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Some people’s fucking children should never be let out of the bleeding basement, I’ll tell you what. I’m not sure how goddamned many ratchets short of a set you have to be to put a motherfucking WEDDING PLANNER in charge of New York’s federal housing programs but it is at least ALL OF THEM. ALL OF THE FUCKING RATCHETS. IN FACT YOU HAVE NO TOOLS AT ALL, YOUR SCREWDRIVERS HAVE BEEN REPOSSESSED.

Ben “plodding windbag who can’t logic his way through a full sentence because his entire intellect is engaged in making up some pissant bullshit out of whole cloth to justify why nobody else should get the help he did the selfish myopic fuck” Carson was one thing. His experience of public housing might be decades outdated, but at least he’s BEEN in a HUD unit before. It’s not anything like a “qualification” and is in fact a giant middle finger to basically everyone in the country who’s not already a multimillionaire, but the dude was at least a failed presidential candidate in a field of idiots and numbskulls so there’s that. If you close your eyes, tilt your head, squint, then knock yourself in the head with a 2×4 repeatedly while taking just massive amounts of acid, you can see why they’d pick him.

But THIS bullshit right here is next fucking level. Her name is Lynne Patton and you can go right over to her LinkedIn to look at her qualifications which I DO NOT RECOMMEND unless you woke up in a rage that wasn’t quite incandescent enough and you need a power boost. The woman formerly known as “Head of Concierge Services, Yorktown property” is in a bit of a kerfuffle because some people are accusing her of lying the tiniest bit on LinkedIn about this law degree thingy. It says n/a on it but I will let you judge whether this looks at all a bit padded, because I don’t LinkedIn either so I’ve no idea whether one typically lists a degree one did not manage more than two semesters of:

Anyway, the wedding planner lady also claimed to have attended Yale, which seems like a blitheringly stupid thing to lie about on your resume because I never went to college so I don’t really know the norms of people with alma maters and even I know not to put the logo of a university I didn’t attend on my resume. (The best line of the whole Daily News piece is “she also listed Yale University but HUD officials couldn’t explain why that was there.”)

Oh, and Patton is also involved in one of the many Trump money scandals because she worked at the foundation while there was blah blah blah who can fucking track all this nonsense, none of it matters, the point here is that we live in a country where the head of HUD lectures poor people on how they don’t need fucking HOUSES, they need to be fashioning bootstraps out of the painstakingly gathered loose cat hair they gather from the outerwear of strangers or whatever it is poor people make bootstraps out of.

And in case you didn’t get the message, low-income Americans, the message is FUCK YOU. You worked hard, you got you some permanent scarring from your dead-end low-wage job you spend all your time at, missing your kids while some prick two steps above you on the income scale demands that his dollar hamburger be remade three times until he gets the optimal amount of mustard? FUCK YOU EVEN HARDER.

See what these people mean when they lecture us about ethics is HA HA YOU STUPID FUCKS ACTUALLY THINK HARD WORK GETS YOU ANYWHERE. But here’s the kicker: It’s all goddamned projection. When they make us pee in cups it’s because they have coke habits. When they accuse us of scamming the system it’s because they’re past masters at it. When they say we’re cheating it’s because they make their qualifications up. And when they tell us we’re dumb it is because they literally can’t imagine that smart people exist. These people think they are the elites and a whole roomful of them have approximately a quarter of the brainpower that a single line cook has.

Lynne Patton, whose apparent qualifications include “assisting with upscale events and golf tournaments” and “acquisition of celebrity entertainment and high-end donations” is going to be in charge of a multi-billion dollar agency whose stated mission is to keep people from dying in the streets.

That’s how much these petty, tiny, incapable, monstrous people care about us dying in the streets. I don’t know what we do about these motherfuckers running things, but I know one thing: If I have to die alone in the cold, I’m goddamned well going to do it on someone’s fucking Rolls. And I hope it’s from something catching.

[NYDN]

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  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So what position will Trump give the KFC counter worker who always takes his orders?

    • Joe Beese

      Secretary of Agriculture, of course.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Put him in charge of the FDA department that inspects hen houses. Since those kinds of activities are underfunded, there might not be too noticeable uptick in e-coli cases.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Fucked in the ass without the courtesy of a reacharound?

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Ambassador to France, obvs,

  • OddMan
    • Ryan Denniston
      • Oblios_Cap

        “An accumulation of date”? That’s what he call Fox News and Breitbart?

        • Miss Dill

          Isn’t “some…media” what you call one of them plurals?

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I want to know who wrote that tweet.Donnie doesn’t know what accumulation means let alone spell it.

      • God Emperor Emeritus

        Yeah, that’s a fucking staffer. “accumulation”? “data”? That’s not in his fucking vocabulary.

      • Stulexington

        Yeah but who are you going to believe, President Trump or that liar who doesn’t stand by anything he says President Trump?

  • Joe Beese

    In fairness, the wedding she planned for Eric (“Not the Patrick Bateman One, The Other One”) was very tasteful.

  • doggiedaddy

    What took him so long?
    Oh, no one else wanted a job in his administration.

    I hope she can afford to ‘lawyer up’.
    http://crooksandliars.com/files/imagecache/post_large/images/16/10/trump_shirt_arrow.jpg

    • A Groucho Marxist

      …gunt?

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Should be a letter “N” in there I think.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Sorry lady, that would be like a mouse lemur trying to palm a basketball.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “If I have permission, there’s just no challenge…”
      — Donald Trump

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      This is also what she wears to church functions.

  • Caustic Elvisfellow

    On the upside, I’ll bet the office holiday party is going to be fabulous.

  • Explody Brain

    Looking back, I think the world, as a whole, lost when Trump didn’t nominate Ben Carson for Secretary of Energy.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Secretary of ZZZzzzzzzz…

  • Ryan Denniston

    Does Trump know enough blehs to staff all the housing agencies across USAmerica?

  • chascates
  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    After a grueling ten second search of martindale.com , I found zero search results for Attorney Lynne Patton.

    • Joe Beese

      Congratulations on researching her qualifications more thoroughly than the White House did.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Whewf. It was tough and took a lot out of me. If I lie down, will someone stand over me with a box of wine and pour it directly into my mouth?

  • Reximus

    Intel chatter re: yesterdays weird Rosenstein DoJ memo about not believing anon. foreign intelligence rumors…pee pee tape (or something as bad) is coming out

    • Caustic Elvisfellow

      There was a reference to this in the agenda item too. Any linkages or is it just… you know…chatter?

      • Reximus

        so far…chatter

        • Ill-Advised

          I get confused, too. Is “chatter” related to that nattering thing the nabobs do? Or to the bleating things that sheep do?

    • Proud Liberal

      Yes. This was a preemptive strike against the facts.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      My initial thought was that Russian intel has started shopping around some half-true half-fake kompromat on the GOP.

    • Joe Beese

      Trump threatens to obstruct justice, something damaging is leaked, maddened Trump further threatens to obstruct justice, something else damaging is leaked…

      Poor fat fucker is like a moron caught in a Chinese finger trap.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Would a Chinese finger trap stop him tweeting? It’s got to be worth a try.

  • God Emperor Emeritus

    I take some small solace in the fact that there is a good chance that this person will end up in prison at some point for something related to this.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Public Housing is like a party! No cool people show up, the people in the next room are having a drunken fight, and the only food left is the stuff no one would touch.”
    — Lynne Patton

  • Oblios_Cap

    She is just as qualified as any of the other dumbasses in his administration. That is, not qualified to be dogcatcher.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “It just goes to show…government doesn’t work.”
      — Ghost of Ronald Reagan

      • Ill-Advised

        It’s the proximity of the ‘publicans as wot does it. Pour me a point, would ye lad?

  • freakishlypersistent

    Can’t wait until he finally appoints a FEMA director, the Arabian Horse guy won’t even work for him.

    • PubOption

      The managers of Grenfell House are looking for jobs.

  • Sheepshagger

    Isn’t that Snooki?

    • jesterpunk

      Snooki is going to be the Assistant secretary for tax policy in the Treasury Department.

    • Mavenmaven

      Trump has decided that Snooki will be able to single handedly solve the Middle Eastern conflict.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Jared’ll be pissed.

  • Crystalclear12

    Well, no one else would climb in the dumpster.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Just wait until you see her new housing initiative. Everyone will climb in the dumpster!

      • Predisenting Ron

        And unlike so much public housing, dumpsters are generally weatherproof.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Finally the poorest among us will have access to the upscale events and golf tournaments that form the bedrock of human rights.

  • ServantToTheStars

    In all fairness, she is used to the smell of urine in the stairwells and elevators that don’t rise all the way to the top.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Gary Busey for new FBI Director….or GTFO.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DCaXxAuV0AA4T1f.jpg

    • schmannity

      We love the brain-damaged, believe me!

      DJT

  • Proud Liberal

    Of course a wedding planner and housing go together. Right?

    • vivian

      Taking care of the house is a lady’s job, just like party planning. Duh!

  • AJ Milne

    Yes, sir, it may be so your running water is a disturbing shade of black, you have no heat, and your ceilings fall in if you move your chairs out from the kitchen table too abruptly…

    … but notice how the centrepiece contrasts so fashionably with the place settings!

    … in semi-related: I’ve been _on_ Harvard’s campus… I can put their logo on my LinkedIn profile now, right?

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Totally, just don’t put any years or degree information. It’ll be fine.

  • Proud Liberal

    Some good news….

    Robert Mueller expands special counsel office, hires 13 lawyers / #trumpRussia #ImpeachTrump https://t.co/sDlJlftJGn— 4q2 (@ForQ2) June 16, 2017

    • Ryan Denniston

      Jesus, how many people is he planning on sending to jail?

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        “Lock THEM up! Lock THEM up!”

      • Joe Beese

        AOTK

      • Predisenting Ron

        Might need to reopen some of those closed Federal for-profit prisons.

      • Historicat

        You know how it took a small army to sort through all of the shenanigans Enron was engaged in? Time to call up the reserves.

        This isn’t fast but I want them to be thorough. Very thorough.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      So Trump is responsible for creating jobs for Americans?

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I predict Dampnut cutting off the funding, and then all the lawyers being like “nah mang, we’ll do this shit pro bono.”

      • laughingnome

        I had the same thought.

    • vivian

      Looks like Mr. Special Counsel wants to clean house.

    • Predisenting Ron

      Hey, Donnie! Recognise that music you’re hearing in the background? Dun dun… dun dun… dun dun dun dun dundundundundundundundun…

  • Sheepshagger

    I’ve heard of this management school of thought. It’s where you just hire whichever warm body is nearby when the ludes wear off, right?

  • Randy Riddle

    On the bright side, they’ll have nice wedding cakes.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Joe Beese

      Fuck, let’s just flush this entire administration down the toilet and start from scratch, OK?

    • Explody Brain

      We’re going to have to outsource the DOJ to Canada.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I like where this is going. If he’s the only one who can fire Muller, but he’s recused from the investigation… Catch-22 dimensional chess.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      The lady next to him would be in charge. Apparently she was approved on a party line vote. Fingers crossed that she isn’t a shill.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Jesus fucking H. Christ…

      • puredog

        He may well be right. And he would be eager to salvage his reputation for integrity to the extent that he can. He’s sort of a minor side tragedy of this whole thing, IMHO, in that he didn’t apparently fully grasp how easy it was to get orange slime all over you just by being near it.

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          No question he may be right. It’s just another example of what an unprecedented cluster fuck this whole thing is. You couldn’t fuck things up any worse if you set out to do it.

    • Crystalclear12

      A Russian nesting doll of corruption.

      I should write headlines.

    • TJ Barke
    • LucindathePook

      I seem to remember (half asleep) it’s because he’s a witness. Hopefully not an indicted one.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Stulexington

      Who I then stiff or fire for being incompetent.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Does she go through a confirmation hearing? Because the American public deserves to know when it comes to public housing: Macarena or Funky Chicken?

    • Werewolf

      Electric Slide, obvs.

  • OrG

    For some reason the phrase “you’re doin a heckuva job brownie” comes to mind.

    • vivian

      eeek. but yeah.

  • Rick Hill

    Makes me wonder, would writing an app that keeps track of all the trump connections plus all their grifts, crimes and underworld connections? Or would it only be something a supercomputer could actually track?

    • vivian

      Paging Watson on Aisle Three.

    • Nounverb911

      Colossus from the Forbin Project couldn’t track all of his connections….

      • The Wanderer

        Colossus would have nuked DC halfway through the analysis.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Okay I was mystified on this one, but I figured she has to have connection to some sort of Trump grift. Now knowing that she is a shady person it just confirms my suspicion that she is there to transfer HUD properties to a Trump shell/laundering operation.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      I assumed she was complicit in the whole “Let’s Steal From Cancer Kids Golf Tournament” at Trump Pines.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    To be fair to Donnie, people who are even willing to be in the same fucking room with him are rather thin on the ground these days. It does have the effect of reducing the pool of possible appointees to sycophants, yes-men, ass-kissers and the abysmally stupid, or “all of the above.”

  • FlemmishSpy

    OT, Kellyanne channels her inner snowflake: “If I was shot and killed tomorrow, half of Twitter would explode in applause and excitement. This is the world we live in now.”

    But what if it’s Donnie that shoots her on 5th Ave?

    • TJ Barke

      Bitch please.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Then, all of Twitter?

    • Belasaurius

      half seems kind of low

    • vivian

      A rare note of modesty from KAC.

      • Rick Hill

        Yeah, I think that it would be more like 99% of Twitter exploding in applause

    • Michael R
    • Sheepshagger

      Are silver bullets that common?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Would he lose any support?

    • Stulexington

      Yeah, just look at all the people on both sides of the isle wishing a speedy recovery to the people shot two days ago while they point out how they don’t agree but feel it was inevitable. Monsters!

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
      • schmannity

        *furiously counts Chins in Hong Kong phone book*

        • Pisto75666

          I know we’re not supposed to health shame but, can anyone guess if either of these two have Obamacare? huh? anybody?

          • schmannity

            Both of them, Katie.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Honey, your death wouldn’t rate either applause or excitement. Maybe a shrug.

      • Predisenting Ron

        ‘Kellyanne who?’

    • Rick Hill

      Is “Well, good riddance to bad rubbish” and then going on with my life the same as exploding in applause?

    • Edith Prickly
      • calliecallie

        I am totally saving this for future use. I am quite sure I had the original of that book as a girl.

      • Pisto75666

        Totally using this. My computer is NOT happy with all the click-saving i’ve been doing lately.

      • AJ Milne

        That is possibly the greatest thing ever in the history of ever.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      So you make a world, then complain about the world you made. Got it.

      But for the record, Cupcake, that is not what we on the left do. Not at all.

      Now, for the love of God, please STFU.

      • TJ Barke

        I’d feel sad for her kids… That’s about it.

  • Belasaurius

    One more person we can measure for handcuffs soon

  • William

    WOW!
    Ted Nugent Promises to Stop ‘Hateful Rhetoric’ After Alexandria Shooting (Audio)

    https://www.yahoo.com/tv/ted-nugent-promises-stop-hateful-rhetoric-alexandria-shooting-205716922.html

    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, I’m sure.

      • William

        My guess is he had an epiphany after he had a conflict with someone, and he didn’t have a gun handy.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I’ll trust Ted right after he lives up to his “dead or in jail” promise.

      • William

        Either that or the onion is getting quite crafty.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Does this mean he has withdrawn his invitation to suck on his machine gun? That IS news!

      • William

        Well he did waffle on his promise to be dead or in jail.

    • freakishlypersistent

      Too fucking late, asshole.

      • William

        Exactly!

    • Nounverb911

      So Ted finally realized that the people he threatens shoot back now?

      • William

        You were expecting what from the guy who filled his BVDs at the very thought of carrying a real gun in combat?

  • Ryan Denniston

    OT: Obama continues to accomplish more good for the world out of office than Trump or his scions ever will while in office.

    http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/barack-obama-honors-jay-z-with-songwriters-hall-speech-w488293

  • William Cook

    I don’t mean this a criticism of her looks, just her choice of presentation:

    Dressing like a low-end Jersey Shore realtor does not give you the credentials to direct public housing.

    • puredog

      Elitist. If she is/were competent, she could do it stark naked for all that it matters.

      • William Cook

        Not sure if joking, as I personally do believe that if competence has been demonstrated, appearance really shouldn’t matter beyond public decency.

        This more of a ‘The president scotch tapes his badly fitted tie’ type observation.

    • Covfefe

      Living in flyover country, I was wondering what that look was.

      • William Cook

        Living in Northern Canada, I’m going off of the eponymous TV show.

  • This one time I visited a friend who was attending HARVARD LAWS SCHOOL.

    So I WENT TO HARVARD LAWS SCHOOL.

    I can haz smrt HARVARD LAWS SCHOOL JOBBES, plz?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/52767ce56e5c9df54c694a772959cb81184e1ec8e3ff930c9119cfeaf1e0ee40.gif

    • Stulexington

      I went to Yale. Nice cafeteria but they didn’t let me stay in the class I snuck into.

      • puredog

        “You mis-heard me. I said I went to Aardvark Law School.”

    • Belasaurius

      I had a wonderful professor once who had a photo of himself standing on the steps of Harvard Library and that meant he went to Harvard.

    • jesterpunk

      I lived near Princeton University and went to the comic book store across the street from the University. That counts as going there right?

      • Zyxomma

        I studied ballet at Princeton Ballet Society (on Alexander Road, since you know the territory). When I got off the bus, I had to walk across campus. By Trump standards, I attended school at Princeton.

        • jesterpunk

          Damn you are more qualified then I am, I never actually went onto the campus.

          • Zyxomma

            I’ve also seen a play at a theater on campus, and have visited their art museum. I’m too smart to work for this administration, obvs.

    • Belasaurius

      did you know that at Texas A&M, you don’t have to graduate to be alumni, you just have to attend. I took a class through there for a degree, so technically I am alumni

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        And they have better means of tracking you down for a donation than the FBI had for finding Whitey Bulger.

        • schmannity

          Two men are sitting on a deserted island. One is crying uncontrollably and the other is laughing hysterically.

          First Man: Why are you laughing, we’ll never be found, we’re going to die here!

          Second Man: I gave $100,000 to my Temple last year. We’ll be found.

      • Red Bird Ω

        They don’t call us alumni, they call us former students.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Yes, Yes you can.

    • NastyBossetti

      I attended my brother’s law school graduation, ergo I graduated from law school.

    • The Wanderer

      Willium: I mean, I went to a good school, mate, I went t’Eton.

      Seagoon: How long were you there?

      Willium: Oh, ’bout five minutes. I was deliverin’ the groceries.

      Seagoon: You were a greengrocer?

      Willium: Not quite green, more of a dirty yellow colour… Ha ha ha…

      • CURLY: I gotta brudder at Harvard Medical School!
        MOE: Oh, yeah..?
        CURLY: Sointenly! He was born wid two heads and they keep ’em in a big glass jar in the basement…
        MOE: >SMACK!<
        CURLY: Woo woo woo!

    • Anna Rompage

      My Niece got her JD from Notre Dame law… I went there once for a football game, so it’s the same as attending, right?

  • William

    Reading in complete disbelief this story about Ted Nugent toning down his shit-bag, gun-humping rhetoric. Can someone please direct me to my own universe now?

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Fake news!

    • OrG

      Don’t worry, he’s lying.

    • Covfefe

      This is your own universe. Donald Trump executed a hostile takeover. 302.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Wait until the next Democratic President is inaugurated in 2021. Ol’ Ted will be back to his old self in no time…

  • Covfefe

    I’d take a job like that. Good money and far enough away from Donald to keep out of jail. Sides, it’s got “no show” written all over it, so it’s not like she’s going to wreck anything.

    • Proud Liberal

      I’m confident she won’t be as incompetent as Trump.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Not exactly going out on a limb there…

        • Proud Liberal

          I always play it safe!

    • Sheepshagger

      Well she’s probably used to flamboyantly awful New York bitches, so trump will be nothing new.

  • Sheepshagger

    Total Monica there.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    It says n/a on it but I will let you judge whether this looks at all a bit padded, because I don’t LinkedIn either so I’ve no idea whether one typically lists a degree one did not manage more than two semesters of:

    Actually several badging programs have been launched in the last few years that will allow confirmation that the person is full of shit.

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Donnie would have made a good fortuneteller….

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/495384828427374592

  • Bill D. Burger

    C’mon this can’t be a surprise. He put Ben Carson in as head of HUD only because Carson was black and the dept. had ‘urban’ in it’s title.
    And Mental Ben’s specialty was pyramids.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c52a22d614f6b164169881d5a94e16f5e192eb9388b3bd0c0ca422fa4fa59be6.jpg

    • Sheepshagger

      Imhotep! Imhotep!

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Not Imhotep! Not Imhotep! You’re Imhotep!

      • Bill D. Burger

        Him old tup! ;)

    • Belasaurius

      look at those wonderful grain towers

    • The Wanderer

      It’s Pharaoh Rootentooten! Where’s Queen Hotsitotsi?

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Tut, tut.

        • OddMan

          ✩✩✩✩✩

    • schmannity

      I thought Betsy DeVos’ specialty was pyramids.

      • calliecallie

        ISWYDT

  • Mavenmaven

    He wanted revenge on NYC and this is how he is going to stiff NYC. He’s a one man wrecking crew, and needs to be removed from office ASAP.

  • schmannity

    The upside is that HUD is now available with those mini quiches and bacon wrapped scallops.

    • Stulexington

      Real men do not eat quiche! They eat egg pie.

      • schmannity

        Never understood that. You make a pie out of eggs, bacon, cheese and cream, you’re going to have a real man cardiovascular system.

        • desida

          But but but, the name is FRENCH! Therefore it is only for dainty girly-men, duh! No matter how much saturated fat is in there!

    • wait! what?

      Served with a golf tee as skewer.

    • jesterpunk

      That isnt scallops its canned clams shaped to look like a scallop.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        THOSE MONSTERS!

      • Anna Rompage

        Bacon wrapped scallop flavored canned clam nuggets… YOU MONSTER!

    • Hillpiper

      for the cadence and the punch of an actual working joke, I thank you

  • Anna Rompage

    I think her time at Yale was spend manning a recruiting table for Trump University, and subsequently organizing a cocktail party for the Young Republicans Club ..

  • snigsy

    Can Webster’s next tweet be the definition of “shameless”? And maybe with some concrete examples of the word’s usage, as in, for instance . . .

  • BigCSouthside

    I’ve been jokingly saying “this motherfucker is gonna make Dennis Rodman an ambassador or something”

    We are getting closer by the day to that no longer being a joke

    • Sheepshagger

      Someone was credibly suggesting that Rodman is his back channel to Kim. No joke.

      • BigCSouthside

        I’m surprised he didn’t staff the cabinet with celebrity apprentice rejects

        • Sheepshagger

          Gary Buesy for drug czar?

          • BigCSouthside

            “Gary will bring a manic energy, and depth of experience to the war on drugs never seen before. Believe me.”

          • Sheepshagger

            “He’s got tremendous intelligence on how the drugs get from Mexico all the way up to in Gary’s asshole. Just a really detail oriented guy.”

          • William

            Keith Richards

          • Sheepshagger

            Keith Richards called Mick Jagger a cunt for taking a knighthood. I don’t think him and trump would see eye to eye much. Also he has a history- the stones roadies smashed over trumps goons a few years back.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Also, too, Keith was ready to go after Donnie with a knife.

          • Natalie

            Way too much experience, downright overqualified, in fact.

          • William Cook

            Even Gary Busey isn’t crazy enough to take a job in this administration.

            I love Busey though. The magical shit that comes out of his mouth is the sole reason I watched that episode of Celebrity Apprentice.

            Godspeed, ‘Angel in an earth suit’.

      • OddMan

        The really shitty thing is that Dennis Rodman would be more qualified than most of trump’s appointments.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Just between you & me, have you been joking about any stock market opportunities?

  • William

    This does not even illicit a yawn from me. Consider the guy who is now in charge of all the nuclear material in the US inventory. He’s actually the guy who couldn’t remember the name of the department he wanted to ban…..and is now in charge of. You’d have to put Hitler in charge of a Jewish day care to top that shit. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/157238beca37490ca00d71755b35aab3395370a7d1fba432389570e2ede59eb7.jpg

    • Sheepshagger

      I reckon his staff gave him a model of a hydrogen atom and he hasn’t left his office since.

      • William

        He’s likely blowing on it in an effort to make water.

        • Sheepshagger

          Either that or they took him down one of those DOE waste vaults in Utah and left him.

          • TJ Barke

            It’s for the best.

    • KillerMartinis

      We urge you to check and see where you left your humanity if the prospect of more people being homeless for no particular reason doesn’t even elicit a yawn.

      • William

        You misunderestimated my comment. I am not SURPRISED that Cheeto-Hitler appointed a wedding planner to this post. I am still outraged and quite pissed off.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I suspect the half a million people living in NYCHA housing right now are pretty concerned.

      • William

        So am I.

      • Covfefe

        I suspect 320 million people living mg in the USA right now are pretty concerned.

        • OddMan

          AOT, Ariel.

    • Natalie

      And according to a recent report, still doesn’t know what his department responsibilities are.

      • William

        That’s what so terrifying. This clown has custody of enriched nuclear fuel. …and people wonder why I sometimes just escape and go troll Velveeta’s facebook page.

        • Natalie

          The thought of an animal husbandry major with bad grades who doesn’t even know what his job entails in charge of nuclear anything scares the hell out of me. Let alone a right wing bat-shit crazy christofascist one.

  • Reximus

    Sam Bee to Milo Yappannapaloopy…this is delish!

    https://twitter.com/ReaganBattalion/status/875519727447281665

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      “Go piss up a fucking rope, slimeball.”

    • TJ Barke

      Wow, that’s some pretty ridiculous self aggrandizement. “Man behind the myth”? Really? Go fuck yourself Milo, you goosestepping simpleton.

      • OneYieldRegular

        And besides, who wants to know the man behind that myth, whatever 15 minutes it lasted.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Conservatives are such attention whores.

    • Anna Rompage

      Looks like Milo Yankshisowndick is in need of a cash infusion…

      Poor fucker, spews a bunch of absurd shit to get the spotlight, then fucks it all up and is out begging for cash…

      Hopefully all of these slime bags will be denied attention, especially after Megyn was shut down for trying to interview Alex “trucker speed” Jones,

      • Jamoche

        Shut down? Last I heard, NBC was still going through with it.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      “Most lied about person in America”? He’s the one lying about himself, ffs.
      Also too, “man behind the myth”? If he wasn’t such a reprehensible charlatan, I’d feel bad for him. Something about the guy makes me think he was pretty severely abused. Get some goddam therapy, Milo, and go away. Please.

  • I understand the rage about this appointment, but I’m confident that once Ms. Patton gets her hands on the annual HUD gala at Trump Tower it will all begin to make sense.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Anna Rompage

      ouch!

      Does this person have to be confirmed by the senate?

      • FlemmishSpy

        She only needs to deliver a beautiful slice of chocolate cake.

    • Predisenting Ron

      The Daily News is seriously depleting the nation’s strategic reserve of puns and word-play.

  • Qualifications:
    MUST LOVE FAKE TACKY GOLD LEAF

  • Bill D. Burger

    I just knew her name was going to be Tammany Hall.

    ~sigh~

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Working for Boss Tweety.

  • Carole

    J.D.(N/A)? Either she got the degree or she didn’t. Also, usually it takes 3 years, not 2.

    • KillerMartinis

      oh, she didn’t even manage two years. She did two semesters *over* two years.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        A friend of mine’s husband went to Harvard law school. He is very bright – 4.0 undergrad degree in architecture from UC-Berkeley. He said he was shocked to find that at least half of his classmates were morons, and they all graduated. So how hard can it be?

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Pay to play.

      • Historicat

        That’s how you pad your resume – with the years. You don’t actually put anything about a degree in there! I mean, is she had just put …
        Quinnipiac University School of Law
        1998 – 2000
        … it still would be padding but not false!

        Amateurs.

    • cmd resistor

      I think it means “J.D., Not Awarded.”

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I’m guessing she dated someone at Yale?

    • Augustus

      Yeah, sure, “dated”

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I went to a frat party once. Just once, never again. There were several young ladies there who were “dating” the entire fraternity. Perhaps they give them an honorary degree for this.

        • Painter of Goats

          Or at least penicillin.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Good point. I was afraid to sit on the furniture myself. Everyone was told to bring a bottle of booze – any kind – and they had this 55 gallon drum with a plastic liner and poured it all into the drum and then everyone drank from it without reservation even though it was greenish and smelled foul. I refused to touch it. People were fucking absolutely everywhere, even on the stairs, which seems a tad uncomfortable to me, but I suppose if you’re that drunk you don’t notice. Not my scene. My date (blind date) threw up on himself and passed out early on, so I called a cab and left.

          • Natalie

            Sounds like Animal House, was a John Belushi type there?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            There was. He was in charge of the 55-gallon drum.

          • Natalie

            hahaha! Life imitates art.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Other way around. This was in 1974, and the movie came out in 1978.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Greg Smith of NYDN: “She’s arranged tournaments at Trump golf courses, served as the liaison to the Trump family during his presidential campaign, and even arranged Eric Trump’s wedding. Now President Trump has appointed longtime loyalist Lynne Patton — who has zero housing experience and claims a law degree the school says she never earned and another degree from a school that says she never attended– to run the office that oversees federal housing programs in New York.

    bwwhahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mco94ewoyY1rvk0h5o1_500.gif

  • William

    *sigh*. I wish we could go back to simpler days when we were so much more secure and Hollywood provided our fears. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/92a8e15d71caaab72a01640ce6652f4b72b3f5e243028edf6baf8aebee1daeee.jpg

    • Michael R
    • Nockular cavity

      I’ve stepped in quicksand before.

      It didn’t even get my ankles wet.

      • William

        where the F*ck is all this quicksand anyway? I’ve traveled the world over and haven’t seen so much as a cup full.

        • Nockular cavity

          It’s common in Greenland. It’s really just “the part of the trail that looks solid, but gets your boots wet.”

          • William

            OK. I’ve been to Greenland. Sonderstrom and Thule. Apparently the quicksand is no where near the club or the messhall.

        • janecita

          We have quicksand in NJ, in the Pine Barrens.

          • William

            I saw that Place on TV. It’s where the Sopranos dump their victims, and Pauly fucks up while chasing a wounded Russian.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    I see we’ve now moved to the “overt and shameless cronyism” instead of trying for subtlety.

    • snigsy

      When was there subtlety? Or was it so subtle I missed it?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Breaking: Miss Teen South Carolina named Director of NOAA. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

    • William

      Trump speechwriter

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      That young lady is far too intelligent and well-informed to join the Trump administration.

    • Bill D. Burger

      and sole director of the Department of Maps

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Like such as weather and oceans.

    • pstockholm

      Note, she got a round of applause.

  • snigsy

    Can’t wait for the “Say Yes to the Dress” tie-in.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Neurotics and psychotics build housing developments in the sky.

    Trumpanzees move it.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Orange is the new orange.

    • Historicat

      Don’t tease me.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Ooh, another magazine cover for Donnie’s collection.

  • Rick Hill

    Remember when a joke was made about trying Bin Laden’s driver? “Who’s next? HIs pool boy?”?

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    What do you have against minority women?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Nothing at the moment. But a hug would be nice.

  • Les Appentis De la résistance

    Rats. Poor people make bootstraps out of rats.

    • Painter of Goats

      Only after their dicks have been harvested and salted for distribution to everyone involved with Donald Trump, I pray.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I’m really surprised Sarah Palin wasn’t offered a job. Practically every other RWNJ has been given one.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      She was witty enough to quit when the heat started closing in Alaska. I think the grifter instinct probably told her to sit this one out.

    • Predisenting Ron

      Donnie Two Scoops don’t like competition in the griftin’ game, know what I mean?

  • Anna Rompage

    Ah, now it all makes sense…

    This person is a VP at Eric Trump’s foundation, plans most of their events, and was the person the Trump campaign used to show that there was absolutely no way that Donad, or his family are racist, because they hired her, and she’s black…

    • BMW

      “…and she’s black…”

      It is almost as if, in Donald’s mind, there is a direct correlation between being black and knowing a lot about public housing programs.

      • Anna Rompage

        I’m kind of shocked he didn’t appoint Jared to the position, as he seems to know a lot about using federal low income housing funds for new, high end, luxury developments…

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        He wrote a big “C” on her job application.

    • Historicat

      Keep her quiet about that stealing money from kids with cancer thing?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Obviously no one wants to work for Trump except his own nepotistic little cabal. I mean, just how dogdamn far down a list of qualified black candidates to head up federal oversight of NYC’s public housing does one have to go to arrive at choosing a wedding planner for Trump’s own family?

  • Ghenghis McCann

    Her claimed qualifications remind me of the old (probably apocryphal) story of an Indian who was offering his services as a tutor. He listed his qualifications as “BA Calcutta (Failed).”

  • BosGrl

    So basically any non commenter here could run a government agency and make life and death decisions for other people, according to the idiot in the White House. Good to know, next time an HR department tells me I’m not qualified for something.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I absolutely guarantee that any random non-commenter here would do a better job than anyone Ferrettop chooses.

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        We at least have a conscience and sense of self-awareness.

        • Natalie

          Those are disqualifying traits in the t-rump hiring strategy.

  • Nockular cavity
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      JLo’s name ends in “Z” so she’ll be handled by Trump’s Deportation Task Force.

    • Carole

      J. Lo at least has experience portraying public servants on TV, and as far as I know hasn’t claimed an unearned degree.

    • Zyxomma

      I don’t. I think she’s dead-eyed, a so-so dancer, not a singer at all, and a really poor actor. She’s kind of cute, in an old-school hard faced streetwalker way, but if she has any talent other than self-promotion, I can’t discern it.

  • janecita

    I’ve a Masters degree in in Public Health, can I be the new ambassador to Malta, please??

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Too qualified. Next?

      • janecita

        But I don’t know shit about diplomacy though!

        Ps. I’m obsessed with Malta:-)

      • SeriousSummer

        I do have a J.D., but I’m old and have forgotten everything I used to know. Can I be ambassador to Ireland?

        • Rex Thorne

          If you promise that you no longer know anything, welcome to Dublin, ambassador Summer.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      After Sonny Perdue is gone I get to be Sec. of Ag.

  • Rick Hill

    Bets the next we hear of her is that she diverted funds to some grift..and it involves one of the trump clan? And soon, not in a few years

  • marxalot

    So, it’s time to start mobilizing people to take over and collectivize housing in NYC/NJ, is what I’m hearing here. Make the high rises into low-income, community-held, fucking no-go zones. I’ll be there for a few days in September, I can help start a riot if we need one.

  • Rick Hill

    Her main qualification? A useful stooge who will funnel money into one of Kushner’s low income properties

    • h4rr4r

      That is the entire point of all housing assistance.

      If some poor folks get housing, that is an unfortunate side effect.

    • Scuse me “Low income” properties. Scare quotes for sure absolutely needed

      • Rick Hill

        He has them. They’re his hedge against inflation or something

        • oh no, I know, but the fake quotes are cause apparently they too are scammy scammy and the low income folks are far and few between

          • Rick Hill

            Ah

          • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

            Maybe they should be low income “properties”

          • Celtic_Gnome

            I know some local property owners who keep the outside of their rental properties beautiful while families of raccoons camp out inside. As long as the outside is up to code, they can write off all the lost rent from the unoccupied properties on their taxes.

  • Manders

    She can’t even find a coat that fits her, or a tailor, apparently. If sleeves are hard for her, how difficult will running housing in NY/NJ be? And, grift aside, why the eff would she want that job? Surely being a shady party planner is way more fun, and more lucrative, than being a shady head of housing.

    • That’s part of the job. None of these people can find a jacket that fits them properly.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I’m not sure how goddamned many ratchets short of a set you have to be to put a motherfucking WEDDING PLANNER in charge of New York’s federal housing programs

    Have you seen who Donald’s head of HUD is?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c27698501ca443a8cc981a659d4e4d468b77866915752ccb1036cea2a7497eec.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The best line of the whole Daily News piece is “she also listed Yale University but HUD officials couldn’t explain why that was there.”

    Do they have open enrollment for summer school? Or does Yale Extension exist? My money’s on either of those as an excuse to pad the resume explanation.

    • I am betting she threw a party there once

    • VirginiaLady

      Cool! I can now put down that I went to William and Mary!! Nowhere is a graduation date required. Hell, I go there so often I could be a prof. (Great shortcut to Ye Old Wine and Cheese Shoppe.)

    • Zyxomma

      Many years ago, an ex took me to Yale for his 20th reunion. Doesn’t mean I “attended” Yale.

  • pstockholm

    Ben “plodding windbag who can’t logic his way through a full sentence because his entire intellect is engaged in making up some pissant bullshit out of whole cloth to justify why nobody else should get the help he did the selfish myopic fuck” Carson

    Would be great if he could get his name legally changed to that.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I’d pay for the new business cards.

  • Lucas Foxx

    “Ben “plodding windbag who can’t logic his way through a full sentence because his entire intellect is engaged in making up some pissant bullshit out of whole cloth to justify why nobody else should get the help he did the selfish myopic fuck” Carson.” yep. That’s him, officer.

  • Lucas Foxx

    But, but, but..she’s one of Donald’s “blacks”. The “blacks” love him. And the Donald KNOWS the “blacks” know the hoods.

  • pstockholm

    Tirade-o’s on a tear! I love it.

  • Ricky Gay

    That is a fine rant!!!

  • TundraGrifter

    A fellow Hurricane! She can’t be all bad.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    A reality TV star is the president of the United States of America. From that point, you can imagine anyone at any position in the government. Like Dennis Rodman at Department of State. Or Kermit the frog at Homeland Security.

    • Historicat

      I might be able to get behind this Kermit the frog thing, tbh.

    • Cat Cafe for the Prosecution

      I know, we thought Idiocracy was insane, but this is Hate-ocracy

  • Laffing Crow

    That is a very strange photo. She’s doing a whole Napoleon power pose thing and he’s got an “I just hit that” skeezy grin on. JfC

    • Slinger

      A defensive move to keep $trump’s tiny hands from going in there.

      • Jamespuck

        He’s thinking, keep that hand there, unprotected access to pussy.

  • natoslug

    I hear Terri Schiavo has a lock on the Surgeon General position. If so, she’s the most qualified person Turnip has chosen thus far.

  • VirginiaLady

    Maybe it’s a good thing that all the people under investigation are being herded into one small area. Much easier to find when the time comes for arrests. It’s a given that if he appoints you, you WILL be looked at long and hard. Why else would the smarter crooks decline posts?

  • Lazy Media

    Hate to “well actually,” but there’s only one ratchet in a socket-wrench set; it’s part of the wrench itself. You’re thinking of sockets.

    • KillerMartinis

      When I’m tipsy and fucking with Ben Carson I’m prone to not remember the ins and outs of tools we rarely use, it’s true.

  • Laffing Crow

    “unless you woke up in a rage that wasn’t quite incandescent enough” I’m loving this big time and then some.

    Also, if any poors need cat hair for bootstrappin’ I’ve got all you need. Not only can you have all you can take for free, I’ll pay for meals, gas and tolls. Plus $50.

    • Jamespuck

      On my way, I need a new sweater. Seafood only. Will need gas for my scooter, and you can keep the trolls. Donate the 50 to the Trump legal fund for dumbasses.

  • Red Bird Ω

    Oh, go easy on her, Trump & Company probably think she’s qualified because she meets their demographic stereotype of a HUD client. Also too I’m surprised her family isn’t bragging about this. s

  • JustDon’tSayCovfefe
  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    this makes this year’s job struggles of mine even worse.

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    It’s all about fucking up the poor. I haven’t looked around but I’m sure Donald’s supporters are a-OK with this even if some of them are themselves poor. This is governing on spite. What a bunch of fucking clueless pieces of shit. They have no idea of the depth of the damage they’re causing to our country. They have no fucking idea.

    • They do know, they just don’t care. They are the “love America, hate Americans” crowd.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I actually think many don’t know, because most of them don’t know how things get done in the real world, much less gubmint. They see strange things happening, right wing pundits make it seem stranger and add scare tactics. The MSM half the time, instead of debunking and explaining what’s actually happening, jumps on the click bait bandwagon for ad $$$ and makes a story out of how dumb people are.

        The people you describe do exist, but when I hear a FOX news or Trump supporter kvetching, they mostly don’t know what they’re talking about or take talking points at face value..because they would never lie to them….

  • I’d much prefer a nanny state to the current Dada state we have.

  • Pisto75666

    Everyone’ll be homeless but at least the food and flowers will be FABULOUS!

  • Shibusa
    • Rex Thorne

      Cronyism is Trump’s only option. Serious, honest, people will have nothing to do with him, so he surrounds himself with his own associates.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Don’t be so quick to judge! Maybe she went to a school named Yale, but just not the one you are thinking of when people say “Yale”. Ever think of that? I’m sure there are plenty of nice schools with the name Yale. DeVos-Yale University of east Selma, Trump-Yale University of Upstate New York. Did you check these fine houses of learning be fore you got all judgey?

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Cornell is in IA. I think the other Yale is in Kansas.

      • Zyxomma

        No, Cornell is in Ithaca (main campus), although they have so many schools worldwide, I suppose it’s possible one of them could be in Iowa.

        • Olds Philosopher

          You’re both right.
          Cornell University is in ithaca, Cornell College is in Iowa

          • H0mer0

            I had a high school classmate with the surname “Cornell” who went to Dartmouth.

    • Jamespuck

      Yale School of Locksmiths. She will need that skill when she evicts the immigrants.

  • Pat_Pending

    I’m sure that there will be a no-host bar at this particular shit show.

    • MOG253

      Swag?

  • MOG253

    😲sorry, this needed a screaming emoji. I don’t have a vomit pic. #IMPEACHTRUMP with a splintery pole.

  • C4TWOMAN


    hese people think they are the elites and a
    whole roomful of them have approximately a quarter of the brainpower
    that a single line cook has.

    I’m sure this or something like it has already been said: working in food service is brutal and you must have your wits about you.

    A better analogy would be something like a quarter of the brainpower of a dead moth.

    • KillerMartinis

      I’m assuming in any room of these people there’s one smart person huddled in the corner screaming silently and wondering how their life came to this pass.

  • ThanksSatan

    This woman is exaggerating on her LinkedIn and in no way qualified​ for this position but she was more than White Court Vampire’s wedding planner. These guys travel and run a lot of functions and it sounds like she helped manage that. Her title was definitely bizarre. If he hired her to assist in the WH in a similar position, I’d be fine with it. (Using a PA to plan your wedding is gross btw.)

    I just want to be very accurate so we’re not giving wiggle room to that fuck heads who cheerleader for them. Also, someone needs to fix her fucking bangs.

    • H0mer0

      do you mean PA as in “personal assistant” or “physician assistant”? Also, are those few strands of hair what we are calling bangs?(asking for a friend–my forehead is so small that whenever I’ve been stupid enough to attempt bangs, they always give the effect of a puffy mullet.)

      • ThanksSatan

        Personal assistant. Yeah, I went with bangs because I wasn’t sure what else to call that mess.

        • H0mer0

          I have evidence of my initial attempt at bangs immortalized by a first grade school portrait. When my sons were six, one of them came home with his behavior rating “yellow” because of “misuse of scissors.” I thought “yup, right on time, must be a genetic thing :D

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Ms. Patton, there are rats in our building, the sewage constantly overflows, the railings on the emergency stairs are broken, we’ve got dealers and pimps using the lobby, and we’d like to know what HUD is going to do about it.”

    “Well I think some mauve-colored crepe in the hallway would add a nice decorative touch, or maybe beige, you know, something neutral, and if I can help out with choosing any bridesmaids’ dresses you can just call the number on this card, that’s a private line, my own side business. Anything you need for your special day you just ask. I’ll make sure to find you a good rate.”

  • Le Covfefe Royal
  • Daniel Hooper

    Damn; this is you MILDLY displeased?!

    • KillerMartinis

      Actually the title I picked was “Fuck YOU, America” but I’ve found Editrix is much better at headlining.

      This is me at about half-rage.

      • Daniel Hooper

        Yeah, it’s perhaps for the best. Your original headline would’ve taken a bit of work to be validated, especially since the Electoral College ultimately put Trump in office. It’s still O.K., though, and certainly not as bad as the one I read about the gunman killed after he attacked the Republican practice game titled, “White Men Are Bulletproof.” It was about how everyone’s afraid to call his and crimes if a similar nature terrorism, but yeah, that one really needed some explaining.

  • Persistent Demme

    So, lets see.
    Ben Carson, Steve Harvey(?), Lynne Patton.
    Winning!!1!

    What say you Andrew Cuomo?

  • AB Vinson

    oi vey….at least back in the day republicans used to nominate useful idiots that had degrees and stuff that said they were qualified for the position. Trump is just nominating people that on paper don’t even qualify let alone their job skills match up with what’s being asked of them and we got to grin and bear it…. I’m getting kind of tired of winning allready!!!

    • Jamespuck

      When the only job requirement is kissing his ass, you will have many charlatans, blowhards, and liars. Just a little faux loyalty. The job is yours. Do a good job, he will take credit for your accomplishments. Do a shit job, you will get your fired, and he will say he never knew or met you.

  • Hoon Seong Teo

    OK in other news the Grenfell tower ( I feel sick just thinking about it ) has sparked off public demonstrations in London. Maybot was booed and hissed at when she finally deigned to meet the victims after chickening out the first time. So you go, Donnie, nominating a complete know nothing in charge of public housing. An event planner? I can’t even….

  • lynchie

    Lynn is perfect for the job, she is totally unqualified. She graduated with a degree in English Literature from University of Miami. she did attend Quinnipac School of Law but did not graduate and certainly did not attend Yale.
    She was involved in casting on Celebrity Apprentice and was wedding planner for Eric Trumps wedding.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lynne_Patton

  • lynchie

    I am wondering does she do golden showers or just eat taint

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I have never in my life been in charge of an operation that required me to appoint people to high-powered positions, but, if I was, I’d really suck at it, because I honestly don’t know that many incompetent people.

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      No worries. In this age of the interwebs, there are thousands (nay, millions) who will be happy to help. Pick me! Pick me!

      • ahughes798

        Yes. Just read the comments to any article on Yahoo and pick one of those folks.

  • gallbladder

    What, is she twiddling her nipple in that photo?

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Figured she’d beat Donnie to the punch.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      She’s holding her dress where Donnie playfully pulled the button off.

  • You libtards are so obvious. Can you really say that last year’s black-tie season was at all good at New York Public Housing? The buffet at the Summer Gala left a lot to be desired, and don’t even get me started on the placement of the seafood forks. And the less said about last month’s Fancy Dress/Alice-in-Wonderland themed ball, the better. Thank the gods that My So-Called President wants to make America great again, and is starting with those who suffer the most from poor event planning!

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Let’s be fair people, to Donnie she isn’t unqualified. I mean, she’s black, right? She must know all about low-income subsidized housing. After all, if Donnie had to appoint a secretary of fried chicken and watermelon you KNOW what colour they would be…

    • phoenix00

      Two words: Ben Carson.

  • Ulricii

    The Yale University claim is easy to explain. She ran her search for college names through Yahoo and when the results came up on her credentials page there was the white Y in the blue block attached. It was easier to add the Yale claim than to figure out how to delete the Yahoo Y. So that’s what she did.

    • SeeTrain65

      I think she made a mistake. She was looking for Brigham Young.

  • Brian Loudermilch

    Our Imperial Orange Caligula knows that “Russia Thing” is going to
    blow up in his face. He knows It’s gonna be Yuge. He’s getting even by Screwing
    Everything up as Bad as Possible while he still has the chance.

  • la bibliotequetress

    Today, right now, as I’m typing, I’m working in a law school library. Just surveyed 3 lawyers and 8 law students and no one has ever seen “JD” followed by “(N/A)” or “n/a” or any variation thereof, for someone who either attends law school but doesn’t graduate, or graduates but doesn’t sit for the bar.

    But it could mean, “Trump craps on the Constitution so my JD is not applicable.”

    • Jukesgrrl

      She has since “explained” this. She says she went there for two semesters and she “had to” say JD because that’s what she studied for. But since she didn’t get anywhere near being awarded a JD, she put “N/A” for “not applicable.” I’m off now to add an MFA (N/A), an MS (N/A), and a PhD (N/A) to my resume. I’m also going to decorate it with the logo of Oxford University. I’m also thinking of a line that says “Special Assistant to Stephen Hawking (N/A).

      • ahughes798

        Me, too! I’m a lowly CC grad. Shit….I’m gonna put Oxford PhD(N/A) on my resume now! Maybe Kurt Cobain’s ex-girlfriend(N/A) also, too.

        • Jukesgrrl

          Good idea. Let’s extend this beyond education! How about Pulitzer Prize in Poetry (N/A)?

          • ahughes798

            Why not? I’m gonna put Race Car driver(N/A) there, too.

        • H0mer0

          Courtney? Are you one of us?

          • ahughes798

            I don’t know if she is or not, but if what’s her face can say she went to law school, I can say my ex-boyfriend was Kurt Cobain. I’m slightly more sane than Courtney.

      • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

        She couldn’t have just put an “F” for flunked out?

  • Jamespuck

    I think her hand is covering up the jizz stain on her dress.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    No wonder Ben Carson never uses his middle name.

  • Scrofula

    “HA HA YOU STUPID FUCKS ACTUALLY THINK HARD WORK GETS YOU ANYWHERE”. Hey, they worked hard too. It takes a lot of work getting your alcohol tolerance up enough to join a frat so you can network into a finance job.

  • cats530

    Is she Trump’s new squeeze?

    • ahughes798

      Hmmm. Good question right there!

  • KevinShinn

    Why don’t you tell us what you really think?

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Well, the Republicans keep telling you government can’t do anything right. And here’s the evidence.

  • ServantToTheStars

    How can you properly plan a wedding when you can’t tailor your own jacket?

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      Isn’t it considered stylish to have sleeves that come down to your knees?

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Yes. In 1287.

    • Jo Mathie

      Or work out how ties should not be some flapping stripy Anaconda dripping down your shirt. I’d let you lot over the pond borrow Colin Firth to teach Trump how to dress himself but I’ not sure that we’d get him back again.

      • Invidosa

        You wouldn’t, he’d make a smashing president​!

      • Clark_Nova

        The long, long tie is to help him find the hole in his flab that his junk retracted into 30 years ago.

  • dshwa

    This article is brilliant. Well done.

  • Don’t mince words, now. Tell us what you really think.

    http://movies.trekcore.com/gallery/albums/twok/ch2/twok0061.jpg

  • Peripatetic Poltroon

    I’m pretty sure the NSA implanted a scanner chip in my hippocampus. I know this because they beam in and ask my subconscious what Hair Furor should do & then they do the exact worst opposite. It’s uncanny & I have no other explanation.

  • SeeTrain65

    “Don’t sugar coat it. Tell us how you really feel.”

    What? Has someone already done that joke?

  • Shalimar

    Law school from 1998 to 2000? For 2 semesters? She would have been in the class of 2001 if she started in 1998. It’s generally a 3 year program though it is possible to finish in 2 and a half if you take classes both summers.

    Even her bullshit doesn’t make sense.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      And you can’t put “J.D” on the resume and then put “N/A” after that. If you didn’t get the freakin’ degree, then you can’t list it. Nonsensical and unethical. But then again, she was a VP for Eric’s foundation for many years….

      • Shalimar

        Stories about Eric’s foundation make it very clear there were 2 distinct periods: The early years, where his college buddies were the board and it was actually run as a charity to help people, and the crony years, when Donald’s associates took over and it became part of the Donald Trump empire with all of the illegal transactions that involved.

        She started there in 2011, so part of the corrupt years.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Heck of a job, Brownie.

    • kcnewhaven

      isn’t that “heck of a job Bernie”

  • kfreed

    Mine outrage meter ist kaput. Americans got what they voted for, – willingly (or they didn’t even bother to vote at all). Oh well.

    • ahughes798

      I didn’t get what I voted for, even though Hillary won by 3.5 million votes. I did not set up the electoral college, either, also too.

  • phoenix00

    “So what are your qualifications for this position?”

    “…….. ¯_(ツ)_/¯”

    “You can start after lunch”

    • Jo Mathie

      You are white and pretty. Trump hires women the way that he hires wives.

      • phoenix00

        At least Fox News has STANDARDS……

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        Not even pretty. A little cute maybe. Has something on him?

  • Debra Dassow

    and then he grabbed her by the pussy.

    • Weird Fishes

      You really do have to wonder just whose cock she’s been gobbling.

      • Matthew Gleason

        Actually you really don’t.

      • Alan

        AOTK?

        • Weird Fishes

          Seriously, next week she’ll be back to answering phones at Bayside Toyota.

  • Weird Fishes

    “You went to Yale? Impressive.”
    “Well….”
    “You spelled Yale correctly?”
    “First time, too!”
    Very impressive. You’re hired!”

  • Jgb979

    I’m sure 127th ranked quinnipiac law school, first accredited in 1995, had a lot of transfers from Yale…….of people looking to get their JD in event planning.

    It’s almost awesome how EVERY decision he makes is the single most embarrassing, hypocrtical, asshole decision he could have ever possibly made.

  • La forza del resistino

    So, Donald brings his wedding planner back into the sphere. What say you, Melania?

  • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

    Wait, is this a small business owner the Trumps haven’t stiffed? Will wonders never cease!

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      I’m guessing this is what she gets in lieu of payment for the last event she organized… I have no trouble believing that TrumpCo looks at this job as a way to pay her off with other people’s money.

  • shocktreatment

    That was some damn rant! Thank you.
    My outrage glands are shrunk down to raisins, I think the thoughts, but I’m going to have to recover a bit before I feel the passion.
    Just to sleep at night these days, I stop consuming news when I stop consuming coffee, like at 2PM, about when I start consuming whiskey…

  • Reince Pubis

    No, silly, it’s not Yale, it’s YALE – Yonkers Area Learning Educationarium

  • bbayliss

    A ratchet is the handle that holds a socket, so it’s actually a socket set. sorry. It’s the OCD.

  • NMP

    Alternative fact: She visited the Yale campus once (even bought a t-shirt!) so it’s totally justified that she put it in her resume. #MAGA

  • Haha, funny stuff

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    killermartinis (much love) seems unhappy with this story.

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    Seriously though I’m getting this now: Such is the NYC housing market that many regular wage earners have to live in public housing, and then there’s the indignity of continuing to regard homeless as trash. This appointment is not only incompetent, but a huge insult.

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    So, this is a HUD division? This is a presidential appointment, because…? This can happen again in many cities?

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    HARD WORK –> Arbeit macht frei.
    Too harsh?

    • r m reddicks

      Too soon?

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I won a drinking contest while visiting a friend who attended Dartmouth. I suppose you want me to take Dartmouth off of my LinkedIn profile now?

    • Alan

      No, I think that qualifies.

  • ez

    Inserting a key into a Yale lock is not college credit worthy?

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      With a different brand of lock, you can get a Master”s.

      • Weird Fishes

        It will always be a lesser lock.

      • ez

        Good one though!

      • mardam422

        Nice.

  • Empress of the Iguana People

    Team of Rivals in Incompetence

  • akryan

    Maybe Trump never paid her for the events she planned for him and just told her he’d give her this job instead.

    • orygone

      that sounds the most likely

  • Weird Fishes

    Honestly, where does he find these people?

  • davej1s

    Yep! Me too! I graduated from Yale Law School too! In fact I graduated Laudy How Cum? Not everyone can say that…

  • Teto85

    I think her only qualification was that she did not run away screaming “No fucking way am I gonna take that job!.”

  • mardam422

    This will be fine until public housing in NYC starts using the money to provide a DJ in every laundry room and glitter balls in every hallway.

  • mardam422

    Question: Have you ever been to Yale?
    Answer: Partied in New Haven with Yale mascot.
    On the resume it goes!!

  • mardam422

    It’s fine. I think the N/A just means Not Ambulance chaser. So it’s all good.

  • Robert Andre Glasper

    Who cares about New York City? The politicians in Illinois have been stealing their ignorant taxpayers dollars legally for years without a darn budget.

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