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With militias in tents
A well regulated clusterfuck being necessary to a good militia story…

There’s just one thing the Republican Party in Multnomah County, Oregon, loves more than being the Party of Reagan and Liberty, and that’s being the Party of Perpetual Victimhood, because in the overwhelmingly Democratic environs of Portland, they really are outnumbered. So it stands to reason that one way they’d get mentioned in the news is by crying about how oppressed they are. Here’s how badly they’re endangered by the dangerous leftists in Portland: Last week, the Multnomah County GOP voted to hire anti-government paramilitary groups, the Oath Keepers and the 3 Percenters, to provide security to keep them safe from radical anti-fascist (antifa) protesters. What could possibly go wrong?

James Buchal, the chair of the county party, has been fundraising off the specter of violent leftists targeting poor oppressed Republicans; a June fundraising letter expressed sympathy for the poor oppressed “supporters of President Trump” who brought their message of love and white supremacy to Portland, and also warned that “Organized bands of masked thugs who call conservatives fascists or Nazis are rising rapidly within the City.” So obviously, the only reasonable thing to do is to hire some militia dudes to provide security for the local Republicans.

Buchal explained to Willamette Week that his party is just doing what it can to keep its membership safe from scary leftists, who all wear masks and are looking for a fight. And really, there’s nothing wrong with hiring some gun fetishists who look forward to a shooting war with the federal government — but only if the feds are tyrants, mind you. So why hire militias instead of plain old security guards? Buchal explained,

Because we are an all-volunteer organization with no money. So if we are going to get security services, we are going to get them from volunteers. And people who volunteer to provide security services to Republicans are generally going to be people who share the view that the government has developed an unconstitutional overreach of power, and that it is a reasonable political objective to attempt to rein government in.

Buchal wasn’t worried about the groups’ reported involvement in the Great Bundy Wildlife Refuge Liberation, because as he understands it, “the Oath Keepers down there were keeping the peace.” Besides, he rejects the premise of the reporter’s question, because these groups aren’t “inherently lawless” — they’re local guys who just object to government overreach.

Asked why it was necessary to have a paramilitary group with semiautomatic weapons for security, Buchal explained there’s been “sort of a continuous escalation” of threats against the county GOP, including incidents at a street fair where Republicans felt unsafe, the threat that they’d be dragged out of a local parade, and threats on Facebook. He also said that he’s received phone calls from people who “call you up and they have this screaming demonic tone in their voice,” and that the group had been asked by a local restaurant to no longer hold their monthly meetings there. “I heard about it all secondhand. I inferred that they had come under pressure.” So if a local business decides it doesn’t want you to have meetings there, it’s obviously time to arm up.

Buchal also denied that the “alt-right” groups that have held rallies in Portland are neo-Nazi, no, no, no. For instance, at the June 4 “Free speech” rally,

I saw two people carrying signs that said “Diversity equals white genocide,” and then I saw them get kicked out. I haven’t personally seen hate speech or neo-Nazi activity at all, unless these two people carrying the signs counted.

For what it’s worth, several of the same “alt-right” speakers who were at the June 4 rally also attended the recent DC event headlined by Richard Spencer, where speakers got loud applause for saying that diversity is simply code for anti-white. But if they didn’t say it from the stage in Portland, then that was definitely a non-Nazi rally.

As for whether there’s an element of racism in the “alt-right,” Buchal had his patter perfectly ready to roll out:

The left and the right may have a somewhat different definition of racism. I have the impression that many on the left would regard any defense of American exceptionalism as inherently racist. I think it is possible to defend Western culture without being a racist.

No racist, no racist, YOU’RE racist against flag-Americans! And so on.

While Willamette Week says the Multnomah GOP has more explicitly embraced rhetoric typical of the “alt-right” since Buchal became chair in 2015, the county party is pretty adept at stunts calling attention to how oppressed they are. In 2014, the party was denied permission to hold its annual Lincoln Day Dinner at a Greek Orthodox church when party leaders announced they’d be celebrating two great Republican heroes, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King (who wasn’t actually a Republican in life, but has been enlisted posthumously) by raffling off an AR-15 semiautomatic rifle. Which seems a perfect way to celebrate two great Americans assassinated by armed countrymen. After being booted from the church, then-chair of the Multnomah GOP Jeff Reynolds sniffled, “candidly, this is what Republicans face in Multnomah County,” which sure sounds familiar. The poor outnumbered dears.


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[Willamette Week / Willamette Week]

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  • MynameisBlarney

    They are really wanting to start murdering people now.

    • TJ Barke

      Does it count as murder if you stop defining them as people?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Old military trick: dehumanize the enemy so it’s not so bad to kill them.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          Old GOP trick: dehumanize minorities so it’s patriotic to hate them.

          • kindness

            Yes but who is going to quibble about the differences between hate and kill? Let’s all agree the right wing wants both.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yup.

  • Joe Beese
    • MynameisBlarney

      Looks like that no-necked nazi bastard’s hittin’ the sauce early today.

    • BadKitty904

      Are there subtitles for those of us who don’t speak Gibberish?

    • Nockular cavity

      Maybe he’s writing a dance song. “Russia, Russia, media pay attention, YEAH!”

    • FlownΩver

      I’m surprised Griftzilla isn’t constantly on air, making a tidy sum translating gibberish into slightly less incomprehensible gibberish.”It’s like a second language to me.”

  • Mavenmaven

    In other words, what we can’t achieve with democracy we’ll achieve with thuggery and violence.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I guess the Hell’s Angels weren’t available?”
    — Mick Jagger

  • Scooby

    Didn’t the Stones try this at Altamont?

  • Lance Thrustwell

    They want their own land, where they can make their own laws, and be free of the tyrannical overreach of Washington! So let’s give ’em an island.

    Actually, give me one too. Except, unlike theirs, mine will be an interracial, omnisexual, clothing-optional democratic paradise. It will be such a popular vacation destination that tourists will have to be chosen by lottery.

    • Wild Cat

      They belong on this Gaulic island Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman once had a bromance on . . .

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Unicorn rides for everyone!

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Us gas already have that. We call it Fire Island.

  • VirginiaWackelpudding

    The GOP started this hot mess. Don’t think they wanted it to be more than pretend. Oh how quickly things escalate when millions of Americans find themselves death paneled. Did they really believe no one would notice or mind? Not everyone is as braindead as their base.

    • gallbladder

      No one is as brain-dead as their base.

  • Wild Cat

    Useless pants shitters. Get them some cammo Depends.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Hey, you’re right. I’ll bet Ted Nugent is available.

      • Wild Cat

        The Portland Police obviously have a large supply too, as they’re too afraid to defend their honor against a militia that makes Chris Christie look buff. O man, Portland Police, your wives are all cheating on you with the Militia!

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      Depends? Amateurs!
      – the Nuge

    • onedollarjuana
  • The Wanderer

    Fucking snowflakes.

  • lowenufc

    I hope they have enough brown shirts for all of them.

    • gallbladder

      I hear Ivanka is designing them as we speak.

      • lowenufc

        Designing them, or putting her name on someone else’s design?

        • gallbladder

          No difference with that lot.

          • onedollarjuana

            “designing them” vs. “having designs on them”

    • Ricky Gay

      Do’h!

  • schmannity

    Truth in advertising: Three Percenter Brain Function.

  • Ricky Gay

    I hear they will identify their protectors by issuing them some brown shirts from Big Lots.

  • CosmoLupertazzi

    The other militia members use the really fat guy with the gun in that photo to absorb any stray rounds that come their way.

  • American exceptionalism

    I’d like to hear exactly what makes us exceptional these days.

    About the only thing we currently lead the world in is having lots of military toys that go “pew pew pew” and yet we’re still in our 15th year of war against some armed goat herders in Afghanistan without an end in sight.

    • gallbladder

      “American Exceptionalism”: Everything except the facts.

    • Covfefe

      You wanna know what makes us exceptional these days? You wanna know what makes us exceptional these days? I’ll tell you what makes us exceptional these days: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/afa77d70d14503b17c89983cfae1eccbb350cc06a0b22bcb4745bc593e14cf58.jpg

    • PubOption

      The goat herders have had plenty of practice with the British and USSR armies.

      • Werewolf

        Macedonian too, also.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Afghanistan is called “the graveyard of empires” for a reason. Nobody has won there yet.

    • Invisible Bunyip

      Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    nope, nope, nope – going back to bed.

  • FlownΩver

    Wow. I wouldn’t have expected to see so many snowflakes in Portland in July. Maybe Inhofe is right after all.

  • mancityRed6

    “I heard about it all secondhand. I inferred that they had come under pressure.”
    I heard it from my second cousin’s third to last babysitter’s best friend from the second grade’s twice removed cousin.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      At 31 Flavors?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You mean from your sister?

      • mancityRed6

        you leave my wife outta this!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Who saw it on Facebook.

  • BadKitty904
  • TJ Barke

    Protip: If you don’t want to be called fascists or nazis, don’t let people into your party that hold fascist and nazi positions…

    • BadKitty904

      Or wear swastikas in public.

    • Alex Grey

      OMFG, who ever would have thought of that!?!?!?

      • TJ Barke

        Not these fascist nazi scum…

  • Nounverb911
  • Wild Cat

    racist suckdogs

  • BadKitty904

    So, the Portland GOP is saying that the Portland Police Dept. is too incompetent to provide security?

    • Wild Cat

      Yes. They’re pissing in the faces of the Portland Police. Do you think the Portland Police have the yarbles to stand up to a bunch of John Goodman lookalikes and show them who is boss? I don’t. What do you say, Portland Police?

      • BadKitty904
        • Wild Cat

          The Portland Police will run faster than that away from these macho Tom Arnold-types. The Portland Police obviously can’t show us they have any yarbles. They’re so weak they’d bow down to an Other, no? Man, the Portland Police love being buggered by the GOP.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I’m sure it’s just because Portland PD is too busy to help. Someone has to stake out Pioneer Courthouse Square looking for litterers and keep black guys from riding bikes.

    • SecludedCompound

      They’re more on top of things than I would have imagined, then.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Portland Screen Beret militiaman practices for his call to duty:

    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/gun-pants.gif

  • Randy Riddle

    Well, this is good news for surgeons specializing in self-inflicted gunshot wounds.

    • gallbladder

      And, quite possibly, French vanilla creamer manufacturers.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      It could become the hot new speciality.

  • Iron Monkey

    Others who objected to unconstitutional government overreach were Willie Sutton and Clyde Barrow.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I heard about it all secondhand. I inferred that they had come under pressure.

    Well, that’s convincing evidence!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a2f469f6187935f85757e79e393e3fb595919173f47d91e6cb96f9e51d2d8f76.jpg

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “…(P)eople who share the view that the government has developed an unconstitutional overreach of power, and that it is a reasonable political objective to attempt to rein
    government in.”

    Your party is in control of the Legislative and Executive branches of the federal government, YOU DUMBFUCK.

    • gallbladder

      Careful now: you’re inciting “personal responsibility.”

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Allegedly in control”?
        “Ostensibly”?
        “Hypothetically”?

    • jesterpunk

      “…(P)eople who share the view that the government has developed an
      unconstitutional overreach of power, and that it is a reasonable
      political objective to attempt to rein government in.”

      Would that including illegally trying to restrict abortion and birth control access, trying to prevent people from voting, illegally cutting funding for schools, racially profiling, attacking people because of their religion?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Don’t interrupt him, he’s trying to play victim here.

    • When they say “the government”, they mean “welfare for browns and civil rights for queers and uppity bitches”. The REST of the oppressive apparatus of the state is fine.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Portland militia barricade (*developed at their top secret lab) to stop criminals and terrists’!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aF2Fi8xnKQ

    • Major_Major_Major

      And these people breed like fucking rabbits. If they can’t out-Darwin their birth rates, then we are FUCKED, and not in the fun way.

      • Me not sure

        I think it’s the man boobs on the kneeling one that is so appealing. SEXXXY!!

    • Vincent Ricola

      I hope that exercise ball is okay.

      • gallbladder

        I hear it had health coverage.

    • BadKitty904

      Who’s holding his beer?

    • Alan

      Just when you think you’ve seen stupid….

    • HooverVilles

      People with at most two functioning neurons.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    James Buchal seems to want to accelerate the demise of the GOP in Oregon.

    Good.

  • Wild Cat

    O man, the Portland Police are not standing up for their hard-earned Union Rights by allowing the GOP to undercut the Portland Polices’ wallets and manhoods. Do you have any yarbles, Portland Police, or are you going to let a bunch of Fatty Arbuckles out-macho you?

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    I can’t wait to see what happens when two different GOP people hire “security” goons who hate each other.

  • ManchuCandidate
  • TJ Barke

    “We’re not nazis! We just hold the same values and positions and use the same propaganda techniques and want to use violence to impose our racist agenda!”

  • Oblios_Cap

    Because we are an all-volunteer organization with no money.

    What a bunch of loser Republicans. Aren’t they in politics for the money?

  • Jeff Ackerman

    people who “call you up and they have this screaming demonic tone in their voice,”

    He’s met my wife!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Rachel from Card Services?

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie

    I have a picture taken at one of their sekrit militia training camps:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/28d443ea38a07a8e39de3e04eecebae80d8db833de98351ac9f780eaaacb3699.jpg

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Man, it must have been the acid, but that’s not the way I remember Woodstock. At All.

      • Bub, the truculent Zombie

        Dude, If you *remember* Woodstock, you weren’t *at* Woodstock.

        Whoa….deep.

    • ltmcdies

      the “master” race..huh?

    • BadKitty904

      From Campbell’s file of “Pork’n’Beans Commercials That Never Saw Air-Time”…

    • Alan

      Where’s the NASCAR flag?

      • gallbladder

        At the bottom of the pool?

        • Alan

          Made me laugh. Needed that.

    • Truck Fump

      He didn’t even have someone hold his beer first.

    • aureolaborealis

      Those purity balls sure are going downhill.

  • Bill D. Burger

    First time someone pops bubblegum at a GOP event with their new militia security present:

    https://media.giphy.com/media/9umH7yTO8gLYY/giphy.gif

  • Me not sure

    Those guys look like a ton of fun. Literally a ton.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Bless his heart.

  • Proud Liberal

    What the living fuck has happened to this country?

    • TJ Barke

      The rightwing noise masheen.

    • Alan

      Intelligent people generally have better things to do so a disproportionate number of stupid people run for political office?

      • Proud Liberal

        It’s amazing. The rapid decline is mind boggling. Intelligence used to be a good thing.

        • Alan

          Pffft, you must be an elite.

          • Proud Liberal

            A proud one!

          • Alan

            Geez, I’ll bet you even read.

          • Proud Liberal

            I know, I know. Reading is for snowflakes.

          • Paul Dietzel

            What I can’t figure out is how in hell a (supposed) billionaire real-estate mogul from New Yawk City isn’t considered an “elite.”

          • Alan

            He talks stoopid.

        • Finnibar87

          Heck, back in the day, farm families and working urban folks made a point of becoming culturally intelligent, listening to opera and reading actual books.

          Oscar Wilde visited a US coal mine and did a reading, for crying out loud.

          • Covfefe

            All that “cultural intelligence” was before American became Great The First Time.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Louis L’Amour wrote a book called Education of a Wandering Man.

            When he was in the merchant marines, they’d stay at cheap hotels near the docks. There would always be books in the rooms left by other sailors after they finished them. Sure, there was a lot of trash, but there were also a lot of classics mixed in.

            What else did you have to do on a merchant vessel when you were off-duty?

    • Walter Wellstone

      The same thing that happened to Venezuela when the poorly educated got to call the shots. Hugo Chavez used them to attain power, put them in charge and let the clusterfuck unravel as he raped the public treasure and made himself and his family billionaires overnight. The poorly educated then thought they had free reign to do whatever they wanted and did just that. Then Chavez died (allegedly) and they were left free to roam the land without their leader. That’s what’s happening here. The poorly educated think they can do whatever they want because Donald told them they can.

      • Covfefe

        Are you saying we have to keep Donald on life support?

        • PubOption

          That didn’t work very well with Tito.

    • BadKitty904

      Republicans/Russia.

    • Finnibar87

      Disdian for public education because the blahs got to go too.

    • Finnibar87

      Too much HFCS.

  • BadKitty904

    Looks like hitting the broad side of a barn would be pretty good practice.

    • Me not sure

      The guard shack behind them looks like it’s made out of refrigerator boxes. Start with that.

    • Querolous

      If they were inside the barn.

  • rosenbomb

    “including incidents at a street fair where Republicans felt unsafe, the threat that they’d be dragged out of a local parade, and threats on Facebook…”

    You know what makes people feel unsafe, bucko? Death threats, rape threats, & doxxing. All things that your supporters seem to enjoy doing to journalists and prominent dems. Don’t even talk to me about feeling unsafe.

  • Sally Eckhoff

    I wanna see the Portland GOP’s definition of American culture. Mickey D’s, Mossy Oak pajamas, and for the real hardcore intellectuals, Victor Davis Hanson essays! And plenty of Hot Pockets for the militia.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      You forgot the Coors Light.

      • Proud Liberal

        That stuff tastes nasty!

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Coors Light is what you drink if you hate yourself too much to drink Bud Light.

  • Lizzietish81

    WEird how these right wingers never pick up and move to Red states isn’t it?

    • Finnibar87

      And Idaho is RIGHT THERE.

      • UncleTravelingMatt
        • Proud Liberal

          What? Someone is taking advantage of another person’s ignorance. Inconceivable.

        • CafeenMan

          “What they discovered was a steady outflow of funds from the account for Curtiss’ personal use, including:”

          “Rollin Smoke Diesel” parts for a
          pickup that allow owners to customize their trucks so they belch large
          amounts of black smoke, a popular fad with right-wing activists who
          oppose global-warming activism.”

          ————————————-

          This fully demonstrates how emotionally-retarded right wingers are. They take a perfectly good truck and ruin it so they can drive around looking for people they think are “liberals” and choke them with black smoke.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            He was a cop, too!

      • Lizzietish81

        So I was in Seattle back in 2002 and I met this woman who was also from New England and we got talking. She told me that Idaho is “the New Hampshire of the Northwest.”

        • Finnibar87

          Being from the Northeast myself, I say she totally nailed it.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      They do. They don’t consider parts of Oregon or Washington west of the Cascades to be the “real” parts of the states. The Dry Side of Washington and Desert Oregon are more backward than Idaho.

  • Finnibar87

    I want a ripped militia, not a bunch of doughy white guys who never get laid.

    • Belasaurius

      welp, I’m out

  • Lizzietish81

    What could go wrong?

    Ask Mick Jagger…

  • Belasaurius

    are we taking odds on when they accidentally shoot and kill one of their own or an innocent child?

    • Finnibar87

      I hope for a few non lethal injuries, just so their beloved firearms shows them who’s boss.

      • YoBunnyBunny
        • CafeenMan

          Never gets old. Did you see his follow-up video?

          • YoBunnyBunny

            I will now…

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Every time I see this, I laugh uncontrollably.

          I’m a bad person.

  • Finnibar87

    I don’t trust out of shape militias.

    I suspect they are just there for the beer.

    • ALP

      Only if it’s shitty and mass produced.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    So, they’ve got an alternative definition of racism.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Not surprising considering they live in an alternative definition of reality.

    • TJ Barke

      The thing is, they think racism is unfounded and irrational prejudice against a racial group, but they of course believe that their prejudice is entirely founded and rational.

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    ‘… we are an all-volunteer organization with no money.’
    Boy, are THEY doing Republican wrong.

  • Vincent Ricola

    “The left and the right may have a somewhat different definition of racism…”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/66bdd2499e4494070e0bb34f95ff3b9d40c452c0ce0318528a713f4649ce0110.jpg

    • Proud Liberal

      Dear God. These people do exist.

      • Finnibar87

        And they live in America’s endless storage facilities.

    • NastyBossetti

      I feel kind of bad for him. I mean, he lives in a shed. It’s not even tall enough for him to stand up inside of it.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Probably doesn’t have a phone, and that’s why he doesn’t call 911.

        • Wild Cat

          He knows the Portland Police are too pussy to defend him, as they’re too pussy to show even old militia squishes who is boss in Portland.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Probably just can’t remember their phone number…

          • Paul Dietzel

            I was going to call 911 but I couldn’t find the “11” button.

      • Vincent Ricola

        Who knew racist gun nuts were such fans of the tiny home movement?

      • Wild Cat

        He usually just bends over when at home in the shed and lets the militia paddle his ass for fun.

      • SecludedCompound

        By his ethos, he deserves to live in a shed because of the free market.

        Shrug.

    • Lizzietish81

      He DOES recycle though…

      • NastyBossetti

        He’s saving those to make a raft, which he will just leave in the river when he’s done.

    • jodyleek

      Someone should call the fashion police.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        No pants. Could he possibly be an undercover Wonketeer?

        • Finnibar87

          Our disdain for pants is well known.

      • Finnibar87

        I want the dictionary people to have their own militia.

        Bad grammar? Night in the box.

    • CafeenMan

      Nugent looks younger than usual. Must be a new vitamin supplement.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I think they’re needed in Hamburg, pronto!
    https://www.facebook.com/thedailybeast/videos/10155613942394203/

  • Lizzietish81

    Is it wrong that I want to throw squibs at these guys and see what happens?

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      I’ll allow it.

      • CafeenMan

        Satirical writing that makes a hissing sound and then explodes?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      squib
      skwɪb/
      noun
      plural noun: squibs
      1.
      a small firework that burns with a hissing sound before exploding.
      2.
      a short piece of satirical writing.

      I feel like the 2nd definition is the very essence of what it means to be a Wonketteer.

      • chortlingdingo

        My brain went straight to Harry Potter and I wondered what those poor magic-less witches and wizards ever did to deserve such a thing.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Squib Power!

    • SecludedCompound

      You imaginative addition to the diversity of tactics is welcome. ;)

    • CripesAmighty

      Microwave popcorn.

  • Covfefe
    • Finnibar87

      Spit take alert!

      I’ve posted it the face space.

    • Proud Liberal

      You watch. At the end of Christie’s term as Governor, Trump will hire him in the Justice Department. Just a matter of time.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Not if Jared has anything to say about it.

        • cheetobenito

          can’t hide

  • Joe Beese

    These are unfathomable mysteries! We should stop thinking about them and focus on making America great again.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0976d581fc8dc286496285a3c9869988322249895e9da82db9440afa76011d59.png

    • TJ Barke

      Almost like he has a vested interest in that not being the case…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Huuuh.

      • Proud Liberal

        Gee. Ya think?

    • jesterpunk

      “No one really knows if it was Russia.’

      “Why didnt Obama stop Russia from interfering in the US election”

      Pick one you Orange moran.

      • TJ Barke

        He doesn’t have to. His base doesn’t care about consistency.

        • CafeenMan

          Exactly. His base are the same people who claim, “We’re the Party of Lincoln” and then turn around waving their traitor flags claiming, “The South Shall Rise Again!!”

        • jesterpunk

          Fucking cult.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          His base is composed of the people Orwell was talking about.

    • Finnibar87

      Nobody knows.

      Well, except the Idiot Trump has the information at freaky pinkie toes he calls ‘fingers’.

    • CafeenMan

      “Nobody knew that healthcare was complicated.”

      “Nobody could have foreseen 9/11.”

      Etc.

      I would ask why Republicans are so short-sighted that they’re always surprised by what the rest of us saw coming, but Republicans are always looking backward which explains a lot.

      They try to pretend that they aren’t wrong by claiming “EVERYBODY” didn’t know whatever it was either.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      But he totally knows that 3 million illegal Messicans voted for Hillary!!!!! Even though he still had the yoooogest margin of victory every. Just tremendous.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “You’re safe now!” __ New recruits for the GOP protection squads.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a64bc1ad69aad36236fc8e14bab6da34ec2d3b8ffbdd8b5881ab816f5a5040bf.jpg

    • Proud Liberal

      Oh. My. God.

      • Wild Cat

        Jesus H. Fucking Christ in a hayseed!
        If anyone makes a porno with these fuckers, I’m defecting to North Korea!

    • gallbladder

      I feel safer already!

    • Belasaurius

      holy shit, the South will have a coronary while trying to rise again

      • Finnibar87

        They can barely rise from the Lazy Boy, much less take up arms against the perfidious Blue.

    • Finnibar87

      America’s Era of Stupid is now in force.

    • Women and children first! The guys will sit back and drink beer!

    • Notreelyhelping

      It looks like Mad Max on cherry cough syrup, model airplane glue, and meth.

      • gallbladder

        I can’t stop laughing.

      • CafeenMan

        At least they didn’t pick the wrong day to stop drinking cherry cough syrup, sniffing model airplane glue or shooting up meth!

      • Finnibar87

        And far too many Big Macs.

    • Belasaurius

      it’s even worse, they took this picture after church!

      • CafeenMan

        They could have taken the exact same photo before church.

    • anon_the_great

      Yeah, yeah, Lookie the stupid fat booger eaters. Thank God we all are SOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than them.

      Uh, this kinda shit may feel good but it ain’t helping anyone, anywhere

      • CafeenMan

        Having fun IS helpful.

      • Belasaurius

        do we want to help these people? The kids, yes, but the adults, I’m not sure they can be helped at this point.

        • anon_the_great

          If we can’t help them, then what? Ignore them until they die? Good plan but before they go to their just rewards they’ve spawned. Ignore their kids as well?

          • CafeenMan

            Actually we can ignore them and help them simultaneously. They disproportionately benefit from the ACA. Dems didn’t pass it only for liberal elites. They’re trying to get access to healthcare for everyone – even people they politically oppose.

            Doesn’t mean we have to like them and it doesn’t mean we can’t mock their stupidity and ignorance.

            And speaking of ignorance, it’s also the left who is trying to make schools better, not turn them over to private ownership so a few people can make a huge profit while providing lower quality education.

          • Belasaurius

            I’m pretty sure I stated we should help their kids, let me go back and check……………yes, yes I did.

    • Finnibar87

      So in September, I’m driving The Daughter across the deep South to Dallas.

      I suspect and fear I will see even worse than that on the way.

      • CafeenMan

        Stick to interstates as much as possible and whatever you do, don’t pull into any hick towns.

        • Finnibar87

          I wonder how many hick towns are trying to change their name to Trumpville?

          • CafeenMan

            All of them, Katie.

      • chortlingdingo

        You’ll be okay in Texas. Despite how much we fuck up at the legislative level, we’re pretty friendly to strangers here. You coming across I-20?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      The bad guys are up that gentle slope*. GO GET ‘EM!

      (* stolen from simpsons)

    • teele

      Why don’t they just get “Loser”* tattooed on their foreheads and be done with it? Bigger initial outlay than the flags, I guess, but in the long run, a real money-saver.

      *Or, “Looser” as it’s spelled on the internet.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I look at that picture, and I see Unleaded 2.21/gallon, and I think, “Thanks, Obama!”

  • Joe Hill

    Contrary to the “tyranny fighter’s” belief, combat training isn’t watching the military channel, eating pizza and drinking buttwiper.
    These “Second Amendment Solutionists” wouldn’t last ten minutes in a combat situation.
    I went through Infantry training @ Tiger Land in Fort Polk when I was 19. It darn near did me in.
    And I wasn’t 60 lbs overweight.

    • Heck, most of them would be too busy running away to try to shoot anything. One of the things I learned in the military was that it doesn’t matter how good you are on the range, in actual situations your accuracy amounts to “shoot in the general direction and hope you hit something.”

      • CafeenMan

        LOL… “running away”. Two steps and they have to sit down for forty-five minutes to get their wind back.

      • Finnibar87

        Real war zones are both deafeningly noisy and stinky.

        It’s why even military folk panic at the start.

        • CafeenMan

          And I like how in war movies your soldiers can perfectly understand what you’re yelling from 100 yards away in the middle of a battle.

          • Finnibar87

            The snipers alone are terrifying.

          • Pilotshark

            or talk normal in a helicopter with doors open.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            I’d be horrible in war zone then. I can’t even understand what people are mouthing to me from the hallway through my office window.

            “Uh… No, Jane… I don’t have any more coffee creamer… Why do you need creamer to run expense reports anyway???”

    • Finnibar87

      Fun fact!

      Stephen and Tabitha King named their first son after Joe Hill.

    • chortlingdingo

      I don’t like to poke at other people’s weight, even if they’re a repulsive human being, but I think 60 lbs is a massive understatement.

      • Joe Hill

        I wasn’t poking at their weight. Even in the prime of life combat training is brutal and rigorous. And combat even more so.

        My point was that these guys are delusional dupes if they think they can fight.

        • chortlingdingo

          Oh, that wasn’t directed toward you. I’m sorry if it came across that way. I was prefacing my own jab about their weight.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Well, this seems like JUST the approach that will win them more supporters, especially those liberals who will immediately see the error of their ways, apologize handsomely (probably by offering artisanal cheese and homemade wines), renounce democracy forever, and enthusiastically join the republican party.
    Uh huh. Yup. That’ll happen, for sure.

    • CafeenMan

      Wouldn’t it be better to offer Cheese Whiz and Old Milwaukee?

      • ALP

        Dude, in the NW they drink Bud or Rainier.

        • CafeenMan

          I’m as far away as I can be from there and still be in the Continental US. Florida. I live next door to Florida Man. :D

        • TJ Barke

          Motherfucker, they drink Busch.

        • Paul Dietzel

          The Stampers drank Olympia.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Damn, from that top pic I can already here the labored breathing/awake-burble-snoring.

  • fawkedifiknow

    They aren’t snowflakes. They’re just flakes.

  • CafeenMan

    Republicans think they should be able to do anything they want AND be in charge of making rules for everyone else. Everyone else doesn’t get the freedom Republicans get because reasons.

    They believe they should be able to walk up to you and punch you in face. If you duck then their rights are being violated.

    • Walter Wellstone

      That pretty much sums it up. Our mistake has been to assume they’re adults with whom we can have a reasonable dialog. We can still try to reason with them but it has to be done the way we do it with children because that’s really what they are.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        But how do we enforce those time-outs?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Votes. Sharp pointy votes.

      • CafeenMan

        I stopped trying to reason with them during the Bush years. I’m not the fastest learner but I do learn.

  • jesterpunk
    • Jerilynadaniels

      Managing director of Google says we are paying $97 per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family^hi227:
      On tuesday I got a great new Toyota Prius Prime from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it,.Then see this
      ~xd227:
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  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    Well, if this were a movie, this is the point when the dissidents go into the city and negotiate with street gangs, already heavily armed and adept with weapons, to protect the from the reactionary, violent militias that have been hired to protect the fascists, and it’s all downhill from there, but with lots of bullets and blood, plus theme music.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      MST3K featured at least two such movies.

      • Finnibar87

        City Limits.

        Warrior of the Lost World.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Hm.. Escape From the Bronx?

          • Finnibar87

            Did they do that one?

            I didn’t watch as much when they moved to SciFi.

          • The Wanderer

            They did. It was painful.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Episode 705, “Escape 2000”.

        • The Wanderer

          WotLW was fairly awful, but made a teeny bit better by Persis Khambatta.

  • Bill D. Burger

    ot…but Boss Tweet just called Kim Jung Un a “dangerous, dangerous hombre” and said that “…some really incredible things will be done very strongly” to stop him.

    Oh…oh………goddamn. Who talks like that?

    The fucker is beginning to make Dumbya’ seem like Cicero by comparison.

    • TJ Barke

      The man’s brain is fucking broke.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Just like his wallet.

    • Komsumverweigerer Ron

      ‘Dear Leader! Mister Donald said he would do some really incredible things very strongly to stop you!’
      ‘Ah, good, he doesn’t have any idea at all what to do. Continue the launches!’

    • gallbladder

      Are we talking “thermonuclear incredible” or just “regular-strength incredible?”

      • Bill D. Burger

        It’s at the least “bigly incredible.”

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Funny how Trump’s twitter tweets strikes the same tone of ungrammaticality of the DPRK’s parody twitter account.

    • CafeenMan

      I mentioned the other day that Trump’s worst crime may be that he’s made Bush a sympathetic character.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Cicero? More like Dickero. Amirite?

    • Alex Grey
  • Notreelyhelping

    Then the Big Rains came, and they all said fuck it, and went inside to drink beer.

    The end.

    • CafeenMan

      With those guys everything is an excuse to drink.

      “I had a bad day. I need a drink!”
      “I had a great day. I’m going to celebrate with a drink.”
      “Nothing much happening. Fetch me a beer.”

      • Finnibar87

        Hold my beer.

        Fuck it, I ain’t never getting outta my chair.

        • CafeenMan

          Which is a cushion on top of a mini-fridge, right? :)

          • Finnibar87

            Like George Costanza’s.

  • Bub, the truculent Zombie
    • CafeenMan

      About as “light” as the Titanic.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Proud Liberal

      Cult 45!

      • Finnibar87

        Malt liquor for all!

    • Kakkeltje

      “Wait what? They don’t know about second breakfast??’

      • Finnibar87

        What about elevensies?

    • anon_the_great

      Yep. Because fat shaming is SOOOOOOOOOOOO effin funny.

      After we’re done with this fat asshole we can do some homo smearing of Lindsey Graham eh?

      • CafeenMan

        Sounds good. You start!

      • eastcoastlib

        We also shame hillbillies, swamp people and toothless trailer trash.

        • Screw you. The problem is not poor whites who live in unfashionable states. The problem is fascism. Some rednecks are fascists. Lots of educated city folks are fascists – Richard Spencer isn’t an Applachian yokel. Some rednecks are radicals and liberals who are fighting the good fight. Assuming all rednecks are Trump trash is like assuming that all Jews love Bibi Netanyahu and the occupation of Palestine – ethnic stereotyping.

          Oh, and stop can’t-afford-dental-plan shaming while you’re at it.

          https://www.redneckrevolt.org/

          • eastcoastlib

            ” The problem is not poor whites who live in unfashionable states.”

            Yes, yes it is.

            You need to work of your concern trolling skills. They’re not very good. Too transparent.

          • Ha ha, did you even read the Redneck Revolt website? Do you think that it’s a false flag, you think that that every Bubba and Billie Mae is necessarily a dumb-ass religious fascist who hates blacks and queers, that it’s concern-trolling to think otherwise? Funnily enough, that’s also what Trump and the Southern Baptist Church thinks.

          • eastcoastlib

            When I hear the word “redneck” that banjo music starts up in my head and I run the other way.

            Could care less what your dumb website says. The overwhelming majority of rednecks are knuckle dragging, Trump supporting, confederate flag waving, assholes.

            You’re hear to defend their honor? Pretend most of them don’t aptly match my description? Start #notallrednecks meme?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        I thought it was Fat Guy in camo with a gun shaming that was happening.

    • Pilotshark

      i see it is the Heavy Jumbo team six, the tip of the food line spear.

    • Finnibar87

      Meal Team Six was a great TDS bit.

    • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

      No diets on the western front.

    • Walter Wellstone

      They’re so adorable.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Christians were never too good at following that Graven Images commandment.

    • CafeenMan

      And totally ignore the whole, “Thou shalt not bear false witness” thing.

    • Finnibar87

      Especially when said image is a firearm.

      • tomamitai

        If you’re going to worship a phallic symbol, be honest about it (NSFW).

    • tomamitai

      Or the whole “take up your cross and follow me” thing, or the “whatsoever you do to the least” thing, or…

  • Finnibar87

    I think those dudes skip leg day, like a common Paul Ryan.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    A political party with its own army. NOW can we go Godwin?

  • Finnibar87

    I was just in Portland, Oregon.

    It was great.

  • Bad Tom

    Sure! Hire militias for “security.”

    What could go wrong? Ask The Rolling Stones how Altamont, December 6, 1969 went.

  • BigCSouthside

    When they say “western culture” do you think they are including Mexico and South America?

    • Hollandaise

      They don’t even mean Canada or half the US!

    • tomamitai

      I was just looking at the “talk” page for “Western Culture” over at Wikipedia and, based on a quick skim, it looks like the Hindus and the Euro-centrists are trying to out-do each other in minimizing the contributions of Arabs, so it may be a while before they get around to the pre-Columbian Americans.

      • chortlingdingo

        It does seem to be a global pastime to eliminate any positive contributions from the Middle East and Africa. And anything that did spring from that region was clearly done by white people (see white Jesus and white ancient Egyptians).

        Sometimes I really hate people.

  • cheetojeebus

    They’d save a lot of embarrassment if they’d just hire Snake Plissken.

    • CafeenMan

      I thought he was dead. ???

      • cheetojeebus

        That won’t stop him!111

    • tomamitai

      He doesn’t work well with others.

  • Covfefe

    What I admire about citizen militias is their spree decor.

  • eastcoastlib

    I’m taking a business trip soon to Tulsa. Being an east coast liberal, I’m feeling unsafe. I’d love to hire the new black panthers for security. Does anyone have their number? I’m sure the defenders of liberty in Oklahoma wouldn’t have any issues if I walk into the Marriott followed by several heavily armed Panthers.

    • Finnibar87

      Giving an expanded meaning of ‘bring your own’.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    All-male reboot of Charlie’s Angels seemed like a good idea on paper, but … https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/383d99c216478cb795cc8e077208914ab0a124b424012e60a14410459edac1bf.jpg

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      I posted mine above before I saw yours…great minds post the same ideas or something like that.

  • mardam422

    They’re not lawless! They just object to government laws!

  • Wes

    I just hope the ass whoopings they will eventually get are locally grown and gluten free.

    • Crystalclear12

      And organic.

    • rocktonsam

      also perennial too

  • Lori

    The worst thing about this is that some of the antifascist morons are going to find it impossible to avoid playing right into the hands these idiots. There’s nothing that authoritarians like more than drawing their opponents into actions that justify authoritarian violence.

    • Steve Cole

      If we are talking PDX, then a counter demonstration is almost a certainty. There are many recent examples. For the most part, the RWNJ keep their penile extensions holstered and the “antifa” let them live. So far. And FWIW, they did convict this clown http://concealednation.org/2017/02/man-who-pulled-gun-on-protestors-in-portland-demonstration-found-guilty/

    • Persistent Demme

      Yep.
      The “anti-fa” dorks will love this.
      Their “bring it” attitude will play right into the hands of these twerps.
      *shudder*

    • SecludedCompound

      You know what? While everyone screams about the fascist trajectory of this country, I went to a resistance protest, and you know what I saw? Old people singing folks songs. The only people acting like the things that people are stating are actually happening are the ARA/Antifascist set. Groan about it all you want, but I see a lot of tacit support for the things that are happening now in the liberal set that pretty much thoroughly disgust me.

      If you want it done a better way, do it yourself. These are collections of real citizens trying to do the best they can to allay actual fascist organization, violence, and terror.

      It gets a fuck of a lot more done than fucking kumbaya.

      • Lori

        Well sure, it’s violence or nothing and violence always works well for us so bring it.

        • SecludedCompound

          Come on, sing it.

          “Kummmmbayyaaaaaa my lord…”
          [brained by fascist while their neighbor is dragged off to a camp]

  • Crystalclear12

    Considering how many Republican snowflakes there are you would think they would be more worried about global warming.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
  • A Groucho Marxist

    “the government has developed an unconstitutional overreach of power, and that it is a reasonable political objective to attempt to rein government in”

    I agree. Let’s start with the DoD.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    What could go wrong? I’m thinking Altamont, but with more gunplay.

  • OutOfOrbit

    This is not a wish but I would like to see how these boys hold up under hostile fire.

    • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

      Why rule out friendly fire?

      • yyyaz

        “Mama, mama! Joe Bob done shot off Billy Ray’s ass!”

        • mancityRed6

          “agin?!”

        • JustDon’tSaySortMyBalls

          Walk it off, Billy Ray! Rub some dirt on it! Joe Bob, are you outta ammo AGAIN?

  • WeaselPoo

    Branches of political party currently with majority representation in both House of Congress, the Supreme court and their leader in the Oval office, feels unrepresented in government and in need of protection by anti government group willing to defend branch of party holding maximum federal government power.
    Huh..
    This situation sure could use a ball sorting robot.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Assumes balls not in evidence.

    • yyyaz

      Strange that they see their hold on power as more tenuous than we do. Their owners apparently have made a strategic decision to keep them stupid and scared. Huh.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/383d99c216478cb795cc8e077208914ab0a124b424012e60a14410459edac1bf.jpg The one on the left looks like one of the caricatures from the Beastie Boys’ Sabatoge video, the two in the middle look like they will be spending more time gaurding a McDonald’s and the one on the right is doing his Charlie’s Angels impersonation.

    • Weird Fishes

      Honest to Christ where do they find these clowns.

      • cats530

        Failed extras for the remake of the “Dukes of Hazzard.”

  • Bitter Scribe

    Sometimes I wonder what would happen if you hid a loudspeaker among a group of those people and, at just the right moment, played a booming voice: “Attention! Attention! This is the federal government, and we’re COMING TO TAKE YOUR GUNS!!!!”, followed by a soundtrack of gunfire and explosions. How many of them do you think would shoot each other?

    • cats530

      Attention K-Mart shoppers: “Obama is in a white van in the parking lot. Obama is in a white van in the parking lot and he’s coming for your guns!”

    • covfefesumgame0005

      oh man, the sheer amount of pants-shitting would fill me with laughter!

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      AOTK?

    • Steve Cole

      The panic departure at Malheur NWR after “the government” arrested the Bundy “patriots” is all the example you need.

    • Even without that provocation, one of these gomers shot himself in Gettysburg.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Link or GTFO.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          The gun was old and feeble, like our President. It went off again when authorities were unloading it.

        • aureolaborealis
          • Bitter Scribe

            Free dumb!

            I like how it was the fascist jackbooted federal Park Police that saved the dummy’s life by applying a tourniquet.

  • cats530

    A sampling of illustrious John Birch Society members of the glorious South: Cletus, Bubba, Jim Bob and Earl Roy.

  • rocktonsam

    nothing will go wrong .these good guys will hide behind a tree or something or hear mommy calling them home for dinner.

  • covfefesumgame0005

    let me ask the Oregon GOP, did the Rolling Stones regret hiring the Hell’s Angels as “security”?

  • tomamitai

    I think it is possible to defend Western culture without being a racist.

    To do that, you’d first have to find a way to define what “western culture” is without being racist. Good luck with that!

    • Augustus

      Enlightenment / sovereignty of man
      Scientific method / rationalism
      Rule of law / due process

      That’s about as close as I can come on short notice. Not a perfect description, and you raise a valid point, but there definitely IS a Western culture separate from the oppression that’s been carried out in its name, and there definitely ARE really wonderful aspects of it, in theory.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I think you and OP have different ideas of ‘Western Culture’. He’s talking about the Western US and yes, there is a certain ‘culture’ here that is based on individualism but not necessarily a ‘bad’ way. The vast majority of us are ‘Live and Let Live’ types regardless of party. Of course that’s all based on the now-fiction of wide open spaces and sparse populations. Some folks have a lot of trouble living that in an urban setting. I don’t. Go ahead and get your ya-ya’s out – I’m not gonna say anything until 10 PM.

        • Augustus

          Oh, that makes sense, since the article is about a place in the west. SAHRRY !

          • Courser_Resistance

            Oh no! White Supremacists absolutely go on about ‘Western Culture’ in a larger sense, meaning Northern Europeans. Some of them say that no other culture has contributed to our current successes but that’s bullshit and we all know it.

            Thanks!

      • tomamitai

        I prefer to call it “human” culture, it’s less loaded than “western”. Besides, on a globe, all directions are relative; you can get to “western” countries by traveling east. Sometimes that’s even shorter than going “west”.

  • Bebecca

    And there ladies and gentlemen is how Donald Trump became our president. Weak-minded, scared people.

  • Jennifer R

    Goddamn it that isn’t what American Exceptionalism means. IT MEANS BECAUSE WE WERE FOUNDED VIA A POPULAR REVOULATION WITH LAISSEZ FAIRE ECONOMY it is OUR DUTY TO SPREAD SUCH ACROSS THE WORLD. THAT is American Exceptionalism. Not the moronic concept that ideas that work in other countries won’t work here. Or that we are somehow above the law. Or even proof that said Exceptionalism is a good idea. Fuck I hatepeople who are ignorant of history.

  • kindness

    On the scale of things I believe I (and my country) have more to fear from III Percenters and Oath Keepers than a black man legally carrying a gun has to fear from police. And if that isn’t clear, I think black men (with or without guns) ought to have an enormous fear of police.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The whiniest Nazis in the West.

  • Mormos

    rugged individualism, american exceptionalism, & manifest destiny are the 3 original sins of american philosophy.

    • Augustus

      I would add “chattel slavery and race-based castes” in there somewhere, being the original Original Sins that’re still fucking everything up. I know it’s not *exactly* a philosophy, but kind of, it is. In the South, anyway.

  • Anna Rompage

    If the Oaf-Keepers & 3% were truly impartial in their quest to protect the free speech of all US citizens, they would be providing “security” for the BLM movement, as well as those who protest for equal rights for all…

  • Raan

    Is there a list of county sponsors of terrorism?

  • BearLeft

    a bunch of overweight, uneducated, overgrown boy scouts with guns … What could possibly go wrong?

    • Old town Urbandale

      boy scout libelz…

    • William

      Everything, which is why it’s just perfect for the GOP. The militia wins, we win and Darwin wins. (it’s actually why he’s called Dar-WIN, no seriously, I think it’s on the interweb somewhere) https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/29f53ed38e372a37fb46beba23544197ddedda73e77aad21de61c3d9f21dab6f.jpg

      • mailman27

        Where can you get one of those french fry holsters?

      • Duke

        Whatdaya call that bulge below the belt? A “Double Belly?”

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      None of these lily-livered cowards would have been tough enough to join boy scouts.

  • susan_g

    Just bring a big bucket of hot pockets and leave a trail, leading them away from the event and up to a fast food joint.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      I originally read that as ‘hot potato’, and immediately considered the pain of being hit by a well thrown baked potato straight from the oven.

      • susan_g

        Some people like to put a big long nail into a potato for baking. Just sayin’.

  • SecludedCompound

    There were 22 local open, self-identifying neonazis at the 6/4/17 rally at which Buchal was recruiting.

    There were ~250 people total, and the majority were very supportive of the white nationalist and supremacist messages coming from the stage.

    This is the group the “local” (not local) III% is supporting.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      They need all the voters they can get.

  • Aileen

    As a Portlander, I can confirm both the Antifa and Alt-right crowds are fucking annoying and continually force me to steer clear of downtown whenever one of them decides to protest something (by lighting an unrelated thing on fire) which is seemingly daily. Also, Portland has a long, shameful history of being a hotbed of white supremacy, so when this guy starts talking about “defending western culture” that raises some alarm bells.

    • pat tolle

      @Aileen- I agree with Mahatma Gandhi on the subject of ” western civilization”. When asked what he thought of “western civilization, he said he thought it would be a good idea.

  • Skaarphy

    This week’s gonna be a lot of work for the Shit-for-brains department.

  • Lurkylu
  • Altamont-Right…

    • Justus

      Immediately thought of Altamont on reading the headline.

      • shoeflyin

        Me too…

    • Querolous

      Worst square dance step ever.

      • FlownΩver

        I bow in your direction.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Really? Raffling off an AR-Penis in ‘celebration’ (not ‘honor’) of two Assassinated leaders? Um, kind of sounds like you’re providing support for future Assassins-In-Training.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      It never occurred to them. The level of tone-deafness to sensibility among the Rebs is staggering.

  • William
    • cats530

      Bet the earth shakes when that member of the malicia runs. Or maybe with his blown out knee joints he can’t run.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        With a full load of gear and a full load of beer, he just falls over right there. This is not new. The reason there are no actual state militia is that they showed up drunk, got drunker, wrecked the meeting hall then went to church on Sunday with a hangover that would kill Godzilla. No marching, no marksmanship, no discipline. They elected leaders based on who owned the biggest still in the county. And when they actually got to a battlefield, they deserted en-masse. Lost some Civil War battles that way.

    • Guinnessmonkey

      Though that makes it seem like these morons are actually part of an official state militia, which they aren’t. They’re just a bunch of rednecks with guns.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    Think Altamont without the training or professionalism.

    • Ωbjectifier

      I feel far more at ease with the HA than the III%ers.

  • Panika MCD

    wonder what they’d have to say about the government overreach of paying for Tsarina Von Clownstick’s frequent golf outings or the expansion of the Secret Service to protect all those agency heads who weren’t creative enough to ask for volunteers.

    • HooverVilles

      They’d probably stare into space. That would likely be too much conflict for their brains to deconflict.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith
  • Donkey Option

    I don’t understand this mindset. I never will. I never can. These are people who claim to be the true “Americans” but who only care about the Second Amendment, not any of the others. Who claim that having a duly elected president who is black is some fascist while the new guy lost the popular vote and is actively actually promoting fascism isn’t fascist, but then again, fascism is totally okay in this best of all possible countries, America? Like – we are founded on democracy (I almost typoed that to democrazy and you know, that’s okay.) They seem to think that if the only way that they can get the US to go back to pro-racism, anti-diversity, anti-progress is by literal fascism and completely destroying what supposedly makes our country great (though I think they believe that only their ability to own guns makes America great, not any of the other pesky stuff like actual freedom to say this shit,) then damn it, it’s worth it? Like, they think that the way to combat “government overreach” is to overthrow the elected government and install a fascist dictatorship? I just don’t know how you get America so very, very wrong.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Right? I also can’t imagine–what must it be like to LIVE in that state of lizard-brain fear, to really believe all that shit, to be reduced to a hulk of primitive aggression, barbarism and tribalism? What a horrible way to live your life. It’s so insane.

    • Buzz1313

      It’s easy to understand. Racism in America is like a poorly guarded family secret. Before Obama got elected, these were the same people who’d talk on about how they didn’t see color and would happily elect a qualified black man for President, because they were certain it would never happen. Then it did and they lost their minds. I remember once being told by a white guy back in the early 90s that he feared if ever a black president were elected, there’d be retribution toward white people for slavery. A lot of white people in this country try to act like slavery and Jim Crow was a long time ago and doesn’t matter now, but this guilt and paranoia is real. This is why they support President Trump. These conservatives are afraid of repraisals from people who were harmed in a system that they benefitted from.

      • everstar

        It’s one of those family secrets that everybody knows but you’re not allowed to talk about because somehow actually addressing it would be worse than letting it fester.

    • kareemachan

      The switch to pro-Russia probably gave them whiplash, but they did it anyway.

  • Relativicus

    On the plus side, if the more troublesome “antifa” protestors really are conservative shit-stirrers or part of another bout of law enforcement COINTELPRO-like operations, that particular problem could resolve itself, in a manner.

  • Relativicus

    I see a lot of mockery of these guys as if they’re all weekend warriors and backyard soldiers. They’re not. A lot of these folks, if not most, are law enforcement and/or military trained. These are legitimately dangerous people and are second only to religious groups on the list of folks to whom you should give wide, wide, wide berth to in an apocalyptic-type setting. Or really, any setting.

  • whitroth

    Or, as I said when I emailed y’all about this the other day, this is *literally* brown/blackshirt territory we’re in now.

    And they are NOT a well-regulated militia, being as how they’re not registered with the state government….

  • 3FingerPete

    I haven’t personally seen hate speech or neo-Nazi activity at all, unless these two people carrying the signs counted.

    If two black guys standing around a polling station constitutes widespread voter intimidation then two white guys carrying signs definitely proves the Multnomah County GOP’s racist intentions.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ded7e178693f4a817a938b2d1d755670b44b9d6815157856deaf747b7d4b590e.jpg

  • gratuitous

    Last week, when the Good in the Hood family-friendly picnic and community event received threats of violence from (probably) some of the same people Mr. Buchal is turning to for security, they just went ahead with their event. Tough-guy Republicans flee, people of color stand strong.

  • ralphteb

    I for one look forward to (from the safe distance of another country) red neck / ar15 v drone war these guys are gagging for

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      The 8 Hour Rebellion will mostly be about finding enough ambulances for the militia goobers who collapse from cardiovascular catastrophe while running for cover.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Volunteer security force? If I remember correctly, the old saying is you get what you pay for.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      And they aren’t paying anything. 😝

  • Poly_Ester

    I though 500-pounders referred to bombs not boys playing army.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      Ka-Burn!

    • dshwa

      I thought it was Russian Completely unaligned hackers.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      What — why did they come out of the basement and leave their computers?

    • thixotropic jerk

      MOAB: Motherfuckers Openly Ated Biggly

  • Zyxomma

    I. Just. Can’t.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      I don’t keep up with the Marion County version (Salem,OR area) of these wack-a-loons. ButI bet they just got a hot flash.

  • teele

    What I fail to comprehend is why the overweight, unkempt, underemployed keep posing for these pictures and making themselves the butt of everyone’s jokes. They are not the people who put trump in the White House, there really are just not enough of them to get the job done. The white suburbanites put as many, if not more, votes toward this nightmare, but they don’t get blamed. Just like in the Civil War, the poor and ignorant seem more than happy to act as the front shield for their “betters,” and I will never be able to understand that. Meanwhile, Daddy Morebucksthanyou keeps boinking his secretary, sipping his scotch, cheating at golf, making fun of the poor, and voting Republican. At least he has a reason.

    • Rags

      For the same reason 4-5 believes he is smart, handsome and a great leader. This is one reason why they relate to him.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      De-Nile runs deep through their tiny little minds.

  • Buzz1313

    “Because we are an all-volunteer organization with no money. So if we are going to get security services, we are going to get them from volunteers. And people who volunteer to provide security services to Republicans are generally going to be people who share the view that the government has developed an unconstitutional overreach of power, and that it is a reasonable political objective to attempt to rein government in.”

    What a bunch of bullshit! These guys who are arfraid of “government overreach” are being recruited to protect a bunch of guys who represent the party in control of all three branches of our government?! Who the fuck are these people?!

    It reminds me of a conversation I had with my younger brother recently on about how these same yahoos buy guns to defend themselves against “the government” and how when you point out the governments has tanks, bombs and drones, they look at you blank faced. It’s idiots like this who have the rest of the world thinking Americans are stupid violent morons.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      The “no money” thing is especially egregious. Who do you think organizes and carries out county party politics? And nobody does it for love except the most incompetent. Consultants, advertisers, lobbyists. They want it upfront on the bed.

    • dshwa

      Our armed forces went through Iraq’s army in about what, 2 days? And these guys think their cosplay in the woods is going to stop them?

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        And that was a properly equipped army with a lot actual combat experience in the ranks from the Iran/Iraq War. Filled out by draftees, yes. But that shouldn’t have made a real difference. They were just outthought, outmanuvered and out-soldiered.

      • Rickyphoo

        These dickheads have seen “Red Dawn” way too many times.

        • Royal Ugly Dude

          Once is too many.

    • Delu

      It’s idiots like this who have the rest of the world thinking Americans are stupid violent morons.

      And very successful they have been too!

    • pat tolle

      @Buzz1313- This accords with my thought that the Bundy Ranch impasse could have been settled very quickly. Simply have an AH-64 Longbow Apache attack helicopter make one high-speed, low-altitude pass, it would not even have had to unlimber one of its weapons systems. the “militias” would have soiled their trousers,packed up and gone home.

  • tehbaddr

    That guy down on the front of the pic, those side swaying man boobs just made me nearly puke! Real alpha men they are eh?

    • Those aren’t man boobs. They’re Freedom Tits.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Oh, that was good!

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        So hard to laugh and gag at the same time.

      • tehbaddr

        Bravo!

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      Bet it took the four of them two clips apiece to kill the fuck out of that dangerous
      and life-threatening empty bottle of Jack Daniels (they kept missing the old, rusty Busch beer can).

  • Alex Grey

    “What could possibly go wrong?”
    They might run off to Malheur…

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      Please…

  • Khavrinen

    “Buchal explained there’s been “sort of a continuous escalation” of threats against the county GOP”

    So naturally the only possible response is to escalate right back, even more.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      Hello Chicago West.

    • kareemachan

      Cuz those restaurants aren’t gonna just stop at kicking you out of them, amirite?

  • everstar

    Call me silly, but I usually want a security staff which has practiced working as a group, and also has experience coordinating with state and local law enforcement. It seems like common sense to me. Or is that liberal elitist thinking? I always get those two confused.

    • Duke

      How about of heavily armed momma’s boys who play a lot of first-person shooter games? They’re already frightened. They just need targets!

      • kareemachan

        Well, if they have to shoot at anything, hopefully it’s their own feet….

        • pat tolle

          @kareemachan- The pictures help explain the popularity of both paper targets and the oft- targeted,and hit roadside traffic signs since neither moves nor shoots back

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz
  • redblack

    today i had the pleasure of telling a queer-obsessed, breeder, right-wing coworker to climb down off of his fucking cross; because he’s just about the least oppressed individual in US america.

    fucking snowflakes.

  • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

    Now let’s see how they might react to Democratic Party organizations in the Red states hiring the Black Panthers for “operational security”. Mr. Buchal, what do you say to that?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/575352c5755eeb75c0602d716671d1dd37c99c1c289464c6193bfe5653888c20.jpg

  • azeyote

    i live in southern oregon where we have one of those pocket constitutional sheriffs – we have a lot of red necks too that have slowly over the years accepted and joined with a growing marijuana counter culture – marijuana is also our counties # 1 cash crop – we don’t need militant fools to intimidate us like they did back in the early 70’s – – progress has taken a personal toll for a lot of us and we can’t go back

    • Jerilynadaniels

      Managing director of Google says we are paying $97 per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family^hi226:
      On tuesday I got a great new Ford F-150 from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it ,,,,Then check this out
      ~xd226:
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  • Zwadny Zigashits

    Those pictured make a good case for gun control and eugenics.

  • kareemachan

    ‘The left and the right may have a somewhat different definition of racism.

    I just can’t….

    • Stulexington

      Like the definition of most words, the Left uses the correct definition and the Right has their own made up bullshit definition that they use.

  • Zeeba Neighba

    This sounds disturbingly like hiring the Hell’s Angels to provide security at a Rolling Stones concert.

  • David Shaw

    This kind of reminds me of Altamont–another well thought our selection of a private security service. They only got paid in beer, so they were the low bid.

  • SeeTrain65

    “In 2014, the party was denied permission to hold its annual Lincoln Day Dinner at a Greek Orthodox church when party leaders announced they’d be celebrating two great Republican heroes, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King (who wasn’t actually a Republican in life, but has been enlisted posthumously) by raffling off an AR-15 semiautomatic rifle.”

    They got the Mormons to baptize King as a Republican for two square acres of a ranch outside Provo.

  • Fedupwithcorporategreed

    Are those man boobs?

  • Odd Jørgensen

    I bet the security they hired are completely stable and down to earth, like so:
    https://media.giphy.com/media/9umH7yTO8gLYY/giphy.gif

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