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BREAKING NEWS THAT IS BREAKING! Prince Jared Kushner of the Trump-Kushners was allowed to open his mouth and emit sounds on Monday morning! It was … well, let us put it this way. Are you familiar with his sexxxy abs, the hotness of which we chronicled (WITH SHAME) back in December? The peeps what come from his face hole do not match those abs.

Have a listen:

OK, so he is talking about “data centers” and the “cloud,” or maybe he is talking about brokering peace in the Middle East (on his agenda this week!) or going to jail (possibly on his agenda soon!), but that is not the point. Is his voice everything you thought it would be? Does it feature dulcet tones that woo you like a common Ivanka? Do you feel like maybe he is saying con man words, to con you? The beauty of Jared’s voice is indeed in the eye of the beholder.

Just kidding, it is kind of a let down. He has a strong New York accent, which makes sense, due to being from a New York family. But we expected him to be more whispery. And higher pitched. We’re not saying we expected him to sound like a cuck (you do NOT call Jared a cuck). We just thought his voice would be a little sweeter and harder to understand.

We always figured a common conversation between Jared Kushner and a random human would go like this:

JARED: mumblewhispermumblewhisper.

HUMAN: What?

JARED: mumblemumbleMUMBLEwhisperwhisper

HUMAN: Excuse me?????

JARED: [gives the human butterfly kisses with his fluttering eyelashes]

HUMAN: Stop that!

JARED: I’m going to evict your entire family.

Wonkette is aware of Jared Kushner speaking FOUR other times in his life. He was a very important character in this video about how he bought some buildings from the Jehovah’s Witnesses. He’s a little bit looser here, but he’s still all Business Time, so it is very ZZZZZ:

Another link available on YouTube shows Jared talking for eight or nine minutes about real estate development in Brooklyn, and he is EXCITED! Or rather he’s as excited as one can get when talking about building office space:

A third time Jared opened his mouth and created vowel and consonant sounds was very recently. The CBS “This Morning” show was taping at the White House, and in the course of interviewing Ivanka, Gayle King and the other hosts spotted Jared hiding behind a curtain. Everybody was like “COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!” and Jared was like “pitter patter pitter patter” and the hosts were like “SPEAK, DIMPLE BUTT!” and he was like “squeak!” It was much more in line with what we expect out of him:

Finally, Jared is occasionally allowed to speak in videos on Ivanka’s Instagram. Here is one where he sounds TOTALLY NORMAL, because he is feeding his baby. He says things like “Here you go” and “Try this, it’s very yummy!” and “You like that?” He sounds like a regular person, with feelings and everything!

In conclusion, Jared Kushner possesses a voice, and he will say words whenever the fuck he wants, because you are not his real dad, OK? His real dad is a criminal, and that has literally nothing to do with the point of this post. We just like mentioning it all the time but especially in this, your OPEN THREAD.

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  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Jared is a cuck.

  • Jenny

    All that money and none spent on speechifying classes. Sad.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Imagine what he sounded like before….

      • Shanzgood 18 Days

        Flipper?

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      No, he has a Masters in Speechifying….from Trump U.

    • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

      That was my first thought, he is a terrible presenter. Then Ivanka started talking in her breathy, coquettish voice… I guess that is 45 likes women to talk. It is nails on a chalkboard to my ear.

  • OlivesOlives

    mmmm…applesauce

    • arglebargle

      Scalia? Stay dead you fucker!

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Funny, I thought that was Peter Brady.

        • SterWonk

          Pork chops, also too.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
    • Jenny

      Yeah nope. Prepare to see a drop in revenue during your biggest time of the year. Dumbs.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Years, ago, in the ice age of phone service, MCI and other long distance carriers decided they’d try to charge people for “stuff” just “cuz”. I remember telling my phone company(they were the middle man then) “I’m not paying that”, especially when I was charged during a month I’d made no long distance calls. They were in complete agreement. Eventually there was the missive class action suit for basically fraud and I got free phone service for about 6 months.

        This isn’t as bad, but they’re doing it for the same reason– “just cuz” they can…..try.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      But isn’t the invisible hand (the one up their ass) supposed to make them give a discount because theyre much busier?

      But, I will bet good money that they will say its the union’s fault.

      • Jenny

        And not the idiot MBA they hired to review “processes.”

        • (((fka_donnie_d)))

          And now, ladies & gentlemen, time for some stale copypasta

          https://funnyshit.com.au/the_plan.html

          • Stranded Devonian Lungfish

            I read: “And darkness was upon the face of the Wonkers.” Hilarious either/or.

    • Thiazin Red

      It annoys the shit out of me when conservatives bitch about the post office not making a profit. That is not the point of the post office dickholes!

      • jesterpunk

        It is even worse when they bring up the Constitution as a reason against the Post office or something. The post office is literally in the Constitution.

        https://about.usps.com/publications/pub100/pub100_005.htm

      • Red Bird Ω

        But that is the point. The Post Office can and does technically make a profit…..that they want to get for themselves. The best way to do that is to force the post office to show a loss and be privatized. Then slide in as a service provider for the government and make money.

    • Edith Prickly

      Is this part of the War on Christmas? Oh wait, no more Bill-O on Fox to bitch about it so no matter. Carry on…

      • Thiazin Red

        This must be a tough one for them. Which is more important hyping profits, or being able to bitch about the fake war on Christmas?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I wonder if Amazon will have anything to say about that?

      • willi0000000

        if they say anything it will be: “ahem . . . not us!”

        [ . . . and, miraculously, Amazon won’t have any pesky surcharges ]

  • calliecallie

    I watched some of those videos, but I still don’t care. Screw these people. Send them to jail.
    The kids are cute. Maybe they can live with…someone who’s not in jail.

    • arglebargle

      Like the Grandparents. No, wait…

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Give them to a motherly Dobermann Pinscher to raise. That’s what happened to me, and I turned out fine.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          A doberman raising a unicorn? Now I’ve heard everything!

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    It’s an open thread. I could say virtually anything I want, and yet I have nothing! I am stymied by an excess of choice.

    • arglebargle

      Nothing gets my upfist. Nothing.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Analysis Paralysis – are you CENTCOM, by any chance?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Just throw out whatever comes to mind, in no more than 140 characters. That’s how real important people do it.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    BREAKING: Otto Wambier, the student just released by North Korea after 17 months, has died.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Oh wow. Very, very sad. But then again, given his condition it might be a mercy.

      • Notreelyhelping

        You mean that half of his brain was mysteriously smashed into porridge?

    • shastakoala

      Oh no. Terrible. I really was hoping he would make it. At least he had his family with him.

    • MassiveQuantitiesofPie

      Dear God. These last few days have been soul-crushing. I hope he somehow knew or sensed he was with his family when he passed away. RIP.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I don’t have much of a singing voice, though. When I wanted to serenade Ivanka, I did the John Cusack boom box thing. Of course, the boom box had to lowered from a helicopter hovering above Trump Tower in her case…”
    — Jared Kushner

    • Three Finger Salute

      But instead of Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes,” he played “Creep” by Radiohead. Because he’s a creep, with a radio, above his head.

  • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

    No – no…. This is the Real Voice of Jared:

    https://youtu.be/-SsFME-MTiA

    • biologydave

      This will always be the voice I hear whenever I see him now.

    • William Cook for now

      Ah… Thank you, I needed to see this again today. XD

  • William Cook for now

    So hey Canadian Wonkettarians, I have a question. What sources do you prefer for your Canadian political news and punditry?

    • CBC is the source for general, mainstream news.
      http://www.cbc.ca/news

      Someone here mentioned Montreal Simon recently; looks interesting.
      http://montrealsimon.blogspot.ca/

      Dawgs Blawg has a good list of blogs on the sidebar to check out (although I don’t know how up to date it is) and if you like endless bickering, the comments will supply it.
      http://drdawgsblawg.ca/

      • William Cook for now

        I grew up with CBC Radio on in the house all day, and while I attribute much of my political sense to that, they sometimes suffer from the All Sides Syndrome in their effort to appear non-partisan. Maybe it’s just me, but it feels like they pull their punches.

        Edit: damn thumbs, wasn’t done. I was gonna thank you for the other sources, I’ll check them out. :)

        • No kidding. They are also a shadow of their former selves. However, as source of general news they are still the best, with the understanding that “the best” ain’t all that great.

          Sorry, it wasn’t clear to me: are you a Canadian, or just Canadian-curious?

          • William Cook for now

            Canadian all my life. To be fair to the CBC, Harper kinda cut their achilles and promised to come for the throat if they didn’t keep in line.

            But yeah, they’re my go to when I want to figure out what narrative my neighbours and coworkers are getting.

          • The rot had set in long before then but yeah.

          • William Cook for now

            I get the impression that the last golden age of CBC was just before my time.

          • Could be. I’m old enough to remember the Kingston Whig-Standard back when it was not only a paper, but a good paper. Get off my lawn!

            The ownership accretion of every paper big or small by a handful (for the hand of a careless lumberjack) of media owners in the 70’s was the end of real journalism.

          • William Cook for now

            Definitely before my time then. Sounds like a bad idea, yeah. Funny how I now have the opposite problem. I know there are a lot of important pieces out there I should be reading but I’m having a hard time finding a aggregator I like.

          • Three Finger Salute

            They really need to ditch the comments section, as it’s turned into a drunken beer-hall putsch of Completely Batshit Conservatives. The “as a state-funded broadcaster, we have an obligation to represent input by the citizens” argument doesn’t work anymore. BBC already ditched theirs. So did NPR and I believe PBS. The other citizens’ tax dollars shouldn’t be used to provide a platform for trolls to post their birtherism and ad-hominem bullshit. This is Canada! You’re supposed to be NICE!

            Trudeau’s YouTube channel is even worse. At least on CBC, there’s the usual assortment of socks with names of hockey players who call him Tiger Beat and drama teacher, and thump the drum about nontroversies like Elbowgate and the Castro thing. (Memo to the brass: The “Real Name” policy doesn’t work if the poster has 50 different accounts all with fake names that sound “real.”)

            But the YouTube channel is a garbage-laden free-for-all of Ezra Levant’s bloodthirsty pigs, who place bets on which member of the Habs they think Sophie had the kids with, which member of the Rolling Stones they think Margaret had Justin with (and the other brothers), and which “radical Muslim terrorist” they think Justin is having an affair with.

            There isn’t a penalty box big enough for these hosers.

    • snigsy

      Wonkette.

    • MrTusks

      What do politicos talk about in the Canada? Maple syrup futures? The legal definition of bacon? How easy it is to get healthcare?

      • Maggielle

        I don’t know, since I am only Canadian-curious, but if I were Canada, I’d be doing some pretty serious planning for securing its southern border. Everybody keeps saying, “Oh, that’s it, I’m moving to Canada” as if Canada isn’t going to mind (because of being nice), but I think they should be a little more pro-active about maybe not letting in the riffraff, and yes, I’m talking about me. My maternal grandma was Canadian, but that shouldn’t get me any extra favors or maple syrup.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Interview with Rick Perry today.

    “Do you believe CO2 is the primary control knob for the temperature of the Earth and for climate?” asked CNBC’s Joe Kernen.

    “No, most likely the primary control knob is the ocean waters and this environment that we live in,” replied the secretary. He then began to complain about the backlash against “being a skeptic.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/61dd3722ed98f12896878dd8094d2ed09ff999a14b7b6e7c0337264d68bb416a.gif
    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/rick-perry-epa-climate-change-temperatures-rise-co2

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Everyone knows the primary control knob on the Earth’s climate is bad analogies.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      “This environment we live in”

      What the hell does that mean? Does he think we aren’t clapping hard enough for tinkerbell?

    • Thiazin Red

      Based on his stories about growing up, I would watch the hell out of an Everybody Hates Chris type show about Karl Pilkington.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      And that man grew up to be Lord Buckethead, the British politician.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Interesting. One would think that Mr. Peterson would consider the implications of his statement, since the Dems won the game…

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/jesse-lee-peterson-says-democrats-at-congressional-baseball-game-were-praying-to-satan/

    • Mr. Blobfish

      He knows we can hear him, right?

  • janecita

    Jared Kushner sounds like an entitled, dead eyed, bored AF, 16 year old boy.

    • shastakoala

      He sounds like Ivanka?

      • Red Bird Ω

        Thanks. You made my day.

  • C4TWOMAN

    Meh, he sounds like a middle manager. And has a raspiness that makes me suspect he doesn’t speak much, or at least to groups or strangers. I would be surprised if he sings–his voice lacks resonance.

    Not a horrid voice, but nothing to write home about.

    • PubOption

      It seems life he speaks in random phrases from a management seminar.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Future pointy-haired boss.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Children can humanize even the biggest assholes. It’s part of their terrible magic.

    • Thiazin Red

      Well I dislike children, so their powers don’t work on me.

    • William Cook for now

      Even the biggest assholes are still humans, it’s true! Almost like we all start out basically good but then some of us get really awful ideas stuck in our heads that fuck us up as adults.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      From The Onion: I believe children are our future: nasty, brutish, and short.

  • Chyron HR

    I thought Jared was the one who cucked Trump out of Ivanka, who would be his wife if she was not his daughter.

  • whitroth

    The Cloud? Oh, crapola.

    Quick, for knowledge credits, what’s the difference between “the Cloud” and “time-sharing on a mainframe”?

    If you answered, “I don’t have a fucking clue”, you’re absolutely correct – there IS NO difference, except maybe you pay for each software package you use, rather than just to be on it.

    See? So much more money for them, and “SaaS” (sofware as a service) mean you don’t get to *own* the damn thing, you have to keep paying to use it, which is *so* groovy for their revenue stream, and if you don’t, you loose access to all your data.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Wonkette offers Snark as a Service – SaaS – in the cloud, which an old man will yell at, if you put Ameros in the clicky-donate thing.

    • jesterpunk

      The cloud is a fancy marketing term for returning to the old days of computing?

    • SterWonk

      Well, reasonably-run could-based-service providers have multiple instances for better network locality and disaster recovery, so it would be more like “time-sharing on a cluster.”

      Which is in fact about right.

    • PubOption

      Did they find the idea in Switzerland?
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saas-Fee

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Mediocre High School Salutatorian-level address at best.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I can’t find my wallet.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      I haven’t seen it…btw, what’s your PIN number?

      • arglebargle

        The PIN number for the ATM machine?

        • FlownΩver

          The one issued by the Department of Redundancy Department?

        • Three Finger Salute

          The one that runs on Microsoft Microsoft Disk Operating System Operating System.

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            The tricky part is trying to figure out if that was a flange or a delay.

    • janecita

      You look nice on your license, I mean, what wallet?

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I don’t have it, but if I did I’d say nice DMV photo.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Heyyyyyyyy,…. that wasn’t the wallet inspector.

    • shastakoala

      Here ya go. I swear there was no cash in it when I found it.

    • msanthropesmr

      Do blobfish even have wallets?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        only the well heeled ones

        (do blobfish even have heels?)

      • janecita

        Not anymore!

    • FlownΩver

      Does it have a curious circle on it, about inch or so in diameter? What causes that, anyway?

  • janecita

    How many Kushners does it take to feed a baby?

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      0. They have nannies for that. :)

    • biologydave

      AOT,K

    • shastakoala

      How many nannies?

  • roberteye

    Hey ! He can work to improve computer service at the Super Max when he gets there.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Well, *that* was good for my morale. I walked to Big Lots for a snack, I just don’t feel like cooking anything. I got Vienna Sausage, not great for my diet, but not ice cream or alcohol either.

    One of my favorite checkers was on, and she said “no wonder you wear Booty shorts, I’d kill for your legs”. I told her I walk a lot, and she said “Last time you were in here, the lady behind you asked me if you do Pilates or something to look like that.”

    So, that kind of made my day. :)

  • btwbfdimho

    See? Theodore doesn’t have a silver spoon. Our aristocracy is cheap! Sad!

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    It’s technology week! Let’s ban it (from press briefings)!

  • Indiepalin

    Is this the same Jared Kushner who is under investigation for cattle mutilations in the southwest?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      It would be unwise not to speculate.

      • BadKitty904

        That’s also the Kushner Family motto.

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          They were one of those singing families back in the sixties, right? They did that song: “This is the Dawning of the Age of Leverage”?

          • BadKitty904

            Didn’t they tour as The Pillage People?

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            You’re right! But that was after their song got cut from the musical RENT – “We’re Gonna Take Ya Higher!”

        • starfanglednut

          Tehehe

          • BadKitty904

            Well, hey, there, sweetpea!!! Where have you been keeping yourself, missy?

          • starfanglednut

            I’ve been staying off the interwebz a bit due to pretty bad depression. Like to stop in and say hi to my sweet kitty tho. How are you?

    • BadKitty904

      I think this is the one who’s under investigation for heading the white-slavery ring.

  • BadKitty904

    Now, now. It’s unfair to mock Jared’s oratory until his voice breaks.

  • La forza del resistino

    if only Jared’s Kushner were just a top shelf offering at my local pot shop.

    • msanthropesmr

      It’s a fucking terrible buzz.

      • La forza del resistino

        but after a few tokes, you get the munchies for power.

    • Indiepalin

      Mickey Kush is a variation on the Jared or “Donald” strain, and it is said to be a game-changer.

  • Are we there yet?

    RIP Otto Warmbier.

    • jowgajen

      Ah. I guess they chose to let him go rather than keep his empty body going. So sad for the family.

  • jesterpunk

    Well it looks like Trump might give Russia more things they want, maybe a private office inside the NSA this time?

    http://abcnews.go.com/International/us-shoots-syrian-fighter-jet-syria/story?id=48119895

    The Russian Defense Ministry earlier blasted the U.S.’s action as a
    “massive violation of international law” and said it will begin treating
    U.S.-led coalition jets flying west of the Euphrates River in Syria as
    targets.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Not that I want a world war or anything, but JSOWs launched from a B-2 could hit S-300 sites with minimal risk to aircrews.

      • jesterpunk

        That is only when Jared forgets to book after dinner entertainment.

    • Me The People

      Just theatre designed to make Trump look innocent of colluding with them.

      • jesterpunk

        He can still collude with them then be too stupid to do anything right after that. Paul Ryan did say he is too stupid to learn how things work after all.

      • FlownΩver

        We knock down one of theirs, they respond in kind, and Donnie Two Scoops says “OK, now the heat’s off. Whaddya need, Vlad?”

  • TheFinisher

    Just like his father-in-law, overselling shit he knows nothing about. But yay for peace in the ME! Boy have we been pwned.

  • Joe Beese

    A Los Angeles County coroner’s report released on Monday revealed a mixture of drugs that were in actress Carrie Fisher’s system when she went into cardiac arrest on an L.A.-bound flight and later died.

    Fisher’s toxicology review found evidence of cocaine, methadone, MDMA (better known as ecstasy), alcohol and opiates when she was rushed to Ronald Reagan UCLA Hospital on Dec. 23, a toxicology report showed.

    The test results “suggests there was an exposure to heroin, but that the dose and time of exposure cannot be pinpointed.” Therefore we cannot establish the significance of heroin regarding the cause of death in this case.”

    http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-carrie-fisher-autopsy-report-20170619-story.html

    • La forza del resistino

      Living ‘Postcards from the Edge’ in real life and death.

    • Yr. Gma

      I vote we just leave her alone about this. RIP.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Cocaine, methadone, MDMA, alcohol AND opiates…Jeebus H Christ on a pogo stick! She didn’t need a fucking airplane. God, that’s so sad. And mebbe heroin as well? How can one person ingest all that and still remain conscious? RIP, General Organa.

  • Me The People

    OT: Brexiters already feeling the POWER of SOVEREIGNTAY!

    https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2017/jun/19/uk-caves-in-to-eu-demand-to-agree-divorce-bill-before-trade-talks

    British negotiators have capitulated to key European demands for a
    phased approach to Brexit talks, agreeing to park discussions on free
    trade until they have thrashed out the cost of the multibillion-euro UK
    divorce settlement.

    Putting a brave face on a concession that may further strengthen the
    tactical dominance of the EU, the Brexit secretary, David Davis,
    insisted his initial retreat remained consistent with long-term
    government strategy. “It’s not how it starts, it’s how it finishes that
    matters,” Davis said in Brussels after their first day of formal talks.
    “Nothing is agreed until everything is agreed.”

    Previously, Davis had threatened to turn the issue into the “row of the
    summer” in a bid to avoid being held to ransom over the divorce
    settlement. He had hoped for talks on trade to run in parallel with
    divorce discussions, but a politically weakened UK team appear eager to
    show signs of progress on Monday even if it meant accepting priorities
    set by their counterparts.

  • Dang, check out the 5-point restraining system on that high chair! I’m Gen X, we used to get thrown into the front seats of cars (without seat belts) and had scotch rubbed on our gums to shut up our whining and my dad used to let me puff on his pipe because he thought it was funny. Bored? Go play with the neighborhood possums, they’re probably only a little rabid! I’m amazed any of us made it to 40.

    • BadKitty904

      It looks like the kid parachuted into that chair.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      OIKNORTE? Bike helmets? pshaw.

      I was drinking coffee at 7, and Dad gave us Bourbon for Bronchitis.

    • Vecchioivan

      Lughshury! I used to ride on flatbed trucks loaded with hay.

    • Yr. Gma

      I used to drive with a kid in one hand and a Coke in the other and that was a stick shift. I set up the kids’ old bunk beds in my house and let the two-year olds sleep there. When my 40-something kids start wailing about the safety of their own kids around me, I just ask “Are you still alive?”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        two words for the youngsters- Lawn Darts

        if we survived them, you all can suck it up, snowflakes

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          Fun times :-D

        • I played lawn darts, real darts, and horseshoes from like age 6 onwards. I never caused a puncture wound in myself or someone else

          • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

            OMG. At a family reunion, they were playing lawn darts when I was around three or four. My grandfather was supposed to be watching me, but he didn’t do such a good job. I got free from him and ran right when my mom threw the dart. On the way to the ER, I did the Three Stooges “I can’t see” routine. I carried the stitches around in a baggie for months afterward. I was fine; my mom, not so much.

          • Maggielle

            Things was different. I was really young, sitting on mom’s lap young, but I remember it clearly. My little arms were going this way and that, and my left arm connected with my mom’s cigarette and it left a shiny red stripe right down my forearm. It’s so different today: when I was young, every car I rode in, every family dinner I went to, every restaurant was just hazed over with layers of cigarette smoke. Helicopter parenting isn’t great, but I’ll take the high chair safety systems over rolling around untethered in the back of the station wagon.

        • schmannity

          2 and one-half more: Slip ‘N Slide.

        • Shibusa
    • Joe Beese

      Don’t get me started on the trampolines.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Which of us Gen-Xers has not spilled blood on a Trampoline spring, nor hit the lawn having missed a bounce?

        • William Cook for now

          Those of us who didn’t know anyone who had a trampoline.

        • Yr. Gma

          Our current trampoline is sunk into the back yard so it’s at ground level. The kids haven’t broken anything yet. (Knock on wood.)

          • Anna Elizabeth

            That was a good thought! I loved the damn things, and bruises, sprains, and blood were a small price to pay for victory.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          How about running through the sprinkler? It’s all fun and games until someone lands on the metal sprinkler mechanism- on any part of it, really, and slices their foot open. A little bactine and a bandaid, right back out there.
          And someone got their foot gashed EVERY time.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yes indeedy. :)

      • shastakoala

        My huge autistic little boy attempting the inevitable with his tiny therapist. How she stayed on I’ll never know. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/829a9e22a9134e570a6592e867310cfe3b465d89286427fb3be3d0199db9bf68.jpg

    • sadboy

      Jungle gyms, aka Recess Thunderdomes. Some people still need occasional surgery because of those things.

    • divegrl

      Possums are immune to rabies (can’t be carriers) and eat their body weight in ticks…

      • I can guaran-damn-tee you that precisely zero of the ostensibly responsible adults who had care of me as a child knew that.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Be back before the streetlights come up. One of my earliest memories is standing on the bench seat of my grandpa’s truck so I could see out the window. Car seat? Seat belt? *pshaw*

    • aureolaborealis

      I learned to shoot tequila from my mom while still in single-digits. Also: when the family was hanging out with our hippy friends in the 70s, I was the bong boy … I packed and lit the bowl for smokers, and cleaned it out when it was time for a fresh bowl. And on highway trips with my cousins, we would hand beers up to the driver (my uncle) from the back of the station wagon, where we kept the cooler and where there was room for us to sprawl around, unencumbered by seat belts.
      Edit: And survivorship bias tells me that everything always turns out fine, and people are candy-asses nowadays. I mean, how many people have you met lately who died from parental neglect in the 70s? Exactly.

  • As I said in the other thread, he sounds like he’s giving a high school valedictorian speech.

  • shastakoala

    How many safety straps do they need on that baby? Do they think he’s going to eject or something?

    *Bindi beat me to it!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Looks like an alien facehugger that missed and ‘went low.’

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      He may have been extra squirmy like my daughter was. Except she would settle down to eat. And she preferred my lap.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Someone please check to see if Michael Cerna is OK. Kushner has stolen his voice.

    • BadKitty904

      I KNEW I’d heard that bleating before!

      • janecita

        You heard it everyday, from 7th grade until 10th grade. He sounds like he is going through puberty.

        • Bill D. Burger

          He’ll be OK as soon as his testicles descend….or Donald gives them back to him.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I guess the rabbi got a little overzealous with the bris.

  • janecita

    I’ve to say, that baby is just adorable. He has the cutest, kissable cheeks. I still hate his parents though:-(

    • not_vh

      the parents have the most kickable butts.

      • janecita

        And the most punchable faces.

        • not_vh

          on ballot paper i.e. with votes.

          • janecita

            Yup, very heavy votes, made out of lead.

  • DerrickWildcat

    I think it’s nice that Donald found someone slimy enough for his daughter.

  • BadKitty904

    What’s up with “Dad’s” hair in the pic with the Restraining-Strap Kid?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Bryl-Cum, a Spooge’ll Do Ya.

      • Marion in Savannah
        • Marion in Savannah

          (The awful thing is, I remember this…)

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            That is awful. “Thoughts and Prayers”.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Me too. That and Alberto VO5. And Prell.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Ah, yes. Emerald green Prell. The shampoo in our house when I was A Young.

          • Maggielle

            With the pearl drifting slowly through the emerald goodness.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Wish I had a pencil thin mustache, the Boston Blackie kind.

        Two-tone Ricky Ricardo jacket and and an autographed picture of Andy Devine.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          I blew out my flip flop,
          Stepped on a pop top;
          Cut my heel, had to cruise on back home.
          But there’s booze in the blender,
          And soon it will render
          That frozen concoction that helps me hang on.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Head of the class, as always my friend!

            Pencil Thin Mustache was my wife’s jam. Kinda sweet on that tune too.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Nice. I have a “Best of” Jimmy Buffet around here somewhere. My fave is actually “Come Monday”.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnKKlf_FGwg

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            It’ll be alright,

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            :::sings along::::

            :::hits the repeat button – sings along again:::

          • Anna Elizabeth

            :)

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I’m not clicking. I’ll just assume he sounds like Gilbert Gottfried.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      xD Yiss, I’ll follow your lead.

    • cmd resistor

      At least that version is more interesting. Otherwise, pretty white bread and boring.

  • Swampay

    Sounds about how I expected. Looks kinda like Vanessa Bayer’s Bar Mitzvah kid

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I should have read further. That’s what I said.

  • snigsy

    Remember that annoying classmate in the fifth grade? This princeling reminds me of him.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      We had one in 3rd grade who was whiny, had a British accent and didn’t bathe. I liked him more than Just Jared.

  • jesterpunk

    What the Fuck. They are calling it a road rage incident right now? Really?

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/public-safety/killing-of-muslim-teenager-not-being-investigated-as-a-hate-crime-police-say/2017/06/19/e7670f0a-54f0-11e7-ba90-f5875b7d1876_story.html

    The killing of a Muslim teenager in Virginia is being investigated as a road-rage incident, Fairfax County Police said Monday.

    Police say the suspect, Darwin Martinez Torres, was driving as a group that
    included Nabra Hassanen was walking and riding bikes in and along the
    road. “Our investigation at this point in no way indicates the victim
    was targeted because of her race or religion,” police said in a
    statement.

    Police planned a news conference later today to discuss the case.

    On Sunday, police found the girl’s remains after the mosque had reporting
    her missing and Torres, 22, has been charged with murder in connection
    with the case.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      And on cue, the right is crowing about this crime being committed by an illegal immigrant.

    • Thiazin Red

      Still better than the people over at Slate wondering why the other teenaged girls ran instead of fighting the enraged bat wielding adult man.

      • jesterpunk

        The typical keyboard warrior response, running away is a very valid and usually the safest response when someone is trying to attack you.

        • FlownΩver
        • DrBigHead

          My nephew has studied a Korean form of karate for several years and had earned his black belt before he was 14. He told me that if you can escape a conflict by running, do so. Have heard the same from several others with significant self-defense training

          • jesterpunk

            I have a friend who teaches self defense in the Marines, one thing he says is if you can avoid a fight do it but if you cant avoid it here is how to defend yourself.

          • William Cook for now

            Confirmed. Any qualified martial arts instructor will tell you that GTFO is the most important technique you’ll ever use.

          • Jamoche

            Absolutely, and I worked my way through college teaching martial arts, back when the Karate Kid movies were hot. Everyone’s first lesson was a private one with me, and it always impressed the parents when I’d take their kids through the levels of response from escape and run up to defend and still run.

    • cmd resistor

      There was a Buzzfeed story that said the guy was eating at the same place the girls had (before whatever the incident was) and also that he threw a beer bottle at them from the car. It was a bit confusing but seemed more detailed than these vague “road rage” stories, unless the sight of girls in Muslim dress enrages a person. I mean it’s not like 2 cars cutting each other off….what’s the worst they could have done — walked in the street? I don’t buy it.

      • jesterpunk

        Yeah i dont buy the road rage claim either.

    • Lambsendbeds

      How the actual fuck do they work that one out? That’s the stupidest theory I’ve ever heard, including the one about Eve being made from Adam’s rib.

      • jesterpunk

        Well duh he was in a car and angry.

      • William Cook for now

        I’m not sold on the explanation but I can see it. I have seen blistering rage over the ordeal of having to pass a single cyclist. I can imagine an awful human being doing this if they felt a group of teens on bikes was blocking their road.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Ok, so the fucker was in a car and drove up on some young girls on bikes and decided to pull over, threaten them with a baseball bat, catch one of them, beat her to death and leave her body in the open? And there’s a defense for this?

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    I prefer the Gilbert Godfried-voiced Kushner

    • UnsaltedSinner

      More gravitas.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • La forza del resistino

    So Jared’s talents at saving the world match those of my real estate guy who can figure out profitable sq footage rentals at a strip mall.

  • Crystalclear12

    This is very helpful. We now have an example of what fucking clueless sounds like.
    This can be used for tracking purposes.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Didn’t listen but assume “Needz Moar Gilbert Gottfried”.

  • Marion in Savannah

    So. What’s the over/under on when his testicles will descend?

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Ten days from the last Tuesday in July, 2713

    • biologydave

      He’s been clipped like a gelding, so my guess is never.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Please. Ivanka chewed those off on their wedding night,

    • jesterpunk

      Ivanka and Donald keep them in the desk drawer and let him have them back for special occasions.

  • ServantToTheStars

    I expected a little more Bobby Brady during the change, but there seems to be a high nasal note ala Bloomberg. In any event, JCrewDay ain’t solvin’ nothin’.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      “Pork Chops and Applesauce”

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    He speaks, in a whole “Mouth of Sauron” kind of way. Last joke I’m making about that.

    Maybe.

    Maybe not.

    But maybe.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Shocking! Does Gwyneth Paltrow know about this?

    (Actually, of course, I’m sure she does. In fact she counts on it.)

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2017/06/19/the-false-promises-of-detox-diets-explained-by-someone-who-sold-the-products/

    • Anna Elizabeth

      “Two gallons of yogurt, Stat!”

      “Doc, I can’t eat that much.”

      “It’s not going in your mouth. Think warm thoughts, my boy.”

    • Lambsendbeds

      When does Gwyneth have time to read, what with steaming her vagina and making macrobiotic macrame plant hangers for the essential wheatgrass and herbs that go into HER total body detox preparation?

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Don’t forget the 60 dollar eggs to jam up the hoo-ha!

    • Claire

      I’m rewatching The Talented Mr. Ripley right now. She’s such an amazing actress. How I wish she weren’t a reprehensible human being.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    In my defense, I do feel a little bit guilty about laughing at this.

    https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/876913750376419332

  • Suttree

    Fuck Jared. His care about the emoluments clause is just as shitty as his father’s. Eat a bag of extremely salted rat dicks.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Sorry.* He sounds like every other whiny sissy bottom I’ve ever kicked out of bed.

    *Not a goddamn bit sorry

    • Anna Rompage

      Jesus, at least those folks have the slightest amount of self respect, and know what they’re looking for, drama aside of course…

    • Red Bird Ω

      A what what what??? This thread is very confusing for me.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      The twinkiest guy I know is still more masculine than Got It At Jared.

  • Anna Rompage

    Sweet little Jewish baby jeebus, eating a slice of Christmas ham, did he grow up in the hitler youth or something?

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Okay, last one. Remember, STILL have not listened to this and never will. Preserving the “mystery” as it were.

    So here it is. . .

    “What a cuck.”

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Donnie sees Jared in the Oval office: “Jared! Ya little cuck! How’s your wife and my kids?”

  • vivian

    This makes perfect sense. When searching for a word to describe that voice, the word
    that popped into my head was “non-threatening”. Any hint of masculinity and Daddy T woulda slammed the door one the whole project. Poor li’l Manboy.

  • Lizzietish81

    So, earlier today my sister messaged me to tell me that one of our former Clinic Escort Pals was in the late stages of terminal cancer. Then she messaged me again about half an hour ago to tell me he had died.

    We weren’t friends, I hadn’t seen him in well over a decade, and the only memory I can really conjure up is when I yelled at the list in general, but him specifically, to please show up cause I was sick of spending four hours every Saturday getting yelled at with no one to relieve myself or my sister. I don’t remember if any threats were made, but I do remember the phrase “I don’t care if you need to get a ride from Satan himself, just show up”

    Still, he was a nice guy and I will pour a virtual one out for him.

    • msanthropesmr

      Did Satan actually provide the ride? Or was it just Stan?

      • Lizzietish81

        He rode his recumbent bike, so make of that what you will

      • marxalot

        Get thee behind me, Stan.

    • starfanglednut

      Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Take good care.

  • memzilla Ω

    Rather than listen to Jared now, I think I’ll just wait for his “I don’t recall” C-SPAN mixtape from the Senate Intelligence hearing.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Ohhh and they superimposed it with the Jeffy Sessions one, a side-by-side like the Michelle/Melania speech, that would be perfect!

  • Claire

    I have a small theory. I don’t think it’s a conspiracy theory because there is no step at which anything more is required than a bunch of quick-witted, sharp-eyed people with absolutely no morals or loyalty to anything but the almighty dollar. It goes like this:

    1. Introduce the concept of free movement of capital. Create a buzzword like “neoliberalism” so Serious People will think it’s a good thing. (This part was a long time ago.)

    2. Start adjusting your financial and tax systems so that capital can be FREE! FREE like a bald eagle dressed in the flag shooting Jesus-eating dinosaurs with an AK-47! Your goal here is to make it very easy for rich people and corporations to squirrel away money in offshore banks and shady LLCs in Eastern Europe.

    3. Move the bulk of your money offshore. This not only allows you to evade American taxes, but frees you from having to give a single fuck about what happens to America, because most of your money is overseas and pretty much any country will give you citizenship if you pay them enough. America could fall into the Pacific Ocean tomorrow like a common California and you’ll still be fine.

    4. Except… that the dollar is the basically the global common currency. So if the American financial system collapses, it’s probably going to result in a worldwide depression, which might mean your quarterly dividends go down.

    5. So any chance you get to decouple the American economy from the rest of the world’s economy – e.g., by quietly whispering into global financiers’ ears that America is populated by morons, lunatics, and violent white supremacist terrorists, my god, look who they elected, don’t they look tired, do you really want them having such an outsized influence on your markets? – you jump on it, because you want your money to be safe and America is not looking like the best bet at this time.

    6. If by chance you succeed at making the American economy irrelevant to the rest of the world, or at least much less relevant than it is, you are now free to pillage the living fuck out of the entire American financial system – 401Ks, social programs, savings accounts, pension funds, and everything else – because your fortune overseas is now safe, and you’re free to hop on a plane and relocate to your vinyards in Italy while American burns behind you like one of those GIFs of people walking away from explosions.

    7. There will probably be more money to be harvested out of America eventually. Of course, you’ve got the cash reserves to get in on the ground floor. For now, though, it’s enough to sip your wine and watch the plebes’ Hunger Games from a safe distance.

    That is my theory. It could be wrong, and that would be nice. But it’s what I’d do if I had the money and the lack of morals, and if it’s occurred to me then it has surely occurred to Goldman Sachs.

    • DrBigHead

      God knows there are enough people with lots of money and lack of morals out there.

      If I were you I would look twice before answering the door…..

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I don’t think 99.99% of humans are anywhere near that good at long term evil super villianing. Most of these so called financial wizards can’t think past their next dividend or bonus check.
      I’m reading a book about the 1930s from the perspective of several different countries, and how they weathered the depression and run up to war.
      Infinitely more damage was done in countries where leaders felt their citizens needed to take some tough medicine to stay on the right track and be great than those where leaders were merely venal crooks.

      • Claire

        I completely believe that, for so many reasons. But like I said, I don’t think this requires long-term super villain planning; it just requires a sufficient number of rich people with no fucks to give about anything but making money. They don’t even have to be the same rich people at every step. All that’s required is that they take the same view of the American financial system that locusts take of crop fields.

  • Joe Beese

    Yes. It must come to pass.

    White House press secretary Sean Spicer is leading a search for his own replacement at the briefing room podium as part of a larger plan to shake up the White House communications operations, according to two people with knowledge of the effort.

    Last week, Spicer and White House chief of staff Reince Priebus reached out to Fox News personality Laura Ingraham about the role of press secretary…

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/06/19/sean-spicer-replacement-press-secretary-239721

    • jesterpunk

      What happened to Kimberly Guilfoyle? They where going to pick her not too long ago?

      https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HJoqKczkPzc/hqdefault.jpg

      • I can do that too! However, i refuse to lie ALL the time. Makes me over qualified and out of the running

        • janecita

          And you don’t look like a poster child against plastic surgery.

      • Joe Beese

        She has two qualifications.

        The left one and the right one.

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          She appears to be determined to ensure that everyone notices both of them.

        • FauxAntocles

          Well, that’s two more than Spicer has.

        • natoslug

          Looks like she’s padded her resume.

          • Joe Beese

            To implant herself in the press corps?

          • natoslug

            I can’t believe they’ve already nipped her press secretary roll in the bud. She worked so hard to keep a breast of current events.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            No matter how hard she tries, she’ll never be a bigger boob than Spicer.

          • MrTusks

            Looks like her bid to get into the White House was a total bust.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Just the podium would be an improvement.

    • natoslug

      PICK ME! PICK ME! I won’t lie, but instead of talking about all that boring political stuff that Donut doesn’t want to have out there anyway, I’ll regale the WHPC with my interpretations of Space Trek ‘n stuff. Maybe tell them about the time I went to see Star Wars (the real SW, #1 which is called #4, but that’s just a load of bullshit, DAMMIT! IT. CAME. FIRST. (that’s what she said), so it’s number fucking one!) with my uncle, maybe the ninth or tenth time I had seen it (the movie, not my uncle, because he’s not an it, but rather a he, or more precisely, a “landscape artist” but that’s not important — you’re derailing my goddamned story here, motherfucking fuckers!). So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Star Wars IV, which is really Star Wars I, fuck y’all very much please, and Luke was about to get smacked in the head by a Sand Person when the goddmanedfuckingcocksucking power went out, and we all sat there booing and throwing popcorn for 15-20 minutes before they (the theatre staff, not the popcorns) offered us free tickets to see another new release at a later time when they actually had power again. So I saw Pete’s Dragon instead of Star Wars IV (really #1, godsdamn you all to hell!). The end. Which is why I should now be Secretary of the Lying to Everyone instead of Sean Spicer. Who I am not. I would just be his job. Or have his job. And he would go back to being Mike on VEEP. The End for real this time. Really. So give me the damned job already, because I am eminently qualified and white. The End a third and final time.

      • DrBigHead

        If this is your audition, I’d say you have the job.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Where does the President stand on Wookie immigration policy?

        • natoslug

          Back and to the left. And well out of arm-ripping possibility.

      • natoslug

        Quick point of order: Sand People might have been a bit racist. I meant “noble Tusken Raiders, keepers of the dirt and grime and mighty bashers of the unwary.”

  • Marion in Savannah
  • Anna Rompage

    It’s as if Cherry Bottom gave a typical hyperbole laden Donad Trump speech, and threw is some shitty statistics, and a touch of Ivy League just for fun…

    Come to think of it, I would mind being dominated and used up by a Ivanka power top…

    I wonder if she’d be up for stapling on my horse dong?

  • ariel_gee_398

    Am I the only one who sees a little bit of Donnie’s good old anus mouth on young Jared’s face? Maybe the criming and slumlording and being generally terrible weren’t the only things that attracted Ivanka to him.

  • janecita

    Best feeling in the world, taking your bra off at the end of a long day! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e40745b573da9628fc0b09d7369261ab84c4e6314e44fd420bc8477b7764b862.gif

  • La forza del resistino

    Dems to talkathon AHCA in the Senate well tonight. Mitch steals all the coffee in the cloakroom and padlocks the bathrooms.

    • TJ Barke

      I want to do cruel things to Mitch McConnell. I don’t know if there’s ever been a more craven and amoral politician in America.

      • Yr. Gma

        Paul Ryan.

        • TJ Barke

          I hate Mitch more.

          • Yr. Gma

            For me, it’s a toss up.

      • Thiazin Red

        McConnell is also possibly the most physically repulsive politician I’ve ever seen.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        You’d place him on a fence post 30 feet off the ground, over a canyon?

      • biologydave

        Zell Miller and Strom Thurmond were horrible in their time, but McConnell always makes me scream whenever I see his turtle face on any screen.

      • La forza del resistino

        Tail Gunner Joe McCarthy? He has an ‘ism’ named after him.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • msanthropesmr
    • msanthropesmr

      Beany is concerned about the thunder

      • Thiazin Red

        My mom’s dumb dogs don’t seem to care whether its raining outside. Our old dog hated even getting her paws wet.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Awwwww! Beany needz Moar Human.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Beagle! Who’s a good boy!

    • not_vh

      R Cookbook, eh?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Here’s the REAL voice. It’s on the interweb…so it has to be true.

    https://twitter.com/WHITEHOUSE_ORG/status/869923338495197184

    • natoslug

      This is much closer to how I expected Jared to sound.

    • TundraGrifter

      That’s the face – and the eyes – of a psychopath.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      See, I was thinking more about Bar Mitzvah Boy from SNL. And it was true!

    • H0mer0

      oh, I totes misunderstood what he meant about having a back channel action. Why does everything have to come down to butt sechs AGAIN?*

      *don’t answer that, it was that or dick jokes

  • Red Bird Ω

    Huh???

  • Three Finger Salute

    Ugh. Jared Luthor, the Michael Corleone of the Trump crime family, notorious junior slumlord following in his covficted felon father’s foosteps, and Lebensraum cheerleader in Israel (also following in his covficted felon father’s footsteps), does not deserve a hate-crush or anything remotely fawning said about him at all.

    I’m sure Charles Manson, the Menendez Brothers and Ted Bundy had lots of fans attracted to a charismatic sociopath. But IRL Jared, other than as a generic Sears model and therefore nowhere near the levers of power? Nopenopenope. DO. NOT. WANT.

    Required eye bleach. Obama, Trudeau, Macron.

    http://www.msnbc.com/sites/msnbc/files/x_30_lw_obamaharvard2_120822.jpg
    http://abcnews.go.com/images/Politics/ap_obama_student_kb_120502_wblog.jpg

    https://cdn.mtlblog.com/uploads/006d504415b36e55e25bc92a1a1154a8e737b36c.jpg
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/news/2017/03/01/aatrudeau-large_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqqVzuuqpFlyLIwiB6NTmJwfSVWeZ_vEN7c6bHu2jJnT8.jpg

    https://laurencekt.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/macron-jeune-parisien.jpg
    https://anonimag.es/i/4c28c1647e9edd739997c5b4692a43e44ce36.jpg

    • Red Bird Ω

      So, is he headed to Israel to kick the Palestinians off the land? I heard something about him brokering a peace deal.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Yeah, about that…

        • Red Bird Ω

          That must be the end game.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Almost like it’s a… final solution or, or, something. “Ultimate deal”.

          • Red Bird Ω

            ??? I wasn’t thinking that. More like some well received speeches and then back to the usual petty fighting.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I think he’s going to make them an offer they can’t refuse. Something about $24 worth of Ivanka costume jewelry and the (remote) possibility of casinos to be discussed later.

    • Claire

      OMG, look at Macron’s boy-band hair! He is so CUTE.

  • Thiazin Red

    This week is going to be all meals from the Hannibal cookbook. Yesterday, spinach stuffed pork loin with an appetizer of pate with a sage and plum sauce. Today, crab pilaf and a beet and goat cheese terrine.

    Tomorrow might be the eggplant “osso buco” since I don’t think I’ll have time to go shopping for meats or start a real osso buco.

    • SnarkON

      Next week it will be all meals from the Cannibal Cookbook.

  • jaspersdad

    “Do you believe CO2 is the primary control knob for the temperature of the Earth and for climate?” asked CNBC’s Joe Kernen.

    “No, most likely the primary control knob is the ocean waters and this environment that we live in,”

    – Rick Perry climate scientist

    • biologydave

      I think Rick Perry is the real knob…..

      • Dg Hacket

        Kernan also

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Oye. We don’t want him back. Meanwhile I saw a headline today that a new study reconfirmed warming, more heatwaves, etc.

      • jesterpunk

        Rick will just pray for rain and cooler weather when it gets bad.

      • SnarkON

        Rigged!

    • not_vh

      especially with those glasses.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I’m guessing he’s referring to El Niño about the oceans really, only the Pacific) and climate change over long time periods caused by changes in our orbit or volcanic eruptions or the changing tilt on our axis. But he can’t say that, not even with his magic glasses because he really doesn’t understand any of it anyway.

      • DrBigHead

        Hell, the people who understand it don’t really fully understand it. Climate is one of the most complex and dynamic systems there is. That’s why science is hard.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          And also, climate is cyclical. The relatively sudden and massive release of greenhouse gasses may affect that cycle in ways we don’t understand

          • H0mer0

            I read that at first as “climate is cynical.”

      • vivian

        That’s an exceedingly charitable assessment. We’re talking about “Oops” Perry here. He probably thinks that gummy bears getting into a fight with Tic Tacs is responsible for “this environment we live in”.

      • jaspersdad

        In January 2016, on the West Antarctic ice sheet, an area the size of Texas turned to slush. Scientists believe it was from the extreme El Niño event.

        https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms15799

    • La forza del resistino

      the only climate knob Rick knows about is turning his AC on.

      • SnarkON

        Oh, I think he’s familiar with Koch knobs.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Rick Perry is a climate knob.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    WHAT A FUCKING DWEEB!

  • vivian

    It’s like watching a pie plate talk…

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Quote of the day

    • Shanzgood 18 Days

      Does it have marzipan in it, bingo?

    • proudgrampa

      Man, how do you follow that?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    He’s not going deliver jack shit to veterans.

    Also, the “cloud” is SOMEONE ELSE’S COMPUTER. It still needs backup and security, especially for health records of all types.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      And also, they can decide to get out of the cloud business, or double or triple the price of storage.

  • Red Bird Ω

    I need to get a dog again. Wasting time over the summer is more fun with a dog.

    • SnarkON

      Everyone needs a dog.

    • Maggielle

      Ooh, till you get one of your own, check with your local humane society and see if they need volunteers to walk the dogs of old folks who can’t get out so much, or people recovering from hip surgery or something. I can’t have a dog of my own (apartment rules plus no extra money for vets and food, etc.) so I have a great time with OPDs (other people’s dogs).

      • Red Bird Ω

        Good idea. When my dog died a couple of years ago I donated his left over food and medicine to the local no kill shelter. They always need volunteers. I’ll add that to my to-do list.

  • Rick Hill

    Oh, leave him alone. He just wants all your stuff, even if he has to have the laws rewritten so it’s legal. Is that so wrong?
    https://images.dailykos.com/images/412198/story_image/06-11-mcfadden-KOS.png?1497271168

  • Explody Brain

    The best reality show ever would be making every single Congresscritter live for 365 days as the poorest 10 percent in their district lives.

    • Shanzgood 18 Days

      Ooh, that’d be way more fun to watch than Hunger Games!

    • biologydave

      “Undercover CongressCritter?”

      • Explody Brain

        Under cardboard CongressCritter.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      My congresscritter is a Dem, I think he already has a pretty good idea. There are a lot of DREAMers and kids with immigrant parents in our district. He has tried to advocate for them.

      • Explody Brain

        I think it would still be educational.

    • vivian

      This is an excellent idea, especially if they have to live in those conditions while serving. That’ll weed out the profiteers pretty damn quickly.

      • Explody Brain

        I’m not sure how to combine it with actually being a member of Congress. Maybe you should have to do it to even run for office.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          2 years of public service- Peace Corps or some volunteer program at home could be required before you could run for public office.

          • vivian

            Another excellent idea! Prove your willingness to serve before you run to serve.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Ouch! I have a bone spur!

            I will do my public service by frequenting orgies featuring very young pee hookers. Oh, and I always get two scoops.

  • Jamoche

    A “cloud” is a data center that you don’t control. Fine for small places that can’t afford to run their own, but when you get big enough that you already have data centers, you should fucking keep them.

    Sincerely, former employee of a cloud-pusher. Which had – gasp! – a huge local server room for its own shit.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I can see consolidating some government data centers. But you wanna talk about hacking? Put all your shit on the cloud.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        And share the codes with Putin.

    • Joe Beese

      My romance with cloud storage services hit a rough patch when my wife’s upload of a Sally Mann photograph to OneDrive, pursuant to a photography class she was taking at the time, resulted in a a visit from the local FBI branch – making an obligatory follow-up on Microsoft’s report of “potential child pornography”.

      I always though those jackets with “FBI” on the back in yard-high letters was just in the movies, but no, they really wear them!

  • Joe Beese

    To celebrate the 10th anniversary of the iPhone, a proposed ban on smartphone sales to children under 13. (Cause of the brain rotting.)

    http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/colorado-dad-wants-state-ban-smartphones-kids-under-13-n774036

    • Shanzgood 18 Days

      I say if a kid under 13 can come up with that much money on their own, they’re fine! Sell ’em one!

      • Suttree

        I don’t even have a smrt phone anymore. FB messaging and landline calls suffice at the moment

      • divegrl

        Most kids don’t buy them. Their parents do. And increased screen time affects their grades.

        • Shanzgood 18 Days

          I know, I was kidding!

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          My nieces and nephews get their parents’ old phone when there’s been an upgrade.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      My daughter had her first phone at 10, because I worked for Nextel and it only cost me $10/month. This being 2001, it was not a smartphone.

    • SnarkON

      Wingnuts outraged? Just a guess.

    • divegrl

      I agree!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I would go further and ban the use of Twitter to children under the age of 75.

    • divegrl

      Most parents buy them for their kids to shut them up.

  • Sorry, I just can’t take Jared Kushner seriously dressed like that…

    Where’s the t-shirts with comic book characters on them???
    https://media1.giphy.com/media/XwY5CdmVxJ95u/giphy.gif#12

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I don’t know what makes me more afraid: that the DoD has legacy systems that use 8″ floppy discs or that this guy is the one responsible for trying to fix that.

    • Thiazin Red

      I’m okay with some things being kept on old non networked technology.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        No question, describing a peculiar situation like that does not necessarily mean that describes a problem. Still, I have a hard time with the idea there is a library of 8″ floppies floating around with imporatant information.

        • georgiaburning

          They need to be read and re-written every so often. Eventually you won’t be able to read the boot sector and that’s it. Though I wouldn’t put it past them to have developed better heads and error-correcting algorithms than those old IBM and Shugart units used just to keep the format alive.

    • Joe Beese

      “It looks like you’re trying to launch a nuclear weapon. Would you like help with that?”

      • vivian

        Instead of Clippy they have Bomby.

      • georgiaburning

        run the old Fortran version of Missile Command, he won’t notice

    • not_vh

      that’s completely fine. there is something to be said about reliability and robustness. idiocy on the other hand…

      • Joe Beese

        In the US, around 80 percent of in-person transactions and 95 percent of ATM swipes are based on programs written in COBOL. …

        Companies are in desperate need for some young blood with COBOL knowledge. Only a few universities are still teaching COBOL but it’s not enough to meet demand.

        Currently, banks and financial companies heavily rely on retirees, paying them $100 an hour to fix simple problems (for people with the right expertise). …

        However, using retirees isn’t exactly a sustainable solution because, let’s face it, they’re going to die at some point and there’s no one to replace them.

        https://thenextweb.com/finance/2017/04/10/ancient-programming-language-cobol-can-make-you-bank-literally/

        • jesterpunk

          They also dont want to pay older programmers what they are worth. After my dad retired years ago he tried to get a job doing fortran and cobol programming and the companies all told him he was over qualified and they want to pay a lot less then what he was making. He decided after that he didnt want to work anymore and started taking art and dance classes instead.

        • BosGrl

          Wow. I remember an old boyfriend learning COBOL back in like 1982.

          • Joe Beese

            As I recall from my 1982-era computer lab, the language had a musty “grandpa’s sweater” odor even then.

    • Panika MCD

      I want them using such a fucking old legacy system. it makes me feel like the hackers and Russian pee hookers can’t win this one.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I think this will all blow up in his face when he accidentally hacks into WOPR.

    • marxalot

      Please keep them non-networked and running on legacy hardware. If it can’t be reached or read, it can’t be hacked. And yes, there are still people who can write and work in COBOL.

  • I am awaiting both my mom and sister to go see Wonder Woman (again for me, first time for them).

    • vivian

      Sounds like a blast! Have fun!

    • Shanzgood 18 Days

      Whee! I want to go again as well!

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Is it suitable for kids? I’d love to take my 8 year old granddaughter. She’s already kind of a hard assed little girl and I like to encourage that.

        • Shanzgood 18 Days

          I don’t know your granddaughter so maybe this will help. (May contain spoilers)

          http://m.imdb.com/title/tt0451279/parentalguide

          • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

            Thanks for the link. I think we’ll have to wait for the sanitized for TV version.

        • jowgajen

          There’s a lot of war violence, with weapons of mass destruction and war crime type stuff. So, despite there not being the usual gore, swearing and sexy times stuff of an adult movie, I’d say the war topics are honest enough to be PG-13 for reals.

          • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

            That’s too bad. My daughter doesn’t allow the kids to see PG-13 movies.

    • La forza del resistino
  • Raan

    I think I accidentally stole a bike in my dream last night.

    In all fairness to my dream self, they did leave it on the curb on trash day.

    • FauxAntocles

      As long as the dream police don’t come looking for you, you should be in the clear.

    • La forza del resistino

      that’s weird. I found my kryptonite lock broken this morning

    • H0mer0

      I had a dream I was wearing only a bra on top when speaking to my kids and pondered whether they could see my areola through the fabric. The next morning it almost came true but fortunately I had my blouse to hold in front (I know, they’ve seen ’em when they were babbies but would still be awkward.)

  • SnarkON

    This is bad for the Jews.

  • Picabo
  • Suttree

    Yay! Lightning and thunder!

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Is it very, very frightening indeed?

      • Suttree

        If I had a cat, I would curl up under the bed with her.

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          I actually did that as a kid. But more about my parents than the weather that I would stand out in all day no matter what.

        • Anna Rompage

          Speaking of cats… my neighbor recently inherited his daughters abandoned cat, started letting it outside, now the fucking thing wants to camp out in my yard and attack my sweet little kitties…

          I witness him attacking my kitty Frida just this afternoon…

          I had to take my cat Zelda into the vet this morning for a $400 procedure to deal with an abscess likely caused by this fucking unruly asshole…

          I love cats & give them a wide berth, so I spoke to my neighbor about keeping his inside from now on, and if not, I am not opposed to breaking out the pellet gun if I ever see that fucker in my yard again…

          • Rasilom

            Get a wrist rocket (aka high powere sling shot) And shoot it with a hunk of string cheese. It will raise a hell of a welt but wont break the skin or do permanant damage. If the beast is like my former neighbors evil dogs it will never come back after about 3 good solid hits. Good wrist rocket costs about 20 bucks at tour average variety store with a sporting goods section.

          • Suttree

            I am glad that you went that route. :)

      • vivian

        Galileo?

      • Suttree

        Nope. Just unusual for Jersey. I miss the rain in New Orleans. That was rain!

    • Anna Rompage

      Yay, you’re alive!

      You had us worried there for a moment last night!

      • Suttree

        I am fine. I just went off on a tangent.

        • Anna Rompage

          Next time, close one of your eyes if you’re gonna post crazy shit like that… that way, you won’t get so dizzy and concern us so much..

          So happy to see you’re still with us, and I totally understand!

          I lived with a severely herniated disc for 8 months, and used to push the edge of self medication!

          Just remember, no acetaminophen or muscle relaxers and heavy amounts of booze!

          • Suttree

            I always close my right eye when I am fucked up.

          • Anna Rompage

            Next time, try the left… ;)

        • not_vh

          there are booths to tan gents, you know? You don’t have to go down that slope.

          i missed it, but lots of people here were concerned about you. i mean really concerned. i was up early am and people were concerned about you.

          take care man.

          forgive if spoken out of turn. no disrespect.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Good to see you.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          You’re a kook, but you’re my kook, damn it. Stop doing silly stuff like scaring everyone!

  • Panika MCD

    his eyes…they’re still dead while he’s talking…they follow me.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Creepy. They’re almost human.

      • CatDog

        uncanny valley for sure.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    CNN just reported a press release from WH about North Korea and the death of the former prisoner.

    The end of the statement mentioned regimes that don’t obey the rule of law or common decency.

    No sense of irony was noted.

  • Jimh

    I liked him better when he was in the background, mulling things.

    • SnarkON

      In his flak jacket.

  • CatDog

    Did he say he wants to send migrants to the clouds? That’s a bit scary. One day he may pass the turing test. Then it’s really hasta fucking la vista baby.

  • Panika MCD

    Pickwick’s comment about going to see Wonder Woman reminded me to check to see if Dok had covered any of our TX news while I was away. sadly, you missed ALL THE THINGS! let’s start with my awesome mayor defending Alamo Draft House’s right to have an all woman audience screening of Wonder Woman:

    http://www.mayoradler.com/letter-wonder-woman/

    it should be noted that Alamo Draft House found the first response so funny that they are now slated to have multiple all women audience showings of movies.

    • OutOfOrbit

      I am thinking “Multiple all women” orgasms.

      • Panika MCD

        they’re not going to do it for 50 Shades of Gray so far as I know.

      • marxalot

        That should be in the “Wonder Woman” sequel.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Remember: If they start lezzing out, just roll with it.

    • Shanzgood 18 Days

      Did you hear about the man-babies who filed complaints because they convinced themselves their civil rights had been violated?

      • Panika MCD

        yes. did you click on the linky and read Mayor Adler’s response to them?

        • Shanzgood 18 Days

          I didn’t because I assumed it was the same email response I’d previously read where he sai “hey, someone hacked your email, buddy!”

          • Panika MCD

            it was. I love my mayor.

      • jesterpunk
      • clubseal

        Any thoughts on how many of them will have the courage to plead their case in court?
        My money’s on “none of them.”

        • Shanzgood 18 Days

          Especially if they can’t prove anybody refused to sell them tickets. Plus, the Alamo had multiple other showings they could have gone to.

    • mancityRed6
  • Joe Beese
    • Jamoche

      Oy, Tivo is still useful – not everyone has enough bandwidth for streaming.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Keith is killin’ it today, Baby!

  • biologydave

    I don’t usually share personal things, but I’m going to make an exception. Today at work I helped save a duck and 9 of her ducklings twice(!) and prevented a plumbing crew from a possible chemical explosion. All in all, it was a weird day

    • vivian

      That sounds like good weird to me! Go you!

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      You work in the White House?

      • biologydave

        Those “plumbers” get what they deserve

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Nixon sees what you did there.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      It’s too bad they don’t give medals for this stuff instead of fake Sheriff Clark medals. Go you!

      • biologydave

        The first duck extraction was a piece of cake….on land and behind a retaining wall they couldn’t get over. Sadly, 30 minutes later, all 9 fell into a storm drain, but we were able to fish them out. Mother and babies are now at a golf course.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Duck wrangling sounds like it could be a challenge and not in your job description

          • biologydave

            “Other duties as required” makes a great catch-all in the language.

        • JAKvirginia

          Hugs to you from everyone who loves nature. Small time heroes do some amazing things. Thank you!

    • Joe Beese

      That’s a total of 20 duck-saves!

    • Panika MCD
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I shot a man in Reno, just so I could watch him die. Also a weird day.

    • SpideySenser

      YAY to you!

    • Snopes Shop

      hero

  • memzilla Ω

    “Spicer searching for candidates to take over White House briefing” reports Politico.

    “Last week, Spicer and White House chief of staff Reince Priebus reached out to Fox News personality Laura Ingraham about the role of press secretary and Daily Mail editor David Martosko about the role of communications director, according to a White House official.”

    They really do think that the solution to Dolt 45’s and the Rethuglicans’ problems is to USE A DIFFERENT BRAND OF TURD POLISH.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8723237504ac950a4621943995d07c4e058f5bb8ba3ffa86701aba9b0eb1e10c.jpg

    • Panika MCD

      http://pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw6137-39050__safe_animated_cloudchaser_flitter.gif

      I always wondered when Spice Spice Baby would break down and realize that even if he has to go work for McDonalds with his ruined reputation, it’s better than where he’s at.

      • BosGrl

        And yet you know he’ll land on his feet and get a 6 figure job somewhere.

    • jesterpunk

      Give Spicey 6 months and he will deny he ever worked in the White House during interviews.

      Interviewer: Mr Spicey I see here you have a gap from January until now on your resume, what where you doing during that time?

      Spicey: I was in prison.

      Interviewer: Are you sure, I saw you on TV doing press briefings?

      Spicey: Nope, wasnt me, fake news, I was in prison.

      Interviewer: Here is a clip of you doing the press briefing for Trump. Do you still want to claim this isnt you?

      Spicey: Nope not me, I told you I was in prison. Anyone who claims otherwise is lying to damage my reputation. FAKE NEWS!!!! SAD!!!

      Interviewer: Mr Spicey that thing you just said is the same thing you are saying in this clip, it sounds just like you.

      Spicey: I said I was in prison, you must be part of the lamestream media.

      Interviewer: Ok we will be in touch, thanks for your time.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        He can always try the “evil twin who came back from the dead” gambit, that always worked so well in soap operas.

        • jesterpunk

          “It was my evil twin. PERIOD”

          • Crystalclear12

            It was Melissa McCarthy, I was on SNL.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Apparently Donnie Dump is having trouble finding any Republicans who are willing to put up with his mercurial shit and be able to afford high priced attorneys to shield themselves from his various scandals. A number of candidates have said “uh, thanks, but I’m busy washing my hair.” I hope Trump gets his stink all over Nikki Haley.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Nikki Haley is already stinky.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          She’s polished enough, and “moderate” enough, that I view her as a real threat. I SO want her political career to die on the Trump hill of bullshit.

    • tehbaddr

      Yeah, they just need to keep buffing harder!

  • Jamoche
  • Carpe Vagenda

    How the protests forced Megyn Kelly’s hand.

    https://twitter.com/thejoshuablog/status/876839549560700929

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Forced? Not likely and she didn’t get the ratings she expected. Loser.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
    • Three Finger Salute

      Proof that the GOP is officially run by 4chan trolls: they’ve resorted to doxing people. Except apparently they doxed their own. Oops.

    • JAKvirginia

      They got nuthin on me! Whew… dodged that bullet.

    • Maybe it wasn’t an accident.

      Smokescreen for Trump Server Alfa Bank Voter Database transfers.

      If our hackers find voter databases on Russian hackers computers, the Russians can now claim they got that information through this “accident”, not from Trump.

      The Russians ain’t done fucking with our elections.

    • Panika MCD

      could be worse. back when then AG Abbott did it, he didn’t forget to include SSNs.

      http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/Texas-Accidentally-Releases-Social-Security-Numbers-in-Voter-ID-Case-149041175.html

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Whoa…

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Guys, I saw the abs and I think I can reform him.

    Just give me the chance, I can change him!

    • William Cook for now

      No matter how long you have to keep him chained up down there? A true hero.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Sure…. that’s why.

    • Anna Rompage

      There’s no saving that one… if anything, he’s just a hot, sad pity fuck that you’ll want to kick out of bed the moment you are done with him…

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        I like the basement idea below.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    You guys stop being mean to Jared when he’s being an expert on things and stuff. Jeez.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance

    The bovine excrement has collided with the air circulating device! Send my solicitor and sidearm forthwith! Oh yeah, and a briefcase full of cash!
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0726325bb368e58c54605cb858b12e0374b59bf51d1246d0cedea5a0826af723.jpg

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      So, the tapioca hit the air conditioner?

    • jesterpunk

      How did you get that picture of Trump giving a press briefing?

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Hippo libelz!1!1!1!

    • jaspersdad
  • Picabo
  • Anna Rompage

    Three beers, an heirloom poppy head, and a hot day…

    Is it nappy time yet?

    • Panika MCD

      no. but it’s almost doggy play group time.

    • yyyaz

      Not until the rain starts. Only thunder so far.

  • jaspersdad

    A DNA study has found that all tamed cats today descend from the African wildcat or Felis silvestris lybica.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cfc1a7d678cdfdee09d9df4f9785b420423fd4cb7eae20fc4f321b5f40c8c091.jpg

    https://www.nature.com/articles/s41559-017-0139

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Any word on Suttree?

    Jared and Ivanka should both shut their yaps, so I can go back to thinking they had half a brain between them.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Scroo down, he was here about 15 min ago.

    • Anna Rompage

      Yes, he’s alive… look down thread, he’s not that far down it

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I missed the fireworks last night, but I saw the word salad before he deleted it. Glad to see that he’s still around.

      • jowgajen

        It just looked to me like he had his fingers shifted over from the correct position on the keyboard and was too stoned to actually read what he had typed. But I wasn’t gonna try and dissuade folks from checking on him, because better safe than sorry.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        He’s a kook, but he’s my kook.

        He got stabbed multiple times, and lived to tell the tale, so I knew he’d probably be OK. Some people just can’t be killed with conventional weapons.

  • Ezio

    Hey Wonkers. I have been away for a few days but I’m back. Also I filled out my application for New York State’s free tuition program for families that make less than 100k a year. So that’s cool. Here’s hoping it goes through, they said it was first come first serve.

    • BosGrl

      That’s great!

    • TJ Barke

      I was wondering where you was.

  • Pat_Pending

    He moved his mouth parts! I heard them! I was not impressed when he started talking about servers or something!

  • marxalot

    I have an hour left in the office and I just want to be somewhere else.
    I mean, I like my job but today it’s just… eye-rollingly boring.
    Someone compile this comparison table of mappings between schemae for me.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      On it!

    • mardam422

      Isn’t that schemus?

      • vivian

        Schemus? He hardly knows us!

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Romney’s dog? Let that poor beast off the roof!

    • not_vh

      my light-bulb moment for the day is that i need to invest in noise canceling paraphernalia, just to avoid mind games and to keep my sanity.

      i need to focus on life and work on things i like.

      • vivian

        If Bose really wants to make some money, they’d invent noise-cancelling headphones for what happens inside your head, not outside.

        • not_vh

          no man. noise outside quite real. been at this game for a while, only now noise inside starting to bother me.

        • Jamoche

          We have booze for that.

    • La forza del resistino

      ‘work’ is one of many 4 letter words we use.
      – Maynard G Krebs

  • La forza del resistino

    The last time Jared was found a person of interest was when Ivanka was interested in doing a pre-nup check on his bank account.

  • BadKitty904

    My brother in Orlando just texted me this, I’m not quite sure why. Maybe there’s some kinda disco conflagration goin’ on down there…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TORVssfy5lw

  • Bill D. Burger

    Just fresh off the wire: Spicey is OUT!

    Sean Spicer Out as Press Secretary
    Spicer will lead the communications office while searching for his replacement at the briefing podium.

    By Gabrielle Levy, Political Reporter | June 19, 2017, at 5:47 p.m.

    https://www.usnews.com/news/politics/articles/2017-06-19/sean-spicer-to-lead-communications-office-searches-for-new-press-secretary

  • Ezio

    I like how Alex Jones is yammering on about Megyn Kelly as if she’s some kind of “liberal shill” when in reality no progressive person I know likes her at all, myself included.

    • Jamoche

      When you’re standing at the north pole, everyone’s a southerner.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I can’t stand her, or Gretchen Carlson, or Greta Von Sustern. I would like them all to go back to Fox News where they belong.

      • Ezio

        Gretchen Carlson is still around? Haven’t seen her in a while.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          “Empowering women” or some such bullshit. “Hey, gals, want to get ahead? Join a horrible, misogynist organization, interested in promoting a misogynistic agenda, and then when YOU get sexually harassed, make sure you sue, so you can walk away with millions.” Yeah, I already feel more powerful.

  • Bill D. Burger

    WHO will replace SPICEY’!??

    (*Oh let it be Gary Busey!)

    https://twitter.com/GlennThrush/status/876906667279077376

    • biologydave

      Ted Nugent? Sarah Palin? A puddle of brown liquid that could be creosote or some industrial resin?

      • The Wanderer

        It’ll be a troika – a cat, a duck, and a lizard.

    • cheetojeebus

      Evil Cheeto wants Miller for the sheer joy of watching a consummate douchebag at work. Saintly Cheeto wants it all to end.

    • Bobathonic

      Make it Bannon. That cockroach needs to be illuminated.

  • vivian

    Ya’know the animatronics department at Disney has really let it slide on this one.
    Not lifelike AT ALL.

    • Crystalclear12

      Romney-esqe

    • Panika MCD

      it’s a small world after all!

    • hendenburg2

      Well, that’s what eventually happens when your “Imagineer” team is payed so poorly

  • The Wanderer

    I expected him to sound like a cuck.
    Yes, I will call Jared a cuck.
    Cuckcuckcuck.

  • Bill D. Burger

    We won’t have Spicey to kick around any longer.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DCtu2WfVwAApH13.jpg

    • Panika MCD
      • Notreelyhelping

        Where exactly does one get ahold of these crazy pills?

        • Panika MCD

          he went to Jared. they’re in his eyes.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’ve felt like that every fucking day since November 9th. I still haven’t REALLY accepted the reality that Trump is…barf…president. I keep thinking I’m watching a bad reality TV series, that will get cancelled because it’s so dumb.

        • jowgajen

          It’s like a particularly cruel version of Groundhog Day.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            YESSSS!!!!

        • Panika MCD

          I accept that he was inaugurated into the office, but that doesn’t make me feel like we have a president all the same. the way this administration behaves, I’m glad we have a fairly decentralized government–even if Trump-fever (aka the likelihood you would hear “elections have consequences!!!” 8 times a day at the state level) made the last TX legislative session the worst in anyone’s memory (including those who have been at it for 50 years).

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I knew the GOP would eventually get so nuts they’d nominate a dictator, I just didn’t think the public would be dumb enough to go along with it. The right seems to have a real weakness for bad movie and TV actors. Too bad the rest of us have to suffer the consequences of their fascination with assholes.

          • Panika MCD

            weakest dictator ever. SAD!

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            He really is terrible at everything. He’s like a toddle, but without the charm.

          • Panika MCD

            weebles may wobble, but they don’t fall down!

            http://i.makeagif.com/media/3-27-2014/hjRL6_.gif

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Ha ha, you know I meant “toddler!”

          • Panika MCD

            toddlers have more self control.

        • bluicebank

          I blame our programming overlords. They switched us into the evil universe when we were asleep. I hope they realize that we’re goddamn aware that they did this.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I still think I may have been in a car accident, and I’ve been languishing in a coma, and when I finally wake up, I’ll see President Clinton announcing that we’re ahead of schedule in reducing our carbon emissions, and that she’s created a 1000 new solar jobs in the last week alone.

  • tehbaddr

    “He sounds like a regular person, with feelings and everything!” You can’t fool me, I know he was grown in a vat!

    • The Wanderer

      He was decanted on time, in accordance with proper procedures. Instantiation was nominal.

  • Ezio
  • BadKitty904

    On the other hand, it really does look like he lost quite a bit of weight eating those subs.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Why won’t trump say the words “Radical Welsh Terrorism”?

    • William Cook for now

      Anytime he hears the word Welsh he takes it as a slur and gets defensive.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Nah, he only gets defensive when he hears the word “welsher.”

        • William Cook for now

          Yes that was the slur I meant.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Anyone have a good love story, or a story about meeting a soul mate? I need some hope, since I just realized Trump has only been in office a few months, and we have YEARS more of this shit to go. I genuinely don’t think that fucker is going to get impeached, so don’t try to cheer me up with that. Just tell me a nice love story about that time you were so in love you felt dizzy.

    • Vecchioivan

      Try “Persuasion.”

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        What is “Persuasion?” A book? Movie?

        • Vecchioivan
          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I need to spend more time reading, and less on the Wonkette. :-)

          • Vecchioivan

            Both pursuits are equally enriching culturally.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I do genuinely learn stuff on Wonkette, and I got to meet the lovely Donna Rose, so I don’t think on my deathbed I’ll be thinking “should have spent less time on The Wonkette.” I have been neglecting my reading, though.

          • Persistent Demme

            I agree.
            I forgot where I was, and earlier responded to someone on the faceplace (something I never do.).
            I had to delete the post, since he REALLY over-reacted.
            (On the other hand, I think I pissed off a RWNJ. Hee-hee.)

          • Here is a lovely letter from the wonderful Rev. Sydney Smith on dealing with melancholy in 1820, some of it still applies very well;

            http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/health/letter-from-rev-sydney-smith-to-lady-georgiana-cavendish-daughter-of-the-duke-of-devonshire-29637570.html

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            That is excellent advice. I particularly like these two:
            10th: Don’t expect too much from human life – a sorry business at the best.
            11th: Compare your lot with that of other people.

            I’m not really melancholy, it’s more that I’m suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome. I was perfectly fine in November, and now I can’t even believe what I’m seeing. A WH that won’t let the press cover it? WTF??? We should all be VERY alarmed.

          • Predisenting Ron

            I wonder why he was dismissive of music? I have a selection I play whenever I need a positive vibe… perhaps it’s because music like that was uncommon in the 1820s?

          • He’s not dismissive of music. He’s dismissive of music “likely to excite feeling or emotion not ending in active benevolence.”

            Or to put it in modern terms, don’t listen to depressing music if you’re depressed.

          • Predisenting Ron

            Mmm, okay. I just find his phrasing… odd.

          • Sure, why not? He’s old!

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Originally, a Jane Austen novel. It’s excellent.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Will it help me get out of my Donnie Dump dumps? I need cheerful stories.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            It is not depressing. But if you really need slightly lighter fare, I would strongly recommend “Emma”, or “Pride and Prejudice” (either the book, or the 6 part A&E adaptation. As a bonus to the movie, Colin Firth is just yummy.)

    • Met Mr Ferdzy when I was 18 and he was 21, introduced by mutual (anarchist) friends. We both liked each other but were too shy to do more than make eyes at each other.

      We then went off and had relationships (“relationships”) with other people that ranged from sucky to seriously fucked up, got our respective shit together etc.

      So that 7 years later when the Toronto Anarchist Convention happened in ’88 on the July long weekend, I thought “I wonder if that cute [Mr. Ferdzy] guy will be there…?)

      He was.

      We moved in together by the August long weekend.

      Making it 29 years together in, uh, 2 weeks? About that.

    • bluicebank

      I was down in the dumps in the early ’80s, and she was a strikingly gorgeous ginger of the autumn hue variety, and she loved me right off. I never told her she saved my sorry butt because I couldn’t believe my luck. It was like jasmine and lavender wafted from her. And freckles, and other physical attributes. I had to break up with her twice until the third time took, that’s how awesome she was, and maddening. She kept showing up in my dreams decades later. I think I’m over her. I still have a watercolor she did for me back in 1983.And pictures. Yep, definitely over her.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I have a similar story from the late 80s, but with a blonde. I still have a card she sent me, not that I’m not over her or anything. One of my friends said to me “you know I love you, and I think you’re great, but what the hell does she see in you?” She was so out of my league, but she didn’t know it.

        I looked her up on FB hoping she’d have aged badly. She’s still breathtakingly beautiful, and oh yeah, she’s also a surgeon.

    • valgalky23

      It was one of those run away together weekends in late summer. After a long, lazy afternoon swimming & sunning on the clothing optional beach on the western panhandle of FL a few hours from NOLA, we headed back to the car to seek out dinner & drinks. We were the only ones around except for the few cars passing by along the beach road. In the parking area there was an outdoor shower, a nice one for riding yourself of sand. We were so in love and devil may care, we opted for shedding the beach attire and showering nude right there not caring that the cars passing by on the beach road not 50 ft away could clearly see us if they bothered to look. Best making out in the shower ever and a love story moment that never fades over the years. Empowering that was..

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Funny you should mention that, since I’ve recently been thinking I want an outdoor tub.

        Are you still together?

    • thewalkindude

      Wednesday I’m spending the day with a woman I loved 36 years ago, but we couldn’t be together…I love her still as much as I did then…

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Is she single now? Fingers crossed!

        It’s funny how if you really love someone, it never dies.

        • thewalkindude

          She is not…

  • bluicebank

    Hardly a week goes by without me being reminded of a “Big Lebowski” quote. Today, Panamanian leader threw shade on Trump’s cavorting about the US building the Panama Canal:

    “Yeah, 100 years ago,” Juan Carlos Varela replied.

    Walter Sobchak: “What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue
    here, Dude. I’m talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT… Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.”

    The Dude: “Walter, this isn’t a guy who built the railroads here.”

  • janecita

    Gym or no gym? On the one hand, I’ll feel bad if I don’t go, on the other I really don’t wanna go:-(

    • Joe Beese

      One factor to consider: In 100 years, you’ll be dead.

      • Vecchioivan

        Somehow, you always know the right words to say.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Unless you were born today and even then your chances are pretty good it is true.

      • janecita

        But I’m planning to make a thin, “I can’t believe she was over 90 years old, she looked so fucking good,” corpse;-)

    • vivian

      OK. This is a double-bind. Either choice opens the door for bad feelings. So what’s the third option? Go for 10 minutes? Go take a walk around a park instead?

      • janecita

        It’s raining really hard here.

        • vivian

          OK! We’ve got this! Stay at home and do stretching, but do a really thorough job. It’s a great workout and no gym.

        • Crystalclear12

          Sex counts as exercise.

    • jowgajen

      For me, on the fence is a yes just go do it. Save no gym for days when it’s “no fucking way am I going to the gym”.

      • janecita

        Thanks:-) I’ll get into it once I’m there.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      This is the same “lesser of evils” argument that led to Trump getting elected.

      • vivian

        Quite a load to put on the decision there Drub.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          When it’s 114 degrees, I respond to pretty much everything with “that’s the kind of shit that helped Trump get elected”. Sorry.

      • janecita

        Lol, I guess that the gym was the lesser of two evils.

    • Bitter Scribe

      I lucked out because I ran outside and didn’t get rained on, even though it got cloudy as fuck halfway through.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      This is the eternal paradox that the Greek philosophers missed. I’m look at you Zeno, you lazy bastard.

      • vivian

        Hey, at least he made it half way!

    • biologydave

      Gym. Just do it, your body will thank you.

      • janecita

        That’s what I thought:-)

    • La forza del resistino

      the chance of slipping and falling on an apparatus due to someone’s previous sweaty residue should not be minimized

    • Bill D. Burger

      Go and set a good example for all us lazy, idle, slothful, loafing, do-nothing, sluggardly, shiftless, lackadaisical, languid, inactive, underactive, inert, sluggish, lethargic wonkers. K? :)

      • janecita

        I did! Now it’s your turn!

        • Predisenting Ron

          Hey, SOME of us were outside today, digging clay, moving concrete and brick and rock. Working out seems… superfluous.

          • janecita

            Fuck that, I do all my working out indoors!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Yeah, I’d go with, but I’m busy laying on my bed reading Wonkette.

      • janecita

        Lazy ass;-)

    • David Chaillou

      O son of Pritha, yield not to unmanliness,
      It is not worthy of you, a man of prowess,
      This petty weakness of the heart cast off,
      O oppressor of foes; now try to get up.

      • janecita

        Thanks for the inspiration! I’m a woman of prowess!

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      I dunno…that might require pants…

  • Bill D. Burger

    ot….but have to give a shout out to Spicy. (*I wuz torn between this and “Denying”)
    From his girls:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z7tlxwMxBo

  • Ezio

    It’s pouring rain with a huge lightning storm outside but it’s also hot and humid.

    Damn summer.

    • La forza del resistino

      always the Debbydowner, let me say wait ’til the skeeter eggs dry out.

    • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

      Read that as Donna Summer and wondered if the cake was still in the rain.

  • Explody Brain

    http://www.salon.com/2017/06/19/rick-perry-blames-ocean-for-climate-change-energy-secretary-once-again-denies-scientific-consensus/

    Is it like a movie? Can we take Rick Perry’s glasses away and admit that he never should have been a Secretary?

    • Panika MCD

      ummm…it could be worse. it could be so much worse.

  • cheetojeebus

    He lacks the boyish charm from his early days as Eddie Haskell, it does look like the unicorn blood is doing the trick in keeping him young. BTW, I’ve seen a pretty convincing theory that he’s the Zodiac Killer.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Unicorn blood? Are they now back-channeling with North Korea?

      “Unicorn lair ‘discovered’ in North Korea”

      “Yet in what appears to be a genuine world exclusive, the inimitable Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) has now broken the incredible news that archaeologists in Pyongyang have discovered a unicorn’s lair.

      Or rather, the report says that they have “recently reconfirmed” the lair of one of the unicorns ridden by the ancient Korean King Tongmyong, founder of a kingdom which ruled parts of China and the Korean peninsula from the the 3rd century BC to 7th century AD.

      The KCNA goes on to state that the location happens to be 200 metres from a temple in the North Korean capital, adding: “A rectangular rock carved with words “Unicorn Lair” stands in front of the lair.”

      “The carved words are believed to date back to the period of Koryo Kingdom (918-1392),” says the report.”

      https://www.theguardian.com/world/2012/nov/30/unicorn-lair-discovered-north-korea

      • cheetojeebus

        Jared is an old North Korean research project gone rogue they say. Well someone might have said, somewhere, maybe on the internet.

      • Predisenting Ron

        And presciently they’re written in modern Korean.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I still don’t know what this guy actually does.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Trump approves of American Ballet Theatre’s new season: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0fTVnhg7S0

  • Anna Rompage

    My poor little Frida got beat up by the obnoxious neighbor cat this afternoon and has finally returned home…

    I asked the neighbor who recently started letting his cat out to keep him inside…

    I’m thinking if I see him in the yard again, of spraying him with water, and give that a few goes, if that doesn’t work, then it’s time to break out the pellet gun…

    My other kitty Zelda, who is my avatar, just had to go in for $400 worth of treatment to drain an abscess likely cause by the neighbors fuck head of a cat…

    I don’t know what it is about these folks, they’re really nice people, but they have the worst animals.. their dog viscioulsy bark at anything that moves, and their cat is a asshole of a bully…

    Did I mention they are republicans?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e12bf8f4f7baaadaaec3d7f3724f3ff74f523bf9bae92f688c3794adbabde84d.jpg

    • Yr. Gma

      Poor kitty.

    • vivian

      Cat is bully because of dog; dog is barky because of neighbors. They may be nice, but they are doing something wrong.

      • Anna Rompage

        Dog is barky & aggressive because the owners are shitty pet people and don’t socialize him with other people and dogs..

        Cat is a bully because dogs are off the rails, and bully him…

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      You can add vinegar to a water pistol which is more irritating than plain water, but won’t injure the beast. Aim for the eyes.

    • Bill D. Burger

      One neighbor has a cat with those same mixed colorings…..and the greenest eyes I have ever seen. Mezmerizing fellow.

      Hope yours is AOK.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Pretty girl! Hope she doesn’t have much to recover from.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith
    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Poor Frida!

  • Ezio

    It’s funny that internet Nazis are mad that the new Wolfenstein game features the player killing Nazis. I mean, Nazis have often been the go to choice for video game villains because you don’t need to explain in the story that they’re evil. It should be a given. Not to mention the entire series is about that.

    • jesterpunk

      I havent played that game since the early 90’s but isnt the whole point of the game to kill Nazis?

    • Anna Rompage

      I played that on an Apple IIE back in the 80s, and it was all about killing nazis…

    • TJ Barke

      I’m looking forward to it. New Order was pretty good.

      • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

        Did you play The Old Blood? It wasn’t as good as New Order – but still awesome.

        • TJ Barke

          I did not. I might pick it up before New Colossus releases.

    • Joe Beese

      I dunno. The graphics look disappointing.

      https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/69/Wolf3d_pc.png

      • DerrickWildcat

        That’s the Nazi Minecraft mod.

    • vivian

      FFS. If you don’t like it play a different game. Stupid cry-baby Nazis.

      • Hardly Ideal

        Word. For such a masterful race, it sure is easy to get their dander up.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        There’s a relatively new game that they should love because of the strong central character they can relate to.

        “Steep” features mountains upon mountains of snowflakes. Although those never melt, unlike these Nazi whiners.

  • Bill D. Burger

    These classic Spicer lines will just never be the same with Sarah Chokesondicks Huckster or anyone else saying them: ~sigh~

    “Asked and answered”
    “I would refer you to…”
    “The Tweet speaks for itself”
    “It’s not a matter of…”
    “I haven’t asked….”
    “I don’t know…”
    “The president has said…”
    “The president believes…”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5cff306d8f65d9a1fa756c64566ee3b69c19493867516a08d19e056c15839afd.jpg

    • Suse

      “The question is not blah, blah, blah. The real question is blah, blah, blah!”

  • BadKitty904
    • TJ Barke

      Stephen Miller?

      • BadKitty904

        Just add the wig…

    • Joe Beese

      “Who knew I couldn’t rely on the counsel of Grima Wormtongue?”

    • Panika MCD

      I thought that was who would replace RaspBannon…?

      • Ducksworthy

        RaspBannon cannot be replaced. He’s the core. Without him it all collapses into hemophilia and weeping.

        • Panika MCD

          it’s going to collapse into weeping herpes wounds with him.

  • Explody Brain

    Dear Mr. Preet Bharara,

    You are an extremely experienced, educated and outspoken man. I would like to see you on TV more.

    With regards to that, do something about your hair.

    Love,

    Explody Brain

    • Yr. Gma

      His hair?

      • Explody Brain

        He’s doing some funky combing tricks with the 15 hairs he has left toward the front of his face.

        It’s honestly really distracting and not at all camera friendly.

        I don’t care, but the camera does.

        • Yr. Gma

          It’s falling out, so it won’t be there to distract you much longer.

        • not_vh

          preet is a sikh. it’s not kosher for them to tamper with hair to begin with for historical reasons (for atleast a few centuries his ancestors fought islamists, and what they do with their hair was an important statement in defiance. every single resistance had their own symbol the skhs, the rajputs and the marathas had their mushes, the rayas/wodeyars had their varaha(pig) emblems)

          preet as americanized as he is, does not wear the beard, or the kirpan nor the pagda, so what? he’s still fighting the battle for rights,

          • Explody Brain

            He wouldn’t have short hair over if he was religious.

          • Explody Brain

            He has a short Western hairstyle not a Kesh style. I was merely making a comment on his bald spot! It was meant for humor.

          • not_vh

            sorry to not have a sense of humor about this. we have had enough of our people being maimed and killed for absurd reasons. please understand if i dont have a sense of humor about this.

          • Explody Brain

            He has a Western cut.

          • not_vh

            yes he does. so what? point to us when our service to this nation is lacking.

          • Explody Brain

            My initial post indicated that I was happy with his service. I liked him. I wanted to see him more in the media. I, literally, was just suggesting he got a better haircut.

          • Explody Brain
          • Explody Brain

            What I don’t understand is why someone would upvote that. He does not have a Sikh hairstyle!

        • CatDog

          triggered (in a good way) by your tag https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Om_jptm6IA

      • not_vh

        @explody brain

        for most us, it’s not religious as much as it it cultural.

        the main funda is never deny anybody his rights, and don’t sit by idly even as somebody is denied their rights. note nothing religious about this.

        hair etc was a statement of resistance. sikhism didn’t grow because of a bunch of people fancied their hair. that was just a statement of resistance.

    • not_vh

      he’s been doing the bhangra on the who’s who of corrupt power brokers and you are concerned about his hair?

      • Explody Brain

        I would like to see him on TV more. I think a different hairstyle would help.

        If he wore a baggy suit and I said he should wear a more tailored one would you have a problem?

        • Yr. Gma

          I think most people don’t care about his appearance as much as they do the good job he’s doing. If we want to discuss baggy suits and distracting hair, we always have Donnie.

          • Explody Brain

            I give up. Maybe this was a offensive comment. I didn’t mean it as such. I honestly like the guy, I think he’s fighting the good fight. I find his hair distracting and think it would be better if he just shaved the top.

            I do apologize, sincerely, if I offended anyone. It really wasn’t meant that way.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Maybe America is not as ripe for nihilism as they thought.

  • Michael R

    No More White House Press Briefings From Sean Spicer,
    He’s Now Interviewing Candidates To Replace Him

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fd1d496a538cad20be34a9a5f54f721c35484af46b49b38de0906b3914121300.png

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Covfefe

      If Prince Jared is mulling a new legal team, he doesn’t like what Jamie Gorelick is telling him. What do you suppose she is telling him that he doesn’t like?

      • Meccalopolis

        Make a deal

  • Crystalclear12

    Better to be thought a fool rather than open your mouth and remove all doubt.
    Obligatory.

  • Panika MCD

    another TX update: Ross Ramsey is having too much fun.

    but someone has to. take these “oversized tweets” which he imagined should have accompanied the end of the regular session.

    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/05/27/analysis-oversized-tweets-texas-trainwreck/

    • mancityRed6

      “This isn’t new, but it’s worth another mention: Too many lawmakers see their actions as material for future political advertising — “How will this look in a mailer?” vs. “How will this affect Texas?””

      • Panika MCD

        my personal favorites:

        The threat of a special session — legislative overtime — is high on the last Saturday of the regular session. Nobody cares whose fault it is. But it’s Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick’s fault. A special session, if we have one, was his idea, his force play and his subject matter.

        and

        The problem with Patrick choosing the Texas House as his foil is that he’s punching down. Most Texans don’t have any idea who House Speaker Joe Straus is and don’t know why someone who’s supposed to be as powerful as the lieutenant governor is stymied by some dude they’ve never heard of.

        • Left Coast Tom

          Back when the California GOP was relevant they used to always rant about then-Assembly Speaker Willie Brown. Of course, Brown is a blah person, that couldn’t have anything to do with it, right?

  • The accent? Neoshoesalesmaneese

  • Hardly Ideal

    FAKE NEWS! I already heard Jared Kushner’s voice months ago:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SsFME-MTiA

    • msanthrope

      So dumb, but I can’t help laughing hysterically every time I watch this (and I watch it a lot).

  • Jamoche
    • Shanzgood 18 Days

      Which one is which?

      • SpideySenser

        Are you in my head? Exact same thought!

    • Ezio

      Doesn’t May know meeting with Trump is a losing move for Euro politicIan’s? Look what happened to Le Pen.

    • miss_grundy

      Bwahahahahahaha!

  • Jgb979

    He sounds 12…

    Like puberty butterfly kissed his face and moved on.

    I’m sure he’s just the crooked slumlord treasonist twink to get Israel and Palestine to put aside thousands of years of differences and kiss and make up

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Sure, and he’ll be totally impartial, since he’s good pals with Netanyhu, also, too.

    • Suse

      What an insult to send a twink like him to broker ME peace. I hope the Palestinians send him packing and with a big kick in the ass.

      • TootsStansbury

        They’ll be so awed by his ensemble of khaki pants, popped collar under the Kevlar vest and the sockless weejuns; they’ll be putty in his hands.

    • Rick Hill

      *sigh*…
      “Look. I understand you all have these…”grievances”, but, c’mon! how long ago was this? Let bygones be bygones and just focus on making some profit off this situation.”

      • marxalot

        That’s basically the line taken in the first half of David Webber’s “Honor of the Queen,” which is a pretty good sci-fi novel about rival space fundies and the secularists who just want to secure their back 40.

    • Predisenting Ron

      It might work.
      ‘Look, Ahmed – may I call you Ahmed? – I know we have bad blood between us going back decades, centuries, but one thing we very much agree on is that this appalling little twerp is a studied insult to BOTH our peoples.’
      ‘I agree, my friend. Let us join together and kick some American ass.’

  • Suse

    Seriously? Laura Ingraham is under consideration to replace Spice Boy???

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Do people really lock their babies in high chairs with 5-point restraint systems that rival what the astronauts wear while being shot into space? I have never seen that before. Car seats, yes, but high chairs? This won’t stop the baby from projectile vomiting that green stuff in a jar that he/she doesn’t like, so I don’t see the point. Is this actually common, or is it Yuppie Parenting?

    • marxalot

      My idiot brother managed to climb free of his highchair at some early stage in life. Got out of the seat but alas, didn’t stick the dismount, and then Comrade Mom had an 18 month old (or something) with a fractured collarbone to explain. This was the same little escape artist who got all the way to the top of the crib rails, only to get his foot hooked as he was coming over the top. I think Comrade Mom invested in heavy restraints after that.

      • Joe Beese

        Mind his little fontanelle!

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I guess I had a unique childhood. My mother had this voice – we called it The Voice. If she said sit still, we sat still. If she said don’t touch, we didn’t touch. If she said “Sit in that high chair and don’t move” then that’s what we did. Everyone did what my mother told them to do when she used The Voice, including my father. I think she might have had The Aura too. Whatever it was, when I was little, I thought god did whatever my mother told him to do. Other than The Voice and The Aura and her strange curiosity about what I was doing in the bathroom if I stayed in there more than 5 minutes, she was a great mother.

        My schizo cousin, who has never in his 58 years been known to do anything anyone told him to do, including the police and numerous circuit court judges, actually obeyed my mother when he was a child and she used The Voice. It was epic. I wish I had video.

        • marxalot

          That might have worked on me, but unfortunately my brother’s autism (high-functioning, but still) insulated him from tone, facial expression, body language, or recognizing that other people were people for about the first 16 years of his life. Also I’m not sure that most children understand actual language at something shy of two years old. He probably did, the hypervocal bastard.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Good point. If it’s locked into that it’s probably too little to sit up reliably by itself in which case it should be in somebody’s lap and not strapped into that contraption.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “We went skiing in Aspen for 5 days and he was still in the chair when we got back!”

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Nah, that’s pretty standard these days. My nephew is a wriggler and escape artist, and he’s a fast little bugger.
      This is one thing I will not give him and his pit viper of a wife shit for.
      ETA: “Him” being Kush, not my babby nephew.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I’ve never seen that. My nephew has the basic lap restraint, though they are working on lowering his chair since he has discovered that he can tilt backwards by pressing his feet to the table and pushing.

    • Me not sure

      He tends to bolt and run if given the chance.

  • He’d better brush up on his oratory if he’s going to play Brutus to Trump’s Caesar.

    • Vecchioivan

      He’s more Cassio to any number of Iagos is my guess.

      • Claire

        It’s fun to think that he’s an Iago to a fat orange Othello, but I think your take is probably more accurate.

    • not_vh

      to be honest to equate trump to caesar is more than a bit of insult to caesar. trump wouldn’t even qualify as a side joker in a roman circus, let alone be a caesar.

      • Equating Jared to Brutus is more than a bit of an insult to Brutus.

        • Me not sure

          “For Brutus is an honerable man.”

        • Three Finger Salute

          He’s more like Olive Oy.

  • Little Lulu Ω

    I actually believed his voice would be much lower. But maybe the everpresent fear that he and Ivanka will never side-hug again one day – since they’ll be heading for different prisons – has constricted his neck muscles and heightened his pitch. It’s not a voice that will win any respect at a Mideast peace conference.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    If I listen with my eyes closed my first guess would be that I’m listening to an old NY Jewish woman.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Trump’s got a good brain, just like applesauce is #solid!

    • Vecchioivan
      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Best acted scene in the movie, IMO. That Cazale was not even nominated for best supporting actor is a crime.

        • miss_grundy

          And he died relatively young. He was a very talented actor.

  • Picabo

    Seven Sailors are killed aboard the USS Fitzgerald and nothing from the Commander in Chief? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/159498a640bcdc943041a3e396ceb48834f885856c3e59a4e8521ad15b6600e7.jpg

    • Joe Beese

      He prefers sailors that don’t get killed.

    • Ezio

      That depends. Is this a tragedy he can exploit to further his political agenda?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Well the other ship was Philippine-flagged, so probably not since Duterte said nice things about him.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Dead soldiers don’t answer polls

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Now there is some dispute over when the collision happened. The Navy is maintaining the accident occurred at 2:20am Japan time (based on the distress signal that was sent out), but the Japanese Coast Guard and the ship’s operating company say the collision may have happened as early as 1:30am (as the container ship’s Automatic Identification System registered a sharp turn consistent with either attempting to avoid a collision or evading from a collision).

    • miss_grundy

      And he mumbled something stupid about Otto Warmbier, the young man who was sentenced to 15 years hard labor in North Korea for taking a propaganda poster. They only shipped him back so he would die here. I guess the Tangerine Man-Baby will give his boyfriend, Kim Jong Un, a pass.

  • Rick Hill
    • Vecchioivan

      Up to a point, Lord Copper. . .

    • Crystalclear12

      Belgium libel!!!

    • Left Coast Tom

      This would be the alternate reality where L’il Donnie’s cabinet consisted of vertebrates?

  • Ezio

    Of all the corny sitcoms, I think Frasier is my guilty pleasure show. Come at me. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/938513594ead1c394ed9a9de1591ce693bb28a80b548f22c5613f951ce788ef6.gif

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      King of Queens, and Everybody Loves Raymond are my corny sitcom faves. 30 Rock, Cheers, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Strangers With Candy, and Seinfeld are my “brainy” sitcom faves.

      • Vecchioivan

        Ever see Another Period?

        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AOsvfl-PGqk

        This is one of the more tasteful scenes from the show.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I remember seeing the previews for it, but I’m not sure I ever saw the show. I loved the name of the show.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        No Arrested Development?

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          “I’d rather be dead in California, than alive in Arizona.”

          Lucille Bluth

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I love this show. I bingewatch it all the time. :)

    • Why would “Fraiser” be a guilty pleasure? Isn’t it a critically-acclaimed Emmy-winning darling? It’s not like you said “Mama’s Family” or anything like that (Which I TOTALLY don’t watch, of course! Really. Ahem…)

      • Suse

        Maybe because KG is a nasty right-winger.

      • DirtyHippyLiberal

        “My Name is Earl” would be really bad. I’d NEVER watch that all the way through like 4 times or anything.

    • not_vh

      imma say it, i like niles better than frazier. niles is cooler. is more da man. and prolly has better papers with higher citations. there i said it.

    • not_vh

      frazier is to tv what tovve and simple dal are to soul.

    • Three Finger Salute
  • La forza del resistino

    how long before Donald goes all Archie Bunker and calls his son-in-law the Meathead?

    • jesterpunk

      Archie Bunker libelz.

  • ariel_gee_398
  • Heh. The only people the NRA, an organization devoted to “responsible gun ownership” can’t stand behind is…a responsible gun owner.

    http://www.complex.com/life/2017/06/philando-castile-double-standard-gun-ownership

  • Three Finger Salute

    Memo to Rick Perry: Ditch the specs. You’re doing it wrong.

    https://anonimag.es/i/rick-perry-justin-trudeau-smart-glasses2831c.jpg

    • alpacapunchbowl

      An ex-bf used to wear his glasses when he wanted to impress people.
      I defer to Margaret Atwood, from Lady Oracle: “Surely only true love could justify my lack of taste.”

      • Three Finger Salute

        I’m going to guess (or hope, at least) that Dorothy Parker’s axiom is no longer true: “Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.” Although, maybe it’s still the case in the U.S., where having any grey matter at all — let alone a disproportionate grey-matter to mammary gland ratio — or at least looking like you do, is considered a deformity. It makes you one of those “elites.” You are a member of Phi Beta Kappa and therefore a traitor! Take her away!

        What kind of country have we created where a high I.Q. is viewed with as much disgust as a high B.M.I.? Where getting Ds in high school is viewed as a badge of honor — even more so if you get double Ds (and daddy pays for it)? Where “My kid can beat up your honor student” is something to brag about with a decal on your dirty-diesel S.U.V.?

        • alpacapunchbowl

          My vision has corrected itself so I rarely have to wear my reading glasses anymore, but their presence never seemed to put much of a damper on m getting hit on. Maybe it just weeded out the guys who would be intimidated by my big ole brain. My exes have each had his considerable issues, but not one of ’em was stupid.

  • bluicebank

    I think I’m going to re-watch “The Wire,” because nothing makes me feel better than some other place/time that was more shitty … arguably. I’m just going to pretend that Baltimore was more shitty than what’s going on. Because I won’t be able to watch GoT for a while, in which Westeros promises to be a more shitty place to be in, unless you’re Jaqen H’ghar who seems to have a non-stressful job.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    You think he has a strong NY accent? Really? Leads me to wonder what I would sound like to Evan.

    • La forza del resistino

      had any of his victims plugged him and said they were afraid for their life in the company of a black guy, would they have been acquitted like any cop?

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    MAGA – Make Attorneys Get Attorneys.

    • jesterpunk

      Its part of his jobs plan, hire all the attorneys everywhere.

  • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

    Woohoo. Just got confirmation. My daughter in law is now officially an American. Unfortunately though, my son told me yesterday that if the repubs fuck up health care they may have to move back to France.

    • Predisenting Ron

      Congratulations. Or not. This has to be rough on them, AND you.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    You know who else feels like he’s on crazy pills? Jim Acosta of CNN:
    “It’s not even like we’re covering a White House anymore, with Kellyanne Conway and Omarosa in the briefing room off to the side of Sean refusing to be on camera. It’s like we’re covering just bad reality television, is what it feels like now. That’s the White House behind me. The White House! And it’s just bizarre, I don’t know what world we’re living in, Brooke, where we’re standing at the White House, and they bring us into the briefing room, and they won’t answer these questions on camera, or let us record the audio. I don’t know why everybody is going along with this.”

    America, you’re drunk, and you need to go home and sleep this crazy shit off.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Here’s the video. He really does seem pissed.

      https://youtu.be/rEve7iI5xos

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Yeah, I’m definitely on crazy pills, because this shit can NOT be real; or, I really am in a coma.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          This whole thing is absofuckinglutely bonkers.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’m almost 57 years old, and I have NEVER seen anything this crazy. I love that Jake Tapper just openly rolls his eyes at anything anyone from the Trump administration says. It’s like he’s signalling “I can’t even, with this shit any more.”

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        Do you suppose Teh Loy-errs put them up to this?

      • Delu

        That caption.

        You don’t say.

      • Doug Langley

        Considering that it’s their fukin’ JOB to know the news, it’s kinda, you know, mind-boggling that it’s only now getting their attention.

      • Shibusa

        Don’t these people have some kind of secret spy camera embedded in a tie pin or an earring that they can use?

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I’ve been wondering why the press corps has been going along for MONTHS.

      • DrBigHead

        Scared shitless they will be denied access.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Man, FUCK access! How about they try doing some journalism?
          (I don’t mean to shoot the messenger, this shit just really grinds my gears.)

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            It’s alternately baffling, hilariously funny, and terrifying. The sheer incompetence of this administration is making GWB’s look like a model of good governance.

          • DrBigHead

            I absolutely agree, but I hold littler hope for a change any time soon. IMO, we are just seeing the predictable result of the extreme monetization of the news “business”. And yes, I know news has always been a business, but I believe there was a qualitative change when GE bought NBC and collapsed the news division under entertainment. Downhill slide since then.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            The 1990 merger of Time and Warner so they could wage synergy was a big impetus as well.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Well, he would say that wouldn’t it he since he’s from Fake News CNN.

      • Shibusa

        And the Trumpkins love it when THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA gets upset with Drumpf for doing all these unethical, dishonest, disrespectful, unacceptable things.

    • TJ Barke

      If it ain’t recorded, then it’s the lying press’s word against dear Trumpenfuhrer’s…

    • Bitter Scribe

      America (enough of it to count) voted a host of bad reality television shows into the White House. Why should anyone be surprised that our government has turned into bad reality television?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Too bad there wasn’t a candidate where none of this shit would be happening, that they endlessly allowed to be badmouthed while giving endless airtime to the guy they’re now so “bewildered” about

      • Doug Langley

        Yes . . . if only we had someone with a lifetime of proven public service, who was smart and dignified, and who was even popular. Oh well, one can dream.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Yes, yes, if only we’d had a competent, qualified person that the media could have rallied behind, but then they wouldn’t be all “fair and balanced” so they had to cover this buffoon like he was a serious candidate.

        Thank God the media spent so much time chasing the non existent Benghazi and email scandals. while this dingbat was making love with VladimirPutin right in front of them.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          I hate them so much. Even now, where the fuck are they with this Health Care horror? WHERE ARE THEY?

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            They are remaining “fair and balanced” by not pointing out every god damned day how nuts this whole administration is.

  • Rachel Book Harlot
    • La forza del resistino

      good to see a pussy grab something for a change.

  • La forza del resistino

    keeping it in the family, if you’re looking for fine jewelry, do you go to Jared’s or Tiffany?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Fine Jewry? I’d go with Jared!

      ~Rosanna Rosanna Danna

  • Ezio

    What does it say about me that I have seen every Yu-Gi-Oh! Movie but have not once seen any Mad Max, Planet of the Apes, Saw or Back to the Future movies?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      You are not an oldz?

      • Ezio

        Yeah but like they’ve even made new Mad Max and Planet of the Apes movies and haven’t seen those either.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Neither have I. Not really my thing.

        • TJ Barke

          Don’t bother with the original Mad Max, it’s actually pretty boring. But go watch Back to the Future right now!

          • Ezio

            I saw part of Fury Road with some friends on Rabbit, but I couldn’t follow it. It has some interesting visuals though.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Is that the Chicks one?

          • Ezio

            Yes, the main hero is female.

          • OutOfOrbit

            thx wanna see it–wanna see the Chicks Ghostbusters too.

          • Doug Langley

            Considering it won 6 Oscars, one should hope so.

          • jowgajen

            Simple.

            Random Australian dude with blue eyes gets captured and used as a portable blood bank.

            His captors, the most metal of metal bands ever, take him out on an errand to pick up gas and they all drive away from the base.

            He breaks free and tries to steal a truck, but it turns out the truck was already stolen by a one handed lady warrior and her lesbian friends. They let him live for a never explained reason, and they all keep driving away from the base.

            They finally get to one handed lady warrior’s mom’s home, but they realize, oh shit, we should go back! (This is also never explained.) Then then drive back to the base.

            Someone turns on the water main and everyone dances.

            /Fin.

          • TJ Barke

            They let him live because he decided to help them, they go back because “the green place” that Charlize was from turned into a toxic swamp.

          • doktorzoom

            Heresy! The Toecutter is one of the greatest manic drug-addled bad guys in cinematic history.

            Actually, the whole movie is sort of brilliantly manic. Also, thanks to the DVD special features, I now know that in a key scene involving a crash between a motorcycle and a cabover truck, the rented truck’s owner made them cover the real truck’s front with a steel plate painted to look like the grille/headlights/everything below the windshield so the truck wouldn’t be scratched.

          • TJ Barke

            Stuff and nonsense.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I really enjoy the original ‘Mad Max’. I love the cars, the Falcon police pursuit cars especially, and Max’s Intereceptor Falcon before the give him the last V8.

            The scene where Max tells FiFi that he can’t tell the difference between Bronze and Skags anymore is very telling, at times I feel like we’re entering into that world a little more everyday.

          • Predisenting Ron

            Feh. BttF is great, but the Mad Max franchise is brilliant, and the first film is positively surreal. And always watch an Aussie print, not one of the atrociously dubbed US ones.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      You’re a nerd of a different stripe?

    • OutOfOrbit

      “Yu-Gi-Og!” haz captions?

      • Ezio

        Yup. It’s written that way on the logo.

    • therblig

      the fate of the world depends…on a children’s card game

      https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTagxffHmpfT765IfQj68dMmfFs3W7s1f

      • Ezio

        LK does good work. I actually credit him for rekindling my love for the series and the game.

        • therblig

          blig jr and i used to watch yu-gi-oh when it was on cartoon network (when he was little) and we have a bunch of cards around here. i have one of my faves – bite shoes – in my office. i don’t think that one made it into the show though.

          when he was older and found the abridged series, ms. blig had no idea why we were laughing so hysterically.

          i remember “he’s going through japanese puberty – he thinks he’s a pokemon”

          • Ezio

            I think my profile picture needs no explanation.

            I don’t play at tournaments like I did when I was younger, but I do enjoy playing Duel Links on my iPad. It has all the old voice actors and it’s fun.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Don’t know. Out of that list, I’ve only watched the Planet of the Apes movies (original and new).

  • OneYieldRegular

    Hmm, what is this on CNN? “Sean Spicer Might Be Leaving White House Podium”?

    My god, who could ever have seen that coming?

  • FDRliberal

    The silence from the Orange Scumbag is deafening.

    https://twitter.com/KatyTurNBC/status/876790700486135808

    • Delu

      It’s not as easy to make political hay out of something like that.

      That’s why.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Expressing anything but hatred and suspicion towards Muslims won’t play well with the loathsome mouth breathers who make up his base.

        • Delu

          Indeed.

          One of the pillars of their support comes from the fear and hatred of Muslims.

          They can’t really do away with that anymore.

    • Explody Brain

      Silence is better than anything he would say.

      • Delu

        That’s true for everything actually.

        But silence isn’t his usual response to everything in general.

        Only for things like this.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Step 1: Figure out how to make it all about Duh Donnald.
      Step 2: TWEET!

  • Three Finger Salute

    Meshugah. Fred Savage as a young Gordon Gecko.

  • Picabo

    I do not like looking at history through one lens. However, I just finished reading “Blitzed Drugs in the Third Reich.” I can recommend it. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/346609755cf56654b7b0a1c4fd1cfd9484ac7dab2258140808539ea195f3d2c9.jpg

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I wanted to read that book. Now I’m definitely going to get it.

    • TJ Barke

      The nazis were all on fancy meth.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Delusions of superiority, sense of invisibility, raving authoritarianism, final horrific implosion — in retrospect the meth seems so obvious.

  • Jamoche

    Democrats pulling an all-nighter to block Wealthcare – send pizza https://twitter.com/thehill/status/876513109170692098

    • jesterpunk

      I really want someone to read green eggs and ham and explain the meaning of the story to Ted Cruz once they finish.

    • Delu

      Trumpcare.

      Get the name right.

      • Explody Brain

        No. Don’t do that.

        Pin in on the legislators. They’ll be in office after Trump.

        RepublicanCare.

        • Raan

          RepubliCare. Rolls off the tongue better.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        DonTCare

      • Jamoche

        Trumpwealthcare

  • Ilgattomorte

    According to a WAPO poll, 54% of Americans in rural areas approve of the job Donald Trump is doing. Think about that for a moment. 54% of the people Donald Trump is most likely to screw, in the most private of places, and in the most heinous and horrible ways imaginable, think he’s doing a great job. I’m surprised!

    I mean, I’m not surprised that people would against their own best interests. I never thought that such a large percentage of people in the bible belt would be so supportive of butt rape.

    • TJ Barke

      Well, essentially, these are the folks that think ignorance is strength…

    • Explody Brain

      I wonder why they want their political donors to control the new private charter schools…

    • Claire

      They like him because they have nothing left but spite. They know the mining and manufacturing jobs aren’t coming back. They know they don’t have the education or the native intelligence to succeed in the 21st century. They only have one chance left to feel like they’re on top of the food chain, and it’s to bring the entire country down to their level or below. As long as Trump looks likely to screw over the minorities and the liberals and the feminists, they don’t give a shit what kind of squalor they have to live in.

      It’s not about them winning, it’s about the rest of us losing worse.

    • Red Bird Ω

      That might not be true. Don’t upper middle class people live on their McMansions in rural areas? If so, then they voted in their interest. Also too, I doubt that propping up racism is against the interests of rural whites of any economic class.

    • Kateaux

      But that also means that 46% of Americans in rural areas do *not* approve of the job Trump is doing. That’s a substantial percentage, that is.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    When you’ve lost “The View”….

    https://youtu.be/ilL_L1waAgc

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      No! Yes. He’s not under investigation. He is!

  • Shanzgood 18 Days

    Holy summertime overexposure, Batman!

    I just went to the store to get a bottle of wine. One of the very young and attractive girls in line in front of me was displaying a truly excessive amount of side-boob courtesy of overalls over a muscle shirt. (Why bother with the overalls?)

    Have I had a very sheltered life recently or is this a “thing” now, out in public in the general population, not just on the red carpet? Because I really feel like there should be an option to NOT see that outside of a nightclub and especially in a place that has a “no shoes, no shirt, n service” sign.

    I’m not a prude, am I? Like I said, I wouldn’t have blinked at it in a club but for casual day-wear, it seemed…unnecessary?

    • Delu

      It’s called displaying one’s assets.

      For strategic reasons.

      Obviously.

    • TJ Barke

      Hey! It’s as close to seeing boobs in real life as I can get.

    • OutOfOrbit

      You REALLY need a “Rough Night” out with some chicks.

    • ThirdAmendmentMan

      “Excessive side boob” is an oxymoron.

    • Thiazin Red

      Apparently, shorts that let your ass hang out are a thing with the young women.

      • OutOfOrbit

        A nice ass does not “hang out”.

        • Shanzgood 18 Days

          Sure it does.

          Definition of “nice ass” varies.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Definition of “hangs out” varies too.

          • Shanzgood 18 Days

            Er, yeah

          • OutOfOrbit

            A man jogging shirtless in a public space–park, sidewalk etc. “Not the proper place for that. I take my children there.”
            What about public beaches? Public swimming pools? Motel swimming pools:? Mowing the lawn? Also inappropriate venues for men to be be shirtless?…cuz you don’t want you virgin daughters to “[have to] see that.”
            Who decides when a bikini is too skimpy, or when too much is “hanging out” of anything, anywhere?
            What about a trans in “booty shorts’–who decides where she may or may not take her walks or do her shopping?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Oh, god help me. The kid just graduated Hippie State, and the signature look on campus was apparently what I still think of as hookerwear from the meatpacking district in the seventies.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      ♫ All the girls walk by, dressed up for each other
      And the boys, do the boogie woogie
      On the corner of the street
      And the people passing by, stare in wild wonder
      And inside the jukebox roars just like thunder
      And everything looks so complete
      When you’re walking out on the streets
      And the wind, it catches your feet
      Sets you flying, cryiing,
      Ooh wee, a wild night, is calling, alright
      Ooh wee, wild night, is calling ♫

    • Explody Brain

      The only reason I can imagine to give a fuck about what a woman is wearing is to worry about her safety.

      • Werewolf

        You’re right-women shouldn’t wear baggy clothes, or scarves or the like, while operating heavy machinery.

        • TJ Barke

          It’s a serious problem in India…

          • Explody Brain

            It’s a serious problem everywhere.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Please tell me that was a shout out to “Auntie Mame”.

      • Shanzgood 18 Days

        I wasn’t worried about hr safety, I was just wondering WTF made her think everyone (including me) would appreciate seeing that much of her and like to spend time wondering whether the next sudden move she might dump everything right out there.

        FTR, I have similar issues with men who go running or do othrher tings shirtless (besides swimming). Not because I find it sexually arousing and therefore it makes me uncomfortable, but because why? If you’re an exhibitionist, that’s great. Go exhibit yourself where people want to or expect to see it.

        • Explody Brain

          Why do you think she thought you would appreciate it?

          I know, but really, it’s her shit. Let it be her shit.

          • Shanzgood 18 Days

            She left the house like that on purpose knowing and expecting all genders would look at her. You’re a woman, you know what I mean.

            And I did let her do/be her shit. I said nothing and waited patiently while all the male checkout clerks briefly lost their minds and then re-composed tnemselves after she left. I was still like “WTF, did we ALL need to witness that? Why?”

          • Explody Brain

            Because it’s her choice.

          • Shanzgood 18 Days

            I’m wondering did I get one?

    • OutOfOrbit

      I have no way of knowing if you are a prude, but since joining it has been my suspicion that you are.

      • Suse

        It’s called having some class.

        • OutOfOrbit

          Ah! And all this time I’ve been thinking that Elvira is a classy chick.

          • Suse

            Elvira rocks. So does Shan.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            ^^^This^^^

          • OutOfOrbit

            One may no longer speculate here? Shanz did ask.

        • Red Bird Ω

          meow

      • Shanzgood 18 Days

        lulz

        Joke, right?

        • OutOfOrbit

          Maybe your definition of “prude” is too narrow. Google it.

    • Suse

      Tacky Kardashian worshippers. There are ways to dress sexily without body parts hanging out for all to see.

      • Shanzgood 18 Days

        One of the things I was thinking.

    • Picabo
      • Suse

        😉😉😉

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Out here in Colorado, we are just mellow with whatever you gals want to do.

      Anti-Topless Rule Stripped, All Nipples in Fort Collins Are Free

      http://www.westword.com/news/anti-topless-rule-stripped-all-nipples-in-fort-collins-are-free-8823085

      • Skeptical_thinker

        New Hamsters, too as well as New York.

        • Predisenting Ron

          And Ontario, for a couple of decades now. Our slogan was, ‘The US has the right to bear arms, we have the right to bare breasts.’

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Hmm, I used to wear overalls over beaters with no bra back in the 90s, but a muscle tee? Leave a little to the imagination, ffs ladies.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I dunno Shanz, I’m probably in the minority nowadays, especially among my generation. But I’m right there with you. Yes, I did live a sheltered life and still do, but I do find it kind of tacky that people are showing off everything from, as my mother says, “here to Timbuktu” a lot more often. It’s even getting difficult to buy clothing that isn’t clingy or revealing unless you go to the mail-order catalogues. But even those are catering to the boomer set that came of age during the “free love” era and still likes to “flaunt it” (whether they’ve still “got it” or not).

      Don’t even get me started on the leggings-as-pants craze either. I’ve seen more camel toes at the supermarket than I would if I counted every single dromedary in the Middle East. The patterned ones are especially heinous. But the ones that match your skin tone (white girls in tan leggings, black girls in brown leggings) make it look like you don’t have any pants on at all!

      I would like to go to a Pride Parade someday, but apparently there’s a lot of naked stuff there too. Which I guess is understandable, as the whole point of Pride is celebrating expression, specifically tied to the liberation of people who share a marginalized sexual/romantic identity.

      I still think, though, that maybe there ought to be a G-rated (or at least PG-rated) version that doesn’t have all the S&M gear and bare boobs and butts? People bring their kids to these parades (one of my few disputes with darling J.T.), and my only thought is, yeah, they can wait to see that, they will soon enough. Why rush it?

      If there was a “family night,” that’s one thing. But bringing the little ones to an event where there’s going to be boobs hanging out is just, I’m sorry, no. At some point they get old enough to the point where it’s not baby food anymore.

      • Shanzgood 18 Days

        Yeah, kind of, I guess. I don’t have “seeing bodies issues” myself but I didn’t necessarily want to see that much in a scenario where it’s not normally expected. People take their kids there, and I used to as well.

        I guess my issue is “there’s a time and place and that wasn’t it.”

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Remember I wore my booty shorts today. I like to show what I got.

  • Suttree

    Great! All of the soldered joints on my fancy lamp have failed while replacing a light bulb.If I had made it, I would call myself and bitch.

    • SisterArtemis

      somewhere a designer of solder joints is having an uncomfortable shiver go up their back.

      • Suttree

        It is OK though. I can fix it. I just need to purchase solder, flux and a torch.

        • Predisenting Ron

          I’d lend you mine, but the Post Office gets shirty when you try to mail propane tanks.

          • Suttree

            It seems like tin. So I am going to use silver solder.

          • Predisenting Ron

            Elitist!
            (Actually, I would too. Much better for decorative work than even the low-lead stuff.)

          • Suttree

            Also I believe that I will be soldering to some sort of copper alloy. Silver solder is a better choice IMO.

  • jesterpunk

    Aww. she does a really good job.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFLUUe7Htic

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      That’s adorable and awesome!

  • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Blackest Noobs

      saw ’em live a few years back @ university of richmond…which honestly was a kinda odd venue.

    • starfanglednut

      One of the best Boston bands of all time. Put on some crazy shows back in the day.

      PS: I slept with Roger!

      • SisterArtemis

        you go, girl/boy/whathaveyou!

        • starfanglednut

          A little from column A, a little from column B.

  • Lyly Sirivong
  • thewalkindude

    Carla Bruni has yet again rebuffed rumours she had an affair with Donald Trump in the early nineties which caused him to break up with his second wife.
    After rumours of the alleged relationship emerged, Mr Trump is said to have pretended to be his pretend publicist “John Miller” and confirmed everything in detail. Marla Maples later identified the voice of his faux PR person as belonging to Mr Trump.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Is there anyone this delusional narcissist won’t stalk? Carla Bruni, Salma Hayek, Princess Diana, and (allegedly) Margaret Trudeau. Duck Frump and the tacky gold limousine he rode in on. At least we know his slogan for 2020 (if he doesn’t resign/get impeached/die of a stroke from gorging on KFC and soda):

      Make America Realize Rape Culture is Still a Thing Again. Already.

  • Ezio

    I loved Creed though and am a fan of the Rocky movies, so I hope they make more of those.

  • La forza del resistino

    the GOP Senate pushes the AHCA to a vote after amending it to cover injuries from jumping off a cliff.

    • Explody Brain

      Injuries related to, but not requiring, resurrection.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    My favorite French existential film:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2OTHeCKsBE

    • Panika MCD

      that would be Calliope Jane’s perfect date…thought I’m not sure whether she’d rather be in the cart or pushing the cart.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    It’s a little old. But strangely on topic.

    https://youtu.be/H6mfPBuD1zc

  • Raan

    Here’s what pumpkins look like before they’re… pumpked?

    (Taken from inside the porch because mosquitoes are vicious.)

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e92f8dd154c90a7f68051cc7b45b2d52e090c44af8bdeb9c7f1757efda20565c.jpg

  • Thiazin Red

    I learned the other day that David Lynch is a big Jaques Tati fan, and now the Dougie sections of the Twin Peaks revival make so much more sense.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Ah, that does make sense. Also explains why that storyline tries my patience. M. Hulot ne me plaît pas.

      • Thiazin Red

        I liked Playtime, but I’ve never seen any of the other ones. Playtime is also the one with the least M. Hulot.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Do you like Mr. Bean? Because that character was cut whole cloth from M. Hulot.

          • Thiazin Red

            Not especially, so Playtime might be my limit for him.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Sounds like a wise decision!

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    $100 at Sephora, a pair of letters from my doc for gender marker change, a posse of friends and relatives to tag along, and I went through everything with a county clerk to make sure everything was correct.

    Bring on the name change tomorrow. ;-)

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Congratulations!

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Thanks. :-)

    • not_vh

      congratulations. and congrats on carrying friends and family. really happy for you.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        They’ve got my back. It’s pretty amazing.

    • Explody Brain

      Wow. That’s world changing for you! Congrats!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Huzzah!

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Congrats!!

    • BadKitty904
    • biologydave

      Mazel tov!

    • Werewolf

      Molotov!

    • Claire

      Jesus, how did you get out of Sephora under $150? I can’t do that no matter how hard I try.

      Also, congratulations!

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        :-D I gave the girl helping me a limit. She was pretty awesome about it.

        • Claire

          Maybe I should try that next time. “Okay, you are in charge of making sure I don’t own more than five eye shadow palettes at any given time. And you are in charge of limiting my eyeliner purchases to a round dozen.”

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Haha, exactly.

            I basically said “I am bebe trans lady, hold my hand!”

      • Panika MCD

        my sister-in-law works there and has tons of stuff she’s been trying to give me. want some?

    • OutOfOrbit

      POWAH!

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      That is happy news!!! Yay!!!

    • Snopes Shop

      congrats

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Please tell me you settled on Abishag Euphrania for your new name. Or Strawberry. Either way, congratulations!

    • calliecallie

      Wow! Congratulations! That is great.

    • HooverVilles

      Congrats!

  • OrG

    I don’t think he’s gonna like prison. AT ALL.

    • Explody Brain

      Old dirty politicians don’t go to prison.

      They just go out to lobby.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • GreenGoldSharpie
    • BadKitty904

      Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!

    • not_vh

      you go mami/doadda*.

      *typical southern lady from a certain neck of the woods, and amongst that segment of wimnens who knows whats what and not afraid to ask the difficult kweshun.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      @13:46 Who Harris reminds me of–from the Jim Rome sports radio show. I began listening 20 years ago not for sports so much as it was Wonkette before there was a Wonkette where listeners or here, commenters, kind of drive the show.

      https://www.stucknut.com/takebox/?cat=smackoff

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Anybody else still giggling at this?

    https://youtu.be/TnfnEll0BDg

    • BadKitty904

      “Now, squeal like pigs…”

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    I think Pere Ubu is a good soundtrack for this administration

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rs3kKHhG4m0

  • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I believe all that I read now
      Night has come off the corners
      Shadows flicker sweet and tame
      Dancing like crazy mourners

      The man with the hotdog sells lemonade
      Someone over there needs first aid
      While me and the rest of the world
      Await the touch of the motorcade

      No one finds time to turn a blind eye
      You can’t be too careful nowadays
      And my friend says “Listen
      To the stupid things they’re making you say”

      Here comes the motorcade
      Moving so slow and hard
      Like a snake in a closet
      Holding the sway in the boulevard

      Here is your man
      All faces turn unanimously
      The small fry who sizzle in his veins
      In all security

      Here is your man
      All faces turn unanimously
      The small fry who sizzle in his veins
      In all security

      In the back of his car
      Into the null and void he shoots
      The man at the centre of the motorcade
      Has learnt to tie his boots

      In the back of his car
      In the null and void he sees
      The man at the centre of the motorcade
      Can choose between coffee and tea
      In the boulevard, the motorcade holds sway
      In the boulevard, the motorcade holds sway
      In the boulevard, the motorcade holds sway
      In the boulevard, the motorcade holds sway

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Evan? We’re going to have to stage an intervention regarding the Jared lurve, right? Sigh. Okay. He’s pretty in a twink sort of way. But there are limits.

    In other news, we knit our resistance here in Jefferson’s Charlottesville. Oh. And we have Nazis. Yeah. Met a whole crapload of them when (ironically) leaving a showing of “Wonder Woman” on Saturday night. What is this world coming to?
    https://twitter.com/AileenBartels/status/876494997448781824

    • BadKitty904

      “But he looks so life-like…”

    • not_vh

      “Evan? We’re going to have to stage an intervention ”

      yup.bibo tell me when.lets do this.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        I’m not sure there’s really hope that can succeed. I fear Evan sees him as a badboy. You know how opposing that goes…

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Were the nazis protesting or did you just happen to see a group of them outside of the theater?

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        This pretty much explains it. We took cover in a bar off the downtown mall where the owner told us he’d been warned to watch and lock the doors if necessary. God bless the restaurant phone tree.
        https://twitter.com/waldojaquith/status/876417712674701313

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          Wow! That’s crazy! I’m so glad that it ended peacefully and everyone is okay.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            What was absolutely satisfying is some of what happened to deter them. At one outdoor restaurant, they told the people seated to spread out and take up all the tables, which they did. I love my fellow citizens.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Update, June 19: Carrie Fisher’s autopsy report shows the actress had cocaine in her system when she fell ill on a plane last year, but investigators could not determine what impact the cocaine and other drugs found in her system had on her death. The report released Monday states Fisher may have taken cocaine three days before the Dec. 23 flight on which she became ill. She died four days later.

    It also found traces of heroin and MDMA, which is also known as ecstasy, but that they could not determine when Fisher had taken those drugs. The findings were based on toxicology screenings done on samples taken when the Star Wars actress arrived at a Los Angeles hospital. Coroner’s officials ruled Fisher died from sleep apnea and a combination of other factors.”

    I’m not doctor, or even a nurse, but I’m going to go with “it was the heroin that killed her”, not the sleep apnea.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Very sad news.

      • h4rr4r

        You were not aware she had died?

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          I knew she had died, but I was sad to hear that she had drugs in her system. She’d had a long battle with addiction in her life, and it’s sad to know she lost the battle.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I don’t really look at it like she lost the battle. She had a fascinating life, and she lived to be 60. I thought she’d given up drugs years ago, so I was a little surprised that she had cocaine, heroin, and extasy in her system, but I think her brother was right – the drugs may have kept her alive longer.

          • h4rr4r

            I am not sure how you know that.

            Simply having drugs in here system does not mean that. Nor do I think that kind of judgement is helpful.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            Then it’s a good thing I wasn’t trying to be helpful. Mission accomplished. Have a nice day. :)

    • OutOfOrbit

      I’m gonna go with, “None of my business.”

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’m not judging her at all. I kind of admire people like Carrie, and Gregg Allman, and Keith Richards and John Belushi who just burnt the candle at both ends, consequences be damned. I’ve got friends who led relatively clean lives and died at 55. Gregg Allman lived to 69, and Carrie to 60. They might have lived longer had they not used drugs, but what great lives they led.

    • SisterArtemis

      sleep apnea can kill, though. My GF was told NEVER to sleep without her c-pap machine going, due to risk of heart failure.

    • Truck Fump

      Heroin kills only in lethal doses, sleep apnea kills.

      • Panika MCD

        cocaine kills people and animals who have never taken it.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        The problem with heroin (or any street drug) is that you never know how strong it is. Prince died from a Fentanyl overdose, and I’m sure that wasn’t his first time at the rodeo.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      I’m going to go with “she had beauty, talent, and love in her system.”

      • Claire

        She drowned in moonlight, strangled by her bra. That was what she wanted in her obituary and I’m going with it.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I think she was great. Her mother, too. I ‘m not judging her for the drug use, either. Artists are entitled to do whatever the hell they want.

        • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

          I just am heartbroken that people keep harping on her drug use, didn’t mean to snark at you, sorry. If she’d died from a heroin o.d., that isn’t a delayed thing, unless she somehow shot up on the plane, which seems unlikely with drug-sniffing dogs everywhere. My personal thought is her lifelong struggle with drugs just kept weakening her system and she may have had some kind of seizure or stopped breathing (“sleep apnea”). I also wondered if she used really strong “diet” drugs to bring her weight down so much, so she’d look pretty for the movie, which she did, but it would have done terrible damage to her heart. It becomes a Judy Garland level tragedy at that point, doesn’t it? I just feel so bad that she’s gone, it seems so wrong….

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            She was also over 50 which has it’s own issues. Between her health and her grief over her mom, I’m not surprised things in her life shut down.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I was trying to make a little joke about when you’re using heroin, cocaine, and X , it probably is NOT the sleep apnea that is going to kill you.

            I have ZERO problems with anyone’s drug use. I think her brother was right, maybe without the drugs she would have been gone sooner. Most of my heroes have been drug addicts at some point. I’ve always thought drugs should be legal, so in no way, shape, or form am I judging her. I thought Carrie and her mom were great.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            I get it, sorry to have misunderstood. My life is horrendously affected by our beloved young adult son who can’t seem to get on top of a terrible, terrifying, heartwrenching heroin addiction and I get easily triggered and over-react. Thanks for explaining.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Oh, no worries. I’m so sorry about your son. I wish they’d make drugs legal, so people could have access to drugs that they knew the potency of, and also get clean needles. I think the lifestyle that goes with the addiction is actually worse than the heroin itself. Plus the fact that drugs are illegal, makes them prohibitively expensive, and people tend to do things they ordinarily wouldn’t, to get money to get the drugs. One of my mother’s best friend’s sons got addicted to heroin in the 1970s, got involved in large scale dealing to pay for his habit, and eventually got to go to jail for 30 years thanks to New York’s draconian drug laws.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Oh God, I’m so sorry. That’s so heinous and medieval. I’m so terrified all the time (literally, every time the phone rings and we don’t recognize the number, we freeze and then it takes us hours to get the cortisol hit out of our system) that literally the first thought that came to my mind was “at least he’s safe and can’t o.d.” How I wish they’d make them legal, and available at specialty centers with careful monitoring so people don’t o.d., or contract a fatal disease from a dirty needle.
            And at these centers they offer actual help and support, as opposed to the grifting rehabs that my son bounces from one to the other, and they never help, and for all the thousands of dollars they collect, they never follow up, not in the tiniest way, it’s such a racket. Heroin O.D.’s are almost always accidental and people just didn’t need to die. It’s so, so sad. Apparently in countries where they do have this kind of approach, they have a far, far lower level of addiction per capita. It’s almost like helping and understanding a disease helps people get better from it.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Amen, sister. I was always impressed with Amsterdam’s drug policy. They legalized pot decades ago, and If you’re a heroin addict, they provide you with free heroin, and a place to go shoot up with a clean needle. Because of their policy, they have a very low crime rate. I’m assuming they also have a low HIV and Hep C rate. Naturally the rest of Europe was trying to shut them down, because they were attracting European youths to go smoke legal weed.

            We’d rather demonize people, clog up our jails with drug cases, and make sure people don’t get the help they actually need. I guess there’s a dollar to be made with rehabs and for profit jails.

            Believe it or not, even the Koch brothers were starting to realize we need major prison reform in this country, but then Hurricane Trump hit, and we can all give up that dream for at least the next four years.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            I wish we lived in Amsterdam….. the U.S.’s weird prudishness and spiteful judgmentalness is so trying. But they do have all those extra “a’s” and keep seeming to clear their throats when they talk haha. There’s endless dollars to be made with rehabs, many of them mine….. we could have a little flat in Amsterdam, actually, with all the money that’s flown out the window. I know! The Koch brothers are money addicts and deeply selfish, but at least they’re sane and not totally idealogues. And even major businesses are going solar. It’s insane that we’ve gotten to a point where we turn to corporations for morality…. Anyway, thanks for the sympathy. I really appreciated it.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Oh, you are most welcome. I know you’re going through hell on earth, as is your son. I can’t remember which comedian said this, but he said “drugs aren’t illegal because they’re bad, they’re illegal because they’re good.” The problem with heroin and cocaine is that they make people feel good, and take away whatever pain they’re experiencing (momentarily). Alcohol does the same thing, but for some reason, we decided to make alcohol legal, and there’s not nearly the same stigma associated with being an alcoholic as there is with being a drug addict.

            One of my late friend’s sons had been addicted to pills, and she was a Republican, who said to me “he’s addicted to pills, but that doesn’t make him a bad person.” I was kind of shocked, because I never made the assumption that he was a bad person; only a Republican would make that leap. My father was a Republican/hopeless alcoholic who was opposed to drug use, and thought all addicts should be jailed. I think we’re ultimately a nation of puritans, who think anyone who is “weak” should be shunned and shamed. Call me a kook, but I think we should legalize drugs, and take most of the profits to provide help to people. That would not only actually help addicts, but it would get rid of most of the violence associated with smuggling and dealing drugs.

            Anyhow, I’ll get off my soapbox, and just send you and your son a virtual hug. I hope he finds happiness, and is finally able to kick heroin. The guy I knew who spent thirty years in jail did get clean, got a job, and got married. He was in his mid fifties before he got out of jail, and was able to build a life, but at least he got there eventually.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Thank you so much for this. I completely agree with you. Sounds like George Carlin!

            It would solve so, so, so many problems to simply legalize and monitor drugs. Not to mention educating and paying for actual mental health care. We seriously, seriously need locked mental health care/substance abuse recovery hospitals, where they’d be locked up and GET HELP. They end up in jail–where there’s NO help. And it’s the only time we feel like they’re safe. How terrible is that?

            There are people who simply can’t make rational decisions for themselves, and we need to bring back the concept of being able to have them in locked hospitals or things like the Betty Ford Clinic where they can’t hurt themselves or others. I know there were terrible abuses when you could commit someone involuntarily, but the getting rid of them was meant to be replaced by “community clinics,” which never materialized, and every parent of a troubled adolescent knows with horror that once they’re 18 you can’t get them the help they need unless they agree–and even if they agree, they can just walk out the first time they’re “uncomfortable.” It’s disastrous. Anyway thank you for the words of hope. They mean a lot. I need it.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I know people meant well when they made it difficult to have another person committed against their will. I called about a severely mentally ill man who lived on the street in my neighborhood, when I lived on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. The police told me “we can’t commit someone against their will, unless they hurt someone.”

            I understand both points of view, but some times it’s best for people to be locked down for a while, even if they don’t want to go.

            I think with any type of addiction, the person finally has to just get sick of it. I have a dear friend who is a sex addict, and he’s lost a lot because of his addiction, and I’ve tried to lead him to water, but he’s just not quite ready to drink. I suspect your son is the same, he’s just not quite there yet. I had an ex-heroin addict tell me once that he quit heroin when he woke up in NYC in the freezing cold, and snow, with no shoes on. I really hope your son comes to the conclusion soon that he’s just had enough, and he’s ready for a change.

            For a while, I was afraid I was going to turn into an alcoholic like my father. I stopped drinking after I took anti-depressants for a while. A lot of people who are alcoholics or drug addicts have undiagnosed clinical depression. Has your son ever taken anti-depressants?

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Yes, he’s been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, and had learning disabilities in school that didn’t help with his view of himself. We did everything we could do (encouraging and creating opportunities for the things he’s good at (sports, art, etc), switching schools, endlessly advocating for him at the same schools, etc etc). That’s what is just so sad, I know he started using and is probably still using out of depression/anxiety, and I spent so much time coaxing him to psychiatrists, but you can’t actually force an angry teenage boy who’s basically a full-grown man to do anything, let alone be compliant with meds (if you can even get him into the car at to the Pysch.). When he was younger, we ended up having to send him to a therapeutic boarding school, and they got him stabilized and off whatever he was using then (it wasn’t heroin yet), and on meds and it really helped (they also were a fantastic outdoorsy school who taught the boys mountaineering, rockclimbing, etc, which he was fantastic at). But once he came home, and we’d found a really great school that was one on one and perfect, but really expensive, so there were horrible Hollywood rich kids there, and one of them had ready access to hard drugs. After that he was never sober long enough to let the meds help, and I’m sure the whole process of trial-and-error and getting the right doses would be so hard if you’re in so much psychic pain. My heart breaks. I think most everyone who uses is in the same boat. At least when he gets himself to a new rehab, which he does keep doing, they get him back on his meds. But once he relapses the whole thing goes to shit again. He is a perfect candidate for someone who I’d commit involuntarily, just to get him stabilized long enough to be able to start getting his life together, if there was a place like Betty Ford who would genuinely help him and I could make sure he stayed there. It’s the same with some of these terribly ill people now sleeping in doorways. They’d be infinitely better off in a caring residential situation, and it’s heartless that we throw our hands up as a country and step over them metaphorically. There has to be a decent solution! Luckily, our Republican congressmen are working hard on it OH GOD

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            That’s a shame that he didn’t get to stay at the one school longer. My mother has some property out in the country, near the mountains, that I thought would make a good residential home. Mainly because there’s nothing within walking distance where people could escape. I thought teaching people how to grow food would be therapeutic. I know I’m happy when I’m digging around in the dirt. I actually think locking people down at night is doing them a favor.

            How old is he now?

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            He actually was there a year, and then he “graduated,” and we had high hopes. He was almost 17 at that point, and they even invited him to come back as a peer counselor once he turned 18, but it was not to be, he couldn’t sustain w/out relapsing no matter what we did, and once he turned 18 we couldn’t do a thing about it. We insisted we’d only help if he went to rehab, but he kept getting kicked out, or, walking away–that’s why I think we need to be able to commit someone who is unable to help themselves.

            Your gardening idea is perfect. There is NOTHING more therapeutic than vigorous, exciting outdoor activity, AND growing food. There’s even a rehab in Hawaii that does just that–gardening, etc. I had a friend who sent her daughter there and it was miraculous. We ALL should go there. Our son needed far more intervention, and it turned out the rockclimbing, whitewater rafting, mountaineering was perfect for him. Prior to that we’d found a short-term super-intense program that was a working ranch and that was so great I wished he could just stay there.

            He’s 22 now. All I can do is hope. And keep him on my insurance. The ACA, and its coverage of mental health/substance abuse recovery treatment, no lifetime cap, kids to 26, 100% kicking in after you hit $1500 co-pay, has literally saved his life and our finances. I am constantly distraught at the prospect of the villains in Congress removing it. It’s probably the reason he’s alive, and the reason we’re not bankrupt.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’m a big believer in exhausting outdoor activity. It’s good for your body and your soul. I’m sure being in a remote area, and staying occupied kept your son out of trouble, but then when he got back to LA, he faced his temptations again. I do wish you could force him to stay somewhere for two years, whether he wanted to go or not.

            Your story is what keeps me up at night. On the one hand, I WANT the fucking idiots in Congress to repeal Obamacare, and I WANT their idiot base to suffer, but then I think about it a bit, and I remind myself that a lot of good people (who did NOT vote for any of this insanity) will also get hurt. I specifically remember Trump promising he was going to help people whose kids were addicted to opioids, and I had to laugh, because I knew he wasn’t going to do jack shit for the middle class.

            I said to two Republicans a few weeks ago “I wish there was some way that only you would suffer the consequences of your vote, but every time one of your idiots gets elected, I’M the one who suffers.” They’re both busy living off of the government teat, collecting multiple government checks. It drives me insane that I get stuck paying for their insanity, and they get to sail on through life collecting all that sweet socialist money, while decrying socialism.

            I do NOT mind paying taxes so that people like your son can get help. Not only is it the morally right thing to do, but I think society as a whole is helped. Amsterdam found a formula that worked, but instead of adopting their model, we get fucking Jeff Sessions ready to outlaw weed again. The Mexican cartels should be thrilled. Sigh…

            I will keep my fingers crossed that your son decides he’s going to really make a change in his life. I know it’s not easy to kick heroin, but lots of people have done it before, so I have faith that he can do it, too.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Thank you so, so, so much. I so appreciate your taking the time to write this and to share your beautiful good wishes. It really does help to know that others care and others get it. Didn’t you recommend Margaret Talbot’s article? I’m just reading it and it’s really good.

            And yes, I also feel the same way. Of COURSE we pay taxes so that we can ALL be healthy, and those of us who are more fortunate help the needy and the poor and the sick. It’s how a country WORKS. Even from rich-people’s completely selfish POV, how does it help them to have a country so weak and uneducated that the country can’t function? Let alone where do they think their customers will come from if they’re too ill and impoverished? If I’m fortunate enough to have more money, of COURSE it is part of my duty as a citizen to take care of those who don’t. How insane and wicked and heartless do people have to be? And meanwhile, as you say, they completely take for granted every endless thing the government does to take care of them. It’s such wretched, hateful stupidity.

            Thank you again for your lovely words about my son. Hugs.

    • ltmcdies

      i think her son, Todd, called it right….”it was all of it”….including the heart disease and mental health issues.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I think Todd’s her brother, but yeah, it was all of it. She had some sort of fat built up in her arteries too.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Sounds like the right way to fly, other than the death part.

    • William Cook for now

      I’ve seen reports that pathologists have characterized the drugs as trace amounts that couldn’t have had a measurable effect at time of death.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I think the cocaine was fairly recent. I don’t mean to sound judge-y, either. Because if someone offered me coke right now, I’d be like “yes, please.” If I didn’t have a job that requires drug testing occasionally, I’m pretty sure I’d be taking up pot again, and possibly exctasy too.

        • h4rr4r

          Coke only sticks around a couple days in your system. Heroin too.

          This is why random drugs tests only catch the hopelessly addicted and pot smokers. Since that can be found in urine for a long time after.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’d really like to go to Colorado, and smoke some legal weed, but my stupid job does random drug tests. I thought coke stuck around and could be found in your hair, if not your urine.

          • h4rr4r

            Not as I understand it.

            I won’t take a drug test. I had to sign a form about it, and agree to quit or take one on demand. I circled quit. I have not even smoked pot in a great many years, but I won’t do it. I know if I was broke I would, but for now I can keep this single shred of dignity.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’m surprised you were given an option.

          • h4rr4r

            Oh there is no option really, it just says you take one or you quit if they ever ask. I scratched out take one and circled quit.

            I won’t take one if I can avoid it. Drug tests are not common in IT. Mandating them leaves you without quality employees. This is a big problem that the government has hiring IT workers. I know of a large defense contractor who is now hiring sub -contractors instead of employees to get around these requirements.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            We really need a worker’s rights revolution in this country. I’m seriously sick of having to sign a “mediation” clause to get a job. The non compete clauses and the drug testing also make me sick. It’s nobody’s business what I do on my own time. I could smoke all the weed I wanted and it wouldn’t affect my job in the slightest bit.

            I wish smart people would rise up and take the country back from the idiots.

          • h4rr4r

            I declined to sign that as well as the NDA actually. I just returned the forms unsigned and the HR folks are apparently not very attentive . That was 11 years ago, so I think I am safe.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I love it – you’re sticking it to the man, and they don’t even know it. Ha ha!

        • William Cook for now

          She was pretty public about her struggles with addiction and mental health. She was as inspiring in her personal life as she was onscreen as Leia.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Her and her mother were both a couple of real broads, and I mean that in the most complimentary way. They were just a couple of real characters.

    • Thiazin Red

      I just wonder why these things get released at all. Its not news or anyone’s business. Wanting to know details strikes me as ghoulishness.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        It’s news if you’re a public person. I doubt she’d care if we knew any way. She was pretty honest about her life, warts and all.

        • Thiazin Red

          She seemed like she would be okay with it, but I don’t think that being a famous person automatically means you lose all privacy.

  • Oh, fuck you, John Mackey! You did not! Quit blaming the employees every time you fuck up!

    http://www.businessinsider.com/whole-foods-ceo-company-focused-on-employees-at-the-expense-of-customers-2017-6

    • Rick Hill

      They aim to trim 300 mill from their expenses. Gee, I wonder where they will find that? In totally unrelated news, they project end of year bonus and extra dividends in the area of 300 mill

    • SayItWithWookies

      “We weren’t making our employees sufficiently miserable. As the newest member of the Amazon family, that’s about to change.”

  • Picabo

    Today is Juneteenth. It should be a day of celebration.
    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2017/6/18/1670962/-Juneteenth-and-the-memorial-to-black-history-in-Texas

    …in the early months of 1865, Texas newspapers still contained advertisements of slaves for sale as Texans went about their slave-holding business as usual openly defying compliance with the proclamation. Some Texas slaves reported being in bondage as much as six years after emancipation, and after Juneteenth, blacks were murdered, lynched, and harassed by whites.
    “The war may not have brought a great deal of bloodshed to Texas,” notes historian Elizabeth Hayes Turner, “but the peace certainly did.”

    • SisterArtemis

      There aren’t Juneteenth celebrations for me to attend (partly because majorly white town, partly because of work schedule) but I kind of celebrate in my heart every year. It pisses me off it took that long, and makes me happy-cry to think it finally came about. Then I avoid thinking about what came after, because in that moment I just want to focus on the positive, on the change finally coming down the pike.

      So Happy Juneteenth, one and all!

    • Panika MCD

      one of the things I love about the TX Capitol is that after walking past the Confederate Soldiers monument and see the CSA seal up on the building (along with the 5 other countries that have claimed TX in part or in whole: Spain, France, Mexico, the Republic of Texas and USA), you walk in the building, move through security and past the Elizabeth Ney renderings of Stephen F. Austin and Sam Houston and see this as you’re going through the arch into the rotunda to your right:

      https://www.thestoryoftexas.com/upload/images/capitol/art-african-american-comp.jpg?1453143330

      it’s like: oops. our bad. and oops. our bad again because it took until the 1970s to elect more African-Americans.

      on top of that, we unveiled this right across from the Confederate Soldiers monument last year:

      http://forwardtimes.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/tx-african-american-memorial.jpg

  • Suttree

    My dislocated back rib needs to fuck off and die.I am fucking tired of it! Something, something, it has to do with my weird muscle problems.

    • SisterArtemis

      I wish psychic healing were really a thing, because the sheer magnetic force of all of us focusing the Good Stuff on you would surely fix it. *sigh*

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Strength in numbers. I’m sending good thoughts and vibes as well. Hey, can’t hurt. Feel better, Suttree. We’re all pulling for you.

    • Panika MCD
    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Damn. I have a good friend with that problem…I had never seen a 40 year old rough and tumble country boy cry because he picked up a clipboard. Do take care, please! You had the whole mommyblog worried…clearly you are loved :-)
      *Internet hugs*

      • Suttree

        I am a rough and tough iron worker/blacksmith. This makes me cry sometimes.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          My buddy is a metal worker too…his work is on FB as The Hammered Spike (hee hee). I hope you can heal as well as he has after getting out of the pool biz and ditching the chiropractor!

        • Predisenting Ron

          I hear that. Been too many times when I haven’t even been able to pick up a wrench because I messed something up.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Is this fixable?

      • Suttree

        Yes. I have found a great physical therapist.

        • Predisenting Ron

          Good!

  • Panika MCD

    more TX news: the special session agenda.

    some people optimistically think that the litany of things Gov. Wheels has promised to add to the special after they pass the necessary Sunset bills (which, admittedly, could take the entire 30 days on their own) is an effort to drown all of Lt. Gov.
    Dan Patrick’s Dannie Goeb’s agenda in everything anyone can think of that is bad. however, the sheer number of bills that are aimed at stomping all over local governments is shocking. so shocking that Texas Monthly has abandoned its efforts to move from mostly political to mostly cultural–which was a bullshit thing to do in the first place after having let said Goebbletron 5000 turn a feature story about him to a heralding of the bathroom bill in the first place. it’s their fault, so now they’re trying to fix it.

    feast your eyes on the attack of local government in general and trees* in particular:

    http://www.texasmonthly.com/burka-blog/abbotts-war-local-government/

    *yes, we’re adding trees to the long list of things that Gov. Wheels thinks can go fuck themselves…though, you know, it’s personal for him.

  • Mavenmaven

    We have challenged ourselves, today here with all of you celebrating with me on my bar mitzvah, to pursue change, etc.

    • Vecchioivan

      Today, I am a scamster.

  • therblig

    jersey city rainbow just now. almost makes up for the flooded basement.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/aa3cad593ba438b5fa35e126c8678d0fe5a5c56674fcd1e53ac81868c46f91a6.jpg

    • Lizzietish81

      Just saw it, very faint but almost makes up for the fact that I had to turn my ac back on because it’s fucking humid

    • FDRliberal

      Just saw that gorgeous rainbow as well, in NYC.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Yikes. Good luck with the basement. Not gud. :-(

      • therblig

        this time it’s just water from under the basement door.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          Still, water in the basement is never good. Hope it isn’t too terrible for you.

          • therblig

            we had 6 inches from Sandy. most of downtown jc is in a floodplain, but a fema map puts us at a little higher ground than others on our block who got a foot or more. for a chinese hoax, it’s a damn good one.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            Crap. Well, yeah. For comparison, at least glad it’s better than Sandy, but that’s definitely no hoax. Condolences.

          • therblig

            another “bonus”, from our recent sewer line replacement – i still haven’t moved everything back down there, so there’s virtually nothing that can get wet except the floor.

  • La forza del resistino

    After 6 months, ‘Speak, Jared Speak’. My Labrador was unimpressed saying she had that trick down in 5 months

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    https://www.flickr.com/photos/151831113@N05/35375895466/in/datetaken/

    Test. Yes, this is my kid. If it uploaded correctly. Otherwise, it’s space aliens from another planet and I’m not to blame.

  • mark99k

    WTF? That’s not a New York accent by any stretch. Granted, New York *State* has many accents, but JK’s is not a New York *City* accent, which is what the term normally means. I heard only the faintest hint of it in the phrase ‘Brooklyn market’ where he drops a small portion of the R.

    Still confused? See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwny52Ncatk

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Thank you! I was like, NY accent? Wha?

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    8 inch floppy legacy systems are called NUCLEAR WEAPON SYSTEMS. They don’t need to be on a cloud. You don’t even know what that means you know nothing silver spoon sucking turd.

    • Left Coast Tom

      If our nuclear weapons systems aren’t cloud-enabled then how will we ever get cool webcam shots when L’il Donnie decides Jerry Brown has dissed him One Last Time? Huh?

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I find him addressing tech CEO’s absolutely laughable.

      • Left Coast Tom

        I find their attendance laughable, also, too.

        You want to Modernize Government Systems? Congress should appropriate a regular budget to do so on a year to year basis, technology is constantly changing. Have a cabinet-level “Chief Technology Secretary” whose job is to coordinate 1) citizen-facing technology so people interact with our government in a consistent way across agencies, and 2) back office systems, ensuring they’re doing the job they’re intended to do as effectively as possible. Point 2 may differ between functional parts of the government.

        • therblig

          it’s the same at the local level (and, i assume, the state and county). when taxpayers are going torches and pitchforks over crime, unemployment, and (GOD FORBID!!!) lack of parking, it’s tough to convince governing bodies that you need a couple million for PCs, software upgrades, and new apps. even though they’ll vastly improve operations.

    • Rick Hill

      But they have a good friend who suggested this. They even followed up, asked if it were safe. “Da. Not to worry” was their answer so what more do we need?

      All joking aside, I have no doubt these people are taking advice from the Russians on how to handle their security

      • Les Appentis De la résistance

        Their security? Our security.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “The Cloud” is marketdroid speak. Which is why I loath it.

      • TJ Barke
      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Nah, it’s software defined execution allocation en masse.

      • Left Coast Tom

        “The Cloud” means “let’s lease computing resources rather than sell them”.

        If you’re providing those services then it’s great – it means a more consistent and predictable revenue stream (a larger one, also, too).

        If you’re consuming those services, then it may depend upon your situation. If your demand for those resources is relatively consistent then unless you’re so small you can’t easily manage an IT function there’s not much point. If your demand varies then it’s awesome, instead of paying for your peak demand you pay more, but based on actual demand.

        • My manager (who just left) was obsessed with moving as many of our services as possible to the cloud… I honestly think it’s been detrimental more than beneficial for us in most cases… In particular our ITSM solution, which just ends up being super slow all the damn time when we need it.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Yeah, access speed can be another issue for “cloud” stuff with a local client.

            I’m not sure I see the point beyond addressing lumpy demand for services (e.g.: web systems which see spiky traffic), but CFOs seem to love the idea that cloud services come out of Operating Expense rather than Capital Expense.

      • georgiaburning

        “The Cloud” is one of those ugly buildings with little parking and lots of power lines feeding them. You really don’t want sekret stuff sitting between a Costco and a McDonalds..

      • SkinlessGenderlessMan

        Also see: “_____ As A Service”

        Fuck those people. We used to do a nice bit of small biz business for Peachtree Software, moving our ten-seat licence to a new version every three years for about $X per year average. Along comes Sage, buys Peachtree, tangibly improves the program, and makes the next upgrade $2X if we jump right on it. We think on this awhile, only now it’s $3X plus a bit, and we now have to pay this every year if we want core functionality of the software to continue to work.

        And, to add lemon juice, they remotely turned off the Crystal Reports module we head purchased.

        On the other hand, Adobe. Full access to all their warez for $50 a month, what used to cost many thousands to buy. What I use of it makes me comfy with the amortization rate.

      • Jamoche

        I remember when Sun pushed the same thing, only they called it “The Network is the Computer”. I was at Sun one day, busy working on the Java AWT, when I noticed a lot of activity in the halls. Someone poked their head in: “What are you doing?” Um, working? “But the network is down.” Er, this is a Mac?

        • Left Coast Tom

          I’m guessing you won’t be surprised that one of the issues with networked communication services in the cloud is…providing resiliency…?

  • ltmcdies

    saw this on the tweeter….a thought for tomorrows election in Georgia

    https://twitter.com/Loca2733Mc/status/838627130133135361

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      That looks like a perfume commercial? What does the Resistance smell like?

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Flowers and unicorns and the good honest sweat of decent Americans!

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Victory. It smells like Victory.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Good one. Retweeted and Shared.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Should we be rewarding a guy whose goal in life was to design a shirt that looks good (to him) untucked? I’m seriously wondering how he can afford all those ads on the teevee.

    • Suse

      I just saw that ad.

    • Jamoche

      $90 shirts.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        That’s what they cost?! Wow. My goal in life is eating and shelter. $90 buys a lot of that.

  • Picabo

    On this date in history. “On this day in 1944, in what would become known as the “Marianas Turkey Shoot,” U.S. carrier-based fighters decimate the Japanese Fleet with only a minimum of losses in the Battle of the Philippine Sea.

    http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/united-states-scores-major-victory-against-japanese-in-battle-of-the-philippine-sea

    • Sheepshagger

      “Die, you Jap cocksuckers!”

      My grandpa before he died, when drinking to excess.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I have Barrett Tillman’s book about the Turkey Shoot, but I haven’t had a chance to read it yet.

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    I so want to reply “Dude, stop plagiarizing from that John Dunne guy!
    Sad!” but it’s, you know, HIM. https://twitter.com/Pontifex/status/876763998384934912

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Maybe he was watching “Grantchester” on PBS last night. The theme seriously was, “No man is an island.”

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        The Pope is a big “Grantchester” fan. He likes how the main character is by definition completely passive and peripheral to the actual plot so they have to bring in another character to do that. He’s also a huge Al Weaver fan.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          I had no idea! Wow. I was just guessing. Makes me wonder if he’s a big jazz fan as well. I do love Grantchester. Sidney is so wonderfully flawed. Perfect for a man of the cloth solving crimes.

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Oh, no, I was just joking. Although he probably is! I like the assistant vicar, he’s so sweet.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      And he ended with, “All you Ayn Rand worshippers on your knees licking her rancid prose, fucketh off.”

    • Suse

      I’m newly pissed at the Catholics after watching The Keepers on Netflix.

      • Yr. Gma

        New Pope was just a kid at the time.

        • Suse

          Well, not a kid exactly. I do like Pope Frank. I do not like pedophile (and maybe murderous) priests and the practice of moving them around so they have a fresh batch of kids to rape.

          • Yr. Gma

            How about #notallcatholics?

          • Suse

            Yes, I’m painting with a broad brush. In this instance it’s the Archdiocese of Baltimore. There was a case in my area just a few years ago involving the San Francisco Archdiocese. A priest saw a fellow priest “wrestling” with a young boy. The reporting priest was the one who got in trouble. The molester was moved around a few times before being kicked out of the church.

          • Yr. Gma

            It happens in all religious institutions. I know of a few Adventist pedophiles who were protected. I guess that the bigger the institution, the more resources they have to do cover-up.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I was about to watch that. I really don’t need something that will make me all stabby right now, though.

    • Panika MCD

      Donne? I think you meant Alexander Pope. Donne spent half his life writing sonnets that sounded religious to his true love for whom he was willing to be expelled from the church and the second half (after she died) sonnets that sounded sexual glorifying the church so they’d let him back in.

      • Yr. Gma
        • Panika MCD

          we tend to disregard juvenalia.

          • Yr. Gma

            So where’s that Alexander Pope poem about man on island?

          • Panika MCD
          • bobbert

            No man is an island…

            He’s a peninsula.

            — Jefferson Airplane

          • Yr. Gma

            I wish I’d known that line when I had to take that Metaphysical Poets course.

          • Panika MCD

            they should have also too told you that Donne spent most of his writing career in the rake camp rather than the metaphysical one and even the poems that are supposed to qualify him for the latter are so sexual in nature that he kay well have been fucking with the church despite becoming a priest.

          • Yr. Gma

            I’m gonna call the University and demand my money back.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        No, I was referring to the “No man is an island” poem, by John Donne (don’t know where I got “Dunne”), but who knows.

        • Panika MCD

          dunne de dunne dunne!

    • Thiazin Red

      * Does not apply to women, raped children or gays.

    • Yr. Gma

      Maybe we can toss Simon and Garfunkel in there, too. Although I guess that’s “is lsland” rather than “is not island.”

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    I swear, Evan, if you don’t get over this Jared crush, I will dig deep into my photobucket account and post ALL of my eye candy pictures (and trust me, it’s quite the collection) until you cry “Uncle” and agree that Shemar Moore is way more hot than He Went To Jared could EVER be. I’m virtually twisting your arm and giving you that red rash on your forearm. CONCEDE, dammit.

    • Panika MCD

      I’m [ ] close to posting photos of my most recent fling and my coworkers.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        It’s really never too soon for an intervention.

        • Panika MCD

          but it would take an ATX drinky thing because I’m still not willing to post photos of people who I haven’t asked.

    • Yr. Gma

      I think Evan is capable of finding several guys hot simultaneously.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        He really seems into the ab thing, though. I could introduce him to a couple of male gymnasts with 9 packs..and they’re bendy and stuff.

        • Thiazin Red

          Or some male ballet dancers, those asses.

          • Suse
          • Rachel Book Harlot

            Wow!

          • Three Finger Salute

            Nice physique, but I’m not liking the ink. Way overdone. I can’t stand Adam Levine’s sleeve tats either. Justin Trudeau’s Haida Raven is tasteful, 1) because it’s in a spot that’s easily covered (his upper left arm); 2) because it’s not one of those gang symbols or an obscene graphic; and 3) because it’s the only one he has, and he didn’t turn himself into a human coloring book. But that? Nope. FFS, does he have one on his face?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            i can’t read the big one on his stomach, but EBP was a gang here way back in the day.
            Jus’ sayin’

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I think he’s purty.

    • One of my dogs was incessantly humped by another male dog at the dog park on Sunday….he resisted…dont make me post the pics.

      • MCA

        That’s not natural
        /s.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        It’s a dominance thing

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Hmmm . . .seems a lot closer to “Simpson’s Squeaky-Voiced Teen” than to Patrick Stewart.

    • theblackdog

      “Sir, it’s a felony to tease the order box”

  • Predisenting Ron

    To me he sounds like a high school senior. Too bad he isn’t as smart as one.

    • Panika MCD

      I’ve never known a high school senior that had dead eyes.

    • Me not sure

      He doesn’t exactly scream forceful leader so much as less than competent scam artist.

  • La forza del resistino

    Donald meets Panamanian president, learns we helped build a canal and complains Woodrow Wilson should have gotten a better deal.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      But what happens when Mortimer confesses about the bodies that Aunt Abby and Aunt Martha have been burying in the canal?

      • La forza del resistino

        ssssh. Jimmy Hoffa after a tequila infused party.

        • Suse

          I thought it was elderberry wine.

      • Suse

        Damn, I love that film (and play).

    • Me not sure

      Isn’t Wilson the Predisent that dropped the “big one” on the Confederates?

      • La forza del resistino

        he was a conflicted son of Virginia who did 1st WH movie screening. Birth of a Nation.

        • Me not sure

          He later had a stroke and was still better than what we have now. Sad!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Wilson is the one who was a fanboy for D.W. Griffith.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Luckily he didn’t remember about the hat thing, or he would have talked about that

  • Paperless Tiger

    Yeah, put yer sensitive data in the cloud. What a genius!

    • MCA

      Fine point.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Can I just say again that Jared is a cuck?

    • Panika MCD
    • Suse

      A cuck, a schmuck, a cluck, a fuck.

      • Three Finger Salute

        An anti-fuck. Evan is the only one who thinks he’s (worth) a fuck. Damien is only a hot dish for someone who enjoys third-degree scalding burns. Evan needs an intervention for his Spawn of Satan fetish.

  • Michael R

    Listening to Jared talk about purchasing buildings from Jehovah’s witnesses I realized HOW MIND NUMBINGLY BORING HE IS ( like Trump )

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bd303eafe0c9a3c44d69647ba665e647451d8be993b7c98c566c35e217f46931.jpg

  • memzilla Ω

    Nice Time! Guy brings in his truck covered with racist graffiti, every worker in the shop drops their tools. Owner says: “You’re not leaving here until I fix this!” Eight guys do a shift’s-worth of work in 30 minutes, and don’t charge the guy.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/58cbe2d9a97f7005fc06aaf76d7049f9f577f537423a2727ffc92fe59d4bd2d2.jpg

    • Delu

      And cue the Trumpian commenters on that too.

      Especially that jerkwad that was talking about Obama “dividing the country” because he didn’t “do anything for race relations” (yeah they just throw it out with no explanations) and then mentioning that BLM is a “terrorist organizations”

      “By their posts will you know them.” Seems pretty legit in describing these Trumpian trolls.

      • jesterpunk

        The guy threatening to shoot people for disagreeing with him? He seems nice, bless his heart.

        • Delu

          They really do bring guns to a word fight huh (or at least threaten to do so)?

          And they are the ones calling for an end to “political violence”?

          • jesterpunk

            Yep, this is what they said later in the thread. I dont use my facebook account for anything but someone should report him for that.

            >The liberal scum like you are the ones wearing the jack boots.
            You are racist scum that resort to violence as an answer. Look forward
            to seeing you down the sights of my .45 you scumbag.

          • Delu

            Hahaha, “calling out” violence then threatening to resort to violence in response in the exact same sentence.

            Classic Trumpian.

          • jesterpunk

            But we should reach out to them and apologize to them or something.

          • HooverVilles

            Spoken like Trump himself.

          • jesterpunk

            But liberals are the violent ones, and if you disagree with republicans they will introduce you to their 45.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    My cat refuses to cuddle with me on the sofa,and instead has opted to cuddle with my slipper on the floor. Who can understand him?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Your slipper is saturated with yummy foot sweat. Its concentrated you. It’s cat aromatherapy. I’ve seen mine do the same thing,

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Well, when you put it like that I guess I should be flattered. But still, I want him to cuddle with meeee. :)

        • Suse

          Too hot here for kitty cuddling. Mine was curled up next to me and I had to (gently) push him away.

        • Anna Rompage

          Yeah, cats often really like the smell of feet!

          My cat Frida loves to either curl up on a dirty shirt, or with dirty socks when I’m not around.

          • Me not sure

            Helga, my imaginary cat curls up anywhere I want her to. Sometimes as the protein in a good salad. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0cb7a44eef15eb099e99e5f2339c2dfb20bd27cab697707eaf4124444fee545b.jpg

          • DirtyHippyLiberal

            I have found my invisible kitty to be a most awesome cuddler. However, it does tend to freak others out when he walks over them. People usually laugh when I tell them I have an invisible kitty; ’til they get walked on or jumped over.

            I swear this has happened. The only thing I can figure is the cat of my toddler-hood stuck around. I know, there are meds for this.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        baby kitty will only be allowed to be petted with my feet – moreso she’s OBSESSED with it. Every time I see, she looks at my feet as if to say, “give ’em up fat boy.”

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        My sainted Harley, who left this world at the ripe old age of 21, used to burrow herself in my armpit. They love the concentrated you. Bask in your awesomeness.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      The solution is simple. Put your slipper on your lap.

    • Thiazin Red

      One of mine likes to sleep on my shoes.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    I’m skeptical of Rick Perry’s skepticism about climate change:
    “Being a skeptic about climate change issues is “quite all right,” he [Perry] said, suggesting that skepticism is a sign of a “wise, intellectually engaged person.””

    • Panika MCD

      as his advisers get younger and cuter, his IQ goes down. but they are fucking cute.

    • Suse

      That’s hilarious coming from one of the dumbest people on the planet.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        i wish i had been in teh room, i would have asked him if being skeptical of his prayer for rain was the sign of a “wise, intellecutally engaged person.”

        • Delu

          It IS.

          After all, the reason for being skeptical of such is that evidence suggest prayers for rain……don’t quite bring the rain.

          That’s a healthy and wise reason enough to be skeptical.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            exactly, but would intellectually dishonest perry say it?

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            I think he has to have some intellect before it could be dishonest.

          • Delu

            If he’s more intellectual than dishonest he would, otherwise he won’t.

            You can already guess which way he leans.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Well, intellectual giant would probably argue that the drought did end- it just coincidentally took God a few years.

          • Delu

            I’d be skeptical about whether God even really had a hand in any of that (or if He did, it was because Perry asked Him to)..

            I mean, as we all know (and the religious zealots have always preached to anyone who would care to listen), only the gays have the power to actually make God do anything.

            Perry isn’t gay is he?

          • JustDon’tSayCovfefe

            I just read on the internet that Rick Perry might be gay.

          • Delu

            So it must be True.

            Channeling the Trumpian troll.

          • theblackdog

            Turgid Love Muscle would be all over this!

          • eggs ackly-wright

            I read the same thing about Pence.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Astronomers now believe that there are about 2 trillion galaxies. The number keeps getting bigger. I do believe in a divinity, but not an old guy with a beard that you can pray to about a Texas drought.
            She made 2 trillion galaxies, and how or why she made us, or how she’s involved with us, or if she cares about us, I don’t know. We exist. That’s miracle enough.

    • Delu

      Technically skepticism IS a sign of a person that is wise and tries to think for themselves.

      But that only stretches so far as the facts and findings go.

      If you’re STILL skeptical even after all the evidence that shows that there’s no reason to be, you might be having a totally different reason for remaining skeptical than just being “wise, intellectually engaged.”

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        well, if you’re going to ruin the joke, ya.
        ; )

    • Suttree

      Rick Perry needs to park his in Galveston when the hurricane comes though.

      • Panika MCD

        too late.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Wearing glasses doesn’t turn you into a wise, intellectually engaged person.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        (takes off glasses)
        Damn!

        Kidding..

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          I can’t read fine print without mine anymore. Being an old can suck, although I’m on the right side of the dirt.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            my eye exam in may resulted in me getting two pairs…juuuuust this side of needing bifocals.
            However, i only need them for about 5 inches in front of my face…i had a rough time reading hte web on my phone while waiting at the dealership today – but that’s the first time i’ve needed htem in 2 months.

      • II Gosala

        Barbus philosophum non facit, eh?

        • vivian

          My Latin’s a little rusty, but it looks like
          “It’s not easy to shave philosophy”

          • II Gosala

            “A beard does not make a philosopher,” but I like yours also too.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Hehe more like “Always look on the bright side of life””.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Or ” Be sure to turn in those rebates”

          • II Gosala
    • II Gosala

      Skepticism is fine. Its the position of most scientists who want to be shown actual, hard evidence.

      Perry is a cynic, someone who will refuse to accept the evidence no matter how overwhelming and who is convinced that the whole thing is a fraud.

      • I would suggest Perry doesn’t have the chops to be cynical. I think he’s just A Idiot.

    • jesterpunk

      I am skeptical if Rick Perry even has 2 brain cells in his head.

      • jaspersdad

        If he had a brain cell, it’d be lonely.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Wise? Intellectually engaged? Rick Perry!?!?? I, ummm…ooops!

    • BadKitty904

      There’s a distinct difference between being intellectually skeptical and parroting FOX “News”.

    • jaspersdad

      “Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe.

      I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.”

      Frank Zappa

  • Panika MCD

    “Medusa’s letter to Poseidon” by me has been published here:

    http://www.snapdragonjournal.com/

    (requires a subscription, but the theme is “Surrender”.)

  • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

    We were watching Full Frontal from last week and the video got stuck on the pic of Kelly & Jones. Hubby says, “Do you need to restart it? I’m not gonna watch Jenny McCarthy all night.”

  • La forza del resistino

    The day’s events are not Rachel’s fault, but her openers are harder to keep up with than an Agatha Christie novel.

    • I like Agatha. She’s fun

      • La forza del resistino

        true. but she didn’t use all these hard to pronounce Russian names.

        • Jamoche

          Oh yes she did. She just hid them – any time the evidence is a handkerchief with an embroidered P, look for a Russian whose name starts with R.

      • La forza del resistino

        OT: Wowed by Wonder Woman today myself. better a 2nd time?

  • Me not sure

    How many times will Megyn Kelly have to lose in the ratings to a 60 Minutes rerun before the geniuses at NBC realize that she isn’t a compelling journalist, or even a journalist at all. She’s a non-practicing law grad.
    When Sunday Night Football returns this show will disappear. Who wants to bet on whether it returns or not?

    • TJ Barke

      That pretty face spewing bullshit may work on Fox, but not anywhere else.

    • The right thinks she is a turn coat, the left think she is a plant, and the centrics don’t watch the fucking news.
      NBC is kinda well known for making bonehead plays tho

      • TJ Barke

        I get all the digs that 30 Rock always threw at them now.

      • Me not sure

        What was that Jay, Conan, Jay, Jimmy thing all about anyway?

        • Leno being a backstabbing bi-otch, pretty sure, and NBC letting him do so.
          He submarined Dave’s shot at that show also so he could have it

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            Plus NBC panicking that Conan wasn’t an instant hit (and Leno being so horrible in prime time that affiliates were threatening not to air his show). They made a panic move, screwed everyone.

    • La forza del resistino

      If a Cleveland Browns game outdo her. Toast.

      • Me not sure

        They do have nice legs, I guess.

    • Apple Scruff

      I don’t think she makes it through the summer, tbh. Networks are quick to cancel shows and cut their losses these days.

      • Me not sure

        They’re said to be in for what, $17 million / yr.? That’s a lot of moldy cheese they’re throwing out.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Cheese libelz!

  • II Gosala
    • love this, thank you ^.^
      Do not care lalalala love this bit

    • theblackdog

      Ahhhh, back in the days when Whoopi was still funny.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    OMG, I just found Young Frankenstein on Netflix! And I am going to watch it because I need funny. Right now.

    How have I never seen it there before?