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He just wants to be kind to the Sekulows. He’s a Sekulow Humanist.

When Donald Trump hired rightwing Christianist lawyer Jay Sekulow to be part of the legal team attempting to defend him in the Russia-and-everything-else investigation, heads were scratched and eyebrows were raised: Bad enough that Trump already had one idiot lawyer who knew nothing about doing law in Washington DC, but why would he add another idiot lawyer, Jay Sekulow, whose usual schtick involves going to court in culture-war issues, like a school not saying the Pledge of Allegiance right, or a town not being allowed to fly the Christian Flag (yes, there is one) at the police station. Well! Maybe President Grifty simply recognized a kindred soul, since, as the Guardian demonstrates in an investigative piece by Jon Swaine, Jay Sekulow has been awfully good at making sure money from the nonprofits he runs makes it into the bank accounts of members of the Sekulow family, to the tune of some $40 million over the years.

Sekulow runs a couple of nonprofits, the American Center for Law and Justice, which positions itself as a sort of anti-ACLU, defending the rights of oppressed Christians in America (which is all of them) against the nasty forces of secularism, and “Christian Advocates Serving Evangelism” (CASE) which also raises money to protect Christians from sharia law and Barack Obama taking their guns and also from Barack Obama instituting sharia law. The whole arrangement looks sketchy as anything, and the details are loads of fun, like how Sekulow, his wife, his brother, and his kids all get paid millions of dollars for the important work they do for CASE and the ACLJ. And just like Donald Trump, Sekulow is an expert at keeping money in the family business — money from the charities is used to buy services from Sekulow’s law firm, from the production company that puts his radio show together, and so on. And the great thing, says Sekulow in his pitches, is that he provides all that free legal service to good Christians being oppressed:

Sekulow has assured supporters that his organization “does not charge” for its services. “We are dependent on God and the resources He provides through the gifts of people who share our vision,” he wrote in a letter sent to contributors.

He can probably afford the “free” legal work, since his nonprofits send all sorts of money his family’s way:

Sekulow’s brother, Gary, the chief operating officer of the nonprofits, has been paid $9.2m in salary and benefits by them since 2000. Gary Sekulow has stated in Internal Revenue Service (IRS) filings that he works 40 hours per week – the equivalent of a full-time job – for each of the nonprofits […]

[A] company run by Gary’s wife, Kim Sekulow, has received $6.2m since 2000 in fees for media production services and for the lease of a private jet, which it owned jointly with Jay Sekulow’s company Regency Productions. The jet was made available for the use of Jay and Pam Sekulow, according to corporate filings.

And then there’s the high-pressure fundraising script, circa 2009 and the Great Recession, that the Guardian obtained, in which the caller is walked through the options for dealing with people who say they’re too broke or unemployed to help Jesus buy the jet He needs for Jay Sekulow to travel in comfort:

Yes, the anti-Christian forces are rallying, and the ACLJ needs your “sacrificial gift” of just $20 to help buy that jet, and if you don’t sacrifice, then Obamacare might force your child’s middle school to refer little girls to abortion clinics (yes, that was in a real script from 2013).

Now, there are IRS regulations that are supposed to prevent nonprofits from paying their organizers “excess benefit” that exceeds the fair market value of their services, and several experts on nonprofit funding and law said Sekulow’s groups sure looked fishy to them. But let’s be fair, and note that a spokesperson for Sekulow contacted the Guardian to say that the groups have been routinely audited and found to be on the up and up, and the IRS has also “previously conducted audits of the ACLJ and Case and found them to be in full compliance of all applicable tax laws,” so everything’s fine.

Which sort of makes you wonder, if the groups are so clean, why Guardian reporter Jon Swaine would have learned this tidbit after his story was published:

Will you look at that — the fake media is even getting law enforcement to do its bidding in these witch hunts. We bet Sekulow’s nonprofits have an emergency fundraiser in the works already.


Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the “Donate” linky, and we promise not to buy a jet. Not even a prop plane!

[Guardian]

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  • Joe Beese
    • arglebargle

      Lawyer up, bitch.

  • TJ Barke

    There is literally no one connected to Trump that isn’t a reprehensible garbage homonculi.

    • schmannity

      What about all the laborers and materialmen he refuses to pay?

      • TJ Barke

        Don’t get all pedantic.

    • Shoto

      “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

      — Uday, Qusay & Lolita

    • Three Finger Salute

      Barron and Tiffany. (Some of) the kids are all right. And I really think Melania just married him for a green card and would be a mother bear to her cub.

      Everyone else is… yeah, fuck them.

      • SadDemInTex

        I actually agree. Barron and Tiffany will come out the least damaged. Mainly because they are the youngest and even the most evil motherfucker gets weaker with age.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Barron. He is just wandering around in circles.

      • TJ Barke

        Give him time and I bet he’ll be just as awful as his big brothers…

  • schmannity

    Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Gulfstream V? My friends all have Citations, I must make amends.

  • stankbait

    Trump has the reverse Midas touch. Everything he comes in contact with turns to shit.
    Maybe he just surrounds himself with shit and it takes a while to see or smell their shit.
    Damn I’m sure using shit a lot these days. These days! SHIT!

    • BeachBum

      Hey I say if the foo shits, ya gotta call it !

      • PubOption

        Like calling a band ‘Foo Shite-ers’?

    • schmannity

      Shit Fiiiinnnnger!
      He’s the man, the many with the shitty touch.
      And he won’t flush.

  • Joe Beese

    Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Could you make a small sacrificial gift of $20 within the next three weeks?

    • Swampay

      Wonkette delivers value for money. Not the same.

  • JMP

    A group seeking to undermine the Constitution and illegally establish a state religion calls itself “Americans Center for Law and Justice”. Of course they do. They create a name that is the exact opposite of what they actually are, just like all those right-wing authoritarian groups that stick “freedom” in their name.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “They’re stealing our gimmick!”
      — Every People’s Republic Ever

    • schmannity

      Hitler missed the boat with the Proletarian Non-aggression Hebraica Love Party.

    • Three Finger Salute

      They intentionally did that to have an acronym that mocks the ACLU.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    We need charities like this to defend the rights of Prosperity Gospel Preachers.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I guess he’ll be spending more time with his family.

  • mardam422

    It’s a non-prophet. What’s the problem. The money comes in. We take it. None of us knows the future! Non-PROPHET, like it says.

  • Scooby

    Don’t these idiots realize that the minute you become a Trump mouthpiece you are under intense scrutiny. They are not even smart enough to know.

  • C4TWOMAN

    I find alt-right grifters are forced to seek legal counsel from other alt-right grifters, because anyone outside their bubble would tell them the harsh truth they don’t want to hear.

    It’s very “cut their nose off to spite their face”…I’ve known a couple of situations that could have been resolved painlessly and quickly if the idiot had a real lawyer who told them, “Yes, you screwed up, just settle/come to the table…it will be quicker.”

    Instead they listened to,”Nah, you don’t have to do anything, just stone wall…”, then years later they whine about their reputations being destroyed.

    Poor babies….

    • Oblios_Cap

      I think they can only seek legal counsel form other alt-right grifters because no reputable lawyer would take their cases.

      • JMP

        For starters, like The Racist-in-chief a lot of them have a pesky habit of not paying their legal bills, especially if they lose.

        • Paul

          First thing taught in criminal law courses:
          “Get your entire fee upfront. If they lose they don’t wanna pay, and if they win they don’t have to.”

    • javadavis

      ‘just settle … it will be quicker” Also, it would be cheaper. Also they might learn what they can/cannot get away with.
      For reference or contrast, see may PDs in the news, where the rogue cop is considered a normal part of the force and taxpayers end up having to pay the not-cheaper costs of paying civil tort lawsuits for the pds. See? they learn they can get away with almost anything.

  • janecita

    On the same “Christian grifters” note, this story made me happy 😁

    https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2017/06/28/us/arkansas-10-commandments-monument-damaged/index.html

    • Oblios_Cap

      I notice that no thunderbolts rained down from above onto the perpetrator…

      • janecita

        God has better things to do, baseball season is in full swing.

        • Oblios_Cap

          True that. The CWS game was on last night.

  • elviouslyqueer

    This particular Escher-esque bullshit on the “Put Me on the Fucking Do Not Call List, You Shyster” question:

    “If ‘No,’ Go to No. If ‘Yes,’ Go to Maybe.”

    Guess what? THERE IS NO MAYBE.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Given the bloated salaries of your average corporate executive, I suspect the “market rate” for these positions is ridiculously high.

  • Swampay

    Ain’t no grift like the jesus grift. That one’s pure gold.

    (also too: Band Name!!!! I am so going to call my next band The Jesus Grift.)
    (Also also too too: you go ahead and use it for your band, if you actually have a band that needs naming. Could be another couple of decades before I actually get a band together)

    • janecita

      Mine will be called “The Gay Agenda.”

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I call “Rehab Romance.”

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I would totally love telling people I’m with the Gay Agenda”.

  • mardam422

    It’s amazing to me how anyone even remotely connected to Trump is able to groom themselves in the morning. What with the obvious lack of mirrors in their houses.

    • javadavis

      They probably groom each other, starting with looking for scalp parasites.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Help me Jeebus! I’m being oppressed!”

    • Oblios_Cap

      I remember when prayer was the correct response to that sort of thing. Or being martyred.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        That went out along with “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s”

        • BeachBum

          At least we still have their pizza!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            And the salad!

      • BeachBum

        I miss martyrdom. I wish they would bring that back. Two stones with one bird sort of thing.

  • Joe Beese

    208,500 additional deaths could occur by 2026 under the Senate health plan

    https://www.vox.com/the-big-idea/2017/6/28/15881720/deaths-senate-health-care-bcra

    That’s 69 9/11-s.

    • Matt Hunter

      *could

      • Joe Beese

        Oh hi, Matt!

        Remember when liberals said Trump was lying when he said he wasn’t going to cut Medicaid?

        • Matt Hunter

          why should intellectually superior blue state tax payers pay the way for those scooter ridin Wal Mart frequenting red state leechers you so often love to mock and ridicule..

          • WotsAllThisThen

            Aw, is somebody’s fee-fees hurt? Will killing a few hundred thousand people make you feel better?

          • Joe Beese

            In fairness, they were all going to die eventually anyway.

          • Joe Beese
          • msanthropesmr

            Because we believe in bringing up our fellow man.

          • JMP

            Because unlike conservatives, we’re not immoral monsters who want to kill people just because we disagree with them politically.

          • janecita

            See, I’m with you on this one. I’m tired of paying for all those terrible, Republican voting, poor as dirt, Southern States. Maybe they should try to subsist without my Godless, liberal elite money.

          • Joe Beese

            At the very least, they should send back the portion of money derived from taxpayers in San Francisco.

          • BeachBum

            “Captain, our sensors are picking up static on frequencies matching the Trolls.
            Send a hail. Then arm all photon torpedo tubes. “

          • Oblios_Cap

            Actually, you’re making a good argument. Being an atheist, I’m not compelled to help out my fellow man because my faith demands it (like all 3 Abrahamic ones). But I don’t mind; all you have to do is take a little mockery for your stupidity whilst I help you out.

          • BeachBum

            The leechers need to buy moar BOOTSTRAPS, not those lazy ass scooters !

          • Indivisible Snark Tank
          • timpundit

            exactly! Now you’re getting it! Here’s an extra biscuit.

          • David Chaillou

            It’s called society. It’s a thing humans developed. It works better than the alternative.

        • BeachBum

          That guy whose pants are in 5 alarm conflagration ?

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Matt, is that basement room air conditioned?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Bump that number up to a million — or close to it — when you count death by modern medicine.

      Horrifying forecast suggests that opioids could kill nearly 500,000 Americans in the next decade

  • Oblios_Cap

    So his brother works 80 hours a week for the charities? Who knew watching internet porn could be counted as “work”?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He wrote “wank”, but he has poor handwriting.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        His forearm cramped up, for some reason.

    • BeachBum

      Not me that’s for damn sure. Uh…..never mind.

  • Matt Hunter

    …Jesus was white…

    • elviouslyqueer

      No no, silly. Jesus was Jewish.

      • MynameisBlarney

        *Jewishter*

      • arglebargle

        He certainly wasn’t Christian.

        • msanthropesmr

          Inception!

          • arglebargle

            The Immaculate Inception.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Filthy elitist lie! He was born a Christian just like George Washington was born an American.

      • Jennifer R

        I have to assume anyone who walks around with a tiny carving of a murdered Jewish man on their neck is probably anti semitic.

      • Three Finger Salute

        He was a Syrian refugee living in Palestine.

        Netanyahu would make mince meat of him today.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        So says “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist” in “Avenue Q”!

      • timpundit

        I thought he was a Capricorn.

      • JMP

        Jesus also had two dads.

      • David Chaillou

        Fake news. He was Galilean.

    • janecita

      He was also gay.

      • Matt Hunter

        so you have that much in common with Jesus anyway…

        • janecita

          I’m a straight woman, and Jesus, just like God isn’t real.

          • Matt Hunter

            straight woman?..no curves huh?…

          • janecita

            I do have curves, and in all the right places.

          • MynameisBlarney

            *raises eyebrow*

            Go on.

          • msanthropesmr

            Jesus. This place is more and more of a pickup joint.

          • BeachBum

            I prefer to call it a multi-resource dialogue and pair bonding center.

          • Dudleydidwrong

            You use your tongue better’n a $20 whore.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Hey! I was chattin’ with the lady. Then you barged in and spilled my drink!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Shit!
            Sorry!
            Lemme buy ya another round.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            When Robyn and Dok and the gang retire, I want them to start a bar in my town.

          • BeachBum

            I will then Air B&B your driveway!

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Okay, that’s almost funny. Are you a nasty troll or just a prankster type? Or maybe somewhere in between?

          • janecita

            It was really funny, I actually laughed.

          • David Chaillou

            Somebody fetch him a drink before he grows completely boring.

          • timpundit

            Don’t worry, someday when you grow up you might get a real live woman of your own too, to replace that pillow that cries silently whenever it sees you getting ready for bed.

          • elviouslyqueer

            Or that poor abused plastic doll named “Marco the Magnificent.”

          • Oblios_Cap

            He sure has an impressive vocabulary.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Pssst. An insult is supposed to actually be insulting, darling.

          • Matt Hunter

            sigh…some folks dont know when they are being insulted..

          • elviouslyqueer

            Calling someone “gay” is so 2nd grade. Besides, we prefer “queer” or “sexually adjacent.”

          • MynameisBlarney

            Hmm…
            I wonder…what would “Sexually perpendicular” mean?

          • Lance Thrustwell

            I thought that was actually a pretty common state.

          • elviouslyqueer

            *rushes to the Kama Sutra*

          • Matt Hunter

            OK queer…

          • elviouslyqueer

            It took you five minutes to come up with that? Bitch, bye.

          • timpundit

            I prefer Cock Goblin, myself. Sound exotic.

          • elviouslyqueer

            Today is mine and my hubs’ THIRD WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. Which is to say that there will be much cock goblin tonight!

          • Indivisible Snark Tank

            Happy Anniversary!

          • arglebargle

            Molotov!

          • timpundit

            Congrats and Molotov!!

          • Oblios_Cap

            Huzzah! Good times in the Deep South tonight!

          • BeachBum

            Gudferu !

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Congratulations!

          • arglebargle

            Well, that’s the most ironic comment I’ve read in some time.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Coming from the poster-boy for the Dunning-Kruger Effect, that’s hilarious.

          • janecita

            Right?!

    • BeachBum

      With blond hair and blue eyes. I saw a painting once. Fer reels.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yes, because Jerusalem was just chock fucking full of caucazoids 2k+ years ago.

    • msanthropesmr

      Like the crackers?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I like my crackers kinda toasty-golden.

        • msanthropesmr

          I like wasa crispbread.

      • JMP

        Now those crackers are actually Jesus’ flesh, which we must ritually cannibalize alongside his blood which happens to look and taste like cheap red wine but is actually really the blood of a demigod.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Right! Makes perfect sense. I think we could all use a little more ritual cannibalism in our lives.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Like, albino white? Or more of an Aryan thing? Or maybe kind of an Irish easily-sunburned sort?

      • Matt Hunter

        you know…white..like your neighborhood..

        • Lance Thrustwell

          There he is! People pop up in comments like dolphins surfacing. Quick, feed the dolphin. Umm…. my neighborhood is about… two-thirds white? So is my neighborhood Jesus? I get so confused.

          • Matt Hunter

            oh..so what ghetto do you live in?

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Matt… come on, man. Your trolling has this random, half-hearted quality to it. You gotta step up your game.

          • Joe Beese

            Since Trump got in, you just don’t get quality trolls like you used to.

          • David Chaillou

            That’s because Soros has cornered the market for talented trolls. We only get the dregs.

          • JMP

            I like how this guy has racism so ingrained in his worldview that apparently any neighborhood with a significant minority population is a “ghetto”.

            I don’t know about you, but I grew up in a nice middle-class neighborhood that was probably about half white, a third black, and the rest a mixture of Asian, Indian, Latino, etc., with a lot of mixed-race couples and kids who I grew up playing with.

          • David Chaillou

            Is that meant to be a jibe? Who do you practice on, your little sister?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Matt can’t do the word thingy very good.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            It’s like Steve Martin once said: “Some men have a way with words. Other men… NOT HAVE WAY.”

          • Yr. Gma

            Troll. Block.

      • David Chaillou

        Lamb white.

    • JMP

      It’s likely Jesus never existed, plus race in the Roman empire was completely different from that of modern America, so debating his race is kind of completely pointless.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Saint Nicholas of Lyceia, however, was a brown or olive-skinned Byzantine Turk.

        He acquired venerated status for his personal vow of poverty and acts of benevolence towards children, the sick, the elderly, and the poor.

        So… a heretic, according to Mammonite Christianity.

        Does he look “white” to you?

        https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0d/Icon_c_1500_St_Nicholas.JPG/451px-Icon_c_1500_St_Nicholas.JPG

      • Oblios_Cap

        You were either a Roman Citizen or you were some filthy foreigner.

        • JMP

          Somewhat, but it was a little more complicated; basically it went Romans > Italians > Greeks > Other foreigners. Although at the time Jesus was supposed to have existed Italians had gained equal legal status to Romans, and were getting close to equal social status.

    • arglebargle

      Jesus Santa is white…

      • msanthropesmr

        Satan is white.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Satan is one of the christian gods, if I remember my mythology right.

          • arglebargle

            God created Satan. Said so himself…

            I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.

            Isiah 45:7

    • Oblios_Cap

      And you see how he was discriminated against!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Your move, Creflo Dollar and Joel Osteen.

  • BeachBum

    Some body said ” Trump is not a bull in a china shop. He brings his own china shop to everything he does.” Don’t a member who.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      When you’re rich like Trump, the world is your china shop.

      • Three Finger Salute

        CHINA! CHINA CHINA CHINA CHINA CHINA CHINA CHINA!

  • Matt Hunter

    ..Jesus looked more like Brad Pitt…and less like JJ from Good Times….

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The oldest known depictions of Jesus looked like Apollo, because swiping from pagans started early…

      • JMP

        The whole virgin birth son of a god shtick was stolen from like half the ancient demigod heroes, as was the dying and coming back to life.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          And I thought Joseph was just trying to get out of paying child support.

          • elviouslyqueer

            You know what other Joseph was just trying to get out of paying child support?

          • Suttree

            Is his name spelled like a word that means failure to pay?

          • Three Finger Salute

            Even the alt-reichists probably think Joseph was a cuck for Gabriel.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Easter, and the attendant symbols of the rabbit, eggs, and rebirth, comes from a Greek spring festival called Oestre. This was when the fertility goddess Persephone (Hades’ wife, in a really rapey arranged marriage according to the myth) was said to rise up from the underworld after the darkness of winter and return home to her mother Demeter (the harvest goddess). It’s from this that we get the word oestrogen (British/international spelling; it’s minus the “o” in Americanese) meaning the “essence” of women, pertaining to “femaleness,” fertility and birth.

          Sometimes it’s spelled Eostre, after the goddess of the dawn, named Eos. Both are also from where the word east comes from — and why we say the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. But the whole celebration was all about goddesses, until Abrahamism came about and relegated women to the back of the bus and a servile place in society.

          After Christianity took over Rome, people who still worshiped the goddesses — or even Mary as a goddess — were killed without pity. If we’d stayed with the Greco-Roman pantheon we probably wouldn’t have the Taliban or its “Christian” equivalents here. And MLP would be a revered and sacred mythos instead of something that gets relentlessly mocked by dick-measuring trolls.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        I thought Jesus looked like the painting in my avatar! I’ve been deceived!

        • Three Finger Salute

          Don’t tell Talibangelicals the name of the original painting. I bought Yuval Noah Harari’s Homo Deus at a bookstore one day, and couldn’t escape the leering from some old lady in the back of me in line. She thought it meant God is Gay.

          • Indivisible Snark Tank

            I stick with the English translation in that situation.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Bwa haha.

      • Jennifer R

        And often.
        Pretty much every important Abrahamic holiday is a pagan one first. Same with a lot of the little things that are done.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Don’t get me going on voodoo and Catholicism.

          • Jennifer R

            You and me both. Or the absolute brutality of the first century proto-christians.

  • Shoto

    To be fair, traveling first-class commercial is hard. In fact, you can’t even get a vintage bottle of Dom Perignon in-flight. Unfair!

    • Reince Pubis

      Sure, if you want to give your money to the mainstream liberal airlines.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Joe Beese

      At least clean up the mess afterwards.

    • Knocked over by a Christian, no less.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Probably a repeat offender (at knocking down 10 Commandment monuments) no less.

        The real culprit is Satan, he claims.

        • Maybe one that took the “Don’t make any graven images” commandment seriously.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Well, there was that one little thing* about not worshipping “graven images,” but I’m sure there was an asterisk next to it, just like shrimp and rounded head-corners. Now that it’s broken, we’ll NEVER KNOW!

        *One of the Commandments

    • arglebargle

      Fall down go boom.

    • therblig

      looks like lot’s wife after the orgy

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Don’t blame us, it was the Visigoths.
      — A Vandal

      • WotsAllThisThen

        But who stole the handle?
        –Bob Dylan

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        ISWYDT.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Moses was in town, and he was not happy with you guys!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I privately wonder what he would have thought about all these people who are determined to turn the tablets into a golden idol.

    • cheetojeebus

      So, he’s a holy roller over?

    • Jennifer R

      Arkansas, much like NC has concentrations of people who are sick and tired of stupid shit and are willing to take matters into their own hands.

    • therblig

      FALSE FLAGELLATE!!!!

      Inside Job 9:6

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Okay we’ll build a big ark and put all the pieces in it, then when the Nazis open the ark — boom! Problem solved.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Oooh, can we get Gorka to do it?

    • Yr. Gma

      Hahahahaha!!!!!

    • Bananas Foster

      I’d like to state for the record that I was nowhere near Arkansas yesterday.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Obviously gods will, he knew they weren’t practicing any of the tenets. So he called on a christian guy to give them a message. (Yes, the guy that did it identifies as a christian.)

      • Carpe Vagenda

        or maybe he just takes the whole worshipping idols thing more seriously than most.

    • willi0000000

      took his life in his hands to do it . . . drove a Dodge Dart!

      [ i always thought “dodge dart” was something you had to occasionally yell in certain bars ]

  • JMP

    When places like Wonkette ask for money, they always clearly state not to send any if you’re unemployed or otherwise financially unable to donate. This is true of every website I visit that asks for donations, and I would have thought that this would be something universal; but of course no, the evangelical Christian, being despicable evil and selfish human beings, still have instructions to shame people who can’t afford it to still send them money. And it’s not even requesting a buck or two, but twenty dollars, which can be significant to someone who is poor.

    Fuck these vile shitheads.

    • javadavis

      It was also a factor in the Trump U scam lawsuit, wasn’t it? The variant was “you can borrow money and use what you learn here to earn much more and easily pay back those loans.”

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Hell, isn’t that every higher education institution? At the very least it’s implied.
        Not that going to law school is the biggest regret of my life or anything.

        • javadavis

          True, but some of them actually teach something useful rather then spend all their time getting their ‘students’ to buy multiple tiers in the pyramid.
          It is a separate kind of insult that the HEIs that actually teach something useful tend to charge so much for that education that it’s a beast to pay the bill off. I remember when you could actually pay as you go if you could pick up a part time job or two and find a cheap living situation. I hear that still happens in some first world countries and even in some other third world countries.

  • Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our newest contestant on today’s episode of “Saint or Taint?”

  • Guys, I’m starting to think that religion just might be a tool that some people use to live lavishly off the work of others.

    • JMP

      Now be fair; it’s also a tool that people in power use to convince the masses to accept being oppressed.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Almost like some sort of opiate?

    • Oblios_Cap

      One day a week, no heavy lifting.

      • schmannity

        Mostly inside work, except for Palm Sunday.

    • elviouslyqueer

      *clutches pearls*

      *fans self furiously*

      *grabs mint julep and sprints to the fainting couch*

      • msanthropesmr

        Don’t spill your drink while sprinting.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          Or fainting.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    It’s con artists all the way down, isn’t it?

    Name one person involved with this administration whose NOT a con artist.

    • msanthropesmr

      Barron.

      • Three Finger Salute

        …and Tiffany.

        • msanthropesmr

          I think with Tiffany it’s not for lack of trying.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        That’s one. Of course, one has to wonder whether he’s actually “involved” or not. I doubt he is.

        • Yr. Gma

          He’s a little kid.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Yeah, that’s what I mean. He’s just a kid and not involved in any of this.

    • David Chaillou

      Ben Carson? He may have the vocation, but he doesn’t have the talent.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Some days I think of what sort of lifestyle I might have if I had no principles or conscience. And then I realize I’d rather have them than cash.

    • David Chaillou

      Both is fine too,

      • Oblios_Cap

        I could force myself to learn to like it.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I probably wouldn’t even have that lifestyle no matter how little principles or conscience I’d have. I’m still female, after all. The old-boy (and new frat-boy) network would happily throw either of the Sarahs under the bus if they dared have a dissenting opinion of their own.

    • MrTusks

      You sound like someone who hasn’t heard a good enough offer yet!

    • Ms.Moon

      I am an actual Christian so I’m trying not to go to hell with the fundamentalists of all stripes and the relatives I did not much care for.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Yeah Christians are being repressed! To use an argument from Louis CK, that’s why a majority of the world uses Christ’s birthday to measure years.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Or the Holocene Era. Can’t have that one because science and tree huggers.

    • David Chaillou

      His birthdate you mean. Last I looked He wasn’t born on Jan 1st,

      Also to measure years we use the sun and stars. We do count years from Jesus though,

  • jesterpunk
  • Shoto

    On the plus side, Mueller and his crew are gonna carve this grifter up real nice.

    (H/T Tony Montana)

  • Michael Smith

    Oh man, I should have got into the preaching game. I didn’t know scamming old people out of their remaining savings could be so.. spiritual!

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Well I have seen some shitty and aggressive sales scripts/pitches as an account manager but this piece of work surely wins the cake of shit trophy.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    OT: One thing I just realized about the senate unhealthy don’tcare plan, it’s the textbook definition of a backroom deal.

    Used to be, politicians paid lip service to the notion of “doing away with backroom deals!” Things do change, huh?

  • ManchuCandidate

    The Wolf Of Jeebus St

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I’ll get to this later–right now, I’m at a Planned Parenthood phonebank to save ACA. Hello, Nevada!

    • Joe Beese

      Grab us some slut pills, willya?

    • msanthropesmr

      Hey Cally. We love you. You do so much good. Keep it up.

    • Rock it out Cally!

    • javadavis

      TL;DR version – You probably know all of the following, but I saw a headline (no wi fi,so that’s all i’ve seen so far) saying that Dems are attacking Sen. Heller for pledging to vote AGAINST Mitch’s latest monster – let’s please not do that. Let’s please tell him “thank you! And please don’t back down, Dean we will have your back if you keep having our backs.”
      Our R senator, Heller, has gone on the record as planing on voting against the bastard child WAIIN (Whatever Acronym It Is Now) bill, so let’s please support and encourage him? He is due a carrot for publicly saying the bill is bad – because it is too mean, not that it is not mean enough like the 1st 4 Rs who came out against – so let’s please remind people of this. It’s basic child-rearing, discourage bad behavior, encourage good behavior.
      Join me in telling Heller “Thanks!” for pledging to do the right thing. Let’s remind him that this is the way politics is supposed to work, with all sides coming together on issues of public good, such as defeating an obvious public harm like McConnell’s secret grudge match legislation against the poor and anyone who has ever been sick. Let’s not attack him for having different reasons than some liberals for doing the right thing (saw a headline claiming he’s getting attacked for doing the right thing for the wrong reasons – let’s not support that, or if it is fake news we can tell him we would not support that if it was true) And lets remind him that Dems in NV (and there are a lot of Dems, mostly in Reno and Vegas) are willing to vote for him again if he is the best candidate and that he will NOT be the best candidate if he votes against the best interests of his constituents – and we will be watching. I believe this is how politics used to be practiced, (before “St. Ronnie” rolled in like Gilderoy Lockhart to destroy government in the bathtub and before Newt rolled in to make any non-Repub out to be the enemy of the people) with both sides getting together to figure out what they can agree on as good for the public and working out “compromise”, an ancient concept for this generation, granted…
      NV hands out prescription cost reduction cards at the library, FFS, for those who don’t have the insurance (fewer now that ACA offers coverage, but still) so there is some support for the support for making health insurance more affordable. Let’s just remind him that the way McConnell McTurtle is running his shell game we would be a lot better off going back to working with what we already have and adjusting from there than from burning down the house (NV is way prone to brush fires – current weather warnings are Red Flag – meaning fire danger, so mentioning fire is Good to point out the Bad) and starting over with a different crew of congressmen with their own agendas.
      I don’t see how we can work Yucca Mountain into it, but if Heller won’t hold the line here he’ll end up getting railroaded into having nuclear waste at Yucca Mountain and no one will like that EITHER.
      Wait, how long do you have to talk to people?
      (Deep Breaths. Deep Healing Breaths)

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Even in her grifting Palin is a slacker

  • Lizzietish81

    What does Jesus need with a jet?

    • I thought he could fly…

    • msanthropesmr

      I’d ask that question about Jesus needing a hovercraft. But not about a jet. Although he did fly up…

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Feathers and wax just don’t cut it any more. Just ask Icarus.

      • Pre-Truth Ron

        Glub, glub, glub.
        – Icarus
        (too soon?)

    • JMP
    • Suttree

      He has no more dinosaurs to ride?

    • TJ Barke

      I thought he liked hot rods…

      • javadavis

        I thought he liked dinosaurs.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      To fly between Republican politicians to bolster their spirits in these trying times. Hard work, comforting the poor & needy.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    By the way only rich people and rich people only could answer “I have no money” With: “But you can spare a 20, amirite?” Fucking clueless what it’s like to be able to surive a 30 day month with 25 day money

    • Pre-Truth Ron

      Hey, be fair, it happens to them too. Why, I’ll bet there have been lots of months where they’d budgeted for $750,000 and only had $625,000.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Happens to me almost every month. It’s hard for a cracker to catch a break.

  • Matt Hunter

    “In contrast to ethical relativism, Christianity sets forth a system of absolute moral values and affirms that God has placed within the very structure of this universe
    certain moral principles that are fixed and immutable.” –Martin Luther King Jr.

    how many of you believe MLK was an idiot?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Your Mom’s an idiot.

    • msanthropesmr

      Yes, and it would be awfully nice if y’all tried following them.

    • *patpatpat* still moving those goal posts around, Matty boy?
      In case you did not know, the white evangelicals are not Christians.
      At all.
      Hope that helps!

    • JMP

      “Three quarters of the quotes you read on the internet without citation are made up.”
      -Mark Twain, Albert Einstein and Martin Luther King Jr.

      • Matt Hunter

        yeah..its highly unlikely aa Baptist preacher said that…eyeroll

        • It is highly unlikely that you are not quoting him out of context also, but there ya go

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          It is because MLK didn’t say that, Dipshit. Martin Luther did!

          http://www.azquotes.com/quote/581957

          • arglebargle

            Facts do not fit his world view.

          • Matt Hunter

            sorry pal..ethical relativism was not a concept in the 16th century..

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            Sorry to you Pal. Ethical or moral relativism goes back over over thousands of years.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Yeah. Those Europeans didn’t even take baths back then. They were always stinking drunk, too.

      • BigCSouthside

        “Everything on the internet is true”
        -Abraham Lincoln

        • Oblios_Cap

          I was impressed with his vampire-killing expertise.

          • BigCSouthside

            See and the FAKE LIBERAL HISTORIANS won’t talk about it

    • Everrett Fanuelli
      • Oblios_Cap

        Is the quote we can’t read a Fred Douglas quote? Because lots of people are saying good things about him.

        • Three Finger Salute

          I think it was Oliver Douglas. Or maybe it was Lisa, his Eastern European wife who always wore the finest luxury fashions on the golf course hog farm.

      • Raan

        “Shake for me girl, I wanna be your backdoor man.” – President Richard Milhaus Nixon.

    • janecita
    • MynameisBlarney
    • BigCSouthside

      I can respect everything about you and still think it’s fucking stupid for an adult to believe in fairy tales

      • Matt Hunter

        so MLK was stupid…got it…

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          No you are by quoting Martin Luther and thinking it was MLK

          • timpundit

            LMAO, good catch. Trump University graduates, amirite?

        • janecita

          No, but Martin Luther sure was!

        • BigCSouthside

          I think his religious belief was stupid, and not necessary to his message

          Your fucking unbelievably stupid argument that “someone famous liked Jesus, therefore my dumb shit fairy tale is true” is really weak dude

          • Pre-Truth Ron

            Ah, the good old ‘appeal to respect.’ Which is amusing because our pet troll here clearly does NOT respect Mr King.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Do try to keep up, son. We’ll use smaller words.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Yeah, you got it. But penicillin can maybe help you.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      You do know that is was Martin Luther who said that don’t you? Epic fucking fail, Loser!
      http://www.azquotes.com/quote/581957

      • JMP

        Hahahahaha!

      • janecita

        Tomato, potato

      • timpundit

        Bwaaaaahahahahaha

    • jesterpunk

      Its still not a basis for a form of government and the US was not founded as a Christian nation either. So not quite sure what you are getting at with that comment?

      • Matt Hunter

        US was not founded as a Christian nation?..oh..so slavery and Jim Crow were secular institutions, upheld by force, by the secular state

        • jesterpunk

          Nope it wasnt founded as a Christian Nation, John Adams signed a treaty even saying that.

          http://avalon.law.yale.edu/18th_century/bar1796t.asp#art11

          As the government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion,-as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion or tranquility of Musselmen,-and as the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mehomitan nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.

          • Matt Hunter

            ok..so so slavery, genocide and Jim Crow were secular institutions, upheld by force, by the secular state

          • Oblios_Cap

            um…yes? The armed forces and police enforced laws written by assholes. The white preachers used religion to justify the repression, but the motives were, at the most basic levels, racist and economic.

          • Matt Hunter

            oh..so the secular state upheld racist laws…

          • Oblios_Cap

            It sure wasn’t Jesus.

          • Matt Hunter

            no…according to you it was secularism…

          • David Chaillou

            Fuck, moron, since when are a secular state and secularism interchangeable concepts?

            I agree with Lance, you just don’t do words very well.

          • jesterpunk

            It might be hard for you to understand but sometimes people are just assholes with or without religion involved. It does make it easier to justify if they can find religious quotes that might justify what they are doing though.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Nope, slavery as an institution was propped up in the Bible. There were many passages in Leviticus regarding the treatment and purchase of slaves. Genocide is also a largely RELIGIOUS practice, look up none other than the damned Holocaust for that morsel of truth. Jim Crow was actually instituted by the southern states to end reconstruction and they were basically using a religious argument.

            Of course, I don’t think you even know what the word “secular” means, so enjoy you shiny, new stupid human talking point. Maybe go back to whatever idiot well you got it from and exchange it for a talking point that actually makes some sense.

          • Pre-Truth Ron

            There’ve been a few recent Presidents who could have recalled that to their benefit.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Since he was a preacher, I would expect him to believe and practice what he preached. Unlike Sekalow.

      • Matt Hunter

        yet he had numerous affairs on his wife..

        • Lance Thrustwell

          So? Kinda their business, in my opinion. Highly imperfect people can do some pretty amazingly good things. Good thing too – that’s pretty much all of us.

          • Matt Hunter

            Kinda their business, in my opinion?..oh..funny you didnt have that attitude concerning Newt Gingrich…

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Hey, if he wasn’t a safety-net-cutting, trickle-down hardliner who wears his virtuous Catholicism on his hypocritical sleeve, I would have that attitude about Gingrich.

          • Matt Hunter

            ..see what I mean…

          • timpundit

            No. No one but you sees what you mean and we’re not always sure about you.

          • Matt Hunter

            ..perhaps if I were as stupid as you I could see what you mean…unfortunately that isnt an option

          • Lance Thrustwell

            …I see that you appear to be incapable of responding to what was actually a pretty solid explanation of what is different between the two men and why that might influence my attitude…

          • timpundit

            Yes we do…it’s that Noot decided to be hypocritical about his adultery, that’s what were talking about sand what we mock him for.

            You went , and graduated from Trump U, didn’t you? I can tell.

          • Matt Hunter

            Noot decided to be hypocritical about his adultery,?..as did MLK

          • timpundit

            Not that I can see. I never saw MLK trying to impeach anyone for lying about adultery while engaging in adultry

          • Matt Hunter

            you dont believe a Baptist preacher would teach his congregation that adultery is a sin?..you feel, in all his years behind the pulpit, the subject of adultery being a sin never came up?

          • timpundit

            I’ve never seen MLK impeach anyone for lying about adultery. And neither have you.

            Also, you’re an idiot … The quate was from Martin Luther, not MLK, lolol

          • Matt Hunter

            Martin Luther?..so the concept of moral relativism was a talking point in the 16th century?…really?..ha ha ha ha ha…ha ha ha ha

        • Oblios_Cap

          He was human. Even the book of tall tales realizes people aren’t perfect.

          • Matt Hunter

            why not extend that same apologetic attitude toward Larry Craig..or Newt Gingrich

    • Lance Thrustwell

      What a strange question. You know none of us do. For that matter, no serious, honest person does. He might have gotten a little lazy on his dissertation at points – we all know about that – but the man was generally a good writer, and at times a genius speaker. Even you might know this.

    • timpundit

      Matt here, try your brain out on this:

      It’s not that they practice a religion that makes us mock them…it’s that they are hypocritical and use Christ’s name for their own financial and personal benefit at the expense of others.

      Those are two seemingly counter thoughts …so I’ll give your a few days to digest all that.

      • MrTusks

        Ever since they told me in kindergarten that Jesus died for my sins, I’ve been trying to figure out the logistics. Nothing yet!

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Tell them what my friend Andria says, ” I didn’t ASK him to, so don’t guilt me with that business”.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        It’s not a very well written con is it?

    • Bananas Foster

      Pick any genius, any hero, any luminary and I’m going to disagree with them about something.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      “Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s and render unto God the things that are God’s”– Jesus H. Christ. You calling junior an idiot?

  • Joe Beese
    • *knockknockknock*

      “Who’s there?”

      “Land shark.”

      • JustDon’tSayShank

        “candygram”

        • WotsAllThisThen

          “I’m only a dolphin, ma’am.”

        • alpacapunchbowl

          “But I didn’t order a pizza!”

        • timpundit

          I love that no matter what the classics still live on.

    • marxalot

      Well, that’s what he gets for holding the presser at Mandalay Bay.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Let he who is without sin cash the first check

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    That script…holy fuck. That script!

    • Keep in mind their target are generally old, fixed income people fed a steady diet of Faux Lies.
      They will burn.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Anyone who can beg for money like that and then have the fucking unmitigated gall to complain about raising the minimum wage and inveigh against people on food stamps! Despicable scum doesn’t begin to describe them. There are no words, in any language, to express how unspeakably loathsome they are.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        I want ’em to burn now. I don’t depend on Dante’s Inferno to exact punishment. (OK…with votes…always with votes…jeez!)

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Public humiliation and shaming, so that even the most under-educated and naive of their dupes, er flock, realizes they are bad people.

    • Jennifer R

      Pretty much the same as they have been using since Peter Popov and the 1980s.

    • Joe Beese
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Horrifying. I couldn’t do that to people. When Wonkette begs for money, at least they deliver dick jokes and babby pictures.

    • baconzgood

      Apparently tithing only counts if you’re the one who’s tithed. Sort of like betting on the Pass line and Don’t Pass Bar in craps.

  • msanthropesmr

    Jesus thinks you’re an asshole.

  • Yr. Gma

    Wonkette could learn a thing or two about fund raising. Just saying.

  • One of these days, I need to find Republican Jesus again and start cashing in.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      I couldn’t do it. No amount of money would be enough to assuage the guilt and self-loathing I would feel if I did that. They have no morals, no ethics, no integrity, no honesty…and no souls.

      • You’ll be able to afford the REALLY good booze to help you with that. I mean… to, uh, use in your daily communion ceremonies with Republican Jesus. Republican Jesus don’t drink no two buck chuck.

      • timpundit

        I’d lkie to try it tho…to see exactly *how* bad I actually end up feeling.

      • BigCSouthside

        I think I’d end up a drug addict to cope with that.

        • Pre-Truth Ron

          Funny how many of them already do. Makes you wonder.

    • timpundit

      I’ve seriously thought about it too, I mean all it takes is moderate acting skills and commitment to play the part through. A relatively intelligent person could make a pretty good living especially if you add some End Time Survival Kits to the merch page.

    • Pre-Truth Ron

      Have you checked the strip clubs near the Capitol?

  • Matt Hunter

    “Like the early Christians, we must move into a
    sometime hostile world armed with the revolutionary gospel of Jesus
    Christ. With this powerful gospel we shall boldly challenge the status quo.” –Martin Luther King, Jr.

    ..come on guys…lets tear this Jesus freak a new asshole…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….guys.?…………………………………….guys.?………………………………………………………………………………………………..

    • JustDon’tSayShank

      Or in this case, boldly grift off the status quo.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Dude, give up. By the looks of your last post you can’t even tell the difference between Martin Luther and Martin Luther King Jr.

      • Matt Hunter

        Martin Luther?…so ethical relativism was a concept in the 16th century?..ha ha ha ha ha….ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          This is a quote from public christianity.org.
          “More interesting than the origin of the word ‘relativism’ is the fact that the idea goes back long before the big brains of the 18th-19th centuries. In fact, scholars generally agree that the first ‘relativist’ was the ancient Greek philosopher Protagoras (approximately 490-421 BC). Protagoras was a ‘Sophist’, an itinerant teacher of grammar, literature and philosophy. People would pay Protagoras huge fees because it was said he could argue any side of a case and, if he wanted to, could even make weak arguments sound the strongest of all.”

          Cite your sources, Dipshit. Any 8th grader can do it.

        • janecita

          Ethical Relativism is basically Moral Relativism, and I hate to brake it to you, but it has been around for thousands of years.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Meaning it was okay to torture and kill people if you’re doing it in the name of Jesus, yes.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      You do know that he said this while giving a speech against the Vietnam war. He was talking about peace. Something that is completely lost on your fundametalist Christian brain.

      http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkatimetobreaksilence.htm

    • janecita
      • Religion may stop the poor from murdering the Rich. But apparently not the other way around.

    • arglebargle

      You really have no idea what you’re talking about, do you.

    • rosenbomb

      wow, you’re still here? and they say liberals don’t have jobs.

    • jesterpunk

      Strike 2, that was also Martin Luther not MLK. Want to try again?

      http://www.azquotes.com/quote/581958

      • David Chaillou

        Martin Luther and Martin Luther King are two different persons (whose work is being recognised more and more). Did you know that? Not many people know that.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Bwahahaha…

      • GrungeFactor

        Dang, he got busted more FAKE NEWS

      • doktorzoom

        Actually, it was MLK; the AZQuotes site has it wrong. It also chops up the quote a bit; it’s from a sermon titled “How Should A Christian View Communism?”

        In contrast to the ethical relativism of Communism, Christianity sets forth a system of absolute moral values and affirms that God has placed within the very structure of this universe certain moral principles that are fixed and immutable. The law of love as an imperative is the norm for all of man’s actions.

        Of course, that’s really neither here nor there as far as our recently-removed troll goes — he was right about one quote, and so what?

        • jesterpunk

          But i saw it on the internet so it must be true. Actually thanks, its always good to learn something especially when I am wrong about something.

          • doktorzoom

            Ergo, liberals are always wrong and the deleted guy won. Also, God exists.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I am a follower of Christ and I find your accusations highly offensive. Why don’t you take your misquotes and stupidity to some sort of site for mindless Christians.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      BTW this isn’t Breitbart or 4Chan. We actually fact check.

      • GrungeFactor

        Who do you use CNN?

  • baconzgood

    OT.

    The awesome and stroppy wonker Shanz has an interview for a jerb she really wants. Let’s send her good vibes, prayers, air hugs, or what ever yinz fucking wierd-os do for luck. She’s nervous and since Baconz is delivering her pork I get to hear her bitch of she doesn’t get a call back.

    And believe me, people bitching and complaining to me seriously bites into the time I require to bitch and moan at others.

    • JustDon’tSayShank

      Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o Sha-a-a-a-a-a-aa-nz!!!!1111!!11eleven

      • Oblios_Cap

        I will send my thoughts, but no prayers. They don’t ever work for me anyway. good luck!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I hereby send all the finest Kozmik Vibrations your’s and Shan’s way! May you both have jobs with only the finest artisanal ingredients.

      • baconzgood

        CANNED CLAMS LIBEL!

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Monster!

          • baconzgood

            Hahaha. Us wonkers…we really know how to stretch a premise.

          • BeachBum

            Yeah, but I hate it when it snaps back and hits me in the buttocks.

    • arglebargle

      Wait, aren’t you lazy libtards? What’s all this about “wanting” a job?

      • baconzgood

        “You’re young and got your health. What do you need with a job?”

        -Evelle Snoats-

      • MynameisBlarney

        “Jobs are for people that don’t know how to fish.”

        Seen are far too many truck bumpers here in the Keys.

        • BigCSouthside

          If I lived down there fishing would be my job

          • baconzgood

            Drinking and getting bait wet isn’t the same as fishing.

          • Oblios_Cap

            If it were that easy, they’d call it “catching”.

          • baconzgood

            Fishing with out drinking is like…bowling with out drinking…or golf…or pool…or darts…or…

          • Oblios_Cap

            Lawn darts without whiskey?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Lots of people do just that.

    • Pre-Truth Ron

      The essence of a good relationship is that each person feels free to bitch and moan to the other one at need.

      • baconzgood

        That’s why I told her “I just look at your forehead (this is perceived as eye-contact), nod and say ‘yes dear. .youre right dear….you’re smarter than s/he dear’

      • Covfefe

        Silly me. I thought that if she feels free to bitch and moan to me all day that means we’re married.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      baconzgood is a JERB CREATOR!!11!!1!1!!!

      OK … maybe just a jerb “facilitator”. You go girl!

      • baconzgood

        Can you create a job sitting on the couch drinking boxed wine and watching Oprah?

        Seriously can you? I have years of experience.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Seems so … just look at the economically anxious! They’re creatin’ jerbs all the damn day! Even when Jerry Springer is on!

          • baconzgood

            I just want to get paid an ass load of money watching The View and going to the museum.

        • Covfefe

          Here we are sitting on couches drinking boxed wine and commenting on some site that doesn’t even allow comments and baconz wants to go watch Oprah?

          • baconzgood

            And get paid every week in a shoe box full of 20 dollar bills.

    • janecita

      I’ve been sending her some serious good vibes all day long! She is going to crush that interview.

      • baconzgood

        I told her to show a lot of leg and boob. When I hired employees that was the basis of their employment. Heck I’d hire Lester anytime again.

    • Covfefe

      I eats baconz for luck.

      EDIT. Wait. That came out wrong. I only cook the baconz for luck. Dog eats it.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Done

      • baconzgood

        Good. You’re one of the nice ones.

    • MrTusks

      “delivering her pork”

      hehehehehe

      • baconzgood

        (Tee-hee)

        I know.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      May she get the job and it be all she hopes it will be.

    • Zyxomma

      Great good vibes to Shanz. May she land the job she desires.

    • HooverVilles

      I put in a word to the Ceiling Cat. Hope that helps!

  • Pre-Truth Ron

    ‘Sekulow Humanist’? Boo. BOO, I say!

    • Covfefe

      Pre-Truth. My man. Call center? Didn’t know you were from India. Means you talk even funnier than a Canadian.

  • rocktonsam

    that guy looks like one of Monty Burns attorney’s.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    We bet Sekulow’s nonprofits have an emergency fundraiser in the works already.

    Gotta pay their attorneys … they won’t be able to act like a common trümp …

    • Oblios_Cap

      He’ll hire his brother.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    OT (and replay):

    CALL THEM AND THANK THEM for their Cool Thing That Happened on the steps of the U.S. Capitol Monday
    Senator Murphy: (202) 224-4041
    Senator Gillibrand: (202) 224-4451
    Representative Lewis (Wonkette Legislative Badass of the Year): (202) 225-3801
    Senator Bob Casey: (202) 224-6324
    Senator Corey Booker: (202) 224-3224

    P.S. – Senators Gillibrand’s and Murphy’s staff actually ANSWERED THEIR PHONES.

  • Darrell Imaginarian

    Notice how hard the IRS investigates right wing charities. It’s a total witch hunt. The brother of the founder has multiple 40 hour a week jobs paying millions of dollars, and nobody even thinks to question that until the Guardian writes an expose.

    • DainBramage

      Is part of it that the Republican Party has been at war with the IRS for years? Lack of resources to conduct investigations.

      • Oblios_Cap

        yes

        • HooverVilles

          You are sooooooo correct on this.

    • TundraGrifter

      On his BOND organization income tax form, under penalty of perjury the Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson claims to work 168 hours a week for the non-profit.

      Do you think the IRS has bothered to inquire about that?

      In the case of Sucknewlow’s brother, the answer is simple – in reality they are all the same company.

      • Darrell Imaginarian

        He’s grifting even when he’s asleep.

      • GrungeFactor

        IRS is still backlogged investigating conservative websites fingered by BO.

      • P’jama Pahnts

        Maybe praying and thinking about it counts as work…?

    • Covfefe

      Maybe his brother is a Messican. They work 80, 90 or 120 hours a week.

      • GrungeFactor

        Work smarter, not harder – that’s the trick.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Or Jamacian. Three full time and two part time jobs.

  • SterWonk

    Please click the “Donate” linky, and we promise not to buy a jet. Not even a prop plane!

    But you did buy a Wonkabego! (And a Dok, and an Evan, and a Snipy, Kali, and Robin, also too, even though you had to return them.)

  • Bill D. Burger
  • baconzgood

    I briefly worked in a boiler room (call center) selling magazine subscriptions. They had pretty much the same script chained to every desk.

    • JustDon’tSayShank

      Man, that sounds like a miserable way to make a living.

      • baconzgood

        It lasted 5 days.

  • GrungeFactor

    FAKE NEWS — Jesus doesn’t need a jet.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I talk with Republican Jesus (TM) everyday. It’s not his fault that his views have…matured. He’s a couple of thousand years old now so, you know, prime Dolt supporter age.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Covfefe

    Jay Seculow is Two Scoops’ kind of lawyer. He’s willing to work for Donald for the exposure.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      I knew the Marmalade menace grabbed women, but when did he start exposing himself to people? Did I read that wrong? Does he enjoy people exposing themselves to him?

    • Bill D. Burger

      He used to be a standard on all those Fundie TEAlibangelical shows hosted by Falwell, Pat Robertson and Jan & Paul Crouch (who used to call him their “little Hebrew lawyer”, since he is a Jew who became a Fundie, and he would do anything for publicity and $$$$$$$$$$.

      • Me myself, I couldn’t believe it when I heard that the asshole I remember from Pat Robertson’s 700 Club show happened to be one of Trump’s lawyers. I threw up in my mouth a little.

  • sincarne

    “…protect Christians from sharia law and Barack Obama taking their guns and also from Barack Obama instituting sharia law. The whole arrangement looks sketchy as anything…”

    Oh yeah? Is there Sharia Law? Do people still have guns? Is there still an Obama as President? THEN I GUESS THEY WERE PRETTY SUCCESSFUL.

    • GrungeFactor

      Obama gets an A for effort.

  • Werewolf

    A Jew for Jeebus is a goniff-who woulda thunk?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Hooray for Jay Sekulow,
      The goniff Trump adorer.
      (Did someone say schnorrer?)
      Hooray, hooray, hooray!

  • cmd resistor

    I think my mom gets stuff from the ACLJ. If that’s the one I am thinking of, I like to send back their stuff in the prepaid envelopes with snarky commentary written on it.

    • Bill D. Burger

      I have no doubt most of those grifting Fundie organizations (just like the TV talibangelicals) open the letters and remove money and checks…etc, and toss everything else in the garbage unread.

      • cmd resistor

        I did have fun filling out a Hate the Gay questionnaire with all the answers they were not expecting from WIngnut Bro (whose mail also sometimes comes to my house).

    • GrungeFactor

      I do the same for “The League for Women Voters”. You’d think they’d get the message but keep sending them.

    • marxalot

      If it’s Postage Paid, next time wrap the envelope around a brick.

      • GrungeFactor

        Dog poo works good, too

    • clubseal

      When I moved into my grandpa’s brother’s house, I’d get these mailers from some organization that had made its mission to destroy the ACLU, and I considered sending one of their letters back to them to shove some righteous indignation down their throats, but figured they wouldn’t bother reading it.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I used to get scientology begging for donations mailers for my niece who innocently asked them a question once, and after she moved out I continued to get them. So I marked them deceased and returned, didn’t work they just kept pitching me.

        • clubseal

          I’d be tempted to write on it, “Please forward to her heavenly home on Saturn or whatever the fuck you people believe.”

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I’ll confess to having written more pointed criticisms as the grifting kept coming.

      • cmd resistor

        I just like to scrawl in large letters on their mailers things like I LIKE OBAMA, and NOT TRUE. Then they have to pay at least $.49 for the letter (and I think it’s a little more on postage prepaid than a stamp would cost).

        • Parakeetist

          Yes!

    • Resistance Fighter Puipui

      I did that to Human Rights Campaign after they endorsed Mark Kirk last year. After three attempts to get them to take me off their mailing list, that was finally the one that worked. It felt good.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    It’s people like these that make one hope there is a hell, so they can retire there.

  • Covfefe

    OT but can I draw your attention away from creeping sharia to focus on the creeping Mediterranean Diet? My doctor is a Mooselim. Every time I see him he threatens me with death unless I follow the dictates of the Mediterranean Diet. He doesn’t mean good Christian pasta with cheese sauce spiked with whipping cream. Mediterranean Diet is code for Mooselim Diet. The Mediterranean Diet is a here and now threat. Not something that’s going to creep up on us at some inchoate time in the future. Help.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Look out for the falafel…can’t be trusted.

    • Bitter Scribe

      There are those who think that good Christian Greek coffee and filthy infidel Turkish coffee are the same thing. Propaganda, I tell you!

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        all the upfists!

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Your doctor is correct. Throw olive oil on everything.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Your message is 88 words long.

      I spent an hour per word reading it today.

      Fortunately, The CFMJ (Center for Mehmeister Jr) is on the case, specifically MACEF (The Mehmeister Jr Actual Criminal Enterprise Foundation) paying for it all, so that makes 176 billable hours. Multiple that by, oh say, three times for good behavior and and a bonus from the CDFWGSPVJPS (The Creflo Dollar for White Guys Private Jet Plane Scheme) and I’m pissing on ice.

      Please be generous.

    • pianoplayer1

      The people who researched The Mediterranean Diet did their work in Italy. During Lent.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    Hey, the more dumbasses Trump has defending him against actual DC lawyers, right?

  • Shouldn’t NOT flying the Athiest Flag be good enough?
    http://www.flagandbanner.com/images/DFLAG35TRAT.jpg

    Think about it

  • geoffalnutt

    Please. Jesus can fly. He’s just lazy.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Sekulow may get to share a cell with Mr. Trump.

  • sadboy

    The Trump Plan For World Domination would have been perfect, but for a single flaw: it depended upon support from shady grey-area operators (much like Trump himself) that had been relying upon anonymity to continue their grifting operations without being so overt or successful as to attract scrutiny. Victory in 2016 had, in fact, been the beginning of their eventual demise, as the previously unknown bottom-feeders that supported Trump were now exposed in the harsh light that comes with fame. Once they were visible, of course, they became easy prey for the political apex predators, the ones who had long feasted on these lesser species and who had learned to wait patiently for their meals to serve themselves up to their masters.

    • from your mouth to god’s ear.

      err…wait.

  • Bitter Scribe

    When you think about it, this is really the perfect scam. Just file the occasional nuisance lawsuit against this or that school district or village, which can’t be that expensive; send out a bunch of press releases; and hustle the poor old fools who get all their news from Fox.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      No wonder these poor xtians don’t have any money, they send it to assholes like this guy.

      • Bitter Scribe

        I had some personal experience with this with my own father. Now, he was staunchly liberal, but in his way, he was every bit as goofy and conspiracy-minded as the most ranting, Fox News-watching wingnut. To give just one of many examples, he thought that Busch beer was a conspiracy to hype the Bush political family. No shit. He literally, actually believed that.

        His name found its way onto many, many mailing lists for Democratic politicians and liberal groups all over the country. And he gave to them all, regularly. It got so that when he died, my mother was surprised at how much extra income she had all of a sudden.

        This was many years before emails and cable news. And it wasn’t even necessarily a result of sucker-targeting, per se–his name just kept getting passed around. This is why I’m ever so slightly sympathetic toward the folks who send money they can’t spare to right-wing think tanks, preachers, etc. They really are vulnerable.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          We need to protect them from themselves, but how?

          • Mike Steele

            Lady MS: Earned Elder Law paralegal from Penn State/Berks. A wonderful dr/lawyer from state capitol came down to regale us with elder scam horror stories; they were spine-chilling. On the bright side, PA is among numerous states with specialized agencies to deal w/elder fraud & abuse. They even added a 30% kicker to the sentence you’d receive for crimes against an old; it’s a start.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I think it is because they came from a world where your word was your bond, (my father was like that.) The news tried not to lie to you, unlike today with the repeal of the fairness doctrine. So they still think Fox is holding to the same standards. And are ripe for exploitation.

          • HooverVilles

            And these “invisible hand of the free” marketers with get of jail with a belief-in-jeebus card have no reason not to take advantage. All they have to do is pray for forgiveness and it’s on to the next grift. Then rinse and repeat.
            I had a colleague once who had a saying: “If it is not expressly forbidden, it is allowed. He also owned AR15s and had a philosophy of “I don’t get mad, I get even”

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            So, a real Republican, (he-man) Jesus kind of guy

          • HooverVilles

            He was a he-man Rambo wanna-be. He wasn’t outwardly a Jesus kind of person, but he may have been good at hiding it. He did appear to be good at controlling his outward expressions.

          • Bitter Scribe

            The only way to do it is through concerned relatives.

            My mother developed Alzheimer’s in the last years of her life, and it left her extremely vulnerable to scams, especially Publisher’s Clearinghouse. May those fuckers all get cancer, and I don’t mean with votes. They kept stringing her along, telling her she would have a great chance at the big prize if she only bought this or that piece of useless crap, and she always went for it. It got so bad that my sister, who thank God came to live with her, had to disconnect the phone.

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            I don’t understand how that company is allowed to operate at all.

          • HooverVilles

            The “invisible hand of the free market” is the GOTP mantra.

  • AJ Milne

    I figure I’m prolly on his Rolodex among ‘damned/active opposition figures’ or somethin’, so it’s not like he’s gonna be taking _my_ advice on this exactly, but it’s guys like Mr. Grift the Desperate here give this Yahweh character a bad name…

    Seriously, I figure the gibbering, tentacled horrors of the Lovecraft pantheon are calling him up by now, trying to stage an intervention. And they’re all like: ‘Yo! Guy! Do you not _get_ this Sekulow jerk is seriously bad PR?’

    (/You want us to devour him for you or something? It’s kinda our thing.)

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      If only.. stop being lazy Cthulthu, get on it.

      • C4TWOMAN

        “Stop being a Cthulthu and be a Cth-DO-lu.”

        • Parakeetist

          Haaaaaaaaa

      • handyhippie65

        it just goes to show these good christians are unpalatable even to the devourer of worlds. no one likes an upset tummy.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Excellent point.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    For $20 I want a least a prayer cloth or a bottle of Holy Water.

  • nightmoth

    People like this—SMH. I mean, what do they NOT understand about that story where the only time Jesus got really, really mad was when he kicked over the grifter’s table and yelled about the temple being turned into a “den of thieves.” Frankly, I think this lawyer, and Pat Robertson and Jim Bakker and all the rest are big ol’ atheists, because if they believed even half of what they SAY they believe they’d be cowering in fear from their wrathful god.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I’ve been saying this for years.
      Whatever higher power you believe–or not–it’s just a round about way of saying you can’t lie to yourself.
      So these people really have like NO self respect.

      But f we take them at their word, nah, they can’t really believe in God–unless they really believe their God’s followers can get away with anything. That has a been a thing historically(“kill them all, let god sort them out”; pre forgiveness for war crimes defending the faith), but I’ve never heard a modern religious pundit, who wanted to be taken seriously, express such a sentiment.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        I actually say something different: there is no magic fairy in the sky. There’s just whoever someone chooses to invent and worship. These people have designed and choose to worship a deity that stands for hate, bigotry, misogyny, wickedness, theft, falsehood, and vengeance. Who would worship a deity like that? What does it say about them? This, to me, is what we need to keep saying.

        • C4TWOMAN

          “These people have designed and choose to worship a deity that stands for
          hate, bigotry, misogyny, wickedness, theft, falsehood, and vengeance.
          Who would worship a deity like that? What does it say about them?”

          To make it more confusing, there’s schizo element that’s quite clever psychologically: for kids in Bible camp, they don’t learn about that God so much as Jesus. And Jesus is this great guy who loves you and wants you to be close to God. They skip that fire and brimstone crap until the teens.

          Kinda like a cult “love bombing”…

        • HooverVilles

          It is odd that dyslexic doG has exactly the same thoughts and values as each of those different thinking compassionate conservatives. Fascinating isn’t?
          Makes sense when you realize that it is people who create dyslexic doG in their own image and not the other way around.

    • Mike Steele

      atheists libelz!

    • HooverVilles

      No, they are not cowering in fear because they have that coveted get out of hell free belief-in-Jeebus card.

      do a sin
      repent, ask for forgiveness based on belief
      repeat cycle over and over.

      Mark 21:21 Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.

  • chascates

    I understand the entire deity pyramid scheme is based on faith rather than actual proof but it’s unseemly to shakedown the poor for donations where the rule book states you just have to flatter Jesus to avoid hell.

    • nightmoth

      Modern Protestants have never gotten over Martin Luther getting rid of the indulgence-selling scheme. So they came up with culture wars.

    • Stulexington

      But money is the bestest flattery, just ask the people who want your money for Jesus.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Guess he’ll have to lawyer up too. Jesus, how much of the ABA will this administration employ a year from now?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      AOT,K.

    • Mavenmaven

      Job creators!!!

  • clubseal

    If “Jets For Jesus” is not a Frank Zappa cover band’s name, then there is no justice in this world.

    • Raan

      Honestly, I think it also works as just a Frank Zappa album.

    • nightmoth

      could be used in a contemporary remake of West Side Story–

    • mailman27

      A Sekulow Jet has a real funky smell
      Like the beach when it’s under a hot stinky shell
      Sekulow Jets hide beneath a toupe
      Their ridiculous stances don’t hold any sway

  • ken_kukec

    “Gary Sekulow has stated in Internal Revenue Service (IRS) filings that he works 40 hours per week – the equivalent of a full-time job – for each of the nonprofits.”

    I once represented a lawyer who did court-appointed work representing the indigent accused and was facing prison time because, when he’d appear at a one-hour docket sounding on behalf of three separate clients, he’d bill each file for an hour of his time. (At the meager rates being paid, he still made just a fraction of what the silk-stocking lawyers downtown charge for a billable hour. Plus, he was being shaken-down for kickbacks by one of the judges who’d appointed him.)

    Unfortunately for him, unlike the good family Sekulow, he never claimed to have God on his side.

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Quite a piece of shit this dude, eh? He’s got the right stuff to be Donald’s attorney.

  • ken_kukec

    From the telemarketing script: “… if you don’t sacrifice, then Obamacare might force your child’s middle school to refer little girls to abortion clinics …”

    Whereas, under TrumpDon’tCare those same girls would qualify for a back-alley tax credit.

    • mancityRed6

      if you consider a map to the location a tax credit, they will still charge $20 for the implements.

  • Me not sure

    Sekulow has had connections to that pea-brained old Grampy, Pat Robertson for quite a long time. He is literally the teevee evangelist of jurisprudence.

    • Bongstar420

      I wouldn’t be surprised if he was “buddies” with a few bankers

  • whitroth

    Is there one single member of Trumpolini’s circle who is not a crimey nasty grifter… and *bad* at covering up?

    Ohh, obvious next question: are those DA’s looking at whether Trumpo & co *bribed* people to stop the investigations?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Seriously, who else would work for him?

  • It sure sounds like Trump’s lawyer needs a lawyer. Pretty soon it’s going to be lawyers representing lawyers, all the way down…

    • Ms.Moon

      The rose garden and presidential silverware totally need to lawyer up.

      • thixotropic jerk

        “Whatever it was that Precednet Bannon and Trumpigor buried in me on the night of April 16th, 2017 I cannot be held responsible for!”

  • Mavenmaven

    The stuff these guys get away with… yet they imprison black kids for selling water in DC.

    • handyhippie65

      if it’s fer jeebus, it’s all good.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Oh, now, don’t be silly! They are WHITE REPUBLICAN MEN! Of course black kids get imprisoned, they are black kids! Don’t you know ANYTHING!

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I would be so creeped out if I received a call like the one above.

    A few months ago, I received a letter from a Jehovah’s witness. I don’t know how he got my personal address. He started his letter by saying “I’m writing you because I couldn’t get you on the phone.” And I almost freaked out. I never answer calls if I don’t recognize the number anyway.

  • BetsyBleedingheart

    It’s really a shame that nonprofits can’t be compelled to pay their below-C-level staff fair market value.

    Not that I’m bitter or anything.

  • Stulexington

    So here’s a thought, maybe some law enforcement types can have a gander at all the public filings of non-profits to maybe see just how wide spread the blatant fuckery like this is? You know for shits and giggles and maybe to do that whole enforcement of the laws thing which I believe is somewhere in their job description.

    • Bongstar420

      The republicon agenda is to elect and install as many impotent and incompetent officials as possible so as to justify the elimination of government. The phrase is, “to the point where I (probably some rich guy) drown the government in a bathtub”

      https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Grover_Norquist

  • Paperless Tiger

    These creepy crawlers shoulda stayed under their rocks.

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    God has the last laugh, of course, because his NAME derives from “secular.”

  • Zyxomma

    I’ve never been a fan of Jews for Jesus (they suckered in younger sister for a while), but this one’s even more disgusting.

  • Mike Steele

    Lady MS: Have been a card-carrying member of Americans United for the Separation of Church and State forever, so was sad to learn that their fearless leader, Barry Lynn, is retiring – just as his long-time nemesis, Sekulow, is in his ascendancy and Gorsuch is on the court. Tough days ahead, indeed! Hope NY/NC hit paydirt on these grifters.

  • Starskee Suavé

    When they go low, we go SEKULOW!!!

  • TundraGrifter

    Will Sucknewlow be on InSannity’s show tonight for some Regressive Rehab?

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Look, you are being really unfair to this devout Christian gentleman. Do you expect him to travel about on foot, with a limited wardrobe, depending on the kindness of others for a meal like some itinerant Jewish preacher from two thousand years ago or something? That would be entirely out of step with the principles of Republican Jesus!

  • mailman27

    Long story, bear with me; I got caught up in an IRS audit for a part time job delivering papers @ 4 AM before my regular 45-56 hr/week. My accountant was VERY creative, and I didn’t pay attention/comb thru the returns. My fault!! So, the IRS realized that my paper route was 233 miles a day according to my return , which is preposterous and I paid more than I actually made in interest and penalties. So how can somebody work for more than 1 “non-profit” 40 hours a week? Or three or four or five? I guess the bigger the scam, the more successful it is. tl;dr

    • Lefty Wright

      Some attorneys in my state got popped a few years back for submitting bill claiming individual attorneys worked up to 160 hours a week each on a case.

  • Me not sure
    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      Can he drop fire retardant on forest fires while he’s buzzing by?

      • BouncyFlyer

        Likely, they’ll drop more flares. The forest is in the way of the new Megachurch, Wal-Mart and Gun Range, burn, baby, burn!

      • Me not sure

        For a price.

    • phoenix00

      Airbus A320. Not ‘murikan enough.

  • UpstateNYObserver

    He convinced otherwise greedy bigoted people to give him money and that by doing so they would get more money because God would bless them for their generosity. It’s also called the “Pigeon Drop” scam. Somebody is convince they can get something for nothing…he didn’t victimize the helpless, he fleeced a bunch of morons who, as far as I can tell, deserved it.

  • Parakeetist

    Awww, I already missed the troll today. Dang!

  • Odd Jørgensen

    A pox on all these grifters!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Is it just me, or does “Sekulow” sound kind of Jewish? How funny would that be if he was grifting for Jesus, and he’s a big ole Hebrew who don’t even believe in Jeebus?

  • HooverVilles
  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    Whom would Jesus scam?

  • Subrok

    “ACLJ?” That’s just so damn blatant. The script is bad enough but *bleh*

  • Jo Mathie

    Ugh that script.. Ugh – come on people who can barely afford to eat, who needs money when this dickhead must have a jet? Isn’t the whole point of Christianity supposed to be humility and helping those less fortunate? Not grifting them? (oh right I forgot all those mega churches run by sixty something permed blondes with blue eyeshadow).

  • Edith Prickly

    Gee, I could be as rich as a common Christianist douchebag if only I wasn’t cursed with a conscience and scruples…

  • Speaking of putting on a spread, I just learned amuse-bouches are just fancy words for “free vittles”…
    http://c8.alamy.com/comp/ADDD6K/maws-vittles-sign-on-small-town-restaurant-ADDD6K.jpg

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I wish there was a way to get this information to all of the poor schlubs who send this criminal their hard-earned cash. If they continue to give, well, fuck ’em – they’re dumbfuck Trumpanzees anyhow, and deserve no sympathy.

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