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See that above? That is a “tweet” from Newt Gingrich, who is most famous for being married to President Trump’s new ambassador to the Vatican, Callista Gingrich. Mr. Gingrich is very upset that Robert Mueller, the recently appointed special counsel, is reportedly leading investigations into 1) the Trump campaign’s secret meetings with Russia; 2) Jared Kushner’s Russian shoe phone; and 3) scammy scammy oxenfree ties between Russian mobsters and/or oligarchs and every single person Donald Trump has ever met.

But DID YOU KNOW that many decades ago, Newt Gingrich was more famous for other things than “being Callista Gingrich’s husband”? Well, sort of: He was mostly famous for marrying Callista Gingrich after serving his previous wife with divorce papers while she lay in a hospital bed having some cancers. And for doing dirty sex things with Callista while being married to said previous wife even though he had led the impeachment of Bill Clinton for doing dirty sex things with a woman who was not Hillary Clinton, all at the same time!

Wait, impeachment? Perhaps we should take a moment to remember what THAT was about!

In 1977, Bill and Hillary Clinton did a land deal called “Whitewater” with their friends Jim and Susan McDougal. All four of them lost money on the project, and Jim McDougal tried to get some shady financing and failed, and eventually his S&L went belly-up.

Seventeen years later, in 1994, after Bill Clinton was already president of the US and A, his Attorney General Janet Reno appointed a special prosecutor to examine whether Bill Clinton was a big ol’ crook who had pressured a bank to make a loan to McDougal. That special prosecutor, Robert Fiske, was replaced a few months later by Ken Starr, because having a special prosecutor appointed by Clinton’s AG was “a conflict of interest.” In 1995, Bill Clinton got his knob polished by a young lady named Monica Lewinsky. Ken Starr never filed charges against Clinton regarding Whitewater, he said, because he wasn’t sure the government’s witnesses weren’t a bunch of paid-off perjurers. But having found no evidence for charges in Whitewater, he DID file charges about the knob-polishing, in 1998.

At the same time, Starr exonerated the Clintons of “Travelgate,” which was when Hillary Clinton fired a White House travel agent who was embezzling, leading to FIVE INVESTIGATIONS over FIVE YEARS. Oh, but he waited until after the midterms to do so.

Who was Speaker of the House during those 1998 midterms? It was Newt Gingrich! So we guess he was famous for that too. Who merrily led the impeachment of Bill Clinton for extramarital dick-suckings, the investigation of which commenced in an investigation of a failed land deal 17 years prior? It was Newtie! Who is now complaining that it is NOT NICE to broaden an investigation from one thing (possible collusion with a foreign power in our sovereign election) into a WHOLLY RELATED thing (attempting, badly, to cover up possible collusion with a foreign power in our sovereign election), which is a wholly related thing that in our recent history has caused a president to have to quite famously resign? We think you know the answer! It is Newt!

Oh, wait, what is this breaking news?

Fuck this guy, that’s all I got.

Wonkette is ad-free, supported solely by readers like you. If you liked this trip down FUCK YOU NEWT GINGRICH LANE, please consider giving us all of the money.

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  • Michael R
    • PubOption

      An inquiry in progress remains in progress, unless acted upon by an unbalanced politician.

      Newton’s First Law

    • Michael Smith

      That’s weird. Did he not realize at that time that honesty and integrity in a special prosecutor would be bad for his party and his Daddy (that’s what Trump makes Newt call him)?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        I think it was code for “He’s a W appointee and therefore will be kind to current GOPers”.

    • calliecallie

      He was for him before he was against him.

  • Michael R
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Someone get that cat to the vet, stat!

      • schmannity

        He swallowed a rat!

    • BosGrl

      I always gag when I have to clean Newt off the floor.

    • Rags

      Ok, ok ….. Hairball libelz.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Mueller is setting up a dragnet of destruction, financial questions and every aspect of Trump’s life and his associates lives.very dangerous

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5db3f2aa082d0fda7b7f62a539b0c6583675105801c4241fc718b9ad26a35f3d.png

  • snigsy

    Fuck you, Newt.

  • So Newt’s sending all this from the Vatican?

    Don’t they have a spare secret cursed catacomb where they could accidentally lose him?

    • FlownΩver

      His Swiss Guards codename is “False Witness.”

  • bookish

    https://www.consumeraffairs.com/news/company-that-brought-otto-warmbier-to-north-korea-says-that-country-is-extremely-safe-061617.html

    Americans are allowed to visit the secretive country, but there are many reasons to be wary of tour groups promising safe vacations to North Korea. As Warmbier’s imprisonment over a poster shows, North Korea “imposes unduly harsh sentences for actions that would not be considered crimes in the United States,” the Department of State warns would-be tourists.

    Gary Locke, a former U.S. ambassador to China, has said that North Korea uses Americans in detention as “bargaining chips.” Independent human rights organizations have also warned that Americans face danger of being arrested and used as political pawns by the North Korean government.

    • Explody Brain

      I feel bad for this guy, but anybody who visits North Korea as a tourist is just… not making smart choices.

      • BosGrl

        People could say the same thing about the US, though. We seem to have a lot of tourists who got killed while visiting.

        • Explody Brain

          We don’t automatically assume all foreigners are spies.

          • BosGrl

            Not spies, maybe, but furriners, you know?

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Germany and France may still be allies, sort of, but they might be talking about me when they start jabbering in them funny languages of theirs.

        • FlownΩver

          If I weren’t already in US Amercia I’m not sure I’d visit.

      • calliecallie

        He was just a 20 year old kid, making 20 year old dumb choices. This story is just tragic.

        • Rags

          And I understand he was there for evangelism. His pastor has some ‘splainin to do.

  • Michael Smith

    Lol the Deep State. Guy’s been in or around government as long as I can remember. He is such a clown though. Like he makes Mitch McConnell look like the image of professionalism. Newt wishes he was Trump so bad.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      How do people who’ve been in government since around the invention of the Walkman manage to continue to say they are “outsiders”?

      • snigsy

        Because there are voters stupid enough to believe it.

    • Mark Lungo

      Speaking of Newt, McConnell and Trump: the defining trait they share is that they’re all completely shameless. And why shouldn’t they be? They’ve never had to pay for the terrible things they’ve done.

  • snigsy

    And he’s supposed to be the intellectual one?

    • Marion in Savannah

      He’s a very stupid person’s idea of what a smart person looks like.

      • MynameisBlarney

        As the GOP base would say, “He’s one o’ them dang ol’ innerlekshals what got him some faincy buk larnins.”

    • MynameisBlarney

      That will NEVER make any goddamn sense to me.

      • snigsy

        I know. Parchment on a pig.

    • Michael Smith

      To be fair, being the “intellectual” leader of the GOP these days requires one to be incredibly stupid.

      • FlownΩver

        No, just pathologically dishonest.

        • Mark Lungo

          Why not both? They’re two lousy tastes that taste worse together!

  • Marceline

    Newt’s melting down so much it’s almost like *he’s* under investigation.

    • One assumes that’s what he fears will happen if too many doors are allowed to open…

    • Little Lulu Ω

      Let’s hope he is. It’s not enough that he’s married to Callista; he has to be ruined before I’ll ever believe there’s an angry God out there who actually punishes the wicked.

      • Historicat

        If God really wanted to prove his/her/its existence, Grover Norquist would be found face down in his bathtub.

        • Little Lulu Ω

          Excellent!

  • Wild Cat

    You think the Pope is buggering his wife yet?

    • calliecallie

      New Pope is so much better than that. He’s probably washing her feet.

      • Wild Cat

        I hope he has bleach.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Somebody: “Why did you impeach Clinton?”
    Gingrich: “Because I could.”

    • Antonin Dvorak

      And because he made me sit at the back of AF1.

      • BosGrl

        And we have Donnie in power because Obama hurt his feelings at a dinner where people make fun of each other.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I’m beginning to think that Republicans lack a certain quality of temperament needed in positions of authority.

      • Meccalopolis

        But was he getting a haircut?

  • TJ Barke

    Craven lying, or outright stupidity? We report, you decide.

    • jesterpunk

      Yes.

  • Explody Brain

    I must remember, one cannot live on schadenfreude alone.

    • Marion in Savannah

      True — some alcohol and those cakes we like are also important.

      • Crystalclear12

        And popcorn, of course.

      • Explody Brain

        I’ll add Nutella and a warm baguette.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          That sounds tasty, but I’m in the mood for Thai. Pretty much all the time.

    • snigsy

      But it’s yummy.

  • memzilla Ω

    I need Serial Adulterer Newt Gingrich to be lecturing me on morality like I need to take an anger management course from Lizzie Borden.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b07988edcb336e25b51cfe4f222daa69194f066dc8a291d323255179a6a18cff.jpg

    • Wild Cat

      They cast Elizabeth Montgomery in that role.
      So much for realism in late 20th c. TV movie auterism.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Didn’t Gingrich once spearhead an investigation into whether Bill Clinton improperly used the White House Christmas Card list to look for Democratic donors? And remember the controversy about the haircut he got aboard Air Force One?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Since when are investigations only to be conducted by people who are sympathetic to the persons being investigated? Who made that rule?

    • Wild Cat

      Cops.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      And since when are they only allowed to look at one specific crime? “Oh, I know we found evidence that Johnny Smith committed multiple murders. But since we were only allowed to investigate him for armed robbery we can’t arrest him.”

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        The Sessions rule. “It’s not perjury because the lie he told was not the direct answer to the question he was asked.”

    • Michael Smith

      Well, if the people being investigated can get people to believe in such a rule, it would obviously benefit them greatly. One way would be to convince everyone who supports your political part that anyone supporting the other party is a traitor to the nation and cannot be trusted in any capacity.

    • jesterpunk

      That rule only applies to republicans and it was made by republicans.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Jennifer R

      I keep forgetting that I look better than jones. It really is a boost to the self esteem.

    • snigsy

      Eeew.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Not true! He gained an additional chin, and his belly button got wider.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Apparently a sunburn is a rare supplement now.

      Suck it in, bro!

    • FauxAntocles

      Where’s our gag-alert!?!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Grew hair on his chest.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      This supplement allows you to hold your breath longer?

      • Oblios_Cap

        “When using Alex Pills, breath holding has happened.”

    • Jay Silversmith
      • FlownΩver

        Yeah, no.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Putting fluoride in water to protect your teeth is the same as drinking sunscreen to prevent sunburn.
      ~Alex Jones

      (true story)

    • chortlingdingo

      No, no, you’re supposed to poke your stomach out and slouch in the before picture.

    • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

      ahahahahahahaha
      oh god

  • Covfefe

    Mueller is setting up a dragnet of obstruction, financial questions and every aspect of Trump’s life and his associates lives.very dangerous

    Yes, Newton, if I were you, I’d consider it “very dangerous” myself.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Oh just nut up and fire him already, you fucking pussy

  • Nounverb911

    When did Newt get back from presidenting the moon?

  • jowgajen

    Perhaps we should have vetted the guy before nominating him to be president.

  • memzilla Ω

    The Ballad of Newt Gingrich

    ♪♫ Come and listen to my story ’bout an ass named Newt
    A triple married whiner, always griftin’ for the loot.
    He led all the Rethuglicans in callin’ Clinton crude
    While cheatin’ on his wife an’ doin’ things that you’d call lewd.

    Adultery, that is. Blowjobs. Doggie style.

    Well the first thing you know ol’ Newt’s a millionaire
    Then America said “Newt, now vacate the Speaker’s chair.”
    He thought, “Doin’ lobbyin’ is what I oughtta be”
    So he married two more wives and bought a lotta Tiffany.

    Jewels, that is. Whore diamonds. Charge accounts.

    Well, now it’s time to say goodbye to Newt and all his kin
    You fucked up this whole country with greed, war, and racism.
    We hate that the Rethuglicans are now majority
    They’ve made the US Congress an embarrasing parody.

    Of gummint, that is. Koch Brothers. Bought ’em all off.

    Y’all fuck off now, y’hear? ♪♫

    • snigsy

      Thanks for the laugh!

    • Mark Lungo

      Brilliant. Just brilliant.

  • Jay Silversmith

    As much as Newty is protesting, I am convinced that he’s terrified that his current and past crimes in government will come to light with all the probing around. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c1308b72f34a0b207f02fc765eb3ff6c614e741d3680395c8a5c9d2022b717cd.png

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The skeletons should be wearing ushankas.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        I’d like to see Ivanka in a ushanka. Well, no, not really.

  • As always, I remind everyone to use his official title “Disgraced Former Speaker Newt Gingrich”.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • I should really not need one, but thanks for the reminder to swing by Krugman’s blog!

    • ariel_gee_398

      See also Ryan, Paul.

    • Roadstergal

      Which is why the poor person’s idea of a rich person and a coward’s idea of a tough guy (Drumpf) loves him.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Newt should have stuck to writing speculative fiction after his disgrace.

    One of the things I really hate about the fat fuck in the White House is he dug this pigfuck back out of the refuse.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Any conversation about Newtie must be prefaced with “Newt Gingrich, who divorced his wife as she was dying of cancer so he could marry the woman he was having an affair with while leading the charge against a President for infidelity….”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      All the authors at Baen Books, a science fiction and fantasy publisher, were ecstatic when they heard Baen was going to publish his alternative history novel. They didn’t care if it was good or bad, they figured his name recognition would send sales through the roof, and the rising tide would lift everyone’s advances.

      Baen eventually paid a paper recycler so much per pound to haul away all the unsold copies because it was cheaper than paying warehouse storage fees.

  • laughingnome

    It’s Friday so a bombshell is coming this afternoon.

  • Nounverb911
    • GreenGoldSharpie

      No way that’s not a fembot.

      • Jennifer R

        With all her plastic surgery you are right.

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          Her surgeon sucked. That’s the smile that says “I”m going to cut off your dick while you sleep.”

          • Jennifer R

            But that is the thought she wants to express?

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          How much of her do you think is recyclable at this point? 30%?

      • TJ Barke

        I’m pretty sure she’s a reptalien.

        • Natalie

          Him too.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Rogue killbot, totes.

    • snigsy

      Maybe the Vatican is using her for pigeon control.

    • Anna Rompage

      Jesus christ, it looks like her eyes are going to pop right out of her lily white head…

      • Rags

        When plastic surgery goes terribly wrong.

        • Natalie

          As a former plastic surgeon’s assistant I approve this remark.

    • Wild Cat

      I take it back. The Pope would NOT diddle with her.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      That’s the sort of thing that will wake me up in the dead of night, screaming.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1a139d9349bb133ad99c01fd764702e861a4469acad0b1ab98eab0c4bcba641f.gif

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Imagine waking up to that every morning.

        I could give up coffee.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          I could give up sleeping.

        • marxalot

          I’d rather not wake up with anything new carved into my flesh.

        • georgiaburning

          I’d give up waking up

    • Jay Silversmith

      Calista always struck me as looking like a tree full of OWLS.

      • Explody Brain

        Very awake owls.

      • marxalot

        The seagulls from Finding Nemo, when they see something move.
        “MINE! MINE!!”

      • alpacapunchbowl

        OWL LIBEL

    • Blueb4sunrise

      GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • chortlingdingo

      There’s something kind of Joker-ish about her.

      • marxalot

        Duella Dent libel.

    • Every time I see her, and that face, I keep thinking “You really need to take that enormous stick out of your ass sometime.”

      • marxalot

        You’re supposed to put the coke in a baggie or something before you shove it up there.

    • FlownΩver
  • Crystalclear12

    With his head that far up Trump’s ass it’s no wonder he doesn’t remember.
    Oxygen depravation is a terrible thing.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Why does anybody listen to a guy who was fired from the third most powerful job in government over ethics violations? He hasn’t changed.

    • Jay Silversmith

      83 ethics violations….not including the blowjob in the passenger seat while married.

    • Wild Cat

      Because people with no ethics need role models too.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh Newt! Just go back to napping and planning Moonbase Callista and leave the rest of the country alone.

    http://www.dailyracingrag.com/gingrich/fat_newt.gif

  • Oblios_Cap

    Republican Rules.

  • TJ Barke
    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      OT: Love that show.

  • AJ Milne

    ‘… He was mostly famous for marrying Callista Gingrich after serving his previous wife with divorce papers while she lay in a hospital bed having some cancers. And for doing dirty sex things with Callista while being married to said previous wife even though he had led the impeachment of Bill Clinton for doing dirty sex things with a woman who was not Hillary Clinton, all at the same time!..’

    Credit where due: the man can multitask.

  • marxalot

    Fuck this puffy-headed gutter pollock. And fuck everyone who listens to his corrosive garbage water opinions, too.
    My number one argument against technological solutions to mortality prior to total redistribution of wealth, btw, is “the first person to buy an immortal robot body will be Newt Gingrich.”

    • Oblios_Cap

      The Puffy-headed Gutter Pollocks is my new band name.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Any solution to mortality would be just about the biggest disaster ever to befall humanity. Seriously.

      • marxalot

        Mortality is a gift, not a curse…

  • Proud Liberal

    My first question is “What does Newt have to hide?”

    • exinkwretch

      Well, his fat gut is blocking the view of his tiny wanker.

  • exinkwretch

    Paraphrasing Tricky Dick, “It’s not illegal if a *Republican* president does it.”

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      And don’t forget that the contrapositive of that is “If it’s illegal, then a democrat does it.” So in that, at least, they’re logically consistent, for fucking once.

  • Anna Rompage

    Let not forget, Newty-poo was one of the masterminds behind villainizing liberal platforms & policies, by casting things such as civility & bipartisanship as “political correctness” (who knew a four letter would could have so many letters?)

    Here’s jusyt one of the memos he sent out on how to use positive language when talking about Republicans, and negative language with talking about dems…

    http://www.uh.edu/~englin/rephandout.html

    • TJ Barke

      Fucking scumbag.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Thanks for reminding everyone just how deep Newt’s dick was into the Clinton impeachment.

    Hypocrisy, thy name is Newt.

  • Bill D. Burger

    ot…but LOTS of chatter today about Yam’s rage at Rosenstein and his attack on his own deputy AG . He wants to fire Mueller and Rosenstein. Ooooo! They’re having a hard time controlling him.
    It’s Friday…Turnip’s usual Day of Batshit Rage. ~fingers crossed~

    Wonder what the over/under is on his saying, “Fuck it. Ima’ fire em’ all.”

    • Explody Brain

      Can’t they just stick a golf club in his hands?

      • bookish

        Have Ivanka wave her boobs in his face?

  • Relativicus

    I maintain that the reanimation of Newt Gingrich is one of the greatest instances of journalistic medical malpractice in history.

    • Anna Rompage

      That whole class of republicans should be exiled from our country… Newt, Tom Delay, Norquist, Ralph Reed, Dennis Hastert, and the list goes on and on…

      • Rags

        Kissinger?

  • chascates
  • jesuswasablack

    I’m not really a huge fan of Nancy Pelosi but she nailed yesterday when she said to Andrea Greenspan about Newt: “So what? Who cares what he says”
    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/7rQn37WTjc0/hqdefault.jpg

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Nancy Pelosi’s entirely sensible question has, apparently, never been asked in the entire history of television journalism.

      It should be asked in the future, except when there is a real news story about him which will be never.

      • Mark Lungo

        Newt should build his moon colony… and stay there.

  • Michael R
  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Talking Points Memo:

    Special counsel Robert Mueller has hired 13 lawyers for his probe of Russian meddling in the 2016 investigation and plans on hiring “several more,” a spokesman for Mueller told Talking Points Memo on Friday.

    “In addition to Mr. Mueller, we have 13 attorneys on board, with several more in the pipeline,” Mueller’s spokesman, Peter Carr, told TPM in an email. “The number of people will be determined by the needs of the investigation.”

    • snigsy

      That last sentence is loaded with implication. Bwahaha.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      And that’s just the attorneys. There will also undoubtedly be an army of forensic accountants, former IC/SMEs, etc to pull at threads and follow the unraveling sweater.

  • FlownΩver

    “Fuck this guy” is all that’s needed. Burnatrix strikes again!

  • anwisok
    • Keep it coming; we’re going to need a lot more squees to get us through the news dump, I fear.

    • TJ Barke

      Dat tiny turtle…

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      If I were to answer 5 simple questions to determine which of them thar cute little animals I was most like I would hope to be the upside down panda bear, but in reality it would probably be more of a combination of freaked out turtle and sad looking hedgehog.

  • Mavenmaven

    I’m guessing soon Newt and/or Callista will become equally famous for the money they got from Kislyak.

    • snigsy

      There’s that Cartier credit account to pay.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Yeah, Newt. . . Uhuh.

    Twitter is a cruel mistress.

    On a related note, the orange shitgibbon is tweeting how “happy” he is about a Rassmussen poll, claiming it gives him a 50% approval index. Let’s see what Rassmussen itself has to say about this:

    The Rasmussen Reports daily Presidential Tracking Poll for Friday shows
    that 50% of Likely U.S. Voters approve of President Trump’s job
    performance. Fifty percent (50%) disapprove.

    This is the first time the president’s overall approval rating has hit
    the 50% mark since late April. His approval rating has ranged from a
    high of 59% in late January shortly after he took office to a low of 42%
    in early April.

    The latest figures include 31% who Strongly Approve of the way Trump is
    performing and 42% who Strongly Disapprove. This gives him a
    Presidential Approval Index rating of -11.

    Yeah, he should be “celebrating” that even the most right-wing polling group in the country can’t provide any better news than “half the country hates you”.

    • Michael R

      They love the way he distracts everyone from his incompetence .
      No one does it better .

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It his only talent but has been useful one, so far.

  • Proud Liberal

    Okay. Something is seriously wrong with the American people. No way is this indicative of the last 5 months.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/19f12027647f0fff9bb785d3b421ae2491982e2b6d61a49d55bb56e3fe4f031b.gif

    He has an F.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      How can your approval rating be below fifty yet not be graded an F? I’m not a pollster, but whenever anything dips below fifty, it’s considered a failing grade, right?

      • Jennifer R

        I went to school at public schools in North Carolina. Anything below 70% is an F.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          I really don’t see how a 38% approval rating is a “B-“. That’s a “participation trophy” if I ever saw one.

          • Jennifer R

            This is the party of the traitor flag, the ultimate participation trophy.

          • cleos_mom

            That doesn’t even make sense.

      • How can your approval rating be 39% and you get a B while at 50% and you get a C+

    • jowgajen

      The grades are for the pollsters.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Oh! I’m an idiot then.

        • Me too XD

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            We all are every now and then. No big shame in knowing I’m an idiot. It’s the people who never realize they’re idiots that you have to watch out for. Donnie, case-in-point.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    After all the crying and hand wringing and political wrangling and hiring and firing and divorcing and shenanigans and fuckery, I think it will be Mueller who history will remember fondly, not Newticles or Dolt.

  • JackLinks
  • gene108

    What saddens me about the whole Trump-Russia affair is it ignores the fact Russia, went to bat for several Republican members of Congress. And some colluded with Russia.

    What needs to be asked is what does Russia have to gain by putting the Republicans in power? Why are Republicans so beneficial for Putin?

    Trump is just the tip of the iceberg, with regards to Russia meddling on behalf of Republican candidates. FFS, the House Majority leader says he thinks one Republican Congresscritter is on Putin’s payroll:

    “There’s two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump,” McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016, exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post. Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.

    Link

    But I fear all the attention of Trump will let the other Russian stooges skate under the radar.

    • Why are they so beneficial?
      Because they like to de-regulate and have proxy wars and fuck the poors so everyone gets richer.
      It isn’t Russia as a nation- it is Pooty and his pals directly that benefit.

      • gene108

        I don’t think it has much to do with our domestic policy. It’s just that Republicans are dick wagging assholes, who think we should be able to wave our dicks around in the faces of the rest of the world and get what we want.

        R’s don’t believe in mutual cooperation.

        If we don’t cooperate with other countries will inevitably end up isolating ourselves, while the rest of the world talks to each other and gets on with their business.

        • It’s got nothing to do with domestic or foreign policy.
          It is the rich setting things up nicely for the Rich. Now that Putin and Co have literally robbed Russia blind and put everything in their own names, they are now part of the rich.

          • laineypc

            Whoever is more likely to lift sanctions​ when presented with the Russian SOP since forever. Threats and bribes.

          • mailman27

            Did you mean to say “the rich setting things up nicely for the Reich?” (Sorry, I’m a vicious liberal. You know how we are, attacking Repes left and right. Setting the tone, as it were.)

      • Mehmeisterjr

        A side-benefit, the more disorganized we are, the more they can push around everyone else.

        And we have gone from organized to completely bat shit chaos in less than six months.

        The weak. The weakliest. Bigly weak. Everyone says so.

    • TJ Barke

      Basically? They’re corrupt and easily used, and bad for America.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Yeah, we could still end up with something like McCain, who was a dirty birdy regarding the Keating Five, but managed to skate by.

      I still think that his survival of that scandal is one of the major contributing reasons he always caves to the R-party shitbags in the end. Like when he went to bat for Bush, even after the whisper campaign against his family, or that he’s helping muddy up the water for Trump in these investigations.

      They still have some kind of reigns on that maverick; he still owes them, and they can continue to call in chits.

    • SadDemInTex

      It is not Russia as a nation…it is the kleptocracy of Russian oligarchs and mobsters that have completely drained the Russian people/economy and need to move on to drain other countries. It is about $$$$$$$$

  • Ricky Gay

    What an ambulatory skinsack of vomit. Even witches have stopped using Eye of Him!

    • Christopher Story

      Even the evil ones look at Newt and blush.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    “There is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of man.”
    ― Herman Melville, Moby-Dick or, The Whale

  • Roadstergal

    He has the relevance of Palin and the persistence of genital herpes.

    Apologies to genital herpes for the comparison.

  • MAZS

    Why don’t he and Calista just create their own reality TV show so he can (desperately) stay in the limelight–and be done with it.

    • Shanzgood 22 Days

      Isn’t he in one now?

    • Mark Lungo

      Be careful what you wish for. That’s how Orange Mussolini got started.

    • SeeTrain65

      Worked for Trump. For us? Not so much.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Yeah, but reasons.

  • lucidamente

    I believe said Clintonian knob polishing occurred in 1995, not 1998.

    • rebecca

      thank you fixed!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Props where props are due. You do know your blowjobs.

  • PersianOregano

    Is firing Mueller synonymous with shutting down the entire special prosecutor’s investigation or does it just mean the DOJ would have to replace Mueller?

  • lucidamente

    I’m still hoping Trump nominates Mrs. Gingrich III ambassador to the Vatican, because that would be awesome.

    • Christopher Story

      I would love to be a fly on the wall when she gets her epic Catholic shaming by Pope Francis. He doesn’t seem like one to suffer fools.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        It would be cool if Pope Frank did a Linda Blair exorcist thing on her … on camera, live.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          It wouldn’t work. That helmet can’t rotate 360 degrees.

        • Natalie

          On pay-per-view please, I definitely want to see how many demons are in there.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I think he already did. Right?

      • lucidamente

        Oops. Change “Trump nominates” to “the Senate confirms.”

        • Mehmeisterjr

          If the Senate confirms (sleazy cowards!), the Pope still has to accept her.

          Wouldn’t it be sad if he took note of her entirely amoral life and said, “No, not here. Not in the Vatican. That is just too crazy, am I right?”

          And she’d be stuck with that pathetic old slob forever or until she finds a more powerful replacement.

  • JMP

    Don’t forget that, after Newt’s impeachment of Clinton for being a Democrat lead to Republican losses in 1998 and he stepped down, they replaced the serial cheater as Speaker of the House with a child molester.

    • Christopher Story

      Family values

      • Mehmeisterjr

        And in line for a Presidential pardon? Hey, why not?

        If he can launder some money for Putin, he’ll be on the fast track.

      • mailman27

        Personal responsibility.

    • Natalie

      Yes, that is why they call themselves the party of family values. Those are their family values.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Newtie just keeps giving Pope Frank more and more reasons to reject adulteress Callista as Ambassatrix to the Vatican.

    He must be in full panic mode, because when she leaves him in a snit, who will blow his flaccid old out-of-office dick now?

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Reince Preibus?

  • Thorn Spike

    But that trick never works.

    This time for sure!

  • Christopher Story

    What really pisses me off about Newt is his name. For the nerdly inclined, that was nickname Sigorny Weaver gave Carrie Henn in Aliens. And now, every time I hear that name, I think of that evil porcine snotgobbler.

    • Nockular cavity

      Newt from Aliens libel!

      • Christopher Story

        Exactly! He ruined the name “Newt” like Hitler ruined the name “Adolph.”

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    oh fuck this dude – he’s one of the evil, not stupid, ones.

  • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

    My teenagers told me about a video in which an engorged tick is injected with hydrogen perioxide with explosive results. Every time I see newt’s misshapen gigantic tick, I expect it to explode in similar fashion. Well, truthfully, would like to see it explode in similar fashion.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      With votes.

      • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

        Okay, sure. :)

  • The Wanderer

    Newton needs to shut his fat fucking mouth before he has another penguin attack him.

  • ryp

    19 years ago, Newt was King of The Hill, with Slick Willy in his crosshairs, the Dems were supposed to get another midterm beatdown, and the next stop was the Presidency itself for the doughy one. He had a young filly on the side, and the House coup and ethics violations were behind him. He was the Republican Party’s idea man, and it would be he, not Reagan, who would be remembered by history as the man who shaped the party and the nation for generations to come.

    Then it all came crashing down, and he was reduced to flogging merchandise on Fox News and pretending to be relevant to the discourse. Now a cartoon version of everything people found unlikable about him has managed to stumble into the job Newt had coveted so long, and he vacillates from praising the shambling naked would-be-Emporer to criticizing him, desperately hoping for one last moment in the spotlight.

    • norcalOG

      We often forget that in the 1998 Republican controlled House, he was reprimanded by 395 of his colleagues and fined $300,000 for ethics violations. Some said they wouldn’t vote for a reprimand because they wanted full censure.
      Even otherRepublican colleagues knew full well that any trite moralisms escaping his mouth were not worth the air they occupied.
      Of course, he’s still spouting nonsense. Who would expect him to change?

    • phoenix00

      Pepperidge Farms remembers?

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    At what point did we start accepting total hypocrisy and blatant lies from pundits or whatever the hell Newt is. It was Reagan, wasn’t it?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Yes. It was a Tuesday, if I recall.

    • Dimitrios M.

      I only know that Newt is a reanimated decomposing limb of The Republican Religious Reich.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    I wonder just how craven Newt Gingrich is willing to go! Will he get to the gold-standard of contradicting himself within the same sentence, or will he get his piggy little balls thrown under the Trump Golf Cart when his piggy little dances in front of the squirrel cannon fails to keep the heat off Trump?

    IT IS A RACE AGAINST SLIME!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “The more times I meet Gingrich, and he doesn’t burst into flames, the more I wonder if I’m not a special representative of God on earth, but just a regular José”
      — Pope Francis

  • Dimitrios M.

    The Disney Organization welcomes you to a special performance of Newt Gingrich staring in “Malice in Blunderland.”

  • norcalOG

    He’s Newt Gingrich. Enough said.

  • kittygrrl

    The brazen douchebaggery of Newt Gingrich quoting Karl Rove who “lost” 2 million emails is a breathtaking exercise in hypocritical political dickery. GO. THE. FUCK. AWAY. NEWT.

  • mailman27

    Just when you think they can’t scrape any lower, Newt pops up. #bottomofthebarrel

  • Perkniticky

    To imagine this evil man is going to the Vatican. Actually, what am I saying – perfect place for him. He can reprise the Borgias.

    • everstar

      I believe it’s his wife, but yes, you’d think they’d worry about him spontaneously combusting.

      • mardam422

        Sorry, didn’t see yours.

      • Perkniticky

        I know, but presumably she’ll take him with her. Europeans have stricter hate speech regulations – maybe the Italians will shut down his twitter account!

    • mardam422

      If he walks in the basilica he’ll fucking burst into flame.

  • Perkniticky

    Actually, wait. Is twitter pretty much the only mouthpiece for Newt these days? And if so, can’t everyone just agree to block him?

    • phoenix00

      Replace “Newt” with “Trump” and it applies double.

  • jenny_whyme

    ‘Memba when Newt got kicked out of the House for ethics violations…. by the Republicans?

    ‘Memba that?

    • Natalie

      Sure do, but I feel like I’m in the minority.

    • phoenix00

      So how did he slither his way back in?

  • I know a joke
  • I can only assume he’s going to burst into flame upon entering the Vatican. And if he doesn’t, it’s probably because Pope Nice-Nice begged Daddy not to smite anyone for bearing false witness in the house.

  • tehbaddr

    Ha! The Joke is on the Newt! Callista has no off switch and runs on a small nuclear energy device!

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    Good to see that Baron Harkonnen is still floating about. His skin isn’t any better though.

  • mardam422

    S&L hasn’t been funny since the ’80s.

  • HazooToo

    After reading a discussion about Garbage Dogs and Nice Dogs on the previous article, I was staring at that headline for two minutes wondering what Pit Bull had to do with Clinton’s Dick. It has been a long day.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Does Newt have a book or seminar or web thingie or some other grifty thing coming out soon that needs his name ramped up in the media?

    • Poly_Ester

      Probably alt-history about on how the Confederate Air Force prevented the Mexican invasion in the 21st Century.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      yes actually, a new book about trump.
      That’s not a joke.

  • Poly_Ester

    Newt take Tom Delay’s advice and disappear. Take Huckahuckabee with you.

  • Ms.Moon

    The best part of the Newt Gingrich/Callista Gingrich story that I’d heard was that he’d been meeting her in a church before he served divorce papers to his ailing in the hospital wife. I guess adultery if fine if you talk to Jesus after and it’s ever so convenient that church and Jesus go together he did not have to go far to seek Jesus.

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    It would be boost to my spirits if Jon Ossoff could take Newt’s old seat this Tuesday.

  • cleos_mom

    As I recall the Blowjob Circus, a 20something groupie magically got younger and younger every time the Right went on a harrumphing jag. By the end of 1998 she was discreetly referred to as “an innocent zygote.”

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