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Feed the baby

Good morning, wonkers of love! It is that time of month again, no not that one, it is the time of month when I say AIYEEEEEEE Wonkette is totally ad-free now and has been for some time, and we ain’t got no VC funding, and we ain’t got no Soros Bux, and we DO have extra writers to pay so we can take weekends off and NOT DIE OF TRUMP POISONING but that means we are spending MORE money than we were and you are sending LESS money than you were, and if you can possibly afford it, will you please put Wonkette in your will, but like your will NOW, every month while you are LIVING, like a Henry Winkler (aren’t you sad Henry Winkler is doing those commercials? me too!) reverse mortgage of wills, instead of after you die, which will surely be many, many, many long years from now unless we all fall over dead of TRUMPBOLA, by which I mean high blood pressure and ulcers?

As of now, we are running about $7,000 (!!!) behind for the month, and while we still have a bit of a buffer left over from the first month we announced we were going ad-free and you sent a PENT-UP amount of LOOT, that would be gone by next month and is unsustainable, and have we mentioned that we love you?

As we have mentioned at ya, out of our close to one million readers per month, a BIG CHUNK of those get here by accident and say “hmmm I suspect mayhap this hive of scum and villainy is not the politicks website for me!” But there are about 9,000 of you who are what is called in industry parlance the “core audience,” which means you visit on average one hundred thousand times per month (you know who you are!) and yet only about 3,000 of you are sending us all the whore diamonds. Will you please click here and send us money, but like do it as a recurring payment instead of a one-off? (One-offs are good too, but then every month we have to ask you for money again, and you are embarrassed and we are embarrassed, and we have to keep thinking of new ways to say MONEY PLEASE!)

Here are the things we do with your money: We pay Evan and Dok and me the same decent amount of living wage (for Idaho, Tennessee and Montana, anyway); we pay Shy a quarter of that because he only fixes the website part-time and the rest of the time is my AWESOME HOUSE HUSBAND OF LUXURY; we pay Robyn and the freelancers a really decent little freelance wage for Freelancers On The Internet Who Are Not Daily Beast; we buy hosting and Business Things That Cost Money; we gas up the Wonkebago and take it to your small town and cook you meats and tofus, when you bring the tofus; we pay off whatever is left of the $37 and a sandwich we owe Ken Layne for selling us this joint; we pay lawyers sometimes. (NOT OFTEN, because we are PRETTY GOOD AT THIS.)

And here is what YOU get from what we do with your money: The smartest, funniest, shriekiest liberal politics site on the Internet, where you can come to get every day’s REAL NEWS told by smart people, with facts and analysis and all that jizz, but with #jokes so you don’t throw up all day every day from that thing that is going around, and that thing is President Donald Trump, urgh glog barfalot.

Also you get baby pictures and ponies and Friendship, which is Magic.

So please, if you can, will you sign up for a recurring donation today and then not cancel it three months later? That would be greeeeat.

Now you may have more baby.

Feed the baby the soups!

Did you see what we did there? We went back in time and showed you all the times you have FED THE BABY. Sometimes it was cakes we like, and sometimes it was roadside blackberries, and sometimes it was daddy’s cocktail, and sometimes it was SOUP!

Feed the baby.

We love you.

$
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  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Come on, you wankers … feed the babby. Give up one latte a month or sump’n.

  • Oblios_Cap

    For a shy pixel, he sure is in a lot of pictures.

    • Three Finger Salute

      But the megapixels are megashy.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • jodyleek

      I’ll look the other way while someone, anyone, drowns that baby in the bathtub (of votes).

      • aureolaborealis

        I read somewheres that in Sparta, ‘defective’ babies where ‘allowed’ to die. Looks like a defective baby if I ever saw one. With votes.

        • Three Finger Salute

          They did. They used to put them in baskets and leave them by the roadside to suffocate. Fun fact: The GOP version of this maternity plan requires that you get a job to buy your own basket.

  • memzilla Ω

    The munniez I’ve given to Teh Wonket I’m deducting as mental health counseling medical expenses to maintain my sanity. #WINNING

  • jodyleek

    I am a “sustaining member” on this here Wonkettes because I cancelled my sustaining membership with pubic radio in November because A N G E R E Y! But I also too gave you some extra Soros bucks because I would be all the sads if Wonkette goes in the turlet. Come on all you regulars here, do your part! Kisses!

  • theblackdog

    I’m one of the 3,000! Wait, does that start trending towards being the 1%? Eeek!

    I’m more than happy to give a whore diamond or two to this site as it helps keep my sanity. After I get through my bro’s wedding I’ll try to throw a few extra whore diamonds your way.

    • theblackdog

      Also verified on Paypal that yes my whore diamond payment went through this month :-D

    • Ill-Advised

      Well, if you’re doin’ it with whore diamonds, it’s probably OK. See if Melania will spot you some from dinner.

      Blood diamonds will get you side eye, for sure.

      • theblackdog

        I’m either a Millenial or A Millenix depending on which term is being used this week so I’m busy killing the diamond industry due to refusing blood diamonds.

        • Ill-Advised

          Keep up the good work. Diamonds are so damn common, it’s a wonder there’s an industry at all.

  • Arki J. Kirwin-Muller

    UGH! FINE! HERE HAVE SOME OF MY WHORE DIAMONDS, YOU. (Also I reupped my subscription, which lapsed, my bad!)

  • MongoJustPawn

    My whore diamonds have been paid! I can’t imagine this time in my country without Wonkette to keep me sane.

  • Mary Theresa

    Donna Rose has magical powers. She knows how to get me to open my wallet.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Are those granite counter tops?

    • Joe Beese

      Don’t forget the billowing clouds of hydroponic reefer that escaped the Wonkebago when pulled over by The Law.

    • rebecca

      lol I was just thinking about that, MICHELLE MALKIN.

      they came with the house ;)

      • Joe Beese

        Then what about this SEXYSWANK naugahyde table?

        (Ravenous maw of Wonkbaby symbolizing the site’s unassuageable craving for monies.)

        • Joe Beese
        • rebecca

          that is at Sir Scott’s Oasis in Manhattan, MT, which is a steakhouse we stop and blow your money at every chance we get.

          • Pre-Truth Ron

            Steak?
            STEAK?
            Next thing you’ll be telling us you also eat LOBSTER TAILS.

          • Mary Theresa

            If I go out to eat, which is a big treat in this household, it’s going to be filet mignon and lobster tail.

          • puredog

            An’ an’ an’ strawberries also too.

          • Ill-Advised

            Blow money!

          • peregrin

            I miss going to the Oasis. That’s what I get for moving back home instead of staying in Bozeman.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
    • boredcatlady

      I just ordered my new countertops, went with the recycled sea glass 😊 https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e3ee3f2fa505ac9ddba0472ba3ad3b95b3dad8c3dfe348a82760f7063118cfd3.jpg

      • rebecca

        see I would LOVE those. I hate my granite. But unlike the people on House Hunters I don’t immediately announce I HAVE to gut everything. It’s fine, it’ll do.

        • blarg

          Granted, radiation from radon is a bigger problem from soil, but there is the not-non-existent risk of radioactive materials being in granite, as with all stone: https://www.epa.gov/radiation/granite-countertops-and-radiation. Formica not sounding so bad anymore!

        • boredcatlady

          Exactly… everything in a house is eventually gonna need replacing and repairing, don’t blow good monies when you got a few years left. But oh damn I’m excited for these counters! 😍

  • Joe Beese

    Something I’ve wondered: Does it increase the site’s Disqus bill when we use pictures? Or do they provide their cutting-edge services at a flat rate? (Sarcasm, let me show you it.)

    Because in lieu of not being able to donate more monies, I’m be happy to snark text-only, in the tradition of our Internet ancestors.

    • rebecca

      nope. we pay a flat rate to get Disqus Without Ads, which I forgot is ANOTHER thing you guys get with this website!

      • blarg

        Hi Editrix. Can you investigate what’s going on with Amazon Pay for recurring donations? It doesn’t seem to be working properly. It keeps saying I haven’t chosen an Amazon payment method, when I did, and it’s clearly marked with a check box. Sadtimes.

        • rebecca

          Shy asks if you’re on a wonkette page or an amazon page?

          • blarg

            I’m on wonkette page. It opened dialog box to log in to Amazon. Did so. Then gave me options for payment. Checked box, desired type moved up to the highlighted box. Seems like all is well. But not.

      • h4rr4r

        Is Disqus really worth it?

        Cause it sucks.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Plus, no p-ness.

        • puredog

          Wonkdom attempted to move to another hosting site about, what was it, ten months ago? It was an unmitigated disaster, abandoned within 48 hours, maybe even less.

        • Jukesgrrl

          It may have problems but, believe me, it’s a million times better than Livefyre, used by Slate and many others.

      • boredcatlady

        You’re so good to us

  • blarg

    Dear Editrix, I’m trying to set up the recurring donation using Amazon pay. No matter what I do, it still says I haven’t chosen an Amazon payment type. And I did. I did! Just letting you know in case this is a systemic issue and not just me.

    • rebecca

      we just had someone else write in about that, and I am not at all sure of the solution. I will try to get an Amazon Dude on the chat; do they have that option on the buyer’s side too?

      • blarg

        Doesn’t seem like it. Not that I can find. Because you’re still in the Wonkette pay area, just with the little boxes for Payment Address and Payment Type. It’s says I’m logged in with Amazon Account at top.

        • rebecca

          looks like Shy will be earning his tiny salary today! Shy, FIX IT!!!

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            I need one of those– that is, a Shy where I can say, hey, Shy Fix This!

          • rebecca

            they are not only sexy, but handy too!

          • arglebargle

            hand jobs?

          • There is a Canadian philosophy of “if the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy”. I am even more pleased to confirm that Shy is both

          • ViveLaResistance!

            …and keep yer stick on the ice.

          • Susan Szews

            I, too, am married to a Shy-type-person. I call mine The Robot, and we work together as Tech Peoples at a Fortune 100 company doing Tech Things. He is also my tech peoples at home! Which is nice when I don’t feel like figuring things out. Robot! Fix it! Our smart TV is acting up!

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            どうもありがとうミスターロボット

            また会う日まで

          • rebecca

            Mine is whenever I need to scan a document. Our scanner is WAY above my paygrade.

          • blarg

            OK. I’ll come back later and try again. Oh who am I kidding? I’ll check a couple of emails and be back here constantly.

        • rebecca

          Shy is currently Vestigating. A one-time donation works fine, but the recurring donation is as you say. (Just to let you know you’re not crazy.) We will fix it either soon or never!

          • blarg

            Oh, I’m sure I’m a little crazy. Just not about this.

          • blarg

            Hey there. Just letting you know the issue is still occurring with Amazon and recurring. Will try again tomorrow. PLEASE TAKE MY MONIES.

        • puredog

          PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: You can wander around the Amazon website for HOURS and not find a phone number. Somehow I got their customer service number a few years back and, trust me, it is super-useful for those thorny little Amazon issues that dog our lives. 866.216.1072.

  • h4rr4r

    Holy crap, I did not do the donations this month. I was all waiting until the 1st of July but now I look at the paypals and see that no donation was made for June.

    The situation has been resolved.

  • Pre-Truth Ron

    I spare the Ameros I can (at a criminal exchange rate – come on, when’s the US economy gonna collapse already?) and do so gladly. Not only is this place a little island of (relative) sanity in an insane virtual world, I have met some amazing and wonderful people through it. ♬ If I were a rich man… ♬ well, who knows what the future will bring?

    • h4rr4r

      That reminds me, I need to visit Canada again. That gets any cheaper I am going buy a canadian or something.

      • Canadian_Bacon

        Just putting it out there: I CAN be bought.

        But I’m not inexpensive. Cheap, yes, but not inexpensive.

      • boredcatlady

        Are you going to hold up a boombox outside of Uncle Justin’s house? Because I’ll chip in for gas

        • h4rr4r

          No, because they stupidly did not make the real capital Toronto the legal capital. We did the same dumb thing.

      • Like we’re leaving

      • Edith Prickly

        I am not for sale, but you can rent me by the hour. ;)

  • Nockular cavity

    you visit on average one hundred thousand times per month (you know who you are!)

    I am NOT obsessed! You’re obsessed!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      No, YOU are!

      • boredcatlady

        I only read the articles

    • MynameisBlarney

      *whistles nonchalantly and looks innocent*

      I’ve no idea who that could be.

      • Well, it’s not me. Not at all

        • MynameisBlarney

          It’s gotta be TLM.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Yeah…I can’t stop thinking about you, either.

        https://youtu.be/R7f189Z0v0Y

        • aureolaborealis

          When you realize, despite still being totally young (!), that you are probably about the same age as Willie Nelson was when you used to think he was older than dust.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Hey Trix! There’s nothing on any of my cc bills that say “Wonkette Whore Diamonds” so I can’t tell if I’m still sending you money or not. What is the sekrit code on the bill?

    • rebecca

      I thought you were on Paypal? I also think you might have lapsed a month or two ago. (YES I NOTICE, NO I DONT DUN YOU.) I can check for you hon!

  • Angry Red Bird DGAF

    Nice blog. I’m already a monthly supporter. Would support more if you offered a podcast, videos or books. Think about it.

  • Susan Szews

    FINE. I am one of your so-called ‘core subscribers’ so I finally went and did the monthly whore diamonds subscription payment plan so y’all could eat and whatnot. HAPPY NOW? Good. Because I am happy.

    • boredcatlady

      ONE OF US
      ONE OF US
      ONE OF US

      • SeeTrain65

        “Consider yourself … at home!”
        “Consider yourself … one of the family!”

    • rebecca

      YES I AM.

      • Susan Szews

        Hey, so while I’ve got the king here in my comments, confirming that I did the autopay correctly? It’s a little confusing to be honest. :/

        So first I paid through PayPal and thought it was all good. Then I went back because PayPal didn’t send me a FB message (weird, right?) saying that my payment had gone through. I go back and check on your site and see that I have to activate my account? Uh…okay?

        I do that, and then I guess I first had to become a member for $4.95/month? Which I did, and finally PayPal FB-messaged me saying that the $4.95 payment had gone through. So THEN I renewed my subscription (??) at the higher amount that I had chosen for a recurring monthly payment (??)

        Which, I guess, it looks like, may take effect next month? The higher amount, not the $4.95. Like I said before, it was a touch confusing. But I’m not sure you could have written the directions any more clearly. As a professional technical writer for the past 20 years, I’m a pretty good judge of that. :) It’s a weird way to do stuff but I understand why. I wanted to make sure I did it correctly. I think I did, but just in case…question mark?

        • rebecca

          it sounds like you may have done a regular recurring payment AND a $4.95 “subscription,” which is no longer necessary because we have no ads to hide from you. I can cancel the second, shoot me an email so I know which name/email to cancel etc.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I am still on the autopay, I just checked. It ain’t much, though. I should be able to boost the amount this Fall, Crom willing.

  • boredcatlady

    The AIYEEEEEE was soooper subtle, Editrix! 😃
    Cough it up celebrity wonkers!

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    We’ll send money after our personal healthcare crisis is handled. Wanted to set up autopay this month, but didn’t happen. :(

    • rebecca

      aw honey! you gonna be okay?

    • Maggielle

      Okay, I am kicking in an extra payment this month in your name. Hugs. (Unless hugging hurts. Then air hug.)

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Awww! We’ll give that much more when we can.

  • boredcatlady

    I figured that I would gladly pay $1 a day to read a paper copy of Wonkette off the newsstand, so I really outta cough up the dough to read it online.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Due to laziness and inaction, I’m doing 2 monthly contributions. I’m still paying the old ad-free fee plus another monthly contribution started when the site itself went entirely ad-free. Yay, laziness! On rare occasions, it leads to good things. And it shall continue to do so, as I shall always be lazy.

    • The lazy way is the best way. If Justin would get on fixing our shitty exchange rate, i could afford to up my contribution or make a whole separate subscription

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        At least he’s pretty.

      • Vienna Woods

        Since I get paid for my writing in ameros, I’m perfectly happy with the exchange rate right now.

    • armed_bears

      I am too, also, but for a different reason: I can’t figure out how to cancel the initial (lower) monthly payment….!

      • armed_bears

        Although, to be clear, the failing here is mine, not Paypal’s.

      • aureolaborealis

        I could tell you, but I’m not going to.

    • Iron Monkey

      [This page left unintentionally blank]

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • aureolaborealis

      I can’t believe Joel Grey ended up being gay.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Wait, what?

    • Ill-Advised

      I’ve got ninety thousand pounds in my pajamas.

      Sadly, they are pounds.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Bobathonic

    I feel better by answering the monthly cash yell than I would setting up a recurring give. So, thanks.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Ill-Advised

      Dang! Replied to the wrong comment about my £90k…

  • Edith Prickly

    I can’t tell if Donna Rose is very concerned about Shy’s drinking problem, or wants a fancy long stemmed glass for her happy juice too.

    • blarg

      Reminds me of last week, when we took my 3 year old out to fancy brunch. I had a lovely mimosa. Baby Blarg reaches for “juice!” Thankfully it was my first one, so I still had the wherewithal to snatch it out of his hands before he drank my grownup happyjuice.

  • Rick Hill

    9k regulars? Hmmmm, not that many commenters. That means a lot of voyeurs. Maybe if I work it a little some of those folks will make it rain….
    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc633bVvi91qiwf8po2_400.gif

  • Lyly Sirivong

    € is high these days… which is good for me, I guess ?

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      that is a devil symbol and NOT AMerikan so funny money. MAGA. Make granola good again.

      • Lyly Sirivong

        What about that ?
        £££££££££
        ¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥

        Alright, I’ll stop torturing you.
        $$$$$$$$$$$€$$$$$

        • Jeffocaster in the East

          I have a yen to pound on something euro made. Go Dollars!!!!

  • canes_pugnaces

    Stone has been bled, thank you for making me laugh.

  • lowenufc

    Okay, I don’t have much, so donation made.
    The Queen of Dragons, while still very small, must be made happy.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    I visit 100,000 times a month? That seems like a lot. Also I pay twice a month but that is only because I don’t work paypal good.

    • Maggielle

      Yeah, I don’t work it so good either. I just tried to increased my monthly payment and couldn’t figure out how to do it. I guess you couldn’t either, so that’s why you pay twice a month?

      • ahughes798

        Same here. I pay twice a month. Couldn’t figure out how to combine into one payment.

    • Heh. I am also in the Two-Recurring-Donations club.

  • Nounverb911

    So how does Donna Rose like being an aunt?
    (The PayPal is in the mail)

    • rebecca

      she likes to look at the pictures of Jimmy, Tawnie and baby very much. Did you notice her CU TE shirt???

  • puredog

    I done sent the babby some food. No need to thank me; just keep posting those dick recipes, or food jokes, or whatever it is you do there.

    • rebecca

      well I’m GOING TO ANYWAY. later this afternoon probs. BE READY!

      • Yr. Gma

        Uh oh.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    OK, so here is the deal.I just donated my favorite amount $42. All you slackers who have not donated. SHAME ON YOU. (not really, if you can’t I understand.)

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Already do the monthly thingy. Worth it.

  • I like Wonkette Overlord Babby’s minimalist tea party.

    • Finnabar87

      I like her baby Birkenstocks.

      Shoes for tiny girls are the best.

  • Edith Prickly

    I made a one-time gift so Shy and Donna Rose can go for drinks again and upped my subscription level. I can’t figure out how to cancel the old one but it expires in August anyway, so enjoy the double-shot for July. :)

  • Finnabar87

    Here’s your damn money.

    JK, I am happy to support y’all.

    Plus, Donna Rose will need new Birkenstocks before you know it.

    As the parent of a baby girl (age 19) who has yuuge feet (W12) I know a thing or two about how shoes work.

  • ArmedResistant

    Threw a wee bit of money at you, Editrix. Will do the monthly thing ASAP. Thank you.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    You know Rebecca, when I see VC I think Viet Cong not Venture Capital. I think commie which you purport to be…..so the Red Army pulled its funding, too?

    • Longstreet63

      They’ve had a lot of budget cuts since 1989.

    • Eileen Besse

      I am be oldz, so VC = Viet Cong for me, too. I thought my oldz years would be better. “HAH,” said ‘Murica. “Hah!”

      • Maggielle

        I think you are my sister. (My pretend real sister. My actual real sister doesn’t like me very much. Not that you are required to like me; I just think with the whole VC bonding point, it’s more likely. Maybe she doesn’t like me because I sister-‘splain too much?)

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • MynameisBlarney
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      That place needs a herd of yaks.

      • SisterArtemis

        would definitely improve the decor.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Three Finger Salute

      Canalot is like Wonderland through the looking glass. I mean literally, this place is Disneyland. Eric and Ariel live in The Gayest Place on Earth, where Aladdin and Jasmine are welcomed to “be their guest” and Belle Watson even visited the Magic Kingdom. I bet the candelabras and tea sets really do speak French too.

      In February, Seth Meyers described Trudeau and Trump as “Trudy and the beast.” In the winter, Canada even looks like Arundel. Basically every Disney anthem you can think of is a perfect soundtrack. The “Pride” parade gets the Elton John treatment of course.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25QyCxVkXwQ

      South of the border, meanwhile, is a hellish landscape ruled by the villainous Darth Scar and his roving band of hyenas. Which is why I take objection to the phrase in this article “Trudeau’s American counterpart, Donald Trump.” Stumpage isn’t his counterpart in anything but job title. That’s like saying Putin is Trudeau’s Russian counterpart or Duterte is Trudeau’s Filipino counterpart. They’re just “heads of government,” that’s it. A loosely connected grab bag of answers in a generic Jeopardy category. None of them have any compassion, class, or leadership qualities whatsoever.

      He has nothing whatsoever in common with Trudeau besides maternal Scottish heritage, the same first three letters of their respective surnames, and an inordinate amount of media attention on both men’s hair. Trudeau is not a dictator. Trump and each of his “counterparts” is a dick.

    • Pre-Truth Ron

      To quote Lily von Shtupp: ‘What a nice guy.’

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Done.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    FEEL THE LOVE PEOPLE!!!!!! LET THE MOOLA FLOW!!!!!!!!

  • Charles Wolf
    • Three Finger Salute

      “Kind of”. Oh, you’re too kind.

      • puredog

        Another story had a juror filing into the courtroom, and not even knowing who he was, looked at Shkreli and promptly said to herself: “Snake.”

    • Eileen Besse

      I wish I could upvote this, like, a thousand times….

      • Maggielle

        I’d actually want to be a juror on his trial, but I think my non-stop projectile vomiting would be an issue.

  • gullywompr

    M-O-O-N, that spells “cute!” Laws yes!

  • capnkrunch

    Dear Wonket,

    More increments for monthly donations please. Also make it easier to change recurring donation amount. I had to cancel and make a new one. Pretty sure the extra five dollars will get you there. Rounds up to $7000 I think.

    Love,
    capn

    Also the obligatory GIF:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9e97e1e29517506680095142caf797012a4a414f32a9e4f41a754cf2c50c45ed.gif

    • Slithytoves

      I second this comment. If you make it easier for me to up my donation, I’ll do it; I just don’t have time or the patience to follow everyone’s multifaceted instructions on how to delete my account, yada, yada.

    • timpundit

      I’m kinda poor now so I had to take out a cheaper subscription but I’ll increase it when times get better later this year, for me.

    • SisterArtemis

      I am fluctuating in what I can donate right now (life of a commissioned worker), and so instead of being on a recurring amazon or paypal plan, I’m just making individual contributions. It’s pretty easy through paypal, and I make google calendar do the reminding for me. It’s the eighth of the month, it nudges me; have you sent your monies yet? If I send it before the 8th, I feel like I’ve done my chores early! I get ice cream for that, right?

      • Ill-Advised

        And chocolate, caramel, or butterscotch sauce, with toffee chips.

        Or ALL OF ‘EM, Katie.

  • BeachBum

    OT Those Chinese Factory Jobs going to the Rustbelt may take just a wee bit longer to get there. Turns out China has a very bad rating on a very bad list of human trafficking. Whooodathunkit ? Again, as usual, I am shocked.

    http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trafficking-idUSKBN19I21S?il=0

  • MynameisBlarney

    Purloined shamelessly from Crooks & Liars.

    Thought y’all might like this one.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6ecd8a5afe454f79690bcc82a7311435a637339fab1d4129e3007f79eff32425.png?w=600&h=442

    • Trip Space-Parasite

      Except they never said that! They only said, “We’ll eat THEIR faces”!

    • Ill-Advised

      I want that on a hat. Or as a decal I can put on a t-shirt.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I like how this post keeps popping up higher in the feed. NO one expects the Wonkish inquisition!!

  • Yr. Gma

    Who cancels after three months?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Almost every guy I’ve ever dated.

      • timpundit

        You get to three? You must like compromise more than I.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          I can usually only afford them for three months.

          • BeachBum

            So it’s just like women for strait men. I can totally relate. Well, maybe not “totally.”

  • Gayer Than Thou

    100,000 visits per month you say? Pfft! Amateurs.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/PvvSfSDFoAL5e/giphy.gif

  • timpundit

    Wonkette Toodler looking wistfully at the margarita is me on antibiotics at an after work party.

    • Slithytoves

      Oh honey it’s a myth you can’t drink when you’re on antibiotics. That’s the medical establishment trying to control our behavior. I asked my doctor and she said, yeah, just don’t get wasted.

      • timpundit

        I heard they were less effective not that anything bad would happen to me, just it would be wasted medicine.

      • Vienna Woods

        I beg to disagree. I once got viley ill by doing that. 20 years ago. Never again.

        • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

          Metronidazole? That is supposed to produce an antebuse-like reaction, i.e., puke city.

      • Eileen Besse

        THANK YOU FOR THAT!!!!!

  • aureolaborealis

    I have sent you $10, on top of my recurring monthly payment. Go buy everyone some nice slacks.*

    *Channeling my dead grandmother.

    • Longstreet63

      You are free from shame now and are awesome.

    • SisterArtemis

      are “slacks” different than “pants?” Because we have rules around this place!

      • aureolaborealis

        ‘Slacks’ is the word for ‘pants’ in oldster cant.

        • SisterArtemis

          Oh, I know that already.
          but as I mentioned, we have rules around here, so apparently “no pants” equals “no slacks” – sorry grams…

          • aureolaborealis

            Oh. Missed that. Whoosh!

      • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

        Slacks, to me, connotes polyester from the 70s & early 80s.

        • Maggielle

          What about trousers and dungarees?

          • Pre-Truth Ron

            Or pantaloons?

    • aureolaborealis

      The kind of timely value-added feels you get for your muneez:

      thank you [aureolaborealis] dear from wonkette :)

      y’all are EVER FAITHFUL, and we could not ask for a smarter, funnier, handsomer crew from whom to moneybeg every month.

      we love you.

      only three and a half years of Mr. Shitbags to go.

      love,
      becca

      • rebecca

        well now everyone is going to know I copy-pasted all the thank you notes! (presumably they knew anyway. There are A LOT of you!)

  • Rags

    Hmm – tried to do a recurring donation with amazon pay from the link above. It fills in the amount and allows me to log into my amazon account but I simply cannot find a place to actually complete the transaction on the checkout page; the only active button option is to open an amazon account. Went to amazon itself to see if the donation was in my cart or whatever but it wasn’t there either. Am I missing something??

    • rebecca

      yup. the one-time donation works, but the recurring donation is having conniptions. Shy is fixing!

      • Rags

        A message from on high!!! Thanks!!!!!! I grovel in your presence!!!!!!!!!

  • Nyumbu

    As a frustrated never-gonna-be-a-granny, I’m just here for the babby pictures. I was not aware that you do newsy things too. I guess I’ll have to pay closer attention.

    • NellCote71

      Me, too!

  • aureolaborealis

    Ask me how I can tell that’s Shypixel. I mean, other than the fact that I recognize his face.

  • Longstreet63

    Have you considered hiring additional babies? It’s not that a Donna Rose is inadequate but maybe she needs a couple of assistants…
    Ok, I will send more money on top of the two recurring payments.
    Everyone else should feel shamed.
    Yes, you. You should feel shamed. Send money.

    • Yr. Gma

      Unless you are broke and can’t afford it. There really are people like that, and we love them all the same.

      • Longstreet63

        Yes, I second that caveat. By all means, if you have no monies, please let us cover you.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      Tallulah!!

      • Teto85

        The two of them together. I don’t think I can handle the cute.

  • The Wanderer
    • Suse

      Ginger Rogers singing in pig Latin!

      • OutOfOrbit

        Ginger & Fred dancing together: MAGICAL!

    • Longstreet63

      I love that movie. The Hayes code hadn’t quite taken control yet, if I recall, so it was able to be wonderful.
      On a tangentially related note, Lauren Bacall is the best ever, the End.

      • ahughes798

        She was one of the most beautiful young women I’ve ever seen…I could never ever figure out why she married a guy almost old enough to be her father.

        • Teto85

          She loved him and cared for him unlike the woman he was married to at the time. It is an interesting story. And one of the real truly great Hollywood love stories. Up there with Powell and Harlow and Gable and Lombard.

          • ahughes798

            The woman he was married to at the time was mentally ill, I believe. But yeah, they stayed together and truly loved each other. It’s just a personal observation.

        • Longstreet63

          Well, it was Bogie after all.

          • ahughes798

            I know. He was a good man. I just find much older men with very young, beautiful women kind of squicky. But that’s just me and my weirdo-ness. Like Catherine-Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas. GAK! LOL!

    • Teto85

      ZOMFG!!! I lurve Ginger Rogers and Busby Berkeley. This made my day!!

  • Suse

    I lurve DR’s kitty dress! I’m a monthly donor of 20 bucks and wish I could give more. Please, people – give this amazeballs site some dough, but only if you can spare it. It’s cheaper than a therapist.

    • Yr. Gma

      That is true. I think Wonkette helped more than a few of us get through the night on Nov. 9, and it has been a life saver ever since.

      • NellCote71

        Yes, but it cuts into my ever-growing wine budget, which I need in increasing amounts since Nov. 9.

        • Maggielle

          I’m just thankful for Trader Joe’s and the two-and-a-half buck Chuck.

  • Three Finger Salute

    I don’t live alone; therefore, I don’t have access to a personal bank account (or any money to put in one, or a job to earn any money) to connect to Pay Pal. I seriously doubt the ‘rents would approve of me sending money through the innertubes to support such a communist anti-Trump website. If anything that said “Commie Girl Industries” came up on my mother’s credit card, she’d be livid.

    To give you some examples of what this very Catholic household does and doesn’t support with our wallets: We no longer get Sports Illustrated anymore because there are bathing suits that look like birthday suits in it. Not allowed to shop at Target anymore either, because ZOMG “Bruce” Jenner might be in the bathroom. No Kellogg’s, Chobani, or Pizza Hut… you get the picture. On the plus side, less fast food. On the downside: 99% of companies powering America are too liberal for the family’s tastes. Which leaves us with little more than L.L. Bean, Hobby Lobby, and, I think, Chick Fillet?

    But if there was an old-fashioned snail-mail P.O. Box address, that I could write down on old-fashioned paper and send one of those prepaid Visa gift cards you can buy at the drugstore, I might be able to do so sometime in the future. Let me know if there’s a way to support via the Pony Express.

    • peregrin

      I missed the PIzza Hut thing. What’d they do?

      • Three Finger Salute

        Pizza Hut hired George Takei as a spokesman, and I guess he made some kind of questionable joke about pedophiles or something. It was during that whole Milo/Pizzagate thing. Even if he hadn’t, there were enough people riled up that Pizza Hut hired a gay guy to be in a commercial that they lost some business. I don’t think it was a lot but they did end up on one of those Fox boycott lists.

        • NellCote71

          JFC.

    • SisterArtemis

      Sounds like you need Wonkette more than most of us!

      The Weekly Top Ten article (Saturday, I think) usually includes the snail mail address should you ever need to go look for it, but here it is:
      Wonkette
      PO Box 8765
      Missoula MT 59807

      • Three Finger Salute

        Copied and saved. Thanks!

        • Jukesgrrl

          Keep coming back. I’d say it’s a fair bet you need us.

    • Yr. Gma

      Trix usually includes the PO address. It’s somewhere around here…

    • rebecca

      lol poor honey! yes, we do have po box, it is

      WONKETTE
      Box 8765
      Missoula MT 59807. Thanks pal!

    • Nyumbu

      How on earth does your family manage to do the internets what with Apple and Microsoft and Google and T-Mobile, and ATT, and Verizon all having godless liberal corporate policies? (Nothing personal, it’s just something I’ve always wondered about fundies)
      Praying for your eventual freedom from your family of origin.

    • Charles Wolf

      Not that I’ve ever had anything from them but, WTF did LL bean do bad?
      I avoid places like Dunkin Donuts & court houses b/c they cater to cops.

  • SisterArtemis

    I love the tea-party on the deck picture. Donna Rose looks like, “hey Dad, we’re busy here – you need something?”

    Anyway, send money! (unless you don’t have any, then please don’t send money, send love, and post comments, and share articles widely on your faceborg or AOL mailing list or whatever). I send what I can every month, and it’s well worth it.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    A living wage?! What do you think this is, Canada? :)

    PS I shall send you all the moneeeyz when I get home from work tonight.

  • janecita

    Can I pick Wonkette as my Amazon Smile charity? Seriously, those Sea Shepherds have been getting my money for years now.

    • ahughes798

      I think so! I change from charity to charity every now and again. Right now, it’s Save-a-Pet, a no-kill shelter in my area. The money Amazon donates from my purchases is tiny.

      • Bananas Foster

        Unless Wonkette is set up as a nonprofit, I don’t think this works.

        • Jukesgrrl

          We used to have a graphic on the front page of Wonkette that connected to Amazon and a percentage of our sales went to them since we were purchasing from a link on their page. That link has been missing ever since Wonkette went ad-free. Perhaps they could put it back.

          • rebecca

            no, it’s still there! right there in teh sidebar. do you have an adblocker on? then it won’t show.

          • Jukesgrrl

            So that’s the problem! I had an ad blocker on before, too, but somehow it wasn’t blocked then. I’ll go back to using the link now that I know how.

          • Bananas Foster

            Ah, that makes sense.

        • ahughes798

          Okay. I never thought about that before. Thanks! Now I don’t feel so guilty for not being able to switch it to Wonkette.

      • NellCote71

        IK,R? After spending many more hundreds of dollars than I care to admit, my contribution was in cents, and precious few of those.

  • Jennifer R
    • Yr. Gma

      Asshole psychopath.

      • puredog

        I like the idea someone floated earlier that McConnell’s actual plan is to let the intentionally awful “healthcare” plan fail so he can just blame it on the Dems and move on.

        • These guys ain’t that smurt

        • Longstreet63

          These guys ain’t that considerate.
          They’ll do whatever they want and blame Democrats regardless.

        • Amy!

          If it were just the taking access to healthcare away from so many people, I’d believe it. Hey, the Republican governor in Kentucky, McConnell’s state, did that, just out of petulance and meanness (well, and racism).

          But they’ve tied it to tax cuts. Their owners/donors really want those tax cuts. I doubt that they’ll drop those, and the way to get them is to run it through on reconciliation.

      • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

        Damn his government appointed physician who, without cause, ran a treadmill test, which diagnosed ischemia, which generated cardiac catheterization, which diagnosed 3VD, which required him to have bypass surgery, which was on our dime, which prevented a widowmaker event. ( With votes.) This crap is all his fault.

        • Nyumbu

          Oh, old Yertle’s been relying on the charity of others since he was a babby with polio and received treatment from the publicly (NB:not gov’t) funded National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis.

          • Maggielle

            Better known as the March of Dimes. Years ago I used to run in the Bay to Breakers race in San Francisco, as part of a centipede of Marching Dimes. Seriously, we silk-screened giant dimes, attached them to hula hoops, and we each carried two, one on each side. We won a prize one year. I truly wish I still had my giant Dimes. I could march on Yertle with them. Not that he can feel shame, but it would be satisfying anyway.

          • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

            I thought that was privately funded? Started by or funded by FDR?

          • Nyumbu

            read what I wrote?

          • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

            yeah, yeah… It was the (NB:..) that threw me… what is NB?

          • Nyumbu

            nota bene

          • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

            Gratias tibi!!!

  • ahughes798

    It is not fair that you use Babby as a weapon, ‘cuz she is da bomb! She makes me throw money at your faces.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      You aren’t alone!!

    • Jukesgrrl

      I have specified that half of my monthly donation goes to the Donna Rose PAC for her future political activities.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    I donated to Yr Wonkette twice this month, because this is a great website with lots of straight guys who are good sports about being hit on by a cartoon unicorn, and because the management lets me say things like knickers, botty, bum, nucleosynthesis, and semprini.

    And now, a word from my sponsor:

    https://youtu.be/bfgUAIlI90I

    • The Wanderer

      SEMPRINI!?

      • Pre-Truth Ron

        Character played by Chico Marx in one of their movies, I think?

        • armed_bears

          Marine Corps pasta?

          • Zyxomma

            Golf clap.

  • Lily412

    Hi Editrix,
    I keep having technical issues when I try to use Amazon Pay. I get the following error message:

    Error: An Amazon payment method was not chosen.
    Even though I totally did choose a card to use.
    Help?

    • rebecca

      it’s not you, it’s Amazon. Shy needs to update some plugins wihtout breaking the site like last time. We’ll let you all know when it’s fixed!

      • Lily412

        Awesome! Good thing I left a non-comment.

      • armed_bears

        24/7 free web support for reals?

        This, in short, is why You Must Always Marry Your Webmaster.

        Worked for my wife, anyway…

    • NellCote71

      Like Communism, Amazon Pay looks good on paper.

      • Jukesgrrl

        But it often doesn’t work, even if you’re trying to buy toilet paper.

  • TundraGrifter

    “Baby needs shoes!”

  • You already gots my moneys, adorable babby!
    https://media.giphy.com/media/rKIRWCVLfFpiU/giphy.gif

  • Pre-Truth Ron

    Wait, it says ‘Good Morning’ up at the top but was posted at 1:00PM? Does this have to do with that silly ‘Mountain Time Zone’ nonsense someone was talking about the other day?

    • JustDon’tSayShank

      ‘Zackly. Mountain Time runs about 20 years behind Normal Time.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Yes! Says the woman who lives in Tucson.

        • JustDon’tSayShank

          When I lived in So Dak, upon arriving at Rapid City Regional Airport, the pilot would announce, “Welcome to Rapid City. Please set your watches back 20 years.”

        • Maggielle

          I am so happy your fingers have not melted so that you can still type. And be alive and stuff.

          • Jukesgrrl

            Muchas gracias. Minimum 105F all week.

    • William Cook for now

      It was up early, it’s being deservedly bumped.

  • Iron Monkey

    So please, if you can, will you sign up for a recurring donation today and then not cancel it three months later? That would be greeeeat.

    You know what else would be greeeeat? If Iron Monkey had an unlimited number of seats on his lifeboat or could be sure that nothing else will come along that has a greater/prior claim on on this particular fiscal lifeboat. But that’s not the way things are so I may have to cancel all or part of my $19.99 a month in three months or three days. It wouldn’t be done to starve your child or mess up your cash flow projections or anything else specifically aimed at Wonkette, only that live is messy and may get messier.

    • Maggielle

      When the oxygen mask drops from the ceiling, you always put it on your own face first. Please. And good luck, Iron Monkey.

  • JustDon’tSayShank

    I was going to use the money to buy a nice bottle of whiskey. So I’ll buy a less nice bottle of whiskey.

  • William Cook for now

    Damn, I wish I didn’t fall into the Too Poor to Throw Monies category. I’m worried about losing my car. As soon as I have disposable income again, I shall dispose of some Wonkette’s way.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      I as well Wonkette! (Although promises and a quarter won’t get you gum, I swear it’s true!)

      • Mary Theresa

        LOL…I had trouble for awhile because I thought Social Security was going to take my monies, but I was eventually able to make amends.

    • Covfefe Big Puppy

      It’s totally OK. When I was Too Poor I appreciated those who could help with Monies. Now that I’m not Too Poor, I Throw Monies where I can. Pay it forward when you can.

  • Pre-Truth Ron

    Okay, now it’s afternoon EVERYWHERE. (Offer only good in continental US) The only POSSIBLE reason for it saying ‘Good morning’ is if Rebecca’s doing her Uncle Grandpa impression to make DR laugh.

  • RightestWingAvenger

    When you liberals fight for the “right of gay men to marry the man that they love” you’re fighting for people who like to shove their c*cks in other men’s b*tts and blow c*m inside the sph*ncter. You realize that, right?

  • Mary Theresa

    OK Trix….I will put a check in the mail tomorrow. Aka. Mary Sandoras.

    • rebecca

      thank you honeydear :)

      • Mary Theresa

        This is my safe place, I have to secure it’s future or I may die.

        • rebecca

          WE ALL WILL!

  • m3bosha

    As a small business owner who listens to both sides (just kidding… no I don’t), I cant do recurring payments. But babby pics are nice, and we will give monez. Any chance you could take a donation in a different kind of green?

    • rebecca

      heh, depends when we’re coming through your town next ;)

      • m3bosha

        Next time you head down I-25 thru Colo Springs. Home grown and sang to by an actual grandmother.

      • boredcatlady

        Come to the south next!

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    Hello dearest editrix. I sent you a grandbaby donation, and I wonder if we can add to this by contributing in other ways as well. Would any of these help?
    1. I get endless coupons and BOGO type things, as well as gift cards. Could we send these, if they were for something that would be useful to you (office supplies, BB&B, etc)? What types of things could we help purchase by sending you our various discounts/coupons, in other words?
    2. What if we had fund-raiser meet ups, or something like that? I live in L.A. and could host something, perhaps at House of Pies and have pie and chat and bring $25 each or something.
    3. Can you sign up at amazon smile to be one of their nonprofits who gets a bit of the purchase if people designate you as their “charity”? I do this for Planned Parenthood and it’s not much but it does add up
    4. What are other ways we can add to your income, as well as sending actual American dollars? Are there particular goods or services, something some of us might have or be able to make, that you need and could save money thusly? Could you create an Amazon wish list that we could send you stuff from, or it might be something we have extras of (I always have extras of office supplies)?
    5. Have you thought of, tiresome to organize I know, but there are some tech geniuses on this page who might be able to come, an ongoing Silent Auction? These can be great fundraisers, and work really well–people donate things they can’t use any more, other people bid on them. Or maybe we could do this through eBay?

    These are just some thoughts from your friend who is a Jewish, since as you know we only think about money.

    • Mary Theresa

      I love the Amazon wish list idea, only because I do a lot of shopping there and I have been consistently sending a friend in need some supplies from there.

  • Bananas Foster

    Fine, I gave you sum munniez.

    This place better outlive the Trump administration!

    • boredcatlady

      Dear lord I hope we all outlive the Trump administration

  • Covfefe Big Puppy

    The smartest, funniest, shriekiest liberal politics site on the Internet, where you can come to get every day’s REAL NEWS told by smart people, with facts and analysis and all that jizz, but with #jokes so you don’t throw up all day every day from that thing that is going around, and that thing is President Donald Trump, urgh glog barfalot.

    This.

    • boredcatlady

      Yup. All day. 😊

  • Jamespuck

    OK was the title a cue to make some Dick-ens jokes? Since I can barely afford my own gruel, I cannot give at this time. And probably have to try and save some monies for my prescriptions and health care. But God bless us all. May we all keep our Great Expectations and not be in a Bleak House.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    In that fifth photo, where Wonkette Babby is seated on the patio across from some damn stuffed bunny or something, her expression is a little like what Willard is obviously feeling in that famous photo of Mitt and Trump dining on frog’s legs.

  • Jamespuck
  • rebecca

    well you guys did a real job of paying me today! GOOD WORK EVERYBODY! And thank you, we love you! Month’s bounty met a few days early :)

    • Jacques

      There’s always next month

  • Johnatx

    Rebecca, Question for you. I donate on a monthly basis. Can I increase the monthly amount, or is it easier for all to just set up another monthly donation? Thanks. You and your writers help keep me sane, as do so many of the Wonketters. Seriously.

    • Maggielle

      I’m not Rebecca (sad: not my babby!) but if you are using PayPal, the consensus seems to be that it’s way easier to do two donations monthly than to try to increase your current donation. I suspect PayPal makes you delete/cancel the current payment, then you have to set up a whole new one. Not too hard, but please don’t waste your time trying to make PayPal increase your monies; others have tried.

      • Johnatx

        Thanks. I appreciate your response.

  • Getting everyone to kick in to keep your irreverent point of view commentaries going is important. Sometimes your POV is the only news I can stomach.
    I once was told of a bar in rural Iowa that had to put quarters in a parking meter like device to keep its electricity turned on. If power died during the evening he’d pass the hat – maybe milk pail – to get customers to kick in.
    I know you make fun of the olds — I do too, even though I is one. hope enjoy this — Defensive and Defenseless WOMM
    An essay of banal wit, on race, gender, and age (White Old Married Male)
    http://forgottonia.org/SEDrambles/WOMMs.html

  • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

    I have jobs that I love, but I am still in debt from the jobless years, student loans, and credit card we had to use when to eat or fix my car. I do often send others here! It tickles me when one of my FB friends shares a Wonkette article. I will continue to promote and share the snark, and one day I will have monies for you!

  • Elizabeth Hillcrest

    So I just reflexively donated an extra $5 on top of my monthly donation because your news is the only news I can stomach (as someone said below). Glad you met your payroll and can afford ALL TEH PROSTITUTION WHORE DIAMONDS

  • I had to temporarily cancel my monthly donation. I hated to, but I’m living on bootstraps and wishes right now. I swear it’s only temporary, though. I’ll be back on track in a month or two. I hope.

    • rebecca

      I bet you will honey!! yay you!

  • Teto85

    DONNA ROSE!!! SQUEEEEE!!!!!

  • hvdv

    I shall gladly pay you on Monday for news with jokes today.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    I’m gonna up my payments to you guys again – please don’t scare me like this :/

    *breaks into singing voice* I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO LET YOU GO

  • covfefesumgame0005

    OK that kitty dress is seriously the BOMB! go Baby Girl, GO!

  • Jeffery Campbell

    $done$

  • Jacques

    Just a little sumthin’ sumthin’
    Thank you

  • simplejmalarkey

    Made another single donation; hope you can get Amazon to go along with recurrents. Re-upped hateful Disqus (thanks Shy). Also, keep payin’ Robin and Five Dollar – they’re great too!

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