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What if teenage Devin Nunes had sexted his girlfriend? Should he have gone to jail for 15 YEARS? Guess so, because he voted for this bill.

Here’s a great idea that will really do a lot of good for teenagers who sext each other! How about, if they get caught sexting, they go to jail for 15 years? Wouldn’t that show those kids who’s boss?

The House of Representatives has passed H.R. 1761, the Protecting Against Child Exploitation Act of 2017, which would amend the current law, Section 2251 of Title 18. Sounds good so far, right? We agree in a bipartisan way that child exploitation is bad! All but two Republicans voted for the bill, and a heck of a lot of Democrats voted for it too. So what’s the problem, Democratic. Rep. Bobby Scott of Virginia?

One vocal critic was Rep. Bobby Scott (D-Virginia), who called the legislation “particularly appalling” because it would “apply to people who I think we should all agree should not be subject” to long mandatory minimums. “Under this law, teenagers who engage in consensual conduct and send photos of a sexual nature to their friends or even to each other may be prosecuted and the judge must sentence them to at least 15 years in prison,” said Scott on the House floor.

Oh! Mandatory minimum sentencing! It’s that thing that says that if you are convicted of breaking Law A, then you have to be sentenced to X number of years, no matter who you are, and no matter the circumstances of your case. Those laws overcrowd our prisons and ruin people’s lives, for example by sometimes sending non-violent drug offenders away for life. A mandatory minimum sentencing law sent Florida woman Marissa Alexander away for 60 years, because nobody believed her when she said she fired warning shots at her husband in self-defense under the state’s Stand Your Ground law. (She has since been released.)

And now, under this House bill, if you’re a horny teenager and you sexted your other horny teenager pal, like a normal horny teenager, maybe you can go to jail until you’re in your early 30s, for the crime of being a horny teenager. Or you could even go to jail for ATTEMPTING to be a horny teenager. Back to Rep. Bobby Scott:

… [T]he law explicitly states that the mandatory minimums will apply equally to an attempt or a conspiracy …

That means if a teenager attempts to obtain a photo of sexually explicit conduct by requesting it from his teenage girlfriend, the judge must sentence that teenager to prison for at least 15 years for making such an attempt. If a teenager goads a friend to ask a teenager to take a sexually explicit image of herself, just by asking, he could be guilty of conspiracy or attempt, and the judge must sentence that teenager to at least 15 years in prison.

Yeah buddy, gotta stop those sexting adolescents! The ACLU says so!

Oh wait, the ACLU says the opposite.

To be clear, this bill is well-intentioned, which is why it had such bipartisan support from people who didn’t read it very carefully. It goes after child pornographers and child abusers! It just seems kind of counterproductive, in that it would label some of the very kids they’re trying to protect as criminals. WHOOPS.

As Reason notes, the Department of Justice had asked for this bill, specifically because federal prosecutors fucked up an ACTUAL child exploitation case, where a 19-year-old molested a 7-year-old, and the abuser ended up going free on account of prosecutorial overreach. And congresspeople TRIED to fix the fucked up parts of the bill — you know, the parts about mandatory minimums and sending 17-year-olds to jail forever for sending each other sexts — but those amendments didn’t pass, therefore it’s still a BAD BILL.

More from Reason:

Supporters of the legislation said there’s no reason to think that federal prosecutors will use the bill against teen sexters, since they have not done so in the past. But state prosecutors have. And we’re also up against a new federal administration—one that has explicitly endorsed mandatory minimums and other tough-on-crime endeavors. So, no, the FBI probably isn’t about to start rounding up teen sexters in mass. But what will happen the next time ICE finds a racy image on a 17-year-old Mexican immigrant’s phone?

That’s not a wild and crazy thing to worry about in Jeff Sessions’s America.

Oh, and did we mention that this bill has no “Romeo and Juliet” provisions, to make sure you’re not sending a 19-year-old kid to prison for having a sexxxy picture of his 17-year-old girlfriend on his phone? Democratic Reps. John Conyers, Sheila Jackson Lee and others released a statement in opposition to the bill that makes note of that, and concludes that while “no child pornography offense should go unpunished,” a lot of this bill is totally fucked up, y’all.

Anyway, BAD JOB, House of Representatives. We know you don’t like to read bills, but maybe you SHOULD HAVE, just this one time.

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[Reason / H.R. 1761]

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  • DrBigHead

    Well, those for-profit prisons aren’t going to fill themselves, are they?

    • FlownΩver

      They’ll be a lot easier to maintain if they have a steady supply of randy teenage boy inmates for the others to pass around.

  • beatbort

    Maybe when Eric and Barron and Don Jr and Daddy Trump go to prison, they can share a cell with one of these deviant sexters.
    That would be nice.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      That would be cruel and unusual punishment. For the sexter.

    • Bobathonic

      I’m pretty sure they are also deviant sexters. Certainly they are deviants.

  • Truck Fump
    • Skwerl the Impeachanator!

      A free pass, but only if you are white.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Is it retroactive? Can Anthony “See My” Weiner be prosecuted?

  • Christopher Reeve’s Antibodies

    As a lawyer I agree entirely, and whilst I live in one of only 2 states of my country (Australia) that have a mandatory sentencing law, at least we managed to elect a very sharp former lawyer to Attorney-General, who drafted the law so it only applies to 3 consecutive convictions for violent burglary, and is less than the sentence you’d get anyway for that (i.e. he played it damn well – played upon the community’s perceptions of judicial leniency in order to pass a law that satisfied the ‘throw away the key’ set whilst ensuring that it has zero effect on actual sentencing).

    But don’t forget the OTHER big mistake in 20th century sentencing – the period where the US elevated rehabilitation to a a primary sentencing factor, i.e. when in California a judge could sentence someone (for even a minor theft) for ‘prison until they pass the rehabilitation program’.

    Trouble is you get folk who just don’t want to bend the knee. And there at least 3 document cases of rehabilitation-based sentencing resulting in 20-40 year sentences for theft of objects worth less than $10. The judges who made the sentences no doubt expected the convicted to be out in a few weeks. They never intended to sentence them for life. It’s one of those mistakes that we’re in danger of forgetting, and hence repeating.

    • Oblios_Cap

      The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets and to steal bread.

      • Suttree

        GMTA. I just posted that upthread. With the caveat that I am no longer going to spell the whole thing out. From now on I’m just going to say Anatole and be done with it.

        • willi0000000

          he’s French, you know.

      • FlownΩver

        Conversely neither the rich nor the poor are barred from selling out their nation’s interests to an adversary nation, at least where the sellout is necessary to keep a stupid real estate deal afloat.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Skwerl the Impeachanator!

    I want to snark, but I cannot snark. This is outrageous.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Good thing they’re not wasting their time on frivolous shit.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Is pussy grabbing still okay?

    • Nounverb911
      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        hands are too big

        • Oblios_Cap

          The tie isn’t long enough.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Ok?
      It’s mandatory!

    • Skwerl the Impeachanator!

      Of course, I can still legally have consensual sex with 16 year-olds, but if either of us send a sexxxy text we are looking at 15 years,

    • Crystalclear12

      Only if you are: white, old, rich and male.

      • SeeTrain65

        … with an orange top coat.

  • So…white kids be goin’ to prison?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Probably not.

      • Sooo, useless law! May as well be illegal to drag a dead horse down Yonge Street

        • Suttree

          Fuck it. I’m tired of writing the whole thing out. Whenever I say Anatole France from now on everybody just nod. “Law rich poor equal living under bridges and stealing bread yada yada yada.”

    • mardam422

      Hahahahaha. Don’t be silly. This will be used against the blah children only. Unless it’s a blah boy sexting a white girl. Then the boy is going to fucking jail!!

    • Skwerl the Impeachanator!

      Probably not. Kids will be kids. On the other hand those non-white kids are super-predators and we need to send a message to other non-white kids.

    • anon_the_great

      Only poor ones the local christians don’t like

      • Duke

        Those are the kids without “good parents.” Brown Christians don’t get a pass, btw.

        • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

          TBF, brown Christians are very often Catholics, who aren’t real ‘Christians’ at all.

  • BadKitty904

    And Republican donors own the private, for-profit pri$on industry. What a remarkable coincidence.

  • mardam422

    Is that a mullet? That’s a mullet!!!1

    • MynameisBlarney

      That’s the mid 80’s Douche Bro Mullet.

      • Suttree

        Guido mullet. i wonder how much hair gel he used? I bet that spiky shit on top would pop a balloon.

        • Bobathonic

          It looks to be a fire hazard, too.

    • Duke

      Doesn’t improve his apparent IQ much.

      • FlownΩver

        There’s none apparent to improve.

  • OrG

    Rethugs fuck up everything. Why should this be any different?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Today’s GOP – making problems where they really don’t exist,

    • Nounverb911

      And ignoring the ones that do.

      • willi0000000

        they don’t ignore the problems . . . they create and feed them!

  • h4rr4r

    While 60 years is too much anyone who fires warning shots should lose the right to own guns. Warning shots are not a thing outside the movies. Those are just unaimed shots at random into the world.

    • anon_the_great

      Uh, perhaps in your city but around here a round in the ground has resolved many a fiasco peaceably

      • h4rr4r

        With many injuries and unintended consequences.

        Those people should not be allowed to own anything sharper than a spoon.

        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          Extreme vetting for gun buyers. I’m in!

          • h4rr4r

            Well it is almost extreme vetting now. Adding more would be fine.

        • Bobathonic

          This scenario starts from the point of “the subject has the loaded gun in their hand, and a threatening person in front of them”, not “the person is in a gun store shopping for a gun”.

          Which is more better, shooting into the ground/ceiling, or into the other person? Asking for a friend.

          • h4rr4r

            That scenario is already at the point where this person should lose the right to own a firearm. Shooting a person is murder/attempted murder the other should be a felony charge as well.

          • Bobathonic

            So any defensive gun use should be a felony? Do you envision any gun use can be legal, other than hunting and target practice?

            To be clear, I am not any sort of gun enthusiast, I own zero guns, and I believe (if we are going to have them) we should have really good vetting for gun licensing, and, at a minimum, locks and liability insurance. I am sure there are other good ideas, as well.
            I just don’t see where anyone can ever use a gun defensively under your conditions. You insist shooting the threatening person must be a crime, and NOT shooting the threatening person must be a crime, and NOT shooting the gun (brandishing/displaying a gun as a threat) is already a crime. Can you square that circle with the laws we have now?

            If guns and their use were illegal, I could see where you’re coming from – but our laws and Constitution allow for gun ownership and defensive use.

          • h4rr4r

            In your scenario it did not seem that there were no other options.

            If you are unable to retreat and have to shoot then do that. However merely threatening does not rise to that level. To kill someone in self defense the standard should be that you are in immediate risk of being killed.

          • Bobathonic

            Sure, that’s fine. But how do you know the immediate risk of what is about to happen? Most of us have zero experience in such situations, and no training, so how do we know when the threat is enough to act upon? There’s a threatening person, what are they *about* to do? What magic signal do we wait for? Loss of consciousness? Severed limb? First bullet to penetrate you?

            That “merely threatening” person does actually rise to the level of killing in self defense, specifically because you cannot predict their actions, and they are threatening you, and you have little to no knowledge to judge what might happen next.

            PS It was never *my* scenario, it is what happened IRL with the woman who fired the warning shot instead of becoming a killer, and got a decades-long sentence for her trouble (it didn’t qualify as standing her ground).

          • h4rr4r

            In many/most states you have a duty not to escalate. Do you need special training to determine if the other person has a gun?

            Based on what you want, I could at this point say Bobathonic seemed threatening with his comments so I shot him. You are trying to set the standard so low as to be open season.

            I don’t think she should have gotten decades in jail. Just a loss of gun ownership rights. She did a stupid thing with a gun, so let’s prevent that from happening again.

          • Bobathonic

            I am not trying to define a standard, I am challenging your standard.

            It’s nothing personal, but it appears you are attributing simplicity to these sort of events, when they are extremely unpredictable and erratic – people are freaked out, scared, confused, and do not know what to expect next. They are so scared they got a gun out (there are of course exceptions, like the asshole who murdered that guy for texting during movie previews, or the other asshole who shot up kids in a car for their music, etc). Hell, even well-meaning trained people screw up.

            So it’s not like a neutral situation where people are relaxed about their choices. Your standard (only shoot to kill, and only when you are actually in mortal danger, not merely mortal fear) becomes impossible to meet – how does the threatened person know when their life is actually at risk?

          • h4rr4r

            The problem becomes where do we draw that line?

            At one end we get murder essentially legalized and at the other extreme self defense is illegal.

          • Bobathonic

            That’s the point. I would expect making a warning shot into a felony would incentivize actual killing – why take the chance?

            And if you discount mortal fear and insist on mortal risk as the standard, well how does anyone know, while they are in a state of mortal fear, that they are not actually at mortal risk? It sure feels like it.

          • h4rr4r

            I think firing in a direction that may not be totally safe should be a felony.

            So what if I simply claim to be in mortal fear? Are you this generous when police shoot unarmed minorities in the back?

          • Bobathonic

            We aren’t talking about cops. Cops are supposedly trained. Cops get special exemptions under the law. Cops are trained to say they are afraid and the deceased resisted. But that wasn’t the case, we were talking about defensive gun use by an untrained person who would rather not kill someone, though they fear for their life.

            Do you believe there is never a defensive use of a gun? Never a Good defensive warning shot? I understand concerns about negligent discharge, and I don’t disagree, I certainly don’t want anyone else hurt. But assessing that balance is why we have jury trials. Was action A reasonable in circumstance X? Don’t you think there are ever mitigating circumstances? Or should we just have a table of crime and punishment, and if guilty, mandatory minimum, which equals mandatory maximum?

            People who lie about their fear after killing someone are awful (a la Zimmerman, and oh so many cops). How do you propose proving they lie, outside the jury system? No, it’s not perfect, please, tell me what is.

          • h4rr4r

            I think there are clear cases of self defense, however I think in that case a warning shot is wasted time. In this case I honestly think the shot was not needed and if I remember correctly was not in a safe direction.

            A shot in the ground is again different than a shot into no backstop. Those are what I think really should be punished.

            I think the balance is tough. No such rules and the rich go free for anything. However I think jury trials are idiotic and I will demand a bench trial if ever charged. Voir Dire seems designed to remove anyone with half a brain.

            Pretty much any concealed carry class covers what you are supposed to say after. I think the standard has to be a reasonable fear. I think the standard for a warning shot must be a reasonable fear and the ability to do so safely. Which is not generally available.

          • Bobathonic

            PS Good argument for a jury trial though, right?

      • bupkus231

        Any statistics as to how many “warning shots” are actually aimed at the ground? Your “caveat” is nonsensical.

    • shivaskeeper

      Never has to escalate the 5 S’s under the ROE in Iraq of Afghanistan have you? Warning shots were one of the escalation steps where feasible.

      They are certainly a thing in a right situation

      • Nockular cavity

        Yeah…but not in your back yard.

        • shivaskeeper

          It is a thing outside to movies. Assuming a reasonable safe backstop, like a dirt pile or engine block which was also part of the ROE for that step, I would rather fire a warning shot than go right to lethal force where possible.

      • h4rr4r

        I was not aware we lived in a state of war. Since when has florida been in a civil war?

        • Antonin Dvorak

          The last FSU/Florida game. :P

        • shivaskeeper

          It is a thing that happens outside of movies. A warning shot is much more preferable to killing.

          • h4rr4r

            It is a thing that leads to innocent bystanders being killed.

          • shivaskeeper

            It can. It can also lead to someone not being killed at all. It’s not a one size fits all situation.

  • MynameisBlarney

    This reminds when congress got involved in the baseball steroids scandal.

    • Suttree

      They had already solved every other problem in the country and had some free time.

  • neminem

    I think we should just get it over with right now, declare it illegal to be human, so police can throw anyone in jail for however long they feel like, for any reason. Which is already what they’re doing, so might as well make it official.

  • Duke

    In protest, all Wonketeers should sext David Nunes.

    • My phone will catch some incurable disease, so no.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Is there an app that might cure it?

    • Nounverb911

      Careful, he might sext back…..

    • anon_the_great

      Where’s Anthony Weiner when you need him?

      • SeeTrain65

        Lurking.

    • Alan

      Like a picture of my fist up his….

  • Rick Hill

    All those who are saying “It can’t get worse.” please stop it. Reality is taking that as a personal challenge and replying with “Hold my beer.”

    • anon_the_great

      I know. It got so bad so fast I barely recognise the landscape.

  • anwisok
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Can the Raise Your Saggy Pants Act be far behind? And the “Your Not Going Out in That Outfit Missy” bill is almost ready for its first hearing.

    • therblig

      don’t forget the “I’m not paying to heat the outdoors act” – it’s a climate change bill

    • FlownΩver

      Jeff the Evil Elf will give us regular stats on “RYSPA” convictions as part of his Make America White Again efforts.

  • SeeTrain65

    “What if teenage Devin Nunes had sexted his girlfriend? Should he have gone to jail for 15 YEARS? Guess so, because he voted for this bill.”

    Girlfriend?

    • Nounverb911

      I read on the internets that Nunes brought his grandmother to his high school prom.

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        AND tried to score!

      • SeeTrain65

        At least one of the couple was mature.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Having raised 4 sons, I believe we should throw all kids in jail for when they’re 14 and let them out at 19.

    • SeeTrain65

      If someone could have come up with this years ago for my nephews, I still would have insisted they lower the minimum age of incarceration to five.

    • Suttree

      I should not have been let out of the house from ages 12-35.

    • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

      I had a friend who used to say, Bury them at 12, dig them up again at 20, but I suppose prison would be a viable option.

    • Alan

      Girls maybe at 19, boys around 25 or so.

    • willi0000000

      my father was a proponent of raising children by “the bunghole method” . . . at the age of two you seal them up in a barrel, you then feed them through the bunghole , , , when they’re eighteen . . .you drive in the bung!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Supporters of the legislation said there’s no reason to think that federal prosecutors will use the bill against teen sexters, since they have not done so in the past. But state prosecutors have.

    This is just one step above “no one’s complained before” in the flimsy rationalization game.
    It used to be that teachers weren’t prosecuted for distributing obscene materials to minors just because they taught sex ed. But some wingnut DAs decided it would help their careers to go after them, so don’t tell me they won’t use this law to burnish their “moral” bona fides. They will.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      This is how you end up with Deputy USAs threatening college kids’ financial aid to shake them down for a couple hundred bucks in a civil compromise to get out of charges arising out of smoking a joint in a National Forest.

      • FlownΩver

        A certain bear would caution against such behavior, though.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      We hate judges and love prosecutors, mandatory minimums and heavy dependence on prosecutorial discretion. Always!
      — Your Republican Party

    • FlownΩver

      Semi-OT: Similarly no one’s ever been prosecuted under the Logan Act, so you can’t expect anyone now to be prosecuted for selling out the country before you’re in office.

      Or maybe there haven’t been any prosecutions ever because no one before has been so stupid/greedy/downright evil as to engage in organized systematic violations of that law.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    When someone writes a law to make up for some prosecutor fucking up, you’re lucky if all you end up with is a 12-page definition of areola. Usually you get this — potentially disastrous unintended consequences.

  • Bill D. Burger

    ot…but I see they’ve opened the grate and let SewerRat Smellyanne Conway out to trash Comey this morning.
    She’s been everywhere trying to discredit the former director of the FBI.

    WATCH: Kellyanne Conway trashes Comey before his Senate testimony for hurting ‘morale’ at the FBI
    Tom Boggioni TOM BOGGIONI
    02 JUN 2017 AT 09:18 ET

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/06/watch-kellyanne-conway-trashes-comey-before-his-senate-testimony-for-hurting-morale-at-the-fbi/

    Somebody just drop a house on this lying fucking hag already.

    https://pics.me.me/hey-look-its-a-sewer-rat-digging-for-alternative-facts-real-14097284.png

    • Edith Prickly

      The White House must really be crapping its collective pants if they’ve sent her out to run cover. It won’t work though, Comey is going to bury them.

      • Bill D. Burger

        ~fingers crossed!~ :)

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      So why do the media (other than FAUX) let her on their shows? They should take a cue from Nancy Reagan and just say NO….

      • FlownΩver

        Could be worse. Deadbeat Joe Walsh has been popping up on MSNBC lately.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      CHUD Attack! Run!

    • AJ Milne

      Oh! Me please! Kellyanne! Trash talk _me_!

      Seriously, there’s some folks, their coming after you only burnishes your reputation. It’s like, yeah, Kellyanne hates me! Really, I got it in digital! This kinda thing, you put it up front in the CV.

      (/And yeah, the corollary to this is: she ever says anything nice about you, consider a lawsuit. Shit like that can _stick_.)

  • Suttree

    No. The Dems might not have read the bill, but this is exactly what the GOP had in mind. They love laws like this because of prosecutorial discretion. if it is their kid or their friends kid, they can talk to the D.A. and they will look the other way. They will definitely use it against anyone they don’t like, or anyone who doesn’t have enough money for a good lawyer.

    • Stulexington

      Read the damn bill!! If they’re going to ballot too fast, split it up in sections and get staff to help.

      • Suttree

        Can ‘t you see I’m busy fundraising over here!

        • Stulexington

          These elections don’t buy themselves!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It takes a little bit of a spine to vote against something like this…even when they do read it. And you know our Democrats…

      • Suttree

        I unfortunately concur with you 100%.

  • Alex Grey
    • The Wanderer

      Appropriate for Pride Month.

  • Stulexington

    Um, is there a conspiracy to commit minimum sentence too? Because if girl is successfully goaded into or doesn’t actually need to be goaded into sharing naughty pics, doesn’t that make her an accomplice?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Once she sends pictures of herself, she’s probably considered a child pornographer. So what? 25 year mandatory minimum?

      • Stulexington

        Oh now that’s ridiculous, she’s a girl who’s only crime is trying to control her body in a way the religious wingnut right doesn’t like, mandatory life.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        It’s the only way to keep her safe.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Bill D. Burger

      A pathetic, carping FOXho’ looking to be the next Spicy’! There’s a great advisor for you.

      Oh…of course it was Ivanka’s tears that spurred him to bomb Syria….so who the hell knows what he might do at any moment.

      • therblig

        she’s a patriot, she wants spicey’s job, she swallows, she has media experience, she thinks trumpy is courageous, she’s a climate change expert, wait, what was that third thing?

        • FlownΩver

          Dolt 45’s dangling that Spicey gig in front of her, but in reality he only wants her for an intern position [nudge, nudge].

      • Bobathonic

        Oddly, I don’t recall “someone haz a sad” as being one of the Constitutional reasons a president may use military force.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      You know you have a problem when even Greg Gutfield is gobsmacked.

  • The Wanderer

    “To be clear, this bill is well-intentioned . . . “
    The road to Hell is paved with ‘good intentions.’

    • Alan

      We’re on the Autobahn.

      • The Wanderer

        At least it’s a smooth ride, then.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Left lane….

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    Just remember, kiddies, those private prisons aren’t going to fill themselves.

  • Alan

    “Supporters of the legislation said there’s no reason to think that federal prosecutors will use the bill against teen sexters, since they have not done so in the past”.

    Wanna bet? My daughter’s friend, an honor student, was prosecuted in federal court when she was 15-16 for taking a naked selfie in the bathroom mirror and sending it to her boyfriend who then, as idiot teenage boys do, showed his friends. One of the more absurd legal stupidities I’ve ever witnessed in my life. They “yeah it says that but we won’t do that” excuse doesn’t fly, write the law properly in the first place.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Although I can probably guess the answer: Was the boyfriend prosecuted?

      • Alan

        Ya know, oddly, I don’t know the answer to that. Don’t even know who he was. But yeah, I can probably guess.

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Geezus Christ – it’s like prosecuting the rape victim instead of the rapist. So, SNAFU, basically.

      • Alan

        That bill is next.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Vincent Ricola

    These other-people-having-sex-obsessed weirdos are the reason therapy exists. Like we need a bunch more sexually repressed angry teenagers in our weaponized country. JFC. I’m going back to bed.

    • proudgrampa

      “…back to bed.”

      That is a great idea.

  • Well, the House has already screwed over the poor, the sick, the elderly, and the middle class. I guess they thought that the youth must have felt left out.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Well, they’re on a limited time schedule. They have to enact all their regressive agenda before the whole cabinet and most congressional leaders are put on trial …

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Unfortunately, they’ve been saving some of this shit up for years…

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Yeah … and ALEC has all the legislation pre-written, so …

  • Latverian Diplomat

    We should not send teenagers to jail for sexting each other.

    But is it too let to start sending them to jail for having a smartphone? Asking for friend, …who teaches high school.

  • I saw this law and order episode. Turned out the judge got kick backs from a for profit prison for teens

    • Bobathonic

      That was also reality.

    • ariel_gee_398

      That was based on a real-life case. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kids_for_cash_scandal

      • Stulexington

        Of course it was, because no one would actually expect an audience to believe it could happen unless it actually happened.

        • ariel_gee_398

          If you ever find yourself in too chipper a mood, read about what happened to some of the kids that were sentenced for bullshit petty crimes. http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2011/02/mom_blames_luzerne_county_judg.html

          • Stulexington

            Oh my downer of choice is reading wrongful death suits. Not only is the value of a human life different depending on race, background and family, you can probably make a chart if you compile enough lawsuits.

          • ariel_gee_398

            I actually had someone challenge me when I said that the settlements governments pay out for injuries to prisoners was less than if the injured party was not incarcerated. It takes a special kind of Pollyanna to think we value the lives of people in jail at anything close to the value of a “regular” citizen.

    • Stulexington

      For some reason it reminds me of the episode where a banker started putting out hits on delinquent mortgage havers and using the bank issued life insurance to pay them off.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “The great thing about headlines is, when you rip from them, no one sues you.”
      — Dick Wolf

      • Relativicus

        “‘Dick Wolf’?!? You can’t say that on television!”

        -Kenneth the Network Page the Network Censor

        • Patriciapcox

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !du287c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
          !du287c:
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    • eggsacklywright

      Swoosie Kurtz!

    • Relativicus

      Cmon, how about a spoiler warning!

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Is anybody in the Trump Junta receiving, or in a position to receive in the future, kickbacks from the prison-for-profit cartel? A lot of people are asking.

  • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

    Right now the Seychelles has the highest incarceration rate in the world, at 799/100,000 population. The US is at 693. But this law should put America back on top!

    • OrG

      We’re #1. USA! USA!

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      OT: Love your new handle, Ron.

      • ‘Covfefe is Magic’ Ron

        It seemed… timely.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Oh good, another Sex Panic Overreaction™ by our level-headed legislators. I’m sure this law will NEVER be applied to some perfectly normal teenager by some hysterical fundamentalist prude operating in local government. That could NEVER happen.

    Sending kids to jail for nothing. Sweet! Now let’s get rid of those pesky don’t-throw-babies-into-woodchipper laws!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      History repeats itself: 1848:
      “I never thought my invention would be used so teenagers could send sexy telegrams to each other. I am so ashamed, but I’ll keep the money.”
      — Samuel Morse

    • Stulexington

      Why can’t these kids just follow abstinence like no generation in the history of mankind has ever done?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “If we keep trying, it will work eventually.”

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I strongly advocate forced abstinence for all republicans. It’s the least we can do,

        • bupkus231

          Retroactive abstinence…

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            And retroactive abortions in extreme cases.

          • Bobathonic

            Read my mind…

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            I’d let you read mine, but it’s mostly blank. Of course, the chapter headings are in braille, so I’ve got that going for me.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Why do you want to burden people with intrusive nanny-state government? If people want to throw babies into woodchippers that should be a matter best left to the states to decide on.

      • bupkus231

        Local control!!!! Oh, wait…

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Oh, we should fear these prudes and probably for other reasons.

      Remember this douche? may he roast eternally on his spit in hell…
      https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/public-safety/manassas-city-police-detective-in-teen-sexting-case-commits-suicide/2015/12/15/de88f7c4-a356-11e5-9c4e-be37f66848bb_story.html?utm_term=.acc4cf1b0258

      A Manassas City police detective, who was the lead investigator in a controversial teen “sexting” case last year, shot and killed himself outside his home Tuesday morning as police tried to arrest him for allegedly molesting two boys he met while coaching youth hockey in Prince William County.

      Abbott was the lead detective in a child pornography investigation last
      year in which a Manassas City teen was charged with sending explicit
      video of himself to his girlfriend. In order to establish that the teen
      was the person in the video, Abbott and Prince William prosecutors
      obtained a search warrant to take a photo of the teen’s erect penis, for
      comparison with the explicit video.

      Whodathunk it could have been so easy?! Now they don’t even have to prey on the kids in the teen bible camp no more to get dirty pics. They can just get a search warrant! NEAT!!! It’s not illegal if you’re the law, amiright?

  • proudgrampa

    In that picture, Nunes should go to jail for 15 years just for looking like that.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Be nice. Anyone’s hair would look weird after getting daily swirlies for 3 years.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Violation of the Greasy Mullet Act.

  • rosenbomb

    I think legislation requiring comprehensive sex education– including sex and sexuality in the digital world– would be more effective than this. But I’m just a librul commie, so what do I know.

    • Suttree

      I bet you stole that from The Little Red Book!

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Yours is red? Mine is more of a magenta.

        • Mine has glitter for moar fabulousness

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Awww! I wanted one with rainbows myself, but they were all sold out. I had to settle for magenta with green fringe. FRINGE!

            Sorry, triggers a Bundy outburst with me.

      • rosenbomb

        It’s in Chapter 1: Commies and Sexytimes

        • Suttree

          My favorite chapter. It also gives you good pick-up lines. Sally up to the bar next to beautiful comrade woman and whisper in ear “Death to the bourgeoisie”.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      And I bet you aint even keep’n a aspirin between your knees like good god feerin patriotic merkins are supposed two. Damn you coastal eleets with all you’re fancy book lernin’ n usin’ math n werds n stuff.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    “Tough on crime” policies created by criminals. Can we have a mandatory minimum for the traitors?

    • Suttree

      Hows about banishment to a sinking island in the Pacific?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I was thinking something more like banishment to that glacier that’s about to break off in Antarctica. It’s roughly the size of Delaware.

        • Suttree

          We should toss a few polar bears on there so they don’t get lonely.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Always the generous host with you. Imagine, thinking of the polar bears and their food supply.

          • Suttree

            I like to help! I love most animals. Especially the furry ones!

          • Bemused Australian

            It is bad to feed toxic things to the polar bears. Polar bears are good, and don’t deserve indigestion.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          How do you convert Delawares to Belgiums, for those of us who use metric?

    • Bemused Australian

      If it’s an IQ requirement, 70ish should do the trick.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Exactly what outcome did this guy expect?

      • Suttree

        Opiates at the ER?

        • Bemused Australian

          Oxycontin seeking behaviour you think? Maybe someone could suggest this to Limbaugh. He wouldn’t even need the beach ball.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Pretty sure that never even entered his mind.

        • Bemused Australian

          Mind?

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Matter? Wait. . . what?

    • Suttree

      Look! It’s a democrat trying to work with the gop.

    • Stulexington

      Another few inches and that tree would have suffered grievous injury from that idiot’s head.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Here’s another well planned stunt.

      https://i.chzbgr.com/full/9039929344/h434F3E29/

      • Suttree

        That actually looks safer.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

        • Skeptical_thinker

          WHAT IS RIGHT WITH THESE PEOPLE?

          IFYPFY

        • MynameisBlarney

          Monster trucks, wrasslin’ and meth.

        • Stulexington

          Distinct lack of porn?

    • Sylacauga, AL got the 2020 Olympics!

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Which came off worse, the tree or his skull?

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Tree, obvs.

    • h4rr4r

      Another victim of a poor science education.

      • Newton Strike Back!

        • LesBontemps

          You can’t escape the long arm of the laws of motion.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Hey! He’s a Betsy DeVos scholar now!

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance
      • MynameisBlarney

        When I moved here in 2004 my brother invited me to something in the Redlands of Florida. I am asked him what went on there.
        And it was basically that. But with music.
        I looked at him like he was out of his fuckin’ mind.

        Like I would WILLINGLY put myself in the middle of a bunch of sweaty, drunk rednecks.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        I see the problem. He forgot to say “Hold my beer”. Also, girl with him: That bikini makes you ugly on the outside AND on the inside.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Nah, I’d imagine there’s too many pants at that gathering for your sensibilities!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      They planned it down to the first detail.

  • shivaskeeper

    It’s a trifecta. Mandatory minimum sentence, “protecting” the children, and anti-sex/sexuality. Hoe could it go wrong? As an added bonus it allows the prosecutor to pick and who to apply it to as well. Awesome.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Because, when all your other issues are shit, you can reliably count on sex-shaming and anti-abortion bills to be great causes for legislation!

    -The Orange Prince
    Niccolo Mockacovfefe

  • Bemused Australian

    This should make it waaaaayyyy easier for siblings and schoolmates to blackmail each other. Family values for the win.

  • I’m waiting for the ‘Get Off My Lawn’ bill and the ‘Quit Bouncing That Loud Basketball In Front of My House I’m Tryin’ To Watch Matlock’ initiative.

    • Bemused Australian

      It’s unlikely to be presented to the house until the precise language of the ‘Yelling at clouds’ exemption gets hammered out.

    • Suttree

      Why do you not respect grandma with an add-on of Murder, She Wrote!?

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Because wimmenz.

      • My goddam house, my goddam teevee, my goddam rules.

        So I get to watch whatever I want on the little set in the kid’s old room while the old lady watches her goddam Murder She Wrote on the big TV.

  • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

    This is nothing new, really. You can charge them with distribution of child pornography if you can prove the person in the photos is under 18.

  • Bobo the Dork Boy

    He seems nice.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenCovfefe
  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    So if laws are passed by known criminals, does that make it easier to repeal them?

  • I know simple solutions are often simplistic, but this one might work. How about the consequence of sexting is that the person who sends and receives voluntary, consensual pictures has to use a phone without a camera and a limited text plan for a year or two. And a person who does this who is past his/her teen years and exchanges pictures or demands for pictures with a teen goes on the nonviolent sex offenders list, while the teen gets the phone consequence.
    It seems to me that if we regarded things like phones, cars, guns, etc as tools and stop fetishizing them we would be much happier. And if you misuse a tool to harm other people, well you lose your ability to have/use that tool for awhile, so that you see how important it really is. Of course the more difficult and important question is what constitutes misuse of a given tool.
    Sorry for the interruption, back to snark.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      This sounds good. What happens to someone like Anthony “See My” Weiner who used TWO tools in his escapades? The phone is easy, but what about the other tool he was displaying … ?

      • LOL. I guess I would start with the loss of the camera phone first, but I am sure Lorena Bobbit is still out there somewhere.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Ah, yes … the “Bobbit Solution” … works for me!

    • eh?
      I am all for not punishing teens at all for sending things of themselves to those they wish to send them to.
      It is dumb and hopefully I have talked to my own spawn enough that they get “the internet is forever” but I don’t see any reason to punish kids for being themselves.
      Now, if some ass decides to take it viral in order to shame/humiliate/whatever, that is another story

      • That is a good point. I guess I am not thinking of it so much as a punishment, as a chance to learn without having to go through the trauma of someone publishing their pictures. That is why I suggested a short time without the camera phone.

        • hopefully the parents would do that bit XD
          My son would have a flip phone the next day. Not even pretending

          • I am with you there. But some parents are really good at denial. “My little snowflake would never do that.”

          • oh I know it. Always someone else’s fault!!!!

    • h4rr4r

      If this sex offender is so dangerous lock him up. The sex offenders list, especially for non-violent offenders is horrific. You are making a second class citizen who can’t be employed and often is denied support.

      I don’t see who is helped when we punish teens who do natural teenage things. An adult who coerces a child to do so should receive fines and if needed jail time.

      • Maybe we need to revisit those sex offender lists and how they are organized. I don’t want to see people jailed or have their lives ruined, but I also don’t want people to have their lives ruined because we are letting people like Brock Turner, or Donald Trump walk around unsupervised.

        • h4rr4r

          We need to abolish them. Either the person is so dangerous they should not be given unsupervised release or not.

          Lists are a disgusting tool used to prevent someone from ever again entering society. They are designed to prevent rehabilitation.

          • Stulexington

            Agreed, if someone is too dangerous to let walk around unsupervised they should be supervised by the state, not a bunch of untrained citizens.

          • Oblios_Cap

            It’s an open-ended sentence. Once you’ve “paid your debt to society”, you should have all your rights restored.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Fifteen years ago, a flyer went from door to door on my street about a sex offender who was supposed to be moving in. I lost my shit. The flyer didn’t give any details except “registered sex offender”, name and photo.

        As it turned out, my wife looked up the guy’s case, He was sixteen himself and had made out with a girl the same age as him. Now he’s marked forever as nothing but a “sex offender”. It’s stupid. It ruins the entire purpose of a registry because now I look at all cases like that with skepticism beyond what is healthy.

        • h4rr4r

          The entire purpose of the registry is abhorrent. If we really believe these people are such a danger for the rest of their lives, then either incarcerate them for their rest of their lives or kill them.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            Exactly this! If there is no potential for rehabilitation, then why cut them loose at all? The registry has a lot of flaws.

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          A friend of mine is on the registry because he got caught taking a 2 AM-bars-just-closed leak in an alley.

    • shivaskeeper

      Taking away a phone or restricting the plan allowed by law for sexting? No. How would that even be workable?

      You second thing about being a non teen involved is why there are Romeo and Juliet provisions. Should a 19 year old go on a sex offenders list for sexting with a 17 year old boyfriend/girlfriend? Putting them on a searchable federal database for sex offenders is pretty much guaranteed to fuck their life up forever at that point.

      I don’t see that as being workable options.

      • Not even 19 and 18. I myself, personally, know of a case with an 18 and 17 year old. 18 is age of consent in VA.
        The ‘rents got mad and demanded the boy be prosecuted. For feeling up his GF (didn’t even go all the way)

        • Suttree

          My father threatened charging my high school girlfriend with statutory because he was angry at me once. She was 18 and I was 16. He had asked me if we had sex and I answered him truthfully. That didn’t happen again for about a decade.

        • shivaskeeper

          That’s my point. If they were both 18, nothing can be done as they are both adults, for a given value of adulthood.

          If the parents want to take away the phone, restrict the plan, send them out with an old flip phone (also my plan if it was needed)fine. No issue from me. Making it mandatory by law? Not so fine with me.

      • Also, I am not saying take away all phone privileges, just that for a short time, no camera phone, and take away unlimited texting, or just texting pictures. You can’t expect someone to propose a perfect law in a comments section, just an idea. That idea is to make it less easy for teens to send pictures that can be subverted to other purposes, not to prevent them from expressing their sexuality one on one. I have worked with teens for many years, I don’t want to kill their freedom to explore their sexuality, just try to protect them from having their explorations misused and make it a little harder for older predators to get at them.

        • shivaskeeper

          I understand where you are going with it. I wasn;t clear on that. To me, making that sort of thing mandatory, with the force of law behind it, is not workable in any way.

          If the parent or guardian want to go that route, fine and good, but it shouldn’t be the State’s job to enforce it.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I get your thinking, but lately I’m tuned more towards viewing potential abuse in things like this. While a good idea, it could be twisted into a way to silence and/or attack political opponents. All one has to do is claim that so-and-so journalist “sexted” them and said journalist would lose access to his phone. I dunno, I guess it’s just a matter of looking at the craziest interpretation of a law and realizing someone will absolutely try to interpret said law that way.

      • But, the phone thing only applies to teens. Adults would have to face the already existing sexual harassment laws.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Oh. Okay. I have no problem with this then.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I worked for the state agency that files incorporation papers. We got a filing from a guy who got a job running security at an apartment complex. He wanted to incorporate under “name of apartment complex police department inc.” No one wanted to approve it because of the name. Finally, the office manager ordered someone to approve it, saying, “There won’t be a problem unless he acts like an asshole.”

        As soon as he got his approval, he put signs on the doors of his car, a light bar on the roof, and started arresting people. We soon got a call from the local chief of police.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          That’s the problem. Give almost anyone an inch and they’ll take a mile.

  • WeaselPoo

    As long as people named Duggar aren’t affected, this sounds perfectly reasonable. ,

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I hate that I know who you’re talking about. I hate knowing so many other things these days.

      • Remember when someone said Duggar and you were all.,….who?

        • Bemused Australian

          That was the day innocence died.

        • Make America Great Again! Make me forget these shitbags!

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          IK, R? I also remember when Duck Dynasty type people were relegated to articles about alien abduction.

      • It’s Joel McHale’s fault i know what a Kardashian is

        • Fear of Twitter

          Kim and her dead-behind-the-eyes sisters?

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          The first time I heard that name without context, I thought it was a Deep Space 9 reference. I was looking for the Obsidian Order.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          I blame FOX for me knowing who Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are.

    • Bemused Australian

      I’m sure Huckabee will be incensed by this legislation, and speak out strongly against it.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        HuckFuckabee?

        • Bemused Australian

          I believe the alt-rightys refer to him as ‘Huck the Cuck’, because of course they do.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Cuck Holster.

        • shivaskeeper

          Huck-a-fuck.

      • Suttree

        Why? Was there a rider on the bill that had something to do with killing dogs?

    • jesterpunk

      Talking about the Duggar kid is part of the war on Christianity!!!!!?!!!

  • Spurning Beer

    Now, remind me. Is there a mandatory minimum sentence for, say, obstruction of justice?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Yes … a pat on the back from Donnie Dumbass and a free “Get Out of Jail” card …

  • Daniel Hooper

    Is it ironic or pathetic that a bill that’s supposed to prevent child sexual exploitation actually leaves a lot of ways to exploit children for their own consenting sexual explorations? I’m leaning toward both.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Bemused Australian
    That was the day innocence died.

    American citizens are now learning the hard way that the President and the Congress matter in their day-to-day lives. And it sucks.

    Remember when you could trust the President NOT to be a complete asshole?

  • Spurning Beer

    “Hey y’all, I don’t think there is anyone in this chamber who would disagree that it is inexcusable to use the last of the toilet paper without replacing it with a new roll. Right? Well, since we are in unanimous agreement, let’s make this a capital crime.”

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      It will be an amendment to the “Leave the Toilet Seat Up for America Act”

    • Red Bird Ω

      The clean bottom act?

  • In my day you had to sneak around to look under your parent’s mattress or in that cardboard box your dad kept in the garage for your porn LIKE GOD INTENDED.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Or shoplift it from the 7-11, allegedly.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      I call bullshit. God gave us Song of Solomon. That should be enough for any … I’ll be in my bunk.

    • tomamitai

      Full color bikini and lingerie ads in the Sunday paper libelz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!

  • Wonkette, why are you so worried about this? It’s only going to be applied to *black teens*, you know that! Incarceration by any means necessary, you understand.

  • Red Bird Ω

    just curious, is there a mandatory minimum sentence for rape?

  • Marla

    Another day, another civil liberty about to disappear

  • Covfefe

    Could be worse. They could put a mandatory minimum 15 years in rape.

  • William
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Translation: I can’t get any.

    • BosGrl

      This is the kind of guy who gets caught in a major scandal.

      • Rick Hill

        With an underage boy

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Look, bud. Just because you get nothing but sad handies at the local truck stop doesn’t mean you can ruin it for the rest of us.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Spoken like someone that has never brought a woman to orgasm.

    • wait! what?

      From the wiks:

      Jerome Robert Corsi (born August 31, 1946) is an American author and political commentator best known for his two New York Times bestselling books: The Obama Nation and Unfit for Command (with co-author John O’Neill). Both books, the former written in 2008 and the latter in 2004, attacked Democratic presidential candidates and were criticized for including numerous inaccuracies.

      In other books and columns for conservative websites such as WorldNetDaily and Human Events, Corsi has discussed topics that are considered conspiracy theories, such as the alleged plans for a North American Government, the theory that President Barack Obama is not an American citizen, criticism of the United States government for allegedly covering up information about the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, promoting the Abiogenic hypothesis of the origin of oil (arguing that oil is produced from chemical reactions in the Earth, in contrast to the general consensus of the scientific community that oil is produced from organic materials, such as zooplankton and algae), and alleged United States support of Iran in its attempts to develop nuclear weapons.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        A real peach, in other words.

        • wait! what?

          Pretty much. In January 2017, Corsi announced that he was leaving his position as a senior staff writer for WorldNetDaily to open and lead the Washington, D.C. bureau for Infowars.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Is that a step up or a step down?

          • wait! what?

            I’m gonna say down. Kinda like going from the vomitorium to getting a “Roman shower.”

    • Darlene Underdahl

      You mean I’ve been doing it wrong?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      He has one child. Draw your own conclusions. Or pretend this is WND and speculate wildly.

      • Edith Prickly

        He’s been impotent since the birth of said child?

      • Darlene Underdahl

        His wife was secretly on the pill. I would be…

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        The child looks like the UPS delivery man?

      • Ghenghis McCann

        He tried it once and didn’t like it?

    • MynameisBlarney

      If only people like him could mind their own fucking business.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        I see what you did there.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      $5 says he has the local dominatrix-for-hire on speed dial.

      • MynameisBlarney

        My money is on him having a rent boy.

        • puredog

          I’m not betting against a sure thing, bitch mama didn’t raise no stupid puppies.

    • Stulexington

      Sex isn’t my business. If you want to have fun, make sure all parties consent. The procreation of children is also none of my business as long as it’s consensual.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Dear Mr. Corsi:

      You’re obviously not doing it right.

      ST

    • NastyBossetti

      Worst Tinder profile ever.

    • I would bet the first sentence is a quote from whomever he is having sex with.

    • Bemused Australian

      Corsi’s relegated to infowars these days. Seems like even WingNutDaily won’t have him. This is the man who claimed that Obama was gay-married to a Pakistani before he met Michelle, that Hillary is muslim-lesbian-gay for Huma Abedin, and that the primary aim of the Democrats is to protect and promote sodomy. He seems to spend a lot of time fantasising about the gayness of things.

    • jesuswasablack

      Sex isn’t fun for this fuckstick because he just can’t get past the guilt of having that cock in his mouth!

    • cats530

      Shiver me timbers! Not enough money in the world or enough alcohol and drugs to induce me to ever service that thing.

    • cats530

      How many kids does that thing have?

      • William

        One daughter I think.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I feel sorry for her.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    OT: Jobs report shows 138K jobs added in May. You may recall Trump said those numbers were all fake until a good report came out after he took office. Now he inflates the numbers (by rounding up) and by including jobs since the election instead of since February. For those with Alzheimer’s or Covfefe Syndrome, the colored fella was POTUS until the end of January.

    One of Little Babby Donnie’s favorite jobs talking points was how the real unemployment rate was 30-40%. He got that by pulling it out of his ass. Or by citing the non-participation rate, which includes retirees, students, stay-at-home partners and other voluntary non-participants. Non-participation has been rising for many years as baby-boomers, “the pig in the (demographic) python”, retire. Today’s non-participation continues that trend with a 0.3% drop since February. That represents 95 million otherwise eligible (over 16, not incarcerated) Americans “not in the workforce” or, as Trump would put it, “unemployed”.

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    Mandatory minimum sentencing! It’s that thing that says that if you are convicted of breaking Law A, then you have to be sentenced to X number of years, no matter who you are, and no matter the circumstances of your case.*

    * May not apply in cases of whiteness or affluence.

    FIFY

    • puredog

      Oh, those cases are taken care of at the charging or plea-bargain stage.

  • William
  • jesterpunk

    So Ted Nugent might wind up in jail, just a little later than he though he would go to jail.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • I wonder if Devon Nunes would get in trouble for sending lewd pictures of his cows and president?

  • BadKitty904

    Has the U.S. House of Representatives recently passed any laws on mandatory minimum sentencing for tax fraud, graft, financial misdealings, perjury, treason, etc.?

    • Suttree

      Heaven forfend laws that would affect rich white people!

      • Edith Prickly

        If you are a rich white person it means God loves you more than everyone else and you can do no wrong.

      • BadKitty904

        IOKIYAR…

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Hicks Nix Dick Pics

  • pgjack

    Mandatory minimum sentences are a blight on the American system of justice. Putting kids in prison for being interested in sex is like putting dogs in prison for sniffing fire hydrants. Conservatives are almost always idiots, liberals maybe a bit less frequently but as this proposed law shows, Democrats can sometimes have their heads up their butts just as far as Republicans.

    • No one who is thinking about re-election will vote against a “protect the child” law even if it is not a good one.
      They will sign it, and then they will propose “fixes” to it as they can.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    If sex wasn’t about fun, then what have I been doing with my life?

  • TJ Barke

    What is this “sex” of which you speak?

    • BearGHAZI

      It’s like a fidget spinner. Fun but totally inscrutable.

    • eggsacklywright

      A wistful memory.

    • elho

      It’s been so long, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom!

      • ichthyopteryx

        Oh, so that’s what you do to those tubes, tying them!

  • BearGHAZI

    Quick kids, get your dick picks out there before the dick pick officer Locks You Up

    • timpundit

      Beware the Dick Pic Dick.

    • cats530

      The GOP creation of “jobs” will entail the creation of job titles such as uterine monitors, genitalia gestapos, dick pick officers, blasphemy reporters and bedroom regulators.

  • Relativicus

    Good gawd, always finding the cloud around a silver lining. You don’t even mention the rather large and important exemption from the law for teenagers who sext with GOP congresspeople and senators.

    • cats530

      Shame on you. Those were just Bible study questions. How dare you put a prurient spin on those facts. /s

      • Bitter Scribe

        “Your assignment: Please interpret Song of Solomon in as much detail as possible.”

  • beavertank

    Gahhhhh. Mandatory minimum sentences are bad. Full stop.

    If judges keep sentencing people to too little time then update the sentencing guidelines and replace your judges, but DON’T enact mandatory minimum sentence laws. It’s using hard situations to justify awful laws. Quit doing it, damnit.

  • cats530

    “A mandatory minimum sentencing law sent Florida woman Marissa Alexander away
    for 60 years, because nobody believed her when she said she fired
    warning shots at her husband in self-defense under the state’s Stand
    Your Ground law. (She has since been released.”

    Well of course! She’s just a ‘little lady’ who needed to be put in her proper place. She doesn’t have any right standing up to her husband! A good wife must always be in wifely Christian submission to her husband. Now if Marissa hadn’t been so unfortunate as to have been born a woman (if she were a man and standing his ground on his uppity wife) it would have been a totally different story! /s

  • Are we there yet?

    When is someone going to investigate the evil keebler elf’s ties to the private prison industry? ‘Cause that’s where this is all headed.

    • cats530

      EXACTLY.

  • cats530

    I’ll bet the GOP is going to use this law as an excuse to publicly subsidize private prisons. “We need more of them! To house these offenders!” This is a wet dream for the GOP cronies who own the private prisons.

    • 451 Byrnes

      Every one will want one! Just like professional sports stadiums!

  • jesuswasablack

    “if they get caught sexting, they go to jail for 15 years”

    I’d be down for sending the kids and their parents to jail, not for sexting but for texting while driving, fucking imbeciles!

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/insurance/2017/02/03/text-and-drive-xlarge_trans_NvBQzQNjv4Bq5yQLQqeH37t50SCyM4-zeEbgHFEZVI1Pljic_pW9c90.jpg

    • Bitter Scribe

      That’s already against the law IIRC, although I don’t think you get much more than a ticket.

      But you’re right, it’s idiotic. I personally know of three people who have been maimed in accidents caused by some fool who couldn’t put down her phone.

    • redblack

      when she rear-ends the car in front of her, the airbag is gonna shove the phone right into her pie-hole. she’s sitting too close.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Meanwhile, the average sentence for a convicted rapist is…

    …never mind, I don’t think I can handle Googling that while I am still on medically mandated abstinence FFS.

  • cats530

    “What if teenage Devin Nunes had sexted his girlfriend? Should he have
    gone to jail for 15 YEARS? Guess so, because he voted for this bill.”

    I say yes. Yes, he should have gone to jail. For the very crime of being Devin Nunes. Think of all the fraud and fuckery that could have been avoided had he not passed GO, not collected $200 and gone straight to jail. /s

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Devin Nunes didn’t have a girlfriend! I mean, come ON.

      • Yr. Gma

        Seriously. What a dork.

        • redblack

          and when even your grandma thinks someone’s a dork…

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    I think the assholes who come up with these mandatory minimum sentencing bills should be sentenced to six feet under.

    No, seriously… have three people stand on top of them for a while, in D.C. in July, barefoot, ewww gross.

  • marxalot

    Brought to you by the same thinking that leads to two 16 years olds being prosecuted for statutorily raping each other!

  • alpacapunchbowl

    “Supporters of the legislation said there’s no reason to think that federal prosecutors will use the bill against teen sexters, since they have not done so in the past.”
    Forgive me if I don’t find that reassuring.

  • Poly_Ester

    The US is in need of a new motto to replace “E Pluribus Unum/” May I suggest “Fram, Fram Chrismen Crossmen.”

    • elho

      “Onward Christian soldiers”?!? Google translate suggests it’s Swedish, but doesn’t really translate it.

      • Lars Thorwald

        It’s from King Olaf’s battle cry (in Old Norse): “Fram! Fram! Kristmenn, Krossmenn!,” and translates as “”Forward! Forward! Men of Christ, Men of the Cross.” It’s the much-loved motto of St. Olaf’s College in Minnesota. King Olaf lived around 1020, which about when our Republican friends would like us all to be.

        • everstar

          More like “Backwards! Backwards!” I’d say.

      • Poly_Ester

        Yes, the motto of St Olaf’s college in Minnesota

  • Bemused

    I can tell you, with 100% certainty, that some girl’s father will attempt to have a boy prosecuted for having a picture that the girl herself took and sent to the boy, under no pressure what-so-ever other than the usual internalized social pressures to have a boyfriend or be popular. I can say it with 100% certainty because it happens now (not frequently, but definitely from time to time).

    • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

      Why must US lawmakers / law enforcement do every single thing in the most fucked up way possible? If they tried to pass a law to fight obesity, they’d probably end up giving obese people life sentences.

  • timpundit

    Will their sentences be mitigated if they are open carrying?

  • Me not sure

    Judging from that picture, Devin Nunes was not in any danger of sexting anybody in high school, even if sexting had been a thing.

    • cats530

      A white turtleneck, a sweater vest and a mullet. Those were the times!

  • elho

    While I agree that exploitation should be penalized very heavily, as a libertarian I subscribe to the notion that people have a basic right to exploit themselves, and it is ridiculous to punish people for harming themselves! That’s right up there with The Donald recommending the death penalty for suicide bombers!

  • Bitter Scribe

    What do you want to bet that any senator, at least any Democratic senator, who votes against this shitty bill because it could victimize the children it purports to protect, will get slimed with attack ads screaming “SO-AND-SO VOTED TO LET CHILDREN BE MOLESTED!!!!!!!!!!”

    God but sometimes democracy sucks.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Any job I ever had, if there were requirements I just didn’t bother with, that would subject me to termination. How come Congress doesn’t have to do all their jobs to keep them?

  • whitroth

    But, but they’re NEKKID! Put ’em in jail, that shouldn’t ever be allowed (unless you’re married, and do it in the dark)!!!!!

    I despise most of these laws. When I lived in Florida, I knew a nice kid ..was he in his early 30’s? who was a Registered Sex Offender… because the cop father of his 17 yr old girlfriend, when he was 18, got him.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      If I recall, in the 90’s it was either Ann Landers or Dear Abby who pointed out this same type of scenario and how messed up registered sex offender laws could be. A guy caught ‘drunk pissing’ in an alley behind a dumpster could be charged with indecent exposure and be put in the same category as a some sick fuck who raped a three year old. It’s just like labelling someone “a convicted felon”. That could mean anything.

  • Yr. Gma

    What private prisons need is business. If all the teenagers in the USA go to jail, someone will be making a tidy profit.

    • Lordpnut

      And the second most effective voter suppression tactic…

    • renepagan

      I think you hit the nail on the head. This is about money, not protecting kids.

  • Jo Mathie

    I’m confused. Do they mean putting actual kids in prisons with violent offenders? Or is there like a special juvenile prison? Because I don’t think sending dumb kids away either environment is going to turn them into well adjusted model citizens when they get out with only the worst life experiences.

    • kaydenpat

      And why should texting between teens result in a minimum 15 years of jail time if nothing else happened beyond sexting? Doesn’t make a lick of sense.

  • CatCope

    Not to worry, if you are a “senator’s” son.. ‘member the draft during Nam??

    • Dinz6315

      “I ain’t no senator’s son, y’all….🎶”

  • Greg Comlish

    Looks like my Representative fucked this one up. Time to give that guy a call and let him know he screwed up.

    • Greg Comlish

      And that went incredibly well. I referenced the bill by number, told them my concerns, told them the source for my concerns, and gave a specific ask that he work closely with our senators to correct the bill. I guess I should also call my senators.

      BTW, if you have android, you can totally say “Ok Google, please call Congressman [insert name here]” and it will totally connect you.

  • Aileen

    In the especially backward parts of this country (so, like vast swaths of the middle and south), minors can be married at ridiculously early ages, with the consent of their parents. It seems… inconsistent that a 14 year old could get married legally, but then would be sentenced to 15 years for sending her husband a naughty text.

    • kaydenpat

      Good point.

    • Vernon Goldshark

      A pregnant eleven year old was forced to marry her rapist, as a way to stop the investigation of said rape. It was in Florida, natch.. (https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/05/26/opinion/sunday/it-was-forced-on-me-child-marriage-in-the-us.html?referer=)

      Fun fact:. Many US states have no floor on the age a child can marry wth parental consent. Isn’t that a delightful thought? Somebody rapes your eight year old, Jenny.

      You don’t want that good, decent man to be locked up, just because Jenny’s​ collarbone was on display, which means she was asking for it. What to do? I know! Take her to your pastor and have her married to her rapist. If she repents of her trollopy ways then the Sky Wizard will forgive her!

      Ugh. I feel sick just saying that sarcastically but, the truth is, this is happening on a daily basis in the US. Roughly ten children per day get married in Texas. (37,000 between 2000-2010).

      It’s not just Christians either, Haredim (ultra-orthodox Jews) practice it too. The age from which a girl can cause men to “sin” with her sluttitude is three years old. The tempting tots must never be left alone with any man or boy, and must be covered from the neck down.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/850c16e9bca5da7c472d4113fa22f50d685ae5b5e9e8ed5cf85434687cb8b8e5.png
      Teenage girls are often married off, it happens in my country, and the US, Israel, and Canada. The ‘Lev Tahor’ group was basically the FLDS but dressed entirely in black. They lived in a commune in Canada, and tried to import some child brides.

      The US is riddled with hypocrisy and hysterically with regard to sex. A grown man can rape a ten year old as long as he legally owns her, but Becky and Kyle can’t send each other pictures without the fear of at least fifteen years behind bars, and a prison welcoming party eager to meet the new inmate, who’s just been sent down for “producing” kiddy-porn. Fucking ridiculous.

      • Jay Silversmith

        Sounds just like pence the dense philosophy.

  • kaydenpat

    I don’t get how texting can be criminalized among teenagers unless we’re talking about threats of violence. This is odd.

  • akryan

    I’m a high school teacher, and I talk to kids about this every year. Don’t get in trouble for distributing child pornography because your boyfriend wanted a picture and totally promised he wouldn’t share it with any of his friends. He’s lying. He will. Then they’ll share it. Sort of like pissing in the wind though. Kids gonna be kids.

    • Incoming Ham

      It’s something I don’t get, but I am An Old. Never put anything out in the digital universe you don’t want the universe to see. That seems pretty logical.

      But I am An Old.

  • Street Light

    Build a hundred prisons right now! Let’s decline in style.

  • Incoming Ham

    1. That photo is the stuff of nightmares, high school or otherwise.
    2. See #1

  • Patriciapcox

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !du287c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
    !du287c:
    ➽➽
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    • Sakonyachen

      It’s been quite a few Tuesdays that you got a Range Rover Land Rover, are you storing them in a pole barn somewhere? At the price your getting them for, you could make even more money flipping them.

  • CTOH

    I could NOT hate so-called “christians” more if I tried.

  • UpstateNYObserver

    It’s almost like a these malignant assholes have amnesia that covers their lives from about age 12 to age 40’ish. Did they never do something stupid with their friends that came back later to bite them in the ass? Do ANY of them want to see their own kids go away for 16 years for a sharing a bare tit or a dick pic with their friends on a lark? Do then never go out and go skinny dipping in some pond (or a neighbor’s pool after dark)? I sincerely hope the first ones pinned to the wall by this stupid law are their kids. Let’s see their supreme moral probity then…when Billy Bob or Betty Sue hears them doors shut and Mommy and Daddy idiot can’t see them except visiting day. On the other hand, some of these pricks may see this as a way to avoid paying tuition all together and a decade or more in the slammer means that college fund can get repurposed.

  • handyhippie65

    soon, we’ll all be in a private prison, unless we can afford to buy our way out of it.

  • Jay Silversmith

    Yeah, let’s put teens in prison with skinheads and drug dealers, but let wall street scammers and bankers off with a stern warning “not to do that again.” Now go pay your fine, you bad man.

  • Joseph Stans

    whSo what would be the penalties for biffing the girlfriend on the hood of the chevy, or ford or the trunk lid or any any interior seat or on the grass next to the vehicle or on any flat surface near the vehicle or on the family kitchen counter, dinning table, tv console or in the back yard under the persimmon tree. Or just not wearing any smallclothes and biffing your way across the city parks and play grounds pn any given Saturday or Sunday or in drive in theaters, or walk in theaters. Or the back booth at the malt shop.

    How about the choir loft? or in the sacristy after a funeral mass. We both agreed that it was life afirming act

    Would all of this have to be listed in the ordinance to be valid? What about retroactive violations? Reenactments? Is there a age frame – for example if we biffed it on the picnic table like my 40 year sweety did last Saturday can we be arrested? Is there a saute of limitations?

    Finally, does Wonkette have a legal hot line?

    Oh and could you get back soonest — big birth day celebration for us in two weeks so we want to know waht our options are. And don’t tell us to get a room! No romance in that.

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