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Can barely… touch… orb…

Poor Donald Trump accidentally slipped during his speech to Islamic leaders Sunday in Riyadh and departed from his prepared text, saying “Islamic terrorism” instead of the less-incendiary “Islamist terrorism.” According to a “Senior White House official,” the error occurred because the president was “exhausted”:

“He’s just an exhausted guy,” the official told reporters on background, after many pointed out that Trump avoided the term “radical Islamic terrorism,” during the speech to leaders of more than 50 Muslim-majority nations.

You have to wonder whether the man is fit to be president, don’t you? He just doesn’t have the stamina. Before you know it, he’ll be napping all the time like a common Tillerson.

Trump had been warned to not use his favorite set of magic words, “radical Islamic terrorism,” since it might prove offensive to his Saudi hosts. He did manage to avoid the full phrase, probably because he’s just a big wuss like Barack Obama now. Since when has Donald Trump cared what people think, huh? And now he’s “exhausted”? Following the speech, Trump cancelled a planned appearance at something called the “Tweeps forum,” where Ivanka filled in for him.

Talk about low energy. He doesn’t have the look. He doesn’t have the stamina, we said he doesn’t have the stamina, and we don’t believe he does have the stamina. To be the president of this country, you need tremendous stamina. Sad.

Hmmm… perspective is everything!

On Saturday, Trump even inclined his head to receive a big gold medal from Saudi King Salman, only it very definitely wasn’t a “bow,” it was more of a bob or a curtsy, or a dip, because America Bows to No One, except when America is taller and wants the bling:

The bow, nod, squat, bending-over, or other departure from the rigid vertical alignment left Trump buddy Roger Stone angry and sputtering, although how this particular instance could be distinguished from Stone’s usual angry, sputtering state is a matter of debate. Stone took to Twitter to express his very candid thoughts on the matter:

Also, @Wonkette and @DoktorZoom are blocked by Roger Stone. Wuss.

We think Stone’s just mad because the White House foiled his clever plot to stow away in a wheel well of Air Force One, wearing a bespoke parka loaded up with bottles of oxygen and Bombay Sapphire.

Later in the day Sunday, Trump had recovered enough to help the Saudi king and Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, grasp a glowing globe to formally open the new Global Center for Combating Extremist Ideology, although everyone thought it looked more like he was fondling a cosmic soul-collecting orb or some kind of glowy magic thing from popular “Harry Potter” author J.K. Tolkien:

Online speculation varied as to whether the Orb is the source of Trump’s evil power, or actually drained it, leaving him exhausted. In any case, it’s clear that Trump is now King Salman’s bitch (which is a movie we’d probably avoid, too):

All the exhaustion and orbing left us remembering a kinder, better America, where our wizards didn’t have to travel to foreign lands to conjure cosmic energies:

Barry the Grey has enough stamina that he won’t have to have one of his daughters give a speech for him, either, tell you what.

[The Hill / Washington Examiner / CNN / WaPo / CNN / Guardian]

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  • Oblios_Cap

    Low Energy, like a common bush.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Not the first time Cheeto has fondled the Saudi’s balls. Obviously and also too.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      And judging by the look on the King’s face, Donnie was doing a good job….

  • coozledad

    I guess he couldn’t get the coke through customs.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Maybe his power diet of KFC and Entenmann’s isn’t Halal…

  • Joe Beese
    • Ooh! Pop some popcorn! Wonder what kind of deal he’ll end up getting to testify?

    • weejee

      He’s taking the fifth? Does tRumplestiltskin know Flynn has raided his liquor cabinet?

      • doktorzoom

        It’s all sold in those miller-leeters anymore, anyway.

        • Longstreet63

          I’m taking the 750 ml on that one.

    • elviouslyqueer

      To repeat, with great fervor:

      Lock. His. Ass. UP.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      You can certainly take the Fifth once you’ve been sworn in, sir. But you can’t take it as a subpoena dodge.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Things may have moved on (and I slept a few times this week) but wasn’t the subpoena for documents?

    • FlownΩver

      I’ll bet Flynn sees Gordo Liddy as a role model. He’ll take the fall and become a wingnut martyr. It’s not like they’ll send him to Supermax or anything.

  • Joe Beese

    One might even say… LOW ENERGY.

  • weejee
    • Mpeg

      “Now I lay me down to derp
      I pray the Lord – –
      OK, Melania, you can take over the Lord’s prayer from here, it’s business Nap Time.”

  • WeaselPoo

    Make America …..Zzzzzzz…..

  • Michael Smith

    Folks, this is why Mr. Trump, or as I like to call him, Drowsy Donnie, isn’t fit to be the President. Its sad folks.

    • Longstreet63

      No, this is reason 576 so far, just behind ” Sends imaginary armada to North Korea”.
      I’m personally ok with him sleeping the whole term.

  • Nounverb911
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    “Trump’s stamina and enthusiasm seemed to bounce back, however, when he was invited to be the guest of honor at a beheading, then asked to throw the ceremonial first stone at an adulteress sentenced to death. Trump reportedly said, ‘she’s not a ten, she deserves this’, before pitching his stone at her to great applause.”

  • Mpeg

    You know who *else*………… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    • FlownΩver

      Not the other six dwarves?

  • chascates

    Melania drained him of his precious bodily fluids.

    • Longstreet63

      Ah, the ritual squeezing of the back pimples…
      That’s what you meant, right?

    • MamaBrown

      Melania? hahahaha, you’re adorable. some exotic cutie from the women’s quarters, maybe….you know, someone with ambition and a strong stomach.

  • Nounverb911
  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    “Don’t you think shehe looks tired?”….

  • Stulexington
    • FlownΩver

      This counter’s on permanent reset. Never needs to reach 1.

  • Oneofthebobs

    Trump must have started out with cheap batteries.

    • Proud Liberal

      Let’s hope he’s reached his limit of finite energy.

    • cmd resistor

      Dollar Tree batteries. You get what you pay for.

  • Proud Liberal

    “Drive them out” even if you don’t know who they are. “Drive them out.” Ugh.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Touch the Ood!

  • Stulexington

    Well in his defense, no one could have known how difficult this whole presidentin thing could be.

    • Proud Liberal

      Bamz could have told him.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        All Donnie would have heard is “blah…blah…blah…”

  • Vincent Ricola
  • Nounverb911
    • therblig

      “I am uncomfortable with the thought of this… Jewish ritual” – Steve Bannon

      • Longstreet63

        “Would you rather open it in Washington, in front of Him?” -Reince Prebus

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          You guys win. We can all go do other stuff now.

    • FlemmishSpy

      “Dear God, help me! I’m in way over my head!”

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Objection! Self-awareness not in evidence.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Is that the Failing Wall?

    • Stulexington

      “These are nice bricks, I wonder if I can get bricks like this for my wall.” Because he’s a shallow airhead who has no concept of anything beyond his own immediate desires.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Needs moar gnashing of teeth.

    • Longstreet63

      Does he know that hat makes him look Jewish?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        He thinks Vanka Vank will think it makes him look hawt.

      • FlemmishSpy

        That pic won’t be well received at stromfront.

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          We’d better make sure they see it.

    • From Russia with Love

      Joshua, where’s your ram’s horn when we need it?

    • chicken thief

      He saying farewell to one of his bankrupt casinos?

    • FlownΩver

      “Mr. Netanyahu, tear down this wall!”

  • laughingnome

    Pro tip – when a guy in a long robe asks you to touch his orb make sure there are no cameras around.

  • OddMan

    And that whole flap over why Trump did not say the magic words “radical Islamic terrorism” ?
    He was just a tired little man.

    “When asked why Trump deviated from the prepared text of his speech, an administration official said Trump is “just an exhausted guy.”

    http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trump-exhausted-three-days-into-first-trip-abroad-as-president-reports/article/2623768

    • cmd resistor

      Like what you say when your 2-year old is losing it. Needs a nap. Tired. Wait till he starts throwing food.

  • TJ Barke

    Joke repeat: Good thing we elected a president with stamina, not like that Hillary…

    • From Russia with Love

      Maybe Trump is just bleeding out of his whatever?

  • Crystalclear12

    Poor dear, he should take some time off to recover. 3 to 4 years.
    I promise, I won’t mind.

    • Proud Liberal

      Yeah, but Pence….

      • Crystalclear12

        One at a time.

  • Juan de Fuca

    The Raucus Laughter of Harlots is going to be the name of my Pixies tribute band.
    Or I might just have a sign made up and hang it on our front door.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I’m thinking album name. So you should go with an originals band for that.

      • FlownΩver

        At least one cover – maybe “Walk like a Saudi king.”

      • Juan de Fuca

        That’s a good point. Tribute bands are supposed to name themselves after a particular song the band made famous.

        I’d either go for album name or just name my own band “Raucus Laughter of Harlots” but still do music that sounds a lot like the Pixies.

  • The orb shot looks like everyone present just pledged to kill Superman.

    • TJ Barke

      Well, they do all want to kill Truth, Justice and The American Way…

      • Longstreet63

        Trump is, of course, Black Manta.

  • Longstreet63

    Really? He just exhausted after three freaking days? Oh, he gonna be awesome in a crisis. Hell, he spent half of it flying!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well, you know, he’s such a “homebody”. He probably can’t sleep in a building that doesn’t have his name plastered on the side in 20-foot-high letters.

      • cmd resistor

        Well there was huge image of his face on I guess the hotel in Saudi Arabia. One of him and one of the king.

    • From Russia with Love

      And his airplane has a fucking bedroom for him. Fuck me.

  • Mpeg

    Which of his handlers forgot his fidget gadgets?? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN6df0twmJQ

  • Proud Liberal

    Seriously, though. What is this “orb” shit?

    • Longstreet63

      Let’s start a rumor that touching the orb is swearing fealty to Islam. Like that orb is inside the Kaaba in Mecca. Or maybe that it turns you into an Arab, technically.
      It doesn’t have to make any sense to piss off his base.

      • Proud Liberal

        Good idea!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Just a palantir, nothing weird.

      • Proud Liberal

        No. It is kind of weird since I’ve never seen one in my lifetime, excluding Lord of the Rings.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          …I wuz jokin. most things trump duz is weird. and that’s a weird orb dood.

      • Longstreet63

        Well, you know, they are not all accounted for…

        • FlownΩver

          Stay the hell out of my closet! Just saying!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      It’s just a high-tech ribbon cutting ceremony. They were opening some sort of anti-extremism center, which is hilarious.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    He’s got, what? 6 Days to go?
    The Pope better have something else planned, because I don’t think our boy here’s got the energy to make it to the end.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I actually hope the Pope is planning to have a one-on-one with him where he gives him a kindly but effective lecture – you know, the one his parents should have given him.

      • cmd resistor

        And then maybe let him ride in the Popemobile?

  • MynameisBlarney

    “They should be lynched”.
    ~ Racist fucktard and Mississippi Republican Rep. Karl Oliver on removal of confederate statues…

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10141781014

    • TJ Barke

      Yes, the people that these statues are of should have been lynched.

    • Stulexington

      Ah the racist asshole brigade continuing to show exactly why these monuments need to come down.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      According to Dick Morris, it’s only wealthy white men who ever get lynched.

  • Stulexington

    Low energy, no stamina. Sad.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Maybe he can take a little side trip to tour some Syrian refugee camps…that oughta cheer him up and put some bounce back in his step.

    • From Russia with Love

      Eating a few orphans always fixes what ails me.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Do you like them well done, with lots of ketchup?

        • From Russia with Love

          Who doesn’t?

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    That glowing orb sent me into a tizzy last night.

    We’ve all been through terrible political times before, but at least they felt like real life. Nothing in the Trump era feels authentic. As has been said many times: this feels like a late ’80s – mid ’90s dystopian graphic novel. Not only that – this one is replete with cliches like Russian spies, the onset of Gilead and motherfucking Donald Trump, who has been a punchline here in New York for decades.

    And now the glowing orb pic – it’s not even subtle, it borrows from every comic book cliche going back to the 1950s. It’s the cover, and we’re all living inside the pages of the worst dystopian novel ever.

    I took a hypnotic last night to help me sleep and tripped my way through “Twin Peaks: the Return.” I enjoyed it greatly: it was artful, beautifully soundscaped, and made about as much sense as anything else happening out there, in the so-called real world.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Trump just finished driving the hard bargain to the Saudis that the U.S. will stop subsidizing all of its domestic renewable energy R&D and commit fully to the consumption of fossil fuels. Next, he’ll really put the screws on the Israeli government to continue building all the settlements they want wherever they want.

    This type of cutting-edge diplomacy is called a “marshmallow offensive.”

    • chicken thief

      And he’ll send Jared to Lockheed Martin to negotiate the price DOWN. #MAGA!!!!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Some blues for Allah while 45 fiddles with King Salman’s orb marbles…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8sAvm7Fsi0

    • FlemmishSpy

      Insha’Allah

  • schmannity
    • From Russia with Love

      Doña.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Hillary Clinton Traveled 956,733 Miles During Her Time as Secretary of State.

    Trump is very low energy. Sad.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Kneel before SAUD! The worst part is that we were dumped right into the Phantom Zone with Trump.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Meanwhile, in America: Kneel before FRAUD!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Can’t ya just FEEEEEEL the love???

    https://twitter.com/raggapegs/status/866599179958833152

    • She doesn’t know where that hand has been lately.

      • Nockular cavity

        “Wash your hands! You don’t know where that orb has been.”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Sorry-not-sorry that I DGAF about how Melanoma feels at any given moment. You bought that gilt-laden bed, now lie in it.

      • calliecallie

        I saw on the internet today that Melon and Trump had filed divorce papers and agreed to a settlement before the election. And then he won.

  • TJ Barke
    • Proud Liberal

      The dream of every Republican in the United States is to make protesting illegal.

  • K Tel Records Proudly Presents: MUSIC FOR MAGIC ORBS TO PRESIDENT TO!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Fxlm03Q2B4

    Available Soon!
    The UNAUTHORIZED TOBY KEITH MIX!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/631ca4d7b8a27c50f1fe2bdeb0c57634c61f23f8fc50c72dab0cbd480cec68aa.jpg

    • MynameisBlarney

      I heard that concert was quite the snoozefest.

  • FlemmishSpy

    Donnie can’t keep his little hands off the orbs.

    • chicken thief

      And Mike Pence couldn’t stop thinking about Tillerson and his sword.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Of fuck! So you’re saying Trump touched the Globe of Islamic Dominance? ___ Well, at least it energized his coiffure.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DAYNG3VWAAABJFS.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • snark-lurker

    i didnut think he would made it through the first day so that orb must go sumpin goin on

    • Lance Thrustwell

      has souls of doomed children. invigorating.

    • shastakoala

      It’s a Firefly receptacle.

    • From Russia with Love

      Well you see, son, when an older man loves a king and has a completely draining Saudigasm with him, he’s likely to need a good long nap.

      • snark-lurker

        me think him had multiple Saudigasms that first day

        • Msgr_MΩment

          They meant to say that he’s drained, not exhausted.

  • MynameisBlarney

    OT…kinda…

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029100331

    “Girl in Weiner Sexting Case Lied To Damage Clinton”

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • mfp

      well, color me stunned…this might have been good info for anthony to know before he plea-dealed, no?

      • Stulexington

        Or for the Comley to know before he opened his big stupid yap. You know, the reason why they’re suppose to keep investigations quiet in the opening stages so they don’t become accomplices in a character assassination.

    • Stabbing a fake backasswards ‘B’ right on your face doesn’t carry the political clout it used to, I guess.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4c4839eb3b2dd0b2dd56c110aaf6dff47a6369fa115b42587f7227bd564cb884.jpg

      Shoulda gone with the ‘O Face’.

      • Shanzgood

        What the hell is going on there?!

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Someone who didn’t have the skill or the brains to execute a proper frame-up.

          • Shanzgood

            I meant the picture…

          • She was attacked by two huge, sweaty, but hilariously dyslexic Obama supporters…

          • Shanzgood

            At first I thought that said “heinously” dyslexic. Both work!

          • Yup, and of course they were … dark skinned

        • Wes Grogan
          • Shanzgood

            Oh, jeez! I’d go back to bed in despair but I have appointments today.

          • Wes Grogan

            To be fair, she did have some significant mental issues, but the right-wing news absolutely ran with that ball just as far as they could.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Ignorant racist racisming ignorantly.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        That was a classic of Republican Mensa-level genius.

    • Stulexington
    • Vincent Ricola

      So this girl’s GOP parents set her up to send nudies to a middle-aged man for political points and a possible payday? Good lord.

      • Shanzgood

        Good job for them she wasn’t underaged after all.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Republican family values again

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yeah.
        That is seriously fucked up shit.

    • Oh Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Where does this radical Islamic ideology originate? The Wahabists in Saui Arabia. ISIS wants to replicate the conditions in Saudi Arabia. The con man got conned.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Nah…he got welcome lessons in the kind of malignant klepto-theocracy he and Pence would like to turn this country into.

    • “The con man got connedbought”

      FTFY

  • shastakoala

    Another day of “Believe it Orb Not.”

  • Bill D. Burger

    “The great lidless Eye of Putin never sleeps….”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DAX73pVUIAAYPz1.jpg

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I love that somebody took the time to ‘shop tiny hands onto Lord Dampnut. Well done!

  • Mavenmaven

    Trump’s hands on the Orb were like.. little fluffy clouds.

    • chicken thief

      But sweatier and still had bits of ketchup from supper.

  • onedollarjuana

    First the Orb, then into the Orgasmatron?

  • From what I’ve seen there appear to be a lot, I mean A LOT of Climby Stairs in that fancy country, so of course Trump’s both physically and mentally exhausted.

    • Longstreet63

      When he’s at the Vatican, he’ll be fine, as everyone there is older than him.
      Incidentally, the Stormfront crowd must be sobbing in their jackboots, with Der Trump becoming successively Islamic, Jewish, and Catholic…

      • cmd resistor

        So I wonder if Bannon has some evil plot related to the Pope.

  • Proud Liberal
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    All in all it’s just another prick at the wall
    https://twitter.com/JoshMalina/status/866653007861231616/photo/1

    • Bill D. Burger

      And when he bowed his head and prayed…hilarious! It was obvious he fell asleep.

      • Rags

        It’s a great wall, tremendous! Why is everyone crying?

    • “Hmmmm. Looks like somebody’s been digging here……MESSICANS!”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      You are hereby awarded one (1) internet. Where shall we have it delivered?

    • aureolaborealis

      *scratch scratch*
      “Big-Dick Don wuz hear.
      #MAGA!!!”

    • CeeQ

      That Wall is gonna need counseling after being groped by Prez Grabby.
      So much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

  • Michael R
  • Master Contrail Program

    Less Dragon Ball moar draggin’ ballz, amiright?

  • chicken thief

    Roger Stone blocked Doc on the twitters – what a snowflake!!!

    • Proud Liberal

      They can’t handle the truth!

    • BosGrl

      That is a badge of honor for Dok.

      • starfanglednut

        A real feather in his cap.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      There is so much vile scum about, Roger just is a face in the crowd.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      He blocks everyone that he can’t bully.

  • Wes Grogan
    • Bill D. Burger

      Wow! Same chin and jowls. Donny without makeup?

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        Nah, the robe fits too well.

        • starfanglednut

          Tie too short as well.

  • Proud Liberal
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      And, of course, since undocumented folks are now unlikely to report being the victims of crime since they fear being deported, there is probably a slight uptick in unsolved cases.

      • VirginiaLady

        Not reallyish. There would be a big drop in reported cases so the area is only getting theft, vandalism, and bodies left lying around. And then only if a pale Murican is the victim.

    • TJ Barke

      Schnell!

    • Alan

      Low hanging fruit. Takes too much energy to find the ones who don’t want to be found.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    OT: But apparently there is a bear roaming around near my office building.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Did he get lost on the way to school?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Possibly, there is a middle school a few blocks in the other direction. :P

        • Ghenghis McCann

          So this one is smarter than the average bear.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Don’t worry, it’s just looking for the nearest grade school.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Call Betsy DeVos! She warned us of this. She’ll have her posse of armed first-graders take care of it ASAP.

    • Longstreet63

      It’s probably just taking a walk while the porridge cools.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Or trying to find out what’s in the picnic basket.

    • Anna Rompage

      It’s okay, if you’re anywhere near a elementary school, they are bound to shoot it…

    • Well tell him where the nearest gay leather bar is …

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Lisa Simpson has a solution to that problem.

    • shastakoala

      I have a bottle of bear spray in my purse.

      • Shanzgood

        What does it smell like?

        • shastakoala

          I haven’t had to use it yet.

        • therblig

          park rangers?

    • therblig

      fire up the radar detector and the cb radio

    • Alan

      Black or brown?

    • Juan de Fuca

      You don’t happen to live in the La Verne, CA area do ya? There’ve been a few bears spotted in town recently.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        No, central Florida, I didn’t even think we had bears here.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Damn. I didn’t either. It’s funny because I was talking with one of my brothers who lives in North Carolina and is a hunter. He told me about a recent hunting trip where he came across a pack of coyotes – in North Carolina. I spent some of my teenage years in North Carolina and never came across them.

          Of course now that I live in SoCal, it’s almost as common to see a coyote as it is seeing a loose dog in the neighborhood, but in North Carolina?

  • fawkedifiknow

    He grabbed them by the orb. When you’re a President, you can get away with anything.

  • Anna Rompage

    Damn, if he doesn’t have the energy for a couple days on the road meeting with friendly nations, how is he gonna hold up testifying to congress for days on end, during his impeachment hearings?

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      He’ll get Ivanka to stand in for him.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Fuck yeah! Feelin it! He hasn’t been that stimulated since Mel put new Duracells in his golden butt plug.
    He’s gonna’ want one of those.

    https://twitter.com/mpopv/status/866390578258464770

  • A Trump statement for every occasion
    “When you have your staff taking the Fifth Amendment, taking the Fifth so they are not prosecuted … I think it is disgraceful”
    https://twitter.com/mattyglesias/status/866650826730876928

    • TJ Barke

      FFS…

    • YoBunnyBunny

      First all those who asked for immunity were guilty as hell, then Flynn tried to get immunity. Now all those who plead the fifth are guilty as hell, and now Flynn is doing exactly that. According to Trumpian logicalisms, we should just lock Flynn’s crooked ass up right quick!

    • Stulexington

      Trump from the Obama administration got his projection in extra early. I’m actually somewhat impressed, that level of projection takes talent and foresight.

    • PubOption

      Donnie could shoot those taking the 5th, right on 5th Avenue.

      • Red Bird Ω

        And then take the 5th to escape prosecution.

  • Beowoof14

    Couldn’t be the extra 68lbs he’s hauling around since the inauguration.

    • Shanzgood

      Good lord, how does a person gain that much in 4 months!?

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Crying into buckets of KFC while watching FoxNews all damn day, maybe? Also too double scoops of ice cream at every dinner meeting.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          Someone’s probably swapping out the labels on his clothes so that he isn’t aware he’s inflating like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon.

          • Shanzgood

            How do they disguise the fact that it’s getting more and more difficult for him to reach his pecker to go pee?

          • Ghenghis McCann

            He has a servant that does it for him.

          • Shanzgood

            Of course. I’m such a commoner, I never remember these things.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            Worst Job Ever.

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            Oh, Piss Boy!

          • Teecha

            You know he sits to piss.

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!
      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        It’s not difficult if you start from the premise that any form of exercise above “breathing” is bad.

        • Beowoof14

          Don’t want to expend any life energy that could shorten your life. (More dumb shit Trump says).

      • Ghenghis McCann

        The Russians implanted 68lbs of surveillance devices in him? That must be a record.

      • jesterpunk

        He hasnt held that many rallies. He needs at least 1 a week to get the excess shit out.

    • therblig

      those 68 lbs could save the world.

      • Beowoof14

        One could hope they will have their natural effect.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Poor widdle Donald needs some nap time!

    • FlownΩver

      He can have three-plus years. Take my nap, please.

    • Rags

      dirt nap?

  • Spurning Beer

    Hey, who doesn’t make mistakes when they’re exhausted? I keep saying “monstrous amoral turd-eaters” when I mean to say “conservatives.”

    • Stulexington

      And to be fair, it’s totally true.

  • Juan de Fuca
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Wait for it…Trumpholes will be sporting “orb-hats” at future Trump rallies.

      • Juan de Fuca

        It’s almost like our orb has shifted 180 degrees from this time last year, huh? Imagine the outrage if Obama had been in the pic instead of Trump?

        NEW WORLD ORDER!!11!!

      • chicken thief

        Get yours now at whitehouse.gov/merchandise and don’t forget to book a room at the Trump Hotel on your next DC visit!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Orb-hat wearers get an automatic 15% discount!

      • Nockular cavity
      • Stulexington

        Well yeah, they need something to protect themselves from those sputtering citronella torches they’re carrying.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Plus, with the handy foil inner lining, it will block out demonic microwave messages commanding them to go kill their dog.

      • Bobathonic

        So…Trump is Skroob?

        • calliecallie

          My hope is Trump is screwed.

    • laughingnome

      Almost half of Macomb County has converted to Islam.

      • Juan de Fuca

        There are times when I think about converting to Islam and I’m not even converting from anything.

    • chicken thief

      Nothing relieves economic anxiety like the Preznit fondling a shiny ball with MooseLimb guys in dresses.

    • calliecallie

      I just spit on my keyboard.

  • Nockular cavity

    Maybe he should fly Ben Carson out there to pep up the entourage some.

  • TJ Barke

    Really puts the time that Lumpy gave Bamz shit for asking for spicy mustard into perspective…

    • MynameisBlarney

      I remember all the furor over arugula too.

      • Vincent Ricola

        And when he dared to wear that unprofessional tan suit. The horror.

        • Shanzgood

          That wasn’t as bad as the Dad Jeans!

          • jesterpunk

            He even wore those while riding a bicycle.

          • chicken thief

            While wearing a helmut!!! Wuss. Real True Merkun Patriots don’t wear helmets on bikes!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            And being black. Dear God, what was he thinking!

        • MynameisBlarney

          The country almost died that day.

        • chicken thief

          And feet on the desk!1!!!! It was the darkest day in American history!!!!

    • Mpeg

      Then, he and Michelle prevailed upon HBO to supply them with Game of Thrones in advance of the season premiere. THE NERVE OF SOME PRESIDENTS!

  • FlownΩver

    Tilerson, on being complimented on his terpsichorean skills: “This wasn’t my first sword dance.”

    Big surprise that the ex(?)-CEO of Exxon would be familiar with Saudi ceremony.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Donnie didn’t have to say “radical” because terrorism is radical by definition. He’s SMRT!

    • Stulexington

      I think you’re giving Trump too much credit, even sarcastically.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Stulexington

      Can anyone else taste time?

      • TJ Barke

        I’m pretty sure I taste purple!

      • Bobathonic

        Only when tripping balls.

    • Anna Rompage

      Who knew Guy Fieri was Donad’s stunt double/stand in…

      • Bill D. Burger

        ….and a little Boris Johnson.

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Bill D. Burger

      I said they should have release this pic first. Cause showing the entire group doesn’t make it creepy at all!
      ~snort~

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Wingnuts outraged as Donald Trump fondles secret policeman’s ball.

  • Red Bird Ω

    But I wouldn’t mind hearing what Malia has to say. Just saying.

  • Trump is so decisive – and he will say fuck all about this
    https://twitter.com/JakeSherman/status/866642750090956801

    • Bill D. Burger

      If anyone asks, Turnip will start shouting: “Get em’ out! Get em’ out! Throw em’ outta’ here.”

      realdonaldtrump@djt
      Erdogan bodygards totally justified. Bodyguards’ knuckles were severely injured on protesters’ faces. SAD.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “Hmmm….maybe I can hire these Turkish guys to do security for my rallies.”

      • Ducksworthy

        Might be even better than Hell’s Angels.

    • MynameisBlarney

      So…by Turkish standards, we should beat the fuck out of him?

    • PubOption

      Rare diplomatic use of the inverted metaphor.

    • Uhh, didn’t the DC police say they were going to prosecute those fucks?

      • Difficult, they’ll claim immunity because Erdoggan felt threatened

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    OT: Supreme Court strikes down two North Carolina congressional district maps, holding that the state engaged in unconstitutional “packing” of African-Americans into them to dilute their voting power.

  • rosenbomb

    I have returned from a ‘vacation’ in the faraway land of Ohio, where I ignored the news in order to decompress. And boy howdy, there has been a lot of news.

    Is Trump visiting his properties while overseas and then billing the gov’t for the rooms? I wouldn’t be surprised if he did.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      White House lawyers are trying to prevent ethics office from reviewing admin members who are ex-lobbyists.

      #SwampThings

      • Swamp Thing b’b’bum
        You make my heart sing

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Shanzgood

      Why did I think that had already happened? Maybe I’m confusing it with a lower court ruling.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I did too – in fact I know it already happened, because people were talking about how surprised they were that whatshisface, the new guy, voted against NC.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          In a rare move, Justice Clarence Thomas, a member of the court’s conservative wing, sided with Kagan and the court’s more liberal members — Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Justice Stephen Breyer and Justice Sonia Sotomayor.

          • Crystalclear12

            The seals are just breaking all over the place.
            Apocalypse by the 4th of July!

          • SweetDeeKat

            No shit. Gonna buy a locust- and blood-repellent umbrella.

          • marxalot

            Well, that answers the “what should I do for my birthday” question.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Scalia’s ghost is going to have a word with him about that.

          • He probably just copies the vote of whoever is next to him, and since that’s no longer Scalia…

        • Lamashtar

          Strange, article he “took no part” in this particular case.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        They are nothing if not persistent. They want to appeal the decision, no doubt.

      • Stulexington

        I thought my deja vu was because the Supreme Court has had to do this more than once.

      • cmd resistor

        I thought what happened last week was they declined to review a case that struck down the NC voter ID law, without issuing an opinion. Although for some procedural reason it might come back to them. I could be wrong, though.

    • Ducksworthy
      • Phoenixdoglover

        It’s a Sea Horse. Cute!

        • Snopes Shop

          Seahorsering

        • Tokays_don’t_blink

          It’s a Pixel Ducky!

      • Ohio District 4? It’s a matau

        • Ducksworthy

          Jim Jordan’s safety seat.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        That district looks like a toilet tank on a baby carriage?

        • H0mer0

          rock-a-bye toilet….

      • Red Bird Ω

        Hmmm….white flight migration patterns.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, duh!

    • chicken thief

      5-3 with Thomas voting with the majority – what a cuck! Scalia would be spinning in his grave if Hillary wasn’t still holding the pillow on his face!

      Edit: Oops, apologies below…

  • La forza del resistino

    Like Dorian Gray, Donald can’t go too long w/o gazing upon his portrait at Mar-a-Lago without losing his powers.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      “Mirror, mirror on the wall,
      Who’s the bigliest of them all?”

  • Proud Liberal
    • Stulexington

      I bet Trumpsters are so glad they voted for someone who cares about affordable education.

      • laughingnome

        Fewer college educated kids means they won’t feel so threatened.

      • snark-lurker

        why would they care about that?

        • Stulexington

          There was a student contingent who were voting for Trump because they were concerned about rising costs of university. Like no irony or snark or anything, honestly thought Trump was the better choice for students concerned about affording Uni.

    • Longstreet63

      He loves the poorly educated.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        I bet he’s not so keen on the educated poor?

        • Longstreet63

          They get all uppity and refuse to work in the Toxic Waste Room–even if we offer them discount Chiropractor and Homeopath visits!

    • Anna Rompage

      Just wait until the kill federal student loans altogether, and go back to the private banking system….

      • Stulexington

        And of course keep the exemption from bankruptcy because reasons.

    • marxalot

      Some of mine are 2.3. Some are 6.8. I think one is 1.8 for whatever reason. Thank Bowie, none are variable-rate.

    • Teecha

      In the uk it’s going to be 6%. Fucking con artists.

    • One should only be able to afford higher education if one has inherited his (and only his) wealth.

  • msanthropesmr

    Probably a repeat but fuck it, it’s funny and gives me an excuse to think of BOC https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/544bd4aae697dcd2de8e1fcb0bb66b1b3e11d9e417859d83522bc03dd8bac65b.jpg

  • chicken thief

    Normally Donnie recharges his batteries with some delicious Russian pee hookers, but Melania tagged along this time….

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    So, they held this at the Glow-Ball Center for Combating Extremist Ideology, right? And they say the Saodis have no sense of humor…

    • Longstreet63

      You can imagine the giggles in the planning room…
      “Oh, I know! We’ll have him touch a big glowing ball! They’ve got one at Party Central ”
      “And we can say it’s a Center to Combat extremism!”

  • Ryan Denniston

    Given Trump’s proclivity for projection, how am I not supposed to surmise that an orb is used at the beginning of every sex party in the basement of a pizza parlor he no doubt participates in?

  • Raan

    “…although everyone thought it looked more like he was fondling a cosmic soul-collecting orb…”

    He was stealing Muggsy Bouges’ stamina.

    • lroom

      Space Jam FTW!

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Aww, poor little 70 year old baby is tired…. Boo-hoo, cry me a river…

    You wanker, if you didn’t fly over to Mar-a-Lago every weekend to play golf, you wouldn’t be as exhausted…

  • Randy Riddle

    Before this administration is over, they’ll be worshipping giant floating heads while wearing bright red diapers.
    http://orig12.deviantart.net/3add/f/2011/153/5/8/zardoz_has_spoken_by_bopchara-d3hubc8.jpg

    • Stulexington

      But the gun is an extension of my penis. I’m so confused.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      That looks like an angry and rejected gray dot from the DOTS candies. Nobody would eat that.

      • Tokays_don’t_blink

        Ah, the seldom-seen but much-despised earwax flavored one.

  • Sophia

    Melania swats Trumps hand away.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnfYF_RTEc0

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Should have waited until she was in Saudi. They cut peoples’ hands off there.

      • Longstreet63

        She reminded him that’s she’s paid up until June.

        • She reminded him that she will not sue for divorce and spill the beans about his “advisors” until after he is impeached

        • marxalot

          She reminded him that he’s in arrears.

          • FlownΩver

            But not hers.

      • Spurning Beer

        Yeah. Well, first offense, anyway.

    • laughingnome

      SeKrit muslin hand slap!!

    • BosGrl

      This is… really something.

    • cmd resistor

      Not to be snipy or critical, ok, maybe it is snipy and catty, but for someone who made a living as a model I find Melania’s clothing somewhat boring. I did like her inauguration suit. But I am probably spoiled by Michelle Obama, who almost always wore something cheerful, fun, or just cool, and not rich person fancy looking.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Is she still being generally boycotted by most designers (aside from Ivanka)? In any event, Michelle also had damn good outreach to the fashion industry, wearing up-and-coming designers and doing a bang-up job of White House social events for the arts, which was part of her job as FLOTUS–a job Melania clearly does not have the will nor the aptitude. Which is sad, since she was supposed to be a “super”* model.

        (*I would argue reasonable attractive living mannequin who went into early retirement upon finding a sugar daddy to attach herself to).

        • cmd resistor

          Not sure about the boycott but it’s not like she has to have everything designed especially for her. Now that I think of it, I don’t think she ever wears prints? Of course I can’t even wear a white t-shirt without dirt coming out of nowhere to land on it but I would not even think about wearing a white suit.

          • SweetDeeKat

            I don’t think she moves around very much. Or talks, or eats, or digs stuff out from under the car seats.

          • cmd resistor

            It just occurred to me the other thing about her clothes is that none of them look comfortable. Even when I was much thinner, I never liked tight clothing. And you are right, she probably never has to dig stuff out of the car…..

        • cmd resistor

          Maybe Trump doesn’t want her to upstage him by looking more interesting than he does.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            Trump will always look “interesting”, just not in ways that he appreciates. Nobody can upstage that mess.

      • SweetDeeKat

        I always loved/love seeing what Michelle was/is wearing. I still need guidance on dressing like a grownup.

        • cmd resistor

          Oh, I would be the last person to give fashion advice, but often I’d see something she was wearing and think, Oh, if I were a person who dressed nicely I would wear that.

      • Models can wear clothes – and often wear clothes that no one else can. But that doesn’t mean they’re all fashionistas. Look at the difference b/t that stupid kardashian and say Naomi. Or kate. Those ladies drive fashion.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Trump gives the perfect nervous/embarrassed reaction: straightening his tie.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      As much as I hate to give anyone associated with Dampnut any credit, isn’t there some Saudi law about PDAs? It’s obvious that Dampnut himself wouldn’t remember anything like that, but maybe Melon did.

      Oh, who am I kidding, she can’t stand the feel of his lizard flesh.

      • Sophia

        That’s when they arrived in Israel

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          Ah, OK. Never mind then.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Touch not the cat.

    • Today we are all Melanie Trump.

      • Sophia

        I was still being Anderson Cooper. Can I be both?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      DON’T GET CHEETO DUST ON MY WHITE SUIT

  • Mavenmaven

    something something Illuminati

  • Anna Rompage

    Is that the evil, cursed artifact for the next Indiana Jones movie?

    Indiana Jones of the Orb of Gloom

    • Longstreet63

      If you touch it, the Evil turns your skin orange!

    • msanthropesmr

      I think it’s the one from Heavy Metal. See below.

      • MynameisBlarney

        The Loc-Nar…or sumthin.

        • marxalot

          And only Harry Canyon can save us? (My parents should not have let me see that as young as I was)

          • MynameisBlarney

            Favorite cheezy line from that segment “Stars and Stripes Forevaaah”.

        • Parakeetist

          Evil shall fall from the sky.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      OK, that’s Trump cast, but what about the Orb?

      • eggsacklywright

        ♫ Let’s get spherical, spherical…♫

  • marxalot

    Take a lookit that knee bend in the curtsy there- I believe that, plus the hands-on-knees and butt out-sticking, qualify this as a “hunker.” As in “Frump hunkers down and takes Saudi chains.”

  • EXCLUSIVE!

    FOOTAGE LEAKED OF TRUMP’S ‘MYSTERY ORB CEREMONY’!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5dYtpMeK54

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Yeah, but his tiny hands make the glowing testicle look HUUUUUUUUUGE!

  • Randy Riddle

    I had no idea there was a Spencer’s Gifts in Saudi Arabia.

  • Stulexington

    I wonder how Donnie is going to fair when he can’t sleep on his native soil for over a week. Yes I’m implying the guy who wears thick orange makeup and is most active in the middle of the night is a vampire, he fits the metaphor way too well.

    • Paperless Tiger

      A bloodsucker, for sure.

  • cmd resistor

    Kind of waiting to see what wingnut chemtrail Satanist global aunt posts on FB. She thinks Trump and Putin are nice Christians, so who knows.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    I swear some talented Photoshoppist could take that picture and make it look like the king is breaking a big bunch of eggs over Trump’s stoopit head.

  • Michael R
    • elviouslyqueer

      No peeking!

    • eggsacklywright

      Poor Donnie. He just wants to go home and make a blanket fort.

  • Mary Theresa

    OT: New online ID, aka Mary Sandoras. Morning Wonkers.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Good morning!

      • Mary Theresa

        Good morn, stalkers suck!

        • Shanzgood

          Yikes! What happened?

          • Mary Theresa

            Ancient history, someone I should have thrown under the bus decades ago.
            I finally grew some ovaries and did it. I feel relieved.

          • Shanzgood

            Good, then! I hope everything works out!

          • Mary Theresa

            Thanks :)

    • Shanzgood

      Hi, Mary!

      • Mary Theresa

        Top of the day to you Shanz.

    • Michael R

      I love the witness protection program .

      • Mary Theresa

        Me too. But gawd the work involved deleting and setting up new accounts.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      New nym sounds almost… saintly.

      • Mary Theresa

        Um, kinda. sorta? Theresa is my confirmation name,

        • Painter of Goats

          Better than Frances.

        • shastakoala

          Camille here.

          • Mary Theresa

            What did Saint Camille do?

          • shastakoala

            I was looking. I think I just liked the name. I found a Camilla. Close. She was a hermitus of Germanic Origin. I think. :) And I’m off to work. Happy day all!

          • H0mer0

            Carnival of the Animals

          • MizzMazz

            Mine was Magdalene.

    • eggsacklywright

      Precognito. Incognito. Neato.

  • Proud Liberal
    • Shanzgood

      Because they’re not already fucked up enough as it is.

  • chicken thief

    Was that orb and its twin originally part of the ice dildo artwork that Barstool was fondling back in the day?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    https://twitter.com/thehill/status/866671015648260100

    The things Wilbur Ross doesn’t understand about both Saudi Arabia and the United States summed up in one observation.

    • Paperless Tiger

      That’s ‘dearth’ with an ‘R’.

      • Keith Taylor

        Or “dearth” without an “e” and with a capital “D”.

    • Hollandaise

      Oh he understands and is envious.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Christ, of all the things that could make Trump’s minions disenchanted with him, I didn’t want it to be him observing local standards of decorum.

  • Mumen Rider Justice CRASH!

    The most annoying event of the election was Trump over-enunciating STA-MI-NA talking about Hillary. Fuck you Trump.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Oods from Dr Who: https://goo.gl/images/jBBMFX

  • Sophia

    Skip through to around the :25/:30 mark. Is that Ross sitting there with that stupid ball cap on? Surprised it’s not red with MAGA

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaxFOw0rn7o

    • rocktonsam

      “Bibi, look at the orbs on your ole lady!”
      -djt probably

    • scorpy_1

      Forget the hat…my god, the tie…

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Orange Sphincter was stunned to discover Crooked Hillary had in fact had that orb made out of the deadly combination of the minerals moralite and humbilium that weakens and destroys those who hail from planet Asshole. Damn you Crooked Hillary, you dastardly wench!!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Why is this trip even necessary? He told the Generals to bring him a luxurious, elegant plan for defeating ISIL. He told Jared to make peace between the Israelis and Palestinians. Why isn’t it done? Does he have to tell a motherfucker twice?

    • Stulexington

      He was probably jealous at all the grifter bucks Jared was making and wanted in on the action.

    • Crank Tango

      Just wait till he breaks out his secret plan he was always talking about. Then you’ll see…

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Secret plan? I’m still waiting to see Nixon’s 1968 secret plan.

        • Crank Tango

          Could be any day now!

        • Alexander Stallwitz

          They both exist in the same place, Trump and Nixon’s imaginations.

    • jesterpunk

      Why did he need a plan from the generals? Didnt he say he had a super secret plan to defeat ISIS in his first 30 days and that he knows more then the generals?

      • Keith Taylor

        I believe he did. And I just cannot credit the notion that he’s arrogant and over-confident.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          To be fair, Jared’s core assignment is to pimp out his wife to his father-in-law.

  • sadboy

    Wow, the whole thing with the Orb is super weird. Are we sure this isn’t some David Lynch tie-in to the new Twin Peaks that premiered yesterday?

    Summoning the powers of the Black Lodge takes its toll, Donnie…

    • Stulexington

      The more I think about it, the more I wonder if it’s just some stupid bet the King had with someone else, betting he could convince The Honest Don that this ridiculous glowing orb was some sacred relic.

      • Shanzgood

        Like “Here, eat this! It’s a delicacy here!” *snicker*

        • Stulexington

          Followed up by “it’s an acquired taste.”

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Iceland: rotten shark

          • H0mer0

            that’s been urinated upon (got it from The Daily Show when Jason Jones went there to try to get the one Icelandic troop who left the coalition of the willing.)

    • Yr. Gma

      “New” Twin Peaks? Did I miss something?

      • LeftyProud

        You did indeed! Showtime is airing a new season.

        • Yr. Gma

          Well, crap. Thanks!

  • He did give out the code word info to the Russians but he never mentioned Israel
    https://twitter.com/BarakRavid/status/866673535380541442

    • Professor Fate

      This of course not being the bloody point.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      I don’t think that was the word he was supposed to keep secret.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      So he lied to Bibi, too? Go figure.

  • jesterpunk
  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Stroke or heart attack? Weeks or months? Anyone taking bets?

    • Proud Liberal

      6 months.

    • If he decides to go (unlikely) then “ill health” with rumours of dementia. Of course by that time Pence will be under the bus and he will have pushed someone new into the VP position

    • SweetDeeKat

      TIAs, already underway. Warming up for the big one, 6 months like Proud Liberal said.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I should have checked down here first. Doc, we are speculating on his health NOT wishing for TIAs or big stroke, so please don’t banhammer me. I’ve been good.

    • I was wondering this this weekend. He’s clearly unhealthy and that is one hell of a job.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I think his issue is TIAs. It explains everything. The fatigue, cognitive difficulties, rage issues, constant lying, it’s all pretty classic. It happens a LOT even in healthy seniors. He’s so fucking unhealthy his brain is probably turning into swiss cheese in front of our eyes.

      • Ill-Advised

        TIAS?

        • Courser_Resistance

          I forget what TIA stands for, but they’re little strokes in the brain. Not uncommon in seniors. They can cause changes in personality including emotions, anger and all kinds of bullshit because some seniors try to ‘cover’ for things like memory loss and confusion. It would need to be confirmed by a neurologist, but I’m seeing a lot of classic compensating behaviors.

    • Patrick Sweeney

      I’m not a betting man, but I still believe in hope and prayer.

  • scorpy_1

    Hope someone brought handi-wipes to clean up after Trump’s greasy fingers.

    • Patrick Sweeney

      Half of one wipe will do.

  • Painter of Goats

    Who are they communicating with? Sauron? pic.twitter.com/lwA95gNZSS— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) May 22, 2017

    • Keith Taylor

      Probably no-one as nice as Sauron.

  • Atheist
  • Bill D. Burger

    “I’ve told you before. Keep your fucking tiny paws off me.”

    Best moment of his trip to Israel so far.
    ‘Honey, hold my hand.’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnfYF_RTEc0

  • Michael R
    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño
    • Teecha

      He goes for a tie stroke after. To pretend he doesn’t care.
      Wanker.

      • H0mer0

        reminds me of that scene in “The Heartbreak Kid.”
        (when bride smacks something else away.)

    • proudgrampa

      Wow. Her disgust is palpable…

    • Yr. Gma

      She’s barely trying now. Look how she flicks his hand away. She must loathe him after all of this. (And before someone says it’s all her own fault, yes it is, but I don’t think she married him with FLOTUS in mind.)

      • HarpyLibtart

        Well, she didn’t want to leave New York to begin with, I’m sure she’s just loving having to fly halfway around the world and then getting left to walk behind her dick husband in the heat AGAIN…
        Plus the fear-sweat from going down all those airplane stairs no doubt made his tiny baby hands all moist and sticky, gross.

    • Al Swearengen

      Maybe we’ll get to see the first divorce in the White House…

      • Jason Lickliter

        My guess is she is stuck with him….by the third wife, I bet he’s got her locked into an iron clad pre-nup. She clearly despises him and the entire charade.

    • Whoa. Frigid.
      She fucking hates him.

      • susan_g

        She is doing a job that Americans refused to do.

    • CeeQ

      Omg. Epic.

      “Fuck off dickhead.”

  • Teecha

    It’s really hot in this part of the world. When I left work at 2.30pm, it was 39/40c. Let’s hope he spends lots of time outdoors in his stupid, ill-fitting suit and stupid long tie. Maybe he’ll get heat stroke. And suffer terrible pain and diarrhoea. And feel like his insides have all turned to jelly. (With votes)

    • Al Swearengen

      Is the jelly going to replace all the half-chewed, ruined steak?

      • ahughes798

        My dad liked his steak cooked to death, too. What’s up with that? At least dad had the class to use A-1 Sauce, and not ketchup.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Is that a pearl necklace?

    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      I’m gonna go with yes.

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    President Obama put on his medal himself and he didn’t bow. Of course, you can’t expect anyone on the right pointing that out. If President Obama had done what Donald did they would have blew a gasket. I cannot tell you how much I hate Fox News, hate radio and everyone associated with the Republican Party. Fuck those motherfuckers.

    • Courser_Resistance

      … with pitchforks

    • Al Swearengen
    • ahughes798

      OBama did bow to someone and the wing-nutosphere did explode. I forget who it was…maybe the Prime Minister of Japan?

  • Ricky Gay

    “Cold-hearted orb that rules the night, remove the Cheeto from our sight…”

    • proudgrampa

      Awesome!

      • Kimberlyjwest

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !sc305c:
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  • proudgrampa

    Where can I get a bespoke suit for my bottles of Bombay Sapphire?

  • William
  • rocktonsam

    maybe its the heat not the humidity zapping Donald’s whatevers.

  • unionthuggery

    Does that orb allow them to commune with yog-sothoth?

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Today we all live in R’yleh.

  • DerrickWildcat
  • reelreeler
  • Poly_Ester

    Will dt have to seek emergency medical attention in Moscow?

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    That’s such a weird excuse. There’s not a whole lot of difference between Islamic terrorism and Islamist terrorism. And since the Saudis are financing anti-Shia terrorism throughout the world, why should they be offended?

  • Poly_Ester

    Late night Twit:
    Not sic Not sic Your (sic) sic

  • Zyxomma

    Don’t know how I missed this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2wtXKVhhdM

    • SisterArtemis

      That was great – thanks for posting, because I’d missed it too.

      He would’ve fit in quite well during the rage-rant conversation my girlfriend and I had the day after the firing. Unfuckingbelievable, and Trae Crowder’s take on it is wonderful.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    I pre-ordered the McNaughton painting of the orb ceremony.

    • H0mer0

      I thought he was dead.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Oh, I think that orb needs the magical touch of Thomas Kinkade, the Painter of Light™ (no kidding on the™). What’s that you say? He died of a drug and alcohol overdose? I’m sure his factory could still churn one out.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Marsupial99

      6 words.

  • ThunderCat

    He’s so exhausted, he can’t even find –and hold on to– his wife’s hand …

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/261341b43fd6abce31592f1b68cf4e2306a751e343b723bca09ad7e051ed11c1.gif

    • Rick Hill

      She knows not to grab it. That’s just his “still there, bitch?” gesture

      • Serai 1

        She knows where it’s been.

      • ThunderCat

        Yeah, that does look like she’s slapping his hand away! ha…

    • ez

      Snark totally off…this really is sad.

  • Serai 1

    Has anyone here seen this? Melania slapping Twitler’s hand away…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/03e172bbbf7c27ca5386a605eedc128904feddb70513a99f69b8621290ffc1a4.gif

    • Serai 1
    • IdiokraticDrumpfenJugend

      With just a flick of her wrist, she dismissed his empty gesture as the world watched.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      I had not seen this image from the Inauguration; this is one of the saddest GIFs from the whole campaign/presidency (so far).
      I’m a little fearful for her after the hand-slapping incident goes viral.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Why is she walking behind him?

      • natoslug

        Because she’d be expected to hold his hand if she walked beside him, and feared he’d grab her ass if she walked in front?

      • Serai 1

        Hoping he forgets she’s there, I’d say.

      • Jukesgrrl

        She always walks behind him. Or rather he seems to hurry in front of her, as if to get away. He always exits planes before she does and involves himself with the people on the tarmac, completely ignoring her. President Obama always exited WITH Michelle and/or his daughters, as if they were a package.

        • Jason Lickliter

          He is very disrespectful to Melania; I remember watching them arrive at the White House and the Obamas escorted her rather than her own husband. There is no manners or chivalry there at all. Poor Melania ! I think she slapped his hand away because she knows he was embarrassed that he wasn’t – afraid people might tweet about it, I guess. She walks behind him like she’s on the runway though….she makes being a trophy wife look as good as possible. I hope it’s worth it to her.

    • Internet Hitler

      Sure she can’t stand him, but I suspect she’s reminding him that they’re in SA, where PDA with a woman or one of your trophy wives is not kosher.

      Though her expression says, “Uh no thanks I’m good.”

      • Serai 1

        No, they’re not. They’re in Israel, and there’s Bibi and his wife holding hands right next to them.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    https://twitter.com/Scipionista/status/866579623534055424

    I posted this in another thread by mistake (Wonkette is very confusing on mobile) but I think it’s more appropriate here.

    All hail Zizou.

  • Serai 1

    it’s clear that Trump is now King Salman’s bitch (which is a movie we’d probably avoid, too)

    I expect the novelization by Dr. Chuck Tingle any minute now…

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenJugend
    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      Trump was “collared”? Hmmmmmm

    • Jukesgrrl

      Please add one more item. Trump criticized the Clintons repeatedly for accepting money from Saudis for the Clinton Global Initiative foundation. Meanwhile, they just handed Ivanka a check for $100 million for her Women Entrepreneurs Fund that doesn’t even exist yet and will be ethically challenged if and when it is actually created. It’s estimated that Saudi donations to the Clintons’ foundation (which actually DOES exist) amounted to between $10 and $25 million.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Watching Ivanka and Jared trail behind him like some kind of monarchy is disgusting.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Watching Ivanka and Jared parading around behind him makes me realize what a nice, well-mannered young couple Wills and Kate are, and give props to Chuck and Camilla for never looking quite that smug and covetous.

  • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

    I watched 5 minutes of his speech (that’s all I could stand), and he seemed almost like a normal human being– my first thought was, “I wonder if he’s been tranquilized?”

  • laineypc

    The “senior white house official” didn’t think to chalk it up to jet lag?

    • Jukesgrrl

      They said he “didn’t sleep well on the plane.” Judging by his Twitter output alone, I’d say he doesn’t sleep well at home either.

  • La forza del resistino

    Whatever you do Ivanka, don’t let him near the whites or wine. The weed would be ok, I think.

    • Slamtundra

      He does like to drive trucks.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    A serious question? How healthy is Trump really? All we have is the word of Trump and his doctor who looks Brent Spinner’s shady cousin. I mean hes the oldest President elected, his diet is extremely unhealthy. He eats nothing but red meat, fried foods and junk. His bizarre phobia of Stairs, The fact that he cant handle this trip whn Hillary could have done in fucking heels is huuuggge warning sign. Trump is in my opinion a lot sicker physically and possibly mentally. Keith Olbermann and others think Trump has dementia. The presidnecy is very grueling mentally and physically, you can see by looking before and after photos of the last three presidents. Whats it goign to do to Trump?

    • Just by glance i can tell you with about 80% certainty that he is bordering on obese (he wears a girdle) and thus likely has high bp and or cardio vascular issues. Fatigue, florid face, and the weird puffiness of his fingers looks cardio too also. But i am no expert

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        The girdle would explain the fear of stairs, also too. If he can’t bend in the middle to see where he’s putting his feet, he could easily get askeered.

      • Dinz6315

        He is obese. If his BMI is under 35, I’ll eat my hat.

    • GarColga

      With his poor diet, all those extra pounds, and complete lack of exercise, I’d be surprised if he doesn’t have diabetes.

    • Internet Hitler

      He’s been taking hair growth pills for decades and believes that exercise saps your limited energy like a battery losing power.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Hadnt heard the bit about him taking hair pills before

        • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

          yah, apparently they cause some weird side effects that “some say” might explain his weird behavior/speech.

          • Alexander Stallwitz

            Is that the drug thats supposely why he kept sniffing during the debates?

      • Chuck

        Hair growth pills make your hands smaller or not as firm a handshake if you get my drift . Maybe that is why Melania doesn’t hold his hand or anything else. .

    • Buzz1313

      Dude eats junk food, hates to exercise and is seventy years old, and overweight. His “doctor” admitted to writing that letter last summer because he was asked to. I doubt he’s been to an actual doctor in years. He’s afraid of what he might hear.

      • phoenix00

        You mean Dr H Bornstein isn’t a real doctor? Could’ve knocked me over with a feather!

    • Who’s giving odds on whether he physically collapses or not before we can impeach him?

    • Rickyphoo

      ” Trump is in my opinion a lot sicker physically and possibly mentally.”

      … and most definitely mentally.” FIFY

  • r m reddicks

    Low energy motherfucker. “Here Mr. Peanut, put your hands here. It’s like a pussy, yes! Close your eyes! You’re getting sle-e-e-py…. Now give us all your arms with Kushner discounts, yes! Oh, and be sure to offer Israel some (but not the discount, okay?)! Pope? Nah. He don’t need no stinking weapons! NUTO? Sure we don’t mind! Look what they and you all did in Libya! You’re our friends!”

  • eyelashviper

    It was a trick by those Saudis, making him touch the Energy Zapping Orb. They all had their immunity shots up to date.

  • chazmanr

    Anyone ever see Sleeper?
    Why is a group of men all touching the Orgasmic Orb at once?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a4da31b4cef09578ba2371345836eb4e90f1cbf1d8200f98d6d0426b9acbd185.jpg

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      It’s not of Teh Ghey if their balls don’t touch, right?

    • ez

      They were having a Circle Orb.

  • Debra Dassow

    Seriously, I become sadder every day.

  • JustDon’tSaySurety

    Nice trolling, Dok!

  • M.E. Lawrence

    Presumably the One Orb of Power was also responsible for the Mar-a-Lago sinkhole. Go, One Orb of Power!

    • Jukesgrrl

      Can we put Orbs of Power on every Trump golf course?

  • Lamashtar

    I remember when I was a harlot. ::reminiscing::

  • zagnutz2

    Well, the orange dummy has said the human body has a finite amount of energy. Maybe we are about to be in luck. Oh crap, and then there’s the pence.

  • Jukesgrrl

    And remember! Hillary did all those State Dept. miles PLUS all her campaign miles, with a brain tumor and rampant alcoholism, while molesting children at every whistlestop!! What’s Trump’s excuse for not being able to walk down steps?

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Don’t they have a little blue pill for that? Oh, that’s for the other problem…OK, never mind. Continue.

  • Somecallmetim

    That’s the funniest thing about a topic that just makes me so angry ever. And Roger Stone should just focus on being angry that someone tattooed Richard Nixon on his back, that sanctimonious jerk. That’s all.

  • Ill-Advised

    I wonder he has to do to become Barry the White. (Not Barry White. Completely different guy.)

    I want him back. If I can’t have him back, could we have him throw some shade by being in the same country, getting bigger crowds, and reminding people there’s another face to the U.S.?

    Also, FLOTUS for ever and ever–because from my point of view, I can’t look at Melancholy Baby without recalling how much more of her I have seen.

    Really tired of the pretenders following the real thing.

  • pixeloid

    No tiara with that necklace?

  • Dudleydidwrong

    The orb is a Saudi Magic 8 Ball. The message: “We’re all fucked. Don’t bother me again.”

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    There’s nothing funny about a Locknar.

    That is all.

  • “Misogyny powers, ACTIVATE!”

  • fauxnombre1

    Everyone knows Trump bends over for gold

  • MmeLafarge

    Apparently, the orange asshole’s handlers have no fucking clue about how to manage optics, just like they don’t about almost everything else.

  • Rob Trevena
  • Kay Jay Day
  • Subliberal

    We’re all harlots on this bus.

  • Maybe

    Gee, what a pity that he can’t borrow some stamina from Hillary Clinton. She has plenty of it. As Secretary of State she traveled 956733 miles in 401 days.
    https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2013/01/hillary-clinton-traveled-956-733-miles-during-her-time-as-secretary-of-state/272656/

  • Subliberal

    When I was in submarines in the US Navy, I travelled over 250,000 miles in under three years, fought off a Russian undersea robot attack and went home to my welcoming wife and child, refreshed and triumphant. Plus I got a hero’s return, a brass band and a tin medal.

    Fuck you, you small-fingered and diabetic old man.

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