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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Buzzfeed has published a massive two-year investigation into over a dozen Russian assassinations in the U.K., and how officials are terrified of pointing fingers at the conjoined forces of the Kremlin and Russian mafia. Go refill your coffee, this is some damn fine journalism.

Robert Mueller may simply just follow the money of ALLEGED Russian mobsters who have had Trump Tower apartments, as many of the people recruited for the investigation specialize in money fraud, banking crimes.

Trump’s transition team has been ordered to hang on to documents related to the Trump-Russia investigation, as well as records involving Paul Manafort, Rick Gates, Michael Flynn, Carter Page, and Roger Stone, assuming of course that they haven’t already been burning every last scrap of shredded paper.

White House staffers are keeping their heads low as Trump fires off mean tweets and screams at cable news, and randomly reminds everyone that he’s totally innocent.

Mike Pence has lawyered up with a guy who has a history of helping Republican leaders under serious criminal investigations, like Nixon, and Reagan, which means he’s a hell of a lot better than Trump’s lawyer, and way more connected in Washington. [Morning Maddow!]

Prince Kushner is also under investigation by Robert Mueller as the would-be boy king has more than a few sketchy business deals and meetings.

A lobbyist for Russian interests is calling bullshit on Jeff Sessions and is talking about several dinners he attended held by Sessions during the 2016 campaign.

The Senate might miss its July 4th deadline to try and double-secret pass zombie TrumpCare/WealthCare.

Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly has pulled an Obama-era DACA memo that gave cover to the parents of children born in the U.S. from being deported. Thanks, dick.

Trump is appointing his kids’ wedding planner to the head of Housing and Urban Development’s Region II, presumably because her fake law degree and experience planning golf tournaments have prepared her to manage billions of dollars in federal housing programs for millions of people in New York and New Jersey.

Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein sent out a weird memo last night that says you shouldn’t trust anonymous sources releasing things from Not American governments with questionable motives, and that has everyone wondering just how bad the pee pee tape actually is.

Princess Ivanka will be spearheading Trump’s Executive Order to cram apprenticeships down the throats of school children. This is … not necessarily a bad thing???!!! That’s weird.

Trump has appointed Kelly Knight Craft as ambassador to Canada. Craft personally donated $265,000 to a Trump campaign group, is a good friend of Mitch McConnell, her husband is a billionaire coal magnate and they’ve both served as fundraisers for Bush 43 and Mittens presidential campaigns. I wonder if she knows Canadians don’t speak American?

UNCONFIRMED reports out of Russia are claiming that a Russian-led air strike has killed Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of ISIS/ISL/IS/whatever. WOAH, if true.

MEANWHILE the US is sending 4,000 more troops to Afghanistan to fight terrorists who are fighting the US because we keep sending in soldiers to fight the terrorists.

A US student imprisoned and sentenced to a labor camp by North Korea for attempting to take a propaganda poster was released earlier this week, and (surprise!) he has suffered “extensive loss of brain tissue in all regions of the brain,” which may or may not be why he’s been in a fucking coma for over a year.

Trump is going to roll back Obama’s Cuban policies because the US doesn’t do business with terrorists or communists (unless it’s conducted inside a shady room deep within the bowels of a Trump property, the Russian embassy, the Seychelles, Ukraine, Saudi Arabia, the UAE, etc.).

Cuban President Raul Castro has decided not to seek a third term, which has political science nerds salivating at the possibilities.

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! Serbia has elected its first gay lady prime minister! Hurray!

Albuquerque’s mayoral elections have become a hot mess after a mayoral hopeful alleged improper vetting of campaign signatures, leading the city clerk to seek a protective order against the candidate’s daughter who has ALLEGEDLY been stalking the clerk like a bad horror movie.

Jon Ossoff is pulling ahead in the polls and raising buttloads of money, and that’s making the Democratic party reconsider a few things.

Former DC council member Jim Graham has died at 71. Graham left politics in 2014 during a corruption scandal the saw him officially reprimanded by the City Council, but had a storied history throughout the city. Graham helped combat the AIDS epidemic in DC throughout the ’80s and ’90s, was the second openly gay council member in DC, and helped revitalize much of the city, while somehow pulling off the snazzy bow-ties and glasses look.

Alex Jones has “leaked” the audio of his pre-interview with Megyn Kelly to protect himself from looking like an asshole.

Ted Nugent appears to have had a “Come to Jeebus” moment after the shooting in Alexandria, telling some folks on the teevee without pictures that he won’t say “anything that can be interpreted as condoning or referencing violence.” Right. [h/t Raw Story / Audio]

And here’s your late night wrap-up! The Daily Show took a gander at zombie TrumpCare; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at ‘splainering health care too; Stephen Colbert schooled Trump on witch hunts; Jimmy Kimmel asked Andy Samberg if this was the greatest witch hunt ever.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! It’s ANOTHER adorable Egyptian tortoise!

We love you a lot, but we can’t keep expressing it without all your money. GIVE US YOUR MONEY! (Please)

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • snigsy

    At least Trump has been good for the law profession.

  • Nounverb911

    In honor of the US Open Golf Tournament
    https://twitter.com/MerriamWebster/status/875684508833656832

    • snigsy

      I imagine the WH is feeling the yips these days.

    • Explody Brain

      I really like to have a drink (while in bed, nakedz) with whomever is in charge of this s(t)weet, s(t)weet feed.

  • Nounverb911

    When does Pence start fundraising to pay for his $1000 per hour lawyer?

    • OutOfOrbit

      You missed Lawrence last night, oddviously.

      • Nounverb911

        Watched the Yankees lose instead.

  • Nounverb911
    • Crystalclear12

      Turning to cannibalism already, Matt.
      The Donner party waited longer.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      BURN! Yeeaaaaahhh, that is some weak-sauce burning action. Not even Tabasco-level.

    • Me The People

      Next weeks loss will be a judgement from Gawd on Republican’s poor faith in Trump? In what universe did…never mind.

      • cmd resistor

        I feel as if someone spiked my coffee today. With something psychedelic.

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Health tip: a better diet will reduce the ass BURN.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Finally, a HUD official who knows exactly the right time to play Come On Eileen.

  • Nounverb911
  • Tiffany de Houston

    Good morning, Wonkers! Just want to wish everyone a great day and for all of you dads out there, a happy Father’s Day on Sunday!

  • memzilla Ω

    He’s now attacking the Deputy Attorney General. Is it too early for popcorn?
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1b3d97bf33a0d588790413de070c8e09489dbf924989842222286038f53fffcd.jpg

    • snigsy

      Hello paranoia!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      The buck doesn’t have to go home but it can’t stop here.

    • Nounverb911
      • Everrett Fanuelli

        This Trash Panda needs to stop eating and get back to defending the galaxy!

    • BigCSouthside

      I thought he’d fire Mueller. Rosenstein is now my new lead horse in that race

      • Werewolf

        He can’t directly fire Mueller-he can direct Rosenstein to fire him, and if he refuses, fire Roseenstein. Then keep firing on down the line in DOJ until he finds his Robert Bork (see: Saturday Night Massacre).

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Never too early for popcorn.
      And just fyi, a good wine pairing for popcorn is a light dryish white wine. You can get a nice vinho Verde at Trader Joe’s for less than five bucks a bottle and it’s low in alcohol so you can maintain a nice steady buzz all day long without getting completely shitfaced (unless you want to).

      • OddMan

        I am a big fan of Trader Joe’s/Amazon (Amazon just purchased TJ’s).
        Their cheap wine is quite tasty. It is every bit as good as a $30 bottle.

      • Zyxomma

        I love Portuguese wines, and vinho verde is often just perfect.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Especially in the summer!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Wait, I thought YOU decided to fire Comey? Nobody “told” you to do squat.

      • From Russia with Love

        No shit.

    • CeeQ

      My response to this is…..what?!
      He told us all on TV that HE was the big boy who made the decision to fire Comey.

      His brain is broken. Again. Idiot.

  • Nounverb911
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    That tortoise is way cuter than Mitch McConnell, and a neater eater too.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      And less likely to destroy the country.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    meh…what a bunch of nothing burgers.

  • Crystalclear12

    We are less than 150 days in to this administration, people.
    Will the alcohol supplies last!?

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Day drinking is officially my new hobby.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      I’m down to a half bottle of vodka, a little less than a litre of Bols Genever, a dram of Kahlua and some Kirschwasser. Time for a trip to the liquor store.

      • snigsy

        Me, too. Can you give me a lift?

      • John Thorstensen

        The first line of Zappa’s “Advance Romance” is a brilliant summation of being totally down and out:

        “No more credit from the liquor store … “

    • Explody Brain

      (Are we boycotting Russian vodka?)

      • Crystalclear12

        Can’t refuse any resource until we know how long the conflict is going to be.
        Can’t be picking during war and all that.

    • Predisenting Ron

      That reminds me, time for a stop at the LCBO.

    • Zyxomma

      Sigh. I rarely drink, and far more rarely enough to have much of an effect. I far prefer pot, but haven’t indulged in over 13 months. Once I have a permanent job, it will be a different story altogether.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    It was two years ago today when President Dumbass rode down the escalator and called Mexicans rapists.

  • BadKitty904

    Well, here we are once again, Wonketteers…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NVVe1DkVsQ

  • La forza del resistino

    Congress guys play ball last night while Mitch schemes a squeeze play to get AHCA across the plate.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    “If you’re a White House staffer, you’re trying to do your best to keep your head low and do your job.”

    What exactly is their job these days? Seems to me they are effectively performing the same function for Donnie as the guys in white caps and coveralls who follow circus elephants around with shovels and wheeled trash cans.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Not to mention there are no circus elephants anymore. Thanks Obama.

      • vivian

        Are you kidding? We’re surrounded by them since the GOP went full P.T. Barnum.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Not all of them. Some have babysitting duty while others are practicing jumping on His Fraudulency’s phone like it’s a live grenade.

      • Crystalclear12

        Don’t be silly. Grenades do less damage.

    • Pilotshark

      what was your last job?

      Oh i was the communications director of the elephant shit shovelers at he white house, worked my way up from shit disposal.

    • From Russia with Love

      Let’s not forget that guy Trump nominated as Shredder General.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      They all have very busy schedules. The President requires compliments 24/7 and you’d be surprised how much work that can be.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    A bigot, a serial liar, and a senile man with dementia walk into a bar. Bartender sez, howdy Mr. Sessions, what’ll it be today?

    • vivian

      “Somebody help the li’l guy up onto a stool.”

      • From Russia with Love

        Or he can just flap his ears and fly up there.

      • Pilotshark

        funny the fly was asking if that stool was taken, than landing on Jeff`s head.

    • From Russia with Love

      Ketchup is not the only thing that is surprisingly a vegetable.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      The problem with this is that being a serial liar and a senile old man are almost mutually exclusive. I think the senility thing is an act…he’s shrewd and evil, not dotty.

      • coozledad

        You’ll never see anyone ass crawl like an old Republican cracker can ass crawl.

      • eka

        i think people get confused because blatant racism often comes out of senile old men.

    • coozledad

      “I honestly can’t recall what i want. if I knew what I wanted I would tell you. I’ve racked my brains. What?”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “How ’bout we start you off with a White Russian?”

        • Predisenting Ron

          ‘THAT’S where I left my umbrella!’

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger

    I just absolutely love this. Has anyone told Donald?

    https://twitter.com/DanEggenWPost/status/875474329613586432

    • From Russia with Love

      Ha ha ha ha… You’re fucked.

      So’s your boss.

  • OrG

    Yay! Serbia! And fuck nugent he’s lying.

  • Me The People
    • Antonin Dvorak

      I don’t get it.

      • Me The People

        Lawyer Up – it’s dodgy lawyer Saul Goodman’s plate from Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Ah, I was trying to solve it like it was an acronym. I guess the coffee hasn’t kicked in yet.

    • under_score

      Came here looking for this, am not disppointed!

  • OddMan

    Here is a little inside information about that awful fire in the public housing apartment tower in the UK.
    This is from Dezeen, an architecture magazine out of the UK.
    “A lethal failure of oversight, like at Grenfell Tower, was going to happen sooner or later”
    https://www.dezeen.com/2017/06/16/grenfell-tower-fire-lethal-failure-oversight-opinion-column-owen-hatherley/?

    • snigsy

      But but regulations are bad, right?

      • cmd resistor

        Yes, they kill jobs. Soon we, too, can have more disasters like that one.

    • Grumpy Twat

      Where we discover that the new Labour MP for Kensington is a local who has an academic specialism in architecture and has a blog here http://emmadentcoad.blogspot.co.uk/ showing just how badly the poorer residents have been treated where “(t)hree years ago I proved that RBKC is the most unequal borough in Britain”.
      Well this should be interesting, to say the least.

      • OddMan

        Thanks Grumpy,
        Very interesting indeed.

        • Grumpy Twat

          Thanks for finding de zeen!
          Emma Dent Coad’s blog is a real indictment of how the poor are treated. As if we needed more proof.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    As told on the other open thread about my son losing 3 front teeth this morning and everybody being supportive it not being my fault and all I stil feel really shitty about it.

    on topic: GO MUELLER!

    • arglebargle

      Oh no, I missed that. Not to snark, but just before sweet corn season, too. I remember none to fondly the summer my front teeth fell out right before the corn ripened. Doesn’t taste the same if mom has to cut it off the cob. Hopefully baby teeth and not the permanent ones..

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Baby teeth luckily.

    • AyeDiosDrinko

      Your son will pay you back a million times over, throughout his life. Consider this pre-payback.

  • arglebargle
    • cmd resistor

      Speaking of Joe, I heard part of an interview he did on Fresh Air last night. Made me sad because he’s gone but what I heard was great, including the part where once he tried to follow some congressperson who had been disrespectful to Obama in the Oval Office into the hallway to teach him a lesson but Obama wouldn’t let him. Anyway, I have to go back and listen to the rest. http://wwno.org/post/biden-talks-trump-faith-and-fate-front-live-fresh-air-audience

      • I laughed to myself listening to OHJB describe that moment as it perfectly captured the essence of each of them.

        • cmd resistor

          I also liked where he was discussing the Russian interference and his dismay at the GOP’s apparent lack of concern.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Predisenting Ron

      Mikey wishes he had a hundredth of the gravitas and erudition of Spiro ‘still embarrassing Maryland after 50 years’ Agnew.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Does anyone else think it’s just wrong that a guy like Pence can set up an obviously-phony PAC to get drooling morons to donate the funds for his legal defense?

    • OrG

      Yes. The Supreme Court does not.

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Isn’t that the Christianista thing to do? PAC, church, ministry; who gives a shit? Grifters gonna grift.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Homeland
    Security Secretary John Kelly has pulled an Obama-era DACA memo that
    gave cover to the parents of children born in the U.S. from being deported. Thanks, dick.

    Thanks Comey. FIFY

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      It’s like the relish being cruel to people they don’t know. See? This is why I have no sympathy for these motherfuckers.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      FAMILY VALUZ! TWO PARENTS! ARGLE! BARGLE!

    • PubOption

      So the anchor babies are not holding.

  • Jamoche
    • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

      I adore Patti LuPone. :D

    • Explody Brain

      *swoons*

    • Lance Thrustwell

      YES!!! I’m not really familiar with Patti LuPone (I think? Can’t remember what she might have been in that I’ve seen), but I want to see her in something now.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        She was the mom in “Life Goes On” (that TV show back in the day with the actor with Down’s Syndrome. She did a few episodes of “Oz,” a few on “Girls”….she was on “Penny Dreadful,” too. But she’s mostly known for her work on Broadway (she was the original “Evita”….and was up for a Tony this year for “War Paint” – but she lost to Bette Midler).

        • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

          Frank’s mom on 30 Rock.

      • OddMan

        Patti Ann LuPone (born April 21, 1949) is an American actress and singer, best known for her work in stage musicals. She is a two-time Grammy Award winner and a two-time Tony Award winner. She is also a 2006 American Theater Hall of Fame inductee. Wiki
        Plus she has been in a ton of TV shows and movies.
        http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0526985/

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          And most importantly is the voice of Yellow Diamond.

      • Everything.

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Love her.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I still want Ted Nugent to eat a giant bag of dicks. Unsalted, though, because he’s older now and he’s probably watching his salt like the rest of us. We’re not monsters.

    • OutOfOrbit

      We’re not?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        “Mercy is the mark of a great man.” *stabs* “Guess I’m just a good man.” *stabs again* “Well, I’m all right.”

      • Predisenting Ron

        Zombies, unicorns, ponies, dodos, and cats, but no monsters that I can recall.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Nah, fuck that guy. I hope he gets gout.

    • Crystalclear12

      I hope all the trumpers live long enough to see Trump in matching bracelets.

      And many years of “I told you so”.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    I can tell already, I’m going to be muttering “what. the. fuck.” a LOT today.

    • We haven’t had one of those crazy drop at 4 PM fridays in a while.

      I haven’t missed them.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        It’s sure feeling like today might be the day, isn’t it.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenResistance
  • Stulexington

    Wow, everyone’s putting the old Nixon era pieces back in play. I feel popcorn isn’t going to cut it anymore, I’m switching to chips and dip.

    • Canned Covfefe

      Nixon era? Has to be French onion.

      • laughingnome

        Fondue?

        • cmd resistor

          Reminds me of an old SNL skit, the gist of which was, Send Your Fondue Pots to South Africa.

          • LucindathePook

            Namibia, I think. Garrett Morris.

          • cmd resistor

            You are right. Isn’t that funny that I thought I had a distinct memory of him saying South Africa, even though as I wrote it, it seemed a little odd.

          • LucindathePook

            For some reason, the skit, and Garrett’s delivery of the line, stuck with me.

          • cmd resistor

            It stuck with me, too, except I got the country wrong. I remember also he said they didn’t need the little sterno things. Maybe that was the s. Africa reference?

          • LucindathePook

            Mebbe. I remember it because I had an avocado green fondue pot with a little sterno thing and love fondue.

          • cmd resistor

            At that point it was just funny to me. Then I did my senior year in Switzerland where they had a lot of cheese fondue, which also made me laugh but turned out to be pretty tasty.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Now I’m craving french onion dip and potato chips.

    • Crystalclear12

      Where’s my fondue pot?

      • Crystalclear12

        And Swedish meatballs.

      • Yr. Gma

        Everyone got those for Christmas and birthdays and weddings and Valentine’s Day. I still have my red one from the stone age.

  • Indivisible Snark Tank

    Princess Ivanka will be spearheading Trump’s Executive Order to cram apprenticeships down the throats of school children. This is … not necessarily a bad thing???!!! That’s weird.

    Yeah, like this will ever see the light of day. It’s a PR move, not an actual policy decision.

    • Stulexington
    • ariel_gee_398

      Sounds like step 1 in creating labor camps to me. Think of how much more money she could make if she could force kids to work for free here instead of having to pay them peanuts in Bangladesh.

      • Hollandaise

        It’s also more eco-friendly! Locally made! No shipping using up fossil fuels!

        • ariel_gee_398

          She does care about the environment. Allegedly.

    • We do need more skilled trade workers, but we’re losing the need for these jobs because of automation. It’s a double-edged sword: We need people to build/train the robots that will take their jobs.

      • Bmaccnm

        It’ll be a long time before there are robot plumbers and electricians and engineers. Still too many variables for the machines to sort out.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Oh, I’m not saying it’s not a worthy cause. Just that Ivanka won’t actually be doing shit about it, and this E.O. isn’t going to actually have any impact. But it looks good on the resume, as they say.

    • AyeDiosDrinko

      Encouraging brown and black kids to not bother with college is a tale as old as republican time.

  • Ryan Denniston

    What is it with all these Nixon people who are getting brought into this story and talking on MSNBC. Watergate was a long time ago right? Were they all teens when they worked on Watergate, or does no one retire anymore?

    • Crystalclear12

      They are experts on fucked up presidencies.

    • Yr. Gma

      History is instructive. I was not a teenager during Watergate. I was an adult. I did not work in the Nixon Administration, but I am still alive. Do you have living grandparents?

      • Ryan Denniston

        No. Thanks.

        • Yr. Gma

          That’s too bad. Grandparents know stuff.

          • Ryan Denniston

            Jeepers. You said are, not ever were in your lifetime. You think I don’t know that?

          • Yr. Gma

            I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Time to terminate this conversation, I guess.

  • Nounverb911
  • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl
  • Nounverb911
  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I think we’re all agreed that multiculturalism is a good thing, but honestly, I’m getting just the weensiest bit tired of all the damn Russians (and Americans with Russian connections). Don’t the repukes know anyone with, say, sketchy ties to Poland?

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I was just petting a tortoise the other day, and man that thing was going to town on the grass, just basically ignoring my stupid human self doing clever things like knocking on its shell or petting its head. I want a herd of tortoises to mow my lawn.

    • LadyLaz

      They use Guinnea pigs in Hawaii to keep laws cut. Super cute

    • From Russia with Love

      petting a tortoise

      Is that what the kids call it these days?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I read that as a nerd of tortoises. Works for me.

  • vivian

    So what does Rod R know that we don’t that warrants sending out a cryptic statement warning us not to trust “anonymous officials”? … something’s gonna drop here soon…

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      That was my first thought – what is coming now? Good heavens, it’s insane how much new bullshit comes roaring down on us every day.

    • John Thorstensen

      Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Lots of scuttlebutt about Australian IC having a tape of some…. sordid activity, possibly with very underage girls.

      • From Russia with Love

        Want!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        If that gets released, will the FBI go after the news organizations for possessing kiddie porn?

      • Yr. Gma

        That would be good. (Well, not for the girls.)

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Conjoined forces? I’ve always seen them as one. The Russian mafia took over the Kremlin when Boris Yeltsin brought Vladimir Putin in from the KGB, which, like the Pakistani ISI with the Taliban, had helped organize and grow the mafia across the Soviet Union as it dissolved. The KGB needed to keep its presence in the newly independent republics and partnering with the ethnic Russian crime syndicates in each location seemed like the easiest way to do it. Putin was allegedly in charge of the handlers in St. Petersburg before Yeltsin brought him in. He just brought in his friends with him.

    • vivian

      Why do the leg work of setting up your own structure when you can co-opt an existing one with shared interests, motivations and techniques?

      • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

        Precisely, especially when you have a common enemy (the state) and your goals are aligned.

        • From Russia with Love

          Also, in a dictatorship, any organization that is not the government is a criminal entity to begin with. They had a head start when the Soviet Union collapsed.

  • ManchuCandidate

    KKC (C is for Coal) is a slightly better choice for US Amercia Ambassador to Canada City than Moose/Snow/Dipshit Spice, Sarah Palin. Mostly for the fact that we won’t cause an international incident by presenting “You know nothing, Sarah Snow” with a bill for all the Canada City healthcare she mooched from us during her prefame days.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Seriously? I mean, I guess I’m not really surprised because of course she did.
      Grifters gonna grift.

    • Persistent Demme

      Sarah who?

  • Nounverb911
  • BigCSouthside

    Ok wonkers

    By 5pm est today, who will be fired?

    Go

    • laughingnome

      Prince Rombus

      • BigCSouthside

        Didn’t think of that.

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Rosenstein and/or Mueller.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I’m going with “Twitler will attempt to fire Pence’s lawyer.”

      • BigCSouthside

        Maybe he’ll fire pence

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Now I hope he tries to, because that would be fucking hilarious.

          • BigCSouthside

            “Mike, you’re fired”

            “Sir you can’t fire me I’m protect-”

            “Mike, get out”

            Priebus: “just roll with it. Go hang out in the green room he’ll be removed by noon”

          • Historicat

            The Twitter meltdown would be epic.

  • coozledad

    I met a bugspray/ vodka queen in Moscow
    She dragged me to the sauna for a spell
    I told her “air’s too dry for me here. Madam.
    Do you “do the Dew” in this hotel?

    It’s the Russotrash wimmenz
    gimme gimme gimme
    The compromat blues.

    She stretched me on a king sized rubber mattress
    Just like the one I kept back in New York
    She told me “Please to be getting you undress
    and I will start to marinate the pork.”

    • OrG

      Needs moar pee.

    • John Thorstensen

      To the tune of “Camarillo Brillo”?

      • msanthropesmr

        That Mendocino Beano?

    • Caustic Elvisfellow

      Sniff. That was beautiful.

  • Logic of Color

    I just had to listen to a conservative co-worker in a nearby cube singing the praises of Putin after the Oliver Stone thing.

    • BigCSouthside

      Fuck. Time to quit that job

      • Logic of Color

        I’m in an office. He’s outside in a cube. I not quitting over anything he says. I know that sounded a bit elitist but damn, ya know?

        • BigCSouthside

          I want an office. Don’t get those til you hit Director around here. Actually I just want a door

    • ManchuCandidate

      If he loves Putin so much why doesn’t he marry him and move to Russia!
      /childish, but who gives a fuck/

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Yeah, if you ignore the corruption and killing and greed, he’s a swell fella.

    • vivian

      Ask him why he hates America.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Republicans love authoritarians. It keeps them from having to think for themselves. As long as the bootheel remains firmly on the neck of the “other”….

      • Persistent Demme

        THIS!

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Well, like the old right-wing talking point goes, if he loves Russia so much, he can move there.

    • MrTusks

      When it was Obama, Putin was a threat that needed to be met. Now that it’s Trump, Putin is an ally to be admired. What the fuck, comrade?

    • alpacapunchbowl

      So conservatives are going to decide they like Oliver Stone now?
      WTF.

  • freakishlypersistent

    If I may add my voice to the cacophony of people saying “fuck you, wingnuts, we’ll NEVER be as awful and cruel, so quit with the both sides crap, Scarborourgh.”

  • Randy Riddle

    You have to admit that going from zero to election-rigging, influence peddling, and money laundering with a foreign government, violating the emoluments clause, and obstruction of justice in just six months of Presidency is quite an accomplishment. And that’s not even including pee hookers.

    • vivian

      stay tuned on that…

    • Well, to be fair, he’s been laundering money for decades, so he had a head start on that.

      • Stulexington

        And all he had to do to violate the emoluments clause was not sell his stuff so he was violating that as soon as his hand left the bible.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        First rule of money laundering: keep a low profile.

    • From Russia with Love

      The guy is a turd, but even a skeptical old shit like I am is surprised at how much of a turd.

      • Persistent Demme

        Really.
        Every day is a fresh hell.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      The pee hookers are as they have always bee, just icing on the cake. We don’t really even need the pee hookers to be real.

  • Nounverb911
    • God Emperor Emeritus

      He must vaguely remember seeing this on TV once, and thinks that it’s some sort of script he’s supposed to follow or something.

      • From Russia with Love

        Then we’ll all be getting some deep throat soon! Excellent!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      At this point if Trump appeared on Rowan & Martin’s Laugh In I don’t think I would be surprised.

      • Joe Beese

        No sock it to me. No sock it to me. Sock it to you.

      • BosGrl

        Maybe he’ll go on the Tonight Show and get his hair ruffled again.

        • Persistent Demme

          He’d better not!
          I still haven’t gotten over that!
          (I will never look at Fallon the same way again.)

  • Nounverb911
    • Latverian Diplomat

      Amazon bought Whole Paycheck?

      Their business models do not seem all that compatible…

      • Oblios_Cap

        Has Amazon ever shown a profit?

      • Joe Beese

        I already spend way too much money in both places.

      • BigCSouthside

        I think it’s a move to supplement Prine Now.

        I heard they also are working on tech that will know when you walk into an amazon brick and mortar store, track what you buy, and bill your amazon account as you walk out. No checkout at all.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          That’s possible, a lot of people are looking at that, not sure how they are going to RFID tag produce though.

          I was thinking that Amazon competes pretty ruthlessly on price, whereas Whole Foods is sort of famous for being overpriced on even the simplest things…seems like a disconnect there to me.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I’m not sure how these corporations figure they can keep making money if they eliminate the vast majority of available positions, unless we move to a universal basic income.
          Of course, Elon Musk has been talking about that for awhile so…

          • BigCSouthside

            I have considered that. I automate big data and analytics for a living. Doing that has given me some insight into just how fast automation is moving, to the point where I’m thinking “we could totally automate this” about a lot of positions

  • Me not sure

    Read the Buzzfeed story on the Russia related murders in the UK and then get this on your Kindle or Nook and read it too. It came out before all of the Trump collusion. It goes into minute detail about the Berezovsky and Litvinov cases. Do it! It is chilling.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f5e9954f57adf9f2b67dfed7c118431a66da89f94c2ff809433f6f46cdf7eb20.jpg

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Agreed. It is a great read.

      Buzzfeed has really stepped up their game.

    • Logic of Color

      OT, but I freakin’ love the Nook Glowlight Plus. Highly recommend.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Kindle Paperwhite. Besides, I’ll probably soon be able to order my groceries on it.

        • Same. My Kindle PpW got me through my last semester, I could carry all my foreign policy books and research, and annotate.

        • Logic of Color

          Yeah I hear nice things about those, but for those of us who prefer to read underwater the choice is clear.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      A riveting read. Well-researched and written. And scary as hell. It doesn’t give me much faith in the Brits’ abilities and willingness to stand up to the Russkies and may be a statement as to why Trumpelstiltskin kisses Putin’s ass.

      • Me not sure

        Dead men kiss no ass.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Wow! It’s pretty telling when news people and other leaders just openly troll the president. Pretty much goes to show how many people think this guy is a complete buffoon.

  • Pilotshark

    Pench lawyer up! makes you wonder if he is not checking out his escape possibility, resign and get a good plead deal?
    he knows his goose has just shit the golden grenade, that will explode with all the glory a shit storm can have.

    • From Russia with Love

      I love the smell of a shit storm in the morning.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Pence,
        Where were you,
        You little man,
        So spic and span,
        When the shit hit the fan?

    • BosGrl

      If he knows he is actually not guilty of anything, he won’t resign when he is within inches of the Oval. If he is, then yeah, he should resign now and tell what he knows.

  • Nounverb911

    Gassed and ready to take to asylum in Russia….
    https://twitter.com/markknoller/status/875711776603746304

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Another weekend off? Well, on the plus side I guess the Air Force boys are getting their required annual flight hours.

      • cmd resistor

        Well he is coming down to Fla. to announce what Obama stuff re: Cuba he will undo. I thought Mar A Lago was closed for the season so who knows if he will hang around after his 1:00 pm announcement.

        • Stulexington

          He’ll probably disrupt air traffic by having a photo opp of AF 1 in the background of Mar A Lago for promotional purposes, I mean you can only be impeached once right?

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      As a Phoenix Banner qualified loadmaster in the AF, there were many times I would be out on the tarmac at Andrews just a few hundred yards away from AF1 as we were loading The Beast or Secret Service comms equipment. It still never fails to bring a tear to my eye and a small swell of pride in my heart to see it… which is why it fucking kills me to see that piece of shit and his trashy family riding around in it. That airplane, and this country, deserve so much better.

    • Predisenting Ron

      Whoever designed that paint job shoulda got a bonus. Clean, distinctive, understated. Quiet assurance, befitting her usual passengers.

    • SeeTrain65

      Oh? Is Mar-A-Lago reopening?

  • La forza del resistino

    My tinfoil hat is telling me that Donald was just a GOP ploy to convince us Marco, Cotton, Ernst and Graham seemed reasonable.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Ain’t working.

      • La forza del resistino

        Love ya. Keep the faith.

        • Jennifer R

          All of them are firmly tied to deadbeat donnie. Maybe someone else with their views? But it seems the GoP is all about giving failures and never weres as many chances as they can pay for.

    • alpacapunchbowl
      • The Wanderer

        Can the kitty get Mexico City on that?

        • alpacapunchbowl

          🎶 She’s on a Mexican, whoa oh, radio 🎶

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Pence: [Defiant] Look here, Mr. Trump. Somebody’s taking the fall for all this, and it’s not gonna be me.
    Trump: It’s not you. It’s Jared. And maybe Sessions, if he steps outta line.
    Pence: [Deflating] Oh, that’s all right then…guess I’ll just head back to the Naval Observatory and observe some…naval stuff…if that’s OK?
    Trump: You still here?
    Pence: Nope. No I am not. [Exits]

  • LadyLaz

    So I am going to say something crude about the shooting in Va… I hope Wonkette does not bamhammer me.

    The shooter? Violent nutjob. But I do take a certain amount of schadenfreud that Scalise was shot, but I want him to live, because I want him to answer the question, “do you still have the same views on gun control sir?” Because the truth is, even with ARMED capitol police there – those good men with guns – Scalise has come within finger breadth of dying.

    The other part of it though? The shooting was a message to the alt right. I cannot tell you how many of those @ssholes praised the bundies and their ilk, one of whom put a gun sight on a federal agent. And I also get s fair amount on crap on twitter about being a snowflake and being scared and being limp wristed…. while they brag about their guns and second amendment solutions.

    But here is the thing. I have a gun sitting secured in a safe in my bedroom. I know how to use it. Daddy was Tennessee redneck. I just don’t feel the need to threaten it. After all, it isn’t a replacement penis for me. I think they’ve mouthed off, they the GOP as well as its supporters, because the left is all about gun control. And it’s easy to wave a gun of you don’t think someone else will shoot back.

    Now they know the other side has wackos with guns too….

    I doubt the GOP will draw the responsible lesson, the rational lesson. I doubt they will use this to de-escalate their own poisonous language of second amendment solutions. They don’t seem to understand that the liberals have just as much claim to this government as they do. But somewhere, there is perhaps a worm of disquiet, itching i their minds, that other people might take their words to heart and opt for a second amendment solution….

    • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

      *nods* I can shoot, too.Country Girl. With a firearm in a caliber appropriate to my hand size and upper body strength. I’m quite accurate.

    • Ninja0980

      I would ask that since a lesbian played a part in saving his life, does he still think the LGBT community he’s waged war on since he was a state legislator deserves no rights?

      • LadyLaz

        Oh I think he should have many hard questions to answer, but the media won’t ask it because “poor guy.”

        Ehhh…. it’s like never speak ill of the dead stuff. Maybe we should ask hard questions. This man is a legislator. He advocates positions that impact is all

    • Stulexington

      No one could have seen this coming! I mean we just keep talking about 2nd amendment solutions and guns are for use against tyrant and then back a tyrant and start trampling over everything the Democrats put in that America likes. How could this have possibly happened?

    • calliecallie

      So glad you raised these issues. I am really conflicted about this. My own congresscritter was on that ball field (unhurt), but I doubt he will change his position on gun control as a result. When they voted to allow the mentally ill to be able to get gun permits, I tweeted a reminder that Democrats have mental illness too, sometimes. The other day someone retweeted on oldie from Rand Paul about the reason we have a 2nd amendment is so we can shoot at the government when it’s out of line. I really, really, wanted to tweet back to that, asking him how he feels about that now. But I resisted the urge. It won’t do any good.
      These assholes have had their heads in the sand over gun violence for decades. Frankly, it’s about time Karma caught up to them. I don’t want to see anyone hurt, but I would like to see them get a clue, and I suspect the only way it will ever happen is if the gun violence directly threatens them or their families or friends.
      That’s what it means to have no empathy. Until it happens to you, you don’t believe it to be a thing.

    • laughingnome

      You have expressed some of my thoughts about this as well. These are dark thoughts – what goes around comes around thoughts. My better angels tell me to think them through carefully. I hope there is a de-escalation after this tragedy but I have a lot of doubts that extremists will learn.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Assassination is such a harsh word…I prefer “assistance in crossing over to the next plane of existence.”
    — Vladimir Putin

    • Oblios_Cap

      Shuffling off this mortal coil.

      • Stulexington

        Bereft of life.

        • Old town Urbandale

          Pining for the fjords.

          • Stulexington

            Wouldn’t vroom if you put 1000 volts through it.

        • SeeTrain65

          Run down the curtain and joined the Choir Invisible.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      A modified state of being.

    • laughingnome

      “Mr. Stalin, how long are you going to continue killing people?”

      The Soviet Dictator quietly answered: “As long as it is necessary.”

    • Querolous

      Becoming one with Nature.

    • SeeTrain65

      Pushing up his appointment date to meet his maker.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    I think there’s a good explanation for why the idiot Donnie has turned on Rosenstien today. It’s a smear campaign. He thinks if he can fire Rosenstein, then he can replace him with someone who will fire Mueller for him.

    If me and one guy on Twitter can figure this one out, it’s not likely to work.

    • cheetojeebus

      I picture you, your glasses on the tip of your nose and a sweetly pungent pipe in your hand, why I bet you have leather patches on the elbows of your blazer too.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I don’t even have a blazer. I’m a graphic tee shirt guy. Wearing my Punisher tee right now. Don’t smoke and don’t wear glasses.

        • calliecallie

          But do you have a white board and dry erase markers?

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            No, but I actually do have a cork board and note cards.

          • calliecallie

            Are they color coded, the note cards? That’s hot.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            They are, actually. Blue is for dialogue, red is for action, white is for character. Screwy system, but it works.

          • calliecallie

            Are you a screenwriter?

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Nah. I write horror fiction. Working on a novel right now.

    • Ninja0980

      Trump doesn’t know that.
      He stills thinks he is running a business where he can hire and fire at will.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      What’s funny is that ol’ Rosenstein put out the weird memo about not listening to anonymous sources just last night and now this morning T is throwing him under the bus.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Of course he is. That bus is getting a lot more work than it’s used to.

        • Predisenting Ron

          By July it’s gonna need new shocks all around, and the alignment’s gonna need adjusting too.

    • puredog

      Depends how your definition of “work” works.

  • cheetojeebus

    A calming interlude, a mild antidote for the fucking outrage we wake to every morning this jitbag is still president. A summer song from my youth.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVx8L7a3MuE

    • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

      I love this song.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      The new Guardians of the Galaxy movie features this song prominently. You know, space opera cartoon magic animal warriors and…Brandy.

      Makes total sense in context tho.

      • Oblios_Cap

        At the local bar, we’re still playing the Five Stairsteps and King Harvest after watching the first movie…

      • The Wanderer

        If you have gun-toting anthro raccoons in the movie, you’d better crank the oldies to 11.

    • msanthrope

      That was my fave when I was just a little miss anthrope!

      • Jeffocaster in the East

        EARWORM!!!!!!!! We built this city………

        • Yr. Gma

          Gee, thanks.

  • Oblios_Cap

    UNCONFIRMED reports out of Russia are claiming that a Russian-led air strike has killed Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of ISIS/ISL/IS/whatever. WOAH, if true.

    That must have ben Trump’s secret plan all along.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      So the executive order telling the generals to come up with a plan was for the Russian generals?

      • Oblios_Cap

        He didn’t say which generals now, did he?

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Being in bed with the country that killed Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi doesn’t erase the fact that Obama(‘s people) killed Bin Laden, Dampnut. That’s one accomplishment you can’t EVER erase.

      • BigCSouthside

        I don’t even see killing Baghdadi as that big of a deal. ISIS is kind of nebulous by design.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Remember the running gag that seemed to pop up every time we offed “al-Qaeda’s #2 man”?

          • Predisenting Ron

            Yup. Al-Qaeda has had more number 2s than the Village.

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          True, but it’s a symbolic thing.

    • Joe Beese

      “Strawberry! Hit a home run!”

    • freakishlypersistent

      He’ll sure as fuck take credit for it..

  • memzilla Ω
  • Me not sure

    I hope Scalise recovers completely from his wound and does so thanks to excellent government provided health care. Even so, he will probably vote to deny the same for others.

    • vivian

      I’m hoping for a hospital bed epiphany from which he realizes that all the theater of Us vs. Them has very real and dire consequences, and that he takes that realization as an opportunity to advocate passionately for addressing Americans’ shared interests through non-partisan cooperation… well, I can dream, can’t I?

      • Me not sure

        This is the guy who liked to describe himself as “David Duke without the baggage.” I guess anything is possible, but…

      • BosGrl

        You know, that’s one difference between the left and the right. On the left, we’d be delighted if someone suddenly decided to do the right thing, change their mind, etc. Yeah, you sucked before but welcome to progressive thinking. On the right, one taint and you’re done.

  • BosGrl
    • jowgajen

      The math pun replies to that tweet are great.

    • Joe Beese

      People calculating how much their next tobacco offense will cost them?

    • Steve Cole

      Does that include finite automata? Limited to linear or discrete? Have to know the boundaries…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I was thinking they are tired of fights over whether that’s fifteen items or not.

    • Stulexington

      I was told there would be math.

    • Zyxomma

      I could spend all day reading that Twitter feed, but it would cut down my time at Wonkette.

  • calliecallie

    Albuquerque Mayor’s Race…the next installment of Breaking Bad?

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Huh? The guy who was in breaking bad running?

      • calliecallie

        No, just a joke.

        • Jeffocaster in the East

          The Hispanic DEA in the show was an elected official in ABQ, so I thought maybe he was running……

      • calliecallie

        Just a joke. Because Albuquerque.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    Meanwhile, in Britain, the Sun has sunk to it’s usual bottom feeding level of journalism.

    Sun journalist ‘impersonated Grenfell Tower victim’s friend at hospital’

    . https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/jun/16/sun-journalist-grenfell-tower-victim-hospital

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Of course they did. Ghouls. The lot of them.

      • Pisto75666

        Somewhere a Fox ‘journalist’ is really impressed.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          First they would have to learn to impersonate a rational human being.

          • Pisto75666

            Not necessarily. These days for a journalist to be a human being isn’t as important as one might think.

    • laughingnome

      Don’t Buy the Sun!

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Auditioning for a job with InfoWars?

    • Persistent Demme

      This is kinda why I was(?) looking forward to Trump’s visit to Britain.
      The press there is SAVAGE!!

  • memzilla Ω
  • Predisenting Ron

    Dear Ambassador Craft:
    Welcome to Ottawa. You will find it stuffy in summer and chilly in winter. Take the opportunity to try poutine; I’m told the best poutine can be had from the chip trucks that encircle Parliament Hill. You will also discover that half of the city prefers to speak French, but this is not a situation you need to bring to our attention.
    If you choose to attend a RedBlacks game, do not inform us that we play football wrong. You’ve only had fifty Super Bowls; we’ve had 104 Grey Cups.
    Kindly do not make the mistake of thinking we are America Lite. That makes us almost as angry as denigrating hockey or curling or Canadian beer. You won’t like us when we’re angry. For proof, Google why the White House is white. We prefer to be quiet and self-effacing, but everyone has limits.
    In conclusion, we hope you enjoy your posting here. Don’t be a dick and we’ll all get along fine.
    Yours, BR
    P.S. It’s perfectly acceptable to get all moist in your lady parts around the PM. But don’t touch – the wives of our PMs will cut a bitch. Google ‘André Dallaire.’

    • Stulexington

      We are self effacing, do not make the mistake of thinking we allow outsiders to participate. Also keep in mind our unofficial national pastime is making fun of Americans and a significant portion of out national identity revolves around how we’re not Americans.

      Also expect passive aggression, lots of passive aggression.

      • Predisenting Ron

        Or don’t, we don’t mind.

      • Also do not mistake politeness for lack of serious quiet sarcasm (if my mother is anything to go by)

      • Persistent Demme

        This squares with my 4 years spent in Toronto.

        • Yr. Gma

          I’m sorry you had to leave. Toronto is the city of my birth. (It was a different place in the 1950s, but I’d go back this minute if I could.)

          • Persistent Demme

            It was wonderful.
            Lawyer-daughter was born there, and has dual-citizenship.
            We like to call her our “anchor-baby.”

    • PubOption
      • Yr. Gma

        God, I love this. I made all my American friends watch it.

    • The Wanderer
    • Yr. Gma

      I love curling. It’s the only sport I actually like, truth be told. It’s very inclusive, men, women, kids, olds, and it’s also a lot more rigorous than it looks. (I do not like hockey. There, I said it.)

  • Proud Liberal

    Ask yourself one question. If you were innocent, why would you hire a high priced lawyer?

    • Pisto75666

      Excellent question!

      • Yr. Gma

        With excellent answers!

    • vivian

      To prove and defend your innocence. Plenty of innocent people have gone to jail believing that since they’ve done nothing wrong, they couldn’t possible go to jail.

      edit: Not saying Pence is innocent by the way.

      • Proud Liberal

        He started a PAC the day after Trump fired Comey. That’s suspicious to me.

        • vivian

          Oh he’s suspicious as hell. I was just responding to the general case of “why would you hire a lawyer if you did nothing wrong?”
          Pence is a dirtbag.

          • From Russia with Love

            Yep. But I’d lawyer up if I got busted for spitting on the sidewalk.

          • Claire

            With the state of the American court system you’d be stupid not to.

      • Oblios_Cap

        “The law is an ass.” Just ask the guy who lost his house to Wells Fargo.

      • Terpsichord

        The Elijah Cummings letter sent to him during the transition alerting him to Flynn’s coziness with Russia and Turkey puts him in some legal jeopardy.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      In Pence’s defense (ugh) he’d be stupid not to hire a personal attorney given the state of the shit show. While I’d looooove for him to be guilty of something and brought down (after we retake the House in 2018) I honestly don’t see this as indication of guilt, just what a reasonable person (ugh) would do in this scenario.

      • LadyLaz

        Agreed.

    • Marceline

      Yes. One narrative I dislike is that only the guilty need lawyers. It’s like saying only the sick need doctors. That said, I have no doubt Pence is every bit as corrupt and compromised as the rest of this band of sociopaths. I just think that he’s more motivated more by religious fervor than greed.

      • BUT!! He could still be guilty!!

    • Claire

      Because you aren’t the one who gets to decide if you’re legally not guilty of wrongdoing. The courts are.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Without some remaining vestiges of democracy and rule of law to restrain him, Trump would easily be a Robert Mugabe, Duterte, or Pol Pot. He demands fawning agreement from all who surround him….every whim must be indulged and praised, every dark, vindictive impulse spun to sound like humanitarianism. It’s no surprise coming from the bootlicks and hangers-on he has always attracted, but he seems to be able to get otherwise decent human beings to vacate their humanity for his sake as well. I find this terrifying.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I’m not bothered by the fact that he demands adulation. I’m seriously bothered by the fact that people capitulate to his demands rather than tell him to shove it up his ass.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        It would have been highly amusing to see one of his cabinet members stand up when it was their turn to speak during that hideously embarrassing meeting the other day, say: “Fuck you asshole, I quit!” and walk out. Someone missed the opportunity to become a legend who would never have to pay for their own liquor in any Manhattan bar for the rest of their lives.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Instead, it was like DeNiro as Al Capone, walking down the table tapping the baseball bat in his other hand.

        • From Russia with Love

          “Fuck you asshole, I quit!” “You are also guilty as shit!”

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Like that fed up airline steward a few years back who said “fuck it”, grabbed a few beers, and deployed the emergency ramp.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          There might be a backstory. Dimestore Mussolini might be on the edge of a total breakdown, if he hasn’t already wandered over it, and they are trying desperately to prop him up.
          If our government was functioning, Congress would be figuring some way to get him out. As long as he can sign legislation, they don’t care what’s in his brain.

          • From Russia with Love

            So, Reagan redux?

        • Zyxomma

          … or any bar in Washington, DC. That was a missed opportunity, for sure.

      • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

        During World War 2, FDR worked very well with Army Chief of Staff George Marshall. When FDR once referred to Marshall by his last name only, Marshall told him “That’s General Marshall, Mr. President.”

        It wasn’t their last disagreement, but it was the last time FDR was disrespectful.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          If my job required me to lick my boss’s taint on a daily basis, I’d find another job.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Well, to be fair, they were busy kicking the shit out of the Nazis and winning WWII, so some exceptions were understandable.

          • From Russia with Love

            Guys like Spicey and Penis have no other qualifications on their resumes other than taint licker.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            Me too. I’ve quit jobs when disrespected by supervisors.

      • Suttree

        How do you say “Yes Men” in the original German?

        • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

          Lickspittzer

    • OrG

      To which “otherwise decent human beings” are you referring?

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        I was gonna say

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        People like Mattis and McMaster. I mean, they’re not exactly my cuppa, but they’ve served the country honorably. Now they’re just fucking weasels on the bus.

        • OrG

          Fair enough.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          And the weasels don’t even like it.

        • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

          I used to admire them both. McMaster was one hell of a Cavalryman and Tanker.

          Perhaps we shall one day learn they prevented the worst while in this Administration.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I hope so….but I fear they have gone to the Dark Side. Trump’s ability to corrupt others is his only real talent.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            This, I’m afraid of that as well.

          • Didn’t we just read something that mattis was basically ordered to do this? I’m going to continue thinking (hoping) that. We do need both of them. They are the only sane, qualified, respectable members of this admin.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Trump does this to everyone who gets near him. He’s like Shamu performing the splash the audience routine in a giant pool of muck.

    • Proud Liberal

      We better hope our justice system holds up against Trump and his band of crooks. If not, democracy dies.

      • From Russia with Love

        Yup.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I think he’s not suited for totally unhinged brutality. I think he’s personally scared of violence and blood, and I think his capacity for rage is muted, just like his capacity for empathy and love. Also, he has an odd relationship to the past – it’s never quite real to him. So his ability to hold a grudge is impaired.

      Basically, I think he’s too incompetent and handicapped to be very effectively evil in direct ways.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I think if he profited from it, if it satisfied his urge for publicity and self-aggrandizement, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do.

        • Proud Liberal

          You nailed it. Trump knows his time is limited. He must feed his desperation for self-worth at all costs, no matter who pays the cost.

          • From Russia with Love

            Agreed. He also has very little in life that he enjoys other than power. He has no friends, and it sure as fuck isn’t his family.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Well…Ivanka mebbe.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          You could definitely be right. Of course, the very real terror is that he’s perfectly capable of throwing people into poverty, helping to ruin the planet and so forth – all without any overtly “brutal” acts. The banality of policy.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Well, he’s no ruthless Stalin, Hitler, or Mao, willing to kill millions to advance some scheme. He wants to be loved and admired, not feared,
        More like a dime store Mussolini. He wouldnt be above having his thugs dispense some castor oil or a good beating to a journalist or two or three.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Boss and his deputy lawyering up in short order, while insisting that you shouldn’t? Definitely nothing to worry about there.

    • The Wanderer

      (Second Officer): “Shall I pass the order, sir?”
      (Captain): “Very well. Women and children first.”
      (S.O., saluting): “Right, sir. I’ll go put on me peignoir.”

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Dr. Benway pushed past the women and children, heading for the lifeboats. “It’s alright,” he said, “I’m a DOCTOR.”

        • The Wanderer

          (1st Man): “That’s Dr. Benway.”
          (2nd Man): “What’s a Benway?”
          (1st Man): “About a hundred fifty pounds.”

    • Wuulf

      Louise Mensch is one of my daily go to’s. She is great.

      • Marceline

        I like a lot of her information. She occasionally skates too close to the crackpot line for me and whatever mess she had going on with Milo made me nervous.

  • La forza del resistino

    Jared under accusations of self dealing says he only shops at Kays.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    I wonder if the sportswriter who did this had to change drawers afterwards.
    https://twitter.com/_sashayed/status/875431942094815233

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Backstrom is pretty talented. Too bad it hasn’t helped the Caps.

    • Stulexington

      Best. Madlibs. Ever!

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Having spent a very small amount of time in a newsroom once, I think it’s probably intentional at least half the time?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I’m shocked, shocked to hear that sportsball has a gay subtext.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Well guys, if you thought you were the paria of the world, don’t worry. A Dutch friend of mine just boarded the plane to move in with his fiance on the other side of the pond so there are still some good people coming your way.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Is he an uncle? We could probably use a few Dutch Uncles.

    • OrG

      Can I take his place in NL?

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Really. Are you guys taking American refugees yet?

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Dutch? What a Treat!

      • Shanzgood 22 Days

        Beat me to it!

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          I’m sure there are some Dutch puns still hanging around waiting to be picked up…

          • DerrickWildcat

            The Dutch aren’t cheap. They’re thrifty.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            ♫ Till I step on the brakes to get out of her clutches
            Till I speak double dutch to a real double duchess ♫

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        #tableinhellpartyofone part 2

    • Shanzgood 22 Days

      Did she pay for his fare?

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        #tableinhellpartyofone

        • Shanzgood 22 Days

          *snicker*

    • laughingnome

      Welkom!

    • natoslug

      Does that mean you have a citizenship opening that needs to be filled? If so, please put me in the list.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Well he was one of my fellow history students so I guess we are a historian short.

        • natoslug

          I am not a historian, but most of my knowledge is decades out of date. Does that count?

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Today it does!

    • My condolences to the happy couple.

  • Ted Nugent appears to have had a “Come to Jeebus” moment after the shooting in Alexandria, telling some folks on the teevee without pictures that he won’t say “anything that can be interpreted as condoning or referencing violence.” Right
    Sure. He said that while saying my “enemies” in the same breath

    • Pisto75666

      By tomorrow he’ll forget what he said (or that he’s not getting as much attention) and then it’s back to ‘business as usual’

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Fuck that asshole. Somebody on the home team gets dinged, and he goes all Gandhi on us?

      • From Russia with Love

        To his credit (barf), nobody saw that one coming.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          It’s part of the whole Republican mindset of being unable to feel empathy unless it happens to you personally….at which point it is no longer empathy, just self-interest.

    • Proud Liberal
      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        These assholes are good at not keeping promises. Lumpy never was waterboarded either – lying, chickenshit, fucking son of a bitch.

        • stubbornirishlass

          And wasn’t Rush supposed to move to Costa Rica if the ACA passed?

      • Pisto75666

        If we can’t trust a washed up ‘rock star’ to honor by his word then I don’t know what this world is coming to.

        • Edith Prickly

          I’d call Ted a has-been, but he’s more of a never-was.

    • SeeTrain65

      I’m still calling him “The Sibilant S-hole.”

  • La forza del resistino

    Donald wants to limit Obama’s Cuba policy to 1955 Chevy parts sales.

  • La forza del resistino

    In adhering to his goal of bringing jobs back to America, Donald is sending 4k people to Afghanistan.

    • From Russia with Love

      There is big money in casket making.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Why are we there again? I forgot. Something something Taliban.

      • Jennifer R

        He wants a better return on our investments with them from the 1980s.

      • bubba

        Guarding the poppy fields of the opium cartels.

    • bupkus231

      Mattis is – Rump has “delegated” this responsibility….

      • clairence

        Trump doesn’t want the responsibility of making tough decisions, in case something goes wrong. But if they do work out, he’s first in line taking the credit.

        • bupkus231

          Even if he’s nowhere near the :line”….

  • Rick Hill

    So.. he’s optimistic and starting to put together his transition team?

  • Zyxomma

    Awww. That tortoise has raspberry all over her face.

    • bookish

      She’s stuffed like Thanksgiving. Going to have to unbutton her shell.

  • Me not sure

    I just heard that the cop who saved Scalise’s life is a lesbian. I’m betting he won’t change his mind on the LGBT folks that he has castigated for his whole political life.

    • Shanzgood 22 Days

      Also Black.

      • Shanzgood 22 Days

        Oh, and married. TRIFECTA!

        • bookish

          There goes the republic …

      • From Russia with Love

        Double whammy.

      • Me not sure

        Twofer.

    • laughingnome

      Is God trying to make a point here?

      • Persistent Demme

        Pat?

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      he will pray that God puts her in a cooler part of hell

    • Les Appentis De la résistance

      Now he’s got cooties. No wonder he’s still in critical condition.

  • The Librarian

    Does the taint on Pence mean that questioning can commence?

  • natoslug

    Tortoise fruit-munching porn is highly addictive.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    CNN chief Jeff Zucker said Thursday that marketing for Kelly’s sit-down with Jones has been “unfortunate.” “I think the issue here is the way that they have thus far presented it has not led to the belief that he’s held to account as much as somebody who spews such hatred and nonsense needs to be,” he continued.

    and then a wrathful God hit him with a lightning bolt. Ashes will be sprinkled over close family friend Donald Trump. In the White House.

    • Persistent Demme

      Yes, Jeff.
      The marketing has been “unfortunate.”
      There’s a special place in Hell for you.

    • phoenix00

      Is it so unfortunate that Jeffrey Lord and Corey Lewandowski is/were on Zucker’s payroll?

  • Claire

    1. Haven’t we killed “the head of ISIS” about six times now? There are probably more where this one came from.

    2. No way Pence’s lawyer doesn’t throw Trump under the bus at the first available opportunity. He might go on to bake Kushner into a pot pie.

    • Yr. Gma

      Isn’t Bag Daddy the one who raped and killed that American hostage? (Memory fails me.) If he’s dead, then good.

    • SeeTrain65

      Heads of ISIS are like crab claws. Pull one off, and it just grows back.

  • Manders

    I am very glad Ossoff is doing well and raising lots of money. Because HOLY SCHNIKIES does his campaign send a lot of emails asking for money. Since donating, I think I’ve received one email every two hours. Even spambots are like, “chill, dude.”

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      If you look closely, you will see the sticky fingers of the DNCC. I hate that you can’t unsubscribe from their emails once you donate through ActBlue.

  • Lucas Foxx

    Hmmmm…. what do Ben Carson and Lynne Patton have in common, besides their lack of experience with “urban Development”?

    • clairence

      they swore loyalty to Trump, probably.

    • Yr. Gma

      It’s a coincidence that they are both black. Total urban coincidence.

  • ltmcdies

    A Bernie supporter apologies …it’s a good read if rather late in the day

    https://twitter.com/rswfire/status/870099465293758465

    • Doug Langley

      Apology accepted, Captain Needa.

  • Khavrinen

    “I wonder if she knows Canadians don’t speak American?”

    That should be “I wonder if she knows Canadians don’t speak American, eh?”

  • Khavrinen

    “Alex Jones has “leaked” the audio of his pre-interview with Megyn Kelly to protect himself from looking like an asshole.

    Sorry, Alex, you’re at least twenty years too late on that one…

  • MCA

    You shove so much good information in one snarky article, love it

  • SeeTrain65

    “Fred Warmbier said the family did not believe North Korea’s story that his son had fallen into a coma after contracting botulism and being given a sleeping pill.

    “Doctors said on Thursday that there was no sign of botulism in Otto Warmbier’s system.”

    (Heavy snark)

    Of course not! The sleeping pill cured the botulism!

  • phoenix00

    > I wonder if she knows Canadians don’t speak American?

    We Canadians don’t speak Republican.

  • bubba

    The scandal is clearly immense,
    when even Vice President Pence
    is now the employer
    of a shyster-lawyer.
    Trump’s circus requires more tents

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