango

      I think that only applies when actual food is served.

      • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

        Then it’s a fine racket they’ve got going there, because folks obviously aren’t turning up for the entertainment and atmosphere.

    • mardam422

      You’re assuming the Health Dept. considers this “food”.

    • Gord Bestwick

      I was thinking the same thing.

      Maybe an email to the local health department is in order….

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And, as for truth in advertising, not technically vegan.

    • Raan

      I think “Turd in the Punchbowl” is one of their drink specials.

    • The Green Bastard

      “Lovely party, Jeffrey, but I believe someone has left a turd in the punchbowl.”

    • mary

      That was my first question.

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      I actually went looking for this. There are no regulations that I could find regarding customer attire. Plenty of regulations about workers attire though. The “no shoes, no shirt” thing is up to the owners of the establishment, and owners can dictate attire as they would like.

      I see a place called “No Pants Diner” in my future.

      Since this is a child of the owner though that seems like a possible violation, but I’m not sure how it would work out since the kid is neither customer or employee.

  • It’s a good thing the owners aren’t concerned about money, because I imagine they aren’t making much operating a vegan cafe in one of the barbecue capitals of the world. That would be like having bar in New Orleans that only sold virgin drinks.

    And everyone involved in this story probably needs to eat some bacon or at least cheese and calm the fuck down.

  • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

    Butthole Surferstoddlers libelz!!1!

  • mardam422

    Do you thing that cafe serves the stick she has stuck up her ass as the special on Fridays?

  • Culinary Mercenary

    This is one of the better Off the Menu stories I’ve seen lately. Maybe I should be happy I don’t work in restaurants anymore.
    I’ve pissed off more than a few adults and tell them to get their asses off a kitchen table.

  • clubseal

    This is a laugh I needed today, so thank you, Evan. And no, it’s not just because I’m an adult who giggles at the word “butthole,” especially when it’s used numerous times in a story.

    • The Wanderer

      Giggle all you want, and let the freak flag fly.

  • I’m weirded out enough when the staff brings their fully clothed children to the bar/restaurant that I frequent. It’s creepy and offputting to have bored children lurking around when you’re trying to enjoy a meal/drinks.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    It’s good that I live nowhere near Memphis. I would be likely to go take a dump in the middle of their dining room. I suppose they could make the objection that unicorn poo is technically an animal by-product, but it’s GMO-free and entirely organic, and hey, unicorns just do that sort of thing.* Free range and so forth. Stop being a hater.

    *No, we most emphatically do not.

  • mardam422

    Then I’m eating in Memphis
    sitting in the Imagine Cafe
    I’m eating in Memphis
    Is that a butthole that I see?

    • Raan

      Oh, mama, can this really be the end?
      I’m stuck outside of Mobile with the toddler butthole blues again

      It’s a little forced, I admit.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Customer service, you’re doing it wrong.

  • Randy Riddle

    “Mommy’s Little Bundle Of Health Code Violations” is Reince Priebus’s nickname for Bannon.

  • Donkey Option

    Come on Evan, no one will be passing Imagine Cafe in Memphis. They’ll be passing where it used to be until it tanked due to the owners being complete nut-jobs. Or, you know, failing the health department inspection.

  • Daniel Hooper

    This may sound kind of veganist, BUT…

    THIS is what’s wrong with vegans! I am a proud member of PETA(People for the Eating of Tasty Animals), and I can barely even tolerate vegatarians. I guess vegans like weird things like algae and pond scum because they ARE scum! Their behaviors, their thoughts, their beliefs, are all awful! If I know there’s a vegan around, I’ll order a pizza with streak, chicken AND ham just to piss them off. #MeatForLife

    … I hope everyone realizes that was a joke. Seriously, though, these owners are weird.

    • Joe Preslar

      I’m not a vegan, and I love spirulina :P the green Clif bars are amazing

    • Marjory Chardin

      I am not a vegan but I don’t understand the vegan bashing. I also don’t believe it when people claim to know so many vegans or vegetarians who are all terrible and sanctimonious. There aren’t enough vegans in the world for everyone to know so many of them.

  • Banrion

    I just HAD to go to the Google review page, and this place has reviews going back a year about the food being nothing but reheated canned garbage. There are several more completely unprofessional responses from the owner there, though none quite as gold as baby butthole.

  • Culture Club Warrior

    So…we should expect this place to be out of business by the end of the month, then?

    • Yr. Gma

      And they don’t care because it’s not about money to them.

      • Raan

        It’s about, apparently, showcasing their child’s butthole.

    • Adamant

      In the words of our Oompa Loompa Overload. “I give it two weeks.”

  • JD Mulvey
  • Hither and Yawn

    We were able to train our cats not to stay off the table and counter tops; how difficult is it to keep a child off of them?

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’ve been told that training children is much more difficult than training dogs. I had dogs, not kids, so no personal experience, but it makes sense. Kids are much, much more complex and who the fuck knows what motivates them? Training dogs? Cookies and praise will get the job done. Might work in the short term for kids, Worked with my nephews, but I don’t think it’s a long-term strategy.

    • PJ

      You trained your cats NOT to stay off the table?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        It was easier to do.

    • Thiazin Red

      I guarantee that your cats jump up on the table the second you leave the house, and then feel smug about it all evening when you’re eating dinner.

      • Jennaratrix

        This. My cats won’t jump up when I’m around, but the second I even leave the room, they jump up right in front of the husband unit or the spawn. You’ve trained them to stay off the table when you’re there.

      • Hither and Yawn

        They were kept in the garage when no one was in the house. Overall they were well-behaved and lived in mortal fear of the sound of mom’s heels on the kitchen floor. It’s like they could tell her mood based on the step pattern.

  • Kiki

    Is it vegan if it contains a side of ecoli? This is just gross. Dirty and potty training tots (as the owner herself said the kid is in TRAINING) running around naked does not seem like it is health code compliant. If they’re so lax about letting their naked children run around, I guarantee you the kids are probably “helping” to prepare the food too.

    • Courser_Resistance

      It’s for people who didn’t get enough Filthy Hippy Food in the 60’s. That what does not kill you makes you stronger, they say.

      • William Cook for now

        Kids should eat dirt and subject themselves to all manner of nauseating muck and miasma, for a healthy immune system.

        For a healthy immune system, adults should keep their food away from other people’s kids, for the reasons above

        • Courser_Resistance

          My mom was good at all that stuff. Food poisoning too! I’m pretty much immune to everything. Maybe not snake venom, no exposure to that. Yet.

          • William Cook for now

            Been sickly my whole life but food poisoning I’ve never had.

  • timpundit

    God, I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. This article is Brilliant.

  • covfefesumgame0005

    LOL this is a fun one! at about 0:45 the fun starts! (yeah I know it is scripted and fake, but nice optics)

    http://www.wwe.com/videos/stone-cold-steve-austin-nails-donald-trump-with-the-stunner-wrestlemania-23

  • Jennaratrix

    I mean… if they can’t even begin to care about what their customers think, I have questions. One, why do you run a business that caters to actual people? And two, why are you spending your time writing responses to one review, which wasn’t even BAD? Accusing people of hating children and not loving animals enough because they don’t want your naked, potty-training baby’s dirty feet on their table and her spread-cheeked butthole in their face? These are not the actions of someone who can’t even begin to care. These are the actions of people who care way, way too much about so many wrong things.

    • Steve Cole

      Breeders can be very defensive.

    • clubseal

      Don’t you know about the internet? The only way you show you don’t care about something is by incessantly complaining about it. Duh.

      • Jennaratrix

        Right, I forgot.

    • Thiazin Red

      They’re responses are 100% crazytown over the top, and amazingly unprofessional. Even if I loved children to the extent I would find butthole showing charming, they’re response would put me off.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    The dipshit owners of that dump should rename it: Sacred Toddler Butthole Vegan Cuisine. They can use Donald J. Trump as their honorary mascot, also too.

    • Raan

      The toddler butthole would make a better president.

      So would the less than spectacular vegan food, for that matter.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Agreed.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Man, we don’t have any classy places with toddler buttholes and yodeling! I am being deprived!

    Um, no I’m not. I’ve been to some sketchy places but all have been free of those things.

    I had the exact same thought as someone downthread – nekkid POTTY-TRAINING Babby?? Oh, hell no. Not where I’m eating, thanks.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well, at least nobody was blessed by experiencing a toddler’s yodeling butthole.

      After all, we have a president for that.

  • RaisingProudDemocratPuppies

    “Allow children to be children”? What a horrifying idea. Call me old-fashioned, but I think childhood is a time for learning who does and does not want to see your butthole.

    • Thiazin Red

      Right? You don’t have to make the kid feel bad about being naked, but they are still old enough to be learning time and place.

      • mardam422

        Time: After dinner
        Place: On the pole in the corner

  • P’jama Pahnts

    “Look at my butthole”…kid must’ve learned that game from the family cat

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well, from a cat, I always take that as a compliment. It saves on angst.

    • Thiazin Red

      The cat will always win that game, and doesn’t care how many times you tell them you don’t want to play.

  • Heidi Woodlawn

    First of all, you’re ignorant as hell about vegan cuisine and your humor is super stale. Secondly, the best way to save both wildlife and farmed animals is to refrain from adding new humans to our dying planet. Hopefully the kids are adopted, or if not, I hope their parents teach them to about adoption as an ethical path to parenthood or childfree living as an equally respected option.

    • Thiazin Red

      They were way too easy on it. Vegan baked goods taste like despair.

      • clubseal

        -1 point for not hitting on the super stale setup.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well, if you just happen to dislike “super stale”, you must really hate vegan cuisine, yes?

      I was gifted the opportunity to have “the best vegan food” on three occasions and regretted it each time. Fool me once, fool me twice, I’m an idiot. Oh yeah, vegetable-brained people will claim that what I suffered through was not “real vegan food”. Sorry, I am no true Scottsman.

      And I like my exceedingly stale snark, thankyouverymuch.

      • Marjory Chardin

        Hmmm, so you’ve never eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, beans and rice, spaghetti with marinara sauce, or any Indian vegetable dish?

        • clubseal

          Most breads and pastas are made with eggs, and some with dairy, so he could be referring to vegan pasta or bread. I’m not sure what goes into most Indian food other than delicious stuff, so I guess you’ve got a point there.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          What? Those things are vegan? I think I’m gonna throw up! My day is ruined! RUINED!

          /s

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I don’t claim any particular knowledge of vegan cuisine- I mean, I just eat grass and the occasional bacon cheeseburger. Is baby poo a normal ingredient?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        If you have a baby, and it happens to poo like babies doo, then poo becomes an ingredient of everything. So it seems, anyway.

      • mardam422

        Only in the upscale vegan establishments.

      • NastyBossetti

        If the reviewer were funnier, she could have made a joke about baby poo not being vegan because it’s an animal product.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          I just finished making that same joke about unicorn poo.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      First of all, as a mostly-vegetarian eater, who has ventured upon occasion into Vegan Land, Ethan made me laugh even while being slightly offended.
      Second of all, if you are new to Wonkette, you should know that everyone gets made fun of, at one time or another.
      Don’t take yourself or your opinions so seriously, and you’ll enjoy this website more.

      • Yr. Gma

        Why are you eating the vegetarians?

        • covfefesumgame0005

          and waste all that “food”?

          • MCLepus

            but they’re so stringy.

        • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

          Oh, you smart-aleck! :)D

      • SisterArtemis

        I can’t wait till they rip into the world of tattoo, probably due to some Florida man story on the horizon. I know I will be cringing and laughing my ass off at the same time.

    • Jennaratrix

      We just don’t get enough righteous indignation around here. Thanks for stopping by.

      • BeachBum

        I think that’s what I miss the most about living in the South. That and all the Confederate monuments.

    • Crank Tango

      Hopefully you’re adopted, or will be soon.

    • Yr. Gma

      It’s hard to keep up with the concerns you trolls bring us. Vegan: good. Children: bad. I need a score card.

    • William Cook for now

      So your first point was a personal criticism of the author, and the second point was something no one else has even mentioned, making it seem like you came in here and shit-posted just to get the adoption thing off your chest.

      You seem upset. This might cheer you up. https://youtu.be/QsBT5EQt348

  • Thiazin Red

    So the owner now admits that it happened exactly as the customer said. I’m pretty sure the health inspector would have something to say about naked people in food areas, let alone naked showing their butthole people.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      who aren’t even potty trained

  • Adamant

    Protip: Turn off reviews, delete everything on FB, close all social media accounts, shut your business doors forever, and go back to being a derelict parent at home.

  • cafiene

    Why keep going on about the children being on the menu?? Are they made of soy and hummus too?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      It is important to remember that they are free-range children.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Speaking for myself, I have a stark impression that seeing a toddlers third eye whilst enjoying hummus would result in at least moderate PTSD.

  • Steve Cole

    Burning man needs this show.

  • mary

    What does the health department have to say about this?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Oh I’m sure they’ll come up with something quite profound soon.

      • Tobias J Bennett

        Posted this to the page in multiple places, and figured I’d do it here too.

        Department of Health TN Restaurant Complaint/Foodborne Illness Hotline 800-293-8228.

        Y’know, if a food safety concern is observed during a visit to a food service establishment in Tennessee.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Something loud and including the words “Y’all some nasty motherfuckers,” most likely.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      “I could not begin to care what the Health Department has to say about this.”

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Employees must wash buttholes before returning to work” ?

  • Gummitch

    I was eating at the counter in a Seattle crunchy cafe years ago and a woman seated two stools(sorry) over proceeded to change her babies shitty diaper on the stool between us. Mmm, thanks for spicing up my breakfast.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Take any stool you want.

      • Steve Cole

        ICWYDT

    • SisterArtemis

      I’ve had parents try to do that on the bench in our studio’s waiting room. I don’t even recommend our tiny bathroom floor for that (no snazzy changing table for us, no room for it either), but that’s mainly for the baby’s health, not our comfort.

      When I say, “hey, please don’t do that there” no one has protested, but I don’t know whether to be more surprised by the people who look embarrassed (they knew better, and tried it anyway) or the people who look confused, and apparently don’t realize how wrong it is.

  • Susie Lochary

    I’d be willing to bet my last ten dollars ( wait, my son just took it) that mama grizzly bear doesn’t vaccinate her precious nekkid babies so not only do you need to worry about pee-pee, poo-poo and buttholes but measles too. I love all the little children but naked tots need to run free in the home, not restaurants!

    • Tobias J Bennett

      After digging through the comments on the page it appears that you are correct. She doesn’t vaccinate.

      • MynameisBlarney

        HA! Called that shit an hour ago!
        I KNEEEEW IT!

        • amrak63

          HA! I knew better than to take that bet!

          Holy Ascended Madoka, these people fit the Dumbass Wingnut stereotype of “librulz” to the proverbial “T”.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I love nekkid babbies! But they need to be clean nekkid babbies. Dirty babbies are just EWWWW

    • covfefesumgame0005

      self-righteous asshole in one regard, I expect the same in other areas as well

    • MamaBrown

      If these two woo woos have vaccinated their oh so speshul offspring I will cheerfully eat a Chevrolet. Your choice of make/model.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    And. It didn’t even happen in Portland. Instead we got the paranoid fascists this time. What’s this world coming to?

    • William Cook for now

      Oregon was founded as a White Utopia, and is still pretty segregated. So, the assholes have always been there.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Yes. And portland its own self had some bad racial history. But times and political majorities have changed, as reflected by the solid 25-30% the GOP can now muster in Portland/ Multnomah county elections.

  • SisterArtemis

    I landed on this article via the facebook posting wonkette provided, and the comments there (very few, btw) including someone being disappointed that Evan was vegan-bashing, so I’ll assume they don’t read wonkette much, because eventually EVERYTHING gets bashed a little. But while cute quips and clever cutups about vegan food are wonderful in their own right, really it’s the self-righteous bullshit that’s the topping on this dairy-free cake. What is it about certain diets/ religions/ vehicles/ computers/ etc etc etc that draws the self-important assholes? I know plenty of vegans (and religious folks, and drivers of weird cars, and users of fruit-named computers) who are not self-righteous nincompoops, but BOY OH BOY does this particular diet-group have a healthy share of annoying people.

    And the bookstore ladies were the PERFECT pick for the top of this article.

    • clubseal

      I think it comes down to how much more morally superior the practitioners think their lifestyle is. I mean, they’re SAVING ALL THE ANIMALS, don’t you know.

      • SisterArtemis

        I’d love to scour their lives for leather, glycerin, etc. I’m not dissing anyone’s efforts to eliminate from their daily lives things which they don’t want, or find a threat to the planet. But purists…. meh!
        (hmmmm… can you pair an exclamation point with “meh”? can one “meh” emphatically?)

        • clubseal

          That is a good question. It would perfectly describe how I feel about work today.

          • SisterArtemis

            Well then, go forth and Meh! emphatically!

        • Thiazin Red

          Gelatin is the big one. I don’t see how you could go through life totally eliminating gelatin.

    • jodyleek

      People are kooky about food related things. I read a lot of comments on various food blogs because it’s hilarious and entertaining. I’d have to say the “paleo” people are just as kooky as some vegans. They go completely bonkers when you question why packaged and processed meat foods are “paleo” but something like brown rice is from the devil.

      • clubseal

        I almost forgot about the “paleo” people. Much to my detriment, you have reminded me.

      • Thiazin Red

        Yeah, I’m pretty sure cave people didn’t have bacon and coconut oil.

        • clubseal

          That’s what I’d like to know about the whole “paleo” thing, but I don’t think I can stomach the ensuing conversation if I were to ask someone who follows it.

          • Thiazin Red

            You should really blow their minds and ask them which culture they’re using as a model. Point out that people in the Arctic and the rainforests had very different paleo diets.

          • clubseal

            That is absolutely the point I would make. I would get behind a movement where people retrain their diets to be more like their ancestors’ diets, given how destructive the American diet has been for many different cultures. Based on actual historical/archaeological evidence, I should note.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          at least not until the European Swallows arrived…

      • William Cook for now

        Paleo. Another interesting idea snatched from the hands of science and Goopified into woo.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Two groups of self declared morally superior people that are quite annoying to be around- people who don’t own a TV and vegans. They both can’t wait to tell you just how much better human beings they are…

      • Di Another Day

        Don’t forget Crossfitters.

      • SisterArtemis

        Self-righteous vegans always remind me of self-righteous Christians, and also certain ex-smokers.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Lol, I almost included ex smokers in that group- I’ve never smoked cigarettes and even I find them annoying

    • Marjory Chardin

      I haven’t read any self-righteous comments from vegans on this post. All the self-righteous and intolerant comments are from those bashing vegans.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I know oodles of vegetarians, but only two vegans. None of them are self righteous assholes. In fact, I was in a restaurant with one vegan friend together with other non-vegan friends. Since it was mostly pub food, she couldn’t find anything to fit her diet (everything had cheese) and quietly ordered sea scallops and ate them without make a big freaking fuss about it.

      • MrTusks

        Hold on. She passed over cheese for legit dead animal?

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          I guess she put cows and/or goats higher up on the food chain than a scallop. And, quite honestly, I understand. I passed a dairy farm once when it had just received a new herd of calves. They were kept in something that resembled a large dog crate or a tiny igloo and they were penned off individually. And, as I stated in another post, I’m not opposed to eating meat or cheese, but it was a little heartbreaking to see.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Ha! Ask some people why they still use film, and stand back.

    • Mysterycat

      It is the fundamentalist ideologues that drive many of us bonkers via endless dogmatism.

      The vegans who are not self-righteous and sanctimonious often don’t post a lot of comments or contradict the more intense vegans, so we often will read or hear the more militant faction.

      • SisterArtemis

        very true.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh lord. #ButtholesOutForChelsea is now trending all over my Facebook feed.

    • MynameisBlarney

      LOL

      Sooooo glad I don’t do the facespace thingy anymore.

  • Nyumbu

    Given the number of spelling and grammatical errors in the restaurateur’s posts, I’m going to assume they are also homeschooling their yodeling spawn.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    They even have a children’s menu. Unfortunately there is only one item on it. It is served with a song accompanying it.

    • William Cook for now

      Too. Fucking. Perfect.

      How much you wanna bet that the older one yodels along?

  • SomeBigRedDog

    I am a dog and my butthole has been in contact with most of the floor, couch and bed at my house and even I would have trouble eating around that. But then again I wouldn’t be caught dead in a vegan restaurant.

    • mardam422

      But a Korean restaurant? Now that’s a possibility.

      • clubseal

        Probably shouldn’t have upvoted, did it anyway.

        • mardam422

          You’re right. I feel bad for writing it.

          • SomeBigRedDog

            YOU SHOULD

      • SomeBigRedDog

        HEY NOW

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Not dead.

  • MynameisBlarney

    They say there’s no such thing as bad publicity…

    I think that old saying may not hold true in this case.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    That original review sounds more like it belongs in a #PizzaGate post.

  • Mavenmaven

    Restaurants are not a place for children’s buttholes, if you want to see children’s buttholes, join the clergy.

    • GoutMachine

      Just remember: You can pick your friends. You can pick your butthole. But you can’t pick your friends’ buttholes (without consent).

  • Mister Salty

    Stand up to the negative reviewers all you want. Standing up to the county health department is going to be much more difficult.

    • Tobias J Bennett

      Yup, which is why I did the research to get the TN health department’s number to post in the threads.

      Department of Health TN Restaurant Complaint/Foodborne Illness Hotline 800-293-8228.

      Y’know, if a food safety concern is observed during a visit to a food service establishment in Tennessee.

  • thanatos8285

    My favorite part is that, butthole flashing aside, there is literally nothing identifiable about that review. If that part were made up, you would have ZERO clue who wrote that. So how can you ban the person who wrote it?

    • Benedict McTeedle

      I dunno. The fact that the review appears directly under the name Chelsea Bartley strikes me as a pretty good clue. The owner seemed to know exactly who she is.

      • William Cook for now

        Well apparently they’re both deep into the Memphis Vegan scene, and how big a world could that be?

        • Benedict McTeedle

          There’s that, too.

      • thanatos8285

        You ever have a waiter or waitress ask you what your name was? I sure haven’t. I agree that the owner seems to know exactly who she is, which speaks to my original point. If the incident in question didn’t happen, why such a vivid memory of Chelsea Bartley?

  • SomeBigRedDog

    I have no problem with vegetarians but why anyone would give up butter I just don’t understand.

    • Thiazin Red

      What I don’t get is eggs. The ones you buy aren’t fertilized, the chicken will lay them no matter what people do. Its basically like eating a fruit that fell off a tree.

      I understand only eating eggs from cage free vegetarian fed hens, that makes sense because it has an impact on chicken well fare. But collecting eggs has no impact on the chicken once it comes out. Someone either eats it, or it rots on the ground.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        Your first mistake is attempting to explain science to them. This is the other end of the idiot spectrum from the dummies who think birth control is abortion.

        • Thiazin Red

          I know, but dairy at least also makes sense because the cow has to be pregnant once in order to produce it. But eggs? No sense.

          • SomeBigRedDog

            I disagree. A BUTTER-LESS EXISTENCE MAKES NO SENSE.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            Olive Oil !!

          • SomeBigRedDog

            HOW DARE YOU

          • Crank Tango

            If you can’t use butter, there’s always bacon fat.

          • Crank Tango

            LOL.

          • MynameisBlarney

            WITH BUTTER AND BACON!

          • Bobathonic

            Think of the cheese, man!

      • eggs ackly-wright

        I will not be collected, thank you.

      • Shanzgood TOMORROW

        When I tell people I have problems eating certain types of dairy products because of lactose intolerance, they often ask “what about eggs?”

        *facepalm*

        • therblig

          Tell them that eggs lack toes.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            I don’t know whether I should shell you for that yolk or poach it.

      • William Cook for now

        I imagine the arguement would be along the lines of supporting an industry which raises animals in an unnatural way. Your various types of wild chicken do not lay several eggs a day dor their entire adult life.

        Just hypothethizing; I eat lots of eggs. And chickens.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Cage free eggs are not cruelty free. In fact, the label makes you think you’re doing something good, but the reality is awful. I buy from Amish farmers, or “free range” eggs and chickens. And trust me, this is coming from a farm girl who has absolutely no hesitation in sticking her fork in something she once called, “Daisy.”

        https://www.thoughtco.com/battery-cages-being-phased-out-127663

    • covfefesumgame0005

      stealing that cream from helpless cows!!!!! how cruel! make if from HUMAN milk you cannibal!

      yes, they are that confused…

    • unionthuggery

      Or cheese.

    • MamaBrown

      I could not live without butter. every year on my son’s Facebook I post a happy b-day wish and say “I love you more than buttered toast” Butter is fucking sacred.

  • Barefoot standing on tables, running naked and exposing their anus. Seems to me that the local health department might have an issue with this establishment.

  • coozledad

    Peter Greenaway’s “The cook, the crack, the yodeller and their mother.”

  • Panika MCD

    I get that babbies and toddlers like to be naked, but letting your kid out of your sight? and letting that happen for 15 minutes? what kind of a parent are you?! also too: this is exactly the time in a kid’s life where you explain to them that not everyone can be naked all the time, though we might want to be, because: health and safety not just for other people’s food, but for your very own butthole. and also too: no one likes yodeling.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Other people’s yodeling..,

      • cheetojeebus

        Hell is other people yodeling.
        -John Paul Satire

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Pope, Retired

    • MCLepus

      Just wail til the kid gets to age 5 &goes outside butt necked

      • Panika MCD

        once, when I was like 4, we were on the way home from daycare and when my mom turned onto our street (really, just a dirt road because: 10 miles outside Fairbanks, AK), we started disrobing as we were almost home. about 3 lots away from our house, she decided that if we wanted to be nekkid, we should walk home that way–thinking we’d be embarrassed. didn’t work. we ran in front of the car nekkid all the way home. but notice how we waited until we were “almost home”.

    • MamaBrown

      and one must assume that there is probably cooking taking place, meaning hot surfaces; and tea being drunk, which means boiling water. Remind me, do vegans just gently tear their food, or do they use knives in preparation at all? the thought of that little butthole surfer cheerily running naked through this veritable mine field of dangers to small people is giving me the screaming habdabs.

      • Panika MCD

        egg sac lea. I mean, if I wanted to see a bunch of kids running around nekkid, I’d go to a 3 year old’s birthday party.

    • cheetojeebus

      I used to live next to a family exactly like this. When there little 5 year old dark hearted angel was a little bastard, and he could be, there was that sort of sparkle in his eye when it came to cruelty that reminded me of a nascent psychopath. anyway when he would do some mildly evil thing and there would be an upset, crying all around etc she would then nurse him. At 5 years, a talking walking little scamp rewarded for his misbehavior with nursing. He’s probably serving time by now or as an intern at the white house.

    • Eileen Besse

      Remember–they said “site.”

      • Panika MCD

        so the kids are just roaming the streets?

        • Eileen Besse

          All unvaxxed and nekidd and yodely.

  • boredcatlady

    I shared this on my FB page and my vegan friends have gone full “HOW DARE YOU?” (make fun of vegans) 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • Courser_Resistance

    That restaurant would be perfect next to Filthy Family Tattoo, just down the street on Colfax. Yes, that’s really the name and I just… wonder… how that’s supposed to be a good thing for a place that sticks needles in people all day.

    • Bobathonic

      Some tattoo joints have great names. One in my town is called Sorry Mom Tattoo.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    After all the attentions dicks get,Wonketteers seem to have a pent up urge for poop and butthole jokes.

    • (((Aron)))

      WE’RE ONLY HUMAN!

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “Hold the butthole, please” is a customer request that usually means something entirely different.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    My ancestors have spent tens of thousands of years struggling and surviving on the way to the top of the food chain. I am not about to betray that legacy now.

    Eating Meat Matters.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      You can have my incisors when you pry them from my cold, dead hands jaw.

      • (((Aron)))

        What about your canines? Can I have your canines?

    • Joey T Donovan

      First off, record human history only goes back to about 10-12K years ago (tens of thousands? really?)… second, of those “tens of thousands” of years many of them were spent enslaving, raping, torturing and doing all kinds of morally apprehensible things… So with your logic, you have a right to rape women, pillage property that isn’t yours, and have slaves?… because of ancestral legacies? lol. Sounds like Ordinary Joe should go back to school rather than post antiquated thoughts. Also, I’m not a vegan, but I can respect and appreciate that a plant based diet is better for our own health, and for the environment (not to mention the ethical treatment of animals). Keep stuffing your face with meat and ignorance while we watch Darwin take over with heart disease, cancer etc… #whatamuppet

      • clubseal

        Who opened the #ButtholeGate and let this guy in?

        • Joey T Donovan

          I had the key ;)

      • Annie Jomes

        “I’m not a vegan, but…” Do y’all think that this rhetorical device is effective? ‘Cause it isn’t.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I’m not a racist, but…

          • clubseal

            I’m not a Cthulthu, but …

        • Joey T Donovan

          It shows that theres humility at appreciating another point of view. Im simply stating I can appreciate another persons choice and not slam it because it attacks tradition/culture… I eat meat, but I also eat vegan food a lot. Not looking for effectiveness, just honesty ;)

          • Annie Jomes

            Sure. Only here’s the thing: I’ve been down this road before (the “vegans get all sad and have to moralize at people” road), and IME, the only people who care enough about the mistreatment of vegans to whine about it are other vegans. Maybe you are indeed the rare omnivore who is just “humble,” but I doubt it.

          • Joey T Donovan

            So you would have a very hard time understanding that, although smokers know they are causing harm to their bodies, they are fine with that and favour the consequences against honest/science based health warnings…

          • Annie Jomes

            As I said, I’ve been down this road before. You are adhering to the playbook pretty faithfully; kudos. Alas, I am not interested in having this conversation for the zillionth time. Maybe someone else will bite, but I just find this boring at this point.

          • Joey T Donovan

            Lol but Im not vegan, I’m just adopting a diet that focuses more on plants. I’ve also been through every type of slaughterhouse (pest management years ago) and can appreciate that the current animal farming practices are detrimental to our health and environment. You can argue all you want, and try to discredit vegans by the few you’ve had interactions with (qualitative experience vs. quantitative)… but at the end of the day, there’s no truth in that. The truth will come inevitably when youre sick, or someone you love is, as a consequence of diet. So again, I don’t need to argue, I just like trolling ignorant comments like Ordinary Joes (that sentiment on its own is troubling)… :)

      • SomeBigRedDog

        “I’m not a vegan, but”

        Not all vegans are insufferably self-righteous blowhards and not all insufferably self-righteous blowhards are vegans. Got it.

        • Joey T Donovan

          Good :) glad I could clarify for you…

          • SomeBigRedDog

            *SIGH*

          • Joey T Donovan

            Yeah humility and appreciation of different perspectives is SOOOOO draining lol… :)

          • SomeBigRedDog

            Nah, what’s tiring is your lack of self awareness.

          • Joey T Donovan

            So any differing opinion to you is self-righteous? Interesting… And please speak to how I lack self-awareness… because at the moment I’m fairly aware I’m arguing with someone who can only throw cliched sayings together, or offer non-verbal noises in light of actual debate… SIGH :)

          • SomeBigRedDog

            Awareness in general maybe. If you’re here for debate you’re at the wrong place. Also, you’re very boring which might be why no one wants to “debate” you.

          • Joey T Donovan

            …yet you’ve taken it upon yourself to comment on my comment, then my replies… I guess you’ve really reached out to show who’s lacking the self awareness as you can’t even decide if im boring or not?! lol .. and no one likes to debate people who have experience and facts behind them… ever heard of a straw-man argument? Its the weakest form, in a debate context… and its the means to insult, degrade the character of the debater, rather than the content of their point of view… so I’ll leave you with that BORING factoid :)

          • SomeBigRedDog

            Thx for proving my point

      • Thiazin Red

        Meat and ignorance, for the mouth part of your face.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Look. They’re the bastards who bring the quinoa salad to every fuckin’ potluck. There are limits.

        • SisterArtemis

          Hey! I like the quinoa salad! Right next to my well-burnt chicken dog!

          • Notreelyhelping

            I notice you’re not touching your sprouts and saffron soup.

          • SisterArtemis

            Interestingly, both of those sound pretty good right now. I haven’t had anything but coffee today… one of the dangers of Wonking on my day off.

            A note about sprouts: they are EXCELLENT on tacos – perfect crunch and moisture, light taste that goes well with salsa, even better than finely chopped cabbage, definitely superior to any kind of lettuce, which just gets kind of sad as whatever hot ingredients steam it to death.

          • Notreelyhelping

            I can kind of see that. I always thought they were pretty good on a sandwich, but I didn’t particularly seek them out. Had a hell of a time with tofu until I discovered miso soup. If I could choose, every main course would come out of the ocean, but that isn’t always an option.

          • SisterArtemis

            tofu is best where it soaks up flavor. And I like it better crumbled into things than the little cubes – except in miso, where it is perfect. Also, Thom Kah soup.

          • Notreelyhelping

            I can see that; it’s good in a stir fry. Back in the day, I don’t think I had it prepared properly as the equation read: tofu = tasteless slime. (Whereas oysters on the half-shell are flavorful slime.)

      • Tiny kaiju

        What the actual fucky are you trying to say here? Also, thank you for promoting the stereotype about vegans being insufferably self righteous.

      • Mysterycat

        Roll out those stereotypes here with:

        “Keep stuffing your face with meat.”

        Interesting that omnivores are often accused of ‘stuffing our faces’ with meat, yet no vegan or vegetarian ever stuffs their faces with French fries, cake or whatever.

        Or, perhaps some think that all omnivores funnel six burgers into our maws each and every day.

        A plant-based diet is not always better for our health, some people cannot thrive on a vegan or vegetarian diet.

        http://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/may-15-2013-1.2909943/alexandra-jamieson-i-m-not-vegan-anymore-1.2909945

        As far as raping and other things go, omnivore tendencies are often compared with slavery, rape, murder and everything else under the sun, but if one believes that, in India, where many are vegetarian, that all the raping of women is done only by omnivores, then, I have a mossy plant-based bridge to sell you.

        Heart disease, cancer etc? If one eats excessively, there will be health problems, but don’t forget to include highly-processed foods into that equation, such as white flour, sugar, HFCS, food additives, food colouring and the list goes on.

        Plus, there is an inventive thing called a well-balanced diet. Modern society tends to be affluent in the Western world but not everyone has to follow the Standard American Diet with excessive portions.

  • E.A. Blair

    Between militant vegans/vegetarians and fundagelical godbotherers, I don’t know which are worse. At least the foodie types don’t ring my doorbell on Saturdays wanting to shove their doctrines down my throat. If only the Jehovah’s Witlesses would get the message.

    • MynameisBlarney

      The godbotherers are far, far worse.
      History shows they’re MUCH more willing to kill unbelievers than vegan/vegetarians.

    • II Gosala

      There used to be a couple of Witnesses who came by my place time to time. Saturday was the day I did gardening and yard work; so we’d meet outside. Mostly we’d talk about gardening, nature, living in right relationship with nature and other people. They never challenged my faith and I never challenged theirs, but we had lovely and spiritually informed conversations. I kinda miss their visits.

    • BeachBum

      In my life I have lived in “good” neighborhoods and in poor ones. Funny thing, no body ever wants to save my soul in the poor neighborhoods. I guess Jesus needs good credit ratings.

    • Yr. Gma

      Haven’t encountered any Adventists, huh? Both godbotherers AND vegetarian evangelists.

      • SisterArtemis

        Yeah, but the “Ten Talents” cookbook is pretty interesting. I still have mine sitting on my bookshelf, next to “The Enchanted Broccoli Forest” and “Laurel’s Kitchen” (old edition, my fave vegetarian cookbook ever).

        I eat meat now, but learned to cook when our family was vegetarian. It’s influenced my meal prep in countless ways. Okay, probably not countless, but it does permeate my meal planning.

        • Yr. Gma

          My maternal grandparents were vegetarian and had been since the 1920s. I loved my grandma’s food. They weren’t vegan, but a couple of my cousins are now. I could happily go veg for weeks at a time, but I do miss the eggs when they aren’t there.

          • SisterArtemis

            For me, it’s the cheese. I lurve the cheeses. At least some of them (can’t do the stinky ones).

  • Jennifer Baker McDonough

    Although I understand the issue what I don’t understand is the language used to describe food you have personally never eaten or even laid eyes on. That is what I took away from this article.

    • Yr. Gma

      What makes you thing Evan has never seen or eaten vegan food? I’ll bet he ate a salad once, maybe even a fruit one without whipped cream. Vegan food is the food all of us eat. It’s just that some of us also eat meat and dairy. The vegan purity thing is so silly.

      • SisterArtemis

        I like the way you think and would like to subscribe to your food blog!

        • Yr. Gma

          Hey! I love all food.

    • Tiny kaiju

      Then your laser focus on your own defensive reaction to criticism of a shared characteristic interferes with your reading comprehension, bigly.

  • BeachBum

    I try to get thru TN north and south. East and west is pretty, but then I have to stop to eat.

  • Jenny

    SOUND THE ALARM! BUTTHURT VEGANS INCOMING!!

    • MynameisBlarney

      I used to be a vegan, and I fit the stereotype pretty well.
      Though I didn’t really start preaching about it until someone asked me WTF I was eating.

      • Shanzgood TOMORROW

        I actually like vegan food. It comforts my uncooperative digestive system.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Yeah me too.
          But I also like steak.

      • (((Aron)))

        If you weren’t preaching, how could you truly be a vegan?

        • MynameisBlarney

          Perhaps that explains why I’m no longer a vegan.

          • (((Aron)))

            Heehee :)

    • Shanzgood TOMORROW
      • Jenny

        Locked and loaded!

      • Needs moar bacon.

        • Shanzgood TOMORROW

          I’m getting all he bacon I can stand tomorrow! Woohoo!

      • aureolaborealis

        Needs moar cigarettes and firearms!

      • (((Aron)))

        I hope that’s some 1980s Wild Turkey. Because Turkey from back then is ALMOST as good as that bacon sammich.

        • Shanzgood TOMORROW

          I have no idea! I stole the pic from baconz and I don’t know where HE even got it!

          • (((Aron)))

            Wherever he got it, I want to be there!

    • unpocketedstupidcomments

      No, we’re leaving and never coming back.

      • Jenny

        Ok bye!

        • clubseal

          “Gotta separate the wheat from the chaff.”
          – The Bible, I think

          • BeachBum

            Or Budweiser. No, that was barley and hops. Oh well.

    • BeachBum

      One if by land ! 2 if by sea ! 3 if by baby buttcheeks !

  • NoisyCrowBro

    The pic of the Portlandia folks is apt, even I hate their depiction of Portland.

    • Notreelyhelping

      I kept thinking this didn’t sound out of character for Old Wives’ Tales Restaurant. Which is now, if I understand correctly, an apartment complex.

      • SisterArtemis

        Oh god, I totally forgot about that place. I did indeed have some tussle with the waitress over some food choice I was making… can’t remember what, as it must be 25 or 30 years ago now. Eye-rollery was involved on both sides, as I recall.

        • Notreelyhelping

          I went there just a couple of times as part of a larger group who chose the place. It always reminded me of a friend in college who would say things like: “Hey, man, you should really think about whether you want to eat that. It’s full of pesticides and preservatives. Want a Quaalude?”

  • Walter Wellstone

    The one thing I can conclude from all this is that Facebook is really fucked up.

  • Connie Morgan

    Really shocking to see so much time is spent on such a mundane subject. I can only say that being a vegan is far from easy but that people are willing to forego great tasting food in order to save wonderful creatures that love their life just as we do, that feel pain just as we do, that in no way deserve to be cruelly factory farmed, deprived of the life that nature intended and to be even more cruelly killed makes those people completely more sensitive than most of the population. Vegans are amazing and should be highly regarded for that life choice. Set them apart for that and try to separate their other life choices that don’t please you without criticizing or adding their veganism please.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      If animals didn’t want to be eaten they shouldn’t taste so good.

    • Thiazin Red

      rolls eyes and makes jerk off motion

    • Crank Tango

      Vegans are amazing and should be highly regarded for that life choice.

      I’ll get right on that.

      • ltmcdies

        And on the African savannah with a pride of lions.. they’re dinner just like the rest of us

      • Jenny

        I almost choked on a strawberry reading that.

        Fuck you Vegan, stop trying to kill me with your bullshit humble brags.

    • NastyBossetti

      “Vegans are amazing?” They’re just people, making a food choice.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Really? How are they best prepared? Broiling?

        (Of course, you’re right, but I can’t let that get in my way.)

    • Mara Almighty
      • Tiny kaiju

        My favorite part of that movie.

        • Mara Almighty

          I’m so happy I finally had an excuse to post that as a reply to something.

    • Yr. Gma

      So we’re gonna have a day of vegan concern, huh? Listen, pumpkin, (I would call you lamb chop, but…) the joke here is not about the vegan food. The joke is about the naked kid and the yodeling and the overreaction of the “owner” to a fairly mild rebuke. Wonkette is the most tolerant place around, and if you want to do vegan, most of us here will salute you for your conviction to something.

    • FZsdaughter

      Connie has come to the wrong mommie-blog-recipie-hub

    • (((Aron)))

      Connie, I was born with incisors and canines. They are made for eating yummilicious meat.

      NOM. NOM. NOM.

      • Michelle Mauler

        No. Your incisors are ornamental at best, and tiny and fragile compared with real ones. Our incisors are along the same model as a chimp’s only smaller and more delicate and less useful for hunting. You like meat for the same reason a deer eats hamburgers.

        • (((Aron)))

          Because meat is delicious? Sounds right to me!

          And here’s the thing: we have cutlery, so we don’t need heavy duty incisors and canines. But thanks for your hilariously judgemental input!

        • Tiny kaiju

          Because it’s on special at the diner?

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Connie, plants are living things too. We can’t get around having to kill living things for our food. Agree with you about treating animals responsibly though.

    • BeachBum

      Sorry, I do not highly regard someone for what they eat or don’t eat. I have also never met an “amazing ” vegan. In fact, the VERY few people I consider amazing did eat meat. Except for Gandhi. And I don’t think you’re a Gandhi.

    • OneWhiteWhisker

      I see a distinct lack of “it’s not right to be forced to look at children’s buttholes or listen to them badly imitate Slim Whitman” in your post, Connie, which is clearly what the topic is about. Please try again.

    • Leighmac

      Aaaaaannnndddd…..there you go. Proving my point about insufferability.

    • kfincher

      I eat a plant based diet and I don’t do it because I really care about animals. I like animals but it’s not a moral choice at all. It has to do with health for me, the majority of my family has died early from heart disease and cardiovascular disease because of their diet and lifestyle and being plant based has made me a lot more healthy. It’s not always a moral crusade to not eat meat. I often don’t go to vegan restaurants because they are run by hippies like the people in the article.

    • Jennaratrix

      *yawn*

    • SisterArtemis

      I come not to snark, but to preach…

    • Tiny kaiju

      And the point is missed once again, ladies and gentlemen. Free range baby buttholes are not equivalent to veganism.

    • rebecca

      Since people are calling you insufferable, I want you to know: I don’t think you are insufferable in the slightest. And the point of the article was not “vegans are the worst,” it was “put a diaper on the baby when she’s in a restaurant please,” and a couple jokes about grass clippings, which doesn’t say vegans are terrible, it says Evan likes meat.

  • James Dalton Caran

    Looks like they closed the facebook page

    • Tobias J Bennett

      Was just coming here to report the same.

      • James Dalton Caran

        Yea.. I was in the middle of laughing at some really funny comments when suddenly I got error messages every time I tried to use the laugh button. I guess they would rather take down the fb page rather than be humble and admit a mistake

    • Yr. Gma

      Facebook is evil.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        It has become a victim of evil possession, of late.

  • baconzgood
    • Yr. Gma

      Hubba hubba.

      • baconzgood

        *blush*

        It’s my balding 42 year old forehead

        • Yr. Gma

          You need to stop worrying about Shan liking you.

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            He really does.

          • Yr. Gma

            Seriously, If I were fifty years younger… (and not married, and not Shanz’ friend, and still looked good in shorts…)

          • baconzgood

            I fail.

          • baconzgood

            Never. I can always do something better for her.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Aye, that’s the spirit lad.

          • baconzgood

            I try. Accomplish is my problem.

        • Rick Hill

          You’re also walking sideways again

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            It’s very hilly there.

          • baconzgood

            No the picture was taken below the equator. You just don’t have the right adapter.

        • clap hands

          OH

          • baconzgood

            I’m not handsom. It’s all done with magnets

        • Shanzgood TOMORROW

          Are you saying 42 instead of 41 so I feel better?

          • baconzgood

            I may be 50. You have to cut me in half and count the rings in my torso.

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            I’ll get the chainsaw from the garage.

          • BackDoorMan

            … and that, folks, is what ya’ call a loving, co-operative relationship!

    • Shanzgood TOMORROW

      Hello, cutie!

    • Persistent Demme

      I just KNEW you’d weigh in on this!
      (The cute pic is a bonus!)

    • Rick Hill

      Hey! You’re redheaded, too. Isn’t rubbing you and Shanz together like the bad Capn Kirk come in contact with the good Capn Kirk?

      • Shanzgood TOMORROW

        No, he’s not a redhead! He’s got brown hair that’s been lightened by being in the sun a lot recently.

        I’m not sayin nothin about what happens with the rubbing, though.

        • Rick Hill

          Idk…he may be “passing” for brown but that beard and hair are saying differently

          • baconzgood

            I’m a slightly red head usually.

            Not the fiery kind. Just red when you inspect it close.

          • William Cook for now

            My hair looks dark brown, but it’s just a deep, deep red. Coppery facial hair and to bleach the top blonde I have to go through auburn, fiery orange, ketchup-chip, rest, do another full bleach through all the shades of strawberry blonde.

            You might have the same thing?

          • baconzgood

            Is this a M2M Craigslist ad? If so are you ddf?

          • William Cook for now

            I am not fluent eniugh in M2M Craigslist to know what ddf means. However Shanzgood said something about a chainsaw so I’m gonna guess no and just back away, silent and deadpan-like.

        • baconzgood

          Actually it is brown not red. I’m also 6′ 4″ too

      • baconzgood

        Uhhhh. It is a tightrope with us. Too much passion (good and bad) and A LOT OF apologies (both of us)

    • Emaily

      There are 62 cigarette butts in the jar beside you. That’s my guess.

      • baconzgood

        Who knows. When it fills up I throw it in the recycling bin and buy a new one at the dollar store. They usually hold about 60 packs. Maybe 100.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Well, if you start toilet training too early, your kid will end up like Ted Cruz.

  • Dutchman

    I’m truly agnostic in my feelings about vegans. Their lives, their taste buds, their GI tracts to do with as they please.

    What I’m truly offended by is the restaurant owners abject abuse of common English language. The punctuation, spelling and grammatical errors in those posts set my teeth on edge more than the Gropenfuhrers tweets.

  • Penthesilea110

    I rarely disagree w/my Wonkette, but the idea that a naked baby is someone a horrifying sight is just so… American… much as I hate vegan food, I applaud the owners for not thinking naked babies are eww.

    • Mara Almighty

      Ummm, did you miss the point that the baby was spreading its asscheeks? Go look up “goatse” and tell me if that guy was a toddler that’d make everything better.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        In the catholic church… maybe.

      • jeff fearnow

        ^^that’s some weapons grade context that is^^

      • clubseal

        Don’t look up goatse at work though. Just a friendly note for those who don’t know what it is.

      • Penthesilea110

        If you’re okay with naked humans, you’re okay with their buttholes. If you’re not okay with buttholes, you’re not okay with naked humans. It’s really pretty simple.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      naked babbies who aren’t potty trained standing on a table with dirty feet?

      No thankyou…

    • (((Aron)))

      Sorry, we have these things called Health Codes that aren’t exactly optional….

      • Penthesilea110

        THE RULEZ MUST BE FOLLOWED!

    • Thiazin Red

      Context.

      Naked baby at beach = okay.
      Naked baby showing their butthole in a place where food is made and eaten = not okay.

      • Shanzgood TOMORROW

        It’s dismaying that this needs to be explicitly spelled out.

        • Dutchman

          Dismaying, yes. Surprising? No.

        • baconzgood

          Hey baby.

      • baconzgood

        My baby’s naked butt hole on a bed = Saturday night with a few glasses of wine

        • William Cook for now

          Now, you kids have fun this weekend!

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            I’m cleaning the chainsaw this afternoon.

          • William Cook for now

            Well, just be careful. You’re gonna want all ten digits.

          • baconzgood

            I’m excited. And not just in my swim suit area.

    • Yr. Gma

      Again, missing the point of the story. No one said naked babies are horrifying.

      • Penthesilea110

        Unless you think “visible butthole” is somehow not part of “naked,” I think I got it just fine.

    • clap hands

      I am Canadian, and I would not leave a review so polite if the owner’s child showed me its god damn asshole during my meal. I’d also have called child services because someone could have grabbed that child and whisked it away into their car if it was so poorly monitored that it had time put on a sphincter show.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Also, too, were they letting said child wander around the restaurant kitchen? The danger of burns, scalds, cuts, being tripped over, etc.; it’s not a place for any small child.

    • Jennaratrix

      Naked babby – fine.
      Dirty naked babby standing on my table bent over to show me her butthole while I’m eating lunch – not fine.

    • Iam Reading

      Dirty feet on tables and toddlers bending over to show naked buttholes in a restaurant is unacceptable and unhygienic. Science fact

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Naked babies should not be out in public. There are too many creepy people out there.

      • Penthesilea110

        No, really, there are very very few people out there who are creepy about naked babies. Very very very very very very few. And those are just as creepy about a baby in a diaper.

    • Tiny kaiju

      Naked babies are adorable, in backyards, running around relatives’ houses etc.
      Not unsupervised in public and most certainly not a public place serving food. As for the yodeling child, I probably would have made her cry by calling her Swiss Miss and telling her to go home and milk her goats.

    • Sullivan ThePoop

      This kid stood on the woman’s table with very dirty feet while she was eating an then turned around and showed the woman baby butthole. That is just gross

      • Penthesilea110

        Um, no, not really. But I guess it’s an American thing?

  • FZsdaughter

    I hope they could not even begin to care that no one will go to their horrible restaurant anymore. #GoodLuckWithThoseKids

  • whitroth

    I think the “restranteurs” should be really, really careful. I’d also expect the city health dept would give the restaurant a visit really, really soon, like Monday.

    So, hey, does this Vegan ™ restaurant have lots on the menu of fake meat? And if so, why would Vegans want to eat something that attempts to look and taste like meat?

    Send the Vegans back to Vega!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      What happens in Vegans stays in Vegans

      • clubseal

        “If only.”
        – The bathroom at Whole Foods

    • Cotton Top

      Vegetarian/vegan friends have called the menu “vegan junk food.” Lots of things trying to be what they aren’t instead of having quality vegan dishes that don’t aren’t trying to pass as non-vegan. In all fairness, I am not vegan and have not eaten there.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I’ve eaten some delicious vegan food, none of which was the junk masquerading as meat.

        • Cotton Top

          Same here. My sis is vegan and an AMAZING cook. I’ve always said that if she were my personal chef, I wouldn’t have a problem going vegan. The stuff she makes is fantastic, but takes a lot of time and effort.

    • Thorn Spike

      “…why would Vegans want to eat something that attempts to look and taste like meat?”

      This.

  • Wright Williams

    The restaurant should be closed by the Health Department – this is totally unacceptable.

  • Marceline

    I love how the conversation has become about veganism and not these nasty people refusing to understand health codes. Veganism can derail any topic.

    • cheetojeebus

      Just wait till someone brings up Paleo. [ooops sorry.]

      • JiGGLeBiLLy

        Or gluten?

        • Notreelyhelping

          I always ask for extra gluten. Or you know, eating with someone else: if you’re not going to eat your gluten….

          • JiGGLeBiLLy

            Isn’t that considered “glutenny?”
            I know, apologies in advance.

        • Yr. Gma

          Oh dear god. Adventists who are vegan eat a form of fake meat that is made from the gluten extracted from flour. I don’t know what a poor Adventist vegan does when he wants to turn gluten intolerant.
          https://www.thespruce.com/what-is-seitan-3376819

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I do online dating, and if a guy mentions paleo or crossfit in his profile I know to steer clear.

        • clubseal

          What if we were on a date and I made fun of paleo and CrossFit? Would those be acceptable mentions?

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I’d join in!
            I mean, if paleo and crossfit are someone’s thing, that’s cool, you do you, but I guarantee you that person’s not going to be compatible with me, lol.

        • unionthuggery

          Paleo, CrossFit, veganism, libertarian. Proponents of them will talk excessively about them to the exclusion of all other topics. And be all humble brag/self-righteous about it to boot.

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        And Crossfit

    • Yr. Gma

      The word got out to the concern trolls.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Where’s the linkie to the “very nasty review”? Lol. God, I love going down the Yelp rabbit hole of crazy assholes attacking customers who leave less than glowing reviews.
    If I was a vegan I’d be so embarrassed by these cafe owners, kinda like when I hear yet another story about a fellow lawyer being a dick and think “buddy, we don’t have a great rep to begin with and YOU’RE NOT HELPING.”
    I feel like Chelsea is someone I could hang with, even if she won’t split a plate of beefy nachos with me.

    • Tobias J Bennett

      I believe that the review (and indeed the place’s entire Facebook page) has been taken down

      • alpacapunchbowl

        As referenced in the article.

    • Leighmac

      The review is posted in the story above.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Yes, I am aware. I was referring to the fact that the review was not remotely nasty.

    • Sullivan ThePoop

      I saw the review earlier. It wasn’t even bad. She said she would go back there

  • Marjory Chardin

    I don’t believe any of those people who insist they know so many intolerant and sanctimonious vegans. There aren’t enough vegans in the world to provide all of you with this many “vegan friends.” In my entire life I have probably known 4 vegans, and only one of those was in any way annoying. I think you all just feel enormously guilty and know that, in many ways, vegans are on the right side of the ethics of meat eating. By the way, I am not a vegan.

    • timpundit

      I don’t think I know any actual ‘vegans’. I know people who won’t eat meat but not vegans. But then again everyone I hang with is over 40.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      You could be right. Maybe its just all of the annoying vegan apologists.

    • Jennaratrix

      The one vegan and two vegetarians I know are fine and don’t get grumpy if I eat meat in front of them. Maybe everyone else all knows the same asshole.

      Edited to add that I don’t feel a bit guilty about eating meat, and I’ll call anyone an asshole if they deserve it.

    • Leighmac

      I actually do know more than 4 vegans and yes, they can be that insufferable.

      • Iam Reading

        Is it them, or is it the veganism? These people tend to fall into a “type” that is annoying, no matter what current “ism” they claim to adhere to.

        • SisterArtemis

          It’s them. They would be unsufferable regardless what banner they took up.

          *edit
          I typed “un”sufferable without catching it, but I think it pairs nicely with the “unpossible” we fling about here from time to time, so leavin’ it.

          • Iam Reading

            Agreed and I like the new word creation

    • Jenny

      What’s with the number of not vegans extolling the greatness of vegans?

      If you’re not vegan but think they’re so great, how about you shut the fuck up and go practice what you preach?

    • SomeBigRedDog

      “I’m not a vegan, but” is becoming an actual thing!

      • clubseal

        I guess it’s better than “I’m not a cardiovascular surgeon, but I bet I could fix that valve for you” becoming a thing?

        • SomeBigRedDog

          I don’t know. If they just shut up about it and got to work I might give them a chance.

          • clubseal

            Ah what the hell – I’ve got a few valves in there.

        • Relativicus

          I’m thinking more like “I voted for Obama twice, but…”.

        • SisterArtemis

          Hey! don’t steal my line!

      • Edith Prickly
        • SisterArtemis

          As, incidentally, an ex-vegetarian who crossed back over into meatland DUE TO BEING GIVEN A DELICIOUS POUND OF BACON WHEN I WAS A POORZ… but I digress…
          Anyway, still have trouble digesting bacon in the quantities I’d like to be accustomed to, but that has more to do with a cranky gall bladder than anything else. I’ve found that the bestest bacon is cooked about halfway, drained thoroughly, cooled, and then cooked to crispy right before eating. This is how many restaurants do it. For some reason, it’s much easier to digest, and tastes better too.

          • Edith Prickly

            I always preferred it crispy, and I’ve done the pre-cook trick too. We don’t eat bacon much at the Prickly house due to advancing age (mine) and higher meat prices, but I let the kid eat most of it when we do.

          • Persistent Demme

            I like to call bacon: “the chocolate of the meat world.”
            (Probably heard that somewhere, but I don’t remember.)

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            Have you tried chocolate covered bacon?

          • Persistent Demme

            Yes!
            I love salty and sweet together!

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            Same! My favorite movie theater snack is popcorn and Reese’s Pieces!

          • Persistent Demme

            At movies, I love to eat Jelly Bellys cause it’s dark, and you never know what you’ll get.

          • SisterArtemis

            I have not. I thought I’d like the whole maple-bacon donut thing, but I didn’t like it at all. I don’t like it much when maple syrup gets on my bacon either. I do think bacon would be awesome in a mole dish (cocoa based), so apparently I have issues, with bacon-and-sweets combos.

          • Persistent Demme

            I used to pour maple syrup DELIBERATELY on bacon or sausage.
            (Alas, I don’t eat pork anymore, and bacon is what I miss the most.)

          • SisterArtemis

            We call it “the duct tape of the kitchen” around here

        • Shanzgood TOMORROW

          Isn’t that called lard?

          • (((Aron)))

            That is called DELICIOUS!

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            Hey, I cook with bacon fat so I’m not arguing!

      • Annie Jomes

        They do it all the time. Every online discussion about veganism, there’s a million posts from “I’m not a vegan, but.” I think they think it makes them sound more credible? Which, yeah, sure. Except no.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Veganism, or politics, “I didn’t vote for the temper tantrum that walks like a man, but…” Everything with a disclaimer so you won’t think they are whatever they say they are not.

      • Elisa

        In this particular case it might be better to specify that one is not a vegan butt.

        • BackDoorMan

          … I believe there was at least one vegan butt on full display at the Imagine cafe.

    • Blackest Noobs

      snort.

    • Yr. Gma

      I grew up among Adventists, and I know hundreds of vegetarians and at least dozens of vegans. I have had delicious food from both cuisines. The food is not the problem. The evangelical zeal and the self-righteous puffery is.

      • SisterArtemis

        Exactly.

      • Shanzgood TOMORROW

        Puffery. Good word.

    • NastyBossetti

      Your life experience is not everyone’s life experience. I have known many vegans because they’re not uncommon in the circles I travel in. Although the ones who were just regular people making their own life choices outnumbered the intolerant sanctimonious vegans, the insufferable ones are so insufferable that it FEELS like there are more of them, by an order of magnitude.

    • Blackest Noobs

      your statement wouldn’t be so sanctimonious if you dropped the last two sentences. just a quick edit.

    • SisterArtemis

      Living in hippie ville Eugene, Oregon, and having come from the Puget Sound, I’ve know dozens of vegans. We actually have some good vegan restaurants/portions of menus here in town.

      However, I think your ratio is about right – 1 in 4 of the vegans (also vegetarians, also Jenny Craig dieters) are sanctimonious preachers of their habits. Most are just, you know, people and/or Wonketeers.

    • timpundit

      I’ve heard that people who know vegans but are not vegans themselves are enormously judgemental of non-vegans who make fun of vegans. They also have yodeling vegan toddlers with dirty buttholes and feet.

      But, I don’t think that’s ALL people who know vegans but are not one.

    • Relativicus

      My most vegany friend fills my timeline up, every day, with nasty photos of animals. So basically she spends all day depressing herself, and making me ignore her.

    • MynameisBlarney

      So…no comment on the actual topic?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      We have a vegan restaurant here in L.A. where the waitress, who is in tiny, tiny cut-offs and is so tall HER butthole is basically in your face, piously asks you “the question of the day” (“What are you grateful for?”) and makes you answer, and the food is named “I am worthwhile” so you have to say self-affirming things when you order I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING and that’s just one of them. AND the food is awful. How do you know someone’s a vegan? They’ll tell you. It’s the pious, annoying sanctimony, making your issue “I don’t eat meat and you’re wrong if you do,” in a city where mentally ill people sleep on the streets and there’s a fraction of the support for mental health and substance recovery.

      • BosGrl

        Wish I could give you more than one upvote!

      • whitroth

        I would *love* to know what Vegans would do about the billions of cattle, chicken, and pigs, and the people who raise them for a living. I mean, should we just kill them all? Or what?

        • Any time I’ve ever asked a vegan that very thing, they’ve gotten angry with me and told me that it’s a ridiculous question because it’s never going to happen.

      • SisterArtemis

        Thank you.

    • Mysterycat

      Not every omnivore gets their meat from factory-farmed sources and most omnivores don’t show up at the vegan confessional to go on about so-called ‘guilt’ for eating food. Anymore than a vegetarian/vegan confesses should farm combines or other harvesting machinery do in animals during veggie/fruit harvesting.

      All beings eat other organic beings or life forms, that is the circle of survival.
      We can’t be Breatharian.

      There are humane ways to raise food animals in comfortable conditions, pasture-raised, but capitalism often puts profit above else, which is why there is factory farming or child labour, sweatshops for clothing and so many other issues.

      It depends on the individual as to how many vegans an omnivore happens to meet, everyone has different experiences.

  • Blackest Noobs

    man! it is true…liberals even have their own white people too. goddamn y’all.

    • SisterArtemis

      pity us, dear Noobs, pity us…

      • Blackest Noobs

        listen, whitey, you can have your moment on the road to Damascus, it can happen, it just has to happen to whole helluva lot of you white people.

        • Persistent Demme

          Something HAS happened to a lot of us white people (and a lot of others).
          It’s called Donald Trump.

        • whitroth

          Please, from what I know (I am not now, nor have I ever been a Christian), if that idiot had died on the road, we wouldn’t have half of this crap.

          • Blackest Noobs

            nothing to do with christianity, i meant a moment of epiphany ( definition #3, not the other two too christiany one)…like a catharsis…yeah white people need a catharsis as much as they probably need a enema….well not those annoying vegan white people…but you know…the rest of y’all.

          • whitroth

            Hey, don’t assume *all* of us need it… says the guy who few up in North Philly…. You think *I* feel part of the ruling class?

          • Blackest Noobs

            privilege has its advantages even if you don’t notice it.

          • whitroth

            I would notice, and I don’t something right. Let’s just agree to differ, until we get a chance to meet in person. I won’t convince you, and I don’t think you understand me.

            Do look up “red diaper baby”, though.

            One more thing – I would even dream of the idiocy of Dolezel (what an asshole….)

  • Iam Reading

    Unless freshly bleached, butt holes are inherently unhygenic. Imagine their food prep practices.

    • Blackest Noobs

      those were vegan assholes…hell the poop from those butts are free of pesticides and meat….so basically edible.

      • Iam Reading

        You first!

      • MynameisBlarney
      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        There’s a tossed salad joke in there somewhere…if one looks hard enough.

    • Rick Hill
      • sillyclucker

        Ba ha ha !!!!

      • Notreelyhelping

        Completely inedible.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        They are certainly prioritized nicely. And the lack of Tiffany is the cherry on top.

        • BackDoorMan

          … I picture a thought-bubble above Eric’s head saying… “why do they always make me stand in the back? They’re laughing at me, aren’t they? I know they’re smirking… why do they hate me?”

      • Iam Reading

        Almost. They should probably chlorinate their lungs, just to be safe

  • Relativicus

    This is going to give veganism a bad name.

    • Jennaratrix

      TOO LATE!

    • SuzyQue

      Because it had a good name before this?

      • clubseal

        I may be wrong, but I believe you’ve observed dry wit in its purest form.

    • Shane Quinters

      more so than eating vegan food?

  • Jim Ingram

    They took their FB page down, but their Twitter is still up. Guess with only 142 characters, it’s harder to sound like a stark raving loon…unless you’re the president. (shrugs)

    https://twitter.com/ImagineVegan

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Did you know there is actually a disorder in dogs where they will attack imaginary skyraisins?
      True story.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I alwYs thought the dog was nipping at bees.

        • It’s called “fly-snapping ” It’s really fascinating. I learned about it back when I studied canine neurophysiology as a vet tech.

      • whitroth

        That’s a problem *we* don’t have. I will say, though, my Lord&Master does a great job of herding ghosts, though I wish he wouldn’t move such large herds through at 03:30….

        butler to Cat

  • Is it truly vegan if butthole is on the menu?

    • (((Aron)))

      Yes, if said butthole is made from meat-substitute.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    A vegan restaurant in the land of Memphis barbecue already has a zillion strikes against it without tossing a nekkid babby in the mix.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    Evan, I love you man (hell, you’re practically family at this point), but stop it with the “vegan food is crap” crap. I’ve been a vegetarian for almost 30 years, and a (half-assed) vegan for nearly the same amount of time, and there ain’t nothing wrong with leaving animals and their excretions out of your diet. Plants are delicious if you prepare them right.

    Also, too: factory farming is cruel, exploitative (of humans and animals), and incredibly destructive to the environment. I don’t proselytize much, but if you give a damn about the planet, Big Death Factories should be one of your first targets.

    I stopped eating animals as a child when I helped run the science center at my Summer camp; my visits to local farms helped convince me that animals deserved as much respect and love as most people.

    Also, also, too: dirty (or even clean) baby butts and dining do not mix. Every sensible omnivore knows that this is the case. Vegans aren’t any crazier than carnivores in my experience. Step it back, buster!

    Grrrrrrr.

    • Matt Rosenblatt

      It’s a joke, calm down Francis.

      • Christopher Koehler

        Do you get tired to vegans making jokes about steak and animal murder? They’re just jokes, calm down, Francis.

        • I like my animal murder medium rare.

          • Val Perry Rendel

            It’s so good.

          • (I actually do not like much of the meat, but shhh, funnier the other way)

        • Serai 1

          Ooohhh, you’ve REALLY come to the wrong place, Sparky.

        • SisterArtemis

          To be fair, if the jokes are CLEVER most of the carnivores will laugh.

          • Yeah but them omnivores are some dour biters, amiright?

          • SisterArtemis

            fence sitters

        • Matt Rosenblatt

          Nope joke away, but stop projecting please :3

    • JesusWasAHippie

      This is Wonkette, and there will be snark. You don’t have to agree with it, but don’t expect someone to “step it back” just because you personally don’t like what the mommyblog is saying.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Yeah I thought this was explained by the Portlandia gif

    • BeachBum

      He is not advocating a philosophy of life. He is making a joke. Lighten up. There is a time and place for serious arguing your personal decisions. I have heard your arguments for many decades and I still doubt you can change the course of 10 million years of human evolution. As for destruction to the environment, please see the results of Industrialized Agriculture in the world today. You don’t avoid responsibility by simply not eating meat.

    • :huggles: I think that was more because the “haters” were accused of hating the lifestyle of vegan when in reality it was just naked toddlers running about they had a problem with. He was spoofing off the owner response that was claiming people were being hateful because vegan, not hateful because naked XD

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      and Texas and Texans get made fun of around here all the time. It occasionally gets me riled up, but not much.

      If when people are serious about hating us, I just remind them #NotAllTexans and that we have really great food.

      • I should think people have a basic understanding that #notall is implied when, after the 100th story about say, how FL Man is doing a dumb, you go “WTF is wrong with you, Floriduh!!!???” and post a bugs gif.

        • Shanzgood TOMORROW

          Same with Kansas sometimes. I got over getting my knickers in such a twist after the election.

          • I guess because I have lived all over I never really grew a strong attachment to any given locale? I am fonder of some than others, but nothing akin to imma fight you for saying words about a place.
            I mean, if they are saying goddamned it, Texas is fucked up, what the hell…why would that get me angry unless I agreed that the thing that is fucked up is ok?

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            I guess it was the constant generalizing about “all those stupid pigfuckers in Kansas” that set me off. But I get it. People were devastated after the election and had a lot of ire to work out. Like I said, I got over it.

          • :snuggle:
            To be fair, they should not have said pig fuckers. They should have said Baconz lovers.

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            Woohoo! Less than 24 hours now!!!

          • DAWWWWWW <3
            Got big fun exciting plans?

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            Baseball game, lots of strolling downtown, a couple of favorite bars, and lots of cooking (I hope). Also we’ll be going knife shopping, I’m told. My knives are bad and baconz doesn’t tolerate inadequate kitchen equipment.

          • He is wise. And a good set of knives is something all A Ladies should possess, just for the hell of it.
            Someone being annoying you can go “did I show you my knife collection?”

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            Long ago, it used to be California as the butt of the jokez. “Granola state! It’s all fruits nuts and flakes HAR HAR!”

            I live in a city in California that gets, at best, zero respect.

            One learns to shrug.

        • Serai 1

          Y’all got nothing to bitch about. Try living in LOS ANGELES. We never hear the end of the stupid jokes and facile assumptions and just downright shitheadedness. (Though we let it go most of the time because we recognize raging jealousy when we see it.)

          • I do not think I ever heard an LA joke, excepting that bit in LA story where he is at the ATM and the polite mugger is all Hi, I am Tim, I will be your mugger today.
            That was funny XD

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        Shucks.

        I get riled up on behalf of the critters. My dream is to have a farm sanctuary; those animals go through hell, and folks think of them as a disposable resource when they’re just as loving and full of personality as anyone walking around on two legs.

        Gotta lay low for awhile. I get a bit worked up on this particular subject.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          we understand…more than a few of us have a “thing” we get riled up about.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      I’m a carnivore (& grow my own grassfed beef) but my gf is a vegetarian and it’s pretty common for me to order a veg item when we eat out in Minneapolis/St. Paul. It’s easier to share and the chefs in TC are just incredible lately. I thought this piece was funny but I’ve never experienced the vegan attitude, except watching Portlandia.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    Working restaurants are the safest places for children. They will be safe from bad people because of all the sharp knives, and the hot ovens will insure they will never be cold.

  • AJ Milne

    I’m very disappointed in myself that I haven’t been able to make the construction ‘free range toddler’ wind up in a decent punchline, somehow. Just seems like it should be easy.

    Had I been writing the review, tho’, I’d have felt absolutely compelled to make that work…

    Sure, it probably woulda had to go well beyond the bounds of taste. But then, this story pretty much started there anyway.

    • whitroth

      I think Swift recommended stewing them; I think I’d go with bbq sauce.

      • 1Opinion

        What a modest proposal you make!

  • Cotton Top

    Can’t thank you enough for posting this Evan!

    Kiddo is allergic to dairy and we have thought about checking out Imagine since vegan = dairy free and it is close to the house. I’m so fucking glad that we hadn’t gotten around to going.

    However, kiddo is also potty training and I’m glad to know there is a place we can take her when we get sick of her running around our house nekkid that will be understanding and supportive of any accidents she may have on the floor.

    FWIW – Muddy’s (in the same area as Imagine) has a KILLER vegan cupcake.

    • Hilah Parrot

      Weird. We have a Muddy’s vegan cafe and bakery here in KC too.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • (((Aron)))

      I listen to Smashmouth unironically, too :(

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yeah, they’re not bad.
        I guess the Nickelback thing is getting old though.

  • mardam422

    There’s badass and then there’s bad ass.

  • It’s not about veganism. It’s just not.

    At least I *presume* that customers at the BBQ joint down the street also wouldn’t want to look at a toddler’s butthole.

    And I think it’s safe to assume that a naked toddler running around wouldn’t be considered acceptable to a health inspector regardless of what kind of restaurant it is.

    The restaurant’s broader self-inflicted problem is that the staff and owners apparently didn’t take seriously what was going on, and the owners were dicks online. Again, this sort of hate-your-customers fail happens regardless of restaurant type.

    • Cotton Top

      I agree. It isn’t about the cuisine – heck the reviewer even says she will probably eat there again – it is about toddler anus (and yodeling) and the owner’s response.

    • dirtielaundry

      I think Evan was just poking fun at vegans, not saying that the owners are assholes as a result of running a vegan restaurant. I agree, I’d be just as annoyed by seeing a toddler’s butthole at an Outback Steak House as I would at any other place.

      • (((Aron)))

        But not the Outback Toddler Buttholery. I would be annoyed to NOT see one there.

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          Isn’t the “Bloomer Onion” their signature dish?

          • (((Aron)))

            BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    • BosGrl

      It kind of is about veganism, though, because the owners were insisting that the “haters” did not care about animals. But definitely true baby butthole is icky at any eating establishment.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        I care! Animals should not have to look at a baby’s bunghole either.

    • Bitter Scribe

      I’d think that a BBQ joint might be a bit problematic for a naked toddler. Spits and pits and all that.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Hey, lady! Are you having Cheerios?

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    ha ha ha – Evan started a food fight :D

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Mrs Pixelz and I go to restaurants fairly often. When we have a bad experience, we simply say “they’re off The List”. It’s the list of restaurants we go to. And there’s always some other place we can add.

  • Yr. Gma

    Hey, concern trolls, can we STFU now about whose diet is morally superior?
    http://www.redescristianas.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/hambre2.jpg

    • SisterArtemis

      Ouch, but right on, Gma!

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith
    • 1Opinion

      Are you actually helping that child or just using them as an argument device?

      • Pretty sure this particular child is way beyond anyone’s help anymore.
        Even if this was taken two hours ago, this would be true.

        • 1Opinion

          So just being used as a rhetorical device then. Gotcha. If stating that there are people dying around the planet is an effective shut down of a discussion on a topic related to food then I suppose it should be posted on every food blog, forum etc. Otherwise it seems quite disingenuous, to say the least and possibly exploitative.

  • Jennaratrix

    Jeez Evan; you brought them all out of the woodwork. Make fun of Crossfit next; it’ll be fun!

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      And that stupid Peloton! Just go outside and ride a fuckin’ bike already.

    • Edith Prickly

      Know who really sucks? Breatharians!

      • Lark_in_the_AM

        That. Is. Insane.

      • Good luck with that, guys!

      • Yr. Gma

        To be fair, breathing in is very much like sucking.

      • NastyBossetti

        I’ve heard people say they “inhaled” a meal when they were feeling particularly ravenous, but I took it as metaphor.

      • Bitter Scribe

        “The air of Earth was good to breathe, as fattening as cream.”

        –Kurt Vonnegut, “The Sirens of Titan”

    • BeachBum

      I honestly did not know they were that sensitive. That’s why I come here, I learn something every day !

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Ooh! Oooh! Kettle bell!!1!! Please!

  • ralphteb

    (made entirely of couscous and sadness!) Awesome

  • (((Aron)))

    They took down their Twitter post regarding BabyButtHoleTime. Pansies!

  • Cock Blockula

    I guess this means the Butthole Surfers are cancelling their gig there?

    • SisterArtemis

      You win the internets, for this thread at least :)

      • baconzgood

        Yes he does friend. Yes he does

        *golf clap*

    • baconzgood

      Butthole Surfers reference win!

  • Dean Anthony Anderson

    the unsanitary conditions aren’t as bad as the contemptuous attitude from the owner. Why would anyone want to give money to such an entitled imbecile, much less such a filthy one with terrible parenting practices? I’m baffled by anyone who would continue being a customer.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      They are weakened by their steady diet of lawn clippings and cardboard.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        My god, they’re addled by Roundup.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    Since my four main food groups are beef fat, pork fat, turkey skin, and lard, my feelings are apparent on this subject.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      You’re not a Buttholegan?

  • Huh.
    I guess all the pricks are not the customers.
    Also…If you don’t want to see children being children, don’t come to our place!!! erm. You sayin you only encourage people who enjoy seeing other people’s naked children as they eat there, sparkies? Might want to reconsider your life choices before this becomes a movie of the week, ok. Srsly. It is NOT OK to let your kids run about naked around strangers. Like I cannot tell you how wrong it is to do this and think it is ok. And I am not even a judgey type mom!

    • Serai 1

      I can’t imagine how any parent could possibly allow their kids to run around naked while in the presence of complete strangers. But hey, I guess being all Hippie and shit is worth more than their sprogs’ safety.

  • Me not sure

    That kid could be a problem later in the high school cafeteria.

    • I’m thinking homeschooled.

      • Shanzgood TOMORROW

        I hope so. They’re not vaccinated.

      • Me not sure

        If that.

    • RPYee

      OMGawhaah ha h ha hah

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    look, putting the “it’s not a business!” and the health code violations aside, let’s imagine this was a picnic at your friend’s house. Maybe a July 4th picnic.

    If you were eating and your friend’s toddler climbed up on a table and showed you his butthole while the other kid yodeled at you – a decent parent woulda told them both to knock that shit off.

    I don’t have kids, but my parents did – and that’s what they woulda done.

    • My sister’s youngest is non verbal autistic. He really can’t even possibly know better.
      When he decided to streak thanksgiving dinner, at age 10, sister was mortified and apologized about six eleventy times. The remainder of us blew it off and did not giver her flack because did I mention he is very autistic?
      Sometimes kids do stuff- true! But that is why the cosmos made parents.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        aye, but also too – if you’re trying to run a restaurant AND look after a 21 month old, doesn’t that logically mean you’re doing one or both of those things poorly and by definition, not giving either your full attention?

        • idk, some people are better at organization than others. I try not to judge that aspect too much one way or the other XD

        • BeachBum

          Absolutely !

    • BosGrl

      I would not let my kids run around without diapers unless it was “just us” or very close family. The yodeling – well, kids are annoying, but if you’re watching them like you’re supposed to, you can nip that in the bud pretty quickly.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      I guess my point was (only one coffee #1), there’s got to be some fucking minimum standard of behavior with other people (and strangers) – even for kids.

      • BeachBum

        You are absolutely right. When you take your kids to a restaurant, ALL your parenting skills are on display. Its the tip of the child-rearing iceberg. And your the Titanic stuck with the bill !

        • We did not take the spawn to an eatery for a space of 4 years precisely because our oldest had behavioral issues.
          Seemed the right thing to do, but idk, different strokes and all

          • BosGrl

            Same here. We only started going to restaurants when they could behave well enough not to aggravate others.

        • SisterArtemis

          I took my kid to coffee shops and one or two restaurants quite a bit when she was a baby and toddler. It was part of schooling her in the ways of the world, of being in public with other humans. If she got “fussy” (word of the era) I’d take her outside. Even if that meant going outside a half dozen times during a meal, that was the drill. She learned fairly fast that if she wanted to be part of the action, she had to Do In Rome. Not that she knew Rome from a Duplo block, but she learned what it took to be with the group. I got props from the waitresses for it too. Didn’t hurt, probably, that I tipped them heavily.

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    Some people start businesses because they have something to offer and wish to serve the public. Others start businesses because their program of bullying people and insisting on their bizarre worldview means they literally can’t function in any actual business or the real world. .

    • whitroth

      What, none of them start businesses because they want everyone to see that they’re Important, and they’re going to be Rich?

      No, I mean, who could think of anyone who’d think that way….?

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Oh, that’s so right. Thank you for the added analysis!!!

  • calliecallie

    After 800+ non-comments I realize no one will ever see this, but Evan, I have to say, your work on this post is unsurpassed! From the running butthole commentary (not literally) to the description of vegan food. Seriously, not just LOL, but LMFAO.

    • Yr. Gma

      “Running butthole commentary.” Indeed, LOL.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Evan excels at butthole commentary!

      Wait…um…

    • SisterArtemis

      Oh, I expect they check in from time to time. It Will Be Seen.

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    “Some people think the world should revolve around them.”

    This is why you go out to a restaurant or a bar or whatever. It’s called the fucking “service” industry for a reason. People are there to be served and maybe for a bit feel like the world does revolve around them. Not that it gives people the right to be awful to servers, but the reviewer is clearly not one of those people anyway.

    • Shanzgood TOMORROW

      Yeah, I don’t go out to a restaurant so I can babysit other people’s kids, especially not the proprietor’s.

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      FYI: I own a bar and bartend about 40+ hours a week so I feel OK saying this. I serve people every day and sometimes I don’t like them very much. If people are paying a 400-2000% markup on booze to be out they should be kept happy. Within reason.

  • Ogre

    A vegan AND an asshole!? No way!

    • baconzgood

      It’s like a Trump voter and stupid. What’s this world coming to?

      • Ogre

        Shove your politics up your ass.

        • baconzgood

          Haha. Your serious? How about I “shove my politics” up your ass.

          Please remove your head out of there first though.

          • Ogre

            You’re already trying to shove politics up everyone you speak to’s ass because it’s all your simple one track brain can think of and I can assure you that most of the people you drive-by-politic-kancho are god damned sick of it.
            I’m not saying that I support trump or whoever/whatever it is that you believe in either because I just don’t care.

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    Does Memphis not have a restaurant division in their Health Department? If “the children come before the restaurant”, perhaps the health inspector can explain to them nicely why they need to be out of business.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Hahahahah! *Snort* hahaha! Whoo boy, thanks I needed that.😅😂

  • BeachBum

    It is very fortunate that today’s humorless and easily offended vegans were not living in 18th century Ireland. http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html

  • JohnTomato

    I believe that if red meat, or wild caught fish, isn’t on the menu I’ll be moving on.

    As for your larval humanoids? Get day care.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Well, there’s the rub. They have a shitty restaurant that doesn’t turn enough of a profit for them to afford day care but they have reimagined their situation as being victims of a bias against militant hippies. It might be an ethos, but it’s so very self-serving and obnoxious.

      • JohnTomato

        …and in the end self defeating.

  • puredog

    If not for Wonkette, I can’t for the life of me imagine where I’d get the Real News.

    • Eileen Besse

      YES.

  • YellowDog

    According to the menu on their website, service may be quick or very slow and our kids may want to interrupt your meal; in other words, don’t impose on us your expectations for a quiet meal, served within a reasonable time. We’ll do what we want to do and you will like it. Yelp reviewers who are not focusing on buttholes point out that much of the food is prepackaged from the grocery store. I don’t know how this lasts.

    • Yr. Gma

      I am still more concerned about the safety of letting toddlers loose in a restaurant with knives and fire and such.

    • ltmcdies

      there’s no amount of vegan in world worth this nonsense….

      • YellowDog

        I was introduced to vegan restaurant food many years ago in California. The owners of that restaurant seemed to be interested in repeat business. I enjoyed the experience. I guess I prefer the filthy capitalists to the filthy buttholes.

        • ltmcdies

          the more I read about this place the more I wonder what exactly these people thought restauranting was all about.

          They come across like they are doing their customers a favor just by letting them in the door.

          • Cool and trendy beats anything these days. At least, for a while

          • Jamoche

            Like 99% of the people on Kitchen Nightmares, they saw it as a way to own their own business and set their own hours. Work? What? Don’t we just show up and slap some food on a plate?

  • Twistappel

    I have nothing intelligent to add to this discussion, but: CORKY’S 4 LIFE!!!

    • BeachBum

      Then you came to the right place !

  • Lauren Malcolm-Brainerd

    Don’t forget the grandma with Alzheimer’s they ran over last https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b925478dc75daba5663b56898e2e741deba93d06423a18d27d563d112d0eef0c.jpg week and posted about.

    • Yr. Gma

      Tell me this is a parody.

      • I…well. I am.
        Well. At least everyone is ok?

        • Lauren Malcolm-Brainerd

          They refused to answer when people asked for updates on her so I hope so.

          • ….did anyone bother to check the local police reports and see if it was even true?

          • ltmcdies

            yes…this…

          • BosGrl

            Where’s the GoFundMe for the new van??

    • alpacapunchbowl

      These people just get worse and worse the more I hear about them.

    • BosGrl

      “We’re the victims!”

    • Holy fuck, these people have issues.

    • Notreelyhelping

      “Oh, my God! Our beautiful van!”

    • therblig

      “Being vegans, we declined to eat the old girl.”

    • Serai 1

      Not one mention of what the women was suffering, or her family, or anything else. Just MEMEMEMEMEMEME. Jesus fucking Christ, what insufferable wingbags.

    • kaydenpat

      Thank goodness that poor woman wasn’t killed. Wowzers!

  • RPYee

    BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN!!! Thanks for the gut-wrenching laughs :)

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    Haven’t checked downthread to see if this (or something like it) has been posted yet, but just in case…

    http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/i-like-pig-butts-and-i-cannot-lie.png

  • Robin Duff

    I was chuckling along until I got to Butthole McYodelTown. Then I lost it. Hilarious!

  • Opiwan

    Evan, one does NOT mention Memphis BBQ without BRINGING ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE TO ENJOY! Madness…

    • He never shares. He is all stingy and mean like that.

      • Opiwan

        I guess that’s why his nickname is Meany McDoesntshareface

        Yeah, I know, I’ve got better…

  • jamessavik

    Vegetarian is Indian for POOR HUNTER

    • SisterArtemis

      that’s a frequently-seen bumpersticker in these parts

    • William Cook for now

      I don’t think Indian is a language.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    I didn’t read this necessarily as a rant against vegans/veganism/vegan restaurants — there’s no arguing taste and vegan obvs isn’t Evan’s choice yes, butt…
    Baby asshole, asshole owners, yodeling other kid…Yodeling seems to be the most dubious of claims here, maybe the kid was in the babbling stage of acquiring vocal skills? Yodeling doesn’t seem like a useful skill in Memphis (not like here, where it is accompanied by accordions, tubas and sometimes alp horns). Are there sheep-herders on the other side of Memphis who don’t have cell phone service with whom communication is necessary?
    But(t) hygiene in a restaurant is an absolute necessity, naked toilet-training kids is awful and makes you wonder about the overall cleaniliess of the place. Bad enough we don’t know what really goes on in most restaurant kitchens, My brother once worked at a take-out chicken place (not any of the well-known chains, more a local joke with a few outlets) and they’d thaw the frozen chicken in a plastic bucket right UNDER the leaking sink where employees washed their hands. He and we never got food from there and neither did anyone else who heard the story or shared the experience.
    You’d think these owners here would have been apologizing left and right for a one-off event, instead they’re all butt promising encore performances. Ick.

    • clubseal

      I daresay Hank Williams (the original) would argue that there was room for yodeling in Tennessee.

      • Yr. Gma

        Yodeling is an underappreciated skill.

      • (((Aron)))

        Glad to know I wasn’t the only one.

        Good yodeling is amazing.

        Bad yodeling…. Will ruin your meal.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        Eyes like fried eggs…

    • CindyinEncinitas

      The kid was 5.

  • Portia McGonagal

    The dog is looking at me like I’m even crazier than usual as I sit here laughing my ass off reading this. On the off off off off off chance I would ever be in Memphis ( which is still in the state of Tennessee as I recall so there’s a big no way in hell) I’d be eating ribs or something that would make the vegan owners cry and boycott me.

    But (and no pun intended) no way in hell-ier would I be eating at this potty-in-training bare butt “oops look mom I pooped on the floor” establishment because if they are fine with this, what’s a little E-coli in your backyard weed salad?

    • YellowDog

      If you are ever in Memphis, do yourself a favor and go to Gus’s World Famous Fried Chicken. It is the best, and the original. I don’t know about the franchises in other states. Our local franchise is still trying to get it right.

      • Leighmac

        Even better, Jack Pirtle’s. beats the hell out of Gus’s.

      • Madeleine

        Gus’s is legit. It’s AMAZING! I live in M-town and haven’t been to this vegan place (I’m a meat-eater) but… I might swing by just to experience the place… I’m intrigued by all of this, lol! I want to be yodeled at.

        • kaydenpat

          I’d be afraid of getting sick given the lax sanitary environment.

  • litespeed74

    I’d say a real ‘meathead’ but not in this case.

  • mancityRed6

    vegan food, but free range kids?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Butt-free range kids, apparently.

      • mancityRed6

        it had a a butt, and was willing to prove it to anyone.

    • SisterArtemis

      where’s A.J.Milne?

      [AJ commented downthread about wishing they could come up with the free range kid joke]

  • cc423

    Awwwww! The Central BBQ part of the story made me homesick! The rest of it? Not so much.

  • D0ngR

    Facebook page is down and Yelp is riddled with 1 stars. I’m gonna say that these guys won’t be in business much longer. Here’s a helpful hint:
    If your naked baby runs out on the floor once, it’s cute.
    If your naked baby runs around on the floor for 15 minutes and flashes it’s butthole at people, it’s a health hazard and you are bad parents.

    • Edith Prickly

      There is some funny shit (oops) on the Yelp page. The criticism that isn’t toddler-butt-related is about the food being mostly prepackaged stuff instead of made on site and long wait times to get it (and what’s your excuse there if the food is premade??)

      • BosGrl

        Let’s send Gordon Ramsey!

      • William Cook for now

        They aren’t cooking, they aren’t parenting, wtf are they doing all day?

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Making more dirty babies, I guess. Congratulations! You’re a breeder! Take your feral children home and stay there!

        • Edith Prickly

          Bitching at customers on social media, apparently…

  • baconzgood

    Soooo…I run a restaurant (sort of because it’s vegan) with lots of hot ranges and sharp knives and I just get so busy during lunch rush making chi tea that I don’t notice MY LITTLE BABY TAKING OFF THEIR DIAPER AND OUR 5 YEAR OLD HELPING HER?

    This is your case for NOT losing your kids to CYS and having your eatery closed down?

    Good luck with that.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • alpacapunchbowl

      Stealing this!

  • Serai 1

    Heehee. This is way more fun than it should be.

    Sure, not all vegan food is sand. I can whip up at least 10 different recipes that qualify as vegan that would make you weep with ecstasy, Evan. (Seriously, you haven’t lived til you’ve had my spinach with garbanzos. Traditional dish from Spain passed to me by my mom.) But goddamn, an awful lot of vegan “ffod” is dreadful, so much so that I suspect it’s just flat-out guilt-relieving self-punishment, because there is just NO EXCUSE for some of that inedible shit, especially in this day of readily available foodstuffs from all over the world. Self-made purgatories are not my thing, thanks. To paraphrase Camryn Mannheim, if it’s a world without butter, I don’t want to live there.

    But this? This going on here? This is a THING OF BEAUTY and a JOY FOREVER. There’s little so amusing as a bunch of holier-than-thou vegans on a Flounce Rampage. (And I used to be a vegan, so I know what I’m talking about.)

    • Pisto75666

      I don’t judge others eating habits but honestly, I’ve never once seen an ungrumpy vegan. Have a hamburger once in awhile you’ll be in a better mood.

      “To paraphrase Camryn Mannheim, if it’s a world without butter, I don’t want to live there.”

      A-MEN!

      • Serai 1

        I was quite happy being a vegan so long as I lived in Santa Cruz, where it’s incredibly easy to be one. Even so, I couldn’t keep it up for more than a couple of years. Once I moved back to L.A., forget it. Too much amazing food here, and honestly, life’s too short to drink bad wine, as the poet said.

        And really, the moral reasons vegans assert for their choice smacks of rampant animal-centrism to me. What, plants don’t have the right to live free of slavery, torture, and murder? Only animals have that right? A creature is not worthy of respect or dignity or freedom just because it doesn’t move around and communicates in ways that animals can’t hear? We’re discovering more surprising things about plants all the time, things that contradict what we’ve always thought we knew about them, so you can see how this little house of cards is going to get flimsier and flimsier as time goes on.

        Life feeds on life. That’s just the way it’s evolved. Things kill other things to eat. You can kill things that run around and make noise and poop, or you can kill things that stay in one place, don’t bother anybody, and make the atmosphere. Seems to me it’s basically a choice between eating living things that can fight back or eating living things that are for the most part defenseless. So long as it’s acknowledged that, no matter what, you’re going to be KILLING something in order to eat, it’s up to the eater, and nobody else is in a position to yell MURDERER.

        Just my opinion, of course.

        • Pisto75666

          That’s a really great point. To be honest I’ve always felt like I was a bit of a hypocrite in that department. I’m against animal cruelty (and I do try to use brands that don’t do animal testing) but OTOH I DO eat meat. My thing is that cows and chickens and whatnot are raised to be eaten and you can’t really cuddle one like a dog or a cat.

          Though a couple of years ago there were protesters at my neighborhood KFC over how KFC treats their chickens. I feel badly if that’s going on (it was never proven) but other than nitpick over every little choice you make, what can you do?

          • Serai 1

            All you can do is decide for yourself where the line is, and which one you won’t cross. For instance, with me, it’s kids. I will not eat any meat that comes from a child animal – no lamb, no veal, none of that. Bad enough we’re doing this to adults, no way I’m getting on board with doing it to children. (And yes, I said children. I despise the naming convention that gives separate terms to animals in order to make us feel blameless about treating them like shit.) That’s my line, whether it makes sense to anyone else or not.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            You make perfect sense to me, hermana. I agree with every word you wrote and have actually said them to people over the years. I had a friend in college ask me about whether she should be vegetarian and I always felt guilty for telling her that just because we can’t hear the plants cry out when they are being killed doesn’t mean we are blameless for eating them. I’m having a bbq pork banh mi right now because I know that if I don’t eat meat at some point during the day I am going to turn into a quivering mass of self pity. But I won’t eat babies either. Or organ meats, for that matter because ewww.

          • Serai 1

            Don’t feel guilty! It’s her diet and her responsibility. Though you may be pleased to hear you’re in good company, as Joseph Campbell once said, “A vegetarian is someone who can’t hear a tomato scream.”

            Also, MMMMMMM. Pork bahn mi. Damn, that’s some tasty eating! Now I’m jealous.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Sorry! Pho La Jolla. Off the 5 at La Jolla Village Drive, kitty-corner from UCSD. Come on down! Comicon is right around the corner…

          • Serai 1

            Ahaha. San Diego might as well be Thailand for all the ability I have to get there. Sounds good, though! (And you could not possibly pay me enough money to get me to go to Comicon, thanks.)

            There was a TINY little hidden popup restaurant right on the next street called Banh Oui, that was only there two days a week. Truly scrumptious food. Closed, though – problems with licensing.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Fuck.

          • William Cook for now

            https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rennet

            Since it was still in my clipboard from upthread.

            If you won’t eat veal but like cheese, you have a problem to resolve.

          • Serai 1

            You know, Sparky, YOU are the one with the problem. Namely, the problem of being self-righteous and thinking you know what’s best for everybody. Please take that bullshit and stuff it right back up your asshole where you pulled it from.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/502294a9b92502ca7cbfac3fd29e0b1e89c69c37ce9908b85506a73f69195b86.gif

            Regardless, I’m bored with your whiny little ass. Blocking you now. Have fun pissing off everyone around you!

          • William Cook for now
        • Mysterycat

          A very astute point.

          Most aspects of modern industrial society is a threat to the planet in some way or other, but some of the more intense vegans zero in on eating animal-based products or …wearing wool.

          Yet, they use computers, drive cars, use manufactured goods which are toxic to the environment. They even live on land seized from the animals …their homes are now where animals had once lived, stealing their habitat. Some animals have even died during the construction of new homes.

          Oil spills kills animals, yet vegans still use oil/oil-based products.
          …however, omnivores are often told that we must give up meat.

          • Serai 1

            The best thing vegans could do – or any environmentalist, really – for the planet is STOP REPRODUCING. But it’s a rare human who’s willing to go that far. Most of these crunchy save-the-planet fundies end up having a passle of kids, and thus the destruction rolls on.

      • Aunt PithyPat

        I was an ungrumpy vegan! See above – martinis. :-)

    • Aunt PithyPat

      Flounce rampage! Bwahahahahaha! That’s brill.

      I used to be a vegan, too. But not the flounce rampage kind. The fun kind, who likes martinis.

      • Serai 1

        I spent about four months at the very outset being exactly the kind of vegan laughed at here – self-righteous, aggressive, and unbearably humorless. That’s about how long it took for me to realize I was just pissing everyone off, and to remember how much I disliked that kind of behavior. So I knocked it off and just minded my own business. Made being a vegan much more fun. (For a while, like I said. Then I couldn’t take the absence of mac-and-cheese and really fabulous pork chops, and that was All She Wrote.)

        • The mac and cheese thing would forever block me from even trying Vegan.
          I could do vegetarian, but for real: Cheese is not murder so lemme have plx?

          • William Cook for now

            https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rennet

            You’ll need vegetarian cheese.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I expect the cows would voluntarily come in to the dairy to be milked and then go back to their bocce ball tournaments.

          • Serai 1

            Totally. I’ve had vegetarian cheese, enough to last me til death, thanks. That stuff is nasty. Won’t melt, so you can’t make a good toasted sandwich. What I want to know is, if vegans are so gung ho about avoiding animal products, why do they go to so much trouble to imitate the stuff? It only ends up never being as good as what they’re trying to imitate. Why not just accept that animal products are off the table, and not try to pretend they’re eating something they clearly don’t want to eat?

          • kaydenpat

            I’m not vegetarian but the meat analogs are just easier for me to cook up or heat rather than making veggie food from scratch and a lot of it is pretty good and affordable.

          • William Cook for now

            Have you heard about rennet?

            https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rennet

      • SisterArtemis

        martinis are definitely vegan

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Not if they’re made properly, by which I mean garnished with blue cheese-stuffed olives.
          Mmmmmmm…

          • SisterArtemis

            that is just weird

          • alpacapunchbowl

            If by weird you mean delicious, then yes, it’s super weird.

      • Persistent Demme

        Good for you!
        My brother used to call himself a “pizza and beer” vegetarian.
        (He was basically too lazy and too meh about food to eat anything else.)

        • Serai 1

          Wouldn’t that be more of a pizzatarian?

    • King Beauregard

      “Flounce Rampage” is a winning move, and all I can add is that, in my head, the two kids in this story are officially named “Flounce” and “Rampage”.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    I hope they had a sneeze guard on the salad bar.

    • (((Aron)))

      I really, really, really miss salad bars :(

      • Shanzgood TOMORROW

        What, are they going out of style or something?

        • (((Aron)))

          Apparently they went out of style around 1990.

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            Huh. My local grocery store has a great one. Also a chain called Jason’s Deli.

          • (((Aron)))

            Sorry, I was referring to all-you-can-eat salad bars at restaurants.

            And they definitely still exist, thank goodness. But they just aren’t as plentiful as they once were.

          • Serai 1

            We’ve got a chain in CA called Souplantation that’s basically one giant salad bar. Not bad, either.

          • (((Aron)))

            All you can eat?

          • BeachBum

            Yeah. But the One Simple Trick is to get plenty of big plates at the beginning cause all the rest are teeny tiny. Esp dessert.

          • Jacqueline M Johnson

            Sneeze guards and salad bars are alive and well in Upstate NY, as well as buffets.

          • (((Aron)))

            Yes!

          • SisterArtemis

            Up in the Portland area (Clackamas, actually) it’s Sweet Tomatoes (the salad bar is about 20′ long, has two sides, and there are also soup, bread/pizza, pasta and dessert bars. Everything’s all you can eat. It’s a good place to take a family (kind of noisy sometimes because of that) or group that has people with varying cuisine needs.

          • Serai 1

            There was one in Northern CA when I lived there called Fresh Choice, and DAMN, it was good. Simple but really delicious, a testament to how important the quality of ingredients is. Sadly, it closed years ago. *sigh*

          • Roadstergal

            There’s basically the same place off Serramonte now.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            The corn muffins and that honey butter keep me coming back.

          • Roadstergal

            California Fresh, too.

          • Serai 1

            Never been to that one, as I don’t think there’s one here in L.A.

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            Oh, Jason’s has one like that. I’m not a good “all you can eat” person because I just can’t stuff enough food in me to make it worthwhile.

          • (((Aron)))

            TRY HARDER!

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            If they’d just let me stay a few hours…

          • (((Aron)))

            Tell them I said it was OK.

            You should be cool.

          • Eileen Besse

            I’m the same. Sitting there all afternoon would be heaven….

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            NOt at a place like Golden Corral, though. I’d never even heard of it until I met my X.

          • They got lots of them in VA!
            Potato salad and ham salad and crab salad and macaroni salad and…basically if you can mix in mayo, you’re good to go

          • (((Aron)))

            LIFE IS GOOD

          • (((Aron)))

            Can I get mayonnaise salad?

          • expipiplus1

            Northern VA report: Jason’s is good, but Fogo is the best I have ever found. The restaurant in downtown DC is too close to the old post office. The black SUVs lurking around the corner on Pennsylvania Avenue make everyone nervous. We now go to the new Tysons location instead. Somewhat pricey, though.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Goawd! Me too.
        I could totally make an extremely unhealthy “salad” at the Western Sizzlin’ Steakhouse.
        It was basically those egg crumbles, cheese, and 1000 Island dressing on top of some sort of vegetable.

        • (((Aron)))

          YUUUUUUUUUUUP.

          And then there were the places that had big hunks of cheese you could cut for yourself, as well as serve-yourself bread!

          • MynameisBlarney

            And the self-serve ice cream machines with all the fixin’s.

          • (((Aron)))

            *Homer Simpson drooling sound*

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Okay, stop. Where. Tell me.

          • (((Aron)))

            There was a place in Burlington, MA that closed about ten years back called Dandelion Green. Lounge was straight out of the seventies!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Dayum.

          • Eileen Besse

            I know about that place. It was entirely wickedly awesome and I wish I’d gone there instead of Combat Zone bars in the 70s…. And I’m female….

          • (((Aron)))

            But you had the Glass Slipper!

          • Eileen Besse

            OMG…and The Carnival, Harry’s Place, The Naked i, The Intermission Lounge, and the place where I actually worked my state job–the Department of Public Welfare, right there on Washington Street right at the edge of all of it. Interesting times. Too many more to list, and the list/reason is…interesting….

          • (((Aron)))

            I forgot about the Naked I! Would have been much too young, but the stories I heard about the ‘Zone are amazing!

          • Eileen Besse

            And prolly all true. Dirty Old Boston….

        • Terri S

          Egg crumbles, cheese, bacon bits and chick peas with Italian dressing

    • Sounds like they need a shart guard.

  • baconzgood

    As someone who sold restaurant equipment for 15 years I gotta say “meh, still cleaner than any kitchen that sells Indian food.”

    • Shanzgood TOMORROW

      Hey, I eat at Indian restaurants ALL the time and never get sick!

      • baconzgood

        You’ve never walked into the kitchen

        • Shanzgood TOMORROW

          Wait until you see MINE!

          • Edith Prickly

            Go get a room, you two. Oh wait…

          • baconzgood

            It will be cleansed. I have a compulsion to keep a tidy kitchen.

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            Oh god

          • Jenny

            Hey this could be a blessing. I pay for that!

      • True Story: People who get sick all the time are either immune suppressed, or they live in such a bacterial bubble that they never have the chance to let their immune systems learn to combat the bad guys.
        Or pre school teachers.

        • William Cook for now

          What if you get sick all the time and the soctors keeps saying your immune system is strong? And you had a regular swamp hiking, frog catching, dirt eating childhood?

    • Furious Strong

      I’ve eaten at a ton of Indian restaurants and never seen a butthole anywhere. And I’ve only gotten sick if the food is too greasy.

  • 1Opinion

    Got to be a bit of a catch 22 for the negative reviewer as well–knowing that this review seemed far-fetched while also knowing that taking a photo for proof (in this case of a toddler butthole) wouldn’t exactly be the best idea either.

  • BearLeft

    Foolish me: I thought the purpose of a restaurant is to serve food, and that fighter jet factories exist to let children be children. We seem to have elected a person with a cerebral bypass to the highest office in the land … I think I took a wrong turn somewhere.

  • Emaily

    Naked, barefoot, yodeling, vegan babies. Something tells me that you might get measles if you eat here.

    • Serai 1

      I’d expect any number of diseases, myself, giardia not the least of them.

    • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

      Perhaps. But with unvaccinated kids you know you’ll never catch a case of autism there.

      • thanatos8285

        Antivaxers are genuinely that stupid so I have no idea if you’re joking or not.

        • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

          I understand.

          I am joking.

          • thanatos8285

            Then I tip my hat to you sir, top notch satire.

  • Jim Ingram
    • SisterArtemis

      The plot thickens… towards a scum-like substance

    • erm.
      Bottle is ok!
      Bottle with the vacuum still attached not ok. Uhm.
      I breast fed, and even I know that. Was not “shame” or “patriarchy” was minor “respect for the health and safety of other people” which I would assume most eateries might have?

      • Shanzgood TOMORROW

        Yeah. I used to put mine in the office refrigerator but CAPPED and in an insulated lunch bag.

    • MynameisBlarney
    • Won Word
    • Notreelyhelping

      Didn’t much care for the food, but the cream sauce was unique and delicious. Must get the recipe.

      • kaydenpat

        Just enjoy the sauce. You don’t want to know what’s in it.

    • Bleecker

      WOW!!!!!!!! I hope they get shut TF down.

  • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

    The yodelling is the best part, IMO.

    • baconzgood

      That would annoy me more than an ass in my food.

      • Shanzgood TOMORROW

        Yeah, well…

  • macprince

    Imagine what real food must taste like.

  • Alisa Houseal Botto

    Apparently, not a new problem!!!!!! So much for her…our little precious just can’t help herself! On Yelp…
    2/7/2014
    1 check-in
    The “mahi mahi” was perfect! It was seasoned with rosemary and grilled to the tee. The spinach dip was also good. Very light and a great appetizer for 2. The only thing I didn’t enjoy was the owners little daughter running around the restaurant in her wet undies that soon came off and she ran around with no undies while the restaurant was filled with guests. Not what you want to see when you are trying to enjoy your dinner in a public place. But on a better note…the inside was very cute with fun vegan posters and pics posted. I’m not vegan but I definitely enjoyed Imagin

  • Grokenstein

    WE DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK
    (delete post)
    WE DON’T CARE GO TO HELL
    (delete post)
    FUCK YOUR FEELINGS WE DON’T CARE
    (delete post)

    Yeah, I have my doubts.

    • Won Word

      It is probably the hackers that are deleting their facebooks!

      • Serai 1

        No, no, it’s their lookalike cousin.

    • Serai 1

      Certainly proving how innocent they are, neh?

  • TakingAmes

    So they don’t care about money, but when the health department shuts them the fuck down for code violations, I would bet money they would bitch about not being able to feed their precious children.

    • SisterArtemis

      Don’t worry, there’s GoFundMe to lean on

  • chascates

    I see I haven’t missed anything by not frequenting vegan establishments.

    • SisterArtemis

      Nah, there are some good ones out there. Sounds like Yelp reviews might offer some helpful clues.

  • Poly_Ester

    The toddler wandered off site. Isn’t that neglect.

    • Won Word

      Their web site must be pretty boring if the toddler didn’t stick around…

      You can always tell which ones are the Parents of the Year by how well they keep their toddlers within direct sight. I mean, it isn’t like the young’un could tip over a coffee pot and scald themselves, play with a knife, get into something else dangerous, etc., right? /s

  • 1complexmolecule

    Why are some parents under the impression that a baby butt or what leaves it is not every bit as germy as an adult butt? Like the people who change diapers on tables in restaurants.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Reminds me of the time my spousal unit and I saw a toddler climb up in the open dairy case at the local supermarket and urinate with gusto, worse were the parents laughing with approval, oblivious to the dry-heaving of others.
    Thank dog it doesn’t remind me of the time I’d just used a pay phone in the basement of Grand Central and a truly pitiful homeless guy (a genuine dweller of the tunnels) walked up to the same bank of phones, picked up a receiver at random, stuck it down the back of his pants and rubbed it up and down his crack, then walked away as if it was something he did every day…oh, wait.

    • SisterArtemis

      I was told years ago by someone who worked with street people in downtown Portland: never touch (without a barrier) a phone or a handrail in public. Never sit on a park bench. Never, ever, assume.

      • Shanzgood TOMORROW

        Wow, and I thought my thing about grocery cart handles was over the top!

        • William Cook for now

          Mine is door handles to public buildings. Especially grocery stores, ATMs, etc. I always use my pinky or pinky and ring fingers, like they’re not immediately gonna touch the rest of my hand.

          • Shanzgood TOMORROW

            I’m gonna just start using my buttcrack.

          • William Cook for now

            I’m sticking with my superstition. Worst case scenario I can just cut off my hand. Also my butt is tiny. Screen door maybe.

        • BackDoorMan

          … apparently not… I was at an upscale grocery store the other day (not one I frequent, but was helping a neighbour shop) and at the door, next to the shopping carts, was a dispenser of sani-wipes – and a sign saying “for use on shopping carts”. Seems like the logical extension of all the Purell slathering going on when using public transit. Here I was, thinking how considerate it was for my regular store to provide a box of kleenex at the fresh poultry counter so people could at least tissue off the juices from leaky packages before cross-contaminating everything else in the place. Ah, progress!

      • Serai 1

        That’s getting ridiculous, as far as I’m concerned. Since everything on earth is covered with bacteria, it’s silly to get all hysterical about what might be on a phone when you’ve probably got something a hell of a lot worse right there in your own navel, or under your fingernails. (Really. Look it up. It’s horrifying.)

        • SisterArtemis

          I think they had cleaned up a lot of poop over the years.

          I myself, having taken a few blood borne pathogen classes, thing it might not be a bad idea to institute the social pressure to wear stylish gloves in public.

        • William Cook for now

          Every human being is surrounded by a cloud of airborne bacteria in which the ratios of different bacterial populations is as unique as a fingerprint. We all have a personal germ cloud.

          I actually have a pet idea I’d love to see studied, if part of the interpersonal biochemical analysis that constitues ‘romantic chemistry’ is an assessment of microfuanal compatibility.

  • The Librarian

    Since we are all God’s little children (not my belief, but some do), does that give me permission to drop trou and yodel in their restaurant?*

    *There’s a kosher vegan place by my work that serves pretty good food. They bake “Fauxtess” cupcakes that are scrumptious.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Apparently, in more and more states, I can go in there topless and therefore I will join you even though I’m not much of a yodeler.

      • Jacqueline M Johnson

        I keep my pants on when I yodel.

        • SisterArtemis

          Pants? we are deeply disappointed.

          • Lederhosen or GTFO!

          • Jacqueline M Johnson

            I figure the yodelling is bad enough, I’d rather not add insult to injury by making them watch me do it pantsless.

          • SisterArtemis

            I don’t know… could mean more tips.

      • The Librarian

        The more the merrier!

  • mary5920

    I’ve seen this clueless attitude about “the children” with a few other people I’ve known. They think that letting them run freely about anywhere is liberating and the h*ll with anybody else who might be trying to have a quiet space or just enjoy a meal without being disturbed.
    Vegan food can be delicious, just saying. These restaurant owners just have a YUGE chip on their shoulder and should seriously get over themselves.

    • ltmcdies

      the problem arising when said children are still running free at 18 or 35.

  • 451 Byrnes

    What category would Pinkham put this in?

    • William Cook for now

      YES WHERE IS PINKHAM?!?

  • Jacqueline M Johnson

    I see they’ve deleted their page. But this reminds me of something my grandmother used to comment about people who had this attitude about their children. “Your children might be enjoying their childhood, but no one else is enjoying it.” Babies, kids, cute, yes, in restaurants, absolutely. But running around naked, and not even potty trained? Sorry, no, make them a playard someplace if it’s that important to have them at work with you.

    • Serai 1

      Reminds me of what Mencken said, to wit, “We must respect the other fellow’s
      religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.”

    • kaydenpat

      Your Grandmother’s words are perfect. I’ve felt that way about the way some parents are so liberal with their children many times.

  • Brian Mckee

    Sooo……..s

  • katiehutton

    They deleted their FB page too.

  • Brian Mckee

    Soo…the HEALTH DEPT has been notified ??

    • in the name of the moon

      I was just thinking, “someone’s getting a Friendly Inspector Visit soon.”

  • Dolmance

    We were having my favorite, noodles and hamburger chunks for dinner last night. Our two dogs were licking their own buttholes relentlessly from the moment we sat down until we were finished. Nobody cared. I guess we were hungry, but if we’d been eating sand I probably would have yelled at them.

    • SisterArtemis

      Have you tried vegan? I know this great restaurant in Memphis…

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Why do they do it? Because they can.

      Sort of like Donald Trump.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    First non-comment I read is a lecture from a humorless vegan. Fuck it. I’m eating two animals tonight. Maybe three.

    • SisterArtemis

      This is what I tell the younglings these days: it’s all about strategy. If you piss off the potential converts, you might as well go pout in a corner… oh, wait…

    • Jacqueline M Johnson

      I’m with you. Except, I’m not. I’m headed out to go buy the bloodiest steak I can find and eat it in the comfort of my home with it’s lack of blazing buttholes shown by a sassy toddlers who can’t even control their little bladders and intestines yet. And, who after reading all this, probably aren’t all immunized and trying to kill off those of us with low immunity.

      • Serai 1

        Everyone should take pictures of their HORRIBLE MURDER FOOD and tweet them.

    • Serai 1

      I’m defrosting some pork chops. YUM YUM

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        I just ate a whole baked chicken.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Seems to me that Imagine will probably get a visit from the health department before long…and that there’s only room for one hater at Imagine, and the owner is it. She could give master classes in self-righteous douchery.

    To be fair, though, I took the offspring to a very nice vegan restaurant in Manhattan for his birthday, and we had some pretty high-end and surprisingly tasty vegan food – my raw zucchini rolatini and rigatoni in porcini cream sauce were yummy. Also too, we get meals from a vegan version of the home meal-kit services, and have been eating stuff like lemon-miso cavatappi, sweet corn risotto with crisped broccolini, and empanadas with black bean puree and a salad of black beans & corn.

    All of it could be improved by real cheese, but it’s shockingly edible.

    • SisterArtemis

      Best salad I ever had in my life – a real meal, too, not just veggies – was at an amazing place on Kauai. Clean, pleasant, nice folks, good service, all the things. I cringe on their behalf when stories about assholes vegans and their nasty boring food come around.

    • Serai 1

      Gotta love the Streisand Effect. Five’ll get you ten these idiots have no idea how inevitable they’ve made that Health Dept. visit with this horseshit attitude.

    • Mamoun’s Falafel Restaurant on MacDougal offers a bunch of delicious vegan options at a low low price.

      I’m not a vegan (I take my omnivory very seriously, to the extent that I’ve eaten bugs on numerous occasions), but some of my favorite things to eat are- few foods beat a nice, smoky baba ghanouj prepared with eggplants charred over a charcoal fire.

      • Serai 1

        Falafel is the stuff of heaven. (Alas, my guts said NO MORE BABA GHANOUSH EVER long ago.)

        • A pity! I learned how to make falafel from a Coptic neighbor years ago. It’s a time consuming process grinding everything, but I make about four pounds of mix at a time, so it lasts forever.

          • Serai 1

            It is a pity. Baba was one of my favoritest things to eat. Can’t eat ratatouille anymore, either. *sigh*

          • I guess that means no eggplant parm or stir fried eggplant in garlic sauce, either.

          • Serai 1

            Yep. And eggplant parm was my FAVORITE when I was a kid. (Well no, veal parm was my favorite until I saw THAT FUCKING PHOTO. Then after that, it was eggplant parm.) I miss it so much. Goddamn guts gotta go spoiling my fun.

          • kaydenpat

            Eggplant parm is my favorite now, Could eat it every day.

          • Zyxomma

            Have you tried removing all the seeds from the eggplant before cooking? That works for some people. I know it’s hard to find a silver lining when you can’t eat eggplant anymore (FSM, please don’t let that happen to me!), but be glad it’s just eggplant and not all nightshades.

          • Serai 1

            No, it’s not the seeds. It’s any gourd-like vegetable, pretty much. Zucchini, eggplant, they all make my guts explode.

          • Serai 1
          • A Walker

            aww, a British Blue sooo cute!

    • Zyxomma

      Was it Blossom? Sounds like Blossom. May I invite myself for dinner sometime? I’ll bring vegan treats, including wine.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        It was Blossom!! The Chelsea one… it was scrumptious…and worth the hike in from the North Fork!

        Oooh yuuuum!! Indeedy!!

        • Zyxomma

          The Chelsea location is the original and best Blossom, but they’re all good. On my birthday, my friend was going to treat me at the one on Carmine, but it’s gone — still vegan but changed hands. They had a “special” menu that didn’t seem very special to us, so we went to Ellary’s Greens (very nearby) and had a fantastic meal. Nice to meet a guy who eats the way I do. Too bad he lives on the other coast (Seattle).

  • AT

    There’s a deeper societal problem in all this. Instead of confronting the issue and expressing the problem directly with the restaurant, she instead goes home and whines about it online from the safety of her computer where she can block/hide any dissenting views. And then, the restaurant does the same thing!

    Y’know, a lot more problems in life are solved a lot more amicably by just a quick face to face. It encourages respect and cordiality, and generally results in better solutions than reciprocal temper tantrums.

    I think the point I’m trying to make is, humanity is a dumpster fire and why couldn’t SMOD have won the election.

    • Serai 1

      I have the suspicion that no matter how nice this woman was about this, these people would be just as conceited and defensive as ever. They’re not the kind of people who want to listen when someone says NO.

      • AT

        Perhaps, but it would have at least forced a candid discussion about what actually happened, as opposed to the jaundiced version each side provided when they got home and blabbered aimlessly on social media.

        • Jacqueline M Johnson

          And, if you go further down in this thread, there *are* SS of a former employee who mentioned this is not a new issue, with the kids, and the bullying.

          • Serai 1

            Yeah, I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt, but not to idiots who do this shit over and over and over again.

        • Serai 1

          You mean the way you’re blabbering aimlessly on social media right now?

          Glass houses, Sparky.

          • AT

            I’m not complaining. Just pointing out how this could have been handled better. It’s interesting that it’s getting so much criticism.

            Well, then again, humanity is a dumpster fire.

    • ltmcdies

      because some of us…notinAmerica….are still liking life right now and would rather SMOD give us a miss, for now.

    • Shanzgood TOMORROW

      People don’t like it when you yell at their kids. But it works.

      • AT

        True that.

        • Shanzgood TOMORROW

          I had one of mine chastised by a friend for interrupting her constantly and she did it BEAUTIFULLY. Probably the only time I’ve ever had really good parenting advice from a non-parent. And she didn’t even need to say a WORD to me.

    • LeftyProud

      She did not whine – she was actually very polite, the owners were horrible. Just because she did not handle this they you wanted her to does not make her wrong or inappropriate

      • AT

        Anytime someone is complaining about something to the internet, they’re whining. Trust me on this.

        • You do realize that you are complaining about the patron’s handling of this.

          • Roadstergal

            On the Internet.

          • AT

            And you realize that you’re whining about my post.

          • LeftyProud

            Man, you are like my mother-in-law, very exhausting. OOH! Was I whining?

          • You are the one who characterizes complaining as whining. Sensei always said “when you point the finger at someone, three fingers point back at yourself”.

        • William Cook for now

          But, your comment was nothing but complaint.

          Are you sure only fools are positive?

        • James

          No one ever complains on the Internet at Wonkette of course, because Wonkette doesn’t allow comments. /s

          In the past before the Internet, it is likely the person might have said “not going there again, telling all my friends.” Might write the newspaper to get a restaurant reviewer or a television station to do an “on your side” interview with the owners.

          This sounds an awful lot like concern trolling.

          • AT

            @AvoidComments

            :)

          • Panika MCD

            I once worked at an ice cream place that had in its business plan that you were to always provide a better day for the client because we didn’t advertise so we wanted only good word of mouth. I can’t remember what the exact stats were, but people who have a good experience tell about 5 people about it, people who have a bad experience tell 10-EVERYONE about it–makes it a lot easier to do so with the interblag.

        • cleos_mom

          Nothing in evidence to inspire compliance.

        • Panika MCD

          so what are you doing at our fair mommy blog/recipe hub/dick joke emporium if you think that anything we complain about is “whining”? best get over to your paradise of people who only post positive things right away! definitely stay away from other blogs like Wait, But Why? that suggest that only posting positive things make people feel lonely and sad about their own lives.

          https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html

          • AT

            If you have a complaint, it would make sense that you take it up with the person/company you have the complaint with. That provides an opportunity for amicable resolution.

            I