SHARE

This weekend, after spending most of the week alternating between tweeting attacks at the news media and whining about the news media reporting on his tweets instead of writing about how he is awesome and doing totally good stuff, Donald J. Trump spent approximately $400,000 of taxpayer money to attend a “Celebrate Freedom” rally at the Kennedy Center. Which ostensibly had something to do with veterans, but more importantly, with Donald J. Trump and pictures of Donald J. Trump and songs about Donald J. Trump, and also gross anti-gay pastor Robert Jeffress. And, uh, Christmas.

The celebration included, I shit you not, a HYMN TO HIM. Yes, the First Baptist Dallas Church sang a song called “Make America Great Again.”

Here, for the masochists in the audience, is the whole thing.

Lyrics include: “Lift the torch of freedom all across the land / Step into the future joining hand in hand.” Just so long as you’re only holding hands with people of the opposite sex, I guess. Because that hand-holding could lead to gay sex, which could result in you exploding (according to Robert Jeffress, anyway).

This would all be super normal if we were living in North Korea. So maybe just like, pretend we live in North Korea now? I kind of do that sometimes but with Imperial Russia. Like, hey! They had Czars who were literal children! And uh, now they have Putin? OK. Bad example.

Ironically, part of his speech to the audience was all about how he’s gonna eliminate the Johnson Amendment so they can preach from the pulpit — a thing which was clearly already happening. As far as we know, Robert Jeffress has not lost his church’s tax exempt status for publicly supporting Donald Trump. Probably because eliminating the Johnson Amendment has absolutely nothing to do with allowing church leaders and religious people to express political sentiments without losing their tax exempt status (as it rarely happens), and everything to do with allowing them to give Donald Trump their tithing money, and also to allow super rich people to set up 501(c)3s that will allow them to write political donations off on their taxes.

Though he did speak briefly about veterans — or at least Christian veterans — stating “Not only has God bestowed on us the gift of freedom, he’s also given us the gift of heroes willing to give their lives to defend that freedom,” he did not miss a chance to whine about the media, because that’s just what he does.

Via The Hill:

“The fake media tried to stop us from going to the White House, but I’m president and they’re not,” Trump said, headlining the Celebrate Freedom Concert at the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C.

“The fact is the press destroyed themselves because they went too far. Instead of being subtle and smart, they used the hatchet and the people saw it right from the beginning,” he continued.

“The dishonest media will not stop us from accomplishing our objectives on behalf of the American people. Their agenda is not your agenda,” he said, rallying his supporters.

And then there was the part about Christmas?

“Our religious liberty is enshrined in the very first amendment in the Bill of Rights. The American founders invoked our Creator four times in the Declaration of Independence,” Trump said. “Benjamin Franklin reminded his colleague at the Constitutional Convention to begin by bowing their heads in prayer. I remind you that we’re going to start staying ‘Merry Christmas’ again.”

You know he’s just pushing this part of his agenda because he’s unlikely to mispronounce the word Christmas. Or because he thinks he is speaking to literal veterans of The War on Christmas, rather than veterans of real wars.

I wonder if he’s even aware of the fact that there are Jewish veterans and Muslim veterans and Buddhist veterans and Atheist veterans and Jehovah’s Witness veterans and all kinds of veterans out there who do not celebrate Christmas? Also, I would imagine that anyone sitting and listening to this atop an ass filled with shrapnel probably does not consider store clerks wishing people a Merry Christmas to be such a pressing issue. In fact, I’d bet you that a lot of veterans who perhaps have cancer due to the effects of Agent Orange might care more about things like… I don’t know — health care? Especially given the fact that thousands of veterans are likely to lose their health care under the plan Trump had been touting?

But yeah, I’m sure they are super duper concerned with regulating people’s holiday greetings. I’m sure they really enjoyed listening to songs about Donald J. Trump and how he is great, and his stories about how the media is so mean to him. I’m sure they’re very worried about Robert Jeffress not being able to tell his flock who to vote for. Surely, these are our most important priorities as a nation. Happy Fourth of July!

[Joe My God| Washington Post]

Hey, look who’s working today, it is Wonkette, ad-free and supported only by People Like You. Money please!

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Was the “MAGA Hymn” sung to the tune of “Tomorrow Belongs to Me?”

    • msanthropesmr

      No, I think 25 or 6 to 4.
      ETA – probably color my world.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Nope, to the tune of Dixie.

    • Raan

      No, Nearer, My God, To Thee. They know this administration is sinking like a stone that is also lead.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    When does he get around to throwing Lincoln off the Memorial in favor of a gold(-plated) statute of himself?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I’m seeing Zeus at Olympia, with the Golden Fleece perched on top of his head.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    gah, that “serenaded our commander-in-chief” bit sounded RIGHT OUT of a nutty Soviet/Commie rally.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Apparently “Hail To The Chief” is right out because they used to play it for a blah man.

  • Michael R
    • msanthropesmr

      That’s one of the rules we don’t like, so feel free to ignore it. Hating on gays? Carry on.

    • Mildred Broxon

      Lost a lot of weight for that picture, didn’t he?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Hey, he has a Purple Heart, so . . . just, ya know, keep that in mind.

    • msanthropesmr

      I’m guessing his heart is bloated and covered in fatty deposits.

    • Suttree

      Isn’t that from the necrosis?

    • Clark_Nova

      The PH is the last medal that any soldier wants. We used to call it the “Forgot to Duck” medal.
      I flushed my medals down the toilet just before I burned my uniforms the day I got home.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • msanthropesmr

      Does the strong protecting the weak mean that we should implement single payer and higher minimum wage? OK!

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        nah, just until you’re not-weak enough to pull yourself up by your bootstraps…wait, that’s not right either.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        Yes. Just like the socialist military, police and fire protection we all share.

        • msanthropesmr

          Some days, I could do without the police. Of course, as a middle aged, middle class, white guy – it’s usually someone else I am fearful for.

          • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

            A few days ago I had bidness at the local Social Security office. A blah mother and her (11 year old?) son were ahead of me. The boy had a pocket knife so they couldn’t go in because of security. With plenty of time on my hands, I offered to hold the knife for them and wait outside. It’s likely I saved that boy’s life because a black person with a knife is a thug hellbent on slaughter. But in my pale hands, it’s a harmless trinket.

      • TJ Barke

        What’re you? A commie or something?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Says the guy who claimed he couldn’t go fight because he had bone spurs, then forgot which foot he allegedly had the spurs in.

    • Raan

      WAR IS PEACE
      FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
      IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

  • Crystalclear12

    JFC

  • msanthropesmr

    Fuck these god-bothering motherfucking assholes. Instead of giving money for your choreographed choir, fucking support the poor by calling for single payer healthcare and a higher minimum wage. If you ain’t doing that, you ain’t Christian, you self-aggrandizing, self-serving big haired fools.

  • BigCSouthside

    Love when the president says that I’m not a true American a couple days before Independence Day.

    Can’t wait til this generation is no longer in charge.

    • Clark_Nova

      Hey! It’s my generation, too. I just wasn’t born rich enough to prevent this.

  • lucidamente

    Is this what they call a “base strategy?” Because it seems pretty base to me.

    (I’ll be here all week.)

    • msanthropesmr

      Tip the veal.

      • lucidamente

        And try your server.

        • Longstreet63

          The veal has been here all week, but the server just started today.

          • Mpeg

            “Strong like bull. Tough like Trump steak!”

  • Longstreet63

    Well, you know, it’s never a bad time to divide Us from Them. After all, Them are bad people. Not even people, really…

  • William

    Dallas Baptist choir? That’s the choir located in the city, in the state that thought Jade Helm was an Obama invasion right? ….Just checking https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e6859d2c0dc7792b5464b0addd925c5e5407e75e96fd14ea8f4f7e9e717cddb4.jpg

  • Mpeg

    “Thoughts and prayers
    And empty chairs.”

    would-be Poet Laureate Clint Eastwood.

    • msanthropesmr

      “Watch out for the bears”
      – Colbert.

      • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

        I thought Betsy DeVos said that to school kids.

  • Crystalclear12

    PT Barnum is not impressed.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “I remind you that we’re going to start staying ‘Merry Christmas’ again.”

    When did we stop? And for RWNJs who only watch Fox “News”, President of the United States of America Barack Hussein Obama wished everyone a Merry Christmas every year he was in office. You can google it. Or bing it.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Will I be disappeared if I don’t say “Merry Christmas?”

      • TJ Barke

        You’ll be shot in a football stadium. No, american football.

      • Clark_Nova

        Maybe sent to Viet Nam, which has become the most Christmas-crazy country in the world. No Jesi but more Santa Clauses than you would ever think were possible. I’m NOT kidding about this.

  • msanthropesmr

    Oh I’ve got greed. greed. greed, down in my heart…
    Where?
    Down in my heart…
    Where
    Down in my heart.
    I have the love of deplorables down in my heart
    Where?
    Down in my heart
    Where?
    Down in my heart.
    And if the press don’t like it they can sit on a tack
    OUCH
    sit on a tack
    OUCH
    sit on a tack….

    • Crystalclear12

      Ahh, brings back memories of my forced religion years.

      • Clark_Nova

        Brings back memories of my combat slave years.

  • BigCSouthside

    Seriously let’s just get him the gaudy uniform and cut the shit already.

    America is over. Happy 4th

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      He could borrow David Clarke’s.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Needs moar flair.

      • BigCSouthside

        Nah David will need his when he’s tasked with rounding up all the dissidents

      • gallbladder
        • elviouslyqueer

          Say what you will, but at least Chimpy could fill out a codpiece.

          • William

            I’d like to clear up that codpiece thing. I am no fan of Cheney or his pet chimp George…but. I wore the exact same LPA for some thirteen years. The thigh straps in the photo caused the undergarment to bunch up. Whenever we would exit the aircraft, we had the sense to unzip the LPA, and unclip the thigh straps. George set himself up for this one.

          • jowgajen

            He was just feeling extra confident. :)

            I dunno if he wore a similar getup when he was an aviator in the National Guard? Or maybe he was just rusty.

          • mailman27

            He had to wear clothing that blended in with working for a political election operation. Which is what he (allegedly)(almost certainly) was doing while avoiding active duty in the Air National Guard. Different outfit altogether.

    • William

      He’s been there and done that. I’ll never wear my Navy flight jacket again. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/49dc715265ad1db24dbcdd29611eabbecffba6ed50bba236e69a2c377a9d0f84.jpg

      • BigCSouthside

        Ugh.

        I’ve never been a fan of commanders giving presidents military props, but it is especially loathsome with him

        • William

          I didn’t mind it when George 41 got one. He was an actual Naval aviator, who flew an actual plane in an actual war. The only thing Cheeto-moron has in common with that jacket is that he insulted the most iconic Naval aviator of our time. Although I’m not a big fan of John McCain’s politics, I’m a huge fan of what Commander McCain endured, with honor. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/83ba4f5e412ccc133d3cb6fa65cb99ada8fcc64f06f48d10a3eedd4a4e4707cd.jpg

          • BigCSouthside

            Yeah Bush 41 definitely ok. I’ve just never been fond of seeing the president in anything resembling a military uniform while in the execution of his duties.

          • William

            I understand your point. It’s really contrary to our system of government. Even Ike had the decency to ditch the military persona.

          • Clark_Nova

            Remember that George 41 bailed out of his plane without informing the rest of his crew, causing all of their deaths.

          • William

            That’s actually not true. He did order a bailout. He bailed out once and ditched once Ditching is a complex procedure. Your statement is pretty much a bumper sticker. Lt Bush later on stated he regretted that he didn’t make the bailout decision earlier. Having just under 8000 hours as a crewmember aboard a Naval Aircraft, I can assure you that what goes on in a smoke filled aircraft that has just suffered a devastating hit is a LOT more complicated. https://whowhatwhy.org/2014/09/02/an-enduring-mystery-about-bush-41s-wwii-escape-from-death/

      • Suttree

        The sailor behind him is thinking that Fletcher Christian had the right idea.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        My God he looks SO FUCKING STUPID with that shit-ass grin plastered on his face.

        • elviouslyqueer

          He looks like a bullfrog that’s just relieved himself on a lily pad.

        • Clark_Nova

          It’s either that or his pussy face. There’s no in-between.

  • Mpeg

    I can only hope, by Repubs allowing him to continue to dig his political and reputational grave this deep, it will be that much more impossible for anything Trump-tainted to see the light of day once it’s buried.

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    Thank you for your service, Mr. Trump.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Vladimir … is that you?

  • jesterpunk

    Wait is TLM Robert Jeffress? Just asking questions here but both are really obsessed with sex between 2 men.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Fortunately Little Babby Donnie’s bone spurs didn’t flare up preventing him from listening to the hymn.

  • snigsy

    Hmmmmm, what would Jesus do?

    • msanthropesmr

      Throw Trump out of the temple.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        THIS! ^^^^^

    • Nockular cavity

      Ravage the Earth to destroy the Antichrist and his followers, bringing about the end of all history?

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Which Jesus, Republican Jesus, Liberal Jesus or Zombie Jesus?

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Apparently, in Trump’s America veterans honor him.

  • Joe Beese
    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Didn’t the Bloated one try to pay those little girls in exposure dollars?
      http://www.cnn.com/2016/09/07/politics/usa-freedom-kids-lawsuit-trump/index.html

      • theCryptofishist

        Ayup. But if he can make “Murca pay it for him…

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Just put it on the Mexicans’ tab.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I liked Randy Rainbow’s version better.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Always.

    • mailman27

      Did DT ever pay those kids? (Last I heard the answer was no.)

  • TJ Barke

    But Obama was the one with the cult of personality…

  • elviouslyqueer

    I’m sure all these veterans were just plain thrilled to hear from some draft dodging, five-times-deferment-granted, narcissistic motherfucker.

    • gallbladder

      Hey, those bone spurs are no picnic, ya’ know!

      • OutOfOrbit

        Especially when they’re strap-on spurs & not the real deal.

        • geoffalnutt

          “I’ve got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle…” or something.

          • Raan

            Eh. I prefer “Big Iron” myself.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Well a majority of the military did vote for him. In my experience, military folks suffer more from cognitive dissonance than the average American.

      • OutOfOrbit

        Well they did volunteer and the first thing yuh learn at boot camp is “Never Volunteer for Anything”

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          I have a friend who is a career military guy and he’s a Paultard. I keep telling him that he works for the govt. Nope. Not having it.

        • jesterpunk

          Isnt that what NAVY stands for? Never Again Volunteer Yourself.

      • BigCSouthside

        Many tend to end up believing anything less than blind patriotism is treason.

        • SterWonk

          Or, conversely, they become very cynical pacifists.

  • lucidamente

    OT:

    State Police say a car has driven into a group of pedestrians in East Boston. At least nine people have been injured, according to a public safety official.

    http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2017/07/03/car-drives-into-group-pedestrians-boston/fN0UMCjbYhKMppWPTwfxNI/story.html?p1=BGHeader_SmartBar_Breaking

    • h4rr4r

      I bet $1 it was a very old person who if we are lucky will lose their license. If we are lucky. They never get more than a slap on the wrist.

      On the other hand cab driver, so maybe not.

      • Mpeg

        Livia Soprano** would rather lose her license than you ungrateful children stash her away in a “nursing home”!

        ** Just bought the series on disc on sale so it’s fresh in my mind, Cheers~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx76D_zbGyE

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Well, we know he isn’t a Muslim terrorist. Those people can just go to a gun show and pick up all the weapons they want for their attacks.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Does Anypony still wonder why I haven’t celebrated the 4th since I came out?

    • OutOfOrbit

      I’ll bite: Why?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Because I don’t see any need to celebrate the birth of a nation that hates and fears me, that makes me a 3rd-class citizen, and acts like braying Fascist asses.

        • OutOfOrbit

          We are not all like that. Plus also too, in many countries being (you) is punishable by death.
          Cheer up & count your blessings.

          • Jennifer R

            That is pretty much not the thing to say. Just putting that out there. 100% as friendly advice.

          • OutOfOrbit

            I was speaking relatively.

          • Jennifer R

            And it goes double for saying it to people who have been victims of violence.

          • OutOfOrbit

            My son was the victim of violence when, on the day after his fifth birthday, he was attacked and killed by 2 dogs in his own back yard…and yet I don’t hate dogs, nor do I want them all destroyed. My spin was meant to be a brake against falling off into a state of self-pity–I have been there and it is not a healthy place to be. I will not knowing enable self-pity.

          • Jennifer R

            Well pointing out “they kill you elsewhere” is a shit way to do it. NEVER SAY IT AGAIN. Furthermore as you insist on pushing the point, go to therapy for why you would even think such a fucked up thing. For real.

          • OutOfOrbit

            WTF are you saying? Not what I said, obviously. And around here, if you can’t have EVERYTHING you want (like being a Bernie supporter who voted for HRC) you are called a “purity pony”. If you don’t know what that is, look it up in the mirror.

          • OutOfOrbit

            So we struck a nerve of contention and I hope, like BFFs who fight now & then, we can shake & make up. I am doing the shimmy at you right now.

          • OutOfOrbit

            btw I was a single parent and he was my only child. I too have suffered the effects of violence.

          • Resistance Fighter Astraea

            …so yay America thanks for not executing us?

          • OutOfOrbit

            I did not say “life is fair”.

        • SisterArtemis

          As I noted above, I respect your decision to step away from the bullshit, and the legacy of bullshit. Hope you have a good day tomorrow, whatever you choose to do. :)

    • SisterArtemis

      I understand why people don’t, and I understand why people (like me) still do. And yes, it’s in large part because I love fireworks and parades, but also because however fucked up, the ideal of a country of common folk picking their representatives in government still flies with me. WomanInTheResistantMood (sic) said it specifically about Trump last night, but I can extrapolate to the larger picture: “I refuse to let my country be defined by the tangerine shitgibbon”

      But I don’t disparage anyone who looks at the 4th, and says, oh god no, not with the shit that has gone down, and is still going down.

      • OutOfOrbit

        An upvote for the last sentence.

      • Jennifer R

        As someone who had to wear a cotton polyester blend marching band uniform for multiple 5+ mile long parades, along with my sousaphone and the herd of kittens I was responsible for in the southern heat, Fuck Parades.

  • Mpeg

    “Shed your blood” I get. “Poured your love” — our veterans ‘bleed’ love? “Bared your soul”.. Aw, adorable: Drumpfy’s waxing poo-etic!

    • Viva La Tabula Raza

      “Poured your love.” Is that another way of saying “money shot”?

      • Clark_Nova

        Shot for money is more like it. Only the ones who are shot are NOT the ones who get the money.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      He had to say “Poured your love.” He saves all his blood references for women he doesn’t like.

  • Internet Hitler

    Remember when Obama outlawed Christmas?

    Saved me a shitload of money! Thanks, Obama.

    • TundraGrifter

      Ah, Christmas. The ancient tradition started by Charles Dickins in the 1840’s.

      • The Wanderer

        Considering the Puritans banned Christmas back during the Commonwealth (1649-1660), Dickens had a wide-ranging influence.

        • TundraGrifter

          Telling the Bible-humpers that would be like explaining the details of the literary musing of William Tyndale.

  • TJ Barke

    Let freedumb ring.

  • Joe Beese
    • The Green Bastard

      Needs an arm coming @ him holding a fork w a piece of lettuce & a tomato on it.

    • TundraGrifter

      Many years ago I’d just started a job at BofA and my first week I called in sick to go to the Giants’ Opening Day. Back in those days I always went to Opening Day (it was affordable) and a new job wasn’t going to stand in my way.

      So I show up with a pretty good sunburn and the people I was working for said “Hey – You weren’t sick! You went to Opening Day.”

      And I said “I called in sick. I didn’t say I was dead.”

    • kareemachan

      He also said something about it not costing taxpayers any money.

      You can’t tell me he doesn’t have security, and he flew in a helicopter to get there. What a lardass.

    • unclejeems

      How are the New Jersey Democrats so candidate-poor that the state has to elect this guy governor? Just don’t get it. And the way Christie toadied to Trump during the transition must have had Jersey-ites cringing and hiding their faces.

  • Michael R

    This is not a new article but here it is anywho …

    ” The very point of Trump is to validate the pleasure of spouting shit, the joy of pure emotion, often anger, without any sense. And an audience which has already spent a decade living without facts can now indulge in a full, anarchic liberation from coherence. ”

    Peter Pomerantsev

    Why We’re Post Fact

    https://granta.com/why-were-post-fact/

  • Then I stood on the sand of the sea. And I saw a beast rising up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and on his horns ten crowns, and on his heads a blasphemous name. 2 Now the beast which I saw was like a leopard, his feet were like the feet of a bear, and his mouth like the mouth of a lion. The dragon gave him his power, his throne, and great authority. 3 And I saw one of his heads as if it had been mortally wounded, and his deadly wound was healed. And all the world marveled and followed the beast. 4 So they worshiped the dragon who gave authority to the beast; and they worshiped the beast, saying, “Who is like the beast? Who is able to make war with him?”

    It would be funny, I suppose, if the Rapture actually did happen, but God took everyone except Evangelical Christians.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    This makes me physically ill.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I can’t wait til Labor Day, which workers throughout the country will celebrate with barbecues in honor of Assmouth; then Thanksgiving, where we have a huge feast to celebrate the bounteous harvest that Assmouth made possible; and then Christmas, where we light up our houses and stroll the streets, singing Carol’s about the beneficence of Assmouth, our savior.

  • Swampay

    Huh. “The American founders invoked our Creator four times in the Declaration of Independence,” Wasn’t the declaration kind of a solo gig by that non-religionist Jefferson? I count one each, Our Creator, Nature’s God, [the] Supreme Judge of the world, Divine Providence. Not a single word about Yahoo or Jebus or Mohammed or Brahmin. Not what I would have gone with to “prove” our national foundations are built atop Christianity.

    • jesterpunk

      Washington and Adams would disagree with the US being a Christian nation. They even have a treaty saying its not.

      http://avalon.law.yale.edu/18th_century/bar1796t.asp#art11

      ARTICLE 11.

      As the government of the United States of America is not in any sense
      founded on the Christian Religion,-as it has in itself no character of
      enmity against the laws, religion or tranquility of Musselmen,-and as
      the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility
      against any Mehomitan nation, it is declared by the parties that no
      pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an
      interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.

      • BigCSouthside

        This. It was fucking federal law that we are NOT a religious nation

        • jesterpunk

          Its also in the Constitution, but its not in the amendment that says everyone gets a gun no restrictions which may be why they missed it.

          https://constitutioncenter.org/interactive-constitution/amendments/amendment-i

          Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment
          of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

          • BigCSouthside

            Yeah that amendment has been torn through the interpretation wringer. I always liked Tripoli because basically “nah dudes. We aren’t a Christian nation at all”. And it’s signed by motherfuckers who wrote the constitution

          • SterWonk

            Psh! Like they were Constitutional scholars! How could they have known the Framers’ intent?

    • William
    • jowgajen

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Faiths_of_the_Founding_Fathers

      The main thesis of the book, found on page 134, is that the U.S. Founding Fathers fell into three religious categories:

      the smallest group, founders who had left their Judeo-Christian heritages and become advocates of the Enlightenment religion of nature and reason called “Deism”. These figures included Thomas Paine and Ethan Allen.

      the founders who remained practicing Christians. They retained a supernaturalist world view, a belief in the divinity of Jesus Christ, and an adherence to the teachings of their denomination. These founders included Patrick Henry, John Jay, and Samuel Adams.Holmes also finds that most of the wives and daughters of the founders fell into this category.

      the largest group consisted of founders who retained Christian loyalties and practice but were influenced by Deism. They believed in little or none of the miracles and supernaturalism inherent in the Judeo-Christian tradition. Holmes finds a spectrum of such Deistic Christians among the founders, ranging from John Adams and George Washington on the conservative right to Benjamin Franklin and James Monroe on the skeptical left.

      The book is one of the first to question the assertions of secular historians that the founders were all Unitarians or Deists and of evangelical pastors that they were orthodox and sometimes born-again Christians who intended to found a Christian nation. Holmes tries to show that all three of the groups he names were present at every step of the founding of the nation.

      • TundraGrifter

        I’m not buying the “Judeo-Christian heritage” line. There were precious few Jewish folks in Colonial America, and those that were there weren’t treated very well.

        I see this as revisionist history when people woke up to the fact that, indeed, Jews aren’t Christians but they couldn’t wrap their brains around that because after all so many Jewish people are really nice so let’s just open the umbrella a little wider and let them get under it.

        Why not “Islamic-Judeo-Christian heritage?” Are they not all “people of the book?” The first half, anyway.

        • SterWonk

          “The Abrahamic Religions.”

      • Swampay

        Ok. Your wiki article doesn’t mention Jefferson, although there’s a link at the bottom. The article that is linked to says “Jefferson was most comfortable with Deism, rational religion, and Unitarianism.” and refers to him as “the principal author of the Declaration of Independence.”

        So while the Declaration may have gotten input from other branches of the religious spectrum, I believe it is reasonable to say that any religious representation there is primarily Deist. And I think that is well born out by the very wording used, which is very carefully and specifically non-Christian.

        I stand by my original statement, that words about the Creator etc in the Declaration make a very weak argument about the Christianity of the founding fathers. Your citation provides no real argument against that position.

    • William
      • Raan

        If we get enough people to the polls, early-2019.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    OMG, the song sucks, the art sucks, everything sucks. Blergh.

    • RobKanC

      Give them a break. They can’t have gays doing that for them cos they hate them.

  • armed_bears

    But when you pray, go into your inner room, shut your door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

    But, you know, that’s just the Gospel.

  • BigCSouthside

    In that screen grab, are we the angry hordes of red flag waving enemies?

    • Clark_Nova

      I hope I’m one of them.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    What a lovely song. Shall we create a petition to have it become our new national anthem?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      No need to trouble yourself with the effort of a petition. It’ll happen by executive order.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Oh my stars

  • therblig

    And lo, did the lord give the righteous their bone spurs, that they would not engage in battle.

  • Vincent Ricola

    “The fake media tried to stop us from going to the White House, but I’m president and they’re not,”

    I’m embarrassed for everyone who had to sit through this one-man show of crazy. I’m embarrassed for America. I’m embarrassed because I just answered the door to get my lunch delivery and the third button on my shirt was undone, giving the young employee a full display and probably getting me blacklisted from my favorite sushi spot. It’s all so very cringeworthy.

    • Blacklisted? Preferred customer status perhaps, but not blacklisted.

      • Vincent Ricola

        God I hope. I live in the food delivery Bermuda triangle and I can’t afford to lose even one option.

        • therblig

          Offer not good after curfew in sectors R or N

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            “They never come up into the hills!”

          • puredog

            all the upfists

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I usually wear my gym shorts around the house. But I also have regular very loosely-fitting boxers for underwear when I dress up. Maybe every few months or so, when I go out to check the mailbox, I forget that I’m wearing the loosely-fitting shorts which probably gives the neighbors cause to corral the childrenz to indoorz and away from windowz real quick-like.

      I have not be arrested yet. I need to be more careful.

  • Joe Beese
    • NastyBossetti

      To be fair, that’s the future I want, too – sitting on an empty beach on a summer day with only people I like.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        It’s called Mexico. Plenty of room. They even have fireworks and they don’t give a shit if you blow your whole family up!

        • NastyBossetti

          But the president says there are lots of rapists, murders, and drug dealers down there!

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            The president says there are a lot of crows in Mexico?

          • NastyBossetti

            That’s what I said!

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Great! Just checking.

          • The Wanderer

            “My Mom says there’s a lot of black people in Africa.” – Eric Cartman

          • CindyinEncinitas

            But on a deserted beach, you can see them coming and you can take evasive action without even spilling your beer.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Yeah and they’re mostly Americans.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      “If they wanted to come the goddamn beach on Fourth of July weekend, they should have been elected governor.”

      • Jukesgrrl

        The kind of comment that makes me wish I believed in hell.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Because conservatives can only get 4 or 5 total people to hang out with them and those 4 or 5 people are usually close family members who will only show up if there’s a private beach involved.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        It’s that RWDNADMS.

        That’s Right Wing DNA Diversity Minimization Syndrome. It’s manifested by RWers, that when grouped together, have strict limits on how diverse the genes in that population can be. If the genes in the group become too diverse, the group mysteriously turns violent.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Too bad that nice beach is going to disappear if the GOPers don’t get on board with addressing climate change.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Trump frump rump dump chump clump
    Lump

    Fin

    I like my song better, quite frankly.

    • The Wanderer

      It’s got a good beat and you can dance to it.

  • PixieThis

    Make me a clock again, make me a clock again.

  • Join us at the First Baptist Church in Dallas. We’re not even trying to hide our idolatry.

    • After services, stay and eat brunch at our Golden Calf Cafeteria.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        But you only get one loaf and one fish. The Orange Shitgibbon gets at least two of everything. Quit bitching and GTFO!

      • therblig

        don’t steal the Lot’s Wife Salt shakers

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Wear your polyester; and we’re serving shellfish and pork.

        • The Wanderer

          Canned clams are a specialite du maison.

          • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

            Well, they are MONSTERS.

          • The Wanderer

            Indeed!

        • Raan

          Smothered in cheese.

          • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

            Velveeta!

      • Rags

        Calfateria?

    • Ms.Moon

      True story my friend got invited to a church she got turned around and got in the wrong elevator she ended up in a space in the church that included a bank and cafeteria.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Hmmmm…listen to the hymn, or spike my dick to a slab of hardwood with a 20d nail? Decisions, decisions…

    • Jennifer R

      Seen it on fetlife.

      • mardam422

        Done it on Fetlife.

        • Jennifer R

          Tell me more!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I was thinking that for my next colonoscopy, I could save the money on that “clearing” stuff that tastes like shit by just listening to that christain tyranny hymn shit for say, five minutes or so. But I’m sure five seconds of listening would have me crawling to the drug store to get the “clearing” stuff that tasts like shit instead.

      • Jennifer R

        When I had my surgery, they had me get this fizzy citrus tasting stuff instead. It wasn’t good, but it was better than store brand soda. And I only had to drink like a liter of it.

    • PubOption
      • Celtic_Gnome

        Emergency rooms see people all the time who accidently sit on things, but the penis is usually left intact.

    • puredog

      Decisioning is HARD.

    • Raan

      To quote Pat during the Ride to Hell Retribution LP, “Time to go pound nails through our dicks”.

  • FDRliberal
    • Joe Beese

      Old men like golf, what can I tell you.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Makes me wonder WTF is wrong with me, then. I’m an old and I would find watching glacier races to be more entertaining than a golf game.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Mr Hedonist calls it Whack-Fuck! Based on the sound they all say when they hit the ball. He and his best friend tried it once. They didn’t keep score and you had to use every club. It drove the assholes behind them nuts.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes
      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Trump makes my ass look not quite so fat.

        Hey! I found a silver lining to something!

        • The KGB Ate Our Votes

          My 18 year old daughter was looking over my shoulder at that picture the other day and said, “Wait. Scroll up a little. A little more,” until his head was out of the frame. “Look! It’s a Grandma!” she said.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            LOL!

            Also too: Grandma libelz.

          • proudgrampa

            proudgramma libelz, too! Also.

        • proudgrampa

          I love standing next to really fat people. Makes me feel positively svelte!

          • grindstone

            I once dated a gentlemen who was 6′ 5″ and had a 22″ neck. I always felt so dainty and petite next to him.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      He is, and always will be, a worthless tub of shit. If, after his passing, his carcass were ground into fertilizer, it would kill any plant life it was spread on. He is not only the worst president in the history of the United States, he is one of the worst human beings, serial killers and sex offenders not excepted.

    • jesterpunk
  • CripesAmighty
  • The KGB Ate Our Votes
  • As a way of cutting nanny state big government spending, President Grabem proposes to freeze the poor to death because they’re lying money grabbing moochers who don’t need help anyway. Why don’t they just go to a warm beach, like Chris does?

    President Donald Trump has proposed eliminating heating aid for low-income Americans, claiming it’s no longer necessary and rife with fraud. People needn’t worry about being left in the cold, he says, because utilities cannot cut off customers in the dead of winter.

    But he is wrong on all counts.

    In Maine, for example, only 100 cases – 0.3 percent of all submitted applications – are being investigated for potential fraud, according to MaineHousing.

    http://www.concordmonitor.com/Congress-is-cool-to-Trump-s-proposal-to-end-heating-aid-11064902

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d8c3cb164020d53440d00b2d933c456a41c02be3669467cd05392a2081368ebf.jpg

    MAGA!

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Well, Donald, the utilities can shut off service in the dead of winter. And even if they don’t, what happens when people who couldn’t pay a $100 bill in November, gets a bill for $600 in spring?

      • They should get their dads to give them a $1,000,000.00 loan.

        • CripesAmighty

          Or leave them a$200 million real estate empire.

      • Rick Hill

        Just start a PAC or charity and divert the funds to take care of personal expenses.

      • NastyBossetti

        They just shouldn’t worry, because Donald Trump said that heating aid for low income Americans is no longer necessary.

    • TundraGrifter

      President Trump calls others frauds and cheats. He made the false claim Amazon cheats on its “Internet tax” while he refuses to release copies of his own Federal income tax returns. And his “non-profit” foundation made an illegal political contribution.

      Mr. Trump’s go-to defense is to accuse others of what he does himself. Every time.

  • Shanzgood 4 Days

    Baptists. No wonder Jimmy Carter quit them.

    • proudgrampa

      Have I mentioned that I’m a recovering Baptist?

      • The Wanderer

        I was raised Presbyterian, but I’ve been in remission for decades now.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          So…you don’t need to be irradiated, is that what you’re saying?

      • Shanzgood 4 Days

        I’m sorry. I was raised atheist so most branches of Abrahamic religion seem pretty much the same to me. But I have a special antipathy for the Southern Baptists that even their recent resolution against white supremacy can’t quite soften.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          The resolution would have meant more without all the winkie faces in it.

          • Shanzgood 4 Days

            Winnie faces?

          • Shanzgood 4 Days

            I meant winkie faces…

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            You know. ‘We do not support white nationalism. (wink, wink) ;-) ;-)

          • Shanzgood 4 Days

            Oh, right. I’m a bit slow today.

          • Komsumverweigerer Ron

            Well, you’re distracted.

      • grindstone

        Me and thee, brother. I’ve been Presbyterian, Baptist, and Methodist twice. Married to a fundamentalist once. That’s about all the religion I care to experience in this life, thanks much.

        • Clark_Nova

          Straight from Southern Baptist to Atheist at 14. Mark Twain’s “Letters to the Earth” was my wake-up call.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Get well soon. I’m proud of you.

    • shivaskeeper

      They quit Jimmy. Not the other way around.

      • Shanzgood 4 Days

        That’s not what I read. Or did you mean something else and I’m taking you literally?

        • shivaskeeper

          Jimmy Carter is who he is and always was. He was pretty much the ideal. The fact that he isn’t the ideal anymore without him changing means the denomination left him behind, not the other way around.

      • miss_grundy

        I’m sure Pres. Carter doesn’t miss them in the least.

        • shivaskeeper

          Are you kidding? He is probably all kinds of upset about what his denomination has turned into.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    I’m sure my oldest brother, a Vietnam vet, would love to hear this song but if his VA health insurance gets taken away he won’t be able to afford his hearing aids any more, so that might sound like small consolation, but he prolly won’t notice because the symptoms of his exposure to Agent Orange in Cambodia (oops! He told me not to tell!) are more pressing.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: Your dose of Roy Edroso for the week:

    “Conservatives Cheer As Trump Brings Blood To Their Press War”

    https://www.villagevoice.com/2017/07/03/conservatives-cheer-as-trump-brings-blood-to-their-press-war/

    • Blood to their press war.
      Anyone wanna inform them that they are not at war with press, but with anyone actually reporting, say, facts?

    • The Librarian

      Uh, oh, they’re bleeding from their whatever’s again!

  • William

    OT, but we need something nice I think. https://www.facebook.com/anonews.co/videos/1680761695268716/

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Thank you for posting this. We only hear about the judges who are assholes. Many judges are very compassionate and reasonable and will balance fairness with justice. You’ll notice one very significant skill that this judge demonstrated; he LISTENED!

      • H0mer0

        [darn onion ninjas]

  • Rick Hill

    Obligatory:
    Fuck that guy.

  • Ricky Gay
    • Ricky Gay

      Caption contest?

      • William

        The ghost of Wolfman Jack helps the Donald with spell check.

        • Rags

          Hup moicy!

      • Nockular cavity

        “I…QUI…no, Donald, ‘quit!’ You have to write ‘quit.’ No, NOT ‘I am ruler of all Earth,’ what is wrong with you? Oh, Medammit, forget it, just…damn yourself like you’ve been doing, and eat a lot more junk food so you don’t get a chance to hurt more people before you go. Oh, nothing, that last part was nothing. I said ‘Bless you,’ that’s all.”

        • The Wanderer

          “Medammit.”

      • Rick Hill

        “No. I didn’t say…not that….GIVE to the…are you listening?”

      • Raan

        “No, see, what I actually said was ‘What you do to the least of these you do to me’, not ‘Let the rich keep more of their money and let the poor die, haha fuck you poors’. Are you even listening to me?

        Dad, I’m coming back up. You were right, it was like talking to a brick wall with a bad wig.”

    • William

      That is beautiful. As you can clearly see. Jesus is a huge fan of the Donald. What more proof do you need? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cba497ef0d86a3a693188ca6a52f86b44705036c124d60ed01aa86f9ba8f185f.jpg

      • Rick Hill

        I honestly never would have called christians delusional, even after all this until I saw their support for this man

        • miss_grundy

          Unfortunately, the fundamentalists have shown themselves to be as anti-Christ as any group possible. And so many priests and pastors wonder why so many people have chosen not to go to church anymore.

          • Ms.Moon

            I have always wondered if Christian fundamentalists understand that Jesus was Jewish. I’m Anglican this is something that I know because we’re basically English Catholics (thanks Henry VIII) the whole Christianity thing came after Jesus, Jesus was not a Christian.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      I suspect that if the good Lord were real, and got that close to Donnie, He would wring the bastard’s fucking neck.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        “If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he’d never stop throwing up.”

    • The Wanderer

      “Donald, that’s not how you spell ‘Presidential.'”
      “Shut up, you loser. I prefer saviors who don’t get nailed up.”

      • Ricky Gay

        LOL

    • CripesAmighty

      Funny how these people complain and whine about how they’re mocked and derided as mawkish, crude, tasteless, tacky and base–and then put out this schlock.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        And prove that their detractors are correct.

    • Fartknocker

      Jesus was a Democrat. Genesis 2.3, Subpart D, Part I

    • Jukesgrrl

      My mother’s insurance sent her to a local hand surgeon for a procedure. I took her to the appointment and saw a “painting” similar to this in the waiting room (the doctor in question was shown doing surgery and a God-figure was behind him guiding his hand). I made her leave. That is some seriously psycho shit.

      • Ricky Gay

        Good call. Frightening!!

      • grindstone

        I’ve seen it in a walk-in clinic in NC — huge 5’x6′ painting. I don’t need jesus-take-the-wheel, I need science-guide-some-medicine.

    • H0mer0

      “Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud.”
      Proverbs 16:19 KJV

  • The Wanderer

    From the people who do adulatory songs right:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49d7__RquXc

  • CripesAmighty

    Yep. Classic fascist playbook–Sinister malice wrapped in mawkish sentimentality.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    The First Baptist Church of Dallas… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/806a9aa880f21f61427f645a2b641642f7884cff4c7e724ad744f2032658172d.jpg
    Fuck that nonsense about feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, comforting the ill and rehabilitating the imprisoned! It’s all about building the biggest, most ostentatious and expensive church around. Letting other churches know that you have more money and, therefore, are better than them is what it’s all about! Pride and smugness forever and ever. Amen.

    • CripesAmighty

      I got mine and fuck you, amen.

    • looks like a friggin casino

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        …With worse odds. Casinos make payouts every once in a while.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          And generally don’t wait until you die first.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Well, if you think about it they are taking money from suckers who are hoping they win the jackpot (Heaven) and the house always wins. Unless it’s owned by Donald Trump. How the fuck do you bankrupt a casino?

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          By being a very, very bad businessman. And guess what, he nailed it!

    • btwbfdimho

      Looks like an airport…
      -When is next fly to heaven?
      -Take Flight #72, Virgin Airlines.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        ISWYDT!

    • Miss Dill

      I like the fountain around the cross.

      • Nockular cavity

        Protects it from any riffraff getting too close.

        • Komsumverweigerer Ron

          Damned disciples. They sure look awfully (((***ish))), don’t they?

      • Mavenmaven

        Evocative of Piss Christ.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I’m surprised it isn’t flowing with the blood of 1,000 orphans.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        I missed the part where Jesus was crucified next to a geyser.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Why do churches and banks look alike?

      They’re both garish houses of worship.

    • Mildred Broxon

      For a moment I thought it was Las Vegas. Only Vegas is more honestly tawdry, if you know what I mean.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Needs moar hookers!

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Oh they’re there.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Holy shit, I walked by that monstrosity recently while in Dallas.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Did you pee in the fountain? Please tell me you peed in the fountain!
        I was in Dallas (Las Colinas) last winter but I didn’t have time to explore. I lived there in the 80’s. I need to go spend a week there.

    • William
    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      And a fountain? They couldn’t have stopped before they got to the fountain? Is it so they connive a few more shekels out of the rubes?

    • SeeTrain65

      “Then David the king stood up upon his feet, and said, ‘Hear me, my brethren, and my people: As for me, I had in mine heart to build an house of rest for the ark of the covenant of the Lord, and for the footstool of our God, and had made ready for the building, but God said unto me, ‘Thou shalt not build an house for my name, because thou hast been a man of war, and hast shed blood.'”

      – 1 Chronicles 28:2-3

      Dear First Baptist Church of Dallas:

      This is from your own fucking book. Read it sometime.

      Kthxbye, ST

    • miss_grundy

      And the “pastor” probably lives in a mansion and drives an expensive luxury car, wears suits costing thousands with handmade shoes. And flies around in his own personal jet. That is grifting on a major scale.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        And doesn’t pay a penny in taxes because everything’s in the church’s name.

    • godsaidHA

      That’s a church? Jesus wept.

    • everstar

      I’ve been to the Mall of America, and I honestly think the First Baptist Church of Dallas might be more tasteless.

    • SadDemInTex

      I live in Dallas. Fuck’em with a hockey stick. They are the worst.

  • puredog

    Because my otologist views pouring bleach into my ears as imprudent, I would not click on that link for love nor money.

  • I don’t think there are Jehovah’s Witness veterans. They don’t do military, IIRC.

    • shivaskeeper

      They do. I had a 1SG who was a convert.

    • William

      I dunno, but someone was just at my door talking about pancakes. I think it was a Jemima witness

  • shivaskeeper

    As an atheist veteran who has been told I don’t actually exist because there are no atheists in foxholes, I would like to point out that I have seen more than one extreme god-botherer sent home from a deployment for doing shit like stripping off their body armor on mission while preaching how Gawd will protect them.

    You can go ahead and trust in Gawd to be your shield, I’ll stick to my IOTV ballistic vest and E-SAPI plates if it’s all the same to you.

    Also, too fuck this guy. Did anyone think he would talk about anything other than how great he is?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      He doesn’t know about anything else.

  • Nockular cavity

    Gawd, that song. Really worked hard on the lyrics, didn’t they? (It’s just “make America great again, with the lines quoted above. That’s it.)

    • poetry and music are two things that escape the grasp of wingnuts.
      Also art. Thought. Intellectual development. not grifting. You know, little things.

      • TundraGrifter

        And humor. Regressives almost never have a sense of humor.

        Watch it about “grifting.” You write like that’s a bad thing.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Exclude the gays and you exclude the fabulousness!

    • The Librarian

      Which goes along with the “motto” that if they repeat something enough times, it becomes true.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Did he tell any war stories, from his days at a military prep school? Does he now remember which foot had the 4f heel?

    • TundraGrifter

      He and Bull O’Really? can swap war stories about things that never happened.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        I remember that time I wasn’t at the Gulf of Tonkin like it wasn’t yesterday or any other day.

        • TundraGrifter

          Still a personal favorite:

          (r)Money said in 2007 — his first White House bid under way — that he had “longed in many respects to actually be in Vietnam.”

          “I was supportive of my country,” Romney said. “I longed in many respects to actually be in Vietnam and be representing our country there, and in some ways it was frustrating not to feel like I was there as part of the troops that were fighting in Vietnam.”

          Do you suppose he didn’t “feel like” he was there because he didn’t go?

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            “I wanted so bad to be in the jungle shooting those gooks and slopes but I have the burden of all this money, you see?”

          • miss_grundy

            Yeah, he was so busy trying to convert the heathens in France….

      • mailman27

        Killing Honesty

  • Beaufighter

    Nice Trump-in-armor static shot on that clip. With a flag as a cape so you can’t see his giant doughy butt.

    • javadavis

      He is also carrying an obsolete version of the flag which indicates, I am guessing, a return to the days when the rule of law allowed slavery and keeping women subservient, with a status of chattel.
      Who is that group he is going up against? Why the billowing red flag? Did some mole artist plant the image that Trump is really against conservatives? Red is the color that has been chosen to represent conservatives, for years now.

      • Komsumverweigerer Ron

        Well, it certainly can’t be the Soviets. The Chinese, perhaps?

  • btwbfdimho

    “He” is a veteran of the war (on pussy).
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h822LPnM5uw

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Tertiary syphilis, would make sense. Not to mention it would be karma in action.

  • Mavenmaven

    Yes, citizens, our forefathers liberated this country from under the King so that a halfwitted fascist can destroy liberty for the benefit of the rich amen.

  • WhatTheFlux

    Where’s the Bonzo Dog Band when you need them to cover something this atrocious?

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Lift the torch of freedom, don’t be such a wuss
    Step into the future, joining hand in puss

  • Komsumverweigerer Ron

    Who will get the job of laying out the DMZ between the US and Canada? And will there be heavy artillery pointed across it at Fort Erie and Niagara Falls and Windsor and Sarnia?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      When I was a kid I loved crossing at Sarnia the best. I was fascinated with the bridge.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Its called the great lakes.

      • TundraGrifter

        “They know what shipwrecks are for out of sight of land, however inland, they have drowned full many a midnight ship and all its shrieking crew.”

    • Sally Mushrush

      I think that has happened before. War of 1812? Admiral Perry.

  • idiotboy

    A lot of us are working today and tomorrow, my wife for instance.
    Prince Idiotboy

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    When was America great? At what point in time are we supposed to go back to? I have never heard a specific year from these people.

    • nightmoth

      Yeah. My mom was one of the “greatest generation” having endured the depression, the world war, and her father dying of pneumonia the year before penicillin was discovered. She used to say “:The good old days weren’t all that good.” And she was southern and white, so at least she could get a job in the cotton mill. Black women couldn’t even do that to get out of poverty.

      • TundraGrifter

        My great aunt said pretty much the same thing. She grew up in a very nice home outside Omaha. Back in the late 1950’s, early 1960’s she told me “People complain about crime today. Almost every day the street car was held up in front of our house.”

    • TundraGrifter

      1898. Remember the Maine!

    • Michael Loraine

      America was Great back in the Good Old Days. The Good Old Days were when you were aged 17 – 28. Oddly enough, that’s when all of the Good Music happened, too!

      When someone talks about the Good Old Days or when America was Great, ask them when they graduated high school (or turned 18). Then you know.

      • mailman27

        Back when there was nobody on my fucking lawn.

    • I recall reading that a survey that asked that question came up with the year 2000. Clearly, that has to do with 9/11 and how that shook us to the core….but it’s fun to taunt the MAGA crowd by saying “Oh, you mean after eight years of a Democratic president, who oversaw massive economic growth?”

  • whitroth

    I’ll hold up the torch of freedom. And does my manure fork count for a pitchfork?

    Hey, folks, there was a rally over the weekend – Portland, OR? Seattle? with *TENS OF THOUSANDS* marching to impeach Trump now (as reported by mainstream media). Btw, the pro-Trump rally got, um, 200? 300?….

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      I once mixed up my manure fork with my shrimp fork! I almost died of embarrassment.

      • TundraGrifter

        No shit?

      • Bananas Foster

        Sisyphus 2.0.

        Trying to shovel manure with a shrimp fork.

      • whitroth

        Oh, dear, I just realized I’ve got a spading fork, not a manure fork. Of course, the latter would be *so* appropriate for the Orange Doodie….

    • Steve Cole

      It wasn’t PDX, we didn’t get the memo. Might have been LA?

      • whitroth

        I sit corrected – it was LA. And I’ve emailed the Move On organizer (I went to an event yesterday), suggesting we do that here in DC….

    • Courser_Resistance

      Manure fork is the BESTEST Ever!!!

      Pls to not poke me, pls. I’m allergic to the tetanus vaccine.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Do you pitch manure with your manure fork? If so, it counts.

      And, just to be slightly pissy, don’t wash it off before converting it into a pitchfork.

  • Ωbjectifier

    I was there at The Battle of Tannenbaum. The sound of jingle bells still haunts me.

    • TundraGrifter

      Was that before or after the Bowling Green Massacre? I do recall hearing that Mr. Trump survived that fight with a terrible case of mistletoe.

    • thixotropic jerk

      I can still see the endless rows of workshop elves, thousands of them, shaking their toys and tools menacingly at us as we mowed them down with Elf-Be-Gone! Yeah, PTBTD* is a bitch!
      (*Post-Traumatic Battle of Tannenbaum Disorder, natch!)

    • Vel Venturi

      Did you see tinsel beams glittering in the dark by the Tannenbaum Gate?

  • Poly_Ester

    HRH donnie, the lesser, is keeping his promise to run the government lirake a business. The business model? Bankrupting a New Jersey casino.

    • miss_grundy

      Hey, he bankrupted three New Jersey casinos….

      • Poly_Ester

        exactly

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    But no comparisons to Hitler. That’s completely out of bounds and uncalled for you hate filled libtards.

    • William
      • thixotropic jerk

        Plus painted him some pretty pictures! Dummy Jerkwad Turmp creative rating: -999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999etc.

      • everstar

        I read a couple of recent Hitler biographies this winter, and while the parallels were striking, what I ended up taking away from them is that Trump isn’t smart enough to be Hitler. (I feel gross just saying that.)

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          Bigger hands, too.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    Jesus, remember the right’s reaction back in 2009 when some school kids in New Jersey, excited because the first African American president had been elected after more than 200 years, sang a song about President Obama? And it wasn’t just the obvious right–it was all over CBS News, because, blah, blah, yap yap yap, the liberal media.

    • TundraGrifter

      I was just remembering that this morning! Glad you brought it up.

    • grindstone

      Yes, yes I do. Obama is brainwashing out kids!!!!!

  • Bananas Foster

    I’m beginning to think that Trump is too embarrassed to tell anyone that he hasn’t been able to find his bedroom in the White House.

  • Ducksworthy

    The First Baptist Church Choir then broke into a prolonged chant of Donald J. Trump, Donald J. Trump, Donald J. Trump set to the tune of Kim Il Sung, Kim Il Sung, Kim Il Sung. For about an hour.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Michael Loraine

      Excellent!

      We all complained mightily about LBJ back in the day (as we have done about every Dem president who didn’t live up to our expectations at the time), but I’d gladly swap LBJ for DJT in an instant. I’d even settle for Gerald Ford! Not a genius, but NOT a crook!

      • Jukesgrrl

        Hell, at this point I’d trade him for Nixon, the Prince of Darkness. Nixon was a paranoid son-of-a-bitch but at least he wasn’t a malignant narcissist suffering from Alzheimer’s.

        • Bad Tom

          Nixon never sold America to the Russians.

      • William

        Great post, but a very low bar. Right now I’d swap Trump for turnip, or even that old can of string beans in the back of the cupboard.

    • SeeTrain65

      The only arm-twisting Trump does is when he shakes someone’s hand he doesn’t like.

    • miss_grundy

      Because that is how real presidents deal with criticism…….

    • Teto85

      Compared to trump, LBJ’s dogs had more class.

    • Delu

      Afraid that already happened sir.

    • That letter from LBJ was in response to a letter the Brothers wrote to him after he announced he wasn’t going to run for re-election in 1968. They said pretty much that they hoped their commentary would be taken in the spirit of honest criticism and not as personal attacks. That passage was read by the Brothers on their last show.

      • H0mer0

        you mean when they were cancelled?

        • Bad Tom

          Yes, the last episode broadcast after their show was cancelled.

          President Johnson’s statement still has a grace that eludes the present occupant of the White House.

  • Michael Loraine

    Every time Lord Dampnut exults in his electoral victory (“I’m president and you’re not!”) I am reminded once again that NO ONE has inspected or audited the electoral infrastructure which awarded him the “victory”. You know, those Cheney/Bush/Diebold vote-switchers with the Halliburton aggregation servers imposed upon the US electorate in time for the 2004 election? Because Cheney and Bush were going to Help America Vote?

    The Russians and Republicans did not merely hack the DNC and spread disinformation, I think they changed vote totals. And no one is looking into it.

    Ossoff lost when he should have won. Concerned citizens were pointing at the electronic voting infrastructure weeks prior to the election due to suspected security compromise. Local Republican officials blocked any action prior to the election.

    We are being robbed.

    • Bad Tom

      I believe you are right.

  • HazooToo

    Did he ever pay those little girls who were following him around as cheerleaders during the campaign?

    • TundraGrifter

      NOTK

  • Courser_Resistance

    Every fucking day, it’s so goddamn surreal. I’m reading this while hearing people mowing their yards and shit. The cognitive dissonance between the bucolic sounds of my neighborhood (Lucky me, I telecommute for work) and this horrifying bullshit is fucking EATING MY FUCKING BRAIN!

    :::deep breath:::

    I’m just going to get the fuck out of town next Friday. I’ll have my 4th a week late.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    PS I have been saying Merry Christmas for my whole life, because it’s fun and no big deal, although it has gotten unpleasant in recent years with angry Republicans screaming it out defiantly with their arms folded, daring you not to say “Christmas” and looking all feverish and Teabaggy, instead of saying it with a smile.

    And now I am actually going to have to spend the rest of my life saying Happy Holidays, motherfuckers, which I don’t feel good about, because what’s the point of all that hate to usher in the winter solstice, but by gum, nobody’s going to make me celebrate the birth of the Baby Jesus with a fucking mandatory greeting.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Same here. My rule is this; I use the greeting that fits the person. For example, if a person is Jewish, I say Happy Hannukah, generic white person, Merry Christmas.

      But like you, I give no fucks so will adopt Happy Holidays just to chap their asses. Because their such petty fucking snowflakes.

      • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

        The pity of it is, the Democrats never stopped me from saying Merry Christmas, but I’m damned if I’ll let the Republicans make me say it.

    • TundraGrifter

      “Have a Cool Yule!”

      • TundraGrifter

        Have a Righteous Ramadan!

        [For the years when the two holidays coincide, of course.]

    • JParkerSD46

      I’ve decided to say nothing. If I’m offered a seasonal pleasantry, I think I’ll just say, “You, too”. It’s probably better than “go fuck yourself”.

      • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

        Probably more in keeping with the season.

        • H0mer0

          Eric Idle had a song which went something like :”F–k Christmas, it’s a waste of f–king time…”

          • Celtic_Gnome

            The Rugburns have a song called “I Hate Fucking Christmas.” It’s quite moving.

      • bobbert

        Bless your heart.

      • cmd resistor

        Geez, sometimes I have a conversation with the grocery clerk, sometimes not. Sometimes I say have a nice day, sometimes not. The main thing I try to always say is some form of Thanks, but otherwise, who really gives a crap?

    • Jukesgrrl

      That used to happen to me a lot when I worked retail. I would look them square in the eye and say, “I don’t celebrate Christmas because I’m Jewish. But I certainly hope YOUR HOLIDAY is lovely.” They were usually chagrined. Meanwhile, I’m not even Jewish.

      • Ms.Moon

        When I worked retail I always said Happy Holidays because I live in NY lots and lots of Jewish people live here and around the Christmas celebrations is the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah. I keep saying it because I live amongst people who may be celebrating a different holiday and I acknowledge all by saying Happy Holidays it doesn’t mean that one means more or less than the others.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          That’s EXACTLY the kind of thoughtfulness that these good patriots are kvetching about.

          • Ms.Moon

            I respect that other people may have a different religion I was just in the line at CVS the other day and these Lulumon moms were talking about Bar/Bat Mitzvahs that they had during this time. I could not tell these women were Jewish by looking at them I live in NY Lulumon moms can be Jewish as well I acknowledge that.

      • grindstone

        I’ve told this story before, but what the hell. Was second in line at the till at Fresh Market. The patron in front of me finished up and wished the clerk “Happy Holidays!”. The clerk, with a smile, but pointedly, said back, “Mer-ry Christ-mas!”, enunciating so very clearly.

        So I move up for my turn and I know what’s coming. She checks me through and the clerk says to me, “Mer-ry Christ-mas”, putting some emphasis on it. And I say, with a big smile, “Thanks, and hap-py Chan-u-kah!” She blanched, and it was truly a Christmas present to me.

      • H0mer0

        when I was in the military, one of my patients gave me a loaf of some yummy holiday bread made by his wife along with a card wishing me a “Happy Hanukkah.” I told him that I wasn’t Jewish and he told me his wife was. I wuz a wee bit embarrassed at my presumption (I thought they assumed I was Jewish because of my German surname from marriage.)

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I take my cue from Paul (the alien, not the sexually repressed closet case). When someone says Merry Christmas, I say, “Yeah, whatever.”

  • suziq

    Time to get rid of ALL tax exempt organizations. If everyone paid their fair share we could fix a lot of problems.

    • Snarkbot 9000

      A swell idea if they had any clue how social expenditures actually work to be able to appreciate what’s possible if that were the case. The whole “pooling of resources for community benefit” bit seems kind of lost on most of them.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Are you including the wealthy in the definition of tax exempt organizations?

      • suziq

        Absolutely, get rid of all their phoney baloney loopholes and make them pay a reasonable amount on ALL their income. When I was maybe about middle school or early high school Steve Forbes was running for president on a flat tax platform. One level for “earned” income and lower for “unearned” income. I said that made sense, then my dad said that means all the rich people who don’t work and live off their trust fund interest pay less in taxes as a percent than people that work for a living. My dad was not a republican. Or rich, but he did all right. So, all income is taxed at the same rate. Some deductions are okay but no offshore tax havens. And no tax exempt political or religious organizations.
        Actually, get rid of Citizens United and get the money out of politics completely, that would change things right fast.
        And since we are fixing everything, did you know that all those super rich cabinet people who actually DID divest from their stocks don’t have to pay tax on that income? Screw that!

  • YayConspiracy

    “The fact is the press destroyed themselves because they went too far. Instead of being subtle and smart…” Unlike me, the subtlest among the anointed.

  • The Wanderer

    There’s a man we call Our Leader
    Who’s brave and fine and mad,
    And we’ll follow him forever
    Though his mental state is bad

    We’ll follow him in sunshine
    We’ll follow him in rain
    Even though he’s got a swelling
    On the front part of his brain.

    He’s got all of the symptoms
    Of advanced mental decay
    Still we’ll vote for Our Dear Leader
    Despite what the doctors say.

    – with a few apologies to Monty Python

  • The Wanderer

    I think that the Red Team that Trump’s facing down needs a bit of tune. Maestro, if you please:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZqVOFSYRWI

  • miss_grundy

    Jeez, after being a lapsed Roman Catholic for many years I chose to become an Episcopalian but these Protestants are just plain nuts.

    • The Wanderer

      I’m a fourth-generation lapsed Catholic, raised Presbyterian. These people are completely nucking futs.

  • JParkerSD46

    Steve “The Grim Reaper” Bannon wants to destroy the traditional institutions of this country, including the media. Dear Leader is doing his damnedest to make sure that happens with statements like he made today. Oh, except for the Christmas part. Definitely want to keep Christmas, especially in July.

    • pat tolle

      @ParkerSD46 – None of this means sh!t until you’ve been shot by people who are pissed because you’re in their country without an invitation.

  • Riviellan

    As a member of the LDS faith, the alteration of this portrait is disturbing.
    This painting hangs in almost all our chapels. Trump doesn’t need to be on it.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Did Jesus paint it Himself? No? Then I think we are ok.

  • whitroth

    As I am not now, nor have I ever been a Christian, I think *most* of them are, let us say “not paying attention”, to be kind.

    Someone on another blog posted something attributed to Epicurus: if this deity could punish or prevent wrongdoing, but doesn’t, not benevolent. If it can’t, not omnipotent.

    Now, I know my Goddess isn’t all-powerful. I mean, if She was, She surely would have saved Her dearly-beloved dinosaurs. Or arranged for that asteroid to hit the Inauguration….

  • Sekhmet1

    Fuck you, Drumpfelthinskin. With votes. This is… Wow.

    Also, the “fight and die for Our Freedomz!” myth can get in the bin. Most of the conflicts the US and its allies (like my country) have involved themselves in during the past century have had fuck all to do with “our” freedom – let alone the “freedom” of the black and brown people we happily bombed, shot and displaced – and the creepy militaristic death cult that appears to be taking over is very disturbing. Basically, it boils down to members of our governments, who – with a few exceptions – will never put their own lives at risk, sending young people overseas to kill other young people (and civilians of all ages, frequently) and be maimed and killed with this idea that it’s the only way you can truly “serve your country” (I would argue that people who educate the next generation, grow food, treat the sick, research climate change, advance our knowledge with science, advocate for victims of abuse etc are equally serving their country but what would I know?), and then they have the sheer brass necked gall to offer #thoughtsandprayers and gush on about #sacrifice while doing their best to cut funding for health care, public housing and social security benefits for traumatised returned veterans (among others). It makes me want to vomit.

  • Grokenstein

    I wonder if he’s even aware of the fact that there are Jewish veterans and Muslim veterans and Buddhist veterans and Atheist veterans and Jehovah’s Witness veterans and all kinds of veterans out there who do not celebrate Christmas?

    Deport them all and build the wall! Merry fuckin’ Christmas!! /s

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-2VszpHHY0

  • Wookie Monster

    Remember, these are the same people who thought Obama was arrogant.

    • Lambsendbeds

      That was only because it wasn’t “PC” to say “uppity”.

  • Wookie Monster
  • Charon_69

    So…after a never-ending war(which was never declared a war), an isolationist corrupt regime is installed by a weary undereducated populace in order that the military machine be fed at the expense of personal liberty.
    North Korea or USA?

    • Bad Tom

      I know! I know!
      Both.

  • Tokays_don’t_blink

    Gotta say that back in my churchgoing days, I would have felt mighty conflicted singing hymns to a mortal. But maybe I was Jesusing wrong the whole time.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    ♫ A bigly fortress-thing is our Trump,
    With bullshit never-failing. ♫

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      ♫ For still our ancient foe
      Doth seek to work us woe;
      His craft and power are great,
      And, armed with cruel hate,
      On earth is not his equal. ♫

      • cmd resistor

        Word for word –
        Former Lutheran

  • empf

    Thanks a lot! Now I need clean the vomit off my keyboard!

    • Lambsendbeds

      The song DID have a trigger warning…

  • empf

    Isn’t that called idolatry and is kind of a sin?

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Anybody see the original Bedazzled?

    George (aka Lucifer, played by Peter Cook): Pretend I’m God and now dance around me and sing my praises.”

    Stanley (Dudley Moore): [after a few seconds] I’m getting tired can we switch places?

    George: That’s exactly how I felt!

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      God, I love that movie. I was looking for this exact clip just the other day, but couldn’t find it.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Yeah, this was the best I could do.

    • That movie was as good as the remake sucked. Liz Hurley – awful. Why does hollywood butcher remakes?

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    I see where you got confused. These are your evangelical type “Christians”. It’s really got nothing to do with religion at all. The priorities are:
    1.) Keep the U.S. money coming in.
    2.) Elect people who will force others to behave as you think they ought to.
    3. See 1 and 2 above.
    Then various other stuff….
    Then way down there around 50 or so, worship of the alleged writings of the disciple Saul of Tarsus (or Paul the Apostle if you will)….then Jesus if we have to.

  • abstract668

    Well I just got back from a week of Unitarian Universalist religious revival in good old New Orleans, where we sang lots of hymns about letting people love and marry anyone they want to, and how we need to let immigrants live here in love with their families. It was pretty nice to be with 4,000 people who were excited about atoning for American racism and happily using gender-neutral toilets in the New Orleans Convention Center. I had a good time violating the Pence Rule by going out drinking and dancing with married men from my congregation.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Why wasn’t I invited? Other than the atheist thing.

      • abstract668

        At least half of Unitarians are solid atheists; probably more like 80%. We worship the First Amendment, the right to have an abortion, and the scientific method. Freedom of religion is a radical concept, and the 4th of July is an apt moment to reflect on that. I joined the UU church because I wanted to be able to say that to prohibit abortion is AGAINST MY RELIGION. Take that, Randall Terry and all ye who claim to speak for a higher power!

  • Reince Pubis

    Speaking as a veteran, I would like to say that Trump is wrong – I NEVER bared my soul.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      How about your bottom? Give details! These perverts love details.

      • Reince Pubis

        My teeth, yes. My bottom.. well, I served under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

        • Last Hussar

          Were you a squaddie?
          Did you drink? Well duh
          Did you bare your arse? Obviously

  • cmd resistor

    So where the F in the BIBLE does it say Merry Christmas at all?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m writing your name down so when the re-education camps open, you can find the answer. Work will set you free!

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Uh, this might have been said, but I don’t think there would be any Jehovah’s Witnesses vets.

  • Jo Mathie

    “The fake media tried to stop us from going to the White House, but I’m president and they’re not,”
    He is literally a child in an orange balloons body isn’t he?

  • Jay Silversmith

    These corporatist xtians better re-read their dusty old bibbles. Cuz the exact scenario don the con is following is covered in Revelations and they’re too stupid to realize it. And I’m not even religious, but I know the script.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      I once read a column that a Christian wrote before the 2016 election arguing that Christians were on verging of accepting the deal that Jesus rejected. Referencing the famous bible story of the tempation of Christ and his rejection of all earthy power. It shows that the Fundies want earthy power more than anything.

      • Bad Tom

        Good observation.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    “Oh, Trump. Ooh, you are so big! So absolutely huge! Gosh, we’re all really impressed down here, I can tell you…”

  • tkingt

    As a Vietnam vet (drafted), I would like to tell Donnie draft dodger to “f**k off” to his fat face. I hope to get the chance at Mar-a-Lago. Mar-a-Lago is tacky. Just like Donnie’s obesity and creepy bouffant.

  • Jo Mathie

    Is there anything that Trump won’t make about himself? I know he has a short attention span, but in the past few days he’s he’s attacked morning TV show hosts (on a TV show he pretends not to watch), tried to weigh in on a tragic story about a little British child with a terminal illness that no-one can do anything about and is now trying to make himself king of the veterans despite the fact that he pussied out of actually serving. You have a country to run Donald. At this point I reckon putting Sam Bee, John Oliver, Jim Jefferies and Trevor Noah in the White House would just make more sense. At least they are funny “ha, ha” rather than “nervous giggle, everyone is going to die”.

  • Janet Goodell

    I’m NOT saying DJT is Hitler, but der Fuhrer had better music.

  • wtw5002

    Fucking puke.

  • Oblios_Cap

    What a shitstain we have for a president.

Previous articleWe Are Loving This Speech By … Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts???
Next articleJustice Department Corporate Fraud Lawyer Quits Because Trump Doesn’t Ethics Good