Would you like to read a 5,000 word roundup of wingnuts being awful about the terrible shooting incident that injured GOP Rep. Steve Scalise and several others? We thought not. For one thing, most people are being fairly decent. Oh, Alex Jones says yesterday was the beginning of a new civil war, but fuck him. The less you pay attention to him, the less he exists in our public discourse. (Ahem, MEGYN KELLY.) And honestly, we like seeing Congress act decently for once, though we’re skeptical how long that will last. But for now, we don’t mind watching Republicans like Senator John Thune and hot-ass Rep. Adam Kinzinger go on TV and talk about how members of Congress need to set an example for America by being nicer to each other. Hell, even Appalachian Trail Wanderer Rep. Mark Sanford said on TV that Donald Trump shares some of the blame! We seen it with our own eyes!
Instead, let’s just focus on three Republican wingnuts who need to go fuck themselves, but in a CIVIL WAY, unless they like to fuck themselves in an uncivil way, not that there’s anything wrong with that. We’re not going to rank them, because that would require effort. Just think of this as Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Three Deplorables In A Tub.
Go Fuck Yourself, Newt Gingrich
Most of Newt’s week has been consumed with shitting on Robert Mueller for doing a real investigation into Donald Trump, because Newtie has a bigger Cialis boner for Trump than he’s ever had for a mistress he’s about to run off with as soon as he serves divorce papers to whatever hospitalized woman he’s currently married to. But he took some time to hop on Fox News and bitch about how this happened because Kathy Griffin. And Shakespeare plays. And Democratic CUSSERS:
It’s part of a pattern […] The intensity on the left is very real, whether it is … a so-called comedian holding up the president’s head in blood, or right here in New York City, a play that shows the president being assassinated, or it’s Democratic leading national politicians who are so angry they … have to use vulgarity …
Even the Fox News hosts told him to fuck off, with one asking if he thinks he’s being helpful, and should we maybe try to rise above the “threats” from cussers and Shakespeare and redheaded comedians? Newt’s answer: “NO!” What a stupid, immature, malfunctioning snowflake fuckbaby, who coincidentally explained 30 years ago to Republicans to call Democrats “traitors” all the time if they want to win.
Go Fuck Yourself, Rep. Steve King
We’re not sure if deplorable bigot Steve King was locked in the bathroom trying to squeeze out a cantaloupe-calf-sized shit yesterday while the rest of his Republican and Democratic colleagues were on the House floor holding hands and crying about how when one of their members is attacked, it’s an attack on all of them, but we’re going to guess the answer is PROBABLY. Here are his thoughts:
“I do want to put some of this at the feet of Barack Obama,” the Iowa congressman said in an interview with Simon Conway on WHO Iowa radio. “He contributed mightily to dividing us. He focused on our differences rather than our things that unify us. And this is some of the fruits of that labor.”
This from a guy who talks like a LITERAL Nazi, who says Mexican DREAMer immigrants are just drug mules who have cantaloupe-sized calves (hence our joke above!), and who says hideously anti-Muslim things about HIS OWN FUCKING COLLEAGUE Rep. Keith Ellison of Minnesota. Did we mention he was completely and openly racist toward Barack Obama pretty much the entire time Obama was president? And the Nazi thing?
Yet Steve King thinks he can blame the soaring, hopeful rhetoric of Barack Obama for what happened yesterday, just because that soaring rhetoric made Steve King’s dick shrivel downward from its usual acorn size. Whatever, asshole.
And finally …
Go Fuck Yourself, Sean Hannity
Hannity, the human buttplug who holds the title of “dumbest motherfucker at Fox News,” and who spent a month literally hurting an innocent family by advancing an unhinged conspiracy theory that Hillary Clinton had a DNC staffer murdered, because A) Sean Hannity is that big of a shithead and B) If he didn’t cover that, he’d have to cover how his daddy Trump is under FBI investigation like a common criminal, and MIGHT even be a traitor, has thoughts on yesterday’s shooting:
— Fox News (@FoxNews) June 15, 2017
… these left-wing celebrities, these Trump detractors, glorifying violence against the president of the United States, and virtually no one on the left has denounced this vile behavior, especially Soros-Clinton groups that attack conservatives for everything they can say. What can we expect … from a party that has every election season alleged, like Barack Obama did … Republicans want dirty air and dirty water, oh and Paul Ryan lookalikes throwing granny over the cliff, and Republicans are racist and sexist and misogynistic and Islamophobic and homophobic and xenophobic … when Democrats continue to dehumanize Republicans, and paint them as monsters day in and day out, year in and year out, well the climate around the country, it becomes more than toxic. And the tragic results, of course, follow.
All those things he’s bitching about? Those are ACTUAL policies and actions and words from ACTUAL Republicans that have ACTUALLY hurt people. And “dehumanizing”? Didn’t Donald Trump’s uncomfortable-faced son Eric just say LAST WEEK that people who don’t support his dad literally aren’t people? Go crank your yank in hell, Sean Hannity, you fucking loser. And we mean that in a NONVIOLENT AND CIVIL WAY.
All right, that’s enough. As we said, we’re not going to focus on all this negativity, because Wonkette is a positive mommyblog, and though we might make fun of Republicans a little bit, we are a loving bunch. If you really want to mainline more shitty reactions from the literal worst people America has to offer, you can always go to the Media Matters Twitter feed because ooh boy, they’ve got more.
Now go with God, IN A CIVIL WAY, unless Newt Gingrich, Sean Hannity or Steve King starts bothering you, in which case you have our permission to say as many cusses at them as you want.
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