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Another day, more WILD AND CRAZY news about Donald Trump, Russia, and all their completely innocent connections! Let’s jump right in!

We Don’t Know How Many Of Trump’s Silly Boys Got Turnt By The Russians, But The Russians Sure Were Trying!

Remember when former CIA director John Brennan was testifying before the House Intelligence Committee, and greasy shiny chipmunk turd Trey Gowdy tried to do a “GOTCHA!” and get Brennan to say there was NO EVIDENCE of collusion between Trump and Russia? Brennan made very clear that he was able to see intelligence last summer, of contacts between key Russian bad actors and members of the Trump inner circle, that alarmed him so much that he turned it all over to the FBI and said, “Please look into this!” The New York Times reports that, though we don’t yet know how much Russians were able to successfully influence members of Team Trump, they sure were chattering like little chatterboxes about how that was EXACTLY what they were trying to do!

Tell us, NYT!

American spies collected information last summer revealing that senior Russian intelligence and political officials were discussing how to exert influence over Donald J. Trump through his advisers, according to three current and former American officials familiar with the intelligence.

The conversations focused on Paul Manafort, the Trump campaign chairman at the time, and Michael T. Flynn, a retired general who was advising Mr. Trump, the officials said. Both men had indirect ties to Russian officials, who appeared confident that each could be used to help shape Mr. Trump’s opinions on Russia.

Some Russians boasted about how well they knew Mr. Flynn. Others discussed leveraging their ties to Viktor F. Yanukovych, the deposed president of Ukraine living in exile in Russia, who at one time had worked closely with Mr. Manafort.

Huh, that is weird! It’s almost like there might BE fire behind all this smoke! Flynn, of course, is currently blowing off subpoenas from the Senate Intelligence Committee, because he’s scared if he turns over information about his (maybe) criminal activities with Russia, people might think he’s some kind of criminal or something, which would be unfair! Meanwhile, Manafort is complying with the Senate Intel Committee’s requests for documents, because he’s trying his damnedest to look innocent.

Manafort gave a statement:

“If there ever was any effort by Russians to influence me, I was unaware, and they would have failed,” Mr. Manafort said in a statement. “I did not collude with the Russians to influence the elections.”

Neat. Did Paul Manafort collude with the Russians to influence the Republican platform on Russian sanctions? Did he collude with the Russians to influence Donald Trump, whose campaign he was running at the time, to take Putin’s side on sanctions and other issues? We don’t know, because that’s not part of the carefully worded and very specific statement Manafort just gave.

Anyway, this is surprising news that none of us at Wonkette have been predicting for a whole year now. Ready for your next story? LET’S GO!

Jeff Sessions Didn’t Report His Russian Meetings On His Security Clearance Application, What A Forgetful Alabama Brain Noodle He Has!

Remember how Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III kept having sexxxy speed dates with the Russian ambassador, but conveniently perjured himself about that during his confirmation hearings? It seems like so long ago! Well it turns out that, on top of THOSE lies, Sessions just plum forgetted to report those meetings when he applied for his security clearance, on the part of the form where it asked about all the meetings he’s had with agents of foreign governments in the last seven years. It must have slipped out of his Alabammy brain hole! What a forgetful Fred! Oh yeah, and this is not a leaky leak from the Deep State, this is just something CNN confirmed with Jeff Sessions’s Justice Department.

Sessions has a convenient excuse:

Sessions initially listed a year’s worth of meetings with foreign officials on the security clearance form, according to Justice Department spokeswoman Sarah Isgur Flores. But she says he and his staff were then told by an FBI employee who assisted in filling out the form, known as the SF-86, that he didn’t need to list dozens of meetings with foreign ambassadors that happened in his capacity as a senator. […]

“As a United States Senator, the Attorney General met hundreds — if not thousands — of foreign dignitaries and their staff,” spokesman Ian Prior said. “In filling out the SF-86 form, the Attorney General’s staff consulted with those familiar with the process, as well as the FBI investigator handling the background check, and was instructed not to list meetings with foreign dignitaries and their staff connected with his Senate activities.”

Yeah uh huh. Sessions has been using that excuse for a while now, that during the time he was an integral part of Donald Trump’s campaign, while he was attending meetings involving Trump and the Russian ambassador AS FAR BACK AS APRIL OF 2016, his foreign Russian meetings were just part of his work as a lowly hayseed hick ‘Bama senator, and had NOTHING to do with Trump and Russia.

Sorry, but we call bullshit.

Also There Is A Thing About James Comey …

Yeah, but we’re going to talk about that in another post so COOL YOUR JETS, CAROL.

Fine.

That’s what we thought.

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[New York Times / CNN]

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  • Joe Beese
    • Wild Cat

      “She beat herself up.”
      “She raped herself.”
      “She was asking for it.”
      “She was a slut. She had no traditional values.”
      “She shouldn’t have dressed that way.”
      “She was trying to steal his money.”
      “It’s all a lie. Women lie for money. They all do.”

  • dslindc

    BUT EMAILS!!!!

  • stankbait

    Bebe Rebozo and Nixon liked broadway show tunes for those special moments.
    For Trump and Putin its a single “Hold Me Closer Tiny Dancer!”

    • Wild Cat

      I had no idea until recently that Bebe Rebozo was openly gay.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Of all the mckinnon brilliance, I think that’s my favorite. She is utterly adorable – which of course is all kinds of wrong but still…

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Oh, for Gawdsake! Theybeen investigatinng this for a year now., and thye have’t swhown any evicdence, just a buncha umproven allligashuns. If there was anthing going on, they’d have proven it. How much time n $$$ are we gonna waist on this pointless withchunt?

  • Vincent Ricola

    These lying russiafuckers put my creative resume skills to shame.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Didn’t Sessions meet the Russian ambassador during the GOP convention? I guess that must’ve been in his capacity as a senator too, and had nothing to do with the big event that was happening at the time.

    • cmd resistor

      Especially since, as I recall, not many, if any republican senators even showed to that convention.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Can you imagine what went through the ambassador’s mind when Putin called him up and told him he had to go to Cleveland to meet with Sessions?

  • ManchuCandidate

    https://www.mastersofgames.com/images/chess/strato-chess-3d.jpg
    The Great Game as played by Putin

    http://www.thestrong.org/online-collections/images/Z000/Z00040/Z0004093.jpg
    The Great Game as played by Donald Trump and his gang of corrupt idiot (and more than likely traitorous) advisers.

    • The Wanderer

      I own a 3D chess set very similar to that one.

    • Joe Beese

      I sometimes tease Mrs. Beese, who is old enough to have played Mystery Date, that she never saw a 50 year old, bald, fat Jew – which is what she ended up with – when opening the door.

    • Ok now i have to google this thing.

      • Querolous

        “50 year old, bald, fat Jew?”

  • Crystalclear12

    Really? From a Republican I would expect better lies.

    • I think they’ve just gotten so used to not getting called out on their bullshit that they’re out of practice.

  • elviouslyqueer

    the Attorney General’s staff consulted with those familiar with the process, as well as the FBI investigator handling the background check, and was instructed not to list meetings with foreign dignitaries and their staff connected with his Senate activities.”

    [CITATION DESPERATELY NEEDED]

    • Jennifer R

      Maybe they just set him up in the dumbest way possible to see if he would fall for it.

      • elviouslyqueer

        And he would’ve gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids!

    • From Russia with Love

      Sounds like horseshit to me. See below.

  • William
    • Msgr_MΩment

      They let you do that when you’re famous, right?

  • jesuswasablack

    Ah so the Attorney General committed a felony, it was just this one teensy wheensy tiny little felony! At least he didn’t commit perjury yet:

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ku3N5ObhpCM/Uauf9UckN3I/AAAAAAABMTo/ur-5uOSx6ws/w1200-h630-p-k-no-nu/130602-holder-indictment2.jpg

  • Brad H

    After listening to his remarks at the NATO 9/11 Memorial dedication ceremony, I think Shitgibbon would be fine with with his buddy Vlad’s tanks rolling over all of western Europe.

    • Bill D. Burger

      To this day he has never said one negative word about Putin….and only, and very begrudgingly (despite a Mt.Everest of facts and proof to back it up) nodded that “…perhaps Russia meddled in our affairs. Could be China.”

      It’s remarkable and stunning. It’s difficult to believe that Putin doesn’t have a LOT of info on his YOOOGE’ orange ass.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Wait. He did the China pivot again?

        Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Was he “presidential?”

      • cmd resistor

        I’ve read that he was awful.

  • exinkwretch

    Maybe no fire yet, but there’s enough smoke to blot out the sun and reverse global warming. So, good news!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Hannity has really been losing his shit lately. How soon do we find out that he is being paid by the Russians?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Soon after he bodyslams a real newsperson.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Probably soon, seeing as they’re the only ones paying him these days.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I think he’s on that farm upstate with BillO, talking about how the liberal, left wing, George Soros funded, cabal of lamestream journalists is conspiring to force him to continue to talk about Seth Rich’s murder, and thus get fired by the pansies at Fox. I’m sure his podcast will be very influential.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Alan

      A gnat could school DuhVos.

      • From Russia with Love

        Ditsy DuhVos.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Who are these foreign dignitaries who arrive in the US and ask to meet with a senator from Ala-fucking-bama?

    • Stulexington

      Too numerous for Sessions to keep track of, like 7.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Note to Beauregard: Representatives from Dumbfuckistan are not “foreign dignitaries”.

    • From Russia with Love

      Belgians, I would guess.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        What a Walloon!

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Stupid Flanders.

        • From Russia with Love

          You, sir, are no Ghent. Possibly even a (An)twerp.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That’s always been my personal Waterloo.

        • Querolous

          Thanks Now I have Flem all over my monitor.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Poirot libel.

      • The Wanderer

        BELGIUM!

      • Crank Tango

        They knew he wouldn’t give them the..

        Bruges-off.

    • cmd resistor

      Really, THOUSANDS?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      The ones who know he’s a foreign asset?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Nigel Farage?

    • Shoto

      Um…A Idiots?

  • Chadwells

    OT: And Fuckface is too fucking stupid to realize that France overwhelmingly chose Macron because they didn’t want a fucking cocksucker like Fuckface in office. What a fucking idiot.

    “Trump congratulates Macron on ‘tremendous victory’”

    http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/335096-trump-congratulates-macron-on-tremendous-victory

    • cmd resistor

      Supreme compliment from him. Now they will be BFF’s because they have those HUGE victories in common. Also OT, first reports on his NATO speech indicate it was pretty awful.

      • God Emperor Emeritus

        YOU DON’T SAY….

      • Chadwells

        He should have made the comment. It was the right thing for him to do. I’m surprised he did it. To me, it demonstrates how myopic he is. My guess is that he was jizzing in his pants to talk about how his win was “tremendous” too….not realizing why Macron won the way he did. All he could focus on was trying to make it about himself. Like the asshole he is.

        Of course his NATO shit stunk!!!

      • “Pretty awful” will be trump’s legacy.

        • cmd resistor

          On his good days.

        • Ghenghis McCann

          I’m so pretty ,
          Oh, so pretty,
          Pretty awful,
          And I don’t care.
          (With apologies to the Sex Pistols.)

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Let me guess. No one predicted. Electoral college. Tremendous victory.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          More like “NATO doesn’t pay enough for America’s wars, NATO owes back dues at my golf club (America), terrorists are total losers.”

          Please note, I’m not making this up, or paraphrasing. Also his speech was met with stunned silence, and then thunderous applause (by Ivanka, Jared, and Secret Service personnel).

          • cmd resistor

            I also read that Teresa May glared at him when he was doing his “sorry UK, thoughts and prayers” part.

          • Lamashtar

            I think we should dial back criticism for the “terrorists are losers” Trumpism. Daily Beast is backing him up on that characterisation: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2017/05/22/inside-the-head-of-dylann-roof-a-terrorist-paradigm

            As a Neil Gaiman reader, I’m especially interested in the ‘religion as narrative for terrorism’ idea. Religion is certainly one story-based method of attaining heroism, but not the only one.

      • anwisok

        So, you’re saying That Could Have Gone Better?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        It was unintentionally funny, and his audience was spellbound by his stupidity.

    • Which he helped engineer!

      • Chadwells

        Exactly!!! And he’s too fucking dumb to see that!!

    • Ghenghis McCann

      He’d just noticed that Macron had won, two and a half weeks after the event.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Did he express his amazement that in other countries the person who wins the popular vote gets to be President?

      • Chadwells

        LOL!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    For you legal scholars out there, can you fill me in a little more on the details and predicted success of “the puppy ate my homework” defense?

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      IOKIYR, Katie?

    • Anna Rompage

      If “affluenza” can be successfully used as a defense in a manslaughter case, I think just about anything else can too…

    • Reince Pubis

      It was obviously “that FBI guy’s” fault.

    • Depends, how rich and white is the defendant?

  • From Russia with Love

    “In filling out the SF-86 form, the Attorney General’s staff consulted with those familiar with the process, as well as the FBI investigator handling the background check, and was instructed not to list meetings with foreign dignitaries and their staff connected with his Senate activities.”

    I don’t think the FBI handles background checks. I do, however, think that Sessions is a liar.

    Investigating Agencies
    The Office of Personnel Management performs the majority of background checks and oversees 90% of the federal government’s investigations for over 100 federal agencies. Investigations that require other record checks, reference interviews, or subject interviews are sent to field investigators, either federal agents or contract investigators. Some agencies, notably the CIA and Department of Defense (DOD), have jurisdiction to conduct their own investigations; the DOD investigations are conducted by its Defense Security Service. The FBI conducts agency BI investigations as well as investigations on high level Presidential appointments, cabinet officers, agency heads, and White House staff.

    https://law.yale.edu/student-life/career-development/students/career-guides-advice/you-apply-understanding-government-background-checks

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    The Russians tried too hard on Trump. They could have just told him “this is what we want” and he would have done it. Trump is a mindless tool.

    • Treg Brown ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ

      “useful idiot?”

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Well…”idiot” for sure.

      • Proud Liberal

        No question mark. Without a doubt he is Russia’s useful idiot.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      We make you good deal, da?

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        If I hear Trump describe international relations as a “deal” one more time, I will not be responsible for my actions.

    • jesterpunk

      Jus compliment him and say nice things about him and he will be yours forever.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        He really is a cheap date.

        • jesterpunk

          Just get him some burnt steak with lots of ketchup and whisper in his ear.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            …or pee on him.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Blow in his ear and he’ll follow you anywhere.

        • Querolous

          Pee in his ear and it will flow out the other side.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      All they had to do was get Blofeld to offer him some of the gold from Fort Knox, and Trump would have done whatever they wanted.

    • “You get for us America, and we give you shiny nickle, da?”
      “I’ll only do it if you give me half a nickle, and you tell me how big my hands are!”
      “On this we can agree, comrade!”
      “I make the best deals! Melania, come change my diaper!”

  • Proud Liberal

    The Russians made Trump an asset back in 2013. That’s why he ran for president.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets.

    • Proud Liberal

      Not before the damage is already done. It’s going to take a lot to clean up this mess America has gotten itself into.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Maybe we’re about to see a strong liberal comeback?

        //she asks wistfully

        • Proud Liberal

          One can only hope. It’s our last best defense.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      We may need a good Travis Bickle before this is over.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      “You talking to me”

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Well I’m the only one here.

    • The Wanderer

      It’s a hard rain gonna fall.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        ack you beat me to it.

        • The Wanderer

          It’s okay.
          Still, I wonder, who’ll stop the rain.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      It’s a hard rain’s a gonna fall.

      EDIT: h/t to The Wanderer, downthread.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Stulexington

      “sorry, that page doesn’t exist” well that was quick.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        ya know?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      What did it say?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Mr. I Called the Awesomeness That Is Brexit has reservations.

    • The Wanderer

      But he was all gung-ho for the Brexit last year.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Strictly speaking he didn’t know what it was until it was over, but then he was retrospectively all the fuck over it once it won.

  • Anna Rompage

    “Jeff Sessions Didn’t Report His Russian Meetings”

    I wonder if Seesions listed his contacts & meetings with Turkish foreign agent, Mike Flynn, on any of those forms?

    • Stulexington

      Probably not, considering how completely unaware they were about him telling them all about it and it being on public record. Besides, it didn’t count when they didn’t know, right?

      • Anna Rompage

        But the admin knew all about Flynn back on Nov 18th, by way of Rep Elijah Cummings offical letter to Mike Pence, the head of Trump’s transition team…

        • Stulexington

          Yes but you see Elijah Cummings is a Democrat so why should he be expected to believe anything in a memo coming from him? Like he even bothered to read the thing. Next you’ll try to say willful negligence isn’t a rock solid excuse!

          • LucindathePook

            Also Rep. Cummings is near, so untrustworthy.

  • The Wanderer

    Trump went to drain the swamp by stuffing it full of poisonous vipers.

  • Reince Pubis

    Fact: Melon Trump is the great niece of the woman who claimed to be Grand Duchess Anastasia, daughter of Tsar Nicholas the Second. Her claim was later proven to be a hoax. But WAS it?
    Fact: The heads of state of 5 European countries, Namibia, Lesotho, and Chile have connections to the Romanov dynasty.
    Fact: Vladimir Putin has described Rasputin the Mad Monk, varyingly as “a great inspiration to me,” “my spiritual role model,” and “my actual Great Grandfather.”
    Fact: “Reince Priebus” is an old Russian term that loosely translates as “man who procures hired woman for special bathroom show.”
    Fact: Joffrey Trump played Damien in the remake of “The Omen” that no one saw.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      As a Republican congress idiot from Texas said yesterday “well, I read it on the Internet.” He didn’t believe all the intelligence agencies that Flynn was compromised by the Russians, but he believes what he reads on the Internet. That’s comforting.

      • Reince Pubis

        Duh, because the intelligence agencies are part of “The Deep State.” Everyone knows that. #hillarykilledsethrich

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I’m shocked that Obama is still running the country, from Richard Branson’s lair in the Bahamas, like a common Bond villain.

          • Reince Pubis

            Obama is a lazy, shiftless clown who only got anywhere because of affirmative action, but simultaneously a sinister genius who is still running the country with his “shadow government.” That’s why real American patriots haven’t defeated him yet – he’s a paradox. He’s a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside of some mom jeans.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            He played golf in his mom jeans all the time, while plotting to destroy America from within…by tripling the stock market, creating enough jobs to lead to full employment, and causing my house price to double in value. Damn, he’s a slippery, evil, bastard.

          • Reince Pubis

            Tripling the stock market is just another typical Alinsky tactic.

    • Anna Rompage

      Take away the vowels from Reince Preibus’s name and you end up with
      RNC PR BS…

      Looks like the Russians might have won the cold war after all…

      • Reince Pubis

        The idea of vowels is fundamentally anti-American. Have you ever seen Cyrillic writing? Did you know that Trump Tower is in the shape of the Cyrillic letter that means “surrender jihad?” Surrender jihad… FROM WITHIN.

        • Jamoche

          I’ve seen Cyrillic cursive and it looks a lot like Donnie’s signature.

          • Reince Pubis

            Fact, there are no vowels in “Declaration of Independence.” Look it up.

          • calliecallie

            DC L RTN FND PN DNC
            Make of that what you will.

          • Reince Pubis

            Fact – that is remarkably similar to a historical Illuminati motto

      • Vanna White and Pat Sajak are both upvoting that comment. ;-)

    • Fact: the bipolar guy at my local library is a Romanov. Also a dryad and Gandalf’s cousin.

      • Reince Pubis

        Being bipolar is just a typical Alinsky tactic.

      • The Wanderer

        We have a client who thinks it’s 1982 and he’s an alien from the future sent to destroy the Earth.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    But at least Trump is saving jerbs!

    Oh wait.

    https://twitter.com/MichaelRStrain/status/867728497548066816

    • jesterpunk

      The rest of the layoffs are 3 days before Christmas too.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Awesome! Maybe Trump can get them to postpone it to Christmas Eve.

      • Pisto75666

        But most of us (speaking for myself, IDK about everybody else) called BS on this when he said it months ago. Even Carrier said that in the end they’d be laying people off anyway.

        • jesterpunk

          It was a publicity stunt to pretend like they actually cared about workers. Anyone who didnt see that wasnt paying attention.

      • Crank Tango

        Yeah, but that jelly of the month club is pretty sweet.

        • LucindathePook

          Too bad we can’t afford the bread to put it on anymore.

          • Crank Tango

            In that case, let us eat the cakes that we like.

          • Querolous

            I’m beginning to believe that those cakes we like are puncakes.

    • ariel_gee_398

      The same idiots that thought Trump saved jobs at Carrier are the ones who think slapping gold paint all over a building makes you look rich and classy.

  • Randy Riddle

    This is good news for John McCain’s crankiness.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    I heard Trump’s NATO speech was like Wow! Just Wow!

  • Al Swearengen

    There’s no fire. It’s just Vlad blowing huge plumes with his vape.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Boy, the news today sure is fun. In the same way that stepping on a rake is fun.

  • AJ Milne

    Breaking: Macron/Trump arm-wrestling match ends in draw. Combatants have returned to their corners. Stay tuned for round two.

    (Seriously, it amuses me that Trump’s gross/pushy/needy I’m-so-alpha thing has actually become news like this… And while it’s not like we don’t have _enough_ distractions from the damned _business_ has to be done at these things, I’d still kinda consider it only reasonable at this point if various world leaders were to continue to troll him… mebbe show up to conferences and talks and the like wearing boxing gloves, mail gloves, surgical gloves…)

    • The Wanderer

      Or have one leader very slowly, deliberately and publicly ram his hand down the back of his pants and extend a shit-smeared hand of friendship to Lord Dampnut.

      • AJ Milne

        Upvoting on principle because gratuitous.

        (… but ewww!)

      • TakingAmes

        There have to be melty chocolate covered pretzels involved too.

    • ariel_gee_398

      “We are not saying that Trump’s fingers are short, but it doesn’t appear that he’s able to wrap them around Macron’s hand at all.” https://www.someecards.com/news/politics/donald-trump-emmanuel-macron-french-president-handshake/

      • AJ Milne

        Hrm. On inspection, this does _not_ look like a draw.

        I want a word with the ref. I had money on this.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Macron and Micron! What a pair!

  • george gonzalez

    I’m pretty sure that people don’t just go in and talk with JBS, there probably are at least three layers of sign-ins with the door guard, the office receptionist, and security before anyone gets to meet the AG. So, no, he wasn’t getting hand cramps and begged off listing everyone, he could have just asked someone to get a printout of the full list of visitors and people met. So the excuse is very, very flimsy.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Crank Tango

      I’ve seen that look on my dog’s face once or twice.

      • Jennifer R

        When you catch him in the middle of shitting on the bed.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          Dog libelz! Pupper is not a Russian whorehound.

        • Thaumaturgist

          “If you didn’t catch me in flagrant delictu you can prove that I know that you know that I did it.”

    • DivineDali

      hahaa yeah. Always thought Sessions looked just like actor Henry Gibson aka ‘The Illinois Nazi’: ;) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGu2camh0WA

      • DivineDali

        funny how the movie gunshots line up with your .gif of Sessions looking around and dumbfounded ;0

  • I’ve said this before but it’s still true:

    I want sessions to go down more than any of them. Even trump i think.

    • cmd resistor

      At least along with Trump. He is evil.

    • snark-lurker

      I’d love to see his snotty little arrogance smeared with the shit of everyone he’s ever crapped on.

    • Snopes Shop

      Paul Ryan over here

      • Isn’t nice that there’s enough republican assholes to suit everyone’s taste?

        • Shoto

          Um, wait: That’s a trick question, right?

  • The Wanderer

    “My mother sells rubbers to NATO,
    My sister pokes holes with a pin,
    My brother performs the abortions,
    My God! How the money rolls in!”
    – V. V. Putin.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      One of those classics that never gets old.

      • Dimitrios M.

        Your fellow member of NATO and neighbour to the North feels your pain, because you have felt ours, when Canadians were stuck with that malevolent little prick, Stephen Harper, representing us to the political leaders, diplomats and the citizens of the world.

        I know, it feels loathsome, but it does wash off.

        • Thaumaturgist

          Don’t give up hope. Maxime Bernier is going to take over where Stephen Harper left off.

          • Dimitrios M.

            Right! A Conservative Prime Minister who looks like a rat, instead of one who just acts like a rat.

            If Canadians are stupid enough to elect that vermin, I’m moving to the United States. Oh, wait! What?

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          Providing one does not then replace the Donald with an identical copy.

          • Dimitrios M.

            I doubt that there is a duplicate of The Donald. Ones as duplicitous as The Donald. Ones as sleazy as The Donald. Ones as vile as The Donald. Even ones a lack-witted as The Donald.

            But, come on! You can’t expect to fine anyone as duplicitous, sleazy, vile and lack-witted as The Donald.

  • Jamoche
    • The Wanderer

      “No cutting in line, Donald! There’s plenty of pudding cups for everyone!”

      • cmd resistor

        Two for you, like always.

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      Dear World,

      We are so sorry. We are mortified and embarrassed and we are doing everything in our power to put an end to this.

      Please accept our apologies. We will clean up our mess.

      Sincerely,

      The citizens of the U.S.

    • Crank Tango

      Holy christ, what a cunt. I love the little Mussolini move at the end, what a tough guy.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        The resemblance to Il Duce is definitely getting more and more pronounced.

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          May it continue until the end of his life. IYKWIMAITYD.

    • UnsaltedSinner
      • Ghenghis McCann

        The rest of NATO is saying, “Why wasn’t he put in some kind of restraint?”

    • ltmcdies

      what a fucking fucking ass that man is

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea
      • Ghenghis McCann

        Macron has obviously been well briefed on what to do when he meets Trump.

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          I wonder if he had practice runs like Hillary.

      • Vincent Ricola

        LOL. LOLOLOLOLOL.

    • cmd resistor

      Wonder who those guys are, especially the one he shoved aside. Guys in the back don’t look too happy. What a schmuck. Guy in blue tie should have “accidentally” tripped him.

      • Jamoche

        Olbermann says it’s the Montenegro PM: https://twitter.com/KeithOlbermann/status/867771791967752192

        • LucindathePook

          No wonder. Montenegro. Small, Weak. Pushable.

        • cmd resistor

          Well Montenegro is not a Big League country.

        • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

          I bet that a year or two ago, the talking pumpkin would’ve said “Maybe we should let Serbia have Montenegro back.” Sure enough, he wouldn’t hold such a position nowadays.

    • cmd resistor

      Remember when Obama used to do that all the time?

      • ltmcdies

        I’m sure I will when that WH photographer posts yet another Obama being smart, charming and able to work well with others shot on twitter

    • You just knew NATO wasn’t going to go well.

    • Marceline

      He’s such a tacky fucker.

      • That’s what Melania said? (Not to mention; Marla, Ivana, most of the Trump Models, and possibly Ivanka)

    • Where is Gianforte when you really need him? (To replace blue tie guy.)

    • ltmcdies

      OK Justin. I know your a nice guy and all but..I don’t want to see this shithead in Canada…ever. Thanks.

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        I wouldn’t mind parking the car in the middle of the runway at Macdonald–Cartier International just to make sure.

      • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

        Drumpf doesn’t belong anywhere except in jail.

    • Al Swearengen

      And it was the PM of Montenegro, newest NATO member. And coincidentally (?) member most threatened by Pootie-Poot.

      • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

        I bet that if Drumpf heard Montenegro, he’d say “We’re building a wall to keep out people from down there!”

        Speaking of Ian McShane – whom I see in your avatar – I recently saw Mystery Science Theater 3000‘s presentation of Code Name: Diamond Head, in which McShane co-starred. My favorite of McShane’s movies is If It’s Tuesday This Must Be Belgium.

  • William
    • I wish I could upvote this a thousand times.

      • Amycdoucette

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  • Dimitrios M.

    Boris and Natasha were using oilfields, or the promise of oilfields, to ease the turning process. So, what with oil having such a high viscosity, those Trumpanzees were probably turning so easily that they actually went into a spin, got dizzy, and even they could no longer tell which way they were intriguing.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea
    • Ghenghis McCann

      The Orb was made of Kryptonite? Didn’t see that coming.

    • Crank Tango

      He’s got that “oops I crapped my pants” face on.

    • TakingAmes

      He did try to pull his alpha male hand yank, but Macron, being half his age and anticipating the yank, is stronger and determined ahead of time that he would NOT be the first to let go.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Remember way back during the campaign? Back then Trump was all like, “There has been zero contact with the Russians” and, “I have zero business ties to Russia” and, “No one on my campaign has ever eaten Russian Dressing”. It’s not like we believed him back then. The lies were so transparent.

    Well, now as the crap keeps flowing the story changes. Now, Trump has no business ties to Russians, with a few exceptions, and Trump never met with the Russians, but he can’t speak for his staff. It’s only a matter of time before we find out those suckers are bathing in Russian Dressing.

    I don’t mind the lying, I really don’t. I expect a fair amount of lying from my President and even more from Trump. But, Jesus! Don’t lie to me like I’m a three year old. Have the decency to lie to me like you respect me. Other than the possible world destruction, the collapse of the healthcare system and the new Kleptocracy, I think that shit might piss me off the most.

    • phoenix00

      An 8-year old talking to people like they’re all 3. Smug douche.

  • susan_g

    Reading about that Montana asshat Gianforte’s assault of a reporter, I also read:

    “late last month, Jacobs reported that Gianforte had nearly $250,000 in
    shares in two index funds that had investments in Russian companies
    which were under U.S. sanctions.”

    At this point I doubt if anyone in the GOP is not somehow hooked up with Russian cash.

    • phoenix00

      All their hands are dirty in some way shape or form.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    I don’t think its a good idea to have a treasonous liar racist as the Attorney General. What type of example does that set for the children?

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      For American children or for Russian children?

      • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

        I think that An Outhouse for the Resistance means children the world over.

  • ltmcdies

    OT…remembering when America elected a grown up president

    https://twitter.com/CyberAnonymous/status/751511953319821312

    • thewalkindude

      But instead we have this arrogant asshole-today at NATO summit
      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-WqJkWntgSg

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        Classic Donald; ‘Out of my way, peasant, I’m important!’

    • Oh my god that is actually painful.

  • BMW

    Meanwhile, in the parallel universe Hannity lives in:
    “Never mind that there’s not a shred of evidence to support any of this… Every time this issue of so-called Russian collusion came up, it was debunked by law enforcement.”
    http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2017/03/14/sean-hannity-alt-left-media-pushes-russia-fantasy-despite-no-evidence.html

    • Al Swearengen

      When a man is paid to be an ignoramus. That’s Hannity.

      • Pickles

        29 million a year. you don’t make that kinda dough telling the truth

    • Edith Prickly

      Nice opinion you got there. Hannity. BTW, how’s your vacation on the Island of About-To-Be-Shitcanned Fox Hosts going?

      • ez

        Hopefully he is on that island long enough that he grows a beard like Tom Hanks in “Castaway” and names the Volleyball he befriends ‘Levine’.

        • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

          It would be nice if he gets stranded with someone like Gilligan who fucks up every rescue opportunity.

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      “no evidence” is Hannity-ese for “I’ll ignore evidence”

  • Lyly Sirivong

    The Russians make it look so easy to infiltrate the US government.

  • DainBramage

    The kleptocrats in Russia found their soulmates in the Republican Party. The goal of each is to drain their nation of wealth and put it in their own pockets. It’s a natural (unnatural?) alliance.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I think it’s more of an “I learned it from you Dad.” thing.

  • Mavenmaven

    …In filling out the SF-86 form, the Attorney General’s staff consulted with those familiar with the process, in particular with his Russian handlers who were familiar with this process…

  • Ferroequinologist Ron

    And still these… people remain in office.
    You gonna up your game or what, America?

  • Chris Hall

    This has probably been mentioned before but whenever I see the name “Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III” my mind immediately appends the words “slave owner”. It’s like the perfect fantasy plantation owner’s name.

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    I keep trying to find one good thing about any of these people. I’ll probably have a better chance of finding an invisibility cloak like Harry Potter has.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    In other MAGA news:

    1. Trump shoved a PM from a Euro NATO member so he could get in the front of the picture. Swear to god he is muttering at the guy to get out of the way.

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/25/politics/trump-pushes-prime-minister-nato-summit/index.html

    2. Trump got trumped by Macron in the battle of the hands.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-emmanuel-macron-handhake-video_us_5926f1b7e4b062f96a348499?0cm&ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

    3. I don’t have a link thing yet but I am hearing the 4th Cir Ct Appeals (Richmond) upheld the orders enjoining the Muslim Ban.

    Consecutive Days With Trump Not Embarrassing America = 0

  • Bitter Scribe

    The Attorney General’s staff…was instructed not to list meetings with foreign dignitaries and their staff connected with his Senate activities.

    “He could always claim Sollozzo was an informant he was meeting.”
    The Godfather

  • whitroth

    And, as I noted in the thread about the Montana Battery Suspect, he has real money in a Russian indexed fund.

    They *all* work for them. Here we go, my own personal Unified Conspiracy Theory: when the USSR collapsed, all of these Anti-Commie scum were ecstatic, and so “invested” in all the crooks who became billionaires (while the 95% of Russia was almost starving, having gotten zilch from privatization), and as Putin rose in power, he used that invested money to manipulate them.

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