SHARE
Now that you’re all lathered up, you should run away and shake yourself off all over the clean towels

Some terrific logic going on inside Republican senators’ heads, as several intrepid reporters at Vox discovered when they set themselves what seemed like a simple enough task: We all know what R’s don’t like about the Affordable Care Act (Barack Obama, poor people, tyranny), so why not ask some Senate Republicans to lay out the positive case for whatever eldritch horror their colleagues are hatching in secret? Once there’s a Senate version of Obamacare repeal, why should Americans be for it? Turns out that was a really tough question! We won’t try to catalogue all the evasions, pivots, and circular logic, but we gotta say it’s fascinating to see members of the World’s Greatest Deliberative Body try to sell the plan that doesn’t exist yet, or even to define what they think it should do. Now, to be “fair,” most of the senators Vox talked to aren’t among the 13 men — no girls allowed — who are working on the bill in secret. But the ones who are working on it had no details, either.

The most incoherent answer, as you might expect, came from John McCain, who may have been up late watching baseball again. When asked “what are the big problems this bill is trying to solve?” McCain went Partial Palin: “Almost all of them. They’re trying to get to 51 votes.” He never really got much more specific, because there’s no bill yet, but it’s going to solve almost all the problems, the chief one being finding 50 votes plus Mike Pence. So in missing the point of the question, McCain may have given the most honest answer of anyone.

Chuck Grassley, who is in on the negotiations, explained the big goal for this legislation is “bringing certainty to the insurance market,” because insurance companies are so uncertain about what the market will look like now. Of course, the reason the individual market is so uncertain is that Republicans keep threatening to blow it up altogether, which you have to admit is less than a recipe for stability. Asked what he meant by bringing certainty to the market, Grassley invited reporter Jeff Stein to join the Circle of Logic:

Grassley: Well, [insurance companies] can’t even file. They have to check the rates real high if they don’t know what the government policy is. And so the certainty is that passing a bill gives the health insurance companies certainty.

Stein Wouldn’t not passing a bill also do that?

Grassley: No, it … well, yeah — it gives them certainty that you’ll have a lot higher rates than if you pass the bill.

And the reason the insurance premiums would be higher if the Senate doesn’t pass its bill? Uncertainty, of course! We sure are glad we could help you kids learn what a tautology is today! And now, a mandatory word from Yr Editrix, who started all this by asking if these senators were “begging the question” or doing some other rhetoric crime:

Dogs are good at begging but bad at rhetoric, is what we are saying. They are worse at rhetoric than Republican senators, even. But much nicer to scritch behind the ears and have lying on your feet on a cold day. And a dog wouldn’t even think of kicking tens of millions of people off healthcare.

Arkansas Senator John Boozman wants to bring down premiums and deductibles, although he’s a little unclear on how exactly the Senate is going to do that. He knows Obamacare is unsustainable (which would be news to the Congressional Budget Office, as even the Washington Times reported), but if it were, how would the Senate fix that? Outlook cloudy, please ask again:

Stein I’m curious why you believe this bill will fix that problem. What’s the mechanism for fixing it?

Boozman: It’s working together and coming up with a bill that does do that. Because we’re in a situation with Obamacare that, again, we don’t have a sustainable product.

We will fix the problem by working together and fixing it. And in the spring, the garden will grow, as long as the roots are intact. Incredibly, Boozman also explains that’s the same solution to another big problem with the ACA: Obamacare didn’t have any incentives to keep medical costs down (also not true — the annual increase in medical costs per capita has been lower since the ACA went into effect, while covering more people), the Republican plan will definitely drive down medical costs. How?

Again, that’s what we’re trying to work through. Identifying the solutions that will work.

They’re going to fix it by finding solutions. Solutions that work. Solutions that fix it. And bring down rising premiums (which are actually rising less under the ACA than they were in the past).

More tautologies from Mississippi’s Roger Wicker, who insists the Republican plan will allow more freedom by eliminating the ACA’s mandate to buy insurance (and replace it with huge premium increases for anyone who’s uninsured for two months). Also, said Wicker, it’ll “rescue a system that is teetering on the brink.” And how will it rescue that system that’s teetering on the brink? (Which, again, it is not — though Rs are trying to push it over.)

Wicker: It’s teetering because the exchanges are failing. They’re not acting as they were intended. And as a result, insurers are dropping out. There are counties with no option.

Stein I want to understand why you think the bill will help the marketplaces.

Wicker: For the reasons I’m giving you. A very comprehensive answer, I think.

(Yes, we’ve only partly quoted the dialogue. The other parts of his answer definitely did not include any reasons, either.)

Of the sample of eight Senators, only Alaska’s Lisa Murkowski really seemed to offer any definite examples of the effects the Republican plan would have — unfortunately, they were examples of how the House plan would make things worse than they are now, which helped her explain why she can’t vote for that if it’s not changed in the Senate. She wants lower costs and increased access to healthcare:

I can’t show to my constituents back home anything concrete because we don’t have anything. We’ve been talking about ideas. But for instance, if you are going to eliminate Medicaid expansion or even if you’re going to wind down Medicaid expansion, that’s not increasing access.

Not surprisingly, Sen. Murkowski says she’s rather “frustrated” by her colleagues’ lack of specifics. But she needn’t worry. They’re going to work hard and come up with a plan that will be a plan, and that will solve the ACA’s problems by presenting solutions, and most importantly, will fix a fifth of the economy through the magic of getting 51 votes.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations, which is great because readers support us! Please give us money by clicking the “Donate” linky below. This is not a rhetorical question.

[Vox / Factcheck / LAT / Washington Times]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • William
    • cheetojeebus

      I knew it! they make us do it just for giggles, the bastards.

    • Jim Johnson

      The double standard is appaling. Hey, “both sides do it” they say.
      No, Democrats, for the most part, are civil and decent, whereas Republicans are: greedy, selfish, deceitful, hateful, racist, sexist, dishonest, sneaky, creepy, and generally incapable of legislating and governing. Obama and Pelosi never played these stupid Republican tricks.

  • Jgb979

    At this point pass it mutherfuckers. (Really don’t and just say you did)

    You own the fallout. You own the deaths

    You’re just saying “Medicare for all” will be the law of the land by as early as 2018.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Having read that my brane hurtz.

  • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

    As a great* man once said “You can think I’m dumb, but *don’t* talk to me like I’m dumb.” The contempt our elected servants have for us is really quite shocking.

    * The Batman, natch.

    • BMW

      I can think of 62.9 million reasons for them to think that works, though.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Could it possibly be that they are not (fairly) elected?

      • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

        I think that is indeed a strong possibility.

        • (((fka_donnie_d)))

          The horror

    • BadKitty904

      Since we’re the ones who are letting them stay in office, I’d say said contempt isn’t entirely unmerited.

      • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

        I let my idiots know regularly what I think of them, but since Ima Poor, I guess it doesn’t really matter.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Once they get around to taking away your Obamaphone you won’t be able to let them know what you think. Problem solved.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Do I look like Geraldo to you? Don’t lie to me like I’m Geraldo. I am not Geraldo!” – Det. John Munch

      • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

        xD Nice. Munch was my fave.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Christ on a fucking crutch, what part of “this is now a one-party state” do you people not understand? Why the fuck do you think they love Putin so much? You think that no conservative ever visited or called anybody or moved to Russia before Trump erupted on the face of American “democracy”?

    All of this bullshit is immediately recognizable to anybody who spent even one minute in the good ole USSR.

  • William

    OT.
    The verdict is in. IE the person who talked her boyfriend into killing himself. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/16/us/suicide-texting-trial-michelle-carter-conrad-roy.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&_r=0

    • MynameisBlarney

      Good.
      What an evil, coldhearted twunt.

    • PubOption

      I thought you meant the Cosby case.

      • William

        sorry.

    • DainBramage

      Guilty of texting her boyfriend into killing himself. I don’t understand the world (the texting a guy to death part).

    • SadDemInTex

      Good. There is something seriously wrong with her and she needs to stay in jail.

      • h4rr4r

        I doubt jail will fix that.

        • SadDemInTex

          She needs to be kept away from being able to influence other people and (dear god) she should never have children. This a personality that I could see murdering a baby.

          • h4rr4r

            I myself am unable to judge people I never met who are likely also suffering from mental illness.

            I am not able to determine if she can be helped by treatment, either.

          • SadDemInTex

            I don’t care if she is mentally ill or not or can be helped or not. Whatever motivates her is a danger to other people.

          • h4rr4r

            So what motivates her? I would love to know.

            If you really don’t care, I guess we might as well kill her.

          • SadDemInTex

            If she had murdered him personally with a gun this would merely have been one in thousands and thousands of murders per day in the world. And mostly no one spends a lot of time as to the Nature or Nurture of the issue because usually the cause seems obvious at the time (anger, hate, jealousy, money…the litany of Homo sapiens thirst for blood). Maybe a deep thinking shrink might be able to research this person and come up wth an explanation of sorts as to Nature/Nurture and maybe a phd student will do it some day. I think what horrifies and fascinates us about her is the sheer amount of mental effort she put into getting him to kill himself. And any two-bit armchair shrink has to posit that she chose him because of her instinctive knowledge that he was a vulnerable candidate for her experiment in terror/horror. (Just like a potential wife beater instinctively hones in on the girl who is being abused in her family and she thinks a tiger is the correct choice because she’s been mauled by tigers her whole life). I wonder why we want to know what motivates her. Do we think that the knowledge will somehow inoculate us from evil or that we will be able to see it and avoid it…that we will be able to save a victim of the evil. Frankly, Homo sapiens are an unrelenting murderous presence on this earth and she is just another manifestation of our collective soul.

          • h4rr4r

            I wonder this about all murders.
            We as a species are far less murderous than many, possibly most.

          • SadDemInTex

            You seriously believe we are “far less murderous than many, possibly most.”? Do these species have the cognitive abilities we have? The knowledge of consequences that can happen in wholesale slaughter of their own kind? Do they “murder” for fun? Oh, please….we are the worst species to ever inhabit the earth and I long for our total annihilation. We do not deserve what we have and I’m only sorry that other species will go extinct. As for wondering why people murder….it was the addendum to the Original Sin (that sin being Knowledge) when Cain killed his brother Abel.

          • h4rr4r

            We provably are less murderous than most. Chimpanzees which are our closest relatives hunt and eat the children of other tribes.

            I put no stock in stories for children.

            My cat murders for fun. So there is one.

            You have depression it sounds like, seek help of any kind.

          • SadDemInTex

            No, I don’t have depression. I have a disgust for the human race just like Mark Twain did. Read “The Mysterious Stranger” if you want to get a taste of that. I have simply lived long enough to see that the human animal cannot be “improved”. And I was using the story for the Bible as a metaphor. As for the concept that it was a story “for children” that is just silly. All religions are stories written by adults for the “edification and subjection” of other adults (some of them are suggestions on how to live in a civilized society together but no one pays any attention to those thoughts). I knew you would bring up cats…but remember I insisted on cognition and the understanding of consequences which is absurd in the case of cats (or insects or almost every other species on earth). Many species kill the young of other competing for the same resources. My understanding of the science behind that ( you do believe in science?) is that it is a Darwinian imperative to keep your genes dominant and also so your young get the resources.

          • h4rr4r

            Myths are for children. Adults use them for control.

            Prove to me cats don’t understand this. Humans are not special. Prove to me murderers do.

            Why would humans lack this darwinian imperative?

          • SadDemInTex

            “Prove to me”? You really are out of fun comebacks. You must be a youngster. I hope you do well in your classes.

          • h4rr4r

            Comebacks?
            Relax dude. It was a calm discussion.

            I am too old to be called a youngster. Please seek help.

          • SadDemInTex

            Oh honey, age is just a number. Be glad your brain is so youthful!

    • h4rr4r

      Ugh, she seemed as sick as he was.

    • Christopher Story

      Can we learn a bigger lesson in this, that telling people to go kill themselves is officially immoral and dispicable behavior to be actively discouraged in our society?

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Screwing over people. Wow. I am so surprised.

  • BearGHAZI

    Wonkette is the best mommyblog because it’s where the moms will get together, and figure out how to blog well

  • Bitter Scribe

    They have to be evasive and talk in circles because they can’t came out and say, “Look, the point of this legislation is to end premium subsidies so that rich people can get a tax break and poor people can eat shit.”

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Government by a bunch of men having a circle jerk. Is this a Great Country Again, or what?

  • shoeflyin

    Have spoken to both of my R senators staff in DC and state offices, and emailed healthcare aide addresses they are putting up on Twitter. I guess it’s futile but I don’t want there to be any question where I stand and I let them know.

    • Invidosa

      All the reps from my area are liberal flag burning Dems. . . I STILL made sure they know what I think.

      • kareemachan

        Same here.

  • Caustic Elvisfellow

    I don’t think Rebecca has really used a tautology there. “I love you” and “You’re the most loveable” are not simply two ways of saying the same thing. (She might love her dog even if the dog is only the second- or third-most loveable, or even kind of a jerk.) A tautology would be more like “I love you because you are the one that I love.” I think. But Dok’s the rhetoric guy.

  • Invidosa

    Literally no ideas. . . None. . . Not a single one. . . Except “we don’t like the black dude did stuff”

    • kareemachan

      And they’ve quit even trying to come up with a better excuse.

      WTF?

  • anwisok
    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Baby koala FTW!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      This baby rabbit right here is me every morning as I cautiously open Wonkette and Twitter and peek anxiously at the fresh hell that erupted overnight.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Um, “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle ’em with bullshit” isn’t a sustainable policy.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      But rather effective for rubes that vote R.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        Yep, they’re already baffled so it’s easy to just keep baffling them. Just grunt something tribal at them and they’ll grunt right back.

  • cheetojeebus

    Imma gonna distill this down to it’s core truths.
    Chuck Grassley, craven goatfucker
    John McCain, souless jibgibbler
    Roger Whicker, buttnut collector
    you get the idea.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Too bad Senator Anne Elk was not interviewed, because she has a plan, a very good plan, and it’s all hers.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Her plan is very shallow from one end to the other. But they’ll have to pass it before you can see what it actually says.

      Wait…I thought that was supposed to be a BAD thing?!?

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      a-HEM. a-HEM. It is HERS, which it is, which is hers!

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    When it comes to the word ‘fix’, Republicans don’t mean repair.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      the fix is in…

    • Caustic Elvisfellow

      They will “fix” the problems in the sense of “to fasten something into position; to make firm, stable, or stationary”

    • SweetDeeKat

      When I moved south I discovered fix meant “cook” or “fry up.”

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        also preparing or about to do something – “I’m fixin’ to go down there.”

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Spay and neuter your congresscritters!

      • Noxious Resistance

        With votes!

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Oh, fine. (sulks)

  • Crystalclear12

    Sounds like a term paper outline written after the kegger.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      at about a quarter till eight before the class starts

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Yeah, about that brink of disaster… not a bad week for O-care, considering how badly the GOP has tried to ratfuck it

    https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucejapsen/2017/06/16/as-senate-meets-in-secret-insurers-enter-new-obamacare-markets/#297cb1e61759

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Eldritch horror?

    Cthulhu Care- the sick shall be eaten first to lighten the burden on the insurance companies

    • Snopes Shop

      A+ for the reference

    • Three Finger Salute

      Sounds like a rather… modest proposal if you ask me…

  • Ωbjectifier

    tl/dr Bend over, we’re going in dry.

  • FauxAntocles

    Can’t wait for these bozos to get in a circle and start singing Kumbyah to save healthcare.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Or reading Green Eggs and Canadian Bacon. Too bad Zodiac didn’t get played off the stage by the Academy Awards orchestra then.

  • JMP

    They can’t admit the real “problem” they’re trying to solve is that thanks to the ACA, when a poor person gets sick they don’t have to just die. That’s the base of the GOP’s plans since Reagan, and also why they keep trying to get rid of SNAP and the minimum wage as well; because they want poverty to be a death sentence.

    • Three Finger Salute

      At least Scrooge learned his lesson.

      That’s how you know it’s fiction.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: This is from politico:

    “Trump, for months, has bristled almost daily at the ongoing probes. He has sometimes, without prompting, injected, “I’m not under investigation” into conversations with associates and allies. He has watched hours of TV coverage every day — sometimes even storing morning news shows on his TiVo to watch in the evening — and complained nonstop.”

    • Caustic Elvisfellow

      Trump: the Happy Warrior of politics.

      • mfp

        if by ‘happy’, youmean ‘paranoid and psychotic’

  • WomanInThePersistence
  • A plan that works is a workable plan, so obviously they’ll craft a workable plan by putting together a plan that works. Even a liberal weenie like me can understand that.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Ummm…..you have noticed who’s putting this so-called plan together?

      • jesterpunk

        They never said it was a good plan. But they have a plan to make a plan.

        Sounds a lot like some of the meetings we have at work, we have meetings to discuss the meeting we are about to have then a meeting to discuss that meeting then another one to discuss the previous meeting. Then everyone wonders why nothing actually got done.

        • Predisenting Ron

          If they need to figure out why nothing got done they should hold a meeting.

  • Anna Rompage

    It seems to me the solution for the ACA, even if it’s rebranded into Trump/GOP Care is;

    ~ For the govt to fund the gap between insurance company losses & people’s healthcare needs,

    ~not give tax cuts at the expense of kicking people off of insurance or giving them a sub par health insurance plans

    ~Allowing the govt to import drugs & negotiate drug pricing

    ~Implement reasonable cost controls in general

    ~And hell, maybe even go with a single payer plan so that more of the money people spend on their insurance goes directly to addressing their healthcare needs…

    FFS people, pulling money from healthcare in the form of tax breaks to the wealthy will do nothing to address people’s healthcare needs, except in the case where these folks will no longer have access to healthcare at all… In which case, I suppose they are on the Single Prayer Plan…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Point two is right out. This is about tax cuts for the parasite overclass.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The only one of them who has the slightest clue about this is Lisa Murkowski. The rest of them are utter morans…particularly John “Airhead to the Nth” McCain.

  • Blackest Noobs

    OT: while reading these comments my cat decide it was a fine time to do the following:
    1) Stick her fluffy butt in my face
    2) head butt my face with her head ( at least twenty times)
    3) stepped on the keyboard and then meowed
    4)head butt me some more.

    that is all…return to your discussion.

    • h4rr4r

      She wants you to reciprocate. Face rubbing is saying hi.

      • Shanzgood 21 Days

        It’s marking their belongings with the scent glands on their heads. They OWN us and need to make sure everyone else knows.

        • OddMan

          Cats unlike General Jack, do love to share those precious bodily fluids.

        • Historicat

          Who told?!?

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            All the veterinarians?

        • h4rr4r

          Yeah, but they like when you do it back.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            They just think you’re helping them.

      • Blackest Noobs

        oooooh believeyoume it’s reciprocated!!!!

        of our cats, she loves to do greetings…outside or inside…but preferrably outside…..SHE LOVES THE OUTSIDE.

        and she always tells us…hey man…I LOVE being outside….1st hear my meow, now rub my belly as a roll over on my back and then i’ll pretend fight you ( she never pops the claws in fake-fight, the boy kitty on the other hand, it’s snikt snikt snikt, licking, and hey i love you too but im a boy kitty we are rough and tough)

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          Do not impose your heteronormative behaviour on your cat.

          • Blackest Noobs

            lame comment. sad. pathetic.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Kitty bumps are good.

    • doktorzoom

      Cats aren’t a lot better at rhetoric than dogs. But through careful manipulation of physical space (like invading yours) they can be awfully persuasive.

      Also, they’re really good at sniffing out red herrings.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        pretty sure bastard cat wants to keep me dumb.
        Everytime I crack a book in bed he’s there to lay on top of it or otherwise get in the way.
        I swear he can hear me open a book from across teh house.

        • doktorzoom

          If you’re reading a book, you’re giving attention to a thing that is Not The Cat. Why would you even want to DO that?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            he ignores me all day! Till I open a book.

            I reiterate, he wants to keep me dumb so i’ll feed him and eventually die, at which time he can eat me.

            Wow, that got dark fast.
            ; )

          • Historicat

            By eating you he is trying to bring you into the divine feline existence. Not that you’re worthy of such an honor, of course.

      • Blackest Noobs

        Dok….i am soooooooo much a red herring…but it could be the fishes i keep in my pocket, i dunno…HEY WHERE DID ALL THESE CATS COME FROM?

    • arglebargle

      Who’s a good kitty?

    • Mary Theresa
  • Covfefe

    OT. Now that loyal smarty-pants Pence has lawyered up, bunch of other Tramplings have gotten lawyers too, according to MSNBC. How’s that for loyalty?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Looking out for Number One is their boss’ motto, after all.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Before I reply to your question, I have to consult my lawyer.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      How’s about a little lawyerception?
      https://twitter.com/thehill/status/875788085816160258

  • Jennifer R
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I remember this – she spouted this nonsense right after Sandy Hook, as if 20-25 5-year-olds could bring down an armed adult.

      • cheetojeebus

        A horrifying detail, he went there with a semi auto shotgun with a drum clip. He left it in the trunk.

        • Predisenting Ron

          Is that not the weapon charmingly known as a ‘street sweeper’? Yeah, it could have been VASTLY worse.

          • cheetojeebus

            ?not sure of it’s nickname i’m not a gun guy, btw i’m wrong, it was a full auto Saiga. An awful awful weapon that should never be in the public’s hands.

          • Predisenting Ron

            A full-auto shotgun with a drum magazine.
            In the hands of a known violent felon.
            Only in America, or possibly Somalia.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        So how did that work out for Rand Paul?

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Brave Sir Paul ran away, ‘e did.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            When danger reared its ugly head he bravely turned his tail and fled…

        • Shibusa

          Rand could’ve beat Usain Bolt fleeing the baseball diamond in Alexandria, VA. (To be fair, I maybe have beaten them both.)

    • Ωbjectifier

      What am I, Audie Murphy? I ain’t charging the machine gun nest.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      If rushing’s more effective, fine, do it. But what on Odin’s green Midgard does that have to do with outlawing assault rifles or handguns?

      • Stulexington

        A huge uptick in blahs buying guns and intimidating white folks into not being dicks with them, just like last time. Or maybe it’ll take browns guarding their mosques with ar 15’s.

    • jesterpunk

      Isnt that what the military teaches soldiers? Oh wait no because its pants on head stupid.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        yup, dontyaknow all cops are taught to rush active shooters.
        it’s the kamikaze method of policing.

      • Historicat

        It only took Western Front forces in WWI three and a half years to figure that out.

    • SpideySenser

      Megan who? Oh, that loon (all due respect to loons).

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Rushing in a mass at people wielding automatic weapons worked very well during the First World War, as I recall.

    • MizzMazz

      ::Shakes head:: All of the active shooter training I have had (a lot) says, Run. Hide. Fight is the last resort. This person is dumber than a bag of rocks, and I like rocks.

    • Edith Prickly

      If she decided to use this strategy herself, I wouldn’t talk her out of it.

  • Somehow I’m reminded of this scene:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqz2fl9aJSM

  • Stulexington

    “so what are you trying to fix with this bill”
    “the fact that we can’t get it passed.”
    “what will it fix.”
    “the uncertainty of the markets that rewriting it in secret and then attempting to ram it through congress with no heads up are causing”
    “what do you like most about this bill”
    “the fact that we will have written it. When we’re finished since like everything we find flaw with we completely scrapped it and stared over.”

    • Boscoe

      Perfect.

  • Master Contrail Program

    What sayest thou, Supeman? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/206933fe888cada406faa4af11bf7fa0463018a0890f2feabb91eec0e290854c.jpg

    This page won an Eisner Award for most words to say nothing, probably.

    • doktorzoom

      “Thanks a hell of a fucking lot, Superman” — The residents of Over There

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Thor would have at least given them some of his mother’s drapes.

      • Master Contrail Program

        “Maybe you can send Aquaman to talk to some fish next time? Hell, we’ll settle for Wendy and Marvin.”

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Remember, this entire charade is just to give rich people a huge tax break and give the foaming at the mouth base another scalp to hang on their “I hate the blah guy” collage

    Everything else is just sales pitch…

    • Master Contrail Program

      Van Helsing’s Healthcare: We don’t sell the stakes we sell the sizzle.

    • Boscoe

      Cementing the idea that govt run healthcare is a bad thing is just gravy.

  • William

    So I’m sitting here reading this and I really think this entire septic-pool party we call the legislature is just a bunch of assholes who are simply obsessed with undoing the President Obama administration. …too early to drink. I learned that the story about lawyers for evil politicians hiring their own lawyers is actually a real story…so uh. I’m going back to trolling Velveeta’s Facebook page, cuz I can’t handle this anymore.

  • doktorzoom

    I honestly am no longer sure what circular reasoning is anymore. I never really taught Ology.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      What about hypothetically speaking?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      …and the reason you never taught it is because you’re not sure what circular reasoning is? And the reason you don’t know what it is is because you never taught…

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      You are a clever pony.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I was circular because I was disk-shaped.

    • arglebargle
    • cheetojeebus

      Not to open a box which we don’t know the contents of, but is the circle flat? or is it an orb? a globe of reason so to speak?

    • shastakoala

      Not that I condone Tautology, or any Ology for that matter, Ologies in my opinion are not good.

      Shamelessly stolen. Sorry Ferris.

  • brucej

    ” most importantly, will fix a fifth of the economy give gargantuan tax breaks to the 0.01% while fucking over all the rest of us with rusty pitchforks through the magic of getting 51 votes.”

    There Dok, FTFY :-)

  • Michael Smith

    Well, in their defense, banking on the stupidity of a sufficient number of American voters worked for them in November

    • Master Contrail Program

      Of multiple years.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Whether the problem is education, health care, jobs, the environment, or you name it, the Republican solution is to always get more money into the hands of their donors regardless of the damage it will do to everyone else.

  • Mpeg

    Wake me when they come up with a New and Improved way of reNewing and Improving the Unimproveable.

  • Swampay

    It’s the best catch ever.

  • ExecutorElassus

    They will ram some version of the House bill through on a tie-breaking vote, then make it even worse in reconciliation, millions of Americans will lose their insurance (and of them many thousands will die as a direct result) and the GOP will suffer exactly zero electoral consequences because the deed will already be done and their districts are already gerrymandered to hell and they’ve been running an effective ground game to take over statehouses and governors’ mansions at a staggering rate so that most of the low-information voting public views electoral politics through the lens the Republicans have created and will do anything to “stick it to the Liberals” including burning down what feeble attempt at healthcare the US could manage out of pure spite and ohgod we are so fucked :(

    • jesterpunk

      By the time it actually takes effect they will be out of office and go back to blaming liberals for the fallout.

  • Swampay

    the big goal for this legislation is “bringing certainty to the insurance market,”

    Huh, that’s funny. I thought they were doing something about helping Americans get health care. Looks like it’s more about taking care of insurance companies. That’s weird.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Uncertainty is the real killer………..of corporate people.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I always thought that one had to be very comfortable with uncertainty to even want a corporate life in the first place.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Weird? It’s downright shocking!

  • Spurning Beer

    These people are straight up tautologists.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Can’t help it, it’s what they were taut.

      • armed_bears

        ISWYDT.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      I went to see my tautologist, but he kept trying to give me a scrip for Viagra.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        I went to see my tautologist, too. He said, “What the hell? You were just here a few minutes ago.”

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Tautologies are very superfluous.

    Had to inject that now, going back to reading this.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      It is what it is.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Say no more, say no more.

      • MizzMazz

        Argh! that one is the WORST! Idiots at work like to say that, and think it’s deep or something.

  • rosenbomb

    They could have burped at the reporters and their responses would have been just as useful.

  • Bitter Scribe

    They’ll bring certainty to the insurance market. If you’re unemployed, old and/or sick, you will certainly be unable to afford health insurance.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    We’re back to Abbot and Costello, huh?

    “The plan! The plan is the plan! Plan! Plan plan plan!”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Scrap the plan, let’s blow something up!” — Fargo Flintlocke

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Boss! The plan…the plan. Ol’ Herve knew what was up.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank
    • OddMan

      “Well, there’s egg and bacon,
      egg sausage and bacon
      Egg and plan
      Egg, bacon and plan
      Egg, bacon, sausage and plan
      Plan, bacon, sausage and plan
      Plan, egg, plan, plan, bacon and plan
      Plan, sausage, plan, plan, plan, bacon, plan tomato and plan”

  • AJ Milne

    ‘What are the big problems this bill is trying to solve?’

    ‘Almost all of them. They’re trying to get to two million deaths, ten million bankruptcies.’

  • memzilla Ω

    On the plus side, once everybody loses their Federal housing subsidies and Medicare and food stamps and Social Security, the poor people who will be thrown out onto the streets dying from cold and starvation will die off quickly enough that there will be MUCH MOAR MUNNIEZ saved which can be quickly shoveled into the pockets of the 1%! Make America Somalia Again!

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      “the poor people who will be thrown out onto the streets dying from cold and starvation will die off quickly enough ”

      How much for dudes shouting “bring out your dead” and their carts?

    • Old town Urbandale

      “…dying from COLD and starvation…”

      AHA! So you libtards admit that global warming is fake.

      (Sorry, was channeling Fox and Friends there for a sec…)

    • Boscoe

      Nah, the plan is to get those for-profit debtor prisons going again. Then there’ll be plenty of labor to cover all those agri-jobs that will be open once all the illegals are deported.

  • armed_bears

    A properly executed “I don’t even know what I am doing” dog meme is always appreciated.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • jz3

    Murky doesn’t care what her constituents think, we have been very active in Indivisible AK and after the DeVos debacle it’s clear to us that she doesn’t care.

  • Master Contrail Program

    I suppose one has to give them recognition for going all-in with their government is the problem shtick.

    • Boscoe

      Method acting?

  • Debra Dassow

    I am a problem solver so I have solutions for your problems, just ask me.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Senator, what do you feel is the most significant aspect of the GOP healthcare plan?

    “Well, if my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle.”

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Well, Republicans, I think it’s time we cleared something up here:
    When Groucho was looking for the missing thing, which he thought might be in the house next door, but there wasn’t a house next door, so the brothers started working on the blueprint to build one –
    THAT WAS NOT DOING IT RIGHT.

  • eyelashviper
    • Old town Urbandale

      And this more tasteful than Donald Trump mocking a disabled reporter…how?

      • Christopher Story

        Being Republican is a lifestyle choice

        • Old town Urbandale

          I see. So being heavy and disabled = Republican = lifestyle choice?

          • Christopher Story

            I see. Concern Troll. If mocking the disabled is so bad, why is Trump president?

          • Old town Urbandale

            Not a concern troll, but a brother to a heavy, developmentally disabled Republican. Being Republican may be a lifestyle choice, but being heavy and disabled may not be. Ever hear of medical conditions that make one heavy and disabled?

            Maybe not coming up with a knee-jerk “poor, fat, disabled, Republican, instant target for scorn” reaction does make me a concern troll.

            P.S. So mocking the disabled the one reason Trump was elected? Good to know.

          • doktorzoom

            You’re on your own on this one. Old Town is right on this point.

            — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

          • Augustus

            Yup, screaming hate at people because of their skin color, yeah, that’s a lifestyle choice. Very few of those people are Democrats, like, probably almost none.

          • Old town Urbandale

            Who are “those people”? Republicans? Heavy disabled people? Somehow I don’t see how making a hateful meme using a photo of a heavy disabled person is any more noble/less mean than making a hateful meme using a photo of a minority, Muslim, LGBTQ, etc. person. I guess it’s all fine if the “humor” is directed at the other side.

          • doktorzoom

            Sorry, gotta say Old Town is right on this one…

            — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

          • Christopher Story

            Being sick is a tragedy. That much we agree on.
            Voting to stay sick to “stick it” to somebody else is a lifestyle choice.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        This isn’t mocking the disabled. It’s mocking the non-thinking Trump voters, using a picture that is a fair representation of most of them. Non-thinking and not taking care of oneself, while hatefully mocking everyone else, is a basic trait of almost all the Trump base. You just have to look at pictures of a rally and the people there, as well as their T-shirts and banners.

        • Old town Urbandale

          If we’re mocking non-thinking Trump voters, then why isn’t the person in the photo someone from a Trump rally, someone wearing a MAGA hat, someone holding a Trump sign,etc.? This lady could be sitting across from you at the doctor’s office, sitting at a protest in her Congressman’s field office, passing out voter registration cards at a Bernie Sanders rally.

          P.S. I know a TON of Republican voters, and other than my 220 lb. brother, there’s not a one of them who is heavy and/or disabled.

          • Weird. I know a ton of them and almost all of them are heavy and disabled.
            Which makes it all the more fun when they talk about the government taking their tax money.

        • doktorzoom

          Would you take a moment to notice you’re justifying making fun of a disabled person because you assume they support Trump? I can’t get behind that.

          — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Sure, Dok. Sorry.

      • What cat says. Fair use when they quite literally base all their voting decisions on how much they can hurt other people.

        • Old town Urbandale

          I just don’t get why this lady has been singled out as a “typical non-thinking Trump voter.” Other than her satchel is red, what is it that pegs her as a Republican, let alone a Trump voter? It seems no better than grabbing a random photo of black woman and labeling her as a crack whore in a meme, simply because she’s a black woman and thereby fitting a stereotype.

          • I see what you mean. I think this particular photo is from some Republican rally, but since it does not source or say anything, it is a fair complaint.
            TBH, not one of my favorites, though the words ring true all the same.

          • Old town Urbandale

            Okay, I don’t recognize it as a photo from a Trump rally. There are plenty of images I do remember from Trump rallies, and I’d have no problem with the same meme with one of those. The meme above just seems a mean-spirited kick at a heavy disabled person.

  • Boscoe

    Oh, I don’t know what all this wailing and gnashing of teeth is all about, after all, the senate has at least nine whole days to figure it out. And we already know “it’ll be easy”, ’cause Dear Leader already said so.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
  • Paperless Tiger

    All the Republicans ever do is to put some heroic title on some rotten bill that is designed to screw over the American people. It’s no wonder they found common cause with the Russians, who were only too happy to help destabilize America. You expect that from an enemy.

    • notanncoulter

      you mean… something like ‘make america great again’?

    • Three Finger Salute

      “PATRIOT Act”

      That is all.

  • baconzgood

    I don’t think you can “just wing it” with the health of 300 million people. But that’s just me.

    • Jon Sussex

      OK if your concern is wealth of 1 percent not health of 300 million?

    • Shanzgood 21 Days

      Too bad there’s nobody around who knows anything about health insurance they can ask for advice.

      • LesBontemps

        Hahaha, you think this is actually a health insurance plan, not a tax-cut-for-the-rich plan.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        As a lifelong patient, I’ve been dealing with health insurance for (checking my watch) twenty seven year on my own and I can come up with a few better ideas than, well, no insurance at all.

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        You know, I’m just remembering, I think there was some candidate who had already designed, negotiated, and created a Universal Health Care plan thirty years ago and had worked to provide health care to Americans ever since. Who was that again? It’s right on the tip of my tongue….. What ever happened to that guy? It was a guy, right?

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Known asshole Michael Needham wrote an op ed saying that the best part of the AHCA was that it allowed states to “experiment” with health care for the elderly.

      You cannot make this shit up.

      • notanncoulter

        i bet he needs a kidney. just sayin.

      • Historicat

        You know who else experimented with “health care” don’t you?

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Dr. Moreau?

          • Historicat

            I was thinking of a different Dr. M__ but I like your answer.

    • mysonsam

      It won’t stop the GOP from trying though.

  • unclejeems

    The ACA was passed in 2010 after at least a year of hearings, debate and high-level conversations. And these bozos think they can patch together a dog’s breakfast of a law in a couple of weeks that will replace and improve the ACA. They are constitutionally unable to do so. They are Republicans.

    One more thing and I’ll shut up.

    As a reward for passing the ACA, the Democrats were handed an historic mid-term defeat in November 2010, which basically insured that they would be outside looking in for the next generation or so, as soon as the R’s captured the presidency again. Enter Donald Trump.

    So that’s what we get for being for being nice and trying to do good for our fellow citizens. Congress should have just gone with a single payer in 2010, full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes. The political results couldn’t have been any worse.

    And kudos for the use of “eldritch.” I haven’t seen that word in print for years.

    • Steve Cole

      No good deed goes unpunished. Who bailed out GM? And how did the rust belt repay this act of charity?

    • Shanzgood 21 Days

      They had the whole time the ACA was being crafted plus 7 more years since it was implemented to come up with a viable alternative. They have done actual SHIT here with their legislation. Even Dolt 45 doesn’t like it.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        It’s because there is no alternative using the existing system. Ol’Al Franken explains it quite nicely in his new book. (Not that I’m suggesting YOU don’t already know that, it’s just funny that the Republicans pretend that there is.)

        • Shanzgood 21 Days

          I should read that book.

          • Edith Prickly

            You should. I just finished the chapter about the ACA.

    • BigCSouthside

      Hopefully we learned. Next time just ram single payer through

      • Shanzgood 21 Days

        Yes, please.

        • BigCSouthside

          And then the Dems can celebrate with cases of obscure craft beers because we are fucking elitists who wouldnt be in the same room with a Bud Light

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        They accused us of ramming things through anyway, so we should have just gone for it.

        • BigCSouthside

          Exactly. After watching this congress, Dems need to be like “oh so that’s how you mitherfuckers wanna play? Ok, we aren’t bothering with you at all, passing all our shit, then passing laws so you can’t do anything about it”

      • notanncoulter

        you forgot to mention ‘throats’ – that apparently adds impact to any statement.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      And the lawsuits. Never forget that the GOP sued to stop ACA funding.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Well, to be fair, they aren’t remotely trying to improve the ACA. They’re serving their masters, the ultra-rich and the insurance companies, and the only problem they’re having is how to sneak it by the American people. Should we lie? Should we conceal? If we do lie, can we maintain the lie till 2018? How would we do that? What happens when they, you know, discover they don’t have coverage any more? How long can we lie about that? What if we pretend they will have coverage and by the time they figure out they don’t, they’re dead, so it doesn’t matter?

      Those are the lengthy arguments they’re having, and the only problems they’re trying to solve. The bill itself is easy (“poor people and Democrats should die”). And yes, of course, we should have gone full speed ahead in 2010. But, as in the buildup to WW2, good people couldn’t fathom just how disastrously barbaric and inhuman these Republicans are.

      • unclejeems

        Yes, I’m with you on that. But from my perspective, they really don’t have to go to that much trouble. All that has to happen for the R’s to pass that bill without too much who-haw is for the current circus around Trump to keep playing. The “base” will defend the Orange-utan and all his works, including anything he gets from Congress and signs into law. The fact that it will set the country back decades, shut down what was a new but promising health care system, continue the devolution of the middle class, plunge more people into unemployment, deprive the poor and sick of any recourse, and continue to siphon the country’s wealth out of the pockets of its citizens and into purses of the obscenely rich–all that counts for nothing. As long as they can say the killed Obamacare–that’s all that will matter to their supporters.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Wrong conclusion. Nobody got spanked for trying to “do good” or anything of the sort. Dems got spanked for seeking compromise and sucking at electoral politics. I have recent personal experience with the latter, which I will keep my fucking mouth shut about.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    OT: A little levity on this weird day. I hope Boomer’s dad has health insurance! Ya know, just in case his competitor gets hungry and goes in for a nibble.
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/early-lead/wp/2017/06/16/michael-phelps-to-race-a-great-white-during-shark-week/?sw_bypass=true

  • We are fucking doomed as a nation… and probably as a species. I hope dogs evolve up and take over next.

    • Steve Cole

      I am working on the robots, and I think they will be awesome.

    • BigCSouthside

      It will be octopi. Those things are problem solvers. I embrace our new tentacle-y overlords

      Side note: octopus in a fish tank placed in the Oval Office and sworn in as president. Better or worse than Trump?

      • Will their animated porn all be about creatures with human hands?

      • Christopher Story

        The inter-species copulating will only be weird in the beginning

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Did you know it’s #CephalopodWeek? You can read all about them on the science websites. They are pretty cool, and I’m not just saying that to suck up to C_R_Eature over at the ‘Ville.

        • BigCSouthside

          I did know about that. Those things are crazy. There was one that learned when the coast was clear to escape its tank and go over to the crab tank and get some free dinner

        • LesBontemps

          Also delicious.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Our headlines have moar tentacles™

      • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

        I, for one, will stay with my Cat Overlords. Octopi may build the Great Wall of the Americas, but our Cat Overlords will just jump over it.

      • H0mer0

        oh pleez, oh pleez…

        https://youtu.be/TVD6wRk03Nk?t=11

    • The Wanderer

      Raccoons. Stereoscopic vision and little hand-like paws.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The GOP health plan. “It’ll save a lot of money!!!”
    https://img0.etsystatic.com/036/0/8919572/il_570xN.587133702_tmam.jpg

    • cheetojeebus

      I shoulda known, no monkey blood.

      • Boscoe

        You might also notice those tins are empty…

    • Hollandaise

      Pretty sure the aspirin is for birth control.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Definitely can’t cover those slut pills, then.

      • TheGrandWazoo2

        It’s a very comprehensive plan.

      • georgiaburning

        You’re probably right. They’ve turned to vinegar by now, judging by that old tin

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      “those are all empty, they just make you feel better till you open them.” – Freedom Cacus plan.

  • Wild Cat

    I’m glad Susan Sarandon is getting a mega tax break.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Will I ever forgive her? Nope. Not ever.

      • Wild Cat

        Many are to blame. I wonder if the Amy Goodmans of the world have any idea what they fucked up?

        • Mpeg

          Amy Goodman? I do not follow.

          • Wild Cat

            Ever watch her show? See her guest list? She’s an enemy of the political party that brought you Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, the ACA, WIC. She’s a pal of Assange and Greenwald and Stein and Nader.
            Need I go on?

          • No, please, I just threw up a little in my mouth

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            I am pleased to say I have never heard of her.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Don’t get me started on “Democracy Now!”

        • They’re too busy blaming anyone who did not Bernie vote in the primary because they MADE them go third party.
          You know, the majority.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Well, she can just go straight to hell then.

      I remember in the before times, when everyone wasn’t so awful.

      • Wild Cat

        She’s a nadir, like Nader. A Toy Revolutionary.
        If I were her, I’d commit seppuku.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          I remember before knowing that Sarandin was a dangerous idiot and James Woods was an egomanical nazi. Back when Donnie was just some douchebag on a low brow reality show and Ted Nugent was just some has been pedophile.

          I was no naive then.

          • Wild Cat

            These are people with big egos. They only care about themselves.

            Sarandon’s a naif. A guy like Woods is just evil, sick, racist.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Yeah. It’s just this one-two punch thing really. There are just so many things about some people that I could have gone my whole life without needing to know.

            To a large extent, that’s the best and worst thing that social media has done to us. We’re finding out just how awful people really are long before they are dead but we’re also finding out how awful people really are long before they are dead. We get the knowledge along with the sick feeling of still sharing the planet with these people.

            Make any sense?

          • Wild Cat

            Yup. The Internet’s a great tool, but it also is more effective at linking up chaos and misery and scumbags than actual human compassion and empathy (in general).

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            You nailed it. There were nazis before the internet, but the internet gave them Pepe. It nurtured them, let them spread, allowed them to grow and fester. It gave them a fictional “society” to feed off each others sickness. It gave the inmates the keys to the asylum.

            Like all tools, the internet has no morality. It does exactly what it is told to do and passes no judgement. There is no right and wrong in code. There is just functional and non functional. It’s the people who make such purity wicked.

            Got too “out there” with that one. Sorry.

          • Wild Cat

            It exposed and united daily what neo-nazis would previously only share at gun shows, Holocaust Denial conventions, and small-press pamphlets.
            For some reason, people really rally behind hate and death and war more than its opposite. The latter takes more effort, I guess.
            Whatever, I give up.

          • I feel that is a bit incorrect.
            If it were true that people rally behind hate more than love, the anti muslim march would have had millions, and the women’s march 100.
            Yes, there are awful hateful people out there. They have always been out there. There are, however, many more people who are not like that at all.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I’ve said this before. Twitter, Facebook, and Reddit need to shut down voluntarily or be shut down. Social media websites are one giant commenting section, and we know what the majority of commenting sections look like. As for mainstream press outlets, they need to ditch their commenting sections altogether and go back to only printing select letters to the editor.

            Especially state-funded broadcasters like PBS (which is barely “public” anymore), the BBC and the CBC. Just because civilized people and assholes pay the same taxes to support them doesn’t mean those outlets are obligated to give the populace a sounding board for their unsolicited opinions.

            I think NPR already got rid of theirs. The BBC too. The CBC needs to hurry up and do the same. Half a dozen people have been arrested for making credible threats against Justin and Sophie already, and the fire is only getting hotter with the passage of the gender identity anti-discrimination law.

            The rest needs to go. Including YouTube. Videos don’t need comments. They’re videos. We got along for 10,000 years without hashtags, frog memes, and “bidirectional media participation”. We can do it again. Someone call up Bill Gates and ask him to dig into his wallet to find the “off switch” that stages a hostile buyout, and makes the Internet great again because it’s 1992.

        • doktorzoom

          Please review the rules. You know better than that.

          Your comments are usually pretty funny, but I think I’ve had to warn you a couple other times about the rules. Knock that off, please. Next time it’ll be a one-day timeout from commenting.

          — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Perhaps this was always her plan. …I did not realize until this day, it was Sarandon all along….

      • Wild Cat

        Since Rocky Horror, she has been planning . . . with naked Brook Shields, with naked Kevin Costner . . . they saw how naked Ronald Reagan and blow-job queen Nancy Davis rose . . . bwahahahahah!.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I thought it was Barzini all along.

        • Wild Cat

          And you thought Tim Robbins was just faking it in War of the Worlds, eh? He was plotting with the thetans on how to deny poor Americans health care.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            David Miscavige approves.

        • Raan

          “Sarandon could never have outfought my Santino. “

    • Raan

      I honestly don’t know what’s going on with her. I haven’t had TV for months, and before that I was kind of in too much of a post-election funk to watch the news. Can anyone fill me in?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Well, she’s a Bernie purity person who won’t shut up about how “morally bankrupt” the Democratic party is, even NOW, and refuses to even budge on the concept that maybe, just maybe, the party she holds so much hatred for is the only thing that can actually save us right now.

        Basically, she’s in her own ivory tower, shouting down at us peasants clawing at crumbs and telling us to abandon all hope.

        She’s such a nice woman these days.

        • Raan

          Oh.

          So she’s acting like a whiny little bitch instead of a grown-ass woman.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Basically. The main problem lies in the fact that she, strangely, has some influence. Influence without responsibility is a very dangerous thing.

          • Raan

            Like President Bannon?

          • She has influence because she tells them what they want to hear.
            Remember: These are the same people who turned on Warren for endorsing Hillary- and then turned on Bernie for doing the same thing.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            You’re absolutely right about that. Falling for being told what you want to hear is exactly what led us here. Don the con did it, built a cult out of it. Reality is never so neat, so cut-and-dry. It’s messy, complicated and full of compromise. We all have to compromise something, not everything, but something.

            Sec. Clinton was not my perfect candidate. Nobody was. I love her dearly. I voted for her and would vote for her again. She did nothing wrong in my eyes. My perfect candidate would have done things that would not have gotten her elected at all. She would have campaigned hard on mental health reform and decriminalizing most drugs. Things so complicated that I do not know how they would work. I compromised. We all have to do it.

            Sarandon and her ilk simply refuse to compromise and not even on important issues. They expect some god-like candidate to come along, say everything right and be able to actually accomplish all of it to boot. No human being can fill their bill. They cannot even fill it themselves, yet there they are.

            Meh!

          • I did vote for Bernie. I voted for Hillary also too in the general. Because perfect is the enemy of the good.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Well said.

        • doktorzoom

          I managed to set aside my disgust for her politics while watching “Feud: Bette and Joan,” which she was terrific in. But now that I’ve finished the binge watch, I’m back to being annoyed with her.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            I enjoyed that as well. Ryan Murphy is my man! Out of respect for everyone here, I did not discus the show.

            She is back to being boil on the butt of humanity again to me as well.

      • Wild Cat

        I haven’t watched “news” since the nation finally died on 11/8.

  • LesBontemps

    You dumb libtards, it takes Working Together to Fix the Problems and find Solutions to create a Plan to invent a Wheel from scratch! No one has ever created a successful healthcare system before, and there’s no template or model to work from! Look around, does anyone have a national healthcare program? I mean, aside from every other industrialized democracy in the world.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      Everyone knows the Wheel doesn’t work, also! That’s why we men are in private meetings to construct a square wheel, which will be constructed by the Square Wheel Industries and create lots of new jobs, because it will, and will also work much, much better, at least for the Square Wheel Industries, excuse me, I mean, for the American people and their cars, trucks, railroads, and even airplanes (see also our even more private meetings on constructing non-winged airplanes).

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        “It’s better than no wheel at all, which is what wel’ll have when we repeal the radical socialist job-killing Obamawheel, which is a terrible wheel because of all the flat spots we hammered into it.”

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Square wheels work great on carefully constructed catenary roads. So, after we are done requiring that all wheels be square, we will eventually deal with the need for catenary roads. It’s called “incrementalism.”

        https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e5/Rolling-Square.gif

        • Historicat

          Especially since it will require some massive outlays to construction companies to build these roads.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      We can’t have national healthcare because a 76 year old woman in England had to wait for an appointment and she died.

      Wing-nut reasoning.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        And we never wait for healthcare. And our premiums never rise.

      • Three Finger Salute

        And because those gall-durn Canucks are cucks and their Marxist Kenyan Cuban Muslim predisent is a Castro. Soshulizm kills! Sarah Palin can see the Soviet Union in British Columbia!!!1!

  • OrG

    I learned a new word! Thanks Wonkette!

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    And lastly, It ain’t over til it’s over.

    Aaand I am spent.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Excellent Twitter thread about the pitfalls of “good guys with guns” for cops:

    https://twitter.com/_allisonc/status/875396620602359808

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Kyra Sedgwick’s character in the pilot episode of The Closer:

      “If I enjoyed being called a bitch to my face I would still be married.”

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Edith Prickly

      I’ve thought for a while that this is the perfect opportunity for the Dems to just go for it and start advocating for single payer. I hope they follow through.

      • I have been preaching that bug to allllll my wingnutty co workers who are right now a bit worried about their health insurance.
        I suggest everyone else do the same.

  • Old town Urbandale

    At least one part of my Senator’s interview in Vox is 100% honest: “I have to go.”

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Scalise “took a bullet for all of us,” says Il Douche.

    So Hodgkinson wanted to shoot all of us?? Nobody knows what the fuck it means.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Lack of sleep is catching up with Donnie Two Scoops …

      • H0mer0

        wait till he sees what we colored the ice cream with.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Second Base on a recreational baseball team is a dangerous position. Scalise knew the risks, he knew he might not make it back, but somebody had to do it.

    • snigsy

      Said the Victim in Chief.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Besides, “taking a bullet” means consciously putting yourself in harms way to protect others, which is not the case here so the expression doesn’t even fucking apply you goddamed idiot-in-chief.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        The two blah cops took bullets for the congresscritters. One of them was even gay married to her wife.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Not that any Rethuglican will change their mind about blahs or gheys.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Wait, he died? Usually the phrase “takes a bullet” means more than just getting shot — it means making the ultimate sacrifice. Did he die or is he still in hospital?

  • calliecallie

    Saw a thing on the Twitter. Because this is being done through reconciliation, they have to take and discuss an unlimited number of amendments. Suggestion was that the Dems just propose an unlimited number of amendments and tie this thing up until after midterm elections.
    Alternatively, could they not propose amendments that would bring it back, bit by bit, to being a better, stronger version of Obamacare? Like putting frogs in water and then turning the burner on. Of course, I guess that assumes the Rs will actually thoughtfully consider and possibly vote for any Dem amendments. And that’s a pipe dream.
    Okay, filibuster by amendment then! 2018, here we come!

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Love the Rude Pundit.

    “Displeased to see you, hope I can forget your name!”

    http://rudepundit.blogspot.ca/2017/06/sympathy-for-president-weak-sick-old-man.html

    • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

      He’s right about Dementia symptoms, my Mom was like that.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        So was mine.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      That was lovely.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Let me reassure the Insurance companies that while we don’t quite know what we’re going to do here in the Senate, it’s going to be bad. And crazy. Those two things. Certainty!”
    — Chuck Grassley

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Honestly, I’m kinda looking forward to all those rural hospitals dependent on medicaid announcing they’ll be shutting down. Enjoy your 200 mile hospital trips.

      • Feature not a bug to Republicans.
        The sad part is the people in those areas will continue to vote Republican, when they vote, because scary browns and potty police.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          But they won’t last long with 40 minute ambulance rides to the hospital.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Ambulance rides that are not covered by their non-insurance.

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          Haha, I love that they hate me more than the people who are pulling their healthcare.

          • There is an old joke or meme or whatever that goes:
            A conservative, a liberal and a Republican are sitting in front of a plate of 12 cookies. The Republican takes 11 cookies and shoves them in his mouth, and then tells the conservative that the liberal is after his cookie

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            I heard that, but with pizzas, a businessman, a union activist, and a worker. ;-)

          • Interchangable fun!
            You know, would totes work with lessee:
            A Fundamentalist (of any stripe) an ignorant average joe and a brown and or gay person
            or….
            A Feudal lord, a serf, and a tradesman.

      • Shanzgood 21 Days

        And out-of-network costs.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Is there such a thing as “in-network” when there’s NO network?

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Good point.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            There’s supposed to be an exception for emergencies. Of course, this varies depending on policies and insurance companies. Always contest ridiculous bills and keep a log of every person you talk to, date, time and what’s said. Being politely obnoxious gets insurance companies to back down. They count on people giving up. I used to do utilization review for a hospital.

        • Oy.
          When hubby went to the ER, they are charging us 700$ for an ambulance ride of 4 miles.
          4. Miles. Because out of network.

          • AyeDiosDrinko

            We skipped the ambulance ride after my vitals checked out by EMS, and it still cost us $1k (don’t have a medical emergency out of state.)

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            That sucks.

            On a much, much smaller scale, my in-network Dr, employed by a local in-network hospital sent bloodwork to said hospital’s lab. Turns out the in-network’s hospital’s lab is out-of-network.

            Jeesh.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “What do I care, it’s not like I actually live in Iowa…wait, is this thing on?”
        — Chuck Grassley

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      “it’s going to be bad. And crazy. Those two things. And stupid … wait … those three things: bad, crazy, stupid, and crap. No, wait! Those four things ….”

      Sounds like a Monty Python sketch

  • can’t show to my constituents back home anything concrete because we don’t have anything. We’ve been talking about ideas. But for instance, if you are going to eliminate Medicaid expansion or even if you’re going to wind down Medicaid expansion, that’s not increasing access
    Indeed, Senator! Mayhap you should check out a different party, say one that is all about increasing access and not not about increasing access? Just sayin, might help that frustration problem

  • William Cook

    https://twitter.com/DoktorZoom/status/875783076659339268

    “…literally be eviscerated…”

    :D

    Edit: I apparently do not know how to block quote anymore. Suddenly oldz.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      fallacy fallacy! THey’re back.

      I don’t run in a lot of logic/rhetoric circles, but I’ve literally, not figuratively, never heard “begging of the question”.

      • William Cook

        Same here. Just a matter of not being exposed to the right sources.

        My favourite term so old no one knows it anymore is widdershins. Useful word!

        Favourite phrase people use wrong every time: Exception that proves the rule.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          i thought dok had a typo one day and it turned out to be a real word, was it shooty? I forget. Shirty maybe?

          • JustDon’tSayCovfefe

            Shirty, maybe?

          • William Cook

            Shirty sounds right.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            It’s the high-brow version of stroppy.

          • William Cook

            No wonder I wasn’t familiar with it. High-brow is not my usual dialect.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            I was also making fun of myself because one of baconzgood’s nicknames for me is Stroppy.

          • doktorzoom

            It is safe to say I have typos every day. Plus some weird words used correctly.

            Just doing my part to keep you guys on your toes.

            (As I recall, it was “kine”)

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            it was also shirty…I no edumucatin’ gud.
            and speaking of which, the lawyer-ception article has this:
            “It just says he had clandestine meetings wit Kremlin”

            Just tryin’ to help!

          • doktorzoom

            I will go fix that!

        • Shanzgood 21 Days

          I know widdershins!

          • William Cook

            *cockles warmed*

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            From reading lots of Celtic/Gaelic derived fantasy/fiction and also feminist literature explaining the origins of some of our superstitions and myths and such.

          • William Cook

            Do you remember the book? I learned it from a Celtic/Gaelic fantasy novel that read more like poetry than standard narrative, but I have long since forgotten anything else about it. I think it had a kelpie in it?

          • H0mer0

            weren’t those the creatures trying to steal the who from Horton?

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            I don’t remember that…

          • H0mer0

            I was trying to make a pun with “Wickersham Brothers” but admittedly, it wuz kinda weak.

        • bobbert

          proves = tests, in this case

      • snigsy

        Petitio principii–it’s hard to translate Latin into English.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I don’t think that’s what Whelan is saying. I think he’s saying that if it had been called begging of the question in the first place, the misuse would never have arisen. I can’t say I agree, because people are dumb and the Canadian SCOTUS is all powerful.

        The best advice is to avoid the term no matter which way you mean it. Real writers write around the problem, as the saying goes.

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          heh, I “Wrote around it” all the time back in the day.

          • Paul

            I used to be a French major and avoided weird verb conjugations by “writing around it”. Took some planning but cogent papers CAN be written entirely in the present tense. No Profs ever complained.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            that’s how i feel with my spanish, i’m pretty okay with non reflexive, present tense sentences – but I sound like I’m 4.

            bTW, if you’ve never read it, Sedaris’ “Me Talk Pretty One Day” has some hilarious chapters about him learning french.

          • Paul

            He’s a hoot.

    • Overuse of prepositions is one of the things that make editors and English teachers alike shudder in the wee sma’s.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Not to be pedantic but if we are going full Moran style, shouldn’t it be a phallusy?

      • William Cook

        Phallus libelz.

  • reelreeler

    Have the republicans become the “death panels” they warned us about?

  • LesBontemps

    “what are the big problems this bill is trying to solve?”

    The biggest problem is that it doesn’t cut taxes enough for the rich, obvs.

    • Master Contrail Program

      How to give a tax cut to the wealthiest people, while still using this as a campaign issue, and not having the base notice?

    • Edith Prickly

      Poor people and old people are living too long and not suffering enough.

  • God Emperor Emeritus

    Fuck all these horrible assholes. That’s all I’ve got now.

  • snigsy

    It sounds like they’re looking for problems rather than solutions.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Problems. Solutions. It’s a two party system.

      • Crystalclear12

        Orwell approves this message.

  • Ricky Gay

    Chauncy Boozman

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    The preznit duzn’t do werds gud:

    https://twitter.com/danwlin/status/875537776825044992

    • Shanzgood 21 Days

      He’s gonna have to do it alone if he keeps firing everyone and nobody else will accept a job in his administration.

    • Master Contrail Program

      The endorsement of McConnell really sells it for me.

    • Rick Hill

      You have to wonder…just how long he looked in the mirror, practicing that scowl…

      • Master Contrail Program

        Not as long as it took to wrap his sideburns around the sides of his head.

    • cheetobenito

      Rs trying to figure out healthcare

      SPOTTED: Fidget Spinner – World Champion pic.twitter.com/XBVNgNwKgV— Sven Henrich (@NorthmanTrader) June 16, 2017

  • jesterpunk
  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
    • William Cook

      Brilliant.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Fake news. That’s not a GOP original. The words are spelled correctly.

    • handyhippie65

      it’s funny ’cause it’s true. also too, it’s sad ’cause it’s true.

  • Christopher Story

    AHCA plan:
    Step one: Repeal Obamacare
    Step two: ? ? ? ? ?
    Step three: Profit

  • georgiaburning

    Medicare for everyone? Maybe Dick Nixon’s one good idea. (Credit where credit is due)

    • EPA LIBULZ

      • georgiaburning

        I stand corrected, that’s two. You’d never convince my mom, though. She hated that bastard

        • Door to China LIBULZZZZZ

          • georgiaburning

            Three? Mom?

          • pstockholm

            Resigning. That’s four.

          • Here is the thing…Nixon was a friggin crackpotty paranoid crooked crook and STILL managed to do good things.
            What the fuck is Trump’s excuse?

          • Three Finger Salute

            Is Stumpage going to get “socked to him” on SNL?

          • Tishalicious

            Historic Preservation!

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      I also remember him talking about a guaranteed minimum income for everyone (I swear i do, although I can’t find evidence of that idea anywhere).

      • georgiaburning

        That was a big thing in the ’70’s, sort of a negative income tax. Before the crazies took over the Repub party and dragged us off the cliff

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      I thought ending the draft was pretty good too. My lottery number was 19 the year I turned 19.

  • Predisenting Ron

    … my brain hurts.

  • Rick Hill

    Maybe they could fix it if they went with the bill as it started out, you know, before republicans were dicks about it and moving the goalposts every time the Democrats conceded a point.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: More verdicting:

    “A Minnesota jury has reached a verdict in the manslaughter trial of Jeronimo Yanez, the officer who fatally shot Philando Castile during a traffic stop last year.

    Yanez is on trial for one count of second-degree manslaughter and two counts of intentional discharge of firearm that endangers safety because Castile’s girlfriend and her 4-year-old daughter were also in the car.

    Castile’s death garnered widespread attention after his girlfriend broadcast the shooting’s aftermath on Facebook Live.

    The verdict will be revealed in court Friday afternoon.”

    • Shanzgood 21 Days

      PLEASE. Something good from this.

    • The verdict will be revealed? WTF. Our trials are reality TV now?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        intern/rookie/ESOL writing (I hope, cause jeez)

        • And the winner of cop shooting survival is….no one!
          What a twist!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Thanks, O.J.

    • NastyBossetti

      Acquitted of all charges.

  • Crystalclear12

    Listen, we can’t tell what’s in it because it’s sooooo awful even our constitutes will understand it’s awful.
    Average Republican senator

    • Rick Hill

      And, yet, they feel that passing it is better than doing nothing

      • Shanzgood 21 Days

        They aren’t DOING anything except deliberately screwing up everything the Obamas did. Even Michelle.

        • Rick Hill

          I keep waiting for Melania to come out with her “Screw veggies, eat unprocessed lard” campaign for schools

          • Three Finger Salute

            Soylent Orange is the new Green?

        • Three Finger Salute

          They just didn’t like the color of his… suit…

  • msanthropesmr

    Just say what you mean, asshats. We want you, the poor people, to die, but not before giving us money.

    • Wild Cat

      Sad thing is people won’t fight back over this. It won’t happen until there’s no food on the shelves in the stores or gas is $6/gallon.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Fight back how? “With votes”? The cancer patient who shot Scalise thought he was “fighting back”. All it did was cause more partisan bickering and make the Republicans want to hurry up and make us eat it before we pass it so that people like him just die or get too weak to even go to the ballots, never mind resort to the bullets.

    • Three Finger Salute

      If we’re headed for a Soylent Green system anyway, why can’t it be done humanely? Why must we suffer? Why not hook us up to a 4K VR system and a morphine drip?

  • AyeDiosDrinko

    The people who answer both my senators’ phones (senators are republicans) are SO fucking nice. I want to send them cookies. I call every day to invite my senators to come to my funeral to look my children in the eye, and explain why they death paneled me (I have an incurable tumor that will eventually turn into cancer), and darn if those phone answer-ers aren’t always incredibly patient, and responsive. A plus customer service.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Sorry to hear that Drinko. :( I can’t do anything about your condition, and I can’t send you real cookies… how about the next best thing?

      http://www.byerspeaklabradors.com/web_images/puppy_cookies.jpg

      • AyeDiosDrinko

        Oh, that works!! (And thank you, but it’s okay. A freak condition, and I have a happy life.)

        • Three Finger Salute

          Glad to hear the last part. The other part not so good, but at least you have other things in life that make you happy :)

          • AyeDiosDrinko

            It’s actually kind of nice knowing how you’re (most likely) going to die.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Sobering, at least. Or un-sobering, knowing that you can have as much tequila as you want…

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVKsd8z6scw

  • Stulexington

    To revamp the theme suggested I believe by the good Doktor:
    That could have gone better.

  • data_ninja

    So, one of my favorite riddles would work well in this bill:

    Q. What’s the difference between an orange?

    A. A turtle, because a vest has no sleeves.

    • Erala Contratista

      That’s a koan.

      I think.

      • Tishalicious

        Http:/www.tvtropes.com/icecreamkoan

  • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

    I have an idea, Republican doofuses: keep ACA and fix the goddam exchanges!

    • jesterpunk

      The exchanges that they broke?

      • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

        THOSE VERY ONES!!! I’M YELLING– THEY PISS ME OFF SO BIGLY YOOGE!
        Think I need to go work in my garden for awhile.

    • Explody Brain

      I’d love to agree, but honestly, I think it’s better in the long run if they fuck things up. The ACA was a stopgap. It was never the plan Obama wanted.

      We will ultimately have single payer if we want to remain a first world country.

      Health care can not be run for profit. It doesn’t work.

      And, it seems to be the one thing “Kansas” voters who continually vote against their economic interests are starting to realize.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “We will ultimately have single payer if we want to remain a first world country.”

        Big if there. I don’t think we do. The only first-world countries left are ones that “Kansas voters” think of as communist dictatorships run by “sissy cucks” (Canada, France) or “Judeo-Marxists” (Germany).

        Maybe it’s time to start making immigration plans.

  • Christopher Story

    They’re figuring out how to kill enough people slowly enough. Just remember, a massive population crash also causes uncertainty in the marketplace. So they can’t have everybody die at once, but they need to kill enough people at a time to maintain current voting blocs which keep these fuckers in power.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i read or heard somewhere that the black death’s reduction of the world population led to the end of the serf system, since work needed to be done, but there were so few workers, they could bargain a better position – i.e. the end of serfdom.

      • Christopher Story

        Exactly. Read my PS for further thoughts. I haven’t even looked at my copy of 1984 since Trump won, but I’m feeling particulary conspiritorial today.

      • Shanzgood 21 Days

        Also a rise in literacy, particularly in common languages instead of Latin.

        • Christopher Story

          I love hanging out with smart people!

        • Three Finger Salute

          Uh-oh. Republicans are really in a bind now. Killing people off might lead to increased literacy and fair labor practices?

          I guess they might go for the “nuclear option” after all.

    • Christopher Story

      PS: defunding Planned Parenthood and education and denying even access to contraceptives (read: abortion!) keeps the population totals artificially inflated with skewed birthrates. Why education? Because it’s proven that educated women wait longer to have children and have fewer of them thus freeing up their time to participate in society.

      And with both a skewed birth and death rate, you end up with an uneducated underclass who make too many children and die too young to makeup any kind of effective political or social resistance.

      • Three Finger Salute

        An educated woman in Canada wrote a book about this. Something something Handy Maids something or other.

        • Christopher Story

          I’ve been hearing about that show. I have a pathological aversion to “trendy” which is why I haven’t checked it out. That and I haven’t read the book. And now it looks like I’m gonna have to go back and read The Dark Tower series as well.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I have a pathological aversion to depressing realism, which is why I haven’t watched it and probably won’t read the book either. My entertainment needs to be escapist, which is why even I’m dismayed about all the celebrities getting political (and it’s not a partisan thing). Sometimes you just need to get away from all this muck and sing along to something or watch something funny, romantic, or otherwise cutesy and neutral. I don’t need or want a feminist social statement in my romcoms. And I do kind of wish there was at least a little bit of non-Trump content in SNL.

          • My entertainment needs to be escapist myself. Dragons in lit, comedy on the tv.
            But Atwood is a genius and I would recommend making the attempt someday.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Maybe when we’re all but sure it’ll stay fiction.

          • good point XD

          • Christopher Story

            For me, it’s Milo and Otis. You can’t go wrong with a life affirming movie with kittens and puppies.

          • HA made my kids watch that last week. They liked it, like I told them they would :D

          • Three Finger Salute

            Oh, I love that one too! Also the golden age of Disney half-hour cartoons from the ’80s. I heard Duck Tales came back. (Woo hoo!) Is it that rare reboot that actually stays true to the original and is worth the time?

          • Christopher Story

            I’m waiting for “Tailspin” personally. The Sher Khan character was perfect.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I’d like to see a Goof Troop with Max and his kids.

          • Erala Contratista

            Busby Berkeley!

            Whoopee!!!!

          • Celtic_Gnome

            I haven’t watched The Man In the High Castle for that reason. I’ve got Rachel Madow for that kind of fix.

        • Explody Brain

          That’s actually not the cause of the (what do we call it?) baby crisis in the book.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Maybe not (I haven’t read it and will probably wait until our own crisis has abated to do so), but it’s the result. Christian version of Saudi Arabia. No wonder they’re our “allies.” The GOP is jealous.

          • H0mer0

            I heard a story in the doctors lounge about a male OB/GYN doing a medical mission in Saudi Arabia and he got detained for months because he did a hysterectomy on a woman with post partum bleeding which could not otherwise be stopped. He probably saved her life but she lost her value to society because she couldn’t continue the babby-making.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • ShriekinViolet

    I’ve accidentally, and to my own detriment, drilled the tautology concept into my 6-year-old daughter’s head.

    6yo: I love ice cream.

    Me: Why?

    6yo: Because it’s ice cream.

    Me: That’s a tautology. You can’t define a thing or a concept by just repeating what that thing is.

    6yo: Oh.

    (This repeats with puppies, books, swimming, etc. over several months)

    *Some time passes*

    6yo: Can I have some ice cream?

    Me: No, it’s your bedtime and you already had strawberries for dessert.

    6yo: Are you sure?

    Me (exasperated): No means no.

    6yo: Hey, that’s a tautology!

    Me: Um…kind of. Go have an ice cream.

    • Shanzgood 21 Days

      Sweet! You’re in for a bumpy ride!

    • Rick Hill

      *sigh*
      People never learn. I keep saying: “Sell them when they’re young. The older they are, the cuter they ain’t”

      • ShriekinViolet

        Yeah, I’m just waiting for the day ten years from now when I have this conversation…

        Her: “I’m in love!”

        Me: “With who?”

        Her: “With a republican preacher’s son who has a giant gun collection.”

        Me: “What? Why?”

        Her: “Remember when you said I couldn’t have that ice cream?”

        Me: “So this is how it’s going to be?”

        Her: “Yep. You’re going to love him. He has a confederate flag on his truck!”

        • Graham Cracker

          …and truck nutz . Don’t forget truck nutz!

          • Three Finger Salute

            Balls on your truck,
            Balls on your truck,
            You’re a really dumb fuck
            If you’ve got balls on your truck;
            Don’t ask me to ride shotgun,
            You’ll be shit out of luck,
            I prefer a kindly Canuck
            To a jerk with balls on his truck.

            (Apologies to Jimmy Fallon. Or maybe he should say sorry for unleashing that song out into the world.)

          • bobbert

            There’s a truck up here that has a short chain off the trailer hitch with two (approx) 3 inch nuts on it. Painted blue. I do not know the political position of the owner.

          • Cock Blockula

            Do you know what I saw the other day? Truck tits. Hung in the same place as truck nutz off the trailer hitch. Which made no sense. Is that a thing now?

          • Celtic_Gnome

            I saw a trailer hitch that had a chrome skull on it with red eyes that lit up when you hit the brakes. But not the turn signal, which I thought would be really cool, because it would look like the skull was winking at you.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            My state banned truck nutz. Evidently made the conservatives uncomfortable.

            And, the liberals made fun of the people who had them.

      • Gregory Brown

        Corollary: Enjoy ’em while they’re small; they don’t stay that way for long.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      “My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” –Mark Twain

    • VirginiaLady

      Your daughter is brilliant! Good job mom.

    • Gregory Brown

      Your children will always find ways to punish you for those “teachable moments.”

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    A couple of Joyce quotes in honour of Bloomsday. Wonder if “Covfefe” Donnie is a fan? Rather doubt it – he’s far too fucking stupid. Anyway…

    “Begin to forget it. It will remember itself from every sides, with all gestures in each our word. Today’s truth, tomorrow’s trend.”

    ― James Joyce, Finnegans Wake

    “History…is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake.”

    — James Joyce, Ulysses

    • Jennifer R

      James Joyce wrote some really raunchy stuff too.

      • Shanzgood 21 Days

        Baconzgood read Joyce when he was away and had to make sure I knew the quote about redheaded women.

        • Jennifer R

          Did he read any of the private correspondence between James and Nora?

          • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

            It’s really quite juicy! At least, James wanted it to be.

          • Jennifer R

            Juicy is apt, considering I was thinking of the time he asked nora to let him watch her shit.

          • Vicki Lawrence’s Covfefe

            I was thinking of the farting, but po-tay-to, po-toot-o.

          • Gregory Brown

            I see what you did there.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            I don’t know. I’m not a fan of Joyce so I didn’t ask.

          • Jennifer R

            Lurid doesn’t even begin.

          • Gregory Brown

            James Joyce did not write stories. James Joyce wrote LITERATURE. I find his short stories to be the most readable and human of his works.

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Hm. Maybe I’ll try the short stories, then.

          • Gregory Brown

            They are collected under the title “Dubliners.”

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Fecking Irish.

          • Gregory Brown

            Fecking feckers. What is Irish and stays out in the rain all summer long?

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            Um…what?

          • Gregory Brown

            Patio furniture (Paddy O’Furniture) RIMSHOT.

          • Shanzgood 20 Days

            Oh, fer…!

          • Gregory Brown

            It’s one of the classics. And I cannot get enough of your fedora look. You are suave, and debonaire.

          • Shanzgood 20 Days

            That’s baconzgood’s hat so I can’t claim any fashionista points! But thank you!

          • Gregory Brown

            My dear, baconzgood owes you a fedora of your own. Don’t settle for less.

          • Shanzgood 19 Days

            He’ll be here in 19 days so maybe I can take him to my local hat shop to help me pick one out!

          • Gregory Brown

            Good plan!

          • Erala Contratista

            Very wise, dear.

            Clarissa Dickson Wright & Jennifer Paterson

          • Shanzgood 21 Days

            It might make me sound like either an ignorant hick or an elitist snob, but he just sounds like a poseur to me.

        • Rick Hill

          The question is: How did Joyce know how goats buck?

  • Iam Reading

    It’s better because we did it and we say it’s better. FFS, what else do you need?

  • Le Covfefe Royal

    a dog wouldn’t even think of kicking tens of millions of people off healthcare.

    And a cat wouldn’t hesitate to raise your office co-pays just to fuck with you.

    • Three Finger Salute

      What about Dogbert, the evil director of HR?

    • doktorzoom

      You know, I did forget to add “unless maybe the dog could trade that for 15 minutes with a tennis ball.” My Labrador, Paxil, would have sold me to the rendering plant for a good session with the Chuck-It.

      • Three Finger Salute

        That’s cute that you named the dog after an anti-anxiety drug, Dok!

        One of the best natural remedies in the world. :)

        • Rick Hill

          Proly a much better option than naming him Stress Ball

        • doktorzoom

          He was an excellent antidepressant. Unfortunately an escape artist, too, so I’d occasionally get looked at by neighbors when I’d go around yelling his name. Fortunately, he also responded (when he was in the mood) to “Paxie.”

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Ha. My younger son’s former girlfriend had a cat named Madness (named after a band). Once when the cat got out, he had to go all over the neighborhood, calling “Madness”. Needless to say her neighbors were thinking “that boy ain’t right”.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Substitute “Happy” for “Madness”.

          • doktorzoom

            I suggested to a friend that they name their puppy “Havoc” for the same reason, but they weren’t keen on the idea of the Shakespearean implications.

          • SeeTrain65

            I hope he didn’t have the same effect on you that real Paxil had on me.

            http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1049648-overview

      • The Librarian

        If Paxil likes the Chuck-It you might introduce him/her to Squishy Face’s flirty pole http://www.squishyfacestudio.com/flirt-pole-3/

        • doktorzoom

          Paxil is a former dog, alas. Currently live in an apartment that’s too small for any pet larger than a betta fish, of which I have had a few, all named Flushy.

          • The Librarian

            A most excellent name for a fish, lol.

      • Erala Contratista

        Sigh…our last two Labs, half sisters, would look at you throwing the ball, note where it went, then sit neatly and stare at the thrower “why do you DO that???????”

  • Mavenmaven

    The GOP Final Solution for the American People.

    • Three Finger Salute

      The withdrawal from the Paris Agreement was the final solution for all people.

      They really want those end times, don’t they.

    • phoenix00

      The Death Panel to end all Death Panels.

  • thixotropic jerk

    Well when sexxy senator Grass Chuckly sez it it’s a hotology

  • Gregory Brown

    Kudos on the Lovecraftian ref, Dok!

  • Gregory Brown

    Great Chauncey Gardner ref, Dok. You’re en fuego.

  • Gregory Brown

    The coming health care apocalypse will be even worse than we think, as analysts have noted that health care provided by many employers will also go down the tubes.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      CBO says we could lose 926,000 jobs by 2026 just by Trumpcare alone. Not counting any other “fluctuations” in the economy.

      • Gregory Brown

        Or, as they will then be known: fuckutations in the economy.

  • Yellerduck

    A dog would never take away anyone’s healthcare. Of course, their idea of healthcare is to continue to lick your boo-boo until it’s all better. Not exactly medicine, but def affordable.

    • Chris Mattson

      Better plan than the GOPer’s.

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      If dogs could give you a great, comprehensive, affordable plan with prescription drug, optical and dental benefits, they would. You know they would.

      • Pisto75666

        Cats OTOH, probably not so much. Because cats are assholes.

        • E K Wallace

          No more treats if I die. I think realizing they need me healthy enough to scoop boxes and open cans would make my cats do the right thing. I wouldn’t remotely count on that happening with the fuckfaced misery goblins currently jerking it to the thought of taking my health insurance away.

          • Pisto75666

            My cat (who’s since passed away) once sat on my lap staring up at me with a look of total panic, because I was having a coughing fit (because of course she hadn’t figured out how to open her own food. Though she’d chewed holes in the cat food bag before.) Trust me, doing the right thing isn’t on their list of priorities. They’ve got that in common with the misery goblins. Only difference is, the cats are more honest about it.

  • Explody Brain

    I must admit I’m slightly flummoxed at the tone of defeat.

    Just in my lifetime, we’ve survived Reagan, the Cold War, the Gulf War, Gingrich, 9/11, the entire Bush II presidency, ebola, all our current wars… And the literal thousand things I’m not coming up with in 10 seconds.

    Despite what Fukuyama thought (admittedly in a different way) there is no end to history.

    We prevail. People prevail. Countries prevails. Life prevails.

    We have a free open press. We have an open rigorous discussion about the issues today.

    Right now, what needs to happen, seems to be happening.

    Or I wouldn’t be writing this.

    ETA: Even if we fuck up the planet so much it becomes uninhabitable for us, other life will prevail. Do they not deserve a shot?

    • BearLeft

      The cockroaches will survive. The GOP cockroaches in the Senate. A few bugs, too.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I like your optimism, but I’m seeing what looks a lot like the fall of the Roman empire. Republics end when greedy pricks want everything for themselves, and will stop at nothing to get what they want.

      • Explody Brain

        The Roman empire didn’t have Wonkette.

    • James Lamere

      If we ever make contact with alien beings , I wonder if they will be as stupid and self-destructive as the human race .

  • Pisto75666

    “The most incoherent answer, as you might expect, came from John McCain, who may have been up late watching baseball again.”

    My TV has a mechanism where it shuts off after about a minute (if you set it up that way) couldn’t someone do that for McCain’s TV? (or him in general. I mean, I’m not picky.)

  • JAKvirginia

    You can’t fix what you have no desire to fix.

  • Ryan Denniston

    It’s seemingly always baseball season.

  • pussygrabber in chief
  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    The baboons can’t show us a plan but their bright, red asses are hanging right out there for all the world to see. As usual.

  • CATMAN

    If the GOP ran an auto repair shop like they want health care to be, I can imagine taking my car to a Republican garage for a tune up and watch as the load it into the crusher and they hand me a bus pass and they say “we increased your choices, the bus runs by here every 20 minutes and lowered your costs or you could get some good exercise by walking”

    • phoenix00

      With a bonus voucher for $5 off Clean Coal (R)

    • handyhippie65

      “hand” you a bus pass? doncha mean sell you a bus pass?

  • The Librarian

    The spin has spun out of control. No one makes any sense because their reasons du jour for gutting the ACA have no basis in reality.

    • “M”

      Not the reasons they really want to talk about, anyway.

      The REAL reason — and I wish more Dems would say this, and I wish more media people would ask the question – is to take the healhcare dollars (“awash with cash” is I think the way Greedy 45 put it) and put that money in their own pockets and the pockets of their cronies and that’s it.

      But of course they know we won’t stand for that.

      Because THAT’S NOT THE WAY THIS IS SUPPOSED TO WORK.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e4a2381a05aeaa82279adc7270eb7074cd4528835e594f74fd8520c9896d4f53.jpg

      • The Librarian

        No, it’s not supposed to work this way. It’s supposed to be for the good of the people, but apparently our well being doesn’t count for much these days if you can’t make a buck off illness or pain.

        • handyhippie65

          promoting the general wealthfare…i mean welfare is hard. let alone domestic tranquility. but, that’s what the big defense budget is for, right?

          • The Librarian

            Lol, I thought that over-inflated defense budget (Washington’s military spending is nearly three times that of all other NATO members combined), was to provide for the common defense. If it’s to ensure domestic tranquility, we’re in worse shape than I thought.

    • Duke

      Obama’s still black, so there’s that.

      • The Librarian

        Really? He’s black? I never noticed….. :)

  • Boojum

    And, of course, twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.

    • Duke

      Guns, too. Lots of them.

    • handyhippie65

      you’re confusing freedom, with entropy.

  • Shibusa
  • BearLeft

    Because “trying to get to 51 votes” has been a huge public health challenge from ancient times.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I thought the Romans fixed that with their aqueduct system?

      • wavicles

        Well, yeah, but other than the aqueducts what have the Romans EVER done for us?

        • handyhippie65

          claw hammers. definitely claw hammers.

          • lurch394

            Such an improvement over the ball peen.

  • Scooby

    Before Obamacare I has a policy that was $25 a month with a $3 deductible and it was so comprehensive it even included haircuts and shoe shines. Now I pay $7,000 a month with a $66,000 deductible that only covers diseases that start with the letter “G”. So now, unless I get Gout, Gonorrhea or Gastroenteritis I am not even covered!

    • Me not sure

      Is a gerbilectomy covered? Just askin’ for a friend.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Leave Richard Gere alone!!!

        • Weird Fishes

          Is a Gerectomy really a thing? Because I have this irritating little growth…

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      I have gastroenteritis and it’s barely covered.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    ‘Member back when the black man was President and Repeal and Replace was fast, simple, and easy, but they just couldn’t get it through because the black man who was President was stubborn and dumb?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Obama’s also running a shadow government, that is helping to keep the people Donald Trump has NOT nominated yet, from working in the government. Ooooh…that tyrant in mom jeans is at it again! Damn you to hell, Obama!!!!!

      • handyhippie65

        it will always and forever, be obama’s fault. thanks, obama.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Obama is the new Jimmy Carter.

          • handyhippie65

            we can only hope he does as much good for the world in retirement as jimmy carter.

  • akryan

    Murkowski knows she’ll be put on an ice flow if she cuts off Medicaid expansion in the villages. Alaska Federation of Natives is a pretty powerful group up here and they’re the reason she won her write-in election last time. Another thing that explains Lisa Murkowski’s sanity is that she HATES Sarah Palin too.

    • dshwa

      And she hates Trump. Uncommonly good taste for a republican.

      • lurch394

        I know. It would hurt my heart if someone ran against in the general, and I’m a bull moose.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Well, I’m convinced!

    • Me, too! Let’s see, I just sign on this flat line, here, is that right?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        That’s all you have to do little lady, and you look pretty healthy, so maybe just buy yourself a new phone instead of that dumb old health insurance that nobody really needs.

  • mardam422

    Senator: Obamacare is failing!!!
    Reporter: But isn’t the uncertainty about what you are doing helping it to fail?
    Senator: Yes, but we need a way to stabilize the marketplaces.
    Reporter: And how does your plan do that?
    Senator: Did you know that Geico can save you 15% or more on car insurance?

  • Duke

    Doin’ sponge cakes and things on Great British Baking Show.

    I’m hungry.

  • CATMAN

    I thought I was lucky to be covered by Obamacare before I qualified for Medicare but I know these assholes are coming for folks like me next

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Yeah, we are screwed.

  • Truly Madly Derply

    All of these eejets sound just like that one guy in English class who never reads the assignment when called on to answer. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bb759462ad95cf4a317b6acbfe66ad216fda668a1b6667f7b77cee16c7a55b13.png

  • Relativicus

    Prestidigitation is the act of prestidigitating, and is usually performed by a prestidigitator.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    When asked what problems they were trying to fix with the Senate version, Sen. McCain said, “There are several problems with the way Obamacare….SQUIRREL !!!!!!!!!!!!”

    • phoenix00

      Well if that SQUIRREL squirrels hard enough he might get 51 WALNUTS.

      • handyhippie65

        yes, i agree. any politician who votes for this, is nutz.

  • freakishlypersistent

    One of those intrepid reporters could’ve RUINED one of these assholes’ afternoon by asking; ” Why did Lil Marco kneecap the fund that kept insurers from raising rates thus, raising thousands of your constituents rates for a stupid fucking talking point?”

    • Lefty Wright

      Right. If congress had actually worked to support the ACA as written, and all of the states had joined the Medicaid expansion, the uncertainty of insurance companies would have eased. And premium increases would have been less. And funds to offset the high deductibles would be guaranteed, not on the whim of the president and congress. It is the Republicans in congress and the courts who are creating uncertainty by doing everything possible to undermine the ACA. Beyond that, there is little that can be done to rein in prices other than get some handle on pharmaceutical costs. Medicare, Medicaid and virtually all private insurers already either set or negotiate prices on everything else. Without stricter controls on procedures, costs will not go down. And those stricter controls mean you may not get that MRI on your abdomen because you have a vague discomfort, or on that knee from an old football injury.

    • FoonTheElder

      The Republican policy of starve the government beast is to appoint corporate flacks who won’t do what the government is supposed to legally do and cut funding to the point where the government can no longer complete what it needs to do. Then the Republicans claim that government doesn’t work, when they are the ones who are responsible for it not working.

  • Weird Fishes

    “Dogs are good at begging but bad at rhetoric, is what we are saying.”
    So essentially what you’re saying is that Grassley is a bad dog.

    …which makes a certain amount of sense.

    • handyhippie65

      especially to me, a cat person, currently surrounded by bad dogs.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
    • The Reverend Stu’

      And the waddle of a McTurtle neck….

  • Republicans: Solution to Obamacare? Aw, fuck it.
    https://media0.giphy.com/media/pEsGkygR77IUE/giphy.gif

  • FoonTheElder

    But the Republicans promised to repeal Obamacare on day one and Trump promised to replace it with something better, that cost less.

    Sprinkle some more Republican fairy dust on the problem and it will magically solve everything. The only real issue for the Republicans is how they can give the wealthy another unwarranted tax cut and BS their way through another economic mess they’ve created through their incompetence.

  • FoonTheElder

    Republican Logic- We can reduce your health insurance costs by cutting benefits to a level where you are left in bankruptcy when you have any major health problem making your insurance practically useless.

  • Mike Steele

    While The Last of the Trumpers Whine about ‘Obamacare’, those smug sorts with individual/employer-provided health plans seem not to recognize that (R) proposals decimate ten ‘essential services’ provision. Ergo, whatever your current coverage, insurance companies won’t have to cover a freakin’ thing, and can charge you a la carte…or deny you altogether.

  • susan_g

    McCain’s “fifty-one votes” answer explains it all. They don’t give a crap about anything but passing a bill, in any form, that guarantees tax cuts for the 1%. Fuck that old man and all his cronies.

  • The Reverend Stu’

    They hear one hand clap
    Republican ears at pique
    What more do you need?

    ~ A haiku by The Reverend Stu’

  • Johnny Appleseed

    GOP Circle Jerk.

Previous articleDianne Feinstein Ready To Fuck Donald Trump The Fuck Up
Next articleTrump Lawyer Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who