Oh my, “journalist” James O’Keefe is at it again, releasing edited videos of people saying VERY IMPORTANT SECRET THINGS. Springing off his recent successes, like the time he “caught” Hillary Clinton staffers not selling campaign t-shirts to Illegal Canadian Messicans, or the time he successfully convinced (no scare quotes necessary this time) some folks in North Carolina that he’s a bathroom sex pervert, O’Keefe announced he was sending his most talented “undercover reporters” into Fake News Organizations like “ABC and NBC” and noted newspapers “Google, Twitter and Facebook,” in order to EXPOSE them for the FRAUDS they DEFINITELY ARE.
Up to now, he hadn’t found any ACORNS (Haha get it? Like a squirrel that finds a nut that has the same name as the legal, above-board organization O’Keefe destroyed with his dishonest “work”!) beyond some CNN reporters having a discussion about science being real, but that was then and this is now! O’Keefe pulled his Dildo Lube Boat up to the CNN studios once again, and managed to seduce
the CNN cleaning lady a UPS delivery boy this one intern named Fran who’s just like so stoked for this opportunity a CNN MEDICAL PRODUCER into saying he thinks the Trump-Russia story is kind of “bullshit.” Or maybe he didn’t really say that at all. Considering O’Keefe’s history of editing secret videotape to make it look like people said things they didn’t say, one can never know.
But regardless, here is a video, the first in O’Keefe’s “American Pravda” series, for you to LOL at. It is CNN producer John Bonifield, who works in the MEDICAL UNIT, saying he’s not a big fan of all these Russia stories:
PROJECT VERITAS “JOURNALIST”: But honestly, you think the whole Russia shit is just, like, bullshit?
BONIFIELD: Could be bullshit. I mean, it’s mostly bullshit right now. Like, we don’t have any giant proof.
And then Bonifield went back to doing feel-good stories about people who in wheelchairs learning how to stand up. Awwwww! That’s nice! Russia expert right here, y’all!
Now look, we’re not saying Bonifield is dumb or bad in any way. As we stated, it’s entirely possible O’Keefe has severely and dishonestly edited his words. It’s also not a crime against America for a CNN medical reporter to be skeptical about a story coming out of a different department in his network.
Let’s look at more quotes, where Bonifield definitively proves that the Russia story is TOTALLY FAKE NEWS, like Donald Trump says:
I just feel like they don’t really have it but they want to keep digging.
He FEELS like.
And so I think the president is probably right to say, like, look, you are witch hunting me. Like, you have no smoking gun, you have no real proof.
Neither does this James O’Keefe video. Of course, Woodward and Bernstein didn’t have the SMOKING GUN or whatever when they started pursuing the Watergate story either. But you know, it’s OK if John Bonifield doesn’t know that. Maybe he should stick to playing with the stethoscopes he gets as party favors for doing his very important stories about how Olds don’t need to get their butt canals checked as often as they think they do.
Unless O’Keefe has edited his words down so far they’re unrecognizable at this point, which is, again, entirely possible.
Or maybe Bonifield is kind of A Idiot:
Even if Russia was trying to swing an election, we try to swing their elections, our CIA is doing shit all the time, we’re out there trying to manipulate governments.
Ah, the “both sides do it, so it’s totally cool” argument.
We also learn other OMG WHOA information in the video, like for instance how CNN head Jeff Zucker told the team to get back to work investigating the Trump-Russia story after they had covered Trump pulling out of the Paris climate accord for a day and a half. THE FUCK? Where does he get off, trying to give his news room direction like that? What is he, the CEO? (He is the CEO.)
Also, Bonifield is just pretty sure that if there was any THERE there with the Russia investigation, it would have already leaked, because come on, aren’t there just so many leaky leaks? It’s not like we’re dealing with highly compartmentalized, code word level classified intelligence or anything, oh wait we are.
Of course, O’Keefe released this just in time for CNN to be recovering from an actual fuck-up in the Russia investigation, which the network has fully owned up to. But, as Wonk pal Charlie Pierce writes, that doesn’t mean O’Keefe’s latest edition of Jack Off Journalism is worth shit.
Now if he manages to get the barista who sells Rachel Maddow coffee in the morning on secret videotape, THAT would be a story. Fire up the dildo lube boat, O’Keefe’s going to 30 Rock!