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If you have ever met Donald Trump, it seems you need a lawyer. Trump, who already had several dumb and bad lawyers, recently hired Marc Kasowitz, who has virtually no experience being the kind of lawyer Trump needs right now, to represent him on Trump-Russia issues. (None of the experienced lawyers were willing to represent that dingus.) Vice President Mike Pence has hired Richard Cullen, who is WAY better than Kasowitz. Ivanka and Jared are lawyered up, as are Michael Flynn and Paul Manafort. And now Trump’s original personal thug lawyer, Michael “SAYS WHO” Cohen, has hired a lawyer, who will probably have to hire a lawyer eventually, and that lawyer might have to retain counsel at some point, and so forth and so on. Sorry, West Virginia, your coal minin’ jobs ain’t never comin’ back, but if you go to law school, YOU ALSO TOO could end up representing somebody who represents somebody who represents somebody who represents Donald Trump. It’ll be easy as pie, just take one of them scammy online classes Betsy DeVos is busy deregulating!

Michael Cohen, who for years has served as President Trump’s personal attorney, has hired a lawyer of his own to help him navigate the expanding Russia investigation.

Cohen confirmed Friday to The Washington Post that he has retained Stephen M. Ryan, a Washington-based lawyer from the law firm McDermott, Will & Emery who has experience prosecuting criminal cases as an assistant U.S. attorney.

Good luck! We learned recently that Cohen is a person of interest in the Congressional investigations into Trump’s ties with Russia, probably because he’s got a lot of weird Russian connections of his own. He also has weird mob connections and owns an ethanol company in Ukraine, just like most people do. Early in the Trump administration, during that short window of time when literal actual foreign agent Michael Flynn was national security adviser, Cohen hand-delivered a pro-Russia “peace plan” for Russia and Ukraine to Flynn at the White House, or maybe he Snapchatted it to Flynn, or maybe he can’t remember SAYS WHO?

Cohen is also a star of the infamous Steele Dossier, much of which has been confirmed, but he’s not one of the pee hookers, because he’s not that kind of girl. It just says he had clandestine meetings with Kremlin operatives and that he was “heavily engaged in a cover up and damage limitation operation in the attempt to prevent the full details of Trump’s relationship with Russia [sic] being exposed.” It also says he may have been involved in a meeting about how to pay the Russian hackers. Totally innocent stuff! For the record, Cohen says everything about him in that document is FAKE NEWS, and he tweeted a picture of his passport cover to prove it.

Hey WaPo, any other Trump people lawyering up?

Michael Caputo, a New York-based political operative and radio commentator who served as a senior communications adviser on Trump’s campaign, also has hired a lawyer of his own to navigate the Russia probe. […]

Caputo, who briefly worked for the campaign, was an ally to former campaign chairman Paul Manafort. He lived in Moscow for several years in the 1990s, and briefly held a contract in 2000 with the Russian conglomerate Gazprom Media to improve Russian President Vladimir Putin’s image in the United States.

Neato! Caputo literally used to work for the Kremlin, but now that he’s back in America, we’re sure he’s totally a patriotic flag-waving guy who yells “U-S-A! U-S-A!” a whole lot. He also, just like Rudy Giuliani and Roger Stone, seemed to have advance knowledge of upcoming Russian hacker leaks of Hillary Clinton dirt. The House Intelligence Committee is super interested in Caputo’s activities, and we bet Robert Mueller is too!

This is all just totally normal, especially in the fifth month of a presidency. Is team Trump tired of all this #winning yet?

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  • Jgb979

    It’s like a closed circle human centipede of treason.

    • Stulexington

      Except it keeps getting longer somehow.

      • Boojum

        Soon it will wrap all the way around.

        • Ill-Advised

          Ouroboros libelz!!!1!

    • William Cook

      More a human centipede pyramid scheme.

      “You collude with two friends, then they collude with two friends, and before you know it you’re just kicking back getting investigated while the shit flows in from your collusion network!”

  • JoeChristmas

    4,003 lawsuits means lots and lots of lawyers. Shakespeare’s nightmare.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    It’s lawyers all the way down.

  • BigCSouthside

    The “Says Who” defense will become the Twinkie defense of the 21st century

    • Boojum

      In response to every charge, instead of pleading guilty or not guilty, Cohen will say “Says who?”

  • Chyron HR

    Stop, guys, they only need enough material for 17 episodes of Arrested Development season 5.

  • Joe Beese

    All replies to the comments that I’m not allowed to make here should be addressed to my private counsel.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The hits just keep on coming!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “In closing, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Putin’s people got to your catered lunch today. If you want the antidote, you should vote to acquit and soon. I rest my case.”
    –A lawyer three or four layers down.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    So, is Jared Kushner Michael Corelone, or Michael Bluth?

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      No touching!

    • Le Covfefe Royal

      Tobias.

    • Boojum

      Peewee Herman

    • JMP

      He’s Count Galeazzo Ciano.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galeazzo_Ciano

    • Thiazin Red

      Both of those started with morals and were conflicted about the family business, so neither. He isn’t even Gob.

  • William
  • William
    • JustDon’tSayCovfefe

      OK, that’s funny right there, I don’t care who you are!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Is it creating a job if you never pay them?

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    I heard the Trump administration is going to assign a lawyer to defend the rights of these comments that don’t exist.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    What’s the difference between a coal miner and a Trump lawyer?

    They both keep digging a deeper hole, but one has black lung and the other a black heart.

    • Boojum

      My grandfather had black lung. It just made him drink, as opposed to costing him his soul.

    • BadKitty904

      It’s as cold as a lawyer’s heart.

      ~ Irish expression

  • BadKitty904

    While Nero & Co. continue to fiddle, it’s reassuring to know that…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwqPBlSxb-0

    • Beautiful Soup

      Flashback to high school when the teachers put on “Li’l abner” – I think it was just the teachers, no students. Do teachers do that nowadays? Probably don’t have the time anymore.

    • Jim Johnson

      Huh? “We don’t like stoner semen…” (0:18)

      • Beautiful Soup

        That line surprised me also. Because who doesn’t?

      • BadKitty904

        It was a different time, dude…

      • JCfromNC

        Well, according to lyricsplayground.com, the actual line is “We don’t like stone or cement…”, but I like yours better.

  • snigsy

    Just because I like Shakespeare: “Lets kill all the lawyers.”

    • Three Finger Salute

      …with votes.

      #TooSoon

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      I think there are ones out there that all in it for the good. And what about the ACLU?

      • snigsy

        Oh I agree. It’s just that I like that line from one of Shakespeare’s Henry plays.

      • Miss Dill

        I know quite a few lawyers who are really good people, and even they like lawyer jokes.

    • Paul

      99% of lawyers give the other 1% a bad name;

  • Edith Prickly

    At this rate, they will need to build a new prison for all these schmucks. JERBS!!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Might as well retrofit one of Dump’s abandoned hotels. I hear there’s a nice young man named Norman something-or-other who’s in charge of one. Seems like such a sweet kid; he really, really loves his mother…

      • Covfefe

        Speaking of Trump hotels, some people say that cutting back on Obama’s liberalization of trade with Cuba might afford opportunities to competing hotel chains, if you know what I mean.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Trump Prison — It’s only a gilded cage.

  • Crystalclear12

    I’m reminded of people who didn’t vote for Clinton because she wouldn’t get anything done because of investigations.

    • William Cook

      Seth Myers had a great bit a few weeks ago (Or a couple days? Damn Trump news cycle…) lining up all the times Trump crowed that same sentiment on the campaign.

      • Bebecca

        someone said trump’s time in office seems like it passes in dog years

  • msanthropesmr

    Dumbception?
    Treasonception?
    I got nothing.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I like Incestion.”
      — Donald Trump

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Decreption

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      Representationception?

    • cheetojeebus

      Dumbception? Is that the adam sandler leo caprio pic Scorcese is working on?

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    “Eeeeew! Who farted?!”

    — Michael Cohen

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      “I did.”

      — Chris Christie

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Well, duh.

      • Jeffocaster in the East

        If Christie farted it would take out all of Trenton and half of Philadelphia and bridge closures would be a party in comparison.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          My wife’s family, most of them, like in Red Bank. They hated Christie since 2009. Of course, most of them are teachers and they are in the union, so they had a ton of good reasons to hate him.

  • Jenny

    MAGA. Make Attorneys Great Again!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Six Degrees of Representation

  • MynameisBlarney
  • msanthropesmr

    I wonder is he’s wondering how to settle this.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Probably already tried to offer Mueller some hush money to make the problem go away. He’s that fucking stupid.

  • memzilla Ω

    Waidaminnit! I thought only GUILTY people had to hire lawyers?

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    If Rosenstein recuses then we get Brand and she’s a Federalist society shill. Good lord!

  • Covfefe

    So there was a story on The Daily Beast the other day about those 13 accidental deaths in England that the police are carefully not investigating, allegedly because they are supposed Russian assassinations. The Government seems to fear that if Putin lost his free hand in England, he might cause the movement of Russian money. Who is beginning to wonder if all these high powered Republican law firms. . . . .?

  • William
    • Raan

      Not even these putzes would represent President I. Fleecem.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • snigsy

      Speaker of Doublespeak wishes to remain anonymous. Huh.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    Way OT: It is 94+ today. No A/C but low humidity. Know how I am keeping cool? Listening to Miles Davis, Kind of Blue…..

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      lol, I was just learning so what? on the piano last night

  • BMW

    A metaphor about Russia nesting dolls seems appropriate here.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    More OT: Officer found not guilty in shooting of Philando Castile.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Well that’s a bunch of bullshit. I guess officers can now shoot you right after pulling you over.

      • miss_grundy

        I think they can shoot you while you are pulling over…..

    • NastyBossetti

      A badge is basically a license to shoot people without consequence.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        sigh:
        He also was acquitted of two counts of intentional discharge of firearm that endangers safety.

        • NastyBossetti

          Wasn’t there a little kid in the backseat, not a few feet away?!

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            IIRC, yes.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Yes. God, it’s heartbreaking and infuriating.

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          “Millstones of Justice turn exceedingly slow, but grind exceedingly fine black people to a sticky paste.”

      • Bebecca

        so is a Florida residency or even a visit to the state

        • Eileen Besse

          Moving here from Massachusetts was like bad LSD….

    • Edith Prickly
    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Much more of this sort of thing and there is a danger that I may become a tad cynical…

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        Cynical Zombies is my new emo death metal band.

    • Shanzgood 21 Days

      Take it back, that’s not what I asked for!!

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    From the Best of the Bobby Fuller Four (a blank record)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0sI6eFarFE

    • William

      When I was a cop, I had a mix that included that, as well as Bad boys, Jail House rock and Indiana wants me. If I had to take a particularly difficult suspect to the county lockup, I’d put that in the tape deck.

      • The Wanderer

        We used to play ‘Working on the Chain Gang’ in the jail, and local radio played “Electric Avenue’ when a state prisoner met Old Sparky.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Indiana wants me. Hadn’t thought of that in ages. I rather liked it back in the day. You tube here I come.

        • Beautiful Soup

          I just played that song and freaked myself out when I heard the cops talking at the end.

    • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl
      • Jeffocaster in the East

        I LOVE THE CLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

          Me Also Too! :D

          Dad always made us listen to John Denver and Kenny Rodgers, when I first saw “Rock the Casbah” on tv, it was like entering a different world.

          • marxalot

            I “borrowed” Combat Rock from Running Dad and didn’t give it (or the Social D records) back for like a year in high school.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            Nice! I have “London Calling” in a CD Boxset.

          • jaspersdad

            The best version of Brand new Cadillac.

            https://youtu.be/SYVLxLvdhpY

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            Yisss!

    • Paul

      Holy shit. Blast from the past. I used to have the 45.

  • William
    • UnsaltedSinner
      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        yup, the only person with close to that number is Obama.

        Must drive lil Donnie crazy.

        • miss_grundy

          Anything that relates to Bamz drives him insane. I guess seeing Bamz looking like a cover from GQ Magazine–so handsome and classy–must drive that fat asshole crazy.

          • Eileen Besse

            And I love it.

          • Pisto75666

            Drives his supporters crazy too. They wish Orange Cheetolini had that much.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        And the saddest, saddest part of it is that they are demonstrably mostly bots and fake profiles, and he’s bought it. It’s actually SO SAD. He’s a deranged, crazy, sad old man, being completely enabled and publicly humiliated by his corrupt, greedy enablers. If he wasn’t so cruel and awful I’d feel sorry for him….

      • Bebecca

        but Obama probably had 99 million followers so Trump had to best him.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I said the same thing right here earlier this morning. Car wreck analogy and all.

      It should also be noted that he doesn’t even HAVE 100 million followers. It’s more like 30 million and half of those are egg accounts. Anyone who looks at the subthreads to his tweets sees the same four or fave users tweeting trolled praise and literally everyone else saying “WTF?”

      And he also blocked Stephen King as well as a veteran’s group of some half a million members.

    • miss_grundy

      Oh, God, please, make Trumpilini STOP! No wait, I changed my mind–please proceed you tangerine shitgibbon. Keep digging that hole.

  • Sticking with the shampoo theme, we need to wash that con right out of his lair.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So Kagro brings up the idea that the Rosenstein statement could be a forgery? Has Rosenstein confirmed the validity of the statement?

    • Shanzgood 21 Days

      Wot?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I’d think he would have gone ballistic if it was

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    This comment has been deleted upon the advice of my lawyer

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Upon the advice of your lawyer’s lawyer

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      The person responsible for sacking the lawyer that advised deleting this comment has been sacked

      • Rags

        Everyone responsible for this thread has been sacked and replaced by Finnish moose-abusers

        • A_Changeling

          Hey! My lawyer wants to have a word with you. And yes, he is a møøse.

          • Ill-Advised

            Oh, deer. My financial advisor is also a moose.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Somebody remind me, how many lawyers did Obama, his cabinet members, his appointees and his advisers hire while he was in office?

    • BadKitty904
      • mancityRed6

        we would have also accepted “crickets”

        • BadKitty904

          Hey, if I can’t create blingees, I can at least post vids.

          • mancityRed6

            try this…10 hours of crickets
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKmRkS1os7k

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Nifty! Bookmarked!

          • mancityRed6

            when I was at the townhouse, this was ’06 and I didn’t have wireless set up. I downloaded a disc of white noise to play after the neighbors got a puppy. it helped, and I’m fairly certain I still have it somewhere.

          • mancityRed6

            also, just search on youtube, “ten hours of (blank)” you’ll be surprised of what you can find
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh7lp9umG2I

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            I mean not sure I’d be all that surprised.

            Wait, you said YouTube. Okay.

          • mancityRed6

            I haven’t tried that search on other sites… I dunno what I would find.
            and frankly, I’m scared to know.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            I wouldn’t want to watch 10 hours, either.

          • mancityRed6

            unless I want to worry the neighbors…hmm
            *goes to google incognito*

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            I recommend headphones.

          • mancityRed6

            sometimes you are just no fun at all.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Hey, I’ve lived in apartments before!

          • mancityRed6

            it’s been awhile, but I did wake up to the neighbors making their headboard hit the wall a few times. just that one time, though.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            That’s rude of them!

          • mancityRed6

            it lasted for the 2 or 3 minutes it took for me to recognise it for what it was.
            I was confused at first, it has been awhile.

  • BadKitty904
    • mancityRed6

      I would have believed it if it was in crayon
      unless this came from the senate

  • marxalot

    If any of these feebs paid their bills, there could be a quick buck to be made here proporting to be a lawyer before bailing due to “conflicts of interest.”

  • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

    I just want to go OT for a moment to share a particularly good tweet re the Amazon buying Whole Foods thing: https://twitter.com/KrangTNelson/status/875714916723826689

    • mancityRed6

      hey, at least we’ll get a nightly meal.

      • marxalot

        only if your subscription is paid up

        • mancityRed6

          crap
          I tried it once, just for the free two day shipping and to see what was on the prime. I was not happy with their selections.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            I’ve had Prime for years. Streaming TV, makeup and lingerie and hobby kits on 2-day shipping, It’s the Best.

          • mancityRed6

            the last time I tried it, everything I wanted to watch you had to pay extra for. and that was when the old MST was on Hulu and Netflix.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            Mostly I watch Star Trek and Downton Abbey and war movies. I paid for Starz for a couple of months, but I dropped it when things got tight.

          • mancityRed6

            adult swim, futurama, and documentaries for me.
            animated movies for the cats. I’m covered with what I have.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            I hear you. When I was in the old neighborhood, Amazon was the best place to get clothes and shoes and makeup. I have more choices now, but Amazon also has the things the stores don’t carry here, like Cover Girl Lip Lava.

          • mancityRed6

            when I was in Lawrence I shopped local since I cared about it there. here it’s all chain stores so I’ve stopped giving a fuck. but my usual needs are mainly food and alcohol, so…
            although, I do need a new nunchuck and rechargeable batteries for my wii. it’s on my amazon list.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            Used history books also too.

          • mancityRed6

            some of my favorite books are old library books resold on Amazon for very damn cheap
            and then the 1/2 price books went out of business there.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            I get those used library books myself.

          • mancityRed6

            I’ve got a couple somewhere with a custom stamp of someone’s library. a personal library.

          • mancityRed6

            this is a good history book:
            https://www.amazon.com/Englishman-Kansas-Gladstone-H-T/dp/B000NHUCPI/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1497645464&sr=8-2&keywords=an+englishman+in+kansas
            when KS was on the verge of becoming a state, the Times sent a reporter over to see what it was like on the ground. very good pre history of the civil war.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            Very cool, added to my list, thank you. :)

          • mancityRed6

            it is a good read, it was much touted in the “what’s the matter with Kansas?” book.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            It looks very good, and I love the history of the West and of pre-ACW times. :)

          • mancityRed6

            Kansas was _the_ start of the civil war, and not just because of John Brown.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            Now I gotta read this. :)

          • mancityRed6

            not to give too much away, but when they voted on whether to come into the US as a slave or free state (after all the people from Boston moved and founded Lawrence), there was much voter fraud going on. at the barrel of a gun or the blade of a bowie knife. 200 people voting in a county that only had 20 voters? check.
            they listed one county as having voting irregularities and decided to recast the vote. but it was on the west side and the Missouri people couldn’t get out there fast enough. the new vote was for a free state, hence Kansas is the “free state”
            also our state motto, “Ad astra per aspera”, to the stars through difficulties

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Did you get his most recent one? I did, but I haven’t read it yet because I’m a slacker.

          • mancityRed6

            I’ll have to keep an eye out. I know it hit home for me just because I was reading a book where I knew a lot of the towns and had been to some of them.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Everyone in the older neighborhoods im Lawrence claims to have a bullet hole in their house somewhere from when Quantrill’s Raiders shot the place up.

          • mancityRed6

            or the hotel that was rebuilt after they couldn’t hit it with cannon fire from close range, so they burnt it down instead.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            You know a lot more than I do about Lawrence. I was 10 when I left and just went back to go to school. But it sounds really interesting!

          • mancityRed6

            that was the Eldridge, the only hotel in Lawrence at the time. and they have since taken down the famous “ghost” picture
            http://eldridgehotel.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/ghost-560×360.jpg
            hint, look in the elevator at the left side

            it wasn’t my home town, but it’s still my home base…even if I’m not there.

          • marxalot

            I really can’t buy clothes online– never know what’s gonna fit, or how, and the whole “ship it back and try again in a different size” thing gets old fast. Plus I have Weird Feelings about using Amazon.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            I have a few brands I trust, but yes I vastly prefer going to Target or the thrift store for clothes now.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            My daughter LOVES thrift store shopping now that she has her OWN money to spend.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            Good for her!

            I was wearing a top from the thrift store when this new fella approached. $3 dollars were spent. :)

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            My daughter got a purse, some shorts, and some cute lacy camisoles. She’s kinda girly for a dyke but at least she finally got a butch haircut lol!

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            Awws. :D I like when Girls kind of mix the look.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            She’s damned cute! I don’t know why she doesn’t have a real-life girlfriend yet, just her on/off long distance BFF since she was about 9 or so.

            Oh, well. I was a bit of a slow starter as well. She’ll figure it out eventually!

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            I’m sure she will. :) I am the ultimate slow-starter. xD

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Didntbyou get Stars to watch Outlander?

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            I did. I hope to get it back, maybe this Fall.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            I can’t remember when the new season is out. I’m gonna have to figure out how to plump for Stars somehow.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            Yeah, I’ll find a way I hope.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            My X used to…acquire them. I’m not doing that, though, or asking him to on my behalf.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            Yeah, I avoid that too.

          • mancityRed6

            maybe, _maybe_ I’d try it again for the books, let me try my local library first, though.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Ah, man, I hate running errands, so instead I got Prime and have become good buds with the UPS driver.

            And I swear, every so often I say, OK, let’s support a local business by not buying online and I fossil fuel my way all the way into town to learn that the item cannot be found.

            So, fuck it, I love Prime (but that’s just me).

          • mancityRed6

            my apt is kinda messed up. the numbers on the front (nearest to the parking lot) are only for the apartments on that side. my apartment number is on the back, facing the walking trail. it literally took me 10 minutes to find the place when I moved in. I have ordered from Amazon since, and I was home for the toaster, but everything else got sent to the office, which is good. but I have seen a few boxes in front of doors and I’m just like damn. the only thing I could use it for would be the chemex coffee filters which I can only find in world market.

          • Bebecca

            I’m the same way. It’s almost embarrassing the number of packages that we get in a week. I bought gorilla tape over the weekend, I could have gone out and bought it-maybe go to several stores to find it?-but it was so easy to do it online and I had it in on Tuesday.

          • therblig

            i get all of my packages delivered at work. last christmas season, i was walking home, about a block away, when a UPS driver with a load of packages walked by me and said “good evening, mr. therblig”. i knew then it was time to cut back.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      In Bezosville

      • Beowoof14

        Is that like Bentonville, but people can read.

    • Joe Beese
      • Beautiful Soup

        Alexa is in the room with me so I’m afraid to play that clip.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Does this mean I can buy prepeeled oranges via Prime?

      ‘Cause I’m kinda down with that.

      • mancityRed6

        asparagus water by the case!

        • Jeffocaster in the East

          Broccoli beer

          • mancityRed6

            and I thought that some people adding clamato to beer was a sin.

          • bupkus231

            Thank you – but PBR produces enough gas ( in my system ) without any “enhancement”….

        • Shanzgood 21 Days

          Ahhh, gross! Didn’t Whole Foods actually sell that at one point?

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            OMG! Could you imagine the farts?!?!

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            “Asparagus Water: For when you’re mad at your partner and it’s almost time for your birthday beej!”

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            xDOMGLOL

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Sorry, that was gross!

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            But funny!

          • The Wanderer

            Yes, very funny!

          • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

            All Russian pee hookers should drink plenty of asparagus water before seeing Donnie.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            The pee alone.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            You know what? You’re right. Asparagus always makes my pee stink. Just the green, not the spargle-which I once smuggled through US customs from Munich.

          • mancityRed6
          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            What would people MAKE with it?!

          • mancityRed6

            stinky pee? I dunno

          • therblig

            supersoaker ammo

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Ooh, let it sit out in the sun for a few days first! Have you ever left a bunch of asparagus in a bag until it goes slimy? The gagging rankness is almost unparalleled!

          • marxalot

            I got the inside scoop on this from an Actual Whole Foods Corporate Person: that brainwave was the sarcastic joke of an underemployed peon, of the correct opinion that there was no product so patently absurd that WF wouldn’t sell it and a WF shopper wouldn’t buy it, so they assembled and tagged the product themselves to prove it.

        • The Wanderer

          Asparagus Water: For when your watersports enthusiast needs that extra something.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Prime has already moved into the grocery delivery space, at least in big cities (“Prime Fresh”). In cities like LA or NYC you can also get household items delivered two hours after you order them. So I’m pretty sure the answer is yes!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      $13.4 billion

      or roughly two weeks of groceries at Whole Foods

      • Eileen Besse

        Their stock price jumped enough today to pay for the acquisition. My teevee told me so.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      There’s actually a damn good steakhouse in Chicago called Primehouse.

  • mancityRed6

    so, did Pence and tRump play rock, paper scissors to see who got to hire Cullen? or did Pence talk up Kasowitz and how “good” he was and tRump called dibs?

  • Indiepalin

    I miss the days of Johnny Cochran. Now there was some lawyering!

  • marxalot

    Full employment for ambulance chasers!

  • I don’t know about all that but it’s late on a friday. This is when the things happen and i am not drinking yet.

  • jesterpunk

    OT but the Daily Show has won all the things.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trevor-noah-donald-trump-twitter-library_us_5943d93de4b01eab7a2d05e8

    The library didn’t appear to have any books, but has plenty of artworks,
    interactive activities and small Easter eggs to discover. A large
    television screen features a live update of Trump’s Twitter. If he
    tweets during the time the library is open this weekend, a “bing bing
    bong bong, bing bing, bong bong” alarm, as Noah described, will go off.

    • Shanzgood 21 Days

      I haven’t watched much of Daily Show but Trevor Noah is hilarious at standup. His accents are spectacular and his whitedude is Grade A.

    • Shanzgood 21 Days

      Hahahaha!

      I bet that kitteh could have gotten Hal to open the pod door, though.

      • BadKitty904

        That kitteh would’ve kicked HAL’s tin-plated ass. When kitteh wants inside, kitteh wants inside NOW.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        I was leaving Walmart once and the auto-open doors wouldn’t work. I stood there and said, “Hal, open the pod bay doors. Open the pod bay doors, Hal.” The woman next to me had no fuckng idea what I was talking about.

        • Shanzgood 21 Days

          Well, after a while they just think we’re crazy OLD people.

        • William Cook

          Aww. :(

        • therblig

          when they woke me up after my last colonoscopy and asked how i was, i said “I dreamt I went to Manderley again”. they looked at me like the anesthesiologist had destroyed my brain.

          • Erala Contratista

            Oooohhhhhhh!
            Inspiring!

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            I’ve been having ECT treatments for depression and I always try to come up with something witty just as they are putting me under…”OK, did everybody wash their hands?” As the versed goes in the IV, “Could I get some of that in a to go cup?” “If I wake up with my underwear on backwards again we’re gonna have a serious problem!” It’s gallows humor more for me. The IV cocktail is ten seconds of an awesome high but I can feel myself slipping away and have no control over it. It’s scary and three times a week.

          • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

            Is it helping? I am tired of dysthymia. Or maybe because of it.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            I had several treatments a few years ago and was getting amazing results. I also have dysthymia as well as major depressive disorder, severe. I actually felt ‘normal’ for the first time in my life. But on like the eighth treatment I went into V-tach and was deferred for a month while I got a ton of cardio tests done. I was OK’d to resume ECT and on the third one I went into V-tach again and was told “no more”. Last year I looked into doing it again. Got OK from cardio specialist who implanted a “loop recorder” in my chest. It wasn’t until last month that I could resume treatments. I live about an hour from the hospital that does the treatments. Getting transportation is a real problem as I have to be there at 6:30am, M W & F. No sooner than I start treatment and I had to put my cat to sleep. I was devastated. Of course, ECT does nothing for grief so I stopped going. I resume again a week from Monday if I’ve got all the damn tests done…physical and blood work every thirty days, chest X-ray ninety days etc..
            This is a long answer to your yes or no question, Penny but this is some serious shit. Yes, if I could get past the starts and stops and have a regular course of treatment, ECT works for me. I don’t know how much you know about ECT but it really should be used as a last resort for mood disorders. It’s general anesthesia and it is an electrically induced seizure so there are risks and some have such bad side effects that they can’t tolerate it. And it only works for a small percentage of people but the ones it does work for it usually does wonders. I don’t know how bad your symptoms are or the effect they are having on your life but ECT, although not a horrible experience, is certainly not any fun. I exhausted all other treatments before I pursued ECT.
            Ask any other questions you may have or share what you want. I believe in mental health recovery and know that peer support is key.
            Jerry

          • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

            Sounds like scary stuff, despite the advances. Mine is fairly well-controlled with medication, but I just get tired of feeling “not normal.” I suspect you know what I mean.

            I wish you all the best! At least we no longer have to imagine we’re alone.

    • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

      Imagine Kitteh Bowman napping in the White Room until he becomes StarKitten.

      And then Starkitten knocking Chinese FOBS out of orbit with his paw. We need to make this movie happen, Y’alls.

  • Raan

    OT, but I can’t wait for the open thread.
    Holy balls, it is hot and damp in Florida. It’s almost like the entire state is a giant swamp unfit for human habitation.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Swamp Ass is rampant!

      • Raan

        Along with Swamp Entire Body.

    • It’s great for pythons, monitor lizards, and skunk apes, though!

      • Ms.Moon

        Also large disgusting looking frogs. Saw so many in our time share when we were in Orlando along with snakes of all types.

        • H0mer0

          wait, snake/frog hybrids?

    • Joe Beese

      Leaving my air-conditioned Orlando motel room in the morning was like walking into a brick wall of humidity.

      • Raan

        It’s my theory that that’s why Miami has a nightlife instead of New York style active at all hours culture.

    • The Wanderer

      Every year here in Florida, I venerate the memory of Dr. John Gorrie, who basically invented both air conditioning and the ice maker.

      • Raan

        Truly, he was a giant among men.

        • The Wanderer

          Ironically, he was trying to cure malaria with it.

          • Raan

            It kind of works. If it’s too comfortable to ever go outside, your mosquito and malaria/yellow fever risk has to drop to near nil, right?

          • The Wanderer

            Pretty much, yeah. But people already suffering from malaria would die of hypothermia.

          • bupkus231

            At this point, hypothermia sounds like a GOOD IDEA!

          • The Wanderer

            LOL
            I have a good central AC unit at mine house. It keeps my books dry, and comfortable enough for me to go about without pants.

          • bupkus231

            I have an elderly aunt, who would be happier with no a/c at all. We compromise

          • Raan

            Fair point. By the way, what part of America’s Wang are you from?

          • The Wanderer

            About midway between Tampa and Orlando.

          • Raan

            We’re just on the other side of Tampa, about halfway between St. Pete and Clearwater.

          • The Wanderer

            Ah, Pinellas Island (after the sea level rise).

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            I have a friend in Florida. Do you know him?

          • The Wanderer

            Probably not socially.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            I’m kidding. When I lived in the U.K., people would always say things like that. “I met a guy named Brad from New York once. Do you know him?”

    • Eileen Besse

      RICK SCOTT.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The shit has hit the fan. ~Warren Zevon

    • The Wanderer

      Should we send lawyers, guns, and money?

      • Raan

        No, send camera crews because we desperately need this shitstorm on film.

        • The Wanderer

          The revolution will be Instagrammed.

      • Mavenmaven

        So that’s why Trump has been running around with a Chinese menu in his hand.

        • The Wanderer

          I don’t think he eats beef lo mein.

          • Raan

            The only beef he eats is burned to a crisp, run over by a truck, and smothered in ketchup.

        • Beautiful Soup

          He certainly is an excitable boy.

        • therblig

          his hair will never be perfect

          • H0mer0

            and I wouldn’t like to meet his tailor.

  • BadKitty904
  • Beowoof14

    This situation almost makes me wish I hadn’t retired from the practice of law. There are tremendous business opportunities for practicing law in Washington right now. I say almost cause I am pretty sure Trump is much broker than most people realize and when his Russian cash dries up, no one is getting paid.

    • cmd resistor

      You could not pay me enough to represent that guy.

    • Raan

      Oh, like they were going to be anyway.

    • H0mer0

      oh, I thought you said “no one is getting laid.”/s

  • Jennifer R
    • Joe Beese

      He better get a good lawyer.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        He probably doesn’t know any good ones himself.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          One of his fellow consiglieres? Oh- you said “good”, not goomba.

      • Jennifer R

        I hear Bob Loblaw is his ideological friend.

      • mancityRed6

        nah, he doesn’t need one. it’s not that bad.

    • Pisto75666

      I had to cackle reading this comment:

      “It is folly to leave yourself unprotected in a pool of sharks. There are people risking their livelihoods and even their freedom for the dubious honor of working for Trump and they need their interests represented.”

      How’s about NO? How’s about you maybe look INTO who you’re gonna work for first and then maybe decide not to work for the treasonous fuck in the first place? THAT way you wouldn’t have to worry about your livelihoods or your interests being represented?

      I have empathy all day long but I’m finding it real hard to drag up any for these clueless people.

  • Good luck getting Trump to exercise his right to silence.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Anybody heard this thing going around about Bannon allegedly physically blocking WH staffers from walking out of a room or some such? A guy at work said he got it on the twitter feed of someone he generally finds credible. I can’t stand this particular co-worker, so I try not to engage and so don’t have any more info?

    • Joe Beese

      Does it sound implausible?

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Not in the least. I’m just curious what may have precipitated it, why they were trying to leave, why he was blocking them.
        As if there wasn’t enough crazy bullshit going on today anyway…

        • Swampgas_Man

          If you saw Bannon in a room, wouldn’t YOU try to leave?

          • alpacapunchbowl

            That’s fair.
            I am however not dumb enough to put myself in a situation that I would ever be in the same building as Bannon, much less room.

          • miss_grundy

            Man, I wouldn’t even enter the room….

    • The Wanderer

      Sounds like a job for a well-placed kubatan or stun gun.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      To be fair, it could be a case of “what happens when Steve Bannon farts near the exit.”

      I wouldn’t risk my life walking through a cloud of whatever that might be, either.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        From the looks of him, he walks around reeking so bad you can’t even tell whether he just dropped ass.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    OT: Murdering Cop Jeranimo Yanez was acquitted of the murder of Philando Castile after 27 hours of delibration. Once again, the system fails black people. This so-called cop’s only defense was that he claimed he thought his life was in danger. He shoots an unarmed man because he “thought” his life was in danger. Fired into the car, risking the life of Castile’s girlfriend in the process because he “thought” he was in danger.

    Enough is enough. It’s past time we hold cops to a higher standard than this. If you want to kill people, join Blackwater. You’re supposed to be peacekeepers. Act like it.

    • Marceline

      My thoughts right now violate the commenting rules.

      • mancityRed6

        we’ll see what happens with that university cop in Ohio? I think.
        my thoughts on this is that they were setting the cop up to be a patsy due to his race. throw a bone every now and then to keep the hungry in line.

        • Marceline

          Ohio already got its bone. The cop who killed Tamir got fired (appeal pending) and the cops who killed Timothy Russell and Malissa Williams lost their appeal.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Mine too. I actually had to run my post through Wordperfect and take some things out before I posted it here.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      One of his lawyer’s arguments was that Castile matched the description of a burglary suspect. So now cops can shoot you if you look like a guy.

      • mancityRed6

        he had a wide nose, that’s all it took.
        and can you really get pulled over for your center brake light being out? is that an absolute requirement now?

        • Raan

          I haven’t been yet.

          But then, I’m white.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Well, he was driving while black. We can’t blame this on the hoodie though.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          It probably wasn’t even out.

          • mancityRed6

            they used to pull that trick on kids in Joplin, but whether a light was out or not was easily seen if they went to the back of the car. so they changed it to “the plate registration doesn’t match the vehicle”.
            I was in a car that got pulled over for that, and the kid driving just laughed.
            “My mom works for the DMV, don’t you think the plates are gonna match?”
            they let us go on our way.

    • mancityRed6

      he never said “hands up” or anything like that, and with the number of shots he fired, he came real damn close to killing or wounding the woman and her child, too.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I see you’re as familiar with the case as I am.

        I saw the video last year. It seemed very clear to me.

        • mancityRed6

          I read about it when it comes up on the google news feed. how close he came to hitting the woman in the arm is bad enough, but with a kid in the car?
          he shoulda been convicted because he didn’t let any of the other cops know he “saw” a gun.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            If Wonkette does an article about this and that troll going4baroque shows up again with that photograph of the “gun” on his lap from the Treehouse nutbars website, I’m gonna try to get him banned.

          • mancityRed6

            they didn’t find the gun until they pulled it out of his shorts.
            and the defense had a witness say they could pull the same gun out of the same style shorts in 3 tenths of a second. I read that early one morning at work and I really think I did say “bullshit” out loud.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Did the cop have x-ray eyes?

            Fuck, never mind.

          • mancityRed6

            but he was scared

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Did he ever describe WHAT scared him or is it just understood to be the “wide-set nose” referenced earlier?

            Jesus. Black people are already terrified of cops as it is. I guess this and the bajillion other times he was pulled over is intended to keep them that way.

          • mancityRed6

            the wide set nose is what got him pulled over. the cop never told him hands up when Castillo said he was carrying. that would have set them up for a frisking to get his wallet at least.

          • gene108

            I bet NC is a conceal carry state, open carry state, and basically with a Republican legislature and governor for the last 4 years, has made getting guns and carrying them around super easy.

            The police, technically, should not be bothered, if people are walking around heavily armed. It’s their legal right to carry guns anywhere they want.

          • mancityRed6

            he told him he had a gun. the cop should have stopped things then and there
            but it was also a bullshit pull over

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Given how dangerous it is for black Americans to be stopped by the police, it looks like it was almost inevitable that Castile’s luck would run out one day. The cops made sure of that by stopping him over and over and over again.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bd4097d86578a0c49d7f76aa0bd08573970b7a5364151a2793c9322e145a2b5d.png
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a6c769e7c465e09551dd2ada62d373e66279f184b95622e8e586332944ee2c81.png

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        True story time.

        When I was twenty years old, I had never been pulled over in my entire life. Of course, I had shorter hair back then but it was still as blond as that picture over there.

        One day, I was driving a friend of mine home from the warehouse we both worked at. He lived two doors down from me in a pretty decent neighborhood on Southside. We were pretty good friends. We even exchanged door keys so we could check on each other’s apartments when one of us was away. You know, neighbor stuff.

        So I get pulled over. The cop doesn’t even approach my side of the car. He walks up to the passenger side and starts asking this friend of mine questions like “where are you going?” and “what’s in your pocket?” I started to say something but this friend stops me.

        Afterwards, I ask him why he stopped me. He says “I didn’t want you to get me shot.” That’s when I realized I had white privilege. There was not even that term for it, but I understood it.

        That’s the end of my true story. It never changes.

        • mancityRed6

          4 times in 27 years. yes, I’m white, how did you know?
          once got me an actual speeding ticket (my first and only, *touches wood*), the second time I was supposed to get a seatbelt ticket, but the cop only wanted to search the car because of the apt. complex I was going into.
          he never asked about the big subwoofer box that filled the trunk, and he never asked about the .22 rimfire ammunition in the glovebox. but he did leave his paperwork on top of my car.
          “sir, is this yours?”

        • Gregory Brown

          And there you have it. I told the history class where I worked as teacher aide one day that I, a very white man, was delighted to have white privilege … and depressed that everyone didn’t have the same level of privilege, which we could call “being a United States citizen” privilege.

      • Gregory Brown

        God damn.

      • H0mer0

        It scares me that it could happen to my friends, my sons’ friends, our neighbors, even one of my brothers or my dad (since they are a little more melanin replete being of South Indian ancestry.) ANYONE!

    • Shanzgood 21 Days

      His girlfriend’s daughter was in the back seat as well.

      What a fucking tragedy. And not just for that family.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Tragedy for everyone, Shanz. You know as well as I do that if this exact situation involved a white couple with their white kid, everyone would have lost their minds.

        • Shanzgood 21 Days

          It never would have happened to a white couple. That’s exactly why people SHOULD be losing their minds right now.

          But it would mostly be Black people, and we already know what happens. Women’s March: cops wear pink hats. BLM March: cops wear riot gear.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Exactly. What was the response to BLM? Blue Lives Matter. . . Really? Tell me who gets away with killing a cop. Tell me who gets to walk away after that. All Lives Matter? Screw that. I lose my mind over this BECAUSE it only happens to black people. I lose my mind because almost nobody cares when it does happen to black people. I lose my mind because almost nothing has changed and it needs to change badly.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            That “All Lives Matter” is utter bullshit. NO they DON’T all matter. That is exactly the point!

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Spot on! Nobody needs reminding that “white lives matter” because, of COURSE they do. These people simply refuse to see the reason behind BLM. It’s a blatantly racist, visceral; reaction to black people getting rightfully angry and challenging the white man’s status quo.

          • miss_grundy

            It is considered a bad thing by the RWNJs that an individual could support good police officers and yet criticize the bad police officers who make the lives of good cops hard. Because to the RWNJs, you should support cops–no questions asked or criticism verbalized. That is how stupid these people are. And, unfortunately, due to the code of silence among police officers, they aren’t willing to call out the bad apples.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            RWNJ’s are your basic boot lickers. they bow to anything in a uniform. It helps with their entire monolith fallacy. People are not individuals, they are blocks who are identical in every way.

            They would be shocked to find out that even among combat troops, there are quite a few staunch liberals. Cops are the same way.

      • Gregory Brown

        Check out Salt Lake City. Since the city changed its police training methods there have been no shootings of citizens by the cops.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          I believe it was also SLC that put a big dent in homelessness. They provided persons who are homeless with, guess what? HOMES! What a novel idea!

          • Gregory Brown

            Check out Buffalo, NY. That city has virtually eliminated homelessness.

          • H0mer0

            and not because they all freeze to death?

          • Gregory Brown

            They have put nearly 100 percent of all homeless people in the city into their own private living quarters, apartments, houses, etc.

      • stubbornirishlass

        And had it not been for his girlfriend’s amazing presence of mind, it never would have gone public, either.

        Even the subhuman scum who shot the fleeing Walter Scott in the back avoided a murder conviction by pleading guilty to a “civil rights violation.” SMH.

        • Shanzgood 21 Days

          Being murdered is NOT a civil rights violation? Who knew.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Where the fuck are they finding these juries? They’re dumber than Trump supporters…and that’s pretty fucking dumb. And persons with mental illness are being failed, as well.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Interestingly enough, it was recently revealed that 7% of adult Americans firmly believe that chocolate milk comes from brown cows. That’s 14 million adult Americans. 14 million potential jurors. That’s what we’re up against.

    • stubbornirishlass

      “I am shocked by this outcome!” – said no person of color anywhere.

  • Mavenmaven

    See, Trump is a big league Job creator!

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • gene108

    This cracked me up.

    The whole U.S. economy becomes people representing someone, who represents someone, who represents someone, who represents Donald Trump.

    I don’t know why, but the thought really makes me chuckle.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Who knew the jobs he was planning to create were all legal jobs?

      • gene108

        If we worked out of coal mines, he’d be bringing back jobs to coal country.

        That’s what I call winning.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    The multilaw (or meta-unilawverse) is the hypothetical set of possible legal universes, including the universe in which we live. Together, these legal universes comprise everything that exists: the entirety of space, time, matter, energy, and the legal systems that develop in them.

    The various unilawverses within the multilaw are called “parallel lawverses”, “other lawverses”, or “alternative lawverses”.

  • therblig
    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Well done, Holmes.

    • Persistent Demme

      Why is the score of “A Beautiful Mind” playing in my head?

      • The Wanderer

        Hm. More of a Deadpool vibe. “This shit’s gonna have NUTS in it!”

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Looks like a red Crayon ejaculated all over the place!

  • The Librarian
  • geoffalnutt

    “Hackers And Hookers!” I feel a song coming on.

    • weejee

      In Eb, because flat?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Defcon and on and on?

    • H0mer0

      I misread “hackers” as “hookers” in the article

  • Mormos

    and now you know how the legal circlejerk economy works! lawyers hiring lawyers hiring lawyers hiring lawyers 8===>~

    • earring

      Won’t be any lawyers left for when the banksters crash the world again. Lucky for them DoddFrank is to be repealed.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    The vermin only teaze and pinch
    Their foes superior by an inch.
    So, naturalists observe, a thug
    Has smaller thugs that on him bug;
    And these have smaller still to bite ’em,
    And so proceed ad infinitum.

    Apologies to Jonathan Swift

  • GuidedAccordingly

    Saw this on another site so I cannot take credit.

    “Little fleas have lesser fleas upon their back to bite ’em; and lesser fleas have lesser fleas and so ad infinitum”

    • Swampgas_Man

      Ogden Nash

    • Erala Contratista

      A well loved ditty in the world of pest management, by the way.

  • weejee

    Lawyer-up bluez…

    <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqONJ-YseGM&quot; rel="nofollow".

  • IHaveThoughts

    Legal/ethical question: How many degrees of separation would you have to get before the Donald Trump-adjacent goon you were representing didn’t make you want to take a Silkwood shower? I could see this being a “lawyers, lawyers everywhere, but not a one to represent me” situation.

    • not_vh

      You have to be Amerigo Bonasera’s yet to be born 3rd cousin (twice removed). Other than that you are pretty much toast.

  • Shanzgood 21 Days

    I forgot to ask: why is there a picture of a guy with a furious O-face up there?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Constipation?

    • H0mer0

      That’s an O-face?

  • Predisenting Ron

    Now that I have read this article, will I need a lawyer?

    • pussygrabber in chief

      Better safe than sorry.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Now that I’ve commented on your comment, I will need a lawyer as well.

      • Fun with Cthulhu

        Let’s make a lawyer chain. The party of the first part will be defended by the part of the second part who will in turn be defended by the party of the third part. Lather, rinse repeat.

    • Mike Steele

      Lady MS: We have a lawyer whose specialty is Elder Law. Maybe Roger Stone would trade us a winter month in FL for free services.

  • not_vh

    “Trump Lawyer Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who”

    Let me guess, hires a lawyer?

  • kittygrrl

    Like a Matryoshka Russian nesting doll of treasonous traitors, just when you think you’ve uncovered all of the BS, there’s more. Love how Pence says hiring a lawyer is “routine.” Gore was forced to hire one during the Clinton years to keep his integrity intact, Cheney had to hire one to protect his Haliburton interests, and Spiro Agnew had to hire one because he was another crook. Soon there won’t be a lawyer left in DC not repping a Rump turncoat.

  • AmusedAmused

    I love the euphemism WaPo keeps using: “___ hired a lawyer to help him navigate the Russian probe. ___also hired his own lawyer to help him navigate the Russian probe.”

    These men don’t require defense from possible criminal liability, thankyouverymuch, they just need navigation. It’s like a leisurely cruise down the Nile, only with fewer pyramids and more criminal charges.

    • kittygrrl

      But lots of snakes and crocodiles.

      • Khavrinen

        Because of how that there swamp has been so thoroughly drained, just like tRump kept promising.

      • H0mer0

        “How doth the little crocodile Improve his shining tail, And pour the waters of the Nile On every golden scale! How cheerfully he seems to grin, How neatly spreads his claws, And welcomes little fishes in, With gently smiling jaws!”
        Golden scales, eh?

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
    • phoenix00

      Lawyer for you, lawyer for you, lawyer for you….

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    I thought there was an old saying about fools representing themselves. Who has gotten to these guys with the good advice? I mean, you’d think a Trump lawyer would be considerably less practical about things and far less prescient in realizing they are even in jeopardy. Seriously, where’s the arrogance?

  • Me not sure

    If that lawyer guy wasn’t playing air guitar when that picture was made, then he needs to seek psychiatric help.

  • pussygrabber in chief

    I knew it! It’s lawyers all the way down!

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Beat me to it! I really need to read the thread before posting…

      • H0mer0

        I heard it’s a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud. Anyone here from Mississippi to confirm that? One of my classmates in the Barbershop Quartet changed a letter to make it a treat to beat your meat…

    • bluicebank

      Everybody beat me to it.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Needs moar ‘serious shit!’

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    The fifth month of his presidency…
    More like fifth column, amirite?

  • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

    I was stuck in the car all day with clients. What’s the news dump Rosenstein “warned” about?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      You weren’t in the backseat, were you?

  • held a contract in 2000 with the Russian conglomerate Gazprom Media to improve Russian President Vladimir Putin’s image in the United States

    What….even. Ya know….this is probably the moran in the middle. He is the courier that Trump was boasting about earlier. Betchu dollas amero~

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      And watch the “morans in the middle” be the ones who get hard prison time while the bastards on each end walk.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I think it’s kinda hilarious that this actually is all going to come back to her emails, and how they were all in collusion/Russia’s pay over the hacking/leaking of them.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Hoist by their own e-petard!!

  • ThanksSatan

    Yessssss. This makes me happy!

  • Cogswell – in a mirror darkly

    Matryoshka dolls, only with lawyers…

  • President in Exile Firefly

    So, it’s lawyers all the way down?

    • eka

      Oh, a suffering world cries for mercy

      As far as the eye can see.

      Lawyers around every bend in the road,

      Laywers in every tree,

      Lawyers in restaurants, lawyers in clubs,

      Lawyers behind every door,

      Behind windows and potted plants, shade trees and shrubs,

      Lawyers on pogo sticks, lawyers in politics!

  • Scooby

    I heard interns are showing up for job interviews with lawyers.

  • azeyote

    maybe he can get gloria allred to defend him and judge judy to try him when the impeachment case gets going

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Judge Judy actually is Judy Blum Sheinlin, who has a J.D. from New York Law School. She worked as a corporate lawyer, then as a prosecutor in family court, then was appointed a criminal court judge in NYC and rose to become a supervising judge. She a tough, trained judge, who would actually have been a far, far better pick for Supreme Court than Gorsuch.

      • BillEGoatSmirk

        I doubt she was the first to say it, but I always associate her with the saying, “don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining”.

  • President in Exile Firefly
  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    A contract with Gazprom to improve Putin’s image in the United States.

    Okaaaaay…
    This probably doesn’t cover who actually paid, how much, and to whom, and for what. But it’s a start.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Mmmm – seven-lawyer cake!

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      I prefer the seven-lawyer dip myself.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Trump has seven dips for lawyers … close enough?

    • Toledo Window Box

      more like a turducken

  • Aileen

    Pence slathering himself in a thick protective coating of lawyers is the best part. I really didn’t want anyone who tried to legalize discrimination against gays and force women to provide burial services for their miscarriages to be in charge once Trump gets his due. Now to ensnare Mr Two First Names, which… does not seem impossible?

    • phoenix00

      And you know Mother was hands-on with said slatherings.

    • JJ O’Shaughnessy

      That bit about “force women to provide burial services for Miscarriges” is fake. What his law did was tell hospitals to ask parents whether they wanted the body incinerated or buried but it was the hospital that covered the cost. I had an argument on facebook with someone who literally would not believe me that this meme was a lie, even when I showed him the bill in question.

      Stupid fanatics and lies infest the left and the right. Its just the Left has factcheckers.

      • Aileen

        Thanks for the clarification! I looked it up, and you’re right. I must have had it mixed up with recent legislation in Texas. It does look like the Indiana law that Pence signed and promoted forced abortion providers to cremate fetal tissue from abortions (which is dumb, a waste of money, a missed opportunity for life-saving research enabled by fetal tissue donation and also if aborted fetuses “deserve” cremation why don’t miscarriages?) and banned abortions for reasons related to medical problems. As a preggo myself, I’m well-versed in the many ways a pregnancy can go horribly wrong and the idea of the state involving itself in what is likely to be the most devastating and agonizing decision a woman has to make in her life makes me want to throw things. tl;dr: you’re totally right, and also I stand my my assertion that Pence shouldn’t be in charge of things.

  • bluicebank

    The Trumpgate Creation Story:

    It’s lawyers all the way down!

  • Ilgattomorte

    I’ve heard that Barron has hired a lawyer. He’s an eleventh grader who doesn’t take any shit. So that should work out.

    • earring

      I think that Barron is 11 years old, so he probably isn’t in 11th grade yet. Poor kid could still be charged as an adult, so it’s good he’s got a lawyer. Maybe next he’ll get a bike.

      • Eileen Besse

        A bike in NYC?

        • Toledo Window Box

          They have those now.

        • earring

          Skateboard?

      • Toledo Window Box

        Or a sled named Rosebud

        • proghunter

          Is that what you call your tiny member?

  • tehbaddr

    I don’t know, is it just me that think it’s a bad sign when the President of the US has a lawyer who needs a lawyer in these matters? Kinda stinks from the head on down. Well actually a good sign that his goose is cooked!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Does the President’s lawyer (hereinafter the Pee-Lawyer) represent him or does his own lawyer represent him when the Pee-Lawyer’s personal interests conflict with those of his client?

      James Madison should have anticipated this.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      My goose is the best goose. The best goose. Fake news says my goose is cooked. Fake. Best goose. Everybody says so. Sad. Best goose.

    • phoenix00

      You know what they say, when life hands you a goose, you make foie gras.

  • ibwilliamsi

    If I’m remembering this song correctly, eventually one of the lawyers swallows a horse and dies.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Perhaps.

  • Me not sure

    Oprah Winfrey needs to have special with no one but members of the Trump Administration in the audience.
    “Everyone gets a free lawyer!”

  • Poly_Ester

    Its lawyers all the way down.

  • Truly Madly Derply

    And they told two fiends. . . and they told two fiends. . . and so on, and so on.

  • m3bosha

    So how many layers of lawyers or sassy lawyer on lawyer action is required before the rebubs finally admit that the orange Cosmonaut does indeed have a problem?

  • SeeTrain65

    Are we sure this isn’t a remake of Multiplicity?

  • David Chaillou

    I have good news for fans of the US democracy:
    “What is dead may never die, but rises again, harder and stronger”.

    • phoenix00

      Are you talking about male genitalia?! You naughty person you!

    • Nockular cavity

      “Me too.”
      -Dread Lord Cthulhu

      • David Chaillou

        Doesn’t apply. R’lyeh may be dead but Cthulhu is just dreaming.

        Ph’nglui mglw’nafh and all that.

  • Petunia Cat

    Mmmm, lawyers. 🍩 This makes it seem more Watergatey. Whenever it seems more Watergatey I feel reassured. 😌

    But I must say for a whole story all about lawyers they were shockingly few references to ‘ink pens’. But perhaps that’s because Sessions wasn’t involved.

  • andyshelt
  • andyshelt

    “So just how many lawyers deep does this thing go?”

    “You’re very clever, young man, very clever,” said Mr Kasowitz “But it’s lawyers all the way down!”

    • andyshelt

      Similar to Schadenfreude, is there a German word to describe the feeling you experience when you make what you think is a witty reference only to scroll down the earlier comments to find that numerous other people have already made the same joke before you?

      • Jared James

        Fashionably late to the partei?

  • “First we bite all the lawyers!” (Bob the Doberman)

  • Jame

    This guy went to Cooley Law, literally known as the worst law school in the US. You go there if you cant get in anywhere else. Dumb people go to Cooley.

    • Snarkbot 9000

      Not to say he would have been all that swift choosing law school in the first place, frankly. Everyone I’ve ever spoken to that has done it all say it was a mistake they have come to regret with surprising intensity. I suppose that may change once legal defense costs for this case end up the largest proportion of national GDP with all this recursive lawyering.

  • phoenix00

    Recursive Lawyering:

    While (you need a lawyer())
    (retain (lawyer());

  • andyshelt

    “Donald Trump ‘yells at TVs in the White House’ about Russia investigation”

    So final proof (if needed) that the GOP is now the party of Abe Simpson rather than Abe Lincoln as they like to claim!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f1234d73144ee9d79566adc2dad63e86a402b45d6546b13daa80be1b8c4529db.jpg

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-angry-russia-investigation-yells-at-tv-white-house-rod-rosenstein-a7794601.html

  • andyshelt

    Looks like Donnie and his associates need to take the advice of Jesse from Breaking Bad on the type of lawyer they need to hire.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNMQqh1ovlM

  • Kurt Weil
  • handyhippie65

    trumpty dumpty collects lawyers like a bond villain. even his lawyers have lawyers, have lawyers, have lawyers, have lawyers….he’s like the pi of evil. please dumpster, eat your own pie.

  • Pat Cake
    • gratuitous

      Good jobs at good wages! Livable wages! With insurance and paid time off.

  • Weird Fishes

    He is unstoppably #winning all the lawyer-upping!
    He’s really that good.

  • Cock Blockula

    Sounds like a human centipede of lawyers…

  • Keith Taylor

    And talking of lawyers … I was just reading, from here in Australia where we have a lot of concern about what happens in the U.S., and why wouldn’t we? President Trump doesn’t seem too toe-tappingly delighted with Rod Rosenstein, which may mean he’ll be the next to receive a “You’re Fired” message out of the random chaotic blue. That would apparently put Associate Attorney General Rachel Brand next in line to replace Rosenstein, and after that … I’m just a bloke who finds it hard to follow extreme complexities of law and politics, but former Justice Department official Emily Pierce said, “This president is so unpredictable … it would be the craziest thing he’s done to date if he were to start firing the special counsel or Rosenstein.”
    The craziest thing to date? More nutso than anything else he’s done yet? Appears to me that would involve drafting a monumental new definition of crazy. And believe me … I am NOT smugly telling myself “It can’t happen here.”
    Just hope your special investigators do their job and better times for the U.S. come quickly.

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