KNOCK ON WOOD, but it’s a halfway sleepy news afternoon. Trump tweeted something stupid bout “WHY HILLARY NOT INVESTIGATED FOR RUSSIA, SAY ME THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION, DOY DOY DOY DOY DOY?” but fuck him, he tweets something stupid every day. So we figured now would be a good time to point out that Martin Heinrich, the junior senator from New Mexico, is smokin’ hot. We had been noticing it as we covered hearings in the Senate Intelligence Committee. Who IS this man from Nazareth with the hot lips giving Trump administration officials what-for?
Sen Heinrich: “You took an oath…And now you’re not answering questions. You’re impeding this investigation.” pic.twitter.com/0khsPNZvM8
— David Mack (@davidmackau) June 13, 2017
So we figured it was our utmost journalism responsibility this afternoon to go to Heinrich’s Facespace and Instafuck pages, to find hot pictures and videos of him in the act of flagrant hotness.
Did you know that back in 2014, Heinrich and his Republican senator pal from the next state over, Jeff Flake, did a Discovery Channel TV show called “Rival Survival”? It is like some kind of outdoorsy survival thing, and they had to go to a deserted island and WORK BIPARTISAN to we dunno, not get eated by bears or something. We’re not doing research for this post, as that would distract from finding hot pictures.
See? Here he is, in “wilderness.”
And here he is with Flake, telling MSNBC how the bears did not eated them, at “wilderness”:
Look at that dimple monster!
Anyway, do not worry, because Jeff Flake is not the only senator Heinrich plays outside with. Sometimes he wears these jeans REALLY WELL while he’s playing outside with Senator Tom Udall:
And sometimes he doesn’t even play outside with humans! Here he is in Washington, on the lawn by the Capitol, giving his lab-looking dog belly scratches while he says some kinda sexxxy words about the climate, we dunno:
That is Ella. She is obviously a very good girl.
And guess what? The dog even gets to come inside his office, because Martin Heinrich isn’t some kind of fucking ASSHOLE who leaves his dog chained to the Washington Monument all day while he does “Senate,” gah why would you even think that?
Is Martin Heinrich down with the NOH8 campaign, what is about Be Nice To Gays? YES HE IS:
But HANDS OFF, all you gays and also ladies, because Heinrich loves his wife Julie very much. Look but don’t touch:
Of course if Julie has any pics on her phone that she wants to send us, so we can shamelessly objectify her husband, that is fine.
Oh look, Martin Heinrich caught you this fish:
And he is pals with your favorite president ever Barack Obama:
And he even looks cute eating beef jerky, which is apparently his FAVORITE:
And lastly, for real, man can fill out a pair of jeans:
This concludes our investigative journalism piece on how Martin Heinrich is a hot piece o’ ass.
Please discuss what you have learned in the comments in this, your open thread.
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